The Audrey Hepburn Makeover
After Edith’s not-even-that-dramatic but seamless transformation into Brigitte Bardot a few weeks ago, we asked who wanted to be next. Who wanted a makeover? But not just any makeover: a makeover into the celebrity you’re told you resemble — even if it’s a vague resemblance. In fact, vague is good because then the transformation will be more dramatic. Guess what? Tons of you didn’t read that very closely, because the most popular celebrity requested was Audrey Hepburn and, oh, squarely half of those came from freckly, blue-eyed blondes for example. So that was cute and totally understandable, as Audrey had that certain je ne sais quoi we all secretly desire. But then along came Lila…
Lila: Okaaay, so once in a blue moon some sweet, misguided soul will tell me I look a bit like Audrey Hepburn. Which, holy mackerel, so flattering! But also what I always hear inside my head is “You look like [the poor man’s] Audrey Hepburn.” So when you put out the call I thought maybe you could turn me into the not-poor man’s Audrey for a day.
(This was the first time I’d ever met Lila, and I was kind of thankful we were forced to be really up front with the whole “you’re a little gamine princess who looks like Audrey Hepburn” stuff so we could maybe establish a rapport — an impossibility if I’m hinting the whole time at what fun it would be to, oh I dunno, glue a bunch of junk to her face. That is annoying! Shut up, Jane.)
Anyway, so Lila cam over and she brought some costume changes and we went through jewelry and accessories and sat down and got to work and it was pretty much like an eighth-grade slumber party except we weren’t drinking Sharp’s and I was getting pretty good at makeup by this point and could do more looks than “Madonna.”
Jane: So how did you like getting tons of makeup thrown at you? Any surprises?
L: Oh, it was one surprise after another! Primer? What is that? I generally wear Clinique Almost Lipstick and maybe some blush on a good day, so this was a little outside my comfort zone at first. Fortunately I had some liquid courage (Lillet on the rocks), and you were a patient and generous tutor. It was really, really fun. The best part — and the biggest surprise — might’ve been those fake eyelashes. They’re so heavy! I felt kind of like a coquettish, gamine Snuffleupagus.
Those aren’t even the fake lashes yet, if you can believe it. Some people.
J: Heavy! Really? I had just been to this Korean wedding accessories shop and they had all of these incredible imported fake eyelashes — like ones with multiple layers of lashes in the corners. The brand is called “DARKNESS.” Those are the ones I used on you. I guess they did look kind of heavy, actually. You’re right. Did you have trouble blinking?
L: No, in fact all I wanted to do was flutter them. [Downcast gaze, blink, blink, blink, coy smile.] But then you asked me why I was smirking and I realized maybe I’d lost the muscle memory for flirtatious facial expressions…
J: I said that? I need to shut up, but also in my defense you did bring alcohol. That I was drinking. Faster than you because you had to hold still the whole time. Maybe I just meant “you look happy!”
L: I was happy! But you were right: I was totally smirking. Another thing you were right about was the eyebrows. Can we talk about the eyebrows?
J: Please! Yes. Forever. How do you feel about what I did to yours? They were excellent to begin with, by the way.
L: Someone close to me told me recently that I had “the most prominent eyebrows” of anyone she knew (#humblebrag?), so when you said that you were going to give me an even heavier brow I was pretty sure I was going to look like a werewolf, or Leonid Brezhnev. I’d never noticed Audrey’s eyebrows before. They’re incredible, right? Prominent eyebrows FTW!
J: And you know what? After you left and I was alone with the photos, I felt EXTREME pit-of-my-stomach regret at not extending them further into your temples on the sides — like almost to your hairline. I fucked that up and I will never forgive myself.
J: So, this was fun and I think you look exactly like her. I couldn’t stop telling you that! And I still can’t. Great job having that face, Lila. Do you think you’ll ever go for this look again?
L: I think the full Holly Golightly is best left to professionals comme vous. You taught me mad skillz, but I’m pretty sure I would still glue my eyelids together if I attempted it myself. So … come over and do my makeup whenever?
If you live in or around Los Angeles and might want for Jane to make you look as much as possible like the celebrity you think in your secret heart of hearts that you maybe could possibly look like with a lot of makeup and the right camera angles, let her know.