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Wednesday, April 18, 2012

177

Josephine Baker Had a Cheetah Named Chiquita

Hypothetical question: if there were no negative consequences or laws against it, what animal on Earth would you most like to have as a pet? Don't say a sloth. Here are some old photos of brave/ignorant souls and their exotic pets — now illegal in most states — including famouses like Audrey Hepburn and her pet deer (of course) and Salvador Dali and his pet anteater (of course).

177 Comments / Post A Comment

deepomega

Balk, obviously.

tiptoemammal

I'm sure it was a very dear deer. ;)

noodge

@tiptoemammal beat me to it.

Emby

@tiptoemammal Oh deer.

PistolPackinMama

@Emby buck up. It's not that bad.

fondue with cheddar

@PistolPackinMama And here's where we all fawn over each other for coming up with mediocre puns.

PistolPackinMama

@jen325 Yeah- I should stop trying to rack up points with plays on words.

fondue with cheddar

@PistolPackinMama Man, if we had a dollar for every pun we'd be rolling in doe.

PistolPackinMama

@jen325 Then we would have to hide the money in case anyone herd about it and wanted to steal it.

fondue with cheddar

@PistolPackinMama We'd have to hide it from the cops too, because I don't know how legal that would be. I don't want to be arrested for rack-eteering.

Tuna Surprise

Baby elephant that never gets much bigger than waist high. And loves to kick around a soccer ball.

anachronistique

@Tuna Surprise I believe the term you're looking for is puppy-sized elephants. Or the greatest animal that does not yet exist.

glamtart

@anachronistique Aww, DFTBA!

noodge

@anachronistique it's SO EASY. all you have to do is breed an elephant with a chihuahua. Duh.

Bittersweet

@teenie: I hope the elephant is the girl in this equation because otherwise, ouch.

Xanthophyllippa

@Bittersweet You could maximize chances of conception by just inserting the entire chihuahua.

noodge

why can't we say sloth? :-( it would either be that or a penguin. or a pygmy hippo. or a very very friendly polar bear.

wharrgarbl

@teenie Penguins are the best animals, but they stink like an uninspected fish market and bite really hard.

mkpatter@twitter

@teenie PYGMY HIPPO YES. Or a Capybara. Or, just a regular pig. If only so I can yell "PIIIIIG" like Andy Bellefleur all the time.

Where Pies Go When They Die

@teenie The one image that never fails to make me smile is that of a penguin hopping up the stairs in my house. Just imagine a penguin hopping up household stairs. It's probably physically impossible, but just imagine.

noodge

oooh, and an ocelot. they look sooooooo velvety.

laurel

@wharrgarbl Did you see the thing the other day where a penguin bit Newt Gingrich?

wharrgarbl

@laurel I hadn't, but it doesn't surprise me. I mean, really, the best animals.

noodge

@TheBourneApproximation

"HOLY SHIT! lookit his little spots! and his tufted ears!"

Probs

@teenie I pet an ocelot once. It was incredibly silky and beautiful. It was also good at biting! But this is a "no consequences" discussion.

Xanthophyllippa

@Probs I pet a shark once. Also incredibly silky, though not so much with the beautiful. Fortunately I didn't experience the bitey.

sudden_eyes

@teenie My dad's college roommate had a pet ocelot (it was a lonnnng time ago). Its name was Gaga, and my father still has scars on his ankles from the bites he got when Gaga was feeling playful in the early morning. Swing your legs out of bed and OW, FUCK.

I'm happy to report that Gaga lived a long and cheerful life and was ultimately - only after a natural death of old age - made into a hat and muff. Which the college roommate's sister still wears.

wharrgarbl

Silky anteater, hands down. I mean, tamanduas and giant anteaters are all well and good, but the pygmies are just too adorable to pass up.

sox
sox

One time I dreamt I had pet tigers and it was a pretty awesome dream, so tigers.

sox
sox

@sox Oh wait. I forgot about the dik dik! One or two of these, please. Those eyelashes!

iceberg

a herd of pygmy deer
(http://www.krohn-photos.com/kp/PygmyDeer/cd111-nm09.jpg)

iceberg

@iceberg or a rideable zebra, to save on bus fares.

iceberg

@iceberg also I love this game and will probably be playing it all day. The most "realistic" fantasy pet of mine is a mini-horse.

iceberg

@iceberg also, from Fringe: "Domesticated badgers, really?"

Oh, squiggles

Elephant! Or mini hippo. Seconding the sloth answer as well. Um...koala?

dtowngirl

@Awesomely Nonfunctional I agree--pet elephant. They are so awesome. And they can give you a ride to work!

LeafySeaDragon

@Awesomely Nonfunctional i remember years ago (10?) some teenage boys stole some koalas from a zoo to give their gf's, and they ended up turning themselves and the koalas back in. i guess the koalas are mean and 'smell like coughdrops'. lmfao

TheDragon

I would want a red squirrel that would chill on my shoulder. And didn't have the plague bacteria. Seriously kids, don't play with squirrels.

VolcanoMouse

@The Kendragon In the old DOS Oregon Trail game, my fifth-grade classmates and I were convinced that shooting and eating the squirrels gave your party typhoid.

A generation, poisoned against squirrels. Better than poisoned BY squirrels, I guess.

TheDragon

@VolcanoMouse Haha that is kind of awesome.
I actually don't know if red squirrels are as much of a problem, but the ground squirrels in NM are FULL of Y. pestus (aka plague.)

Emby
laurel

@Emby Oh yes. May I also suggest the dunnart?

Emby

@laurel Yes, you may! :)

Craftastrophies

@Emby Hopping mice are also pretty great http://www.flickr.com/photos/centralaustralia/2777957326/

TheDragon

Oooh and a Kangaroo! My dad always called me Kengaroo.

redheaded&crazy

hippogriff???

lue
lue

@redheaded&crazie
Ah! I was coming down to say owl, for similar reasons, but you've outdone me! Kneazle? No, you're right, hippogriff would be cooler.

MerelyGoodExpectations

Capybara! And one of those teeny-tiny deer, to be its friend.

Porn Peddler

That picture of the woman walking a snake is so visually absurd.

But Salvador Dali coming out of a subway with an anteater? Perf.

oh well never mind

@Third Wave Housewife Can you walk a snake? Slither a snake, perhaps?

RK Fire

Red pandas! Red pandas are clearly the best panda, or animal, for that matter. Watch this and despair for the illegality of keeping them as pets.

For the past two years, my birthday has involved going to the DC National Zoo and briefly scheming on how to liberate the red pandas from their caged existence.

Real Conversation
Me: I can totally keep a red panda in our apt! I mean,t hey're the size of cats, and they just eat bamboo, right? And they're so small. What's the worst that can happen?
Husband: ...I don't know, maybe the fact that you would be at the center of an International Incident and get arrested?

Bebe

@RK Fire My husband leaves the room every time I flip on Animal Planet, because I usually start speaking at a pitch more suitable for dolphins than humans, shrieking, "We could totally get a baby (whatever animal is on). BABY ANIMAL!! We can keep it an apartment, we can! BABY ANIMAL." The baby hippo was particularly painful for him. But still - BABY HIPPO!! Eeeeeeeeee!!!!

RK Fire

@Bebe: That is basically the kind of person I a, but substitute "Animal Planet" with "cute animal pictures from the internet."

eeeeee! cute animals!!!

lue
lue

@RK Fire
Yes! I was obsessed with red pandas as a child. I would spend an entire zoo trip staring at them.

werewolfbarmitzvah

The loris with the tickly armpits!
http://www.milkandcookies.com/link/156924/detail/

tee
tee

you know how domestic kittens are completely insane and will swipe at your face with no remorse? but it's cute, cause they're kittens? yeah, big kittens will do that too except they're made of pure muscle and have razor claws.

seriously though, that pet lemur is suuuper cute.

TheDragon

@tee
Also it's almost impossible to properly raise a big cat properly. Most big cats raised privately suffer from calcium and iron deficiencies and have malformations.
However, I think we are putting reality aside for awhile, so in the perfect world cars are cuddly and can survive on Purina cat chow. :)

tee
tee

@The Kendragon In that case I would like a pegasus and a tiny fennec fox that never grows big and will cuddle in my pocket at all times.

TheDragon

@tee Done. Would you like a pygmy puff to go with your mini fennec?

travelmugs

@tee I'm just thinking about how much destruction my two normal-sized housecats can do: knocking over bottles, shredding couches, etc. and I can't picture this on a larger, more predatory scale! Sure, the ocelot LOOKS awesome in a house, but you sure can't keep your wine rack on top of the fridge anymore, right?

Quick Brown Fox

NAKED MOLERAT FTW

EternalFootwoman

@Quick Brown Fox Naked molerats are my favorite part of any zoo experience. They are the coolest.

TheDragon

I also really wanted an iguana after our elementary school had one as a classroom pet, and then I found out that most aren't friendly and calm and easily petted.
I miss Don Juan the Iguanadon

yeah-elle

@The Kendragon I wanted an iguana so much as a child. Who knows where I even picked up the idea. My mother bought me a book about iguanas and drew the line at that, thankfully.

damselfish

@The Kendragon There are a bazillion iguanas here in Miami. TAKE ONE.

There are a bunch of really chill lizards that make good pets though, and IIRC even a couple iguana species are pretty cool and easily petted. Most reptile people don't keep them though so I guess they're not as awesome as bearded dragons.

TheDragon

@damselfish
Ours would let all the kids pet him, and eat out of our hands and was HUGE. He was easily 3' not including his tail.

anachronistique

@The Kendragon My brother had iguanas. They were generally pretty calm but stank to high heaven. Also, one of them would occasionally whip its tail around and that could scratch you up.

TheDragon

@anachronistique
Do not tell me this! I will end up with 80 cattle, 4 cow ponies, 1 spoiled show pony, 2 cats, 1 dog and now an iguana too!

noReally

Since reading Rascal, always a raccoon.

TheDragon

@noReally
My hillbilly hick granddad had a raccoon. It was awesome. It had to "wash" all of its food before it ate any. Even fish. It would catch fish in the stream, kill em, and dunk em back in the stream to wash them. Giving him sugar cubes was hilarious/mean.

Heat Signature

@The Kendragon My grandmother had a pet skunk when she lived in New York City in the fifties. She had a leash for it and would take it for walks.

hotdog

Did anyone else start poking around on this website and discover the 'invisible mother' photos? I'm going to lose the rest of the work day, I can feel it.

CrescentMelissa

@hotdog I did not see this one, however I got sucked into Chinese Punishments and Tips for Single Women. This is another Daily Mail for me, I can feel it. Must.Click.Vintagey.Pictures.

CrescentMelissa

@hotdog Wait a second, did just find this now. All the kids have such WTF faces.

meetapossum

Dick Dale had a jaguar named Jagrah. You think if you had an exotic pet, you could be a little more creative with the name.

Also, I want a dik-dik!

george glass

@meetapossum Dick Dale shoulda had a dik-dik!

lizardjellybean

Slow Loris! Slow Loris!

EpWs

FENNEC FOX! The perfect hybrid of dog, cat, and gremlin.

Xanthophyllippa

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I would SO cuddle that.

yeah-elle

A least weasel, please.

glamtart

I really want an emo cheetah kitten.

Bebe

I would totally have a lion. Not even a baby one, but a real, full-sized, full-maned lion.

VolcanoMouse

Rideable ostrich like in The Swiss Family Robinson would be awesome. The closest you can get these days to riding a velociraptor!

olivebee

All of them! I would have all the animals as pets if I could* (except insects, snakes, or arachnids...eughh). I am an equal opportunity animal enthusiast.

*I wouldn't have a pet in the primate family. I respect their rights as living creatures, but they scare the bajeezus out of me. Anything that close to a human would be a frightening pet.

Gertrude

Galapagos tortoise.

MilesofMountains

Does anyone else remember that commercial that had a bunch of crazy wild animals as everyday pets (I don't remember what it was for)? There was a shot of this one, well dressed older lady strolling down a city street with her alligator on a leash, and that would be awesome.

Or I'd want a dik dik, the world's cutest antelope.

Gertrude

@MilesofMountains Dik diks also have the world's greatest eyeliner.

Dancercise

Clouded leopard. No contest.

LaLoba

@Dancercise I've always thought of clouded leopards as way too melancholy/brooding to be great fantasy companions.

Petrichoria

Fox Fox Fox Fox I want a Fox and I know you kind of CAN have them but it would still be weird but maybe not THAT weird if other people have deer and elephants.

See also: Sand cat.

iceberg

@Petrichoria ever been close to one IRL though? They are stanky.

Petrichoria

@iceberg Clearly mine would be given regular baths in fox shampoo. And spend all the time he needed at the groomer, having his beautiful ginger locks brushed all shiny.

Equestrienne

Sign me up for a serval cat, please! Still haven't completely gotten over the Bringing Up Baby jungle cat ownership fantasy.

highfivesforall

Pushmi-pullyu!

LeafySeaDragon

@highfivesforall but where does it poop?

highfivesforall

@LeafySeaDragon Nowhere! Cleanest pet ever!

harebell

i've been semi-seriously plotting the acquisition of two pygmy goats as soon as i have my own backyard. built-in lawn mowing, plus adorable, plus i love the way goats like to climb on top of things and look down at you from their newfound height.

also, yes, fennec foxes and house-trained bunnies.

olivebee

@harebell PYGMY GOATS!! These are my dream pets. I desperately want one (or more), but my current backyard is too small (and owned by my landlord). I will have them one day!

Bittersweet

My Awesome Pet Fantasy involves a very large, trained dragonfly that lives outside, but on walks will sit on my shoulder and eat any and all mosquitoes that pester me. Like the insect equivalent of a falcon.

SuperGogo

@Bittersweet That would be cool but also terrifying--its eyes would be the size of dinner plates!

Bittersweet

@SuperGogo: Ooh no, it doesn't have to be falcon-size, just go get its prey and return like a falcon. It can just be regular large dragonfly size.

(Insect the size of birds, *shiver*)

SuperGogo

As much as I would hate to do something that Paris Hilton has already done (ptooey, ptooey!), I saw a kinkajou in Costa Rica and it's the cutest, cuddliest-looking creature ever and I would love to have one.

damselfish

I want a narwhal. Because I want a whale and a unicorn and am too indecisive to pick one.

No but really. I want a whale. Why can't science make this happen. I had whales from Littlest Pet Shop as a kid, why can't I upgrade from a little plastic aquarium toy to my 75 gallon and put a whale in it. :(

I smell burnt toast

Tiny goat that always stays tiny.

Prostitute Robot From The Future

@I smell burnt toast I want all my pets to stay tiny forever. Tiny goats, tiny bunnies, tiny hamsters, tiny cats, tiny puppies, tiny pandas, tiny flying squirrels, tiny horsies.

no way

@disgruntled co-worker Tiny, small-cat-sized horse has been my fantasy animal for probably a decade. A little black stallion that tears around the house when I get home, and jumps over stuff, and whinnies really high. Oh man. Please, science, please make it happen.

JG3
JG3

I think for me, the question would be which exotic pet would I not have?

(Mostly) related: anyone else remember that "Me and my llama" thing from Sesame Street? Where the girl takes her llama to the dentist in NYC? I've been mildly obsessed with that concept (urban llama ownership) since childhood.

TheDragon

@JG3
Llama's are meaner than hell though. Ranchers use them as guard animals up in Montana, and they will attack anything that crosses the fence line. Including my beloved old chevy truck. Those things are %&@*! crazy

CrescentMelissa

@JG3 YES! And there was a song to it too. And she was a well dressed little girl from what I remember. Where could they have possibly lived that they could have a llama??

CrescentMelissa

@JG3 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sgkYHhG18uc

Sorry I don't know how to make a pretty link!

SuperGogo

@The Kendragon Are alpacas any nicer? I'd settle for an alpaca.

JG3
JG3

@The Kendragon I can totally believe that...hope your truck survived the llama attack!

@CrescentMelissa That song gets randomly stuck in my head to this day. The internet is completely devoid of back story for this, and I'm desperate to know more! I grew up in NYC, and definitely never saw any llamas around town.

TheDragon

@SuperGogo
Alpacas are way nicer! They are a little shy, but totally sweet and non-violent.

@JG3
It did, but it picked up a couple hoof-dents

CrescentMelissa

@JG3 Staten Island here, no llamas only mean pitbulls.

JG3
JG3

@CrescentMelissa Yay for the outer boroughs! I grew up in the Bronx, and we had our fair share of surly dogs/cats/the occasional chicken.

Does Axl have a jack?

A black-footed cat! Like a tiny, tiny (3.5 lbs!)leopard-housekitty combo.

EpWs

@armyofskanks YEEP

werewolfbarmitzvah

Oh yeah, and in addition to the loris, I'd like some geese, too! Geese have so much personality, and they're IMPOSSIBLE, and they'll chase you around the house. Geese!

Ooh, and some goats! They can dance and prance on the coffee table! Dance and prance!

EpWs

@werewolfbarmitzvah Pygmy goats!

Bebe

@werewolfbarmitzvah Oh no, geese are MEAN little buggers! Go for ducks instead. They won't congregate and try to kill you.

olivebee

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I find myself saying "Pygmy goats!!!" an awful lot in my life. It's bordering on obsession.

Bobloblaw

Did anyone else notice the feet on the guy with the pet chimpanzee?? That totally distracted me from looking through the rest of the pictures and wondering where he could possibly shop for shoes. ANYWAY...fantasy adorbs pet: Pygmy Marmoset!

area@twitter

Moose. Male, for the big antlers; I would ride him into work and put him on a loose lead out by the bike racks. His name would be Albert.

Second choice is a flock of ravens (or as the old folks called it, a "conspiracy").

TheDragon

@area@twitter
A flock of crows is a murder, right?
I used to day dream about riding my pony, Lefty, to school, and think a moose would be even more awesome! Also moose cheese is crazy lucrative.

mabellegueule

NONE OF THOSE PICTURES IS FAIR. I THOUGHT WE WERE SUPPOSED TO GET MORE ADVANCED IN THE MODERN AGE. I AM NOT SORRY FOR YELLING.

MALLROY

@mabellegueule I JUST FIGURED OUT WHO YOU ARE IN REAL LIFE. Hi :-)

mabellegueule

@MALLROY Hi!! This is awesome because I thought youhad already replied that it wasn't in fact you. I mean the person Iknow in real life. Also, how creepy would it be if I _didn't_ know you in real life but still knew all those details?

LaLoba

Ummm an orphaned direwolf who is destined to be my companion, guide, and possible shape shifting vessel duh.

This is also what I want my daemon to be. I want to be more open-minded/creative, but this girl is forever stuck on giant wolf. She is of the north (west).

lora.bee

@LaLoba I want a Pantalaimon :(

frigwiggin

I can't not think of the negative consequences, though! I would be woefully incapable of taking care of anything exotic. I can barely handle one small (hyper) three-legged cat.

frigwiggin

@frigwiggin That said, I would like a pet bat plz. Preferably a Honduran tent bat.

LaLoba

@frigwiggin I KNOW. The advertisement for baby ocelot at the end made me start to cry. Also I might be re-directing feelings a LITTLE BIT but still, it's a problem. You can't just WALK A CHEETAH. ALL CAPS today, all caps.

LaLoba

@frigwiggin I KNOW. The advertisement for baby ocelot at the end made me start to cry. Also I might be re-directing feelings a LITTLE BIT but still, it's a problem. You can't just WALK A CHEETAH. ALL CAPS today, all caps.

CrescentMelissa

@LaLoba Caps lock is how you feel inside. I understand.

laurel

@frigwiggin Ugh, yes. I have a fantasy tumblr called The Context for Cute: Total Buzzkill where in I comment over the cute video of the day on how the slow loris sitting on the Russian oligarch's girlfriend's lap has had its sharp insectivore fangs pulled to keep it from biting and is being driven slowly insane.

Yes, I'm a total crank. I feel like the internet is already living in a 'Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep' world, where we fetishize cute without any thought to how we're driving animals to extinction. It's perverse and I'm totally a part of it.

But, yeah. Weird fuzzy with whiskers and paws and what have you living in my house with me? Yes, please.

sovereignann@twitter

So many, so many. Penguin, otter, bengal tiger, meerkat, a lemure...it would be a real circle of life at my house.

Petrichoria

ALSO ALSO ALSO

A giraffe with a saddle.

ImASadGiraffe

@Petrichoria Yes yes I want a giraffe. I'll get him a skylight so he can hang out in my apartment.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

Easy. Manatee. One that would allow me to hug it.

EternalFootwoman

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose O dude. Dude. Yes. A manatee. Yes.

Ellie

That kangaroo is hopping downstairs, not upstairs.

I would want an ocelot. Look at them! Now I like really really want one and am sad. My dad had pet raccoons when he was a kid. They lived outside but I think his other pets did too. Also, once when my mom was at Berkeley in the late 60's she was out super early in the morning to turn a paper in and saw a guy running his two pet black panthers around the track. He said he could only take them out at night so they wouldn't scare people.

alpacasloth

I know you said not to but a SLOTH. And an ALPACA. This should be obvious. In my dreams, I am leading an alpaca-riding sloth through an open field.

Alixana

Obviously I would like a polar bear, like this completely insane guy. I am really glad that guy is 60 and appears to have enjoyed his life, because at some point it is going to end suddenly, painfully, and quickly.

iceberg

@Alixana #bearnews

Alixana

@iceberg That's me, always on top of all the latest #bearnews.

Passion Fruit

A huge, wall sized tank of jellyfish, like at the Boston aquarium.

noodge

@Passion Fruit you can apparently get jelly fish tanks now! but i hear they're quite expensive. i'm too lazy to google it right now, but you should totally do it. dooooo ittttt.

Passion Fruit

@teenie Thank you, I just might.

The Best Time I Got a Wall-to-Wall Tank of Jellyfi$$$h at the Behest of the Internet.

JanieS

A large spotted cat would be so delightful - cheetah or jaguar, I'm not even picky.

JanieS

@JanieS BUT ONLY IN MY IMAGINATION BECAUSE YOU CANNOT KEEP WILD CATS AS PETS IT'S SO WRONG.

queenieliz

A flying fox! The worlds most unobjectionable bat!

baked bean

Um now that I know what a dik dik is, that.

EternalFootwoman

There was a cartoon on when I was a little kid about a wee little elephant. Like, maybe he was six inches tall? And a little girl found him in her dollhouse. And that has been my fantasy for twenty-plus years.

wendy pumpernickel

Um, how dare you forbid me from saying sloth! Sloth! I've worked hard to bring this animal to the status of internet popularity that it's achieved, and I won't abandon it now.

Meredith L.

Once in a fit of insomnia, I caught at 4am a British pet show (WTF, Oklahoma City public access channels? But thank you?) about a lovely British widower who taught his pet barn owl and pet border collie to get on his bike (owl = handlebars, dog=basket) where he would take them daily to the pub, where all three were very well behaved.

I cannot wait to be a 75 year old British widower, you guys.

Probs

A pangolin that was actually capable of affection! I saw a video of some family that had adopted a wounded pangolin and it clearly was like "I don't give a shiiiiiit about you people om nom ants"

oh well never mind

@Probs did you call?

TheDragon

I'm so glad that no one replied back with "You guys! I totally have an exotic, endangered animal that I keep without a permit and transport against state lines."
Cause my entire family is Fish and Wildlife Service, and I'd pretty much have to turn you in. So thanks for being the most awesome internet group, once again.

Xanthophyllippa

@The Kendragon I kind of want to be related to you now.

TheDragon

@Xanthophyllippa
family dinners are Gross. It's not uncommon for one of us to start our dinner conversations with "So I was elbows deep in this road killed Grizzly bear and I noticed that the stomach texture was a little off, so I opened it up..."
My mom is in public relations and the gross biology stuff at dinner drives her nuts. My dad and I are the worst offenders.

PistolPackinMama

I am more likely to get my hands on... I dunno... a Siberian tiger than I am to get my hands on the pet I want most in the world.

Which is my BFF/ex-housemate's white German shepherd. He is my Platonic ideal of a pet, forever and always.

Nutellaface

When my dad was young, he had a pet squirrel that he brought to school with him in order to woo a girl that had ignored him up until that point. It totally worked! He also, at various points, had a small alligator, a chicken, and a skunk. He also trained the chicken to ride on the handlebars of his bike but one day someone took it from is lawn and ate it. He led a full and interesting life, that's for sure.

Bittersweet

@Nutellaface: Poor dad, having someone steal and eat his chicken! Just like Faith Meredith in The Rainbow Valley. *sniff*

(Love your avatar, by the way! Now going to go make some "der dish der bork bork bork" noises...)

kapitalk

Otter! Otter! Otter!!! No. TWO otters! And I would live by a lake with a huge hill and watch them make mudslides and then watch them slide down the mudslides. And snuggle them. And take baths with them. And they would somehow smell good.

dale

Well, if I had enough money so I could buy a beeeeg piece of property, then I would take any and all unreleasable (due to illness, or injury, or whatever) animals so they could live out their days safely.

Heat Signature

I would have a pot-bellied pig, which I have been wanting for AGES anyway but my husband does not UNDERSTAND my love for and we have a small house and three pets already BUT IT'S A POT-BELLIED PIG!

crawdad

I would like a bat with no wings please.

ALSO, there's no way any of those people could take care of those pets--they didn't even have the internet!!!

Xanthophyllippa

A whole passel of prairie dogs, two polar bears (to keep each other company), and some penguins. Also a Siberian tiger that would let me ride around on its back and sleep in its belly fur.

Tragically Ludicrous

a bear. Black or grizzly. It would have to somehow be a bear with the personality of a dog, so it wouldn't hurt me and it would be all loyal and stuff. And I could pet it.

(Also a falcon. Falcon might be possible if I turn into a billionaire somehow. I would take up falconry in like, a second.)

Danzig!

Probably a hippo, what with my death wish and all

although... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G3NueKXS6dk

Danzig!

@Danzig! Runners-up:
1) Sea turtle
2) Dolphin
3) Baby elephant that never grows up
4) Michael Fassbender android

beatrixkiddo1

Wallabies! Ohhhh, the things I could keep in their soft pouches.

sudden_eyes

A muntjac! Look at the baby! (Also may I point out the wildness of that whole website.)

Once in Fort Worth, Texas, I pulled up at a stoplight on Camp Bowie Boulevard behind an open Jeep that had a very very large male lion draped casually across the trunk. It was a long light.

packedsuitcase

I am torn. On the one hand, elephant, because they're so cute and practical. Need something moved? Strap it down! Need to drag something heavy? Come here, Heffalump! (Yes, I've already named my elephant. Hush, you.)

On the other hand, tigers. They're soft, yo. And they have an adorably rumbly purr. Plus, imagine if somebody tried to break into the house and all of a sudden they were face-to-face with my guard tiger.

Maybe one of each?

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