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Wednesday, April 25, 2012

284

Short Lists

Games the cats are good at

1. Playing dead

***

Things to do after you talk to your ex on the phone and find out your other ex just broke up with the girl he started dating two weeks after you ended your four year relationship (not that you can complain because you were already sleeping with the ex you’re now on the phone with and anyway now you’re in a happy relationship and engaged), which knowledge on the part of your ex causes you to wonder if he might now be sleeping with your other ex’s ex

1. Take a bong hit

***

Things to do after that

1. Start an ancestry.com account and find your paternal grandfather’s college yearbook picture

***

Your fiance’s reaction when he walks in and sees the picture (which looks exactly like your dad)

1. Jump backwards one foot

2. Yell "AH!" in terror

***

Reasons the hummus tastes weird

1. You used sesame oil instead of tahini

***

Reasons you have no tahini

1. There are no Middle Eastern groceries in town

2. It costs $8 for a tiny thing at the regular grocery store and that’s stupid

***

Things that are better than going to a reading

1. Watching a documentary about ballerinas in Russia and then one about gymnasts in North Korea

***

I wonder where those two women are going with those objects?

1. A small dog carrier

2. A squirrel trap

3. A shovel

***

What that dumb restaurant Deluxe should really call itself

1. Overpriced, amiright?  

***

Requirements for maintaining emotional equilibrium

1. B vitamins

2. Fish oil

3. Effexor

4. Lots of coffee

***

Facts about the neighbor’s cat

1. Her name is Miss Mimi

2. She had an abortion

***

Signs this ironic beer pong party might not be as ironic as you’d thought

1. You find yourself extremely invested in a round of flip cup

***

Signs you are extremely invested in a round of flip cup

1. You ask “Regular or Penn State rules?”

2. When you win, you do that thing where you make your arms into an X over your vagina, even though you aren’t really sure what the gesture means, perhaps “Eat it”?

***

Yoga instructor dealbreakers

1. Discussion of third eyes or chakras

2. Spritzing people with sandalwood and myrhh infused mist during corpse pose without their goddamn consent

3. More than one “om” per class and that’s really quite generous

 ***

Emotions you may feel when you turn on the radio and it’s Prairie Home Companion

1. Pure rage

Michelle E. Crouch neither attended Penn State nor owns a bong.

284 Comments / Post A Comment

redheaded&crazy

Ways To Play Beer Pong

1. with an extreme level of investment

redheaded&crazy

Ways Not To Play Beer Pong

1. Win 4 games in a row

2. Puke in garbage can

3. Get asked by concerned police officer if "he" (me) is doing okay

redheaded&crazy

@redheaded&crazie what i'm trying to say here is i will kill you all at beer pong, all challengers welcomed

Scandyhoovian

@redheaded&crazie I want a 'pinner beer pong meetup now. And I haven't played beer pong in probably 3-4 years... though I was VERY GOOD AT IT.

whatsherface

@redheaded&crazie
Ideas for future Toronto pin-ups:
1. Beer pong (obv)

(This means I'll actually have to make it to one)

redheaded&crazy

@Scandyhoovian @whatsherface I like the way you guys think! Now I really want to play some beer pong!!!

Let's have a hairpin wide tournament where winners from each city travel to a central location to throw down (not up ... I hope).

cosmia

@whatsherface This needs to be a thing that happens. Except I'm not good at beer pong :( I am amazing at regular ping pong, however.

Roxanne Rholes

@redheaded&crazie My friends hold a "beerlympics" every summer. It's an amazing, beautiful mess. I'd be happy to lend a hard with organization!

Barry Grant

@redheaded&crazie

OK it's official: I want to party with you.

bskinz

@redheaded&crazie. Bring it.

redheaded&crazy

@Barry Grant OKAY~! :D

redheaded&crazy

@bskinz well I doooo need a partner! bskinz&crazie is a pretty dece team name ...

(I MEAN ... BRING IT)

Ophelia

It definitely means "eat it," and I will SCHOOL all comers in flip cup.

PistolPackinMama

@Ophelia I am a superior Flip-Cup Referee.

Ophelia

@PistolPackinMama Excellent! They can keep their beer pong (meh), flip cup is truly the sport of kings.

julia

@Ophelia Are you the person who said to me, "Julia, I really need you to step up your game. Do you think you can do that?" at what I *thought* was a casual game of flip-cup, fall 2007?

Ophelia

@julia Those words...might have escaped my lips, but I believe it was during a hyped-up post-softball Flip Cup Death Match in DC, circa 2005.

redheaded&crazy

@Ophelia i'm sorry but where you wrote "sport of kings" did you mean to say "sport of second-placers who just don't know how to get good arc"?

thaaaaaaat's what I thought

eta: i'm not sorry at all

julia

@Ophelia ha! This was also in DC.

PistolPackinMama

@redheaded&crazie You're only saying this because you have never had me ref your flip cup game before.

Ophelia

@PistolPackinMama You are an EXCELLENT referee, if this is any indication of your work.

OhMarie

@Ophelia Guys I kind of love flip cup but it was totally overshadowed by beer pong at my college. Someone please tell me what the difference between regular and Penn State rules means??

MollyculeTheory

@Ophelia In college, I could flip a cup with my tongue - which, looking back, I am profoundly grateful that I still have a tongue that was not eaten away by basement-dwelling beer-puddle germs.

somethingobscure

@PistolPackinMama I really want to know how the Penn State rules differ

Ophelia

@MollyculeTheory I don't think MRSA can exist in college basements. They're too gross even for flesh-eating bacteria.

Faintly Macabre

@Ophelia Rollbacks? Restacking? How many times you had to get their last cup to win? I don't know; I always just did whatever the shouting people told me to do.

redheaded&crazy

@Ophelia AGREED ok PPM i take back my earlier attempt at smack talk, it was ... uncouth of me *refereed*

PistolPackinMama

@redheaded&crazie I am so tired from a long day, I can't tell if I am being teased or not. (It's fine either way, but I have lost the humor thread and need to sleeezzzzzzzzzzz).

redheaded&crazy

@PistolPackinMama you are not being teased, i mean, only a little bit! in a good way?

i could use a good referee in life, is all i'm saying, kn'aw mean?

slutberry

@everyone I have never played beer pong.

redheaded&crazy

@sniffadee not even at BDP?! (this may be a staunchly mcgill first years thing)

slutberry

@redheaded&crazie When I was a mcgill first year, I lived with my parents and the only time I got drunk was when I had a bunch of friends over while my parents were in Europe and we sat in the living room and drank a bottle of Jack while talking about theology. So.

slutberry

@redheaded&crazie Also, BDP is, like, made of hepatitis.

redheaded&crazy

@sniffadee BDP really is made of hepatitis :S

slutberry

@redheaded&crazie And run by the Hell's Angels.

redheaded&crazy

@sniffadee find me a bar in montreal that isn't though amirite! ha! hahaha .... aaaaaiiiieeeeeeee

mecmec

@somethingobscure Penn State rules means to win, your team has to go down the line and then back to the person who started, so everyone drinks twice. Basically Penn State rules for anything involve drinking twice as much,

DH@twitter

D-Generation X, YESSIR. SUCK IT.

JessicaLovejoy

@DH@twitter I wish I still had my DX shirt. It made my dad suspicious that I was in a gang. A gang with pretty high production values, I guess. Considering the 100% cotton tee.

Johanna Elemenopee

aw i love prairie home companion

ohpioneer

@Johanna Elemenopee I don't understand the rage... it's so great.

whimseywisp

@Johanna Elemenopee @ohpioneer I love NPR but I just don't get PHC. It does nothing for me :(.

ThatWench

@Johanna Elemenopee I feel like prairie home companion is a perfectly pleasant thing... when you're in the right place for it, mentally. It's a very slow-moving show, and it's a very predictable show in terms of what the jokes will be and how they will be delivered. And if you're in a place to slow your internal monologue down and wait through a long set up for the same joke you've heard a hundred times before, it's just what you need.

If you wanted something, anything else out of turning on the radio (which is obviously set to NPR, since there's not one other station worth listening to on the FM frequencies anymore), you may feel great disappointment, even annoyance. (I'm not sure about blinding rage, though.)

fondue with cheddar

@Johanna Elemenopee Some days I'm in the mood and enjoy it, other days I'm totally not into it. I do enjoy the movie, though.

I feel the same way about Car Talk.

JaneDoe

@Johanna Elemenopee
I seem to have trouble with slow, monotone things, therefore I have never been able to stand PHC. After I hear it have to turn on somethong loud and thrashy. Might have something to do with my ADD/ADHD...

Xanthophyllippa

@JaneDoe I can't stand listening to Garrison Keillor breathe. It's like he's a dog swimming across a lake, or something.

fondue with cheddar

@Xanthophyllippa Why must he exhale loudly through his nose at the end of every sentence?

Xanthophyllippa

@jen325 Yes! He sounds SO put-upon.

fondue with cheddar

@Xanthophyllippa Garrison, why are you always so exasperated? Are they working you too hard?

Xanthophyllippa

@jen325 ssssssssssiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh

Carly Marie@twitter

Ways to bring out the sassy over-competitive monster in otherwise peaceful and respectful me:
1. Flip cup
2. Trivial Pursuit

EpWs

@Carly Marie@twitter TRIVIAL PURSUIT I WILL MURDER ALL OF YOU AT IT.
Also, SCATTERGORIES.
Also, PICTIONARY, but only as long as my brother and I are on a team together.

DH@twitter

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher

I learned to play 7 Wonders recently, and I was surprised by how competitive I got during THE FIRST GAME.

cuminafterall

@Carly Marie@twitter Interesting fact: I am the reigning world champion in Balderdash.

meetapossum

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher My friend Daniel and I were an unbeatable Pictionary team. We just got each other.

Has anyone ever played Encore? It's the best!

Bebe

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher My sister and I challenge you and your brother to a Sibling Pictionary Team Death Match. WE SHALL DESTROY YOU.

MmeLibrarian

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Pfft. People live in fear of playing Trivial Pursuit with me. You best recognize.

Carly Marie@twitter

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher YES, and Pictionary! It's a miracle my brother and I didn't stab each other to death with Pictionary pencils as young children.

meetapossum

@MmeLibrarian I would be much better at Trivial Pursuit if it weren't for that damn orange chip.

EpWs

@Bebe BRING IT, WOMAN. I fear no siblings.

New Commenter Name

@Carly Marie@twitter, The Everpresent Wordsnatcher, DH@twitter, cuminafterall, and everyone else:
UNO, people. Uno. I will Reverse, Skip, and Wild Draw Four all your asses to oblivion before you know what hit you.

Dancercise

I challenge everyone to a sibling-team round of Taboo against my brother and me. Prepare to lose.

JessicaLovejoy

@Carly Marie@twitter UNO.

I will slit your throat with a "Draw 4" card. Trust.

EpWs

Okay, clearly we need to have Hairpin Game Night with siblings and alcohol involved. All in favor?

MmeLibrarian

I WILL DRIVE YOU BEFORE ME AND HEAR THE LAMENTATIONS OF YOUR WOMEN.

...um. Maybe I should sit this one out.

Bebe

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I once drew a straight line and she (correctly) guessed it was Pushing Daisies. IT IS ON.

EpWs

@MmeLibrarian What is your game of choice?

CHOOSE, AND PERISH.

Carly Marie@twitter

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher This sounds amazing and dangerous.

hoo:ha

@Carly Marie@twitter No shame... sometimes YOGA turns me into an overcompetitive monster. (e.g. my internal voice: "Girl better not think her natarajasana is better than mine. Yeah... look at my hip, Bitchface, that shit is squared to the front!"

beanie

@meetapossum I would be amazing at Trivial Pursuit if the pie was entirely pink.

EpWs

@Carly Marie@twitter Many will enter. Two will leave.

Carly Marie@twitter

@Dancercise TABOO! Ok, maybe I should revise my list to say:
1. Flip cup
2. ALL the board games (except for Monopoly, I hate you Monopoly).

meetapossum

@beanie We're Trivial Pursuit fiends in my house, so we have a ton of different cards, and I usually pick the Christmas deck for the orange piece. Suck it, Genus II! You are so outdated!

Carly Marie@twitter

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher The Hunger Board Games?

redheaded&crazy

@Carly Marie@twitter haha more like "way to bring out the sassy over-competitive monster in literally every person who reads the hairpin"

EpWs

@Carly Marie@twitter I was thinking more Thunderdome, but Hunger Board Games works too!

Verity

I once inadvertently swore in front of my boyfriend's family while playing a board game. They make me very competitive!

Verity

@Verity Also, a game I have played with various friendship groups and which always results in violence: Spoons. Fast-paced card game which involves spoons (one spoon fewer than the number of players) which need to be grabbed at a certain point. It generally ends in the two slowest people rolling on the floor pulling each other's hair in an attempt to get the spoon to themselves.

Carly Marie@twitter

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Thunderdome is a less embarrassing reference, but I have a weakness for puns.

meetapossum

@Verity We used to play a variation of Spoons called Donkey. It involved clothespins. So many pinches were given.

EpWs

@Carly Marie@twitter And I <3 u for it.

Bittersweet

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher: Scattergories Queen reporting, and throwing down the gauntlet. You shall all perish before my ability to think up crazy words with the same first letter.

isitisabel

@Verity Spoons gets so competitive! One time my friends and I played Extreme Spoons, in which we put the spoons in the corners of a big field and sat in the middle. It was not pretty.

This particular group of friends and I also play a card game called Nuts, that we have also dubbed Group Death Solitaire. There is much swearing and frequent promises of future violence.

rosaline

@Carly Marie@twitter Spoons! Yes! My favorite variation ever (and potentially the most foolish) was throwing all the spoons in the bottom of a pool. Picture the mad dash over the edge when the first person got their four of a kind...

angermonkey

@Carly Marie@twitter Add the game Pit to that list at #3 and I'm going to become concerned that we are the same person.

Carly Marie@twitter

@angermonkey I don't know what Pit is. But my guess is, I would like it, and I would be crazy competitive at it.

angermonkey

@Carly Marie@twitter Pit! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pit_%28game%29

Seriously, it involves shouting things like "I GOT TWO! I GOT TWO! WHO'S GOT TWO???" and ringing a little dingy-bell when you win. Best played while drinking beer.

Verity

@rosaline That sounds amazing.

Dancercise

Also: You all officially have a standing invitation to my house for Settlers of Catan.

Megasus

@cuminafterall What about...MONOPLEDASH!?

slutberry

@Carly Marie@twitter When Gentleman and I play what we call the slap-and-yell game... I don't remember what it's called. It's like taboo mixed with BOP-IT XTREME. And it's awesome. But anyway. When the Gentleman and I are on the same team we own EVERYONE. everyone.

sox
sox

DANG IT. I keep thinking I need to pick back up with the fish oil but I'll only take it right before bed to avoid the fish burps and now I realize I forgot again last night!

MoxyCrimeFighter

@sox Get the odorless/tasteless kind! Just a weensy bit more expensive and definitely worth not tasting fish all the time.

caddie

@sox Apparently the trick to no fish burps is to look for "molecularly distilled" on the label. If it's not there, it means the fish oil was purified in another, lazier way (the internet says 'oil refinement') and there will be lingering fishiness. The molecularly distilled stuff has worked great for me. It can be slightly more expensive but if you shop around online you can find it for almost the same price. Also (I take this stuff on doctor's orders for horrible depression, so I'm something of an unwilling fish oil enthusiast) anyway ALSO if you still have a bunch of the fishy pills keep them in the freezer. Although it's harder to remember to take them when they're hidden in there, when you take them frozen they don't completely thaw into fishiness until they're in your intestines, where it's too late to cause burps. This has been your fish oil recommendations from a stranger.

New Commenter Name

@sox Flaxseed Oil. The best. Works better and no fish burps.

MoonBat

@Curiouser and curiouser So, seriously this stuff helps regulate moods? I'm asking for *a friend* who may have deliberately bashed her own head into the steering wheel in despair over being late for work this morning.

meaux

@caddie. Fish Oil Recommendations from a Stranger: I'd read that newsletter/watch that rom-com.

caddie

@MoonBat No. Sorry. I'm not sure what she meant by "works better," but as far as emotional stability goes, the heavy hitters are the omega-3 fatty acids EPA and DHA. Flaxseed oil, while probably super healthy etc, contains no DHA or EPA. It does contain ALA, which is helpful, but unless you're a strict vegan, for mood problems, fish oil is superior.

MoonBat

@caddie
Ok I will try this! *My friend's* forehead thanks you in advance!

caddie

@MoonBat Also vitamin D! And talking to friends and loved ones and professional therapists! Feel better!

sox
sox

@MoonBat My bestie is an acupuncturist and also suffers from the anxiety/et ceteras and has been doing tons of research in order to get of the prescription meds. She said that so far, the thing that most closely fits with everything she should take is prenatal vitamins and fish oil. I also hear the prenatals are super awesome for hair, nails and skin...um, wait how come I'm not taking these too?

New Commenter Name

@MoonBat
I said "works better" but that is my own personal experience. I was referring to my emotional stability when taking 3000 mg flaxseed oil per day compared to 3000 mg fish oil per day. I don't know the whys or the hows, could be placebo effect for all I know. FYI my flaxseed oil bottle says Omega-3 ALA 600mg, Omega-6 100mg, Omega-9 120mg.

Seriously though, your friend would benefit from doing more research than trusting what people on the internet tell you. Mood and emotional stability are far too important.

TheDogRuiner

@sox This prenatal-vitamins-and-fish-oil-instead-of-paxil idea. How does it affect one's regularity? Asking for a friend who hates SSRI constipation

insouciantlover

@TheDogRuiner Oh man, is SSRI constipation a thing? That may explain why my friend no longer gets flaming liquid anxiety shits anymore.

sox
sox

@TheDogRuiner Shucks, I have no clue as I'm really talking about my bestie but I would think it would help. I personally have had some...digestive issues (anal fissure OMG the PAIN) and have since started drinking myself some aloe vera juice on the regular (heh) and it helps tremendously with that. A girl at the store told me that whole leaf has a laxative effect in addition to the tissue soothing effect whereas the inner filet only has the soothing effect but I haven't really seen a difference in either/or. But you may want to check out the whole leaf just to be sure.
It doesn't taste bad, just weird. I mix it with whatever juice and hardly notice it (or maybe I've gotten used to it.)

Fig. 1 (formerly myfanwy)

@sox I have a friend with an AF; it is seriously no fun at all. She found that with a diet heavy on veg (esp. spinach and natural peanut butter) and light on chicken/cheese/sugar helped. Any other tips you might have?

MoonBat

@Curiouser and curiouser and sox: it's pretty minor and definitely more pronounced right before shark week, but vitamins and supplements are totally worth a try. Thank you so much for the advice!!!

stephanieboland

@caddie If you're a vegan or indeed a vegetarian, you can grab algae-based DHA and EHA tablets online fairly cheap.

CrescentMelissa

@insouciantlover "flaming liquid anxiety shits anymore". you win today.

Xanthophyllippa

@CrescentMelissa I hear that Flaming Liquid Anxiety Shits are opening for Anthrax these days.

Saskquatch

@MoonBat Also worth trying for moods: evening primrose oil. Doesn't make a big difference for me (am already an even keel kind of person) but my mom swears it saved lives (my life, probs) back in her psychotic pms days (you just take a gel cap a day for two weeksish after every period)

sox
sox

@Saskquatch Yes! Evening Primrose Oil was also suggested to me for my terrible hormone driven acne after going off birth control and it helped tremendously.

ViciousCersei

Rage! And then the rage is compounded when you flip over to the college station and it's A CAPELLA HOUR >:o

Cavendish

@ViciousCersei Or the opera they play ALL SATURDAY AFTERNOON.

MissArgentina

@ViciousCersei when the Christian radio station is the only station without commercials.

Now i just press scan and try to figure out which stations are the Christian stations. Important keywords: "glory" "him" "rise" "love"....hmm in retrospect, a little romance novel-ish

Terrifying Wife-Avatar

@Crockita And that's why an acquaintance of mine refers to contemporary Christian songs as "'Jesus is my boyfriend' music."

slutberry

@Nicole Sauvage@twitter Oh geez, I am a Christian and I hate most contemporary Christian music and have never met a Christian radio station I liked. Just. So much swoooning and so little substance. I'd take the Avett Brothers over that anyday.

Killer Kitties

Ways to alienate Lutherans:

1) Tell them you hate Prairie Home Companion.

No really, I think that's the only thing that would offend us. That and running out of coffee.

Scandyhoovian

@Killer Kitties Running out of coffee, definitely. What do you MEAN you don't have any!? FIE, FIE. (Do I count? I used to be a Lutheran before I gave up everything resembling religion, not counting my daily worship ritual for the coffee machine).

parallel-lines

@Killer Kitties 2) Tell them Jello is really overrated
3) "I'm thinking of marrying a Catholic, what do you think?"
4) "I'm really not that into ice fishing, but thanks anyway"
5) "Is that hot dish? Oh...I really don't eat, um, that sort of thing."
6) "That thing about Ole & Lena...it was a joke?"
7) "You think that item is too "spendy"...oh, well I guess it takes all types."
8) Put pepper and garlic in their lutefisk, thus making it "too spicy" and "too ethnic"
9) "You're Norweigan, right? Same difference." (to a Swede or Finn)

(I might just be from Minnesota)

EternalFootwoman

@Killer Kitties You...ran out of...what kind of church is this? Heathens! Heathens!

Once when I was about eight I was reading an article in Clubhouse (i.e., Focus on the Family indoctrination material for children) where kids discussed their favorite parts of church. One kid said with obvious pride that her church had a once-monthly coffee hour after service with doughnuts! I was really shaken that this poor child didn't know that coffee hour was supposed to be EVERY SUNDAY.

Killer Kitties

@parallel-lines I'm pretty sure laser beams came out of my eyeballs just READING #2.

LaLoba

@Scandyhoovian Or pie. Don't forget pie.

SuperGogo

@parallel-lines Uff da, girl!

SuperGogo

@Killer Kitties Is this the appropriate place to tell my story about how I was walking in St. Paul one time and Garrison Keillor crossed the street in the middle of the block to avoid me?? Effing diva.

Bittersweet

@EternalFootwoman: Once a month coffee hour? Chintzy. I think the coffee hour host at my church who thought of serving mimosas and bloody marys would win Parishioner of the Year.

EternalFootwoman

@SuperGogo Pfffff. He goes to an Episcopalian church now (God, why do I know these things, why?). He is dead to me.

tomatosoup

@Killer Kitties I LOVE Prairie Home Companion. SO MUCH. It is the best thing that can come on during a long drive. Buutttt, because I am from New Jersey, I'm not sure I fully understand it. Is it (A) Totally a joke; (B) Totally serious or (C) Somewhere in between? I think it's C, but I'm worried I'm wrong and that I'll embarrass myself in front of some Minnesotans one day...

Killerpants

@parallel-lines HOT DISH! HOOOOT DIIIISH! My favorite thing about MN is that. Because that's what they call it. You know, because it's hot...a dish of hot.

The Hyperbolic Julia Set

You guys the cats playing dead thing is so not cool! So many false alarms with my 17 year old cat. Especially after she started sleeping with her eyes open. Also I would like to add something to list of games cats are good at:
2. Trip the Human

Ophelia

@The Hyperbolic Julia Set 3. Sit on the newspaper

AmeliaBadelia

@Ophelia 4. Find the house guest who hates cats the most. Terrorize said person.

Ophelia

@AmeliaBadelia 5. Eat unattended popcorn

cmcm

@AmeliaBadelia 4.5 Or find the most allergic person and sit on their head.

Tiktaalik

@The Hyperbolic Julia Set 6. "Gravity," AKA knock things off of other things.

RK Fire

@The Hyperbolic Julia Set: 6. Lay on clean clothes, shed all of the fur on them.

EpWs

@The Hyperbolic Julia Set 7. Get All Up In Your Knitting Business

Bebe

@The Hyperbolic Julia Set Hog the Bed: A 9lb cat stretches as far as he/she can and somehow takes up the vast majority of a queen-sized bed.

AmeliaBadelia

@RK Fire 7. Sleep on laptop keyboard. While you're trying to use it.

Ophelia

@AmeliaBadelia 8. Hide in that paper bag and take swipes at people's ankles

AmeliaBadelia

@Ophelia 9. Crazy time at 4am. Always.

sovereignann@twitter

@The Hyperbolic Julia Set Try and show human new typing skills while they are at the computer. When thwarted, lay on keyboard. If kitteh can't type, can't no one type.

AmeliaBadelia

@sovereignann@twitter 10. "Help" change the sheets. What is it about cats and trying to put sheets on a bed that brings out the black crazy eyes and the urge to dive in all directions?

FYI all, I can and will come up with hundreds of these things. I am obsessed with my cat, your cat, and all cats.

sovereignann@twitter

@AmeliaBadelia OMG--the sheets! She comes out of nowhere, NOwhere and refuses to get out from under the fitted sheet even after I have completely made the bed! I have taken to shutting the door and dealing with the wailing.
And I agree completely with cat behavior obsession. And like 30 Rock quotes, I could do this alllll day.

queenieliz

@The Hyperbolic Julia Set I know! My kitty has done that since she was little, now that she's almost 15 the playing dead freaks me out too much (she's started to obtain a ferret like level of sleep, I can pick her up before she reacts. I'm still convinced she does it maliciously)
11. Throw up on the shag rug. Not the immediately adjacent tile floor.

AmeliaBadelia

@queenieliz 12. Track down bugs in the apartment, batter them and leave them to die in the middle of the living room floor.

Verity

@cmcm Mine do that to my poor boyfriend.

13. Furiously attack any objects which are on the floor. Extra points for ripping up papers!

Verity

@Verity 14. Sit next to door looking wistful until someone opens it for you, even though it has a catflap in it which you are perfectly capable of using.

sovereignann@twitter

@Verity Cat who has no, absolutely no interest whatsoever in chasing laser lights or flashlights will launch herself off human's forehead at 3 a.m. to chase the headlights that shine through the window and across the wall.

Alixana

@Tiktaalik My cat most enjoys the subset of this genre called "Pen."

Jen Alien-Spouse@twitter

@The Hyperbolic Julia Set

One of my cats is super-great at "drinking water from the nice refreshing glassful that the human just poured for themselves", whilst the other is better at "unexpected atomic cat poo smell attack".

EggsErroneous

@The Hyperbolic Julia Set

Lie in the way of eyeball reading path between reader and book. No matter how reader adjusts and adapts. Just keep spilling kitty body into the way.

TheBourneApproximation

@The Hyperbolic Julia Set My cats give this thread an enthusiastic gfhbjnjjkjhctgrtr5\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]fgffffff !

theharpoon

@everyone cats are the best and also they are NOT DISGUSTING

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@theharpoon Cats are good at so many things, this list doesn't even cover it.

sovereignann@twitter

@Jen Alien-Spouse@twitter OMG! I cannot keep my cat out of my milk or water even if I give her her own "cup" of whatever I'm drinking. Doesn't matter. Still has to drink out of MY glass. Kinda icks people out when they are over. I no longer fight it as I have been trained well.

Jen Alien-Spouse@twitter

@sovereignann@twitter

Ha! It's mostly my husband who she chooses as her opponent for "stealing human water". Edith's best move was to wait until we went to bed, he'd put a glass of water on his bedside table and a few minutes after the lights went out... lap lap lap lap.

This drove him NUTS until I swapped bedside tables with him, so now he has a covered shelf which she can't reach the water. Edith is a very clever cat though, she'll figure it out.

ThisLittlePiggy

Deluxe is SO overpriced!! Those milkshakes are NOT WORTH IT even though they are delicious. Same with the burgers. Just go to Toast instead.

thisisunclear

@ThisLittlePiggy amen!

cosmia

Flip, flip, flipadelphia?

Emby

So you just like... talk to your ex on the phone?

Reginal T. Squirge

@Emby And she's in a happy relationship and engaged.

Congratulations. How wonderful.

cmcm

@Emby I regularly hang out with my ex and his new wife. NORMAL.

bitzyboozer

@Emby You know, at first I thought that she was saying she was now in a happy relationship and engaged to the ex, but after further examination it seems like that's not the case and she just still talks to the ex, with whom she recently slept. Huh.

mysterygirl

@bitzyboozer: I understood it as, she was talking to Ex 2, and Ex 2 told her that Ex 1 broke up with the woman he started dating immediately after her, but she can't feel bad about how quickly he met someone else because she, too, started dating quickly after the breakup, i.e. sleeping with Ex 2. At some point in there she and Ex 2 broke up and she got engaged to Fiance. Now she's wondering if Ex 2 knows Ex 1's business because Ex 2 is banging Ex 1's ex?

I think *I* need the bong hit. Relationships are hard for everyone, participants and observers alike.

bitzyboozer

@mysterygirl I think you are right. Too many exes in this equation is the problem (in my opinion one is too many).

martinipie

@bitzyboozer Yeah, there are no Ys, which cramps the relationship algebra going on here.

Xanthophyllippa

@martinipie If only it could be diagrammed with a set of interesting geometrics.

mecmec

@mysterygirl the things that happen when you go to a small college!

shorty16

is it weird i was really excited to find out that my cat is not the only cat in the world to have had an after-school special?

Snicker-snack!

@shorty16 My kitty was an after-school special also. She got out and knocked up in her first heat. I was in denial way too long about her delicate situation and now feel really bad about taking her in for her abortion and spaying when she was so far along. This was several years ago. I like to think I'm a better cat-mom now.

JoanTition

@shorty16 I HAD NO IDEA YOU COULD GET A CAT AN ABORTION.
I mean, it makes SENSE, but I had no idea that existed until now.

Also: I'm forever calling abortions (in non-serious situations) After School Specials because I haven't heard *that* before either?!

ANYTHING ELSE I SHOULD KNOW?

shorty16

@JoanTition i didn't know about cat abortions either until my vet offered it (i found my cat in an alley and didn't know her condition until a few days later when i brought her in for a check-up). i call it the "after-school special" because there used to be this mega-cheesy "life lesson" series on ABC that would air right around the time you got home from school. it was actually called something like ABC After-School Specials. i don't think they covered anything as serious or controversial as cat abortions, though.

shorty16

@Snicker-snack! sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do in certain situations.

Interrobanged

@JoanTition BRING THIS TO THE ATTENTION OF RICK SANTORUM IMMEDIATELY

Every kitten is a precious gift from Cat God, and lady cats and their lady owners just can't be trusted with such an important decision.

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@shorty16 This happened to my cat and I was like "I can't make this decision for my cat! How am I supposed to abort a kitten if MommyCat can't tell me what she wants? Plus her last kitten was really cute." She then gave birth to a litter of six kittens.

Kingsle

@shorty16 You did the right thing. I mean, the right right thing would be spaying first, and I'm pro-choice, but I don't know if I can apply that to cats. Because KITTENS.

Scandyhoovian

Dooooo you have a Trader Joe's? They have tahini that is a) pretty awesome and b) not $8.

Emby

@Scandyhoovian Was that written in the voice of Barney Stinson's "Haaaave you met Ted?" Because in my mind, it was.

Scandyhoovian

@Emby ...I can't remember, that's all I can hear in my head now.

Mad as a Hatter!

@Emby He's an architect!

apples and oranges

A friend wants, no needs, to know the names of the documentaries about the gymnasts. And ballerinas. Please. For the friend.

mollyml05

@kangerine I came here to say the same thing. Why is there no information provided about these documentaries?

Tuna Surprise

@kangerine - N. Korea is this one:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0456012/

Lucienne

@kangerine The ballerinas documentary is probably Ballerina. It's really good. Uuuuugh, Diana Vishneva HOW ARE YOU POSSIBLE.

Guinevere'sGhost

@kangerine Both of these documentaries are on netflix, and I've watched them, and the N. Korea one is fascinating!

cmcm

@kangerine I asked this exact question before reading the comments. I am thrilled to have it answered.

Alcohol Magurthy

@kangerine @Lucienne I literally just watched Ballerina a few hours ago, while home sick from work. SO GOOD.

Bittersweet

@Lucienne: You mean that part where she's got her leg on the wall in a la seconde and then, oh so casually, switches to arabesque without moving her torso? Yeah, I was jealous too.

sophia_h

@kangerine Augh, that Ballerina one is totally on Netflix and I was really obsessed with it for a while. (I, uh, talked about it with everyone I knew for an undisclosed period of time. I think I am now banned from ballet movies,)

parallel-lines

For yoga you forgot #4: balls repeated peeking out of the bottom of running shorts. OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN THERE'S BALLS SAYING HELLO.

redheaded&crazy

@parallel-lines they're actually saying "heyyyyy girl" and they've only got eyes for you!

what about that isn't a compliment? ugh, yogis, I swear.

Bittersweet

@parallel-lines: And #5: anything about "lifting and opening your heart up to the sky."

Xanthophyllippa

@parallel-lines OH GOD that shit makes me want to die. It's always the guys with complexions like Gollum, too.

dtowngirl

You know that the two women with the dog carrier, the squirrel trap, and the shovel have to be up to no good. Next time you should follow them. I wish my life was a low-stakes spy novel.

Ophelia

@dtowngirl semi-related - a friend of mine suspected that her dog walker wasn't really walking the dog (just coming to the house and leaving a note)...so she STAKED HER OUT! She filmed the whole thing, from sitting in her car, to a (actually very nice, but firm) confrontation outside the house. It was kind of hilarious, once you got past the fact that this poor dog hadn't been taken out to pee in HOURS.

Apocalypstick

@Ophelia Hangon, so the dog really hadn't been walked? Who the fuck is that cruel?

Interrobanged

One om per class really is generous.

Kristen

@Interrobanged Not for me! I like it when we open with 3 oms at the beginning and close with a sea of oms at the end. I love omming. It's like singing at the top of your lungs in chorus, only there's no talent required.

swirrlygrrl

@Interrobanged I was so pleased at that, because FINALLY! Someone who is harder on yoga instructors than me! I allow two "ohms" per class and will even forgive up to 5 minutes of guided meditation for the really good instructors. However, I fill with rage at constant talkers, exagerrated Sanskrit pronounciations, or dear god chakra discussions. I do not go to yoga to feel rage, and yet it happens ALL THE TIME.

Interrobanged

@swirrlygrrl One om OR one namaste OR one brief session with the buzzy music box thing.

But never partner yoga. EVER.

harebell

@swirrlygrrl Doing the oms before and after class is useful/nice because you can hear & feel how different they sound once your body is warmed up/stretched/relaxed. When it vibrates inside your head.

But I agree about all the other yoga deal breakers. Eek, constant talkers and chakra discussions.

christineswerld

@swirrlygrrl the chakras are energy centers in your body and you're igniting those centers or at least you should be trying to ignite those centers during the practice.
for instance in chair pose you want to hold the energy in your root chakra "root lock" or the kegal exercise --- in men they call it "moving the member" ...

if you ignite that center line down the body and create movement in the meridians or the side body and the limbs etc you're renewing the blood and fluid connecting it all, cleansing the organs and creating balance. we are human beings not objects we need movement, regeneration of the cells.

it sounds wish washy ands slightly vulgar but i think it's important because many of us tend to hold our energy in the top half our body. especially those people who work at computer desks, who tend to have intense neck shoulder an arm pain.

PS I am not a yoga teacher nor do i ever plan to be

martinipie

@Kristen Yikes though, I hate loud Om-ing, when people are clearly trying to be THE LOUDEST. One of my teachers said an Om should mostly be exhalation with sound. Like if you listen to tapes of Lamas om-ing, they sure as shit aren't yelling.

beanie

@swirrlygrrl ohhhh the constant talking is horrible. "I want you to forget everything that you could be thinking about. Forget about any problems you have going on." I HAD FORGOTTEN. But now you just reminded me!

slutberry

@christineswerld MOVING THE MEMBER bahahhahahahahahhahahahaaa

ha
snork

ha

excuse me, I'm going to go find the eighth grade boys' classroom, I think I'm in the wrong place.

swirrlygrrl

@christineswerld *sigh* I don't need any condescending hippie expressions to tell me to engage my core or use my PC muscles in goddess pose or whatever. I hate to be rude, but CHAKRAS AREN'T REAL! I'm not "igniting energy centres," I'm fricking tensing muscles, or untensing them. I also don't have a third eye. I am a human being and I go to yoga for exercise, not spiritual awakening and certainly not to be renewed, realigned or regenerated.

Xanthophyllippa

@sniffadee Follow me; I can show you where it is. After all, I live there.

One "om" and only if it's a soft one. The I CAN OM LOUDER THAN YOU people are the second-worst, and they're only second because the tone-deaf people are the absolute worst. They always sit by me and I can hear the beats on my eardrum and all of yoga is undone by my burning desire to rip out their vocal cords with my teeth.

christineswerld

@swirrlygrrl OH? You want condescension? The people who founded that awesome exercise that makes you look so skinny also figured out a lot of other important things about the body. Not to mention an incredible ability to help people work on pesky things like projection and neurosis. You are rude, yes, you also have no idea of what you're talking about. Chakra is a word that describes, say it with me, an energy center in the body. Chakra literally means "circle" its not fucking magic.

swirrlygrrl

@christineswerld If yoga is supposed to make me "look so skinny," it is failing miserably. If it is supposed to improve my upper body, core and leg strength, which is largely what I take it for, then it's doing a pretty damn good job. Poke through my soft round tummy and there are abs - flabs, I call em!

I had clearly identified that chakra talk enrages me, so yes, I find it condescending to have someone then come and give me a nice long lecture about how I'm doing yoga all wrong if I roll my eyes and drift off during discussions of my "energy centres," etc. I find it as annoying as all other types of proselytizing - I'm an atheist, thanks, don't really need the person in my cycling club chatting me up about the wonders of Jesus, or Hindu/Buddhist concepts explained to me while I'm in a yoga studio. And happily, I have several lovely instructors who are happy to work with me physically and leave spirituality and philosophy out of it.

Namaste.

Amanda@twitter

One of the things that made Jean Dujardin famous in France was a character he created for a sketch show named "Brice de Nice" who was an arrogrant surfer guy from Nice (where there are no waves.)

Anyway, he does that gesture (with one or two arms) whenever he's defeated/insulted someone, and says "cassé" (broken). Evidence.

DH@twitter

@Amanda@twitter

Thank you for bringing this into my life.

Lucienne

@Amanda@twitter You? You are a good person.

julia

Yoga instructor dealbreakers list speaks to me.

meetapossum

My mom has been looking up newspaper articles about family members via an ancestry.com website and found a story about my grandmother's grandfather kicking his mother in the stomach. A follow up article reads "Mr. Thomas F contacted the paper to inform us that his mother was loudly chastising him. When he remonstrated, she attempted to throw a lamp at him, and he kicked it out of her hand. He adds that his bail was $200 and not $500 as previously noted."

meaux

Co-sign on the Prairie Home Companion thing. That nonsense comes on twice, TWICE, each weekend on my local NPR station. Between that, Car Talk, and a 5-hour(!!!) show on Saturdays called "Folkways," makes turning on the radio a damn minefield.

JessicaLovejoy

@meaux Five hours? The shitting hell is your affiliate up to?

EpWs

@meaux I have two NPR stations I can access here, and there's an hour-long block of time on Sunday afternoons when they're BOTH playing Prairie Home Companion. This is always the time when I am in the car going to the grocery store and it makes me want to cry.

PistolPackinMama

@meaux It's his occasional racist/sexist screeds that make me go... whaaaa? If you think twice is bad... we have:

Saturday evening
Sunday morning after On Being at 10
Sunday evening from 5-7

Yes, that's right. Three broadcasts of PHC in one weekend.

Roxanne Rholes

@meaux ...I was unaware that anyone didn't love Car Talk! Last time I listened, a caller said they were from Middleborough. The one brother says, "oh, that's in Western Mass!" and the other guy said "no, it's on the Cape!" and then they both just lost their shit laughing. They're so bizarre, it's adorable!

EpWs

@Roxanne Rholes I love Car Talk! Did you hear the other week when Ashley Judd called in? She is delightful.

sox
sox

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher WHY is it always on when you're running your errands?!

MissArgentina

@meaux please add Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.

the audience HAS to be robots producing canned laughter. Robots!

SuperGogo

@meaux Car Talk and Wait, Wait are the only weekend shows I actually listen to on NPR. They're both so kooky and great. Also, I highly recommend coming to visit me and the other Chicago 'pinners, so you can attend the live taping of Wait, Wait. It's spectacularly fun, especially when you realize that all the naughtist/best bits get cut before it goes on the air!

meaux

@JessicaLovejoy. Every time I hear the guy say "and now five hours of Folkways," it sounds like a bit from an SNL skit to me. And this happens right after Wait Wait Don't Tell Me, so I have to be quick on the dial change before the folk music sucks all the life force from my body, and I am immobilized for the afternoon.

sox
sox

@Crockita Noooooo. I love my Wait, Wait! Especially when I can feel all smug when I know the answers thanks to my egregious Awl, Hairpin and Billfold reading!

anachronistique

@Crockita YOU SHUT YOUR DAMN MOUTH, Wait, Wait is delightful. (Although the panelists can make this vary. But still.)

SuperGogo

@anachronistique I went to a taping once when Paula Poundstone AND Mo Rocca were on the panel. It was cramazing.

JoanTition

@SuperGogo I haven't been yet because I'm sure it will be all my least favorite panelists.
PAULA POUNDSTONE OR NOTHIN'!

MissArgentina

@anachronistique i stand by my channel change.

lisma

@meaux I always hold my breath for a second when they introduce the panelists. Mo Rocca and Paula are the beeeeeest.

PistolPackinMama

@ginalouise I am fond of Roy Blount, Jr, Roxanne Roberts, Maz Jobrani and PJ O'Rourke myself. Paula and Mo are awesome, too, but Roy has my heart forever.

Although, the best exchange on Wait Wait in my opinion was when Paula, Roy, and (Tom, maybe? or Mo?) were making jokes about GWB's catching a big perch in his pond. OR the one where Clippy the Paperclip gets whacked.

EpWs

@PistolPackinMama Add me to the list of WWDTM lovers! My mom and I went to a taping in December and it was delightful.

coreykins

@Crockita I fully support your channel change. I cannot STAND Wait, Wait. I understand logically that it is meant to be funny...but it just isn't funny to me.

JessicaLovejoy

All Purpose Answer

Law and Order marathon.

fabel

Ugh, that second one with the ex talking on the phone about other exes & ex exes all the exes is like my life story.

chnellociraptor

One time a yoga instructor told me to relax my bladder, pancreas and spleen. So ended my experiment with yoga.

EpWs

@chnellociraptor The Best Time I Peed Myself Because My Yoga Instructor Told Me To? (Also how the fuck do you relax a spleen?)

chnellociraptor

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher RIGHT?! Better known as The Best Time I Miraculously Was Not Asked to Leave a Yoga Class Due to Uncontrollable Snorting.

Emby

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Give it a mai tai and a comfy chair and put on some Miles Davis. Ba-dum ching!

Mr. Kitty

@chnellociraptor I tried a new yoga instructor last year and imagine my surprise while in downward dog, I felt a long wooden stick pressed against my legs. She was walking around with a YARDSTICK correcting postures. Horrendous.

Roxanne Rholes

@Mr. Kitty That is terrible! The studio I used to go to would have one teacher leading the class, and another walking around helping people get the postures right. So at the very beginning of class, they would explain how it ran, and that if you didn't want to be touched, to let them know ahead of time and they would just assist you verbally. I loved that level of respect for boundaries. Also, sometimes there were surprise back rubs! Yay.

EpWs

@Roxanne Rholes Read as "assault you verbally," which, at least it wasn't physically? (But upon rereading correctly, that sounds very nice of them!)

TheBelleWitch

@chnellociraptor Ha! I recently went to a class where the instructor told us "puff out your kidneys" repeatedly. WTF? Someone needs to make a short list of inscrutable yoga directions.

Roxanne Rholes

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher You raise your hand to signal that you don't want to be touched, and later she walks by you and mutters "you think you're better than me, you uptight bitch?"

EpWs

@TheBelleWitch Kidney Puffs! The new breakfast cereal, by Kellogg's!

LeafySeaDragon

@Roxanne Rholes i would LOVE that! i'm the only one in class that ever asks for help and i try to keep it to one question per class. my first (and awesomest) yoga teacher used to go around and correct postures and give easier variations without being prompted. i had the kickinest yoga body then, but my new teacher is great too, i'm learning 'active abs'!

LeafySeaDragon

@Mr. Kitty i've been doing downdog wrong for years i guess? i just learned that you're supopsed to go from all fours to butt in the air, and then heels to the floor. who knew? not me! i've always gone way wider with my stance.

stonefruit

@TheBelleWitch "Melt from the heart." No, thank you, I think I won't do any melting from anywhere near the vicinity of my heart, that sounds dangerous.

lisma

@stonefruit this reminds me of going to the gyno and being told to "relax your knees." First of all, my knees don't relax, ok? They're knees. Secondly, say what you mean. Say: "SPREAD 'EM GIRL."

Apocalypstick

@chnellociraptor What is it with this urge to make organs do muscle things?

Xanthophyllippa

@chnellociraptor I've gotten "relax your eyeballs" on a regular basis. But at least that wouldn't leave a puddle.

Sefe

Truly pure, uncontrollable rage. Whhhhyyy, radio?!?!

Mr. Kitty

I have a friend (once a good friend, now an old friend) who feels the need to start a game of beer pong at every social event. This happened a lot when we were good friends, but now that it is still happening 5 years later, it's a bit concerning. We were at a semi classy Christmas party last year and several hours into it when everyone was good and drunk off nice whiskey and fancy brews, Old Friend went to his car to get plastic cups... for beer pong. Sigh. At least now I always know when it's time to leave a party!

werewolfbarmitzvah

NOT ENOUGH COMMENTS ABOUT THOSE FUZZY LITTLE BABIES.

queenieliz

@werewolfbarmitzvah It need not be spoken: grey kitties are the best!

MissArgentina

@queenieliz tell that to Louis Creed.

Flora Poste

I found some houmous in the fridge at home the other day, and decided to fancy it up with a little olive oil and chilli powder. It tasted a bit odd, and I assumed I'd actually used walnut oil or something. I mentioned it to my mum when she got home, and she went "Oh, that bottle? That's OLD CHIP FAT. I hope you don't get ill." BLERGH (Only tangentially related, but sharing the grossness of that story had=s helped)

MissArgentina

@Flora Poste i totally read "chip" as in crunchy potato chips. i was flabbergasted and then saw how you spelled mum and have "u's" in your hummus! :)

Flora Poste

@Crockita ohhh I've been outed!

LeafySeaDragon

sub for tahini in hummus: pb with a dash of seasme oil! no, really. and then lots of paprika and parsley on top! cajun seasoning is also delicious.

i'd like it if my yoga teacher talked about chakras tbh. i'm really irritated my gym has three yoga classes a week: m and w night at 8pm and tu morning at 9:45am. how am i supposed to get my yoga on thur-sunday? i think my yoga teacher is a little psychic (or really really observant) she has been picking out the best poses to do for my stress induced shoulder/neck pain and tight tight hip sockets.

sox
sox

@LeafySeaDragon I worked in a bistro in college where his hummus consisted of garbanzos in the food processor with just enough olive oil to emulsify plus sirracha to taste, served with a simple tomato, cuke, and green onion salad/salsa. Holy wow, still my favorite hummus and SO simple!

LeafySeaDragon

@sox that sounds amazing! unconventional salsas are the best btw.

puppyemissary

@LeafySeaDragon I do the peanut butter thing, too! It's delicious.

Apocalypstick

@LeafySeaDragon Parsley topping! Why have I never encountered this? It sounds amazing (and means I don't have to go buy tahini, so whoop)

LeafySeaDragon

yoga for tall ladies! all yoga instructors ever seem to be tiny, like 5ft nothing? it's hard to gauge where my tree trunks go sometimes.

Aunty Christ

@LeafySeaDragon Agreed. And tell them not to push on my back when I can't touch my toes. I'm 5'9" and suspect I was born without hamstrings, leave me alone.

LeafySeaDragon

@Aunty Christ i can put my hands flat on the ground (i'm 5'11) but i CANNOT warrior properly without falling over dead.

Carly Marie@twitter

@Aunty Christ I also have this theory. I thought it was just me being the most inflexible person in the world (anatomically speaking), but maybe this is a Tall Lady Thing. Also, I accidentally kicked someone in the face doing yoga once (I'm sorry, lady whose nose I kicked... it wasn't too hard I think), and then relegated my long limbs to the back row where I now just kick the wall and only hurt myself.

Xanthophyllippa

@LeafySeaDragon oooooooooooooomg my happiest moment ever was when I discovered a studio here where some of the instructors were tall and some of them were...well, fat. By comparison to other yoga instructors, certainly, but also in comparison to me, and I'm a short chick built like a Panzer tank.

charlottecat

I love NPR, but for some reason I just cannot STAND Prairie Home Companion. I always figured it was an adult thing but now I'm an adult and I still hate it. I get so upset when it comes on because NPR is the only thing I listen to on the radio lately and I hate driving in a silent car...

I even sit through the sports stuff and I hate sports. But Prairie Home Companion? Nope. Just no.

Elizabeth Hand@facebook

This is amazing. I want to be your friend.

EllyHigginbottom

I always took it as meaning "SUCK IT!!" and I do it a lot too. Also, I am 50% German, 25% English, 25% Irish and 100% terrible at drinking which I find shocking with that kind of heritage. Someone remind me to cancel my Ancestry.com trial in 14 days, please.

robbermaiden

@EllyHigginbottom
I am also 50% German, the rest is Irish, Scottish, and English, and I am the WORST drinker I know. No, for real. I can get Drunk off of one drink occasionally. It's really really sad. Probably not for my liver, but definitely for my social life.

call_me_pippa

hey, this post was really funny, especially the part about the ex-boyfriends, but the business with the yoga instructors I found quite offensive. yoga is an ancient tradition intertwined with religion and spiritualism, and doesn't exist on this earth just for your western consumption! take it with the oms or don't take it at all. it's not just a workout routine, that's pilates.

Exene

@call_me_pippa That's bullshit, dude! Lamenting the compromised "religion and spiritualism" of yoga at this point is just as ridic as bitching about inauthentic American pizza or Chinese hip-hop or California rolls.

stephanieboland

@call_me_pippa I dunno, isn't it kind of more ridiculous to have western yoga teachers pushing a botched, exaggerated version of 'spiritualism' to their classes?

Xanthophyllippa

@call_me_pippa Yes, and all those upper-middle class white people who became yoga instructors because it, like, y'know, made them feel all one with the world, y'know, and would you like some spinach-kale-flaxseed smoothie? are keeping SO TRUE to the ancient tradition of religion and spiritualism.

It took me three years to find a yoga instructor who didn't feel phony and whom I didn't want to chuck through a wall. Then I had to stop going for a while and when I came back, she was pregnant and spent the entire session sitting on the platform, rubbing her midsection and saying, "all your beauty comes from within" and "feel your inner spirit move."

Myrtle

@Xanthophyllippa This made me think of an old "Ab Fab" episode, and that's always a good thing.

Dana Galbraith@facebook

Fun fact: the third eye is actually one of the chakras.

phipsi

My hummus always tastes weird!

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