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Tuesday, March 27, 2012

134

The League of Ordinary Ladies: I Can't Believe It's Almost April

Previously: Three Women of Little Significance.

Esther C. Werdiger has a weekly podcast and a rich internet life, but also a job in Jerusalem.



134 Comments / Post A Comment

Katie Heaney

This might be my favorite one so far.

pterodactgirl

@Katie Heaney Agreed! So good.

Passion Fruit

@Katie Heaney Yes! The second one especially.

Esther and Carolita are so awesome.

Statham

@Katie Heaney Possibly for me too.

DullHypothesis

The "thud" onto the desk is my favorite.

likethestore

"A week of my 20s." Yup.

iceberg

@likethestore oh it would have taken me more than a week for sure!

staircases

@likethestore Story of my life. Except, instead of a week, it took four months. Then we made out. He is probably not gay.

likethestore

@staircases Probably.

Sam I am

@likethestore A little late but...Only a week? Lucky. On the other hand, I might be doing this to a boy, but I'm just trying to friendzone him. Why can't men and women be just friends?

slutberry

@Sam I am Because of the sex thing.

Sam I am

@teffodee Oh, yeeeeaaaahhhh :/ I used to very strongly believe men and women can be friends, but as the years pass by, I still believe it buts its getting harder.

slutberry

@Sam I am All the Men want to have All the Sex with All the Women Always, and that is a Proven Fact with Science.

Sam I am

@teffodee Once upon a time I would have rolled my eyes at this but I just caught myself nodding my head in agreement.

Gracefully and Grandly

love love love. I was just scowling at my screen at work and this just descowled my face so hard. The amazing scowl remover!

rararuby

Esther, you look so cute with your hair up!

thisisunclear

@rararuby Esther, you look so cute in horizontal stripes!

Esther C. Werdiger

@thisisunclear
Esther, you're so cute as a tiny little perfect cartoon that you drew yourself, however you liked!

melis

Esther, I think you'd make a really great helpful little bug that was friendly and waved a lot!!!

Nicole Cliffe

Like the ladybug in James and the Giant Peach!

fleurdelivre

@rararuby I thought Esther had cut her hair in the first panel and was totally going to say it looked good, except then I figured it out.

tortietabbie

Esther your little tiny baby hand is so cute!

highfivesforall

Colic! A great band name, even if the band is not made up of crying babies.

Veronica Mars is smarter than me

@highfivesforall Is it weird that I read that panel as van full of babies with so much colic that it had to be illustrated to us, not as the actual name of the band?

Ophelia

@Veronica Mars is smarter than me I totally did the same thing.

oh, disaster

I relate way too hard to both of these.

roughe

I think it's very important that you specified it was not just a week but a week of your 20s. Time is valuable yo, and I'd much rather be day drinking and learning the secrets of life than figuring that shit out.

spoondisaster

@roughe Seriously, what do you think I am, 33? Hand me a beer.

redheaded&crazy

@roughe DAAAAAAAY DRINKINNNNNNG

*cheers to that*

Mingus_Thurber

@roughe Don't tell anybody, but you can spend a week of your FORTIES doing this, too.

spoondisaster

@Mingus_Thurber Wait, what, really? Sweet. When Peter Pan said he was never gonna grow up maybe he just meant he'd never stop day drinking shitty beer on the roof of his house.

roughe

@Mingus_Thurber NO

Mingus_Thurber

@roughe Sorry. YES. And it means still sitting on the roof, but drinking BETTER BEER. Any time you want, 'cause you got sick time to use for those days you don't wanna go in.

MoonBat

@Mingus_Thurber Oh yes, I absolutely spent a week like this, this year. A week of my 40's. Thud.

Ophelia

@Mingus_Thurber Also, I feel like, when you get OUT of your 20s, you can do things like day-drink on your roof with friends and it's "a barbeque" and no one judges you for behaving like you're at a frat party? Also, the inclusion of things like pets and kids to public drinking (as long as no one's hammered. and the kids aren't drinking) seems to legitimize everything.

I'm a horrible person.

AniaGosia

@Ophelia It's true! I bought tequila and beer for my son's first birthday party that we had at noon because, you know, it's a party! And there are adults! As long as the kids aren't drinking seems like a good motto.

MoonBat

@Ophelia Noooo, not horrible! My neighborhood does this, fire pit nights, we drink and play Pandora "name that tune", and the kids play basketball in the driveway. It's awesome!

iceberg

"Shhh you guys"

this is my life basically. except they don't play instruments.

itmakesmewonder

@iceberg I hope your van says "COLIC," please say yes or make it so!

iceberg

@itmakesmewonder I think we might have to paint it like the Partridge Family bus. Or the Scooby van.

Bus Driver Stu Benedict

She was talking about baking a cake, right?

Megasus

There need to be like, mandatory flirt tags on the interwebs, I swear.

joie

@Megan Patterson@facebook or flirts could show up in a different font automatically. Like, Verdana is flirting, while Garamond is friendzone.

Limaceous

@heyits This is a good idea, but Verdana is clearly friendzone. You cannot flirt in sans serif.

Fig. 1 (formerly myfanwy)

The flirting font is clearly Lucida Handwriting (if you're over 40) or Zapfino (under-40/using a Mac). Unless you're a font nerd, in which case it's something sexy like Caslon.

Limaceous

@Fig. 1 (formerly myfanwy) Ooohh Caslon. That's hott!

joie

@Limaceous Whereas a flirt in Comic Sans is an automatic [lady]bonerkill.

Fig. 1 (formerly myfanwy)

@Limaceous Nobody puts Baby in the kerner.

ETA: Comic Sans is reserved as the flirting font for a certain subset of Reddit commenters.

Megasus

@Fig. 1 (formerly myfanwy) And 12 years old. Also I enjoy how this immediately went to a nerdy font conversation. Also, what, flirting in serif?? No way! Sans serif for flirting, serif for serious relationship talk.

joie

@Megan Patterson@facebook but you guys, WHAT ABOUT PAPYRUS?

Megasus

@heyits For Egyptian roleplay cybering ONLY

Hellcat

@Everyone Font talk! I love it! And I love Broken Typewriter. Something is just so perfect about it.

Perhaps I'd flirt in Sparkly Diner. But only if I really meant business.

alsoknownas

@Megan Patterson@facebook OMG CYBERING. I'm totally in 5th grade again and Courtney is telling me about how her cool older sister cybers like 5 guys at once. "My boobs are running over your body" I'm so inadequate!

!!!!!

Xanthophyllippa

@Hellcat Or you could get drunk and flirt in Cocktail Bubbly.

joie

@Megan Patterson@facebook

osiris111: hey baby, a/s/l?
sobekneferu69: 7,000/f/the nile, bitches. u?
osiris111: hot. i'm stroking my scepter right now. timeless/m/underworld

joie

@Megan Patterson@facebook reading between the texts: Rosetta Stone edition. Katie Heaney, where are you????

Megasus

@heyits omg yesssss

Hellcat

@Xanthophyllippa Rickels Script is pretty saucy too!

Whoops, I spoke too soon; Cocktail Script!

Elvis Costello's Spectacles

@Hellcat I've now lost a good portion of my day to font-Googling.

Hellcat

@Elvis Costello's Spectacles I know, it's crazy! I do it all the time. At least it's sometimes for work.

Fig. 1 (formerly myfanwy)

@Hellcat I spend a lot of time on Identifont, trying to figure out customers' saucy inclinations [sigh]. At least the Bleeding Cowboys craze seems to be over.

joie

I'm just really impressed that Esther actually has different hairstyles every day. I mean, Esther is impressive over all, but this for some reason kicks it up a notch, ya know? Ordinary Ladies? HA! as if.

leastimportantperson

@heyits This morning I blew my hair dry until it was actually dry instead of just less wet, and I'm like, still counting it as my top accomplishment of the week.

leastimportantperson

@leastimportantperson And I didn't even draw an adorable and really deeply true cartoon about it. So. Basically I'm dragging us all down toward a lamer ordinary.

joie

@leastimportantperson well...I basically straightened the ends of my hair and I haven't washed it in two days. So. I'll be down waiting on the lower end of the ordinary, with a glass of wine.

I smell burnt toast

@leastimportantperson Oh man, the day I blowdry my entire head instead of just my bangs is the day I am, Truly, An Adult.

leastimportantperson

@heyits Yay wine! Maybe I can spill it on myself and/or my as-yet-unopened pile of mail. But also drink it!!

Myrtle

@heyits You're writing a book titled "The Lower End of the Ordinary" please say yes?

MoonBat

@leastimportantperson Hair wadded up into a curly bun, second day in a row, even though I work a grown up job and wear suits and heels every day, y'all. FTL (for the lose).

Ophelia

@MoonBat Urgh, yes. Although now I work from home, so I don't even have the suits/heels to distract from the continuously-bunned hair.

MoonBat

@Ophelia My DAUGHTER, who bartends, taught me how to make our curly hair look purposely arranged, when really it takes ten seconds and an elastic. As if I needed further encouragement to be lazy. I do not know How To Be A Girl.

breccalynn

@MoonBat Can you/your daughter please teach me how to do this!? I've tried and tried then gave up. And the result is my hair often looks like someone who tried and tried but then gave up.

breccalynn

@MoonBat Also, I'm only now learning How To Be A Girl, and I'm 35. Guys, being a girl is haaaarrrrrrd.

MoonBat

@breccalynn: I'm trying to describe it and accidentally deleted, oops! The technique is to pull a ponytail of hair only halfway thru the elastic, then twist the elastic and pull it over the loop of hair again. Then pull little curls out here and there to obscure the elastic. Ta dah, messy chignon! (Fancy laydee word, see what I did there? )

Ophelia

@MoonBat Yes! That does work! The hair needs to be a little longer than shoulder-length, though, or else pieces kind of stick out randomly.

scottssions

I hope this series never, ever stops happening.

Tuna Surprise

@scottssions
That's what I said about Relationshapes (*sniff*)

joie

@Tuna Surprise never forget.

aliceandstuff

@Tuna Surprise But hey, David Rees has a new book coming out in two weeks!

ninalander

"I can't believe it's (month/season/weather outside)...!" is my conversational crutch. It NEVER works and I can NOT stop using it.

whizz_dumb

@ninalander It's not even a crutch for me, I am just genuinely baffled that it is almost April. I almost missed paying all of my bills this month because I thought I already paid them but that was last month. Time is fucking with all of us, of course we should small talk about it. Talking about time flying > talking about the weather. Much greater.

Veronica Mars is smarter than me

@whizz_dumb Unless the weather is Serious Business. Because what is this shit the past week???? I think it's OK to talk about it.

DrFeelGood

@ninalander I never understood why adults talked so much about the weather until I became one.

City_Dater

"Opening for Sharon, Lois and Bram....COLIC!"

@serenityfound

Oh man, currently in situation #2, except I know for sure he's not gay but I still can't figure out whether we're flirting or just super companionable buddies. *thud*

reburkel

A wonderful friendship was solidified when I ran into an acquaintance (at the time) on a bus and after conversing for a while I said, "I've run out of things to talk about." And he said, "Me too, talk to you later." And we turned around and didn't talk to each other for the rest of the ride. Glorious!

Fig. 1 (formerly myfanwy)

@reburkel See, I like yours and Esther's solutions. I'm starting to be more direct and it is Surprisingly Relieving.

whizz_dumb

@Fig. 1 (formerly myfanwy) and revealing.

Passion Fruit

@reburkel I do this! And I love that you do, too. A friendship is truly special when you can stare out into space together, just enjoying each other's presence and your own zany/inane (zinane?) thoughts.

I started ending conversations bluntly (actually doing everything bluntly) as a kid. I attribute it to being a child of immigrants in a suburb filled with American-for-a-few-generations families. "Alright, I don't have anything else to talk about. Do you? ... No? Ok, bye, talk to you later!"

slb
slb

@reburkel I went to a wedding in India recently, and found all of the other Indian guests to be incredibly good at saying at the natural lull in conversation "Ok, it was nice talking to you" and then walking away. I tried so hard to bring that home but us Australians are terrible at being direct (my Chicagoan boss always shouts "just say what you mean!" at us) and so it always came across as really rude and abrupt. I'm going to stick it out though! I mean, it's just a more honest way of saying "Ok, I'm going to get a drink/go to the bathroom now". When my little brother was like 3 years old and he got sick of being engaged in conversation, he would just say "Stop talking to me now". THAT is something I would love to see become a thing.

Hellcat

@Passion Fruit I have a friend who used to work at Barnes & Noble with me, who would get off the phone with customers by answering the question as fast as he could, and then going, "OK, bye!" really fast. I realize now how rude that was, but so funny to overhear.

PistolPackinMama

@Passion Fruit I just had a conversation with my brother that went like this:

US: Blah blah.

Me: I am so enjoying your company, but I have run out of things to say!

Him: Yeah. I told you I had meatballs on the stove so I could reestablish contact but then go do other things when I ran out of things to talk about!

Me: No way! If I were at your house, I would just be hanging out on your couch and we would companionably not talk!

Him: Yep! Well, talk to you soon!

Me: Love you!

Him: You too!

Like... not five minutes ago did I have that exchange.

Passion Fruit

@slb Hahaha, the three year old version of your little brother sounds adorable! (I'm sure he's still adorable, but in a more socialized way.)

Passion Fruit

@PistolPackinMama Hahaha, yes, I just love that about family relationships, where you can say directly what is on your mind. When friends/romantic relationships get to that level, it is fucking awesome. Now I get to just say to your face that I'm done with conversing and would like to rest my maxed out interpersonal skills, instead of forcing awkward small talk. It's like, you are a part of my nest now, baby bird. Come, let us share worms in silence.

NO CHIRPING, ASSHOLE, I'M TIRED.

redheaded&crazy

@reburkel oh man just reading that I was like but how can you sit in silence

i really struggle with knowing people who are comfortable with silence because it gives me such anxiety especially as i search desperately for increasingly trivial conversation topics to fill the space with

please, teach me your serenity.

Passion Fruit

@redheaded&crazie Awww, what are you thinking that makes you anxious?

Craftastrophies

@redheaded&crazie I have friends with whom I can sit in silence. But the WORST is when a workmate etc catches the same bus as me. Then I sit there thinking 'shit, shit, it's my turn to say something omg I don't want to talk to them, this silence is heavy and awwwkwaaardddd'. I hate it, the worst. I have one introverted workmate who catches my bus, and we have a silent agreement that we will talk at the bus stop, but once we're on the bus, we sit in different seats,often at different ends of the bus. I love her for it.

sevanetta

@slb another Australian Pinner! yay! where are you based?

Veronica Mars is smarter than me

@redheaded&crazie For me, when I'm not overcome by Awkward, it comes from being so inside my own head that I am not really aware there is a pause/awkward moment happening. Which probably is not a great alternative. But the rest of the time I am like ohgodohgodilooksodumbwhatdoisayhowcanileave.

Bebe

@PistolPackinMama My sister and I end phone conversations with, "Is that it?" "Yep." "OK, bye."

Sam I am

@reburkel I wish I could use that for work events.

sarah girl

@reburkel I had a friend in high school who was the best at ending conversations. Especially when we were out with a group of friends at a restaurant or something, and it reaches that awkward moment where the check has been paid but you're just lazing around and talking a little but no one wants to be the rude one who stands up first to leave...

One of his standbys is "Hey, I have an idea! ...Let's all stand up and go to our cars!" And then we leave. It's awesome.

reburkel

@redheaded&crazie @craftastrophies I have a hard time with coworkers too. One time I started walking home and then realized I was alongside the director of my workplace. She is a lovely lady but I was so relieved when she said she was going to the gym.

As for being comfortable, part of why my boyfriend and I work well together is because we're both good with silences and we've acknowledged that we're both okay with silences to make sure the other one isn't secretly dying inside. Maybe it's something only children are particularly comfortable with?

faustbanana

@reburkel There's a very funny passage from a David Foster Wallace essay about awkward "I want to stop talking to you now" moments:

[T]hings get way more complicated in the sorts of interpersonal communication where social relations and feelings and moods come into play. Here's a familiar kind of example. Suppose that you and I are acquaintances and we're in my apartment having a conversation and that at some point I want to terminate the conversation and not have you be in my apartment anymore. Very delicate social moment. Think of all the different ways I can try to handle it: "Wow, look at the time"; "Could we finish this up later?"; "Could you please leave now?"; "Go"; "Get out"; "Get the hell out of here"; "Didn't you say you had to be someplace?"; "Time for you to hit the dusty trail, my friend"; "Off you go then, love"; or that sly old telephone-conversation-ender: "Well, I'm going to let you go now"; etc. etc....

So, obviously, "Get the hell out of here" will be my new conversation-ender.

Verity

@Craftastrophies Oh, that sort of thing is so awkward - when you know someone well enough that you can't ignore them, but not so well that you have lots to talk about. I hate it. (I'm like that with a lot of my friends, as well - the awkward silences hit quite quickly because Socialising Is Hard. It's such a relief that my boyfriend and I can just not talk sometimes without it being weird.)

Craftastrophies

@Verity You know, I would probably do more socialising if I were better at navigating leaving. I often want/need to leave a good hour before everyone else, but then I feel so guilty at not wanting to be there that I end up staying longer. WHY, so stupid. This is the main problem I have with my mother - she will never LEAVE. So I'm less likely to agree to do things with her in the first place, because I know it's not just a quick cuppa, no matter what she says, it's actually a four hour session. Often I'll only set up things if I have something to do after - I've actually just done that, I've made dinner plans and set an arbitrary deadline for when we have to leave. We have to be at my boyfriends before ten! (We don't, but it'd be nice).

Must work on this. I mean, mostly, either no one cares, or they're going to be relieved that I've broken the ice by leaving, right? At my family gatherings, my generation times it so we all leave within an hour window, to minimise fussing.

My friend's dad says 'well, I won't keep you! I know you're busy!' That seems to work. I have a couple friends I can say 'well, get out of my house, now!' I love them.

Craftastrophies

@Craftastrophies Also, I think this is relevant here: http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com.au/2010/09/four-levels-of-social-entrapment.html

I've actually told people 'I'd love to hang out, but I have to go sit in my house by myself'. IT'S A VALID CHOICE.

Waiting

@redheaded&crazie I think a lot to do with it is introversion versus extroversion

Waiting

@Craftastrophies I call it sitting.

No, boyfriend, I can't go play Dota with you. I need to sit.

Bonnie_Irene

Oh boy, comic one is the story of my life.

Phone conversations veering into awkward territory always ALWAYS end with, "Well, I'm driving and I see a cop in front of me, gotta go!" even if I'm sitting on the couch.

spoondisaster

@Bonnie_Irene "traffic's bad, I should go! Bye!" In fact, there is no traffic, I just was done filing my nails and my attention ran out.

Passion Fruit

@Bonnie_Irene Hahahahaha! That is so funny. I love it. I want to use it in person, when I'm talking to a loved one. "Uhh... alright, Mom, I'm driving and I see a cop, gottagobye!" and then pantomime hanging up ["*Click!*"] when she and I are standing in the kitchen and she's starting in on some tiresome topic.

"Mom. I said click."

Craftastrophies

@Passion Fruit "red card!"

Elvis Costello's Spectacles

@Bonnie_Irene I always like to "have dinner cooking", even if it's 10am.

Bebe

@Passion Fruit Did you see the 30 Rock where Jack is trying to get Liz out of his office, so he mimes answering a phone and says, "Sorry, I have to take this."? I soooo want to do that in real life.

Passion Fruit

@Bebe Hahahahaha, no I haven't! WWJD, you know?

@Elvis Costello's Spectacles Yesssss! Always cooking something in the kitchen. "Sorry, these brownies have caught fire and are burning down my house. Gotta runzies, bai!"

Danzig!

Guys guuuys can I just say I went out to Little Branch on 7th ave and I DIDN'T KNOW how much I liked cocktails before tonight? The bartender was super cute and she asked me what I liked and I said "I dunno, I'm inexperienced wrt hard liquor" and she said "pick a flavor" and I said "citrus" and she made me a fitzgerald and it was SO GOOD. Then I had an aviation! what fun

Anyway I love this column and I love cocktials! But I have to take a sedative to sleep so I'll probably have to stay up super late and let this wera off before I take it lest I lie dead in my bed for 12 hours

Craftastrophies

@Danzig! A fitzgerald sounds DELICIOUS. I miss my old bartender, who would recommend cocktails and was always right. My signature one became an original daquiri. Mmmmm so salty and lemony (right?).

Danzig!

@Danzig! So right. Next time I think I'm gonna try a corpse reviver #2. They have all the stuff for it!

Hellcat

@Danzig! oooh, what is that? It sounds perfect and like it looks perfect too... if it looks like what I am picturing, I guess, which is definitely influenced by The Great Gatsby. Oh, I'm probably wrong!

Bebe

@Danzig! I haven't been there in forever, but I (vaguely) remember a super-awesome night fueled by rum bucks (rum + ginger + stick of cane sugar). And a not-so-super-awesome-day-after, but worth it.

Danzig!

@Hellcat The Fitzgerald? Sugar, gin and lemon juice, iirc. Very classy!

Hellcat

@Danzig! Oh, and sort of summery too! That drink makes me want to buy a set of vintage barware! But to be fair, lots of things in life make me want to do that...

lauraperriam

I really love Esther and The Hairpin and all the people who comment on The Hairpin SO MUCH.

lobsterhug

@lauraperriam I love everyone in this bar!

Seriously, I would move to a Hairpin Commune in a heartbeat

slutberry

@lobsterhug I like the way you think.

meetapossum

Esther, I'm impressed that you take the effort to make an excuse. I usually just wander away without saying anything.

kayjay

If I could get every week of my 20s spent in just such a fashion, I would live to be 150 years old. Or something. Let the math geniuses crunch the numbers on that one.

sovereignann@twitter

Oh dear lord, the last one happened to me last night. Was he gay? Was he not? Was he flirting? I went with the first one and explained the third one with him drinking. He was also from out of town so I get to either forget the incident OR occasionally obsess over possible missed opportunities. Hmmmm...guess which one I'll probably go with?

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