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Thursday, March 8, 2012

268

The Great Dessert Debate

As Adam Corolla once said, people put their cigarettes out in half-eaten pieces of this.You would NEVER find a cigarette butt in a piece of this.

vs.



268 Comments / Post A Comment

lobsterhug

God, it's like Sophie's Choice.

I love cake but they tend to be gross at weddings.

I fully support Team Pie, especially if it is Derby Pie or Strawberry Rhubarb or Pumpkin. Obviously, a la mode is a given.

Lucienne

@lobsterhug But the crust! A bad crust ruins a pie, and the risk of a bad crust is, in this instance, greater than I would like.

lobsterhug

@Lucienne True, you definitely need a pie professional to make the perfect crust.

julia

@Lucienne Completely agree. Crust makes the pie. Crust makes the pie. Crust. makes. the. pie. If you can't trust the crust, cake it is.

iceberg

@Lucienne THIS. Crust is crucial to the success of a pie.

Faintly Macabre

@julia I agree for most pies, but with apple pie, overly goopy/sugary or undercooked apples can ruin it, too. But apple pies are [one of] the best! Oh, the angst of pie...

gobblegirl

@julia I will eat the insides of a pie without touching the crust and be perfectly happy, if the innards are good enough. For instance, store-bought pumpkin pie is often sooooo good, except for the crust. So I pretend the crust is just the plate!

tea tray in the sky.

@gobblegirl Oh man, the crust of pumpkin pie is my favourite part, even if it didn't turn out that great. Floppy, soggy, pumpkin soaked goodness.

Porn Peddler

Fondant free cake vs. pie.

Oh god. You would have to make so many pies...

EpWs

@Third Wave Housewife MINI PIES FOR EVERYONE

Oh, squiggles

@Third Wave Housewife And in all the flavors! Mini pies would be awesome.

beeline96

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher IN JARS

Porn Peddler

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher VIEW MY MOST ADORABLE MINI KEY LIME PIES (you can't see but there's a layer of dark chocolate between the crust and filling. chocolate and lime are wow wow wow together)

EpWs

@Third Wave Housewife OH MY GOD GIVE ME THEM. (Or maybe even just the recipe? For please?

EpWs

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher must...close...parentheses )

Porn Peddler

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I'm sorry, my key lime pie is called Lura's Dirty Secret for a reason (other than half a cup of key lime juice, nothing needs to be measured because I just dump packages of things in the food processor and it turns into filling that will set in the fridge, and I frequently dump it into *gulp* store bought graham cracker crust...) It's also a vegan recipe made of stupid weird vegan shit so I promise you can find cheaper and more reasonable recipes than mine.

Party Falcon

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Pies and cake could live in harmony! Tiny pies AND tiny cupcakes in jars with little ribbons and tiny tags arranged on graduated cake stands with a regular-sized cake and/or pie with on top. (Cake, btw, would be the correct choice there.)

Favor and dessert all in one!

EpWs

@Third Wave Housewife I am INTRIGUED.

Porn Peddler

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher god I can't believe I'm admitting it but this is the recipe I use for the key lime pie that makes people go fucking bananas when I serve it. But I don't put sweetener in it--- totally unnecessary

@serenityfound

@Third Wave Housewife I make this, too! Although I just call it "Black-bottom Key Lime" and I am intrigued by the concept of a vegan one I could serve to my cousins...

EpWs

@Third Wave Housewife Whoa, that is wild! I was wondering what you used as a thickener. Vegan baking is so much more sciencey and mysterious to me.

Porn Peddler

@@serenityfound See above! I just melt some semisweet chocolate chips with a drop of soy milk or margarine if necessary...I call it Lura's Dirty Secret because it was my friend Lura who suggested putting chocolate in a key lime pie...and the recipe being so stupid and full of processed shit is a dirty secret.

slutberry

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher (I am going to start all my comments with an open parenthesis from here on out...

EpWs

@teffodee grumble grumble grumble )

Clare

So, Jane, are you The Hairpin's one-person wedding beat writer now?

lobsterhug

@Clare I hope so! Nicole has the baby beat covered, so weddings should also have a dedicated writer.

noodge

@Clare yeah, i kinda hope so too. i can't think of a better person to navigate these waters stylishly and in a way i understand/can get behind.

gigglefest

@Clare Does this mean Jane is trying to decide if she's going to have pie or cake at her wedding? Is Jane getting married? Are we invited?!

atipofthehat

@lobsterhug

...and of course Edith is doing a righteous job at the spinster beat.

Oh, squiggles

@atipofthehat You used the s word. Hsss, booooo!

Edith is doing a righteous job at the awesome beat.

atipofthehat

@Awesomely Nonfunctional

I think she has a deal with the spiders so it's okay to call her that.

Spinster, a terme, or an addition in our Common Law, onely added in Obligations, Euidences, and Writings, vnto maids vnmarried.
—John Minsheu, Ductor in Linguas, 1617

PistolPackinMama

@atipofthehat I am fully looking forward to having "spinster of the parish" as part of my obituary.

sevanetta

@Awesomely Nonfunctional YESSSSS. Awhile ago I expressed a wish on Facebook to be able to list my relationship status as 'sevanetta is Pure Awesome'.

Tragically Ludicrous

All of them? At once?

Gracefully and Grandly

Cakes are prettier, but pies, they're just so delicious! Pies all the way.

noodge

if you go cake, it has to have good frosting (buttercream or cream cheese) and a unique shape would be good - like my friend who recently had a loooooooooong cake - it was about 8" square in profile, and about 5 feet long, made in multicolored layers - so fun!

Although I normally fall on the "pie" side of the "pie v. cake" debate, for a wedding I think cake is the way to go.

feartie

@teenie I love a good-sized cake. In fact, I've developed a kind of cupcake-hatred over the years for this reason. Tiddly fiddly little things pretending to be less calorific that a big, hearty slab with yummy buttercream (Ooh, or lemon drizzle soaking through). Hearty is better than dainty, any day. Own your delight FFS.

Daisy Razor

My husband wanted flan, with a big sculpted flan-monster in the middle chasing the bride and groom statues.

I say go with ice cream cake.

EpWs

@Daisy Razor You say "wanted," which implies that you did not actually have a sculpted flan monster at your wedding? Which is a shame.

Daisy Razor

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher We did not. The logistics of finding a custard sculptor and then transporting a flan monster to Cape Cod in December did not work out, sadly.

It's on the list for an anniversary party some year, though.

Veronica Mars is smarter than me

@Daisy Razor Cookie Puss!!!!

Daisy Razor

@Veronica Mars is smarter than me I nearly said Fudgie the Whale, but I wasn't sure if it was a regional thing or not!

Veronica Mars is smarter than me

@Daisy Razor Yeah, I think it actually is? I was referencing Archer, which is pretty much the only place I have heard these two cake names.

Daisy Razor

@Veronica Mars is smarter than me Ha, that's fantastic. They're from Carvel, which I think is a New England chain. Ads featuring a talking Cookie Puss and Fudgie the Whale were burned into my psyche during childhood.

cmcm

I hate cake because it is disgusting. Same stands for cupcakes. Just because you make gross cake small does not mean it is magically delicious.

So I vote pie.

itmakesmewonder

@cmcm "I hate cake because it is disgusting" is the most haunting thing I've read in years. My condolences.

parallel-lines

@cmcm I hate cupcakes too. Everyone brings them to everything now and they're usually gross--three inches of crummy frosting, dry cake. You're expected to oooh and ahhh over them. Since they've become the default birthday thing to do, we've got shitty Crumbs or Baked By Melissa cupcakes rolling thru the office at least twice a week and I never eat them because they're just not very good.

Porn Peddler

@parallel-lines Where are all these shitty cupcakes coming from? Cake is moist and sweet and delicious and apparently the bakers around y'all are doing it wrong.

PistolPackinMama

@Third Wave Housewife Yeah... maybe the upper midwest just stole all the good cake bakers?

There is a place near my parents' that makes a lemon cake with raspberry in-between layer with a white chocolate frosting that isn't fondant but also isn't the kind you spread with a knife.

And yea, verily, it was good. They don't make it any more, alas.

Also, I have sort of given up on getting married, but I did just say to my mom, with whom I am hanging out today, "if I did ever get married, could we have pie?"

Then I returned to my senses.

cmcm

@itmakesmewonder I can't explain it. I never even liked birthday cake as a child - I always had cheesecake for my birthday. I guess there are some kinds of cake that are okay, but most of the stuff that gets forcefed at various events is dry and covered in frosting that tastes like paste?

ImASadGiraffe

@parallel-lines Really? You don't like Crumbs? But they are filled with delicious goodness (cookie dough cupcake OMFG).

But if I have to pick a bakery I like Molly's Cupcakes (Chicago) the best.

parallel-lines

@Third Wave Housewife NYC is rife with shit cupcakes being shoved in your face nonstop: Sprinkles, Crumbs, Baked by Melissa, Magnolia. I swear, they are all disgusting. The only ones I like are Robecelli and Sugar Sweet Sunshine and they're way harder to come by/less popular.

LornaLoo

@cmcm I work in the catering industry in Chicago and deal with a lot of weddings. I think that the cupcake trend is the most overwrought and played-out food trend that I've seen in the last 10 years. Also, many of the gourmet cupcake shops use pre-bought mixes for both the cake and the frosting, and then overcharge you for the privilege of eating glorified betty crocker boxed cupcakes.

I am team pie, or even team mini sweets. A sweets table is a lot of fun, and you could even put little cupcakes/cakes on there for people who just HAVE to have wedding cake... they're out there, and they're LOUD about it. Also, pie is great for outdoor weddings, or weddings in alternative (read, non-banquet hall) venues. It just adds more character to the event, in my professional opinion.

ALSO, many of those large fondant covered cakes are not super fresh, or "homemade" either. They often bake the cake days in advance and then encase it in that fondant layer, and put it in their fridge, leaving a dry flavorless mess under all that pretty fondant.

catfoodandhairnets

@parallel-lines Cupcake cafe.

LornaLoo

@LornaLoo FYI, Molly's cupcakes is certainly one of the spots in Chicago that uses a mix. If you love em, that shouldn't bother you, but I find something inherently cheater-like in that information and having had both their cakes and their cupcakes, i'm not in love. What i AM in love with for cake in chicago is Bittersweet. Expensive, but worth it. Or Cafe Selmarie, but I am not sure if Selmarie does large cakes.

H.E. Ladypants

@ImASadGiraffe Cookie dough cupcakes terrify me. I don't like the idea of a baked good that is supposed to taste like an unbaked version of another baked good. Too much for me!

I felt the same way about Molly's cupcakes. Toooo sweet and sugary. And the cake batter filled one is just... aaack.

I feel like Magnolia used to be better but I'm not sure what happened?

parallel-lines

@LornaLoo Oooh, I want to pick your brain! So we're doing strawberry shortcake trifles and I wanted to put out a dessert table for people to pick at but GOD NO CUPCAKES. Are people going to freak the fuck out? I was thinking an assortment of cookies or small sweets but I'm not sure what would hold up in the summer heat. Am I making some sort of radical stance refusing to indulge the cupcake trend? Will my grandma cry?

cmcm

@LornaLoo I think when/if I get married I'd rather have something like this: http://bit.ly/wXpdAO. CHEESE CAKE. My boyfriend and I eat a lot of cheese, so it would be appropriate. But I bet he'd insist on desserts as well, because he's a fatty.

Hobbes

@cmcm Same! I have always hated the texture of cake and frosting. I'm honestly not sure which I hate more. My mother always provided cheesecake or butterscotch pie for birthdays.

backstagebethy

@parallel-lines UGH Crumbs are the worst. They're giant piles of gross. But there are a few cupcakeries that I frequent in my city (one for lavender-vanilla, one for cobbler and this champagne cupcake) that put me firmly on the cake side. Pie is only good if it's fruity, warm, and topped with ice cream.

LornaLoo

@backstagebethy DUDE. Sundae bars at weddings are ALWAYS a hit. Just saying.

Faintly Macabre

@LornaLoo When I visited in D.C. 2 summers ago, my friend took me into Georgetown Cupcakes just to look inside and smell the cakey smells. There was a line waaay out the door, and I think every single person in it glared at us for seeming to cut in front of them.

New Commenter Name

@cmcm
Now THAT is awesome. I could die happy underneath all that.

Roxanne Rholes

@LornaLoo I know a woman who runs a bakery and she uses her mom's chocolate cake recipe and discovered that if she froze it and then thawed it again, the cake was moister and tastier! I've tried that at home and it never tasted the crazyfresh way hers does. Magic! Old cake is NEVER good!

heyladies

@parallel-lines We did cookies instead of cake thanks to a very talented and generous family member cookie maker. (I am not a fan of cake, unless it is cheesecake or ice cream cake.) It was terrific and no annoying cake-cutting ceremony. A friend of mine had everyone bring pies so there were a huge amount to choose from, and I loved that, too.

macaroni

@cmcm OK, whoever is making y'all cake/cupcakes it DOING IT WRONG. While I am totally one of those people who loves bakery cupcakes with their tower of frosting (because give me frosting (LARD!) or give me death) I totally understand people who aren't fans. My brother won't eat cupcakes that I don't bake because otherwise the "frosting to cake ratio is all wrong." A tip for the moistest, most delicious cupcakes (or cake!) ever - these puppies. Champagne & Pear Cupcakes with Champagne Cream Cheese frosting. They. Are. HEAVEN. http://www.yumsugar.com/52-Weeks-Baking-Bubbly-Pear-Cupcakes-661961

backstagebethy

@macaroni Those look fantastic. I assume they'd be just as tasty with a buttercream instead of cream cheese, right?

sevanetta

@parallel-lines and @cmcm who is making these shitty cupcakes and inflicting them on you?! Come to Australia, I will make you delicious moist patty cakes and lovely icing with lemon and sherry in, they will even be gluten free and you won't be able to tell!!!

CaptainSplashy

@sevanetta Yay for delish gluten-free cupcakes! I make GF vanilla cupcakes that are so moist, dense and smothered in buttercream frosting that even my BF, who dislikes sweet foods and gluten-free foods equally, goes batshit insane for them.

 
lobsterhug

@parallel-lines I was going to be all "Kill the blasphemer!" but then I thought about it and frosting can be gross. Store frostings are just disgusting. Homemade is the way to go, but you have to really like butter.

sevanetta

@lobsterhug who doesn't really like butter??? does not compute.

sevanetta

@sevanetta ok, wait. people with dairy allergies. oops

Pimkyn

PIE FO LIFE! We had 6 Costco apple pies at our wedding and one cake made to look like a pie (my mom insisted on one actual cake for people who would be too disturbed by the incongruities of flouted tradition. she ordered it, and requested it be, "made to look like a pie," because that is compromise. I was not consulted but did not care, so long as there was some actual mothereffin' pie present somewhere).

angermonkey

@Pimkyn My caterer about fainted when I declined cake in favor of pies.

lisma

@Pimkyn I ATE THAT PIE.
And the cookies made by the groom.

Pimkyn

@ginalouise oh yeah! I forgot about the cookies, that's whole other discussion, pie vs. cookies. Mmmm, I do love me a good cookie.

parallel-lines

Real talk: frosting is kinda gross. And sheet cake is always gross.

I'm doing strawberry shortcake at our July wedding.

EpWs

@parallel-lines I like you.

parallel-lines

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher If you like me so much why don't you marry me?

(just kidding husband to be!)

But serious, the strawberry shortcake trifle thing: super easy, way yummier. You got your cake, you got your pie filling, you got some whipped cream. What do you want, a sparkler on top of it?

parallel-lines

@parallel-lines Also, this will be the groomsman cake: http://blog.metal-hammer.de/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/slayer-cake.jpg

noodge

@parallel-lines ooooh, your season dessert is inspiring! we're doing a fall wedding - think we could do pumpkin pie AND pumpkin cake with cream cheese buttercream frosting?!?!! I DIE!

H.E. Ladypants

@parallel-lines Honest confession time: I am a baker of complicated, super-fancy cakes and have happily explored all manner of fine cakes and cake-like wonders all over Manhattan.

I still have mad love for plain old, crappy grocery store sheet cake. I couldn't tell you why exactly but it makes me supper happy. Especially that super-sweet frosting that's basically just shortening and powdered sugar. It's the comfy sweatpants of cake for me, I guess.

parallel-lines

@H.E. Ladypants There's something so weird about that shortening mouthfeel that I can't deal with as an adult (I get it in Hostess products, which I LOVED as a kid) - that sort of oily coating that you can't shake. I loved it as a kid. But I do understand--take it from a woman who spent two hours hunting down Funyuns over the weekend (not worth it).

werewolfbarmitzvah

@parallel-lines Strawberry shortcake is a thing of wonder! And what is also a thing of wonder is STRAWBERRY-PEACH SHORTCAKE. I got one for my husband's birthday from our local bakery and we both nearly wept at how good it was.

Jizzcliner

@parallel-lines SLAYER!

EpWs

@werewolfbarmitzvah I MUST HAVE IT NOW

New Commenter Name

@teenie
May I humbly suggest this: http://www.kraftrecipes.com/recipes/spiced-pumpkin-cheesecake-62444.aspx
because I have made this for Thanksgiving and it is love love love and I think it would be perfect for your every need.

AniaGosia

@parallel-lines But you can have a cake without frosting! I did for my wedding and it was THE BEST CAKE EVER. My husband doesn't like cake but even he liked and still mentions how delicious it was.

noodge

@Curiouser and curiouser oooh, that looks DIVINE... and someone below just posted about how they did creme brulee in little ramekins - maybe PUMPKIN creme brulee with a caramel drizzle on top?!?!

AniaGosia

@AniaGosia Here is another pic. The cake was seriously one of my favorite parts of my wedding. It was SO DELICIOUS. And so moist! If anyone needs a cake maker in Southwest Michigan, let me know because the lady who made this cake was The Best.

SuperGogo

@teenie Of course you meant to say WEE ramekins...

EpWs

@AniaGosia That cake looks AMAZING!

AniaGosia

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher It was! Just looking at the pictures makes me remember its deliciousness and wish that I had more of it ... in fact, I may have to order another smaller version just to taste it again. And the wonder cake maker (Cate Ackerman of Cate's Sweet Creations) made it for us FOR FREE because she is friends with my father-in-law (or something? My FIL somehow made it happen). I don't think the second link worked, so here it is again

lue
lue

@parallel-lines
I also hate "that shortening mouthfeel." I was just trying to describe it to my mister yesterday! He says he doesn't get it. See also: fruity pebbles.

jacqueline
jacqueline

The last wedding I went to had an all-meringue cake and it was a total disgrace. If I have to listen to a shitty band cover the Black Eyed Peas all night I expect AT LEAST angel food cake.

Judith Slutler

Option 2, especially if it is going to be pecan pie. PECAN PIE

frigwiggin

Hmmm...not as big a fan of pie. I think it's the crust. I just...I've never gone, Mmmm, I want some more of this pie crust, know what I mean? Better when it's a savory pie. (Oh god, I want steak and kidney pie now.)

Cake, on the other hand, is so frequently crummy. A good cake with a non-grainy, non-fondant frosting is a beautiful thing, though. Whipped cream frosting, mmmm.

bonnbee

Ughhhhh wedding cakes. Yes, the fondant looks so pretty! Aw! Until you have to peel the play-dough textured crap off the cake. And there's only a thin layer of frosting, so you're stuck with a hunk of dry cake. Or worse, you don't know that fondant is disgusting, and you eat it.

For our wedding, we're doing like four or five fondant-free cakes on a dessert table. Regular two-layer cakes with frosting, all different flavors, and a vegan/gluten free option so those people aren't left out. Everyone wins!

My parents are throwing us an engagement party this summer and I've already told my stepmom that I'll be making six different pies for it. Yummmm.

PistolPackinMama

@bonnbee I love you. Can I come to your engagement party. Just for dessert? I'll run interference on your anti-fancy food relatives.

But seriously, the vegan/gluten free option is such a thoughtful thing to provide.

bonnbee

@PistolPackinMama You're invited! And anytime a family member says, "Ugh, did she REALLY spend the time making these? Why not just get the Mrs. Smith's pies from the freezer section?" you can throw a dollop of homemade whipped cream in his/her face.

EpWs

Why are we having to "choose" here? CAKE AND PIE FOR ALL. (I know someone who just did a cake/pie bar at her wedding. People just brought cakes/pies/what have you, pretty much perfect.)

But get rid of your fondant, seriously, it is revolting.

Judith Slutler

Also, the alt-text? Is real talk. You know it's true, Jane! Listen to your heart!

H.E. Ladypants

I'm sorry but when it comes to cake and pie we have a poly-epicurean relationship that satisfies everyone quite nicely. I don't fit into a socially condoned mono-dessertist set-up and I'm okay with that. There's enough love to go around.

iceberg

@H.E. Ladypants Yes, I find this post to be quite OTHERING to those of us who don't discriminate with our love (of desserts).

tortietabbie

CAKE FOREVER! But never fondant, ugh. FonDON'T. Cake. Cake all the time.

tortietabbie

@tortietabbie If/when I get married it will basically be a 3 second "ceremony" and then a celebration of cake till everyone is asleep.

parallel-lines

@tortietabbie I made a robot cake for a friend and after rolling out fondant and dying my hands gray I can't even look at the stuff. It's just so, so gross.

lobsterhug

@tortietabbie I like this idea and I am stealing it for my wedding. I hope that's ok.

olivebee

@tortietabbie My chocolate-raspberry wedding cake was fondant-free! I wanted the cake to look like a tree trunk (I had an outdoor wedding in the woods), prompting everyone to be like, "Brown cake? Gross." But because of my tree-trunk cake, all the baker had to do was twirl and spread the buttercream icing around to make it look like bark. Much better than fondant.

tortietabbie

@lobsterhug You have my 100% necessary blessing. :)

Amber

My real question is, "(Aside from the obvious reasons), Why is the groom inside the bride's dress?"

tortietabbie

@Amber It's a metaphor?

Judith Slutler

@tortietabbie A wedding is obviously a celebration of a man being absorbed into a woman's left side and having to live with her wardrobe choices becoming part of his own body. Till death do they part.

parallel-lines

@Amber She is absorbing him via osmosis. That is what love is about.

PistolPackinMama

@Amber inverted "Adam's rib" imagery. I kind of like it.

atipofthehat

@Amber

He just came up for air, because he prefers pie.

Amber

@atipofthehat +1 for that one.... hahahaha.

Dorothea

the cake!!!! pecan pie is weird and i don't like it. cake is a vehicle for delicious frosting.

Dirty Hands

@blahstudent Frosting it is.

one cow.

Gurrrrl, do you like pie or cake better? Pick that one! Or, if all else fails, pick the one that costs less! I've never heard of a wedding where every guest was happy. Peeps will find anything to complain about, those jerks.

itmakesmewonder

Brainstorm: Layer cake with pecan pie filling between the layers and some kind of caramel frosting. You're welcome.

itmakesmewonder

@cuminafterall Literally my jaw dropped when I looked at that. Where have you been all my life, Lane cake???????

Lucienne

Ugh, these conversations always make me feel sort of bad about liking fondant.

EpWs

@Lucienne No, you are necessary! You can have mine!

lobsterhug

@Lucienne I am generally suspicious, but I had good fondant once. It can be done!

Porn Peddler

@Lucienne I have shameless love for fondant, it makes my baked goods beautiful.

gravie

@Lucienne Am I weird for enjoying the texture of fondant too? I don't usually like super-sweet anything but any time there's a cake with fondant around I usually end up eating everyone else's picked off bits. After they give me that "uggh, you weirdo" face.

Is it a little pretentious to be Team My Own Baking? Seriously, if I had to choose between my peach pie and my chocolate cake I'd cry a little. But those both come out of hours of fiddling with recipes and making them come out exactly the way I like it.

Lucienne

@everyone I'll take your marzipan figurines, too.

@gravie Fondant, for some reason, doesn't register as particularly sweet for me, and I do really like the texture, particularly in combination with a bunch of other textures (cake, fillings, etc). Is it because you have to ... chew it more? I don't know.

gravie

@Lucienne Maybe all the fondant I've tasted has been too close to super sweet frosting.
Someone once described the texture as "skin-like". Didn't deter me at all.

olivebee

Oooh I cannot stand cake, and pie is my favorite sweet treat in the whole world! I desperately wanted pies for my wedding last summer (peach-blueberry pie is my favorite), but I was outvoted by, like, Everyone to One.

parallel-lines

Also, didn't we solve this with last Friday's bargain bin: get a small and make pie pops or jar pies. Everyone happy? Good!

PistolPackinMama

Pie. Piieeeeeeeeeeeee.

saythatscool

The fuck? Is this Jezebel?

PistolPackinMama

@saythatscool are you asking that because it is wedding related? Or because it is inviting dispute on account of people not agreeing about cake v. pie?

In which case, no, and no.

hotdog

@saythatscool This is an actual jezebel article from last year (edit: ugh, two years ago. memory, rid thyself of the useless). Also: mousse.

http://jezebel.com/5496714/march-madness-the-cake-vs-pie-tournament

Although jezebel's cake and pie articles dragged on for what felt like ten intensely boring years. This seems to be a one timer.

cherrispryte

@saythatscool THANK YOU.
To be fair, the dessert debates were one of the least offensive things ABOUT Jezebel.

Tuna Surprise

@saythatscool

Don't be harsh. I just want to talk about myself and my wedding for a minute!

SuperGogo

@saythatscool Here's an idea: Let's celebrate International Women's Day by declaring that there's enough room at the dessert debate table for allll the ladyblogs!

cherrispryte

@SuperGogo Or we could celebrate International Women's Day by doing something that, you know, actually positively impacts the lives of women?

Oh, squiggles

I actually do like cake, but for some reason, when it is for a wedding, it is super dry, loaded with disgusting frosting, and just not worth it. If you have cake, don't tell the bakery it is for a wedding! Maybe it will turn out better that way?

Also, pies could be extended to the whole menu. Little quiche tartlets for apps, savory pies (shepard, chicken pot) for dinner, and mini pies in bountiful variety for dessert!

And using a little 1-2 bite pie for the feeding each other thing might minimize the chance of food being smeared on your face/accidentally dropped on your dress.

lobsterhug

@Awesomely Nonfunctional I would do this in a heartbeat! Man, why doesn't my fiance like pies as much as me? This is a serious issue.

angelinha

@Awesomely Nonfunctional I think wedding cakes are dry because in order to have time to shape it, frost it, fondant it, decorate it and deliver it, you need to bake the cake itself several days ahead of time. Even though bakers will soak it in simple syrup (yummm) it tends to dry out after 4-5 days and ends up looking much better than it tastes.

Still, I am 100% on the CAKE train. I'd never turn down (and, for that matter, never have turned down) a piece of pie, but cake is so delicious <3 u cakie

Oh, squiggles

@lobsterhug Maybe he just needs to experiment with the different kinds? Best part of pies is the variety they come in!

EpWs

@klibberfish This is why I have taken to baking homemade cakes for my friends--I have offered to make one wedding cake and one bridal shower cake at this point. I can't do mass-quantity cake at this point, but everyone deserves to have some damn good cake at their celebrations.

Oh, squiggles

Also, to complete the pi(e) theme, get married next year on March 14th...

angermonkey

@Awesomely Nonfunctional Yeah, I totally did this. We are nerds. Pies for a Pi day wedding.

Oh, squiggles

@angermonkey Yesssss. Nerd weddings are awesome.

ImASadGiraffe

Does anyone else like to eat buttercream frosting out of the can? Just me then? Ok.

H.E. Ladypants

@ImASadGiraffe On saltines. It sounds nutso but the sweet/salty combo is amaza-pants.

ImASadGiraffe

@H.E. Ladypants Mind. Blown.

Party Falcon

@H.E. Ladypants cream cheese frosting out of the can on pretzels.

I am not proud, but I am fat and happy.

tortietabbie

@ImASadGiraffe I have an abundance of frosting right now and nothing to frost, so I've been dipping Joe-Joe cookies in it and stuffing my fat face.

angelinha

@H.E. Ladypants I saw a Facebook post about Teddie grahams + canned frosting = DIY dunkaroos. Astonished and, immediately, starving.

ImASadGiraffe

@klibberfish I forgot about Dunkaroos! I would really like some cinnamon Teddy Grahams and cream cheese frosting, right now.

iceberg

@Party Falcon I just imagined a prosperous and self-satisfied looking falcon with the teeniest smidge of cream-cheese frosting on the end of its beak, so thank you!

Creature Cheeseman

@ImASadGiraffe Rainbow chip frosting (I refuse to acknowledge that any other kind exists) on pretzels got me through freshman year of college

Annabelle

@ImASadGiraffe YES. The cake is obviously just a vehicle for frosting, so just cut out the middleman.

I want to figure out a way to make cupcakes that are actually cup-shaped, and fill them with frosting. Just enough cake to eliminate the guilt of eating straight-up frosting!

cherrispryte

As I now feel obligated to say in any and all Cake Vs. Pie Ladyblog Posts:

TEAM SAVORY.

PistolPackinMama

@cherrispryte CHEESE COURSE! A big pyramid of FANCY, FANCY CHEESE.

I'd do that in a red hot second if I ever got married and thought my relatives wouldn't do terrible things to me afterwards.

entangled

ack! how did this end up as a reply here? anyway, deleting my initial comment which was totally unrelated. but YAY team savory.

beanie

@PistolPackinMama my friend's mom is a fancy French caterer, and at her wedding there were individual cheese plates. I stayed off the dance floor to finish that. Also, I'm sure it cost a bajillion dollars.

atipofthehat

@cherrispryte

You're making mincemeat out of them.

PistolPackinMama

@atipofthehat I'm such a flake, I didn't notice this response. But I'll say right now... I will always roll with those who play on Team Savory.

atipofthehat

@PistolPackinMama

Be careful. The other team will sweet talk you while working their unsavory practices.

Brunhilde

@cherrispryte All the way.

Faintly Macabre

@PistolPackinMama As long as you don't crumble!

@atipofthehat Their rhetoric just makes my eyes glaze over.

atipofthehat

@Faintly Macabre

That explains the frosting reception.

Gracious!

@PistolPackinMama I didn't know till last month that the cheese-pyramid wedding-cake option does exist! And it can look really stylish and traditional.

PistolPackinMama

@cherrispryte You'd really have to crimp and save to be able to afford a cheese pyramid rather than pastry at your wedding. Luckily, I can come to the Hairpin to vent about how much that upsets me.

werewolfbarmitzvah

The answer is a gigantic sweet potato pie, tiered like a wedding cake, with a nilla wafer crust.

Neve Garrett

We had carrot cake with a walnut-y cream cheese frosting and it was SO GOOD, even if you don't like cake, I bet. I'm totally going to have to share the recipe. But then we had a million berries and chocolate-strawberries and my olive oil brownies and oh my gosh, dessert, weddings, ahh............

Tuna Surprise

@Natalie Eve

I had carrot cake too at my wedding!! It was a hit. But mine was nut free with plain cream cheese frosting. People loved it.

EpWs

@Tuna Surprise Madam. There is nothing "plain" about cream cheese frosting. That is all.

Neve Garrett

@Tuna Surprise Yeah! Carrot cake is the best cake. (Among many other cakes, which are also amazing and best.) Cream cheese frosting!!!

Judith Slutler

@Natalie Eve I love carrot cake. I always used to have it for my birthday. So good!

Jizzcliner

@Natalie Eve Carrot cake is the best cake.

anachronistique

@Natalie Eve My friend had carrot cake at her wedding! It was kind of delightful after all this heavy rich food to have spicy earthy carrot cake.

Faintly Macabre

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher There's a bakery near where I used to work that sold pumpkin cake donuts with cream cheese frosting. For 85 cents.

EpWs

@Faintly Macabre If this place is within a 100-mile radius of Lexington, Kentucky, I swear I will go there tomorrow.

Inspector Tiger

I made a carrot-cake for a friends wedding, two tiered even (yes, I'm still proud of it), and I made a sugar/egg-white "coating", which kinda looks like fondant but tasted like sugar glazing. I would recommend that, it's kind of a bitch to work with, but it has the looks and the taste... Also, I just filled it with jam.

Faintly Macabre

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Delaware County, PA. I'm sorry :(

Princess Slayer

If I ever get married I'm having yellow cake with banana pudding filling. And maybe mini key lime pies for the pie folk. I base this solely on the most delicious desserts I've had at other people's weddings.

Jizzcliner

@Princess Slayer Ever think of this one?

Jizzcliner

@Jizzcliner I can't seem to edit my comment, but I meant
http://blog.metal-hammer.de/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/slayer-cake.jpg

Smallison

Paul F. Tompkins has the final word on this subject: http://youtu.be/CmOkXV-S1zQ

The Widow Muspratt

@Smallison THANK YOU. That is literally the first thing that came to mind when I saw this article.

ms. alex

BOTH.

Actually I had chocolate cake at my wedding, but my bfffff had pies, and that was awesome.

Oh, squiggles

Or...fresh fruit with a bunch of different dips? Whipped cream, caramel, chocolate...AND melt some white chocolate, mix in a little cream and some Grand Marnier...wowsers! Strawberries dipped in that taste amazing. Plus the dipping and eating with hands thing is kind of sexy/romantic right?

Hobbes

But what about a cherpumple? The pie is IN THE CAKE! It is also completely inedible, maybe.

Norrey

I love pie, but I have to say, I had my mother make my wedding cake and it was AMAZING. Chocolate with chocolate frosting, made with super high quality chocolate. In the words of my Grandmother "Well, if anyone doesn't like chocolate, it's their own fault and their wants shouldn't be taken into account." I guess though, for the most part, most wedding cake/frosting I've had makes me gag.

Megasus

Man, I would just have my entire reception be every kind of dessert imaginable. Eff dinner.

EpWs

@Megan Patterson@facebook For my potential future wedding, I'm planning on going with a dessert-and-alcohol theme. Eff dinner indeed.

macaroni

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher If I were marrying myself, that would totally be the plan. But the fact that the dude in my life (who I will likely marry) is not a big sweets guy would totally screw that plan. Barbeque, booze, & treats, however? Hell yes.

joie

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher no nachos? if you added nachos to that, you'd pretty much have my dream reception feast.

Megasus

@macaroni Oooh that sounds pretty good too though.

macaroni

@Megan Patterson@facebook Right? A big delicious BBQ sandwich with all the fixins, cake AND pie a la mode, and multiple drinks with bourbon in them. Heaven. On. Earth.

EpWs

@macaroni Recently went to a wedding that had BBQ! It was the best. Totally awesome. Dooooo it.
@heyits I have issues with nachos. Namely the awkward chips in the middle that get all soggy.

entangled

pie! we had wedding pies. then two hours later, we had wedding pizza pies. it was glorious. except for the fact that we intentionally ordered extra so we would have leftovers for breakfast and then everyone ate it all. I suspect my brother.

(also, for anyone in the south bay/santa cruz/monterey areas... gizditch farms pies. oh my god.)

also - is anyone else totally creeped out by cake toppers?

EpWs

@arrr starr Yep yep yep, but mostly because I want absolutely everything on my cakes to be edible.

anachronistique

@arrr starr Cake toppers are weird. And many of them are horrific - ladies dragging dudes back, dudes with balls and chains, and so forth. Just throw some flowers on top. Or action figures.

@serenityfound

Am I the only person who actually rather like fondant (albeit in moderation)?

Party Falcon

@@serenityfound I do, if it's good fondant. With like a yummy, pillowy, marshmellow texture/flavor.

But so often it's dry and not great? Almost like bakers (or caterers, or whoever is responsible for the cake on day o' wedding) think that because it's huge and covered in fondant, it can just be set out, uncovered for hours and hours and hours.

DH@twitter

Hahahahaha.

Oh, this is a serious question.

PIE. ALWAYS PIE. I love cake, but I love pie, 'specially pecan pie, exponentially more.

My best friend's sister's wedding last fall had a variety of pies and cupcakes, and also a S'MORES BAR.

beanie

@DH@twitter I have to ask---what was on the smores bar besides the usual suspects?

DH@twitter

@beanie

A bunch of different kinds of chocolate...peanut butter, caramel, and fudge sauce, hmm, sliced strawberries and bananas, and a giant jar of Nutella. The bride is a big, big, big fan of Nutella.

It was kinda like a fondue lineup actually.

Faintly Macabre

@DH@twitter Oh my god, I almost passed out at the thought of that. If I ever get married, I'm pretty sure the entire meal will consist of a salad and a million kinds of dessert.

DH@twitter

@Faintly Macabre

Yeah, if I had a wedding it would have eighteen kinds of potato dishes and forty kinds of dessert.

beanie

@DH@twitter I heard lots of southern weddings do just tons of appetizers and finger foods. Can any southern people confirm this? It sounds amazing.

Mandalas

@beanie ya, this is (was?) a thing. I remember lots of weddings like that when I was a kid. I don't see this such much anymore but most of my friends that are getting married now are transplants.

Does Axl have a jack?

@beanie Yup, two of my cousins got married in Georgia over the past few years, and they did this. It was awesome.

CaptainSplashy

@beanie Apps and 'zerts (™ Tom Haverford) are my favourite courses.

The BF and I have decided that since we are having a mini-wedding (small guest list, not-a-big-deal type event), then we shall also have mini food! Mini hamburgers, mini hotdogs, little cups of fries, mini quiches, and then cupcakes and tiny pies for dessert - you name it, we'll shrink it.

beanie

Jane! I got engaged this weekend (congratulations, how wonderful) so I need your guidance.

But dessert? I got this shit covered. I'm going cupcakes and nobody can stop me. And not weird flavored ones, just regular chocolate and vanilla are cool with me.

Also edited to say whenever someone says sweets bars, all I can think of is Lord Wyndemere: http://www.hulu.com/watch/289407/saturday-night-live-wyndemere

Edited again to say: does anyone else get creeped out by chocolate fountains, or am I just a snob?

noodge

@beanie yes! welcome to the rash of recent engagements! can we have a special (padded) wedding planning play-pen so we can get it out of our system without aggravating the rest of the Hairpin team?

beanie

@teenie Its been less than a week and I'm already worried about annoying people for talking about it too much. A padded play-pen sounds like a good solution.

OxfordComma

@beanie : I coordinated a wedding that had cupcakes--everyone loved them!

parallel-lines

@teenie YES WE CAN!

noodge

@parallel-lines ...shall i make a thread in the 'pinups google group?

parallel-lines

@teenie good idea!

Cavendish

If you go with cake, make sure it has Swiss buttercream. It's less buttery and sweet than regular buttercream, and is really pretty and glossy.

I made my wedding cake. It was square, with rainbow colored layers, covered in white Swiss buttercream. It was the best cake ever.

EpWs

@Cavendish Bless you for making your own cake. It sounds fantastic. And, clearly, you did not turn into a crazy person and smash the thing in pre-wedding stress, so DOUBLE HIGH FIVE.

kapitalk

Giant bowl of raw chocolate cake batter. Or, I guess, pudding. Team pudding!

Faintly Macabre

@kapitalk Team pudding makes me think of pudding wrestling. Which, for some weddings, maybe?

iceberg

For a wedding I think cake, NOT because of tradition but because pie is, I think, goopier than cake and everyone is wearing their fancy clothes... disaster.

Then again at my wedding I had crème brûlée instead of cake, served in WEE RAMEKINS (with berry coulis and almond biscotti), so.

noodge

@iceberg !!!!!
creme brulee in WEE RAMEKINS?!?! oh gosh. that sounds perfect.

Any One Ninja Plot

This reminds me of a March Madness bracket another lady blog did a couple of years ago, cake vs. pie.

But for a wedding, why not both? I've been to weddings where in addition to the cake, because it's cake and it's good luck or something(?) there was also dessert, lots of desserts! Both!

angermonkey

Pie. Wedding pie. Trust me, I did this, it was a raging, RAGING hit. Hit up the local greazy spoon (the House of Pies in Houston, which does, indeed, have AMAZING PIES). 100 people, 14 pies, all varieties, $10/pie (2008 pricings). PIES FOR WEDDINGS, PEOPLE. LIVE IT, LOVE IT. Also, the leftovers are awesome.

Reginal T. Squirge

Congratulations. How wonderful.

solidgold

Jane, the practical wedding planner in me says go for whichever one is cheaper or whichever one your venue is going to throw in for free because why do you need one more thing to stress over? #postweddingstressdisorder

But for real, get the dessert that you love most in the world. If you are anything like me it will be the only thing you actually eat at your wedding. I know that is such a wedding cliche but I seriously could not eat any of our amazing buffet food and then I inhaled the cake and little pastries.

Faintly Macabre

@solidgold Baked alaska! For the bridezilla who wants to maximize her meltdown potential.

Elvis Costello's Spectacles

All pie, all the time. After all this pie talk on the 'pin, I've decided that dinner tonight will be tiny pies and wine.

atipofthehat

@Elvis Costello's Spectacles

Or you could have wine pie!

Elvis Costello's Spectacles

@atipofthehat ...My life is complete.

undercoverhippie

My husband is definitely a pie fan over cake, but some people just love wedding cake, so we had a dessert spread-- cakes and pies and tarts. boom. done, something for everyone.

also, we were discussing the trend of food trucks for catering at weddings. good idea? if there were a pie truck, could it take the place of wedding cake? How about a cupcake truck? thoughts?

Megasus

@undercoverhippie OMG a wedding food truck sounds like my kind of wedding.

thebestjasmine

Pie always wins. Especially because it is so easy to have lots of delicious varieties of pie: strawberry rhubarb, apple, apple crumb, peach, blackberry, mixed berry, lemon meringue, chocolate, chess, I mean, the list goes on and on. I mean, just read this, the best article that Slate ever published, to show how wonderful pie is. Cake is easier to make pretty, but that's all.

OxfordComma

PIE.

Caveat: With a graham cracker crust, and NO NUTS OR BANANAS OR COCONUT STAY OUT OF MY PIE.

beezus.

I am not getting married any time soon, but when/if I do, I don't want cake OR pie. I want wedding sundaes. Or a wedding ice cream truck. Has anyone ever been to a wedding that had something like that? Or am I just dreaming?

Jane Marie

@dahlface it is possible! two things to keep in mind though: don't do it if the venue is chilly. too cold! and don't do cones. too messy! other than that, go for it :)

Apocalypstick

@dahlface Wedding icecream machine and a toppings bar, like Pizza Hut used to have!

madge

why do we have to choose? can't all desserts just get along?

i'm gettin' hitched in september, and there will be cake (burnt almond torte) and there will be pie (lots of pies!) and there will be STRAWBERRY PRETZEL STUFF OMG

hedgehog

come on ppl, there's nothing more festive and weddingy than a giant, tiered white cake. optimize for palate another day.

bocadelperro

Wedding receptions are good for two things: cake and booze. If I find out that either one of those is not going to be on the list, I'm sending a card. Other desserts and beverages can play too, but there had better be both CAKE and ALCOHOL.

oh, disaster

If I ever get married, the only thing I know for sure is there will be a giant cookie table to satisfy everyone until the big cake/pie cutting.

And reading all these comments has left me longing for a sugar high, so I'm going to fix that.

madge

@andrea disaster the cookie table is a beautiful western pa tradition!

oh, disaster

@madge I seriously didn't know it was a regional thing until I went to an extended relative's wedding in upstate New York and it was like, where are the cookies?!

madge

@andrea disaster true story: my brother got married at halloween, and their cookie table had EYEBALL cookies and SPIDER cookies and i dressed up as pam grier and it was fucking awesome

deepomega

Our solution is a dual donut/cupcake option. (Cupcakes made by a friend, donuts made by the best donut-ery in LA.)

Jane Marie

@deepomega which is.... ? (asking for a friend.)

deepomega

@Jane Marie Doughn-T Hut! "What's Missing? U!" (Yelp here, but they totally spelled the name wrong for some reason.)

Faintly Macabre

@Jane Marie Or a croquembouche! Fancy munchkin tower cone!

EpWs

@Faintly Macabre Welp that's it, that's what I'm calling croquembouche forever and ever from here on out.

beanie

When my mom got married in the 70's she had a cake made completely out of petit fours. Not my dessert of choice, but I like the innovation!

camanda

EVERYTHING

My mother is the best baker in the world, and today I talked her into making me a chocolate sour cream cake with chocolate/peanut butter frosting. (It has been very easy to talk her into dessert lately, like the 60 cookies I got her to make on Tuesday.) This cake is divine. Rich and moist and delicious, and the frosting cuts the sweetness perfectly. I love this cake and share the recipe liberally to all seeking the greatest chocolate cake known to man.

She also makes awesome pies with her own homemade crust. Because this is more of a process, it is more difficult to talk her into, though my dad successfully wheedled a custard pie out of her over the weekend. I believe the next pie in the rotation is chocolate cream, but she also makes killer banana cream and lemon meringue pies. And a custard, but I don't like custard.

If I ever get married and have to have a party of some kind for it, she's making me a cake and a pie. She doesn't know this yet.

Dirty Hands

I would like to address the thread:
What is wrong with you people?! The only reason to eat cake at all is the frosting! Why don't we just have frosting with a little bit of cake for contrast? Why would someone make a cake that is not, say, a pound cake, without frosting? I don't understand! Cream cheese frosting! Buttercream frosting! Plain old supermarket frosting (unless it tastes like food coloring!)! All (in most cases) wonderful! Give me frosting or give me a ground cherry pie!

sevanetta

@Dirty Hands I like the way you think!

sevanetta

@Dirty Hands upthread I mentioned making icing that has lemon and sherry in. you will want to eat a bowlful. no need to pretend about cake!

tea tray in the sky.

The Unpopular Opinion: I hate cake, especially the frosting. Cupcakes can also suck it. Too much sweet with barely any actual flavour, and you can feel your teeth getting gritty as you eat it. Blueaghgfhvnb.

But I don't like strawberries or popcorn, or anything delicious apparently, so.

Heather Thompson@facebook

I had wedding pies in multiple flavors-yeah yeah weddings are great and all but a fucking pie buffet-come on!

EpWs

Damn all of you people with your delicious baked goods talk, I am TRYING TO WATCH MY SUGAR INTAKE.

Fuck it, cake for dinner.

oohdarling

CUPCAKES AND TARTS! Mini versions of both cake and pie, so that people can have either or BOTH! Plus, you get to use super cute serving trays...those fancy layered ones.

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

I'm not sure what's wrong with people, but almost every wedding I can remember going to did not serve the cake as dessert. There would be a ceremonial bride and groom cake-cut, then some dessert would be served (like those crepes with the ice cream in them or something. Usually I guess the cake shows up at the midnight sweet table, where it is usually upstaged by pizza and/or a chocolate fountain.

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