Monday, May 21, 2012


Greek Gods Defending Their Roles in the Current Economic Crisis

Aphrodite, Goddess of Love and Desire: "They never stopped fornicating."

Apollo, God of the Sun and Music: "Mamma Mia!"

Ares, God of War: "I've been traveling."

Athena, Goddess of Wisdom: "I'm a scapegoat! Talk to Zeus."

Demeter, Goddess of Agriculture: "Greek yogurt. Any other stupid questions?" 

Dionysus, God of Wine: "I admit it, we've been drinking Manischewitz."

Hades, King of the Underworld and God of Hidden Wealth on Earth: "Hidden wealth in Greece?"

Hephaestus, Crippled God of Fire: "Burn it! Burn it!"

Hera, Queen of Marriage and Empires: "That's heracy! Hera-cy."

Hermes, God of Travel: "It's been rough since the Hercules boom."

Hestia, Goddess of the Home and Cooking: "Can I take credit for Greek yogurt?"

Poseidon, God of the Sea and Creator of Horses: "I just like horses, okay?"

Zeus, King of the Gods: "Did you talk to Athena?"


Previously: Possible Reasons Why There "Ain't No Sunshine When She's Gone."

E.A. Weiss is a writer in New York. Follow him around.

30 Comments / Post A Comment


Artemis was out hunting and could not be reached for comment.

maybe partying will help




@SarahP I had such a THING for Artemis when I was younger.

Speaking of cake, I have cake

@TheJacqueline Artemis is so cool! I love the way pre-monotheism the virgin goddesses were so badass.


@TheJacqueline Artemis is my favourite. (Possible oversharing - I was a bit sad when I first slept with my boyfriend, because of how ARTEMIS WOULD NO LONGER LOVE ME.)


True, very true. @v

maybe partying will help

Artemis is too busy urban homesteading to be sad that she wasn't included.


@maybe partying will help Oh man, urban homesteading is better. Even better, both of us should've said something about urban chickens.

maybe partying will help


Meat-curing, kitchen garden, creating a new lunar calendar for after the ultimate collapse of civilization, etc.

Brain-sharing high five regardless!


Hephaestus: "You need me to Set It On Fire. Thanks @melis!"

Speaking of cake, I have cake

@iceberg This comment combines classics nerd-dom with a 'Pin in-joke, therefore I love it forever


"It's Heracy! Get it, Hera-cy? Eh? Hera? Get it? 'Cause I'm Hera?" *nudge nudge* *wink wink* Eyyyyy!

(Hera: secretly my dad?)



Hera: secretly all dads?


Classics major nerd rant: Apollo is NOT the god of the sun.


@meetapossum As a classics professor: most scholars would agree that he is.


@meetapossum @TimetoStudy


@iceberg (show your work)


@iceberg popcorn.gif

maybe partying will help


Hippodrome: two classics nerds enter, one leaves?

(I don't know but I'm looking forward to this rumble)


@iceberg Although they do get conflated at certain points, it's pretty clear that Apollo and Helios/Sol are different gods (see: story of Phaëton, who is definitely Helios's son and not Apollo's). They're separate in Homer. They're also separate in most Latin texts until the third century CE.

That being said, it does make general sense for the god of light and the god of the sun to get meshed together. Still, Helios is the one with the chariot, not Apollo.


@maybe partying will help ACADEMIC DEATHMATCH!


@meetapossum I don't know about all that, but Dionysus was a dude. A party dude. Much like Michaelangelo of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.


@Slapfight He was also pretty good at taking revenge.

Evan Weiss@twitter

@Slapfight Thanks for spotting my typo. Fixed!


@Evan Weiss@twitter Sorry to have been "that guy." ;)

Evan Weiss@twitter

@Slapfight No, I really do appreciate it!


@Slapfight I am scared of Dionysus. We did the Bacchae in High School and as much as I love a good cross-dressing scene, that was TERRIFYING. And I find that scene in The Game to be disproportionately chilling. I wonder what that says about me?

Semi-related: I did a crossword where the answer to 'god of love' was 'Cupid'. I don't think I need to explain to this crowd how that made me feel, do I?


@Craftastrophies The Bacchae IS terrifying. We did a performance for our Classical Tragedy class, and the girl who played Agave had the most blood-curdling scream. I still have my "Heads Will Roll" t-shirt that we all got.


@Craftastrophies But he was? Cupid is the Roman equivalent of Eros, god of love and desire.


nice commmmmmentsssss....... Read More

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