Thursday, March 8, 2012


On Female Desire, Part Two: Pornography

UNTIL NOWDear Hairpin,
I think I'm interested in watching porn. Specifically, I'm interested in watching nice, non-violent, non-exploitative videos of men and women having consensual sex in a way that does not give false expectations about what sex should and shouldn't be. Does this exist? Where can I find it? I realize the internet is full of porn, but I don't think just Googling "porn" will get me what I'm looking for. Can I Google "nice, non-violent, non-exploitative videos of men and women having consensual sex in a way that does not give false expectations about what sex should and shouldn't be"? I feel like that won't work either. Also, I'm worried about computer viruses.

Fun question!

Lindsay Miller — a.k.a. A Queer Chick — had some good recommendations earlier this week. Also, and this isn't a direct answer, but Nitasha Tiku's piece on porn star and "not-so-nice Jewish boy" James Deen is a great read that opens a lot of porn portals (porntals?). I also threw the question over to Victoria Floethe, of the recently launched Desire Project. Victoria?

Victoria: I actually did a piece about this last week! And Cindy Gallop, founder of Make Love Not Porn.com, and who we interviewed for the website (see below), is soon launching Make Love Not Porn TV, which may be a really good answer to this question.

A young married couple from Brooklyn who make artful sex videos and seem to be on to something have reached out to us as well. And they wrote about what "good porn" is on their site Uncommon Appetites last week. My co-editor Kate and I recently found some hilarious vintage porn on Wikimedia, although it's not exactly erotic. And the fashion-y Richardson Mag and Purple TV are putting out what I'd call "porn art."

Previously: On Female Desire, Part One Plus Sheets (But Not Sheets Like This Morning).

Anyone else? It's officially Ask Everyone Thursday around here today.

92 Comments / Post A Comment


Granted, it's a tumblr, but I like:


Porn Peddler

@tatianaberg@twitter Here to endorse tumblr porn! Not as a permanent solution, even, but looking through porn tumblrs can give you places to start, because you'll be like oh, that boy is cute and look at that girl, she looks like she's having so much fun! What is his name, who does he work for?



I like DeviantFemme.tumblr.com
And TheThickness.tumblr.com


@Kira-Lynn@twitter tumblr has a surprisngly large amount of women-run pornoblogs. http://her-little-boudoir.tumblr.com is my personal favorite (although it may be a little rough for some folks' tastes). Occasionally there are shoes and kittens as an interlude.

Cat named Virtute

@bocadelperro Oh jesus, I have gotten exactly nothing done since clicking that link. I need to go close my door.

ada fuckface

@tatianaberg@twitter sexisnottheenemy.tumblr.com!! all happy naked people, all the time! and diverse ages and genders and body types! my favorite.

Barry Grant

Well don't they look like they're having fun!

Daria Morgendorffer

@Kira-Lynn@twitter I found this reblogged on Deviant Femme and it made me so happy:


@tatianaberg@twitter AWESOME!

Passion Fruit

@ada fuckface Thank you so much for that recommendation! I love seeing a diversity of gender presentations, shapes, ages, and ways to to rock the casbah in my smut. Looking at the same type of person getting it doggy style over and over gives me the bummers and makes me feel terribly ugly, unwanted and unsexy, not quite what I'm going for.


amazing amazing amazing@t


Vintage porn is relevant to my interests.

fondue with cheddar

@Slutface I've got one vintage porn compilation video. One of them is of three beatniks. The two men are exploring the woman and she's got this disinterested look on her face. It's not sexy, but it's fantastic.

There's another with two women and a man that get stranded on a desert island. One of the women is curvy, with big, floppy, natural boobs! It's silent, but you can imagine they're all giggling because the whole thing is very silly and they know it. The final shot is of one lady lying on top of the other lady, and they're "smoking" cigarettes with their ladyparts! They're actually tensing and releasing their Kegels to make it look like they're taking a puff.

There's another one that's awesome in its enthusiasm, but makes me a bit uncomfortable because it's very old-school-racist. :(


@jen325 Where can I see the beatnik video? I'm asking for a beatnik friend.

fondue with cheddar

@Decca It's a VHS I bought many years ago from Adam & Eve called "Historic Erotica", but unfortunately it's not available there anymore, even on DVD. I guess if you want to watch it you'll just have to come to my house!

Victoria Floethe@facebook

Look up fellatio in wikimedia. Vintage porn galore.


The Hairpin has been, overall, extremely relevant to my interests today. Thanks, The 'Pin (& get out of my braaaaaaaaaaain).


@hallelujah your icon is extremely relevant to my interests. flamingo love.


@Gertrude YES. I regularly have to talk myself out of a WWCJD tattoo.


@hallelujah talk yourself *out* of it??


@hallelujah @Gertrude It is also relevant to my interests. I suggest a secret society with the flamingo as its emblem.

Alcohol Magurthy

@Xanthophyllippa @hallelujah @Gertrude I am de-lurking, for the first time EVER, among the many comments sections I have been viewing from the shadows for the past few years, to also declare my eternal love for CJ Cregg. She is my spirit animal. Yes, she's fictional, but so are spirit animals I guess. I DO WHAT I WANT.

Daria Morgendorffer

@hallelujah Love.


@Daria Morgendorffer THIS is what I'm talkin' about.

Are you talking to me during "The Jackal?"


Not for videos, but some great photos at sexisnottheenemy.tumblr.com


@Jaya Best part? All the absolutely giggly giggling going on there.


@YourSpinsterA'int Yes! Everyone is so happy about having sex! It's the best.


@Jaya The captions could all just read "tee hee!"


@Jaya So many happy people, I love it! Laughing during sex is the best.


I hear pornhub.com has a pretty decent mobile site with lots of categories of videos for free. Easy viewing on your iPhone. So, I hear.


@jennifa werd, no viruses or funny business here. try "X-Art," they have a channel for it on p-hub, and it's very LW's preference. I guess theyre a production company? They make exactly this kind of porn, usually.


@nice_belt I actually like x-art, but my beef with them is that their videos seem like they're intended for viewing by men only. They rarely show the guy's face, upper, body, butt, etc. As a straight woman, I want to see that stuff! I less want to see a girl making come hither faces while giving a bj.


Not for P in V sex, but Hegre Art is all erotic massage, and it is excellent!


Hey - I like amateur stuff, because you know everybody is really truly into it. There are a bunch of websites like newbienudes.com where people upload their own stills and videos. That helps with the ethics at least. Then you'll find a few couples you like, and away you go!

Porn Peddler

@Aubergines I am very cautious of amateur stuff because there was a dude on tumblr who would post videos and gifs of him and his exes, and never made any mention of "yes they know I trade the videos we made with my internet friends and post their videos online" :/ There are still, technically, laws on the books about how that stuff can be distributed but ergh I would prefer to stick with non-amateur companies because....ack.


It's going to be harder than usual to sort the spam-bots out from the actual commenters on this post.


@cherrispryte I am not a spam-bot! I'm just gross.


@cherrispryte true, but at least you can click on the name and see if they have ever commented on the site before, which posts, etc.


@jennifa yes. I was being silly!


I love weird vintage/retro porn. there's an alice in wonderland musical one that is so ridiculous you could die. and oh, sensational janine! the priest scene! tooooo good.


I have seen the alice in wonderland one and yes it is hilarious!


A) I am supposed to be working today. But I am instead reading this blog and drinking white wine. I blame you, Hairpin, because accountability is not interesting.

B) Singleton-ness. Has never been so unappealing as it is right now.

Said she who created a new name just for this thread.

Passion Fruit

@YourSpinsterA'int I LOVE your name. Nice thinking on the fly. So jelly.


........just kidding.


Google "James Deen Nicole Ray video". Skip past the stupid babysitter intro. Watch two people have kiss, laugh, have hot hot sex, and enjoy themselves. It's my favorite.

Prostitute Robot From The Future

@muralgirl I am SO doing this on my day off tomorrow! I love this post! [clapclap] YAY! (ok, stop doing that, seriously).

Porn Peddler

I cautiously endorse James Deen, only because he does a lot of rougher scenes and bondage and LW specified "non-violent." (Even when he has a girl tied up and gagged with tears running down her face, he still looks like the sweetest boy ever, and like he is madly in love with that bound girl) If you can find it he did a good scene with Lexi Belle a while back. There are a lot of good male stars floating around now, but what sets him apart is that he looks really into his co-stars, and not just really into the sex. If skinny jewish boys are Not Your Thing (god, who are you and why are you living like that?) Manuel Ferrara tends to be pretty well-received as well- his accent and voice are hilarious paired with the enormous dude he is.

Wicked pictures is generally considered to be good at the sort of porn LW is looking for. People seem to love working for them, and they do a lot of what is now called "couples porn." They have an awesome rule in some of their "romantic" lines that cumshots may never wander above the neck, and I saw some production shots from one of their newer movies in AVN magazine a few months ago, and it looked really hot and like the performers were very in control and happy. Adam and Eve might also be a good place to look. Sinclair Institute, too.

If you're up for some slightly freakier but still responsibly produced porn, Tristan Taormino's Chemistry Series is full of veteran porn stars that have significant creative control of their scenes (she puts five or six of them in a house for a few days and presides over the resulting orgy, basically) Vivid is one of the best companies in the game, so it might be a good idea to peruse a selection of their titles (perhaps at your friendly neighborhood porn store) to see what you find-- they're quite diverse, and I'm positive they'd have some of what LW is looking for.

Viv Thomas has a bunch of supposedly real couples having Nice People sex in an actual bed and those scenes are, from what I've seen, hot and inoffensive.


@Third Wave Housewife Yeah, I have to second TWH's views on James Deen. But my love of him mainly comes from his work in porn parodies, which are some of my favorite things ever.

(He also, I recently learned, shot a scene in the bathroom at my local bar, which makes me both kind of disgusted and jealous.)

Porn Peddler

ugh, and once again, Feminist Porn Resources on Tristan Taormino's site. QUEEN T!!!!!!

Porn Peddler

@meetapossum He is HYSTERICAL in parodies (his blog and twitter are also high-larious, and he reports all the work he's done on his blog so you can sort of track him from there). I think a lot of women like him because he (I really don't want to say "eats pussy" because I reflexively just ugh but dammit, porn terminology, I read too much AVN magazine, but I also don't want to say...performs cunnilingus or anything like that) with unparalleled gusto. And omg that is...great.


@Third Wave Housewife






@atipofthehat @thirdwavehousewife I mean, the post we wrote today is about the very issue of what to call cunnilingus that does not sound like a fungal infection. It is amazing how all our brains do the same things sometimes.

And, yeah, ladysnorkeling really got me.


@Third Wave Housewife ... muff diving?


@atipofthehat Ladysnorkelling is pretty great. (If I whip out a snorkel next time I do this, do you think that would go over well?) I use "diving for pearls" pretty often.


@Third Wave Housewife And there's that one where he like...growls into her lady bits because he is enjoying himself so much. I was firmly not interested in porn, and pretty vocal about how damaging I thought it was to little developing boy psyches and female body image and exploitation and (you know this argument I'm sure etc etc etc,) but damn if James Deen didn't at least partially change my opinion.

Porn Peddler

@oohdarling I totally know the argument and kind of agree with some of the major points, but to me, porn is merely a magnification and caricature of culture and media at large, so the "problems" with porn are so much more complex than they tend to be represented as (wow grammar. fuck it) Porn isn't a boogeyman that came out of a locked dungeon at the ends of the earth-- it's just people fucking on camera, and the specifics of it (the content of the footage, the way the people in it look and behave, the way it is marketed and consumed) are DIRECT products of our culture. So often you'll hear about "the porning of culture" or whatever, and it's like, excuse me, porn did not crash land from another fucking planet-- culture made porn, not the other way around.

Besides, there is so much good porn out there!

Porn Peddler

and goddammit hairpin, you'd made me think about all this porn and expound upon the positive attributes of James Deen and Vivid Entertainment and Viv Thomas AND MY MAN IS NOT HOME AND I'M GOING TO DESTROY HIM WHEN HE WALKS IN.

Rodney Barbati@facebook

@Alexander - if you are going to whip out a snorkel next time, make sure you use the right kind....



@Rodney Barbati@facebook Fantastic.


Uh, holy shit, you guys! Thanks so much, Victoria for the mention and Edith for the link!

A large part of the reason we started doing Uncommon Appetites was because we too struggle with this same issue, so decided to make the kind of porn that we want to watch. And share videos and other people we find hot. And talk honestly about something we all do and all really, really seem to like a lot.

We are always looking for new inspiration, other people doing the same kind of stuff we are, etc. So excited to have The Hairpin as a forum for this kind of talk. We have to share ideas! Otherwise we'll all be watching the same four videos over and over again!


I second and third (and OH MY!) the James Deen recs. Specifically, our household pays for subscription streaming content at $20 a month to the production company that he stars in the most for, joannaangel.com (also, same company, same subscription, more porn: burningangel.com). I like it because you can choose what kind of scene and look and combination turns you on, and I REALLY like it because everyone always looks like they are having real, truly real, fun having sex. And there are often scenes where you just *know* that those actors involved are truly turned on, and getting hotter for each other as the scene progresses. It's billed as "alt porn" but I don't really find lots of ink on skin all that "alt" anymore.

Also, favorite male smut-writing site: http://monmouth.blogspot.com

Porn Peddler

If you want to start with softcore porn, here are the Top 25 Pictures of Ryan Gosling's Beard. That is 100% face fur porn right there.

Jon Custer

I'm totally with you till the last part. Do you really not already have expectations about what sex should and shouldn't be, and you're hoping to develop them by watching a porn video, but you also want to make sure they're not false?


@Jon Custer



Also, I think this is what n+1 meant:


No? Oh well.




Porn Peddler

@anybee It's life-changing, isn't it?


I'm looking forward to errr...investigating these links when I'm not in my office.


Somebody earlier said Viv Thomas. Viv Thomas! Beautiful people enjoying each other. Lots of kissing! I've also seen snippets from X-Art on YouPorn, and a lot of those videos seem to be respectful and loving, as well.

Porn Peddler

@TheFattestBunny HELLO! Yes yes yes I'm so glad someone agrees with me.

All Mimsy

I'm a big fan of smuty stories over videos. Fanfiction is my one true internet obsession, and there's a lot of fairly good smut fanfics. I've been reading a lot of gay stuff lately, because my current obsession is Sherlock. That fantastic BBC show. <3 you Sherly!

ada fuckface

@All Mimsy YES. interested non-fandom people: go to ao3.org, look up your favorite fandom/pairing, sort by number of hits/bookmarks, voila.

All Mimsy

@ada fuckface
I don't know that site. But I read the fanfics for the stories not the porn, even the porny ones are read primarily for the story.

ada fuckface

I was subscribed to Girls Out West for a while, that was pretty cool -- adorable Australian amateur girls with real-looking bodies. I liked it because I could buy that they were actually enjoying themselves -- usually I can't suspend my belief, and it's distracting to be speculating about whether or not the actress is hating the whole thing.


James Deen has been my favourite fooooorrrevvver man. That video where he gets it on with like his baby sitter girlfriend, dammmmmmmmn. Also, repeating what other people said, Viv Thomas. I will never pay for porn thoguh so it's whatever I can find on free sites.


@machinesss oh! I know what you mean. I have been madly crushing James Deen forever. He's adorable


UGH YESSSS. I crack jokes and laugh during sex and then the gentleman does something that shuts me up which is hottt and why can't I find porn like this? Sex is hilarious, I am just saying


@Nutmeg Exactly. It is pretty damn hilarious, isn't it?


Wow, naming directors by name? Y'all are a lot fancier than me... SERIOUSLY, LW, googling porn WILL get you what you're asking for! All you have to do is google "porn," and go to one of the first results (youporn, redtube, whatever), and then click on the "amateur" category. There are tonnns of videos out there that people have made of themselves and their loving partners, and it's very sweet/hot/consensual.


@Aphrodite That's great - have fun sifting through the dreck and everything the LW doesn't want to watch. In the meantime, we'll be over here, following up on recommendations of directors/actors/sites that we know already fit what she's looking for.


There are also some good, women-friendly sites if you're looking to remove the "non-violent" and "realistic" qualifiers.


As a sex educator, I always recommend checking out your neighborhood women-owned sex toy store (Babeland, Good Vibrations, Come As You Are, Smitten Kitten). I know that Babeland.com has a lot of movies that have descriptions and ratings and all of them have been watched by employees and lengthy reviews have been filled out before the company decided to carry them. If you live in a city with one of these stores (NY, Seattle, SF, Chicago, Minneapolis), then just go in and talk to someone. It will be the best way to figure out what you're looking for. Think about whether you want plot or want it to go straight to the sex, how extreme you want the sex acts to be, and what kind of bodies you're interested in watching. All of these things can be helpful as you're deciding. There's a lot out there!

I also recommend looking for specific people - they make good stuff.
Tristan Taormino
Nina Hartley
James Deen
Courtney Love
Belladonna (later stuff)


@akadallas Amen--Tristan Taormino particularly is great, I think. Once you've read about her process and how her actors have full agency over the scenes they do, you can sit back with a clear conscience and just enjoy the show.

regina dentata

...courtney love?

regina dentata

Also, on the James Deen tip, it is not UN-worth your time to head to tumblr and do a tag search for James Deen.


related question: any suggestions for how to suggest joint watching to Mr.? We are generally good talking about sex but this would be... new, and I suspect he might not be totally comfortable with the idea.


@essjay We started the process by accepting it all as a sort of challenge. To find porn that the other person would find hot. During the process, we discovered more and more that we enjoyed similar things. Which isn't always the case. But we can't emphasize communication enough. And communicating about all aspects of sex especially. Including porn.

sarah girl

@essjay Maybe start with something kinda silly, like a parody movie? Then you can get your giggles out about the awkwardness of it all without it being strange, but you're also easing into watching hot stuff together.

Filmes Online

nice post, there should be more sites like this, thank you!
Filmes Online

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