Quantcast

Friday, March 2, 2012

251

The 10 Least Inspiring Sentences on This Lululemon Tote

1. Children are the orgasm of life.

2. Visualize your eventual demise.

3. Take various vitamins.

4. Live near the ocean and inhale the pure salt air.

5. Observe a plant before and after watering and relate these benefits to your body and brain.

6. LOVE.

7. Dance, sing, floss & travel.

8. Nature wants us to be mediocre because we have a greater chance to survive and reproduce.

9. Goal setting triggers your subconscious computer.

10. Sweat once a day.

B-side Ridiculous Things:

a. We are all raised in a different family with slightly different definitions of every word.

b. Your outlook on life is a direct reflection of how much you like yourself.

Amanda Rosenberg is a misanthropic Brit who lives in San Francisco and works in Silicon Valley. She's currently struggling to come to terms with Californian optimism and cannot believe someone actually wrote the sentence 'children are the orgasm of life.'



251 Comments / Post A Comment

Fig. 1 (formerly myfanwy)

I'm not sure what's worse, these bags or the Ayn Rand-inspired ones.

area@twitter

@Fig. 1 (formerly myfanwy) Wait, there are worse ones?

Fig. 1 (formerly myfanwy)

@area@twitter Well, the Randian ones aren't full of cheesy slogans, but the sentiment behind them I find reprehensible.

slutberry

@Fig. 1 (formerly myfanwy) I have never read Ayn Rand, because I have this uneasy feeling that reading her would turn me into the grad student in the bar in Good Will Hunting

Fig. 1 (formerly myfanwy)

@teffodee My sister read it at age 18 and it did some weird things to her. Mostly I gather it gives you the superpower to cognitively dissonate.

slutberry

@Fig. 1 (formerly myfanwy) I would rather have the superpower to make amazing lemon bars out of whatever I have on hand.

Fig. 1 (formerly myfanwy)

@teffodee I have yet to eat a lemon bar. HERESY.

parallel-lines

@Fig. 1 (formerly myfanwy) Q: WHO IS JOHN GALT?

A: A fictional character written by a terrible person. Next question.

slutberry

@Fig. 1 (formerly myfanwy) WHAT. I have a wonderful recipe. Come over and I'll make you some.

KatnotCat

@Fig. 1 (formerly myfanwy) Wait, "Nature wants us to be mediocre because we have a greater chance to survive and reproduce" isn't the start of an Ayn Rand-inspired treatise?

Ophelia

@Fig. 1 (formerly myfanwy) Ugh, my high school boyfriend read it at 16, and then I had to deprogram him.

Fig. 1 (formerly myfanwy)

@Ophelia I had to do the same thing...my husband used to think Ron Paul had "some good ideas." Fortunately, he got better.

Tropical Iceland

@Ophelia Could you give instructions on how to do this? Preferably without having to read Ayn Rand?

remargaret

@teffodee When life gives you lemons, make lemon bars?

slutberry

@remargaret I am pretty sure I have actually said that before.

Drinkin'_Water

@Tropical Iceland Say that you understand the seductive powers of a worldview that breaks down everything in a simple and easy to understand way, but keep asking them how they can get behind a way of thinking that has no place for compassion.

Waiting

@parallel-lines no. no. no.

Fayebelline

Doesn't 'friends are more important than money' contradict their Randian philosophy?

parallel-lines

@Fayebelline Friends are more important than the money you spent on these $100 yoga pants.

KeLynn

@parallel-lines That's why you can buy them! Because money isn't important so WHO CARES if they're $100? Those crafty lululemon bitches.

cuminafterall

"Children are the orgasm of life" WHAT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

ayo nicole

@cuminafterall Seriously WHAT?

AndSomethingElse

@cuminafterall Y'know what, I'm convinced. I AM going to try being a pedophile. This tote has really sold me on it.

HMSBeagle

@cuminafterall I hope to god that it doesn't actually say that. Lululemon may have some not-so-discreet pedophiles on their staff.

thisisunclear

@cuminafterall THIS. THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS. oh mah gah hide your kids.

ayo nicole

@heliotropegerbil8 I thought that too but then I SAW IT ON THE BAG (bottom left corner!!!). Again: WHAT?

SarahP

@heliotropegerbil8 It really does! I'm always shocked people carry around this bag. Don't they have mothers who would scold them for such a thing?

redheaded&crazy

@SarahP side note, i have a reusable tote that has two cartoon animal type things humping with a blank cartoon speech bubble that I guess you're supposed to fill in yourself. anyway it's not SUPER apparent what they are doing unless you kind of stare at it, resulting in my mom taking this bag to work and having her staff all give her the side-eye. heh.

Decca

@cuminafterall Children = the expense of spirit in a waste of shame?

boysplz

@redheaded&crazy My friend's parents have these coffee cups with little rhinos and elephants on them and it's all very cute until you look closely and realize they're all humping in different positions. Then the mugs become hilarious.

SarahP

@redheaded&crazy A good life lesson, perhaps one that should go ona Lululemon tote: Never own a bag your mom couldn't safely bring to work!

purefog

@boysplz Taylor & Ng? I've got the humping bears. Loves me some humpin' bears.

Ophelia

@purefog Hahahaha, we have a humping cats one.

frigwiggin

@Ophelia "Gary, what are the animals on this mug doing?"

Faintly Macabre

@heliotropegerbil8 I thought/hoped so too until I saw that all of the other quotes are on there, and that ayo nicole found it.

So the orgasm of life is something that vomits all over you, spends all of your money, and cries incessantly. Sounds about right for these people.

anachronistique

@redheaded&crazy I have a Tori Amos tote bag with "I believe in peace, bitch" in all caps on it. I... do not carry it around very often.

Decca

@anachronistique Oh I'm very against totes with stuff written on them but I want that!

Faintly Macabre

@figwiggin "You wouldn't know, would you, Elaine?"

SBGBlogs

@cuminafterall This is so weird because I totally always thought that actual orgasms were the orgasms of life! Man! I'm such a dummy!! Brb, gotta go have some babies!

Helen Stanley

@boysplz I have the humping rabbits one--it's my favorite mug.

SarahP

@anachronistique I have a bag with colored condoms on it and it embarrasses me too much to ever use. But I got it at a conference I presented at! I can't throw it out!

frigwiggin

@Faintly Macabre "Gary! I'm not going to dignify that with a response. I'm just going to take my Lululemon bag and go do some libertarian yoga."

boysplz

@purefog Oh my gawd yes! I always thought they were too magical to be in wide circulation but now I am going to own them. You are my hero purefog.

Ophelia

@SarahP I would TOTALLY walk around with that. But I also spent a lot of time working on public health stuff, so my frame of reference is totally skewed.

boysplz

@anachronistique That's great. My snarky tote bag says "I listen to NPR and I suck" on it.

frigwiggin

@SarahP I would love a condom bag! So cool! The only non-local-business-or-grocery-store tote I have is from a clothing swap I went to that says "SWAP IS THE NEW SHOP," and while I totally love and support the concept of not supporting fast fashion and buying used and swapping clothes, the actual tote embarrasses me a bit. LADIES! SHOPPING! SHOES! And then I get mad at myself for being embarrassed.

SarahP

@Ophelia and figwiggin You think that, but then you get on the T next to creepy old (and sometimes young) men who want to "talk" about why you have a bag with condoms on it that says stuff about gender and sexuality.

AndSomethingElse

@boysplz HA! I want that bag.

area@twitter

This entire bag is begging to be burned with FIRE.

Fig. 1 (formerly myfanwy)

@area@twitter Not necessarily a good thing, as they had to recall some of them due to um, the presence of lead in the bags.

disco_clone

Weird! I'm a misanthropic Brit living in SF and I have seen and ROLLED MY EYES at this bag so many times. It didn't really register that is was a 'thing'.

Amy Porter@facebook

The one I have the most trouble with is "do one thing a day that scares you". I honestly cannot handle that much anxiety, and I think I would quickly run out of ideas and/or die from risking my life so frequently.

AndSomethingElse

@Amy Porter@facebook The one nice thing about that quote is that it's a great opportunity for a "yo mama" joke.

Decca

@Amy Porter@facebook I hate this. I'm scared of spiders and horses and, like, serial killers. I don't want to hang out with any of those things and I'm functioning quite well avoiding all three.

AndSomethingElse

@Decca If it makes you feel any better, you could probably have a serial killer holding a spider gallop by your house and then take a couple days off.

ps thank you for also being afraid of horses. They are scary.

Decca

@Al Cracka Soooo scary. I suppose also "majestic" and "beautiful", but mostly huge and terrifying.

leonstj

@Amy Porter@facebook - this may be a little more fit for The Awl than the Hairpin, but I manage to wake up and get out of bed every morning - I feel like that's scary enough.

rocknrollunicorn

@Amy Porter@facebook Right? I read that and was like, wtf am I supposed to do like 200 days in? Jump off a goddamn cliff? Even scary movies don't scare me. I'm totally screwed.

Ellie

Fuck Lululemon. It's so irritating that some of their stuff is so cute (and I believe that it makes your ass look great) but I could never buy anything from a libertarian company, on principle.

HeyThatsMyBike

@Ellie I had no idea they were libertarian, but I can never buy anything from them because everything is so wildly, flagrantly overpriced. So now they have two strikes! I'll stick with my Old Navy/Athleta yoga pants, thankyouverymuch.

olivebee

@Ellie I also say "fuck lululemon" because after the Lululemon Murder happened, I did a ton of research on the company and found out some reprehensible things. For one thing, they never flat out apologized/expressed sympathy to the murdered girl's family...they just released a statement to the world saying, basically, that a shitty thing happened.

Other things: the guy that started the company is openly racist (mainly toward Asian cultures) & believes sweatshop labor is the natural order of things. They also released a tote bag once that had subliminal messaging on it. A bunch of teenage girls who bought the bag and put it in the wash noticed that the outside layer was peeling off, so they unpeeled it the whole way to see a print (much like the one in the post) that said stuff about how you must have sex and do drugs to be happy.

I AM DIAPHENA

@Ellie That subliminal messaging is straight up insane!! WHY WOULD YOU EVEN DO THAT wouldn't that cost you MORE money?? More money that you could funnel into sweatshop labor??!?

And yeah, Chip Wilson is a disgusting bigot. He legit named his company "Lululemon" because he thinks it's funny to hear Asian people try to pronounce it.

tortietabbie

@olivebee Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?!

olivebee

@I AM DIAPHENA Yep...I read the article that quoted him as saying the thing about Asians pronouncing "lululemon." He's horrible. Ick. The whole company and their practices just make me feel so gross inside.

@tortietabbie Yeah. All it took was some googling old articles about the murder, and those lead to a litany of other articles about the company and their shittiness. I'm not an exercise buff, so I never wanted to shop there anyway, but even if I became the president of Yoga International one day, I would take my business elsewhere.

a small sea

@Ellie I ALMOST BOUGHT ANOTHER PAIR OF PANTS FROM THEM YESTERDAY. They sell this stuff at the bougie ass gym I go to and now I am horrified. I will probably make a complaint to the management and say that I'm very disappointed that the gym supports this company and how I won't be buying any more of their stuff. I'm sure they won't care but... maybe if enough people complain? I can't believe their creator ADMITTED the thing about Asians (Japanese, I read somewhere else just now) pronouncing the name. HOW ARE THEY STILL POPULAR?

I'm actually a little sad (in a totally messed up way) to have learned all of this because now I really can't buy those pants in good conscious so I will have to find some other ones that make my butt look as good. Any suggestions?

olivebee

@a small sea I have a pair of stretchy Reebok yoga pants that I got at Marshall's for $15, and they are the most amazing pair of pants I have ever put on my ass in my life.

Ophelia

@I AM DIAPHENA Damn. My favorite workout pants and sports bra are from there. But that'll be it, I suppose.

ms. alex

@olivebee I googled the murder too, and wow, holy rabbit hole, batman. Lululemon is a crazy place.

HeyThatsMyBike

@olivebee Yikes. I think I'm up to like... 12 strikes only a few comments later.

packedsuitcase

@I AM DIAPHENA Has anybody found a primary source on the naming issue? I keep looking for one, but so far all I see is bloggers spouting off what could be nothing more than a rumour. Can anybody find me a source? I see coverage of him saying that he'll make use of sweatshops in China (ugggggggggh), so obviously it's not like he's a stand up guy, just wanting to see actual evidence of this.

And I'm not trying to stand up for them, I swears! Just looking for solid proof.

Ellie

@I AM DIAPHENA To be fair (though I really hate Lululemon)- I don't think that's the whole reason he named the company Lululemon. He said he named it that because names with a lot of L's in them are "exotic" to Japanese culture, because there is no L in Japanese (which is the same reason it is stereotypically difficult for Japanese speakers to pronounce). This honestly makes sense to me, from a business standpoint. I know he is reported to have said "It's funny to watch them try and pronounce it" (though I have not read the original National Post Business Magazine interview where he apparently says that - it doesn't seem to be online) which IS reprehensible.

Anyway, I hate libertarians and I hate Lululemon. Fin.

out of order

@packedsuitcase
If you find a link, or someone sends you one, could you please repost, I've been looking as well.

candybeans

@olivebee oh nooooo my sports bra from them is amazing and i had no idea they were jerks DDD: whyyyy must I choose between morals and non-moving boobs during my workouts? just be a nicer company, guys!

Drinkin'_Water

@a small sea I forked over for some Fit Couture pants and it was worth it because they were made in the USA, they had variety of inseam lengths available, and they are very rad and flattering. They were pricey for my budget but like half of what Lululemon yoga pants are I guess.

leonstj

I had never heard of these people - um - there is a Randian yoga clothes outfitter now?

I'm done. I'm just done. I'm leaving work early to get blind drunk in my living room listening to Miles, I just can't take this world.

special_boots

@leon.saintjean You'd never heard of Lululemon?

Here in DC we had a brutal murder at one last year. Really, just unspeakably brutal beyond words. Good times.

purefog

@special_boots Yeah, I grew up adjacent to Bethesda, now live in Oregon, read about that murder and thought: "Huh -- what was THAT about?" Now I'm starting to get an inkling. Crazy people hire crazy people. It all makes sense.

Faintly Macabre

@leon.saintjean I am so jealous of you. There's one in Philly in the poshest part of town and I glare at it every time I walk past it.

lisma

@leon.saintjean Dude, I'm coming with you.

phillystout

@Faintly Macabre same here, every time I ride past it on the 21.

emily eileen

@leon.saintjean From wikipedia: "Lululemon recently began imprinting "Who Is John Galt?" on its shopping bags, and featured praise to author Ayn Rand and her novel Atlas Shrugged on their website."

Yikes.

konata

I thought these were all made up and then I remembered reading number 8 on a coworker's bag.

Lululemon, you so silly.

julia

@konata I thought some of them were made up, but now that I can make out "children are the orgasm of life" on the left side of the bag, I'm looking for "I just spent $100 on leggings and I'm going to carry them home in this obnoxious tote."

redheaded&crazy

@konata #8 is SO ridiculous. I don't even understand the point! Is it saying, accept the mediocrity that's in your nature? that really is pretty uninspiring.

Or is it saying, Don't let nature tell you what to do! Cuz that just seems weirdly antithetical to Lululemon's whole deal. Not that I'm an expert.

SarahP

@redheaded&crazy It's normalizing! By telling their customers it's okay to be mediocre, they are reminding themt hat if you're standing in a crowded subway car with people carrying the exact same bag and wearing the exact same expensive yoga pants, that's more than okay--it's nature!

bangs
bangs

@redheaded&crazy I took it as the latter.

redheaded&crazy

@bangs but - but then lesser chance to survive and reproduce?

bangs
bangs

@redheaded&crazy Yeah, maybe they just want to make us feel better about mediocrity? Or we should not have kids and die? I'm so confused.

redheaded&crazy

@bangs and now we have officially spent more time over-analyzing this quote than the people who came up with it! *high fives* *long swig of vodka*

KatnotCat

@redheaded&crazy I interpreted it as the rest of nature is jealous of us, overcome!

kefuoe

I currently live and work without air conditioning in a tropical country. I sweat all day, every day. It has not made me a better person and sometimes I think I may stab someone if I don't get some ice cream.

I'm not sure this comment is on topic, but I feel slightly better now.

Judith Slutler

@kefuoe Ice cream is always on topic.

punkahontas

@kefuoe I think you just inspired a new tote:

"Sometimes, it's okay to stab someone if you don't get ice cream."

"Air conditioners are the 'cool' part of life."

"Sweat is the orgasm of the skin."

Maria

@punkahontas "Sometimes, it's okay to stab someone if you don't get ice cream."
You just made me snort. I thought you should know.

slutberry

@kefuoe When I came back from Nepal, all I wanted was coffee ice cream, because I couldn't get coffee or ice cream there. I subsisted on coffee ice cream, cucumbers, and tomatoes for about a week.

lovelettersinhell

@punkahontas SIGTGMICOIAGTSOT

TheBourneApproximation

I had one of these when I was in grad school, after buying a nice hoodie there once. I used it as a laundry bag. So I got to read these delightful pearls of wisdom after crawling out of a dark hole where I'd been programming for 8-12 hours, only to trudge to the communal laundry room and wait for someone to unload their goddamn washing machine. I'll show YOU goal-setting you %*(# bag!!! Enjoy the "pure salt air" my pasty grad-school ass...

jacqueline
jacqueline

I'm embarrassed to put my groceries in these.

Jewishthunda

Isn't it a bit more logical to say that "children are the life of an orgasm?"

Non-anonymous

@Jewishthunda "Children are the afterlife of an orgasm."

special_boots

This is amazing because I was JUST staring at my friend's version of this tote (same one, but black) while waiting for my laundry to finish this morning. There are actually several worse than the ones you quoted.

tortietabbie

@special_boots Do tell!!

Gracefully and Grandly

I always thought it was funny that some of these bags had lead in them (or some other really bad thing?) Well, being poisoned scares me so I guess the totes are just being servicey and making sure you do one thing that scares you a day.

redheaded&crazy

orgasms are the orgasm of life.

i mean really is that even up for debate

SarahP

@redheaded&crazy Right?!

applestoapples

"Your outlook on life is a direct reflection of how much you like yourself."
I hate cloying attempts at inspiration, and I really like that about myself.

Non-anonymous

@applestoapples "Addendum: It is therefore quite common for assholes to have a positive outlook on life."

rayuela

@Non-anonymous Oh God yes!

Decca

What is Lululemon? I had never heard of them before, and Googling it is making me even more confused.

punkahontas

@Decca I'm guessing they consider themselves "A high-end, inspirational, yoga and lifestyle brand." I am nearly positive that's on a brief somewhere.

redheaded&crazy

@Decca I wish I had your life

The Lady of Shalott

@Decca It's a yoga company that originated out of Vancouver, and it caters to upper-middle-class crunchy granola ladies (mostly, though they also have a line of dude stuff that my own dude is obsessed with). Their stuff is NICE, it really is, but super pricey. Yoga gear, running gear, etc. They are really popular throughout Canada, it's all very "lifestyle" and all that.

Their ownership/business philosophy is WHACK, though.

slutberry

@Decca It's the yoga pants all the rich kids at my university wear in order to prove that they are rich and enlightened

Fig. 1 (formerly myfanwy)

@The Lady of Shalott It's not just upper-middle class ladies, it's anyone who's "aspirational".

Decca

Ahhhh. I kind of understand. Some of their clothing does look nice, but ridiculously expensive. I have so much loathing for clothing companies that present themselves as a "lifestyle", specifically a lifestyle predicated on self-help books and cliché.

"Do not use cleaning chemicals on your kitchen counters. Someone will inevitably make a sandwich on your counter." WHAT.

The Lady of Shalott

@Fig. 1 (formerly myfanwy) I aspire to one day being able to afford their shit, I have to say. But oh my God they have this one sweater, and it's just a really basic wrap cardigan and I COVET IT. But it's like $158. But....it's gorgeous.

And actually my dude left a Lululemon shirt here that I sleep in and it is unbelievably comfortable.

So yeah. My aspiration is....having a job so one day I can afford their stuff.

Fig. 1 (formerly myfanwy)

@The Lady of Shalott Their stuff used to be good - my husband has some very nice, super-soft tshirts. (Now it's all polyester which he hates.)

I am in an apathetic-hate relationship with them, since I have Issues with their governance and employee policies, but damn if I can't find shorts or leggings elsewhere that don't give you cameltoe and/or ride up. Some of their other items are a crapshoot though, and overall quality has gone down since they started outsourcing things.

(There are some really nice wrap cardigans on Etsy if you want to support an independent person, and they start at 1/3rd of the Lulu price)

themegnapkin

@Decca they make the most awesome (but absurdly overpriced)work-out clothes. Their products really are amazing.

Only, the name "Lululemon" was chosen by the founder of the company because he thought it sounded funny when said by someone with, I think, a Chinese accent? And employees are required to attend "personal development training" with the Landmark Forum, which has, I understand been called a cult...

themegnapkin

@themegnapkin And: parody of lululemon bag at: http://www.yogadork.com/news/lululemon-gets-slapped-in-the-manifesto-a-provoking-parody/

purefog

@The Lady of Shalott For the small sliver of the Pin demographic that may have occasion to drive up or down I-5 south of Vancouver, there's a Lululemon outlet in Burlington, WA (just north of Mt. Vernon). It's right off (and in fact visible from) the freeway. If you're still willing to support the company -- and they do make nice gym clothes -- you can get some real bargains here. That is, relatively speaking -- it's kind of like a Patagonia outlet that way.

Faintly Macabre

@Decca "Instead, go to a park, gather manure, and rub that on the counter. The manure will act as a barrier between that synthetic counter and your sandwich, and will remind you of humanity's connection to the natural world."

wharrgarbl

@Decca I can only assume that one doesn't use the cleaning chemicals on the counter that someone will inevitably make a sandwich on because, having made the sandwich, they will then clean it for you. It's a labor-saving message!

Decca

@wharrgarbl Perhaps an eleven year old Chinese boy could make the sandwich on your counter and then feed you the sandwich? Cool.

Ophelia

@Fig. 1 (formerly myfanwy) Have you tried athleta? It's owned by the Gap, but they have good running shorts, sports bras, pants, etc.

bangs
bangs

@Ophelia I thought the Gap had some unpleasant political associations at the top level too? Then again, don't they all?

Ophelia

@bangs Yeah. I think they're not quite as blatantly ridiculous, though? Most of the stuff I've heard re: Gap is about their labor standards (and they have actually gotten better, although not perfect) over the years.

purefog

@themegnapkin Landmark? Now, THERE'S a bag of crazy.

Porn Peddler

WAAAAAIT, is this a company that is intentionally marketing "engrish" things as stylish?

bonnbee

I have a few family members who are SOOOO into quotes like this. My stepsister always has things on facebook/pinterest like, "Family is the heart and soul of your heart and soul" and "live laugh love dream wish walk breathe love poop" and "A dream is a wish your wishes make on a star but if you shoot for the moon you'll land in the stratosphere" (okay, perhaps these are slightly hyperbolic). I should get her this stupid bag for a birthday gift.

slutberry

@bonnbee I am convinced that adding "breathe" to the end of a statement makes it an Inspiring Quote. "Eat sleep drink pee poop breathe" "Go to the Godiva store and breathe" "I need to grocery shop. Breathe" "Killing people might land you in jail. Breathe." "I may fail this class but at least I can BREATHE"

redheaded&crazy

@teffodee breathing makes everything better

Decca

@bonnbee Why do lifestyle companies / magazines etc always assume that we ladies don't understand the rudiments of breathing? It's so difficult to remember how to do it!

slutberry

@redheaded&crazy Yeah, asphyxiation seriously cramps my style. And my diaphragm.

Lenora Jane

@teffodee "Go to the Godiva store and breathe" is actually solid, life-improving advice? Maybe that one should be on the tote?

Fig. 1 (formerly myfanwy)

@bonnbee I have found Oscar Wilde quotes to be VERY effective at taking the piss out of these moronic declarations. My brother hasn't posted an inspirational quote since.

Decca

@bonnbee I've noticed as well that the kind of people who post those quotes on Facebook are really, really into mis-attribution as well. I'm friends with a girl who plastered her wall with quotations like "Reach for the stars, even if you fall you'll land on the moon" and had them all attributed to Sir Walter Scott. What?! It was like performance art.

slutberry

@Lenora Jane Totally. I'mmabout to go do that.

frigwiggin

@Fig. 1 (formerly myfanwy) Oscar Wilde quotes are effective at taking the piss out of anything, and should be applied to every situation as frequently as possible.

bonnbee

@Decca I think every dumb quote-loving girl ever attributes everything to Audrey Hepburn.
"I believe in Pink, I believe in Laughing, I believe in Pretty!" - Audrey Hepburn
"A girl must be two things, Classy & Fab-u-lous! xoxoxoxo" -Audrey Hepburn
"Call me Ishmael"- Audrey Hepburn

Faintly Macabre

@Lenora Jane I was going to say, breathing in (good) chocolate shops is actually wonderful advice.

Decca

@bonnbee Audrey, Marilyn or Shakespeare seem to be the big three.

The "Call Me Ishmael" made me laugh out loud!

Ophelia

@Decca Well, I mean, we're just learning how to drink water, so...

Bebe

@bonnbee I have a FB friend who has posted, frequently, "work like you don't need the money," which, hahahahahahahaSOB.

Decca

@Bebe If I didn't need the money, I would be lying on the couch watching television all day?

KeLynn

@bonnbee I saw something on Pinterest the other day that was a quote about being OK with the fact that you're not a size 0 and you're still valuable....attributed to Marilyn Monroe. I'm pretty sure that A) Size zero didn't exist then and b) if it did, no one would have wanted to be it anyway.

charmcity

I live in DC, so Lululemon will be forever associated in my mind with that bizarre coworker murder/botched coverup case.

KatnotCat

@charmcity Yes, reflecting on that case while reading this really put a new spin on some of the affirmations.

Fig. 1 (formerly myfanwy)

@charmcity Wait, what?

Ophelia

@charmcity And then they had the windows blocked out for ages...so even if you were looking to morbidly snoop (I was), you couldn't.

@Fig. 1 (formerly myfanwy) http://www.washingtonpost.com/local/lululemon-bethesda-slaying-arrest-announced/2011/03/18/ABd2rJs_story.html

Fig. 1 (formerly myfanwy)

@Ophelia Thanks for the link and not telling me to LMGTFY. Wow that is fucked up.

charmcity

@Ophelia Disappointing! Had I been in that neighborhood, I would absolutely have sidled up to the window in an attempt to peer in. (However, I am afraid of rich people and thus avoid Bethesda most of the time.) Have they made an SVU ep based on this story yet?

Ophelia

@charmcity Oh, Bethesda is terrifying (it is the only place I have ever seen mothers out to lunch in a group...with their kids and nannies). But my office is there, and there's also this kind of awesome little boutique called Luna where I can't afford anything but I go in and look anyway.

Megasus

@Ophelia I cannot hear anything about DC without thinking about Fallout 3. I probably can't even go to the National Mall now, because I will be like "WHERE ARE THE BUNKERS!? WHY ARE MUTANTS NOT TRYING TO KILL ME RIGHT NOW!?"
So that killing happening in Bethesda, no surprise here, lol.

Daisy Razor

I don't know, man. I lived in a town that was on the ocean and despite inhaling the pure salt air all the damn time, we still had the highest alcoholism rate in Massachusetts.

(I can't even get annoyed about this--I just feel so bad for the poor copywriters who had to come up with this crap.)

redheaded&crazy

@Daisy Razor for my part i'm envious of the people who get employed to make this shit up! I can just picture them trying to out-BS each other - which ones will make it by management?! Just what inanities can we actually get published?!

I really want this job now.

slutberry

@redheaded&crazy ME TOO. I imagine that it's like that scene in Mad Men when Peggy and Paul and Paul's friend get stoned and come up with amazing copy.

Ophelia

@teffodee Clearly they should employ the 'pinners to write their ridiculous copy.

Daisy Razor

@redheaded&crazy I had a job once where whenever we were asked to brainstorm, we'd pick the most obvious, boring, insipid choice first (because that's the one all 10 managers who had to approve it would agree on) and then we'd spend the rest of the meeting coming up with the most insane shit we could think of. It was glorious.

anachronistique

@Daisy Razor Now I've got the rhyme about Lynn stuck in my head. "I asked for a water, they handed me gin..."

Daisy Razor

@anachronistique "Lynn, Lynn city of sin. You never come out the way you came in!"

Ophelia

@Daisy Razor Hhahahahahaha. Someone recently (in response to a question I can't remember) said, "Lynn? I have a cousin in Lynnfield, is that the same place?" And then I got to sing them the rhyme.

Nanabelle

@Daisy Razor they are hiring copywriters right now, actually. Maybe the old ones all left to go have life orgasms elsewhere.

Megasus

I hope you get these free with purchase, and don't actually have to BUY them.
Although I don't understand how like every girl in my university could afford to wear Lululemon every day either. I have been in a store once, and the price tags alone were so scary I immediately left.

yamtoes

@Megan Patterson@facebook Seriously, whenever I see someone with one of these bags I wonder whether they really spent that much on a pair of yoga pants. Do you still get the bag if you just buy a ($25) pair of socks?

TheCheesemanCometh

@yamtoes You do get one when you buy a $8 headband. And after reading all of this, I'm ashamed to know that from personal experience.

werewolfbarmitzvah

"MOISTURE IS THE ESSENCE OF WETNESS AND WETNESS IS THE ESSENCE OF BEAUTY."

Ophelia

@werewolfbarmitzvah "a way of life inspired by the very homeless, the vagrants, the crack whores..."

Daisy Razor

@werewolfbarmitzvah "I'm sorry that good-looking people like us made you throw up and feel bad about yourself."

wilarseny

@werewolfbarmitzvah boys becoming MAN, Mer-MAN, cough

martinipie

@werewolfbarmitzvah "I just saw her sandwiched between those two Finnish dwarfs and Maori tribesman and I thought, you know, here's someone I could spend the rest of my life with"

anachronistique

@Daisy Razor "Listen to your friend Billy Zane! He's a cool dude!"

Clare

@Daisy Razor You can read minds?

Ophelia

@Daisy Razor I want a tote bag with all of this on it.

Maria

It terrifies me that those are real.
Reading: "ha-ha, it would be so funny if those were actually on a bag... oh. oh dear."

KeLynn

@Maria Seriously! I honestly thought that some of them were jokes until the comments confirmed that they are seriously on the bag.

Marzipan

I can't believe, "DON'T trust that an old age pension will be sufficient" didn't make it.

Also, I love how much more moronic they look on the bag, with the random bolding, capitalizing, size changes that truly emphasize their meaninglessness.

slutberry

OH! It's like the Dr. Bronner's bottles!! That's what it makes me think of!

anachronistique

@teffodee I've been using Dr. Bronner's since I was a weester and it trips me out that you can now get it in Target instead of having to go to the natural foods store.

martinipie

@anachronistique Yeah it wigs me out too....Bronner, how the mighty have fallen (but your soap is still the only thing I ever useeeee)!

MatildaGold

@anachronistique Do your bottles still tell you to dilute? Mine don't lately, and I miss it. I still dilute.

DILUTE! DILUTE! OKAY! ALL ONE!

slutberry

@MatildaGold Lululemon and Dr. Bronner's should work together on a slogan campaign. "A-B-C-All-One-Or-None! Jesus Buddha All-One! Breathe! Wipe down your kitchen counters with Dr. Bronner's All-One! 18 uses! Use All-One-Laundry-Soap for Lululemon pants for a state of euphoria! Always towards the heart! For we're All-One Or None!"

purefog

@teffodee The Good Doctor: http://www.brokelyn.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/Dr-bronner.jpg

Holly Jones@facebook

@teffodee I confess to being completely addicted to Lululemon's clothes and of spending way too much money on their stuff, but this comment made me snort out loud. <3! I hate the manifesto bags. I reuse them for errands because they're handy and plastic and I feel like I need to and blah, but I'm always afraid someone is going to actually start reading what it says. (Even more so now that I read these comments).

slutberry

@Holly Jones@facebook ...and I have to confess that some of my vitriol is masked envy, because I'm a broke student who can't afford their stuff :P my cyclist roommate tells me they have the best sports bras, though I'm skeptical that they could corral this Bosom of Doom...

LizzieFresh

@teffodee Moving Comfort to corral Bosoms of Doom!! (I have tried the lulu ones because I will do anything to strap these puppies in for running. I found there was toooo much movement with them...)

slutberry

@LizzieFresh Ohh yeah? And do they not do that horrible squishing-boobs-together-so-you-get-awful-boob-sweat thing?

KeLynn

@teffodee FWIW (and this isn't the most broke student-friendly suggestion), my bosom of doom has been successfully corralled by only two bras: Freya Active underwire sports bra (but the back was SOO small, I had to get an extender) and the new Panache sports bra. I believe they are both about $70 though. But even when I had FFs, they barely moved in either bra.

ImASadGiraffe

I buy a lot of Lululemon, but mostly because I go to the gym 6 days a week, I love their cropped pants (shirts, meh), and I get a discount for being a certified trainer. If I didn't get the discount, no way!

I also hate that they have all their employees do the Landmark Forum, that whole thing creeps me out. I had to stop being friends with someone because all he did was try to get me to go to Landmark and kept giving me advice that made no sense which I am convinced he learned there.

parallel-lines

@ImASadGiraffe The CEO who was behind the Galt bag has left the company, and hopefully the landmark thing left with him.

That being said, their pants are seriously the best exercise pants out there and that's from an exercise apparel snob.

ImASadGiraffe

@parallel-lines They still encourage all Lululemon employees to go to the Forum, but they don't require it.

And yeah, I'm a huge fan of the Wunder-Unders. BEST PANTS EVER. I do CrossFit and I don't have time to readjust my pants in the middle of doing 100 air squats for time.

bangs
bangs

@ImASadGiraffe I really do love their stuff.

purefog

@ImASadGiraffe If they "encourage" them in the same way that Landmarkies "encourage" their would-be converts to attend, that's some serious pressure (expecially from one's employer).

ImASadGiraffe

@purefog Yeah I would not be ok with my employer requesting that I go to a cult gathering.

purefog

@ImASadGiraffe Well, Landmark's not really a "cult," I don't think, but they are creepy to the max. My own sister has drunk that particular Kool-Aid, I'm sorry to say. It took me a very long time, and unwonted persistence on my part, to convince her that I didn't want a glass.

ImASadGiraffe

@purefog I guess I equate it to religion and stuff - like, that's cool if you like it/believe it/follow it, but don't try to push it on me.

Decca

Ughghg, look what happened when I tried to click onto a link of an interview with their CEO in which he said of Asian people "It's funny to watch them try and say it.":

This can happen when you have an old link,
a typo, or internet too hard. How to take a 404asana:

1. Unplug your computer
2. Open the door and go outside
3. Move your arms and legs in any direction

TheCheesemanCometh

@Decca Seriously?? Ugh.

purefog

@Decca Ugh indeed. Yet, I like the idea of a 404asana.

TheCheesemanCometh

@purefog My yoga mom would probably find a 404asana hilarious, if she knew what "404" meant. She's not all that internet/tech savvy, but a lovely person nonetheless.

TheCheesemanCometh

Oh my. I had no idea about the background of this place, and now I'm ashamed to admit I have one of these. I wandered into one about a year ago thinking I'd find something for my yoga loving mom's birthday, but the prices were so horrifically high, I wound up just getting, like, a headband. I went back later to get a non-skid towel for my daughter's dance class, and while I never noticed the children/orgasm line on the bag, it could be because my eyes had rolled too far back in my head. So freaking cheesy.

TheCheesemanCometh

@TheCheesemanCometh And, explaining to a 12 year old that, no, I will buy her that really cute pair of booty shorts for dance class because there's no way in hell I'm spending $80 on that just adds a whole level of ugh to the experience. I will say that she was horrified by the price, and while she still longed for them, the $15 pair from the dance shop made her happy.

ThisLittlePiggy

I'm surprised there was no mention of the hidden messaged on Lululemon bags, which are even weirder:

"Some brief or quick-fix incidences when our minds are clear to be creative are....when drunk or stoned...just after an orgasm."

http://www.ctv.ca/CTVNews/TopStories/20080416/Lululemon_controversy_080416/

KeLynn

@ThisLittlePiggy I googled around a little when someone mentioned that in an earlier comment and...I don't know if I totally buy that story? It seems like only one girl ever found this. So I can't decide if it's real.

needsmoresalt

I had this bag! I bought one of their yoga mats online, and they sent me the bag with it. I actually thought it was hilariously obnoxious, and I used it for groceries, laundry, etc. But then my roommate's dog ate it. Maybe he secretly knows how to read?

cherrispryte

Ehrm, what if #4 (living near the ocean) is kind of a major life goal of mine?
The rest of this is complete and utter bullshit, obvi, but ocean living is the best.

wharrgarbl

@cherrispryte Just make sure your ocean living doesn't involve a hotspot for problem algae blooms.

Jenny Cox

@cherrispryte I was recently asked in a job interview to describe the most relaxing place I could think of. My mind was screaming "BEACH BUT DON'T SAY BEACH." Cuz ya know, wouldn't wanna look SO typical to the dude in the ironic sweater interviewing me. So I stumbled and said "swimming... in like a body of water." Smoooooooth.
Whatever. The ocean rules. I hope you get there soon.

cherrispryte

@jenny_ I would have just started quoting bits of Kimya Dawson's "I like giants" or e.e. cummings' maggie and milly and molly and may at the interviewer.

Leon Tchotchke

These remind me of the Little Book of Calm. "When you rest, you are a king surveying your estate. Look at the woodland, the peacocks on the lawn. Be the king of your own calm kingdom."

Decca

@Leon Tchotchke Which one... of you bitches... wants to dance?

frigwiggin

@Decca "Hey, you know when you're doing your usual threesome thing you do on a weekend, and the moonlight's bouncing off your heads and your arses and everything, does that not get a bit confusing?"

(I just finished Black Books last night. Time to start at the beginning again!)

anachronistique

@Leon Tchotchke So does eating the Lululemon bag mean you ascend to become a godlike Randian juicebox?

Leon Tchotchke

@anachronistique The Lululemon bag has become lodged between the small intestine and the pancreas. If it rotates a centimeter or two to the left, you'll be dead in seconds.

frigwiggin

@Leon Tchotchke "Add a dab of lavender to sweat; leave town with the orgasm of life, and pretend you're laughing at it."

Prostitute Robot From The Future

@figwiggin AH! you beat me to it!

Holly Jones@facebook

@Leon Tchotchke <3.

Prostitute Robot From The Future

"Be on the look out for things that make you laugh. If you see nothing worth laughing at, sweat once a day, then laugh."

loopywombat

@Leon Tchotchk “Rest in a tub -- A leisurely warm bath will soak the stress from your body.”

BScottie

"Vancouver will do nicely." Is anyone else seeing that one? What exactly does that apply to? Vancouver will do WHAT nicely? Whatever, I'm just gonna go watch Encino Man on TV.

purefog

@BScottie Lululemon is HQ'd in Vancouver. That's all I got.

ImASadGiraffe

@purefog @BScottie The quote above it talks about Living Near the Ocean and Salt Air and stuff. I think they mean that Vancouver is a good location for that?

Nanabelle

@ImASadGiraffe It IS a good location, if you can afford the absurdly high rent and real estate costs. Basically, the prices at Lulu reflect the prices in Vancouver. So crazy high but people still pay them because "it's cool to live in Van/wear Lulu clothes but I won't be able to eat for the rest of the month".

I want to mention that I am leaving Vancouver tomorrow after 6 months of trying to make a decent living.

breccia

Dang. I volunteer at my hot power yoga studio, so I am dripping sweat within 5 minutes and am there a LOT. I like lulu stuff because it wicks and dries super fast, and other cotton workout clothes make me feel like i am DYING INSIDE because they get so hot and sticky and heavy ugggh..

Does GAP athletic stuff wick? Or is there another brand I could use? I actually use lulu stuff because it works... but I had no idea about the Randian/racist bullshit.

purefog

@breccia Adidas wicks. Nike wicks, but not as well as Adidas, IMHO.

AllyMcBLT

@breccia I also volunteer at the hot yoga place near me to get free classes! I got a pair of Lulus for christmas and they are seriously THE BEST for hot yoga. They are so well made, and I can see them lasting a lot longer than the cheap ones that get all see-through and gross (although sometimes I don't want to wear them to yoga for fear I'll mess them up somehow?). I call them my "dress leggings." That said, I heard the C9 brand by Target actually has some decent knockoffs made from similar material, for about 1/3 the price. Also there was a rumor that Costco sells almost exact replicas of some Lulu tanks, but I don't have a membership so I can't confirm this.

HeyThatsMyBike

@breccia I have a pair of the Athleta (sister co of Gap) pants that I got on sale (and got an additional 30% off with one of those online Gap coupons), and they seem to do a great job of wicking. I do not work for Gap.

breccia

@AllyMcBLT I don't know why everyone doesn't volunteer for free classes! My volunteering actually wound up getting me a ton of free lulu... but that was unexpected.

But yeah, I understand that lulu stuff has a bad rep and is WAY pricey, but sometimes it seems like it's worth it? I had some underarmor that wicked but I never wear it anymore because it has no built in bra, no extra length to cover the butt, no secret pockets, and when i start to sweat it shows up?? I mean, that makes sense, but I don't have pit spots in lululemon gear halfway through class... it diffuses my sweat evenly with what I assume is witchcraft.

Anyway. Thanks for the recommendations everyone.

KeLynn

@AllyMcBLT I have some C9 fitness pants - I've never worn lululemon so I can't compare them, but just based on my experience with C9 alone I would say they wouldn't be great for hot yoga. Well first of all when I bought mine, there were like 3 styles of fitness pants - all black, all the same length, but different prices. I tried them all on and all but the most expensive (approx $30) were totally see through when I pulled them over my ass. So I bought the expensive ones. And I do really like them for certain things, but the material is thick-ish compared to all my other fitness pants and isn't super fast wicking. It still works for normal temperature yoga but when I'm sweating buckets at Moksha, not so much.

HeyThatsMyBike

@HeyThatsMyBike I should also not that I haven't done hot yoga in them, but I have gone for a longish run in them in my gym that had a broken heater (aka was spewing out way too much heat), and they didn't feel like weights at the end of about 4 miles, which was good enough for me! YMMV, etc.

lisma

I thought this was just going to be about how Lululemon is sofa king annoying and now I find out all these TERRIBLE things. Nothing gets my ire up like disgusting libertarian juiceboxes.

Prostitute Robot From The Future

Perhaps #1 was translated from french? And children are la petit mort of life? Because that would make a lot more sense.

insouciantlover

Girl, I live in SF and have been busting out my ridiculous Lululemon bag for yeeeears just because the "children are the orgasm of life" quote cracks my shit up. Let's be fwiends.

skyslang

I had to research Lululemon copy for my job. They're a competitor. It made me so angry! I was like, if you all want me to write copy like this crap, I'm quitting. Luckily, my awesome boss was as horrified as I was.
BUT I did find a parody of the manifesto. It's hilarious:
http://seacowcoalition.com/

almond-joy

I always see people carrying these around and I could never get close enough to read them without being a super creep, so I assumed they were bags from Seamless (the most awesome online food delivery site ever!) Because they use the same colors. And I felt vaguely jealous, because I thought there was fun stuff about noms written all over them. BUT NOW THAT I KNOW THE TRUTH, I WILL PROCEED TO JUDGE THE HELL OUT OF PEOPLE I SEE WITH THIS BAG.

tee
tee

wait... these aren't made up?

i'm from vancouver and everything everywhere is covered in lululemon's inspiring quotes. i guess i just block them out of my vision :(

Talia Acker@facebook

http://seacowcoalition.com/

Diana

I fucking hate those bags and only use them as storage for stuff that goes deep in my closet (they are sturdy). But you know, as much as I'm not a faaaaan of libertarianism, nobody makes better workout clothing. NOBODY. I am broke as a joke, but my favorite way to treat myself is to save up and get a new piece of workout gear from them every few months or so because their stuff is comfy, flattering, super moisture-wicking, and so well made that it will last until the sun explodes. I guess I just hope that it'll follow a path like American Apparel - the gross company becomes so successful that they spawn a series of inoffensive knockoff brands (like Alternative Apparel). Until anybody else can make a sports bra as well as lululemon does, though, I'm sticking with them.

marrrrissa

It's a shirt too. Third photo shows the children are the orgasm of life line.

http://shop.lululemon.com/products/clothes-accessories/whats-new-women/Manifesto-Long-Sleeve-Tee?cid=fblike

forsakinghalfloves

Quite possibly the best response to this manifesto ever: http://www.yogadork.com/news/lululemon-gets-slapped-in-the-manifesto-a-provoking-parody/

kevink23

You people have done a great job. This is a nice and very clear document. I am very impressed and very attracted to your site. Want to get stress free enivornment? Want some please? Wanna release all the tension?escort guide

Sky Vue

Several buses are available near Bishan Road and Ang Mo Kio Ave 1 along with shopping centers and restaurants near Sky Vue Condo Sky Vue Location

stuart

I must say, I thought this was a pretty interesting read when it comes to this topic. Liked the material. . .
How to make a website

Seo Worker@facebook

You can post on the order experience for the blog. You might forward it's mind busting. Your blog explication could skyrocket your viewers. best porn paysites

Seo Worker@facebook

You should comment on the bonuses of the blog. You can bring up it's superb. Your blog appraisal may build up your prospects.
best porn sites

Seo Worker@facebook

You could post on the advertisements for the blog. You may catalog it's stunning . Your blog story can boost your members. best pay porn sites

jack89

While this makes me like you more, Edith, you should remember that the only way to succeed on the web is to ignore what users ask for. Gatwick Airport Parking

jack89

While this makes me like you more, Edith, you should remember that the only way to succeed on the web is to ignore what users ask for. Gatwick Airport Parking

jackson111

acne no more
This is so beautiful and creative. I just love the colors and whoever gets it in the mail will be smiling.

davidgeek1

Great Post.Really like your style of writing .kudos to you
videomakerfx review

www.bulksmsbase.com

It should be noted that whilst ordering papers for sale at paper writing service, you can get unkind attitude. In case you feel that the bureau is trying to cheat you, don't buy term paper from it. bulk sms

Post a Comment

You must be logged-in to post a comment.

Login To Your Account