"From the minds that brought you Yo Is This Racist" (yes, usually) comes "Yo Should I Dump This Asshole" (ditto).
relationships, advice, dtmf, yo is this racist, yo should i dump this asshole
"A libertarian, BUT" is the operative phrase for all libertarian related concerns
@Ellie The advice is spot-on!
@sudden but inevitable betrayal We have to stop encouraging them
@Ellie What if the libertarian in question is Ron Swanson?
@Megano! I love Ron Swanson, but let's be real: if he was a real dude you'd hate his guts. He wouldn't have awesome writers writing him great jokes. He'd just be Ron Paul.
@TheUnchosenOne Also he will never marry you if your name isn't Tammy.
@OhMarie I'm in luck!
@TheUnchosenOne So true. The thing about character Ron (as opposed to real Ron) is that he's really just a big softie who spouts Libertarian platitudes. You scratch the surface and he's a decent human being, capable of compassion and affection, and with an irresistible penchant for women like us 'pinners.
Real Ron, however, (and I've worked with dozens of them) is a bitter person, incapable of seeing past his own sense of injury and injustice, and who uses words like "docile" to describe his kind of woman.
@datalass FACT. Real Ron also likes to say things like "Don't tread on me!" as he treads all over you.
"He says he loves me but he's engaged to this other girl! And has been for a year now!"
But....everyone is an asshole?
@Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood
Who wants to start: "Yo, should I burn him with fire?"
@Gracefully and Grandly Ask The Hairpin Commentariat
@Gracefully and Grandly I kind of want to set up some kind of companion survey to the "Ask A..." columns where, in addition to contributing our trenchant comments, we quantitatively weigh in on how much to DTMFA. You know, so LW will have the hard data.
@Gracefully and Grandly "Yo, instead of dumping him can I watch him die but Before He Dies Lions Eat His Face?" (Bold text was coined by commenter olivia)
I just laughed really, really hard. Ow, my face.
Oh, this is fantastic.
"My boyfriend killed my cat and made the pelt into a hat that he now parades around the house in. Should I dump him?"
"So my fiance brought home a hooker and they had sex right in front of me! Should I dump him?"
"My boyfriend told me he will pay me back the $5,000 loan I took out of my 401K as soon as his meth business gets off the ground. Should I dump him?"
"My boyfriend got me really drunk one night and I woke up the next morning in a bathtub of ice and one of my kidneys was gone. Should I dump him?"
@tessamae those are ... those are not real right?
@redheaded&crazie haha no. But let's be real, they are probably some idiot's reality somewhere.
@redheaded&crazie They have not been posted (Yet!) but I think someone should submit them.
@tessamae "Yo, he only took one of your kidneys? You could do worse."
I've been dumped for all of these reasons.
@purefog "Hey, meth can be quite lucrative! Treat yo self."
@tessamae It's just like "Yo, Is This Racist?" If you have to ask, then...
@tessamae "My boyfriend got me hooked on heroin, got me $80K in debt, and threatens to kill me every other day. Should I dump him?"
I wish this one was made up.
I'm getting all, "Look at your life! Look at your choices!" all over every post.
People make this stuff up right?
@sudden but inevitable betrayal The "flies into a violent rage over the popularity of Mandarin Chinese" one is killing me. CANNOT BE REAL WHO DOES THAT.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Seriously! What a baby.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I am really hoping that this guy is my sister's ex-fiance, just because there can't be more than one of him. One Christmas, he and my sister walked in and she said "Oh, I'm so sad, I just found out that reindeer aren't actually real!" He was 100% convinced that just because there are not flying reindeer, there also aren't any regular reindeer, and then sulked for the rest of the day when I pulled out my parents' early 90s Encyclopedias.
UGH it's been years and I still want to punch his face.
@OhMarie I share that desire. Facepunch for him!
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Abusers, that's who.
@OhMarie I might, even at this moment, be slightly confused as to whether narwhals are real or fictional. But I would not fly into a rage or sulk upon learning. I should look it up, but it's a funny thing not to know!
@Genghis Khat They're the unicorns of the sea!
@Genghis Khat A friend of mine thought unicorns were real for about 30 years.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher My dog likes to placidly graze on grass out in our yard, and he is a little chubberton because he is a Pug / Beagle mix, so I like to call him the "Sea Cow of the Land".
(That...didn't really have anything to do with anything. Sorry.)
@wee_ramekin THE PEOPLE DEMAND PICTURES
@jen325 Narwhals really threw my disbelief of unicorns into doubt. I mean, what's more likely, an ungulate with a single horn or a whale?
@wee_ram I met a little dog yesterday who appeared to be a Boston/beagle mix. She was almost as wide as she was long and perfectly cylindrical. And also had an underbite. So freakin' adorable and waddly and friendly and schnuffly. Such a little terrestrial dugong!
@laurel You're right, narwhals definitely seem more unlikely.
I met a dog once who was a dachsund/German shepherd mix. Now there was an awkward-looking dog. It was basically a shepherd with very short legs.
@wee_ramekin I hope he is featured on the pin pets tumblr!
@beanie that exclamation point was necessary.
@beanie Wait...is there actually a pin pets tumblr?!
@beanie There is a 'Pin Pets Tumblr?!
@wee_ramekin My dog too! The neighbors probably think I'm nuts because I stand out there with him in morning taunting him. "Are you a dog or are you a cow? You're shaming your entire bloodline. You're a cow? OK, bye, moo-mer." and then I walk away in a pretend huff and wait for him to gallump after me. (He's an old deaf Lab, such a love.)
@wee_ramekin @jen325 omg you guys. http://pinpets.tumblr.com/
@sudden but inevitable betrayal !!! Okay, I've been toying with the idea of making a tumblr, but now I really have to.
@sudden but inevitable betrayal OoooH! Also, ACK - how do I submit something to a Tumblr? (FWIW - I jumped off the social media technology boat when Twitter came out. Tumblr baffles the hell out of me.)
@wee_ramekin Ooh, I think you may need a tumblr yourself? Everyone should get one, they're fun!
Drat, I forgot who runs PinPets...maybe frigwiggin? Maybe?
@wee_ramekin I think you go here: http://pinpets.tumblr.com/submit
It doesn't look like there's a link on the tumblr itself--so as to keep it exclusive to the 'Pinnertariat?--but there's usually a link in the Friday Open Thread and since you seem to be a 'Pinner in Good Standing I feel OK with sharing it here. ;)
@laurel I don't think it's an exclusivity thing (though it might be!) so much as a tumblr formatting thing.
But yes, pinpets!
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher YOU GUYS I JUST SUBMITTED A PICTURE OF MY SEA COW OF THE LAND!
Sorry for the caps...I figured I'd use them since I am basically A Grandma when it comes to Tumblr.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher yes! tell us how and i will submit a photo of my chocolate dwarf rabbit. He is a rescued bunny and I think he is not actually a dwarf as the rescue society claimed -- but he is definitely adorable).
@wee_ramekin YAYYYYY. I cannot wait to seeeee him.
@harebell If you have a tumblr, just wander on over to HERE and submit. If not, email the 'Pinner in charge at pinnerpets AT gee mails
But seriously, everyone should get themselves a tumblr, it's delightful. My dash is mostly pictures of Avengers' butts these days, and Tom Hiddleston spouting off Shakespeare, and cute animals. THE BEST. Let me know if any of y'all have one already and I will follow you!
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I have one, mostly pictures of cute, references to pop music and T-shirts that don't exist. What's yourn?
@laurel I am already following you! (Apparently I have the best taste. :) ) Mine is a lot of a lot of pop culture, cursing, and cute animals, with by-now-minimal grad-school gripes.
@laurel Re: Narwhals--THEIR HORN IS REALLY A TOOTH!!! AHHHHH!!!!!
Second anecdote about this dude: hehated it when anyone else drank around him, and claimed it was because one time a guy almost stabbed him at a bar. Dude, I do not think the drink was the key problem there.
@OhMarie WHAAAAAAT how can it be a TOOTH it comes out of their HEADS what does this mean about unicorn anatomy...
I need to go rock in a corner for a little while
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Ahahaha, I am also already following you too. We are the best.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher WAIT A MINUTE baby reptiles have a tooth on their heads, right? So they can break out of the egg? Could it be related? THAT IS SOME EVOLUTIONARY CRAZINESS RIGHT THERE.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Right? My mind, it is blown.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher @laurel I just made a tumblr and now I'm following you! This is me.
@wee_ramekin Where is your sea cow of the land? I don't know how this tumblr thing works; do you have to wait for a mod to approve it or something? GRAZING DOG I NEED IT.
@jen325 You have been followeddddd. And yeah, I believe submitted pictures must be approved, so just follow Pin Pets and wait!
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Hooray! I'm submitting a picture of one of my cats now. What could be better than 'pinners and cute animals? Nothing, that's what.
@jen325 I...I don't actually have any pictures of him grazing. The one I submitted is just a picture of him and his chumbly-wumbly smiley self. #DreamShatterer
@wee_ramekin That will do. I can make him graze in my brain. :)
The cat whose picture I submitted is cow-like (in looks rather than behavior) and her name is Moo. She's black and white and her saggy belly is pink and hangs like a cow boob. It's pretty hilarious.
@wee_ramekin There's a submit page at pinpets.tumblr.com/submit, or you can email me your details & photo(s) and I'll post it for you - firstname.lastname@example.org, if I'm remembering rightly (haven't logged in for a few days).
@dale Also also...best to use the "photo post" option on the submit page instead of "text post" or whatever the silly default is.
I did not have a chance to come to last week's open thread so I was not doing my usual pushing of the tumblr on y'all!
@dale I submitted pictures already!! Eeeeeeee, I can't wait until PJ is Pinternet Famous!
@wee_ramekin I know we're past this topic but I stopped myself for a second the other day and had to think about if Jackalopes were real or not. And by "think" I mean wonder aloud in front of lady I'm dating and her friends I had just met. We all laughed at my own absurdity, no sulking like dude-child.
@wee_ramekin OMG HE IS SO CUTE. I want to smoosh his smooshy face.
@everyone YOUR PETS ARE ADORABLE.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher tee hee hee hee hee hee! Thanks! I do think he's a cutie. Also, that cartoon that my co-worker drew is pretty much dead-on as far as the awkwardness aspect of my dog goes. He kind of is an awkward little troll wearing his own skin as a suit. I asked my co-worker if he would consider doing pet portraits; I think it could be his calling.
@wee_ramekin That cartoon is phenomenal and he needs to do MORE OF THEM.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher He does! He does all the comics, and they're all a lovely mix of macabre/whimsical. Go to that link, srsly, it's awesome.
@wee_ramekin Okay, also? Gideon is le gorge (that is French for gorgeous*), and I love his goatee! And haaaaaaa, the little white one, with his scruff and his sassitude!
*No it is not.
@wee_ramekin Isn't he so handsome? Just the best, really. *pleased* The little one is now six months old and a holy terror, though totally pleased with himself and everyone around him, so it kind of evens out? But yes, scruff and sass pretty much covers it. Thanks!
@wee_ramekin Aaalskdjfskdjfkdasdk, he has the best smile. And my fluffy oldladydog is sometimes known as HR Fluff 'n Stuff.
I hope I don't abuse Pinpets. I really could, though.
@laurel Oh. My. God. NARWHALS ARE REAL?!? My whole life is a LIE.
Also, rammie, you are the best and so is your dog. THE BEST. BOTH OF YOU. I CANNOT STOP SHOUTING YOU ARE BOTH THE BEST.
@laurel YAY I HAVE TUMBLR FRIENDS.
Everyone's pets are so adorable, OMG.
@wee_ramekin Dude, your comic-drawing friend's sense of humor is THE BEST.
OMG. You guys. Your pets! Stop it. TOO MUCH CUTENESS!
"Well, you better hope it’s possible to fuck racism away.
PS. It’s not."
I feel like this is going to be one of those blogs that gets more and more hilarious to me the more I read and then at some unpredictable point a switch flips and it becomes THE MOST DEPRESSING THING IN THE WORLD. See also: Yo Is This Racist, Literally Unbelievable, any of the STFU oeuvre.
@acid burn Just like "Yo, Is This Racist?"!! It's a niche, I guess?
@Lily Rowan Haha yes, exactly! For full disclosure so that you do not look like a crazy person, I had just added that to my comment right when you posted.
@acid burn Yeeeeah, it goes from lulz to sadness pretty quickly...
@acid burn Ahh STFUParents usually makes me stare at my computer with mouth gaping and eyes wide in that "HOW IS THIS REAL?!" way. Sadly, it always is...
@olivebee I cannot read STFU parents anymore because it makes me angry at the parents AND the people judging them.
I cannot even read Cake Wrecks anymore. Hate blogging makes me so happy and then so, so sad forever.
So I'm dating this dude who told me last night that he has bad credit and that it's something "Future Mike" is going to have to worry about. When I pointed out that credit is going to be more important to Future Mike than he thinks, he just shrugged me off. This guy just went back to college, lives in an apartment his parents pay for and will only wear designer clothes. This guy is 32. We are VERY different. Should I dump this asshole?
@Slutface Yo dawg you should totally dump this asshole. He might be okay now (hint: he's not) but Future Mike sounds like he's probably gonna suck too (hint: he totally will).
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Right?! Future Mike is going to have a lot of problems and even more debt when he gets out of school. I just can't with this sh*t.
@Slutface Generally it is best to be with people who have a vested interest in the well-being of their future selves. (DEEP, YO.)
Also doesn't Current Mike also have to deal with his bad credit? I feel like leaving things for Future Self only works for things that aren't a problem for Current Self, like hangovers and upset stomachs from eating an entire pound of gummy worms in one sitting.
@TheUnchosenOne I asked about that and he said that since his parents pay his rent, he's current on all payments, but isn't making any effort to pay his debt down. I just sat there silently judging him.
@Slutface Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope! Money problems and habits only get WORSE over time. Time to serve him up a steaming plate of dumpage.
@Slutface But is Future Mike going to be a Very Famous Artist once he gets Discovered? 'Cause then you should TOTALLY stick with him.
@Slutface His parents pay his rent and he's 32? .... (massive internal eye roll)
@BoozinSusan Yeah, I didn't know that bit of info until last night. Lucky bastard. I want someone to pay my rent!
WHAT?!?!? Okay WHY are you asking if you should dump him? Because you think there is a possibility that you might want to take over supporting him? And be his retirement plan? "Looks thirty, acts fifteen" is not a desirable trait in a partner!
@MoonBat I'm asking because I think there's a possibility for change, but things keep adding up that it's to the point where SO MUCH needs to change for me to see a future with him. Yeah, I gotta dump him.
@Slutface - Yo, some people who are children of privilege are mad cool about it, accept their good fortune gracefully, and do not let their lack of fiscal roadblocks be a hindrance to developing a full and rich personality. But not this guy, he seems wack. I'm more concerned with him referring to his future self in third person than the shitty credit. You gotta dump that asshole.
@Slutface You've got the power and love of the 'Pin behind you!
@Slutface He is 32 years old and his parents pay his rent. Dealbreaker.
@leon.saintjean Referring to one's future self in the third person is totally dope.
1. Dump him
2. Write a move or a TV series called "Future Mike"
3. $ $ $ !
@TheUnchosenOne I am going to start doing this. Luckily I am not dating anyone, so they cannot break up with Future TheHarpoon.
@Slutface I'm sorry, I really am. I came across as rather mean in that comment, and I'm not a mean person. I've been where you are, EXACTLY where you are, this calendar year! I had to break up with an "looks fifty (Sean Connery for the win!), acts twenty". I argued with myself about how fuuuuuun he is, and how sweeeeeeet, but in reality, it came down to wanting to be WANTED now and forever, rather than NEEDED. I promise, you will end up playing the part of his mother, and that's not a happy ending (double entendre totally intended) for either of you. Hugs from this Internet Stranger.
@MoonBat No, I don't think you were mean at all. I totally understand where you're coming from. Thanks :)
@Slutface Uuuuugh. I talk about Future [Genghis] all the time, so now I feel like maybe I'm a jerk. But I'm always trying to make stuff better for her! I'm always like "Future me will appreciate me saving this money/making this hummus/going to bed early."
@Genghis Khat Yeah, I say it in my head. Not when I'm telling a potential lover about my life philosophy.
@Slutface It is a key difference.
@Slutface Lady, you have this one. He sounds dreadful.
@Slutface Future Mike is really bummed that he can't afford the cost of an afternoon time machine rental, because he really, really wants to go back and bitchslap Current Mike.
"My boyfriend believes abortion is wrong.
At the very least that should mean he doesn’t get to have sex with you."
WIN WIN WIN WIN WIN
@RK Fire Right? Let's not have premarital sex with dudes who don't believe in abortion. They shouldn't get to have it both ways!
@Megano! Or even after marriage, until we're ready to make babies.
@RK Fire @Megano! @SarahDances YES. It's the only way to go. Before I had sex for the first time I made sure my bf at the time was ok with abortion before I decided we should do it. It's a requirement dammit!
@Killerpants Yep--that and "no tickling after I say to stop" were my litmus test.
@datalass OMG ME TOOOOOOOOOOO. A dude got the axe after he said "Imma ticklet you when I see you"). And I said I do not like being tickled. If you want an angry PPM, tickle me and don't stop when I say so. And he said "there are good tickles and bad tickles." Which is when I explained that I used to have to BITE or KICK my much larger older brother to get him to stop tickling me when he was sitting on me or had me trapped and I DO NOT LIKE BEING TICKLED.
And he got all butthurt, and that was it. ALL DONE.
Also, yes to pro-choice ladies not sexing the anti-choice men until babies are an option. Like Lysistrata, but with ladies in high heels.
@datalass That's a good test -basicly "does he take my concerns seriously no matter how silly he thinks the situation is"
@PistolPackinMama I basically had the same sibling (thought mine was a sister.)
My boyfriend and I have actually have a cuddle/rough-house/tickle safeword. It works pretty well.
@SarahDances Hell, even after marriage, after we're trying to have babies, if he doesn't at least believe in abortions when the pregnancy isn't viable. But really, just don't fuck pro-lifers.
@Apocalypstick YES THIS.
Consent is important. Even tickle consent.
THE CAT ONE!!!
@Megano! PUT IT IN CAT JAIL
Oh no this one gave me sads. :(
@TheUnchosenOne Yes, I came back here to say the same thing. :(
"Yo, having a serious commitment and being in an open relationship aren’t necessarily mutually exclusive, but you two clearly should not be together."
@jen325 This one made me happy. It also made me think of a specific 'pinner, and then I was sad.
"Yo, my boyfriend said he was "okay" with "waiting for me to get over this Master's Degree thing.""
"Yo, my boyfriend said he was 'ok' with 'waiting for me to get over this 'Masters Degree' thing'."
"Man, assholes “love” scare quotes."
Thanks for sharing this so interesting post! I really want to be thankful for the way you have putted it here
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