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Thursday, March 8, 2012

475

Ask an Indelicate Question: How Are You Doing It Every 28 Days or So?

Welcome back to March Madness, Clean Person-style, a monthlong project we're calling Let's All Make... Our Beds. It's just what it sounds like: we're going to make our beds for the entire month of March. To keep everyone excited (and I mean, who wouldn't be excited about this?), I'm tweeting regularly about all things bed-related — follow me @joliekerr and use the hashtag #LAMOB to join in — several of this month's AaCP columns will be devoted to the topic of beds, bedmaking, and bedcleaning (got questions? Ask away), and my bedspiration-themed pinboard will continue to grow. With that, here's part two.

A Clean Person question landed in my inbox recently, the first piece of which I know the answer to, but the second part of which is actually something I'd like to hear more about. So we've decided to toss it out to all of you for your thoughts.

Here goes: Period sex. Blood on things. Not going to jump up and treat everything right away, but — next morning, what do I do? (Also how the hell do people have period sex without making an insane mess? Towel, yeah, I've tried that. Towel is NOTHING.) Sorry.

So right, in terms of dealing with next-day clean-up, meat tenderizer is aces on older blood stains and also if your period sex-partner is a dude it provides you with a whole host of off-color jokes just waiting to be made! "I'll tenderize your meat, baby," and such. The other good thing about meat tenderizer, which you'll make into a paste using water and then use as a spot treatment, is that you can control how much liquid goes into it, which is helpful when treating items like featherbeds that will need to be air dried (or hairdried). As for the sheets, treating them with a stain remover before laundering in cold water ought to do the trick, but I would definitely suggest getting the sheets into the wash as soon as possible. Which you're going to do anyway, because you wouldn't dream of leaving blood-stained sheets on the bed, right? Right??? Right.

There are other treatments for blood stains which have been previously covered in Ask a Clean Person, so I'm going to link to that as reference source for you.

Okay but the second question … I kinda got nothing. Well no, that's not true — I have Trusted Ladies of The Hairpin (TLoTH), and so I emailed a very small group of 'em to explain about the question I'd just gotten and to ask the following: So sort of two things, I guess: (1) do you have things to add to the question? (2) Seriously though, how are you guys dealing with this because I have all-white linens and an, ahem, active sex life. #OxiClean.

The answers were interesting, though we didn't really hit on a solution; this is where, hopefully, you all come in! But the conversation was enlightening enough in other ways that we felt like we wanted share some of it.

TLoTH #1: I feel like I grimly had period sex for years, until I decided I was secure enough in being a Sex Positive Feminist to admit that I secretly thought period sex was ick and too much work. (Not that it's actually ick, just that I found it ick! <3 u, period sex ladies.)

But until I wussed out, it was stupid towels that didn't work.  And then you have a blood-soaked towel!  And if you fall asleep after, you wake up and you have this MOMENT where you totally understand how Sid Vicious felt when he came to, y'know?

Wow, that went to a weird place.

TLoTH #2: I had a very similar ick moment! Though occasionally I will have sex on like, the tail end of my period? So there will be some stuff you need to wipe on a towel, which I will be able to quickly soak in the bathroom sink with a bit of laundry detergent and then wash and everything is fine. But mostly I figured out it just didn't feel great when I was on my period.

But back to this period sex enthusiast, which, go her! I have actually had friends who have said they've managed to have sex WITH A TAMPON IN. Which I am totally amazed by, and I don't think I'd ever do it, but it is possible. So, you can try that? I think it just moves to the side? It's something to try, in any case. Or just declare it "blow job week" and have a fun time with that so he can have a fun time with oral sex week the week after.

TLoTH #3: WHAT!

With a tampon in WHAT!

No but WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TLoTH #4: Boringest answer ever: I don't do it on day 1 or 2, and then after that I time it out so that I have a relatively fresh tampon in until two seconds before. Fuck a TSS. And also TWO towels, one for under you and one for any other messes.

Also, TLoTH #1! Never fall asleep after! Pee after. Always pee after, you guys. Signed, The Woman Who Refuses to Get UTIs Anymore.

TLoTH #5: FYI, I have had three glasses of wine and one beer, but I'd be this candid dead sober too, so whatever. I am firmly pro-period sex, 'cause it sucks to not have sex, especially with your boyfriend or husband or friend with benefits for a whole week. It's fun! Pretend like he's stabbing you to death with his, um ... is that a fun game for anyone else? ... No? Just me then? I usually go for a towel, too.

Otherwise, all blood stains I use the method my mother ceremonially passed down to me, when I first became a woman, for treating Period Panties. Rinse in cold water (hot water sets a stain!), scrub with soap, and then let soak for several hours in cold water. Works best with FRESH blood and pretty okay for the morning-after dried blood.

Sorry I am so weird (not sorry). Gonna go watch Vampire Diaries and see if I can pick up any other tips.

TLoTH #3: Yeah, I don't really have any tips — it is a mess — other than: be in a hotel. Or, in the bathroom? Although joint showers are highly overrated.
TLoTH #6: SHARING A SHOWER IS THE WORST EVER. Boy does it feel good to say that.

In the spirit of sharing things that are not showers, here's what I've got: I tend to love period sex. Raging sex beast, etc. I've noticed that it goes in cycles, though, when sometimes the absolute last thing I want is to have sex when I'm sur la rag. I've not tracked those cycles because cripes, another thing to track? No thanks. So I have no idea if there's any rhyme or reason to my period sex-beastery.

But also! I'm in a long-distance thing and so if I'm getting my period over a visitation weekend? Sorry, we're doing it. I try to clean up afterwards, at least as best I can, by taking a wet-but-not-soaking-but-more-than-damp washcloth to the stains. Sometimes I'll even use a little soap! In terms of time-of strategies? Lady being on top really helps. Acrobatic concessions need to be made. I have gone in search of an inexpensive set of red sheets before. They are not easy to find.

Now that we've overshared, how about you have at it? One of you holds the secret, I just know it.

Previously: Make Your Bed.

Jolie Kerr is not paid to endorse any of the products mentioned in this column, but she sure would be very happy to accept any free samples the manufacturers care to send her way! Are you curious to know if she's answered a question you have? Do check out the archives, listed by topic. More importantly: is anything you own dirty?

Photo by karam Miri, via Shutterstock

475 Comments / Post A Comment

The Lady of Shalott

I have dark red sheets. I swear. And dark red towels.

Also, HYDROGEN PEROXIDE GETS OUT BLOODSTAINS. All the bloodstains. And it bubbles while it works!

martinipie

@The Lady of Shalott Yeah...I have purple sheets/towels for the same reason.

Porn Peddler

@The Lady of Shalott I LOVE hydrogen peroxide!

queenofbithynia

@The Lady of Shalott I was going to say. I originally got red sheets so I could drink wine in bed but they are multi-purpose.

Oh, squiggles

-_-

The next set of sheets I buy will be dark red, and so shall all the sheets bought after that. And I will drink all the wine, and have all the menstration!...wait no, that second part doesn't sound good. But the wine idea is BOSS!

AndSomethingElse

I have crimson sheets because I like red, but now I'm really looking forward to explaining to everyone who comes over that it's to facilitate period sex.

packedsuitcase

@Awesomely Nonfunctional Black. Black sheets.

Also, joining the land of the ladies with the periods soon, so please picture me furiously taking notes.

AndSomethingElse

@The Lady of Shalott Nooooo! Black sheets show sex stains! I mean, normal sex stains!

tortietabbie

@packedsuitcase Seconding Alexander - black sheets only seem like a good idea until you have sex on them and then it's a horror show!

packedsuitcase

@The Lady of Shalott Grrr, why does the Pin like to pretend anybody that comments after me does not exist?

Obviously it has been a long time since I have had a man friend over for sexytimes! So how to dark red sheets not have the same problem as black sheets? I can see how they're better for blood, but why are they any better than black for other assorted fluids?

themmases

@tortietabbie And a wonderful excuse to make your bed! Or, wait, am I the only one who's gross like that?

spoondisaster

@The Lady of Shalott Because other sex stains tend to turn up as white and it's like they just sit on top of black sheets like neon "SOMEONE FUCKED HERE" signs.

AndSomethingElse

@packedsuitcase Valid question and I'm not totally sure? I mean, they do show up, probably more than on white sheets, but not nearly as much as black sheets. Spoon Disaster (SPOOOOOOON!) is right: sex stains on black sheets are just...very loud.

itiresias

@Alexander Insanely. Loud. I quoth a recent text message: "My sheets are utterly revolting."

selkie86

@The Lady of Shalott
Wine! Why did I never think of the wine!?

cmcm

My boyfriend calls my period "blowjob week" for a reason. (for the record: that means for both of us). I do not like blood, ever.

cmcm

@cmcm Oh, I just noticed I am not the only one to call this blowjob week, TLoTH #2.

SuperGogo

@cmcm Word. Besides, a few-day break from p-in-v can lead to creativeness and shaking-up-of-routine-ness, which is a good thing.

olivebee

@cmcm Seconded. I HATE blood, hate messes, and just overall hate the idea of my poor husband having to do that. I also have no problem waiting a week (or longer?), so it sounds like I am a total oddball anyway.

ETA: I got shivers at the idea of sex with a tampon in, because I vividly remember reading about toxic shock syndrome in middle school health class. Also in high school, my friend told me a story about how a friend of hers had lost the tampon somewhere inside of her because of doing sexy-time things while still wearing it. Shivers.

cmcm

@olivebee The thought that blood is coming out of my vagina is an instant turn-off for me. Also, the first time we have sex after my period is done is always awesome because I am like OMG WE HAVEN'T DONE IT IN FOREVER.

Judith Slutler

@cmcm EXACTLY, it's like GUESS WHAT. GET UP IN THERE. NOW.

iceberg

@cmcm YES. I get horrible cramps and feel gross so I don't want to do it anyway, even if it didn't make a mess, but by the end of the week it's like LET'S DO THIS.

...or it was before we had babies and sex happens when they're asleep and we aren't too exhausted, so not that often.

MoxyCrimeFighter

@all I'm glad I'm not the only one who isn't thrilled about period sex! I've never tried, mostly because now that I'm off BC, I have really heavy periods that last pretty much for days (...whee), and when I was on BC, I was in a LDR (which is totally backwards-seeming) and had a few days in between sexytimes to let nature run its course. But annnnyway, I'm just kinda squicked out by it? Like, normal sex fluids bother me not at all, and blood doesn't usually bother me, but I just can't get on board with trying to fuck in a crimson tidal wave. As part of my development as a sex/body positive feminist, I'm trying to be less embarrassed about my body just doin' what it does (luckily I have a boyfriend who was married and has a kid, so there isn't a whole lot he hasn't encountered) so I'm slowly starting to be okay with, like, pantyliner amounts of blood. But I generally just don't feel like having sex when I'm having my period, anyway, and I'll sometimes wait even when I'm not menstruating just because sex is like whoa after waiting so...yeah. /oversharing

acookieaday

@cmcm Blowjob and back rub week over here. I admit I'm curious about how exactly the both part works as I wouldn't be totally comfortable with that myself.

cmcm

@acookieaday Keep a tampon in, so only certain parts get serviced but it's better than nothing.

mamzelle

@acookieaday diva cup. that suction lets nothing through!

noodge

@cmcm I, too, am so so glad to find that I'm not the only person who truly doesn't want to have period sex. I have (what I think is) a healthy libido, but it's really NBD to take, what, like 4-5 days off? If he wants a BJ during that time, SURE! why not? and he likewise reciprocates when I'm feeling rarin' to go but he's not feeling it.

realtalk

@acookieaday I'm in an LDR and we get like one weekend a month together. If it happens to be period weekend, we do it anyway. But when we lived in the same place, it was def def bj/backrub week.

Although @cmcm, I'm super intrigued by the divacup idea....

@cmcm I call it "shark week."

Live every week like it's shark week?

nerds

@cmcm I call it shark week, too! It's the best! I mean, not shark week itself, just calling it that.

whateverlolawants

@mamzelle Instead Cups allow you to do P-in-theV, guys!!!

AndSomethingElse

@whateverlolawants Shark week! Win! Thank you for that.

I'm going to go ahead and admit to being squeamish about going down on a girl during Shark Week. I mean, I've done it, it's not like the end of the world (and - she was a light flow person - honestly, I barely even noticed), but it's not my favorite thing ever.

realtalk

@Alexander we trade backrubs for blowjobs when the communists invade my funbox, and then the next week he works extra hard to make up for the orgasm gap. so that is a way of saying that I think it's totally normal, and I wouldn't want to go down on a lady during her period either, and there's plenty of ways to have a good time besides that!

mamzelle

@whateverlolawants I've always heard they are quite "Vacuum sealed" and i don't want anyone drinking the blood involuntarily. the diva cup, if you put it in right and it isn't overfull, really lets nothing through

MoonBat

@realtalk "When the Communists invade my funbox" is the best part of this whole thread.

AndSomethingElse

@MoonBat "When the communists invade my funbox" is the best part of the whole internet.

gtrachel

@olivebee Ugh, you can't lose it, there's nowhere for it to go. I've had sex with a tampon in. The string went on a long journey, and I had to reach way up there with my fingers to get it, but I didn't LOSE it. I also don't see how it could have any effect whatsoever on whether or not you contract TSS -- unless you just leave the tampon in there afterwards, which you would never ever do, duh!

gtrachel

@Alexander Shark Week ha ha ha ha! I'm with you, I wouldn't want to go down on me then, either.

carolita

@SuperGogo Yeah, the days when I needed sex more than once a week have long gone. And I don't mean I'm getting old. I just mean that when I used to work my butt off for other people or was employed 9 to 5 doing someone else's time planning and production work, it was like, Damned if I'm gonna work my ass off for someone else for only 30K a year without benefits and not get laid after a long day's work. But working on my own personal stuff seems to reduce the need. I think it's because, in Lacanian psychoanalysis terms, the "jouissance" (sort of like orgasm but more the idea behind it, the extreme pleasure arrived at from pursuing one's desire) is no longer just in my body, but in my work, too. So, for me, my period is just a few extra days of enjoying myself. Literally: my self. (Aside from the cramps and all the blood, which I could certainly do with a little less of.)

Aphrodite

@S. Elizabeth YES! I totally call mine shark week, too!!

olivejuice

@cmcm Same here, only mine calls it "Hummer Week" and gleefully exclaims "everybody loves Hummer Week"!

Quin

@realtalk I'm just starting a LDR (yay moving for a job *sigh*) but he's all sorts of squeamish about blood and my next period is due the next weekend he's planning on visiting. I'm probably just going to skip the placebo round and start my next set of BC this time, and hope next time I suggest a weekend I remember to check when I'm supposed to be bleeding. Guh!

carolita

@cmcm try the sponge! that's exactly what happened to me the time I tried it, and it worked like a charm. Why mess with your hormones?

steelyaja

@olivebee Urban legend! You cannot lose a tampon inside of yourself!

AndSomethingElse

@starbitrary Now I feel like this is a dare. I BET I CAN.

Hey, as long as we're talking about red stains: is there any way to get a wine stain out of a white shirt 24 hours later?

Craftastrophies

@Alexander So late to this whole thread, but as if I am not going to comment. I mean, COME ON.

I am so glad that TLoTH#1 said that. I am basically like, it's gross, don't touch it. And then I feel like I think I'm dirty and my lady things are evil. Which I don't, but I cannot and will not like them, and they do not make me feel sexy, ever. Ok, it's GROSS. And I'm fine with it, but often my period makes me feel really disphoric, too. My boyfriend is not fussed and will do anything any time, but I cannot DEAL with him going down on me when I wouldn't do the same. And if I'm not enjoying it, what's the point.

For me, it's usually no sex the first couple days - I rarely feel like it, for the few days before and just after the start of my period, having orgasms makes me cramp. YAY THANKS UTERUS. And I feel all bloaty and uncomfortable. Once I'm feeling less gross I tend to be just finishing up bleeding, and any mess is contained by a towel under and another to wipe on, which I try to have anyway because I am... extra messy. Why am I even trying to be discreet on a thread like this?? Anyway. There's usually a towel within reach.

Sometimes I feel like a bad feminist for not wanting to draw sexy pictures with my monthly magical flow, but I hate it and I think it's fine to hate it? You can't make me love my uterus, YOU CAN'T MAKE ME.

As an aside, I think I am going to try a non-diva cup. The diva has been a bit uncomf the last few times, it feels too hard and long? Anyone have a rec for a particular one?

slutberry

Aside from soaking in cold water, I got nothing. Also I'm the kind of Clean Person who immediately leaps up to soak everything. Always.

SarahP

@teffodee Me too! A towel underneath us IS enough for me, but on the days I forget to grab a towel first, as soon as we've each cleaned ourselves up in the bathroom, I come back with a wet cloth and scrub out any stains. Before bed.

Quinn A@twitter

I used to just do it on the floor. Much easier to wipe up a hardwood floor than to try to get blood out of fabric. Getting on all fours helps minimize the mess too.

Also, yes, shared showers are awful. Mine's big enough that I could avoid the whole "one of you freezes while the other's under the spray of the water" thing, but it's just awkward to wash your genitalia in front of your partner. Or is that just me?

Porn Peddler

@Quinn A@twitter I'm pretty sure my partner and I have seen each other poop so we are way past anything about a shower being awkward.

batgirl

@Quinn A@twitter Yes to the genitalia thing! That is totally awkward and weird. They can play with my fun parts all they want but I kind of want to be alone when I give them a good scrubbing.

You know what else is awful? Sex in the shower. It's slippery, there's water spraying in your face, soap getting into places it shouldn't. Maybe I'm just old and boring (I'm not, really) but I really like to have sex in bed, where it's comfortable. And it's convenient for the falling asleep part after!

Quinn A@twitter

@batgirl Oh, God, sex in the shower. I tried it once with someone who was about a foot taller than I am, and wound up having to brace myself in a way that meant that my lower back kept getting slammed against a grab bar. Which I didn't mind, because I was a drunken kinky chick. (I'm still a mildly kinky chick, but am very rarely drunken these days) Anyway, the upshot was that I woke up the next morning with a huge bruise running all the way across my back. I could barely walk for a couple of days, and my kidneys hurt for months. It makes for a pretty funny story if I tell it right, but NEVER AGAIN.

SarahP

@Quinn A@twitter You guys, I like shower sex!

[...I then started to go into detail but just realized that while I'm totally fine with spoken TMI, committing these things to writing on the internet is not for me. :/ Nevermind.]

batgirl

@Quinn A@twitter There is nothing wrong with sex in the shower, per se, but I just prefer a horizontal position when I'm getting busy. If I'm in the shower, I have to pay attention to trying not to slip and kill myself instead of focusing on what's going down. Distracts me too much...

Veronica Mars is smarter than me

@batgirl Yes ugh, so much goddamned WORK! And DANGER! And also there is ZERO ROOM IN THERE. Queen or King sized bed, please!

I mean, I can't even masturbate in the shower. I would literally fall over and kill myself when I came. Do other ladies' legs still WORK when they're having an orgasm?

batgirl

@Veronica Mars is smarter than me I think I did have an orgasm in the shower once and I'm pretty sure I almost fell over. Not a good idea!

ayo nicole

@Veronica Mars is smarter than me Whenever a dude suggests shower sex, I tell him he's going to have to explain my cause of death to my family.

Xanthophyllippa

@batgirl I fell asleep in the shower once. Not during shower sex, but the same thing about almost falling over.

Changeling

@Quinn A@twitter
I can not manage to have sex standing up because my partner is almost a foot taller than me, but we can still have standing SexyTimes if one of us is kneeling or reaching around. Also good in the shower.

Craftastrophies

@Veronica Mars is smarter than me Mine do not. Shower sex is the WORST, fearing that I will slip and fall to my death is not a turn on for me.

I don't like to share a shower. It's not the awkward, it's the space. You're in my SPACE and now I can't reach the bits I need to wash and also, this is my private white noise generator why are you talking?

oldtobegin

@Veronica Mars is smarter than me i LITERALLY CANNOT have an orgasm if i am standing up. shower foreplay is great but shower sex is frustrating as hell.

Cat named Virtute

Is this the part where we guess who`s who? Number three`s question marks and exclamation points say Edith to me!

Nicole Cliffe

@Marika Pea@twitter I'lllllll never tell.

redheaded&crazy

@Nicole Cliffe I'm putting my money on #5

Porn Peddler

DO NOT EVER HAVE SEX WITH A TAMPON IN, THAT IS A HORRIBLE IDEA.
Taking it out right before sexytimes, if supplemented with some lube, is not a bad idea though.

You really just have to be diligent about grabbing at things with your bloody hands and not bone when you're bleeding like you've been shot. I keep a lot of hygiene-related things on my night stand because I am a raging sex educator (yes I really have latex gloves, a bazillion types of lube, a vase of condoms, a case of sex toys, etc next to my bed what you don't? why not?) If you're going to have sex on your period I feel like you have to be ready to just deal with the mess. I usually find a towel pretty adequate BUT HANDS, HANDS GET EVERYWHERE AND COVERED IN BLOOD. I tend to try really hard to wipe my hands on the towel or a tissue or an alcohol free unscented baby wipe (Another thing you should have in your nightstand for messy period sex) which might be generally useful for catching messes. Bottom line, if you have sex on your period while you are actively bleeding, you are going to get blood places and there isn't a magic trick...there is only being careful not to get bloody handprints everywhere.

Also, STAY ON TOP.

beanie

@Third Wave Housewife having sex with a tampon brings me back to a horrible, shudder-inducing story from highschool. My friend had sex with a tampon in (seriously a friend, it was not me), and then the tampon was so stuck inside her, they had to play "doctor" to get it out. This story still sounds painful even though they made lemonades out of lemons.

olivebee

@beanie Hahah I just shared the same story above. It was a friend of a friend, and if I recall correctly, she had to go to the actual doctor to get it out.

LeafySeaDragon

@beanie i have friends with a similar story - on theirs is gummy bears :/

Passion Fruit

@Third Wave Housewife Ahhhh, not to derail the topic, but do you have suggestions for lube? Or should I save that for Ask a Lady [In the Streets, Freak in the Bed... Actually, a Freak Everywhere, Have You Seen Her Meet New People? AWK.]?

ofmiceandgin

@beanie Do I know you? Because I had a similar experience in high school that involved drinking, sex, remembering I was on my period and had a tampon in, and then
ER-themed hijinks in a strangers bath tub to get the tampon out of me. It was an event that I found quite funny until I realized everyone I told had a hard time finding an appropriate way to react.

If we have period sex, we grab a dark, cheap rag towel before sexy times. If we still get bloodstains on the sheets, I run the blood stain under cold water, rub Dawn into the stain, rinse, pour hydrogen peroxide over stain and then wash in cold water. We make sure to get our asses out of bed after period sex and wipe ourselves off. Peeing and wiping myself off with a wet wipe works wonders for the remainder of my period. Period sex is great because it reduces the length of your period. An orgasm is a series of contractions that, when you're menstruating, expels a majority of the blood and tissue out of you.

GoooooooOOOOO menses *waves pom poms*

Porn Peddler

@Passion Fruit V by Icon Brands all the way. I assume you are asking because you hate lube/it hates your body and V is the gentlest, nicest lube ever. So few ingredients, so smooth, so mild. They make both liquids and gels so all your lube needs are covered! You will have to look around for it, may even need to order online...if that's not an option, Astroglide Natural in the brown box is a lot more common and has a comparable ingredient list. I swear I'm not paid to endorse V, it's just so nice.

Beericle

@Third Wave Housewife uh, how big is your nightstand? Seriously I can fit a bottle of water, lamp, condoms and lube on mine, and even THAT gets tricky. A CASE of sex toys? Do you have a display case for a nightstand?

Porn Peddler

@Beericle To be accurate, "my nightstand" also encompasses the area on the floor directly below it (where the case sits) mine is also just a big rectangle with a few shelves so it does hold a lot of stuff.

eleven

@Third Wave Housewife can you explain why stay on top? I'm always afraid of being on top during period sex... maybe its silly but I feel like it's tempting gravity and MORE blood will fall out of me at that angle.

Porn Peddler

@eleven Because then it pools all over your partner instead of your bed :D

(fun story. I once hopped on top and gave myself a wee little ruptured capillary somewhere in the depths of my vagina, except since it is an area with high blood flow, it bled way more than you'd expect....and pooled in Mister's bellybutton. It was horrible and fantastic.)

Xanthophyllippa

@ofmiceandgin That thing, about the orgasms = c

Craftastrophies

@Third Wave Housewife I am so glad you are here. Staying on top is also an excellent idea if you ejaculate. Even if you still need a towel, it's easier to position it where it's needed.

@ofmiceandgin Ever since having my implanon out, I've started having cramps - I never had this before - and orgasms the few days before and after I start my period now give me really painful cramps that sometimes make me cry. I hate my periods so freaking much.

On the other hand, ovulating makes me SO HORNY, it's pretty amazing.

Megasus

Yeah I don't get white sheets because they get dirty too quick without having period sex on them.
Also, I am way too lazy for period sex.

Porn Peddler

@Megan Patterson@facebook Yes. I am not grossed out by it, really, im just like "ugh I'm gonna have to go hit this towel with peroxide and try not to get blood on my sheets and mehhhhh...."

applestoapples

Period sex in the shower is worth the avoidance of cleaning dirty sheets. And you get to practice your standing technique.

Lady_Terminator

@applestoapples I just have period sex after i get out of the shower. Also, period cunnilingus!

gobblegirl

@applestoapples Shower sex sounds like a recipe for multiple concussions. Terrifying.

EpWs

@gobblegirl I have had some dangerous times in showers. Trust. Also make sure that your hand-holds are actually stable and not slippery or prone to coming off the walls.

applestoapples

@gobblegirl Not gonna lie, it takes traction and practice. Do not attempt without a shower mat and/or something to hold onto other than the tile. But I generally enjoy it.

Does Axl have a jack?

@applestoapples One of my bestest friends broke a couple of ribs that way. Seriously.
ETA: and then of course she had to figure out how to explain it to people.

gravie

@gobblegirl My boyfriend DID get a concussion from shower sex. Not with me though.

Craftastrophies

@applestoapples And that other thing should NOT be the hot tap.

Norrey

I second the "not on the bed" strategy. On the floor, or in the bathroom, or outside (if you happen to live in a secluded place like me!) or somewhere else that's easy to clean up after. Also, this is maybe weird, but I put our sleeping bags down if necessary, and then I just throw them in the wash after, cause, honestly, I really don't care what stains are on the inside of those.

angelinha

@Norrey Sleeping bags! Genius!

Norrey

@klibberfish Right? And they're made of that synthetic stuff that's not very absorbent anyways, so the stain doesn't really set it.

sam.i.am

I've never understood the appeal of period sex. When I'm surfing the crimson wave, everything hurts down there and I can't imagine bringing more activity to the area. No thank you. I don't even like to wax too close to the sacred week.

But shared showers? YES. PLEASE. Although it helps if you have a large shower with a bench that gets some of the water. Turning the vent off also works wonders because it keeps everything nice and steamy.

Porn Peddler

@sam.i.am For much of my period, I feel that way as well, but I almost always want to fuck, so in those twelve hour lulls between waves of horror, I am a monster.

applestoapples

@Third Wave Housewife Same here. My period tends to last only three days, so I'm only out of commission for one day. The other two I'm like an i can haz walrus searching for a bucket filled with orgasms. Even though it's more trouble to go through, period sex is necessary to tame the monster within.

Oh, squiggles

@applestoapples 3 days?! Wow, way to roll the menstrual dice. Lucky!

EpWs

@applestoapples THREE DAYS? I am in awe of your genetics.

applestoapples

@Awesomely Nonfunctional and The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Overall convenient, but the first day is usually a horror show. Just imagine every menstrual symptom all at once and twice as intense.

liznieve

@Third Wave Housewife YES TO PERIOD HORNINESS. Except for the first day of excruciating pain, where, ew, get your mitts off me! the rest of the time is like I WANT IT ALL RIGHT NOW. And my partner, being the gem he is, gets right in there and gets to it. Sheets be damned. Although, OxiClean and cold water are your friends.

tortietabbie

@liznieve I get pre-period horniness, which I think must coincide with my ovulation cycle. Like my body wants to make a baby super super bad and translates that to horniness so I'll get on board. Once my period starts, though, I generally want to be left alone.

fabel

@liznieve Same, I am ferociously horny during my period & I find that sex sort of helps my excruciating cramps? And also makes my period end sooner sorryifthisisgross because the pounding...gets everything out? At once? All over my sheets, obviously.

Jennifer Michelle@facebook

@sam.i.am Twinsies! I'm also on for 3, maybe 4, days but with the first day being so godawful it's not worth it.

ChloeCatastrophe

Softcup! Softcup? Softcup! Not a huge step for the loyal DivaCuppists out there, and way cleaner than anything else I've tried.

Porn Peddler

@ChloeCatastrophe I'm stunned that it works! I may have to try this.

Monkey

@ChloeCatastrophe YES. Nice fresh Instead cup up in there right before. BF says they feel a little weird for him but better than not having sex.

Annabelle

@Monkey
I've had the same complaint - he said it felt like it was "rubbing him raw," which sounds vaguely horrifying! Does anyone know some secret technique to putting the cup in so he won't feel it?

reallykatie

@Third Wave Housewife yes!!! i was just coming to recommend the same thing!!! softcup all the way.

reallykatie

i will add, though -- sometimes it makes a weird crinkly noise when things are, uh, being prodded, so maybe put some music on or be prepared to laugh.

heb
heb

@ChloeCatastrophe Yes! I said diaphragm down thread, but these work too.

Monkey

@Annabelle Ooh, "rubbing him raw" sounds a little more extreme? I wonder if it just has to do with body shapes/sizes?

PistolPackinMama

@ChloeCatastrophe YES YES YES!

THIS!!!!!!

Here, these! RIGHT HERE THESE.

Put a new one in right before getting busy. Unless you have personal geography that is kind of unusual in shape (or size), you don't even know it is there.

SOFT CUP

SOFT. CUP.

PistolPackinMama

@Annabelle Maybe make sure it's alllllllll the way up in there.

Or perhaps your gentleman caller is just too voluminous for that to work? In which case... win some lose some, I guess.

Annabelle

@PistolPackinMama Yeah, it was my first use of a softcup (I'm normally a DivaCup girl) so maybe I didn't push it in all the way? Or maybe it was the position we were in?

As for his size, I'm not gonna touch that question with a ten-foot...um, nevermind.

supergirlieque

@ChloeCatastrophe 2nd-ing, 3rd-ing, 8th-ing (?!) the SOFT CUP vote. Being in a kind of LDR (he lives 1.5 hours away and I work 70+ hours a week!) we can't let our time together slip away! THESE ARE A GOD SEND. I don't use them for any other time except sexy-times.

reallykatie

@supergirlieque that's when i discovered them too. they are a lifesaver when you only get a few days a month to get busy and your ovaries decide to LITERALLY RAIN ON YOUR PARADE.

hairspin

@PistolPackinMama How do you get it out???

OhMarie

@Monkey Yeah, I was super pumped about SoftCups when I first heard of them, but my partner haaaated it (and we've been together for 11 years but still use condoms so he is not a picky guy when it comes to doin it). I really think it does just have to do with anatomy. We have, um, a snug fit?

PistolPackinMama

@hairspin Ummm... you reach up and hook it out. NBD, if you don't mind sticking your fingers up into your vagina. It takes a little practice to get it out without spilling everywhere (by which I mean, toilet or shower floor). But once you get the hang of it, Tah-Dah!

hairspin

@PistolPackinMama thanks!

mustelid

@all y'all I'll add another vote for the softcup/Instead cup, BUT

YOU CAN'T USE ONE IF YOU HAVE AN IUD. I REPEAT, DO NOT USE IF YOU HAVE AN IUD.

Unlike the Divacup, Instead cups sit right below the cervix. When you go to take it out, you will totally snag your strings and accidentally pull your IUD out and you will cry in the shower for a few hours, partly from the pain but mostly because oh god IUDs are so expensive and that shit was supposed to last for twelve years noooooooooooo

couche_tard

@ChloeCatastrophe I totally use one with my IUD. Never had a problem, but my IUD is has been in a long time (after about two years in, they generally stay put) and I pull it out very slowly and wiggly to break any seal that may have formed up between the Softcup and my cervix.
But yeah, these are the best thing ever for periodsex.

EpWs

Am I the only one who doesn't have period sex? Just...not interested in it?

beanie

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher no. I'm totally not down. It's bj week then, if that.

Megasus

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I do not have a light flow at ALL, so period sex would just end up being like horror movie surgery or something.

olivebee

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I'm not either. I don't think I ever would.

parallel-lines

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I've tried it, but the smell and seeing someone covered in blood sort of kills the mood.

iceberg

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher you are not aloooooooooone, we are here with youuuuuuu!

ellbeejay@twitter

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I have never even tried period sex. Honestly didn't even know that people did it for the longest time, but I've always been a gusher, so I assumed that no one would ever want to clean up that kind of mess. It's never really bothered me to wait a week or so, and the hubs is fine with a return to the good ol' days of hand and blow jobs.

EpWs

@all of y'all: I am so glad you are all here with me! I have a pretty heavy period situation and have been having wicked PMS the past few months so I am generally just of the "I just want to bleed and sleep" mindset anyway.

Quasi-related topic: I think I am going to talk to my gyno about going on Seasonale/ique/whathaveyou, because get rid of my periods, seriously, they are revolting. Anybody on it? Any thoughts? I have heard good things!

Killerpants

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Yea, I'm so with you. I feel like crud and it's near impossible for me to get off while on it, so not really feeling the sexy times.

If anything this whole comment section has proven to me once again that I have a way lower sex drive than, like, everyone. It's not even a thing to not have sex of any kind for 4 or 5 or 6 or 7 days or whatever. I wish I had these raging (to me) libidos you all have.

Does Axl have a jack?

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Yeah, I'm not entirely down for sexytimes reminiscent of the prom scene from Carrie.

Nancy Sin

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I'm a huge advocate of skipping periods on the pill. You can do it with any monophasic pill and there are a lot of resources out there on how to do so. I've done it for a few years on a few different brands. That being said, I loved Seasonique, however it shot up my blood pressure and I had to quit. But talk to your doc, they tend to be quite supportive of this sort of thing.

KKMF

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I just started Seasonique! I was on Ortho for a while with not-terrible periods, but then I finally paid attention to one of those commercials and realized how lovely it would be to only have a period every three months. My gyno said the large majority of her patients that are on it are very happy with it. There was a bit of spotting after the first month, but since then, none. I recommend it, more sexy time without even having to think about the clean-up.

ImASadGiraffe

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I'm on Seasonale for a year now and it is definitely the best ever. I used to be on the Patch and that was awful.

fondue with cheddar

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I've considered it because my periods are heavy and last long, but I don't know if I'd want to stop my periods altogether. My anatomy is such that I have a tendency to get mild infections fairly often, and my period clears it right up every month. Maybe it's a pH change? Anyway, I don't know that I'd want to give that up.

Also, I don't like the way the hormones change my body and mind.

EpWs

@AlwaysHaveToGo "More sexy time without even having to think about the clean-up." This is SO MUCH of the reason I want to go on this. More sexy times please! (@KillerPants, I normally have a pretty high sex drive that just goes on hold when I'm, y'know, bleeding. As soon as my period's over I'm back up again.)
@ImASadGiraffe, @Nancy Sin, thanks for the input! I have a gyno appointment sometime this month (I need to schedule that...) so I will talk to my doc then.

Belladatura

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I have been period free for 5 years thanks to Seasonale/ique/generic. Seriously the best and I'm ever so glad my gyno recommended. You can have a period every 3 months or 6 months or never.

dham

Incredible overshare answer: If my period is too heavy, I'll bring a dildo/vibrator into the shower with me before sex, and just kind of go to town. This gets a surprising amount of blood out. I try to do this as near to likely sex as possible.

Porn Peddler

@dham .....this is brilliant.

cloudy

@dham seriously you are a scientist. this could really change things.

wee_ramekin

~*~O_O~*~

Gob.Smacked.

Alli525

@dham Wait, so -- does that just temporarily get the blood out so you can have sexytimes? Or does it (on average) make your period shorter? I am SO TIRED of having 6 or 7 day periods, every month, for the last 13 years.

ImASadGiraffe

@dham This is relevant to my interests and I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

rocknrollunicorn

@dham You are the smartest woman alive. Publish this idea, receive Nobel Prize.

fondue with cheddar

@dham I do that sometimes. Other times I just stand in the shower and bear down to push out as much blood as I can, then I do a finger-scoop to get out most of what's in my vagina. My periods are very heavy, and this usually helps as long as it's not too long of a session and I say on my back the whole time.

Your way is much more fun, though. :)

BuffyBot

I am not having regular enough sex to have tried this out, but my friend swears by Softcups. http://www.walgreens.com/store/c/instead-softcup-12-hour-period-protection/ID=prod16459-product?ext=gooPersonal_Care_PLA_Maxi_Pads_prod16459&adtype=pla
Their FAQ even says they're save to keep in during sex!
They're kinda like a DivaCup alternative. I bought a bunch, but, as I said. No boys currently in my yard.

parallel-lines

@BuffyBot They are awesome and perfect for IUD ladies (do NOT use a keeper, it can suck your IUD right out and ouch ouch ouch!)

I have had dudes complain they can feel the rim of the softcup but YMMV.

Megasus

@parallel-lines They can stop complaining until they start bleeding out of their penis once a month.

Sea Ermine

@BuffyBot NOOOOO don't use Softcup menstrual cups with an IUD. They sit too close to the cervix and are not recommended for people with IUDs (it's even mentioned on their website: http://www.softcup.com/faqs/can-i-use-softcup-iud although usually the things I've heard about softcups + IUDs are more strongly against than what was mentioned in the link) because the suction can pull it out. What you can use are reusable menstrual cups provided that the holes are wide enough (certain brands mention they aren't for IUD users because if the holes are too small you can't release the suction well before pulling it out). You just have to be careful not to accidentally grab the string when pulling out (possibly what happened with your keeper) and to absolutely break the seal before pulling it out as well. Unfortunately reusable cups (like Lunnette or MeLuna or something) sit too low to be used with vaginal intercourse but they are fine for manual and/or cunnilingus.

youresmalltime

And if you fall asleep after, you wake up and you have this MOMENT where you totally understand how Sid Vicious felt when he came to, y'know?

Choking on my Chinese food.

Tyler Coates

This is where the bold gay men can step in and be like, "Oh, we know all about messes!" Might I recommend a dark-colored sex towel?

wee_ramekin

Tyler Coates: Bold Gay Man™

I like it. You should use it on your resumé.

Tricia

I avoid day 1 and day 2, take a good shower right before, and then use sheets that are already stained.

DancingOnMyOwn

When I was twelve, my older cousin taught me to call is "Crime Scene Sex."

In the interest of oversharing: My boyfriend and I accidentally started to have sex while I had a tampon in once. It totally got "lost" inside me and I couldn't even find the string to pull it out. He went digging around in there until he found it and got it out for me. This was also in the pretty early stages of our relationship. Pretty much cemented my love for him then and there.

I have nothing of value to add to the whole cleaning of the sheets part of this conversation. <3 you, Hairpin!

Aubergines

Period sex can be fun! But seriously, DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH A TAMPON IN. I got carried away once, and basically afterwards could not get that tampon out for love nor money. We were on a remote scottish island, and three days later I got to the doctors. Fortunately he removed it no problem, and I got a panel of tests for infections along with a lecture about not doing that again.

I'm incredibly lucky to have low flow, so a few towels does the job.

couche_tard

@Aubergines seriously dude, I am a RN at PParenthood and you would not believe the number of stuck tampons we dig out of ladies.

wee_ramekin

@couche_tard, I just want to thank you for working for Planned Parenthood, and let you know that I really appreciate that work you and your colleagues do.

couche_tard

@wee_ramekin Aw, shucks! You're welcome, but really it's no big thang.

Xanthophyllippa

@couche_tard Okay, that made me laugh harder than was strictly appropriate. Your language there is fabulous.

Judith Slutler

Also how the hell do people have period sex without making an insane mess?

With menstrual cup, sans vaginal penetration.

Y'all need to broaden your definition of sex! I love getting railed as much as the next woman OR POSSIBLY MORE, but one week without PIV can be damn fun in that way where you're like "aaaahhhh I can't wait" but still having all kinds of other sexy times. Like fooling around back in the day!

Summer Somewhere

@Emmanuelle Cunt Or like lesbian sex, which is awesome and my favorite, even with dudes.

Which reminds me, one thing I never considered about a lady-lady relationship: there are TWO PERIODS. My lady doesn't want to be touched when she's bleeding and is eeked out by my blood so sexytimes need to be seriously scheduled in sometimes. :(

leastimportantperson

<3 oversharing the most of all things.

wharrgarbl

No period sex for me, thanks, but wouldn't one of those waterproof throws or bed covers Dan Savage is always on about when female ejaculation comes up be just the thing? If they can keep things dry and tidy for ladies who squirt like a water cannon, surely they'd be aces for getting it on whilst one's lady-times are upon one?

Craftastrophies

@wharrgarbl Yes. But also the reuseable ones are harder to clean than towels are. And they're comparatively expensive, so I mind more if I can't get it clean than if I can't get my grody sex towels clean.

Uh... I mean, a friend. A friend minds more.

karenb

incontinence sheets (towel-sized, absorbant, go over your bedsheet for the occasion) are not made for this purpose, but they work - soft on one side, waterproof on the other, washable. not super sexy, but it saves your sheets/mattress/everything.

MichelleL

@karenb Uh, feels like a weird time to make this my first-ever hairpin comment, but: there is a sexy version of this called the Liberator Fascinator Throe (the same people who make those memory-foam sex shapes), available in several colors. It feels nice and looks like any other comfy blanket. Works quite well!

karenb

@MichelleL that was my first comment, too - you're in good company!
also, thanks! i knew there had to be a sexytimes version out there!

karenb

@MichelleL also! amazon has it in leopard print! i mean, may as well go big or go home, no? (http://www.amazon.com/Fascinator-10356-Throe-Leopard-Microfiber/dp/B003GJDJI2/ref=sr_1_1?s=hpc&ie=UTF8&qid=1331229189&sr=1-1)

MichelleL

@karenb Foxy! And when it comes to sex blankets, one should go big or go home, of course.

lue
lue

@karenb
I was just imagining how easy it would be to sew a soft fabric on one side to a shower curtain or waterproof fabric on the other. Boom, sex blanket.I think I might make one this weekend, because our current method is to use our bad towels, aka dog towels.

rocknrollunicorn

@karenb I like the White Tiger print, myself. I also like that they don't just call it Zebra. I mean, it looks like zebra print.

Craftastrophies

@lue We bought one off of ebay from a lady who custom makes them, so she could make it bigger. But it would totally be easy to make - the one we got has soft vinyl fabric on the back that is waterproof, and it's padded but I don't know what with. You could definitely do vinyl/shower curtain/whatever + towel + nice to lie on fabric, in a sandwich. Except I don't think my sewing machine would handle it.

Stevie

Hmm, I must be on the "lighter flow" team, but what works for me is to take out a tampon right before, and then we skip the fingering foreplay, and everything is pretty clean. We do put a towel down but it rarely gets anything on it... I mean, I miss the foreplay, but it's worth it to get boned, amiright?

entangled

@Stevie I'm on the "lightest flow" team. apparently birth control killed my period, which is amazing. the four or so times a year I get it, it's so light that none of this is an issue at all. except for remembering to take the tampon out because I am in pain just thinking about leaving it in.

kapitalk

I am going to be super TMI here. I have special period sheets, not only for period sex but because I am so paranoid about TSS that I refuse to sleep with my keeper in so I... free bleed it. And I bleed a lot.

So. Oldest, rattiest sheets become period-time sheets, with a thick canvas cover that goes between the sheets and the mattress to protect the mattress, and then a period towel (dark red, only used for this) that goes under my butt cuz like I said, I bleed a lot.

This system has saved me a lot of fuss and bother and ruined sheets, although it means timing my post-period laundry in the communal laundry room to avoid frightened stares. Also, it means having a partner who doesn't mind sleeping next to a giant puddle of menses.

JoanTition

@kapitalk
right there with you, lady!
also I like that you said "special sheets" because they ARE special and not just OTHER SHEETS. I mean, right?

iceberg

@kapitalk No judgies, but... why don't you use pads? I would never wear a tampon at night. I mean I know pads are like all bulky & shit but it seems more convenient and less messy?

JoanTition

@iceberg
I always wake up with pads stuck to uncomfortable things and places... so special underwear (okay, maybe all the underwear) and special sheets it is!

kapitalk

@iceberg Oh I am just weird and incredibly sensitive and pads make me want to claw my eyes out, but somehow sleeping on a wet towel doesn't? Also feel free to judge my disgusting approach to life.

Ellie

@kapitalk Uhhh this is an incredibly terrible story but . . . on the subject of toxic shock syndrom . . .

My mom left a tampon in for a month once. A MONTH. She forgot to take it out on the end of her period and only noticed when she went to put another tampon in the next month. She was fine and nothing happened. I thought this would be impossible but I left a tampon in for like a day once having forgotten I had one in, I was like "I knew it was the end of my period, but that was abrupt" and wondering why I felt kind of dry and scratchy, and then I suddenly discovered it.

phlox

@JoanTition Do you know about reusable pads? There are tons on etsy and I am sure there are commercial makers, too, but they have flaps with a snap that goes on the bottom outside and there's nothing sticky, then you just throw them in the wash.

fabel

@kapitalk I also free-bleed it, although my bleeding is pretty light. I always sleep naked so wearing underwear just to wear a pad is annoying & I generally only wear tampons when I'm going to be out and about. So yeah, I've stained a lot of things.

JoanTition

@kapitalk
I think of that every month and promptly forget EVERY FRIGGING MONTH. I'd proclaim this as the month I finally remember and order some pre-period, but I got my period today! and I don't even have a goddamn tampon on my person!

I'm an adult lady genius.

mustasheo

@kapitalk Yay microbiology usefulness! It's actually fine to keep a cup in overnight (or in general however long you need to before emptying it) since they're not spongy like tampons, which is what can lead to TSS. If that's something you'd even be interested in, since it sounds like you already have a working system in place!

All Mimsy

I have this horror image of period sex turning out like that time my period was really heavy, and it soaked the pad completely, got blood on my bed, and I had blood running down my legs when I got up.
Blowjob week and shower sex have merit though.

Ellie

@All Mimsy When I first got my period I woke up covered in blood like that. It was really traumatic. When I tell people this they're all like "I thought nobody actually got it like that for the first time" but I did. I think it makes sense because if you're asleep for 1/3 of the day then you have like a 33% chance of that happening!

Alli525

@All Mimsy Ugh I bleed so much that I wear a super-duper pad (still the thin ones though) to bed, and sleep in tight-ish-fitting shorts, and I lay my thickest towel down underneath me too. Such a nightmare.

fondue with cheddar

@All Mimsy I have very heavy periods too, and that happens to me regularly.

Actually, it happened to me one day in middle school. I was wearing white leggings (I don't know how to describe the fabric, but they were FABULOUS), and I felt the blood while sitting at the lunch table. I was mortified that someone would see, so I sat there until everyone else left the room, then ran to the nurse's office as quickly as I could. By the time I got there, I had bloodstains the size of a loaf of bread on each inner thigh!

P.S. The pants got clean!

All Mimsy

My problem was that I normally don't have a vary heavy period. I had skipped the last month, but I still didn't expect it to be that bad. I skip months all the time actually, that was the only time it happened. I had nothing prepared, no towels, nothing. There was so much blood that it ruined the carpet next to my bed. I spent the day home, and it didn't let up till that night. There was no way I could go to school, and my mom was so worried that I was going to pass out.

JoanTition

BUT WHAT ABOUT THE COME STAINS?!

Also: I recommend rust colored paisley sheets for ALL! They show nothing and are magic and make you feel like maybe you're in a 70s porn.

wharrgarbl

@JoanTition Protein stains get oxicleaned?

Sea Ermine

@JoanTition I posted this way downthread but Nature's Miracle (you can get it in pet stores as well as places like Target and whatnot. It's also available in certain places outside of the US if you check the website) is perfect for both semen and blood stains so it works double for period sex!

Lindsay Gordon@facebook

I'm sorry I need to chime in just out of curiosity...

Is it weird that my period doesn't make a ginormous mess? I'm on Nuvaring (no such thing as oversharing y'all!) and I have pretty light times. Neither my boyfriend nor I are into period sex, but I have a very fast period (3-5 days) and thanks to the holy birth control I can time it to happen in the middle of the week when we are (usually) too busy-fatigued to have sex anyways? So the weekends are FAIR GAME Y'ALL. Anyways, even before I went on BC I had light periods. Is this weird? Because the question above wasn't something I ever thought of, even when I was having period sex.

And yeah, sex with tampon in sounds like it could have a ton of medical issues involved...also ouch!

KaitlynwithaK

@Lindsay Gordon@facebook I was logging in to say just this. I have an IUD but no matter what form of birth control I've been on, I've never had a huge mess during/after period sex. Like, there's a little mess on me and my manfriend...maybe? Sometimes? I also have brown sheets so nothing stains them ever.

wharrgarbl

@Lindsay Gordon@facebook Nope! I'm the same way. I doubt I would need more than a handtowel to keep the mess contained if I wanted period sex, which I'm sure I'll be super-grateful for if I ever change my mind. But a little goes a long way with blood and messes, so one probably does not have to be bleeding a great deal in order for a pretty big mess to result, especially if a lot of lube is in the picture.

itmakesmewonder

@Lindsay Gordon@facebook Nothing about it is weird, and you are very lucky.

Ellie

@Lindsay Gordon@facebook I was going to say the same thing. I've never had a problem with it. I've never even put towels down because that just seems horribly self-conscious and then are you like always moving the towel around to make sure it's underneath you?! I even had sex on the middle day of my period once, I took the tampon out right before and after I was like "Sorry the condom probably looks really gross" and he was like "Actually, there's no blood at all." I AM blessed with what I understand is a lighter than average period and I do feel lucky!

rebecca@twitter

@Lindsay Gordon@facebook NuvaRing! Can I ask about your experiences re. sex with the ring in? I just started using it a few days ago, and feel like it's sitting low enough that it could easily dislodge/fall out during sex. Like, I'm on my period right now and I use a Diva Cup, and every time I take that out the little ring comes right along with it. I guess I could try to put it farther up inside of me, but my fingers are only so long ... ??

Lindsay Gordon@facebook

@rebecca@twitter I've only once had an issue with it, and this was back when I first started using it (like, maybe 5-ish years ago?) It came out on the guy's penis. I felt like I'd won a prize at the carnival--I got the ring around the bottle neck y'all! Otherwise I've never had an issue with it--I don't feel it, my man doesn't feel it, and it stays where it is supposed to stay,and for realsies I've been on this thing over half a decade. Maybe talk to your doctor and have them show you insertion methods? I have eight-year old hands (legit, tiniest hands, shortest fingers) and sometimes I really have to push to get the ring settled, but once it is in it stays put. Maybe give it another week or two to let it get settled; if it is in correctly you shouldn't feel it at all. I think ideally nothing else contraceptive and/or tampon wise should be in you with a Nuvaring; I have never had Nuvaring sex with a Diva Cup (is that like a diaphragm?) so maybe your vagina is just getting a little crowded with all the stuff in it (I just wanted to write the line "crowded vagina" really, but seriously that could be it...)?

karenb

@rebecca@twitter i have nuvaring - you can take it out for up to three hours, if the ring+sex=no good, but i leave mine in. my partner doesn't feel it, and it's never come out on its own, so we're good. but if you're worried, take it out! just remember to put it in again afterwards.

phlox

@rebecca@twitter The reason the cup pulls it out is the suction - if you get up in there and break the suction before you move the cup down at all it should stay put. And that kind of suction doesn't happen with sex. I use the ring and the cup and have had no problems - my dude does not feel it and it's never come out.

d$
d$

@rebecca@twitter Ooh! Ooh! Awesome Nuvaring story. Like @Lindsay Gordon@facebook said, I only had it come out during sex once, and it was early on, before I really got the hang of shoving it up in there (also, in the rare instances my period wasn't over in time, I have had both the Nuvaring and tampon in with no issues). EXCEPT...
One time I was hooking up with a very hot, very awkward guy. He was fingering (eee I hate that word for some reason) me, and PULLED IT OUT. Like, "Hey, what's up here? I'm going to see!" And then he looked at me confused and grossed out, and that was the end of our sexy times. It makes for a great, albeit embarrassing, story.

karenb

@d$ i've had my boyfriend pull it out on purpose, but what a surprise that would be! at least they're generally friendly-seeming, little flexible ring. (i try not to personify it too much... )

becky@twitter

@karenb be careful with that line of thinking. you can take it out for up to three hours per month - not 3 hours every time you do the deed. a friend now has a very cute and healthy nuvaring baby because she did that.

karenb

@becky@twitter good to know - I can't find anything in the literature about that - the wording i'm finding is "The NuvaRing can be removed for up to 3 hours but if it has been out for more than 3 hours, it should be reinserted and a backup method (such as condoms) should be used until ring has been in for 7 consecutive days."

karenb

@becky@twitter and from the in-box info(http://www.spfiles.com/pinuvaring.pdf): "If the ring is accidentally
expelled and is left outside of the vagina for less than three hours
contraceptive efficacy is not reduced" - i assume that's because there's still residual hormones in your system, and when you put it back in, there's not much of a gap in coverage.

becky@twitter

@karenb i was with her in the ER when she found out she was (she thought that she had gallbladder problems since she had stomach pain). the ER doc gave her a huge speech because she denied the possibility of being preggers due to being on the NR (she was still in shock) and he said, "the three hour rule, right?"

he explained it this way: if she was having sex 2x/week and taking it out for 2 hours at a time, well, that was at least 12 hrs/month (or 16 hrs/month with period sex) that it wasn't in. when it's not in your body, you have a lower amount of the hormone in your system (not zero, but much less). if your lady parts are prone to makin babies (her sisters are all ridiculously fertile), and you ovulate around the time when you have non-NR sex, it decides to take the opportunity to make a baby.

it was a very heavy math word problem and we both freaked out. i'm on NR, but i don't take mine out when i hop in the sheets. my dude doesn't care that it's in there.

karenb

@becky@twitter wow! that is very good to know! mine stays in (and, truth: 2 hours would be... rare?) during the act anyway, but now it will for sure.

becky@twitter

@karenb i'm assuming the 2 hrs included foreplay and post-sex laziness. she doesn't give him that high a rating when we have girl talk, so, maybe the doctor was being generous ;)

estraven

just a PSA to the nuvaring users, it's really easy and safe to skip a withdrawal bleed with the nuvaring, you just leave it in for 4 weeks instead of 3, and go straight to the next ring. I've also heard you can use a ring for 4 weeks straight, take it out for a week and then start a new ring in the 5th week with no problems. But that seems like the kind of thing you should probably confirm with your gyno before trying.

I've also never had my nuvaring come out during intercourse, and my partner almost never feels it (unless he's using his fingers, obviously). I use both nuvaring and a divacup, and when I first started using the divacup the ring would come out when I took it out, but that's before I learned to properly break the suction before taking it out, like phlox said. Now my period is usually short enough that I don't have to use them at the same time anyway, but when I do it's not been an issue.

Those absorptive sheets that are marketed for housebreaking puppies, incontinent old people, and hospitals. You can buy them at CVS and they also work SUPER well if you are a lady who happens to be super messy in bed in general. Sexy? No. Awesome? YES.

Nicole Cliffe

@S. Elizabeth I buy them to put on the changing table! They're magical.

Craftastrophies

@S. Elizabeth Yes, but more sexy than thinking about not making a mess!

mathlete

so i get pretty heavy periods but i've never had a problem with period sex before? like, as long as i take my tampon out right before we start it's never more than a little bit of blood on the condom.

LeafySeaDragon

on a med/heavy flow day TWO towels!!! one folded in thirds and another longways across the bed. and we always end up in the bathroom cleaning up, sometimes it looks like we killed someone. frankly unless i'm either barely started and finishing up i don't really care for period sex.

how can y'all wear a tampon anywhere near having sex? i HATE tampons. they always leave me sore and dry (the chemicals?)

Porn Peddler

@LeafySeaDragon Well they do soak up a lot more than blood, for the record. The addition of super mild lady friendly lube clears up any issues of dryness/pain/ugh dryness

LeafySeaDragon

@Third Wave Housewife i'm a crazy hippy, i don't use lube! and really i don't use tampons because it just seems wrong to me. i know most ladies love them, but they have never been for me!

Porn Peddler

@LeafySeaDragon No lube? Do you just squish enough of your own to drown a dolphin? I do not understand how people go without lube ALL THE TIME. I don't need much and I don't always need it at all but....dude. How do you just NOT USE IT?

LeafySeaDragon

@Third Wave Housewife lol it's incentive. if i'm not feeling it he's welcome to try to convince me in non PIV ways - but if i can't be convinced it's not happening! soemtimes i run out, but a quick break for other things will help. i just find that not using any makes me listen to my body more.

AniaGosia

@Third Wave Housewife I never use it either. But I almost always have a waterfall going on down there, so ...

realtalk

@LeafySeaDragon i have vaginal dryness issues so lube is necessary! but in all other ways I'm a crazy hippy!!!

wee_ramekin

@Third Wave Housewife I used to feel the same way as you, until I slept with another woman. And then I was suuuuuuuuuper jealous. At just the very smallest threshold of arousal, she was wetter than I am at my wettest. #maybeGodISaman

Porn Peddler

@wee_ramekin I can get hilariously wet sometimes, but it is very dependent on where I am in my cycle. And there is nothing worse than being almost wet enough to proceed, and then realizing YOUR GODDAMN LABIA ARE RUINING EVERYTHING BY BEING DRY AND I JUST WANT TO FUCKKKKKKKK.

fondue with cheddar

@LeafySeaDragon My period is so heavy and clotty I can't NOT use tampons or there will be serious leakage. I stopped using them at night several years ago and I use the big, crazy overnight pads. I still stain my sheets once every couple months, though.

Alli525

@LeafySeaDragon Oh I am SO glad that I am not the only person out there who doesn't love tampons! I used them once when I was 16, for one day to go whitewater rafting, and hated them so much that I didn't use them again until about 4 months ago, because I felt like Grown Up Ladies only wore pads to bed, if then. So now I'm a little used to them but my flow is so heavy that I still have to have a regular-flow ultra-thin pad on for lining. Ughhhhh.

TheCheesemanCometh

@Alli525 Down with tampons, seriously! I've had awful, heavy, super painful and sick periods since the very first one (I seriously thought I was going to die; I was so scared) and I know that tampons would be better leak protection, but they make my already insane cramps 100x worse.

And, if tampons are that bad, you can probably imagine my stance on period sex... ;-D

Craftastrophies

@Third Wave Housewife We almost never use it, although we have it for those times. I'm pretty wet in general, although hormm not wet enough, I'm probably not into it enough to be doing it anyway. Also, HE gets wet, which surprised me. I mean, I knew that pre-cum etc was a thing, but not to the extent that it is actually lubricating during sex!

heb
heb

The answer is a diaphragm.

http://store.babeland.com/sexy-gifts-top-pics/fascinator-throes-blanket

ALSO, THIS! A nice soft waterproof bed protector to throw in the washing machine.

The Lady of Shalott

I....my guy likes it. Kind of bloody and primal and badass? All at once? And I am firmly in favour of Doing The Sex unless I'm otherwise incapacitated by awful aching legs (which I get instead of cramps, inexplicably) so....everybody wins.

LeafySeaDragon

@The Lady of Shalott your guy sounds AWESOME!!! dare i say this bodes well when and if for pregnancy and post baby you have giant leaky boobs?

The Lady of Shalott

@LeafySeaDragon Oh dear God, that is so far into the future I can't even....since we are both only 23 and have been dating for a few months. So....probably not.

Alli525

@The Lady of Shalott I get the weird leg-achy thing too!!! SO weird right?

rocknrollunicorn

@The Lady of Shalott I like your dude's attitude. I don't think I can settle down with a dude who isn't okay with, and preferably actually really INTO, period sex.

frushka

just chiming in to say that period sex is my favorite sex ever, and i really look forward to it. i don't even care, y'all. thanks to the pill i have a light flow but still get pretty bad cramps, and sex is the bessssssssssstttttttt for making cramps go away/feels so much better when i'm having my period. plus, extra lube bonus! as my dude said the other night, "this is the only time when my dick will actually SOLVE a woman's problem, so i'm all for it."

MoxyCrimeFighter

@frushka See, orgasms make my cramps worse! I think my uterus was installed wrong. (Doesn't stop me from masturbating during my period, though, because let's be real.)

Porn Peddler

@frushka Maybe I will try this. However, my cervix takes a pounding when I'm on/close to my period, so I'm pretty sure the results will be disastrous.

Passion Fruit

@frushka Whoa, all these things, for me. TO WIT, I get super sex-crazed when I'm having my monthlies, SO I really want to do it, BUT the messiness of it is an annoying turn off, YET I almost always do it anyways and have a ball, HOWEVER, ALSO my partner and I must be careful as my cervix gets extra grouchy when touched during this sensitive time.

So it's a thin line for me. A thin red line...

nicolarz

@frushka I'm glad to hear you say that, because based on a lot of the responses here I was starting to feel like a complete oddball for enjoying it.

AndSomethingElse

@frushka My ex swears by the "sex to relieve cramps" thing.

Craftastrophies

@MoxyCrimeFighter Me too. Sometimes that's how I find out I'm about to start my period, because I've masturbated and it's painful.

I've been known to request medicinal g-spot orgasms for my migraines, though.

totallyunoriginal

Ladies!
Be on top.
Seriously.

mathlete

@totallyunoriginal now, this i don't get. isn't gravity working against you? aaaaaaaah

wharrgarbl

@mathlete It all gets on the other person and then you can swan off and go to sleep while they take a shower?

dham

@mathlete But his "lap" catches the mess in lieu of the sheets!

totallyunoriginal

@dham Exactly! The mess is on a person and not on the sheets. Much easier clean up.

A R 3287

@totallyunoriginal Um so this is unrelated to period sex and maybe not the best place to ask this *even more indelicate* question but does anyone have any tips on being on top in general? The guy I'm dating really likes it and I feel like I'm not good at it and also can't get fucked as hard/deep that way (which I really like) but if it's him on top I always worry that I am "just lying there" and having him do all the work and it's not fair. I know the move your hips in a circle not just back and forth thing but any other tips? I feel inept and want to do my fair share!

Scandyhoovian

@totallyunoriginal I agree SO HARD! Top is the best during period sex. Any mess gets on him and not the bed. Though we do toss a towel down just in case. Also, period sex has seriously diminished since we moved in together, I guess because nowadays it's not like 'omg but I won't see you until next weekend JUST DO IT NOW!' like it used to be? Or something?

fondue with cheddar

@totallyunoriginal That's a great idea, but it wouldn't work for me. My periods are so heavy that it would end up dripping down his sides and making two bloodstains instead of one. :(

@A R 3287 I've found that sex on top works better with some guys than others (and probably better for some ladies than others). What I have a hard time with is the fact that my legs are short and I can't maneuver as much as I'd like. Especially with my last boyfriend, who had a much wider pelvis (dude was a sasquatch).

chevyvan

@A R 3287 On top, it's going to be a g-spot (and clit-grinding) thing rather than a hard/deep thing. You're b-fry can manually "prep" the area by making a "come here" motion with his fingers for a while. It will depend somewhat on size/shape of body parts, but try leaning forward, then sitting up straight, then leaning back a bit (if you can handle it), then go back to leaning forward, then sitting up, and so on, until you get in a groove and figure out what feels good. Don't just bounce up and down. I think it's THE BEST, but it definitely took a lot of trial and error to get to that point.

Craftastrophies

@A R 3287 Also, maybe try it on a hard surface a few times? I sometimes don't like being on top because I don't feel stable - and the most pleasurable position for me on top is to have my feet on the mattress/floor, like I'm squatting. But on a bed I feel all unstable. Having my boyfriend put his hands up and linking fingers to brace helps that, but I am much more likely to be on top if we're on the floor.

I like it leaning back, and also if I lean in but then sort of curve my spine? Like I could probably be kissing his breastbone. That might help with the deep factor.

hamster baby

related, but not really at all: a million years ago, when i was just a kitten, i was having first time sexytimes with my brand new long-distance boyfriend. he was going all the way downtown on me, when all of a sudden he popped up from between my legs and his face was a bloody mess. i thought my period had started. i almost died of embarrassment. as it turned out, i had given him a bloody nose with my intense pelvic thrusting. i died of embarrassment.

Porn Peddler

@hamster baby THIS IS THE BEST THING EVER. WOW. upon learning it was nose blood I probably would have thrown that man on his back and FUCKED HIM SENSELESS and loved every bloody second of it

whoah I maybe shouldn't have said this

@Third Wave Housewife I love you both. Twins for you! Twins for you tomorrow!

Nicole Cliffe

@hamster baby I am totally picturing you as Pam Grier right now, that is how cool you are. Ditto @thirdwavehousewife!

hamster baby

@Third Wave Housewife ah, but i was quite young and fairly inexperienced and in that moment i found myself wondering if my vagina, which i had hitherto thought to be a delicate flower, was in fact the incredible hulk of vaginas (don't make me horny, you won't like me when i'm horny). it had broken this poor boy's pretty face, and i was a little worried about what else it might break.

Porn Peddler

@S. Elizabeth dear god why do people wish twins on me all the time

Prostitute Robot From The Future

@hamster baby don't make me horny, you won't like me when i'm horny

This made my week. Thank you.

brad

@hamster baby - i have been smacked, crushed, poked in the eye, hair pulled and suffocated. and loved every minute.

Kirsten Hey@facebook

Best way to get blood out of fabric is to pour a layer of salt onto the stain and then immerse it into cold water. Everyone should know that from school biology, surely?

itmakesmewonder

@Kirsten Hey@facebook Somehow, my school biology class did not discuss blood stains, no.

Anji

Jfc, I don't even like to masturbate when I'm having my Bad Lady Week because I feel all irritable and unsexy and gross, so this entire column and ensuing comments BLEW MY MIND just now.

But you ladies who can rock the Bad Lady Week sex? Awesome for you! Really.

noodge

@Anji I'm right there with ya - i'm generally just tired and angry and anything but feeling sexy when I'm "sur la rag"

alex hart

Orgasms make cramps go away! Temporarily. Then it is time for more period sex.

frushka

@alex hart yep.

alex hart

@alex hart period sex is totally a 'to-each-his/her-own' kinda thing, but my m.o. is like, "shit, I'm a moon goddess, ravish me."

Passion Fruit

@alex hart "shit, I'm a moon goddess, ravish me."

I like this so much!

d$
d$

The thought of doing it on my period is making me nauseous and making my vag hurt all at once. Totally admire those of you who do it - but it's out of the question for me, unless it's at the tail end and at night when it kind of tapers off anyway.

I love sex, but y'all are making me feel like I don't love it enough - I love my boyfriend, we're great in bed, but I don't really miss it ALL that much for a week? Maybe if we spent more nights over at each others' places (overnight parking is a PAIN by both of us in the winter, it's just not worth it) it'd suck more.

But ow.

MoxyCrimeFighter

@d$ Don't feel bad! It's totally possible to love sex (and love it the same amount!) and have different preferences for, you know, actual sexin'. I really like waiting a few days sometimes because you sort of, like, fall on each other and just go nuts and it's awwwwesommmme.

mackymoo

@d$ You are not alone. Already low libido plus grad school schedule plus mad PMDD means you're lucky if I can get words out of the ball I've of madness I've rolled myself into.

Jolie Kerr

@d$ Oh no! Don't feel bad! The whole reason we wanted to post this was that of the six of us - and it's six names you all would know and recognize and love - discovered that our answers and feelings about period sex were so vastly different and we thought that was cool! Not wrong, not right, just different and we were all howling with laughter at each other with absolutely not an ounce of judgment to it.

Mostly I really wanted to put this out because my personal brand of feminism is one in which women should support and celebrate their differences. It's an awesome thing that we (almost sorta still long way to go humph) can choose who and what we want to be. Just because I love cleaning and don't give much of a fig about jewelry doesn't make me any less thrilled or interested in what Monica does with the estate jewelry stuff. That's a super micro example, but I think you know what I'm getting at. It's not wrong for you to be less interested in sex than it is for me to be a raging sexbeast. Aaaand ooops. Outing myself....

Nicole Cliffe

I AM SPARTACUS.

Killerpants

@d$ I just posted way down thread about how all these comments remind me that I have a waaaaay (way way way) low sex drive compared to...well, at least most of the commenters here anyway. But compared to most people really. I already knew that though since I've always been this way. But anyway, all that to say that I'm totally with you! I admire and am envious of the raging sex drives and have always felt uncomfortable that I don't have one, even though I know intellectually it's ok to have whatever kind of one anyone has. And it is ok, it is! But feelings. Ah, so many things to feel inadequate about, so little time!

d$
d$

@Killerpants @mackymoo @moxycrimefighter @jolie kerr You ladies are all fantastic. Thank you. I love zee hairpin!

tortietabbie

@d$ As long as it works for you, I say go for it! Special snowflakes, and all that. :)

Veronica Mars is smarter than me

@Killerpants You Are Not Alone.

AniaGosia

I am not a period sex lady, but one possibility for avoiding the stains is to get some of those disposable underpads for your bed - I got them for my homebirth but they're available in the incontinence section of the drugstore. They're a little crinkly (cotton on one side, plastic on the other side), but that might be better than having to clean up the sheets while you're basking in the afterglow.

mynamebackwards

I lost my virginity with my tampon in. I wanted to take it out, but he thought periods were icky? so then it got pushed really far up there (and it was soooo hard to get out, you guys!) and he hurt his penis on it, and it was all around terrible and then I dated him for two more years until he cheated on me with another woman and broke my heart :( but now I have an awesome dude that I love and would never, ever do this. yay!

LeafySeaDragon

@mynamebackwards this is a sad story. i want to time travel and prevent it!

OxfordComma

"Sur la Rag"!!!

I am keeping this for all time and eternity.

wasabi peas

Ladies, Ladies, Lay-deez. You're all really great. Just saying.

Tulletilsynet

I'm sure everybody will work out this interesting set of challenges to her own satisfaction but PLEASE NO MEAT TENDERIZER JOKES EVER.

Craftastrophies

@Tulletilsynet I wonder if that's what Elvis was really singing about?

machinesss

Haha I loveeeeeeee period sex. The best sex I've ever had has been on my period. I've actually never really had a problem with stains as long as I lay down the special red towel I have for the occasion aha. I like the whole like bloody primal aspect to it, which I thought was a little weird but looking through this thread it doesn't seem to be at all.

machinesss

@machinesss Also, within minutes of reading this article i got my period. I currently have no one to have sex with, how disappointing.

hijabeng

@machinesss Me too! So weird...

tealily

Softcup is AMAZING! You can feel it a little bit, but soooo wooooorth it! http://www.softcup.com/?gclid=CPDHpNXv164CFWuHtgodsVJwwQ

noodge

@tealily yes, or the instead cup! I've used that (the ONLY time I've ever had period sex when I was post-breakup and my libido was cr-azy!) - the only complaint was from one of my partners at that time who said it felt like those board games from the 80's, you know, with the pop-up dome thing that would jiggle the dice when it was your turn? yeah, he said it felt like he was fucking one of those. the two other partners I did this with didn't feel a thing.

JanieS

So ... since I get SUPER-HORNY the last couple days of my period (is this just me?), this information is very valuable to me.

okaycrochet

@JanieS This morning the he-man saw that tomorrow’s pill is a pink one and threw a little fit. We did not know period sex was a thing. I have texted him about 15 times in the process of reading this post/all your beautiful comments. OMGZ finally my raging period libido shall be satisfied!!!!!

mamzelle

@okaycrochet knowledge is power!

JanieS

@okaycrochet I am going to name my 90s throwback Riot Grrrl band 'Raging Period Libido'. I hope you don't mind.

frushka

@JanieS NOT. JUST. YOU.

BSpants

Besides the sheets, there's that issue of cleaning your legs and his thing off. Otherwise it just gets wiped all over the comforter too, and it's sticky. We use babywipes. haha

OhDearGin

Guys! Guys! Hey Guys! No Seriously.

I had sex with a tampon in this morning and now it is lost.

No I am not in junior high, but I kinda feel like it a little bit. I have an ob/gyn appointment, but after reading this thread I am panicking, does anyone know any tricks for getting it out faster?

Please please please. I need a drink or thirty.

wharrgarbl

@OhDearGin Can you enlist the help of your partner in crime? They're going to have a lot easier time looking around than you would with like, a mirror, flashlight, and salad tongs or something like that.

OhDearGin

For the record, since this is the internet, I do know better. Last night we had "non-vaginal" sex, which I guess is what he attempted this morning as a wake up surprise? But yeah, missed.

WHO MISSES?????

wharrgarbl

@OhDearGin I am shaking my head at him through the intertrons. Who misses, indeed. This isn't parallel parking, guys.

OhDearGin

@wharrgarbl SALAD TONGS??? ok ok ok ok

Nicole Cliffe

Okay, don't panic. It can't get through your cervix, you're going to be fine. Squat with one leg on the toilet, fumble around. Your ob/gyn does this retrieval eighty times a year, they won't even look fazed. Bear down a bit. Do not stick any pointy objects in there to try to get it.

wharrgarbl

@OhDearGin No, no--do not actually use salad tongs. That was a joke. Well, kind of, insofar as I'm sure ladies who've lost things in their vaginas have resorted to that rather than go to the hospital/doctor and explain the precise series of events that led to a diorama of Washington crossing the Delaware being installed in their vaginas, but still. Don't actually use salad tongs.

Katie Walsh

@Nicole Cliffe I love your level headed advice in times of trouble. The Hairpin: Helping people with all their indelicate matters in real time.

Nicole Cliffe

Call me when you run over an old lady in Arizona!

wharrgarbl

@Nicole Cliffe What if it wasn't in Arizona?

Nicole Cliffe

I would have to read up on their statutes, then.

reallykatie

@OhDearGin wait wait wait wait. he was going to wake you up with surprise anal?? whaaaaaaaaaaat?

Claire Lovell

@OhDearGin i think feeling nervous and stressed about it makes it worse? so maybe just try to relax? can your partner help you? I agree with the squatting and bearing down advice.

tortietabbie

@reallykatie For real! WHAT.

Prostitute Robot From The Future

@OhDearGin I've also heard letting the tampon fill up and then "pushing" it out with your vaginal muscles works (I SO hope this never EVER happens to me).

wee_ramekin

@OhDearGin WHO WAKES OTHER PEOPLE UP WITH BUTT SEX?????

(really! is that a thing you can do without...tearing and terrible amounts of pain?)

MoonBat

@wee_ramekin
EXACTLY. I seriously can't even imagine this scenario. Someone would be getting the trademarked melis treatment.

fondue with cheddar

@disgruntled co-worker I had sex with a tampon in once, and yes, pushing it out when it's filled is much easier. It might depend on the kind of tampon though. I've only ever used O.B. and Tampax, and O.B.'s are much smoother and easier.

realtalk

@MoonBat for real. FLAMES. FLAMES EVERYWHERE.

becky@twitter

@wee_ramekin i am a light sleeper. i'm not an expert in that area, but i'm pretty sure surprise butt sex is not possible.

fondue with cheddar

@becky@twitter I guess it's possible if you have a stretched-out butthole from too much butt sex. Or maybe if you're on super-duper muscle relaxers (I don't know; I've never taken them)?

carolita

@reallykatie Heh heh heh. That's all I can say to THAT!

totallyunoriginal

@OhDearGin My ex missed once. But things were in the opposite order of what you were doing. One very hearty, mis-aimed thrust in the middle of things and OH MY GOD I CRIED.

Jaya

@OhDearGin Wait, did I miss the ending to this? Are you ok?

Craftastrophies

@wee_ramekin I saw this as I was skimming back up and I laughed SO HARD.

Then I read the actual context and I did rage face. I mean, I don't know, it might be fine. But I would NEVER BE FINE with that.

I know people/have experienced misses. And the dude doesn't necessarily know the difference, either. Even dudes who are excellent at consensual sex sometimes need to be told that they're doing it wrong.

Also also, I LOVE sex. But I might actually love sleep more. They are certainly not two things that I find mix well. You may wake me up with snuggles that may or may not lead to sex, but no waking me up with sex.

fondue with cheddar

@Craftastrophies Yeah, there is definitely a transitionary period between sleep and sex. Cuddling is good for that.

Myrtle

@OhDearGin Hey I'm just now seeing this post but I'm reminded of a guy I was with 20+ years ago. He thought anal on a woman wasn't a problem as "we were built for that" and also thought that "I was so cute when I was asleep" meant he could just shove in wherever he wanted. Today, I say "Rape" and I say "Sociopath." I'd Bobbitt that criminal today, without a tear shed.

Annie Murphy@facebook

Instead menstrual cups! you can leave them in while bangin, and there's no mess, and your partner prob won't really notice it. LOVE.

ladybronco

My periods are super light, so this isn't a problem for me, but in college I worked at a B&B inn and the housekeeping ladies swore by hydrogen peroxide for blood stains. I've tried it, and it works!.

tealily

Instead = Softcup, for anyone out there looking. Rebranding.

boni

Not sure if anyone's mentioned this but the "Instead" brand menstrual cup is super easy to insert and stays in during sex with no discomfort. You may have to use lube with it but it keeps your sheets and your partner blood free.

carolita

@boni I tried it once and the guy complained there was "something hard in there," lol. I told him he was nuts, but didn't try it again!

Claire Lovell

i am gay so this isn't really an issue for me, but plus 1 for softcup. those are awesome.

Lily Rowan

@Claire Henry@twitter Honestly, I would think being gay would make it more of an issue -- it feels way less messy to me to have a be-condomed peen interact with the period situation vs. hands or mouths?

Jennifer Michelle@facebook

@Lily Rowan I am gay and I agree with you - I deal with periodness twice a month rather than once. We don't have it figured out yet, and we tend to just wait it out - but then there's a few days a month completely devoted to you and a few days completely devoted to her, so that's nice.

oh! valencia

@Jennifer Michelle@facebook don't they synchronize?

Atheist Watermelon

I *LOVE* period sex! Way TMI, I know, but i really, really want it right at the beginning, and the blood= lots of extra lube. I didn't get to experience period sex until very recently, though, since NONE of the dudes I had been with would do it! (My first bf did it once and CRIED AFTERWARDS. Wtf, we have to deal with this crap once a month, duuuuuuude. And I'm lucky, my flow is pretty light- when I've gotten it on the sheets during sex, it's only been a tiny amount and came out easily with cold water.) It's so unbelievably frustrating that so few guys are into it, though- I'm all sex crazed during my period, and the guys expect blow jobs and give nothing in return.

On another note, maybe this just means I need to find different guys...

Bed Monster

@LittleBookofCalm Fuck that noise. Those guys are lame! Right now, I'm with someone who freaking goes down on me when I'm on the rag, and he doesn't give two shits. There are GREAT guys out there who will love that you want to bone bone bone them, and they will happily please you despite having (from what it sounds like) slightly bloody sex. They're out there! Go get 'em, cowgirl!

vomiting

@LittleBookofCalm He cried?! Was he rattled by the sheer volume of blood or your biology or something? Fuck that.

Atheist Watermelon

@vomiting LOL yes, he did, and this is why I no longer date other classical musicians... haha. (Just kidding. sort of.)

chevyvan

@LittleBookofCalm Oh no! I just started dating a classical musician. But he kinda seems like he's game for anything. Maybe he's the rock n roll kinda classical musician...

Bayou

I'm on le pill, so I just do that thing where I skip right on over my period week and move on to the next pack, no muss no fuss . . . but now that I've seen NO ONE else mention this I am all nervous that everyone else knows this is a horrible thing to do. Even though my doctor says it's ok, obviously I will trust you all more if you tell me it's wretched and my uterus is going to turn into a zombie.

Lily Rowan

@Luftyer No, no -- you're fine!

Katie Walsh

@Luftyer I used to do that when I was in a LDR and period would fall on visitation weekends, but I didn't feel like it was healthy to do all the time, you know, gotta get rid of some of that stuff, flush it you know? Also, I would sometimes get spotting when I skipped periods, and spotting is the worst.

Katie Walsh

@Katie Walsh Also my theories about uterus flushing are entirely based in my own delusions and not medical science.

*returns to beating drum for the kumbaya circle of this comment thread*

The Lady of Shalott

@Luftyer You are fine! But I do tend to find that when I do it myself something about the hormones makes me INSANE when my period finally does roll around. But if that doesn't happen to you, go forth!

mustelid

@Luftyer You're fine, but unfortunately that is not an option for anyone on a triphasic pill (Ortho Tri-Cyclen Lo is one). Since each week has a different amount of hormones, you'll most likely spot if you try to skip a period.

Those monophasic pill users though, have at it!

wharrgarbl

@Luftyer No it's fine. That's what the 4-periods-a-year packs do. It's just more 'spensive, cuz you're going through more packs, and some women have problems with breakthrough bleeding or mood swings or stuff like that if they do it.

Lily Rowan

@wharrgarbl Oh yeah, the other downside is using one more pack each year than your insurance will pay for, probably.

Katie Walsh

@mustelid Wow, derr, maybe I should have read the instructions when I was a dumbass 22 year old.

Killerpants

@Luftyer There is no medical need to have a period! You're all good! I haven't had one in 16 months because the pill i'm on (Junel, a generic of Loestrin) for some reason has made it so that I don't have any breakthrough bleeding like I did w/ other pills. Prior to this particular pill I'd just take active pills non-stop until I got some significant breakthrough bleeding, and then I'd go off the pill for 2 or 3 days to get the bleeding done with and then back on until the next breakthrough, which was usually many months. But no breakthroughs w/ current pill. I even tried going off the pill for 5 days to see if i'd have one, and almost no bloods just very minor spotting happened. I've had multiple awesome gynos tell me this is a-ok. Because there's no medical need to have a period! If it works for you, rock it.

d$
d$

@Luftyer I'm on Nuvaring and skip mine every other month! If it weren't for spotting, I'd skip it EVERY month. When I was on the pill, I would skip it for three or four months at a time.

Bayou

@Katie Walsh Ha, I feel the same way! Like I need to just de-gunk the junk even though I vaguely understand that that's not how it works? But like @The Lady of Shalott when I skip my periods for a few months and then go off the pill I get super emotional in a very sitcom-stereotype-way, which makes me want to avoid my period week even more, so it's all a (non-menstrual) cycle. Thanks for all the reassurance, sisters!

Bed Monster

@Luftyer Don't sweat it. The bleeding that we experience when we take the pill isn't actually a period, anyway. It's essentially bleeding in response to a sudden change in hormone levels if you take a mono phasic pill (which you obviously do since you can skip the sugar pills in the first place). When they first developed the pill, they added this week of bleeding to make it seem more natural since I guess they thought that women wouldn't feel comfortable not having periods anymore since they wouldn't really know if they were pregnant or not. The only reason breaks are suggested is because the high hormone levels over long periods of time can up your risks of blood clots/pulmonary embolism, etc. But, you know, pregnancy has a higher risk of causing those things than the pill, so you're totally good!

CupcakeTattoos

@Luftyer Every other pill-taking lady I know does this, but I can't get the hang of it! I'll go straight to the next pack, and then three days later my uterus is all 'HAY GURL HAAAY, GUESS WHAT YOU FORGOT?' and I cry and bleed for a week. So I've given up on skipping, and have to listen to everyone talk about it. Grrrr...

singstrix

I am neither pro- nor anti- period sex! I have heard accounts ranging from 'IT IS THE BEST, ALL THE LUBE' to 'UGH NO ONE MAY TOUCH ANY OF MY FLESH IN THESE TROUBLED TIMES', and my own experience is: not while I'm incredibly crampy, but otherwise, sure. Also! I feel like my hemorrhaging lets up a bit during sexytimes, regardless of position. So while Mr. Singstrix may still look like his P was used as a murder weapon, my V is not really messier than other sexytimes! In gross news, I feel like I cause more damage to my linens via overnight leaking (ew) than via period sex.

 
Katie Walsh

@OhDearGin I hope you don't mind that this is my favorite thing that has happened on the Hairpin comments ever.

leastimportantperson

@Katie Walsh Omggggggggg what was ittttttt.

liznieve

@Katie Walsh TELL US TELL US TELL US!

tortietabbie

@Katie Walsh ??????????

becky@twitter

@leastimportantperson i want to know! :(

pekoe

I'm with lady #5. No period sex is punishing yourself twice, in my esteem. 1. You're having your period. 2. You're not having sex. Double sadface.

I also recently bought a box of Instead cups (haven't put them to the ultimate yet) specifically because they were advertised as mess-free sex-compatible. Which, thank, finally a menstrual product that is relevant to my interests. I'm glad to see that ladies upthread can attest to their efficacy!

Heike

Ok I haven't read through all the comments as I have to go, but...
I've always heard/read comments about period sex and it mystifies me, and now I'm wondering if others get this- I STOP BLEEDING DURING SEX.
So, I get turned on, and the blood just stops, and I get normal lubricating mucus instead. Have sex, have orgasm, then the blood starts coming out again, about 15 minutes later.
So, no stains on sheets.

Sea Ermine

@Heike I had a friend in high school who was on the swim team and she said she never wore a tampon for practice because she stops bleeding in the water! I stop bleeding when I sleep but I think that's more a combo of light flow and not standing up (so gravity doesn't take effect).

fabel

@Heike This happens to me sometimes if I'm just masturbing, but it's like 50/50, and once there's a penis up in there...all the blood comes out. Usually.

Heike

@Sea Ermine and @fabel
Thanks for that! I also stop bleeding in water, which is totally wierd, so I can take a long hot bath during my period but I usually need to have a pad on standby for when I get out the bath, otherwise the bathmat gets it.

Jennifer Michelle@facebook

@Sea Ermine I have a heavy flow 1-2 days and also don't bleed while laying down. But right when I stand up, ew.

rocknrollunicorn

@Heike This has happened on occasion for me... and then sometimes, very much doesn't happen. So every time I have period sex, it's just like Russian roulette. Well, with the blood, but not the death (hopefully).

thenewbrunette

Oh my god I'm having so much fun guessing who's who! Is that weird and stalkery? Sorry. I'm guessing #5 is Jane (because of the booze!)

Also, "always pee after, you guys" is the phrase I will give to my future daughters, embroidered onto cushions. Or maybe just have it put onto my gravestone. It is my number one piece of wisdom.

elizabeast

A couple years ago, I found a set of dark red, 500-thread count sheets, for like $60 or some other nonsense. I bought them, my life was instantly easier. In order to combat the weirdness, I use them as my primary bedsheets...so it's not like I'm laying out the red sheets for my period (but I am, we all know I am).

Overstock has some nice options: http://www.overstock.com/Bedding-Bath/Sheets/Red,/color,/4549/cat.html?sort=Top+Sellers

PS. Sharing a shower IS the worst. I hate shaving my armpits/legs/arms/etc in front of boys. But somehow every boy has broken my resolve and then the mystery is gone and we're just peeing in front of each other and shaving things and ugh.

mustelid

Also for any DivaCup ladies (or anyone willing to be swayed to get one): just make period week non-PIV week (NOT blowjob week damnit!)

If you hop in the shower and clean up, then pop in the DivaCup, you can pretty much do anything to each other with your hands and mouths that doesn't involve penetration, and since you've just emptied it there's very little chance of it leaking.

Afterward I usually take it out and empty it again though, just because uh, sometimes it gets a little slick in the process if you know what I mean.

LeafySeaDragon

@mustelid i liked alot of things about my diva cup, but i stopped using it after one time i took it out to dump when i was having a really heavy flow and basically looked like i dipped my hand in black blood. then i tried to clean it off with tp and it just looked worse. then like 10 women watched me wash my bloody hand in the sink. :/

mustelid

@LeafySeaDragon Thumbs down! Thumbs down!!! That sucks :(

I have the privilege of usually being in a space where I can access a single-stall bathroom, but yeah, if you don't it can sometimes get... interesting.

NeverOddOrEven

My poor husband literally vomits at any visible sign of blood. So obviously we don't do period sex, but occasionaly I think we're in the clear and he knocks something loose. Now he always takes my quote and adds two days.

I'm not against it but haven't ever been with anyone down with it. I do seem hornier but I'm not sure it'd be worth the hassle.

itiresias

@NeverOddOrEven I hate that. My ex was totally grossed out by it too, and I get so much hornier, and I would just trick him, and he would just forget and freak out after when he saw the crime scene, and shower sex is really not all its cracked up to be, and that's the end.

MissO

Everything about this has been so extremely informative.

nina

Three things:
1. Hotels - I did this once but felt sooo guilty that a stranger would have to clean up my blood and I had no products on hand to make it less messy!
2. Period cunnilingus - I was deeply impressed the first time this happened to me. Older guys FTW.
3. A friend who is a sex worker swears by some kind of sea sponge that they all use. Customers can't even tell they're on the rag.

Killerpants

@nina Oh, good idea on the sea sponge. I used to use those for my period and they were awesome. I can see how those might be better than keeping a tampon in there (as some mentioned) because they're soft and squishy.

peregrina

Saliva totally works! I used to work with costumes and that was always the protocol when fabric got blood stained. Also, one time I had period sex in my boyfriend's parents' bed and stained their comforter (it seeped through the towel). My boyfriend was freaking out, and got angry when I started intentionally drooling all over their bedding. Once I explained and proved to him that saliva was the solution everything was fine.

fondue with cheddar

@nina One time when I was 18 I had sloppy-drunken period sex on someone else's bare mattress. Fortunately, they were moving the next day so I never saw them again, but even after 20 years I'm super embarrassed about it and wish I could make it up to them. :(

Also, I can't believe I just admitted this to you guys.

NeverOddOrEven

@Killerpants Careful though - I used sea sponges until my cats discovered them and made them their new favorite toys.
You don't want to try to explain that to someone when it inevitably pops up in an odd place

the angry little raincloud

@nina Oh, my, yes, period cunnilingus. Older dude (not ancient, but older, divorced with kids, so had seen plenty). A surprise, yes, but surprisingly pleasant.

Killerpants

@NeverOddOrEven Ha! Ah, cats. Creators of so many awkward situations.

pumpkinrun

my sister would kill me for saying this in a public forum, but the one time she had period sex she had to repaint the wall afterwards.

redheaded&crazy

@pumpkinrun that is amazing

cloudy

@pumpkinrun She is awesome. I actually took photos of the crime scene sex I had one time because the damage was so memorable. It looked like I had sex with a bear.

AndSomethingElse

@pumpkinrun That's the best post I'm going to read all day.

tealily

@cloudy Arrrghh!!

cloudy

Maybe I missed this if someone mentioned it, but the most annoying part is cleaning the mattress pad. It escalates the cleaning by at least 50%. Is there a way to protect it? I once had a waterproof one, but it made a weird noise under the sheet, & generally reminded me of a nursing home.

redheaded&crazy

To each their own, but ugh I just have no patience for dudes who are not into period sex. Going one week out of EVERY MONTH without?! Yeah, not gonna work for me.

rocknrollunicorn

@redheaded&crazy Yes, I could never go longterm with a guy who wouldn't do it. I also kind of feel like I have been dealing with bleeding from my privates since I was 13. If you're a grown man and you can't deal with it, I will in fact kind of judge you. As several people have mentioned, older men with more experience are kind of awesome regarding this.

selkie86

@redheaded&crazy Yeah, not happening.

Flackette

Contact lens solution, the no-rub kind, is surprisingly good at removing blood from fabric. I think it's because it's made to dissolve proteins and enzymes.

NeverOddOrEven

@Flackette Yes! I tried it once since salt water is always recommended. Plus the little stream is perfect to spot-treat.

I also had surprisingly good luck with a Tide Stick on some old blood stains on my mattress.

Ophelia Tudeaux@twitter

You know, when I read "meat tenderiser" I think of those little hammers with spikes.

Tulletilsynet

@Ophelia Tudeaux@twitter
You know Jolie was thinking that.

T A@twitter

Try having sex on easy-to-clean surfaces. I'm partial to hardwood floors(if I'm on top), but my leatherish couch works, too.

Cavendish

Um, I feel really alone here, but the last thing I want to do when I'm on my period is have sex. I just feel gross and pudgy and please-don't-touch-me.

Prostitute Robot From The Future

@Cavendish May I join you? I don't like period-sex. I feel gross and self-conscious, so I just don't have sex.* Luckily, I get super horny just before and after my period, so yay!

*ok, so it's not really like I choose not to have sex, seeing as I'm just not having ANY these days, but let's just pretend it's a choice, mkay?.

sodette

The best line in here was "Fuck a TSS". Seriously!

pnehneh

I seriously created an account just to comment on this. These guys: http://www.softcup.com/ are a life-saver. It's like a disposable diva cup but you can have sex with them in. i just pop a new one in before sex. Guys can't feel that it's there and there's no blood. I usually skip sex on my heaviest days, but other than that, these guys definitely work fine!

tealily

@pnehneh I did the exact same thing for the exact same reason. Softcup has changed my life!

Jinxie

@pnehneh Confession time: I think I need to go home and study some lady anatomy cross-sections because right now I'm having a hard time picturing how that works, the having PIV sex with a cup in.

PistolPackinMama

@Jinxie Your birth canal runs up and back towards your cervix. Kind of like an uphill walk towards your spine?

The cup is a stiff ring with a softer plastic baggie (ergh) forming the actual cup.

When you put a soft cup in, you squeeze the ring into a long narrow tampon-ish shape. If you are, say, squatting in the shower, it goes in like a tampon. You know, it goes back as much as it goes up.

When it gets to the top of your birth canal, it pops back into a round shape when you release it. Then it just forms a seal against your cervix.

I think a lot of people put them in wrong the first time because the directions remind you to push it BACK, not UP.

Anyway. It's just hanging out against your cervix, collecting blood (or, really, just stopping it from flowing while you are doing the sexing probably). And your partner's penis more or less pushes the soft plastic flat while you are boning.

If you leave it in for a while, the cup fills up. But when it's just a sexy-times thing, it's not there long enough to do much but stop you from leaking all over your sheets.

I hope that helps? Did that help? Maybe it didn't help...

Jinxie

@PistolPackinMama That totally helps, thanks!

Oopsensdasies!

I definitely do the "tampon until right before" thing and it usually results in mess-free sexytimes. Then when I go to the bathroom after (because seriously - no UTIs! always pee after sex!) some blood-ish stuff comes out, and that's that.

Sea Ermine

I can't believe I put off registering so long only to be prompted to do it by a period sex post but whatever, I just love period sex. Keeping things mess free really depends on your flow, mine is light so being on top and removing the tampon just before p in v sex but after foreplay (keep a small trash can by the bed and you can just toss it in without getting off the bed) and it only ever gets on the condom and nowhere else. Just make sure to use more lube (since pulling the tampon out will pull away your natural lube) than you usually would and put a new tampon in and wash your hands to get the blood off (from removing the condom) when you pee.
If your flow is pretty heavy I'd get one of those sheets they have for kids that wet the bed or incontinent people and combine that with a dark red towel.
If you don't have an IUD you can use an instead softcup, with an IUD the only safe kinds are the reusable ones (and only certain brands, the one's that have larger holes to help you release the suction better) but they sit two low for p in v sex. However, reusable menstrual cups (as well as tampons) make cunnilingus a perfect option.
Also, using your hands or your boyfriends hands or a vibrator is totally an option without a tampon/menstrual cup if neither of you are squeamish about blood, if you are just put in something and if it's a tampon you might want to use a little lube since some of your natural lube will be absorbed by the tampon.
If the issue is that you want vaginal intercourse but your boyfriend doesn't want blood on his penis (even with a condom) have him use a dildo on you (or possibly strapon if there is one that wont get in the way of his penis).
Another thing that helps is to get in the shower and use your hands to sort of fish out the blood, you and get a lot out that way so all you have to worry about is the new stuff that comes out during sex (or as another commenter mentioned you can do this with a dildo or vibrator in the shower as well, probably more fun that way).
One last tip is if your flow is heavy enough that you might get blood on your legs or floor on the way to the bathroom to pee and get a tampon/cup/pad you should stash your older ratty underwear in your bedside table to slip on, that way if you bleed all over them on the way to the bathroom its not a big deal.

Sea Ermine

@Sea Ermine Oh, one last thing, natures miracle ( http://www.petco.com/product/2437/Nature's-Miracle-Stain-and-Odor-Remover.aspx?cm_mmc=GoogleOFF-_-03:DOG+HEALTHCARE+(XML)-_-58-Nature's+Miracle+Stain+%26+Odor+(1327852)-_-nature's+miracle+stain+odor+remover ) is a pet stain cleaner (originally made for pet urine and vomit) that is perfect for both blood and semen stains (amongst other things) so it is the ideal thing to keep by the bed (just store it wherever you keep condoms, lube, toys, etc.) to spray on any messes.

fabel

So I read through all of these & this seems like a good place to ask-- has anyone else found that sex starts their period? Like, if I'm a couple days away from getting it, and I have particularly enthusiastic sex, I'll usually get my period the next day. I guess my uterus get shaken around? (also, I guess this only applies to those not on BC?)

fabel

Also... how are all of you having sex with a tampon in, and why? WHY

karenb

@fabel i can't speak to being off BC and having sex kick-start a period, but i did have a speculum do that. the gyno informed me that i would probably start a day early, which was nice of her.

Scandyhoovian

@fabel Holy crap, yes. Sometimes I feel like an orgasm is the just the thing I need to "opens the floodgates" or whatever. It's a crazy uterine withholding game?

heb
heb

@fabel My friend and I just made a bet on this last week. She asked her gyno, and it's true! It can!

Jinxie

@fabel No, but I could swear doing on one of the later days of my period sometimes makes it end a day or so sooner than usual. Could be total coincidence, but I like to think that sex = magic.

carolita

@karenb Yeah, I get the bf to hose me when I want to bring it on early, or when it's stalled. He's always happy to help. ;)

Amy K. Eoff@facebook

@fabel Haven't ever had that happen to me personally, but I do know that a nice, big series of O's just before you're scheduled (w/or w/out BC) to start will lessen cramps and their duration, fwiw.

Bed Monster

Hate to sound like a dirty hippy, but Dr. Bronner's Peppermint Castille Soap gets blood stains out really well if they're on the fresh(er) side. I've even gotten dried blood out with it, but I'd only recommend this for smaller stains because it would be ridiculous to bring your sheets to the sink to rub soap into a huge blood splotch.

itiresias

@Bed Monster i'll use that religious freak hippie soap fo lyfe.

Nutellaface

NO NO NO OMG WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE AAAGHHHHHHH

Jinxie

@Nutellaface Squeamish?

Nutellaface

@Jinxie ...Perhaps.

FoxyRoxy

I don't know that my eyes could open any wider than they did while reading this amazing post and comment thread. Well done ladies, well done. I literally took notes on these tips.

oh! valencia

This has been amazing. I am generally not into period sex but every once in a while it just has to happen, and I mostly have had it light enough that it's not too messy.
HOWEVER.
I have had an IUD in for 5 or 6 months now? and have been spotting for pretty much 3 weeks straight every month? and it has been awful. We have been having sex anyway, but I miss oral. I have a guy that would probably do it if I really wanted it but I'm just not comfortable with it. I should probably just lose the IUD and go back on the pill, right?

chevyvan

@ohvalencia Oh boy, this is a tough one. I've had an IUD for about the same amount of time, and it has NOT been totally smooth sailing (heavy periods, weird PAINFUL infection that was not an STD). Things are finally settling down a bit...hopefully. Spotting, fortunately, has not been an issue for me. If you're just spotting, is there REALLY that much concern of your partner encountering blood? Think about it. If he's comfortable with it, maybe try it out? I say give it a couple more months, but I totally hear you wanting to take it out b/c it was rough for me for a while.

oh! valencia

@chevyvan Thanks, chevyvan. I think I'll ask my doctor if there's anything that can be done about the constant spotting first, before taking it out.
I'm sorry you've had a rough time with the IUD too!

Babysloths

Ammonia! Use ammonia on your white sheets and period underwears! Just never, ever mix with bleach. Buy ammonia at the store for $2, then go nuts, then dump ammonia on your sheets in the washer and let it sit for 10 minutes, then wash as normal. It's amazing!

carolita

My BF once told me he "totally didn't mind" having sex during my period and I was like, "how generous of you." I don't like period sex at all, though I understand some do. For me, the juices, ahem, involved aren't the same with blood mixed in. It feels... squeaky! Add cramps and a wazoo that's kind of tired of all the stuff incoming and outgoing all day for a few days, and I'll just take a rain check, thanks! I'm very conscious of the different kinds and levels of juices at various times of the month, and have my favorite days, and my unfavorites.

That said:
1- "Grandma's Lye Soap" (hardware store or amazon) works wonders on bloodstains.
And
2- an ex-prostitute friend of mine told me the Sponge is great to use during your period. I tried it once when I was too insecure to tell a bf I had my period during the only weekend I'd seen him in months, and it totally did the trick, so to speak.

itiresias

@carolita What the fuck is the Sponge, really? Has anyone here used it? This may make me sound naive, but truly my only impression of it comes from that Seinfeld episode.

carolita

@itiresias I know, right? I must have used it back in 1993. I thought it might be extinct (I, too, saw that Seinfeld episode) but I just found a few different brands with a google search. This one seems to be the closest to the one I used: http://www.amazon.com/Today-Vaginal-Contraceptive-Sponges-ct/dp/B000SJJFF4

Of course, once I learned about AIDS, it was all over for the sponge for me and I switched to condoms. But the sponge is soft and moist and it certainly worked for not getting blood everywhere. When I took it out, I could see it had actually absorbed the blood. My BF had no idea it was in there, unlike the Instead cup. Maybe I just have a high cervix and it didn't go down low enough? The guy I experimented the Instead cup on definitely felt it.

Porn Peddler

@carolita Not that this thread is still going on but blood dries and gets so fucking painful :(

t. rex arms

So, sort of unrelated but possibly still relevant -- my husband, who has had lots of the sex (both with me and pre-me), swears that if at any time you are worried about your period being late that the best way to get it to come is to have the sex. And to have a lot of it. I would say this is nonsensical and just a ploy of his to have more sex, but it has worked for me many a time when I started to panic about possibly being pregnant. (Also, when we decided to try to get pregnant it happened the very first time, so maybe he is just sort of magical this way?) At any rate, I am always raring to go right before my period hits anyway, so this has worked out well for us.

Oh, and hand jobs/blow jobs FTW during period time for me. He's fine with the blood, but I am not (and we already wash enough towels because of sex stains as it is.)

Maladydee

I'm not usually interested in sex during my period - I turn into a raging sexbeast the week or two afterwards, but it does sometime happen. My solution is to use a divacup, which keeps things right from the get-go, and take it out immediately beforehand and.. ahem.. tidy up. Then put it back in right afterwards and go straight back to basking in the afterglow. If I do that, it's almost completely clean and comfortable, half the time he'd hardly know I was on my period unless I told him (or unless he took off the condom with the lights on and could see the red on it) and it's barely more work than regular sex.

If I haven't been using my cup (ie: I misplaced it again, or can't remember if I cleaned it or not) and have been using pads.... well I can't remember the last time I had period sex without the cup - I find the alternatives much more messy and uncomfortable and gross, and (not that he would ever say it) I think my boyfriend does too, so things never get started without it.

NeverOddOrEven

@Killerpants Careful though - I used sea sponges until my cats discovered them and made them their new favorite toys.
You don't want to try to explain that to someone when it inevitably pops up in an odd place

carolita

@NeverOddOrEven I'll never forget the time my dog found a tampon in a girlfriend's bathroom trash basket (bad plumbing meant she couldn't flush it), and came running out to us in the living room with it like a prize.

Xanthophyllippa

@carolita One of my friends opened up her Facebook a while back and saw a post from a pseudo-friend who wanted the entire world to know her dog ate one of her used tampons.

(That person is no longer my friend's friend.)

CupcakeTattoos

Sharing a shower IS the worst thing ever. Ugh. No, I am busy washing my hair and removing other hair and exfoliating and relaxing and having my own mastubatory times that DO NOT involve another person as I am too selfish and busy thinking of Kate Moennig to pay attention to someone else.
Ahem. The point is, sharing a shower, and shower sex, is an over rated action.

Aphrodite

@CupcakeTattoo Also shower sex is cold if you're not standing right under the water. :-(

HollidayQuinn

@ TLoHTH #4: I completely agree with you on the "don't fall asleep after sex" issue. Early on in my first longterm sexual relationship I got a UTI (which I hadn't had since I was a little girl and didn't go to the bathroom enough), and it was the WORST! In the 4+ years (and multiple boyfriends) since, I always ALWAYS force myself to pee afterwards. And I haven't had a UTI since :)

LeafySeaDragon

@HollidayQuinn this!!! does every NOT leap up and pee post sex and THEN bask in afterglow?

Jane Dough

Maybe someone's already said this but: a diaphragm works GREAT. Just beware when you take that thing out.

Mary T

@Jane Dough It worked for me. You do want to be careful taking it out, but otherwise that problem was solved!

Clare Boyle@facebook

The best thing at dissolving blood? Your saliva! It's weird, but your spit will dissolve your own blood. Not somebody else's, but your own. Whenever I get random spotting in my perfectly new Hanky Pankies, I am not against spitting in my undies. It dissolves the blood in about 90 seconds. Then cold rinse that baby! (I've done it on sheets too, and a pillow case post wisdom tooth extraction when I had little blood dots everywhere. Also, why does everyone hate shower sex?!?! That makes me sad.

carolita

@Clare Boyle@facebook Shower sex means water gets mixed in with your natural juices, which makes things a little too "squeaky clean" instead of properly lubricated, I think. That's my problem with it. Plus, guys think there's no problem with a soapy pecker, which there is, and who wants to have to explain the obvious to a horny fellow in the shower with you? Not that I'm averse to showering together in a roomy bathroom. That can be fun! But who has such roomy bathrooms anymore?

Serafina

@Clare Boyle@facebook My biggest issue is the water dissolving my own lubricant, but that's not a problem if the water's blocked by something. Like his back.

Also, does anybody else have the shower-sex or post-sex problem where water cleans up lubricant just fine when you don't want it to, but post-sex cleanup with water /and soap/ and you're just standing around in a really weird position and ineffectively splashing water at your hoo-ha?

ayo nicole

Showing up last to say that I loved this post. And that I got a coupon for a free Softcup but threw it away because I was weirded out/afraid to spill my period blood on myself, and now I really, really regret it.

carolita

@ayo nicole I see you can get a sample set for $2.50 shipping included on their website. Why not try that? That's pretty cheap. I almost did it, but I have a whole box of Insteads as backup for my Diva already.

steelyaja

I like period sex (with a man) for two (2) reasons:
1. It soothes cramps.
2. Otherwise I just sit and make myself sick on popcorn and Netflix and whatever else I can binge out on. Hormones are fun and strange -- I guess my "sex" and "hunger" regulators are pretty interchangeable.

Period sex makes my period healthier! :)
And also my partner doesn't care at all. He does take a whores bath right afterward (before the massive periodsex afterglow cuddling).

To keep it clean, I use a towel. It works for me! It's not very acrobatic or creative sex, but if he's on top the towel works just fine.

tiptoemammal

I can't read all of these comments (is that terrible of me?) but just wanted to chime in to say: Always Get Up and Pee!!!!! ALWAYS! I used to think that I hated period sex, but recently discovered that it makes my period SO MUCH BETTER, ugh how did I ever live without period sex before? I throw a folded red towel underneath my butt, sex away, and then immediately hop up (with my vag muscles clenched shut, hello Kegels) and pee/shower after. Okay I'll be honest: I pee in the shower after. There. I said it. Anyways, if I get up immediately there's no worries of bloodsoaked sheets.

tiptoemammal

Also: when you orgasm your vag contracts repeatedly. This is a Kegel exercise BUT FOR REAL. So just make sure you have sex (with yourself or someone else) and orgasm every day. Then you can have strong vag muscles and not leak blood everywhere when you walk from bed to bathroom. You're welcome.

BeeBee

You can have sex on your period if you have a soft-cup in:
http://www.cvs.com/CVSApp/catalog/shop_product_detail.jsp?filterBy=&skuId=214411&productId=214411&navAction=push&navCount=5&no_new_crumb=true

Though you may want to give him a heads up anyway, the guy is not likely to feel it. I would still put a towel down and stick to simple positions, but it is totally doable!

Serafina

I've definitely had period sex with a tampon in. It was fine because my ex's penis was not that large (I mean like if you overlap your thumb over your whole pointer fingernail, that's about the diameter), and I use O.B. tampons, which can vary in size, so it sort of just squished to one side? He did complain about friction though. Just.. don't forget you have a tampon in, and then put in another afterwards. You'll feel really stupid. (I didn't get TSS.)

My current boyfriend's penis would definitely not even allow that to be an option. There are some positions we just don't do because my cervix gets in the way and it hurts, plus it's .. um, if you juuuust touch your thumb to the cuticle on your middle finger? in diameter. Not happening with a tampon.

Also is there a cunnilingus version of red wings? 'Cause my boyfriend totally got them. He definitely ate me out while I was on my period (though it wasn't a heavy flow day).

lemongreenkey

Ok...the darkest true story ever...a friend of mine had sex with her tampon in. It ended up getting wedged in so high she had to go to hospital and they went through like all these different sized speculums to try to get it out until eventually they cranked her wide open and practically climbed in. She remains deeply scarred psychologically and I am forbidden from telling the story..luckily this is anonymous!

Andreita

Am I the only one who loves not worrying about lube for a week?

Annie.Bart

This is an untested theory that sounds rather demeaning, but wouldn't doggie pee pads work well? They're just like pads, only bigger. Then you wouldn't have to worry about clean-up. Just throw them away.

Misha

@Annie.Bart Yes, those are useful for any type of messy play you happen to be doing. If you don't want to get the pet pads, hit up a medical supply store or the internet for some chucks - they are the same thing, only cheaper.

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jimmyrapper

OhDearGin I am shaking my head at him through the intertrons. Who misses, indeed. This isn't parallel parking, guys. project manager software

jimmyrapper

I'm not against it but haven't ever been with anyone down with it. I do seem hornier but I'm not sure it'd be worth the hassle. lion air

jimmyrapper

OhDearGin I am shaking my head at him through the intertrons. Who misses, indeed. This isn't parallel parking, guys.Alabama

jimmyrapper

@totallyunoriginal Um so this is unrelated to period sex and maybe not the best place to ask this *even more indelicate* question but does anyone have any tips on being on top in general? The guy I'm dating really likes it and I feel like I'm not good at it and also can't get fucked as hard/deep that way (which I really like) but if it's him on top I always worry that I am "just lying there" and having him do all the work and it's not fair. I know the move your hips in a circle not just back and forth thing but any other tips? I feel inept and want to do my fair share! Military Budget Data

john17

I'm not good at it and also can't get fucked as hard/deep that way (which I really like) but if it's him on top I always worry that I am "just lying there" 100 ways to lose weight fast

jimmyrapper

kapitalk Yay microbiology usefulness! It's actually fine to keep a cup in overnight (or in general however long you need to before emptying it) since they're not spongy like tampons, which is what can lead to TSS. If that's something you'd even be interested in, since it sounds like you already have a working system in place! best high pr backlinks

jimmyrapper

Luftyer I'm on Nuvaring and skip mine every other month! If it weren't for spotting, I'd skip it EVERY month. When I was on the pill, I would skip it for three or four months at a time Look for PI-Squared Labs

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