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Wednesday, March 28, 2012

378

Hung Jury, Round One: John and Julie

I watch The Bachelor. I tried writing, “I’m a big fan of The Bachelor” but deleted it and then re-wrote it and then deleted and re-wrote it like 65 times. Anyway, one of the things I like the most about The Bachelor is knowing with absolute certainty that the people behind the show regard its premise and the people on it with bottomless, mind-boggling cynicism and contempt and yet never really let on that the whole endeavor is anything other than a sacred quest for true love. I don’t know what they pay Chris Harrison to keep that concerned face throughout the whole thing, but it’s not enough. He never, ever winks at us to let us know that he knows that we know that he knows that the entire thing is an incredibly profitable charade, and that it’s all going to end very badly for everyone involved except Chris Harrison.

In the 10 or so years that, fine, I’ve been a fan of the show the only such knowing wink I’ve seen from the producers is when they add a subtitle to a given season of the show. The year The Bachelor was British they went with “The Bachelor: London Calling. Then there was a Navy doctor whose season was christened, “The Bachelor: An Officer And A Gentleman.” Airline pilot Jake Pavelka’s season was christened, “The Bachelor: On The Wings Of Love.” I love that so much. There was a theme song, too. Nobody could have created these subtitles in good faith and sincerity, and so they constituted a very rare smoke signal from the producers saying, OK, you’re right, we hate this show and the people on it, this isn’t what we envisioned doing with our lives at all, but you would not believe how expensive private school tuition is.

All of which is a very long way of saying that I am going to subtitle each installment of the “Hung Jury” series. This, our first installment, will be known as, “Hung Jury: Urine Big Trouble.”

Here are the jointly-agreed-upon facts from our troubled couple, who we’ll call John and Julie.

Sometimes, in the morning, John pees in the shower. John made the mistake of telling Julie this and she was totally grossed out. John has been doing this for years. He doesn’t just spray wildly about the shower; all the pee goes in the immediate vicinity of the drain and in an area where water flows. That is, the urine isn't just sitting around in a pool on the floor. John sees no problem with this, and Julie sees a really big problem with this. Should John cease and desist this behavior he believes is harmless but which Julie finds disgusting?

Julie’s Case: Let me just start by noting that I find this TOTALLY GROSS. We live in separate houses, and when he stays over he will often shower here in the mornings. He has admitted to peeing in my shower, which, just to note, I don't share with roommates or anything, but is still where I wash myself and keep my various lady products and maintain a level of weekly Scrubbing Bubbles cleanliness. He maintains that pee is sterile and that it is going down the drain just like it would if it were in the toilet. I understand both of these things in theory, but in practice I don't want his pee in my shower. I would like someone else in the world to affirm that peeing in my shower is gross (especially since the toilet is located right next to the shower, and has an amusing decal of Admiral Akbar saying "It's A Crap!" affixed to the lid). He can pee in his own shower if he wants, I guess, but I still think it's nasty, even if fancy "science" and "reason" (note: I totally love science and reason in real life) say it should be acceptable.

John’s Case: First of all, I'd note that there's absolutely no way to know if anyone has peed in the shower. In fact, pretty much any shower has probably been peed in at one time or another. Most people just aren't honest enough to admit it. But nobody notices. Why? Because the bottom of your shower is pretty much the cleanest place in your house — it's washed on a daily basis with soap and water. Shower water goes exactly the same place as toilet water and the water going to the bottom of the shower has just traveled over your body and therefore definitely touched feces — nobody's butt is perfectly clean. And urine is sterile, unlike poop! Finally, I'd note that peeing in the shower is environmentally friendly. Even modern toilets use at least 1 gallon of water per flush. Finally, it's just much more comfortable early in the morning and, since it does no harm, I don't see why I shouldn't do it — "It's gross!" is a feeling, not an argument.

My Verdict: One time at Scout Camp my friend and I were peeing next to each other, some heated words were exchanged about the color of my aqua socks, and things escalated into a pee fight. I took some incoming, and my initial reaction was one of revulsion. But my second reaction was, “This really isn’t that bad.  Pee isn’t that gross.” I’m trying to identify and neutralize my biases here (I’m a dude, I grew up peeing at the same toilet at the same time with my brothers, I’ve lived in places where public peeing is pretty standard, I once got in a pee fight at Scout Camp, I’ve lived in places where the bathroom floor gave birth to organic life forms that have since developed opposable thumbs and personalities; they’re not people, exactly, but they definitely have consciousness, they (mostly) know right from wrong, and they’ve grown pretty dear to me, etc.). Still, it just doesn’t seem that gross to me. Sorry, Julie.

Perhaps the commenters feel differently? (Nah, no way. No way they feel differently. Asking them is just a formality, because there’s no way they’re going to feel differently.)

Previously: The Series Begins.

(And, please feel free to submit relationship disputes for future Hung Jury installations.)

Davis B. has been happily married for three years and has never even had one fight with his wife! And he's also too busy to watch TV. You can follow him on Twitter @davistbell.



378 Comments / Post A Comment

redheaded&crazy

I'm on the side of, it just isn't that gross.

But if I DID find it gross, I guess I would think it's not that big a deal to pee in the toilet before hopping in the shower? Like, a pretty small compromise to make for the sake of not grossing out my relationship partner...

permanentbitchface

@redheaded&crazie Totes agree. I have never been shy about sharing my peeing habits with my partners though, and if they're gonna be grossed out by that, then they're probably going to find my other habits totally appalling.

Ophelia

@redheaded&crazie Yeah, agree. I think John is correct re: urine being sterile,* but if it wigs Julie out that much, then pee in the toilet, dude.

*I once read a story (or a novel? can't remember) as a kid about people during the Khmer Rouge in Cambodia, where a woman gives birth on a train, and the only way to wash off the baby is with pee? Because there's limited water available and it isn't clean? Has anyone else ever read this/have any idea what I'm talking about? I must've been 10 when I read this, and it has totally stuck with me for 20 years.

@Ophelia Yes. In World War I, urine was also used as a means of sterilizing wounds in the middle of battle.

ThundaCunt

@redheaded&crazie I agree. Not a problem at all!! I'm a lady and i pee in the shower all the time! I could say it's saves water and time and yada, yada, yada, but it's really about laziness and efficency. I mean you take this mans SPERM and SWEAT and God knows what else, all OVER YOUR AREA and you can't have possible traces of urine under your feet?? Seems cray-cray to me!

Judy, call me when he poops in the shower and tries to shove it down the drain, then we'll have a EWWWW discussion!

ThundaCunt

@ThundaCunt Julie*

so sorry!!

melis

THE RETURN OF THUNDACUNT!!!

Beericle

@ThundaCunt DITTO on everything you said. (except no one call me when he tries to poop in the shower)

ThundaCunt

@Beericle I dont know...that'd be a pretty interesting call, no?

AndSomethingElse

@Ophelia Chiming in on this. It's not that big a deal, and John should learn not to compulsively overshare things that no one really wants to know about, but now that it's out there...her position is clear. It's her shower. Use the toilet.

AndSomethingElse

@Ophelia btw I just pooped in your shower. Sorry.

Ophelia

@Alexander DAMN IT WHY DID YOU TELL ME?

AniaGosia

@S. Elizabeth And, remember in Roots when George pees on the chicken wounds to keep them sterile? I admit I read that when I was 12, so I might not be remembering it exactly, but I always think of that scene in relation to pee sterility.

saul "the bear" berenson

@ThundaCunt Does anyone remember that one Savage Love where the person found out that their boyfriend has a habit of taking a big dump in the shower and then stomping it down the drain?

AndSomethingElse

@Moxie NO! Jesus. JESUS.

bunB

@Moxie Whaaaaaaa? I am stifling hysterical laughter so hard right now. Be back when I can laugh openly at poop references in the comfort of my own home.

Xanthophyllippa

@S. Elizabeth Long before that, too. Used to be standard medical practice rather than an act of sheer desperation. (Also used in WWI: moss, for packing wounds. And used since time immemorial: honey, to sterlize.)

allendaniel

See, this is why I need to be in closer contact with the female members of the Bachelor fan club; I had no idea that was a weave.@a

The Lady of Shalott

Is A Clean Person available to weigh in on this topic? If not, I am going to have to go with no, Julie, it's not particularly gross, but I feel like if Julie finds it so distasteful, can John make an effort NOT to pee in her shower? Because it matters to someone he cares about? Since they live in separate homes, and he is presumably free to pee in his own shower all he likes, would it be possible to come to some compromise where John stops peeing in Julie's shower, and Julie doesn't comment on the grossness of John's urine in his own shower. And leave all the "but it's better for the environment/gross/feels better" grandstanding out of it?

HillsideHoyden

@The Lady of Shalott Yeah, seriously! Being in a relationship means occasionally doing or not doing things because the other person wants or doesn't want you to, even though you think it's silly.

themmases

@The Lady of Shalott I agree... How hard is it not to pee in *someone else's* shower if they don't want you to? A person doesn't need a reason to want their space treated a certain way.

leastimportantperson

@themmases Answer: not hard at all! And yet.

stuffisthings

@The Lady of Shalott Here's my solution: John tells Julie that while he doesn't agree, he understands her concerns and will make the minor sacrifice of not peeing in her shower, for the sake of the relationship. And then continues peeing in her shower as normal.

EDIT: I see that about 6,000 people downthread have already expressed this sentiment.

PistolPackinMama

@HillsideHoyden Yeah, this is a Girl Whats Your Thing moment. Rational schmational. It's A Thing. So it's an issue of where does Her Thing measure up in relation to His Thing?

AndSomethingElse

@The Lady of Shalott Also, I second this. A Clean Person should weigh in, like an expert witness.

stuffisthings

@PistolPackinMama Yeah it's like, my girlfriend has this crazy thing that jeans which have been worn outside are contaminated and should never touch the bed under any circumstances. But then, she also eats in my bed *all the time* and gets crumbs everywhere. It's a stalemate!

AndSomethingElse

@stuffisthings My girlfriend does that too! I mean with the jeans. But that works out great because it just means whenever we get in bed we don't have to waste time taking off each other's pants.

I would have to break up with anyone who ate in bed. I just...no way. Not at all. *shudder*

stonefruit

@stuffisthings "crumbs everywhere. It's a stalemate!" ... I see what you did there.

Craftastrophies

@stuffisthings Are you and your girl friend secretly Bert and Ernie? Because they had this exact argument about the eating.

Note: the solution was that Ernie avoided crumbs in his bed by eating cookies in Bert's bed. I do not recommend this solution.

EpWs

Agreeing with verdict, but giving props to Julie for the Akbar toilet decal. Genius.

travelmugs

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Yes! Julie, where did you get said decal. Juuuuuuuliiiiieeee!

Rebecs

I feel like regardless of the gross factor, a person has the right to tell another person, "When in my home, I'd like for you to restrict your urine to the toilet and no place else." It seems like a reasonable request to abide by.

chevyvan

@Rebecs Just about to post the same thing. The person who cleans the shower gets to make the call. As others have pointed out, Julie will not actually ever know for sure if he henceforth pees in the shower, so he should just agree to this rule and use his own discretion about whether it's respectful to continue peeing in the shower or not.

City_Dater

If Julie is that squeamish (or that determined to create conflict), John should stop peeing in her shower, or at least tell her he's stopped peeing in her shower, because she will never know the difference.

Lily Rowan

@City_Dater Yeah, that!

Xanthophyllippa

@City_Dater This is pretty much what I'd do. But then, I'm a horrible troll with a lump of blackened tar for a heart, so.

chapstick

So while I'm pretty sure all showers and pools and other bodies of water have been peed in at one point or another... but John should really just respect Julie's wishes and NOT PEE IN HER SHOWER. It's her house and her shower.

Ophelia

When I was a lifeguard, we used to tell the kids that we'd put a special chemical in the pool that would turn the water purple if they peed. Most of them bought it, but one kid totally piped up, "I know that's not true! I tried it!"

angelinha

@Ophelia Wait. Does this chemical actually exist or was I tricked by the same line during my whole childhood?

Ophelia

@angelinha You, my dear, were tricked. I'm sure a chemical that turns ammonia purple exists, but I've never seen it used in a pool :)

themmases

@Ophelia I was tricked by the exact same thing as a kid (my family vacationed at a lake and I was totally used to peeing in there). Then as I got a little older I noticed that different pool owners told me it would turn different colors-- red, green, whatever.

everythingbagel

@Ophelia I am 23 years old and to this day, if I really absolutely have to pee in a pool, I pee only a teeny tiny bit and look to see if there's a purple cloud around my legs. I've never seen one yet!

Killerpants

@everythingbagel Wait, what are the circumstances that you really absolutely have to pee in a pool? I'm imagining gun point, threats of being disowned by loved ones if you get out of the pool, a pack of wild dogs menacing the surrounding area...

PotatoPotato

@Ophelia: You pretty much just told me that the tooth fairy doesn't exist.

Bus Driver Stu Benedict

@Killerpants Most outdoor recreation facility bathrooms are a lot less sanitary than a little p in an ool.

Ophelia

@Killerpants The circumstances tend to be things like But This Is An Epic Water Fight, I Don't Want To Lose My Spot In Line For The Diving Board, and It's My Turn To Be It In Marco Polo.

slutberry

@Ophelia I pee in various bodies of water. No shame.

everythingbagel

@Ophelia @Killerpants Those would be good reasons but usually it's more like I Feel Like A Fatty And The Guy I Like Is Over There Getting A Beer. Sadly my peeing tendencies are contingent upon how good I think I look clambering out of a pool.

Ophelia

@everythingbagel Ah, yes. Typically, though, I was lying about the chemical to people under the age of 10, so their priorities were different.

stonefruit

@Ophelia @Killerpants also, circumstances such as, I Don't Want To Have To Take Off My Soaking Wet Bathing Suit And Then Try To Somehow Tug It Back Up When I've Finished.

everythingbagel

@stonefruit @ophelia ah! in the cases where I skip the warm pee in the cold pool, I sort of pull the crotch of my suit to the side...not graceful but a lot less clingy.

Ophelia

@stonefruit See, that is when you use The Shift (which involves pulling the crotch of your suit away and to the side while you pee).

Ophelia

@everythingbagel Didn't see your comment before, but clearly you are also a genius.

Bus Driver Stu Benedict

@Ophelia Now that BuzzFeed category makes a whole lot more sense.

Killerpants

@Ophelia @everythingbagel Ah, now I see. Also, the pull to the side rather than de-suiting is GENIUS.

Xanthophyllippa

@Ophelia As a former diver, I can say wholeheartedly that not losing one's place in line is definitely worth peeing on the deck.

I do triathlons in my copious spare time, and at the start, when we're all hanging out in the water before they call our wave? We're not getting used to the water temperature -- we're all peeing in the lake.

Craftastrophies

@Ophelia Sometimes I just pee straight through the bathing suit, and blot dry the material.

Basically, my attitude is that pee is way less gross than whatever you walked in on your way into the pool. So while I am not AIMING to add pee to the water, it's NBD.

New Hoarder

@Ophelia This chemical is real and it is called Wee-Wee See. It appeared in the Urinator episode of "The Adventures of Pete & Pete."

Judith Slutler

Apparently I'm thinking what every other commenter is thinking, which is "it's not that gross, and there is really no way to tell whether or not he pees in the shower, but it's also not that hard to pee in the toilet".

So my verdict is: John, just apologize to Julie and tell her you will never pee in her shower again. Julie, accept the apology and don't get all suspicious about whether or not he occasionally may slip up and pee in your shower!

Also, leave the environment / water consumption / etc. out of it dude, seriously.

Fig. 1 (formerly myfanwy)

@Emmanuelle Cunt Yes, if you cared about the environment that much, you would just shower less. (fewer?) Or pee in the toilet and not flush.

Saaoirse

@Emmanuelle Cunt DRIVE BY GRAMMAR CLARIFICATION- "shower less" is right because it's a shortened "shower less often." But it would be "take fewer showers," not "take less showers"- AND NOW I DRIVE AWAY

Xanthophyllippa

@Saaoirse Marry me?

Craftastrophies

@Saaoirse That is AMAZING and you are perfect.

Yeah, I pee in the shower, and tbh I started because of the saving water thing. Or, more accurately, because reading about that gave me persmission to do a thing which is easier anyway. But also, let it go people. Lots of things are better for the environment, that's besides the point.

Also, I do find that I have to clean the shower a bit more often, I think because of this. But, like, a day sooner, nothing drastic. And as I said above, pee isn't any more gross than the other things that end up on my bare feet as I walk through the house (I mean, I have a cat, he is disgusting) and also, I wash my butt in there. There is butt residue. Pee is WAY less gross than that.

Fig. 1 (formerly myfanwy)

@Saaoirse AAAH I TOOK A SEMICOLON TO THE HEAD

leonstj

I remember when I had a couple who were roommates. Sometimes they would have arguments about things such as this and I, in a move I thought was honestly being helpful (I was young) posed the question:

"Are you guys gonna break up over this? If not, why not just drop it and we can watch Jaws in peace?" (I really enjoy watching Jaws).

Well - I learned two things. One is that it worked - it really did end the argument. The second is that an easy way to end a couples internal argument over something insignificant is to turn them both jointly against yourself.

stonefruit

@leon.saintjean So here's how this went: I was peacefully reading along, drinking my 10:30am tea (WEST COAST REPRESENT), came upon your comment with a mouthful of tea, and giggled. Tea on the keyboard, tea on the file I am supposed to be reviewing, tea that I tried to dab off and only succeeded in blurring the (non-ballpoint, what the heck, bosses) ink in the comment section. If you have a suggestion for how to explain this, I'M ALL EARS.

Ophelia

@stonefruit are you SURE it was tea?

stonefruit

@Ophelia BAZINGA.

mezzanine

@leon.saintjean I LOVE JAWS! do you still watch jaws all the time? can we watch jaws at the next pinup?! and most importantly – WHICH ONE?!

n.b.- i love typing in all caps almost as much as a love watching jaws (1,2 & 4. okay fiiine, maybe 3 too).

Lila Fowler

I don't find peeing in the shower very gross, but Dear Judge... you had a pee fight? A. Pee. Fight?!?! AAAH FIRE

Is this a common male bonding ritual I've been kept out of the loop about? eugh

slutberry

@Lila Fowler I, at first, did not realize the Judge had boy parts, and was trying to figure out how a couple of little girl parts managed to have the spraying power and accuracy for a pee fight. I was impressed.

Ophelia

@teffodee Hahahaha, me too. My brain added "girl" to "scout camp" and I was totally baffled.

slutberry

@Ophelia I have wanted for YEARS to figure out how to pee standing up. Apparently there is a Way to Do this. Sometimes I practice in the shower (don't tell Julie!!).

Also, I owe you stickers. I have not forgot.

Ophelia

@teffodee Hah, me too! It would make camping much easier (as I live in fear of getting poison ivy on my butt)!

<3 u for remembering about the stickers!

slutberry

@Ophelia Pee-related story: One time I was driving with a friend from western New York to Boston very late at night. We hit grid-lock traffic at like 1:30 a.m. in Connecticut. And I had to pee. I had to pee SO BADLY. For two hours, stuck in the middle lane, I had to pee. I was thisclose to sticking my bum out the window and peeing. I was considering trying to pee in a water bottle with a skinny neck. We finallllly got out of the traffic, and my friend pulled over and I jumped out of the car, pulling my jeans off as I went, and I peeeeeed on the shoulder (of the road, not of Julie). And then, mid-stream, I realized we were stopped on the highest point of a curve, and all of the oncoming headlights were illuminating my desperate, peeing bum. And I didn't even care.

Ophelia

@teffodee That is the most amazing pee story I have ever heard. Well done!

Also, why does traffic in Connecticut suck so badly? Every time I have been stuck in traffic in the middle of the night, it is because Connecticut is doing road work and has basically shut down the highway.

sarah girl

@teffodee Oh god, I peed on the shoulder of the road in rural Haiti once. One of those overstuffed double-decker buses drove by right as I was doing it, and everyone stared at me in curiosity. :(

I didn't really care, though, because it was that or wet my pants in a very nice man's car.

Davis B.

@Lila Fowler It's not THAT common. I only had one. But I think it happens more than we admit.

slutberry

@Sarah H. I was in Nepal in summer 2009, and it is HOT in Nepal. We were driving from Kathmandu to Pokhara, which is an 8-hour drive, and I was getting seriously dehydrated, so when we stopped for lunch I drank 2 liters of water without barely noticing it. Of course, I had to pee like a racehorse about an hour later, and we were in the middle of the mountains. The guy driving with us was very concerned that I wouldn't be able to pee without a toilet "Not even a squat toilet here!", but I assured him that I had done it before. Then I accidentally squatted over a prickly shrub and had burrs in my underpants for the rest of the trip.

MoxyCrimeFighter

@all i don't have any personal funny pee stories, but once when my younger brother was little (maybe 6 or 7) we were eating family dinner and all of a sudden he says,"I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" and bolts from the table. But instead of going to the bathroom upstairs, he ran out into the backyard, which the dining room overlooked, and did a crazy dance while peeing as we all watched. Hilarious.

AndSomethingElse

@Lila Fowler I have boy parts - at least three of them - and I have never been in a pee fight. Willing, though! Leon?

@teffodee well, you win the pee story contest.

slutberry

@Alexander All my best stories are pee stories. I have no idea what that says about me, except that I pee a lot.

slutberry

@MoxyCrimeFighter when I was little and I had to go to the bathroom, I would pull my pants down around my ankles and shuffle to the bathroom bare-arsed. But I did not have a special pee-dance. Your brother is the best.

stonefruit

@teffodee my brother did this! Wow, I thought he was the only one. He would announce he had to pee, get up from the dinner table, drop trou, and then shuffle off to the bathroom.

themmases

@teffodee My boyfriend makes fun of me because if I'm changing my clothes before going to the bathroom, I won't bother zipping them for the walk across the apartment. I'm just going to undo them again in 7 seconds! He's seen everything anyway!

Living alone for 9 months had a swift and powerful effect on me.

@Lila Fowler OMFG YOUR NAME IS AWESOME. Sweet Valley High forever.

AndSomethingElse

@themmases He's seen everything.

(Uh...that's a link to Patrick Stewart being super funny on a Ricky Gervais show. It's germane?)

Lila Fowler

@S. Elizabeth Thanks. Here in Sweet Valley we don't solve our problems with pee fights. We solve them by stealing each other's boyfriends and spreading rumors to Caroline Pearce. Pee fights are wayyyy beneath Pi Beta Alphas

Queen of Pickles

@Lila Fowler I was in Central Park on St Patrick's Day, watching the parade, when all the white wine I'd been drinking hit, and I NEEDED TO PEE SO BADLY I THOUGHT I WOULD RUPTURE.

After dragging my Dude around for twenty minutes (poor Dude), the only place we could find was a little brick shack in the middle of the park. There were forty female people in line for three stalls. Mostly kids. The Dude left to wait for some friends, and I started to seriously wonder whether I would pee myself while standing in line.

In desperation, I hopped over a stone railing, snuck behind the brick shack, evaded a male gardener, and found a nook in the brick wall where nobody could see me. I was shivering with anticipation when I realized there were two teenage girls sitting on the hill in front of me.

They flapped their hands. "Go! Go! We did already!"

So I went. It was euphoric. When I came back and stepped over the stone wall, all of the women looked at me with wide eyes. I felt like Amelia Earhart.

Xanthophyllippa

@teffodee It's totally possible - I did it almost for an entire month last summer in China, because a third of the time you'll have a hole in the ground, a third of the time you'll have a porcelain squat toilet, and a third of the time the Western toilets will be so nasty that you won't want your naked ass within three yards of it. Fortunately, we (my friend and I, not the Royal We) were staying in a very swank hotel with Western toilets both times our dinner didn't agree with us (no matter how nasty the thing someone in a foreign country is offering you might be, never opt to eat an entire plate of hot peppers for dinner). But, um...I have in fact pooped in a squat toilet. You just have to be very careful about where your feet are.

slutberry

@Xanthophyllippa Oh, I used the squat toilets (mostly in homes, so not terribly gross). There just weren't any by the side of the road in the mountains.

Xanthophyllippa

@teffodee Yeah, I had that same problem on a bike ride through rural rice fields. I had pretty good luck with the same general strategy over bare ground, but I think a few years of rowing and a lot of years of biking have given me exceptionally good quads for such things.

Craftastrophies

@teffodee When I was in china, I often preferred squat toilets, because sometimes they didn't know how to install the Western ones, and they leaked around the base, which is... gross.

Mostly squat toilets are fine, although one school I taught at just basically had trenches and the stalls didn't have doors, and I am not really ok with pooping in front of my 8 year old students, so.

Re: peeing while standing, I hear it is possible. I hear gypsies (argh, am I being racist? Romany peoples?) do it down wagon wheels? As in, they stand over it, and use it as a gutter to take the pee down to the ground without splashing. I must pee especially hard or something, since I can't even pee on the ground without pee-mud splash back.

(WHY do I tell the internet these things??)

AndSomethingElse

@Craftastrophies Note to everyone: Craftastrophies pees with excessive force. Pls update your FB status accordingly.

slutberry

@Craftastrophies I also pee with excessive force! I also pee really, really fast. Bestie calls me a bathroom ninja.

Craftastrophies

@Alexander THE MORE YOU KNOW!

@teffodee me too! My Bestie calls me the Fastest Peer in the West.

Why am I proud of thisssss?

AndSomethingElse

@Craftastrophies Ah ha, I almost went with that joke.

slutberry

@Craftastrophies SO MANY SKILLZ FOR MAH RESUME.

D.@twitter

@Floorcake Pee story: Once my friend had come to visit me in New Orleans. En route home from a night of carousing, she announced that she had to pee. The need became so pressing that we only made it to the gate of my apartment complex before she squatted down and peed on the pavement.

fondue with cheddar

@sniffadee I'm super late in replying to this thread, but here is a guide to peeing standing up!

I know how to do it, but apparently something about my anatomy makes it impossible to do it without making a big mess. It just goes everywhere. Not for lack of trying. :(

Also, there are a bunch of devices out there that you can use if you can't get the hang of it.

H.E. Ladypants

I don't think it's gross at all. (I think a lot of people do this.) However, being in a relationship means be respectful of other people's sometimes irrational "this really bugs me" stuff and altering around that! He should stop- not because it's super gross but because it bothers her and it's her shower.

Fig. 1 (formerly myfanwy)

I would rather you peed in the shower than over the seat/floor/wall. Even hitting the toilet causes splashback.

(My parents were remodelling one of the bathrooms when we were growing up, so for a period of time there was just drywall on the wall. Add in six people, three of them boys. Let me tell you, people, when they say that toilets spray when they flush, THEY DO. As in, wash your ceiling.)

Fig. 1 (formerly myfanwy)

@Fig. 1 (formerly myfanwy) I should also add, your house, your rules. Everyone's got tics.

slutberry

@Fig. 1 (formerly myfanwy) YES YES YES YES. I have alll the sisters, and one brother, but my dad and my brother have always been tidy about their peeing habits. Then I started going to houses that belong to boys. EWWWWW. The toilets. They are gross.

Fig. 1 (formerly myfanwy)

@teffodee Yes, I think some people do not know that in addition to cleaning your toilet, you have to clean around the toilet. Including the wall.

EvilAuntiePeril

@teffodee Also the boys' not-toilets. In fact boys peeing generally is gross. My brother's best friend once peed on my foot at a festival. Fortunately, I was wearing wellies, and needless to say he was absolutely shit-faced when it happened. But this type of behaviour is not unusual for many males of my acquaintance. Ever since, that particular festival has been known as "The Glastonbury at which [Brother's best friend] peed on EvilAuntiePeril's foot."

(nb. why is it that practically every anecdote I share here is foot-related?)

slutberry

@EvilAuntiePeril One time I peed on my own foot behind a shed at my sister's wedding, because I was drunk and I couldn't figure out how to open the door to the house.

I AM CLASSY.

EvilAuntiePeril

@teffodee I have done this while sober and camping (it was dark). But not in quantities compared to [Brother's best friend], and of course, I am never gross. And also (in reference to your Kathmandu story above thread) erroneously in nettles. Never again.

slutberry

@EvilAuntiePeril Owwwww nettles! My ladyparts cringe for you. Once I got a couple of mosquito bites in a sensitive area, and that was bad enough-- I cannot imagine NETTLES.

EvilAuntiePeril

@teffodee The most embarrassing part was that someone decided the best antidote nature could provide would be dock leaves. But none of us were exactly experts in wildcraft. So picture a bunch of teenage girls poking about patches of leafy green stuff in the rain, and occasionally shoving some of it into my hands with a helpful, "I think this is dock. Try it. It's probably dock. Hang on, is that horse poo?"

slutberry

@EvilAuntiePeril In an ironic twist of fate, I'm actually pretty sure peeing on nettles helps neutralize them. Like jellyfish stings.

mustelid

@EvilAuntiePeril One year at Pitchfork, my friend and I were both wearing skirts and didn't want to wait in line so we just popped a squat and peed behind some merch tents. She accidentally peed on her foot, which whatever, pee's not that gross. BUT she had taken some of that pain reliever for the UTI she had... so her pee stained her foot bright orange.

EvilAuntiePeril

@teffodee Oh the irony! My teenage self weeps. Also at the thought of what Alanis could do with this notion.

slutberry

@EvilAuntiePeril She might even learn what irony truly is!

EvilAuntiePeril

@mustelid Yay (and teehee)! for more festival pee stories! It was also at a festival that I tried the shepee, which is a little folded-up cardboard device that allows ladies to pee standing up. TBH, not something I learned to embrace through this experience - some kind of brain-bladder barrier.

@teffodee "And the moral of the story, dear Lannie, is that THIS is irony". You are wise indeed, young teffodee.

Bus Driver Stu Benedict

Had I not been in a rush to relieve myself of a witty aside, this thread is where I should have expressed this comment.

EvilAuntiePeril

@Bus Driver Stu Benedict teeheeyousaidrelievemyselfsnortgiggle.

Craftastrophies

@mustelid That story is amazing.

Also, I know we have talked about this forever, but seriously what are people DOING in there that takes so long? I get it at clubs or whatever, taking some time out. But in a grody public bathroom? Or at a festival? It is NOT relaxing in there, get your skates on!

Quinn A@twitter

Dude. It's her house. Don't pee in her shower. Pee in your own shower all you like, but it's unfathomably rude to insist that you should be able to pee in hers if you know it bothers her.

I don't think peeing in the shower is all that gross, really, but respecting your partner's space is important!

fuck fuck fuck

i pee in the shower literally all day every day.

Quinn A@twitter

Also, can we please stop making the "pee is sterile!" argument? Yes, urine itself is sterile. But it has to pass through the urethra, which is not. It WILL pick up bacteria and such on its way out of the body.

fuck fuck fuck

@Quinn A@twitter wait but that bacteria is already IN ME

Quinn A@twitter

@lighter fluid Yeah, but it's not in Julie's shower!

fuck fuck fuck

@Quinn A@twitter hahaha yeah, i was thinking more along the lines of "well i don't care if i pee on myself!!" i forgot we were talking about other people.

bb
bb

I'm sorry John, but if you have to be stubborn on this issue, when it's her house and there is a very easy alternative, your relationship prospects are not good. This kind of goes for the columnist as well. Compromises for your loved one are kind of key for a relationship.

@bb Yes, this. And "pee in the toilet like a grown-up" seems like a smaller and more reasonable compromise than "get used to a dude peeing in your shower."

Craftastrophies

@S. Elizabeth I wonder if it's reached the point where he's objecting to her being 'irrational' about it, and she's become entrenched in 'it's just gross ok!' Because the thing is, I think this is an acceptable thing to be irrational about. Bodily fluids/ablutions, etc are things with great areas of personal preference. In fact, most things in a relationship that have this level of ease of fix should just be an 'ok, if you don't like it I'll try to remember to do it the other way'.

phylogenetic

Respectful? Sure, be respectful: LIE. Or lie by omission? "No, I did not pee in the shower"... or "Wow, that was a nice shower!" Period! WTF you want to control what your beau does in the shower?? That seems silly and a waste of your precious brain cells. Let him do what he does in the shower (which isn't terribly gross), and believe him when he says he doesn't. DONE.

Gnatalby

John annoys me. He's apparently one of those people who not only needs to do what he wants, but also needs everyone else to approve of it, otherwise he could have just lied or not said anything. If you're so sure your urine is completely undetectable, then just say you're not doing it, it shouldn't matter, right? So you're just being a bit of a bully by telling her things you know will bother her.

Emby

@Gnatalby I dunno. This to me reads more like one of those silly couple fights. I have no way of knowing what John would do if an actual, serious issue arose, but I know that when it's something serious, I take it seriously. When it's something kind of whimsical like this, I'm much more likely to stand my ground and not back off and (playfully) argue about it, because who cares.

leastimportantperson

@Gnatalby This behavior is the worst. It is gross and weird that he insists on PEEING somewhere she has asked him not to pee. That's so territorial and disrespectful. And while it's cheeky and adorbs that everyone just thinks he should lie about it, I agree that he's acting like a bully. Don't try to convince her to let you walk all over her, dude.

thebestjasmine

@leastimportantperson Yes, I'm kind of stunned that so many people think that it would be awesome for him to just lie to her about something that clearly matters to her. Instead of lying, just pee in the fucking toilet.

Katie Heaney

@thebestjasmine I know, right? I sort of don't get how so many people think that being bothered by this is silly but ... believing you deserve the right to urinate wherever you want ... isn't?? haha i mean...what?

Katie Heaney

@Katie Heaney like haven't humans as a collective decided, hey, it's a good idea if we contain our waste to one specific type of receptacle. we can't enforce it, maybe, but it's just a good, friendly idea. toilets are those receptacles! they are nice, and pretty easy to find. it works nice.

leastimportantperson

@thebestjasmine It's gross, I mean, it just is. It's so 50's-sitcom-y. Like, oh don't let the wife find out, hyuck hyuck. Also it sicks me out that he wants to insist that he gets to do something that upsets her and that strikes her as unsanitary. That's actually not a reasonable request, even if other people do it. It's just not. He shouldn't be insisting on rolling back her perfectly reasonable boundaries on this. And yeah, there's a fucking toilet right in the fucking bathroom. Come on now.

thebestjasmine

@leastimportantperson Oh, that silly little irrational woman! Just lie to her! What the hell kind of attitude is that?

AndSomethingElse

@Gnatalby My impression about this was that it's not so much a Serious Thing for these two, and that maybe Hung Jury has decided to start with a less-than-violent disagreement for its inaugural decision. But maybe that's just my innate bright-eyed optimism again.

Gnatalby

@thebestjasmine Well, I don't actually want him to lie to her, I want him to use the toilet. But clearly HE intends to do it regardless and in his mind she'll never know, so why is it so important for him that she knows he's doing it?

It's like it's not jerky enough of him to continue to pee in the shower, he has to go the extra jerk mile to make sure she KNOWS he's peeing in the shower.

Maybe this is a distinction only in my own mind, but no, I am not saying he should just blithely pee in the shower when there's a perfectly good toilet his girlfriend asked him to use.

aphrabean

@Gnatalby Yes! I didn't even finish before I thought "Respect your partner's space, dude! How hard is that?" My roommate dated a guy who peed in our sink? Which is a thing, I guess? When we found out, we were repulsed, and he basically acted the same way as this guy and PURELY by coincidence, I'm sure, he was the worst boyfriend of all the boyfriends ever. Correlation doesn't equal causation, I know, but these little things are usually pretty good warning signs.

aphrabean

@aphrabean Also, I don't think shower-peeing is gross despite my firm, firm belief that penises do not belong near sinks.

leastimportantperson

@aphrabean Yeah like I pee in the shower sometimes, it's not that I think the act is in itself damnable. This reaction/dynamic though really is. This thing of being like, no I can prove to you that it's not gross so therefore what you ask for is not worth respecting. I don't see how or why people think THAT is worth respecting? Since he thinks his pee is sterile, she doesn't get to have boundaries about his pee? I mean what????

thebestjasmine

@Gnatalby Hmm, I understand that distinction, but I would rather honesty than lies. I think it's jerkier to continue to do it and then lie to her about it, but I can understand why you think that that's throwing it in her face. I mean, this is all after stipulating that continuing to pee in her shower is a jerk move altogether.

AndSomethingElse

@aphrabean You can just pee in sinks! A whole new world....

Also hey, so you've read Aphra Behn? I was thinking I should get to her. Probably Oroonoko? Do you think it's worth while and if so, any particular feelings on which one?

(Sorry to go completely off topic. Maybe I'll read Aphra Behn while peeing?)

stonefruit

@aphrabean That is not a thing. Unless by "thing" you mean, "we are in Russia, the pipes are frozen/otherwise backed up, and the plumber is too drunk to come fix them."

Which ... may or may not have actually happened. To a friend of mine.

redheaded&crazy

@thebestjasmine for me I just think, I would obliviously pee in any shower anywhere without thinking it was an Issue until somebody brought it up. At which point I'd be like k I guess I'll stop then ya weirdo.

And I would stop! At least I would try. Breaking habits and all...

So I mean, the cat's out of the bag, but if it never got let out I wouldn't even think I'm being dishonest!

aphrabean

@stonefruit I accept these circumstances. But peeing in a sink where I drop my toothbrush occasionally in the bleary, weary morning hours? Unacceptable.

stonefruit

@aphrabean TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE, WE ARE IN 100% AGREEMENT. Good lord, people.

AndSomethingElse

@stonefruit But it's cool if you spit afterwards to wash the pee down, right?

stonefruit

@Alexander Are we in Russia? Are the pipes frozen/otherwise backed up? Is the plumber too drunk to come fix them? If the answer to all three of these questions is yes, then you can do whatever re: peeing in the sink.

Otherwise, ::shriek:: ::run from room:: ::actually on second thought run from house::

FYI, for me, sink and shower are totally different in terms of what kind of, erm, effluent may be discharged therein.

aphrabean

@Alexander I pray to you, for the love of all that is decent and good about sharing space on this earth with other humans who occasionally drop their toothbrushes in the sink, please please please never do this. Please!

That said, you totally should read Oroonoko! I haven't read it in years, but I might pick it up again b/c of this conversation. Colonialism! Othering! The introduction of the "noble savage" as a trope! Yet progressive-for-the-time politics! One of the earliest English novels! It's an important book, for sure. Also Aphra Behn was kind of a bad ass who probably had to pee in a few unconventional locations herself, but only because she was a spy.

AndSomethingElse

@aphrabean I was kidding! I'm not actually going to pee in any sinks!

...but the kitchen sink is still cool right? I mean, like, you don't drop your toothbrush in that.

Okay, downloading Oroonoko right now. Cool. I knew I should've read it as a companion to Robinson Crusoe, but I didn't get around to it.

didgeridoo

@thebestjasmine I don't think it has anything to do with the fact that she is a woman- a friend of mine had a boyfriend that was a Julie and my and other friends' advice was still "do it and don't tell her".

But then again, I am a terrible person.

applestoapples

While it is Julie's right to dictate what goes on in her house, I think peeing in the shower is way, way down there on the list of horrible things her mate could be doing to set her off. To freak out about something like that isn't worth the time or energy.
And also, peeing in the shower is one of life's underrated pleasures.
I'm gonna agree with the verdict.

PistolPackinMama

Eh. I don't think it's that big a deal. But I also think if your partner wants her shower to be not-peed in, you should adhere to the request.

Wait till you share a place to have this fight. Or get separate bathrooms.

And buy your lady-friend a pair of flip flops to wear in your shower when she's at yours.

angelinha

My stance is: do it, but don't tell anyone about it. (Hello everyone at my gym.)

@angelinha NO PLEASE DON'T. WE CAN TELL. When your shower is all hot and steamy and flooding the locker room with the smell of girlie shampoo, when you pee it SMELLS LIKE YOUR PEE. Stop it, everyone. Stop fucking peeing in the showers at the gym. Nobody wants to smell your urine.

WaityKatie

@S. Elizabeth Yeah, I think the pee smell would be the biggest issue here. Is John's pee making Julie's shower smell like pee? Even a little bit? Because that must stop.

@WaityKatie If there were some way to pee in the shower, have it not smell, and then make the person clean the shower (no, I do not want trace amounts of your pee in the little crevices of my anti-slip shower mat, thank you), I would maybe consider condoning shower-peeing. But no. Ugh gross. Fucking shower peeing. Stop it, just stop it.

AndSomethingElse

@S. Elizabeth This is a good point and the first time I've seen it in these comments: I have no problem with peeing in showers (totes do it myself; unlike this guy am bright enough not to mention it), but not if there's a bath mat. No peeing on bath mats!

@Alexander I'm also realizing that since I've had a hellish week (I'm a 2L, law school kicks everyone's ass, etc etc) and I'm extra stressed, my OCD is making this an even more touchy/icky subject. I normally have some extra squick-factor when it comes to bodily fluids (another story), but the ridiculous workload and a group project from hell just made my reaction so much more shudder-y.

AndSomethingElse

@S. Elizabeth What, we don't get to hear the squick fluids story? Now I'm curious!

But seriously, sorry about the stress. Having watched several of my best friends go through law school, I have a vague sense of how much that sucks. Don't forget that the best way to deal with that is to develop a drinking habit, like everyone else.

@Alexander So I have OCD, that's the story. Not in the "omfg I like neat things, I'm OCD, giggle giggle!" way, but in the "I have a diagnosis" way. One of my weird things is this ridiculous disgust with bodily fluids (including saliva, mucus, sweat, pee, etc) and thinking they're super contaminated. It makes dating sort of weird because unless I'm *super* attracted to someone, the idea of kissing makes me want to crawl under a table and hide because EW GROSS WTF. If I'm attracted to them, it's fine/awesome. I take lots of showers.

I try to avoid problem drinking, especially since I've started getting wicked bad hangovers from only 2-3 drinks.

@Alexander My classmates, however, have drinking down to an art. One of my classmates has mastered the in-between-final-exams martini. 8-11am exam, 3-7pm exam? 2 martini lunch. That's how they roll.

thebestjasmine

@S. Elizabeth Girl, my alcohol tolerance went so far down after I graduated from law school it's not even funny. Oh, the drinking we did!

AndSomethingElse

@S. Elizabeth I've been wondering about this: does it totally irritate you when people do the whole "omfg I like neat things, I'm OCD, giggle giggle!" shpiel? People often accuse me of being OCD and I feel like it's sortof an insult to people who are OCD. "I'm not OCD! I'm just weird. There's a difference!"

Interesting that being super attracted to someone can get you past that. Does it apply to them, say, leaving their socks in the living room? Or is it just the bodily fluids?

@Alexander Yes, it bothers me. OCD is an anxiety disorder, and when there's the "giggle giggle tee hee I don't like messes!" shpiel, it completely overlooks the fact that OCD can be fucking miserable. It's like being stuck in a hamster wheel with a bully.

AndSomethingElse

@S. Elizabeth Okay, S, I'm going to try to get your back better. I often just laugh the OCD comments off, but I'm gonna start making a point of (non-confrontationally) shutting people down when they throw that term around. "Dude, OCD is totally different. OCD is a whole thing, it's an anxiety disorder that sucks to have. I just really enjoy washing my hands. They're barely related at all."

Thanks! This has been interesting and informative. High five! Wait, maybe not high five. I did just wash my hands though.

@Alexander High five! High fives are good because they don't involve bodily fluids (well, not usually...?). I'm not afraid of germs, I just don't like bodily fluids -- the only "ew germs" thing that comes in is "ugh, I don't want to touch that cup, somebody drank out of it! With their mouth! That they salivate with!"

I think there's a common misconception that OCD has to do with hand-washing or cleanliness or germs. It has to do with anxiety, and trying to get rid of that anxiety. My OCD looks a lot like "Pure-O" -- purely obsessional -- and the compulsion is trying to get it to go away. So I ruminate, most of the time over the same thing, over and over and over again, sometimes the same thought for years. It's always an unpleasant thought, always irrational, and I can't make it go away, and I can't make it stop. And the compulsion is often to try to make that thought go away, but it doesn't really work, at least not permanently.

I got help, my stuff is under control, and I'm a high functioning human being. I also don't tend to even say anything when people use "OCD" casually because it's exhausting.

AndSomethingElse

@S. Elizabeth Right right, handwashing is one of many possible symptoms of OCD, whereas the people who misuse the term seem to think that that's actually all there is to OCD.

I should say that when I say "wash my hands," I mean like a cat. I just lick them. That's normal, right? High five!

@Alexander You seem awesome. High five, as long as there are no feline-style hand washing techniques.

Weirdly enough, I grew up with farm animals and have no problems with horse, cow, goat, dog, cat, mule, etc bodily fluids. Like seriously, I have cleaned the smegma out of my horse's sheath and I let my cat lick me and that's fine. I'll even share my ice cream cone with my cat. But if you drink out of my water glass, I will flip three shits.

AndSomethingElse

@S. Elizabeth You seem awesome too! Hooray, internet buddies. Do not put "I have no problem with horse, goat, etc. bodily fluids" on your dating profile. Out of context it sounds weird.

@Alexander ... you know what I meant!!!!

AndSomethingElse

@S. Elizabeth I do! And I love when conversations end up in places where you're like "Man, someone who started eavesdropping on this halfway through would be super weirded out right now."

Xanthophyllippa

@Alexander I'm not weirded out, but I am laughing my ass off. Now, at least. Not at the OCD part, because I make jokes about being OCD all the time and my students laugh at me, but they don't realize I'm actually serious when I tell them I can't take notes on consecutive days in the same color in the same notebook or it will seriously knock me out of balance until I rip out the second day of notes and recopy them in a different color. Yesterday at a meeting I asked a colleague to switch pens with me because I'd brought a red pen, but the last set of notes I'd written was also in red - she looked at me strangely but handed over her (black) pen without comment. I could actually feel the tension starting to work its way up my body as I contemplated the back-to-back red.

I suspect this is half due to some version of OCD and half due to mild synesthesia.

Craftastrophies

@Xanthophyllippa Yeah, my partner jokes about having OCD, but I suspect he does actually have a mild OCD. It's more about arranging things neatly, and finishing jobs to a ridiculous degree. Like, I couldn't let him help me paint because I had done two walls and he was still cutting in one wall and the paint had dried and I had to do it over. It gets worse when he's tired or sick or anxious about something else, it's definitely an anxiety thing. He's got coping mechanisms, but it's clearly not a voluntary/preference thing, it's a 'my brain is messing with me' thing.

So I do the jobs that have to be good enough, and he does the ones that have to be perfect. It works well.

My sister and I have a bunch of tics - my sister had one where she had to touch the sticker on the top of the washing machine every time she walked past it to go to the toilet. My mum made a cover for the washing machine, and eventually that spot wore through, because my sister was still touching it through that. I used to have to stop every twenty steps or so, and straighten the tongue of my shoes, even if it hadn't moved. Things like that. Planning out complex routes of how we are going to walk through rooms. Over and over. I can't get up to get a drink of water until I know exactly the most efficient route. Now I have more control over my environment it isn't a problem, but man, it's not pleasant. I cannot imagine how much more unpleasant it would be at the actual level (I don't think any of us would qualify for an actual diagnosis, it's more of a flavour of the thing, I think?) where you can't escape your own brain.

packedsuitcase

@Xanthophyllippa I have to do things in even numbers. If you touch one shoulder, I need you to touch the other, or I have to do it, or I'm physically uncomfortable until it's done. If I cross the big toe on my left foot, I have to do it on my right foot. If Dudefriend kisses me and it's not the middle of my mouth, I will kiss him again and slightly "miss" so that the other side is equally kissed. If this doesn't happen, I honestly feel where I need to be touched to even me out ALL DAY. I don't know that it's OCD, but I feel you on having a habit you have to do otherwise things are just awful and uncomfortable.

AndSomethingElse

@packedsuitcase So this is interesting. Y'all seem to be describing habits that do go beyond "I'm pretty anal retentive" and into symptoms that might place...maybe, to borrow a trendy autism term, somewhere "on the spectrum." Is there a spectrum? I'm uneasy about thinking about things in this way, maybe because it feels like it sortof muddies everything up; at a certain point we're all going to be "on the spectrum" for OCD, autism, ADD and FSM knows what else. But that doesn't mean these aren't legitimately...odd.

packedsuitcase

@Alexander Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if I have a really, really mild form of OCD. I've kind of accepted that the physical discomfort probably moves me from just quirky to...somewhere else? There are phases when it's really bad, and if I step on a crack with one foot, I have to find one and step on it in the exact same place with my other foot (luckily it's not hard to find that place, because it feels like it's glowing in a direct line where it needs to be placed).

Hmm. Reading this all spelled out makes it actually seem like a Thing.

Craftastrophies

@Alexander I think mine are to do with sensory issues, which I'm not diagnosed with but I'm pretty sure I have - there's a fairly big overlap between that and autism things. My partner specialised in gifted and special needs education, and when we first got together I'd often say something and he'd be like 'oh, yeah, that's a gifted kid thing, it's probably a sensory thing'. I've actually caught myself doing autism coping mechanisms like flapping and grunting noises when I'm super stressed and stimmed out - super mild versions, and that doesn't happen very often, but still. Tie that in with anxiety and you have a WINNER.

These things were all worse when I was a kid because now I just avoid things that stim me out - certain food textures, lots of background noise and light (If the radio or tv is on the room, I will not be able to concentrate on what you are saying, at all) too-tight clothes, seams on socks, etc. There was a lot of feet/balance stuff - so there was lots of not walking on cracks and making sure my steps were even, and I definitely did the 'must do everything symmetrically' although I very rarely do that any more. That I notice. Some of this stuff, like always standing with my back to a wall or some form of support nearby, is just things I do without thinking about it, and it's not until I read about other people who have sensory issues that I realise it's unusual. Or I do it, and then my partner will laugh because it's so classicly a sensory thing - like, if I'm eating candy and I put something in my mouth without seeing the colour, I have to take it out to see what colour it is. Even if it's sugared almonds or whatever, which taste the same. Apparently, that's a Thing, who knew? Or they become a 'quirk' that people laugh about and work around.

I am really, really glad I'm not a kid anymore. Having no control over that stuff, having to do things a certain way because the alternative was painful, and being yelled at or teased for it, really SUCKED.

@Craftastrophies ... You described my childhood.

Craftastrophies

@S. Elizabeth :'(

melis

NO. This will not stand. Life is a grotesque carnival of a thousand spirit-crushing indignities and then you die and you are dead forever and let this man pee in the goddamn shower if he goddamn wants to, he is a human being and the universe is a ceaseless frozen scream. Pee in the shower.

saythatscool

@melis Pee on me mel. Bath me in your golden essence and call me "pottyboy."

Shaman

@melis I know! This has to be taken as the serious issue it is!

But since the cynicism card has already been played, John (Julie, cover your eyes) tell Julie that she has every right to dictate your scatalogical behaviour in her shower. And then pee there anyway. Few things are more relaxing and renewing than peeing in the shower.

Aaaaaaaand on that note, Hi! I'm new.

Davis B.

@melis Yep.

Craftastrophies

@Davis B. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jC77OYvvX7E&feature=youtu.be&has_verified=1

thebestjasmine

I don't think that it's that gross, but it's also her damn shower, and she thinks it's gross, so he shouldn't pee in it if she says not to. John seems like an ass for continuing to pee in her shower when she hates it, dude, just don't do it if she doesn't like it, it doesn't matter if you don't think it's gross. Pee in your own shower.

iceberg

@thebestjasmine Yes, exactly.

Anne

To Julie and John: JOHN! Stop peeing in the shower you sick, sick bastard! Jeez. Apologize and promise to never, EVER, do it again. Julie is right, now and forever. Amen.

(Aside to John: Keep peeing in her shower--she'll never know.)

Shaman

@Anne Man, you said it better than I did.

redheaded&crazy

This argument was settled far too reasonably. I REQUIRE DRAMA.

Fig. 1 (formerly myfanwy)

@redheaded&crazie PEE FIGHT.

slutberry

@Fig. 1 (formerly myfanwy) SECONDED

applestoapples

@redheaded&crazie I peed in Julie's shower and told her it was you. DRAMA.

Ophelia

@applestoapples I peed in John's shower and told him it was Julie.

Fig. 1 (formerly myfanwy)

@Ophelia I peed on Julie but only a little bit and I told her it was tea.

slutberry

@Ophelia I peed in Jane's shower and told Julie it was John.

Fig. 1 (formerly myfanwy)

@teffodee John peed on the recliner and nobody noticed.

applestoapples

@Ophelia Julie peed on John and told him it was her shower.

Fig. 1 (formerly myfanwy)

@applestoapples Jane peed in the woods but it didn't make a sound.

Ophelia

@applestoapples @saythatscool peed on Julie in the crawlspace.

slutberry

@Ophelia Suzy peed in the temple of the nonsequiter.

stuffisthings

@Ophelia John peed on Julie's leg and told her it was raining.

Judith Slutler

@Fig. 1 (formerly myfanwy) PISSCLINER!?!

Beericle

@Ophelia John peed on the candlestick in the study.

Das Rad

@teffodee Colonel Mustard peed on the candlestick in the Conservatory.

Das Rad

@Beericle Holy cow - at the same time nonetheless. Do we have a mindmeld? Quick - what word am I thinking right now?

Fig. 1 (formerly myfanwy)

@Emmanuelle Cunt La-Pee-Boy. Fortunately he didn't use the pottoman.

applestoapples

@Ophelia He told me I was special!

Ophelia

@all This thread is making me giggle uncontrollably. I might pee on you if I'm not careful.

@applestoapples He would say that.

Beericle

@Das Rad right now?

slutberry

@Das Rad Now I want to make jokes about Colonel Mustard's candlestick.

Das Rad

@Beericle This very second.

PotatoPotato

@Emmanuelle Cunt: If you piss on the jizzcliner, is it a PIZZCLINER?

Ophelia

@PotatoPotato No, it is "The Thing You Leave On The Curb With The Trash."

PotatoPotato

@Ophelia: Touche.

Xanthophyllippa

@Ophelia Or "The Thing You Burn With Fire(tm) and Then Tell All Your Friends About After You've Dumped Your Indiscriminately Jizzing, Peeing Boyfriend."

Fig. 1 (formerly myfanwy)

@Xanthophyllippa You guys, you are forgetting there are at least three more bodily secretions to apply before you put the Pizzcliner out.

needsmoresalt

@Emmanuelle Cunt The word "pisscliner" made me think of this horrifying (to me) story I read in BUTT once about a "piss jeep."

Antonius Block

I present to you "Everyone Pees In the Shower" by the Stanford Fleet Street Singers, which started playing in my head as soon as I started reading the story: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ysSTZtDTV4

kitkat88

@Antonius Block They sang that song at my freshman dorm pretty much immediately after we moved in! I had never lived with boys before, and I thought that song was just a joke to make the new students uncomfortable in the showers. How wrong I was.

Emby

John's mistake was admitting it in the first place. "No, I don't pee in your shower!" is the most harmless of lies. Tell those lies, John. Everyone wins.

everythingbagel

@Emby I surely do not advocate dishonesty in relationships, but YES! I'd much rather my boyfriend kept that kind of info to himself.

It should also be noted that I pee in the shower, soooo....

leonstj

@emby - Is that equivalent to the "Let me check, I could have sworn I sent you that email - oh, it's in my outbox for some reason, unsent. God damned Outlook" that everyone uses all the time and is literally never true?

MoxyCrimeFighter

@leon.saintjean I wish I could like this a million times. That is my favorite lie.

AndSomethingElse

@Emby Right. Also, I don't surf porn.

Craftastrophies

@leon.saintjean That actually happened to me! Once. One time. One time, it happened.

City_Dater

May I say how much I love that nearly everyone is advocating the small, harmless lie ("Nah, I didn't pee in your shower") to preserve peace and tranquility? Maturity!

Also, I suspect we all pee in the shower.

NeenerNeener

@City_Dater Julie doesn't.

stuffisthings

@NeenerNeener SO SHE SAYS.

Party Falcon

@City_Dater Yeah, pretty much. Oh, and sorry about your Grandma's birdbath.

AndSomethingElse

@stuffisthings The Truth: Julie is just selfish. "Only I get to pee in my shower! It's MY pee place!"

wee_ramekin

@City_Dater I don't!

NeenerNeener

I guess it is assumed that they'll never want to live with each other. For everyone saying that it's her shower, won't this argument pop up again if they move in?

slutberry

@NeenerNeener Also, kids pee in the shower.

slutberry

@teffodee Not that moving in together = having kids.

NeenerNeener

@teffodee: Julie should get more realistic about life; it's gross. And you can't hide from it. And this isn't as gross as a lot of things in life.

thebestjasmine

@NeenerNeener Lots of houses have more than one shower.

themmases

@NeenerNeener Simple: if it's not your shower, you do what the shower owner says. If it's both of your shower, you pee in it because it's your shower! And you don't tell your partner/roommate because it's her shower!

But when you don't even live with that person, I think it's different. Don't do something in someone else's home that they've specifically asked you not to do.

NeenerNeener

@thebestjasmine Have you ever seen one of those documentaries about all the gross things living on and around us? I think there are grosser things in the other showers than John's pee.

NeenerNeener

@themmases I like your logic.

slutberry

@NeenerNeener This is true. One time when I worked at an icky chain coffee store, I had to clean up a shit-smeared restroom.

thebestjasmine

@NeenerNeener Why does that matter? Julie doesn't like it, John shouldn't do it. It's her shower.

hulia

@NeenerNeener I was wondering how this argument would fly if they live together, too, but I guess at that point, themmases is right, it's your shower, that's that.

Although, I have taken personal issue with my dude peeing in our shower while we're in there together. I do not want to smell your pee wafting in the same shower steam in which I am bathing. Gross.

slutberry

@thebestjasmine But life is Nasty, Brutish, and Short, and the faster Julie learns that, the better!!! In my day, we didn't complain about pee in the shower-- that was the only kind of shower we knew!

AndSomethingElse

@hulia Important rule, and I'm glad you brought that up. Peeing in the shower is NEVER OKAY if your partner is in there with you. Unless that's what you're both into, of course.

NeenerNeener

@thebestjasmine I think you only get so many passes to demand something admittedly irrational from your partner in a relationship. If Julie wants to use one of hers up on this issue, fine, John can stop. I'd rather reserve mine for something that had more bearing on my emotional state.

thebestjasmine

@NeenerNeener Me, I prefer to respect my partners wishes, especially if it's super easy to do so and I would only do the contrary to be an asshole. But people do different things in relationships.

NeenerNeener

@thebestjasmine
I find that hard to believe, judging from how inflexible you are around here.

Bus Driver Stu Benedict

Let me remind you who paid for that shower!

We both did, hon...

Oh, right... But my parents' cosigned the loan!

Your mom thinks it's gross too.

Dammit... Ok, remember what the therapist said about compromise?

So, what? Do we draw a line down the middle?

I was thinking alternate days...

No. Just... No.

Ophelia

@Bus Driver Stu Benedict down the middle length-wise, or down the middle cross-wise?

slutberry

@Bus Driver Stu Benedict GOOSE!

thebestjasmine

@NeenerNeener Oh, aren't you charming. We're really resorting to personal attacks here? John, is that you?

themmases

@NeenerNeener No, I really don't think there's a certain number of "passes" you get in a relationship, and obviously these two disagree about whether Julie being grossed out makes sense or not.

I really don't think normal partners are counting. Aren't you supposed to want your person(s) to be happy and comfortable and, when they say "boundaries," you hear "top 3 important thing re. someone who has so far allowed me to touch their business"?

themmases

@thebestjasmine Yes, personal attacks belong in the non-monogamy thread I was still getting emails about all morning!

slutberry

@thebestjasmine Obviously, @NeenerNeener was asking about the trouble you've been having with your hamstrings. Jeeez. This thread is the whispered-conversations-in-yoga-class thread.

leastimportantperson

@themmases I know, it is really sad and weird to me to see relationships framed as these kind of horrible situations in which you have to lie and be dismissive of your partner so that you can do exactly what you want. You can freaking break up if you think the person you're with makes irrational demands that you're not willing to deal with. Seriously. That's the thing. It's not a trap. Just because there are gross things in the world does not mean this woman shouldn't have every expectation that her boyfriend who loves her would try to make her life brighter and better by listening to her and respecting her in her own home.

thebestjasmine

@teffodee I HAVE been having trouble with my hamstrings, thank you for asking! And I still can't get my heels down on downward dog.

slutberry

@thebestjasmine Oh geez, me too. It's the worst. I have no idea how I can manage to have hyperflexible joints, but my hamstrings don't. move.

Bus Driver Stu Benedict

@Ophelia That's tricky. Is a lateral bisection based on the area of the tub floor or the whole water-containing tub topology? You could also measure it volumetrically and draw a ring.

Ophelia

@Bus Driver Stu Benedict I vote for the volumetric ring. You're only allowed to pee in the top half.

Bus Driver Stu Benedict

@Ophelia What, with like a little gutter?

While we're brainstorming this, what if he paid to have a superhydrophobic coating put on the tub. Then he'd be able to pee all day long and it'd never get the tub wet at all.

Ophelia

@Bus Driver Stu Benedict Well, I meant to make it impossible (given gravity).

But you're spot on with the superhydrophobic coating - you should be in charge of answering all advice questions that deal with liquids from now on.

boyofdestiny

@thebestjasmine She's actually very charming.

thebestjasmine

@boyofdestiny Hahahahahahaha.

boyofdestiny

@thebestjasmine ?

Bus Driver Stu Benedict

@Ophelia Oh good, because I was wondering whether or not it would be overkill to emphasize that it's important to know how many free ions are in Julie's water supply, as this is crucial to determining what amount of solids in John's urine precipitate and remain in the tub. (Keeping in mind that free ions are not the same as pH, of course.)

Xanthophyllippa

@thebestjasmine Move your feet closer to your hands, then slowly move them back over time? Also, I found I was a lot more flexible in hot yoga than in regular yoga.

tortietabbie

True story: Brazil has (or had) an entire ad campaign revolving around how good it is to pee in the shower because it saves water. The commercial is full of cartoon anthropomorphic animals peeing! It's glorious!

I don't think peeing in the shower is a big deal at all, but I agree with everyone before me who's pointed out that it's not really about the peeing so much as the respecting of your partner's space.

stuffisthings

Also, can I say that when I read the title of this post I initially thought it was some kind of penis-ranking competition?

Das Rad

@stuffisthings It is. Yours gets a 5.

stuffisthings

@Das Rad I'm totally imagining a panel of judges in folding chairs with Olympics-style placards.

melis

It's not on a scale of 1 to 10, though. We can't tell you what the scale is, but you're definitely a 5; everyone agreed.

Ophelia

@stuffisthings You only got a 3 from the Russian judge.

slutberry

@stuffisthings Your mother, disguised as an East German judge, gave you a 5.6.

SuperGogo

@Ophelia It must have been the dismount.

redheaded&crazy

@Ophelia And that was including the bribe money!

stuffisthings

@stuffisthings This is the most times my penis has been talked about on the Internet. Not sure whether to be proud or ashamed?

Ophelia

@stuffisthings Given the venue, I'd say you can go with "proud," or possibly, "chuffed."

slutberry

@stuffisthings Wait, you think THIS is the most your penis has been talked about on the Internet? You mean... you mean you don't know?

Das Rad

@teffodee He's completely oblivious. Ain't that just like a 5.

GEEKitty

Julie! I am here for you, girl! I'm not going to start this with "I don't care BUT..." because - I personally think it's so gross. And it would be a dealbreaker for me if this issue was raised and my SO refused to compromise on this issue. To me, it would speak to his unwillingness to compromise in the future. I can't stand the argument that "everyone else does it, they just won't admit it." This is a privately-owned shower, what the general public does in their own showers is their own grody business.

BUT - if I take this stance - does MY fiance pee in the shower we share? I don't know! La-la-la I'm-not-listening la-la-la if this if your opinion, there are some questions you need to know not to ask. What about in my friends showers or in hotels?! LA LA LALALALAA LA I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW THE TRUTH.

adela

@GEEKitty It might just be you and me (and Julie!) fighting this battle but as someone with 4 male roommates, the answer is no.
I don't care the circumstances, if you are within 6ft of a toilet and your pee doesn't go there, you're doing something wrong.

(Also, even though I'm not a very Clean Person. 3 words: pee-soaked hairclogs)

Xanthophyllippa

@adela OH GOD THAT OH NO NOW I'M JUST WOW. I had not even thought about the hair clogs.

Tiktaalik

This came up for me and Mr. Tiktaalik recently. We both confessed to doing it, but would never do it during a "team shower" (AKA when we shower together).

Of course, this wasn't really a big deal because I have peed on him intentionally before, but that is a story for another comment.

PistolPackinMama

@Tiktaalik No, I think it is a story for your very next comment, in this thread.

Passion Fruit

@Tiktaalik
1) Haha, team showers! Haha!
2) Tell me your intentional pee story, tell me, tell me, tell me! PLLZZZZ!

Tiktaalik

@Passion Fruit Haha, if you insist!

Basically, we are both horrible people and will not back down from a dare. WILL NOT. At some point before we got married, someone joked that we were saving water sports for marriage (him? me? a friend? I don't know.). Things escalated from there, until one day not long after we were married, we found ourselves in the bathroom. The conversation went something like this:
Me: Haha! That was funny that time we said we would pee on each other.
Him: I know! I mean, if that was something you were into I would try it out, but you know, it would make you totally uncomfortable.
Me (sensing a challenge): Well, I can try it if you want to, I'm not squeamish.
Things escalated from there, with neither of us willing to back down and just say we thought it was icky. We kept inching toward the tub. Eventually, we got undressed and got in and I peed on his leg. Then we both agreed that it was gross and took a shower and now it is a story we get drunk and tell to our really close friends (and internet strangers, apparently).

We are better at avoiding this type of "I will if you will!" scenario now.

wee_ramekin

@Tiktaalik Hahahahaha, that is awesome.

Davis B.

Lots of commenters have made the point that even if it's not gross, Julie has a relatively simple request that John could pretty easily comply with (particularly since it's her shower).

I was going to make this point, but then decided not to, because I realized that the primary service this column provides is helping one person or the other prove that most people agree with them. Does that really matter in a relationship? No, not really. But it's still something we all want to know. ("Fine, we'll compromise on this, but just so you know, everyone agrees with me.")

celacia

@Davis B. I don't know how much this has helped then, because the consensus seems to be that people mostly agree with John re: peeing in the shower isn't that gross or big of a deal; but also people mostly agree that if Julie doesn't want it done in her shower then just don't do it? Except for he people advocating that he do it and lie, because she won't know and her feelings don't matter and wtf, people. So they both get people on their sides and aren't really better off at all.

wee_ramekin

@celacia Well, no, I think they are better off. John gets the assurance that most people think he isn't some sub-human troll-baby for peeing in the shower (eeeeeeeeven if I am firmly Camp Julie and think it's DISGUSTING) and Julie gets the validation that even if she is being unreasonable (You're not Julie! You're not, you bright, beautiful star!), most people are of the opinion that he should keep his shower-pees confined to his own shower. I think they both win!

Canard

Mock Trial with J. Reinhold!

Ophelia

@Canard If I ever have kids, I really want to name them things like "Captain" and "Doctor."

slutberry

@Ophelia Gentleman and I want to teach our children to refer to their comfort objects (or possibly one of their parents) as "My Precious", and not tell anyone who babysits them, so they'll get really freaked out when Baby Hildegaard Teffodee-Gentleman wakes up screaming "I WANT MY PREEECCCIOUUUUSSSSS!"

Katie Heaney

@Canard well ex-CUUUUSE me, Judge Reinhold!

iceberg

@teffodee Oh man I am soooo stealing this!

Ophelia

@iceberg Me too. That is AMAZING.

slutberry

@Ophelia @iceberg mwahahahahhahahahahahhahahaha

themmases

@teffodee My dog has a bone that she won't eat, just hides, and will rush to any time "your bone" comes up in conversation to prance around and show off. My entire family calls it "her precious".

Ophelia

@themmases My dog has this weird stuffed octopus that he loves, and he will bring it to you when you say, "Indiana, WHERE is your octopus?"

slutberry

@Ophelia I love your dog.

Xanthophyllippa

@Ophelia The DOG'S name was Indiana!

Ophelia

@Xanthophyllippa That is PRECISELY why we named our dog Indiana :)

Xanthophyllippa

@Ophelia And why one of my friends named hers "Dr. Jones."

noReally

His case is strong, but his facts are weak.

Shower water doesn't go where toilet water goes. Toilet water goes to sewage treatment and water from drains goes to graywater treatment.

And pee is sterile in your bladder, and contaminated on the way out of you. But still, urine's not that gross.

But it is her bathroom. And if a guy wouldn't stop peeing in my shower, even though I was being ridiculous to mind, I would decline to go 50/50 with him on future domestic arrangements. Because he also might think I'm being ridiculous about washing the dishes so there is no actual food visible on them, even the back.

iceberg

@noReally All good points!

slutberry

@noReally Yes, good point. John should respect Julie's rules about Julie's space.

That is not, however, going to stop me from making ALL THE PEE JOKES on this comment thread, because that is obviously what this comment thread is for.

Bus Driver Stu Benedict

@noReally Where the pee goes depends on the city. Some even treat storm runoff just like sewage. If they live in a city.

Water is water though. No one better tell Julie where the stuff that comes out of the tap has been.

iceberg

I am so surprised that the answer was not a universal ahhhhNOPE that's fucking gross. I definitely agree that he should AT LEAST not pee in her shower, but quite honestly I do think he should stop peeing in his own as well, because unless he is kneeling down so far that his peehole* is touching the drain, pee is probably getting all over the walls and shower curtain/screen etc.

EDITED TO ADD: I love this series and want more more more!!!

*scientific term

slutberry

@iceberg Julie? Julie, is that you?

iceberg

@teffodee I WISH pee was the worst thing in my shower. You guys, I have literally cleaned poop out of the bathtub. Luckily it was from my baby*, not my husband!

*more than once, more than one baby.

slutberry

@iceberg But, like... body fluids get around in the shower. That's kind of just a thing, isn't it? I realized how much body fluids get around in the shower when I started using a menstrual cup. But the thing is, even if it looks like a horror movie to start with, it all washes away by the end! And then you can use one of those quick leave-on shower sprays to disinfect!

fabel

@teffodee ya, I wouldn't pee in the shower, but I take out my tampon to shower (because, I don't know, the string?) and...yeah. Body fluids.

Xanthophyllippa

@iceberg As a corollary, though, institutional toilets (and some low-flow toilets, depending) flush with such power as to aerosolize some of whatever's in the bowl. So while yeah, fluids get all over in the shower (even shampoo; how did that get THERE?), depending on where you're flushing, they're getting all over the room anyway.

Tiktaalik

@iceberg I have a pet rabbit with digestive/grooming issues and we have to give him weekly baths in the tub to loosen the poo and then clean his little bunny booty-hole.* It is kind of gross, but probably not as gross as human poop? Which is to say, sometimes a lady's gotta do what a lady's gotta do. Sometimes there is poop in the tub.

*Scientific term.

Jeff Makowski@twitter

Easiest conclusion? Her shower, her rules.

Now, I am surprised with all of the "go beforehand, like an adult" responses. The problem I've always had is, unless I've had a lot to drink the night before, and got up 20 times to piss through the night, my sleep-addled bladder doesn't realize I even have to piss; until, of course, I hear the rushing of water from the running shower. At which point, my bladder wakes up, and the urge becomes uncontrollable.

Now, were I a more devious person, I'd give you this advice - give her everything she wants, and more. While still holding it, hop in the running shower, lather up like a rabid dog, then stroll leisurely across to the head, sudsing everything in your path.

Then, she gets the option; a bit of urine residue in the tub, or a near-constant soap scum ring around the shitter, proving you're respecting her wishes.

thebestjasmine

@Jeff Makowski@twitter I think that this is a girl/boy distinction? Because I always always have to pee first thing in the morning. I don't think there's ever been a day of my life that I showered before peeing.

@Jeff Makowski@twitter You pee while the shower warms up. Turn on shower, pee while the shower is warming up, flush, undress, shower. Maybe it's just because I live on the 3rd floor of a pre-war building?

celacia

@S. Elizabeth Noooo, you flush after the shower because otherwise you screw up the water pressure. But otherwise, yeah, this.

@celacia Ick no, you flush so that the pee doesn't evaporate into the room and mix with the steam and contaminate everything. See above: OCD.

celacia

@S. Elizabeth I just put the seat cover down, but then, I am not the one with the OCD in my household.

celacia

@S. Elizabeth Also, it occurs to me (after reading about your OCD above) that this might sound like I am doing the dismissive lol-OCD thing that people do about neat freaks and stuff, and it was not intended that way at all. The husband has been borderline OCD his entire life, and it makes things very difficult sometimes. (And sometimes it is fairly easily dealt with by having me check to see that whatever he can't be sure is right really is right.)

@celacia As I was typing my rationale for flushing first, I was thinking "oh my god, I am so weird." I totally get that my fear of evaporating urine mixing into the steam in the bathroom and getting everywhere is an irrational fear. I do. And yet... uuggghhhhhh gross.

boyofdestiny

The lesson here: pick every battle.

@boyofdestiny ...and live every week like it's shark week.

Ophelia

@S. Elizabeth just to clarify, you mean Discovery Channel Shark Week, not period-euphemism Shark Week, yes?

@Ophelia Discovery Channel. It's something Tracy said on '30 Rock.'

Ophelia

@S. Elizabeth Ohhhh! I KNEW that sounded familiar.

PotatoPotato

MADONNA: Did you know that it's good if you pee in the shower?
DAVID LETTERMAN: I'm sorry?
MADONNA: I'm serious! [crowd reacts uncomfortably] No, seriously, peeing in the shower is really good. It ... it fights, um, um, athlete's foot. I'm serious, no, urine is like, is like ... is like an antiseptic. It's all got to do with the enzymes in your body.
DAVE: Don't ... don't you know a good pharmacist? [laughter]
MADONNA: Ummm ...

Bus Driver Stu Benedict

I don't think a shower-pee moratorium is enough, John must need also to pee sitting down at Julie's house to prevent errant pee-mist.

NeenerNeener

@Bus Driver Stu Benedict Yes!! That specifically came to mind.

Bus Driver Stu Benedict

@NeenerNeener A catheter would work too.

PotatoPotato

My boyfriend and I pee on each other in the shower.

batgirl

I once dated someone who peed on me in the shower. Like, we would take showers together (because I was young and thought this was what you were supposed to and before I decided I much prefer private shower time)and he would pee in the shower and aim it at my feet. Because he thought it was funny. And because I was so in love with this moron, I let this behaviour go. We have long since broken up, but I like to think I would have won that hung jury.

And all men pee in the shower, whether they are telling you or not. Just accept and move forward Julie. He can lie and tell you he's stopped, but the reality is that he's still doing it.

@batgirl He sounds like a juicecanoe.

batgirl

@S. Elizabeth Pretty much. But I was 20, he was hot and that's how it went back then!

@batgirl I understand. Solidarity, sweet sister.

AndSomethingElse

@batgirl Holy creepy ex-boyfriends, Batgirl.

wee_ramekin

Totally thought this article was titled "John and Jolie" and I was so excited because I am all the times jealous and wanting to know who it is who is awesome enough to be Jolie's partner.

wee_ramekin

@wee_ramekin ETA, after reading: It is not John, that's for sure.

PistolPackinMama

@wee_ramekin *snerk* This is sublime.

cootiebreath

Julie's crazy. There's nothing wrong with peeing in the shower. (It saves water! Yay earth!) I'm assuming she has sex with his penis, so she should be comfortable with whatever comes out of it. That's love. I would say a fair compromise would be to keep some scrubbing bubbles in her shower and every time he pees in it, he gives it a quick spray before he gets out. Or she could just get over it already.

ilikemints

@cootiebreath For some reason the phrase "has sex with his penis" is probably the funniest thing ever.

Xanthophyllippa

@cootiebreath Yes, but the penis she has sex with isn't generally squirting out pee when she is having sex with it. If it is, he needs to have a washer tightened, or something.

wee_ramekin

You can put this ramekin on the record as thinking that the Dude can do whatever he wants in his own shower, but since the Lady has expressed a preference that he not pee in her shower, he needs to stop peeing in her shower.

Also, if Julie (or John) has a drain catcher in her shower, then he should NOT be peeing in the shower, because when you reach down to clean the drain catcher out, you would be touching his pee.

Also, Julie, just so you know, I also think peeing in the shower is completely disgusting. I'm on your side girl. Unfortunately, we can't tell John not to pee in his own shower. We can judge him, however, and judge him harshly.

wee_ramekin

"Wee wee!" (said in best French accent)

Have I ever mentioned that I love you, by the way? Always you're hilarious.

Bus Driver Stu Benedict

@lil_kin W-w-well... gosh... *makes aimless patterns in the dirt with shoe*

*runs away*

Xanthophyllippa

@wee_ramekin Damn, now I have to pee.

Bus Driver Stu Benedict

Anybody want to run the odds on whether John leaves the door open, too?

Ophelia

@Bus Driver Stu Benedict I'll see your open door, and raise you a toilet seat.

Bus Driver Stu Benedict

@Ophelia I'll meet that toilet seat and throw in the kitchen sink.

Ophelia

@Bus Driver Stu Benedict Oh. dear.

AndSomethingElse

@Bus Driver Stu Benedict This is probably too far down for anyone to pay attention to it, but I'd be interested to hear how folks feel about the whole door-open-while-peeing thing. I don't do it, personally. I feel like seeing your partner pee just lessens the romance.

Bus Driver Stu Benedict

@Alexander I don't do it either, but that's because I have a Thing about hearing guys pee, since my bedroom was right next to the toilet and my dad wasn't a closer.

AndSomethingElse

@Bus Driver Stu Benedict God, my old toilet was a low-flush and I could actually aim at the porcelain just above the water line, so I could pee soundlessly. (Seriously, ladies, I have AMAZING aim. My ex was impressed too. I'm like a sniper with this thing.)

I miss that toilet.

Bus Driver Stu Benedict

@Alexander I'm familiar with that tactic, but it can be a potent source of the chametz pee particles, so try to aim for an angled surface so it mostly flows across the bowl instead of jumping into the air.

AndSomethingElse

@Bus Driver Stu Benedict Tellin' you, man, sniper. I know all about angles. And I can tell if the toilet isn't angled well enough and this strategy will backfire.

ETA: I guess we all have our thing we're unreasonably proud of.

Xanthophyllippa

@Alexander Moral of this story: no one challenge Alexander to a pee-fight.

Ixnay on the peeing with the door open, unless you live alone. And definitely no pooping with the door open.

AndSomethingElse

@Xanthophyllippa First day at the League Of Other Superheroes..."And what's your power, Alexander?"

"I pee well."

wee_ramekin

Alexander: "PEEING FROM ALL THE ANGLES!!!!"

Tiktaalik

@Alexander My husband and I leave the door open to pee, but we close it for poop. Maybe we are just disgusting people? I lived alone for a long time and now closing the bathroom door for anything just seems like a CHORE.

Congrats on your peeing prowess!

Legs Battaglia

When I was about 10 or 11 I read in some weird, old book of jokes the following: Q. What is the difference between Protestants and everyone else A. Protestants don't pee in the shower. This blew my mind - I had never thought of peeing in the shower, and seeing as how I'm not a Protestant, I immediately adopted the habit and never looked back. Still don't get the joke, though.

myrna.minkoff

There are two types of people in the world: people who pee in showers, and people who are fucking liars.

wee_ramekin

@myrna.minkoff Hey.

packedsuitcase

SO gross! But beyond that, this is a boundaries issue. I don't care what you do in your own house, but if you are at somebody else's house and they ask you not to do something, I don't care how illogical you think they're being, you do not do that thing! It is not done! You respect the rules of somebody else's casa. I'm pretty sure that's rule 11a of being an adult.

wee_ramekin

@packedsuitcase Yeah, I was just talking about this aspect of it with a friend this morning!

I was saying that it is just like asking someone to take of their shoes when they come into your room. Maybe the world isn't going to end if they wear their shoes in your room, but it's your room, and you have a right to ask that of them and expect that they'll comply.

noReally

There was a secret on Post Secret in the last, oh, five months or so. Something like, "I give my boyfriend hell for peeing in the shower but I do it all the time."

Xanthophyllippa

I lost interest in the whole pee-not pee part of this scenario pretty quick, as to me the issue seems to be "stay with a guy who is a smug dickweed when you ask him not to do something, or kick him to the curb because it'll only get worse as the magnitude of the issue increases?"

PNT
PNT

Dude. Stop it. You have a toilet. Make it your friend. Peeing in the shower = gross. You're an adult now. Adulthood comes with the formal responisbilty to make sure your dirty laundry actually winds up in the hamper and that your pee winds up in the toilet.

BlueJean

There's actually an entire series of awesome public advisory ads from Brazil about this.....
http://www.trendhunter.com/trends/water-conservation-commercial-pee-in-shower-brazil

jennifa

I'm late to the comment party- but my $.02. $.01- It is her shower, her space, he should respect it and abide by her house rules. $.02- the shower floor is NOT the cleanest place in the house. Yes it gets rinsed by soap and shampoo every use, but it also gets our grim and stuff. Wash it.

eloise

Maybe John should drink more water, so that his pee won't stink up Julie's shower? Anyway she should be glad that she only has him to worry about because evidently we're all MUCH more disgusting. I had a great time peeing with a friend on the golden road- a logging highway in northern Maine. And with the same friend, on a canoe in the middle of a lake! She and her paddling buddy held on to a gunwale and I hung my ass over the other side. So yeah, peeing.

Kirsten Hey@facebook

It's actually good for women to pee standing up every so often. Because we tend to sit when we pee, we often don't completely empty our bladders, which can lead to the residual urine causing infections. If you're someone who has a lot of urinary tract infections, or you have a condition which can affect bladder function such as multiple sclerosis, you should pee, then stand up for a few seconds, then sit down and pee again, to make sure your bladder is completely emptied. Or, stand up to pee.

erincpdx

Does anyone else remember the Madonna article in Esquire's Women We Love edition from the early 90s when she said that peeing in the shower is a cure for athlete's foot? It was a classic!

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