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Monday, May 14, 2012

70

On the Art of Napkin Folding

"Sometimes beautiful songbirds were hidden in the napkins to charm the guests as they, twittering and fluttering their little wings, made their delightful escape."

Let's bring back hiding live animals in party napkins. There's more than enough time to prep for the weekend.



70 Comments / Post A Comment

Tragically Ludicrous

I'm not sure I want bird poop in my napkin, though.

ormaisonogrande

@Tragically Ludicrous better in your napkin than in your hair after the birds escape.

SarahP

@Tragically Ludicrous That's just what I was coming in here to say. Gross.

Woman Laughing Alone With Boas

@Tragically Ludicrous That was also the first thing I thought. Like a poor terrified bird TRAPPED IN A NAPKIN would not be poopin all over the place.

aphrabean

@Woman Laughing Alone With Boas Also, BIRD MITES.

Ophelia

@Woman Laughing Alone With Boas Better than being trapped in a pie, though.

Bittersweet

@aphrabean I love me some birds (to look at/listen to), but with all their nasty-ass germs, definitely not in my napkin. That I will eventually use to WIPE MY MOUTH.

Woman Laughing Alone With Boas

@Ophelia SERIOUSLY. How did they even do that, anyway? I'm assuming it was magic right? Maybe bird poop had more to do with the outcome of that event than... er, anything else.

beatrix

very nice work@l

@serenityfound

This is a day late! What better way to say "Happy Mother's Day!" than having a live animal burst out of a napkin into your mother's face/hair?

TheDragon

@@serenityfound
I don't even think MY mother would like that. Seeing as her pride and joy is that she has attracted all three humming birds in the state of Montana to her yard, that is saying something.

frigwiggin

I'm sure that wasn't altogether too delightful for the birds.

atipofthehat

This is my favorite use for a napkin.

atipofthehat

@atipofthehat

Slydini!

eiffeldesigns

Given that nearly half of my friends have some sort of weird bird phobia, this would be a seriously bad idea.

I, however, would find it charming.

Decca

@Kirs Birds are dinosaurs. Enough said.

@serenityfound

@Decca So birds are awesome.

eiffeldesigns

@@serenityfound YES.

@serenityfound

@Kirs I would never own a bird, but I like to watch them. Partly because they always make me think about Dr. Grant on Jurassic Park.

SarahP

As I said above, gross. But I love the idea of using the napkin to hide little treats or dinner rolls! That is adorable.

Beericle

How about butterflies? I think you could hide butterflies in napkins, and as long as they didn't die it would be cool if you had some sort of outdoor banquet, and hundreds of butterflies went into the sky at once.

Bittersweet

@Beericle Don't butterflies die if you rub the powder off their wings? Or is this in the 'pop rocks + Coke kills you' class of urban legends?

aphrabean

@Beericle FRASS.

saythatscool

I'll stick with using my napkin to hide the tazer and duct tape, thanks.

Ophelia

@saythatscool So...that's not why you're wearing that trench coat? Oh, dear.

Decca

For some reason I imagined large animals being hidden in napkins, like emus and goats and things.

TheDragon

@Decca
I could handle a goat coming out of my napkin, but I'd probably cry if an emu did. I'm fine with almost all mammals and small birds/reptiles, but large birds or reptiles really disconcert me. I feel like an unexpected emu would be too much.
I now also really want to start a band named "Unexpected Emu."

Decca

@The Kendragon It's a ska band, isn't it.

TheDragon

@Decca I do believe it is.
Anyone want to join my band? Other band members will be necessary, as I have negative musical talent.

Bitterblue

@The Kendragon That's because large birds are basically just modern dinosaurs. *wise nod*

the angry little raincloud

@Decca I'm a big fan of dwarves jumping from pies, myself.

Verity

@Decca I'm now picturing just putting napkins on my cats' heads and trying to get them to sit on the table. I don't think it would go down well.

WhiskeySour

Forget the bird-filled napkin; I'm ready and waiting for my own personal wine fountain. Let's bring back that "decorative (yeah, right...decorative) companion."

TheDragon

I have really pretty printed, slightly more flexible than average, waterproof paper. I think i am going to make a water lilly out of it and use it as a jewelry holder. :)

melis

Entirely too close to this scene from It for comfort.

Bebe

@melis Oh lord, that movie. Talk about something that needs to be KILLED WITH FIRE.

Reginal T. Squirge

You'll DIE if you TRY

tessamae

More like: "Sometimes filthy songbirds were hidden in the napkins to horrify the guests as they, spreading their diseases and vermin, made their nightmarish escape into the terrified guests hairdos and soup bowls."

NO THANK YOU.

TheDragon

Ok. I have to admit. The being worried of the birds pooping in the food or on hair, or spreading diseases, I totally understand.
The worry of the birds flying into guests' hair or food, I'm lost on. Has a flying animal larger than about a bumblebee ever really gotten caught in someone's hair? Generally air-born animals are excellent at not flying into things. I guess maybe if they were panicking? I know, I'm over-thinking this, but the hair worry has me flummoxed.

SarahP

@The Kendragon Bats?

TheDragon

@SarahP
I don't think they actually do that. Do they? I worked with bats in Carlsbad Caverns for a month one winter break, and it never happened.
The closest that it came to happening was when I was waiting for the bats to emerge at dusk, and a mosquito was bugging me. One bat swooped really close, and I realized that the little pest was gone.

EternalFootwoman

@SarahP Bats don't get tangled in your hair. It's a myth. Unless an animal is rabid, it's not going to get that close to you. And if your caterer is wrapping rabid animals in your dinner napkins, you have more problems than your hairdo.

wharrgarbl

@The Kendragon Juvenile birds/bats/flying animals of many sorts do all sorts of wicked stupid things. A decent source of fatality for juvenile bats at least (probably birds as well) is flying smack into things a more experienced animal would have avoided. I think most cases of bats-in-human-hair have been the result of rabies-compromised nervous systems, though.

ETA: It's also possible to wind up with bats on you/in your hair if there's enough noise in the environment to royally fuck up its ability to use sonar. But that seems like a thing where you'd had to have been trying for it? I mean, how often do you have bats around significant amounts of noise and lots of people? Maybe just don't go to an indoor metal concert whose decorators make poor decisions and everything will be fine?

TheDragon

@wharrgarbl
I looked it up, and I guess there has been one diagnosed case of bat-in-hair. Makes sense, legend had to come from somewhere

SarahP

@The Kendragon I was just guessing. I've never actually been afraid of something flying into my hair! (Although we were taught almost every year in school at a specially assembly to be afraid of bats getting too close, because of rabies.)

TheDragon

@SarahP
It is a very prevalent myth/fear, so I can understand that!

catfoodandhairnets

@The Kendragon It happened to me! Leaning over a table lamp, put hand up to switch on lamp, woke sleeping bat, which flew up and out the top of the lamp into my face. Also tiny little thing, in England, so no rabies and it was less stuck than held on briefly before falling to ground and flying away again. Also I didn't report it. To whom would one report such a thing? Ridiculous idea.

meetapossum

@catfoodandhairnets Actually, you should always get a rabies shot if you find a bat in your house. They can bite you and not leave any marks!

Verity

@meetapossum Rabies is basically nonexistent in the UK, thankfully. Hurrah for our non-rabid bats! (I see them flying around in my garden after dark sometimes; it's very cool.)

wharrgarbl

@Verity I thought the UK had a problem with rabid badgers? And the solution was putting out badger chow with rabies vaccine in it at the beginning of badger mating season?

meetapossum

@Verity Well, I still think it's a good move, especially when healthcare is free, because rabies is awful!

I actually Googled "England and rabies" before writing that because I did want to verify that England does have rabies (sometimes, I guess, at least). I have heard questionable things from English people about what England does or did not have. (I lived in Oxford for a brief period and one of my roommates tried to tell me that there were no black people in England before the 60s, which....yeah, what?)

Verity

@wharrgarbl We have a problem with TB-infected badgers, definitely; not sure about rabies.

@meetapossum Oh dear. Yes, there were black people here before the 60s. Promise. And apparently we do have some rabies, it's just very very rare and an unusual type. (http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/rabies/Pages/Introduction.aspx) But still, free medical care is great, as is not getting rabies.

AuntAgatha

LIVE DOVE, DO NOT UNFOLD.

"Well, I don't know what I was expecting."

fondue with cheddar

@AuntAgatha You didnt eat that dove, did you? I only have 6 days to return it.

Megasus

Let's not revive the traditon of having surprise live animals at the dinner table. Especially if they're coming out of my food. I like to keep my live animals and my dead animals COMPLETELY SEPARATE THANKS.

Heat Signature

@Megano! Oh, like that (very racist) scene in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom where the live snakes slither out of the dead boa constrictor (or whatever it was)!

punkahontas

"Ooh! Party hats!"

"How do you say 'meatloaf' in French?"
"You don't."

ohgodwhatever

Clearly this is what that little boy I saw at the park last week, clutching a terrified pigeon to his chest while his parents laughed, was trying to do. He wanted to put the pigeon in a napkin. Of course.

Bebe

@ohgodwhatever How can you laugh while your child is holding a pigeon? A filthy, filthy, disgusting filthy evil eye-pecking-out, toe-pecking, plotting-to-murder-us-all PIGEON???? A PIGEON TOUCHED YOUR CHILD THIS IS NOT FUNNY THERE IS NOT ENOUGH BLEACH IN THE WHOLE UNIVERSE OH MY GOD A PIGEON!!!!!

I have to go find a paper bag to breathe into before I faint.

Marquise de Morville

@Bebe If you want more horror stories: I was once woken up by a pigeon getting into my open window in the morning and I had to get it to fly back out instead of it panicky flapping all over my bedroom. City pigeons are disgusting birds.

Verity

@ohgodwhatever Poor pigeon! Did it get released eventually?

@Marquise de Morville This happened to my friend at university - her room was right at the top of our house, under the eaves, and pigeons roosted near her windows. One day she had her window open and a pigeon flew in; she had to shoo it out.

Reginal T. Squirge

Birds are not dinosaurs. Birds are birds. Crocodiles are crocodiles. Alligators are alligators. And dinosaurs are dinosaurs.

Inkling

@Reginal T. Squirge
No, birds are dinosaurs. The animals that we call dinosaurs evolved into the animals that we call birds. They have different names because we didn't know that while we were naming them.

Dinosaurs evolved stiff distal tails, feathers, bony sternums, long forelimbs, backturned first toes, enlarged brains, etc, making them recognizable as a "bird". From Archosauria to Aves, their evolution lead them in a distinctly bird-like direction. But they're still dinosaurs.

Some fish evolved into other fish, but they're all fish.

wharrgarbl

@Reginal T. Squirge Go look a cassowary in the eye and realize the folly of your belief that birds are not dinosaurs*.

*May also make you realize the folly of your belief in a kind, loving, and/or just god.

Reginal T. Squirge

@Inkcrafter False.

Inkling

@Reginal T. Squirge
Thinking a bird is not a dinosaur is basically like thinking a cat is not a feline.

Verity

@wharrgarbl Cassowaries are terrifying.

wharrgarbl

@Verity Of course they are, they're dinosaurs.

thebestjasmine

Now I'm going to have a fucking nightmare tonight about picking up a napkin to put on my lap and having a BIRD FLY OUT OF IT WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?

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