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Greek Gods Defending Their Roles in the Current Economic Crisis

Aphrodite, Goddess of Love and Desire: “They never stopped fornicating.”

Apollo, God of the Sun and Music: “Mamma Mia!”

Ares, God of War: “I’ve been traveling.”

Athena, Goddess of Wisdom: “I’m a scapegoat! Talk to Zeus.”


Demeter, Goddess of Agriculture: “Greek yogurt. Any other stupid questions?” 

Dionysus, God of Wine: “I admit it, we’ve been drinking Manischewitz.”

Hades, King of the Underworld and God of Hidden Wealth on Earth: “Hidden wealth in Greece?”

Hephaestus, Crippled God of Fire: “Burn it! Burn it!”

Hera, Queen of Marriage and Empires: “That’s heracy! Hera-cy.”

Hermes, God of Travel: “It’s been rough since the Hercules boom.”

Hestia, Goddess of the Home and Cooking: “Can I take credit for Greek yogurt?”

Poseidon, God of the Sea and Creator of Horses: “I just like horses, okay?”

Zeus, King of the Gods: “Did you talk to Athena?”


Previously: Possible Reasons Why There “Ain’t No Sunshine When She’s Gone.”

E.A. Weiss is a writer in New York. Follow him around.


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