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Wednesday, March 14, 2012

310

Quiz: Are You Being Insane About Choosing Your Bridesmaids' Dresses?

Answer "yes" or "no" to the following questions:

1. Did you choose your bridesmaids' dresses before you chose your own?

2. Did you then choose a dress for yourself that was like "Wait, what!? This one? I never" and then had to completely rethink your BM — short, and gross, for "bridesmaid(s)" on the wedding discussion boards you've sought guidance from — dress strategy?

3. Is this your second marriage and you only informally had one BM at your janky first wedding, so for real, for real this time will probably, chances are, most likely be the one and only time you'll have multiple BMs? (<– GROSS!) Not because it's statistically unlikely you'll marry again — in fact, it's the opposite — but by the time you do, you're for sure talking "matrons" not "maids" and that's a whole other can of beans. Beans involving sleeves.

4. Has one or more of your BMs attempted to nonchalantly insert "I know, but spaghetti straps are just so disgusting. Don't all of you agree with me completely about that!? Hahaha. Yuck, we hate them, right?" into a conversation about what movie you should go see, and you weren't even considering the movie Bridesmaids because that's been out on DVD since before you even had BMs?

Multiple choice:

5. After doing a Google image search for "grey bridesmaids dresses" (you realize the British spelling will get you more unique results) and opening a dozen or so pages, you yell for your FI (for "fiancé"; no idea why not just "F") to come take a look. "See? See? Do you see how trendy? Everyone, like literally everyone including this CHILD BRIDE, is doing gray right now." Your FI responds:

A) "You can't tell if something is trendy right away, you know? It takes time to know if gray is a new classic." (You: "There are no 'new' classics! That's why they're called classics.")

B) "Ooh, pretty."

C) "Well then do the navy one I like"

D) "You're so cuuute when you get like this."

6. As you're about to decide on the navy ones the FI likes, the salesperson interjects:

A) "Are there going to be suits or tuxes?"

B) "Black ones?"

C) "Most people don't go with navy, or any darker color for that matter, because it clashes with the black."

D) "Navy is a classic, though. That's for sure."

True or False:

7. The swatch colors are all blending together and starting to resemble mud.

8. At least one morning this week, you opened your laptop to see more than one dress you didn't even recognize staring back at you with longing "Please! Don't you remember? You told me you loved me. You said we could work it out. I thought you were going to take a chance on me! I know I'm different, I take a little getting used to and maybe I'm not exactly as long as you were hoping for, but look at my price. Just look at it. Why won't you look at it!?"

9. According to your calculations, your MOH ("maid of..." you guys get it by now) only returns one in seven desperate calls/emails/texts for help.

10. Your subconscious just isn't ready to stop shopping yet.

(Bonus: if you answered "true" to that last statement, then it's not really "sub"conscious, is it?)

(Double Bonus: Is the ad to the right of this sentence for a bridesmaid dress?)

Answer key: If you actually took this quiz, yes. If not, no.



310 Comments / Post A Comment

candybeans

aaah! the ad is for mother of the bride dresses! internet, i'm not that old yet! Don't be such a jerk!
also, that sounds MEGA stressful, says someone who decided long ago that the stress of even choosing BMs was too much for her heart to take.

The Lady of Shalott

@candybeans Dude, it is giving me that ad too, and I am all of TWENTY-THREE. WTF???

Lily Rowan

I apparently only get ads for stock footage on this website now, which is kind of awesome. Thanks, place where I work but not actually at all with footage!

SarahP

@The Lady of Shalott This is in case you want to pick out your mother's dress for her. Because brides are not supposed to let anyone have choices at a wedding.

insouciantlover

@candybeans I get Alternative Apparel ads every single time.

DianaPrince

@candybeans My ad is for Absolut Greyhound. WIN.

noodle

@candybeans What in the hale. My ad is for a Mexican legal dictionary.

Anji

@noodle Mine's for the musical Anything Goes.

I hate musicals.

bangs
bangs

@candybeans I've got an ad for wedding rings... I don't know what this is telling me.

HillsideHoyden

@bangs I've got an ad for engagement rings. Hold your horses there, internet, I'm not ready to settle down.

OwlOfDerision

@candybeans I've got AdBlock and for once I feel like I'm missing out :(

spanglepants

@OwlOfDerision I disabled AdBlock on this page just to check! And I got bridesmaid dress ads for my pains. (And one for vodafone.)

Xanthophyllippa

@spanglepants "Stay and Play" trip to Milwaukee. I'm not sure there's enough "play" there to warrant staying overnight.

TheDragon

@Xanthophyllippa
Mine's modcloth.
I feel like that's a win over mother of the bride gowns.

LolaLooksFrench

@candybeans Whatever outdoor gear I've been lusting over follows me here. But right now it's rental cars.

emmapeterson@twitter

@candybeans mine is for HOCKEY. um. what? i don't think i've ever shown an ounce of interest in hockey, either on the internet or in the real world.

Nutmeg

@candybeans Nobody else gets Turbotax? My old boss hasn't even sent me my W2 and I think I'm going to be audited, so it's kind of rude.

jackeemarie

@candybeans I've got Ellen's cowboy coupon commercial...it must know that I'm a teacher who just got a pinkslip. HOW DID IT KNOW???

carolinaclay

very, VERY impressive.@y

RocketSurgeon

If boyfriend and I get married, and actually have a wedding with people and food and stuff, I'm going to tell my friends to wear their old bridesmaid dresses to get some use out of them. The wedding party will be on a volunteer basis.

Also. I know a girl who has been in 13 wedding parties. Her mom made a quilt from the dresses.

Megoon

@RocketSurgeon That's kind of awesome. Although I would shoot myself before voluntarily wearing my most recent bridesmaid dress again... my photographer friend emailed me the day after saying he was going to do his best in Photoshop, but don't get too excited because "they're even the COLOR of whale!"

Bebe

@RocketSurgeon This would be an awesome idea if only every bridesmaid didn't remove her dress after the wedding and think, "Thank god I never have to wear that thing again!"

Now, a dress they love that they already own - brilliant.

elizabeast

@RocketSurgeon I really hope you actually do this. The wedding I'm currently in started in that same spirit, but quickly turned into the bridesmaids being asked to buy $180 dresses. We would have all said no, but at that point we just wanted the dresses to be over with.

smidge

@RocketSurgeon i gave my brides the color palette and they are picking their own dresses. One is having her mother make hers, another is buying hers from BHLDN. One threatened me with a neon jumpsuit.
Not to be judgy about people who pick bridesmaid's dresses. I just couldn't handle it.

Manchester Tart

@RocketSurgeon I've just been a bridesmaid for my lovely friend, and she basically said 'pick a black dress, nothing too booby!'. I actually found the shopping process stressful as I didn't have a camera phone, was in the US whilst she was in the UK, and couldn't check with her 'is this ok', so I got stressed about every detail until I realised that she genuinely didn't care and trusted us all to find a dress that would make us look awesome. My dress is the best dress I've ever owned and we all looked brilliant - matching red roses and happy faces tied us together enough even though our dresses didn't 'match' exactly. If I ever do the wedding thing again I'm going to take a similar approach.

RocketSurgeon

@elizabeast For the casual sort of wedding I'd want, I think it would be fun. Of the three times I've bought bridesmaid dresses, one was nice, one was okay and one was heinous (also the most expensive). And if people only have hideous old bridesmaid dresses, then they can wear whatever makes 'em feel good.

cc
cc

@RocketSurgeon i tried to strike a balance between hippie bride and bridezilla... i picked out a color that would look okay on everyone, and bridal salon lady helped me pick 3 Bm dresses that coordinated with my gown. they all had their pick of one of those three, and i like to think that wasn't an awful way to do it. they looked great imho and i didn't hear too much complaining so i think it worked out :)
mori lee FTW!

Titania

@RocketSurgeon Oh, I had a lovely sane friend like that! Then she amended that to say that we should all wear/buy whatever dresses we wanted, just all in a particular shade. Then, all in specific color. Then...well, guess what has two thumbs and just purchased another bridesmaids dress? THIS GIRL.

At a certain point, having been in one fewer wedding than I am now involved in, I was going to be one of those lovely Zen brides who let them wear what they wanted or paid for their dresses if I decided I wanted a specific one, in lieu of useless favors and a thank-you brunch. But then I decided...fuck it. I bought a dress for each of your weddings, and you will each buy a dress to be in mine and I will be part of the problem, not part of the solution because BURGUNDY STRAPLESS SILK CHIFFON.

Ahem. Oh, we do get to wear our own shoes, though, so that's good.

purefog

Because "BM" is a customary abbreviation for "bowel movement," this post is difficult to read.

Nicole Cliffe

The baby-blogs use "FTM" to stand for "first time mother." I kept seeing "female to male transsexual" for...months.

nonvolleyball

@Nicole Cliffe ha! "...well I guess I understand why this is a complicated time in your life..."

saythatscool

@purefog Just push through it.

SarahP

@Nicole Cliffe My work involves writing about European multilateral trading facilities. Researching MTFs online is trickier than you'd imagine.

redonion

@purefog Seriously. I came to the comments after reading through only halfway just to make this statement. I am laughing much more than is appropriate for my workplace.

fondue with cheddar

@saythatscool This post moved something deep inside me.

Xanthophyllippa

@saythatscool It'll all come out in the end.

fondue with cheddar

@Xanthophyllippa I apologize in advance for TMI, but last night I just happened to read your comment in my email while pooping. It was like you were speaking directly to me!

Xanthophyllippa

@jen325 How do you know I wasn't?

fondue with cheddar

@Xanthophyllippa I KNEW I should have closed those blinds all the way!

mirror_father_mirror

@purefog In college, my friends and I invented the abbreviation "PTL" to mean a straight girl who will make out with you in public to turn guys on, but not date you. It stands for "party trick lesbian." Not until my mother joined Facebook did I discover that, in evangelical circles, it stands for "praise the lord!" OH IRONY.

fondue with cheddar

@mirror_father_mirror She's not just a PTL. PTL!

The Lady of Shalott

"BM" will never not be a super gross euphemism. I just....EW EW EW EW I cannot get my mind around that!

nonvolleyball

@The Lady of Shalott there's also the lovely "STDs" for "Save-the-Dates."

The Lady of Shalott

@nonvolleyball DUDE, I HAVE SEEN THAT!!! Why do people use abbreviations like that??? I will never understand.

liznieve

@The Lady of Shalott Because people lose all sense of logic, rationality, and perspective in the process of planning weddings, obvs.

travelmugs

@liznieve Who cares about diseases when there are SO MANY FONTS to choose from?

aintquite

CONFESSION: I thought Edith looked really great in her Bardot getup, but SERIOUSLY I was just scrolling through the pictures to see if I could get a look at Jane's new FINGER ACCESSORY.

Bitterblue

Hmmm, my ad is for a ring that looks like the Sydney Opera House.

According to my wardrobe, grey IS a classic. I'm a big fan.

The Lady of Shalott

@Bitterblue I am also getting an ad for Dress911.com, which I am hugely in favour of because there are SO MANY cute dresses on there and it's a Canadian company which means SEVEN DOLLAR SHIPPING TO CANADA (!!!!!!) and I seriously wish I was not broke and it was not snowing/ice pellet-ing today so I had somewhere to wear all these adorable dresses.

Ahem.

redheaded&crazy

@The Lady of Shalott I keep seeing that dress911 ad! Have you gotten cute dresses from there? What's the quality like? I find dresses a particularly tricky thing to order online because is anybody really the same size on top and bottom?

Bebe

@Bitterblue I have an ad for tungsten rings, which at first glance looked like tire rims- to my great confusion.

The Lady of Shalott

@redheaded&crazy I haven't, just looked at them. But they look to be pretty good about giving exact measurements and stuff!!!

Quinn A@twitter

@redheaded&crazy Dress911 is comparable to modcloth, if you've ever ordered from there. I bought a dress from them once, and it's good quality. It needed to be tailored a little, because it fit in the waist but was a smidge tight in the hips and loose in the shoulders, but now it's great on me (if I do say so myself).

noodge

...wow. i honestly just want my BM's (ew) to have nice dresses somewhere in our color palette that they like and will hopefully wear again.

redheaded&crazy

@teenie that sounds a little too sane for my liking. I think you need to go back to BZ (bride zilla) camp for a few more weeks. Come out with your head screwed on straight and DEMAND that your subservients appease you in every which way.

Megoon

@teenie I wanted that too. They're surprisingly hard to find, though. I bought all my bridesmaids' dresses for them at once, because J. Crew was having a flash sale and somehow one that was not hideous was $75 and available in everyone's size. The dresses weren't really what I'd been picturing, but my friends were really happy to be paying under a hundo, so it was worth it.

deepomega

@teenie Let me REALLY blow your mind grapes: Maybe don't even pick a color palette for everyone to dress in???

Bebe

@teenie I tried to do this - I had 2 bridesmaids, my sister and our cousin. I said, "Just pick any dress in any shade of blue." And my sister put her foot down and insisted on matching dresses that I had to approve. I mean, shopping with them was fun and all, but her insistence was very...weird.

noodge

@Megoon well, i'm planning a shopping day this summer (with lots of champagne to fuel it) in our shopping district, so we can try on lots of things and find a variety of looks (for a variety of body sizes) that work. I honestly don't want my bm's (ew) to have the same dresses at all... i like it when they all look different.

To be fair as well, my color palette is VERY broad (from golds through oranges through browns to taupe) so there's something for everyone.

Leon Tchotchke

@teenie Yeah, my wife did this; she just asked her bridesmaids to wear a dress that was close to the wedding colors (turqoise and brown). I did the same thing with the groomsmen, and just asked them to wear whatever dark colored suit they wanted. (PS: Everyone looked great and the pictures look fine!)

She's been in waaaaaaaaaaay too many weddings with expensive, ghastly colored dresses to make her best friends spend $200 on something that looks like the aftermath of an explosion in the pastel taffeta factory.

olivebee

@teenie That's exactly how I did it for my wedding! We were all right out of college and poor, so I was like, "Ok, your color is purple. Have at it!" And all four of them found cute, purple dresses that they could literally wear to work or to a party or on a date or whatever, and I think only one of them spent over $100 on hers. Plus all four dresses were a different shade, and it made for a very pretty ombre effect in photos.

noodge

@olivebee YAY! that's exactly what I'm going for! my BM's (ew ew ew) are all relatively poor with lots of student loans, etc, so I'm hoping we can break this down to be affordable and reusable. and super cute.

olivebee

@olivebee Also, the fun part about doing it that way was hearing a bunch of people say, "Oh my, this must have been such a nontraditional wedding!" (shakes head) People and their preconceived notions.

liznieve

@olivebee The only problem with this is when you get a bit *too* specific with the "oh, anything that is kinda goldish, but like a dusty gold? and has some kind of antique detailing," and finding a dress within your taste/price range is impossible... you're looking for a needle in a haystack, and wait, shouldn't this be someone else's job? WHY AM I SCOURING THE INTERNET FOR HOURS TO FIND SOMETHING I DON'T EVEN WANT!?!?

@Megoon My best friend did kind of this last fall. There were 2 BMs (ew), well, I was the maid of honor and then there was the groom's sister, so... yeah? But groom's sister is a skinny tall thing and I'm a short curvy boob-tastic big-hipped chick, so matching dresses would have been kind of awful.

Best friend bride was great and said "J.Crew. Silk Chiffon. Light Gray. Just get whatever style you want." It was awesome. I ended up with a kickass gray v-neck A-line dress with some gathering around the neckline and the skinny tall bridesmaid wore a strapless floaty delicate dress. We looked SMASHING.

olivebee

@teenie It is possible! I have faith that you and your bridesmaids will find totally awesome, rewearable, inexpensive dresses. Online shopping is also totally helpful for this.

Party Falcon

The only caveat with the "here's the color, go to town" thing is ... you actually have to be that kind of bride, for reals. And not just pretend that you are when in reality you do kind of have a vision and are actually kind of uptight, but you know that's not cool so you're trying so so hard to be laid back.

Because then your bridesmaids (who TOTALLY know that this is the case, BTW) are absolutely stumped and a leeeetle scared to actually buy anything without express approval. And they STILL feel like they have to coordinate and in the end, it gets all, "God, woman, just tell us what to wear so we can stop stressing about making YOUR wedding perfect. We'll show up in whatever, just don't made us make your choices for you, we don't want you to blame us later."

Not that I know from personal experience.

And never buy bridesmaids dresses from Shabby Apple.

@Party Falcon My friend with the "here's the color, go to town" wedding is the most laid-back chick ever. It was a simple Quaker wedding, both of them are nice grad students, they do things like dig around in the dirt for fun, and she did not give two shits about what else was going on with what I was wearing. It was super low-key because that's who she is. <3 my college roommate.

Shabby Apple is the DEVIL.

redheaded&crazy

@Party Falcon I would just want to go shopping with the BMs(!) because I love dress shopping and then we could look together and it would be like, fun and girly and things?

also because neurotic control freak so i can nix anything before they get too attached :D

thebestjasmine

@teenie Let me tell you, as a bridesmaid, that whole "oh, just find something in my color palette!" thing has been way more stressful than when I was just assigned a dress. The only time it was okay was when the color was black, but even then, I had no idea what other people were wearing, if it was dressy enough, what the right length was, etc. And God, if it was a color, that would make me even more stressed about finding the right one, and what if two of us wore the same dress when we weren't supposed to, etc.

noodge

@thebestjasmine yes, but see that's why we're going to get drunk and go shopping together! it will be fun, and nobody will be left shopping by themselves, worried about what will look right because they don't know what anyone else is getting/thinking. MY PLAN IS GENIUS!
(and I really am that laid back about this! I mean, Mr. Teenie is more on point/concerned about the details than I am)
I'll report back in a few months and let you all know how it went...

Party Falcon

@redheaded&crazy Right? I posted something about this below, but ... being part of a wedding party is this sort of temporary sorority, why not live it up? Enjoy the time together? Bond a little bit.

Nothing says, "I'm your friend for life" like standing in front of a 3-way mirror surrounded by 5 women whilst wearing your ugliest bra, in a dress that is simultaneously too long and yet won't zip so it's being held on with giant clamps AND it not even the right color, but the bride wants you to try it on for 'style'.

And then you all realize, at the same moment how ridiculous it all is and laugh and laugh and laugh. I wouldn't miss that for the world.

charmcity

@thebestjasmine YES THIS. I am facing this challenge for the first time, and I want to cry. I hate shopping, I don't know and will likely not meet in advance any of the other members of the bridal party, I'm worried about not looking right, and my friend is just going to have to approve 4 dresses instead of one! Just give me a uniform, for the love of God.

Marissa Berlin@facebook

@Party Falcon hey, my BFF bride just started looking for BMs (ugh. Also, me.) dresses, and was looking at Shabby Apple. What's the horror story there?

travelmugs

@S. Elizabeth Wait, what's everyone's problem with Shabby Apple? I know that they're Mormon or something, but I haven't bought anything from there, and was considering it for my most recent "pick-something-in-these-colors" bride.

Party Falcon

@Marissa Berlin@facebook I'm not sure about the other 'non-bridesmaid' dresses, but last year we purchased, in various styles, a total of 6 dresses in various styles but the same color from the Bridesmaids line and they were god-awful. The fabric was a really bad poly-satin that was sewn so the shiny side was in and the dull was out. The stitching looked like it was done in 7th grade Home Ec and the fits were all over the place. They were so bad that the seamstress who did my alterations thought that someone's mom/grandma had handmade them. She refused to believe we had purchased them from a 'real company'. Because they were so terrible, the alteration costs were sky-high too. If you want, I can post/send you a photo of the dresses.

brista128

@Party Falcon Pictures? I have admired Shabby Apple from afar but never had the money before. Now I do but I haven't ordered yet.

Judith Slutler

@S. Elizabeth Seriously, I am not even CLOSE to getting married and I'm still glad that the J. Crew bridesmaid dresses are a thing that exists.

Anji

@Party Falcon I can't even find words. Jfc.

amelia!

@teenie Oh! Also. My future sister-in-law gave us the name of the designer, the color, and the fabric, and we chose from all the different styles/shapes/fits. I bought something that actually flatters my curves AND has straps! Her tall thin sister bought something strapless and short! The other bridesmaids are happy too!

p.s. The dresses are by Watters and were like $200. Ugh, but at least they're comfortable.

Party Falcon

@Party Falcon
The link to the dresses is gone, but these are some of them.

http://www.shabbyapple.com/c-86-Practically-Perfect.aspx?SortOrder=&pagesize=9999

Also, better resolution:

thebestjasmine

@Emmanuelle Cunt FYI to others out there excited about J.Crew bridesmaid dresses: like other bridesmaid dresses, the sizes are crazy small, so even though they go up to size 20, that may not fit your size 16 bridesmaid.

Judith Slutler

@thebestjasmine Boo. I already knew this about their pants, but geez.

SarcasticFringehead

@S. Elizabeth I LOVE the J. Crew dresses. I was on their site one day, and there was this gorgeous a-line v-neck in light gray, and they were on sale and on sale again so they were only actually $60, so I texted all my bridesmaids and got their sizes and ordered them right then. They're so cute, I'm thinking of borrowing one of them back for a wedding I have to go to this summer.

Scandyhoovian

@Emmanuelle Cunt & everyone else in this thread so far: I'm just going to give my bridesmaids the color I want them to wear and two rules (no floor-length, no one-shoulder dresses) and let them go to town. Mostly because the three of them are literally completely different from one another, size and shape-wise, and if I dictated the exact dress, someone would inevitably feel hideous. I am trying to avoid someone hating me over a dress.

aphrabean

@S. Elizabeth As a tall boobstastic lady, how in the g.d. devil do you get j. crew dresses to fit you? Did you size up & have it altered? I cannot freaking get them to zip around my torso.

Ophelia

@thebestjasmine That is also true of J. Crew wedding dresses for anyone who's looking. I (generally a size 10/12 in tailored dress type things) ordered one of their dresses in a 14 and had to send it back b/c it was too small. I'd say assume you need to go at least 2 sizes up.

MALLROY

@aphrabean This is the reason I didn't choose J.Crew dresses for my bridesmaids. I used to work there, and they use a fit model that resembles a string bean. Basically, if you're over a C-Cup, you're out of luck. I've seen people order up three or four sizes and then get alterations, but if you get something with a corset (which most of their bridesmaids dresses have), it will really never fit properly.

aphrabean

@MALLROY I don't think I can express the depth of my bitterness about this information.

Mila

@teenie See, the bride who had us do this is an extremely uptight control freak, but I don't think she cared much about how we (my sister and I) looked as long as we didn't upstage her. She was like "black cocktail dress." My sister and I both went with our favorite LBDs that we already owned (which were probably one shade too sexy for a wedding, but whatever). It was great. Seriously, people should all do this. The majority of weddings I have attended in the last 10 years have done this, and I deeply regret not doing it at my own wedding 12 years ago (but I was really young! And people weren't really doing this much yet. My wedding would be very different if I did it today!). Sorry for the periwinkle ladies, so sorry.

travelmugs

@Everyone Thank you for the Shabby Apple warning. Bullet dodged.

@travelmugs I ordered a dress from Shabby Apple after reading about their dresses on blogs with fashionable, nice ladies who looked cute in the clothes and were all "these are great!" I was super excited for adorable vintage-inspired clothes that were modestly cut so I didn't look like a hussy at work or school... I had such high hopes.

The dress I ordered was fitted and black on the bottom with a ruffly white blouse top (so it looked like a high-waisted vintage pencil skirt with a pretty blouse). Not hard to fuck up, right? Wrong. The fabrics were cheap cheap cheap -- scratchy see-through white "cotton" on top, rough stretchy weird on the bottom. The seams were crooked, the stitching was awful, it felt as though it would fall apart in about 5 minutes. I returned it and wrote a strongly worded email to both the company and the women who wrote that blog.

@aphrabean Oh honey, I'm a short boobtastic lady. A short, curvy chick. A short, curvy, 34D, big hip measurement, short waisted, not even 5'3" chick.

So the weird thing about my body and J. Crew is that somehow a lot of their stuff fits, I just go a couple sizes up and I always get pissed off when some size 4 waif is all "J. Crew runs SO BIG, vanity sizes!" Sure, J. Crew runs big until you have boobs.

So I made sure not to get a dress with boning because getting that to work via ordering online is a huge pain. I got a V-neck dress without a corset-type contraption in it, made sure I got a 12 even though my measurements indicated that I could totally wear a 10 (lies!), and made sure I was wearing a Very Supportive Bra.

When I tried it on when it arrived, I was going to get it taken in because the waist was a bit big, but then was like "I will be drinking, eating food, and stressing out all weekend," and ended up being super bloated because it was shark week so it was fine.

MALLROY

@S. Elizabeth Yes! This is much more helpful than my naysayer advice. Just stay away from the corset for sure. Also, annoying fit model aside, J.Crew is one of the best retail companies I've worked for (and there have been quite a few), so I guess there's that?

grammarqueen

@thebestjasmine No one is going to see this, but I really need to express my hatred for J.Crew's bridesmaid dresses since everyone else seems to love them. I've been forced to get a J.Crew dress twice. Both times were nightmares. I'm a solid size 12 (sometimes a 10 depending) in most dresses with a classic hourglass figure. I'm also short (5'2"). I tried to order a petite, but at the time, the dress I needed to buy only went up to a 12 petite, which wouldn't even zip up at my chest (36F). I somehow squeezed my boobs in that thing and looked like I was going to fall out in every photo and wore a cardigan as soon as pictures/ceremony was over only to have countless people ask why I was "ruining" the look of the bridesmaids by wearing a sweater. I was drunk and screamed so I don't flash everyone, asshole, to everyone who asked. Next wedding: I decided to order 16 regular (the largest size that style of dress was available in, they may have added plus sizes by now, this was a few years ago) in the dress and have it shortened and taken in at the waist. No fucking joke, it still was tight in the chest and gave me the dreaded uni-boob look, in addition to the expected crazy cleavage, because the chosen dress had a corset/boning thing going on. UGH. NEVER AGAIN, J. CREW. Busty ladies, beware, and brides, even though the dresses are cute, please think about your bridesmaid's boobs.

Megoon

@teenie Champagne!! Sounds awesome.

backstagebethy

If and when, all my dresses (including my own) will either be from eShakti or LBDs that the gals (ladies? what did we ever decide on?) already own. I'd like to do a peacock theme so all the accessories will be bright and I'll put feathers in the bouquets and there will be lots of blue and green and purple. Ahhh I need to just have a party, marriage be damned, and decorate with peacocks.

Dancercise

@backstagebethy
LBDs that the bridesmaids already own is kind of genius. I'm filling this idea away for my own "if and when" wedding.

beeline96

@backstagebethy The peacock party is fabulous. I want to do this, too.

dj pomegranate

@backstagebethy You should have a real peacock be your ringbearer. Strutting down the aisle!

sox
sox

@backstagebethy Just attended a wedding in Feb. with a similar theme, but they had a flowery hair thing going on and bright bouquets to offset the dresses. They looked great and I loved the different styles!

PistolPackinMama

If anyone should ever get so lucky as to marry me...

I am thinking "courthouse" and "fancy dinner with close family and, like, three friends."

Because this is giving me hives, and it's someone else's wedding stress.

Y'all big party planners have all my awe.

Nicole Cliffe

@PistolPackinMama I did courthouse followed by fancy dinner, it was great. You absolutely can do that. I only want to go to big awesome weddings thrown by other people, because anxiety.

candybeans

@PistolPackinMama after a while spent sweating blood and trying to plan a traditional wedding, Mr. F and I landed on courthouse and small dinner. I think the time i *did* spend trying to plan a wedding took 10 years off my lifespan. hives was how i felt inside, all the time.

PistolPackinMama

@Nicole Cliffe Yeah. And being 36 and no sign of marriage on the horizon means... by the time it happens, if it ever happens, I will so much rather money go to, like, a great vacation. Or his kids' college fund (because... really, likelihood any such man will have kids with college funds= quite).

And I feel like I am jinxing myself, because if you want rabbit stew, as my dad says, you need a rabbit first.

So.

noodge

@PistolPackinMama i think that's the only way to go. i was full of hives (and panic attacks) until we decided on a backyard wedding at my sister's house - HOORAY for Pennsylvania's self-uniting quaker marriage law!

PistolPackinMama

@teenie Of course, I broke my Boy Sabbatical Rule and looked at who was looking at me on OKC list. And one dude started his profile with an admonishment about how ladies should thank men who take them out on dates and pay for dinner, because common courtesy, please.

And I just thought... why? Why did I break my Lenten fast? For real.

Also, I suppose guys who don't see the irony of lecturing (disguised as a "humble request") women about being grateful to men they go on dates with deserve what they get.

Which I suspect now, because of how his profile reads, will be many fewer dates, and only with women who are equally un-self-aware.

I am trying to have a perky attitude, because, you know. Some dude on the internet is not all dudes on the internet much less anywhere else. But woah. Not easy. I need to go back into my boy sabbatical bunker.

PS: I also only don't respond/reply/thank guys for dates when they have majorly creeped my out. So there is that too.

BadWolf

@PistolPackinMama That is about my dream wedding, lady. Articles like this make me twitchy. I can barely dress myself, I cannot even comprehend color schemes, and the thought of everyone I know starting at me makes me want to puke. Courthouse + jolly, informal party, ideally outside where people go barefoot if they wanna, and are just happy and drunk. The end.

dk
dk

@PistolPackinMama We did Ceremony Officiated by Dad With Only Immediate Family Present followed by Snacks and Dessert At My Parents' House With 12 Friends. It was perfect.

To tie this into the original post - my wedding dress was technically a bridesmaid dress. When I was trying it on in the fitting room, a bride was there with about 6 people to give her advice. When I came out in my dark purple dress, the bride said "oh, what a pretty bridesmaid dress!" and I said "IT'S MY WEDDING DRESS" and all their sad Poor You faces based clinched my decision to buy it.

MrsLlama

@PistolPackinMama This is what I did (except my fancy dinner had a whopping 25 people). It was amazing and I highly recommend it for everyone. I had a kind-of MOH- my best friend planned my "shower" which involved my 4 besties and me going to brunch down the street from my apt and getting day-drunk on Aperol spritzers. That is as close to I got to any bridal party/BM dress shenanigans.

amelia!

@PistolPackinMama We're getting hitched on the West Coast. Me, the mister, his small family, my sibs/parents/grands, a handful of friends. 50 total. No bridal party. His grandpa officiating. 15 minutes max. And then brunch, pie, and champagne-based drinks. All I really care about is "At the end of the day we're married."

Oh & about six months later, in the summer, on my coast (East) we're throwing a massive awesome bash ("reception") with lots of food & drinks & music & pinatas.

MrsLlama

@amelia! OMG we did this too, only in reverse. We got married in NY, then had a big party in California in his grandmother's yard 3 months later.

amelia!

@MrsLlama I'm excited. Especially since planning a "party" is, shocker, WAY CHEAPER. We're having it at a relative's house too, and I'm calling in major favors.

I don't like big wedding-y affairs but I do like my fam (the small percentage I'm inviting - that's really where this plan originated - I'm Irish and I have hundreds of relatives) and his fam. And brunch!!

anachronistique

@PistolPackinMama I keep telling my mom I'm going to elope and then have a huge party when we get back. Given that I'm a beautiful spinster this is all hypothetical, but I like the thought of it.

Gwdihw

@PistolPackinMama

This. And I only spent $1.50 on my dress because it was half-off day at Salvation Army! Total cost of wedding clothes were my dress and a new tie for the groom--we opted to spend the money on an awesome honeymoon instead.

Verity

@PistolPackinMama A friend of mine has worked as a waitress at weddings for the last few years as a holiday job. It has made her decide that if she ever gets married it will just be her and her partner going to the local register office during their lunch break, with two friends in tow for witnesses, getting married, and then going back to work. I am strongly tempted by this idea myself.

PistolPackinMama

@Verity I have to admit, I am on board with fancy weddings not falling out of practice altogether because I like *going* to them and even *being* in them. I just don't think I want to plan my own.

Wedding diversity! Good thing!

If you went on your lunch break, you could get falafel or a chip sandwich for a celebration, too!

Verity

@PistolPackinMama I have never been to a wedding (except for as a baby, but unsurprisingly I don't remember that), so I have no idea if I like them or not. But diversity is always good!

sox
sox

Does this mean I was right in my way-too-personal question in the comments under Edith's Bridgette Makeover?! (Wish I knew how to link to those, but I just don't.)
If so, congratulations, how beyond wonderful, in a completely sincere and high fiving awesome sort of way! :D

ETA: I was just on vacay for a few days...did I miss the big announcement?!

Jane Marie

@sox you were RIIIIIIIGHT. :)

sox
sox

@Jane Marie YAAAAAAAAAAAAY! Sending you little european both-cheek-kisses through the internets!

Bebe

@Jane Marie Congratulations!!

(I know it's supposed to be "best wishes" to the bride and "congratulations" to the groom, but that always sounds like you are high-fiving the groom and telling the bride, "Uh, yeah, good luck with THAT.")

amelia!

@Jane Marie High five!

hopelessshade

@Bebe Is that legit a thing? Fuck that noise!

Verity

@Bebe Is it? Etiquette is weird.

SarahP

Can we all stage an intervention for Jane's use of marriage-related abbreviations? Please?

redheaded&crazy

@SarahP I think you meant to say marriage-related abbrevs

stop trying to make abbrevs happen! it's not going to happen

SarahP

@redheaded&crazy Remember to use "I" statements, everyone.

"Jane, when you use abbreviations like 'BM' to refer to members of your wedding party, I feel like I'm going to puke."

Nicole Cliffe

Oh, I find her use of Knot-isms totally ironic and fun, so it might just be the intonation you use in your head. I picture her making scare quotes!

redheaded&crazy

@Nicole Cliffe I picture her doing a shot of Qream at each usage.

Admittedly, I may have a drinking problem.

Bebe

@redheaded&crazy Wait a minute - you may have solved the problem. Bridesmaids dresses in the Qolor of Qream.

tortietabbie

@Bebe Bridesmaids dresses that look like bottles of Qream. Or maybe do away with BMs entirely and just had an arrangement of Qream bottles around the altar. (And then purchase my best selling self-help book, So You Married A Drunk...)

deepomega

Bad news: FI stands for Future Intended, which is STUPID.

Jane Marie

@deepomega *slide whistle*

JessicaLovejoy

@deepomega OMG, is that a fancy/delusional way to say boyfriend?! I LOVE IT. IT'S TERRIBLE.

SarahP

@deepomega "He's my intended, but only in the future. Right now my only intended is this dress--OMG IT'S GOT PEARLS ON THE HEM."

Bebe

@deepomega Oh my. That is worse than "DF" (Dear Fiancee) and DH (Dear Husband) combined.

MilesofMountains

@Bebe Oh god, "DH", "DD", and "DS" are pretty much my most hated ever. I GET IT, YOU LOVE YOUR FAMILY. And why do you even need abbreviations for that? "Son" is only three fucking letters why do you need to abbreviate it?!

dj pomegranate

@Bebe I hate "DH." It sounds so condescending! But from now on I am going to refer to Mr. Pomegranate as My Future Intended in all correspondence: "Dear Mom, I'm sorry I didn't call last night. My Future Intended and I were strolling through the park all evening and I lost track of time."

dk
dk

@MilesofMountains The one online forum that I have been visiting since getting knocked up (or should I say "getting my BFP" - vomit) is the mothering.com site and OH MY GOD THE FUCKING ABBREVIATIONS. They even say "DTD" instead of just admitting that they have sex. Good god.

Bebe

@MilesofMountains @dj pomegranate I've decided it's funnier if I just pretend the D stands for Damn.

Bebe

@dk I'm almost afraid to ask, but...what do "BFP" and "DTD" stand for?

Ophelia

@MilesofMountains I like to replace "dear" with "designated"

Ophelia

@Bebe Maybe "BFP" is "Baby's First Pregnancy?"

dk
dk

@Bebe BFP is "Big Fat Positive" - getting a positive pregnancy test, and DTD is "Doing The Deed." Seriously. I don't know what's wrong with these people.

dj pomegranate

@dk Why does it have to be "Big Fat" Positive? Is that qualitatively different than an SLP (Skinny Little Positive) or a DMP (Disappointingly Medium Positive)? I have so many questions about this.

frigwiggin

@everyone This all just reminds me of Steve Martin's tendency to refer to his wife as "trusting wife" on Twitter.

Bebe

@dk So, it's not "Baby Fist Pump" then? I am bad at acronyms.

beeline96

@dk DTD??? AAAHHHHH. Reminds me of this:
http://www.savevideosfacebook.com/snl-pregnant-tina-fey-maya-rudolph-song-duet-about-doin-it.html

julia

@deepomega I've mostly stuck with boyfriend, occasionally future husband or groom (I like groom) in emails to vendors. Why does fiancé feel like I'm shoving my relationship status around? Ohh, look at ME!!!! (is it the midwestern faux modesty thing?)

dk
dk

@Bebe I owe you a thousand debts of gratitude for giving me something else to see whenever BFP pops up again (and it pops up ALL THE TIME I DON'T UNDERSTAND). Baby fist pump! Genius.

deepomega

@julia Yeah I can't stand fiancee, and am at this point very excited to not have to use a three-syllable french word to describe my relationship status.

Ophelia

@julia I could never bring myself to use fiance - and now, after being married 2 years, my husband accidentally called me his girlfriend the other day. I thought it was hilarious, he was a little horrified at himself (which was, in itself, pretty funny).

Bebe

@deepomega This was the WORST. I always felt like the lady in that Seinfeld episode: "Where's my fiancee? I can't find my fiancee! My poor fiancee, he must be lost!"

@dk My pleasure! Just don't use that as an excuse to dress him/her like a Jersey Shore cast member at birth.

Judith Slutler

@MilesofMountains Whenever I read "DH" I think "Damned Husband"

amelia!

@MilesofMountains I always read DH DD DS as sarcastic. Like, over-the-top nicey-nice sarcastic.

ghechr

News flash wedding planners- there is no such thing as a bridesmaid dress that someone will wear again unless they themselves have complete control over picking the dress. I've been in a few weddings where this has been attempted and ... no. The only time this has successfully been pulled off was when I was told to pick any dress I wanted as long as it was black. Everyone matched via their bouquets and it looked lovely.

Bebe

@ghechr I have a lot (A LOT) of bridesmaiding experience, and I just want to say...AMEN. I think the most frequent lie I've told in my life is, "Oh, I love it! I can totally wear it again!"

@ghechr AMEN. I'm wearing my bridesmaid's dress to law prom in a few weeks because it is a. perfect b. my favorite shade of gray and c. flattering as all get-out. Why will I wear it? Because the bride in question is awesome and knew that everyone liked J. Crew, everyone liked gray, and silk chiffon looks nice. Boom, done.

thebestjasmine

@ghechr THANK YOU. I just posted this below. I've been in many many weddings, and I've only worn the dresses again for Halloween. Even the ones that I adored on the wedding day, because they are almost never appropriate for anything else.

Oh, the one that I've worn a bunch of times again was the black one where it was "just pick a black dress" but then that wedding I was a groomsmaid.

beanie

@ghechr yeah, I'm thinking that I might just have mine buy them from H&M/Forever21/Asos because I know they won't wear them again, but at least they will be cheap.

noodge

@ghechr not true! if your bm's (ew) are not buying "bridesmaids dresses", but are buying just dresses, like at whatever store they like best, then they'll totally wear them again! like a nice cream colored shirtdress! or a little orange trapeze dress!

thebestjasmine

@teenie Aww honey. This is what every bride thinks. Honestly, the dresses that I've worn that someone thinks "you can wear again!" are the ugliest ones that I've had to wear, because everyone makes a million compromises to try to make it right, and then it ends up awful. Pretty dress that looks pretty on the wearer should be the ideal, whether it can be worn again or not.

Iggles McFearson

@teenie Ohhh I have been looking for a little [not necessarily orange] trapeze dress, but it does not seem to exist without bell sleeves or a very long hemline! Sadness!

SweetAlissum

@ghechr This makes me sad. I don't want to torture my friends, or wear a hideous taffeta explosion dress as a bridesmaid, but I seriously hate black dresses. I think growing up a plus size girl gives me a visceral reaction of hatred to black clothing. "Black = SLIMMING so we're only making dresses for big girls in BLACK." I mean, internet shopping now is a lot better, and I've lost weight, but that feeling is hard to shake.

@SweetAlissum Right? Fellow curvy chick here. I'm not plus size (I'm a 12-ish? Sometimes a 10?) but definitely not skinny and definitely in the hourglass curvy camp and I cannot fucking stand this idea that I should hide behind black frocks for parties. No, sorry, NO.

My favorite, most flattering dress ever is a turquoise (BRIGHT turquoise) shift dress with gold trim. I love that thing. My mother was horrified by it until I put it on, and then was like "oooohhh." Why? Because the thing about curvy girls with big personalities is that a big dress with a big personality and vibrant color is flattering because it fits. That dress is as loud and bold as I am and I wear the everloving fuck out of it. It's not clingy and delicate and subtle, but neither am I.

SweetAlissum

@S. Elizabeth Absolutely! I was definitely plus size in high school and cried because I could only find black dresses to wear to my prom. (Ah, to NEVER be 17 again.)

I'm pretty much your same build now (size 10, curvy hourglass) now but I still just can't stand the idea of black party dresses. I'm totally with you. I have personality and that is not LBD, plain, sexy, or otherwise. I'm way closer to your turquoise and gold number (which sounds gorgeous)! I wear everything but black now; cream lace, pale blue a-lines, pink or floral anything, bright orange 50s frocks, gray shifts, whatever the fuck I want. As long as it isn't black, I'm on board.

Verity

@ghechr As someone who is not in the US (if that makes a difference; maybe wedding culture is different in the UK) and knows next to nothing about weddings (I haven't been to one since I was a baby), what is the difference between bridesmaids' dresses and ordinary dresses? I mean, can't people just wear things that they would wear anyway when trying to look nice?

sevanetta

@ghechr YESSS. My bridesmaid dress was fine, a lovely dress. The seamstress who adjusted it for me, when I brought in the dress, looked hard at the dress, looked hard at me and then said 'You are a very lucky bridesmaid'. But I still can't wear it because I suffered too much other anxiety associated with that wedding and that dress takes me right back there. The dress has hung in my cupboard for ages and it's gonna get sold or go to the op shop eventually, because I just can't hack the thought of wearing it again.

So forget the idea that your bridesmaids will wear the dress again, if only you find the right dress. there is no way you can assuage your guilt over making someone else wear an outfit you picked or directed by thinking this. the only way is to stop the weird nonsense about making people wear matching clothes. I mean where else do we make people wear matching stuff? some workplaces? schools? are people happy about this? no, they are not. why would your wonderful, unique, lovely friends and relatives enjoy wearing the same outfit?

JessicaLovejoy

Yup, I have the MotB ad too. Is it because I look at so many vintage things? JUST BECAUSE I LIKE VINTAGE DOESN'T MEAN I AM VINTAGE, YET.

redheaded&crazy

@JessicaLovejoy oh honey, you just keep telling yourself that.

JessicaLovejoy

@redheaded&crazy :glares at you through lower portion of Transitions bifocals:

parallel-lines

I told my bridesmaid she could wear anything she wanted as long as she ran it by me first, which I later realized would only serve to make me look like a picky asshole when I veto'd the first two choices.

pomobabble

@parallel-lines I did the same thing- except slightly more crazy. I gave my honor attendants (for some reason I couldn't bring myself to call them bridesmaids, so I just did something more confusing and equally weird) a range of colors to choose from. All ended up buying dresses I suggested, except my dear, sweet sister, who caught a little bit of the crazy when her dress ended up being a little less avocado and a little more mint. I SPECIFICALLY SAID NO PASTELS WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO RUIN MY WEDDING. I mean, what? Totally laid back.

PistolPackinMama

@parallel-lines My only possible bridesmaid (see caveat above) is my SIL. And she has such great taste in clothes, I would be willing to let her pick first and just go find something that looks good next to it.

But rabbit/stew/courthouse/etc, so not even an issue.

cc
cc

@pomobabble i accidentally slashed my sister's BM gown with a pair of scissors while packing it up to mail to her :( HONEST it was a mistake and i felt awful but after 28 years of being big sister little sister, actions like that start to look suspicious.
thankfully the gown was kind of flowy and my sister swore she couldn't see anything and didn't take offense to me shredding her gown for kicks.
yesss i loved getting married but it does have its own brand of crazy.

Party Falcon

Thank god this part of my life is over and I just get to observe it/have to wear the consequences. Bride was a great thing, but bridesmaid is SO much better.

(On the other hand, there is a bit of tyranical fun making other people wear things, just because the bride deems it so. Also, pretty dress shopping.)

SuperGogo

NO MORE BRIDESMAID DRESSES!! EVER!!

I mean seriously, if we're going to discuss wedding traditions that are stupid and impractical and imply cultural beliefs that should be looooong gone in our collective past by now, shouldn't the idea of assembling a bunch of identically-dressed "maids" to stand in a row next to the bride be near the top of that list?? I'm not campaigning for no attendents--I think it's sweet and meaningful to include several besties, male and female, to be part of the ceremony. But the matching dresses MUST END.

dj pomegranate

@SuperGogo I have spent so many hundreds of dollars on pink/mauve satin, it makes me want to cry. BAN THEM!

Ophelia

@SuperGogo Didn't they used to all wear dresses the matched the Bride to fool the evil spirits? Sort of like Saddam Hussein and his duplicates.

fondue with cheddar

@SuperGogo I've been to a few weddings where the bridesmaids all wore their own black dress, which was very nice.

amelia!

@Ophelia "Hey, sweetie, I love you and I really hope you'll be by my side to fool the evil spirits on my wedding day!"

bb
bb

@SuperGogo THANK YOU. What if you just... didn't do it ladies?? Would that be the worst thing ever? (I know the answer to this somehow. I once asked my childhood best friend why she needed her 8 friends to wear identical DTM shoes, as opposed to just their own. it didn't go over well).

thebestjasmine

@bb Thank God I think the identical shoe thing is going out the window. I've been a bridesmaid a lot (a LOT), and I have never had to wear identical shoes.

Aunt Ada Doom

My party of one Clearly-not-a Maid of Honor was fantastically 7 months pregnant and it was August in a part of the country that doesn't believe in AC. She was allowed to wear WHATEVER THE HECK SHE WANTED, to include flip flops (but with sparkles) down the aisle. Don't mess with the preggers lady. With a growing family, she has even worn the dress again! So Proud.

charlesbois

I didn't have BMs (eww) I had attendants. They were my nieces and nephews ranging in ages from 5 to 10. My dresses were picked when my sister-in-law asked if my niece could wear a dress they had already bought for her. Yep, that made it pretty freaking easy to decide.

TheAlbondigasBar

Just bought my David's Bridal purple death bridesmaid dress last month. 150 dollars. I can't even alter the length cause "Oh my god...it's a church wedding you slut". -_-

beeline96

@njellybean You could shorten it post-wedding? I'm having my BM (ha) dress tailored as we speak, but I miiiight make the tea-length dress shorter after the wedding. Or I might not wear it again.

amelia!

@njellybean I keep reading this as "a church wedding suit," which is horrifying. BRIDESMAIDS IN PURPLE SATIN SUITS.

@amelia! Like the girl at prom in Mean Girls! The one who was allowed to say that Adrian was too gay to function. What was her name?

Cat named Virtute

@S. Elizabeth Janice!

thisisveronica

thread social bridesmaids! so cute! so flexible! so much variety! possible a little too twee, but i'm into that.

BadWolf

My personal fave is the bride who starts out being like, "Oh, I just want you to be comfortable and feel pretty. Just wear any black dress!" And then dominos slowly, like the advent of Communism, into, "Well, run your black dress by me first...Yeah, no, I don't like it, find another one," and thence to, "Okay, you have to get a black dress that meets the following description" (which is unlike anything that makes your feel remotely comfortable or pretty, or that you will EVER wear again), and then, finally, settles comfortably in, "I HAVE CHOSEN THE UGLIEST DRESSES IN THE WORLD FOR YOU BECAUSE I LOVE 'EM BLAAAARGH." And then you need to have some sort of UN intervention, or a war.

dj pomegranate

@BadWolf One of the weddings I was in was exactly that, but with pink. It started as, "Get whatever you want as long as it's pink." But then the bride found a store that was getting rid of a bunch of pink/mauve dresses for 10% off or something, and then one bridesmaid wanted an option with long sleeves, so it had to be a certain style, and then the bride decided that everyone needed to matchy-match after all, and then EVERYONE HAD UGLY DRESSES FOREVER. The end.

BadWolf

@dj pomegranate Oh, my stars, eeew. That blows, for real; I am sorry. At least they didn't have those matching big 1980s-style colored straw hats? OR DID THEY?

fondue with cheddar

@BadWolf A friend of mine was in a wedding where the bridesmaids all wore taffeta dresses with white poofy sleeves (this was the grunge-era, so that was very not cool) and white skirts, and the bodice was a bright crayon-box color. They were horrid.

BadWolf

@jen325 AMAZING. That sounds like the American Apparel wedding line.

fondue with cheddar

@BadWolf PLEASE TELL ME THAT IS NOT A REAL THING.

BadWolf

@jen325 Not yet, thank the goddess. But you KNOW that's what it would look like: unflattering, crayon-colored, and pseudo-90s.

thebestjasmine

Brides: do not make it a priority that the bridemaids are able to wear it again. TRUST ME. They will never wear it again (except on Halloween). No really. They won't. And the "you can wear it again" dresses are usually way uglier.

Katrina Hall@twitter

The BM for bridesmaids thing is KILLING me on Pinterest.

LlamaLlama

Please don't go strapless. Strapless is prom-ish, looks good on almost no one, and often requires fidgeting.

travelmugs

@Lana @twitter My worst bridesmaid experience was strapless. The underwire came out mid-ceremony and scratched my boobs all up, but I had to just stand there and smile.

I later had to show the bride my poor, scratched boobs: "THE THINGS I DO FOR YOUR WEDDING!?"

brista128

@Lana @twitter Strapless is an "Oh my god. No. NONONONONONO." My best friends and I have taken an anti-strapless oath! Strapless is so bad about 99% of the time. I was just looking at a friend of a friend of a friend's wedding pictures from last summer. The bridesmaid dresses were strapless. One of the bridesmaids was at least a size 26. It was so unflattering on her! Also she could barely keep the dress up so in some of the pictures, it looks DANGEROUS. (Like "boob about to actually pop out of the dress" dangerous.) She looked downright uncomfortable in most of her pictures. :(

DrFeelGood

@Lana @twitter After my wedding I thought about going to go into the bridesmaid's dress business because 99.95% of bridesmaids dresses are short and strapless. As hard as it was finding a non-strapless wedding gown, it was WAYY harder to find a reasonable bridesmaid dress for a plus-sized gal. We ended up having them made buy a seamstress.

DrFeelGood

@DrFeelGood *by

Party Falcon

Awww, so much bridesmaid and bridesmaid dress vitriol.

I absolutely LOVE being a wedding attendant and the dresses. To me, it a sort of ritual, a bonding together by color and dress of disparate members of a bride's female tribe. The chubby cousin, the beloved sister, the drinking pal, and the former roommate, all swathed in fabric that says "We love this woman and are happy to stand here with her, together."

travelmugs

@Party Falcon Aww, I didn't know that falcons had bridesmaids. Do Party Falcons believe in the bouquet toss, too? It's heteronormative, but it must be fun with the flying and all.

Bebe

@Party Falcon "We love this woman so much that we are happy to stand here with her, together, in these cheaply made but exorbitantly expensive, itchy, ill-fitting matching dresses."

Party Falcon

@travelmugs I'd catch them all, but the wings and no opposable thumbs are kind of a bitch.

But if I can catch a ribbon in my beak? It's all Party Falcon, yo.

Jane Marie

@Party Falcon Here, here, PF. I agree. I love it, love it, love it. Please, everyone ask me to be in more weddings.

Party Falcon

@Jane Marie Ditto. As there are professional mourners, it is my secret dream to be a professional bridesmaid.

Ask a Party Falcon and Jane (To Be In Your Wedding)

smidge

@Party Falcon will you wear one of those little falcon hoods if i coordinate it to the BM (ha) dresses?

PistolPackinMama

@Party Falcon I am with you on the not being a bride but always being a bridesmaid. Even when the dresses are WTF-ery in fabric form. Teal blue ball gown from David's Bridal? Anything black from J-Crew, with whatever pretty colored shoes I wanted? Sign me up and I'll be there wearing the green polka-dotted shower curtain toga and a great big smile.

It's fun!

Just not for my life.

The teal dress.. Miss Wasilla for Halloween.

The black and shoes... wear the black to work, wear the shoes any damn chance I get. They have straps that look like green leaves and hot pink heels. And I got to wear a hot pink feather fascinator with my red hair.

It was like I was A Party Fowl.

Party Falcon

@smidge Of course! Feel free to bedazzle it or whathave you.

Brunhilde

@Party Falcon Me too!!!!

Bebe

@Party Falcon After my 13th time as a bridesmaid, I did think about hiring myself out to people who needed an extra attendant. I can straighten a train, hold your bouquet, manage the flower girls, distract the drunk uncle, keep the divorced parents on opposite sides of the room, and I always tear up during the vows.

Party Falcon

@Bebe Yo, I'm right there with you. PF has bridemaid-ing skillz. I particularly excel at the holding up of the dress and the handing of the TP while politely turning my head and holding open the door as the blushing bride pees.

Bebe

@Party Falcon That is a key skill! Pre-wedding, I am the first and last line of defense in enforcing what the bride does and does not want at the bachelorette party. Even if the other bridesmaids claim that the tiara made of plastic penises is "tradition," I will snatch it away and destroy it before it gets within 2 feet of the bride. (Based on a true story).

insouciantlover

I've been revamping my fantasy wedding in my head lately and I think the dress code will be black and white for everyone else and my dress will be bright like a tropical flower and everyone will wear very avante guard fascinators and ideally Gaultier would design it all.

Also, there would be a lot of cats and we'd all be on ecstasy.

dj pomegranate

@insouciantlover Consider this my RSVP.

Ophelia

@insouciantlover Is Stefon your wedding planner?

RK Fire

@insouciantlover: why didn't I think of this?!?!?!

hopelessshade

@insouciantlover you know, my usual attitude is that the closer to "walking into the courthouse, signing a piece of paper, and walking out of the courthouse" you can get, the better, but I may have to rethink this for Gaultier, cats and drugs.

beanie

My ad is for a super fancy resort in St. Lucia that I found while googling for honeymoon destinations this morning. Working hard over here.

dj pomegranate

@beanie Mine is for Hyatt Honeymoon Suites in the Caribbean, which is way more fun to think about than matron/maid/mother/bridesmaid dresses.

amelia!

@dj pomegranate Housewares. I'm boring?

frigwiggin

I am going to be the maid of honor in...like two and a half months? At hopefully the first and last wedding I will ever be part of the party for. And the only requirement is that the dress be brown. The mother of the bride actually made my dress from a retro pattern and it is SO CUTE, y'all. Not shiny or strapless, just dark brown Swiss dot. It's a little fancy-pants for everyday wear, but I will rock the shit out of that thing on my birthday.

sox
sox

@figwiggin That is so lovely! I want one!

The Lady of Shalott

In the 80s, my mom was a bridesmaid for my dad's sister at her wedding, and the dresses were so atrocious that my mother has literally destroyed every single picture she could find of that wedding. They were ankle-length "dusty rose" (i.e., dirty pink) with long sleeves and a collar, with a surfeit of bizarre beading and applique and drop waists. The topper to these confections were the HATS. YES. Giant floppy hats with, I swear to God, six-inch brims. The hats were matching pink. They had great big bunches of fake pink flowers AND two feet of pink tulle veil gathered and hanging off the back.

I thought that hat was the greatest thing in the world to play dress-up with when I was five. There are photos of me wearing it pretending to be a Pretty Pretty Princess.

BadWolf

@The Lady of Shalott Oh, my god, I was just making fun of those hats a couple comments up. For real, the idea of making my friends wear giant, Scarlett O'Hara hats is the ONLY thing that would ever tempt me into having bridesmaids. So gross. So awful!

I think both "ankle-length" and "drop waist" anything should just be banned forever. That shit looks good on NO ONE.

Anji

@The Lady of Shalott Um. You aren't related to me, are you? Because that sounds exactly like my dad's sister's wedding.

dipsomaniacal

@The Lady of Shalott This is really how people should pitch bridesmaids' dresses. Not, "Oh, you'll TOTALLY be able to wear this again," which is, always and forever, a bald-faced lie. But instead, "Think how hilarious your child/niece/nephew/next-generation-person-of-choice will look wearing this!" We dressed up in my mom's old bridesmaid dresses ALL THE TIME, and it was awesomely ridiculous.

Verity

@BadWolf What is the point of dropped waists? I can see none.

thanks_maybe

Question RE: I am MOH in my cousin's wedding this summer. I agreed to wear a dress that isn't particularly flattering to my body type because she loved it, and hey, she's the bride. But now, because she is 5'4" and wearing flats and I am 5'7", she is also mandating that I wear flat shoes. So that I don't look taller than her in pictures. I have athletic calves, the dress is short, and I'm already uncomfortable with how I'm going to look without adding on stumpy legs. Is it unreasonable for me to argue with this decision? I mean, it's her day and everybody's going to be looking at her and her hubby anyway. Why should she care how tall I look, right? And also, the other bridesmaid can wear whatever shoes she wants because she is the same height as the bride. Is there a reasonable, polite way for me to say "Screw you, I'm wearing pumps"?

parallel-lines

@thanks_maybe Maybe wedges? They're like secret high heels.

BadWolf

@parallel-lines I...don't know? But the whole idea of "it's her day" makes me want to hug you, because that shit is gross. You shouldn't have to be uncomfortable just because she's the bride! Bleh.

amelia!

@BadWolf THIS EXACTLY. I don't want ANYONE to be unhappy when I get hitched!

beanie

@thanks_maybe as a fellow athletic calves haver, just tell her you hate how you look in flats and are going to wear heels because they make you feel good. I think that should be reason enough?

TheBelleWitch

@thanks_maybe Oh Lord, argue with that shit, it's insane. I'm 5'4" and when you're this height, everyone is always taller than you all the time. I was the shortest person in my wedding party except for the 7-year-old flower girl and it's not like people couldn't find me.

Just tell her you're one of those people who has worn heels so much that their feet are permanently Barbie-shaped. Or maybe prey on her control-freakness and tell her it'd look too weird to wear flats if the other bridesmaid is wearing pumps. Or just go with polite but firm, "I feel really uncomfortable in flats, but I found some lowish heels. And I already bought them. So suck it." Maybe leave off that last part.

thanks_maybe

@TheBelleWitch and everyone THANK YOU. My mom is all like "I know it's unreasonable but just don't argue with her about it" but I mean, come on! I'm almost 30, and you can't tell me what shoes I can wear. And what if I was 5'10"? She wouldn't have asked me to be in the wedding? It's just nice to be validated by y'all! Grazi!

LlamaLlama

@thanks_maybe I would nicely tell her that you'd really like to wear heels because you feel self-conscious but don't push it. I know the "it's her day" schtick is gross but she probably feels self-conscious and stumpy all over next to you and doesn't want to be upstage. Take one for the team? (Full disclosure: I have never been a bride but have always been short.)

frigwiggin

@thanks_maybe But...she's 5'4" and wearing flats? So you'll "look taller" than her anyway because, um, YOU ARE TALLER? I dunno. I don't particularly mind looking dumpy/etc. if it makes someone else happy, but that is some goofy logic.

Bebe

@thanks_maybe in the spirit of compromise, maybe offer to take your shoes off for a couple of the portrait pictures.

fierce_pierce

Logging in to comment on only two items.

1. FI?! WTF is that. We use Husband Elect. He takes office in just about two months.

2. I didn't want to go with all matchy matchy dresses for the bridesmaids but had a really hard time finding three similar-enough-navy-but-not-too-dark-so-it's-black-on-film dresses. We found these: http://www.etsy.com/shop/CoralieBeatrix

I am obsessed and want one in ALL THE COLORS. They are seriously flattering on EVERYONE. And unless my three Bowel Movementers are lying to me, they are obsessed as well. The twirlability and rewearability factor is VERY HIGH with this dress.

dj pomegranate

@fierce_pierce
1. I hope Husband Elect is using the next two months to read all the relevant white papers, put together a reliable and experienced Cabinet, and meet with key leaders to address economic and security concerns so he can hit the ground running.
2. I love those and actually found them in a recent search for future wedding dress options, as I am planning a courthouse/elopement shindig and think this could be lovely, flattering, and affordable option! Great minds, etc.

Bebe

@fierce_pierce I like Husband-Elect.

This also means that I can now tell my friend who is legally separated but not yet divorced and has no idea what to call her soon-to-be-ex that he is now the Lame Duck Husband.

amelia!

@fierce_pierce Just remind Husband Elect that it might be harder than he thinks to keep all those "On Day One" promises he made when he was campaigning.

Uncommon Hussy

@fierce_pierce When my parents were separated but not yet divorced, my mom referred to my dad as her "was-band," but I think I like "Lame Duck Husband" even better.

moose

@fierce_pierce Those dresses are beautiful!

I've been to a few weddings now where all the BM's (can I just run with this and say poo girls? No? okay.) have been in those infinity dresses with the convertible straps. They are great! Everyone matches because of colour but they can each tie it however they want/whatever is most flattering/comfortable for them. It helps that we have a dressmaker in our friend circle who has made all the dresses, they're a really easy pattern too!

fierce_pierce

@amelia! @dj pomegranate @readabook:

Was-band? I snorted. Legit snorted. Lame Duck Husband? Triple snorted.

@moose I'm so glad you have real world experience with the infinity dresses! I think it will take me all of two minutes to get into my wedding dress, and then it will take at least 15-20 min per bridesmaid to get into their dresses. You cannot do it alone. It requires a partner and YouTube video tutorials.

@dj pomegranate have you looked at the Coralie Beatrix Facebook page? There are some gorrrrrrgeous brides wearing the white version! You will be stunnnnnnnnning!!!

dj pomegranate

@fierce_pierce Oo, no I hadn't looked. So pretty! So affordable! I still have a few months to decide, but these are definitely moving up on the list. :) Thanks!

maya

I bought saris from my BMs. But I wanted my sister to be able to wear whatever she wanted so she bought hers first and then I chose the other saris myself (we were in India so none of my BMs except for my sister saw them before hand but I paid for them so whatever) and I sort of freaked out cause they didn't have any in "my colors" so I bought totally random colors that didn't match either my sister's sari, my sari, or "my colors" (yes they were all different) and then just didn't really look at them after I bought them because I was convinced that it was all going to look horrendous together.
It turns out it actually did all complement each other in the end. And if you choose nice stuff the idea that you have to stick so militantly to "your colors" is kind of dumb. Also then when someone asked me what my colors were I could say: all of them.

Also, I've been a bridesmaid 3 times and I liked all my dresses. Two were saris that I've gotten a lot of use out of and the other was black strapless jcrew dress that I bought for $80 from ebay - that dress I love but I don't fit into anymore :(

fondue with cheddar

I want SO BADLY to link to "The Bridesmaid Dress Song" by Deirdre Flint, but I can't find a listenable version to link to! So here's a piece.

Someday, jumbo butt bows, will be the rage that's what my hunch is
And someday, jade silk long gloves
Will be the power dress for corporate lunches.
They brought the bellbottoms back, we said it couldn't be done
It's just a question of when.
Don't trash that satin, I'm telling you girl,
You'll use that dress again.

fondue with cheddar

I had my bridesmaids in matching red dresses for my wedding, but they all loved them and looked fabulous in them and I wouldn't have anything less. And they weren't too expensive, either.

jule_b_sorry

Oooh I hope I don't get in trouble for this, but I have an "insane bridesmaid's outfit" story.

For a family member's wedding, she decided at the start that her bridesmaid's dresses would be:

- Less than $70 each
- Patterned
- Not tea length

To be fair, she wanted to buy the bridesmaid's dresses and wanted a non-trad wedding, so I could sort of understand wanting a low price point. However, she didn't really understand that fabric varies - some fabric is much better for photos and bodies than other fabrics. Instead, she fixated only on price point, trying to find the best deal possible on dresses that met her criteria. I should add that from the get-go, we all said we wouldn’t mind buying our own dresses so that she could pick out “the one” instead of just “the cheapest one”. But, this fell on deaf ears.
Which led us to the first dress - a 50/50 spandex/jersey blend, floor-length, brown giraffe-print halter top available only in junior's sizes (we bridesmaids were decidedly not all junior-sized). "It's perfect!" she said. It looked...really, really bad. I looked like I was going to give birth to a baby giraffe through the stretchy, clingy fabric - it was sort of like what the Jersey Shore cast might wear to a midscale buffet. Eventually, she changed her mind and decided to buy another option. This one was a miniskirt-length, one-shoulder blue-and-brown snakeprint number made from 100% rayon that she found as a lot on ebay. It was meant to be diaphanous and floaty. In practice, it looked exactly like a caveman costume. We modeled it, and kept the editorializing to ourselves, but the resemblance was undeniable.
At this point, she had spent enough on multiple dresses to have gotten much nicer dresses in the first place (none of the ones she bought were returnable). A few weeks before the wedding, she capitulated and let us purchase plain brown, cotton, A-line knee-length dresses from Target, which were actually really cute. She wouldn't budge on her other unusual bridesmaid outfit choice, though - acid green, snake-print, 6-inch strapless peep-toe plastic stiletto heels for each of us. For an outdoor wedding in the grass. Luckily we had some sturdy groomsmen arms to tiptoe along with, and so no one took a tumble.
If anyone has anything to top that, I am dying to hear it.

BadWolf

@jule_b_sorry PICS OR IT DIDN'T HAPPEN.

Also: holy crap, I am so sorry.

brooklynbranch

Jane, congratulations!! How exciting! I went with BCBG for BM (barf) dresses, and everyone seemed happy. Unrelated: if you're still looking for a photographer, ours was a total dreamboat, extremely talented, and flew across the country for our wedding for $150 (she's in the Bay area): http://christinarichardsweddings.com/

okaycrochet

Y’all. My mother-in-law (MIL noooooooo) MADE the bridesmaids’ dresses. 3 sisters of he-man + 3 sisters of mine = 6 dresses. Four 6-foot skinnies. One 5’2” baby sister. One lactating new mom. What’s a girl to do?
http://www.twobirdsbridesmaid.com/
Oh, hey dresses made of curve-flattery material that are basically two long straps attached to a seamless twirly skirt. You look good. But we will not buy you. We will make you. We will find a fabric that works and then pick the least ghastly color. Oh, hey dark purple. You look good. We will buy you.
19 yards and $40/dress later, we were rocking 6 twirly tie-as-you-please garments with nearly no sewing effort. And we made a demo dress in black first that I got to keep and I wear all the time because IT SO CLASSY.
Of course, none of this happened until after the 6 color swatches I had been carrying around in my planning binder (YUP) had truly turned into a muddy autumnal blur that made me want to die.

tortietabbie

@okaycrochet Genius!!

heb
heb

@okaycrochet How did the lactating new mom tie hers to accommodate a bra? (UUUGGGHHH SOMEBODY HELP ME DEAR GOD)

Marquise de Morville

@heb Yes! I wanted an infity style dress for ages, finally made one myself and there is no way to wear it with a bra. I spent hours trying to tie it in a supportive manner. Maybe I can use it as a beach cover up...

PistolPackinMama

@okaycrochet I have a blue version of that dress... from Target!

LlamaLlama

@Marquise de Morville yes! HOW? I am so curious! There are several "bra-friendly" options listed on the two birds website but none look realistically so, particularly from the back.

okaycrochet

@heb Since we made the dresses ourselves, we actually improved on the design so that all of the BMs could wear bras if they wanted to (I wasn’t going to write that atrocious mental image, but then I already had it in my brain so why shouldn’t you? BMS IN BRAS! BAM!).
We made a waistband by folding a rectangle piece of the fabric in half (pre-measured to fit snugly around each bridesmaid’s torso) and sewing it to the top of the skirt so that it was about 5” wide. Then we sewed the straps behind that so that they appeared magically from behind the waistband.
BRILLIANT PART: it can either be worn with the waistband worn around the waist so that you still rock it backless and cleavage-revealing, or it can be worn with the waistband PULLED UP OVER YOUR BUST, bandeau-style!! Then you just wrap the straps around your waist a bunch of times because they’re super long anyway, and viola! Nursing bra hidden and she still looked not like a Frumpalupagus. Win.
Obvs, this wouldn’t work if you buy the dress from somewhere unless they offer bandeaus made of the same fabric to be worn under the dresses. But if you want to make your own… I CAN HELP YOU! BECAUSE GIRL I BEEN THERE!
Also, I'll try to find a picture of our lactating beauty and post it so you can see how she tied it.

PistolPackinMama

@Marquise de Morville I'm sitting on my sofa wearing mine with a bra right now... I haven't been out of the house w/out a bra in... years. It took some fiddling but I got it to work.

Marquise de Morville

@okaycrochet and @PistolPackinMama
Thank you for your suggestions! When I made the dress I did not think enough ahead. I did not use a wide enough waistband and I made the dress too short (knee-length) to wear it bandeau style. (My sewing machine has issues with stretch fabric, so either the waist would be way too wide or it does not fit my bust.) I spent hours fiddling with the dress, and found ways to cover a bra, but that left the skirt part too skimpy. I have some fabric left and might make a bandeau top to cover my bra.

siniichulok

@Marquise de Morville I do apologize because this could not be more off-topic, but I just have to say that I adore your name! That is one of my favorite books.

spacevalkyrie

So when I got married I told my two bridesmaids to pick out any dress they wanted in a particular color (light pink...it was at the Madonna Inn ok?) and they conspired against me and got the same dress! Ok they probably didn't conspire against me they just picked a flattering dress but I remember being sort of irritated about this, as I wanted to make sure everyone knew I didn't force them to match and now only you pinners know -.-

@serenityfound

@spacevalkyrie Now I'm just imagining your bridesmaids walking into a shop and telling them they need something in "Madonna Inn" pink. "Madonna Inn?" "Yeah. You know, the place with the fountain/waterfall urinal?"

jackeemarie

@spacevalkyrie The Madonna Inn!

DrFeelGood

@spacevalkyrie I want to see your wedding photos! That must have been fun.

@serenityfound

My ad is for Virgin America. This means the internet thinks I am a jet-setter, no?

TenyaLuna

I'm getting married in a few months and have been really lazy about the whole thing. We finally picked colors two nights ago based on what the place we want was already decorated in. My sister has already declared her outfit will not be dress and will be based upon the My Little Pony:Friendship is Magic character Rainbow Dash's gala costume. That would be rainbow with gold laurel wreath, for those who are too stupid to know this already (like I was). My matron-of-honor is fully supportive of this idea (said "Duh" when I told where the costume idea came from) and offered to base her dress on Pinky Pie to match. Really not caring on this one, and no amount of elderly relative tutting is gonna change that.

Vera Knoop

If the bridesmaids' dresses are navy, the wedding should be moved to the afternoon (if it isn't already) and the men in the wedding party should wear grey suits. Solved!

bb
bb

@Vera Knoop if you've ever thought bridesmaids are difficult, try getting groomsmen to purchase a new suit just for a wedding.

Vera Knoop

@bb Oh, I'm sure that's true. Which is one of the many reasons my partner and I eloped (both wearing black suits)!

atipofthehat

@Vera Knoop

I was so happy to have eloped.

DrFeelGood

@bb Men's Wearhouse often has BOGO's, so they can go halvsies on purchasing suits. Also, when you get married, you cannot forget all the useless shit that you have learned.

beanie

http://www.100layercake.com/blog/2012/01/06/bright-and-sunny-viceroy-palm-springs-wedding-michelle-robin/

I'm still not convinced that this girl doesn't secretly hate all her bridesmaids.

Edited to say: the bride designed those, and the mother of the bride sewed them. So hopefully they didn't have to pay for them.

amelia!

@beanie I'm dying. Look at their faces, those poor women!

Judith Slutler

@amelia! Even the flower girl looks totally pissed that she was forced to wear a banana tent with gray trim. Goddamn.

Smallison

@beanie Holy shit, those dresses are disgusting! Wow. I feel for those ladies.

RK Fire

@Emmanuelle Cunt: You totally forgot about the transparent gauzy layer of fabric floating above the banana tent. Is it mosquito netting?

[I feel slightly terrible about mocking the dress because it was designed by the bride but it doesn't seem like she considered fit or flattery at all and was mostly interested in designing a particular silhouette.]

superfluous consonants

@beanie she MUST hate them--anyone who's detail-oriented enough to have "groom" stitched into her fiance's sneakers in precisely her theme color doesn't just "forget" to design a waist into a dress.

redheaded&crazy

@beanie especially in light of the fact that her dress is pretty cute/smokin' ... seems like a bridesmaid dress born out of the bride's insecurity.

I would stage a mutiny and refuse to wear without a belt. is that allowed? I'd just be oh so casual while trying on, "oh where's the belt that goes with this?"

"no belt, no bridesmaids, no wedding"

highfivesforall

@beanie It wouldn't even have been that hard to make those actually look like dresses - just belt them! The hatred would decrease tenfold!

karencarrot

ohmyfuck, those are horrendous!!! Yup, she must have worried that she wouldn't look good in her cute and awesome dress.
I am wearing a day dress to get married in a few months, (a DAY dress, which I would have worn to work at the cafe already had I not decided to get married in it) and we're having a picnic in a park and a punk show afterwards. I don't want to plan a goddam thing. I'm gonna tell my sister (lady of honor) she probably ought to wear a nice pair of shorts. As long as her shoes are pretty, it'd be a good look next to me. :)

BadWolf

@karencarrot I want a punk show at my wedding! Actually, I just want a punk show outside right now, instead of research in a library. How are you making that happen? You are my new favorite/hero.

superfluous consonants

my bridesmaid-dress selection process:

me: "ladies, please wear some kind of black dress. don't be naked. well, okay, be naked if you want."

bridesmaids: 75 emails about fit, length, fabric, fabric "sheen," coordinated accessories

me: LALALALALA you are grown-ass ladies and i'm busy being upsold into $500 flower arrangements i don't want by my future mother-in-law.

everyone: shows up dressed appropriately and looking lovely.

fin.

Auntie Maim@twitter

The wedding coordinator for my sister's wedding abbreviated Maid/Matron-of-Honor as MOO instead of MOH. Hilarious!

I also had to go bridesmaid's dress shopping for that wedding shortly after a serious bout of the flu (my parents had planned the trip to see me and nail down the dress before I got sick), so we have a series of photos of me, hollow-eyed and looking like death, propped against various bridal salon dressing room walls in various ill-fitting dresses and OMG why even pretend to try on a dress that's not in your size? How does anyone get any idea how it will look?

Oh, and that dress was navy, the guys wore grey suits, and I have worn it again -- it is not a dress I would have picked for myself, but as nothing I'd pick for myself is appropriate for conservative church weddings, it comes in handy.

Auntie Maim@twitter

The wedding coordinator for my sister's wedding abbreviated Maid/Matron-of-Honor as MOO instead of MOH. Hilarious!

I also had to go bridesmaid's dress shopping for that wedding shortly after a serious bout of the flu (my parents had planned the trip to see me and nail down the dress before I got sick), so we have a series of photos of me, hollow-eyed and looking like death, propped against various bridal salon dressing room walls in various ill-fitting dresses and OMG why even pretend to try on a dress that's not in your size? How does anyone get any idea how it will look?

Oh, and that dress was navy, the guys wore grey suits, and I have worn it again -- it is not a dress I would have picked for myself, but as nothing I'd pick for myself is appropriate for conservative church weddings, it comes in handy.

cc
cc

@Auntie Maim@twitter i had lady cramps while doing filene's running of the brides dress shopping event. you can see me keeling over on the floor between dress try-ons. good times!
i love the photo where i found the dress though. i'm about to pass out but you can kind of see me smiling if you look close.

sprayfaint

Aaaand this is why I don't have bridesmaids. Do I win?

alpacasloth

Oh, this is perfect! Longtime Hairpin reader/lurker... just registered for an account so I can ask all you ladies for bridesmaid dress help.

Do any of you guys have recommendations for stores/salons in the LA area for bridesmaid dress shopping? I'm the maid of honor in my sister's wedding and I've already exhausted the limited selection in Orange County/San Diego so I'm ready to venture into LA. My sister has picked a lovely peacock blue (not too turquoise, not too royal) that is great, but very difficult to match. Aaaaaand I refuse to wear anything made of silk satin, chiffon, anything strapless, etc etc so I'm having trouble finding something I like that isn't super plain.

PLEASE HELP!

Jane Marie

@alpacasloth what fabrics are you looking for? i really like jenny yoo. she has a flagship store here in LA and does a lot of dresses in shantung if that's more your thing.

alpacasloth

@Jane Marie I like shantung and dupioni so I will check out jenny yoo! I tried on some alfred sung dresses that were pretty and fit me well... They were just very plain. I have two weeks to order something so I have to make a decision (my sister is letting me dictate the style, which is cool of her to do but puts more pressure on me).

Valerie Sprague@facebook

I love the way I did it. I went to a department store and knowing one of my bridesmaids (my husband's sister, who I had not yet met) was sort of my size but pregnant, I tried on a dress and pulled it out to see if it worked. Then I bought two more for the other bridesmaids and mailed them off. The end. It took an hour.

ng
ng

aw, man. BUSTED ON THE INTERNET! i love you.

ng
ng

and it's not my fault that im generally opinionless/look good in/out of anything. xo, your moh (please dony make binders)

She was a retail whore

Did you intend to give your bridesmaids a color (from a specific affordable label that had a wide selection of dresses that catered to a wide variety of body types) and let them go to town, and then not get married because your awful fiance was an indecisive man-child who'd never actually intended to get married after proposing to you? But in the midst of your facepalming and heartbrokenness, you still felt good about not being all crazy over bridesmaids dresses?

So it's just me then.

jackeemarie

I sent my MOH two dress options, and she sent back four. She went more into it than I did! I plan on giving my girls (three) a few options from the same designer, they just all have to be Navy blue and ordered at the same time (because apparently, even if you order from the same designer, you can get dresses from different "dye lots" if you order at different times so you'll get different shades of the same color - never knew about this fact until I talked to a married).

DrFeelGood

@jackeemarie If they can, have them try on the dress (or a sample) before ordering. For my sister's wedding, we gave measurements and the dress they ordered for me was over 1 size too big. I think they did this on purpose so we had to then pay for expensive alterations and it still didn't look too great.

Cavendish

I didn't have any bridesmaids. Problem? Solved.

DrFeelGood

@Cavendish Ugh. You are my hero. That was the worst decision/biggest headache of the whole wedding... I wanted to let them pick whatever they wanted but they basically MADE me pick FOR them. It wasn't easy either as one was pregnant at the time and the other is built like an inverted triangle. We ended up having the dresses made because we literally could not find anything flattering for them (all these ridiculous short, strapless things) and it was a small fortune.

brucetapes

Interesting! Love it

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