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Tuesday, May 29, 2012

124

Subject Lines of Obama Campaign Emails That Sound Like a Stalker Wrote Them

"Five years ago, today"

"Do you still live in Illinois?"

"Something I'd like to ask you"

"Join me for dinner?"

"Me again"

"What's stopping you, right now?"

"Sometime soon, can we meet for dinner?" 

"You must be at least a little curious"

"I'm not shy"

"Guess who"

"Last chance at dinner"

"This is not a joke"

"It doesn't need to be this way"

"Wow"

"It's officially over"

"(I tried.)"


Julie Beck hopes she won't find the Obama campaign standing in her closet with a knife after this.



124 Comments / Post A Comment

Ellie

My favorite is the one that just says "Hey"!

I'm so glad other people appreciate these!

themmases

I think the same thing whenever I see them! I assume they're trying to seem like email from people you know?

One of the campaign people has a very similar name to a college friend, and every time I see his weird subject lines in my inbox I'm terrified that Steve has decided to write me a really personal email for some reason. We are just holiday friends!

fondue with cheddar

@themmases And they're always from real people whose names you're always a little bit excited to see in your inbox. I love seeing the names of Hilary Clinton and Joe Biden nested between hairpin comment notifications and my mom.

sarah girl

Yeah, this is exactly why I unsubscribed from the mailing list. Creeeeepy.

My favorite read-me tactic is when someone in the campaign "responds" to an earlier email, which is really just tacking "Re:" at the beginning of the subject line and pasting the entire mail. I guess they think you'll look at an email that starts with "Re:" since it looks like a response to you or something a friend sent? Shady.

fabel

@Sarah H. I actually do this because I think my e-mail won't end up in someone's spam folder if the subject starts with "re:"? (I have no idea if it's effective though, so maybe I'm just a creep)

HeyThatsMyBike

@Sarah H. A week or two ago, Chelsea Handler sent out an email on behalf of the HRC, and literally within hours some other person at the HRC had done a "Fwd:" thing making sure I had "caught Chelsea Handler's email." CALM DOWN! It takes me days to read emails from my own flesh and blood sometimes. Chelsea Handler's email does not have a "high priority" tag next to it, HRC.

a small sea

@Sarah H. I hate the RE: thing! The people from Demand Progress/Anti-SOPA/PIPA do that to me all the time. I get excited for a second because I rarely get personal emails and then annoyed because geez, I already donated like $2 and signed a petition so you would get off my back please?

area@twitter

I got one today from Bill Clinton that just said "Good morning". ...Bill, put some pants on and get out of my kitchen.

whizz_dumb

@area@twitter I got that one too. What about the one from a few days ago, "Meeting you". I hear him whispering it from behind me. *shivers

SarahP

@area@twitter But Bill--leave the pancakes.

Kerri Mercury Morris@facebook

@area@twitter I'd be more than happy to have Bill in my kitchen.

whateverlolawants

@Kerri Mercury Morris@facebook Bill sent me one today with a subject line of "See you soon."

Okay! I am perfectly fine with that, Bill. Can you bring your saxophone?

TheDogRuiner

@area@twitter @whizz_dumb

I KNOW!! Bill was a great President but I bet in person he's a big ol perv. I am a gay lady and if you want my money don't make my inbox look like Bill Clinton is stalking me!

whateverlolawants

@TheDogRuiner I have seen him speak twice and shook his hand once, and he really didn't come off like a big ol perv. THAT SAID, when I shook his hand, people were going NUTS. It was in April 2008 at a Hillary campaign event and people were way crazier for him than when I met Obama under similar circumstances around that time. You just stuck out your hand and he shook it.

So I... you know what? Maybe I should submit this story as a personal best. I'm gonna leave you hanging for the day.

Lucienne

@whateverlolawants Bill Clinton is kind of magic in person. He's got It. Though I sadly/happily only know this secondhand experience.

That should DEF be a personal best submission.

Scandyhoovian

What drives me nuts is the ones I get from people throwing parties in their homes for Obama. I don't want email from Sarah Jessica Parker, I don't care WHAT it's about.

a small sea

@Scandyhoovian I totally donated a couple dollars to have a chance at the party at George Clooney's house. I texted my mom and asked if she'd go with me if I won. The Best Time I Went To George Clooney's House For An Obama Fundraiser!!

noReally

Mine from Bill was "Meeting you." I did think someone might have flagged that.

alabee

I once got one from Biden titled "I've had it up to here, [alabee]". Uh sorry, didn't realize you were my frustrated dad. Possible follow up email subject line: "I will turn this car around, do you hear me, [alabee]?!"

Mingus_Thurber

@alabee "I'm counting to three, [alabee]!" "If you don't stop crying, I'll give you something to cry about, [alabee]!"

And then one that combined [alabee] and [alabee's middle name] in the subject line.

rockproblems

@alabee I laughed harder at your comment than I did at this article, and I laughed pretty hard at this article.

sudden but inevitable betrayal

Does anyone watch VEEP? I get such a Jonah vibe from these things.

MoxyCrimeFighter

@sudden but inevitable betrayal You're not even your mom's favorite Jonah.

Megasus

@sudden but inevitable betrayal OMG love that show. Maybe the Obamas are super into it or something? Or they got Iannucci to write them? That would be pretty great, actually.

datalass

@Megano! That would be all flavors of awesome!

Xanthophyllippa

@Megano! I misread that as "La Lucci" and was all, wait, I didn't know she wrote for TV!

Heat Signature

Obama thinks that if you just get to know him, you'd love him as much he loves you.

ms. alex

I never thought of it that way. Sure, I thought they were weird, but stalkerish? Well, I'm not going to forget it now.

whateverlolawants

@ms. alex I know, these emails are ruined now. Hilarious.

BoozinSusan

Counterpoint
Emails from the Elizabeth Warren Campaign That Could Easily Be Turned into a Short Thriller Involving Cookies and Oil [and a Party for Your Mom?]:

My Valentine's Day Cake
An Attack on All of Us
Watch This
Do You Have Plans on Saturday?
Eat a Cookie
See You Sunday?
We Found Oil in Massachusetts
Deadline: Midnight
I Can't Believe It
Weekend with Grandma
Morning Joe
I Just Wanted To Say...
Sorry Kids, You're on Your Own
Don't Miss This Party
My Mom

wallsdonotfall

@BoozinSusan Alternately, song titles from a millennial Christian CD for children.

brista128

I would read that cozy mystery.

BoozinSusan

@brista128 Aaand just got a campaign email today: "We can make this right." Back to sounding like a stalker.

iceberg

Oh man I'm glad I don't get these. What is wrong with whoever's doing them? Their campaign stuff otherwise usually seems pretty on-point.

anecdata

"You, me, and George Clooney," on the other hand, provided some entirely delightful mental images. Rawr.

iceberg

@anecdata #i'llbeinmybunk

whateverlolawants

@anecdata Oh, I loved that one.

Ham Snadwich

@anecdata - "You, me and Michelle" wasn't bad either.

Ham Snadwich

@Ham Snadwich - No, wait. It was from Michelle and it was "You, me and Barack". Still...

Xanthophyllippa

@Ham Snadwich I think Stephen Colbert did a riff on that one. Or was it Jon Stewart? I'm pretty sure it was Colbert.

Ham Snadwich

@Xanthophyllippa - I think it was Stewart. I think it was part of some donate to win dinner with the Obamas fund drive. All the subjects were like "I want to meet you", "Don't tell Barack", "Me you and Barack" etc etc.

whizz_dumb

Political email subjects are hilarious. I've gotten: "wanted you to be the first to see", "this is personal to me", and "It's making them nervous".

ms. alex

@whizz_dumb Recent ones I've gotten: "we might have to pull the plug," "We could lose her again," and "I don't know how else to say this..."
It sounds like I'm getting e-mails about someone in the ICU.

stuffisthings

@ms. alex "Grandmother tortured in church sanctuary." Beat THAT.

EpWs

@stuffisthings WHAT

Mingus_Thurber

@ms. alex As an ICU nurse, this made me laugh shamefully hard. When you start getting emails with subject lines like "Grandma's on vulture precautions," please let me know.

ms. alex

@stuffisthings I cannot!

sovereignann@twitter

AHHH!! I just got one from another political organization that said, "We might have to pull the plug." Yikes! You! Step away from grandma!

cherrispryte

@sovereignann@twitter YES. Calm down, Moveon.org!

Interrobanged

@sovereignann@twitter #DEATHPANEL

stuffisthings

@cherrispryte Jesus. I sometimes wonder if their email marketing guy is an undercover conservative operative trying to make me bitterly regret ever signing ONE goddamn petition.

stuffisthings

The Obama campaign just wants to know exactly WHY you don't like it.

brista128

I like when the subject line is "Good Morning!!" and the sender is Bill Clinton.

MTJ@twitter

I've seen something like this before - http://bit.ly/tszfPO - Anatomy of a break-up: My year with Barack Obama's email subject lines

Dallas Thompson@twitter

Ha!

I legitimately just got one from 21st century Dems that says, "There are warning signs."

For being stalked by creepy liberals? Apparently.

Ms_Tarantula

Woke up to a "Good morning" from President Clinton...in my box. Inbox.

Ialdagorth

I signed up for a local political organization's listserv and whoever does their subject lines is VERY INTENSE.

"This is an outrage!"
"It's time for us to start fighting dirty!"
"You won't believe what they've done this time!"
"Don't ignore the conspiracies!"

COKE AND PEPSI ARE THE SAME THING!!! WAKE UP SHEEPLE.

Aspiriationally Natalie

I am eagerly awaiting a campaign e-mail from FDR or JFK's ghost. You know it's coming.

EpWs

Do conservative emails act this way too? Will some brave soul sign up for a few to let us know?

(Gotta assume that "Good morning" from Mitt Romney is WAY creepier than "Good morning" from Bill Clinton.)

BFF Loman@twitter

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher They're not as personal. Shit like "A Meal With Mitt" and "Day One (pt. 2)" to name some recent ones. I feel like I have to note that I don't subscribe myself, but rather I set up a Tumblr to catch those emails (and a bunch of other spam/mailing lists. Just to make use of Tumblr's email post function).

Jenivere

This afternoon's subject line: "What else do I need to say?"

I might not have shuddered before, but now I just did. Thanks, Hairpin!

redheaded&crazy

@Jenivere wow that one is apt.

Xanthophyllippa

I get ones for local/state elections that suggest I have some kind of superpower in between the hysterical ones:

We Must Protect [My state] From Criminals!
[My state] Needs Your Help More Than Ever!
How Much More Can We Take?

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