Quantcast

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

197

Ass? Stella?

Likely more ironic than a black fly in your Chardonnay. While we're on the subject, there is no one named Lemonjello or Orangejello, so do not even try.



197 Comments / Post A Comment

petejayhawk

"The sister of a guy I know's wife's friend is a teacher and totally had this girl named La-a Orangejello in her class a couple years ago. No really."

If I had a dollar for any time I've heard a version of the above, I'd have...at least 5-6 dollars.

wharrgarbl

@petejayhawk To be completely fair, every teacher, classmate, babysitter, camp counselor, etc. that poor little Orangejello ever had tells the story of how they totally knew this girl named Orangejello.

nevernude cutoffs

@petejayhawk I'm embarrassed to admit I only realized this La-a story was not real, after I heard the story twice, and insisted, NO WAY! My friend was in class with La-a!!!!

Rosebudddd

@petejayhawk OK, but when my Mom was substitute teaching, she totally had a little boy in her class named Derf, which was his father's name spelled backwards.

Rosebudddd

@Rosebudddd Also, can we talk about that baby boy named Malice from yesterday's Times article now?

Lemonnier

@nevernude cutoffs I was firmly convinced that a girl in my high school was The Frozen Hotdog Girl, until I realized that was just a mean rumor. It happens to us all!

nevernude cutoffs

@Lemonnier That was ONE TIME!!!

whateverlolawants

@petejayhawk It makes me sad to remember that a generally cool, caring teacher at my junior high used to tell everyone that his wife, who taught at a more "urban" district, had those students in her class once.

travelmugs

@petejayhawk My parents have always sworn that they knew twins named "Aretha" and "Urethra," which made me sad when I read up on racist naming urban legends.

Bittersweet

@petejayhawk: Right up there with the mom who named her little girl "Female."

Gwdihw

@petejayhawk
I'm classy--I'm going to name my child limoncello. It's more European that way.

frannypants

@petejayhawk But... my friend's dad who was also my pediatrician told us that he personally had patients named Orangejello and Lemonjello? And he was the only person I've ever heard say it? And he was a trusted mentor figure in my life who I have taken a lot of serious medical and personal advice from and he never even hinted that he was making that shit up??? I have personally perpetuated this lie. HOW did I not know that this was a thing. My shame is palpable.

frannypants

@frannypants However in his (my?) defense I will at least say that if he DID suggest that there was some kind of racial undertone to naming your kids after jello I didn't pick up on it. I just thought, you know, Ha! People are crazy! Moon Unit!

mattewmc

This is so good! Nice one.@t

julia

As if this kid is going to a school with other kids.

And there is a Gelo Orange. He played football for Wake Forest.

phenylalanine

@julia I was just about to bring up Gelo Orange! I'm in grad school at Wake, I ride the same bus as him.

PistolPackinMama

Oh dear. Well, Bob. Ye shall reap what ye shall sow, and all that. Serves him right, I think.

wharrgarbl

@PistolPackinMama You don't understand. This child is a boy. You can't give a stupid name to a boy. Boys are important.

PistolPackinMama

@wharrgarbl Oh, right. Sorry. My bad. They should call him Fitzwilliam Throckmorton Geldof. Obvs. Who lets women name children anyway?

OhMarie

@PistolPackinMama I feel like this usually swings the other way and people with weird names give their kids super traditional ones--like Rainn Wilson's wife's name is Holiday, but they named their kid Walter.

@PistolPackinMama My husband is named David but his two sisters have bananas names (one is truly strange, one is just misspelled). His father gave this exact reason, phrased as "boys can't deal with weird names," when asked what was up with that.

cuminafterall

@PistolPackinMama Throckmorton is actually a name on my family tree(way far back) and I've been threatening to use it for years.

PistolPackinMama

@cuminafterall Do! Do! It's better than Fitz-something. Isn't Fitz-ending a prefix that indicates the person is/is descended from an illegitimate child of aristocracy?

EpWs

@OhMarie Read "bananas names" as "banana names" and was STRUGGLING to think up a banana name other than Chiquita.
@cuminafterall DO. IT.

Burly-Q

@PistolPackinMama they should have started a family tradition with Peaches' sister. Little Lord Geldof-Cohen and his Auntie Little Pixie

fondue with cheddar

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Foster?

Decca

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Me too! Mr Bananagrabber?

fondue with cheddar

<---- @Decca OMG WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT ONE? Seriously, what's wrong with me?

iceberg

@wharrgarbl No you can give your boys weird names, just not girl names. Because what's more horrible than being thought of as a girl?

OhMarie

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher GOD I WISH. Chiquita and Cavanaugh?

EpWs

@OhMarie Not planning on kids, but now I really want a pair of dogs named Chiquita and Cavanaugh. I'm thinking...pugs.

OhMarie

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I think that the banana is actually Cavendish. Even better!!

EpWs

@OhMarie So it is! Perfect.

yrouttasight

@PistolPackinMama Thats how it works in my family! All the men have very traditional names, and all the women have unusual names. I don't think it was necessarily a conscious decision, but thats the way it is.

Verity

@PistolPackinMama Not necessarily - it comes from the Norman meaning "son of" and wasn't originally used to suggest illegitimacy, but later on it got used for the illegitimate children of royalty (Fitzroy = son of the king; Fitzjames was given to an illegitimate child of King James II).

(Caveat - I am getting this from Wikipedia.)

Jaya

My friend told me a story about a girl she knows, who named her daughter in the delivery room. She said that in her haze after just giving birth, she heard the most beautiful word, and decided that would be her child's name. The word? Placenta.

Lemonnier

@Jaya I doubt it. My aunt swears there was a Placenta in the birth announcements in her local paper in Georgia, and my friend's mom swears that a Placenta was born in the hospital she worked in in New Orleans, and I think once you add that to all the other Placenta stories, you are firmly in the realm of Urban Legend.

parallel-lines

@Jaya My fiance is a teacher and has definitely had a kid in his class named Areola.

Jaya

@Lemonnier I'm only believing her because she has apparently met little Placenta.

Lemonnier

@Jaya A key part of this myth is someone claiming to have "actually met" the child-- I'm sure your friend is nice, but you can understand my skepticism. Either Placenta is a wildly popular name, or your friend is kidding.

Hot Doom

@parallel-lines Yep. My mom is a teacher and has had a Trashey (pronounced Trah-shay), and one year, had an Angel and a Demon (pronounced Day-mon) in the same class. Oh, names.

Megasus

@Jaya Hm, maybe people shoud adhere to the ancient tradition of waiting a week before naming their child (it used to be because it might die, but I think not naming it in a drug haze is a good reason too).

RK Fire

@LolaLaBalc: Angel isn't a particularly unusual Latino name. The one exception I know of is a friend who was name Angelique and preferred to go by Angel.

themmases

@Lemonnier I work in a children's hospital and have personally met, my own self, people named "Tequila" or names that will sound like it-- mostly the moms, not the kids. Most names really are not that bad though (and I see all these kids' names). Lots of heartwarming plays on "miracle". Not as many "Nevaeh"s as you might think.

Hot Doom

@RK Fire Yeah, Angel is pretty common. It was just the match of the two that was made in heaven (oooohhhhhhsnap!). Incidentally, Angel was a little jerk, and Demon was a sweetheart.

RK Fire

@LolaLaBalc: Of course! Hahahahahaha. I met a woman recently whose name means "obedient" in Vietnamese (she is Vietnamese) and she described those sorts of names (Angel, or Chastity, or whathaveyou) as "aspirational naming." As someone named "filial piety" who is terrible at calling her mother and has no real relationship with her father, I can totally relate.

stuffisthings

@RK Fire In certain cultures it's not unusual to find girls with names that translate to things like "Hoping the next one is a boy."

EpWs

@stuffisthings Ouch

RK Fire

@stuffisthings: I didn't know that, and yet I'm sadly not surprised.. and I feel lucky that I wasn't given that name.

stuffisthings

@RK Fire In one country where I worked, there was also a common name that translated into English as "dad came" -- came as in arrived, but amusing to us nonetheless.

Hot Doom

@RK Fire Haha, awesome! She knew what was up. Yeah, maybe these names can be counter-aspirational too. So if I name my kid Lil' Asshat, could it be president some day?

whateverlolawants

@themmases I went to high school with a Tequila. She pronounced it "Te-quee-la" and was a polite, quiet girl. She said she didn't drink. I saw her at the checkout line at the grocery last year andshe didn't recognize me. She also didn't ring up everything I bought, which I think was her way of apologizing for not remembering me.

iceberg

@LolaLaBalc My teacher mom met brothers - Genghis and Attila. But the names were pronounced slightly differently than the infamous ones... She also had a Chinese kid called Bjorn but his parents pronounced it Buh-jawn.

Megasus

@iceberg Little did she know it's actually more like Chengis!

EpWs

@stuffisthings Somewhat related: Jessica Simpson just named her daughter Maxwell Drew.

iceberg

@Megano! Yeah that was about how they pronounced it I think, and Attila was more like att-EE-yuh. But spelled the same as the famous ones.

Ophelia

@stuffisthings Or things that translate roughly to birth order. If you know a Wahid, chances are he's the first son, and Hamza is the fifth.

Megasus

@iceberg Well Genghis is pronounced that way in Mongolia. Maybe Attila is too, I dunno.
Also I kind of like Maxwell Drew for a girl, but I am notorious boys names for girls lover.

OaklandBooty

@Jaya I know someone who has a similar story, except the baby's name was meconium (baby's first poop)!

pilcrow

@iceberg Attila is actually a really common name in Hungary. Like so common you wouldn't think twice about it.

iceberg

@pilcrow Oh that's interesting! I remember they weren't Mongolian but don't remmeber what they were. Maybe Hungarian! It might not have even been noticed if it wasn't names for 2 brothers.

Megasus

@whateverlolawants Isn't that how you pronounce it?

EvilAuntiePeril

@iceberg I once interviewed a guy named Attila - apparently it's quite a common boy's name in Hungary?

EvilAuntiePeril

@EvilAuntiePeril oops pilcrow beat me to it.

meetapossum

@Jaya My friend had two kids in subsequent years: God and his brother, Lord.

Lemonnier

Living in the deep south as I did, there was NO END to the racist stories about "my friend who works in the maternity ward and some black lady named her kid..." Ugh.

Lil Sebastian

@Lemonnier Uggh I cannot get away from L-a ("Ladasha"), everyone I know knows someone who taught little L-a... right. Always someone who teaches in Baltimore or another predominantly black area. I was a substitute teacher for a while, and let me tell you, stupid names know no racial bounds, and mostly they're not that bad.

julia

@Lemonnier But only white people do stuff like name their kids "Aryan Nation."

parallel-lines

@julia And Chardonnay Hooker http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XJD9eUgji0c

Lemonnier

@julia And Brayden, or Jayden, or something similar.

PistolPackinMama

@Lemonnier I know rationally people are allowed to call their kids whatever they like, and it's none of my business, and names I like must sound dreadful to others. (Such as: Morag. Scottish name. Love it. If were to call a daughter that I wouldn't blame her for hating my guts.)

But, I personally appreciate the No Medieval Occupations Standard for first names. Carter, Taylor, Tyler, Archer, Fletcher (Lawyer, Sawyer, Wheeler, Ostler, Farmer, Thatcher, Cobbler, Miller, Costardmonger, Cheesemonger, Fishmonger, Glover, Juggler, Minstrel, Mason, Reeve, Chamberlain, Yeoman, Sergeant at Arms).

There is a folk song in there, I feel.

Also, it's really fine if people want to call their kids Mural Painter. I am just being a super-duper snot-face.

Lastly, I happen to know a very nice kid called Jayden who is Native. His little brother is Patrick. And his mom has an awesome lady-name from the Bible. He's the only one I have met personally.

RK Fire

@Lil Sebastian: I love you for saying this. I also feel like stupid names don't necessarily know any class boundaries either.

DianaPrince

@PistolPackinMama Shhh, you're going to give them ideas! Next year this time there will be wee little Costardmongers and Yeomans everywhere.

wharrgarbl

@RK Fire It seems like the stupid names poor people give their kids are essentially made-up, while the stupid names rich people give their kids are random objects (Throat Warbler Mangrove) or pedigreed but from a different millennium (Aethelred Hrothgar Bedwig).

@PistolPackinMama Egler.

EpWs

@xx-xx-xx Little Cheesemonger Carter's* gonna be a hellion.

*OBVS JAY-Z AND BEYONCE'S NEXT CHILD

maevemealone

@Lemonnier I did actually go to elementary school for a brief time with a girl named Pepsi. She told people she was named that because her father hit her mother in the stomach with a Pepsi bottle while she was pregnant with her. I think she moved before the school year was over, we were all confused by her.

Lemonnier

@PistolPackinMama Oh, I was kidding about Jayden-- not my cup of tea, but fine for other people. And yes, what Lil Sebastian and RK Fire said-- ill-conceived names know no class or racial boundaries.

I'm kind of loving "Cheesemonger," though.

EpWs

@maevemealone I went to school with a girl named Kazaar. This doesn't have much to do with anything, it's just a cool name.

Lil Sebastian

@RK Fire Completely agree. People are also a lot harder on names they consider "black names" or "stripper names" why is LaKyria considered stupider than McKinley, two girls in the same class I taught, one black and one white. There are all kinds of crazy names with all kinds of history, and I think it's lame that black naming conventions are always considered trashier than equally made-up names that are used by white people. Check out Utah baby names registries if you want to see some craaaaazy white (including a mix of incomes) people names.

RK Fire

@Lil Sebastian: Yeah, Nevaeh springs immediately to my mind.

EpWs

@Lil Sebastian Oof, never understood McKinley/McKenzie/etc. WHY ARE WE NAMING OUR CHILDREN AFTER AWFUL PRESIDENTS* AND ALSO MOUNTAINS?

*Does not actually know if McKinley was awful. Can anyone confirm?

Lil Sebastian

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I love (hate) the trend of naming girls after random presidential last names: McKinley, Reagan (usually Regan, but still), Kennedy, Madison, Taylor....

plonk

@RK Fire inventing ridiculous WASP names for my novel is one of my favorite activities.

RK Fire

@plonk: The fact that something like "Muffy" was ever an acceptable nickname still blows my mind.

anachronistique

@Lil Sebastian These are my girls, Taft and Garfield.

fondue with cheddar

@PistolPackinMama Many years ago I read this suggestion when naming your child: put "President" or "Doctor" in front of their name. If it sounds ridiculous, you need to choose a different name.

stuffisthings

Did you guys hear the one about the white girl who didn't go to grad school so she named her daughter Avolvo?

RK Fire

@stuffisthings: I heard one about a boy named Aprius!

[I just googled to see if there was someone with that name! ahahaha]

stuffisthings

@RK Fire Is it wrong that I think those both actually sound like pretty good names?

RK Fire

@stuffisthings: Avolvo isn't my speed, but part of the reason why I checked "Aprius" is because I thought to myself "well, maybe it really is an obscure latin name?"

stuffisthings

@RK Fire He was a famous orator, poet, and general during the Second Punic War. Or that's what I'm going to tell the others kids' parents, anyway.

whateverlolawants

@maevemealone There is a woman named Marijuana Pepsi Jackson! And there's a really good article about her if you Google her. She seems really cool.

RK Fire

@stuffisthings: Hahaha. I think he also advocated against the Romans becoming too dependent on one form of energy consumption, amirite??

stuffisthings

@whateverlolawants I still can't believe they discontinued Marijuana Pepsi.

Lemonnier

@Lil Sebastian ALL MADISONS ARE NAMED AFTER DARRYL HANNAH'S CHARACTER IN SPLASH DON'T EVEN ARGUE

fondue with cheddar

@stuffisthings Right? I mean...it's not like it had the disastrous health effects of Crystal Meth Pepsi.

ms. alex

@Lil Sebastian TRUTH. I grew up in Utah. There are a lot of bad names and strange spellings of normal names. http://wesclark.com/ubn/

fondue with cheddar

@Lemonnier But? Dolley Madison!

You're probably right, though.

PistolPackinMama

@maevemealone My boss for a college bridge program I RA'd for's given name was Marijuana Pepsi. On her Master's Diploma, on her office wall. She. Was. The. Best. Boss. So good. Wouldn't cross her with a barge pole (mixed metaphor? but gets the point across).

And the thing is? The kids? Totally integrated that was her name and moved along. After a while, you don't notice a person's name is unusual, because it becomes their name first and anything else second.

Also, I am pretty sure some folklorist somewhere looked at African American naming practices and pointed out something something Malcolm X name change rejecting oppression disconnected from African ancestry so not really able to make full use of indigenous naming practices, so instead developing unique African American naming practices drawing on all the cultural influences there are (primarily rural Southern roots, later Northern migration, interest in cultural history, art forms and just keep going...).

Which, I think, is really cool.

And of course I have no idea where I read that. But I remember reading it somewhere.

Also also? It's not that hard to learn new names (see: Marijuana Pepsi). So when people get snitty about Made Up Black Names Being So Hard and Also Stupid, I think it's fair to call shenanigans.

Which I know you all know. But just saying'.

PistolPackinMama

@PistolPackinMama PS: I had a student in jail whose last name was Killsplenty. My boss in jail was all "how could he go change his names from whatever it was to something violent and terrible like Killsplenty. That just shows he Is Making Bad Choices."

And I was all, Killsplenty is a pretty common last name from his neck of the woods. Someone who was associated with Crazy Horse had that name, actually. And if naming practices are anything to go by, it at one time was probably short for something else. Like, Killsplenty of Deer To Feed His Family in the Winter. Not, Killsplenty of Cops to Piss off White People.

She looked chagrined. And I didn't mind.

wharrgarbl

@PistolPackinMama ...shouldn't one generally verify that one did in fact change one's name before inferring negative character traits based on it? I mean, ideally you'd look up the before and after just to make sure you've got the whole picture. Like, "David von Murderpants" might have originally been "Throatpuncher von Murderpants" and thought that was a little bit much.

EpWs

@PistolPackinMama Ooh, in the names-that-you-just-get-used-to category, a buddy and former coworker of mine is named Brajaan. (pronounced Bray-jon) I used to wear his nametag at work and watch people's brains implode, good fun.

PistolPackinMama

@wharrgarbl You'd think. Changing your name while in jail can be a political thing (Malcolm X) and religious thing (choosing a Muslim name if you con/revert, also Malcolm X) or recreational (student who for kicks went with Lord Victorious Almighty, then changed it back).

So I suppose as stupid assumptions go, boss at least had some context. But yeah. Dude's Native. Killsplenty. Native. Killsplenty. I mean, really. As names go, it sounds pretty plausible as a given name to me. Also, he was a fine student, pretty chilled out, kept his head down. He wasn't the type to go do rash stuff because why not? He could handle college... I dunno. We live in a state with more than one or two Native people in it. This stuff isn't rocket surgery.

stuffisthings

@Lil Sebastian Oh this vein of girls' names is only beginning to be tapped: Van Buren, Fillmore, Ulysses, Rutherford, Coolidge, Taft...

whateverlolawants

@PistolPackinMama Yeah, that's the thing about unusual names- people forget about them once they know the person. I have a very long hyphenated last name, and most people who know me don't think much about it at all. My boss said he never even considered why I had such a name, and he's known me for two years.

And I have a few friends and acquaintances who, when I mention them to others, the listener is like, "They're named WHAT?" and I remember their name is unusual.

wharrgarbl

@plonk I'm totally naming my firstborn Manfredjensenden.

@Lil Sebastian "Regan" is actually a proper girl's name (the little girl in The Exorcist (1973) was named Regan, for example) and doesn't have anything to do with the president, though I don't doubt people have seized the opportunity and named their kids that because they're fans of his fiscal policies.

EpWs

@anachronistique Totally read that in Liz Lemon's "Mrs. Donaghy" voice.

Nicole Cliffe

"To ask the question: what is aaaaaart?"
"WE KNOW WHAT ART IS. IT'S PAINTINGS OF HORSES."

EpWs

@stuffisthings Quincy! Buchanan! Nixon! Bush!*

*Please no one name your daughter Bush.

harebell

@wharrgarbl Scandinavians aren't really WASPs, though. I'd go more Van Buren Roosenswatch Astor Field, if I were you...

PistolPackinMama

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Stilton Carter... tasty association, blue cheese, future occupation, all wrapped up in a bow.

George Templeton Strong

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher McKinley was amazing. Read Gore Vidal's 1900. Spoiler alert: McKinley was killed by an anarchist in Buffalo while in office. He ran against wacko William Jennings Bryan in 1896 (the Democrat who gave "the Cross of Gold" speech advocating "free silver" and who went on to disgrace himself at the Scopes Monkey Trial), presided over the Spanish American War (not this country's finest hour, by any means), had young loony Theodore Roosevelt as his Vice President...it's too bad he's not studied the way that less interesting recent Presidents are. That said, I wouldn't give a child the first name "McKinley."

Verity

@PistolPackinMama I hope people start using the name Fishmonger.

wharrgarbl

@harebell It's the never-ending fake last name from A Fish Called Wanda.

rocknrollunicorn

@Lil Sebastian To be fair, King Lear's daughter Regan came first... though I do not know that she is a character I'd name a child after. I did always like Edgar as a possibility from that play, though.

kitkat88

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher McKinley was assassinated in office, which is pretty notable! And by an anarchist in love with Emma Goldman no less! He was also "against lynching" black citizens, so that's good?

fondue with cheddar

@Verity When he gets a job, you could say to someone who needs his services, "Get thee to Fishmonger!"

Verity

@jen325 Or, when they ask me if I know who they are: "Excellent well; you are a fishmonger".

applestoapples

"Fifi Trixibelle is a Yorkshire terrier's name, let's face it."
--everyone to Bob Geldof, thirty years too late

Megasus

@applestoapples Not even her regular name, but her show name.

stuffisthings

Hey Bob, it's the year 2025 calling. Qream Palin would like to have a word.

EpWs

@stuffisthings Mr. Qream Palin

RK Fire

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher: Mr. Qream Palin, Esquire.

stuffisthings

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Dr. Qream Palin, Esq. EDIT: Oops, late on the joke.

RK Fire

@stuffisthings: No no, you took it to a whole new level! Please, carry on.

stuffisthings

@RK Fire President Dr. Qream Palin, Esq.?

EpWs

@stuffisthings NO

RK Fire

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher: Dr. Qream Palin, Esq., First of His/Her Name?

martinipie

@RK Fire king of the Andals, the Rhoynar, and the First Men, lord protector of the seven kingdoms of Westeros? (baaaaaam didn't even look at one of the books!)

stuffisthings

Also, was I the only one who interpreted the title of this post as answers to a Jeopardy question about why people go to bars?

Lily Rowan

@stuffisthings HA!

noodge

I didn't know that Paula Yates died just a few years after Michael Hutechence. Maybe it's the rain today, but that makes me... sad.

parallel-lines

@teenie I never knew how bananas her wedding dress was: http://bizzyblogging.blogspot.com/2007/07/as-promised-strange-story-of-bob-geldof.html

But yeah, the whole story is very strange...

fondue with cheddar

@teenie Michael Hutchence was my first grown-up I-want-to-fuck-his-brains-out celebrity crush. I still have a predilection toward moppy curly dark haired men.

noodge

@jen325 yeah, same. i was about 11 when kick came out, and "i need you tonight" definitely stirred something in me. the video? with him dancing around shirtless in... leggings? and that hair? and that mouth? uhg, he kills me.

beanie

@parallel-lines that dress looks like it belongs on Melisandre from Game of Thrones.

fondue with cheddar

@teenie Holy shit, yes. I was 13, and while I hadn't done naughty things with boys yet I still knew what I wanted to do with him. Oh, to be that rat crawling up his arm and over his neck and into his hair. Even after all these years that video still gives me feelings in my underpants.

Anna Jayne@twitter

When people tell me they know someone who knows someone named Oranjello and/or Lemonjello, I politely inform them that until I see a birth certificate, it's an urban legend. Or Shithead (shi-THEED), or Female (fe-MAH-lay), etc.

EpWs

@Anna Jayne@twitter Don't forget Pajama (PAH-juh-muh)

MoxyCrimeFighter

@Anna Jayne@twitter My grandmother swears that when she was working as a nurse in a neonatal unit in the '50s, that she met a woman who named her newborn "fe-MAH-lay" because that's what the baby's bracelet said. My grandmother is neither racist nor a joker,s o I don't know how to take that, really.

Also, I saw this Tweet: "My brother is a doctor & delivered a baby named Y'all-Jealous Jones today. This is not a joke. Y'ALL JEALOUS JONES. My brother wins 2012." I don't know if that's true, and I doubt it is, but I kind of want it to be.

elizabeast

@Anna Jayne@twitter I've heard the Female story many times.

However, once upon a time I visited my mom's best friend's preschool class (I wanted to help with arts and crafts!) and there was a girl there named Tequila Champagne. There was another named Sinofeve (Sin. Of. Eve.). This is a true story and I will never get over it.

Alixana

@MoxyCrimeFighter I don't know about this rationale for it, but my grandmother's original birth certificate from the late '20s said "female" in the first name box because her parents couldn't decide on a name before leaving the hospital.

orejitasmiamor

@MoxyCrimeFighter My dad is a obstetrician and he delivered a baby a few years ago named Cherry Bomb America. Maybe she was born on the 4th of July, I can't remember.
Also at my large midwestern university it was rumored that there is a girl name Asshole, but it is pronounced A-sho-ley. Kind of sad, really.

MoxyCrimeFighter

@orejitasmiamor Oh, Lordy. I had a teacher swear she knew a couple from Texas who named their twins "Liberty Anne" and "Justice Forall."

But! And this is true because Wikipedia says so - Rebel Wilson's siblings are named Liberty, Ryot, and Annachi. Annachi! Hilarious.

EpWs

@MoxyCrimeFighter Oooh, that's my new favorite. Only in Texas.

Ophelia

@Anna Jayne@twitter I did go to elementary school with a kid named Kishore Bhatt, which is really unfortunate/hilarious when you're 10.

Bittersweet

@orejitasmiamor: Oz-wee-pay! OZ-WEE-PAY!!

pilcrow

@Alixana Ooh, did you just reveal the origin of the urban legend? I could totally see it coming from that.

Megasus

It's true, Astala is totally an elven princess' name. But given what he named his own kids, you reap what you sow man.

applestoapples

@Megano! Peaches' fiance is most likely from Rivendell, so it all makes sense.

Megasus

@applestoapples Oh man, totally! I hope the kid looks like him, because then it would be SUPER APPROPRIATE.

iceberg

@applestoapples OH man, don't matter what that baby is called because hot damn it's gonna be attractive.

Faintly Macabre

The brilliant Michael K. has already taken to calling the kid Astala Vista. Therefore they should keep the name.

EpWs

@Faintly Macabre Oh...oh wow. That is phenomenal.

stuffisthings

@Faintly Macabre If that sticks, when she eventually gets pregnant the tabloid headlines will just write themselves.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@Faintly Macabre That took me a minute, but damn, got it and chuckled to myself.

Megasus

@stuffisthings But, Astala is a boy? UNLESS THE FUTURE.

stuffisthings

My parents insist that they legitimately wanted to name me "Buster" (which rhymes with my last name).

anachronistique

@stuffisthings Oh man, my hippie parents almost named me Rainbow and my brother Geronimo. (They are not Native by any reckoning.) Luckily they thought better of it.

Also, they offered me and my brother the chance to help name our much-younger baby sister; the first round was Ariel (like the mermaid) for a girl and Shredder for a boy. They exercised their veto. And then she ended up nicknamed Atilla.

beanie

@stuffisthings heeeey brother.

EpWs

@anachronistique GIRL my parents came THISCLOSE to naming me Ariel. Note: this is my parents, who were in their late 20s/early 30s at the time. No small children were involved.

Thankfully that didn't happen. (And thankfully I was a girl and not a boy, because the boy name they would have picked? Benjamin Joseph, going by BJ. Missed lots of bullets as a fetus, I did.)

stuffisthings

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher One of the coolest guys in my high school friend was a BJ. You just have to own it. EDIT: Though one of my best friends from back then (and still) is named Mario and he was VERY sensitive on that topic.

EpWs

@stuffisthings All other things being equal, I doubt I would have been able to own BJ until much later in life. Middle school would not have been good to me. (Presumed glasses, rolling backpack, love of nerdy books, etc.)

harebell

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher yikes. My mother wanted to name me "Consuelo," though she recognized this was a bad idea. (It's a girl's name, but we have a pretty ethnic last name and it's not Spanish!)
I do, however, know a child of hippie parents, and he is named Cotton. Cotton Seed. I forget his other brothers' names, but one of them is Caraway. Cotton is a grad student in mathematics right now...

HoliandIvy

@harebell
Ha! In MA, right? We have friends in common.

Decca

My sister and I both have very traditional names, but there was an added complication for my parents in that they had to consider what the Irish versions of our names would be. They wanted to call my sister Deborah, but decided against it because in Irish it translates as the magnificently ugly-sounding Gobnait (pronounced Gub-nit). My apologies to any Deborahs.

redonion

Did someone already post this? Man, I love her annual lists. I think I first came across it on The Hairpin??

frigwiggin

No lie: there was a guy at my high school named Harry Oranges. I promise!

frigwiggin

@frigwiggin Also a Luke Skye Walker. (He was in the Space and Engineering program, naturally.)

stuffisthings

@frigwiggin There was a brother and sister pair at my school whose last name was something that sounded like Partypooper (Partykooper maybe?). They were also really involved in school activities and so constantly getting called over the PA.

EpWs

@stuffisthings Went to middle school with a kid whose last name was Goodykoontz. To this day I can't pronounce it with a straight face, and always pronounce it (in my head) with the inflection of CoooooooooooooookieCrisp.

Sierra Charlie

@frigwiggin From my local news: Obiwan Kenobi was just arrested for a hit and run a few days ago. http://www.kcra.com/news/30967629/detail.html

EpWs

@Sierra Charlie JUST read this, perfect.

Ophelia

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher There was a substitute teacher at my high school named Mrs. Baumfakis.

iceberg

@Ophelia I used to deal over the phone with someone whose last name was Glasscock... I admit I niggered every time I hung up the phone.

GLASSCOCK.

EpWs

@iceberg GIRLFRIEND, quick, fix the typo while there's still time!

iceberg

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT

SNIGGERED, you guys. SNIGGERED.

That'll teach me to do work instead of hanging out here.

Verity

@iceberg I was on a message board once which had automatic filters for offensive words. As I found to my cost, when I wrote the word "sniggered" and saw in horror that my post included the phrase "sblack personed". It made me look like I was making an awful racist joke.

iceberg

My husband and his siblings and their children all have weird-ass hippie names so we had to do it to our kids but I made sure they have super conventional middle names they can go by if they get over being asked how to spell that or whatever.

null

@iceberg My daughter has a weird ass name, but goes by a more normal name that isn't on her birth certificate at all. Your way makes more sense.

Also! She goes to a super hippie school and I really enjoy going through the directory to see what other weirdo parents are naming their kids.

pilcrow

@iceberg I grew up in a milieu where everyone had weird-ass hippie names. Mine was one of the less weird, but I still was the only one until recently. Now it's apparently a trendy name. So - maybe time will catch up with them?

mouthalmighty

My name apparently sounds so incomplete that when I introduce myself to people, they always ask if it's short for something. Then they usually add, like, a bunch of noises to the front of it - "la", "ta", "sha" - and I have to tamp down internal rage because NO. Just... no.

Terrifying Wife-Avatar

Since moving to the South I have come to learn, live, & love the "invented" names (quotation marks indicating that I have no idea what the term of art is) of my black students--they are the only ones I can remember after the first couple days of class when I feel like I'm staring into an ocean of Ashleys and Joshuas. I do worry, however, about the studies I've heard reported that suggest that employers discriminate against those names on résumés.

reebs14

I work for an insurance company and am reminded of the awesome names of some of my insureds each time their policy comes up for renewal. Personal favorites: Buckmaster (last name), Whisper, Utah, and - wait for it - Imaboy. Who is female.

harebell

@reebs14 niiiiice.
Utah Mormon names can be amazing, too. Here's the Utah Baby Namer:
http://wesclark.com/ubn/

punkrockparkinglot

A guy I was friends with in high school was named Scooter. Actually, his name was Scott, but he had always been called Scooter. Why? Because when his mom was pregnant with him, his brother got to name him, and he chose Scooter. Obviously, his parents didn't want to put Scooter on his birth certificate, so his legal name is Scott but he's always gone by Scooter. He is a grown man now, and I still think that is what he goes by in his professional life.

Gwdihw

@punkrockparkinglot
Are you talking about Scooter Libby? I knew it! :)

punkrockparkinglot

@l'esprit de l'escalier No....this Scooter is a 20 something. Shucks.

AniaGosia

Oh, names. When I was pregnant, a friend (or maybe not a friend, actually) encouraged me to name my son Jewelian.

OaklandBooty

Weirdest given names of people I have actually met: Stroller, Lovely-Israel, Bic Penh, Bradnui (Bradney).

Weirdest names my parents wanted to give me if I had been a boy: Steppenwolf, Reinhold.

George Templeton Strong

And at the intersection of Presidential names and "black" names there is Roosevelt as a first name. I've met a couple, now quite elderly. The football player Rosey Grier's first name is Roosevelt, not Rose. I would not be shocked to discover that there is a whole generation of Baracks and Obamas reaching school age.

whateverlolawants

@George Templeton Strong I love the name Roosevelt as a man's first name!

fondue with cheddar

@whateverlolawants Roosevelt is the first name of a fictional character but I can't for the life of me remember who!

Violet Strange

@jen325 The only fictional one I can think of is a muppet on Sesame Street named Roosevelt Franklin.

fondue with cheddar

@Violet Strange Yes, that's the one! Thank you. :)

Post a Comment

You must be logged-in to post a comment.

Login To Your Account