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Thursday, March 22, 2012

172

How Not to Order a Drink, Part Four

Me: I'll have two vodka sodas, one Jack and diet, two Stellas, and a soda water with extra lime please.

Nightclub Bartender in Vegas: What?

Me: TWO VODKA SODAS, ONE JACK AND DIET, TWO STELLAS, AND A SODA WATER WITH EXTRA LIME.

Nightclub Bartender: Here you go. That'll be $51.50, please.

Me: What's the breakdown?

Nightclub Bartender: $14 each on the vodka sodas, $12.50 for for jack and diet, $8 a piece on the stellas, and $5 for the soda water.

Me: Can we do separate checks?

Nightclub Bartender: ... yes ....

Me: Great! Here are four credit cards and some cash. I've written down the amount for each card on this napkin.

Nightclub Bartender: Would you like to keep a tab open?

Me: No, we're going to pay per round.

Nightclub Bartender: Wonderful.


Previously: The Scottish Bartender.

Camille Santochi is a reality television producer from Los Angeles. You can follow her on Twitter@omitofo or see where her cover band is playing next here.



172 Comments / Post A Comment

Porn Peddler

WHY WON'T ANYONE LISTEN TO ME ON GETTING RID OF THEIR STUPID CITIES WITH $14 VODKA SODAS?!

pterodactgirl

@Third Wave Housewife Seriously, they are revolting.

raised amongst catalogs

@Third Wave Housewife Preaching to the inexpensively-intoxicated choir!

elizabeast

@Third Wave Housewife Amen.

CheeseLouise

@Third Wave Housewife Frankly the $5 soda water is more appalling to me. Is soda water not free at most bars?

Roaring Girl

@Third Wave Housewife WORD. I have never paid more than $10 for a drink, and that was for top-shelf. $4 is pretty normal for a generic mixed drink in my neck of the woods.

themmases

@Roaring Girl Agreed, $10 is the going rate for a craft cocktail in my craft cocktail-glutted area of Chicago... For an "and" drink that's ridiculous. For $14, I'd better be giving to charity *and* getting a souvenir.

stuffisthings

@Third Wave Housewife How Not to Choose a Bar to Go To:

Me: There's this place with really good vodka and sodas, only fourteen bucks!

Ham Snadwich

@Roaring Girl - I got blindsided by a $15 Makers on the rocks a couple months ago at a bar not to be named. I sort of expect that in NYC or DC, but this is Baltimore, land of $3 beers.

ohmy

@themmases I refuse to drink in the Loop because their prices are ridic. Either I want an $8 amazing cocktail at the Whistler or give me a $3.00 well whiskey-ginger. dive bars all the way.

ELECTROMAGNETIC CHAOS

@Third Wave Housewife: The key descriptor in this parable was 'Nightclub Bartender in Vegas'. Which also makes this tale untrue, since as soon as the words 'seperate checks' would come out of your mouth, you'd find yourself magically transported outside.

SheWhoReadsInSkirts

@ohmy The only place where I bother to spend Money(versus money) on alcohol in Chicago is The Violet Hour, and I'm absolutely ok with half of my money going to the ambiance of the place, because gaaaawd. But elsewise, I get my drink on at home/dives.

Jane Err

@Third Wave Housewife Yeah, what the shit is that!? I pay $2.50!! Still broke at the end of the night.

Ellie

I would die. My bar in Chicago (where I no longer live) is the best in the world. Drinks are $3.50.

ohmy

@SheWhoReadsInSkirts I've only been to Violet Hour once and I only enjoyed it because we were seated at the bar so I got to watch all the fancy drinks being made. Have you been to the Bedford? I didn't mind paying $10 there because I got to sit in a bank vault, very neat-o.

@ellie which dive bar? Most of my favs are that pricepoint.

Ellie

@ohmy Jimmy's, in Hyde Park. I like it so much I actually try not to think about it because I get so sad that I can't go there all the time. I knew the bartenders and got to hangout after hours a couple times and got free drinks sometimes. Also, the best grilled cheese sandwiches ever.

themmases

@ohmy I love the Bedford! It is the best place to go if you are spending money before seeing anything at Chopin Theater, which you should, because The Hypocrites are there.

I'm also a fan of Barrelhouse Flat in Lincoln Park, which another 'pinner turned me on to.

SheWhoReadsInSkirts

@themmases @ohmy A bank vault? Ok. That's just jumped my list for -spiffy-bars-I-need-to-go-to-when-there's-something-worth-celebrating.

I am now so excited to go ouut.

Laura Enriquez@facebook

@CheeseLouise No. Bars have to pay for the CO2 for soda water, they're not free. We also pay for the syrup and CO2 for sodas so they're not free either. You want something free? Drink water. If you're nice I'll throw a lemon in it and don't give me a sideways look when I give it to you in a plastic cup. We need our glassware for cocktails.

hoo:ha

@Third Wave Housewife

Um yes, because I just did the maths and I live in London, which is MAD expensive, right, but I was just at a lovely little speakeasy on Old Street that has a nine pound (equivalent to $14) cocktail called the Martinique Swizzle
which is made of (get ready for some cut & paste action!)
trois rivieres rhum agricole
chai tea infusion
la clandestine absinthe
marzipan orgeat
morrocan mint
sherry vinegar
black truffle shavings

Yes... I said truffle shavings... and that's the same price as that vodka & soda... so I really think Camille ought to re-evaluate her cocktail bar choices.

EpWs

@hoo:ha WHOA. Dat drink. I don't even know what half of those things are.

QuicheRichards

@Laura Enriquez@facebook
Yes, thank you. I have had people try to fight me when I charge them for soda. That's fine, you don't want to pay, I told you how much it would be before I gave it to you, and now I'm not going to help you anymore.

And then, of course, I make no tips.

isavedlatin

@Ham Snadwich Long may it reign.

stonefruit

@hoo:ha hooooooooooooly moly. MARZIPAN IN A DRINK, WHAT IS THIS. I might actually enjoy a frisky beverage such as this one!

Peanut Butter

@QuicheRichards I think the issue is if you're paying THAT MUCH for drinks and the bar can't give you something that would literally cost them pennies? I mean, with the mark up on the drinks they're already making a killing, do they need a $4.90 profit for a soda? Toilet paper costs money, but it's complimentary.

rayray

@hoo:ha My brother's jazz band plays at that bar! Small world.

emm_gee

@hoo:ha @rayray WHAT BAR IS THAT? I have to go there.

RK Fire

@Ham Snadwich: You have to share it with us, for the greater good! I'm in Bmore and I need to remember where not to go..

Sister Administrator

@ohmy I love the bartenders' outfits (particularly those armband things). I'll pay Violet Hour prices to watch those boys crack eggs all night.

hoo:ha

@emm_gee Nightjar.

hoo:ha

@rayray Awesome... is your brother Benoit Viellefon?

rayray

@hoo:ha Naw. I phrased it badly, it's not his band exactly. He's a musician with Top Shelf Jazz?

mustelid

@Ham Snadwich Seconding RK Fire. I want to make sure I never go there. Was it in Fed Hill? I bet it was in Fed Hill.

RK Fire

@mustelid: or.. CANTON.

(I don't know why I feel like it's more obnoxious that Fed Hill or Fells Point, but for some reason I've placed Canton in my list of "I never want to go there" neighborhoods.)

jennie

@Ellie Did you go to U of C?

Ellie

@jennie Yeah! Did you? I finished in 2010 and majored in Slavic Languages and Literatures. I lived at 51st and Woodlawn, just four blocks from Jimmy's (and close to Obama's house - it didn't show up on Google maps for that reason!)

QuicheRichards

@Nymph
I hear what you're saying. But for real, no need to fight your cocktail waitress, just say (after I tell you the price, before I leave to get the drink) "No, thanks!"
And I'm talking about $2. Fewer bars than you may think make a killing.

nice_belt

@QuicheRichards Yall Chicagoans need to try Alice's on Belmont for a GREAT drink. Don't even listen to the reviews, just go. Or Cal's.

Ham Snadwich

@mustelid - It was the Owl Bar! I felt betrayed!

Ham Snadwich

@RK Fire - And yeah, I hardly ever go to Fed Hill or Canton either. Why would I drive to a bar? Then I either have to stay sober enough to drive home or go get my car the next day. It limits my drinking territory to Hampden, Charles Village, Station North and Mount Vernon, but those places are pretty awesome, so it's not really a burden.

RK Fire

@Ham Snadwich: I go to Fed Hill every so often because of Blue Agave and Abbey Burger, but otherwise, I totally hear you! Mt Vernon is basically my stomping ground until I move up to Carles Village this weekend. Hmmm. Based on the Rules of Smalltimore, I am guessing we have mutual friends.... o_O or friends of friends of friends.

Also, Owl Bar? Man, they are totally unreliable re. quality and price.

Ham Snadwich

@RK Fire - Yeah, Owl Bar was my spot when I lived in Mt Vernon, (mostly because the interior is so awesome), but they've gone seriously downhill, like you said.

The great thing about living in CV is that you can do the Dizzy's, Korean BBQ, Liam Flynn's circuit and not have to drive at all.

MissO

How large are said mixed drinks??? Fourteen bucks?!

Emby

@MissO It's Vegas.

elizabeast

@MissO They're served in thimbles.

noReally

@Emby If it were Vegas, you could be stepping out onto the games floor for free drinks from cocktail waitresses grateful for the tip. Let's go back to the pool.

mustelid

@Miss0 @elizabeast They dip a rag in it and you suck the booze out of the damp fibers.

Killer Kitties

$5 for soda water with a lime in it? Jesus, and I thought DC was expensive.

Stowaway

No one is winning in this story. Even the vodka sodas are just embarrassed to be sitting there all $14 and sweating water.

Emby

For people who haven't been to Vegas, it can be incredibly jarring to see drink prices in the clubs. But there's an easy workaround: Pregaming. If you're gambling, they give you free booze. Go for bottles because they can't water that down. Also, buy booze at the convenience stores and bring it back to your hotel room (or just drink it on the curb, whatever, no open-container laws).

Then you only have to buy like one or two crazy expensive drinks at the clubs themselves, and it just about evens out.

Oh, and stay the fuck away from blackjack.

Lily Rowan

@Emby Seriously -- if what you want to do is drink, sit at a slot machine not really playing.

If you want to gamble, learn to play blackjack! I don't lose much anymore....

Emby

@Lily Rowan I'm up several hundred dollars lifetime playing poker in casinos. I'm down a few hundred playing blackjack. For me, it's deceptive -- I think I'm a lot better at it than I actually am. When it's just me vs. the house, the house is gonna win that game most of the time. Me vs. other people? I'll take their money.

ELECTROMAGNETIC CHAOS

@Emby: Poker is the only game in a casino with 50% odds. Everything else has a house advantage, mathematically.

Cat named Virtute

Strengthening my conviction that I will never ever go there.

leastimportantperson

On the other hand, it's cool that you met a bartender who is literally an angel from heaven because oh my god girl.

saythatscool

@leastimportantperson Seconded.

City_Dater

@leastimportantperson

As a former cocktail waitress, "here are four credit cards and some cash" was answered in my head with "enjoy those drinks because I will no longer be making eye contact with you this evening."

Setec Astrology

@leastimportantperson - Unlike previous entries in this series, this episode 100% lives up to its billing.

Brunhilde

@City_Dater WORD. I will be ignoring you for the rest of the night.

nyikint

@City_Dater OK I plead ignorance here, but is it really that difficult to divide up an order in a restaurant between some cards? Not being snarky - I just always thought it was just a matter of swiping 5 cards, instead of 1. What am I missing?

log lady

@nyikin Cocktail waitress here! To answer your question: swiping 5 cards instead of one takes 5 times as long (per round), and most waitresses/bartenders have to divide their attention between 10 other tables or 13+ other bar patrons, plus standing-room folks. If you're paying per round, rather than running a tab and closing it out with cash or a single card at the end of the night, it can work out to taking 25 times as long overall. Kind of annoying. Plus it's usually a signifier that a patron/table will be overly demanding in general.

QuicheRichards

@knuckle sandwich
And then on their way out, they'll be asking each other, "You tipped, right?" And the answer is mostly "no."

log lady

@QuicheRichards Yes! The correlation between "separate checks people" and "forget-to-tip people" is unbelievable.

Onymous

@nyikin In the time it takes to swipe a card and do the receipt/tip dance, a bartender can serve 2-5 drinks, depending on how people are paying cash.

If you're going to use a card seriously open a tab.

nyikint

@knuckle sandwich @Onymous Thanks for your replies, guys. Having never been on the other side, I think it can be easy to just not realize how annoying something can be.

Judith Slutler

$8 for a Stella? daaaaaamn

redheaded&crazy

I have always been told that as a lady I can go to vegas and never pay for any drinks ever.

please to confirm/deny because i like my sexism like i like ... my ... hunger games ... ever ... in my favour?

leonstj

@redheaded&crazy - I do know that when I went to AC for a Bachelor Party (HAHAHA EW it was every bit as gross as you'd imagine times, like a billion) I spent an awful lot of money buying ladies drinks.

The only one who seemed (?) interested said "Can you talk in an irish accent?" I can't very well (I don't look the least bit irish) but I just made one up and pretended for a minute, and she made me talk like that the entire rest of the night?

TheJacqueline

@redheaded&crazy you are correct! i went to Vegas at the tail-end of a California vacation and I had all this money saved up for it...spent $50, maybe.

you might have to deal with dudes who are mortgage brokers from Ohio telling you they are special teams NFL players, but, free drinks!

leonstj

@leon.saintjean - Dude that wasn't even a real answer. The answer is yes. It's not even sexism to buy ladies drinks!

Life is a carnival. The difference between feminist dudes and shitty dudes is that shitty dudes think buying a woman a drink is like buying a ticket to a Ferris Wheel - you buy it, you get a ride. Solid dudes know that it's like buying darts at the "pop the balloon game" - you can buy a whole lot of darts, but you probably won't be poking anything, you just enjoy throwing it out there.

slutberry

@redheaded&crazy AH AH AH Hunger Games so: I AM THE BEST GIRLFRIEND IN THE WORLD. I am surprising my Gentleman with ADVANCED SCREENING TICKETS TO HUNGER GAMES this evening. I AM THE BEST GIRLFRIEND THAT EVER WAS. I AM A GOLDEN GOD.

that's all.

Lily Rowan

@redheaded&crazy I'm pretty sure it helps to be young and/or cute and/or friendly in these circumstances, because no one ever buys me a drink, regardless of where I am! In Vegas, I do all my drinking while gambling, so it doesn't count.

Does Axl have a jack?

@leon.saintjean I'm pretty sure that's the best simile/metaphor/whatever that has ever existed.

Megasus

@teffodee Your boyfriend is a big Hunger Games fan? Colour me surprised! I have only met girls who really like it. But this may have to do with being in a publishing program which like 95% women.

slutberry

@Megan Patterson@facebook He is! I started him on them, but I think he's a better fan than I am now. But we're both big fans of dystopian literature in general. I have met quite a few guys who are big fans, but I think most of them were tipped off by their ladyfriends... so perhaps Hunger Games has a reputation of being a girlie book, which is keeping the boys away?

Cat named Virtute

@Megan Patterson@facebook Oooh, are you at Ryerson? I wonder if we know people in common!

Inconceivable!

@teffodee All the guys I know who are fans were tipped off by women, for sure. I think it has a bit of the Twilight rep attached to it, despite them being nothing alike? Stephenie Meyer blurbed it and all.

Megasus

@Marika Pea@twitter No, I'm at Centennial College. I didn't even know Ryerson had one until after I'd already gotten in!

ELECTROMAGNETIC CHAOS

@redheaded&crazy: Instructions to get your mooched drank on:

Spot a group that has a table/booth
Ingratiate yourself
Start drinking

MoxyCrimeFighter

@leon.saintjean I feel weird accepting drinks from guys I'm not interested in! Like, I would never hook up with someone just because he bought me a drink, and if any guy tried that line of reasoning on me, I'd shut it down tout suite, but...I dunno. It seems rude to accept a drink from someone who's interested when you don't reciprocate?

missvancity

@redheaded&crazy I went in May and did not pay for drinks. Except the day I got really stoned at the pool and ordered a round of like, 14 Miami Vices. Ouch.

missvancity

@Megan Patterson@facebook Oh good lord, my Torontoboss might be one of your professors. DON'T TELL HER I'M HERE!

Megasus

@missvancity Who! Who! I am not at school so cannot tell. Not that I would anyway!

Ellie

@MoxyCrimeFighter The times I've let guys buy drinks for me have been universally terrible so now I have a strict policy of ALWAYS buying my own drinks. Exception is if it's someone I know, have been out with before, and am friends with. Otherwise I just don't think there's any way to do it and not feel obligated to somehow reciprocate/have the guy feel resentful if you don't. The worst time is when I let some guy who was an unemployed electrician (fired for DUI) buy me a drink and then he wouldn't leave me alone when I wanted to disengage. I was kind of an alcoholic and was pretty much out of money to drink with at that point. I had to get the bartenders to make him leave me alone.

insouciantlover

@redheaded&crazy That's not true for me, but then again I'm past the point of pretending to want to talk to some greasy dude while he stares at my tits for a kamikaze shot.

Also I'm neither small nor cute nor approachable so the above scenario wouldn't happen to me anyway.

leastimportantperson

@Ellie Yeah I can't think of one time when that's been anything other than an unpleasant experience for me. Good ol' benevolent sexism! EW, I remember this one night when this gross guy would NOT stop buying drinks for me that I didn't want, no matter what I said. Finally I picked up a shot of bourbon he had bought me, locked eyes with him, and poured it out on the ground. I say this as someone who cleaned up bar messes for years. No regrets. He did stop after that.

redheaded&crazy

oh man so first of all, guys making (i meant to write buying here, i like it when guys make me anything - so hot) me drinks makes me feel almost universally uncomfortable. but I kinda thought I could go to vegas and be like YEAHHHH I'M TOO BADASS TO CARE ABOUT THIS

which it sounds like I can! Woo girl here! Although I am maybe 1.5 out of 3 for young,cute,and friendly so maybe not

I have successfully ingratiated myself at tables and had drinks bought for me that way though, so good advice!

redheaded&crazy

@leon.saintjean also i really like your answer about throwing darts versus riding the ferris wheel. like I really like it a lot.

I agree it is the best metaphor.

awww solid dudes just like putting it out there. somehow that makes me feel so fondly towards dudes for once.

Alixana

@leon.saintjean You are my favorite.

tea tray in the sky.

@teffodee I'm in New Zealand where it came out a couple days ago (which is crazy, because My Week With Marylin isn't even out yet?) AND IT IS SO GOOD. Seriously, they stick more closely to the book than any other movie adaptation I've ever seen. You guys won't be disappointed!

tea tray in the sky.

This moved pretty far downthread, so just to clarify: HUNGER GAMES. I'm referring to Hunger Games.

Megasus

@tea tray in the sky. Wait what, stuff never comes out in New Zealand first!

slutberry

@tea tray in the sky. I KNOW IT TOTALLY IS GOOD. They did such a good job of staying true to the book while making it work well in film-- impressive! I wish they'd made it a little bit longer, though; there were certain scenes I wished they'd dwelt on more. (Will not say any more, do not want to spoil it for anyone.)

packedsuitcase

@leastimportantperson Wow, maybe I'm luckier with guys around my area than I thought? I never buy more than 1 drink when I go out, and guys are always super nice and respectful, and continue buying drinks even after I mention Dudefriend.

wcooper

@tea tray in the sky. Where in New Zealand are you? Woo hoo, New Zealand! I live in Auckland and My Week with Marilyn is out at the Rialto here.

tea tray in the sky.

@wcooper Christchurch! I'm here from Canada for grad school. Love it here!

wcooper

@tea tray in the sky. Nice! I live in Auckland (I'm from the US) and I am also here for Grad school. Well, I just finished so now I'm just putzing around. I was wondering if there were any other hairpinners in NZ so we could have a hairpin party...alas we live far apart.

tea tray in the sky.

@wcooper Well I'll be up in the North Island near the end of September... so far away! But maybe enough time to round up more kiwi 'Pinners!

fondue with cheddar

Holy crap. Stories like this make me glad I don't drink anymore! (Alcohol is not worth how terrible it makes me feel the next day.)

nogreeneggs

@jen325 Agreed. I'm kind of alcohol intolerant? Like I can have 1 glass of wine, maaaybe 2 around once a month and not feel terrible the next day. But any more than that and it feels like poison :(

fondue with cheddar

@nogreeneggs Yes, that is me exactly. I don't even enjoy the taste of it anymore, though. At first it sucked because my friends were all OMG WHY DON'T YOU DRIIIINK? but the older they got, the less they cared. Once you get past a certain age, not drinking is more acceptable.

And I save so much money!

Onymous

@nogreeneggs Is it wine specifically?
Cause people can have sulfide* allergies.

*the chemical the use to sterilize the fruit

Loz
Loz

Charging $5 for soda water is like, encouraging DUIs. We need to start some initiatives. HADD.

meetapossum

@Loz Ummm...is your avatar from that creepy dollhouse episode of Are You Afraid of the Dark?

Loz
Loz

@meetapossum Yes.

redheaded&crazy

@Loz Harlots Against Drunk Drivers?

ohhhh HAIRPIN Against Drunk Drivers!

Loz
Loz

@redheaded&crazy Homeowners Against Deficient Dwellings has already snatched it up. Darn.

fondue with cheddar

@Loz OOH let's make it 'Pinners Against Drunk Drivers! PADD! It's the name of the Star Trek hand-held computer and some petroleum thing but still. PADD.

srsly

as a waitress and a bartender, i beg you to please please please PLEASE bring cash to the bar. PLEEAAASSEE!!!

Laura Enriquez@facebook

@srsly Or bring one credit card that you'll charge on all night. Can't you settle up with your friends in the morning?

log lady

@srsly It shocks me how many people actively decide to go out with a big group for a night of drinking without giving one millisecond of forethought to how they're going to pay for things.

nice_belt

@knuckle sandwich Theyre your friends! Just go round by round! GODGODDAMNITDAMNIT

okaycrochet

@nice_belt MITCH HEDBURGGGGGGG

Tragically Ludicrous

This is really fun when you can't speak the native language of the bartender. I end up pointing a lot.

Ellie

@Tragically Ludicrous I was trying to order a Screwdriver in Croatia once and they gave me red wine. I spoke Croatian at the time too so I don't know why that happened. It was super loud? I gave it back and just ordered a beer instead.

bangs
bangs

@Ellie I knew a South African guy who ordered "rye and water" speaking English with a Afrikaans accent in a Canadian bar and got a glass of limes (possible lemons, can't recall).

@serenityfound

I just want to say that I live in a pretty expensive area, but at our Pin-Up last week I got a $5 martini (a real one (not a vodkatini), with three green olives). Mmmmmm martini....

charmcity

@@serenityfound I want to go to there.

OhShesArtsy

@@serenityfound You know how to make a real martini? Fill the glass with gin, wave it in the general vicinity of the vermouth bottle, plop in some giant green olives, and drink ;) Nothing more ridiculous than a vodkatini.

@serenityfound

@OhShesArtsy When I ordered it off the happy hour menu, the waitress asked, "Vodka or gin." Me: "*disbelieving*...gin". I mean, I don't mind a good fancypants vodkatini, but it isn't a real martini. Just like flavoured margaritas are usually not real margaritas in my book (even though I like flavoured ones better).

insouciantlover

@OhShesArtsy Juniper berry snobbery

Ellie

Gin is disgusting, vodka is the best

@serenityfound

@insouciantlover Juniper Berry Snobbery is my new band name.

(also, I really want a St. Germain Martini now: http://www.stgermain.fr/cocktails.php?p=2&r=StGermainMartini)

insouciantlover

@@serenityfound Guh I keep seeing St. Germain in the stores and whispering "soon, my precious" as I walk past it to the handles of cheap vodka.

@serenityfound

@insouciantlover I have yet to even see a full bottle of St. Germain in the wild. The market in my apartment complex sells the tiny bottles for like $5, though, so I got one one time. It was a great time.

@Ellie That's what my mom says. More gin for me!

all the kittens in the club gettin nipsy

@@serenityfound you need to go find this in your country and use it to make all your martinis forever.

OhShesArtsy

@insouciantlover I AM NOT ASHAMED!

@serenityfound

@100kb What is this magical Canadian gin?!? (As much as I enjoy G&Ts and martinis, I admit to not knowing much of anything about gin. Except that it's tasty. And that I am totally drawn in by the wording and marketing on that site)

This is my new username

@@serenityfound I hate Gin and that site is drawing me in too. I also like that it is Canadian.

MilesofMountains

@100kb Really? I'm from Victoria, and all I hear from people back home is that the Victoria gin isn't all that great. Island cider, on the other hand, is nectar from the gods and I pack so much of it in my bag every time I visit.

all the kittens in the club gettin nipsy

@MilesofMountains Well, I love it. But I can't stand cider, island or otherwise. Maybe we have opposite tastebuds.

Also, vodka lovers! I am not super into vodka myself, and haven't tried a lot of the top-shelf ones, but I tried this one and it blew my mind.

MilesofMountains

@100kb Wow, I kind of sounded like a bitch in my comment before, sorry! I actually really want to try it, I just haven't been back to Victoria for a while. I'm excited to know that it might be good, though, because I love me some gin!

Brunhilde

@100kb I've lived in Seattle for 6 years, have had a passport this entire time, and have yet to make a trip to Canada (since I moved here, I mean). Looks like I finally have a reason to go.

Saskquatch

@@serenityfound Thumbs up vodka martinis A Lot. I sip as I write.

littleorangetabby

Ohmygod. On behalf of bartenders everywhere, I'm begging you. Please stop drinking beyond the confines of your own home.

But as least you knew what you wanted. You get one point for that.

leastimportantperson

@littleorangetabby "Oh me? Are you asking me? Hang on [turns around to talk to twenty hundred friends]. One cranberry vodka [turns back around]. Actually two. One...do you have Rolling Rock? Oh okay [turns around]. Guys what does Mike like besides Rolling Rock?"

leastimportantperson

@leastimportantperson Me: Oh sorry looks like you're all on fire now. Too bad about those drinks.

Judith Slutler

@leastimportantperson "Oh okay... can I get 6 shots of vodka? No wait hang on... uh I guess 5? Or... um, Kelly, are you gonna drink with - oh come on Kelly... *sigh* Okay, I'd like to get four shots of vodka please"

Emmanuelle Cunt shrugs, forces a smile from behind the bar, and secretly pours herself a vodka soda with 2 orphaned shots of vodka

Laura Enriquez@facebook

@leastimportantperson Me: What can I get you? Girl: Um, what beers do you have? Me: On tap we have [lists tens beers on tap] Girl: Um, what else? Me: [Lists a few of the twenty bottled beers] and a few others. Is there something specific you're looking for? Girl: Um, no... do you have Tully? Me: No, we have [lists five whiskeys]. Girl: Oh, ok, I'll have a diet coke. Me: Great. :SIGH:

This actually happened... ON ST PATRICK'S DAY!!

redheaded&crazy

@Laura Enriquez@facebook as for me, "do you have coors on tap?" "cool here's ten bucks"

works every time (well hopefully i get change on that)

all the kittens in the club gettin nipsy

@littleorangetabby hey, profile pic twins! err, littermates?

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@Laura Enriquez@facebook That girl sounds awful. She deserves to have gone to the bar I went to on St. Paddy's this year, where the service was so slow that I couldn't get a Guinness before midnight (they were $4 before midnight) and I couldn't order a Jameson and ginger because they had no ginger ale. Or Jameson.

slutberry

@Megan Patterson@facebook He is! I started him on them, but I think he's a better fan than I am now. But we're both big fans of dystopian literature in general. I have met quite a few guys who are big fans, but I think most of them were tipped off by their ladyfriends... so perhaps Hunger Games has a reputation of being a girlie book, which is keeping the boys away?

Inconceivable!

Blergh, Vegas.

@serenityfound

@Inconceivable! I love the combination of your comment and your avatar. SNAKE JUICE.

TooCool4School

The first four hours of being in Vegas is the best feeling in the world. The last 12 hours are the darkest days of anyone's life.

sovereignann@twitter

@TooCool4School And if you fly out on one of those hotel/air combos the flight out is like Spring Break but the flight home seems to be full of people going to their grandmother's funeral.

OhShesArtsy

I need a drink so bad right now.

roughe

I'm starting to think you might be an asshole.

cc
cc

oh man, am i the only one who didn't blink at the drink prices? damn you, expensive city.

Ren Wallace@facebook

2 vodka sodas @ $14 ea. = $28 + 12.50 Jack and Diet = $40.50 + 2 Stellas at $8 ea. = $56.50 + water @ $5 = $61.50. He only charged you $51.50? That's totally how I'm ordering drinks in future.

insouciantlover

The most depressing part about Vegas nightclubs is how much they charge for water. Just plain, let me not die in this neon desert water. The second most depressing part is that they don't let more than one person at a time into a bathroom stall so you have to keep passing the clutch around and going in one at a time to do blow.

atipofthehat

It's 11:34 and I'm still at work.

Reading about drinks.

redheaded&crazy

@atipofthehat *sad trombone*

RK Fire

@Ham Snadwich: You have to share it with us, for the greater good! I'm in Bmore and I need to remember where not to go..

Stormygrey

Break down at my bar:
Vodka Soda: 4.5 (for well)
Jack and Diet: 5.5
Stella(a full 16oz pint, no crappy 10 or 12 pours): 4.5
Soda Water: 1.95 or more often free, IF you seem really nice or are clearly the dd or you look like the kind of person that if I say "don't worry about it!" you'll give me five bucks in the tip jar to keep it full. :)

Also, these "How not to order a drink" articles routinely hurt my head. Be nice to us, be generous with your friends.

Mira

@Stormygrey I am the kind of person who puts the $5 in the tip jar! But sometimes I am also the kind of person who asks for a full list of what's on tap and then orders a well gin and tonic.

So this is a helpful series for me, i.e. self, get rid of your occasionally annoying drink-ordering habits, they are revolting. (Also, Camille, I hope you tipped like 40 percent.)

i make lists

@Stormygrey Um...not to sound totally ignorant, but what is the appropriate amount to tip? I usually use my credit card (which is apparently bad?) and close out at the end of the night, and then tip 20%. Am I doing it wrong??

Stormygrey

@@serenityfound You know, we have to ask dumb questions like that becuase, well, a lot of people don't know how to drink. And as much as I like a great martini I just poured, I can only drink so many mistakes a night. These people are closely related to those who order a Cosmo (because Carrie did?)and then spit at their first sip, "It's so strong!" Yeah, bitches, its like 3oz of vodka. Sometimes I then ask if they want a martini instead because I'm mean. And I'm in a mood for a martini, let's make it a Ransom.

@serenityfound

@Stormygrey ooooo what's a Ransom? (and I was a little confused by the waitress's questions, but I totally understood where she was coming from. Humorous hyperboles!)

Stormygrey

@@serenityfound Ransom Old Tom Gin is a great, very differnt kind of gin out of Oregon. It is amazing in a martini where there is nothing else in the way of its aromatics. (Also try Hendricks and Blue Coat for outstanding gin.) Part of a review: One of the very few "Old Tom" style gins available in the US market . Using a barley malt base and botanical essences in a corn base, this gin is distilled in a alembic still - not some factory column still. It is then aged - another unusual point for this gin.

kayjay

WTF?? Where on earth are you ordering these drinks? Do they have lay-away plan? Again, I say: FLASK.

mans

@Loz Ummm...is your avatar from that creepy dollhouse episode of Are You Afraid of the Dark? where can i buy garcinia cambogia

mans

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jimmyrapper

@nyikin In the time it takes to swipe a card and do the receipt/tip dance, a bartender can serve 2-5 drinks, depending on how people are paying cash.

If you're going to use a card seriously open a tab. what does bubblegum casting do

jimmyrapper

@knuckle sandwich @Onymous Thanks for your replies, guys. Having never been on the other side, I think it can be easy to just not realize how annoying something can be. Look for The Getaway Show

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No one is winning in this story. Even the vodka sodas are just embarrassed to be sitting there all $14 and sweating water. buy instagram followers

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