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Really Good Books That Happen to Be Free For the Kindle: Part One

CAN IT BE TRUE? (It can.)

Now, in addition to the glorious list that follows, there are some other boondoggles you should know about. Amazon has a rotating selection of sub-$3.99 Kindle titles, a Kindle Daily Deal, AND, Prime subscribers enjoy a free Kindle lending library (if you enjoy destroying the environment by having all your discounted toilet paper and paper towels and condoms flown to your home for free, this is probably going to work out for you.)

If you don’t have a Kindle, the cheapest one is eighty bucks, and, personally, if you get bikini waxes, which are mad expensive and painful, maybe you could skip 2-3 of them? Otherwise, sell some plasma. I love my Kindle. Hey, is Nicole reading the dirty parts of Outlander again? I CAN’T TELL, SHE HAS A KINDLE.

Incidentally, this happened when I loaded Amazon to prepare these wonderful books for you:

And now, the list. Free Kindle books generally fall into a few distinct categories: vampires, Christian romance novels, and classics. We’re mostly sticking to the latter, but Bram Stoker has minor crossover appeal.

Basically all of them, Lucy Maud Montgomery – She’s olden, and the text is up for grabs, ladies. Search the individual titles you desire. Some are less brilliantly formatted than others (no table of contents, or weird pagination), but FREE. You might have to pay, like, a dollar for Anne of Green Gables, but for that same dollar you can usually get the complete series in one Kindle volume. Score!

Black Beauty, Anna Sewell – Tears. Tears. Why couldn’t anyone be both nice to Beauty AND not die all the time? Burn your draw reins.

A Girl of the Limberlost, Gene Stratton-Porter – Oh, this book is actually the greatest. The greatest. And you know who would have loved getting books for free? OUR HEROINE.

The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle – The other day, my husband said he should run for office, and I said “much like the Giant Rat of Sumatra, that is a tale for which the world is not yet ready” and it was extremely funny and you should have been there, because now that I’ve written it down, it’s not THAT funny.

A Bunch of the Early Ones, Marion Zimmer Bradley – Not The Mists of Avalon, or anything, they want fourteen bucks for it! (Worth it, but buy used instead.)

Little Women, Louisa May Alcott – Or all seven of her major novels for a dollar. Kissin’ cousins and all. Seriously, Eight Cousins is messed up.

Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen – Well, all of the Austen, really. Do you remember when Adrian Mole (not free) got in trouble at the library for moving Jane Austen into the “light romance” section? Oh, Adrian. Everyone knows Jane Austen was sent here by an alien race to keep women pleasantly diverted while the patriarchy slowly took over the means of production.

Wuthering Heights, Emily Bronte – Because you can’t masturbate to Jane Eyre (also free). Prove me wrong, I guess.

The Secret Garden, Frances Hodgson Burnett – Working title: Dickon is Hot, Colin is Not.

THE BIBLE, author disputed, maybe God? – Okay, it’s the lame English Standard Version, which sucks. I mean, if you’re reading it for accuracy of translation, go to town, but if you just want all the pretty language that infused our literature, it’s King James or Bust, right?

Dracula, Bram Stoker – He may not sparkle, but he’s got other things going for him. Like grammar.

We’re back to memoirs and biographies (part three) next week, but I WILL do another Free Kindle Books installment in the future. Watch this space for more!


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