Previously: How to Make Hamentaschen.
Esther C. Werdiger has a weekly podcast and a rich internet life, but also a job in Jerusalem.
art, comics, travel, illustration, paris, the league of ordinary ladies, esther c. werdiger
I have definitely considered sending that breakupaversary email. The way our relationship ended was totally shitty, but he was kind of cool - and the only person I knew who liked Star Trek as much as I did (and I needed his opinion on the new film)! #lame
I have a friend request sitting in my facebook from an ex who cheated on me four years ago...
I have no idea what to do with the damn thing. So I just let it sit.
@@serenityfound Once I was going to write a breakupaversary email, and then I found out my ex was getting married the next day. So I wrote a "congratulations on your wedding" email instead. And he never wrote back. The end.
@teffodee Woah. This is the kind of possibility that makes awkward me freak out when
@The Kendragon You get rid of that thing! Unless there is some other compelling reason you might potential want to kick that hornet's nest. (I am totally an "AW HELL NAH" person when it comes to cheating exes)
@@serenityfound It was very odd. I knew he was dating her, but I hadn't heard anything about it (and he doesn't have facebook, so stalking potential is low). And then I saw a mutual friend's facebook status that was "something something something X & Y's wedding tomorrow ooooh so excited!" and I was like... huh. That was quick.
That's probably best. I don't know, I have this thing where I feel like rejecting people's friend requests is really rude?
But so is cheating, so I guess I don't have to feel guilty!
@@serenityfound I just realized while poking through my BF's FB "Timeline" (because what the hell is with that? It's so aesthetically unpleasant! Luckily I do not have this "improvement" yet) that the date we became FB official is the same date my ex dumped me, not once but twice. This makes me ponder the "breakupiversary" message but I'd never do it (I hope). The coincidence amuses me though. And, to this day, I have no idea what was my ex's thing with that date.
Aaahhhhh. Comment, why you cut off part of my sentence?
@The Kendragon I let people wallow in my "pending approvals" thing for a long time, too, but usually it's relatives or people who didn't like me in HS but now want to be FB friends. I think rejection is in no way rude in this case!
@Hellcat Weirdness. Also, I am so out of touch with FB at the moment that I don't even know what a "Timeline" is! Is it like Twitter but grosser?
@@serenityfound Basically, it looks marginally less juvenile than MySpace did -- two columns with shit all over the damn place instead of one chronological/linear rundown of stuff. And, for some reason, the "Timeline" feature starts out with "Now" on the top and "Born" on the bottom... right below (at least on my BF's) "1980." 1980? What is the point of this? Baffling.
@@serenityfound There should be like, breakup anniversary e-cards or something. "So glad we're not together anymore woo!"
@Megan Patterson@facebook When my current BF does something awesome, I kind of want to e-mail an ex or two to thank them for acting a fool and freeing me up to meet a better guy. But I guess that would make me petty and silly and just plain weird, so it stays inside my brain where it belongs!
@Megan Patterson@facebook "Weather is here; wish you were great."
@figwiggin "Thinking about all the things that are better than our relationship" and then name them and it's like "Paper clips. Puppies. Grilled Cheese sandwiches. Not being with you."
@Megan Patterson@facebook To be fair, grilled cheese sandwiches are better than a great many things.
@Hellcat "so it stays inside my brain where it belongs!" FB seems like it was invented just to let stuff like that out of our brains. Noooooooooooo.
@laurel Dear god, I know. I am 41 and the things my peers say on Facebook--you'd swear they were 16! I mean, come on now! Honestly, I probably say more here than I do there (relationship-wise, at least). And, believe me, as an easily riled and impetuous lady, I understand the urge to have a full-on public(ish) freakout, just not the deed. They're in their 40s, you guys, and the things they have posted. So, so, so weird.
I realize I sound so judgy, and that this whole thing is sometimes whatcha get with the ol' Facebook. But I cannot understand it.
@Hellcat (Which is not to say that I didn't read it all with some wildly inappropriate feeling of glee.)
@Hellcat When I hear about someone else's crappy SO, I usually walk up to my husband, kiss him, and just say "Thank you for not being an ass." That helps keep the petty gloating in my brain when he does something awesome.
@Bebe AND you get Appreciative Wife points, which is always nice, especially when you're lucky enough to be with a guy who can appreciate your appreciation (if that makes any sense).
@Megan Patterson@facebook It's been a long, long time since my last relationship disintegrated, and I'm still not mature enough to send a card that didn't say something like, "just wanted to see if you're still alive and ruining people. Oh, you are? Too bad."
Hook-ups past are another story. "Thinking of you, hoping your penis is well. xoxo!"
@tortietabbie I feel like I need to hookup more so I can randomly text dudes "So, how's your penis doing?"
@Hellcat Actually he just tells me I really should have higher standards! Apparently, "not an ass" is a pretty low bar.
Haha, I knew that was going to be music from Amelie before I even got to that panel.
@Ojo I now have the Amelie music stuck in my head. It is fighting with Kant. Or, it is trying to persuade Kant to chill out, have an espresso, and learn to write backwards.
@Ojo They actively play the Amelie music in Charles De Gaulle. I think it is part of a mental-terrorism plot to make Anglophone tourists feel bad about themselves even before they leave the airport.
@MollyculeTheory I don't think CDG airport needs music to make people lose their minds.
@teffodee Well, you Kant always get what you want.
@Angus-Michel I am aware of that Kantcept, but I do not appreciate it.
God, I love having a no contact rule.
@JessicaLovejoy It's the freakin' best.
@JessicaLovejoy *fist bump* word girl, i'm with ya (finally).
@JessicaLovejoy Do you know where my ex boyfriends all are? Neither do I! Because I don't really talk to any of them any more. No contact rules FTW!
@JessicaLovejoy I hate rules, but I'm really competitive, so I just turn it into a game. Whichever partner is most recently NOT trying to contact their ex is the one who is winning.
So, while I'm curious to know what some of my more amiable mutually-split exes are up to, I can't lose the no-contact game.
@Bebe yeah, is it actually possible to be friends with an ex?! I know people are, but I cannot possibly fathom how.
@LittleBookofCalm I realized several years ago that my exes were never my friends to begin with, which is why I never bothered to stay friends after we broke up. And I've never really missed any of them, never FB stalked them, and have never been terribly curious about where they are now.
I'm really not as much of a heartless bitch as this makes me seem! I wish them all happiness, really!
@LittleBookofCalm You can be friends with exes, but it depends on the people involved and the nature of the relationship/breakup. I'm currently friends with my last ex, but he still owes me money and I don't know if it will continue after he's paid it off. I have a new partner and he doesn't, so that's a little weird.
@jen325 and @LittleBookofCalm and @Bebe and others - oh you are all making me feel so good, I always wonder this. and I always feel like I run into people in conversations like this who smugly say 'Well I'M friends with MY ex/es' and I've even seen 'I would see not being friends with any exes as a red flag in a potential new partner' and then it's like it's this judgement on you for simply not being mature enough. When actually, fuck you, you have no idea what the multiple reasons are that I'm not friends with any of my exes and have zero contact with them. I'm going to borrow the 'were never my friends to begin with' line, that's a great one!
@sevanetta You're mature enough to know that you shouldn't be friends with your exes. :)
Yes to the bed thing!
I worked as an owl-biology tech this summer and spent all of June leaving for work at 8pm, getting home at 4am, and sleeping all day. Which wasn't bad, except that I was living in my parent's garage/toolshed, and they would leave for work while I was still out cold.
I will go to great links to avoid spending all my summer job money on rent.
@The Kendragon I like links better! It makes it sound like you are trolling Craigslist for various ways to get out of paying rent in the summertime...
On that note; I found this a few days ago, and it makes me smile/shudder every time I read it.
I actually do have a bit of an obsession with the "personals" section on Craigslist. It's like a surreal world in there!
@The Kendragon OMG. That is The Best. *runs away to Twitter*
@The Kendragon i like to weirdly search the missed connections section just to see if anyone was checkin me out at shoprite.
RIGHT? I want so badly to create a fake email and troll the hell out of it, but it skeeves me out a bit
The missed connections sections are the best. Some are so creepy, and some are strangely sweet
@The Kendragon Noooo, whatever you linked is already flagged for removal. Ah, the ephemerality of Craigslist, like a trash bag on the wind...
Here You Go: (yes the caps were necessary)
Free Rent 4 female companion - m4w
I love to travel, but hate doing it alone. "Christian" male seeks single female companion to travel with. Must know and want to survive what is coming at the end of this year, LOVE GOD, able to fix wild meat, etc. Am building a survival motor home loaded with everything needed to survive when the solar flares hit and wipe everyone out of electric. People will not know how to survive without any electronics electric etc. They will be eating each other within a month, without their vehicles, food, water, heat, computers, cell phones or anything that runs on electric including computers in vehicles. Mine will still work and run. I'm off the grid! Solar, diesel engines no computers to worry about but still can travel. Have water purification system, propane, diesel, much more. If your fit, and want to live a simple life under the stars, away from the rat race in town, email me. Don't give me one line tell me more about your experience, what your willing to do etc. Again you must be fit, because our survival will count on it. If your over weight and don't get out of the house, then you'll die with the rest. I need someone who can get out and hike etc.
Looks are a dime a dozen, sincere honest people are rare, that is who I seek.
NOTICE: NO OUT OF TOWN FEMALES. This means you must live within 250 miles of Las Cruces, New Mexico. Not in a foreign country. Mexico accepted.
@The Kendragon Yowza. He went on quite a jam there, didn't he? "Electronics electric etc." almost has a nice alliterative/assonant rhythm to it.
Don't make fun of his jam. You'll die with the rest without him
My escape pod is spaceworthy
You are successfully seducing me away with your wily escape pods...
Do I get free rent?
@The Kendragon Only if you can fix wild meat.
Well, where I'm from we just call it "game."
to me, "wild meat" sounds like mad cow infested beef...
Oh yes, the sending of the postcard to an ex and expecting... I dunno, SOMETHING, some kind of gratitude or satisfying response. And then not receiving that. Kind of a bummer. But I'm glad Paris was otherwise thrilling!
@Emby Yeah but if your ex sent you a postcard, how would you react? I wouldn't know how to reply AT ALL. I might say, "Thanks," or a more mature "Thanks, hope all is well," depending on my mood. What else could I possibly say? "Why on earth are you sending me a postcard? I don't care about you, dude."
Definitely sent that same exact postcard this fall. And garnered the same response. Boys! Ugh.
@charmcity I feel like most of life can be explained by "Boys! Ugh."
@charmcity Get rid of your exes, they are ungrateful.
@The Kendragon A friend recently exclaimed to me, "Ugh, why are boys so weird and dumb?!" after we'd spent about an hour over analyzing brief conversations she'd had with her boyfriend. But seriously, Ugh!
@charmcity UGH. Yes. I just did this a month ago. And it was a postcard from New Zealand! Not just an ordinary postcard. And...nothing. UGH.
@charmcity: Hold up now... as the postcard reciever, how exactly am I supposed to interpret this, and what do I do about it? This is a nice post card one year out from someone with whom I shared intimate parts of my life with, but no longer. Not certain what decorum would dictate here...
@Too Much Internet DITTO AND CONCUR!!!!
@charmcity Some sort of impossible-to-word, perfectly-timed, short-but-not-too-short e-mail of some kind. WOULD THAT KILL YOU.
@charmcity I sent an ex-ish a postcard from ND. I think it had a bison on it? He sent me a DM that said "Hey! Thanks for the postcard!! North Dakota looks a real riot."
That seems about right to me.
Hey, I just finished reading Lucy Knisley's French Milk at lunch! My day is full of Paris. Which is probably the closest I'll ever get to actually being in Paris, because when I can afford to travel again I'd much rather go back to Germany, or go to Australia or Iceland or Norway.
There was a piano in my college's dining hall, and you can bet that at least once every couple hours some joker would sit down and start pounding out something from Amelie. Which is sad, because it IS pretty music!
I definitely have thought about just writing the same extra-clever awesome letter and sending it to everyone (I tricked myself into having like six people to write letters to), but I'm afraid someone would figure it out. So instead I just write dopey letters at lunchtime about the girl sitting across from me wearing the Buzz Lightyear getup (??? college students).
@figwiggin random tangent: I'm going to Germany in three weeks for the first time! Yay Black Forest!
@dtowngirl Ah, I'm so excited for you! I haven't been to Baden-Württemberg, just Rhineland-Palatinate and Bavaria...someday I will be to all parts!
@figwiggin Couldn't you go to Germany and then train it to Paris for a couple of days? One of the glories of not being in North America!
These are the best. As much as I loved Relationshapes, I now realize it had to stop so we could have The League in its place. I hope Esther never leaves!
@aliceandstuff I see no reason we cannot have both. am I going to mourn Relationshapes until the end of time, why yes I am.
Living in a bed in someone else's house is the SAME WAY I FEEL when I'm staying over at other people's houses! The only person I've ever circumvented this with is my best friend, and last time I was visiting her and her parents I got sick and wound up napping in the middle of the day and apparently getting sick in someone else's house is the trick of this.
Also this is particularly relevant to me because I rent a basement apartment from my landlords, and we share a laundry in my "kitchen," and they do laundry two days a week but it's almost 8pm here and they are STILL NOT DONE YET and I feel like I cannot be at ease in my own (alleged) home!!!
@The Lady of Shalott This past December we stayed with my fiance's grandma for a few nights, in her open living room which is basically living room/dining room/kitchen. The first morning they were all up at 7 (SEVEN!) and tiptoed around until "finally" waking me at 8. I was a bit groggy (BECAUSE I WAS AWAKE AT EIGHT AM) and confused and sat up holding the blanket to my chest so Grandma assumed (WHY?) that I wasn't wearing a shirt and insisted that everyone turn around so I could get dressed (?!). I was like "no no I'm fine really" but when I looked up they were all (Grandma, Mom, Dad, Fiance) standing with their backs to me (like the BLAIR WITCH PROJECT forgodssakes). It was a weird, weird way to start my day.
Living in bed in the middle of the house = very "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" (or at least "Willie Wonka..."; I don't remember if there's a book/movie distinction).
@Setec Astrology I was thinking that, too! Esther just needed them to bring her soup.
Oooh, I once GOT a sort-of Breakupaversary letter! In that my gross, gross college ex (I have talked about him here before, and the extent to which he is Mr. Collins) sent me a LOOONG email last year right before Thanksgiving, telling me how he always thinks about me around the holidays. To which, in my head, I responded, "Yeah, crazypants, because around the holidays is when you made me cry in the middle of Penn Station, and told me I was worthless, which pretty much made me realize what a shit you truly are, and how little I want to be around you, like, ever again." I didn't actually respond to him, because he sucks. So I was the ex not writing back, and now I feel like a bit of a douche. Don't send the breakupaversary email! DON'T DO IT!
@BadWolf I'm so late to this party but whatever. SO: my breakupaversary is coming up, and oh HEY i've been editing this film that I shot last spring, and just spent a day literally cutting scenes from the day that we broke up, and it sucks. Also I've been having really awesome sex dreams about him. Which is the worst. Also he's been trying really hard to be my friend again, hanging out with me whenever we end up at the same bar (often; small group of friends), maybe flirting kind of a lot, texting me not-infrequently (I don't respond), and so...now I'm just incredibly confused. Is he a jerk? Probably. Do I want to re-open ANY DOORS AT ALL? My god, I don't know! 'Pinners, help!
@alebee Well, definitely do not reopen any doors if he's a jerk! Was he a jerk the last time you tried dating him? If yes, he's probably not less of a jerk now. I have had awful exes try to be my friend again, and this did not detract from their awfulness, it just made them feel less guilty for having treated me shabbily. The fact that you're not responding to texts and the flirting leaves you wary suggests that you are ready to move on. And, please, sex dreams are the kind of brain-poop A Lady was talking about a couple weeks back: they don't necessarily MEAN shit, so don't let them trick you. Hell, I once had a sex dream about my septuagenarian orthodontist. Really. Time for you to get a new potential breakup partner!
Oh Esther. I find you more adorable with every comic(?) of yours I read.
oh paris, i am the worst at french and i always work myself up in my head and try to be perfect and plan out what i'm going to say, and then what i'm going to say next, and then the person i'm talking to is like "lesomethangavecbloobleeblahhspeedytalkwhyareyougoingsofastwhattttisgoingon" and then i give up and mumble "parlez vous anglais"
in other news this post made me think HOW long has it been since every single comment i made around here was about ... paris ... and how I just don't even give a care anymore!
@redheaded&crazy Best french phrase: "Lentement s'il vous plait!" (I am probably spelling it wrong now).
When I was first learning French, that was a very useful phrase! Except that I spelled it "longtempsment"... It seemed to make sense!
@Megan Patterson@facebook I wish I could thumbs up you a million more times! I've also found that "Je parles francais comme une americane" always gets a laugh. And once you've mocked yourself, the French people seem to like you.
@redheaded&crazy Ok, here is my French language in France story. I was doing pretty well just sort of nodding and indicating what I wanted to buy at most stores. But I had to buy stamps for post cards. So I went to the post office and asked what was the word for for stamps and then the guy asked me what price. So I said they were for post cards to mail to the US. So he says "timbres de cartes pour quatre-vingt huit cents" or whatever it was. Then I needed some more so I had to go back but his window was busy so I go to the next one. And he remembered me and was watching to see me mangle this again. But I proudly announced "Je voudrais deux timbres de cartes postales pour les quatre-vingts huit cents s'il vous plaît" and he smiled.
@kitten_witawip Et voila.
@kitten_witawip I loved that story! I want to give you two thumbs up, but I only get to give you one. Ah, c'est la vie!
@Bebe I am totally stealing this.
On a side note, having always gotten along just fine in France with my rusty but serviceable French, I expected to do the same in Montreal. WRONG. I don't know what language they speak there, but it sure as hell ain't the frenzy. (Oddly, though, they seem to write it quite well.)
@purefog Same here! I was in Paris over Halloween, and the bit of French I've managed to hold on to seemed to suffice. I'm heading to Morocco in a couple of weeks, though, and I'm wondering how it's gonna work...bartering? In french? I'm gonna feel like such a doofus.
So I don't send a break upaversery email but my ex is my bff so I DO usually remind him of what our anniversary would be were we still together. The year we would have hit five years I texted him about it and he said, oh.. yeah... I knew! Your present... is in the mail! And I was so happy that he indulged my idiocy.
A breakupiversary email isn't the worst. What is the worst? When your ex-boyfriend, to whom you lost your virginity, makes a mutual friend call your sister and ask her if you know what day it is. This day = one year after you lost your virginity to him, you quickly realize. And say "Ew. Yes."
I am so glad I'm not a teenager/not dating teenagers anymore.
@rocknrollunicorn Oh, GOD.
@rocknrollunicorn That's... really creepy. Wow.
@rocknrollunicorn Ask him if he still has it and if so can you have it back. You've met someone better you'd like to give it to.
@laurel This was 14 years ago, but god how I wish I had a time machine. He was a little too much of a dude with feeeeeeeeeeeeeelings. I should have stomped on them a bit more.
I just love Esther's face, & the way she's yelling "hey!" up at the pigeon who shat on her.
@nonvolleyball That is pure artistic genius!
@tortietabbie I keep coming back to it. She's looking up! It's perfect!
@laurel but it's the indignant "hey!"--addressed to a surely indifferent bird--that really makes it for me.
Hey Esther (you probably won't see this!) -- I've been listening to your podcast lately and it is the bomb, as is this series. Cheers!
I see this! And thank you!!
I am going to Paris in May to get married and I am the only person in our group who knows any French and I'm not even good at it! I am definitely constantly freaking out about it.
@kendra j.@twitter I am also going to Paris in May, and I am also the only one in my group (of two--me and my bestie) who knows any French, and I am also not even good at it, AND I am also definitely constantly freaking out about it! So you're not alone! I kind of feel better that I'm not the only one... And congrats on your nuptials!
It is truly eerie how much The League of Ordinary Ladies reminds me of an ex of mine. Not in a bad way, just... eerie.
So yesterday I met my ex at our son's judo class, having not seen him for a month or so. He was away. In Mexico. Getting married and stuff. Despite feeling 100% right about our break-up (after 16 years) and knowing it was the absolute best decision of my life, I kind of had a rough time during the whole nuptuals thing. The day of (I knew exactly when it happened because my son called me and that was part of the convo)was an emotional roller coaster. Just so many thoughts. ALL the thoughts. Was he happy? I know he's happy, I can see it. He is SO happy. I'm happy for him. But why did he move on so fast? Why did he never want to marry me in all that time, but is prepared to marry her in almost no time? How does my son feel? How will this change things for him? So many thoughts. My poor BF. I knew I would see the ex yesterday, and without any pre-planning or thought, I went to the card store and bought a card. I also got him a gift card for a home and decor store I know he likes. It was small, but it was something. I didn't think about the hows or whys during all of this, I just did it. I wrote a message in the card. I spelled something wrong and crossed it out and left it there for him to see. So unlike me. Normally I'd go buy a whole new card. My message wished him and her exactly what I hope for them. Happiness. Love. Support. Affection. Laughter. All the things we wished we had, but were unable to find together.
I went to judo class and hugged the hell out of my son. I small-talked with the ex. Then I gave him the card. He read it. He looked at me. He read it. He cried. I cried. I felt relief for the first time in weeks. Maybe for the first time in the almost 2 years since we split.
Not quite a breakupaversary story, but related I guess. I apologize for spewing it all out here, but I really just wanted to share.
This is my favourite thing on the hairpin!
@breccalynn You're kind of making me cry, but I kind of like it. Good story :)
@breccalynn // this is beautiful! thank you for telling us.
@breccalynn aw what a story, thanks for sharing.
You know I've seen it as a bit of a 'thing', guys being with one woman for years and years, breaking up and then getting married quite quickly after. A lot of my exes (mostly much shorter relationships than yours) have done that too - they go out with me then shortly after meet someone and get married.
Anyway, I hope your boyfriend is brilliant, mine is a million times better than any of my exes, and that is putting it mildly.
Breccalynn. Thank you for sharing that story. It perfectly conveyed what you're going through. The questions you asked yourself, the gift you bought, the typos you left in the card to show to him, that you wished them well, that you both cried. It is so fucking heartbreaking, sad, perfect, good. You sound like a good person. Thank you again. I will remember this.
I went on a vacation shortly after a breakup. I found an excellent post card of a graveyard and sent it to him with the message "wish you were here!" It made my vacation so much more awesome.
@kingjames THAT IS THE BEST.
sitting in a hotel lobby in milan ,reading your comic, laughing out loud, finally getting some real attention from these italian men.shame i didnt read this earlier (leaving in an hour)
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