Friday, March 23, 2012


Nicole Cliffe, What's in Your Bag?

Nicole "Reading" Cliffe, what are those crazy-looking horse books?

1. Flaked-out gold wallet.
2. Loose money.
3. The New Yorker.
4. Driving handbook.
5. Two pens.
6. Two lip balms.
7. Winter riding gloves.
8. Pack of Marlboros and lighter (one lousy post-weaning cigarette a week behind a gas station on Highway 89).
9. Passport renewal application checklist.
10. Ear plugs.
11. Receipts.
12. One pad, two tampons.
13. BumGenius spray for cloth baby wipes.
14. Sushi list written on Whole Foods business card (wow).
15. Two books about not sabotaging your show season by being a colossal pussy by Jane Savoie.

[Ed. – Aha! Nicole Cliffe is also Lazy Self-Indulgent Book Reviews, and may she never sabotage her show season in such a manner.]

52 Comments / Post A Comment


Hahahaha, I love that the article on the main page says:

Nicole "Reading" Cliffe, what are those crazy-looking horse books? with the READ MORE link in all caps directly after it.


Nicole Cliffe

@wee_ramekin I thiiiiink I may do a "Really Good Books About Horses" reading list, but with an emphasis on horse books that don't feature a lot of weird diagrams of your skeleton superimposed on a close contact saddle. Not that those ones aren't rad, too.

science is sexy@twitter

@Nicole Cliffe My Friend Flicka? Ahhhh or the terribawesome sequals to The Black Stallion.

(If you meant books about how to ride horses, I don't know, I only ever read George Morris's column in Practical Horseman and tried to do what he said)


@science is sexy@twitter
I have this awesome old book from the 1940's, that aside from being sexist as HELL is pretty amazing for all answers to anything horse-related. I shall try to find it!


@Nicole Cliffe I deeeeemaaaaaand a Horsey Books post!


@science is sexy@twitter OMG the combination of George Morris and The Hairpin is exploding my brain! A compilation of the horribly vicious and cruel yet somehow endearing and inspiring (?) comments made by George Morris could make an amazingly good blog posting. Said to a friend of mine, during a clinic for which her parents paid over $1000: "Is that blonde hair I see under your helmet? No wonder your horse hates you so."


15. Two books about not sabotaging your show season by being a colossal pussy by Jane Savoie.@a

Party Falcon

Now that is a quality handbag tour. At least you have a few loose receipts/cash.

How do you all not have piles of receipts and used tissues in your purses, I must know!

Party Falcon

Also, HORSE PEOPLE. Seriously. Are the BEST and CRAZIEST people.

My sister owns those gloves, and those books. Wait...are you sure you're not my sister? I mean, she's fourteen and I'm pretty sure not in possession of an adorable baby, and I'd be horrified if she were smoking, but.... Oh wait, she wouldn't publicly let people know that tampons even exists as a thing, so never you mind.

Nicole Cliffe

@Party Falcon I'm totally your sister! Why won't you buy beer for me?

Party Falcon

@Nicole Cliffe Young lady, maybe when you turn sixteen. And even then it'll be a sixer of something terrible, just like the rest of us had to endure.


OMG, how do you like the Jane Savoie books? I keep looking at them and then not picking them up, but I am basically The Worst at showing, to the point where I hardly ever do it because I turn into such a miserable ball of nerves. I wouldn't worry about it, but the stress of being watched has leaked into my riding lessons, and I probably need to try to Do Something About It.

Nicole Cliffe

@mlle.gateau The number of people who throw up prior to a show is truly disturbing. Especially when it's dressage, right, and the worse thing that's going to happen is you looking like a fool. They're good! It's all about saying bullshit things to yourself like: "I love this! I am basically already a champion. My horse is better than Totilas."


@Nicole Cliffe I can honestly say I was one of those pukers for many years, but in HJ. Now I am older and wiser and I did a dresage show a few weeks ago where I did not vomit or go into Crazy Bitch mode, and it was awesome! I guess I feel like I don't really have anything to prove. I was just having fun with my gelding, since it was his first show and all I was hoping was that he wouldn't poop during our test. Lower expectations are amazing.


I was always the girl riding hunter jumpers in paddock boots, a saddle that had out-lived me by almost twenty years, and a cow pony I'd taught to jump.
I just told myself I already looked ridiculous, so I might as well try and prove them wrong.


That Winning horse book could use more charlie sheen.



@redheaded&crazie really that's the best you could do? yeah come back another day, you're done here.


@redheaded&crazie I was all about to yell at you for being mean to...you. then I realized what was going on.


I used to have those books! My trainer made me read them when I started choking bad in the jumpers. I don't think they helped much...I still believe it's all about the ribbons.


I always wonder when I never see a purse with pads/tampons in it. Sure, a good chunk of the month is spent without a period, but how does anyone ever remember to take theirs out of their bag and then put them back in?


@Statham obligatory DivaCup comment!

although those lead to their own weird moments. such as the time I took mine out at work, confirmed that my period was over, & then...put it back in because I didn't have anywhere else to put it. then I was like, "oh my god, I am now officially using my ladybusiness as a storage receptacle."

Princess Langwidere

@Statham You and me both, Jason Statham.

Four Horsemeals of the Eggporkalypse

@Statham Some of us live on the edge, man. Never knowing when or where the next period will strike, we take our chances. (Or, if you're me, you don't know how to keep tampons from unwrapping themselves so you gave up on carrying them unless strictly necessary.)


@nonvolleyball Is this the place where I mention that, because I lost the dainty drawstring bag that came with my Keeper, I keep mine in a Lisa Frank-esque rainbow tiger-striped ankle sock when not in use? I guess so, huh.


@quatsch ha ha! my DivaCup bag is falling apart a little bit, & one of my beloved socks-with-tigers-on-them has a hole in the toe...you may have just inspired me.


@Statham I use tampons with the cardboard applicators (which get squished if I just keep them rolling around with books and wallets and things) and my purse doesn't have separate compartments OR a closure on the top, so everything within it is basically visible at all times it is not slung over my shoulder. Therefore, I have my stash of supplies at home and my stash at work.


@nonvolleyball I just laughed so hard because I have TOTALLY DONE THAT. More than once! But I mean ... where else are you going to put it? Even if you wash it off, I don't want to shove it in my purse, where it will collect purse sand and lint! Gross!


@Statham For a long time I, too, lived on the edge, because my little tampons, left to roam free in my purse, would invariably end up stuck to or in whatever I was currently trying to remove from my purse. So, paying for things became fraught because I'd open my wallet and HELLO THERE! Ha ha, erm, hmmm. Anyway, I was lamenting my fate to my boyfriend one day, and, because he's a genius, he suggested I get a little bag of some sort in which to contain my roaming gear. So that's what I did, and now I just carry a lot of them all the time, but they're tightly corralled and never pop out and embarrass me when I'm just trying to buy a damn drink, dammit.


@@serenityfound How on earth does your purse not have a zipper pocket?! Unfortunately I'm of the giant bag with lots of pockets school, but for serious, I always buy 2 boxes of tampons and put one under the sink and distribute the other box as needed throughout every bag I own! Mostly because I have no short term memory, and therefore would never ever have one ever if I didn't do this.


@Statham Some of us don't have periods any more, hooray! Using the Pill and the Mirena in succession means I no longer do anything more than cramp occasionally. Even though I haven't bled since 1997, it took me YEARS to quit carrying ladybidness bobbles around in my bag.

Now I just carry what my friend Shea tactfully calls "vadge wipes" in case of a particularly scary day at work. It's a nurse-thing, I think.


@sox My previous purse was great - it had a giant flap that went over the top and snapped on the front for a closure. There was a small zipper pocket inside, then the actual bag was divided into two sections. But I basically found it in a storage closet at a crazy place I lived (and it was already old) and eventually wore all the hell out. Then my boss at my grad work study gig a couple of years ago gave me this purse/bag in black as a post-conference thanks and I just keep using it.

tl;dr I am cheap, haven't paid for a purse in years and years, and purses just seem so expensive!


@nonvolleyball LOVE THIS. Big fan of the imagery after taking a 911 call from a guy who was clearly hallucinating after being on meth for far too long, who when pressed told me that the gun in question was, "I dunno! Probably in her pussy!"


@@serenityfound @mingus_thurber I had no idea there were so many reasons to not carry lady items in ones bag. My mind has been sufficiently blown for one evening. Well done.


I had no idea there were so many reasons to not carry lady items in ones bag. My mind has been sufficiently blown for one evening. Well done....gold ira account


Nicole! We ha(d)ve the same brand!


Not pictured - Rohypnol (3 day supply) and remote starter for sex slave android "Fister Roboto."


Not pictured: Danny the intern; Pigley.


@melis Hey, will you choke me a little bit?


Saddle Club!

Nicole Cliffe

Don't smoke, everyone! Smoking is bad! Except if you just do it once a week, and enjoy the frisson of death-mixed-with-vivid-life as it settles down into your feet and then rebounds back up into your over-active heart.


@Nicole Cliffe preach. Emergency American Spirit stash-having mommy, reporting for duty.


@Nicole Cliffe I'm not judging, but isn't smoking much more dangerous if conducted at a gas station? Or does the threat of imminent death by explosion make the cigarette even frissonier?

Daisy Razor

@Nicole Cliffe No lie, the only thing keeping me from buying a pack for the occasional back porch smoke is the thought of how hard I'd be judged for purchasing cigarettes while holding a toddler.


@Nicole Cliffe You said it sister. My moments are stolen in the CVS parking lot.


@Daisy Razor Honestly, the kid working the counter doesn't care. But smoking is bad so it is good to have an effective deterrent.


Jane Savoie!! I bought Dressage 101 because the first two chapters were about "forward" and "straightness" and the comments on our last test were "wandering" and "lacks impulsion." But to be fair, I had pneumonia and my horse was asleep. This is my favorite what's in your bag so far!


to dump him to win his love anyway. If you dump him and he then decides to be with you instead of living with his ex and dating other people, you may be onto something. If not, maybe you can make a go of it with someone else you’re seeing.indoor dog fence wood


iffe No lie, the only thing keeping me from buying a pack for the occasional back porch smoke is the thought of how hard I'd be judged for purchasing cigarettes while holding a toddler. food storage

Shahzaib Soomrow@facebook

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