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Tuesday, May 15, 2012

144

How to Cope With a Break-Up

Mariel Fiedler and Lindsey Leonard, "How to Cope With a Breakup"

(Music by the Hjalmar Peterson Orchestra.)

Previously: Lindsey Leonard's Voicemails to Me.

Mariel has only ever been dumped, but would like to try her hand at dumping. Relationship beginnings can be proposed @MarielFiedler on the twittersphere. Lindsey Leonard is riding her downward spiral like it's Magic Mountain! Cringe and DM @okaylindsey.

Photo via JackandBlue/Flickr



144 Comments / Post A Comment

Princess Gigglyfart

Yes that, but then don't fuck your ex.

beatrix

will truly love it@l

Lila Fowler

I got dumped yesterday BOOOOOOOO. I spent a couple hours googling "hairpin forever alone" "hairpin breakup" "stop chainsaw-ing my heart" "help california." It helped. I've been awake for three hours and haven't cried yet wooo.

melis

GOD DAMN THAT BRUCE PATMAN

nevernude cutoffs

@Lila Fowler I got dumped last week and I totally went through all the Ask A Dudes, to TRY TO READ HIS MIND. And then I just asked him. And I didn't love the answer, but closure, etc...

Also whoever linked to Jon Hamm answering questions from Rookie on youtube made my life. It was wonderful.

Lila Fowler

@melis I wil miss making out in the backseat of 1BruCE1 most of all.

redheaded&crazy

@nevernude cutoffs oh my gosh this sounds so familiar. all the ask a dudes, ask a ladies, dear prudences, savage loves...

break ups are not a great time for work productivity.

shawbaby

@redheaded&crazie That one "Ask a Lady" where she talked about "playing house" and how it's OK to be alone for a while was posted as I was in the throes of a several month long "dumping" (ew?) and it's possible I printed it out and still carry it around...

redheaded&crazy

@shawbaby oh dude I totally saved the one where A Dude was talking about how guys should be supportive of their girlfriends being in therapy and not be weird and stigmatizing about it. there was more deep shit than that. But, yeah.

Nutmeg

@Lila Fowler I got dumped about 6 weeks ago and it seems like EVERY week there are multiple break-up posts on the Hairpin to the point where I started to get paranoid and take it personally (IE act like someone who has just been dumped?)

SeaMoney

@Lila Fowler What was Help California from? I can't recall, nor find it.

SeaMoney

@sergeant tibbs YES! Thanks. The comments of the hairpin are the best at back referencing! I love it!

SarahDances

I just had to google "pickleback" and that sounds terrible. Although I did have a pickle martini recently that was excellent, so maybe I just need to try this.

reebs14

@SarahDances I got so excited thinking that they were referring to a Froggy (same thing, only replace whiskey with tequila). I suppose whiskey could do in a pinch, but I feel like the tequila just "goes" better.

bitzyboozer

@SarahDances It's better than you'd think.

Gracefully and Grandly

@SarahDances I don't know what your drink tastes are like but they're totally better than they sound. Try them! Try them!

Inkling

Can we have a Best Time I Dumped Someone thread? Under justified circumstances, it can be really therapeutic!

ELECTROMAGNETIC CHAOS

@Inkcrafter: Possibly. It's very easy for the divulging to turn into vindictiveness or other negative displays though. Sometimes it's best to leave those deets in the graveyard of your memories.

frigwiggin

@Too Much Internet Aw, but vindictiveness and other negative displays are some of the most fun I have!

parallel-lines

@Inkcrafter I threw money down on the table, said "You know what? I'm done here, fuck this shit," and walked straight out the door.

TheUnchosenOne

@parallel-lines Amazing!

As someone who has never done the dumping I do not have any good stories. Although the last time I got dumped I said "Fuck this, I'm out of here" and walked away without any of the "But I love you please take me back" pleading.

And that is how that story ends as far as anyone else will ever know.

parallel-lines

@TheUnchosenOne Someone once told me to always carry "fuck you money" if you're on a date because you'll never know when you'll need it. I've had to use it twice.

Inkling

@Too Much Internet
http://i.imgur.com/RgNQZ.gif

@parallel-lines
Twice? On the second time, was it... almost funny, because you had done that unusual thing before? Also I want to know EVERYTHING.

TheUnchosenOne

@parallel-lines That is fantastic advice.

Also WHAT WAS THE SECOND TIME I MUST KNOW you know if you feel like sharing?

iceberg

@Inkcrafter He was a self-described alcoholic who didn't think he needed to use soap and refused to call me his girlfriend. he said he wasn't going to call me but i could call him and we'd hang out. when he called a few days later, i said I was really busy. he said huffily "call me when you're not so busy then", and I was like "yeeeeaaaahhhhhhh... I'm not gonna be doing that."

ImASadGiraffe

@Inkcrafter Anyone interested in The Best Time I Found Out My Husband Was Cheating On Me Via Facebook and Dumped His Ass After Reading Him the Proof?

PS Facebook is evil.

iceberg

@ImASadGiraffe YES.

parallel-lines

@TheUnchosenOne The first time was just a first date self destructing and I was kinda like, "Okay, this isn't really working, I need to leave, thanks and this should cover my drinks." It was quasi tactful and polite--I just needed to get outta there. The second was some dude who was being wishy-washy, trying to half ass date me and then pulled some dickish move and I pretty much threw the cash at him and walked out. The look on his face was worth every penny.

Inkling

@parallel-lines
Mine was dumping a dude long-distance after I found a really sick and disturbing game* on the laptop he lent me. At first he tried to defend his choices, but when I proceeded with the dumping, he dropped out of med school and cried 5ever.

*Disturbing game description: graphically raping all the women you encounter, in some instances "until they are mentally broken".

TheUnchosenOne

@parallel-lines I my head you literally threw the cash in his face and it is glorious. Please don't ever correct me.

ImASadGiraffe

@iceberg So we had two laptops that we shared, and apparently when you login to Facebook on multiple laptops you can see any Facebook chats/activity that are happening on a different computer. At least, that's how it was in 2009. So I go to Facebook on my laptop, and he was the last logged in on my laptop. I see that he's on his laptop chatting with my (married) female friend/coworker, and I can see the chat happening in real-time. I think that's weird, because I didn't know they were that friendly, so I read (cause it's right there), and they are discussing the events from the night before in graphic detail. I was at a party for a girlfriend the night before, he said he was going to a guy's night.

I let it go on for about 30 minutes, and the sexual stuff transitions to "I love you" discussions. At that point I feel like I'm going to vomit so I copy/paste the entire conversation into a Word document, print it out, and then walk into the room where he is sitting and start reading it out loud to him.

After I'm done, I tell him that it's over, and that I'll be moving out post-haste. Less than week later, we're living apart, about 6 months later, divorced.

Inkling

@ImASadGiraffe
I'm so sorry that happened to you--however, you handled an awful situation like a fucking bad ass. Ovaries of steel.

ImASadGiraffe

@Inkcrafter That might be one of the best compliments I've received ever. Thank you!

hallelujah

@Inkcrafter Jesus tapdancing Christ :0

Passion Fruit

@Inkcrafter @ImASadGiraffe

Oh my God, your stories made me feel sick. Both of those situations suck; both of you are absolute ballers in the ways you handled it.

iceberg

@ImASadGiraffe Yeah that was fucking baller. You win forever, mainly by not being with him though.

PistolPackinMama

@ImASadGiraffe Uh... yes please.

@Too Much Internet Maybe. But I think, you know, I struggle/d with my own ability to gauge "is what is happening OK? How do I deal if it isn't." Hearing how other people dealt with their shit, as opposed to telling me how to handle mine? Really, really helped.

melis

Don't forget it's almost Negroni Season.

ImASadGiraffe

@iceberg Yes, not being with him is a major win!

ELECTROMAGNETIC CHAOS

@Inkcrafter: Damn that hummus - he's so cool!

Inkling

@Passion Fruit
Don't feel sick! He dropped out of med school and publicly blamed me for it. That shit is HILARIOUS.
Also! We'd been talking about getting married and living in a little cabin in the mountains, so every time I see a little cabin in the mountains, it reminds me of how unpredictable life is. Love that.

Passion Fruit

@Inkcrafter

It was the repulsive premise of the video game that made me feel queasy, especially since he was in MEDICAL SCHOOL. WTF. I don't want my future doctor playing or condoning those types of games. Gross.

Also, that he blamed you for dropping out of medical school is absurd and hilarious. What's he up to now, if you don't mind me asking?

Inkling

@Passion Fruit
Oh yeah, that part was vomitous. I just find the experience amusing because someone who thinks like that got severely punished for their values?
I dunno what he's up to now, except he moved back into a slummy apartment his dad owns. I see him rarely, his condition steadily deteriorating into extreme skinniness and sadness. I usually assume he's drunk himself to death until I see him again.

Passion Fruit

@Inkcrafter Well, not to be horrible, but he pretty much deserves it. I hope he can straighten out his values and his life (I sound like a grandma, but I mean it!). Good for you on getting out!

Genghis Khat

@Inkcrafter 5ever! I will be borrowing that!

I literally just had a convo with a dude I told I don't want to be friends. He's naive enough to think that signing an email "Take care" is nice and not midwestern for "FUCK YOU!" Also he was all, "Say hi to your friends who like me!" And I was all, "Oh [problematic dude], none of my friends like you."

Peanut

@Genghis Khat Oooh, I love the bitchy 'take care'. With an icy full stop.

.

PistolPackinMama

@all Jesus tap-dancing Christ. I am now 75% more jaded than I was before I read all these.

Also, what kind of sick person designs and then spends the many many hours it takes to animate games where players violate women?

fondue with cheddar

@ImASadGiraffe Oh, man. You handled that fabulously.

My friend had a similar situation, only in her case her husband had left facebook open on his computer and someone initiated chat, and I guess the window displayed their previous correspondence? Anyway, husband was a teacher and the girl who messaged him was a student. He'd been giving her a lot of details about their marriage (a shoulder to cry on, I guess). The conversation suggested that they had not been intimate, but she was flirting with him and he was not discouraging it. I don't know whether or not said student was 18, but still—so unethical and gross. Oh, and he also revealed in this chat that he'd been having an affair with another teacher so there was that. She printed out the chat, confronted him with it, and promptly threw his ass out.

fondue with cheddar

@jen325 Oh, and this all happened about a month after they bought a house together. So they had to sell it quickly with no equity. During the housing crisis.

chickaboom

@Inkcrafter I have a great story that has very little vindictiveness in it because it happened when I was 14 and it was my first boyfriend. Unfortunately I feel like the things that make it hilarious are the specifics, and I'm paranoid on the internet. But after breaking up with him over smoothies at our local offbrand-Panera-Bread, we were both supposed to go see Oceans 11 with all of our friends... so of course we both went (separately) to prove we were fine. And then went to real Panera Bread afterwards. ...Being 14 was hilarious.

fondue with cheddar

@chickaboom Haha. Sure, being 14 is hilarious now...but at the time it was THE WORST.

chickaboom

@jen325 I KNOW. the truth is i actually typed "was the worst" and then deleted it because now, it is hilarious. and thank goodness for that.

fondue with cheddar

@chickaboom THANK GOODNESS.

sleepycat

@leopardface the way I hear it is that because of your reputation for having “a bit on the side” every now and again. When your friends heard you were planning to move in with your boyfriend they were concerned for him and talked to him about it. He invented this incident to gauge your real intentions. Your first suggestion of an open relationship was not what he wanted to hear. He needed to be sure you were committed to your relationship before you and your son moved in, a situation you reached a couple of weeks later. I am not sure if it was from advice received here or just an act of revenge that you then had a liaison with a married man a week or so after you resolved things with your boyfriend. Whichever way, not telling him about it at the time was dishonest especially when you had told a mutual friend. These things always get found out and as you now know cause huge hurt and repercussions months down the line. So maybe there is a lesson for everyone in this ? Talking is far better than posting asking strangers for advice about situations when they only have half the "story" ?

ELECTROMAGNETIC CHAOS

I'm really liking the specific purpose conjoined twin coaster there

whoaisme

I just got dumped on Sunday :(

I keep rotating among the following:

- Blinding rage
- Despair
- Wild revenge fantasies
- Fantasies in which he comes crawling back and then I crush him like a bug
- Blinding rage
- Fantasies in which I move on fabulously, look awesome all the time, have a smoking hot new bf, and the jealousy and regret slowly sucks away any and all joy from his life
- Despair

I don't liiiiiiiiike thissssssss

muralgirl

@whoaisme I got dumped . . . 3 weeks ago, I think? You sound like you're doing better than me. I wish I could replace some of the sad-despair-wistful-hopeful-despair with some blinding rage. I think it would be healthier.

TheUnchosenOne

@whoaisme "- Fantasies in which he comes crawling back and then I crush him like a bug"

For some reason this is always my most satisfying post-breakup fantasy.

The Vertical Horizon song "Even Now" is basically about this. "Ha ha, you crushed me and now you've come crawling back! Fffffuuuuuuck you!" It was a weird thing to hear from that band.

hallelujah

@muralgirl Oh man, I'll take rage and vengeance over that stuff any day. My last breakup (which occurred right after I found out I was pregnant, THANKS GUY), I held onto the rage for like 3 months. After that it was SO. MUCH. WORSE. Make a list of the shitty things he did, that always helps me reclaim my righteous anger.

whoaisme

@muralgirl Blinding rage is really the only way I can effectively handle anything like this. Sadness is the worst, I feel like it gives the other person all the control, while if I'm enraged, I can own that and control how I'm handling it.

whoaisme

@TheUnchosenOne I will definitely check out that song.... maybe in a week when I'm feeling less emotionally unstable, ha.

@hallelujah Ohhhh man, what a juicebox. I'm currently channeling all my energy towards isolating all the little things that bugged me about him that I didn't care about before. It's very helpful.

TheUnchosenOne

@whoaisme It starts out sounding like a pretty standard "I am so sad you dumped me" tune and then at the end of the first chorus it flips the script and becomes a "Well now you know how I felt. Fuck off" song. I kind of love it.

I've always found distractions to be the best way to get over a break up. The last time I got dumped I proceeded to put 100+ hours into Final Fantasy X over the next three months.

JadedStone

@TheUnchosenOne My sister and I made a 'break up' cd like this. Starts with sad songs that progresses into more and more Beyonce 'F YOU' songs.

EternalFootwoman

@whoaisme I got dumped like three weeks ago. Your emotional range sounds about right. I have been trying to march sassily around my house proclaiming that I am Too Awesome To Be Tamed and that the ex is a loser. Who I will squash like a bug.

Cat Jail

@whoaisme Rage feels totally empowering. I get these surges of energy when I'm angry, and I get so much done. In despair, things tend to crumble around me because I'm spending all my energy just trying to be okay, but Rage House is immaculate. Because fuck that guy.

sognodisonno

@muralgirl Agreed. Rage is such a more satisfying emotion than sadness.

I got dumped recently...at my birthday dinner. I was super pissed, which I think actually, counterintuitively helped with the whole getting over him process--hard to be upset about not being with someone who would do that.

alien_she

In the first 3 months of 2010, following the end of my 5 year relationship and finally "over" suicide as an option, I played AT LEAST 200 hours of Final Fantasy X, watched all 7 seasons of Buffy, AND THEN ALL 5 SEASONS OF ANGEL (some episodes twice and I think I deserve a trophy for this particular feat because that show is TERRIBLE), and took approximately 2.5 showers (counting rain). Then I moved 3,000 miles across the country.

JadedStone

@alien_she Buffy AND ffx? We should be friends.
Although I have no excuse for obsessively playing/watching

meetapossum

Mariel has only ever been dumped, but would like to try her hand at dumping.

I hear you, lady.

themegnapkin

@meetapossum dumping is no fun, either.

meetapossum

@themegnapkin I guess, but the last 4 guys I've dated all got into long-term currently happy relationships right after breaking up with me.

Men of New York! Date me and you'll me the love of your life!*

*1-3 months after splitting up with me

sevanetta

@meetapossum I hear ya. most of my exes move on to marriage/moving in with a gf right after a series of commmitmentphobic stupidities with me. I hate it when people talk about the satisfaction of seeing their awful exes live crappy lives. I don't know what my exes' lives are like, except that they manage to do this thing.

(I do have the most wonderful boyfriend now, so not complaining now, but boy did I ever complain while I was single)

fondue with cheddar

@themegnapkin Agreed. I got dumped a lot when I was young (low self-esteem, poor choices) and it was hard. But in my adulthood I've done more dumping than being dumped, and dumping someone who really wants to be with you is even harder. Breaking someone's heart (if they're a decent person, anyway) is agonizing, and you feel guilty and selfish for doing it (at least I do). I broke up with my last boyfriend, and even though it was more or less mutual (I knew he was unhappy too) I still feel guilty for hurting him. The look on his face when I told him... :(

orangeyouglad

That music is just LOVELY.

Eva@twitter

"Keep them scrolling" tag! Yes!

EggsErroneous

@Eva@twitter YES YOU READ MY MIND...SCROLLING! I got so very very happy when I saw this post!

Eva@twitter

@EggsErroneous I just had to re-listen to the job interview thing. "I mean, the parking lot *is* outside of the grocery store. I just want to clarify that."

orangeyouglad

Also, HOLD UP. Mariel, I know you! I went to college with you!

littleswan

Mariel and Lindsey- please do more of these!! In fact, please create a whole radio station that just plays clips like this all day so I can listen nonstop.

twinkiesandwine

@littleswan I agree. I wasn't paying full attention the whole time, but it was so oddly soothing, with the music and the amazing accents.

TentShowQueen

The fact that I am de-lurking after HOW many years just to say, "Daft Punk, not Kraftwerk" says so much about why I am alone. But I still feel better.

Michelle LeBlanc@twitter

You are definitely not alone in your need for correctly identifying that song.

okaylindsey@twitter

@TentShowQueen, I;m just makin' electronic music jokes!

a small sea

Ack, wrote the longest comment about my most recent (not that recent but I am still not over it) break up and then realized that maybe this is not the place for that. PERHAPS IN THE FRIDAY OPEN THREAD!

iceberg

@a small sea this is so the place.

TheUnchosenOne

@a small sea This is definitely the place.

redheaded&crazy

friday is definitely way too far away

PistolPackinMama

@a small sea Oh yes. This is the place. ALllllllll the place, right here.

a small sea

@a small sea Well, everybody's doin' it now, I guess. I got dumped 9 months ago when I was picking my ex-partner up from the airport after he had been gone for the summer. I had ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA this was going to happen. There hadn't been any fights or indications that he was unhappy (or whatever). We even talked a few hours before his flight landed and he seemed happy and excited to be coming home after a summer doing research elsewhere. His flight got in, we kissed and hugged and held hands on the way to baggage claim WHERE HE DUMPED ME. AT BAGGAGE CLAIM. To make things worse/weirder, I got a postcard a few days later from him (that he had written while being away on his research trip) that was all "I can't wait to come home and be with you in two days! I've missed you so much and I love you and I can't wait to see you!!!" with cute little nicknames and a couple inside jokes. So he sent this post card two days pre-baggageclaimbreakup and I got it maybe two days post-BCBU. It was (still is!) one of the most confusing things to me. I've never found out why he ended it - after asking him if he was totally positive this was what he wanted (it apparently was), I asked him to not speak to me and we haven't talked since then. I can't do/don't usually want to do the "be friends with your exes" thing and plus I had one ex-partner thing that just dragged out for YEARS and was miserable because we tried to stay in touch but were jealous and mean and sometimes sexy together so I tried to learn a lesson. ANYWAY... THE POINT IS: BAGGAGE CLAIM BREAKUP. WTF, DUDE.

a small sea

@a small sea Also, I left him at the airport and told him to call someone else to pick him up. Like I was gonna take him home after that. As if!*

*I really just needed to cry and call my best friend and that would have been weird with him in the car

iceberg

@a small sea "after he had been gone for the summer" UGH thereby holding you hostage to the relationship when you could have been finding someone new. also UGH public place breakups = the WORST. also UGH did you tell him to get his ass in a taxi after that? ETA I see you did! Well done!

PistolPackinMama

@a small sea I am being small and petty, but. I really hope he had no cash for a taxi, except in foreign currency that didn't exchange very well. Because... I... I actually think he really owes you an apology for that. Not that you'd be likely to get one, I suspect, and sometimes break ups are just a thing that are. But this? This deserves one. What an absolutely inconsiderate thing to do.

argle argle froth froth

TheUnchosenOne

@a small sea What. Whaaaaat. I can understand waiting to break up with someone because you want to do it in person. I think it's always, 100% of the time better to not wait, but I get it. But sending a postcard? How could he have thought that was a good idea? Does he not know how mail works? UGH I am getting upset just thinking about that.

EternalFootwoman

@a small sea I am fully convinced that there is some sort of handbook for how to be a terrible dumper. My ex went to my good friends' wedding with me. A few days later, we went camping, which was the ex's suggestion. A few days later, the night before a Major Race I'd been looking forward to for months, they emailed me to say they didn't want to date me anymore. Guess what I thought about for all thirteen hours of the race?

Mad, mad, mad props to you for leaving your ex at the airport. I wish this hadn't happened to you, but you are a badass amazing woman and I have so much praise for your reaction.

PistolPackinMama

@EternalFootwoman 13... hours? Race? 13 hours?

EternalFootwoman

@PistolPackinMama It was a fifty-miler. I'm quite slow.

fondue with cheddar

@TheUnchosenOne Maybe it was like my ex's now-wife, who talked about how wonderful her relationship with her husband was when in reality it was bad enough that she had to have a long affair with my husband. I think maybe she thought if she kept saying how happy she was she could convince herself of it? Or she just felt so guilty that she felt the need to proclaim the complete opposite? I don't know. Sometimes people just don't make sense.

Nutmeg

Sometimes when I am sad and alone I still say his name the way I would say it when we were together? I don't know, I used to think about him and get the warm fuzzies and I'd just say his name out loud to myself all happy? I thought about the scar he has on his face the other day and started crying, WHAT IS WRONG WITH MEEEEEEE

PistolPackinMama

@Nutmeg Nothing. You sound perfectly normal (if sad, which is normal) to me. It's rough, yo.

Dirty Hands

@Nutmeg That is so sad but it is also so cute... I want to feel that way about someone! (I mean, someone I can be with...) Sigh...

Inkling

@Nutmeg
Dude, no shame, I do that as well!

Anji

I'mma be honest here - I'd way rather be dumped than do the dumping, because I am terrible at it. Seriously, I dumped my last two girlfriends with the most obvious lie ever: "I'm just not ready for a relationship right now, sorry!" because I was trying to not be mean and say "YOU ARE SUFFOCATING ME, PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD GET A LIFE OUTSIDE OF ME, YOU ARE THE WORST." Because I don't like hurting people's feelings if they really haven't done anything wrong except be way too into me way too soon.

One of these days, I'm gonna learn how to do this like a grownup. I guess there's always the next girlfriend?

Passion Fruit

@Anji HAHA "YOU ARE SUFFOCATING ME, PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD GET A LIFE OUTSIDE OF ME, YOU ARE THE WORST."

HAHA, I THINK I AM THAT TYPE OF GIRLFRIEND, HAHA, HELP??

okaylindsey@twitter

@Anji, you must rule. That's why they love you! Thought: do you think if you dated a girl with a TracFone you wouldn't run into the "too into me way too soon" thing? Like, she won't be able to text or call you very much. I mean, at all? And no social media contact whatsoever throughout the day!

Anji

@Passion Fruit I mean, I don't mind a "Hey, girl, thinking about you, can't wait to see you!" text or call out of the blue, but I'm saying that these ladies were seriously monopolizing all of my time. My previous job was at a call center, and I literally could not spend all my time texting back and forth all day long. Besides, when I got off work at night, the last thing I wanted to do was spend more time talking on the phone. I realized that hey, if you resent having to do this now, and responding less frequently hasn't dropped a big enough hint, you are going to go crazytown bananapants by the time shit is actually serious. I'm also super uncomfortable with how one used to talk literally about putting me on a pedestal and what a goddess I was - after dating for like six weeks.

@okaylindsey@twitter Thanks! You're so nice to say that. I really do think it's just the personality difference between me and said ex-girlfriends. I'm naturally reticent and don't feel the need to keep my lady loves updated on every little thing I'm doing, and they were kind of the polar opposite. I keep telling myself that at least I was kind enough to break it off early, before we got into three-little-words territory. (Because due to a prior relationship in which I got played like a cheap fiddle, I'm deathly terrified of saying "I love you" until I am actually sure. I'm hoping that the right lady will accept this, and would be okay with not hearing until like, our wedding day.)

Waiting

What the hell is this lol

Cat Jail

"Twitter is a really wonderful opportunity to want to punch yourself in the face and cry every minute"

You can block him, of course, but that only works if you're signed in. Spend several days trying to find a way to block yourself from accessing his profile ever. Probably break your computer/ infect it with something. Realise that none of it works. Realise that the only thing stopping you from torturing yourself like this, forever, is you. You having perfect willpower. Forever.

Twitter is the Devil. #LOL

lindackerite

@Cat Jail This. A thousand times. There is nothing I can add here other than this entire article is relevant to my interests, but twitter is really the worst. I'm thinking of installing parental controls on my computer? Will that work?

sevanetta

@Cat Jail Love that you picked up this username and love hark! a vagrant! and her wonder woman!

Cat Jail

@aheapingspoonful It might? It's really not my area of expertise. It's probably much easier to block an entire website than just one person's profile. That said though, I have just managed to make it to a week without looking, so things aren't totally hopeless. Now I just have to continue to do so for the rest of my life...

We can totally do this though. It's like a wound that won't heal because you keep picking the scab off before it's ready. If we can just leave it alone for long enough, it'll be okay.

I feel like there needs to be a buddy system for people going through breakups. Or like sponsors in AA? Someone who knows what you're going through, who you can call when you're tempted to do something destructive.

Cat Jail

@sevanetta Thank you! Are those opals? You are lovely.

sevanetta

@Cat Jail Lol they are patty cakes (cupcakes) in the little muffin tray thing still. I can see how they looked like opals tho!

sognodisonno

@Cat Jail I think this comment board just became that buddy system

JoanHaulAway

Guys help my bf and I broke up three weeks ago but we're going to his friends destination wedding on Friday? WHAT DO I DO

Inkling

@JoanHaulAway
SUICIDE?? I dunno that sounds kind of terrible!

ELECTROMAGNETIC CHAOS

@JoanHaulAway: It's his friend? Don't go. I think that's pretty reasonable.

sevanetta

@JoanHaulAway Don't go, kitten. don't go! it's his friend's wedding. even if you are losing the money on tickets - think about this: time is precious, is staying away from your ex and having some self esteem worth $2000 or whatever? YES IT IS!!!

PistolPackinMama

@JoanHaulAway go to the destination (if it is cool), find another hotel, and don't go to the wedding?

Depending on how awful the ex-BF is, and how you feel about the friend. But really, if ex is awful, you don't know or care for the friend, and the wedding is like, in Istanbul? Dude.

Call the airline and have your seats changed.

redheaded&crazy

@PistolPackinMama ooh I think this is the best advice. If like the tickets are non-refundable or whatever, stay in a different hotel and lie on a beach!

I seriously advocate for post-breakup lying on a beach if it's in your budget to do so. oooooh especially if it's all inclusive! it's like, yeah I'm devastated and sobbing BUT BEACH AND DRINKS.

chickaboom

@PistolPackinMama Although... Istanbul is pretty great. I might go anyway, but ditch the wedding? I'm sure you can change seats so you don't have to sit next to each other anymore. Airfare refunds, though, are a bitch.

TheUnchosenOne

@JoanHaulAway It sounds like it's his friend and not actually a mutual friend? If this person is not actually your friend as well as his I second @Too Much Internet: do not go. Otherwise, I don't know. Get like raging, irresponsibly drunk? No don't do that. I would just not go, this situation seems awful.

the angry little raincloud

OK. The whole "keep up an OKCupid profile" because there's always someone better, cooler, whatever... just hit too close to home. Cause I just got dumped cause that's what dude did. (I really need to get over this. The breakup whininess is nearly approaching the length of the relationship at this point. I'm truly pathetic.) Anyway. I FUCKING HATE DATING IN NEW YORK.

Passion Fruit

@the angry little raincloud I don't think you're being pathetic, FWIW. I didn't even notice that you talked about it frequently. If I broke up with someone, I can guarantee that I'd be on here talking about it ALL THE GODDAMN TIME. If the internet won't listen to my woes, then who will, pray tell?

Anyways, sorry to hear that's how shit went down. Sounds awful. I hope you meet someone who is awesome and super into you for the next go 'round.

the angry little raincloud

@Passion Fruit You are so sweet! (I am totally being pathetic.) This is why I love the Hairpin-- random kindness from total internet strangers who make me all teary and then feel a little better.

Passion Fruit

@the angry little raincloud <3 <3 <3

Your response made me laugh, so sweet. I am at my most pathetic on the internet, specifically here on The Hairpin. No shame, little raincloud, no shame.

the angry little raincloud

@Passion Fruit I am at my most pathetic in real life. Sigh. I think it's better the other way. Teach me, oh wise master, teach me!

Passion Fruit

@the angry little raincloud Hahaha! The key, in general, is to be very emotionally repressed. This is how I get through working on the oncology floor.

Breakups, however, are an entirely different animal. I will sob hysterically alone in the hospital courtyard on my lunch break, lose my appetite, ask overly personal and ridiculous questions of my coworkers ("Have you ever known love?"), and weep to my family and friends. I will also beg the ex to please, oh God, please, come back to me. I have absolutely no dignity during a breakup, and I really wish I did, because I embarrass myself.

Anyways, what I'm saying is I feel you.

Genghis Khat

I just ended things with someone yesterday. And then I talked to him tonight. I'm now worried I left myself too much of a door to get back in that I really, really should not take because he's terrible. But maybe in a couple months and after a trampage I will not even want the door.

PistolPackinMama

@Genghis Khat trampage! Ahhhh!

robbermaiden

I just sort of ended things with my bf of 5 months on Monday. It had been a while coming, but I'm not sure why...definitely my issue, not his, he was always sweet and really into me. THEN I had to go and have a nice dream about him that night, and now I'm sadder. And I miss him. I'm still unsure if it was the right decision, or if it wasn't. And now I'm just confused.
I need a handbook for life, I am doing it terribly.

fondue with cheddar

YOU GUYS I'm itching to tell you my marriage break-up story SO BADLY because it's so juicy and full of profound douchebaggery, but it's also really LONG because in order to tell it right I need to include all the details. This is clearly the place to do it but I'm at work and I just can't right now! :(

Passion Fruit

@jen325 Spill it, girl. The workday is OVER!

urbaneowl

this is the best thing i have ever heard.

James Hamblin@twitter

I've come back to listen three times. Hilarious, great, perfect.

eiffeldesigns

This is why I love the hairpin. I start reading all of the comments and I realize the following:

- I am not crazy
- What I'm still feeling nearly 3 weeks after I got dumped is completely normal
- I am not crazy
- We are not crazy
- Pinners are fucking awesome

fondue with cheddar

@Kirs Yes, yes, yes, yes, and yes! I'm sorry you got dumped, that sucks, but I'm glad you realize that you're not crazy. People who don't have those feelings are the weird ones(unless they were in a bad relationship that they were happy to get out of).

penelope

Why is everyone's voice sooooo weird in this? Are they Swedish? It is so distracting.

okaylindsey@twitter

revisiting this lumpy ole thread because i just did an out-of-the-blue-doubled-over-the-sink-crying-when-i-was-just-trying-to-brush-my-teeth thing. i had a weird dream and now everything's come back... all the bad, bad feelings.

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