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Thursday, May 10, 2012

430

Half Day

We're wrapping up early today — so we can better celebrate National Small Business Day? — but will be back in full swing tomorrow. Everyone else should go home, too! That's how it works, right? Wrong! That is not how it works. Anyway, please enjoy the rest of your afternoon, and we hope to see you around these parts on Friday.



430 Comments / Post A Comment

redheaded&crazy

happy national small business day! you guys are the best small business I know.

sadly I will be here until 7:30. Ouch.

QuiteAmiable

@redheaded&crazie We can keep each other company. I'm here for another 2 hours.

lora.bee

@redheaded&crazie @QuiteAmiable I'm in!!

Toby Jug

I brought rosé!

Holden Cauliflower

@redheaded&crazie
Ouch. I've got 2:47 left and counting.

Porn Peddler

@redheaded&crazie aw I should call my favorite small business owners (MG, my boss, my mom, my brother)

dj pomegranate

I just told my boss that I was going home 'cause the Hairpin is done for the day, and he wasn't sympathetic at all?!?!?!

olivebee

@dj pomegranate Ugh, I know. What is a work day without the Hairpin? Tedious and boring, that's what.

atipofthehat

@dj pomegranate

"Look, you're paying me to read the Hairpin, and it's down for the day. Don't believe me? Check the logs!"

melis

@atipofthehat hahahahahahahahaha oh god what if they ever check the logs

melis

/execute exit protocol

/arrange folders and documents in an orderly pentagram

/drop match

/goodbye logs

/end melis simulation

whizz_dumb

@olivebee Hairpin cuts out early, I get really productive at work for a few hours. It's an inversely proportionate relationship.

Craftastrophies

@whizz_dumb See, and I thought 'oh, good, a chance to catch up on all the comments I've missed this week!'

I... clear my browsing history every Friday. Practice safer browsing, everyone!

atipofthehat

I hope the personal things go well, whatever they may be.

annev6

I'm also wrapping up things early today. Is your personal thing also "going to bar early to unofficially try and reserve tables for official office happy hour"??? If so see you there and also stay away from my tables they are mine.

Megasus

:''''''''''''''''''''''''''''O

HeyThatsMyBike

I hope the personal things are like...pedicures, and not scary or bad or tedious personal things. If they are scary or bad or tedious, I hope everything goes as best it can. If they are pedicures, I hope you pick a fun summer color and enjoy relaxing.

atipofthehat

@HeyThatsMyBike

Who knows. It could involve a movie star, a teeshirt, and a permanent marker.

Holden Cauliflower

@HeyThatsMyBike
It's hard to blog AND keep an eye on the countdown to Justin Bieber's latest iTunes release.

Decca

THURSDAY OPEN THREAD!

phlox

@Decca Oh good, because I am taking tomorrow off!

noodlestein

@Decca Me, too - to go to VEGAS!!! I'm slightly excited about this.

Decca

@noodlestein I have an exam tomorrow, but would be willing to go to Vegas with you. Hilarious Pinner buddy movie ahoy!

Tuna Surprise

@Decca
Help! I need to go to a charity poker tournament tonight with my boss. We're playing Texas Hold Em. Where on the internet can I learn to play Texas Hold Em in the next three hours (preference to the kind of website that is free and not blocked at work)!

noodlestein

@Decca Count me in!

redheaded&crazy

@Tuna Surprise I can teach you how to play Texas Hold Em!

Okay, so basically, you have your cards. And there's some cards on the table. And you'll probably never get anything that matches or more than a pair and then five rounds later you're just sitting there in your knickers wondering how did this happen again

redheaded&crazy

@redheaded&crazie also, "poker face"

iceberg

@Tuna Surprise Wear something pinstriped, red lipstick and smoke a cigar, who cares about winning!

Decca

@redheaded&crazie ma ma ma ma

dtowngirl

@iceberg Yes. And, if you can have a snifter of brandy, all the better.

Tuna Surprise

@iceberg
I want to but I'm going to be one of a few ladies there (it's a hedge fund thing). I feel like I need to represent the ovaries crowd in some fashion other than in a 'math is hard' kinda way. Maybe I just do 100% poker face. I won't know whether my hands are good or not so it shouldn't be hard.

iceberg

@Tuna Surprise "Le Smoking" and bitchface, then?

ironhoneybee

@Tuna Surprise Make us proud, lady! You can do it!

dj pomegranate

@Tuna Surprise I play Texas Hold 'Hm regularly with a group of mostly-guys and my policy is "always bluff, keep your poker face." I have zero strategy besides that, and I generally break even. Poker is fun!

Passion Fruit

@Decca Haha, this reminds me of "Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead." Edith left the house, and chaos ensued.

Nutellaface

@dj pomegranate One time I was at a beach house with some friends and we wanted to play poker but didn't have any chips so we searched the house for a substitute and came up with corn skewers and rusty nails and called our game tetanus hold 'em.

punkahontas

@Nutellaface We did the same thing at a beach house, except we used beans! I didn't know how to play, but somehow I won ALL THE BEANS.

I wish we had been playing with Peanut M&Ms instead. Or dollarses.

i make lists

@Tuna Surprise I love Texas Hold 'Em! Ok, so I can't link anything because my work bans pretty much every gambling website, but here's a general breakdown:

One person is given "the button" which is supposed to represent the dealer (even though there's probably an actual dealer). The two people to the left of the person with the button are required to put in "blinds" before any cards are dealt, which is like a compulsory bet. So it goes: big blind -> small blind -> button. This is just to ensure that there's always a minimum bet for every game played, even if everyone has crappy hands.

Everyone on the table is dealt two cards, and after you take a peek at them, you can decide whether or not it's worth it to bet. The minimum bet is the big blind, so luckily, if you have the big blind you don't have to do anything unless someone raises, and if you have the small blind, you won't have to add much. Decent hands are usually any pairs (the higher the better), face cards (especially if they are in the same suit), and having an ace.

After that is "the flop" which is when the dealer throws down three cards on the table. You can use those cards in any combination with the two you have. Everyone bets. Then there's "the turn" which is one more card. Everyone bets. And finally there's "the river", which is the final card. At this point everyone shows their cards, but I find that the best thing is to have everyone fold before the river.

If you have a good hand you have to bet very aggressively in Hold Em because every new card shown can potentially screw you over. Three times the pot is usually a good amount to scare people off.

Sorry for the info dump! Texas Hold Em is super fun so I hope this helped!

P.S. Do you know the hierarchy of the hands?

LeafySeaDragon

@Decca i just ran in my sbux crush outside of sbux and he didn't stop to talk to me!!! cricricri and also i am done with my payday chores and i am exhausted.

but at least i took time to look pretty before going out, maybe sbux guy was just in a hurry? (i am so pathetic)

QuiteAmiable

So uh, I've been offered a new job (YAY) but I have to have a background check. I have no criminal history, but it's also checking my credit history. I haven't filed for bankruptcy, but I have a lot of credit card debt and have missed a total of 2 payments in my lifetime.

Is this normal? WILL THIS HURT ME?! I'm scared.

Lily Rowan

@QuiteAmiable Your credit should be fine if you make your payments. You're good.

QuiteAmiable

@Lily Rowan I do. I've only missed two out of the 10 years I've had the debt... but one was last month so I guess that's why it's on my mind. (I paid double when I realized I forgot to pay)

sarah girl

@QuiteAmiable If jobs didn't hire people who had credit card debt, nobody would have jobs. I think that as long as you haven't defaulted on any of the debt and aren't completely at the ceiling on all of your cards, you'll be fine.

OhMarie

@QuiteAmiable Yeah, I'm sure you're fine. My experience has been (barring, like, governmental security clearances) they're really looking for huge red flags.

QuiteAmiable

@OhMarie @sarahmarie @Lily Rowan Thanks ladies! I'm just a bundle of nerves over this. Turning in my notice at my current job tomorrow! EEK.

Lily Rowan

@QuiteAmiable Also, congrats on the new job!! Exciting!

PS: Unless you fully missed a month's payment, it doesn't even show up on your credit report -- it only shows 30/60/90 days past due. FYI.

Bittersweet

@QuiteAmiable Good luck with the handing in notice and the new job! We'll be thinking of you and sending ((((internet hugs)))).

QuiteAmiable

@Bittersweet Aw, thank you!! I'm excited and nervous all at once :)

QuiteAmiable

@Lily Rowan Thanks! And that's good to know. It wasn't a month late. (In all actuality, if Bank of America's website would work when I'm trying to schedule a payment, it wouldn't have been late AT ALL)

ImASadGiraffe

@QuiteAmiable I have pretty high clearance with the Feds for my job (computer administrator) and when I applied to work here and had my background check I had a lot of debt. Including some late payments within the previous 5 years. They cared more about my mom being born outside the US and my impending divorce than my debt.

HeyThatsMyBike

@QuiteAmiable Yes, with few exceptions (the banking industry may be one), on these job-related credit reports they are usually just ensuring that you're not in danger of being tracked down by creditors at your place of business. Or being thrown in jail. You're fine.

beerd

@Sarah H.

"If jobs didn't hire people who had credit card debt, nobody would have jobs."

But NOBODY HAS JOBS!

redheaded&crazy

I have a date on saturday! tell me not to overthink it too late i already did. i overthought ALL the things.

Lily Rowan

@redheaded&crazie Don't overthink it! Is it someone you know? If not, odds are good the date won't Go Anywhere, but it will still be more entertaining than sitting at home. (# of dates I wished I was at home instead? Maybe 2. # of dates I have been on? Approx. 1 zillion.)

Decca

@redheaded&crazie Yaaaay date! With who? Don't overthink it! (is it with Rupert Grint?)

Disco Sheets

@redheaded&crazie OMG yay! Do not overthink it. Except your outfit, which you should of course post pics of in fashion club.

Cat named Virtute

@redheaded&crazie Ooh, yay! Fingers crossed.

redheaded&crazy

@Decca it IS with rupert grint! (it's not with rupert grint) but it's yeah, probably not something that will Go Anywhere but it will certainly be fun!

AND I WILL POST OUTFIT PICS! :D :D :D best part of dates is getting ready for them right???

iceberg

@redheaded&crazie Yay dates!

Toby Jug

@Disco Sheets What is this fashion club you speak of?

redheaded&crazy

@Toby Jug this thing right here recently renamed to something unwieldy that i will probably have to change back and yeah i'm that guy.

all are welcome! if people could include their hairpin username that would make me happy because shit gets personal in there

New Commenter Name

@redheaded&crazie
okayyyy so I just applied for membership in your group. Nervously waiting to see if I get approved. Biting nails. Pleasepleaseplease.

redheaded&crazy

@Curiouser and curiouser i don't really reject anyone :P

i mean, not before the hazing rituals anyway

New Commenter Name

@redheaded&crazie
Ahhh, relief and happy smiles.
What hazing in particular should I prepare for? Drinking raw eggs? Eating live goldfish? Bra in the freezer?

redheaded&crazy

@Curiouser and curiouser great ideas! they're goin on the list

hulia

@redheaded&crazie I am also applying for membership! Can hazing involve excessive consumption of gin? I'm pretty much a rockstar at that.

Exene

@Disco Sheets Fashion club????????????????????????????????????????????????

redheaded&crazy

@Exene right here! I posted the link!

i am being overwhelmed with emails! which makes me happy :)

Craftastrophies

@redheaded&crazie Whoooooooooooooo date! Just pretend that you're not you, you're the pinetariat, going on the date. All of us. Pretend you're Melis!

paperbuttons

I'm reading Cheryl Strayed's new book Wild and I freakin' love it, which is a bit surprising, as it's about hiking the Pacific Crest Trail and I complain if I have to walk further than my mailbox.

Lila Fowler

@paperbuttons It's so goooood! My new Retirement Hobby Plan is to be a PCT angel. I'll camp out somewhere and cook people burritos and give awesome life wisdom pep talk with all of my Recently Retired Wisdom. I mean, it's like 40 years away, but sounds nice right?

paperbuttons

@Lila Fowler Yeah seriously! I may hate hiking myself, but I would love to be the person who helps them along with hotdogs and company every once in a while.

Cat named Virtute

Army had a half day?

melis

@Cat named Virtute Came here only looking for this joke; thank you for having made it, your check is in the mail.

Reginal T. Squirge

I just got it. Now I feel dumb.

iceberg

@Reginal T. Squirge I still don't get it, so.

Reginal T. Squirge

@iceberg Think: Avengers

melis

@Reginal T. Squirge Whoa, the Avengers has an Arrested Development joke in it?

Reginal T. Squirge

@melis Whoa, this joke has multiple meanings! I was thinking Captain America. Now I get the AD joke.

For what it's worth, I think my misunderstood version of the joke is funnier.

melis

@Reginal T. Squirge You can't possibly be right about that.

candybeans

@Cat named Virtute i also came here to say that. frankly, the day is bumpy enough for me to feel special when Melis compliments someone else for a joke i also thought of.
("why should YOU go to jail for a crime someone ELSE noticed??")(no, beans.)

Cat named Virtute

@candybeans Haha, I was hanging out with friends all evening and I was SO MAD that "guys! Melis liked my Buster funny on the Hairpin!" was not a sentence I could say that anyone present would appreciate.

raised amongst catalogs

I just moved in with my bf of 5.5 years and it is NOT going well so far. I don't know what is wrong exactly but I feel invisible and in the way at the same time, if that is even a thing. He works from home most of the time but today he's at the office and I'm holding down the fort (bottle feeding a lamb whose mother doesn't want it, and also trying to calm the mother down because the lamb's twin died this morning and when I took the body away she went nuts, so I had to put the body back out there, ugh).
Ugh, I feel like I made a huge and embarrassing mistake.

Cat named Virtute

@vanillawaif Oh no. Hugs to you. Do you think he feels the same way? Have you talked about it? I find that when I'm having a hard time with day-to-day home life (though I've never lived with a partner, so I can't speak to that), a routine is really helpful to me, but to also make room for things that are special and fun. I hope things go easier soon. And I'm sure you didn't make a mistake! Living together is hard, but that doesn't mean that you did something wrong.

julia

@vanillawaif Moving in is hard. You are in the other person's space, you have to negotiate chores with another person, and there is no alone time except when the other person is out of the house. Don't worry that a rough transition means your relationship is doomed - it's probably not. Just make sure the lines of communication are open, especially if there are things about your new situation that are really bothering you (eg feeling invisible & in the way). Be specific but not accusatory like you would in any argument/discussion.

ETA: Can we get a pic of that little lamb?

lora.bee

@vanillawaif Deep breaths! I hope the other 'pinners have good advice because I have never been in this kind of situation, but I do want to say that we are here for you and hugs. When I have posted my problems in a 'pin thread you were one of the ones who commented on it and listened, so I want to do the same. (...I hope that didn't sound too internet creepy?)

raised amongst catalogs

@Cat named Virtute I know he feels that it is not going well. I have been complaining about my job forEVER and he told me several weeks ago that I should quit and move here. Rather than finding a job right away, he said I should consider it a nice break and that he wanted to pay for my health insurance for at least the summer so that I could decompress and have time to work on the farm (sheep, garden, etc.). It's been just about a week and I took a few days to settle in and enjoyed reading and baking pies.
He is the kind of person who works, works, works and rarely if ever takes time to veg out. I am an introvert who loves downtime and I guess I have been too lazy for his liking. One on hand, I get how that could be off-putting to him. On the other hand, why is it his business if I want to wear my jammies for half the day while I do laundry and clean the kitchen?
My special and fun today has been two episodes of Felicity and baking brownies.

raised amongst catalogs

@lora.bee Not creepy at all! I am totally comfortable confessing that I have thought of you every week or so since you posted your big problem from earlier this year, and send out lots of positive thoughts to you, person I have never met. Now who's creepy?
P.S. Thank you. <3

iceberg

@vanillawaif it sounds like the hardness is bc you moved into his space instead of both of you moving in together? talk it out I guess. but you love each other, it will get better!

olivebee

@vanillawaif I'm sorry about the little lambie and that things aren't going well with the move-in so far. Hugs to you! If it makes you feel any better, my husband and I moved in together when we graduated college (and were engaged at the time), and we bickered incessantly about the dumbest stuff which then led to bad moods and more fights. It went away after about a month or so and we adjusted to each others' living habits. And now I can't imagine living without him there. I'm sure it will get better for you, too!

raised amongst catalogs

@julia Last night I was making dinner and sobbing and he came in from outside. "Are you crying because of the lamb that was cold from the rain?" "NO!" "Are you crying from chopping that onion?" "NO!!" "Why are you crying?" "Because you're being so MEAN to me and I made a big mistake moving in with you and I feel terrible because of the way you're acting toward me!"
He hugged me and said it was all his fault but then at dinner nothing had really changed. Then the cold lamb who was in the rain had to come in to the house and go in the hot box (a cardboard box with a blankie inside and a hair dryer aimed not directly at the lamb) and have a bottle, so things never did get discussed.
I admit that I made a shaker of dirty martinis and lost myself in an old episode of Mad Men, and he joined me and drank a martini too and we went to bed and slept far, far apart in the bed.
So you can see that for the time being things are not getting resolved.
Either I'm going to have to turn into a mindless work machine or he's going to have to understand that we are not the same person. At the very least I wish I didn't feel that my partner is judging me.

If you will give me one moment I will link to the lambie.

Cat named Virtute

@vanillawaif Oh, that is hard. I kind of feel like if he's gracious enough to offer you the down time (which is wonderful!), that grace should extend to trusting you to spend it as you see fit (I mean, within reason obviously, but if you're cleaning the kitchen and baking pies, it hardly sounds like you're idle. And goodness, you're bottle-feeding a lamb! I would maybe make a (subtle-ish) point of talking about what you did when you see one another at the end of the day. Talk about a moment you had with the lamb or the awesome playlist you listened to while doing the laundry. I hope things get easier for you two.

Brownies and Felicity sounds AWESOME. I spent my unemployed day doing dishes, cleaning the bathroom, writing cover letters, and prepping for Settlers of Catan night tonight. Speaking of sheep.

julia

@vanillawaif I'm sorry. It sounds like maybe you moving into his place might be highlighting issues that have existed in your relationship - like your anxiety that he does not respect you. But honestly, I felt trapped and unhappy in the first couple of months living with my boyfriend, and I worried that we had made a mistake. We've lived together for about 2.5 years now and things are much, much better. It is just such a huge transition, I think especially for the woman because of figuring out housework duties and that overwhelming dread of "oh god doing the laundry and making dinner: This Is Your Life." At least that was my biggest issue, feeling a little insta-housewife (despite not being a stay-at-homer).

The bottom line is you guys really need to talk. It sounds like he wants to be supportive of you as you transition, but that you feel like you're being judged for not having the same approach to work.

lora.bee

@vanillawaif Do you ever write down what you are feeling towards someone before having A Talk? It might sound hokey, but it helps me to be clear and to keep all the little things that have been bottled up from rushing out in one big breath.
You are amazing and wonderful, and it warms my heart that you think of me. I am sending YOU lots of positive thoughts now!!

raised amongst catalogs

@vanillawaif Omg, you guys. I was trying to link you to this https://twitter.com/#!/YourDailyBear/status/200683309674668033 but even though that is SERIOUSLY the url I put in the hyperlink, it was linking to THIS PAGE THAT WE ARE ON, and I couldn't edit or delete my comment and I was laughing while crying. So just do me a favor and copy and paste that url to see the lamb I am talking about. I am one half of the Polar Bear Twitterblogging sensation known as YourDailyBear, which is why I put the photo there, if you're wondering.

julia

@vanillawaif AHHHHHHHHH! Ah Ah Ah Ah Ah! Here's the pic, for those who don't want to do the google.

raised amongst catalogs

@vanillawaif "sensation"

liznieve

@vanillawaif
Oh no! Link links back to this page. I want to see the lamb!

BosomBuddy

@julia Woah. That is one cute lamb. As if there were any other kind.

dtowngirl

@vanillawaif That sounds really hard, and I've been there. When my partner and I moved in together, it was really weird and awkward for, like, 5 or 6 months. I considered it the learning curve. Even though we're really compatible, we're not identical (that would be really creepy). So, maybe it's just your learning curve?

iceberg

@vanillawaif KNOBBLES!

Cat named Virtute

@vanillawaif OHHHHHH IT IS SO WEE AND FUZZY!!

raised amongst catalogs

@lora.bee Not hokey at all. I have always been so much more articulate on paper. I've been feeling so sad that I've been trying to comfort myself (reading The Poisonwood Bible, baking non-stop) instead of being a problem-solver. I'll grab paper and a pen!

raised amongst catalogs

@iceberg HE IS SO MUCH SMALLER THAN MY CAT.

raised amongst catalogs

@Cat named Virtute He is ridiculously precious to me and he's only 24 hours old. How can his mother not be interested in him? He has the tiniest little hooves which are pink! And he likes to climb onto my leg and even when he tinkles out of his tiny little willy it is so cute that I can't stand it. He slept in a box in the kitchen last night. Also, when I rub the top of his head he stretches waaaaaaaaay up into my hand like, "Don't stop, lady!"

PistolPackinMama

@vanillawaif jjeeeeeeeeeeeeeeezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. So cute.

Also, this sounds like the heart of all of it, really:

"At the very least I wish I didn't feel that my partner is judging me."

If he said you should quit, move in, and decompress while you get your life/thoughts/feelings together, then that is what he said he would support. Unless you had a specific agreement about what thinking things through meant, and what decompressing means, then he does not get to judge you for how you choose to spend your time.

I honestly think you should be able to say "I feel like I am being judged for the way I am spending my downtime and I don't like it at all."

And if he's doing/saying specific kinds of things that make you feel that way, I think you can also say "When you do X I feel Y and it's not okay to say X, so please, knock it off already."

Really. He doesn't get to design what decompress and figure it out means.

Also, running a house/garden/farmlet fulltime? A lot of work. So there is that.

hulia

@vanillawaif Ahhhh that lamb is killing me with its cuteness! I am glad that you have him to cuddle with and nurture while you're going through the move-in adjustment hurdles.

I second @PistolPackinMama's advice about talking to him about how you feel he's judging you, and I particularly second the advice to discuss specific comments he makes so that you can hash out whether he really was judging you or whether he was just being careless with his words or body language. I wish I had better advice, but I think just talking about it openly and honestly is the only real way to address it. I'm so sorry you're going through this, though.

Oh, also, make sure you're being kind to yourself and not judging yourself, either. Try not to let yourself get into the negative thought spiral of thinking you made a huge mistake, because you didn't (although, trust me, I know how much easier this is said than done). But really, you just very bravely left what sounds like a terrible job and you're now confronted with major life changes. Those are hard things to adjust to and you are fully entitled to some time to get through this rocky period.

KeLynn

@vanillawaif Other commenters have given good advice about your specific problems, so I won't go into tons of details and advicey things BUT I wanted to comment and say that I would be Very Surprised if there was ever a couple who didn't have the "oh my god, did I make a mistake" moments when first moving in together. It's so hard, especially if you both didn't have roommates immediately before this and got used to doing things your own way. And, I imagine, even harder if you moved into what was previously his own space. The first few months after my guy and I moved in together was seriously hard and stressful. You have all this stuff that would bother you in a roommate (even little crap, like how they load the dishwasher or the amount of alone time you get in the house) but you can't just ignore it because this is also the person you LOVE and ugh, it's a lot to deal with. Give it a solid few months before you start seriously considering that you made a mistake. I've been living with my BF for about two years now and the difference between now and when we first moved in together is like night and day.

raised amongst catalogs

@PistolPackinMama I am kicking myself for not coming to The Hairpin with this problem earlier. Ugh, you people are my rock. Thank you.

raised amongst catalogs

@KeLynn Seriously, what is up with the way my boyfriend smooshes the toothpaste tube and never closes the cap so that I am always pulling my hand out of the medicine cabinet with toothpaste all over it? For the record: one rolls the tube up from the bottom. One does not smoosh it all from the center.

raised amongst catalogs

@hulia Thanks for the gentle reminders, especially about spiral-thinking. I am an old pro at that.

I guess I never realized how much baggage a person can carry if she's not paying attention. So much of this living situation makes me feel like I'm living with my very judgmental and rigid father, instead of the man I met at almost 30 and who was the first (only?) man to ever treat me well after years and years of dating nightmares. It's easy to feel like so much is riding on the relationship to validate you, when really there is so much more to me than this one thing.

leastimportantperson

@vanillawaif I just took a year off from a creative project that's very important to me. The break was for a variety of reasons, none of them particularly good. I couldn't tolerate even the lightest feather-touch of judgment from my boyfriend, even if it was said purely out of concern for my satisfaction with my life. I'm back to the project now, but only because I got there on my own. If he had been expressing his judgment toward me during the last year, I genuinely think I wouldn't have been able to pick it up ever again.

You made yourself doubly vulnerable by quitting your job and moving in with him. He needs to know that this is a delicate situation, but also that he can trust you to take care of it on your schedule. He knows you! He may be projecting his workaholic anxieties onto you, thinking you must be unhappy if you're not busy. But judgment can be so destructive, no matter the impulse behind it, so I feel for you. That is so destabilizing. This isn't advice, just writing to say that I understand how serious that can feel, and I agree that it needs to stop. It needs to stop SO THAT you can pick yourself up and figure out what you want to do next.

EpWs

@vanillawaif YEEEE wee knobbly lamb!

ANYWAY. Moving in is hard, and this particular moving-in situation comes with a LOT of changes--quitting your job, physically moving, etc. It's going to be rough for a little bit, that's just a natural part of transitions in general! Fingers crossed that everything smooths out in all quadrants. (And I'm very sorry about the other wee lamb, that is sad.)

Please keep us updated, and don't ever hesitate to come over here for advice/venting/lambs!

MollyculeTheory

@vanillawaif SEPARATE TOOTHPASTES. I am not even kidding. He can squeeze from the middle to his heart's content and you don't have to have the "GOD WHY" moment of annoyance towards him twice a day, which can contribute to a culture of mutual annoyance based on dumb shit. (I realize that the toothpaste is the least of your problems! I just have strong opinions about/experience with dreaded middle-squeezers.)

hulia

@MollyculeTheory Also, you can apparently do this by chalking up the new tube of toothpaste to being on sale/a new brand you wanted to try and your slovenly significant other will never think twice about it. Until @MollyculeTheory points out the obvious to her, of course. (It turns out that I'm very conscientious about dental hygiene after drinking and my tube-squeezing on at least two such nights has become careless, to say the least. I do not begrudge my boyfriend for wanting his own tube.)

Craftastrophies

@MollyculeTheory Yes. This. Toothpaste is cheap, it is 100% worth it. Also, anything else that you can do this with - different milk, three blankets on the bed, whatever. Why make it harder than it has to be.

@vanillawaif I hear you. That judgement is the WORST, especially when you are thinking it about yourself a bit. I have that with my boyfriend and money - he is much more frugal than I am, and then I feel like he's judging my financial decisions, and then I make some comment to try to get him to say 'no, honey, you spend all the money you want!' which of course he doesn't, because he is frugal. And then I get upset and we have to talk about it and he says 'I wouldn't buy that thing, but I don't judge you for buying it' and I feel better and then next week I feel judged again.

I am a delicate, sensitive flower. This is not because of my rigid father but because of my judging mother - my spending habits were a particular flashpoint because how dare I have autonomy/nice things. So, I know where this is coming from and why I am extra sensitive there, but that doesn't make me less sensitive.

It does make me more able to say 'I am sensitive about this. Please be careful not to say things which I might irrationally take as judging.' We had to have this conversation about another thing this week. It can be exhausting, but it's better than being jumpy. It helps that my boyfriend acknowledges that those are valid, if not rational, feelings.

I definitely advocate a Talk. Can you set aside some time? I really freaking hate Talks but they are so necessary. I usually go for a walk or have a shower and practice the things I need to say, so I can get the wording right and not trip over my tongue. Often I find that it's not that one thing that's upsetting me but an underlying theme. For example, this weeks was that he changed plans on me at the last minute, which is rude. Which made me cranky, but what really upset me was feeling like I have to make myself convenient and available for him or I never see him. So I could come to the conversation with a specific thing I'd like him to do/not do, and the thought out reason why.

Also, internet hugs for you! Relationships are hard, and moving in to someone else's space is hard. You deserve to be able to have a place where you can wear your pjs any time you want.

Cat named Virtute

@Craftastrophies Man, I have this sensitivity about SO MANY THINGS with SO MANY PEOPLE. I also have a judgy mother ("it's just because I loooooove yoooooooou"). It's super frustrating.

H.E. Ladypants

@vanillawaif A few suggestions that may or may not work for you (but did wonders for me):

1) Have an outside friend you can run your crazy and upset by. Big changes like this are bound to bring up FEELINGS and having someone who can talk you down when you're boiling over and sympathize when you're hurt can do wonders. It can be hard to have perspective, especially with something as large as moving in together (either it's going to work or it won't- either way that's huge) and having someone who's judgement you trust who can look at the day to day agonies for you can help you realize what is actually worth fight for. This person will also probably remind you to talk to your partner a billion times. Listen to them.

2) Remember that this is a big life change. Your whole life has just upended. Employment, home life, everything. This is not easy. My mom always says that you are only supposed to deal with one big life change at a time. You are dealing with two. Cut yourself some slack. Your brain is going to freak. This is okay.

3) Living with people is hard, even when we really love them. Living together is the process of creating a family and that's not easy. A lot of things have to change, you can't just be two single people under one roof. You also can't predict how and what those changes will be. All you can do is try and pay attention to what you really need and what isn't actually such a big deal, try to communicate that openly with your partner and make clear that he has to be clear about his needs. Seemingly stupid things can actually feel really important and that's okay. You're creating a home culture. That's going to take some time and some work.

See if you can get through a few months and then look at where you are and reassess. This is hard stuff and it's hard for a lot of people!

Toby Jug

Hey everybody, I'm thinking about moving from New Hampshire to LA. I've lived in a big city before but never one without a decent public transit system? Is it that terrible?

I really hate winter (S.A.D.! woo!) and love Mexican food and sushi, so there's a start.

noodlestein

@Toby Jug It depends on your definition of terrible. LA is great, but the traffic is overwhelming ALL THE TIME. At least, I found it to be so. I don't mean to pour cold water all over you, but it was somthing I didn't really know about before I moved out there, and I wish someone had mentioned it to me. Maybe if they had I would have been prepared and stayed there, because there certainly were some wonderful things about living in LA, that's for sure. It's something to factor in to the decision, that's all I'm saying.

paperbuttons

@Toby Jug LA is one of my favorite cities in the world. The public transit situation is a bummer, but if you just think of it as ten distinct, manageable cities/neighborhoods, and base yourself around one of them instead of trying to picture the whole unruly thing as a unit, you'll do much better. Basically don't live on the trendy east side if your job is on the west side, or your will hate your life and this place. Also, don't get into the movie business.

There's a Los Angeles hairpin facebook group if you do decide to make the move.

Lila Fowler

@Toby Jug It's not that terrible. Most of the people who complain about the public transport here have never even been on the bus. The subway and buses require a bit more patience than other metropolitan cities, but the weather is fucking perfect for biking and walking 364 days a year.

And, yes burritos!!

Faintly Macabre

@Toby Jug My friend has been living there since December with no car or even license, and she's been getting around all right. We took buses everywhere when I visited, and I found them pretty reliable and inexpensive, if probably slower than driving.

Toby Jug

@paperbuttons
I'm a graduating English BA who wants to write for television

Different than movies, right? RIGHT?

Faintly Macabre

@Toby Jug Oh and I loved LA because there is a place with 3/$1 cookies and $1 ice cream and it's open late!

dj pomegranate

@Faintly Macabre DIDDY RIESE!?

Faintly Macabre

@dj pomegranate Yes! My friend lives in/near Westwood (I don't understand LA geography). I almost died of excitement standing in line.

Bittersweet

@Toby Jug My sister lived for several years in Los Feliz after a decade in NYC. It's a nice neighborhood, lots within walking distance. When I visited, the only time we hauled out the car was to go to Santa Monica or inland.

dj pomegranate

@Faintly Macabre I went to undergrad in LA (not UCLA!) and we would make the drive up to Westwood just for Diddy Riese.

I love LA. I mean, I love NYC too, but...going to college in LA was a wonderful decision.

liznieve

@Toby Jug
Born and raised in LA - go watch L.A. Story and remember that although its characterization of LA might seem a little hyperbolic... it's in fact totally true.

melis

@dj pomegranate WHAT ARE YOU FEELINGS ON THE SUBSET OF BARS KNOWN AS TIKI

vunder

@Toby Jug Do you know people there? Be prepared for a culture shift even beyond the city/transport thing. Even people I know from other parts of CA (much less New England) have sometimes found the entertainment-industry bias and the lookism to be a little difficult. I think if you can find your way around around, over, under through that, LA has a bunch of great stuff to offer.

melis

LISTICLE WITHOUT COMMENTARY

The Tiki-Ti
Tonga Hut
Cana
Bahooka
The Voodoo Room (I HEAR, I have not been)

dj pomegranate

@melis The Tiki-Ti. No commentary required.

hulia

@vunder I moved to LA from NY last year and generally love it, but have three main gripes, which most people have mentioned, but are worth reiterating:
(1) The traffic: I average 12 mph on my commute, and no, I am not on a bike. This is kind of my own personal hell. I'm slooooooowly getting used to it/trying to stop caring about it, but there are definitely days where I lose my everloving shit at the asshole drivers who try to cut me off by passing me on the right in the parking lane. I drive everywhere, because we're not in much of a neighborhood, but I have taken the metro and thought it was perfectly usable (albeit with very limited destinations). I haven't taken the bus system, because it's not a convenient commute from my house, but know people who have lived close enough to work that they've ditched their cars in favor of public transport without much of a problem.
(2) The Industry. This is definitely an industry town, and if you're not in it, it's almost like speaking a different language when you talk to people who are. It sounds like you're trying to be in it, so maybe this won't be an issue for you, but it's one of the things I've had a hard time adjusting to myself.
(3) Meeting people. Other than 'pinups, which are conveniently frequently held, but which I keep missing out on for stupid reasons all my own, I have no freakin' clue how to meet people here. But this is totally my own problem, as I've realized that I've never moved to a town and not had a reason to be there that would mean guaranteed potential friend pool (like when I went to grad school).

Other than those three things, I REALLY like it here. I love the weather, I love that I've become an outdoorsy person again, I love discovering new bars and cheap eats and neighborhoods, etc. I've actually been surprised at how happy I've been with the city.

HeyThatsMyBike

Oh! since we are here having an open thread, UPDATE TIME! Remember my student "Sigmund" from a few Fridays ago that turned in the ridiculously offensive paper? Well, I gave him a zero on that, and he ultimately came to meet with me to tell me he needed to pass my class to graduate and find out what he needed to do to get the D he needed. I told him spend the next week with his book and do really well on his final, and exhaust all extra credit options.

Flash forward. He did not do really well on his final (shock!), and ultimately ended up 2 points away (out of 250 points) from the D he needed to graduate. He sent me one of those sad begging emails, and in order to avoid 3 months of meetings with various faculty and administration that where I'd have to back up every point I deducted from him, I noted that in spite of my suggestion, he didn't max out his extra credit, and that he could do the last EC assignment he originally could have done for half credit, meaning it'd be worth a maximum of 2.5 points (which would both exhaust his available extra credit AND get him the 2 points he needed to graduate). I told him in no uncertain terms that if he did NOT write me a killer essay, I would have no qualms failing him, and that with so much hinging on this essay, it should probably be one of the best essays he'd ever written. I gave him about 48 hours to turn in the essay, giving me plenty of time to grade it and still make any necessary changes to his final grade before our grades were due to the university.

So, with all that said, I will leave this as a fun afternoon game for the next hour or so. WHAT DO YOU THINK HAPPENED?

HeyThatsMyBike

@HeyThatsMyBike Hereis background on Sigmund.

Maria

@HeyThatsMyBike No essay!

redheaded&crazy

@HeyThatsMyBike did

he

write

you

a

masterpiece

Toby Jug

@HeyThatsMyBike He wrote the best essay he could, but its was 10,000 pages long and there was one word on each page.

Toby Jug

@redheaded&crazie beat me to it!

Jinxie

@HeyThatsMyBike I'm going to go out on a limb and say 1) he didn't do the essay, 2) emailed you begging for an extension/help with the essay, including tons of BS excuses for why he didn't have time to/wasn't able to do the essay, and 3) closed his email with another plea that you just GIVE him the extra 2 points so he can graduate because, like, his parents will be so mad at him if he doesn't.

Decca

@HeyThatsMyBike

screw

that

guy

Porn Peddler

@HeyThatsMyBike Everyone in his family died and COME ON MISS I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG CAN YOU PASS ME

Ophelia

@Jinxie I'm with you. Or else, he did write something, and sent it in, but 36 hours late, and not in line with what you requested (and, of course, formatted as show by RH&C, above).

noodlestein

@HeyThatsMyBike He had the required length of pages, but all it said repeatedly on each page was, "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy."

Faintly Macabre

@HeyThatsMyBike I remember that story! Hearing the ridiculous things other people do (even sometimes from their own mouths) has always made me feel better about my own wheedling for extensions in school.

My guess: He told you that he was soooo busy with his other finals that he hadn't yet had time to write the essay and could he please maybe have like 12 hours to write the whole thing? Or, failing that, you just give him the extra 2 points for trying to write the essay?

dj pomegranate

@HeyThatsMyBike He wrote an insightful and profound essay, turned it in a day early, formatted it correctly, and also sent you a long letter thanking you for being an amazing mentor and inspiring him to get his PhD in psychology.

redheaded&crazy

@dj pomegranate and a nicely wrapped Argentinian malbec

frigwiggin

@dj pomegranate We can hope, right? NEW LEAF NEW LEAF NEW LEAF this is the stuff that Stand and Deliver is made of (c'mon Sigmund lazy students don't make for based-on-a-true-story movies)

MmeLibrarian

@HeyThatsMyBike If he wrote and submitted an essay that earned him the two points that he needed to pass, I will resign from my lecturing job immediately.

I've got a student who failed my class in the most spectacular fashion (came to every class, turned in only two of ten assignments, bombed the final project). Thus far, student has tried to haggle me up to a passing grade (there are THIRTY points between him/her and passing) and guilt me by saying s/he will be thrown out of the university if the F stands. Now, student is trying to drop the class. It ended two months ago. The balls on this one, I tellya.

realtalk

@HeyThatsMyBike he hired someone from the internet

to write it

and he told them about his

very

special

formatting

so that you wouldn't suspect

him

of cheating

Holden Cauliflower

@HeyThatsMyBike
I'm guessing he didn't even TRY the extra credit, and then maybe came crying to you after you failed him with some bluff about how your email got sent to Spam and he never saw it &etc.

dtowngirl

@HeyThatsMyBike
I'm putting money on plagiarism.

Jinxie

@dtowngirl Oh, MAN - I didn't even THINK about plagiarism! What a huge oversight.

BosomBuddy

@HeyThatsMyBike There are so many unpleasant possibilities! I'll say that he tried to make an appointment with you to discuss, didn't show up, and didn't submit the assignment. Or he plagiarized, leaving you another mess to deal with.

liznieve

@HeyThatsMyBike
It was all in Courier New and spaced 1.1x.

Toby Jug

@HeyThatsMyBike The suspense is fucking killing me! So many awful potential outcomes!

HeyThatsMyBike

@All
That was fun! You guys are so good! But @dtowngirl gets the cooler of Gatorade dumped on her (with love!).
He turned it in to me on time. In fact, he sent the same attachment to me 4 times in the course of an hour with different subject lines that contained the names of classes that were not mine (E.g. Subject line: Senior Design 12: Journal Analysis. Engineering 3300: Journal Analysis). So that raised some alarm bells. When I opened it, it used a lot of academic words like "extant" that he had no reason to know. I plugged it into Professor Google, and lo and behold, he lifted about 70% of the paper directly from the article he was supposed to be analyzing FOR his paper . He literally lifted straight paragraphs and just changed "we" to "they" or "the authors," which showed it was totally deliberate.
This led me to go back and review his other extra credit paper. So sue me, when I got that one, I only checked the first half against google, and didn't find anything, and then just said whatever because I knew he wouldn't get enough points to pass anyway. But in going back, I determined that much of the second half of that paper was also lifted directly from the article he analyzed, though to a lesser extent than the "second chance" paper. He's now 6 points away from a D. AND in addition to not passing the class and not graduating, he will also have to go through a trial with our Office of Student Integrity. **takes a bow, curtsies**

Did I mention he had already had a job lined up in another country? He already had a job lined up in another country.

I've been avoiding my office like the plague since I emailed him late Sunday night to inform him I'd reported him. I made sure to copy important males on my communications to him given that he reeked of male privilege, but if I were this kid, I might hunt me down, so I've been working out of my lab all week.

Laziness consistently amazes me, but this was a new high. And also I know I'm amongst my people when the idea of plagiarism wasn't really raised for more than half an hour, because our brains don't work that way :). And dtowngirl, I'd bet the farm on you suggesting it after having experience with this sort of thing on my end and not his.

redheaded&crazy

@HeyThatsMyBike well fuck, I lost my shirt on that malbec.

HeyThatsMyBike

@redheaded&crazie If he'd have brought me Malbec, I probably would've just given him the two points.

Jinxie

@HeyThatsMyBike Wow. The real story is waaaaay better/worse than I'd imagined. All that, AND he already had a job lined up. A job in a foreign country. Dumb. Ass.

dj pomegranate

@redheaded&crazie Sorry, I led you astray with my prediction!

Porn Peddler

@HeyThatsMyBike Oh my wow.

Wow.

Just.

It enrages me that he had a job lined up. Fuck him.

Faintly Macabre

@HeyThatsMyBike Oh, wow. I don't get it!

Write one or two papers you don't want to write and graduate OR
Plagiarize one or two papers you don't want to write, don't gradutae, possibly have career ruined because you have proven you're a dishonest idiot.

Maria

@redheaded&crazie @HeyThatsMyBike
SIGTBMABOMOIAGTFTDH

dj pomegranate

@Faintly Macabre On the plus side, maybe someone else more worthy/not a plagiarizer will get his job...?

HeyThatsMyBike

@Faintly Macabre Right? Certainly he had to know I'd be paying very close attention to this "Second Chance" paper. In my email that responded to his begging, I told him his grade was in his hands, and that ALL he had to do to graduate was write a good paper. 5 pages to graduate!

This is also the kind of kid who may just drop out and falsify his degree with employers for as long as he can get away with it, so....

HeyThatsMyBike

@Maria Somebody is going to buy me a bottle of malbec or I am going to fail this dickhead?

Reginal T. Squirge

@HeyThatsMyBike Please keep tabs on this dude and tell us about his subsequent life failures.

Porn Peddler

@Maria Someone is going to bring me a bottle of malbec or I am going to fail that dumb.....herp?

PistolPackinMama

@HeyThatsMyBike I bet Summer school will be really fun for this person. Reaaaaaaaaaaallllllllllllllllllllyyyyyyyyyyyyy fun.

Maria

@HeyThatsMyBike yes.

HeyThatsMyBike

@Third Wave Housewife And holy shit! I forgot one of the best parts about the job thing! He told me about it during the little meeting we had where he asked what he needed to do to pass. He is originally from India, and has apparently been in the US since early high school, and the job is in India. He told me he took the class because he thought it would help him in business, and he was sorry he wasn't doing what he needed to keep up with the class, because he knew it would help him in his job. He then - I shit you not - asked, "What kinds of things do I need to do to make my future employees more happy and productive?" In other words, he asked me to SUMMARIZE WHAT WE LEARNED THROUGHOUT THE SEMESTER for him. I blinked a few times and told him to read his book.

Porn Peddler

@HeyThatsMyBike So what you're saying is he took the class because he assumed it would be easy and that he is such a hot shot because he already landed a job, ho-ho-ho but then omg this bitch wants me to do WORK!?

HeyThatsMyBike

@Third Wave Housewife Yes, that is a perfect summary.

The Lady of Shalott

@HeyThatsMyBike I am so bummed that I missed this entire story arc because OH GOD WHY DO STUDENTS DO THIS??????

I had multiple students turn in essays this term that were essentially just...the articles....themselves. And one who handed in a shockingly offensive essay about "Amerasians" in the Vietnam War, which managed to be offensive to both Americans, Vietnamese, and...human beings. And one student who handed in an essay on the diamond industry that cited random websites like diamonds4sale.com, Amazon.com, and IMDB.com. Literally, one of her sources was "http://www.imdb.com." Truly. AND she included half-page colour pictures. And diagrams.

And wondered why I failed her and demanded she hand in a rewritten, appropriate paper if she wanted a mark.

dtowngirl

@HeyThatsMyBike Indeed you are correct. As an English TA in grad school, I had this happen a lot. My favorite was when a freshman, who could barely form complete sentences on her in-class assignments, turned in a brilliant analysis of "The Lovesong of J. Alfred Prufrock." Even when I had evidence that she plagiarized (thanks to Google) she insisted that she didn't. When I asked her to explain what she thought certain sections meant, out loud to me, she couldn't. It really drove me nuts what kids thought they could get away with.

frigwiggin

@The Lady of Shalott Oh my god, though. My boyfriend's brother, who is a giant doofus (bless his heart, except not really), asked me to proofread a paper he wrote for a community college class on abortion. There were many, MANY things wrong with it (couldn't figure out his stance on the matter until the last page, spelling errors, etc.), but the stand-out moment was that he included a quote from Dr. House, LIKE HE WAS A REAL PERSON. As evidence to back up his argument. I couldn't even.

The Lady of Shalott

@frigwiggin I would have DIED LAUGHING.

frigwiggin

@The Lady of Shalott And he didn't even cite him correctly!

HeyThatsMyBike

@The Lady of Shalott imdb taught me all I need to know about diamonds.
+1 if somebody cited Elizabeth Taylor and entitled their paper "These Have Always Brought me Luck."

@dtowngirl - At a certain point, you are always just waiting for certain students to screw up royally, and then are just pleasantly surprised when they don't, otherwise you'll be heartbroken. All the time.

@frigwiggin. That paper sounds like it needs a bonerkiller and/or What Is This I Don't Even stamp discussed on the earlier Sigmund thread.

dtowngirl

@HeyThatsMyBike I did have many students who were pleasantly surprising. I also found out that many of my students who had English as their second language (and ranging from native Spanish speakers to Norwegians) had a much better command of the English language. So, yay foreign schools?

MmeLibrarian

@The Lady of Shalott I teach a research skills class that is coupled with freshman comp. on my campus - it's a very basic course on how to research, use, and cite sources appropriately. My students don't write a paper for me, as they are doing that in comp. Instead, they assemble an annotated bibliography. I tell them right up front that I am going to be a complete hardass about correct citations and summaries that actually reflect the content of the sources they use. It is *astonishing* how often students submit summaries that are direct lifts from the abstracts of articles or ask my favorite question of all time - "Do I have to read this book before I summarize it?" What is this I don't even.

Faintly Macabre

@Third Wave Housewife Except it sounds like it was even beyond that--he somehow wasn't aware that classes sometimes have assignments and you have to do them to pass.

Craftastrophies

@frigwiggin I edit educational materials. We contract with a well-known VET organisation to have their lecturers write them. It ASTONISHES me how many of them a) can barely write a sentence b) think wikipedia is an ok source for a textbook c) think that I won't notice if they plagiarise off of the internet, even though they can barely write a sentence and thus it is completely obvious that they have done.

These. Are. Lecturers. I write them nice little outlines telling them 'we need a paragraph here about x, and one here about y' so they don't even have to write it from scratch. And yet they still cannot do this. About a topic on which they lecture.

I'm having one of those days, guys.

Xanthophyllippa

@HeyThatsMyBike I LOVE YOU FOR REPORTING HIM AND NOW I WANT TO MARRY YOU OR AT LEAST SEND YOU HOMEMADE JEWELRY AND/OR COOKIES.

Caps lock is how I feel all the time inside but especially about entitled students and plagiarists.

HeyThatsMyBike

@Xanthophyllippa Thanks! Solidarity, Sister! Never been happier about reporting somebody.

slutberry

@HeyThatsMyBike Sigmeund wrote a wonderful paper, the best paper he had ever written. Sigmeund writes only on a vintage typewriter, because computers are too mainstream and you can't control the placement of thewords well enough. Unfortunately, Sigmeund's pet knobbly lamb got hungry and ate his magnum opus. He came to you and begged, weeping, for some kind of extension/special favour. When he let you snuggle his knobbly lamb (not a euphemism) you gave him those two points, but then you punched him in the jaw and chased him out of the room, snarling.

olivebee

This was a very rollercoaster-y week for me. On Tuesday, I got to leave work early and go guest-teach for my husband, who teaches a media production class to at-risk, inner city middle schoolers on Chicago's Southside. I taught them the elements of storytelling and played a story game with them that they then animated on their software. IT WAS AMAZING. It was the most fun and rewarding thing I have done in several years. I was utterly heartbroken when all the kids asked me if I could come back for the rest of the year, and I had to say no.

But then tomorrow evening is the memorial for my co-worker who died last Friday, so my whole office (about 28 people) is going to his & his wife's house for this memorial, and I just know it is going to be the saddest thing I have ever seen because it's just not okay when people die a third of the way into their lives.

Anyways, my emotions this week are basically going full-speed into multiple directions and it does not feel so good.

raised amongst catalogs

@olivebee Oh my gosh, how terrible about your co-worker. I'm so sorry.

null

@olivebee Ahh that is so awesome you had that experience! I was the one with the teacher boyfriend who gave you advice about getting your degree awhile ago. When my dude is having a bad day or two with his kids those moments are magic at restoring faith and hope in him. He gets in these dark places where he's convinced he's not cut out for the job and I'm like, NOOOO! REMEMBER THE OTHER DAY?! THOSE KIDS NEED YOUUUUU.

So sorry about your co-worker!

Passion Fruit

@olivebee I am so sorry for your loss. That is really sad.

olivebee

@all Thank you for your condolences.

@klaus I remember that "conversation" about the teaching degree. I think my experience on Tuesday solidified my determination to become a teacher. And my husband totally has those same kind of moments as your boyfriend. Half the time he comes home so sad or angry or frustrated. But when I saw him interact with the kids, I was so amazed by his rapport with them and so happy that he gets to be a positive influence in their lives.

Ophelia

Guys? I've been at work since 6 this morning. Fading. Blergh.

Katie Heaney

@Ophelia do you have a chance to break away and practice Robyn dance moves in a bathroom stall? I hear that helps.

Ophelia

@Katie Heaney I could indeed do that, but we have those automatic flush toilets, so it might just constantly flush while I'm dancing?

ETA: Not that that's a dealbreaker.

noodlestein

@Ophelia, in fact, the flushing toilet could serve as a percussion section for you!

Bittersweet

@Ophelia Automatic flushes = Awesome Sound Effect for Imaginary Music Video.

JessicaLovejoy

I've finally gotten around to using a tote instead of plastic bags for my dailyish shopping. I've used it all of two times and already feel like a goddess serving Mother Nature.

This thing is really useful and sustainable, but it's also turning me into a douche, is what I'm saying. Thisclose to swirling and sniffing my farts a la the Prius episode of South Park.

Toby Jug

@JessicaLovejoy

When I was an asshole seventeen-year-old grocery clerk- for bagging-logistics reasons- I HATED the people with the tote bags. HATED THEM.

My point is- the people who you thank think you are a douche are douches.

Bittersweet

@JessicaLovejoy I use totes most of the time at the grocery but periodically "forget" them to get plastic bags, because what else am I gonna use to line the bathroom wastebasket or pick up dog poop?

themmases

@Toby Jug I hated those as a teenage bagger too, but at the time and store (2002ish, bootleg months-from-defunct Eagle Foods), the few people who brought them brought these extremely old, well-loved bags that were dirty. Years of produce dirt, apparently never washed so old the canvas was soft. Almost no one does that anymore, and I'm sure you don't, @JessicaLoveJoy.

JessicaLovejoy

@themmases No chance of that happening with Pringles and handles of vodka. The only thing getting sloppeh is me!

noReally

@JessicaLovejoy Portland has a newish No Plastic Grocery Bags law, so ev-eryone carries their own. Big guys on Harleys and Barbara Bush ladies in Mercedes, everyone. Because sometime when we weren't looking, paper grocery bags started to suck.

I can't explain it.

Barry Grant

@JessicaLovejoy "Thisclose to swirling and sniffing my farts a la the Prius episode of South Park."

... says the woman whose avatar is of Apu sniffing the latest issue of Gigantic Asses magazine.

But seriously! Using a tote bag at the grocery store doesn't make you insufferable -- thinking it makes you better than other shoppers makes you insufferable.

null

@noReally Whenever I forget my re-usable bag at New Seasons I almost feel like I have to offer an explanation for why, I feel so guilty.

KeLynn

@JessicaLovejoy Can we talk about the baggers who just straight up ignore me when I tell them I brought my own bag? And I totally realize that fooling with some customer's random tote is a PITA, so I always always phrase it like "if you just scan the stuff and put it [wherever is convenient] I can bag it myself in my bag" and they just look at me like I kick puppies and proceed to put my shit in plastic bags.

So...U-scan, whenever possible. But sometimes the grocery store people try to bully me out of the U-scan line if a "real" line is free and I don't know how to say "maybe if you would all quit being assholes, I would be happy in a regular line."

OK kids, now I'm off to go grocery shopping. BUT I'm going to Aldi where they MAKE you bring your own bags! Wheee!

remargaret

@JessicaLovejoy I find that a standard, "I brought my own bag, if you don't mind" is all it ever takes. If they don't mind they'll think you're silly for even saying that, and if they do mind, you've already excused your perceived eccentricity or inconvenience.
Then again, I'm from the South.

LeafySeaDragon

@Bittersweet yep, i need them for trash and cat litter. but i luuuvvvs my reusable bags. they are SO QUIET!

ms. alex

@JessicaLovejoy I'm a cashier, and people apologize semi-often about their reusable bags, and I'm like "I really don't care. I use them, too. Just let me know how full you want them." And we're good! If I know they want them to the brim, or really light, or somewhere in between, then it's peachy. If they tell me how to bag every single item, they can go to self checkout and do it themselves.

Also, reusable bags are much easier to work with than paper.

Also also, people who want me to scan their stuff and then have bag it themselves drive me crazy (but not as much as people who tell me how to bag everything), because I have one carousel to work with, and I bag much faster than they do, and I have to scan, wait wait wait, scan, wait wait wait.

Being a cashier has given me a lot of opinions. I can't wait to get out of there.

ETA: I actually use the self checkout for my own shopping, especially since I never spend more than $50 and use three bags, maximum.

Bittersweet

@noReally Cool, but then what do Portlanders use for dog poop?

null

@Bittersweet You can still get plastic bags at non grocery stores, but they also sell biodegradable bags specifically for this purpose and I think some people might also use the flimsy bags that hold our newspapers. One of my friends is adamantly against the idea of having to buy bags to pick up their dog's shit, but I see it as another expense of having a pet. Yes, we have had long debates about this.

KeLynn

@ms. alex Yikes! I thought bagging it myself would make it easier on the cashier because they wouldn't have to fool with holding my weird bag open. Maybe that's why they ignore me.

ms. alex

@KeLynn It does depend on the layout. But yeah, if it's the carousel thing, it's probably faster if they bag it. Unless you have those massive bags from like Aldi or Home Depot and just throw stuff in willy-nilly. I've had a few people do that, and I definitely couldn't keep up with them!

camanda

We put one of my dogs down on Tuesday. Old boy fell in the yard on Monday and there was just nothing we could do for him -- he couldn't walk, he wouldn't survive another surgery, just...nothing. He was 10.

This picture is him and the puppy when she was still reasonably puppy-sized.

So I am having a shitty few weeks, and I haven't really worked this week, nor do I have a car to go anywhere with, so I've been sitting at home doing fuck-all and trying not to think about anything. Blahhhh.

Ophelia

@camanda Ohh, honey, that's so sad. Hugs for you! Also, he looks JUST like the great pyrenees my grandfather had when I was a kid (also an awesome dog).

How's puppy doing?

QuiteAmiable

@camanda I'm so sorry :( Big hugs for you.

Rest easy knowing my goofy basset hound, Murphy Brown, is waiting for him!

olivebee

@camanda I'm so sorry! Hugs to you, and I hope things begin to look up soon!

camanda

@Ophelia Thank you. He was a sweet boy. Also a total bastard. He had a tough childhood before we adopted him, though, so I don't blame him much.

She's fine. I don't really even know if she's noticed. We also have a little black mutt of unknown extraction, and the puppy has been focusing her energy on driving the mutt crazy. The mutt's acting a little strange, though, so I think she's sad/confused. When she moved in, it was just her and the Pyr for about a year and a half, so she must miss him in some way.

redheaded&crazy

@camanda ohhh that is the hardest. Big hugs! he is so adorable. I love big dogs.

camanda

@QuiteAmiable He'll have a good time, then! My other three are probably not pleased to see him again, really, since he never did learn how to play nice with any of them.

@olivebee @redheaded&crazie Thank you!

lora.bee

@camanda I'm so sorry, that is so hard. Hugs hugs hugs.

frigwiggin

@camanda Aw, pups! I'm so sad. :( He reminds me of Tadakichi-san from Azumanga Daioh.

Decca

@camanda I'm really sorry. I went through a similar thing a few weeks ago and it's absolutely awful. Just know that you gave your dog a great life and he loved you. Big hugs.

Holden Cauliflower

@camanda
/hugs to you. :[ We had to put down our old Maltese yesterday afternoon (old age/enlarged heart).

I hope, if you posted about it on facebook as I did, you were spared weird spiritual~ chain messages about departed pets sitting in wait for you at the foot of "The Rainbow Bridge To Eternity" (I'm not even kidding) or notes about how your dead-as-of-last-month grandfather is probably walking your dog in Heaven right now. :|

Unless you like that sort of thing.

Hugs, though. Losing a pet really sucks. :[

ayo nicole

@camanda It's so hard to lose a pet. I'm sorry!

frigwiggin

@Holden Cauliflower The Rainbow Bridge is just sooooooo cheeeeeesy. I get how it can be sweet and thoughtful, but when stuff like that turns into sugarcoated over-the-top chain messages, I want to barf a little. Like someone said in the Maurice Sendak thread, his Castle Yonder is so much better. (P.S. Hugs for your Maltese. Dogs dogs dogs dogs we love them but they always have to go.)

camanda

@all Thank you, thank you -- it is really hard. He used to bark ALL THE TIME (being a Great Pyrenees), and it's so weird now with the house being so quiet. The mutt's not a barker and the puppy only barks if she actually sees something worth barking at.

@Decca Our vet has always reminded us of the fact that he got a great life with us that no one else woud have given him, and that does really help somewhat. His first family dumped him at the kennel my mother worked at and didn't want him back. They left him chained outside all the time -- he'd never seen furniture until we took him home -- and would throw bottles at him. He had horrible manners as a result, and no one else would have wanted to train him or pay his massive medical bills or anything. We really did right by him. I try to remember that.

@Holden Cauliflower I am so sorry for your loss, and for that weird Facebook stuff. I find that a little creepy and not at all reassuring. I know people mean well and it's hard to kind of gently correct them with regard to your personal space, such as it is Facebook-wise, but still. Big hugs to you, too.

Craftastrophies

@camanda I just cannot even with people who treat animals like that. You did good. I'm so sorry for your loss, losing an animal is so hard.

kapitalk

I just read this article on Gertrude Stein being a Nazi collaborator and proposing Hitler for the Nobel Peace Prize and I was like guhhhhh????

And then I went on her Wikipedia, where it makes a persuasive claim that the quote about Hitler was ironic, but also talks about her conservative politics and her public support of Franco and fascist regimes, and also her belief that Jewish men are effeminate and women are incapable of genius except for masculine-identified lesbians... Anyway, I'm finding it all fascinating.

Cat named Virtute

@kapitalk Oh MAN, Stein was a super complicated lady. She was definitely a misogynist at times and her politics are VERY privileged and conservative, but she also drove an ambulance for the Allies in France and wrote some of the most amazing playful writing about queerness and literary-ness and domesticity. I took a really wonderful and intense seminar on her in school, and have come to feel about her the way I feel about difficult family members: I don't always like her, but I love her, I do, I do.

kapitalk

@Cat named Virtute So interesting!

Barry Grant

@kapitalk This is news to me, not being a Stein scholar or anything like it. But I followed the link and the tone of the article made my nose wrinkle. Wikipedia had nothing on the Gatestone Insitute, but it was apparently once the Hudson Institute on which Wikipedia reports: "The Capital Research Center, a conservative group that seeks to rank non-profits and documents their funding, allocates Hudson as a 7 on its ideological spectrum with 8 being "Free Market Right" and 1 "Radical Left"." Note the difference in tone of the left/right characterizations.

The point is: always consider the source. A major percentage of the Internet is some flavor of ideology purporting to be sober reportage.

iceberg

Meat eating Pinners! PLease describe your last best meat-containing meal in delicious detail to alleviate my forced vegetarianism depression! (don't feel too bad, I have requested a cheesburger for Mother's Day)

redheaded&crazy

@iceberg chicken mcnuggets

at least, I think they contain meat...

dj pomegranate

@iceberg I roasted a chicken with PAPRIKA HONEY RUB! And then I ate it with potatoes. It was delicious.

raised amongst catalogs

@iceberg Last night I made a pork tenderloin. I stuffed some garlic cloves into little slits I made in the meat. Then I brushed the pork loin with Dijon mustard and sprinkled it with sea salt, black pepper, rosemary and caraway seeds. It was wonderful.

Lily Rowan

@iceberg I actually had a delicious beef sandwich for lunch. It had broccoli rabe and red peppers and cheese and mayo and was HOT and NOW. (Not actually now.)

Maria

@iceberg I had a Bacon Turkey Bravo from Panera for lunch. Lots and lots and lots of turkey topped off with bacon. I am sleepy now.

madge

@iceberg every sunday, and sometimes during the week, we roast a chicken. butterflied, with butter and rosemary under the skin, so all the skin gets crispy brown, and on a bed of onions, carrots, and celery. sometimes with gravy, other times with stuffing made from steel cut oats. sundays are good days! enjoy your cheeseburger!

camanda

@iceberg I can't remember my last meat-containing meal (I don't eat meat terribly often because I don't like much of it), but I can tell you about my next one! Tomorrow night: chicken breasts, pounded flat and floured, pan-fried with scallions and heavy cream, which becomes a sauce served over shell pasta alongside the chicken. It is DELICIOUS. Highly recommended.

wallsdonotfall

@iceberg My mother made a ragù with slow-braised lamb and served it over hand-cut tagliatelle. The meat was tender but held together, and she served fresh peas from the backyard as a side dish. We didn't have dessert, but if I re-created this meal tomorrow, I would make some soft ricotta ice cream.

frigwiggin

@iceberg We grilled chicken for tacos last night! And since our friends are in from out of town we even splurged on, like, sour cream and stuff, so they were gooooood. I want more tacos for dinner tonight while I clean up the mess from last night.

Toby Jug

@iceberg Personal cheese plate with imported hard salami- the kind that comes in a whitish skin you have to peel back.

/dick joke

BosomBuddy

@iceberg Last night I had a bison burger, with a side of oven-baked fries and salad. All I can think about, though, is the fact that in one month, I will be in Italy, for two months, where I will continue my quest to eat all the cured meat ever.

HeyThatsMyBike

@iceberg For dinner parties, I marinate a brisket in salt, onions, and worcestershire sauce for 12 hours and then cook it at a very low temperature (in the oven, not the crockpot. I usually get about an 8 pounder) for 8 hours. I put an entire bottle of barbecue sauce on it for the last 2 hours of cooking. Then it falls apart. Then I eat it. And it is SO good.

wallsdonotfall

@HeyThatsMyBike Um, this is all making me want to start a communal cooking blog. I never made one myself because come on, the internet is hardly lacking in those already, but a Hairpin one would be a lot of fun! Would anyone join?

raised amongst catalogs

@wallsdonotfall I would!

themmases

@iceberg This week I made tomato sauce with tons of fresh spinach and garlic, then baked chicken thighs in it. Consumed the result over brown rice with Greek yogurt. That was Monday, and it haunts me.

(The meatless leftovers were also quite good)

iceberg

@all you guys are doing so great. drooling right now!

HeyThatsMyBike

@wallsdonotfall I would share the crap out of that recipe on a communal blog. I got it from Southern Living in 2003, and have been making it at least once a year ever since.

camanda

@wallsdonotfall RECIPE BLOG! I have oodles of fab recipes that I've gotten from my mom and grandmother. I would love to share them. Chocolate sour cream cake with peanut butter frosting, anyone?

wallsdonotfall

@camanda OKAY let's do this! Snappy name? I am going to try to make a blueberry cheesecake this weekend (first cheesecake!) and I want to share.

iceberg

@wallsdonotfall The Rolling Pin?

i make lists

@iceberg Um...I would have to say these short ribs. SO much work, but so amazing.

iceberg

@i make lists mm they look soooo good, the glaze!!!

joie

@wallsdonotfall I would totally join! I'm a cooking fiend and I use the internet for most of my recipes/inspirations.

iceberg

@iceberg the winners so far: madge, vanillawaif & wallsdonotfall, although everythign is sounding pretty good.

Earlier this week I myself had a chance to eat oxtails, which were cramazing but super fatty. Sort of like osso buco, meat shreds falling off the bones, swimming in delicious gravy with gelatiny fat, on top of yellow rice, with sweet potatoes, mac & cheese and a cornbread muffin on the side. I wanted a nap afterwards.

raised amongst catalogs

@iceberg @wallsdonotfall The Hairnet?

EpWs

@iceberg A phenomenal cheeseburger, medium well (I KNOW, I'M TERRIBLE, but I just recently started back in on red meat and I can't quite get back to the "red" part of that whole sitch), with american cheese and really good lettuce and tomato and mayo. SO GOOD I WANT ONE NOW.

ms. alex

@iceberg Before I went to the vegetarian side, this was the best thing to eat/make: http://www.cookingchanneltv.com/recipes/star-anise-flank-steak-watercress-with-crispy-garlic-and-orange-fennel-salad-recipe/index.html

Porn Peddler

I have things I want to discuss in our standard open thread tomorrow but for now, you guys, I'm pretty sure I just pulled a muscle in my back. Because I was spending quality time alone. Mister's parents (and perhaps his sister and her boyf!) are coming up here tomorrow. PERF. TIMING. I CAN'T TAKE A FULL BREATH. JFC. this happens all the time, godammit, I cannot be left alone without a partner or else I fuck everything up

ALSO, if you asked me about sex things last week and I did not respond, it's because a delicious cocoa black russian killed my laptop. Well, I killed my laptop. By spilling black russian on it. There was some electronic carnage and the hard drive came out of it unharmed and now it is operating fine in a very old Mac Mini, so. Crisis more or less avoided. I WILL TOTALLY ANSWER THOSE QUESTIONS TOMORROW THOUGH. Or tonight! We had a question about non-painful nipple toys? And...orgasms I think?

Porn Peddler

my god I hope I don't actually have to like. Go to a doctor about this. Ow.

HeyThatsMyBike

@Third Wave Housewife Get well soon!

EpWs

@Third Wave Housewife Hot packs? Cold packs? Icy Hot packs? Stick a vibrator on the offending muscle until it feels better?

LeafySeaDragon

@Third Wave Housewife do you have a gym membership? hot tub! sauna! hot tub again!

Porn Peddler

@LeafySeaDragon I do not but omg I do have FRIENDS WITH HOT TUBS

EpWs

@Third Wave Housewife BACKRUBS FROM MARKET GUY IN HOT TUB

Porn Peddler

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher That would definitely be my goal for the weekend if Mister's family weren't going to be in town. AUUUUUUUUUGH MAYBE ON MONDAY NIGHT

EpWs

@Third Wave Housewife UNLESS YOU'RE CRIPPLED AND IMMOBILE BY THEN (please take care of yourself and feel better soon)

Craftastrophies

@Third Wave Housewife Could you maybe talk about G-spots a bit? Because I am finding more and more every time someone is like 'do G-spots exist?!' I get all, like... offended and cranky. Which is weird? And then there was that study about women who orgasm while exercising and the whole internet was like 'whatever ladies, as if you orgasm all the time' and I also got offended? Can't we ALL be normal? I AM GOOD AT ORGASMS, OK? But then I can't talk about that because I don't want to make people who don't spontaneously orgasms feel bad. It's basically the lube conversation, only about orgasms - whatever makes you feel good and works for you is normal, right? RIGHT??

Also, this: http://thehoopla.com.au/told-g-spot/

Porn Peddler

@Craftastrophies I was kind of cool with most of that article until "If your partner can’t find your G-spot, that doesn’t mean it’s all in your mind, it just means the pair of you need to spend an evening playing a grownup version of Dora the Explorer."

OH GO FUCK YOURSELF, LADY. Nobody needs to do anything. Nobody needs g-spot stimulation.

And 99% of questions pertaining to "am I normal?" get a resounding yes (unless you're like "is it normal that I have two vaginas?" No, that is an anomaly.)

Craftastrophies

@Third Wave Housewife Hmm, I was obviously skimming by that time. Nobody 'needs' anything. I think she means 'and you want them to find it' but I will cosign the 'go fuck yourself' because nobody needs to feel like they are sexing wrong if they don't have a relationship with their gspot/whatever.

DH@twitter

So I have recently (uhh since yesterday) become obsessed with Sea of Ghosts. Anyone have any more awesome minimalist fashion blog recommendations?

liznieve

@DH@twitter
THAT BLOOOOGGGGGG.

melis

UNBELIEVABLY DISAPPOINTED A SITE CALLED SEA OF GHOSTS IS ABOUT CLOTHES

Reginal T. Squirge

@melis Yeah, talk about a wasted opportunity.

DH@twitter

@liznieve

I want all her boots. All of them.

KeLynn

@DH@twitter Ahhh! I found her blog on AlreadyPretty.com the other day and I am quite taken with her clothes as well.

DH@twitter

@KeLynn

That is exactly how I found it! Bless Sal. I don't think I could go straight-up black-and-white, but I always end up buying red, navy, grey, or black clothing, and I think a certain amount of minimalism is calling me.

Judith Slutler

@DH@twitter Dead Fleurette!!! http://grayzine.no/deadfleurette/ Also I like Tomboy Style even if it's not really minimalist.

DH@twitter

@Emmanuelle Cunt

I love Tomboy Style too! Thanks for the Dead Fleurette tip.

RK Fire

One hour left at work and I just put together this small playlist to ride out the last half hour with. It's a little.. erratic, but it's all stuff I like mouthing along to.

Somebody that I used to know - Gotye (I know, it's big right now, etc.)
Nothing to Worry About - Peter Bjorn and John (apparently people like to refer to them as PB&J? thanks wikipedia!)
Animal - Miike Snow
Shake It Out - Florence and the Machine
Rock Co.Kane Flow - De La Soul
Home - Kanye West ft. John Legend
Sleepyhead - Passion Pit
The Glory - Kanye West

What are you trying to wrap up the day with?

Toby Jug

@RK Fire Humanity's downfall.

It's a local band.

frigwiggin

@RK Fire I still have two and a half hours left here (aghhhhh) and I am trying to get through it by listening to Susumu Hirasawa's soundtracks to Paprika and Paranoia Agent (I can't listen to anything in English because it'll throw me off my writing work).

noodlestein

@RK Fire Caro Emerald, since she's who I listen to all day every day, nowadays.

Toby Jug

@frigwiggin
French electropop was the reason I graduated college.

Reginal T. Squirge

Glad you went with the John Legend version of "Home". It's muuuuuch better.

And holy shit "Rock Co.Kane Flow". Holy shit.

RK Fire

@Reginal T. Squirge:
It is the far superior version, and it is a bitch to track down.. but not on grooveshark!

Re. Rock Co.Kane Flow--I still don't understand how that song has not blown up everywhere, forever. It is amazing.

Bittersweet

@RK Fire My husband downloaded the original Evita Broadway soundtrack and, while I'm a little hot 'n' cold on Webber, I'm squeeing over Mandy and Patti.

Decca

@Bittersweet I always crack up at the segue in "High Flying Adored" from Mandy's gorgeous smooth tones to Patti's loud squawking "HIIIIIGH FLYING ADOOOOOORED".

This is an endorsement of Patti, btw.

Reginal T. Squirge

@RK Fire Any time you're looking for any kind of Kanye song, you should probably just ask me first.

Decca

@Bittersweet Have you seen Seth Rudestky deconstructing Patti as Evita? SO GOOD.

DH@twitter

@RK Fire

Before I left the library I was definitely jamming on some Opeth. If it is possible to jam on Opeth. Now that I'm outside in the sun tho, it's all Feist.

apple

@RK Fire Javier Dunn's cover of Animal is my favorite song in the universe.

...in case anyone was wondering, I guess.

Bittersweet

@Decca Can't...stop...laughing...

frigwiggin

I dyed my hair purple last night (with some of my friend's Punky Violet because frickin' Special Effects is out of stock every-frickin'-where), and it's mostly blue? With a few washes it should look more purple, but I'm pretty surprised since I was dying over pink tips.

Anybody have any fun dying horror stories to share? I have definitely cried at least once, even though I try to keep the attitude that it's just hair and I can shave it off if it comes out badly.

Flora Poste

@frigwiggin Once I went away for two months, and my white (peroxide) blonde hair turned green from the water. At first it was really light lime green, then I dyed over it, and it was a pondwater green, and then I dyed over it AGAIN and it was pure sludge. Then I went to the hairdresser and she had to dye it practically black :( But that was 9 months ago, and now it's a nice reddy colour, happy ending! Also I love hair with violet tips, I bet it looks amazing. Seeing Jessie J's hair like that was one of the few times I have wished for long hair!

frigwiggin

@Flora Poste Ahhhhh sludge hair! I'm glad to hear you're in a better place now. Aw man, I have always wanted to get my hair white, or even close-ish to white. My natural hair color is very dark brown, so even with strenuous bleachings I usually end up with a sort of Fried Surfer Blonde look. (I tried toner once! Didn't do a darn thing.) Also, I think I phrased my comment poorly--I have very short hair, but got it cut on Saturday so only the grown-out ends were still pink. So I have very short, entirely blue-purple hair. If I could stand to grow my hair out ever again, I would totally just do the tips, because that's such a pretty look.

Toby Jug

@frigwiggin I'm a natural blonde (who drinks whisky and likes the Big Lebowski, of course). When I was in seventh grade I tried to go brunette since I was angry but also wimpy enough not to commit to black. The dye didn't hold and I had super-unflattering-for-my-complexion reddish brownish mud-colored hair for the remainder of junior high.

Snicker-snack!

@frigwiggin After a couple of years dying my hair jet black, I decided I wanted to be blonde again. Soooo, I asked the ladies at my salon, who basically laughed at me and then recommended some bleach stuff, which I bought and used. My hair looked like a lit match. It was whitish-blonde at the roots to about an inch or so out, then it gradually turned orange, then red, then brown, then black at the ends. It actually looked pretty cool, if I was the sort of person who could rock a look like that. However. I ended up cutting all but a couple inches of it off.

frigwiggin

@Snicker-snack! Did you cut it off with a vorpal sword?

iceberg

@frigwiggin I had blonde streaks in the front at the end of high sdchool - dyed them electric blue which faded after like DAYS to a blue-rinse nanna color.

Snicker-snack!

@frigwiggin Hehe! Yes! And then I went galumphing back.

Craftastrophies

@frigwiggin The start of my bright-hair adventures was a dying horror. I went to the hairdresser to get a cut and dye, but I was poor so I went in to get it cut and talk about dye, and then back the next day. I was going to get red streaks, and cos I have dark hair you have to bleach the crap out of it to dye it. But he forgot, and just bleached it, and I didn't notice because that's what you have to do first. So then he was like, all done! And I was like... but... red? And he was all, oh shit! And put in a couple half-arsed red streaks that turned pinkish. It didn't look terrible, but it was so not me. I cried for half a day, and then I called my cousin who came over to help me fix it because I'd never dyed my hair by myself before. She said we couldn't just dye it back brown because it would go green, so we dyed it BRIGHT red, and for the next few years it was bright bright red or reddy purple and I loved it. But then they stopped stocking the regular red/purple so I... dyed it blue.

I'm growing it out a bit atm, I think I want to have a mini mohawk thing happening. I'm not sure how to go about this - I suspect I will have to go to an actual barber because my hair goes every which way, but how long do I have to grow it before I can do anything with it? Maybe I'll go to the Chinese hairdresser next weekend - they do the best haircuts, and it's cheap, and I don't have to talk I can just eavesdrop and practice my chinese.

themmases

Does anyone else feel like they're trapped in a terrifying vortex of incompetence and stupid questions/office dramz/stuff that is not your job/stuff that was done wrong but it's too late to fix and you're a whiner for pointing it out now smack you in the face all day, day after day, as you spin helplessly like a cheap souvenir marionette?

Just me?

atipofthehat

@themmases

WALK IT OFF

melis

CRAWL IT OFF

HeyThatsMyBike

@themmases Or Shake It Out, Florence and the Machines style. It's hard to dance with a devil on your back. So shake him off.

HeyThatsMyBike

@HeyThatsMyBike Also I don't know where the Richard Simmons link went in that thread, but I clicked on it before it disappeared, and it made my day.

lora.bee

@HeyThatsMyBike Whaat it is still there! I think?

"How ya DOIN??"

HeyThatsMyBike

@lora.bee It disappeared from this thread for me! Are you hiding from me, lora.bee?

themmases

@atipofthehat Does a wine run count?

Craftastrophies

@themmases All day, e'rry day.

BosomBuddy

I'm looking for some black skinny jeans. Any recs? I like neither leggings nor high waists.

olivebee

@BosomBuddy The best-fitting jeans I have (in multiple colors...olive green, black, red, and regular denim) are from Urban Outfitters. The BDG brand jeans. They are kinda pricy, so I usually wait till they go on sale. But yeah, my black skinnys are from there.

BosomBuddy

@olivebee Thanks! I'll check it out.

nevernude cutoffs

@olivebee Those are my favs too. And they have lasted through 2 drunk biking spills without ripping!

cuminafterall

@BosomBuddy Another vote for the BDG jeans. Lots of lycra so I can sit with my legs folded underneath me. (Not sure why I do that.)

Decca

So, I have the first of my finals tomorrow and I am on the Hairpin, because of course I am. And these are the final of my finals! But it's grand, tomorrow's an English one and all I have to do is write an essay on a book I absolutely adore - John Banville's Book of Evidence - in an hour. I get to bring in Jameson and Lyotard and all my favourite litcrit bros. Let's hope I smang it.

Toby Jug

@Decca Can we make smang it a thing? Is it already a thing? I know about its origins here, but...

smang. smang smang smang.

Break a leg on your finals!

dtowngirl

@Decca Good luck! I'm sure you'll rock your finals.

Decca

@Toby Jug Thank you! No, wait...smang you.

camanda

@Decca You will smang it!

I minored in English during undergrad and I loved it, because even if I didn't particularly care for whatever I had to read, I got away with an awful lot when it came time to write papers. And if I did like the reading, I would do things like writing papers based on Monty Python sketches. (The intentional fallacy = the Agatha Christie railway timetables sketch from "How Not to Be Seen." Yes, I actually wrote this paper, with a straight face, for my literary theory class.) I never got reprimanded for it, so if my professors didn't have spectacular senses of humor, they at least liked having something different to read once in a while.

Decca

@camanda Hahahaha did you really write that paper?! So much respect! My favourite paper that I wrote was a Judith Butlerian reading of a Joanna Newsom song, but I never did anything as audacious as that. Well played.

camanda

@Decca I really did! I posted it on my Tumblr not long ago.

I really got almost way too much latitude, looking back on my English papers, but I had so much fun with it.

Decca

@camanda Oh my God, you're such a punster. That's brilliant.

camanda

@Decca Thanks! I may or may not have been giggling fiendishly the whole time I wrote it. I often do not miss school but there are times where I kind of want to go back and finish out that minor into an English degree. It was a lot of fun.

Canard

@camanda Your essay is awesome! I used to do the same thing with my English papers: "What's the most unrelated thing I can include without getting called on it?" The only time that strategy backfired was when I got so caught up in arguing that my roommate's BBS was a panopticon that I forgot to do any of the literary analysis that was the whole point of the final paper. Otherwise, professors loved it, especially the extended comparison of The Waste Land to the song "Horse with No Name," the essay written in four kinds of verse, and the grad school seminar paper that began as a parody of freshman essays.

Decca

@Canard I would like to read all of those, right now, please. ESPECIALLY the Waste Land / Horse With No Name comparison, because those are two of my favourite things.

camanda

@Canard HAHAHA. Those are all wonderful. You are my kind of essayist, indeed.

I think I have to blame my twelfth-grade English teacher for this. We read All Quiet on the Western Front that year, and on a test, I compared it to M*A*S*H (Himmelstoss = Frank Burns, SO OBVIOUS), and she found it both brilliant and hilarious. And I have been that way ever since.

katiethegreat

@camanda I am doing a masters in literature at the moment and think all my best essays start out as jokes! My last two made heavy reference to Love Actually and a jizz tree.

And good luck Decca! Have fun (exams can totally be fun).

Faintly Macabre

So the giant lesson plan thing you many lovely 'pinners helped me with a few weeks ago? It's going on two weeks now, and they haven't acknowledged it. Which would be a normal timeline, except the job starts in three weeks! I even sent them a little follow-up email and...nothing. It's hard to stay enthusiastic about maybe getting to work there when the result of over 10 hours of work is met with radio silence.

dj pomegranate

@Faintly Macabre Ugh! I hate this. Dislike.

stonefruit

@Faintly Macabre ahhh I hit the thumb-up thing instead of the reply thing and now I can't undo it! so sorry. I was going to say, can you give them a call? Nothing like the immediacy of someone's voice on the phone, I suppose.

Faintly Macabre

@stonefruit Haha, it's all right! It's a pretty small operation and I've been in contact with the same person through the whole application process, so I think calling would be a bit overkill. But they've been decent at replying quickly up till now, so it's surprising that there's still no response, sigh.

lora.bee

I think I am seeing the boy I really like tonight! Ahh, nerves.

raised amongst catalogs

@lora.bee !!!!!!!!!!!! That's so exciting! I hope it goes perfectly.

ayo nicole

@lora.bee Have fun!

olivebee

@lora.bee Have fun!! Enjoy every moment!

lora.bee

@all Danke! If anyone has any last minute date ideas, please let me know...

nevernude cutoffs

@lora.bee drinks/art gallery funtimes?

raised amongst catalogs

@lora.bee Move in with him! HAHA, just kidding.

lora.bee

@vanillawaif <3 <3 <3

EpWs

@lora.bee Go to a drive-in theater if the weather allows! Best movie to see at a drive-in theater right now: Cabin In The Woods.

sophi

DISCUSSION TOPIC: boys are dumb and confusing.

ELECTROMAGNETIC CHAOS

@sophi: REBUTTAL: no

redheaded&crazy

@sophi present (do we need to reach quorum)

Porn Peddler

@sophi present (and happily partnered but srsly straight boys get it together)

ayo nicole

@sophi Hi, yes.

Barry Grant

@sophi

Dumb as a box of rocks alright. But confusing? All you have to do is watch what we do and not what we say. Now girls on the other hand ...

[shields up!]

PistolPackinMama

@sophi aged lady here, agreeing it sure does seem that way sometimes.

stonefruit

@sophi I strongly agree with this proposition. Boxes of hair, the lot of 'em.

redheaded&crazy

@Barry Grant let's rephrase: the gender/sex to which you are attracted and have your heart repeatedly stomped on by is dumb and confusing.

LeafySeaDragon

@sophi agreed. can i just have a beautiful mandriod? i will program it not to disapoint me.

Barry Grant

@redheaded&crazie

Your grand unified theory of relationships is unassailable.

Exene

Last week on Friday Open Thread, I was musing about whether to go on a backpacking trip solo. Leaving tomorrow, y'all! Please say a prayer to the patron saint of bear repellent for me.

Snicker-snack!

@Exene Good luck and have fun! I love hiking by myself, and actually prefer it most of the time. I haven't done any backpacking, though, but doing that solo sounds heavenly.

SuzzyRoche

@Exene I love this! So psyched for you. I'm going solo camping for my birthday in a few weeks, which I've never done ever. You + the woods = total joy!

Decca

Who's on Twitter? Who can make me laugh on Twitter?

Passion Fruit

@Decca Hahaha! I make no one laugh on Twitter, but Shelby Fero can.

ETA: Also, whoops, stalking you on this thread!

Decca

@Passion Fruit Haha, excellent!

"Laughter, eye contact, texting back immediately" - Mazlow's hierarchy of neediness A++

And stalk away. It fits into my hierarchy of neediness!

My own recommendation for funniest Twitterer (whom everyone probably knows anyway) is @meganamram. So so hilarious.

frigwiggin

@Decca Steve Martin is pretty great. I like it when he talks about his Trusting Wife. Also, he tweets like he's writing telegrams.

Decca

@frigwiggin Oh he is good! I don't know why I wasn't following him before.

I'm sure some of you Pinners are also funny on Twitter!

camanda

@Decca Peter Serafinowicz (@serafinowicz) is my most reliable source of Twitter laffs. I think he's from another planet.

"Float like an octopus, sting like a clock." - Mohammed Dali

Also, Neil deGrasse Tyson (@neiltyson). He has a lot of very serious things to say about space, don't get me wrong, but the way he says them kills me. He used "chillax" in a tweet recently. He is my favorite.

Just an FYI:: Little-known Solar System Fact -- Pluto is less than 1/5 the mass of Earth's Moon. Get over it.

Decca

@camanda hahahahaha both of these YES.

I remember a Peter Serafinowicz one from ages ago that read something like "Let's hear it for Sister Sledge's less famous siblings band, Brother Blodge" that still makes me crack up.

Katie Heaney

@Decca Dave Hill, Rob Delaney, this @GreenishDuck person I just started following, Paula Pell, Emmy Blotnick (REAL good), @kramediggles.

melis

@arealliveghost is pretty good. An example: SON I AM VERY PROUD OF YOUR PERFORMANCE IN EARTH BOY SCHOOL. HERE'S A [jukebox] AND YOUR BEDTIME IS [leather jacket]. HAHA HOW'S MY ACCENT

Katie Heaney

@Katie Heaney OH and how could I forgot @curlycomedy

Decca

@Katie Heaney Ha, do you know @rare_basement? I don't understand what she's on about half the time but the other time she cracks me up. Emmy Blotnick is a great rec, thank you!

melis

@Decca Who are you on Twitter??

Decca

@melis @Casserine

(I'm not funny though.)

melis

@Decca then god damn you right into fucking hell you fucking fuck

Decca

@melis I like how you edited away from the formal "What's your Twitter handle?".

Ha I just followed you and then who should pop up but Leon! Hey Leon!

EpWs

@Decca @vanillawaif and I are on twitter, we narrate the goings-on of some polar bears at the San Diego zoo. Whether that makes you laugh is to be determined...?

@YourDailyBear

Decca

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Polar bears are def in my top 5 bears, so yes.

Craftastrophies

@melis You should all follow @mallelis

dj pomegranate

You guys, La Perla is having a 40% off sale today. I just spent the money I will be making babysitting tonight on a new 1920s-ish burgundy and hot pink lingerie set, and mr. pomegranate is coming home from 6 weeks of training tomorrow. COME ON, WEEKEND.

lindackerite

You guys, I was waiting for Friday's open thread but Thursday works too, right? (And I can always double post cause everyone loves that ish).

I am feeling super sucky about life right now. Some details of note: I broke up with my boyfriend of almost 3 years last August, although I moved back to the East Coast last February, so we'd been separated for a while. I should've forsaken all contact, which has proven over the years to be the best way to preserve my sanity, but it was complicated (of course) and so we continued to be in contact. He kept saying how he still loved me and thought that we should be together, but I was confident it was the right thing to do (the subject of the breakup is another matter, but we do/did still love each other). However, over the past three months or so I guess I felt like I was wearing down -- that I can move back to the West Coast soon and we can be together and whatever.

But then yesterday he texts me with "news" and I knew it was that he'd met someone new. I knew it would happen and all, but I'm pretty much destroyed. Like, even though I broke up with him almost a year ago, it feels like he just broke up with me yesterday. And then he's all thinking things are normal and that it's cool cause it was almost a year ago but I don't want to talk to him or see him on social media and I want him to send me all that stuff he's been dallying on sending me and now I have to cancel my trip out there for Fourth of July.

I just need people to remind me that it's okay to feel this way and life will go on and everything happens for a reason. Right?

Katie Heaney

@aheapingspoonful Right! I know it's like a ... Charlotte York rule, that it takes half the time you were together to get over someone, but I sort of think that's about right. On average. You know, almost a year just isn't that long compared to 3 years. And I feel personally that you always always always kind of are devastated (or at least ANNOYED) by him/her meeting someone new. It's just awful. You broke up for a reason and eventually that reason (because it was probably a good one) will really really stick. It just takes time.

iceberg

@aheapingspoonful Definitely okay to feel this way, what with the lingering contact creating confusion in your heart.

vunder

@aheapingspoonful So ok to feel this way, so normal, so lingeringly painful, but it will get better eventually. Try to focus on taking good care of yourself so you can open yourself up to healing and brighter times to come.

remargaret

@aheapingspoonful AND PROBABLY it'll be quicker/better this time, because you already know that you can get over him, and that you were feeling pretty rad about it the first time.

lindackerite

@all Thank you all for your reassurances and encouragement! Not to get all sappy on the Internet, but it's great to have a supportive community like this.

And, side note, I totally thought of the half the time you were together rule when I heard too! So so true. And sort of explains why I'll still sit through SatC reruns on E every so often.

Rrrowena

@aheapingspoonful Totally ok to feel that way. When you break up, at least you know you're both sad. But when they find someone else, A: you have to let that tiny hope that maybe things will work out wonderfully go, and B: you are sad alone. Plus it feels irrational to angst to people about something that's supposedly long since over. Or at least it did to me. I was in a pretty similar situation, and finding out he was dating someone else was piercingly melancholy and lonely. Made worse by being happy for him, but not happy at all. So yeah, mourn for a bit, so something self indulgent, and don't worry about being irrational.

SuzzyRoche

@Rrrowena I'm going through something similar, except that after being broken up for ten months neither of us have started a new relationship, and I wish he would already so that I could grieve and move on -- there's still this big question mark hanging in the air. So @A heaping spoonful, silver lining is that if he's seeing someone else, you can close that door and stop wondering and begin to really move on. The will we/won't we is emotionally exhausting, and gets as boring in real life (eventually) as it does on TV shows (ahem Joey/Dawson, which is what I'm watching now).

I have to believe that your heart will heal, because then mine will too. But people seem to survive this kind of shit all the time.. and in the meantime we're in the same boat as Dolly Parton, Adele, and Katy Perry. Which, y'know, take your pick.

lindackerite

@Rrrowena This is all exactly true -- and much more eloquent than I can be right now (everything is a string of run-on sentences and auto correct in my world). The finality of it is what is really sinking in now and, as you say, everyone else thinks that it's been months. Also the part about being happy for him, so much truth. No one was the bad guy or did anything wrong, so it hurts to be sad while also wanting someone to be happy. This is also the one time where living alone isn't awesome.

@SuzzyRoche This is pretty much my feeling/situation too. I knew he would be the first to move on and even though technically either of us could've started dating months ago, it is really clear now that the door is closed and I can move forward. Maybe I was also using it as a crutch in some way -- I'm not really interested in dating but, we'll see -- so now I do have to face personal questions about my life that I haven't answered yet. I know it's important to grieve and take the time to feel everything, or else it gets worse for things down the road, so I'm trying to do that and know that it's part of the process.

I can think of so many people who have been through this that I know personally or from reading magazines at the gym or, of course, on this thread. And they have all moved on, not even just romantically, but also in their careers and to new places and things. So I know we will as well and now we can be truly open to anything amazing that may come our way!

SuzzyRoche

@aheapingspoonful Yes amazingness! We get to have all the amazing ever. (I have been half-heartedly internet dating, and I'm pretty sure we've both slept around a bit, but until he falls in love, which I'll celebrate, it won't be concrete..)

a) we are in excellent moments of personal growth, these are the moments that define us, etc

b) my (very wholesome) aunt's advice to me: whiskey and working out. i also believe that making out or sleeping with people you don't care about (i.e. actually casual, not your childhood crush or someone who wants to make babies stat) is a really good idea. you have to believe you will have intimacy and sex and oxytocin/dopamine/seratonin rushes again.

c) the things we don't say about the awesomeness of being single: pooping with the bathroom door open, not having to process all the time, not having your emotions so dependent on someone else's. (that might just be me. i will also add that it gives me satisfaction that my grandmother will have to be proud of me for my other accomplishments now, rather than simply for snagging a nice jewish professional heterosexual. still gay, bubbie!)

okay now go have a guinness float and some flirtations with hotties you'll never see again! or a different thing you like!

SuzzyRoche

but not hate-sex! i didn't mean hate-sex.

lindackerite

@SuzzyRoche Just had to reply, tonight's been kinda hard since its the unfollowing on all the social networks, but yes to A-C. Especially C -- the awesomeness of pooping with the door open is immeasurable. But also the other two points there that aren't just you -- not having to worry what anyone thinks but me! That is nice. And watching all the crappy television you want and not having to share the remote. And to come home and now have the time to just decompress (this could just be me...the perils of when one works from home).

Phew, that helped.

stonefruit

oooohh! I missed last week's FOT because I was off with my mother celebrating our 100th birthday (her birthday was Friday, mine was Saturday). We had a wonderful weekend and I have spent this week missing her absurdly. she is such a good mommy!

In other news, I tore through Tam Lin (Pamela Dean) and am in the middle of I Capture the Castle (Dodie Smith), both Pinner recommendations! Also four books came in today, three of them from Nicole's historical nonfiction reading list! (The fourth is Shalom Auslander's new book!) yeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!

finally, I went to the farmers market by my work this week with a boy I am a little crushed-out on. It is a very ill-advised crush, because reasons, but it was a lovely mid-day excursion and, bonus, he brought me a mangosteen as a present. !!

Decca

@stonefruit Hey, I just started I Capture The Castle last night! I'm only two chapters in, but I have already cooed and laughed aloud a number of times.

stonefruit

@Decca transatlantic fist-bump of YA lit solidarity!

DH@twitter

@stonefruit

Ugh I Capture the Castle is so perfect.

lora.bee

@stonefruit What is a mangosteen??

hulia

@lora.bee Mangosteens might possibly be the best fruit ever, but they're really hard to find in the states (from my experience anyway). If someone brought me a mangosteen, I would make a complete scene of squealing and jumping up and down, based on the complete scene I made the one time I found them here.

lora.bee

@stonefruit @hulia My mind cannot comprehend these. What do they taste like? How do you eat them??

stonefruit

@lora.bee you cut around the husk-like outside horizontally, lift off the top part, and scoop out the innards! Fun fact: they are not supposed to taste rotten (last year I had one that was lovely, and one that was rotten, but the other folks at the table somehow didn't have any of the lovely mangosteen and so thought they were supposed to taste fermented and vaguely poisonous, so they kept trying to eat it, poor polite things). I found them similar to lychee/longan myself, but I am far from an expert.

@hulia I did make a bit a bit of a scene and thanked crushboy profusely. However, I suspected I had seen sour cherries being toted away from the farmers' market, and I was really awfully distracted by those, so perhaps I was not squealy enough about the mangosteeny goodness before me.

hulia

@lora.bee Nevermind, @stonefruit's description is much better than mine, just go with that!

And yes, I had a rotten one when I was stateside and was all "what?? this is not what I remember." But when they are good, they are VERY, VERY GOOD.

anachronistique

@stonefruit PLEASE TELL ME YOU LIKED TAM LIN

stonefruit

@anachronistique NO I DID NOT LIKE IT INSTEAD I LOVED IT SO MUCH THAT WE CAPTURE THE CASTLE WAS A LET-DOWN. The plan for Sunday is to purchase my own copy, as well as a copy of everything else Pamela Dean has written.

anachronistique

@stonefruit Sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of the victory boogie I'm doing in my office.

Juniper, Gentian and Rosemary is WEIRD but good.

stonefruit

@anachronistique so amazing. I actually stood on the stairs outside my work building to read the last 15 pages before I went into work.

Cat named Virtute

I have been grumpyish this week, but I have a giant bottle of porter in my fridge and my buddies are coming over to play Settlers of Catan, so things are looking up.

Also pleeeeease ask the universe to send me a job offer soon. I have written so many cover letters, and I would really just like to pay my rent next month. The only job I've ever gotten from a cold application (rather than knowing someone) was in a call centre and I cannot do that full time for eight months until I go back to school, I just cannot.

LeafySeaDragon

i bought fabric and i'm going to make curtains! i have an ugly closet full of jackets with no door in my lr. i found a gorgeous sea glass blue nubbly looks like raw silk fabric on clearance. wish me luck! i also picked up some green fabric and muslin to back it with for my kids room, but that's not as fun.

EpWs

@LeafySeaDragon It sounds so pretty! From what I've gathered, curtains are pretty easy, so you should be fine!

EpWs

I spent a phenomenal amount of money this week on buying Grown Up Clothes, or things that don't make me look like a grad student. (New job starts a week from Monday, and while it's a fairly casual workplace I do need to get some things that don't have holes/overt pop culture references on them.) I am now caught in a "OMG I SPENT SO MUCH MONEY WTF IS WRONG WITH ME" spiral. Someone talk me down? I REALLY NEEDED NEW CLOTHES, seriously.

LeafySeaDragon

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher it costs money to look good! now just maintain your wardrobe and you'll be good!

redheaded&crazy

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher clearly the answer is to take pics and show them to us

we will talk you up! ALL THE WAY UP

EpWs

@redheaded&crazie Yeep! I am washing everything tomorrow (ALL THE LAUNDRY ALL DAY someday I will live in a place with a washing machine in it) and then I will take pictures and you guys can halp me.

SuzzyRoche

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I hear you, I had to do this when I started my psych rotation in nursing school. (I was all, wait! The reason I'm becoming a nurse is so I can wear scrubs every day and not think about this crap! But psych patients aren't super into the white coats and uniforms, so I had to purchase presentable biz-casual.) Then my classmates did a makeover on me reminiscent of so many teen rom-coms (She's All That, anyone?) and now I'm allowed to go shopping by myself. Whatever, but the point is, you have to buy nice Grown Up Clothes sometimes. They're an important investment, and they give you the option to look and feel fancy or respectable or pretty or tough or to be taken seriously or whatever. You did the right thing! Unless you bought snakeskin cowboy boots, in which case you may have done the wrong thing! But that's okay too!

nevernude cutoffs

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Don't feel bad! You have a new job, you'll make the money back. If you feel like you're overspending, I take inventory of what appropriate business clothes I have, and figure out what I'm missing, and shop for those key pieces. For instance... a pair of black pants, a pencil skirt, a cardigan or a blazer. Just get the basics. I can wear a bunch of crappy shirts to work as long as I can put a cardigan over it. Target has some extremely affordable work wear for a lady on a budget!

Judith Slutler

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher IT IS OKAY. When you need clothes, girl, you need clothes. It's not only legit, but completely 100% necessary to start your new job with at least a capsule work wardrobe that will take you through 5 days of the week.

If you still have tags on some of it, make sure to try everything on together and practice building lots and lots of outfits out of your new togs - if you find yourself neglecting a few of the new pieces, or notice that some of them don't fit your body well, then you can return them. If you are using everything and all the pieces look good on you? Mazel tov, you are an amazing shopper.

Also check out the washing instructions on all your new goodies, squirrel away the extra buttons in your button jar, and generally think about how you are going to care for and maintain your new nice clothes so they last a long-ass time. (For example, is that new cardigan going to look fantastic in 10 years when you sew suede elbow patches over the worn out bits and toss it on to get the paper on Sunday mornings? Yes, yes it will!) "Wardrobe investment" may sometimes be a hackneyed self-justifying phrase, but you know what? You just made an actual, important wardrobe investment. Yay for you!

EpWs

@everyone THANK YOU. You guys are great. I got a lot of basics including four pairs of dark wash jeans that I will wear with everything everywhere (side note: two of these cost SIX DOLLAS EACH at the Gap outlet, and they should be identical but one pair is two inches longer than the other? I don't know. SIX DOLLAS) and tops that will work with many things and CARDIGANS and the supersoftest pair of khakis I've ever met in my life, so I should be in good shape (I hope). I actually saved a wee bit of my budget to fill in gaps this fall. I know in my head that I do need these things but it's just a lot when I'm buying an ENTIRE WARDROBE ALL AT ONCE. But I did get some wicked deals (see above, six dolla jeans) and I'm washing everything today--once I cannot physically take it back, I do much better with it.

Thanks for all the encouragement, y'all are the best.

nevernude cutoffs

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Ex-squeeze me? You felt bad about 6 DOLLAR JEANS?! You never feel bad about that, go to your room, and think about what you've done. Just kidding, shopping for clothes for a new job should be the best thing ever! And 6 dollar jeans are a celebration on their own!

(This is coming from someone who has a 2nd interview for a dream job next week and omg what do I wear I joined fashion club this morning.)

redheaded&crazy

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I love outlet shopping, and the gap has some of the best deals! It's one of those things where once you've gone to their outlets, shopping at their regular prices (which I would never do anyway, shopping at their sales prices) is like oh my lord clutches pearls.

cuminafterall

Tomorrow is my day off and I'm going to try and run 10K (eek!) and then probably collapse/read Wives and Daughters all afternoon. Then it's time for Sophomore Year of College Redux with my boyfriend, his college roommate, and our friend Biggie who's down from New York (not that Biggie, I mean, duh).

dj pomegranate

@cuminafterall a 10k is a big deal! Good job!

Craftastrophies

I am trying not to feel sad or obligated because I have been too busy to keep up with the comments this week. I feel like I can read some of the articles + comments, OR the open thread. It takes me seriously all week to finish it, because by the time I wake up on Saturday there are invariably 1,000 comments already. But I hate feeling like I am missing out on people's lives!

Semi-related, I just freaking love it here, and you are all so great. GROUP HUG!

redheaded&crazy

@Craftastrophies I'm digging how this thursday open thread worked out.

and it got the biggest influx of HFC people to date! which I am a bit mind boggled by.

Punk-assBookJockey

@Craftastrophies I'm newish and have only commented a few times and am really hooked! You all seem like such great people and I want be in the group!!! I haven't introduced myself anywhere though? And it feels weird to like, just start in like I've been here all along. So um. I'm a part now? (also @redheaded&crazie I joined fashion club! yay!)

SuzzyRoche

Fun fact: I have found that my favorite band at this moment is a current solo project of a guy I dated ten years ago, when he was in a Christian cult. (I was not in a Christian cult, and I had a couple opinions. So did he.)

This does not help me write my term paper, but it doesn't hurt terribly.

Elsajeni

I had a shitty day with my students yesterday (I am student teaching), and today my supervising teacher showed me an email from a student's mom saying that she felt I was not sufficiently in control of the classroom and needed to be more closely supervised, and while I really appreciated that his response was (to her) "Well, thank you for sharing your concerns" and (to me) "That class is a zoo at the best of times and you're doing as well as can be expected, and if you weren't here she'd be telling the principal to supervise ME more closely," I also really wish he had never shown it to me, because it made me feel so shitty.

Are there any teacher 'pinners in this thread? Because I really could use some help. This is a 7th-grade class, and the problem is that there's a group of boys who are acting together to be disruptive and disrespectful and awful. Basically all of my classroom management instruction has been very relationship-focused, all "Take aside the disruptive student and have a conversation! Problem-solve together!" Which is great, but there are NINE OF THEM. They are a third of the class. I feel like that advice is untenable with that large a number of disruptive students, but it's the advice I keep getting, and then I feel even worse because it seems like no one is hearing my actual problem.

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