How was your week? Anything good come in the mail? Did the USPS surprise you by going above and beyond right when you'd most discounted them?
Photo by Patricia Hofmeester, via Shutterstock
Friday, March 2, 2012
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Friday Open Thread
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My Pin Pal is awesome and we have exchanged a total of three letters so far! Yay USPS and handwritten letters!
@dj pomegranate Yessss!!!! I LOVE TO HEAR OF PIN PAL SUCCESSES!!!
@dj pomegranate Was there a place this whole thing got organized? I seem to have missed out, but I wants oneee. I write really good letters! I mean, I think so, at least.
@wilarseny Yeah I missed pin pal too.
Pin Pals have been sort of organized through a couple comment threads so far? If you would like a Pin Pal, email me at sdqsdq at gmail and I will hook you up with someone! Just let me know if you are willing to write to international recipients as well. We still have many Pinners out there looking to write letters!
@dj pomegranate I haven't heard back from my pin pal after our initial letter exchange, sad faces for me.
@dj pomegranate I wonder did my PinPal get my letter? I was kinda worried about it going international. If you're out there, holler!
@The Lady of Shalott I just sent you an e-mail! Yay.
@The Lady of Shalott Can you reconnect me to my middle school pen pal (I think we found each other through New Moon magazine? Maybe? Unsure)? She was German and she used to send me guinea pig-themed items because I had a guinea pig and she had guinea pigs, too.
@contrary If you are my pinpal I sent out a reply this week! Last week was just weirdly busy, Monday holidays throw me off.
@julia I wish I could because frankly she sounds kind of awesome. What kind of guinea pig-related items are we talking, here? Stickers, I hope?
Sadly I am not plugged into the World Pen Pal Database (YET), but maybe they will contact me once we have reached a certain level of critical mass of Pinners writing to one another?
@The Lady of Shalott I keep meaning to sign up because I have a lot of stamps and stationery! Note to self, do this tonight!
@julia NEW MOON MAGAZINE! Aw yay for hippy girl magazines.
@The Lady of Shalott Thank you for uniting letter writers, by the way! One summer in college I got to match up freshmen roommates and I bet this was a similar sort of fun.
@The Lady of Shalott Ooh, I'm going to email you right now! I've been writing letters recently and it's SO MUCH FUNNNNN
@dj pomegranate My Pin Pal sent me letters all month and I didn't answer them and I feel so guilty that I can't even open them. I am a horrible person. Ughhhhhhhhhh.
@contrary Same here! I had some trouble getting my reply to her letter out (missed a digit in the address!), then never got a response. #sadface
@Cavendish I don't know if you and I were matched, but I'm on the other side of this equation with someone, and as the Writer, I say, just open them! Maybe you can do a response during March!
@Cavendish If I am your pinpal (and I may be, who knows) I would want you to open and read them, even if you never write back. Because I like sending letters as much as I like getting them, and would want you to enjoy them and not feel bad that you didn't reply.
So go read them over a glass of wine and quit feeling guilty. I didn't write you letters/postcards so you could not read them and feel bad.
@The Lady of Shalott I sent you an email!
I tried so hard one time to make one of my bestest friends my penpal, but then he responded by email. So we are email penpals. But I would like to have a paper one.
@dale That's kind of what I was thinking. She wrote me all through February, and I'll write her in March!
@Cavendish oh my gosh girl you are SO. ME. seriously this like, anxiety avoidance whatever? yep. i don't even want to talk about the ways its negatively impacted(impacting) my life as i type
so anyway I totally signed up for pinpals! now somebody can look forward to never receiving anything from me ever because AHHHHHHHHHH PANIC ATTACK
yo my crazy really is coming out strong these days
Pretty sure I said this in LAST week's open thread, too, but: Pin Pal, I have not forgotten you! I'm going to reply, I promise!
@wilarseny
I'll pinpal with ya! I think my pinpal died. (Inadvertently Mocking a Dead Pinpal???)
@phlox Maybe you are? I don't know their user name, but we are international pin pals! I got a letter today though, I haven't had a chance to open it yet., so yay! <3u pin pal!
@contrary I haven't heard from my pin-pal yet either :(
It's my birthday tomorrow, and/but my mom is visiting, but I have the flu :(
On the plus side, she might be bringing a Lithuanian Torte, which take like three days to make and you can only buy at like four places in the US, and is the most delicious cake ever. You should all try it.
@wilarseny Happy Birthday!!!
@wilarseny Happy birthday and feel better!
@wilarseny "You should all try it."
Does that mean you're... sharing?
(And, of course, happy birthday!)
@wilarseny Happy birthday!!! Ooh, what if the cake turns out to be the perfect thing against the flu?!
@cliuless Thanksssss. And of course! Come over! (Maybe, um, after she goes home, though.) Eat cake! I sort of want to make one, too, but, it's so daunting.
@wilarseny Happy birthday!!
@wilarseny I misread that as Lutheran Torte. I was all... what? Melancholy and lutefisk feature heavily?
Happy Day and feel better.
@wilarseny you must be a saint to be willing to share your most delicious cake ever when it's your birthday and you have the flu.
@wilarseny Happy Birthday! I just googled the torte and it sounds delicious! Enjoy!
@cliuless Or I don't have much of an appetite
:(
This is going to sound horribly unhealthy/cynical, but the one thing I always like about being sick: my awesome (read: minimal) diet
@wilarseny I had to google that cake, and couldn't really figure out what it is? And am I the only one who has increased their "googling" usage exponentially the longer they've been reading the 'pin? (was that even a correct sentence???)
Oh, and Happy Birthday! Feel better!
@wilarseny it's ok, i do this too. my co-worker got ecoli last week, and the minimal diet was what she comforted herself with.
@WastedPaper Not the only one!
@wilarseny Happy birthday!! That torte looks delicious.
@wilarseny Oooh it's my birthday tomorrow too! I'm having a Fabulous Hats tea party followed by a Firefly showing. And I have a kelly green skirt printed with giraffes.
@teffodee Happy birthday! Firefly showing sounds amaaaaaazing! Ahh! Also I didn't know what kind of green kelly green was, so I googled it, and its so pretty!
@wilarseny Seeing your mom when you're sick is the most relieving experience EVER. Because she will sit with you and watch crap TV and give you ALL the hugs.
I hope your birthday is awesome! Even when I got pneumonia and had to go to the hospital, it was still awesome because it was my birthday!
@wilarseny Happy birthday!
@wilarseny We have the same birthday!!!! Three oh three, wut wutttt.
Also I get to proctor a 4.5 hour test today! Yayyyyy birthdayyyyyys.
I am the only one in my end of the office right now and can hear the faint strains of 'Everybody Dance Now' wafting in from some distant cube. I think it's going to be a good weekend (even though it's been looping for about an hour now and I might want to go see if someone's passed out over there).
@Vicky Johnson
Yeah, you don't want to be inadvertently mocking the passed out (or dead).
I was whining and bitching because my boyfriend got called into the field for a night (he's in the army), but he called me earlier and he's like "guess what? Exercise cancelled! See you tonight!"
And now WE GET TO GO PLAY WITH HIS FRIEND'S BORDER COLLIE PUPPY!!! I am so excited I can't even tell you!
@The Lady of Shalott Have fun with the adorable puppy! I love babysitting peoples' pets.
@The Lady of Shalott Yay border collie puppies! I used to have one (then she grew up) and she was a handful but also so much fun and a real sweetheart. They're almost too smart.
@The Lady of Shalott Love!!! Don't bring any shoes that you love, just in case his border collie puppy is as nippy as my guy was.
@The Lady of Shalott So...Army had a half day?
GRAD SCHOOL THREAD? Please someone hold my hand, because acceptances and rejections are starting to roll out in full force! I know some of you lucky lucky people have already been accepted, and congratulations to you! I am over here, biting my nails and obsessively refreshing my email and Grad Cafe. Let's all huddle under blankets and eat cookies.
Also my thesis revisions are going to kill me.
@The Lady of Shalott Get rid of grad cafe,seriously, it is disgusting!
@contrary It really is the worst. I need one of those shock collars that gives me like 220 volts everytime I go over there. But...SO TEMPTING. And enraging.
@The Lady of Shalott I will join you in the waiting game! I still haven't heard anything and I thought I read that this program wouldn't tell you until April but the website doesn't say that so I don't even know when I should expect to find out.
@The Lady of Shalott good luck good luck! things to look forward to: one of my closest friends just got a job *as a philosopher*!! we're getting drunk to celebrate tonight. I had come very close to losing all hope of there being jobs out there at all!
@The Lady of Shalott I got my first PhD rejection a couple weeks ago!
@The Lady of Shalott What are you applying for? And for Masters or Ph.D? I graduated last year, but am working this year and entering the fray next winter, probably. If I can ever decide what I want to do with my life, ugh
@The Lady of Shalott Ugh, I'm already an obsessive Grad Cafe checker even though I won't be applying for PhD programmes til next cycle. My thoughts are with you!
@wilarseny I'm applying for my PhD in history. I am right now finishing up my Master's (as in literally, I have a chapter of my thesis open in another window).
GRAD CAFE IS THE WORST.
@The Lady of Shalott Be strong! I got rejected from 5 schools before I got in anywhere. When it happens, it's because they *really* want you.
@AniaGosia Your friend!!!!!!! AAAAAH.
@The Lady of Shalott : Be strong, Lady!
@The Lady of Shalott Good luck! Hairpin Nation is rooting for you!
@The Lady of Shalott Humanities grad school applicant solidarity! It's such a hellish and opaque process.
@The Lady of Shalott What is Grad Cafe? :: googles :: O.O
@The Lady of Shalott I need a grad school thread on whether or not to go!! After reading The Hairpin the other day, it made it seem like it will only be a waste of money. And how will I know if it will lead to my dream job?! My heart, and non-existant funds, are torn!
@sodette I'm in the same boat. Are you still in school? I decided to work for a couple years first, and am kind of regretting it.
@sodette It depends on the field, the degree, which school you go to (cost + reputation) and how much you love that field, mostly. I am doing a humanities PhD and I'm not paying for my degree but it can be very discouraging and overwhelming. I often think I would have been better off just staying in the job market and working my way up rather than spending so much time earning basically no money and working so hard. I *love* my field and I *love* teaching, but still.
@wilarseny No, I actually finished school some years ago, and have just taken whatever lame job I could find bc as we all know a BA means nothing. So I don't know what to do! I want my life to go somewhere! But I'm worried if I go to grad school I'll wind up in the same boat: finished a bunch of school that was great, but that costs loads, and really didn't get me anywhere.
@Lucienne Yes!! People are getting jobs as philosophers! There are jobs for philosophers! Even the Continental ones!
@Lucienne wait, and: you got in! You Got In!!!! Congrats! I am getting chills of excitement for you! Is it the place that you want to go, or are you still waiting to hear from others?
@AniaGosia I'm interested in Art History, with the hope that maybe it would lead to a job in a large gallery/museum. But I don't know if there are few/limited opportunities in this field, or where or why or how or anything. I mean, I would be happy just to do the degree and have it bc I really love art history, but at the same time, I don't want to pay thousands just to wind up where I am now. Also have no idea what the hiring is like for that etc...
@sodette I went to grad school straight out of college, mainly because I couldn't figure out what else to do, and it was a pretty major mistake. I mean, it didn't ruin my life or anything, and I made some fabulous friends and learned how to survive being poor and miserable, but I could have saved myself a LOT of misery if I'd known more about what I was getting into. Fortunately I was funded, so I didn't compound my mistake by going into tons of debt. NONE of this means that grad school is a bad idea, or that you shouldn't go, but my most major advice would be to make sure that you know what you're hoping to get out of it, and whether a degree is really necessary in your field. Maybe look into what jobs graduates of the program have, and say to yourself, "Is this something I can see myself doing?" And visit! Meet current students and professors! Know what you're getting into, because it's not just like another two years or so of college - it's *much* more intense.
@The Lady of Shalott All I know is that all these people that talk about that moment in grad school when you think "WHY DID I DO THIS TO MYSELF?!" happens to me at least twice a week. But then when I go to my boring lame job I remember all the interesting, well connected people I interact with at school and remember...this will all be worth it.
God I hope so anyways. I'm too far in to turn back now.
PS I can always be thankful I'm not in grad school of doom. I just miss when I had no responsibilities besides my mindless job and all the money to spend on drinking
@Lexa Lane Thanks for the tips! The only way I'd go to grad school would be if it was far, far away from where I live, so visiting before might be tricky but likely worth it.
Did you get a job that you wanted from it/related to the field you were in?
Also, I don't know anything related to this mysterious world of funding. How do you get that/how does it work?
@AniaGosia I got into Oklahoma, and they seem really happy to have me. And it's also a cool, close department and they've given me an assistantship and a small fellowship and have a reliable placement record so it looks like that's where I'll be going! I am waiting to hear back from one school, but I'm not expecting much.
I am sort of terrified of moving there and dying in a tornado though.
Also, duh, THANK YOU. Talking to you gave me a boost. :)
@everyone GET OUT OF GRAD CAFE NOW. ALL OF YOU.
...are you out? GET OUT NOW.
@sodette My sister is actually applying to art history degrees at the moment (or - waiting to hear back). The funding is, as far as I can tell, much the same as for my field: you'll get tuition remission and some kind of stipend - an assistantship or a fellowship or a combination. Usually, they'll only admit you if they can (and want to!) fund you.
Sometimes this isn't the case in the US (NSSR anyone?) and internationally all bets are off. My sister got into a Canadian program, but they didn't fund her, because their funding is mostly reserved for Canadian students. Hopefully someone else will, but it's tough. The funding information should be available on department websites.
And of course, you can also apply for outside funding.
@The Lady of Shalott I am waiting to hear from one last law school. I didn't realize before this that every type of grad school has some sort of awful waiting place (ours is Top Law Schools, and they make everyone who didn't get into Harvard feel like an idiot). My friend told me there is a Med School forum that is similar. Good luck!
@Lucienne Nice! That sounds great! Small, close department will be so good - I often miss the camaraderie of my (small, close) MA program now that I'm at my (huge, distant) PhD program. And you'll be able to live on the small stipend in Oklahoma
@sodette What Lucienne said re: funding. I got full tuition and a stipend I could (kind of) live off of in exchange for teaching/working in the writing center. Funding sources vary depending on the program, and sometimes there are research fellowships or other funding, not just through your department. I graduated with minimal debt, and it's now all paid off, yay! My field doesn't actually require a masters (did I mention I did NO research?) and my program was not at all helpful in getting me a job, though my degree was a little related to what I do now. Like I said, I'm not at all anti-grad school, just take me as a cautionary tale to do your research! ;-)
@Tragically Ludicrous: Sorry about the rejection!
I work in higher ed, in an interdisciplinary department. A note about grad school admissions: believe them when they say they have limited funding and can't take every awesome applicant they get. Some departments' faculty members take students from the very first day into their research groups, so if someone doesn't have funding or is juggling their maximum number of grads, they won't take anybody.
Also, some departments try to offer X number of years for every student they admit; so if you're expensive (out-of-state, international), or the advisor you are applying to work with can't pony-up a research position to cover your costs, you will likely be lower on the list..
The best way to get a spot at a school is to come with some funding under your belt, which is easier for natural scientists than social scientists. But, then again, some programs turn their nose up at students who want to pay for school with their private money (i.e. a trust fund or savings) because they want every student to be at a level (poor) playing field. Odd, I know...
@The Lady of Shalott while we're at it, let's talk about incapacitating fear of rejection.
no, guys i think i was aiming for the wrong program. but i don't want to sound like a cop out! but I'm really actually excited about it now. and I'm totally gonna get in next year. And in the meantime, I'm gonna move out! and I'm gonna teach my puppy to walk great! And I'm going to renovate my bathroom! and I'm going to make more friends!
this sounds a little manic, but in a good way
@The Lady of Shalott I got my letter today! I'm in!
Soooo I remember people were chatting about perfect tees awhile ago... Target (Merona brand) actually has pretty good, soft, well cut v necks for $8. I mean, they're a little thin, but $8!!
@chapstick I will investigate this! I have almost given up on buying perfect tees and resigned myself to effing sewing them at home. I have a good pattern, but finding worthwhile fabric is a biiitch.
@chapstick They are so best. I have a zillion of them. The Old Navy slouchy v-neck is also great, and comes in even better colors.
@chapstick I really like the Thread For Thought tees that are sold at Nordstrom Rack and Whole Foods (weird, I know) and are $10 and mostly organic cotton and come in truly lovely colors, if you're looking to try something else. They hold up pretty well, too!
@chapstick The ones with the little pocket, right? I love those too! Only there are so many moments where I'm hanging out with a friend and we realize we are wearing the exact same shirt, same color and everything. This happens probably every few weeks.
@caset Yes I love those too! I'm a little miffed that one I got no more than six months ago has developed a little pinhole near the collar but whatever, I guess. But yes, lovely colors. I have a great dusty purple one and a raspberry one that I am in love with!
@chapstick believe it or not, i just bought the perfect t-shirt at urban outfitters... usually hate them because nothing ever fits + overpriced, etc. etc., but this was $18 and really, really soft and stretchy and comfy and they come in lots of different patterns- BDG. new favorite t shirt and i may go back and buy a few more.
@chapstick Is there any tee that is good for those of us with small boobs and an emerging beer gut? I'm asking...for a friend.
@whereismyrobot (I'm kind of the same build... Asian, love beer) Anyway, these fit! Anything with a v or scoop tends to be flattering and the fabric isn't too tight against my tummy.
@LittleBookofCalm BDG t-shirts are my go-to. They always fit me--at this point I don't even try them on, just scoop up my size and go.
@all: Since this seems to be the t-shirt thread: any thoughts on elbow length t-shirts? I've recently decided that this should be my t-shirt of choice because I don't care for te way my upper arms look in pictures when I wear normal t-shirts, but I'm afraid that that elbow-length t-shirts are a too obvious way of hiding my arms. What do you all think? Genius idea or too obvious?
[also in the meantime i am planning to do a 30 day challenge and try to work on getting one unassisted chin up on top of all of my other fitness shenanigans, but in the meantime I have to wear clothes.]
@RK Fire I am all for 'em. Personally I think I dig the three-quarter length more, but they're close as makes no nevermind, in my opinion. I've had a few elbow-length ones too, and I dug those also.
I promise you, nobody is looking at your sleeves and thinking, "God, it's SO OBVIOUS she's trying to hide her upper arms." Only fashion bloggers who scrutinize details for a living even begin to think that way.
@miwome: Thanks for this encouragement! I guess my logic went from "AHA! A brilliant and aesthetically pleasing solution to all of my t-shirt wearing needs" to "oh, man, why don't more people do this" to "OMG what if they all know something I don't? Is it too obvious? it's too obvious, isn't it?"
yayayay. :D
@RK Fire Yay!
Nothing good came in the mail for me this week, but Valentines' week I got a surprise package at work from my mom, and I was all excited. I opened it to find a bulk package of lint rollers and a Valentine's day card. My mother is nothing if not practical (she got my husband and me a paper shredder for Christmas).
My delicious leopard print mary jane pumps (Nine West) arrived about an hour ago! I plan to clomp around the house with reckless abandon.
Also, I'm in the midst of an extended housesitting stint for my boss, and his house happens to be a fancy-pants historical place. It was orginally the summer "cottage" of one of Al Capone's goons, and there are all sorts of neat little quirks. A tunnel leads from the basement to the river (now filled-in, sad face) and the third floor features false-backed closets with secret rooms and....wait for it....an ACTUAL MOVING BOOKCASE WITH A ROOM BEHIND IT. I like to think that any gangster ghosts appreciate a well turned out dame with pretty high heels.
@reebs14 THAT SOUNDS LIKE THE MOST AWESOME HOUSE. I have always dreamed of living in a place with secret rooms!
@The Lady of Shalott I vainly search my 100 year old (tiny) house for secret rooms every time I get drunk on ... certain things....
@The Lady of Shalott It really is badass. I get a little paranoid by myself at night, though. And that's why I'm glad that the refrigerator is stocked with Stella and Amstel Light so I can drink away the fright.
@reebs14 I have a total obsession with hidden rooms in houses - but yes, a tiny bit creepy. Not really though! Everything is fine! I hope you are reading/watching light fun things. (*cough definitely Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion, cough*).
A parcel came for me today that was so badly destroyed Royal Mail had put it in an 'apology bag' with details of how to complain on it. But everything was fine - it was a Hobart journal which I'd subscribed to after randomly chatting to the editor on Tumblr about Whisky. He's very nice! He included not just a free book of poems, but a random book I'd been rambling on about from Dorothy Press. Swoon...
@feartie Would you excuse me? I cut my foot before and my shoe is filling up with blood.
@feartie See, that's part of my problem! I'm a moron and tend to gravitate toward marathons of Ghost Adventures at night (although really it's just so I can laugh at Zack "Douchebaggins" and his ghost taunting).
@reebs14 I like to imagine that the ghosts laugh at his bro-glittered clothes as much as we do.
@Decca You look so good with blond hair and black roots it's like not even funny.
@reebs14 Oh, The Bagans! I somehow worked out a whole theory about his pre Ghost Adventures life one night after calling him a douche and then inexplicably feeling bad about it. The way I see it, he was a scrawny-nerd type (not that I find anything wrong with that, personally) who was mocked and picked on. Then he left town for college and had a sudden growth spurt, and then started working out, and got confidence, and now he's all, "Let me go home and show them how trendy and handsome I am!" (I'll add that, while he's not my type, I guess his face isn't bad. It's the way he chooses to style himself that I find unappealing.) I don't know why I think any of this but I hope I never find out that I'm wrong. I hope I do find out what his "incident" was that led him to this career though.
And yes to "ghost taunting"!
@reebs14 Your life is the best life.
@Hellcat He DOES have that former nerd aura about him, doesn't he? I mean, I'm not gonna lie, I'd totally hit it.
P.S. If any of you are in the SW Michigan area, you're more than welcome to come hang out and go on ghost tours in the big house with me. Plus, they have the sweetest Golden Retriever in the world. His name is Andy, I take him to work with me, and never leaves my side. I don't even like dogs that much, BUT he's the BEST.
@reebs14 please PLEASE say things out loud in this house using an old-fashioned-y voice.
@reebs14 YEAH, like he's making up for something. Aww, poor guy -- he seems nice enough and he just wants to be cool!
I am waiting for THESE BABIES (Pewter) to arrive in the mail! http://tinyurl.com/bethshoesomg
I need to get my bridesmaid's dress hemmed ASAP so I hope they're waiting for me when I get home today!
@beeline96 SO PRETTY
@beeline96 I am in love with all the sandals on that site. Are they comfy? How do they hold up?
@beeline96 And do their sizes run big?
@catfoodandhairnets @Alixana I only have a pair of open-toed, slight wedge-flats and they are pretty comfortable,though the heel & front part got dinged up a bit (due to my clumsiness most likely). I have the flats in 6.5 and they were a little tight at first, but they kind of stretched out? I ordered the heels in a size 7. We'll see how it goes. (My feet are 2 different sizes so I'm also not a good judge of shoe sizing for others.)
@beeline96 AAH SO CUTE. I would like all of them pls.
Ladyfriend update! I wore her sweater to school yesterday after I got dressed in her room ... because I slept over! On a school night! She is still lovely. I am very fond.
@S. Elizabeth Yaaaay! *fistbump*
@S. Elizabeth Miss Lady, good for you! I meant to say, I took your advice on the Trader Joes kale dip from a sadder time and ...incredible. Putting into my rotation. Happy Friday!
@Decca Fistbump!
@nevernude cutoffs Isn't it amazing???
@S. Elizabeth I want backstory!!!! Also, YAAAAAAAAAAAAY!
@wee_ramekin So the ladyfriend is a. butch-ish-y and b. 8 inches taller than I am. So her sweater was sort of big/huge/giant on me, in a really cute way. I put it on in the morning and wore it with black yoga pants, pearls, and a scarf. It still smelled like her. :D
@S. Elizabeth :)!
That sounds so, so lovely :). I'm so happy for you! Where di you meet her?
@S. Elizabeth Hurray! That is kind of the perfect deployment of an Other's sweater. I am so happy to be reading this.
@S. Elizabeth I like everything about this.
@S. Elizabeth Yes yes yessss this is the best. (When y'all inevitably ride off into the sunset for forevers together, can we print out all of your Friday Open Thread posts about her and document your awesomeness that way? Because it is the best.)
@S. Elizabeth
I love friday open thread :')
YOU GUYS it is my boyfriend's birthday and I am surprising him with a weekend trip to a Bed and Breakfast THAT IS A LIGHTHOUSE!
@dj pomegranate That is so cool! I am imagining this, but perhaps it will be less thrilling/terrifying.
@dj pomegranate That's pretty friggin' awesome! My bf and I looked at an apt once that was a lighthouse. It was AMAZING! But really far away from everything and pretty small. But MAN if I was single I'd be there in a HEARTBEAT!
@dj pomegranate IS IT IN MAINE?! Are you going to Maine?! I'm trying to plan a Maine trip with my mom as soon as I can get some vacation time because I. LOVE. LIGHTHOUSES. And also whales.
@dj pomegranate Ah, thanks. That's what *I* said, and also my IRL best friend, and we were all "If he does not respect your boundaries, then fuck him." I was just surprised because the overwhelming number of other people I asked (which, to be fair, was only 3 people, so not really a good sample size) were like DON'T BE SUCH A BABY.
[And I had to delete that bc I accidentally wrote his name in the original, gah oops]
@She Saved The World, Alot You should not have to kiss anyone you don't want to.
You should also stop overthinking it.
If he leans in to kiss you and you think "sweet, kiss incoming!" then let it happen. If you're not feeling it, swivel your head and laugh it off and say "sorry, not yet." And then if/when you decide you don't want to ever, just tell him so. No biggie.
@She Saved The World, Alot
Don't do anything you don't want to do, unless it's going to the doctor to get that ___ checked out... you know where I'm going.
HOWEVER, it has been my experience that if you haven't made any movements (arm-touching, accidental bumping/brushing of limbs/parts, any kind of kissing), it might signal that you're not interested, whether or not that's true! And it has also been my experience that you can find out that you have zero chemistry by kissing someone, so might as well get it over with. BUT, back to my first response, do whatever feels comfortable and natural.
@She Saved The World, Alot In college my nickname was the Kissing Bandit, because I love kissing pretty much anyone, so I may not be the best person to give you advice - but of course, I'm gonna give it anyway.
STOP THINKING ABOUT THIS SO MUCH.
Go on the second date with zero expectations of anything other than a pleasant evening in the company of someone you maybe like so far. As the date progresses, you may start to feel kissy, you may not. Go with whatever feeling you happen to have when a kissing opportunity arises. And no, you do not have to kiss anyone you don't want to kiss.
But seriously, kissing is awesome.
@Bebe Ahh believe me, I know that kissing rocks! My nickname was the Kiss Monster in college because, especially when drunk, I used to kiss eeeeeveryone. And it was great! But in the context of relationshippy/dating kissing, or anything more than like drunken-hook-up-no-strings-attached-this-is-just-fun kissing...not as great? I mean there was good (great!) kissing but there was also angst and DRAMZ. And I do like this guy, I like talking to him, and I am interested but I also want to be careful because of that. Also, first time internet dating, which is exciting but also...kinda scary/nerve-wracking. AND I just stopped my birth control like a month ago (haha, I consult HP Open thread about THAT too) so I REEEEEALLY wanna take things slow in the physical department because...I'm fertile now?
Someone told me from that thread "As soon as you get of BC, you will meet someone. Laws of the universe." high-five at that person.
@She Saved The World, Alot I LOVE KISSING. I don`t have sex with my person, but we make out like teenagers. AND when you`re not on birth control, ovulation making out is AMAZZZZING
@She Saved The World, Alot Wait wait wait what?!? The original comment is gone! TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED AAAAHHHH
please. (Mama raised me polite.)
I am in major Spring Cleaning mode these days and just tackled the Junk Drawer. I'm so proud of myself! Next up: the craft closet. My son's first birthday is coming up on Wednesday, so I'm also reminiscing about giving birth and starting to plan a little party for him/me.
@AniaGosia
Congratulations!
Are you doing a smash cake? Ours (6 months ago) worked out very nicely.
PS
I am tackling the junk office, and it is changing my life.
I have to travel for work next week from the 7th to the 10th, and am afraid I will stumble across terrible "SNAPE KILLED DUMBLEDORE!" level Mass Effect 3 spoilers during that time.
@Jennifer Culp DON'T LOOK AT SPOILERS FOR THAT GAME!! AVOID DISCUSSION BOARDS!!! I'm super serial right now!
@OhShesArtsy I am avoiding diligently. I don't want to knooooow, I just want to play!
@Jennifer Culp I am turning the internet off, as of this weekend-ish. I'm in the uk where we don't get it til friday, and then I'm away until monday ANYWAY and I just don't want to chance it. I accidentally found out some small things and I'm on total spoiler lockdown now.
@Jennifer Culp SNAPE KILLED DUMBLEDORE?!
@redheaded&crazy PAGE 606 TOTALLY TRUE.
@Jennifer Culp The Hairpin is pretty much the only website I'm reading until Tuesday for this reason. Nowhere is safe!
You know when people are like, "Ugh, the WEEK. It was so CRAZY" and you like them because they're your friend but in your head you're also like, "yeah, ok, not really that crazy, big-picture-wise. settle down"? Well I feel like I've had a really tumultuous week and my friend response has been overwhelming. We had to put our dog down, and it all happened so quickly we're still reeling. Our friends have been lovely.
@julia Aw, I'm sorry for your loss. I had a ridiculous week too, and I was so thankful to my amazing friends for helping me keep it together.
@julia oh no! how sad! :(
@julia I am so sorry about your dog. Big big hugs to you.
@julia Pets dying is the toughest thing. It's good your friends get that.
@julia I am so, so sorry to hear that. Internet hugs!
Thanks, guys. This dog had a great life and we know we made the right decision, but it blindsided us a bit even though he was 11. My parents are coming this weekend and we'll be doing wedding stuff. so that will be a welcome distraction.
@julia I am sorry about your doggie.
@julia
sad sad sad... so sorry
@julia I'm so sorry to hear about your dog :(
@julia I'm sorry about your dog! That's really hard, I know. :(
@julia I am so sorry about your dog, that is so very hard.
@julia sorry about your dog-they really do become part of the family so it is really hard.
@julia That's terrible, sending much sympathy your way.
@julia My old dog died recently too, very suddenly, and I was (still am) just bowled over by sadness. I am so very sorry.
@julia aw man *hugs* been there so recently. and you just get to a point where you're hoping they'll pass peacefully in their sleep. putting pets down is The Worst.
The ladyfriend and I ordered a bunch of stuff from Adam & Eve and it came in the mail this week.
And it was a blast.
@Emby I always hear their advertisements on Dan Savage (is it them that advertise there?) and I keep forgetting to go buy things there. Clearly, I should.
@Emby I need to order things from them. I do. I just keep forgetting. LET'S ALL ORDER SEX TOYS FROM ADAM AND EVE. #LAOSTFAAE?
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher OKAY~!
I had my second OK Cupid-inspired date this week and it was fabulous and I made out in a CAR (I live in NYC, so this is a MAJOR NOVELTY) for a long time. And we have a second date planned out for next week. I am trying so hard to not get too excited guys but I don't know if I can resist.
@alphabiddycity Oh yay congratulations(is it weird to say congratulations? Either way, congratulations). That is awesome.
@alphabiddycity Wheeee making out in cars!
@alphabiddycity OMG OMG OMG
@alphabiddycity I grew up in California, so making out in cars was pretty much standard practice for me. Usually my own car. Looking back on it, I'm pretty sure that my dad gave me a car just so I would never be stuck driving home with some random juicebox.
@alphabiddycity I grew up in California, so making out in cars was pretty much standard practice for me. Usually my own car. Looking back on it, I'm pretty sure that my dad gave me a car just so I would never be stuck driving home with some random juicebox.
Yes! I got the results to the biggest and most important test I have written in my post university life, and I passed! And I get a rubber stamp!
@bangs Congrats!!!
@bangs Congrats! Are you an engineer per chance?
@The Angels Have the Phonebox Geologist, so same process.
Oh everyone.
1) Very sad ending to a date that started off so much fun with a guy I thought was really cute. Including a "next time we should..."
It's amazing how taking off your shirt and making out, which one hopes is going to be super fun, and launch you into a flurry of further giggling at future dates can have a guy go from Intimate to Frosty in sity seconds or fewer.
I've mentally downgraded that all from Potentially Awesome to Fun Date With Kissing For Afters. Which is fine, but it cannot be ignored that if I hadn't downgraded the date in my head, it would have ended up being Me Begging For Affection, Which If I Wanted To Do That I Could Have Stayed With My Ex So Whatever.
2) My BFF is looking into adopting as a single parent. I went to an info meeting with her for support. And, oh my god. Everyone. It is the worst. Neo-liberal capitalism is the worst. I mean, you aren't buying your kid. You aren't. But it sure feels like you are. And also... adopting a ("sufficiently" young, "sufficiently" white) kid from Russia? Will run you fees and such above $68,000.00. And the state? The state will pay all associated costs for you to adopt children over the age of 7 on the State Waiting Childrens' List.
All of the children in need of parents, I want that for them. Wherever they are and so on. But really. There is something so sad about that.
@PistolPackinMama I am a HUGE adoption advocate, so 1. hooray for people like your friend! and 2. Yep. The cost of certain types of adoption is INSANE, and it is so grossly unfair to all involved. The neediest kids are the most overlooked, and it depresses the everloving hell out of me. BUT (and this is a very small victory) the show Parenthood is featuring an adoption of an older child, so I hope it inspires other people to do the same.
@PistolPackinMama (1) One of my friends has this crazy story about a dude who went out mid-makeout for a smoke and disappeared into the night! She found out way later that he had just, like, gone home and not died. It was super weird. I am sorry about your date.
(2) This adoption agency near me offers these "scholarship" type things for adopting minority babies. It is super squicky and sad that it is even a thing.
@olivebee I am a huge adoption advocate as well and adoption is a major part of my life plan.
I guess this is where the term "starter puppy" applies :\
@PistolPackinMama
It always made me wonder about people adopting kids from other countries - like we've got a shortage of kids that need adopting here?
And OMG, Mother Russia! I'm sure they don't have ladies there chained to walls, forced to have kids for $70k a piece. No, they'd never ever do something like that in fucking Russia!
Its good to know that racism at least has a price. Seems way too low.
@Alter Kocker Weeell. I guess people gotta do what they can handle. Adopting from a Waiting Children's List means you will have kids in your life who have some pretty serious special needs. And kids in other countries evidently need families, too. But then again, weird racism, but then again children in orphanages, but then again... So, you know. It's a choice and all. I think nationalism doesn't help with the adoption process.
Upshot: I think adoption is pretty traumatic no matter how you go about it, and all you can do is hope it works out.
(Written from a "cottages" aka "luxury condominium" on Lake Superior. Where heartbreak and sorrow are being assuaged by the sound of waves on shoreline.)
Ah! Open thread! So, I have a Question, since I have recently started OkCupid dating. It's really more a hypothetical thing right now, since the Boy in Question cancelled on me tonight due to migraine (aww.)
First of all, I went on my first date! On Wedneday! Leap day! Yay! We went to a pub, drank fancy beers, and then got tea and had lengthy conversion. All in all: success. We've been talking since Saturday on gchat and texting, I FB'd him to make sure he was a real person, etc.
He was going to come with me tonight to a friend's bday party, but had to cancel. My friend gave me 2 pieces of advice/orders:
1) Do not ignore The Boy at the bar, because he wont know anyone there but you (obviously.)
2) If he tries to kiss you, LET HIM KISS YOU. Don’t be a brat about it.
I said “Well, what if I don’t want him to kiss me?”
And she said, “LET HIM KISS YOU.”
So, my question is this: Is this an online dating rule that I don't know about? Kiss on the second date? Like, the IRL people I've asked have all said yes, just loosen up and stop being a prude, you have to figure out if you have chemistry or not...but like, if I had met this guy IRL, I might not necessarily kiss him on the second date either?
And I feel liek this is a silly question because I'm 22 and not in high school anymore and I should just get over it and stop being a baby because IT'S JUST A KISS GET OVER YOURSELF.
But I mean...I don't want to be kissing him yet, I don't think? I mean that might change in the moment, stop overthinking it you idiot, but I really don't want to rush into anything. And I feel like I shouldn't have to kiss anyone if I don't want to?
@She Saved The World, Alot
I have thoughts on this! So I went out with this nice boy from OKC a couple weeks ago, and the first date was nice and stuff. But I wasn't sure if I wanted to kiss him! It actually made me so so so sosososo nervous leading up to date #2. I was stressing out about kissing him!
And then I did and it was gross (well, not gross, I like kissing in general, but it felt so WRONG), so the fact that you are thinking about it this much might just mean that you are not into kissing this particular person.
And that's okay! If you feel like it's right, do it, but my advice: don't if you don't want to, because then that makes it feel extra-weird and forced and that's never needed!
@She Saved The World, Alot Yo! If he's worth your time, he'll be cool with it. I don't know conventions of online dating either, but there's no sense following one if it's restrictive or making you do something you don't want to.
@She Saved The World, Alot Don't kiss anybody you don't want to kiss. Don't kiss someone you might want to kiss when you don't want to kiss. Don't "let" anyone kiss you (aagh, what a phrase!), just kiss 'em when you want to kiss. And, presumably, they want to kiss you.
@She Saved The World, Alot If you don't want to be kissing him, do not kiss him! You totally don't have to kiss anyone that you don't want to.
That said, if someone didn't kiss me by the second date, or moved away if I tried to kiss them, I would 100% think that they were not interested in dating me. So if that's what you do, you have to tell him very clearly that you like him and want to keep dating him but you like to take things slowly.
@She Saved The World, Alot Don't kiss him if you don't want to. But maybe a good hug? Or tell him, look, I like you but I want to take things slow and I'm not ready to be kissing you right now.
(With the one guy from OKC I dated for a while, we went out like five times before kissing and that was fine. It was nice to just get to know each other first.)
@She Saved The World, Alot well, while i was internet dating, i generally wouldn't kiss on the 1st date, but if I didn't want to kiss a boy by the 2nd date, i probably didn't want to hang out with that boy a third time. I don't think it's an internet dating rule, so much as just a general indicator to the guy that you're interested in him. But there are other ways to show you like someone, so if kissing is something you like to save for later, maybe you should make it clear more explicitly that you're interested in him romantically? "I don't like to rush things physically, but i want you to know that i've really liked hanging out with you, and want to do it again soon" or whatever. less lame than that.
@thebestjasmine man, you were faster than me AND said the same thing, better. I should just generally leave it to The Best Jasmine.
@She Saved The World, Alot some good advice i got about kissing ASAP: sometimes the chemistry, the zinginess, from the kiss is the one thing that takes you from "meh" to "wow!" about someone you didn't even consider a second or third date with. and then you get to find out that person is the nicest person in the world. it is very true. sometimes.
@She Saved The World, Alot
I don't think there are really rules for online dating. Maybe there are but I totally subscribe to the "you do what you feel comfortable with" newsletter. If you want to kiss him, kiss him. If you don't, don't. You're not being a baby for not wanting to kiss someone. I also don't think that the kiss will be that great if you're just like 'ugh fine, kiss, let's get this over with already' vs 'yay! woo! I'm going to smoochtown!' Just see how the night goes and do exactly what you're comfortable with.
@everyone AHHH thank ya'll so much! I knew I would find...gentler?/more openminded advice here. It actually gave me a mildly stomach-achey feel when I kept getting the LET HIM KISS YOU REGARDLESS OF WHETHER OR NOT YOU WANT TO BE KISS line. Like I think more than anything else, that is what made me supanervous because...I wasn't even thinking about it before that? I was like oh hey yay second date with this guy who I spent 3hrs with, drinkin beer and talkin!
He is very nice. He texts me when he says he will, initiates conversation, remembers things from previous conversations (these are all Normal Things, I'm told, but I don't have the most fab dating history, so for me it's all rather Shiny and New). I just...have been in situations before where I've felt pressured to do this that I maybe didn't want to do/didn't want to do right away...and sometimes they turned out great! And sometimes they were just really stomachachey. So I'm trying to be careful now and really figure out how I feel about doing something before I do it (as much as possible, anyway).
@She Saved The World, Alot With the boy i met on okcupid I didn't kiss him til the third date (which was over two weeks from the first, due to scheduling). I was having trouble reading him, but that night we were at a concert and when we went to move up in the crowd we ended up holding hands for a good fifteen minutes. and somehow the hand holding made me comfortable kissing him later that night?
anyway, kissing is silly and if you feel pressure don't do it! just have fun! and weeeeeeee! I miss the beginning butterflies of dating (but not the nervousness).
@She Saved The World, Alot I am with all of these ladies here! No kissing out of turn! (If you know what I'm trying to get at.)
Anyway, I think given the difficulties you've talked about in the past, you have exactly the right attitude. Take it slow, feel it out, make sure you check what you want to do with yourself more than anyone else. I have had my share of "I'm going along with this because I don't know what else to do" times, and most of them have been shitty and I regret them (except for how they helped me learn not to do that anymore). So do you, man. DO. YOU. (And maybe him, too, at some point, but only if you feel like it. ONLY IF YOU FEEL LIKE IT, DO YOU HEAR ME YOUNG LADY.)
(I have consumed gin this evening. Kindly excuse my cray.)
@miwome My socks, even though they be those weird little lace-y peds that you wear with flats, have been officially rocked off by all you lovely ladies here. Aaaand now that I don't have to worry about making uncomfortable kissing and/or sexual decisions with a guy I just met for the first time two days ago....I am going to go out, eat Shack Shake (ALL THE SHAKE SHACK) and get splendidly wasted.
LOVE YOU ALLLL.
@She Saved The World, Alot ha I wrote "Shack Shake" the first time. Must be verr'essite about the burgers.
man I really have followed no conventions of online dating. i just do what i want and move on when i'm bored (RUDE!).
some guys i went back to their apartment and made out with them on the first date ... others I went on two dates and nada. once I even ... but that's a story for another day.
@redheaded&crazy TOO MUCH INTRIGUE.
@redheaded&crazy I may have also.
@PistolPackinMama *fist bump* *tequila shots* awww yeah!
i always tell myself to have something awesome ready for the open thread, but when open thread time comes i've got nothing.
oh, fellow pinners, imbue me with any wisdom you have even if i don't have a question for you.
@cliuless Me too! I had some great things, but...I forgot :( Want to talk about forgetting stuff? Oooor, did you know some people sneeze whenever they think about sex?
@disgruntled co-worker my memory is funny. i actually have a really great memory for details and faces, but i can't ever remember what i walked into the room to get or what i want to talk about for the open thread.
@cliuless: Don't fake the funk on a nasty dunk.
@cliuless I forget things all the time. I've even left the house not wearing my glasses or still wearing my furry slippers. In the shower I forget whether or not I already washed my hair. At least you're able to remember faces. I often introduce myself to people whom I've apparently already met(aaaakwaaaaard!).
@disgruntled co-worker I have done that. I have a pretty good memory for people, so it doesn't happen often, but when it does it is so weird oh god.
When I was six I took a paper cup to the water fountain for water. And then I stood by the water fountain trying to remember what I was there for. And then I was all, "Oh! I have a cup! I must have come here for water!" And then I couldn't remember whether I'd already gotten the water. When I was SIX.
There is no hope.
@cliuless children are orgasm's life
@redheaded&crazy or something like that
Crowdsourcing: I want to get my husband a (small) gift because he often surprises me with things just because and I never do. I am tired of feeling like a crappy wife, so I want to get him a good graphic novel to surprise him with, and I need recommendations. I mainly read non-fiction books, so this is for sure not my forte. He is a huge Neil Gaiman fan (but has read a lot of his stuff already) if that helps at all?
@olivebee I like this one a lot: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/City_of_Light,_City_of_Dark It hasn't gotten the play it deserves, in my opinion.
@olivebee What about that series where the mice are really fierce? Mouse Guard! I don't know if people generally think that those are "good" graphic novels, but I know I got totally sucked into it while at a friend's house.
@olivebee Transmetropolitan!
@olivebee This is non-fiction, but it's really beautifully constructed, and is like a mashup of a graphic novel and a biography. Plus, it glows in the dark! It's about Marie and Pierre Curie and it is amazing. Not very graphic novel-y, but lovely nonetheless. http://www.amazon.com/Radioactive-Marie-Pierre-Curie-Fallout/dp/0061351326/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1330721210&sr=8-1
@olivebee I will recommend Love and Rockets to anyone who stays still long enough.
@olivebee I read "I Kill Giants" for a Children's lit class and I really, really liked it. Also, my brother bought me The Walking Dead for Christmas, and that's a lot of fun. And V for Vendetta was the first graphic novel I ever read and I looooooved it.
@olivebee There's a graphic novelization of Fritz Lang's M, if he's into ... IDK, German Expressionism? Peter Lorre?
@olivebee Has he read Mike Carey's Lucifer? It's a spin-off of Gaiman's Sandman and so so good.
Bill Willingham's Fables is also excellent.
@olivebee Black Hole is a reliably awesome classic.
@olivebee Seconding Fables. There is also something on my shelf called The New Brighton Archaeological Society and it's kind of a one-off and is charming and fantastic.
@olivebee Fun Home is really great and kind of weird-serious in a way I associate with Gaiman? It is about growing up queer in a funeral home. (As in, her family runs a funeral home.)
I also super recommend Dear Creature, which is about a mutant underwater thing that preys on hormonal teenagers by the boardwalk, but then he discovers Shakespeare (somebody is tossing pages into the sea) and becomes reformed by the power of words and love. Sarcastic crab sidekicks ftw.
@olivebee "Baltimore," by Mike Mignola and some other dude whose name escapes me, is an illustrated novel that reminds me of Gaiman in the CREEPING HORRORS way. So good. Gave me nightmares.
@olivebee I haven't read these graphic novels myself, but things that are interesting to me: if he's read Ender's Game, there's a whole bunch of graphic novel offshoots from that series. Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog also has a GN offshoot. The Walking Dead on AMC is based on a GN series. Also "season 8" of Buffy is available only in graphic novel and motion comic forms. Persepolis and Ghost World are goodies, although I think they tend to skew more towards female readers.
Also, V for Vendetta, Maus, and Watchmen are pretty much considered to be awesome, appealing-to-all, well-written masterpiece-type graphic novels. I haven't read Maus but the other two are awesome.
I am way behind on checking this, but a sincere thank you to all of you! These suggestions are awesome and I am excited to do some book shopping. Ya'll are the best!
I got a new phoooone in the mails that has internet on it! The whole internet!! i can watch friday night lights on the bus!!! (for anyone playing along at home: i did watch more FNL and DID fall in love with it, as was predicted by all the people.) I feel like i just entered the 21st century.
also i have a migraine, but am so doped up right now at my desk that i can't feel my fingers! sort of!
@candybeans Ooooh, I've just started FNL! What're you up to? I'm up to the part where they're yelling-yelling-crying in the rain-yelling-oh, we're kissing!
HIIIIIII! I've missed you all so terribly! Non-Party, Actual Adult Responsibilities For Which They Pay Me are no fun at all.
I haven't even gotten to read AaCP! What was disgusting this week? Are we all still going to make our beds? Has there been any foolishness on a Bob/Eli level? Do we like the respective Dudes/Ladies of the week?
I love you all and hope that you're remembering how awesome and full of Party you are! Get into a teeeny-tiny-teensy bit of trouble this weekend for me! Mwwwwah!
@Party Falcon We are making our beds with reckless abandon! Crazy bedmaking.
(Actually mine has been pretty boring/routine. But it is made.)
@Party Falcon I have missed your tipsy raptor self!
@Lenora Jane I've been making mine, too. It does make my room look better. The piles of laundry all around the perimeter of the room, however, do not.
@Party Falcon I am so happy to see Party Falcon make an appearance. It's like when a famous person goes to a club and you see them pass the red velvet rope.
@Party Falcon I love that we have our own-style Andrew WK party person (bloody beak at your discretion).
@Party Falcon Your Funkiness! You're BACK. I am also making my bed in the mornings and it actually does make everything look nicer and prettier in my bedroom.
@Party Falcon Hooray, you are back! We are making our beds, unfucking our resumes, and that's all I can remember this week. (It's been a long week.)
@Party Falcon Party Falcon! This morning there was a bird of prey intently eating a smaller bird in my backyard. And I wanted to tell you to ask your relatives to please not do that in sight of my breakfast. But it turned out to be a sharp-shinned hawk :/
@Faintly Macabre OMG! I saw a hawk (a young one- it was pretty small yet) take down a bluejay while out for a run this week. I was impressed she'd gone after it and won, to be honest. But bluejays are jerks, so maybe my sympathy meter wasn't tuned right...
@Party Falcon I feel your pain PF (PeeFee as I pronounce it) oh my god then I just started thinking about how wee_ramekin becomes weeree. Bahaha.
so anyway. work sucks i know.
@redheaded&crazy Aw SWEET this means I'm E-Dubs, right? Am I doing it right?
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher E-DUBS! YOU SURE ARE!
I love it.
@redheaded&crazy I am PG?! Parental Guidance, folks *coolshades*
@redheaded&crazy I'm... VeeMee? Vee-MIST-mmmm? Vee-to-the-Emm-to-the-I-S-T-M? (someone do this for me, it is hard, my username is so complicated)
I'm house/pet sitting for my friend right now, which is awesome because I love her dog. What makes it less awesome is that the poor thing has epilepsy and started having a seizure while I was eating lunch. I have never seen a dog have a seizure, it was really scary. She's okay now but the whole thing was just awful.
@contrary oh my godddd my friend just had this exact experience only it did NOT have a happy ending :(. and i guess technically the dog didn't have epilepsy so much as it was just seizuring because it was way old, but she has house sat for these people for years and NO ONE TOLD HER that this poor dog was on its death bed. she had to bring it to the vet and have it put to sleep while the family is all across the country. Cinnamonnnnnnnnnn, i will remember you.
@samafaye WHAT. Jesus christ, your poor friend. I knew the dog had epilepsy, or I would have been seriously freaking out. I was totally not expecting it to have seizure while I was here though- my friend says it only happens once every 3-4 months and she had one a few weeks ago. SERIOUSLY THOUGH, YOUR FRIEND, THAT IS A NIGHTMARE :(
I wanna thank whoever it was that quoted from Caitlin Moran's How To Be a Woman ages ago. (Her lazily petting her bush while naked in a hammock?) I finally got it out of the library and it's HILARIOUS. Like, laugh out loud on the bus funny. I'm only half-way thru and I'm already bugging everyone to read this book. It's so perfect.
@Deb of last year@twitter I still haven't gotten around to reading her book, but her column in The Times magazine every week is always so funny and often so right-on politically as well and her hair is FABULOUS.
@Decca Her hair is THE BEST. She really works that grey streak
@Deb of last year@twitter In my head I always get her confused with Caitlin Flanagan and get really horrified when otherwise lovely people rave about her - and then realize, no, Caitlin Moran is wonderful.
@Decca Thank you! I linked to Diana's interview in the archives of Desert Island Discs a while ago.. lots of Wagner
@mascarasnake ughhh was trying to reply downthread, instead deleted comment about how my favourite bits of the book are pubic hair related
@mascarasnake Before she dies, I hope Debo releases a book about pubic hair.
This was a good shopping week. I stuck to my Lenten promise of not buying clothes or shoes, but I did get some good stuff. One of the graphic designers I work with took me to the weekly sample sale. I bought some really nice makeup and makeup brushes and two great pieces of costume jewelry, all for $38. I also snapped up a groupon for three Brazilian waxes at a salon close to my house (no more going to the grumpy Russian lady in Philadelphia!) AND Aziz Ansari tickets for his tour this June.
@Clare Aziz is so good live! Jealous.
@Clare My life has turned into a haul video. This is what working in e-commerce does to you :\
@Clare what is this sample sale you speak of? that sounds like the kind of shopping week i only dream of!
@cliuless A sample sale is just what it sounds like: Vendors deliver samples of products to the buyers to try. After a while, the samples pile up and to empty the sample storage area and make a little money, the company sells them to the employees dirt cheap. Go to RackedNY or The Cut to learn a little more about how they work.
@Clare haha, whoops. i should've been more specific. i was wondering which specific sample sale you went to. i pass clothes ones all the time, but can never figure out where they sell the cheap makeup.
@cliuless Oh, well, I work at a SUPER MEGA RETAILER in suburban Philadelphia that sells a huge variety of merchandise.
@Clare Yes! Aziz is so fun! I saw him maybe a year and a half ago, right before he hosted the MTV movie awards, and he was practicing a bunch of jokes for it. Every time he made a joke about some celebrity, he'd point to a rando in the audience and yell something like "TAYLOR LAUTNER IS HERE TONIGHT!"
I work at a SUPER MEGA RETAILER in suburban Philadelphia that sells a huge variety of merchandise.
@Clare You have piqued my interest.
Inspired by the resume post - any Pinners who use Linkedin?
What is your opinion for job descriptions - bullet points, or full sentences? I would be writing no more than 4-5 lines either way.
@keaton I used LinkedIn. I've always been a major fan of bullet points. Short, sweet and to the point. If they want full sentences they can call me in for an interview!
@ReginaSavage Is it actually helpful for job searches? I'm not really sure how to use, at the moment am only connected with people at my old job which is very far away from where I am now looking, so not very helpful.
@MEGA VENUTIAN SPACE SCORPION: Actually it has been! I've been contacted by staffing agencies as well as hiring managers looking to fill positions on a number of occasions. The best thing I can reccomend is to look for staffing agencies in your area and add them on Linkedin. They usually post the positions that come available so you might find something that way. Also it does reccomend positions in your field to apply to which is cool too.
@MEGA VENUTIAN SPACE SCORPION
I use it to see connections of connections (of connections) so they can maybe put you in touch with someone! NETWORKING.
@ReginaSavage
Thanks for your reply. How many bullet points would you recommend? I've got 4-5 for professional jobs and 1 or 2 for volunteer jobs.
@keaton I do it the way I do on my resume, which is like what they said in the post--sentences (I guess some of them are sentence fragments), but in a really terse third-person style. "Did this, supervised that, was responsible for teh osm. Frequently left in charge of the facility; in addition, trained new hires" etc.
My excitement for the day was finding $103 on the sidewalk while out walking the dog. It was, however (cough) wrapped up in a wallet which -- while not thoroughly useful -- did have just enough info in it so that after about a dozen phone calls I was finally able to track down the owner, an adorable fuzzy little hippie boy who almost wept with gratitude when he came to pick it up. I felt like a virtuous citizen.
@purefog Four for you, purefog. You go, purefog!
@purefog well done! 103 gold stars for you.
@purefog Aww, you are so nice.
@purefog A million good karmas to you! Something similar happened to me once (left my purse at a restaurant, fellow diner found it and called me) and I honestly cried, I was so relieved. You done good!
@purefog I once sent a hippie his wallet (sunset ombre velcro Rip Curl wallet ftw) and got a really nice hippie letter back from him. He told me all about his didjeridoo and the road trip he was on when he lost it. I still have the letter.
@purefog ALL the good karma! All of it! Hooray for you and your pup too!
@purefog Yayy! As someone who frequently loses v. important things (wallet, phone) and gets them returned by kind strangers a shockingly high percentage of the time, I appreciate you! People like you seriously make my life significantly less shitty than it probably ought to be, and also often make for good stories. (The Best Time I Drove to the Airport to Get My Phone from an Algerian Guy Because the Cab Driver In Whose Cab I Left It Couldn't Be Bothered and Said Algerian Guy Was His Next Fare, & My Aunt Was Very Happy Because She Got To Talk to The Algerian Guy In French. Snappy titles central over here.)
I have a cold, but at least I got paid.
And, assuming my planned all-day convalescence works out tomorrow, the Forever YA Cleveland book club Sunday afternoon!
@DH@twitter FYA! I love them! Ooh, that sounds like fun!
@figwiggin
They have a chart/Google Docs/thing on the site of all the cities with book clubs! If your area doesn't have one, you should start one!
@DH@twitter I am a follower of the Forever YA Cleveland group on Facebook but have yet to make it to a meet-up. I figure it would be helpful to read the book before going, and I have trouble doing that apparently.
@DH@twitter Forever YA! I am constantly checking that site to see if there's a new recap of Petals on the Wind by V.c. Andrews. But I'm afraid the writer became thoroughly disgusted and gave up!
@DH@twitter FYAAAAAAAAAAAAAA WOOOOOOOOOOOOO
I got seasons 6 and 7 of the Simpsons in the mail, so go mail.
@Tragically Ludicrous I got books in the mail. Hooray for the mail!
Finally got our hops in the mail Wednesday, which mean we are brewing some beer this weekend! Gonna be delicious (...in about six weeks).
@chapstick
Last summer all my friends went through this phase of microbrewing. Best phase evar.
So this dude that asked me out in the cutest way possible and took me on a great date and wanted to see me all the time and talk to me all the time for 2-3 weeks (and who told me he'd had a crush on me all last semester) suddenly dropped the "I have too much stuff going on in my life right now" bomb yesterday? Even though he was the one doing all the hardcore pursuing and all the kissing was great and we made each other laugh a lot? And I have yet to know what the stuff is? SERIOUSLY WTF not even reeeallllyyy looking for Advice (though advise away) just wanted other people to say WTF!!!
@martinipie Join me upthread for a dating WTF convo. :(
@martinipie
WTF, indeed!
@martinipie Ugh, that's the worst. In my experience, situations like this have often coincided with an old flame resurfacing in a guy's life and even though clearly what we had going on was fantastic, somehow his unresolved feelings trumped our new awesomeness. The worst part is when things don't work out with the old flame (and they rarely do) and he calls to try and start things up again. He's the same nice guy but usually with 50% less confidence than before.
Of course this is just what I've noticed in my life and your situation might be completely different, but it always sucks to be blindsided so I'll throw in a giant WTF!!! in solidarity and hope things get wonderful for you very soon.
@martinipie Whaaaat a box of juice! WTF!
@martinipie Ugh that happened to me recently and WTF is right.
@ayo nicole &@everyone: thanks! And you know, if he turned out to be such a coward (which is always how I view men who do this) I probably didn't want to date him anyway!
@martinipie omg wtf dudes. I've been trying to adopt the "it is NOT personal" approach, which I think is accurate in about 98% of situations (at least yours, it sounds like). Still hard though.
@klibberfish &@everyone again: he just talked to me about it and basically it was the most circuitous, bullshitty way of saying "I'm just not that into you" I have heard in my whole liiiiiiffffeeeeee. Ugh.
@martinipie look all i'm asking is that everybody figure out how to navigate relationships perfectly from now on, IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK???
really. I'm being 100% sincere. Do I still have a wish left on my genie?
@martinipie So weird. Why would somebody act so into it if they're not? I guess it turns out you're well out of it, then.
Every time guys bring up how women are emotional and cray I am always "BOYS ARE SO CRAZY YOU GUYS SERIOUSLY HOW HAVE YOU NOT NOTICED THIS" and they never believe me, not ever.
Really I just want to sleep all weekend but I will be puppysitting for my parents, whose little dude Potus (he's named for the president, and he has a little flag tag on his red/white/blue collar and my mom is maybe just a little into themes) just got his snip-snip and is roaming around miserably in what has to be the world's most enormous cone of shame.
Also, an old college friend is in town and has organized something on Sunday she has titled "Sunday Funday" but will not relinquish any details beyond "it starts with Brunch!" so I'm assuming we'll start with mimosas and see what happens.
Yesterday I received a $100 check in the mail for spending two hours at IKEA last week! It was one of those market research things where we sat in a group talking about candles and then toured the IKEA candle section and gave our opinions on the experience. IKEA usually has the opposite effect on me - I go in for a random item and end up spending obscene amounts of money on "Puplis" and "Ramviks".
Also! I started a new job this week at a non-profit, and I'm learning my way around Raiser's Edge. Every time I come across the "Relationships" section I read it as "Relationshapes".
Okay, going to a show tonight (awesome); the opening band however is that of my ex-boyfriend I haven't seen in five years? I am not sure how this is going to go? Ehhhhh maybe it will be awesome. Even if not there is a train and I can escape...?
@Lenora Jane Skip the opening act?
@Lenora Jane: It's been 5 years. See it, enjoy it, toast his success if he's humble, toss a drink in his eyes if he's vindictive.
@Lenora Jane Go out to the smoking area (if your area has anti-indoor smoking ordinances) and hang out with folks. If you actually smoke it's a good way to start conversations and meet people!
@Danzig! @Too Much Internet @packedsuitcase Thank you guys; it was actually totally fine! There were no explosions of any variety and he is in a much less shitty band than when we were dating so even the music was awesomer than I thought it'd be. EXCEEDED EXPECTATIONS.
Oh ladies etc, I sure could use some support and advice today. I'm in the last semester of my two-year masters (library studies, all coursework, no thesis), and I am so. burnt. out. I've been burnt out before (I've never taken a year off between schoolings), but this is like a whole new wall of depression and paralysis and massive massive insecurity, and all my lurking-for-some-time mental health issues (I haven't been diagnosed but I have a family history of depression and almost all the symptoms of atypical depression) coming to a head. I finally went to see someone at my school's mental health services on Tuesday, but it's a two month waitlist to see a psychologist. I'm at the point where power through is just not something I feel like I can do anymore--especially with everyone saying "it's just two more months! Of course you're burnt out!" but really it's two months and then hustling to find a job--networking, sending out resumes, combing job listings, being the best possible version of myself every damn day.
I'm at the point where I just want to drop two of my four classes, spend summer and fall semester back in my hometown where I have a way stronger and less transient support network, get my shit together, work and try to make a little money, and come back in the winter to finish my degree, but it seems like an awful idea professionally, I'm worried about jeopardizing my chances at decent references, and it seems like a huge dramatic move for someone who has spent her life having a plan and toughing her way though it. I also have had a lot of profs in this program (only one or two exceptions) who are very much of the mindset that you don't get to slide in their class/this program because you don't get to slide in the real world, so I'm afraid of talking to someone in my program.
Any advice? I'm at my wits' end, and I don't know what to do. Thanks so much for listening to my whole mess.
@Marika Pea@twitter Oh my goodness, I am so sorry that things are sucking so badly for you. Is there any way you can talk to your adviser (or another prof in your department who you are close to, and is understanding?) or a career counselor at your school, who can maybe help you out with some of these things? It sounds like you are totally in a fog here, and maybe talking to someone who's in your area or a professional counselor might be able to help you out of it?
I'm sorry that's the only thing I can come up with, but I wish you the best!
@Marika Pea@twitter Oh baby. I have to run upstairs and teach my last class before Spring break. But before I go.
Big hugs.
And you sound like a person in serious need of a break. Big spring break. Then decide. This is the worst time of the year to try and decide these things because you are so tired out.
Also. I have dealt with the depression, and I feel you. So awful. So, so awful.
Can you stop doing everything but class? Fuck the work and the looking for a job and so on. You can do that next summer and fall. They can wait. Would that help?
Also, if you were my advisee, and came to me with these problems, "I have depression" would not kill your refs, esp. if I knew how hard it was for you without help from a pro.
@Marika Pea@twitter
Aagh I wrote out something and then accidentally deleted it, of course. I will try to recap: I just finished library school last spring, and it was pretty awful. I hated grad school, frankly, and I feel you about not wanting to talk to anyone in your program, because I had a terrible advisor.
I don't think it would be such a bad idea to push back your graduation--if you can, like if you can afford to. As you probably know, librarianship was hit hard by the horrible economy. I spent a merry ten months applying for jobs left and right, then gave up and moved to a different state and finally found a (low-paying, part-time) job.
Good luck with whatever you choose! I don't really have any great advice, but I understand what you're going through right now.
@Marika Pea@twitter I hated the city I was in for library school and was miserable about that and everything and considered running back home after the first semester, so I get where you are coming from. And it sucks. What helped me was actually starting the applying for jobs - I started in October of my second year and got an awesome job by Easter, to start in late May. So I knew I was getting out of there, going someplace new and exciting. And even applying for jobs was kind of fun, like imagining what my life would be like if I got that job at a museum in Brooklyn or whatever. (I did not get that job, but a different, better one. But Brooklyn would have been cool, I think.)
And lots of Bruce Springsteen. No one understands the gotta-get-out-of-here like Bruce.
If you want a sympathetic librarian to talk to, let me know!
@Marika Pea@twitter Depression + grad school is the worst combination. I have been there and it blows, completely and absolutely. If you want to talk about it you can shoot me an email (onthebound at the gmails).
And I will just say: nuclear option of leaving grad school entirely? Will probably not ruin your life.
@everyone Thanks so much, everyone, I'm sitting at my kitchen table crying into the dough I'm attempting to bake into cookies, I'm so overwhelmed with how nice and supportive you are.
A few points that might make my situation clearer:
I have student loans, but they're not astronomical (in the $20 000 range). I really don't know if I can afford to push back graduation, but on the other hand, who can afford the inevitable period of joblessness that generally follows graduation? I would definitely try to get a library-related job and work through any time I took off. I'd have to look into how that would affect paying back my loan, but presumably there are options.
I definitely want to graduate and work in the field. I work part-time at the circ desk at a local library and volunteer occasionally at another doing selection for home delivery, and most of the time (especially the days I haven't been to school first) I love it. I love working with patrons and talking about books and finding answers and the whole sense of community of a public library. Plus I have no idea what else I would do if not this (I opted for an MLIS over an MA/PhD in English because I didn't want to exacerbate my poor mental health at the end of every term for the rest of my working life). I'm in Canada, so the library job situation isn't quite as dire as in the US, though because I'm currently in Montreal and only speak basic French, my opportunities are somewhat limited. Going all the way back to my hometown would mean a better shot at jobs (no library school there, but friends who I can do some networking through), though it would involve figuring out what to do about my apartment/furniture/cat/etc, which is its own special brand of hell, though not insurmountable.
There is a prof in a different stream of my program who I took an elective with last year who was really kind and supportive when I was struggling. I hesitated going to talk to her, since she's not my advisor nor even in my stream, but maybe I will because she's both kind and pragmatic.
Thanks again. This is so scary to think about (especially when it comes to thinking about telling my parents, classmates, etc--oh god). I so appreciate the support here.
@Marika Pea@twitter Hi. I teach at a library school, got my MLIS in '07. I sometimes act as an advisor to MLIS students, and, if you were a student in our program, I would want to talk to you immediately. Right away. March and November tend to be the months where the students with whom I have formal advising relationships or simple friendships start hovering around my office door, miserable and scared and stressed because of the exit exam and the lousy job market and all that. You definitely need help and support, but I think the first, most important thing for you to know is that you are normal. This is a really common experience for people on the tail end of the MLIS. Please don't feel weird or like you just have to suck it up. Seek out those professors who are right-headed enough to provide you with a sympathetic ear and useful, supportive ways to address the things that are bothering you. I don't want to give you any specific advice about the job search or finishing school, as I don't know you and your story, but please please go talk to someone who does. Good luck.
@Marika Pea@twitter Honey. Oh, hon. One of the people I love very best in the world dropped out of school in a spectacular depression fueled flame-out. For a semester. They were crying in my arms in the aisle at Whole Foods while shopping for a camping trip. They are 6+ feet tall and weighed at the time *maybe* 145lb. They thought they left school in disgrace.
But. They got help. Their advisers were on board for them. They got help, they went back to school. They got ready to graduate. One person wrote a special letter for them to the school asking for them graduate with honors even though their GPA was .05 away from the right number because they'd worked so hard and gotten past it.
They went to grad school and are going to graduate soon and are married and still get sick sometimes, but they find they way through. They are married to a doc with $180,000 in loans and have $20,000 themselves.
It is not the end of the world. You will make a decision- any decision- and it will start to feel better.
If your mental state is really on the downswing, it is possible counseling has emergency services. You can call them back and tell them you are in really big trouble and they will magically find a place for you, I would guess. Most services have walkins for just that case.
You can do this.
And yes. The nice prof? In the other stream? Go see them before your break starts and let them know.
I never felt anything but love and sympathy for my colleagues who were going through hell. I never judged when stuff went wrong. I don't do that to students now. Ever. Because I know lots and lots of people who are going through what you are going through. And I want them to be well and succeed, and that is all I want for them, ever.
Don't be afraid of what people will say. Because if they say you are the problem and you fucked up and you are wrong, THEY are wrong and can bite me. Believe. And everyone else... they are on your team.
I promise.
If you are in MN especially, but in general, you can find me at kathleen.allison.teresa at the gmails as well, and you can jet me a note any time. And if you are in my area, we can get coffee or drinks and I will tell you to your face everything will be okay and so are you going to be.
@Marika Pea@twitter Oh my god. I was in that program too and my advisor was not helpful at all but two of the other profs were amazing. One is gone but the other is still there, doing the info literacy and bioinformatics courses, I think, and she recently wrote me a reference letter and is so nice and supportive and smart so you should talk to someone.
Also, from my experience, you don't have to work so hard there. I don't want to cast aspersions on the program or anything, but I know some really stupid and/or lazy people who graduated. And once you graduate your work experience will mean 100000x more than your grades.
@Marika Pea@twitter I finished library school in August and have gotten one interview...for a part-time job. So the real work will happen once you graduate, to be honest. Sorry to be blunt, but if you need to take the time off, you know what's best and how to take care of yourself.
Luckily I have a job, so it isn't dire that I find one, but I thought I would give you fair warning. Good luck.
@Marika Pea@twitter honestly, given the way you're feeling, if i were in your situation i would allow myself some down time. drop the courses, don't drop the courses, but either way i think moving back home and giving yourself a break for a set period of time would be so refreshing.
i say this as someone who works in mental health and if you're feeling this stressed out and anxious you're not doing your degree any favours (says someone who's so stressed out and anxious she's not doing herself any favours)
and hey, maybe just the thought that if you just push through the courses, after that you get a break, after that you're not going to think about networking blah blah blah for 2 weeks, 2 months, whatever, might be enough to help you push through for that "just 2 months" which feels (understandably) like an eternity.
You guys are amazing. I am going to leave a message for the nice prof this weekend and go see her and try to figure this out. I just got back from an extended family dinner where all anyone asked me about was school, graduation, and getting a job, and I just wanted to scream the whole time (while feigning being normal and secretly thinking "see, you can be normal, you just need to suck it up and fake it" brain hate spiral), so coming back to this support is really wonderful. I really really appreciate all thoughtful and kind things everyone has said.
The thought of telling my family and friends and doing all the mechanics of not-this-expected-of-me-thing is really scary. I know I still get really stuck on and afraid of the stigma of depression because so many people misunderstand it. The people I can talk to about this in real life still seem so few that being able to talk about this here is such a lifesaver.
@whereismyrobot Same here, except make that May of 2010, and no interviews. :-/. I too have a job, though, with benefits, but I'd love to actually use the degree. I'm tied down to where I am living, though, due to family issues. I think if you're willing and able to move far away it's a bit easier to find something.
@Marika Pea@twitter I was more or less where you are, but for half of my junior and half of my senior years in undergrad. I totally know the brain hate spiral you're talking about.
I ended up just powering through, and overall I don't regret the decision for myself, but the consequences were that I was completely nonfunctional for six months, and then only half functional for another six, and sort of okay for another six, and now I feel like myself, pretty much, which is sort of amazing because I don't think I really HAD felt like myself since maybe the summer of 2009.
I should say that I was able to get where I am now as quickly as I did because I was in therapy like four times a week with two different therapists and I got on meds for my bipolar disorder.
This is all a long way of getting to say that I definitely, DEFINITELY think you need to take time off at some point--whether it's now or after graduation I think is entirely up to you. I refused to let myself take the time or even admit that maybe I had a right not to be constantly miserable, and it ended in some giant flameouts that I really, deeply regret. If you need to take the time off now, then take it. Move home and do the work you love at libraries and book fairs and stuff, hopefully to help remind you why you're doing all this, and just be kind to yourself for a while.
If you really just want to finish and THEN worry about all this, that is what I did, and it worked out okay for me. Taking care of yourself is the right decision, and the hard decision to make; how you go about it is everything that comes after. Take that part one thing at a time.
@Marika Pea@twitter You can talk to your classmates, too. I was miserable on my own through the whole first year and then some friends started talking about how they were unhappy there too, and suddenly we had our own little safe space. You sound really afraid that your friends will think less of you, but really, they won't. (Especially not in Montreal this time of year - at the very least most people have a little SAD going on and stress about school and jobs and life on top of that too.)
@Marika Pea@twitter I maybe didn't read everyone's advice carefully so maybe someone has already said this. I had this very same thing happen to me at grad school (I know a bunch of people who have) and always there was a big wait to meet with a counselor at student health. The way around it is, you are an emergency. I know it's scary to say that and maybe it doesn't feel true to you, but you need to talk with someone asap or you might drop out or self destruct. So tell them it's an emergency and I bet they can meet with you this week.
I go visit my Dudefriend next week and I am freaking the heck out. For serious.
Freak out the first: We have not seen each other in person since we met almost 5 months ago.
Freak out the second: I have nothing to wear.
Freak out the third: I don't deal well with cold and Dudefriend is in Northeast England. Also, see Freak out the second.
Freak out the fourth: What if it goes horribly?
Freak out the fifth: What if it goes wonderfully?
So. Any advice on what to wear? I would like cute and warm and able to hide a knee brace if at all possible. And he has mandated dresses. Which I have said do not go well with said knee brace, but you know. He is all adorably excited and I want to do this but seriously, this knee brace.
@packedsuitcase
Fleece-lined leggings are warm and go with dresses! I don't know how compatible they;d be with your knee brace, though.
@packedsuitcase : Ohhhh, I hear you.
Get these: http://www.sockdreams.com/products/socks/tights/lined-micro-fleece-tights
And go to Target and get one of their insulating tanks in the lingerie section--they're made by Cuddlduds, and they're AWESOME. Also, knee-high boots are shockingly warm, particularly if you wear socks and tights.
Get a warm hat, a warm scarf, and gloves--wool, cashmere, or angora--seriously, they are the warmest.
Also, Wal-Mart has those little hand warmers that you can put in your pockets, or in your boots, and they last for *hours*.
Do you have a good wool coat? No? Find a consignment store in your area for cheaper possibilities, or go to JCrew--their Lady Day in Thinsulate is on sale--it's still pricey, but a good coat will last you *years*.
Good luck!!!
@OxfordComma Nooooooo those tights don't come in my size! Damn being tall. Damn it to hell.
But yes! I have a good wool coat (of the JCrew doublecloth with Thinsulate variety, even)! I just didn't know if it would maybe be overkill? But it is so warm. And lady-like. On the plus side, winter stuff is on sale everywhere. Gah.
@OxfordComma I wear my knee brace with tights and Sock Dreams thigh-high socks all the time - tights first, then the knee brace, then the socks to cover it up. It looks a little bulky but whatever, sometimes my knee hurts and there are a lot of stairs in subway stations.
And use the cold as a way to be all, hey, let's cuddle all the time because shared body heat is good, wink wink.
@packedsuitcase : Look at their other ones--I believe their cotton tights can go supah-tall.
And *totally* bring your coat. It's worth it to not be cold! :)
@Phlox: Yeaaaaah, girl.
@packedsuitcase
If you're too tall for tights, they have some super warm thigh-high socks! Plus then you could get a sexy garter and then ;) etc.
Guyyyyyssss....I am in the longest conference call EVER. Halp!
@Ophelia Can I interest you in an Avengers/Muppets trailer mashup?
@Daisy Razor Why yes, yes you can!
@Ophelia How about pictures of Neil DeGrasse Tyson as a child? (I'm just linking to things that have amused me today. I have no idea if you have any interest in celebrity astrophysicists.)
@Daisy Razor Oddly, (or not, if you knew how much he loves talking about any combination of Carl Sagan and Jodie Foster), I was just talking about Neil DeGrasse Tyson with my husband the other day! I will pass this along!
My grandmother passed away on Tuesday and on Wednesday she got in the mail a red-light camera ticket that she had "earned" before her final hospitalization. After much debate, my mother and I decided we probably have to pay it, right?
@Alixana Sorry about your grandmother :(
(hugs!)
@Alixana I'm sorry about your grandma.
And I feel like you should be able to get away with not paying since, you know, recent loss and all. But I doubt the courts work like that. :(
@Alixana: Uh, no. I am 99.9% sure that fines like that stay with their owners, not the estate. You will have to have it resolved, though. If you do nothing the notices will pile up until an automatic warrant is issued and the annoyance at getting it fixed will increase. Try calling your county DMV first, you may very well be able to resolve this over the phone.
@Too Much Internet See, that's exactly what I thought, but the Florida DMV's website says that it's the car that earns the ticket, not the driver (and we are keeping the car). I am going to deal with it in person when I go down next week.
(And thanks, everyone.)
@Alixana I don't actually know the laws enough to say this with certainty, but I don't think you have to. I don't think debt is transferred down the family like money is. It was your grandma's ticket, not yours.
@Alixana I am so sorry about your grandma, but I bet that you don't have to pay the ticket.
@Alixana : So so sorry about your grandma. :(
It sounds horrible, but take in a copy of the death certificate, in case they require it.
@Alixana I'm sorry about your grandmother. Can you keep the photo? I kind of like having one last random photo of a person going about her day.
Screw you, ticket camera! I'm using you for other means.
@Alixana I'm so sorry about your grandma. Hugs.
@Alixana Oh, man, I'm sorry about your grandma.
As I recall, Florida red-light cameras issue tickets that are functionally non-moving violations, because the camera doesn't demonstrate who was driving (needed for a moving violation, since those attach to the driver). So no points go on the license and it doesn't get reported to the insurance company, but it does get attached to the car rather than the person. If you're keeping the car, you're almost certainly stuck with the ticket, unless you want to risk it being towed or them snagging you with the ticket and late fees next time the tags come up for renewal.
@Alixana I know nothing about car things, but I'm sorry to hear this too!
My co-worker is having a "girly night" with a few of my fellow lady coworkers at her place tonight, complete with froofy drinks and dumb romantic comedies. I think I may bring up the idea of reliving sleepovers from my girlhood by playing MASH. Anyone remember that game? My favorite was playing MASH using "bad" answers (such as Garbage Truck in the "Future Car" category), and running the risk of marrying DreamBoy but having the career of Amusement Park Mascot-Suit-Wearer.
@olivebee I thought you HAD to have half bad answers. That's how I always played it. Like, you got three careers you liked but then had to pick three you HATED.
Lemons! You should also totally play Lemons, which is kind of the dirtier version of MASH.
@Poubelle
Oooh what is Lemons?
@olivebee Yes! I loved MASH and played it all the time. Always with a new crush. Fun!
@olivebee I always added categories. They got more elaborate as I got older and continued to make people play: mid-life crisis (prison pen-pal, affair with poolboy, ill-conceived tattoo), drug of choice, number of spouses, etc. This went on into college, I'm pretty sure.
@Poubelle OMG I forgot about Lemons!! Thank you for reminding me! On school field trips with long bus rides, my friends and I would sit at the back of the bus and sneakily play Lemons using boys in our class.
@DH@Twitter Lemons is like MASH, but you make a list of 5 boys, 5 body parts, and 5 things you can do to a lemon (suck, squeeze, lick, etc.) and then you randomly assign numbers to each list. Then matching numbers make a statement like "John Smith is going to squeeze my boobs." We'd played this a lot in middle school....so dirty!
@olivebee DO IT. MASH was, is still, and always will be, totally fun and enjoyable for all ages. And yes, the correct ("correct") way to play it is for you to pick two 'good' answers you want, and your friends to pick two 'bad' minefield answers.
@olivebee How did I never hear about Lemons!? 1997-2001 could have been even more silly.
@olivebee
I AM GOING TO PLAY THIS. Maybe at the next Pin-Up. With actors maybe? Politicians?
@DH@twitter [Rick Santorum] is going to [stick] this lemon [up his own ass] and [squeeze]. Fun for everybody!
@DH@twitter Olivebee already explained, though in the version I learned, you also did locations, like closet or balcony or garage or "this room! tee hee hee!" So John Smith would squeeze your boobs in the band room.
Don't do it on your actual band trip unless you want to laugh so loud that the band teacher bangs on the hotel door to yell at you. This may be less of problem when you're not 15.
i'm sick and i have to take a redeye tonight to go meet with my caterer tomorrow FOR MY WEDDING YOU GUYS.
@Jane Marie Aaaah, get lost, sickness! Have you found your dress?
Drink so many fluids! Always a go-to for helping when sick, but also really a good idea on flights, cause the having to get up and pee a lot helps prevent getting so uncomfortably stiff/water retention/possible leg blood clots that occur on plane trips.
@Jane Marie : WEDDING!!!!!!
*ahem*
Sorry. Got carried away.
Take sinus-clearing meds before you fly--
maybe they'll make you sleepy enough that you won't feel so anxious?
Also.
I'm a florist.
Talk to me, Jane. :D
thanks guys! i'm also sleeping all day. except for this hour right here.
@Jennifer Culp i did! i bought the one that made edith cry.
@OxfordComma SUCCULENTS. ARTICHOKES. SEA FANS. DEAD ORGANIC MATTER OF ALL SORTS. and maybe a few sticks?
@Jane Marie AAAHH feel better soon! And omg caterers. SO EXCITING! I am currently hoarding caterer names (sidenote: any suggestions for Atlanta-area caterers who make delicious food and are also affordable are welcome, fellow 'Pinners!)
@Jane Marie : GLORIOUS.
I made a bouquet for my friend in November that involved thistles, protea, and a fuzzy Jurassic looking flower. I wanted to get kale in there, but alas! The grocery store was out of it!
Is your wedding in LA or elsewhere?
@Jane Marie JANE! jane! how did I miss that you were getting married!!! and caterers - UGH! I think we're going to use the best man's father's restaurant as a kitchen to cook it all ourselves, and have his catering company serve it to save money. yes, we are that cheap. good luck! don't pass out at the sticker shock!
So it's not just me that keeps looking at artichokes and wanting to make an arrangement with them? But then, they are delicious, and I eat them instead...
@Jane Marie This might sound insane, but are you willing to say who your fiance is? I ask because I remember you referring once to your boyfriend being a comedian. I am ob.sessed. with stand up comedy, so I'm wondering if I know him.
@Jane Marie OMG JANE. Did I miss the whole Jane's-getting-married thread? Is this a recent thing?
Flying when sick is the worst. Ugh. Sorry. Zinc! Take zinc supplements.
@Jane Marie Congratulations. How wonderful.
@OxfordComma Tell me more about this fuzzy jurassic looking flower...
@OxfordComma heyy Heyy fellow florist! ;)
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher : Here they is: http://pinterest.com/pin/1688918579871161/
@heyad : Whut Whut!
i would like to retroactively add "learn more intimate details about the editors" to my list of things i'd like to see from the hairpin
therefore, i hope a DRESS SHOPPING~! post is coming up sometime in the near future
@OxfordComma WHOA I WANT THEM.
I'm going on real vacation for the first time in 2.5 years (5 if you don't count a wedding in another country) and I am so essite! But also nervous! Am I going to burn down/blow up the apartment if I try to use my weird travel hairdryer? Miss a connecting flight? Get kidnapped by pirates? Aah!
@MollyculeTheory where are you going???? have so much fun!
@heyits Marseille! Has anyone been there? What is there to do besides drink a lot of pastis/wine and eat seafood? (That is pretty much my current plan).
@MollyculeTheory I've been! There are a bunch of forts, which are kind of cool. If the boat to the islands (I forget their names) is running, go! The jail where the "Count of Monte Cristo" was kept is SOOOOOO cool (on one of the islands)! Also, visit the basilica on the hill. The big one. It's really pretty inside - "sailor" themed. Take the bus unless you're into urban hiking because that is one heck of a steep hill.
Also if you're around for a while, take the train to Aix for a day, or maybe to some other small seaside town... Cassis, Cannes, maybe Nice.
@MollyculeTheory Hi! I was just there! I, too, would definitely recommend hiking up to the church, Notre Dame de la Garde. The other thing I really liked was taking a boat tour of the Calanques; or you can take the 21 bus to Luminy and hike out. There are a lot of good restaurants and bars around Cours Julien/Place Jean Jaures. Bon Voyage!
Sex diary, day 482: No sex. The sexual landscape is a sparse veldt in the lean months. A skeleton of some dead desire is seen off in the distance, it's bones bleaching in the dull, unyielding sun.
I fashion a crude spear from a dry, twisted tree branch and jagged rock. The Friday Night ritual will begin soon; I will migrate to the Night Spots, in clumsy pursuit of the gazelle that sometimes congregate there.
@Too Much Internet
Pssst:
Try a smoother spear
@Too Much Internet is it wrong that i started laughing at "sparse veldt" and didn't stop
also "its" not "it's" (since I know @atipofthehat was just itching to)
@redheaded&crazy
I'm gonna assume this is at least part of his problem:
http://www.girlswithslingshots.com/comic/gws-849/
@Inkcrafter ahahaha that comic is actually great. most especially the part where dude leaves his bandana on.
it's part of the look ya know. (btw i have never heard of this comic before)
My front door was jammed for a week and my landlord decided to ignore our calls, so no mail for a week. When he finally fixed it, I got a shipment of fun bras and things (Gilly Hicks racerback bras, love) and some stuff so my roller derby gear doesn't smell too horrible. But the stuff smells a little horrible when I spray it, so I'm focusing on the first delivery for now...
Also, in less good news, I Fucked Up (capital letters y'all) at work and I'm worried I'm going to be fired and I'm kind of having a panic attack.
@alphabiddycity I hope you're not! Deep breaths and many hugs.
@alphabiddycity It could turn out great! If they do fire you, ask HR to characterize it as a layoff (for unemployment).
@laurel @whateverlolawants I don't think they actually will... but it wouldn't be completely implausible and it is making me very nervous.
I decided to drop a college course because the instructor (who is female) related a story in which she expressed a disgust for "fat chicks". The mainly male class thought this was hilarious. As a "fat chick", I did not. The class is not required for my degree, so that is fine, but the instructor works in an industry I was hoping to join.
So now I am reconsidering joining a male dominated industry, in which both sexism and being judged for my weight will be present (video game industry), if even the women who work there adopt these attitudes.
@Awesomely Nonfunctional Really good gaming industry FAQ from a lady on the inside: http://www.meagan-marie.com/faq/faq-game-industry-advice/
Sounds like it can be ROUGH on women, and that's a damn shame.
@Awesomely Nonfunctional COMPLAIN COMPLAIN COMPLAIN. This shit shouldn't happen. Reconsider all you want, but don't let one person's shitty little remark change your cherished plans. Unfortunately, these kinds of attitudes can show up anywhere (although I do agree that the video game industry probably has more than its fair share, and I wouldn't blame you for wanting to avoid it altogether.)
@whateverlolawants It did get reported, but I'm still not going to stay in a class where I feel uncomfortable. Especially since it doesn't count towards my degree!
@Awesomely Nonfunctional That is totally unacceptable behavior on the teacher's part. If there's any way to report her behavior to a dean or superior anonymously, I'd do it.
And don't give up on video games if you really want to go into that field! My husband and a bunch of his friends work in that industry, and no one that he works with would say something like that. Or laugh at it. (And the chicks who work at his company are sooooo awesome!)
@Awesomely Nonfunctional Yes, I really do hope something comes of you reporting it. UNACCEPTABLE JUICEBOX LADY.
@Awesomely Nonfunctional Oh yeah, I'd drop that class like it was hot too. Glad you reported it. Sorry if I got all preachy.
@Awesomely Nonfunctional Left out in my first comment: I am so sorry this happened to you. I'm sitting here with a case of THE RAGE just thinking about it.
@SarahP I'm sooo conflicted about it! Even if I work with awesome people, there are bound to be the occasional assholes. And also, based on recent evidence, it is likely that the internet/gaming community will judge me.
Example A
Not sure I can handle that level of vitriol. If you are attractive you get sexually harassed, if you are not...you get harassed and called names based on your lack of attractiveness. Double edged sword here.
@Awesomely Nonfunctional There are occasional assholes everywhere, though. And I'm sure you'd be playing games even if you were't making them--and there's so much more anti-female vitriol in gaming communities than there is in any face-to-face office interaction. And being in the industry would give you the chance to make games more lady-friendly!
(I totally understand where you're coming from, though--please don't take my pep talk for a dismissal of your concerns!]
@Awesomely Nonfunctional WE JUST USED THE WORD VITRIOL AT THE SAME TIME TWIIIIIINS.
@SarahP Vocabulary twins! awesome :)
You make a great point, being able to make games that would help influence better attitudes toward ladies is an awesome motivator.
I'm also worried about not getting hired based on appearance...
@Awesomely Nonfunctional Again, I don't think the game industry is worse than any other industry in that light. And I bet you are so awesome, and you can write an awesome enough resume (thanks the the Hairpin) that you can be confident you are the person for the job!
...also these companies tend to have so many guys that they would often like to hire ladies to make their company look more fair on paper. (As long as the ladies are qualified.)
@Awesomely Nonfunctional Write your dean. That? NOT COOL.
@SarahP Um, did you see what happened to Bioware writer Jennifer Hepler two weeks ago on Twitter? I dunno if I would say that.
@Megan Patterson@facebook What would you not have said that I said? I pointed out that "there's so much more anti-female vitriol in gaming communities than there is in any face-to-face office interaction" that I think she shouldn't judge the gaming industry based on this professor. And the Jennifer Hepler incident is a bit of the same--one should not blame the industry (in response to it all, BioWare not only supported her, but donated money to anti-bullying organizations) just because there are jerky people who play games.
Stressful! My douchebaggy office manager found out that he had gotten some bad reviews on his 360 review, and I think he's been trying to figure out who did it. The thing is, we all did it. He got unanimously bad reviews because he's objectively terrible. So he cornered me when I was the last one in the office and asked if I had done the review and if I wanted to talk to him about anything and if I could meet with him for coffee next week to "discuss things" and I guess did the same to some of my other coworkers. He then told another of my coworkers, who he seems to feel is his special friend, that if we wouldn't talk to him he'd assume we gave him the bad reviews. The thing is that I would give him feedback, but I've tried before and all he does is ask for examples, then insist that whatever example is justified for whatever reason and he doesn't hear anything! Next week's going to be uncomfortable, too.
@MilesofMountains yiiikkkeessss I do not envy you.
@MilesofMountains: Holy heck. Can you go to his manager with this totally not good behavior?
@MilesofMountains That seems like it shouldn't be allowed! The whole point of anonymous reviews is that people can't bully you about them. Definitely go higher if you can.
@Too Much Internet One of my coworkers kind of actually did? But this guy is a black hole of time-sucking and pulls annoying crap all the time, and we're in a small satellite office so the higher ups kind of just acknowledge that we're right that he's being shitty then go back to trying to ignore him. At least, despite the title "manager" he doesn't have any real power.
Next weekend I am doing a scavenger hunt for 826CHI (writing center for teens/children) that is spy themed, so tonight (friday) I am hosting a happy hour fundraiser, wherein every person who donates at least $5 to my goal gets a spy disguise and spy name. I have $30 worth of moustaches and eye patches in my purse right now and it's AWESOME! So, if you are in chicago, can get to Side Street Saloon, and want to get in on the fun, just show up at 6:30 and look for your fellow spies! It could even be like a mini-pin up, as I have on authority at least one other 'Pinner plans to stop by.
Or, if you're not in Chicago and maybe have $2+ dollars to throw our way, head on over here and make it so! 826CHI is the best, y'all.
Also, apologies for the solicitation, but I am assuming some of you Pinners are supporters of the 826's in your hood. So write on!
Apologies if all the Mitford fans have already seen this, but Debo on Charlie Rose!
@Decca Thank you! I linked to Diana's interview in the archives of Desert Island Discs a while ago.. lots of Wagner
I got a postcard this week from Puerto Rico from my friend Jacqui who I met in Ecuador. She was born in South Africa, moved to New Zealand, and now lives in Austalia. Last week I got a postcard from Malaysia from my friend Casey who is from Indiana like me, but teaches English in China now. Very international time for my mailbox. Oh, I also got a check. But it was made out to my dad... thanks...
Just got home from work! So much drama today! So much other stuff I won't talk about for fear of jinxing myself!
So I played with the Windows 8 preview this week and basically decided that Microsoft is letting me down here. (I know, they are Microsoft.) This is a laptop, with a mouse and a keyboard and stuff. I would like to be able to use Windows 8 on this thing. As it stands, I cannot. It's a pretty interface and I like the way it works, but a lot of it is not friendly to traditional computer input. What do you mean, "gestures"? THIS IS A LAPTOP. I'll give you a gesture.
On the bright side, my duvet cover finally came! (Was supposed to come yesterday; I suspect that the UPS guys who find Puppy so hilarious don't find her as funny when they have to come in the yard with her in it.) I'm going to pop some popcorn and go see if said cover actually fits on my comforter. Cross your fingers for me! #LAMOB
So I mentioned this in the Sadie Hawkins thread BUT I asked out the guy I have a crush on! I'm hosting couch surfers right now and they're playing a show in my city tonight and I invited my crush to the show and he's coming! (I am excited)
@spoondisaster: This sounds like an awesome set of events. :)
@Too Much Internet Thank you! It is pretty awesome.
@spoondisaster
Give us updates!!
@Inkcrafter He ended up not being able to come to the show, which is okay, because I was with a bunch of people and it was loud and was hosting the after party (the Lemonheads came to my apartment!) so it wouldn't have been great for ~getting cozy~ but we are going to do something when I get back from spring break. I hope he's not vegan or vegetarian because I really want to take him to my favorite Spanish-speakers-only taco joint. He is seriously the most attractive man I have ever seen in real life and it is terrifying.
@spoondisaster
What are you doing after Spring Break? What does he look like?
(DO HIM IN THE BUTT.)
@Inkcrafter He is skinny, maybe 5'10" (I am 5'7" and he's a lil bit taller than me) and he has this beautiful short ginger beard and short brown hair and is kind of muscly (he does judo apparently) but in a toned way, not an overwhelming way. I knew him a few years ago when we, uh, did some business together, but I don't think he remembers. We ran into each other a few months ago and reacquainted ourselves and then I decided I want to bone him (or uh be boned by him, as I am a lady) and now I've asked him out.
His dog just had PUPPIES so I am also going to play with them at some point. I don't know what our date will be, we just agreed on a "rain check" since he couldn't get to the show. I want to take him to my favorite hidden taco joint.
ok i would love to talk about him allll day but the tipoff for the duke/unc game is in like 15 minutes and i must be there. thanks for caring, internet pals!
@spoondisaster
JUDO. That alone is the best. Geddit girl!!
@Inkcrafter thanks! and a dude asked me out last night-- i don't know what's going on, there must be something in the water, because the last two weeks it's just been raining fellas in my life. it is normal.
Best mail day ever! I'm an expat and don't get a ton of mail..ok, i almost never get mail. But today I got a present from my stepsister and it was so good it made my cry: she used one of those online photo services to make me a calendar, and put the best pictures throughout. Like for February, she put pictures of me & my husband (she's never even met him, aw - she just found some pics on Facebook). For March, which is my birthday month, she got family to hold up a happy birthday sign. The awesomeness continues all year long and I am so touched and pleased and homesick but happy. Yay mail!
@Kulojam that is so thoughtful and totally would have made me cry/feel homesick!
I'm not really sure where else to ask about this, but I'm hoping some hairpinners will be able to help me out!
I'm a college student in NYC taking a Health Media class, and I have to conduct an in-person interview someone "who has a particular relationship to health" that I find interesting and then create a monologue from said interview (I know, cool assignment, right?)
I'd really like to talk to someone who either identifies with the Health At Every Size community OR who is "overweight," "fat," "obese," however they want to identify AND makes an effort to lead a healthy lifestyle. There's been some fat shaming in my class and I think this is a really important perspective to bring to the table!
Anyway, if you're a 'pinner who fits that description OR you know someone who might want to chat with me, we can exchange contact info and I can tell you more about the project. Let me know if you want to help!
@klemay Oh, I hope my best friend @SheWhoReadsInSkirts comes and talks to you, I'll try to point here here if she doesn't see it herself. She's HAES and a dancer and I'm sure will have great things to say!
@klemay WHAT UP. I am fat and all over the HAES stuff. Let's talk.
@figwiggin Oh my goodness. You and @SheWhoReadsInSkirts are both awesome. Thanks for pointing her in this direction... she sounds awesome!
@anachronistique Ohh! Email me, please? k.lemay@nyu.edu
@klemay Me! Me! Pick me!
@klemay ARGH I just realized the in-person part. I can't read. I am sadly NOT in NYC but would be happy to talk with you about this stuff over the phone or Skype or email?
@paddlepickle See my email address above! I'd love to chat with more than one person because sometimes schedules don't line up, or someone might change their minds... Totally get in touch! Thanks for reaching out!
@klemay Oh. I can't read either. I just saw HAES and got excited. :( I'm sorry!
@figwiggin @anachronistique Unfortunately my prof is requiring that we do the interview in-person, but thank you so, so much for your interest. @paddlepickle, are you in NYC?
@klemay I am in NYC! When do you need to do the interview, though? I've got sort of a crazy week coming up and then I'm going to be out of town for two weeks. . .
@paddlepickle Oh, I have to perform the monologue in May, so really just sometime before the end of April. Will you have access to email while you're away? Maybe we could correspond that way (I can tell you more about the project, etc) and then just find a time to meet when you're back and less busy?
@klemay Sorry! I will also check with my New York-based friends.
I would so do that if it was allowed online.
My OKC profile is dying to be used in a hilarious/no-nonsense way for just this sort of purpose.
I spent February doing this writing-letters-every-day thing that author Mary Robinette Kowal suggested her fans get into. It sort of fell apart at the end (I owe letters to five or six people, still), but I got such a sweet response from the readers of my blog! And have gotten fun letters from ladies in China, England, Ireland, and France, not to mention other places in the US! It warms my little heart, the sweet people that are out there, and I will keep mailing everybody. <3
my boyfriend just messaged me with a screenshot of a comment I left on the HP and he said:
bf:I SEE YOU
me: WHAT
bf:you send me stuff from there
bf: i clikced the beer article
Now my bf has found me on the Hairpin.
@ginalouise: Time for a parachute account!
@Too Much Internet I feel all oddly exposed, like a naked molerat.
@ginalouise In the immortal words of Cathy, AACK
@ginalouise This is my worst nightmare.
@ginalouise I have sometimes thought of changing my name on here from Lauren, just to make there be another layer of stealth... not that Lauren is an uncommon name, but I am pretty generous with identifying details, and I kinda like having an internet corner to hang out in w/o worrying about what I say getting back to my real life life.
@mackymoo I'm so glad that my boyfriend can barely work a computer...
@ginalouise Ah! And now I am too! He is more of an Awl man, but reads here too. And my name/avatar are highly identifiable if you are about to marry me...
WHAT HAS HE SEEN?
@bitzy EVERYTHING
@ginalouise aw but the way he spelled "clicked" is just too endearing.
btw i just clicked on your name and went through your entire comment history and there's really not too much to hide ;)
Feelings time!
My gentlemanfriend, who I've been with for two years and lived with for a few months, announced to me last night that he plans to spend a year or so working at his friend's nonprofit charity thing, a school in South Africa. He does not understand why I am not entirely on board with this. "It's just a plane ride away!" he kept saying.
This is not the first time he has threatened to run away somewhere: Just two weeks after we moved in together, he told me he was applying to grad schools in Texas (we're in the Pacific Northwest).
He doesn't see why I'm upset that he wants to leave, that I'm not being supportive, etc. The thing is -- as a friend, as someone who loves the heck out of this guy -- yeah, I want you to go chase after your dreams, wherever they take you. But as a girlfriend -- I am less excited. (I love my city, I love my job and just happened to get a raise and a promotion yesterday. [He told me he was taking me out to celebrate my promotion, and that's when he makes his Africa announcement: Over MY CELEBRATION MARGARITAS. HUMPH.])
So -- what happens now, if I'm here and he runs away to South Africa for a year? Do I stay with him and wait it out -- or is that pathetic? It feels pathetic.
The thing is, he is so The Guy for me that I have always felt like if things didn't work out with him, well, then, I will just quit the whole relationship thing and, I don't know, adopt a lot of cats.
Internet strangers, I'd love your thoughts. I haz a sad :(
@dahlface Ohhh man. That is tough. Did he invite you to come along at all? It would be hard enough if he was just moving across the US without you, but to an entirely different continent....I don't even know. It also seems very weird to me that he did not discuss this with you until he actually made a decision. Why didn't he ever say "hey dahlface, so-and-so invited me to work at his nonprofit in Africa for a year. I'm interested, can we talk about it?" - the fact that he didn't ask for your feelings, but just told you this life-changing plans and expects you to accept them, is the real red flag to me. Like he doesn't take your relationship seriously.
@dahlface Hmm. It seems strange to me that he makes these decisions and just tells you about them after, rather than discussing with you that he would like to do them before he begins the planning? You've been with him for long enough that I feel like you should be part of the beginning stages of such enormously life-altering plans, not just told at the end of them!
I feel like... if he is hell-bent on going to South Africa and also he is The Guy for you, if I were in your place I'd have the major sads as well but I would ultimately tell him to do what he wants to do and that I would support him.
Other question: can you entertain the idea of going with him to South Africa? Is that a feasible option?
@dahlface I'm so sorry you haz a sad.
He's right, in that it is only one year and only a "plane ride away." I think these situations are always more manageable when you have an idea of when it will end. And I think it is really important to have a conversation about what the relationship is worth to both of you and the extent to which you're both willing to commit. I'm in a not totally dissimilar situation and the best thing has been for us to express how important we are to each other and how we'll navigate the rest with that in mind.
It's not pathetic to "wait it out" and it's not even necessarily waiting it out, you're boyfriend will just be in South Africa for a while.
@ginalouise Yeah, but he could've discussed this a bit earlier, no? Now it's "oh yeah, btw I'm going to Africa for a month, kthnxbye". Having your boyfriend leave for another country for a year should not be a problem. Him not discussing these plans? That's just not on.
@dahlface Derp, I should clarify: He actually WAS telling me about it to discuss it with me. He's a nicer dude than I made him out to be in my initial post. @ginalouise, honestly, your thoughts are the ones I am paying attention to, because that's kind of the advice I was hoping for. I suppose I do just need to clarify what he means to me, and what I mean to him, before this South African adventure happens.
@disgruntled co-worker Well of course that is not on, but based on the rest of her letter and how The Guy he seems to be, that seemed less important here. Make no mistake, if someone sprung that on me in such a cavalier fashion, I'd be PISSED.
@dahlface It will be so worth every ounce of discomfort you may experience to have these conversations with him. For me, the greater question was whether or not I was being valued and considered and how I was going to fit in (if it all). In the end though, the biggest question continues to be what feels right for me and if the relationship can work in that context.
@dahlface FOLLOW YOUR HEART. I vote don't end things just because he's moving away. A year is long, and it very well might be hard, but if you really love him and there's an end date, I think that's what counts. YMMV, but long distance doesn't have to be hell.
@.Lauren. *sniff* Thanks, all of you lovely Internet strangers :)
@dahlface I'm mid-breakup surrounding issues tangentially related: my guy had planned to move and then there was a semi-Opportunity of a Lifetime and he took the opportunity instead of moving to my city. It turned out that as much as he loves me, he was not ready to make me a priority in his life in the way that I thought he should. This is a preface to: take my advice with a hunk of salt, because it's based on a personal situation that is really raw. (And I thought he was The Guy, too. He still could be! But he has to decide that I'm worth making decisions around.)
There is no shame in waiting the year out. There is no shame in saying, yes, this is what I want, this is an unexpected bump in the road, and I'm OK with it. Only a plane ride away is true, although that assumes that you both have a level of financial ease and time to make intercontinental trips to visit each other possible. So if that's what you want to do, go for it! If what you're worried about is what other people will think, well, if you're happy, fuck them! They don't know you, they don't know your relationship, and if they're judging you, they obviously just need more to keep them busy in their own life.
But. "As a friend, as someone who loves the heck out of this guy -- yeah, I want you to go chase after your dreams, wherever they take you. But as a girlfriend -- I am less excited." This is the key dichotomy. When you love someone, really love them, you want what's best for them, and you don't want them to hold you back. But you do need to acknowledge that your own needs are important. Long distance doesn't have to be difficult, but if your needs aren't being met in the relationship, no matter how much you love him, it won't work. It's completely possible to love someone to shreds and want them to chase their dreams and still have them -- or the circumstances -- not be right for you. If you're not getting what you need, you won't be happy.
You might not be able to tell whether you are until you're well into this.
I do think it's startling that you are living together, that he didn't discuss this with you before presenting it as a fait accompli, and that he's pissed at you for being upset about it. I think you should, in a neutral way, ask why he didn't include you -- the person he's living with -- in this decision, and whether you'll be able to plan together for what happens when he gets back. (What if he loves it out there and wants to stay? What if you get an unexpected opportunity while he's gone? Don't torment yourself with these possibilities, but a lot can change in a year!) Relationships shouldn't be about "take it or leave it" decisions. Talk about it early and often. That's my best advice.
And good luck! Remember Steinbeck's letter to his son on love: "nothing good gets away."
@Emma Peel EEK! I love that letter. And I normally hate Steinbeck...
@dahlface Plan a trip to see him. No joke. I'm currently in an LDR and it was unbearable when we didn't have a visit scheduled. Truly. Distance isn't really something to be scared of - it improves your communication, it strengthens your faith in each other, and it gives you a chance to do the things you really want to do without having to worry about being caught eating an entire box of Samoas in one sitting.
Yes, it's also hard and scary and difficult. There will be hiccups. There will be stress. There will be days when he's exhausted and you talk for 5 minutes and he is falling asleep and you hang up and cry your eyes out. But it's still worth it.
ALSO. Video chat. Skype, FaceTime, oovoo, whatever. It is vital.
@dahlface He actually WAS telling me about it to discuss it with me. He's a nicer dude than I made him out to be in my initial post.
Ah, well, that does change the situation :) Somewhat (that gradschool-thing?). But, as everyone else has said more eloquently: talk. Find out what your place in his life is and ask yourself if you can live with the outcome.
I lost my engagement ring. I am so sad and mad. I am so smad!
@anknee OH NO!! What happened?
@anknee oh noooo! I hope it turns up! What happened?
@KeLynn I put it in my pocket to do the dishes and then did laundry. So hopefully it is in my house? I am not a person who loses things! I'm not even married yet. :(
@anknee This is a top fear. I hope you find it! ETA: It's IN THE HOUSE! It's in the house! Oh thank god it's in the house. Take that damn washing machine apart. Look in your purse 100 times even if you definitely already looked in/shook your purse 10 times and so did your fiancé (this is how I found lost keys this week)
@anknee Ahh that sucks, but yes, in the house is good! It is in the house and you will find it! I totally second the recommendation to look in everything 100 times.
@OhMarie If it's in the house, I'd actually go do something else for awhile -- I find that clearing my head in some way makes me a lot more likely to remember stuff I've blocked on. Take deep breaths, go for a walk, or something. Wherever it is, it's not going anywhere as long as it's in your house!
@anknee Ohman, I'm so sorry! This is where there really needs to be a ctrl + F for reality! BUT, one thing you can try is taking your vacuum and use the nozzle attachment, but tie a t-shirt or thin piece of material taught over the suction. The thin material will stop the ring from going in the vacuum, but it should still be powerful enough to grab anything ring-sized.
Go over every crevice in your house with the t-shirt vacuum method! I have found so many little earrings this way!
Godspeed!
Tomorrow I am going shopping for my first *motorcycle helmet*!!! I'm taking a motorcycle class in April. Then, assuming it is as fun as I think it will be, I will buy a motorcycle and join a gang.
Also, according to weather.com a very bad storm is coming our way (complete with tornados) and I can't get out of work early enough to make it home by the time it is predicted to hit my neighborhood and I'm worried about my dog. She's outside in the yard and while I think/hope she will be *safe* but I just think she is going to lose her shit with fright. She is old and blind and increasingly upsetable as she gets older. ughhhh
@KeLynn: I ride and am a gear nut; are you taking the MSF? I can give you lots of tips and an overview of what they'll do. Email me at fcjunk@gmail.com if you have any q's (or we could back and forth here.)
@Too Much Internet Not the MSF specifically, but a program Ohio has that is very similar from what I understand. I can't think of any specific questions right now - it's 3 days (1 classroom, 2 days on a bike) and everybody I know who's taken it says they go over EVERYTHING which is perfect because I am all about Listening To Professionals Even If You Think You Already Know Everything.
@KeLynn: 1 class and 2 range days sounds exactly like the Basic Rider Course of the MSF... do you get your motorcycle endorsement at the end?
@KeLynn Tornado Thread! I'm just sitting in my apartment listening to the INSANELY CREEPY AND ALARMING sirens and announcements they broadcast over the speakers that you can't understand but are still insanely unnerved by. This weather is cramping my steaze.
@KeLynn to echo Too Much Internet, that sounds exactly like the MSF course, which is awesome. Also, if you're seriously going to buy a motorcycle, buy the best helmet you can afford. My helmet (which was a gift) cost 1/3 as much as my motorcycle. Brains are fancy and fragile; keep them safe!
@KeLynn Are you and your puppy safe?
@Too Much Internet Yes, motorcycle endorsement at the end! I am currently googling all around and pre-shopping for my best first bike (or scooter, I haven't totally ruled them out I guess and I'm going to give them a fair test drive but I do not anticipating choosing one) but I'm holding off on actually buying one until after the course is over and I've test driven a few different kinds.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher & @TheCheesemanCometh - My puppy and I are both safe! Thank you for checking! We are super lucky too - other people in my region were not so lucky. Several people died. I actually left work for a little bit to wait out the storm in my parents' basement (my work building does not have a basement and my parents live about a mile from where I work) and nothing. happened. I kept sitting down there thinking the tornado just hadn't hit yet, but finally I realized it was never going to. And people called me from work wondering why I left because nothing was happening. Somehow both my parents' neighborhood and my my neighborhood were spared. Whew!
@Lemonnier - I am definitely buying a stupid expensive helmet. I'm struggling with getting my boyfriend to seriously look at the more expensive ones, though. He is a bargain hunter, which is usually a wonderful trait, but not when BRAIN PROTECTION is involved! I'm going to have to put on my daddy pants. Also - Hairpin biker gang? What do you say?
@KeLynn Yay, thank goodness!! And, better safe than sorry as far as I'm concerned. Especially when it comes to tornados (tornadoes?). Jeesh.
@Lemonnier So, I just got home from buying my motorcycle helmet. I went to the Iron Pony, this huge K-mart-sized motorcycle store where they had a gazillion helmets from like $20 to $1000. I asked a guy for help and it turns out he was the general manager - he said based on my head shape, he recommended the Scorpion Exo-400 and he helped me find the right size and made sure it was right for me and everything. And it was like $160, which was way less than I was expecting to pay. After he left I actually asked another salesguy and he also said that style would be good for me. THEN I found the same exact style in a super ugly 2010 print in clearance for $70. Confirmed with the manager that it was the same one, and he said he tried to get his own wife to buy the clearance one (but she wouldn't b/c of the print) . So that's the one I got. And even though I got expert advice from a guy who would put his own wife's head in the $70 helmet....I still have this voice in the back of my head saying "you get what you pay for"
In conclusion, I hope my brain is safe.
@everyone Tornado Thread update: Kentucky (and a lot of the surrounding region) got devastated yesterday, with a lot of the damage centered on some of our poorest counties. Cities got demolished. Other states in the region got hit hard too. It's very easy to throw a donation the Red Cross's way right now--text REDCROSS to 90999, adds $10 to your bill, the usual drill--and they're doing a lot to get help mobilized right now. So hug your dogs, cats, family and house today!
@KeLynn: Helmets are a little different than all other gear - with everything else, a higher price point usually means better protection or comfort or something. Because bike helmets use cheap and standardized EPS foam to cushion your head, the extra money for helmets is all in interior materals, shell materials, shield quality, etc. So, I can reassure you, you bought a fine quality helmet that will protect you well if you ever need it. Lots of club racers I know like Scorpion because it's a very nice helmet for the money. A Scorpion EXO-700 was my first helmet as well.
@Too Much Internet Thanks for commenting, that is really reassuring to hear!
Also, you guys! I wrote an article for the-university-where-I-work's quarterly magazine back in like August, and it finally got published!! In print and everything! I think it's going up online soon too, except I'm afraid to link to it anywhere online because then people will know my full name and where I work. But!! Writing! That I got paid for! And that involved interviewing a spunky college women's softball team! I hope they invite me back to write more.
@figwiggin Wahay! Congrats on getting published! That calls for a high five, I think. I'd give you one myself but I am far away, so high five the next person you see. Best day ever!
@figwiggin That is awesome! Congrats!
@figwiggin Getting paid to write always feels like getting away with something awesome, doesn't it? Congratulations!
@figwiggin Congratulations, Elaine! That's fantastic :) What's the general subject?
Thanks guys! I still can't quite believe it--even if it's only a little thing, it's still a start!
@Daisy Razor It definitely feels like I tricked somebody into giving me money. Like, what? I don't just get the byline?
@Ophelia Thanks, Gary! :D Our women's softball team did really well last year and so I got to talk to their coach and some ladies on the team about college athletics and how hard they all work both academically and athletically to do well. It was embarrassingly inspiring, all these funny young women who bust their butts and are all like best friends with each other. I want to make a movie about them, basically.
Opinions re: florescent overhead office lights vs. non-florescent desk lamps in the workspace?
My office has both, and we have a bit of a "light war" going on in our department because whoever built this building wired this room and the next one on the same light switch (wtf) so if we have them out in here, they're also out in there, and so on. In this room we all like the non-florescent desk lamps more than the overheads, so we try to keep those off... but the other room is exactly opposite. Therefore, wars!
Mostly I'm complaining because it's making my eyes all watery and lame right now. Also, I'm dying for a nap.
@Scandyhoovian : UGH. I HATE florescent lights. HAAAATE.
Do this: Get a ladder in *your* office, pop open the metal frame on the banks of florescents. Gently unscrew the bulbs, store them in cardboard safely so they won't get broken.
That way, you won't have them on, and the other room can have their evil flickery green lighting from the pit of Sheol.
:)
@OxfordComma We have actually removed all but one florescent bulb from every bay in this room already. They won't let us take the rest out, otherwise we already would have. It helped a lot, though!
@Scandyhoovian I mean, will "they" really know?
@Ophelia Yeah, they totally would, there's only like 40 people total here. All the sads.
@Scandyhoovian bummer. maybe make some sort of creative, horizontal roman shades?
So, I made those muffins from yesterday. Oh my tits, they are so good. I think I'm going to lay in bed with some Downton Abbey and tea and several muffins and have a party.
This morning was the first day of spring break. I went to Target and got supplies to Clean ALL The Things. Bon Ami, Bar Keeper's Friend, Scrubbing Bubbles, 2 things of vinegar, bleach (<3 u, bleachie!), laundry detergent, etc. So far I've done dishes, scrubbed my toilet, bathtub, bathroom floor, and kitchen sink, collected trash from my bathroom, and drank a glass of wine.
Jolie, I hope you're reading this.
Hi all, I need advices. Whatever happened to the financial/life advice posts? Those were awesome.
@dauphine OH MY GOODNESS LET ME GIVE YOU ADVICE.
@SarahP Thanks! So i'm youngish (28) and live in NYC. Hoooo it is expensive here. All my friends in other cities are like 'NYC SO AWESOME' to which i am like 'yes awesome city where i will never pay my student loans off or buy a home! My decision to move here was random. I was dropping out of grad school and wanted to move somewhere. Now I am thinking of moving somewhere cheaper? Pittsburgh? I dunno. I realize living somewhere cheaper won't free up mad stacks of cash. But still. Am I crazy? What steps should I be taking to move and keep my income stable? I have no intention of quitting my job. Right now the move is more like a one year out plan.
@dauphine First, start saving money. Remember that in addition tto the cost of moving, you'll likely have to pay deposit/first month/last month for a new apartment. You'll also want to start looking for jobs in the area you want to live. But it sounds to me like your method of choosing a place to live is sort of like "Well, this place isn't working but this other place sounds better," which is maybe something you want to reconsider before you think about moving again. Moving is expensive, and makes you start over in a lot of ways--career, social life, living situation, etc. Make a short list of places you want to live and WHY--and "cheaper than NYC" should not be at the top of the list. (For one, most places are, but also you want to be sure you're moving to a place for more significant reasons than money.) Then, start looking for jobs there. Not to apply to yet--you've got time!--but to see what's available in your field and what you're likely to make doing it. And in the meantime, don't shoot yourself in the foot in NY. I mean, consider that in 5-6 months, you may change your mind and want to stay, so don't burn any bridges.
Please keep in mind that my only qualification for giving people advice is that that I like telling people what to do.
@dauphine ALSO, if you don't already, start keeping a budget. Write down what you spend on everything each month, how much you're saving, etc. Essentially, make a balance sheet: This is what I make each month, and this is where it all goes. This will not only help you figure out how you can save money (toward moving, toward the loans, etc), but it will also give you an idea of how much you need to make as you look for jobs in a new city. (You can swap out rent/transportation prices for however much they'll be elsewhere.)
@SarahP No this is awesome advices! I live and die by Mint.com so I have a good idea of what I spend already. I have friends in other cities, so I've been making trips and checking it out. I just don't want to royally shoot myself in the foot.
@dauphine
More thoughts in case anyone wants to weigh in. I casually started mentioning my idea about moving to a few of my close friends here, and an informal straw poll shows that basically all my friends have it in their two year plan to move out of NYC. This is actually very reassuring to me.
The other thing is that I have started looking for jobs in smaller cities, mostly to get an idea what the salaries are like, but what if I see a job that I would be perfect for? Should I not apply? I am currently facing down the prospect of letting an opportunity pass to apply for a job in another city that I am 200% qualified for, and it's in my field.
More ramblings while I'm at it: I just want to find a nice cultural east coast city, one that is fairly affordable, where I could live in a walkable area? There are things in life that NYC can't give me (unless I marry rich?) I just want to be able to buy cat food without having to check my bank account. Sigh.
@dauphine move to DC!! There are some affordable-ish areas and you don't need a car and I loved it there.
Also, apply for that job already! You don't have to take it even if they offer it to you.
@mooseketeer I went to school in Richmond and love visiting D.C.! Tell me more about your magical city.
@dauphine Tons of music playing everywhere all the time, the metro system is pretty ok (but closes early), FREE MUSEUMS!, people talk a lot about politics all the time, it's getting bike friendly, interesting neighborhoods, good restaurants, it's small enough that you can really know your way around pretty quickly.
I moved away in 2005, so I haven't lived there in ages but I would jump at the chance to move back. It was a fun vibrant city. Also I was younger and drank a lot, so I enjoyed the nightlife a lot. I've never made out with so many strangers in bars in all my life !
@SarahP Tell me what to do, please! I'm so poor.
@dauphine @mooseketeer DC FOREVER. Probably the only tattoo I would ever consider getting would have to be DC-themed. I lived there from ages three to twenty. <3 u districtie!
Chicago-area Tiny House fans, there will be a Tiny House visiting Northwestern next week! Details here: https://sites.google.com/a/u.northwestern.edu/nutinyhouse/. Terribly inconvenient hours but I am going to try to check it out.
Everyone at work is away at this huge yearly conference! Which is excellent. I got a bazillion things done today at work, and I am taking Monday off to laze around and be the sluggiest of slugs, and it's going to be GREAT.
Also, the new Avengers trailer came out this week, and I am one excited fangirl. you all it's going to be awessooooommmme
@area@twitter (stealthy Avengers fistbump)
@area@twitter I'm late to this game, buuuuut-do you work with a residency program? I think I may know this 'conference'
Today is day one of Interview Weekend for the PhD program of the academic department I work for. This has been the specter of impending doom that ate my working life for much of the past... oh, two months. And yet it has been surprisingly less hectic than I expected thanks to our amazing student workers. I am also way overcaffeinated, though, so that may contribute to my incessant perkiness today. Also I got to eat the catered breakfast and lunch. Woo free food!
Also I got my hair cut for the first time since September (so as not to look completely raggedy in front of the applicants) and it is super cute. And I didn't get anything good in the mail but my dad is going to send me my adorable retro housewife apron which I left at home and I'm waiting for my new spring coat to arrive. Never mind that it's 38 degrees out.
Has anyone in SF been to Viracocha in the Mission? Ummmm...it's the most amazing place ever. Beautiful antique/oddities shop upstairs/speakeasy downstairs. I just discovered it the other night, when a friend did a reading there. Please research it and GO (with me!) We should do a pinup there.
@melmuu nooo but I really want to go now.
I took my first yoga class in years last night! It was a hot-but-low-(88 degrees)-heat class. I was really worried about my shoulder during all the downward-dog stuff, because it was dislocated 2 years ago and doesn't really have its full range of motion... but it's fine! It was a little shaky, and it's sore but not painful today. Aw, little shoulder, I'm so proud of you!
Does anyone else get super bored of the whole "flow" thing? Or would I not mind if it my shoulder didn't risk giving out at every other down-dog?
@SarahP i <3 flow! it gets really meditative and amazing after you're more used to it (and more confident in things like bad shoulders) - you told your teacher about your wonky limb, right? it's very important that they know!
BUT SERIOUSLY, flow = really meditative high, for me at least.
@teenie Okay, maybe the more comfortable I am with it, the less annoying I will find the repetition.
(Also, I didn't tell the instructor because she started RIGHT IN on the class, but I was prepared to say something if it felt like it was a problem. Next time I will first thing, though, since I now know what she looks like and can seek her out before class.)
Did you know the post office isn't allowed to give people tape any more? What the hell.
@MEGA VENUTIAN SPACE SCORPION : Yup. It is STOOPID.
@MEGA VENUTIAN SPACE SCORPION What? what kind of stupid logic is behind that?
@MEGA VENUTIAN SPACE SCORPION Your name is fantastic. Also, huh? Why?
@MEGA VENUTIAN SPACE SCORPION I carry a roll or two of packing tape in my car for this very reason. And during the holidays, I usually just leave a roll at the counter where people get their packages together. I am the Tape Elf.
@Apocalypstick Thanks! I can't remember which commenter I stole it from now, but she was full of wit and panache!
I think the tape thing is to save them money, I guess tiny bits of scotch tape add up over time. Which I suppose makes sense, but is still super annoying when you are at the front of the line with a small hole in your envelope that needs fixing so it doesn't get shredded on its way.
@carbonation I think I'll adopt this practice, we shall form an army of Tape Elves!
@MEGA VENUTIAN SPACE SCORPION UGH, yes. I often bring two boxes to the post office if I'm not sure which will ship cheaper, and sometimes I don't have proper tape at home. One woman who works there is super sweet and forgiving about it, but the guys who work there either charge you for it, get pissy, or refuse. (One even threatened not to mail my package because I'd forgotten to sign my debit card, even though I had my license with me!)
So I have good news and bad news this week. The good news is that I finally sent my Pinpal a letter today, so she should get it soon! But I don't know how soon because I don't know how quickly overseas mail goes.
The bad news is that one of my best friend's dad's died on Sunday, and then on Wednesday my friend and old roommate passed away from a heart attack. He was only 37, and I still can't wrap my head around it. He's the first person close to me and close to my age that has died. My thoughts this week have gone from a depressing "My parents will die someday" to a devastating "Anyone I know can die at any time." Anyone have tips on dealing with grief and escaping those thoughts?
@meetapossum I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't have any tips and advice, because I haven't been there, but I hope you have a great support system and are taking care of yourself. Actually, I do have advice. Make self-care your top priority. Do something for yourself that relaxes and centers you. If nothing else it will help you process the grief instead of fighting it. (hugs)
@meetapossum So sorry for your loss. @heyits is right; please make sure to take care of yourself. There's no right or wrong way to grieve - just what works for you. Re: the thoughts that are troubling you, I think these are a natural reaction and it may be best to just... let them happen and then let them go. Accept that you're feeling depressed and devastated in that moment, let yourself cry and freak out for a few minutes if you need to - and then take a deep breath and let it pass. It will be a tiny (immeasurable) bit easier every time.
@meetapossum No real tips or advice here, but sending good thoughts. Sorry for your loss
This week has been pretty bad all in all but today has been awful. I'm set to get a promotion and a raise, and while a promotion was announced in my dept. it wasn't mine but my supervisor's (which I knew about ahead of time and I'm cool with it.) So I'm kinda wondering what's going on... Maybe I'm not getting one after all? Doesn't help that any time my bf has work drama all he says is "Its okay, they give me a hard time about it I know where the door is." Which makes me go WTF? Because he lost his last job around this time last year and only started this one in September. And he jsut expects that I'm going to support him while he's unemployed...
Can anyone recommend a good textbook on Women's Studies? I graduated early and missed my chance to take a class in that area, and I'd like to get a good, broad (har har) feel for various theories and thinkers before I start doing more specific reading. Anybody come across anything like that in their travels?
@TheFattestBunny I would be interested in this, too.
@TheFattestBunny I was a Women's Studies minor, and I don't think I ever took a single class that required an actual textbook. I probably could wrangle together a pretty decent basic reading list for you, though!
@TheFattestBunny I <3 historian Estelle Freedman and she has a couple of great document collections on modern Western feminism, which, granted, is just a subset of women's or gender studies, but worth checking out. This is the most recent I think: The Essential Feminist Reader.
Note: as a teacher-lady, I prefer document collections to textbooks, use the snippets to find your way to more stuff you like?
@sophi I don't want to make you go to a bunch of work or anything, but yes, if you have the names of some favorites of yours, I'd love to hear what they are! I appreciate it!
@thisisunclear Thank you so much! I think some collections like this are a fantastic idea. I hadn't considered it. The one you linked to is on its way to my house. Thank you, I'm excited!
@TheFattestBunny yay!
Going to the pub tonight (in walking distance in LA, whutwhut!), then fabric shopping and sewing with my friend tomorrow!
Y'all.
I am a total costume nerd.
(if you're interested, I'll be posting pictures of the Elizabethan goodness on my blog! cheekypinky.wordpress.com)
Hey Smart Ladies,
at what age are you supposed to start using anti-wrinkle stuff? I'm 27 and never really though about it until the Hairpin beauty column this week.
I wear sunscreen all the time and use moisturizer when I remember and I think my skin is looking pretty good (I mean, I still get carded on a regular basis). But are these anti-wrinkle potions supposed to be a preventative measure, in which case I should be on it now? Or do I wait for the crows feet? Someone teach me how to be a grownup!
@Steph I started using it at 22 because I am paranoid, but I am 25 now and I already have more wrinkles than I think a 25 year old should have so....
@Steph: Think of skin (and really, everything else) as something you can *keep*, not *turn back.* You can slow wrinkles, but you can't make them revert. The most generalized advice seems to be: use moisturizer with sunblock in it, avoid direct sunlight as much as you reasonably can (UVB rays directly cause wrinkles), and stay hydrated. And don't smoke.
@Too Much Internet I thought it was UVA that causes wrinkles? Get broad-spectrum sunscreen and just block them all!
What is everybody reading at the moment? I'm in the middle of a reread of Nabokov's Pale Fire and also I'm reading Dark Continent: Europe's Twentieth Century by Mark Mazower for a class.
@Decca I just finished Girls Like Us which was amazing, and now I'm reading Mary Roach's Life on Mars and the 33 1/3 series' Court and Spark.
@Decca The Hunger Games. I am a lemming.
@Decca The Remedy by Michelle Lovric (eighteenth-century Italian actress Mimosina Dolcezza falls in love with lowlife Valentine Greatrakes in England--lots of old-timey recipes for frightening/useless medicines from that era) and The Unquiet Bones, by Melvin R. Starr (medieval surgeon solves murders, performs medieval surgery). They both make me very happy to be living in a time of modern medicine.
@Decca Ada, Or Ardour by Nabokov! Nabokov twinsies!
@phlox Ooh, is the 33 1/3 any good? Court and Spark is my favourite Joni album (except "Twisted").
@Decca The Edible Woman by Margaret Atwood It's not a very thick book but it is taking a long time to get through.
@Decca I've been re-reading the Sherlock Holmes short stories. I really like them, but it's taken me almost 8 months to get through it, and I still have like 10 stories left. I keep meaning to read more, so I lug this (literally) 10 pound book (it's the entire collection of Sherlock short stories) around in hopes that I'll get to read it on the bus or on lunch or whatever, and it never happens.
@Decca I just started The Secret History (totally because of Lazy and Classic Trash, no shame) AND I LOHOHOOOVE IT
@paddlepickle Hey twin! Is Ada good? I really love all of the Nabokov I've read, which is only maybe 5 books out of his giant oeuvre.
@Decca
I started Les Miserables (unabridged, have never read it before) but haven't picked it up in a few days.
@Decca A Deepness in the Sky (Vernor Vinge!) It's good! But also kind of stressful and depressing. When are the good guys going to win Vernor?!
@Decca Going to start Secret History, also because of the Classic Trash. Excited!
But first, have to finish The Collapse of American Criminal Justice, which is really good.
@Decca It is good! It's kind of like listening to the album in fits and starts with a really chatty person but there's some really good stuff about the way she was looking at the female perspective of life in 1970s LA and about freedom and love. And an endearing personal anecdote about the author's mom. I haven't read any others in the series, I am just on a Joni kick these days but I would recommend this one.
@Decca Absalom Absalom! But I think I might quit it for a while and read something quick and easy instead... I have much anxiety about landing a job.
@Decca Fire and Hemlock, by Diana Wynne Jones! It's a take on Tam Lin, which is the basis for my favorite book ever of all time (Tam Lin by Pamela Dean) and so far it's quite good and I am enjoying it!
@Decca Tattoos on the Heart, about gang intervention in LA.
Just started it. Will report back.
@Decca I'm reading A Journal of the Plague Year, which I don't recommend to anyone unless they're really interested in the plague year. But it's okay!
@Decca Just finished Patrick Hamilton's Hangover Square, probably starting The Sisters Brothers by Patrick deWitt next as it was kind of forced on me. Anyone read it?
@phlox I just ordered Life on Mars! Is it good? Tell me it's good.
@mascarasnake It is good so far!
I am reading 4 things at once because I'm not addicted to any of them, so I keep picking up another and rotating. It's nice, but I'm in the mood to devour something (recent devours were Amy Fusselman's "8," and Alison Espach's "The Adults")
Rotating:
St. Mawr, by D.H. Lawrence
The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath
Torch, by Cheryl Strayed
Nurture Shock: New Thinking About Children
@Decca The Tiger's Wife by Tea Obreht. I was not that into it at first but now I'm loving it.
@Decca Just finished Young Men And Fire (Amazing! Thank you for the recommendation Hairpin!) and The Girl with the Pearl Earring for my book club this month (less amazing).
@Spicy Bubbles That one is not my favourite. A little too didactic for my tastes. I am currently reading "Banewreaker" by Jacqueline Carey because I have been on a good fantasy binge for the last little while.
@Decca Murakami's 1Q84, and though I love him, this one is just too long.
@Decca Point Omega, Don DeLillo. Came back from a weekend in Portland with a haul from Powell's and realized almost every book is about the end of the world in some fashion...
What am I trying to tell myself?
@Decca A really stupid book called Anno Dracula, sort of alternate history of Victorian London. It features pretty much every public domain Victorian fictional or famous character, so it is literally a vampire novel (d'oh...) and is hilarious.
I needed a palate cleanser after China Mieville's The City And The City, ok? Which is brilliant and kept me up nights on end.
@Decca I'm on a re-read Madeleine L'Engle kick, and am now in the midst of Swiftly Tilting Planet!
@MilesofMountains
I just got Young Men And Fire through paperbackswap! Excited to start it. Right now I'm finishing up Fluke by Christopher Moore and am about halfway through Soon I Will Be Invincible by Austin Grossman. I'm always reading more than one book at once.
@Dancersize The thing I best remember about that book was the fact that there were like 60 pages about the sewer system of Paris in it. It was both fascinating and terrifying.
Hello Hairpin, get ready for me to admit something somewhat embarrassing. I have close friends I could talk to about this, but we're all extremely busy. I don't HAVE to talk to people about it, but I kind of want some random comfort. Yeah, fuck it,
I had a friend who was basically like "I don't really have time for this friendship cos I'm so busy and I know you're trying to be friendly when you visit but I feel awkward and I don't think this counts as friendship because I never visit you and even when you visit you seem awkward and I can't come to any of the social events you invite me to and I'm sorry this makes me seem like a jerk, I feel like a jerk, and it's just not possible to be the bestest friends ever with everyone. It's just not the circumstance right now."
Me: ...[something about he is a cool person and I am sorry and then I left].
So. Yeah. I don't know. I feel kind of like...fine, because to be honest I was trying to force the friendship. Because he's in a program [we're grad students!] where in undergrad I had a lot of friends, and is very different from the program I'm in. And it wasn't hard to be friends before, it was really natural and nice, but I got busier and he got busier and then it was...hard, and I didn't know what to do! I am usually good at letting friends go when they need it! But this time I pushed because I was scared I would lose the friendship and I totally did without any really way to get it back because it's kind of crazy and I just want these awkward friend situations to end, finally!
So...how bad am I and how bad is this situation and when will I stop being awkward? I am doing pretty well otherwise! If it helps, I just invited him to stuff because he asked me to do so earlier. I don't know, I know I pushed but I wish I hadn't. Like...I accept this is a flaw I have sometimes, but I fucking want some validation that says, "don't worry, everyone else is crazy sometimes too." with stories.
@mystique I think you're fine and that his reaction was sorta weird but I guess also fine. Some people (like me) need to have interested parties aggressively pursue friendships with them or else they'll have no friends and so if someone did that to me I would appreciate it!
@mystique Friend. You did fine. Go on and fill that limited space with all the things that are keeping you busy, and in two months from now, you won't even remember it.
And your now ex-friend-ish? Should learn the slow fade.
You did fine. It is fine. It really is.
@PistolPackinMama I hope you see this, because thank you!! Way to go all Dear Sugar with the simple sentence structure! That helped. It really did :)
@beams! Thank you! I have friends I have to aggressively pursue as well, but I suppose I misread this case.
@mystique I saw it. And I am glad!
XOXO
I just want to say that for the first time in my adult life, I've managed to curb my acne. I literally want to dance in the street. I finally have figured out the magic combination for my skin, and it's been clearer in the last month than it has been in 12 years. Such a good feeling! I'm even skipping most face makeup because I don't feel like I need it.
If anyone wants to know what's worked for me, here it is:
*taking spironolactone. The effects of this have been really gradual, but I think it's helping.
*switching from all those fancy medicated acne washes (oh the thousands of dollars invested) to hypoallergenic face wash. (Purpose) I also exfoliate with a gentle scrub twice a week. (Origin's Checks and Balances)
*I still use toner but I switched to witch hazel and it's much nicer to my skin.
*moisturizing! I can't believe what a difference this has made. I moisturize in the morning with Purpose hypoallergic lotion, and at night with Kiehl's Midnight Recovery Concentrate followed by more Purpose.
*I stopped drinking coffee and switched to green tea.
I know everyone's skin is very different, so obviously YMMV. This is the first thing that has legitimately worked, and I hope maybe some other 'pinners can try it and see if it works for their skin. Acne solidarity! Now if anyone knows of something I can do to fix my skin tone and scarring...
@heyits Spironolactone is seriously the. best.
@heyits
Witch hazel instead of toner, huh? I should try that. I just ran out of toner, and the fancy stuff I get is $18/bottle. I'll take any chance to get the same (or better) results for cheaper!
@heyits @KeLynn Tell me more about Spiro! I want some sooo bad.
@Dancersize do it! it's so gentle that at first I was like, no way this is working. But it really works. I get the stuff from Target that is $3 a bottle.
@OhMarie I asked for an rx from my doctor after reading about it on the Hairpin, actually. I've been on it since last June and at first I didn't notice a big difference, but it's really working now. I don't get those really painful, under the skin zits anymore that would linger for months and fester and be ouchie ouchie. It's not specifically intended for acne, but it works really well. You might have to convince your doctor a little at first. I had to tell mine, look, I'm completely broke and I can't afford to go to a dermatologist, but I really want to give this a shot. And I'm so glad I did. Good luck! Acne is the worst.
@heyits and @KeLynn: What are the reasons for going on Spiro, again? I feel like I've read about it and thought it could be a good thing for me to try...
@.Lauren. spiro calms down your skin a lot, but isn't as harsh as accutane or another acne-specific medication. It's used primarily to lower blood pressure and you have to watch your potassium levels with it, but I haven't had any adverse side effects. It's also a diuretic. Here's more info: http://www.webmd.com/drugs/drug-6288-spironolactone+Oral.aspx?drugid=6288&drugname=spironolactone+Oral&source=1
It also can be used to correct hirsutism. I'm not excessively hairy, but I am on the hairy side (dark brown hair, lots of it) and since I've started using it, my leg hair is a lot finer and I haven't had to pluck that one annoying chin hair quite so much.
@Dancersize I use witch hazel and it is great! Also, it's like $2 a bottle!
@Fodforever
Adding it to my Target list!
@Dancersize Hope you like it :)
@heyits Whoop! Such a good feeling! Um, for the scarring, I find this stuff http://www.bio-oil.com/en/ is really good, but to be honest any vitamin e oil would probably be the same if you use it regularly.
@Fodforever I never got the point of the whole "toner" thing...
Also, @heyits: Congratulationsss!! I am so happy for you!! Someday I hope to join you in acne-free land....
@Apocalypstick I've seen that stuff advertised. So it really works? As far as vitamin e oil goes, can you get that in an oil form, or do I need to buy caplets and smear them all over my face? (I'm not adverse to that, really. anything to minimize the acne scarring and discoloration that has ravaged my face for so long.)
@.Lauren. toner is magical, because it gets the stuff that soap might have missed, and also gets your pores all prepared to receive magical, life-saving moisturizer. so obviously it's so important that it doesn't take away too much moisture, otherwise you get caught in that vicious cycle of losing too much moisture and your skin overcompensates by becoming really oily which then produces more acne and wow, I've really put a lot of thought into this!
@heyits I APPRECIATE ALL THE THOUGHT. That makes perfect sense.
@heyits Also, if you don't mind me asking, are you on hormonal birth control? My skin was way under control on it, but I didn't like the side effects... Also, did you have any blood tests or anything before trying spiro? (to test androgen levels or something?)
@.Lauren. I am not. I was on it for several years, but hated how emotionally up and down it made me feel, despite the way it made my skin look. I switched to an IUD, but my body rejected it last fall and I ended up getting pregnant and miscarrying. So now I'm not on any birth control because my body clearly hates it, and am back to good old condoms.
I did have blood tests, mainly to check my potassium levels and make sure they weren't too high.
@heyits DUDE. We are long lost siblings. I got an IUD and my body rejected it too! I went back and had them re-insert it, though, and this one has been with me for a few years now. I think I remember reading that 2/3rds of women who expel once don't expel again? (I think practitioners probably vary a lot, so I asked for someone with tons of experience when I made my next appointment. The woman said she'd inserted 1000s of them).
Also, if you're in a monogamous relationship and are willing to be super diligent about it, "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" is worth reading/Fertility Awareness Method is worth trying. Condoms are cool, too, though! Way better than hormonal BC.
@.Lauren. Ha, yes, I should have stipulated that I use condoms in the extreme off-chance that I'll actually have sexual relations with another human being. Which...it's been a while. So I'm not stressing about birth control too much. If I get into a monogamous relationship at some point soon, I'd be open to re-considering the IUD, but I hated how fucked up it made my periods and I think I would be pretty paranoid the whole time about getting pregnant again. (I still had the IUD in when I got pregnant and I had no idea until I was about 8 weeks along. It was horrifying.)
I've been interested in that fertility awareness method! I like the idea of not being beholden to birth control. Do you have the copper IUD or the hormonal one?
@heyits Yeah, mine only partially expelled too! So I thought it was still there, but I was having a lot of crazy bleeding so I finally went in and was like "WTF!" And that's when she said it was partially expelled. I'd been having sex, so it was horrifying and the 20 mins I waited to find out if I was pregnant were THE LONGEST EVER. 8 weeks. That's horrifying! Ugh.
I have the copper one. It took awhile for my periods to level out, but they have (save for some spotting on either side of my actual period). Funnily enough, I've been in longggg dry patch because my BF and I broke up shortly after I got the 2nd IUD. I'm charting/trying out FAM just to see if I could be diligent about it, because -- I love my IUD (please don't expel yourself again!) -- but it does make me crampy, my periods are longer, and I like the idea of being in tune with my cycle. I asked for an ovulation microscope for my bday, and my mom flipped her shit. I was like, "my body, my business!" FAM is very different from just doing the rhythm method, and most people don't get that.
@heyits
Thank you guys for the witch hazel suggestion! I've been using it for 5 days now, and it's really nice. I had a really bad breakout this month (hormones! UGH!) that my skin is still recovering from, but the witch hazel is helping smooth and soften things out. The best part was spending $4 for 16 oz at Target instead of $19 (plus shipping) for the 4 oz bottle I ordered from a specialty place online.
@Dancersize yay! That makes me so happy! Witch hazel is wonderful. I can't believe I waited so long to try it. Go forth, and be a witch hazel evangelist. ;)
I'm moving to Dallas in less than a month! Who wants to be friends?
@combledore I'm just north of Dallas, and I work next door to the county hospital. Holler at me at johannebertha at gmail etcetera when you get settled in!
@Mingus_Thurber Awesome! I also started a thread in the Meetups Google group.
I finished my sidewalk-found Eames-style lounge chair and ottoman restoration project. It's all set, 'just needs to be sat and foot-rested upon to see if it needs to be tweaked in any way.
It looks amazing and is upholstered in pretty much lipstick red recycled leather. It's very red. Very.
In postal news, the mailman refused to deliver on Wednesday because my 100-year-old, mostly blind, super stiff and creaky, very friendly oldladydog was napping in the yard, blissfully unaware that he was there. I do not like people who look for problems where there are none.
@laurel I hate when mailmen are scared of dogs. If you're scared of dogs, WHY are you in this profession? I'd think it's just part of the job to meet dogs all day. One of the mailmen that delivers regularly to my house is scared of my 2 dogs, even though they're 13 and 14 years old and going deaf and all they want to do is give you hello kisses.
@laurel yes! Congratulations on the upholstery project! I'm one seat back away from refinishing a Howell chromesteel dinette set (white pleather seats, pretty graphite/mustard/white print seat backs). It's a labor of love!
@kpo987 Hahaha my dog is having a through the door love affair with the mailman where he barks at him and snatches the mail out of the mail chute thing, but I dunno if he sees it that way.
is anyone else wedding planning? anyone else wanna kvetch about it?
@teenie Jane is! She posted above about having to fly out to meet her caterer. But I just recently got married and am still up for hearing about weddings!
@teenie I am! I'm in that place where I have the venue locked down and a date but... nothing else. So many choices. So overwhelming.
Also, I just want the WHOLE WORLD to know that I went to a bridal extravaganza and I was warned in advance by my future sister-in-law to use a fake email address with all the vendors at this thing because they will spam you and I totally did! I used a spam address I never check! BUT. BUT I DIDN'T THINK. Because I bought the ticket to the thing with my REAL email address.
Yeah. Guess what they're spamming. UGH. Never again. Bridal expos are the worst. And stop calling me, Mens Wearhouse, how did you get my phone number!?!???
@SarahP ugh. UGH. i was all :D about being engaged, but had to grab paper bags when people started asking me about dates and plans and stuff. Finding a venue is scaring the shit out of me, because we live in an expensive city, and we have a paltry budget (7k or so). It doesn't help that I'm more laid back about venue style and stuff than my lovely, delightful future Mr. Teenie. It also doesn't help that when I tell him the stuff I've researched (the research that really stresses me out) he goes "WHAT A RACKET JEEZUS CHRIST THIS IS BULLSHIT" and I get all Beaker on him and go "mee me mee meeeee" and sit in the corner pouting.
ETA: YAY Scandyhoovian! I can't wait until I get to that point... the details sound like FUN to me, especially because I've got tons of friends who work at Beholden (the Urban bridal place, my fiance works at Urban headquarters) and I've got a lovely friend who is one of my bridesmaids just really helpign with all that, and I've got tons of crafty friends with their hole punchers and ribbon and grommets and everything at the ready to make this beautiful
BUT VENUE, right? what a bitch!
@Scandyhoovian Davids Bridal. They sell everything you give them to Mens Wearhouse.
@teenie We live in an expensive city, and while I opted to get married in my home state, we have loads of friends who got married this year... and a bunch of them decided on marrying about 30 minutes away from the city. NO ONE complained/minded/didn't attend because the venue was farther out, and it definitely saved them money.
@teenie OH GOD I am giggling at the Beaker reference.
@SarahP Oh, those jerks! Ugh.
@teenie OH man the venue stuff was equal parts frustrating and fun, because my budget is right around the same as yours. What I ended up finding out was that there are a lot of historic restored buildings in my city (Atlanta) run by nonprofits, and because they're run by nonprofits they're often used as community centers and the pricetags on these things are literally 1/4th of the pricetags on privately owned venues and restaurants and banquet halls and the like. I managed to find a venue in a hugely popular historic part of town with an amazing price! So, if that is a possibility for you, I highly suggest looking up stuff like that. And ask around -- I got the recommendation to do so from a recently married coworker. As for all the detail stuff, I'm all about DIY... as much as I can, I'm doing myself with my crafty friends. Paper flowers made from old maps HERE WE COME!
@SarahP I would LOVE to get married further out than that - there is a little settlement museum about an hour and a half from us with an amazing barn that we could use for NOTHING - and it's right around the metaphorical corner from where I grew up, but Mr. Teenie doesn't want to subject his 80+ year old grandma to the journey (and I don't blame him, she's had a really rough year, and she's kind of more his mother than grandmother - really raised him). Otherwise the burby areas around here are still pretty steep. But we're getting there.
@Scandyhoovian - that's where I'm at now! TWINSIES! I've found a number of places like that (Curtis Arboretum is our front runner right now) and I also found this house that headquarters the Colonial Dames society (I'm in Philadelphia) and it's actually really really affordable. We're just seeing how we can manage the catering WITH that and I think we'll be ok. I also just got a reply from an actual working farm that has a big barn that can be used, and it looks pretty awesome.
@teenie Yeah, we're trying to keep everything as low-cost as possible so we can spend all our money on food. Mr. Scandyhoovian's ONE REQUEST for the entire thing has been that he wants a seated dinner, because in his head it seems kind of rude to make his family fly down here from NYC and then have them stand at a buffet (which are apparently hyper-southern things anyway? who knew!). But now that we have the venue we can worry more about that stuff. And omg every single picture I've ever seen of any barn wedding has always looked SO AMAZING.
@teenie I didn't know you got engaged! Congratulations!! I remember one of the first comments I made on the Hairpin was in response to an Ask A... that you had written, and...and now...and now you're all grown-up an' gettin' married (*sobs tears of happiness*).
If you want, please feel free to tell me your engagement story and also if you want, your "how we met" story :)!
@wee_ramekin awwww, WEE! glad you remembered!
Well, we met at a dingy hipster club in Philly that was having a hip hop night. I somehow was a target that night, and randoms kept trying to bump and grind on me, and my friends weren't able to help dissipate it. Mr. Teenie and I had made eyeballs at each other earlier in the night, so I figured "If I'm going to have balls on my leg, at least let them be attached to someone I think is cute..." So I beckoned him over (finger curling with a little wink) and we danced the rest of the night. We had our first actual "date" a week later - a brunch that lasted almost 5 hours, and the rest is history.
He proposed to me when we were on vacation in Costa Rica - he got the people staying in our little compound and a bunch of the locals to help make it amazing. Basically, a candlelit dinner on the patio of a house that wasn't being rented at the time, with the ocean just RIGHT THERE - flowers everywhere, bottle of champagne, gorgeous meal, and he got down on one knee and did the whole thing.
Since I was "proposed to" in my first marriage, I hadn't realized how amazing and special it is. Having someone proclaim their love like that is really pretty awesome.
@teenie I think 70% of my (tiny) wedding budget went to food/booze and one of the things that helped was getting married near a holiday (Christmas for us). Both the church and the venue (an Inn) were already decorated, so I just got a bouquet from Stop & Shop and that was it for flower costs.
Other cheap things we did: Made the centerpieces ourselves out of discount candles, made mix CDs as favors, bought a dress from a store that was going out of business. Oh, and only invited 50 people.
Anyone want to come hang out on turntable and play-slash-listen to awesome girl music (or any music) for the rest of the afternoon? If so I will be in here: http://turntable.fm/thehairpin
@xx-xx-xx Ngh I would be all over this if Turntable was available in my country. :(
@xx-xx-xx You lied!
@Danzig! Sorry, wandered off for a bit there! Back now!
ahhhhhh after 4+ months of unemployment I got a job offer on Monday, and then one on Wednesday! I went with the Monday offer, and I start in two weeks! And also I'm moving next weekend into a bigger apartment in my building! I am all exclamations marks, all the time right now.
@stonefruit Congratulations!
@stonefruit
Congrats!
@stonefruit Well done! Any exciting plans for your new found wealth?
Seems like a long shot, but has anybody been to Uruguay? Going next week and I kind of haven't planned anything....
@Steph I use resources like this to get cultural information about a country: http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/UsefulNotes/Uruguay
Obviously it doesn't make sense, but it may open you up to ideas!
@Steph I went to Colonia for a couple days. It was nice, but a bit boring for more than a day. Montevideo would probably be better for longer. Buquebus all the way!
Hiya! I'm looking for new music. What are your favourites? I like anything really, mostly rock/blues/alt with a bit of dance music. My itunes library is a lot of fun., Michael Buble, The Black Keys, Foster the People, Mumford and Sons, The Naked and Famous, Midway State, Joel Plaskett, but I also have some music from the 20s like The Andrews Sisters, so my taste is pretty limitless.
Anything you remotely like, I'll love to know about.
Thanks!
@kpo987 Do you listen to M.Ward?
@kpo987 Jason Collett! Julia Holter! Swans! Motorhead! Current 93! Basic Channel!
@SarahP Never heard of it.
@kpo987 April Smith and the Great Picture Show! Box Five!
@SarahP Although I looked him up, and I like what I hear. Thanks for the recommendation!
@kpo987: MuteMath. (self titled album.)
@kpo987 Here's a tip: black people.
@kpo987 Library Voices! Dan Mangan! New Pornographers! Austra!
@ReginalTSquirge@twitter Huh?
@kpo987 I just find it strange when people list several of their favorite musical artists and there are never any non-whites in the list. Not that I'm entirely familiar with the races of all of the people in the groups listed above.
@kpo987 Zoe Boekbinder, Jason Webley, Mark Growden, My Terrible Friend, Amanda Palmer, The Petrojvic Blasting Company. Don't know how well any of that meshes with what you like because I haven't listened to a lot of that, but they're all fabulous!
@ReginalTSquirge@twitter I don't work like that. Other than Michael Buble because I went to one of his concerts, Joel Plaskett because he's a local musician that I've seen a couple times at free Canada Day shows, and Foster the People because I saw them for the first time performing at the Grammy's, I don't really know what the other people look like or what race they are. I don't base what I listen to on whether or not I have enough cultural diversity in my playlist. I listen to the people I do because I like listening to them. I'm open to any suggestions on music by black people if you have any you like.
@kpo987 Also good: Jumbo, Julieta Venegas, The Jane Austen Argument, IO Echo! I will probably be back here a lot.
@kpo987 Josh Ritter, Craft Spells, Foals, Grizzly Bear, Junip, m. coast, Stereolab, British Sea Power, Broken Bells, The War on Drugs. I've been listening to a lot of blues/jazz lately too if you're into that kind of thing-- Leadbelly, Herbie Hancock, Wes Montgomery, Jelly Roll Morton
@kpo987 Warpaint, Wolf Parade, The Meters, The Staple Singers, Liars, Why?, Yeasayer, The Kills, Penguin Cafe Orchestra. If you like Michael Buble then try some REAL GOOD SOUL: Otis Redding, Sam Cooke, Jackie Wilson, Percy Sledge. AAAH I COULD GO ON FOREVER. Lately I've been listening to lots of M.I.A.
I need some brainstorming help. What do you guys think of when you think of "temptation"? Nouns, verbs, adjectives, etc... lay 'em on me.
@Dancersize Ice cream.
@SarahP Red dresses.
@SarahP Not at the same time.
@Dancersize Expensive beer
@Dancersize a woman sucking a cherry? why did that pop into my head?
@Dancersize Chocolate, the color red, soft fabric...A piece of chocolate on a red velvet pillow? Handed to me by a sexy sexy man.
@Dancersize cheese and chocolate, running away to live on a Caribbean island
@Dancersize Diana Krall and that song. What was it called again....?
@Dancersize : Shoes and sleeping in.
@Dancersize: Ruining a friendship with a kiss.
@Dancersize
Motown.
@Barry Grant: *rim shot*
@Dancersize Forbidden
@Dancersize That one scene from Trainspotting where Ewan McGregor is at the club wearing that silly short shirt. (Sorry, that probably isn't helpful.)
@Dancersize Devils, indulgence, underwear
@figwiggin YEAH! The iPod played Temptation earlier and it was glorious... and left me wanting a dance party all the livelong day.
@Dancersize
Suicide, jumping, sex, incest, chocolate, boundaries.
M poetry professor is always going on about how red is the color of creativity. I like that it keeps showing up for "temptation"!
@Dancersize It makes me think of various Biblical things. Eve, snake, the desert, the devil... But then I study all that crap so that's probably why. Probably my temptation would be to spend all day in bed watching crap and eating Jaffa Cakes.
happy friday everybody!
i went to the gyno yesterday and i'm pretty sure i pulled a muscle in my leg during the exam. i actually find that pretty hysterical because i'm limping around the office and can't really explain why. so i'm just giggling at my own pain.
@ohmy HOW?
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I have no idea? I think the foot rests were in the wrong spot? Also, it was at a free clinic, so not exactly up to date on the best lumbar/leg supports.
@ohmy OH MY GOODNESS, what?
I hope this is not TMI but, last week, at the gyno, I actually grabbed the doctor's wrist to... basically stop him from doing his job. Not my finest moment, but, oy -- I did not appreciate the goings-on of the moment, which were something of a surprise. Blargh, I shouldn't even think about this!
@Hellcat My gyno was actually being really awesome and telling me exactly what she was going to do beforehand, but it's always a bit tense when something goes in your vg in a not-for-fun way. I think i probably just tensed at some point and stretched my leg wrong.
also, i almost punched a nurse practitioner once when she was de-waxing my ears. it just felt so awful i wanted to hit her. I think i have a problem with doctor's exams in general.
@ohmy Mine doctor knows me well enough at this point to know that I do not want to know what's happening -- just get it done and lemme outta there. However, this new (because I've hit the 40-year mark) and interesting part of the exam was, let's just say, not limited to specifically lady parts. While a head's up might have been nice, maybe he was onto something with the element-of-surprise approach.
For anyone interested or following this saga, the member of my staff who threatened to file a grievance against me because I was *gasp* insisting she show up to work on time is no longer filing a grievance against me. Why? Because she was told she doesn't have a leg to stand on. Crisis averted for another day. Carry on.
@kayjay in my head I'm saying "BOOM!" and making a little "suck it!" gesture with both hands on either side of my crotchal region. Good news!
Uhb I hit it off with an OKCupid lady and I've asked her out to a museum. I expect that she will accept! And it will be my first date ever, and I'm really in the dark about everything. And my best friend back home is not answering her phone nor replying to emails! Looks like I'm dropping into the deep end with this one.
Golly, I hope she doesn't read this! I probably shouldn't tell her that I have 0 experience with courtship of any kind. Or maybe I should? If it's obvious?
@Danzig! Don't tell her things that don't reflect well on you on the first date. Just go and have fun. Make her laugh. Let her make you laugh. There's plenty of time for honesty when you've become friends.
Do you drink? Maybe have one alcoholic beverage (just one! Not two or five!) before you go. Or do yoga. Or work out. Anything to relax you and flush out the anxiety chemistry.
@Danzig! I don't think you have to confess that pre-date. I'm with laurel, enjoy getting to know her. I think everyone is nervous about dating at first...until they go on one and realize that there is literally nothing you need to know how to do in advance. Have fun!!
@Danzig! Yeah. Don't lay that issue on her, because it doesn't matter.
Just go have fun doing fun things and be your fun charming self.
You don't need a pedigree and industry experience to date. You just need to want to go out with that person. That's it.
Go forth and be cool.
@Danzig!: The only advice I can offer is, treat this like the primary goal is to have a nice time at the museum and that you are with someone else who also wants to go to the museum. If you wrap this up with the double responsibility of feeling the need to keep them entertained or with the rituals of courting, it's going to keep all this anxiety floating around. Go to have fun.
@laurel It doesn't reflect well on me that I'm completely inexperienced at 25? @_@ I'll be sure to throw back a Blue Point beforehand.
@ayo nicole But what if there's that heavy silence at the end of the evening where I'm supposed to go in for a kiss or a hug or something! I'll be all "uhhh". Does that only happen in movies?
@PistolPackinMama I'll be wearing only my finest western shirts. Shirts, plural. Layering is important.
@Too Much Internet I'm gonna do my best to be zen with this.
@Danzig! Yeeeee, good luck! I realize this is much easier said than done, but try and relax and have a good time. Keep things light the first date and go from there!
@Danzig! If you have ever enjoyed someone's company and aimed to help them enjoy yours, you have all the experience you need. Truly, you're golden!
It's not that it reflects poorly on you, I'm just saying that it's best to put your best foot forward with someone who doesn't already know and care about you. Don't put her in a position of having to reassure you. Offering reassurance is totally appropriate among friends, but having to offer it up to a guy you're meeting for the first time is, well, tiresome.
And it will relegate you to the friend zone at best.
@Danzig!
I am going to respond to your question for @laurel. It doesn't reflect anything on you at all. What it is, is you project what it means. Because it is your life and your experience, and the only thing that matters is what it means to you.
Or, as one of my favorite profs says, never surrender the power of interpretation to your reader.
If it should bother her, that really is her problem. You are not there to make yourself seem acceptable to a lady. You are there to be your awesome self in company with a lady.
If it did come up in the first few dates, you could say:
I dunno. Just never met the right person, you know?
I dunno. I was really into school and having friends and having a fun time in college, and dating just never took precedence there.
I dunno. Beats me why I've been single my whole life.
I dunno. I decided it was time to get over my "waaah no one likes me" and just go out and meet people and have fun, you know? And I have had fun so far, so mission accomplished on that front.
I dunno, I was a late bloomer, what can I say?
I dunno. I felt like it was a good idea to just wait till I was ready to date, and I took my time getting there. I am glad I didn't push myself to do things I didn't want to do.
Unserweite.
A good friend of mine in college was a non-dater, and one of her first dates after she started going out after college just kept saying "I can't understand what was wrong with those guys" and she just said "I know, right? Me neither." And dropped it.
Also. If you want to kiss her. JUST. ASK.
"I had so much fun. Can I kiss you goodnight?"
"Thanks for a nice evening. Can I have a goodbye hug?"
Just ask. It may be unusual, but it is not unacceptable, and I would rather have a nervous person ask me than have a minor interior meltdown. If she says no... just information you can use to make your next decision.
@PistolPackinMama All solid. Would you handle all my responses?
@PistolPackinMama YES TO ASKING. My boy asked to kiss me the first time ever and it was adorable and it worked and now we are eight years later. HAH. (Asking! Proven results!)
@laurel Do I get to have "From the desk of @laurel" stationary, and a stamp of your signature?
@PistolPackinMama: 'Just Ask'
I have heard that this is the kiss (heh) of death, the asking to kiss.
@PistolPackinMama @laurel I was only kidding about it reflecting poorly!
Although now that you mention it, my actual reasons for not dating are pretty heavy and I'll have to disclose them at some point, but that point ain't the first date! One crisis at a time :P
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Man, my best friend in high school got married to one of his first girlfriends and she loooooved to needle him about how he asked her if he could kiss her on their second date. She would always tell the anecdote as if amazed that she decided to keep dating him.
Then again she is definitely the least pleasant person I have ever met in my life. After turning down their offer to be their third twice (c'mon guys, you knew I'd never been in a relationship before and that shit is varsity level stuff), she kept sending me "anonymous" sexts. Also she calls her now-husband a fag in public and she still gleefully fixates on the grudges against other girls she had in high school. Woman is bad news. Even though I know this, I still wonder if asking to kiss is a serious faux-pas. This woman I asked out seems cool, though, so I'm trying not to worry!
I told my friend not to marry her, but he was afraid he'd be alone forever were it not for her. Object lesson for me.
@Too Much Internet Not with me its not. You are a lot less likely to get the time of day from me ever again if you kiss me without asking/indicating I can make a kissing dodge.
And it shouldn't be a kiss of death. So let's work on making it not be one, shall we, universe? If you can't talk about kissing, what about talking about sex?
@Danzig!, I think you've made my point for me with the unpleasant person example. Yuck. What an awful person she seems.
@PistolPackinMama Indeed! I guess the other thing is that, pursuant to my lack of dating experience, I have a lack of kissing experience. I mean I don't imagine that I'm gonna lick her face ala The Jerk but you know. I'd probably just... peck. Is anyone naturally talented at kissing? I wish I could practice but... who would a straight dude even be able to ask, without it being weird / exploitative?
Also when you say "indicating", is that like... lightly putting your hand on her arm before you lean in? Or just leaning in slowly?
@Danzig!: You are putting 1000% too much thought into this. This is not bomb diffusion.
Go have fun, be nice. Feelings may happen, and may be mutual, so things will happen.
@Danzig! FWIW, I *love* being asked if it's okay to kiss me. Love it. LOVE IT.
Absolutely fucking love.
I love it, okay?
@Too Much Internet It's a way of life!
@wee_ramekin But how do you feel about being asked for permission to be kissed?
@wee_ramekin Right?! Consent is so, so sexy. (Like, not even joking. Being asked sincerely is HOT.)
OKAY. Totally losing my side here; I qualify it with, several girls have told me thus ("You're asking to kiss me? Are you kidding?"), and they are the type of girls that want their mates to be assertive, SO this most likely falls along a specific axis - there is no 'right and wrong' regarding asking, but different people feel differently. Assume nothing...
@Danzig!
"But how do you feel about being asked for permission to be kissed?"
I love it! That is what I was trying to say, but I think I wasn't very clear.
Honestly, I really love it. And I like assertive partners. But I honestly think that asking is an assertive move. It's like, you're sacking up and putting it out there and asking me if I'm comfortable with this. You're not swooping in and assuming I want to kiss you (because what if I don't! ah!); you're asking me how I feel about it, and that is Damn Sexy.
Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....
@Too Much Internet
It's true that sweeping generalizations aren't great! I want to roll my eyes at girls who are snarky about asking, but oh well. But I'll tell you: at one point I spent the evening watching Serenity with a guy in college, and afterwards we were just sort of cuddling and chatting in the dark on his couch, and at one point, really casually, he just asked quietly, "Is it okay if I kiss you?" and I said yes, and makin'-outs ensued. Things didn't end up working out, but the fact that I still remember that and that it still gets me a little hot and bothered, three years later, says something!
@Danzig! I thought I didn't like when dudes asked to kiss me, but that was because I didn't actually want to kiss any of the dudes who asked. When someone I was dying to get with finally asked me, I thought I was going to pass out. It was awesome. And yes, I like assertive guys. I agree that asking qualifies as assertive, but it might also depend on how confidently you ask.
Buuuut, with that said, I really like when dudes just go for it. This is super cliche and may seem like worthless advice from where you're standing, but you'll know when it's right. Really!!
Monday at MoMA!
@Danzig! Ask her questions while you're walking around! What she's into, where she's from, what brought her to the city she lives in, stuff like that. People often like to tell people about themselves and if you are genuinely interested in what she has to say she will know it and it will please her greatly. If there are a couple things that you are interested in, like the NFL or indie rock or whatever else, ask "do you watch any sports?" or "have you heard of ____?" It's a good way to learn about each other without things getting too heavy.
@Danzig! You realize you have to report back next Friday Open Thread, right? Right? OR, even better, right here as soon as your date concludes on Monday! INQUIRING PINNERS WANT TO KNOW. (Also MoMA is the best, their gift shop is full of the most whimsical little things ever. Perhaps get her a small whimsical thing? Nothing expensive, just something cute and happy. Provided, of course, that the date went well, which I'm sure it will!)
@Too Much Internet
In regards to asking for a kiss: Assertive doesn't mean blustering ahead without permission, it means asking permission with confidence. It's neat when someone you want to kiss kisses you spontaneously, because it's like you're having a mental connection and they understood you wanted kisses! However, for a first date, save the mental connections for agreeing on important topics and wanting to order the same thing, not things that intrude on someone's personal space.
But! You were the person insisting college guys usually want to rape girls as part of their character development, or something like that, so I can see where you are confused.
@Danzig!
Report back asap! The outfit and the location are fantastic, so you're off to a great start :) Spoondisaster is right on with asking questions, they fill silence and characterize your date and lead to great conversations.
Remember we're all rooting for you, and that a first discerning date is a first step to not ending up like your best friend and marrying a truly terrible sounding person!
@Danzig!
I think kissing can be a natural talent. But more than that it is a kind of communication. If you're paying attention to your partner, it's a responsive and attentive thing to do. And it takes two to tango, you know? So kissing. Think of it as continuing the conversation.
Also, when it comes to asking... I guess I feel like. This isn't about so much what the lady in question wants, really. It's about how you want to conduct your affairs. To me, knowing enthusiastic consent is part of the experience is far more important to me than just about anything else. And in the beginning at least, the way to know you have enthusiastic consent is to just ask. This is as important as if your lady friend likes to have her kisses initiated by Western Union telegram, or whatever.
If she likes a spontaneous kiss, she can always go for it herself. But if you just want to know it's okay to kiss her, then... ask.
Also, kissing practice. Hee. I love the idea, but alas I think it's like most things. Eventually, you just gotta do it.
@all Thanks all! I'm really hoping that at the very least I can make a new friend. I'd hate to come back to this thread feeling like a fuckup. That's never fun.
@Danzig! Dates that don't work out are dates that don't work out. They are not a sign you are a fuckup. It's just a date to a museum. That's it.
(PS: report back. I agree. I feel like an internet Yenta.)
Saw her today! She was terribly cute, we walked through MoMA and chatted some (we annoyed some old ladies but we were all like *whatever*). There were some dead spots in the conversation but I want to say most all of that time was in the presence of things worth paying attention to.
I don't know, I think she's cool, she's not a Brooklynite (which means she does not live in Brooklyn, but also that she has a full-time job and has concrete dreams and aspirations, unlike young people who live in Brooklyn), and she laughed at some of my dry humor, but there wasn't much in the way of sexual tension (I am very awkward so maybe I just did not see it). After putting around MoMA (I talked up the Cindy Sherman exhibit but I feel like she was not impressed / kind of put off by it) we went out for some quick food, and outside of the museum we were talking nonstop. We walked to my school (I had a test I elected not to study for in favor of going to see this woman, I think it was a good choice) and then she went off to explore Central Park. I did not feel it appropriate to attempt a hug or kiss at the end of our time together.
I offered to text her sometime in the future. I should have been more concrete with it but I did not want to be pushy. She has one day off per week and she chose to come see me this week, so I think... two weeks, maybe? I will ask her to show me around the Natural History Museum, which is her favorite. I half expect her to tell me no, which I would take as a sign that she's just not interested.
I feel like I comported myself well? And she's cool? But maybe the best I do is not good enough, or rather, maybe we're just not right for one another. I think she would make a good friend, in any case. I think I feel a bit down about it overall, but I tend to assume that people are always judging me harshly. Perhaps she likes me.
@Danzig! Hooray! Even if there weren't overwhelming romantic feelings, it sounds like you enjoyed yourself, which is very important. Conversation went well (even with good friends there will be some occasional dead spots) and you didn't dislike each other. Yay for first dates going well! And if it didn't go *amazingly*, it is not because "the best [you] do is not good enough"; it is usually because you are not right for each other. And that is normal.
@Danzig! I have had innumerable first dates of just that kind. Fun, but maybe not that fun? But maybe that fun?
Have six or seven more of those, and you'll have one that has unmistakable fireworks, and you'll know. As long as you weren't a total yutz, it's not about not being good enough. It's more about you two not being quite right for each other. Which is ok!
Also, if she is that busy a kind of lady, this procedure:
Text to say "thanks so much I had a lot of fun!" tomorrow/tonight.
Text to ask "would you like to go out [in a week/two weeks]?" at the end of this week.
So you maintain contact without getting up in her grill unless she shows you ensuing banter is what she's after.
Yay! And more yay!
@PistolPackinMama That's a good idea! I just sent her a text.
@Danzig!
You mentioned you might not have been picking up on her sexual interest, but make no mention of your own! Was she physically and mentally attractive?
Good for you :) I'm glad it was a good experience!
@Danzig!
You mentioned you might not have been picking up on her sexual interest, but make no mention of your own! Was she physically and mentally attractive?
Good for you :) I'm glad it was a good experience!
@Inkcrafter I thought she was both physically and mentally attractive, yes! She is passionate about her art (baking) and many other things besides. I would like to Date date her.
Happy Friday everyone! Four weeks ago I was whining in the comments about how my roommates never paid their rent on time and I was sick of being the nag. My tough love "I am taking the checks to the landlords on the first of the month and if yours isn't there you'll just have to DEAL" worked a treat. HOORAY! If I can only get someone else to sweep the floor once in awhile, we will be in bizness.
@Emma Peel I am sorry that your roommates are deadbeats! However, I am not sorry at all that your responsible self just reminded me to pay the rent! So thanks!
I got two dresses and a skirt on clearance from Avenue in the mail today. After work I'm going home to try them on (fingers crossed). Now to find a pair of nude/beige/taupe heels to go with them.
Hairpin ladies ---- y'all always offer such awesome advice and support that I will stop trolling and now participate. I'm curious into the insight of people that are not my friends, and have more experience with d00ds than myself.
Aiight, so I met this dude online at the beginning of Feb, and after some playful messages, we started emailing, and from the emails came a decision to have a meeting. So, our first date went really really well, and it ended in a little bit of a smooching at the bar patio, followed by some PG-13 (ish) makeout sesh in the back of my car. We ended it enthusiastic about seeing each other again .... he texted me when he got home with a "can't wait to see you again." and it's all very cute and the like.
Fast forward to a little over a week later, we meet again for our second date --- which was supposed to be a picnic, but work got in the way, and ended up being a sunday morning breakfast date (his suggestion) at an awesome shitty diner. That date also went really well, and at one point when telling a story, he put aside the stack of pancakes, took my hand, and declared, "you're a weird kid, and I like it." Followed by a smooch, and playful teasing my of flusteredness. Afterwards we planned to head over to a park to walk around and enjoy the nice day, but got sidetracked by smoochies and had another make out sesh. Where we pretty much confirmed that we're not only into each other as people, but are also cool with the idea of potentially seeing each other naked.
After a brief conversation about when we could see each other again, we agreed to see each other later that night after we were done with our respective activities. He would study, i would write. and then we'd reward each other for a job well done afterwards. He took the metro to my place, I met him there, gave him a tour of the digs, and had a make out sesh, this time half-nekkid before stopping to get down to actual work. We sat in silence, rubbing each others legs, holding hands, my legs draped over his, it was really nice and comfortable. After we were done, we channeled Billy Madison and Veronica Vaughn and had some more half-naked fun times. He knowingly stayed past the time the metro closed, and willingly paid for a kinda-pricey cab ride (boy came prepared with cab money). It was sexy, and sweet, and comfortable, and most importantly fun!
Here's the thing --- except for a quick check-in from him on Monday morning, and a short discussion of the phenomenon of cuddle parties ... I haven't heard from him at all, and there are no current plans to see each other again. I don't usually get beyond a first date with guys, so the fact that there was a second is sort of huge for me .... so i'm freaking Dear Pinners ...
I understand that people are busy and have lives and such, should I even be concerned that I haven't really heard from him since? Clearly this has been muddling my mind all week, and I don't like being muddled. Pinners -- what are your thoughts? Should I just be proactive and be the one to initiate another date?
You're awesome if you've read this far.
@Vabulous You guys sound so cute, like you have really great chemistry! Definitely text or email him! I think it's easy to have a few days just slip away from you now and again, so I don't think you should take it as a sign he's lost interest. If he's felt like he's the one who has initiated meeting up the other times, he may be trying to not be too pushy and is just letting the ball sit in your court for a couple days. Go for it grrrrl.
@Vabulous If it were me...I'd check in with him. I can be pretty aggressive with dudes, but I think that's fair. You guys have been hanging out long enough that it's totally cool for you to start proposing some dates. But if he gives you a weird, lukewarm response (like my favorite, "I'm really busy."), get out of there.
@Vabulous Um... why don't you just ask for the third date? What's wrong with that?
@Vabulous: Let me get the time progression straight here - the last date was Sunday, the last communication Monday, and you are writing this now (Friday). So, 4 days since last communication?
@ReginalTSquirge@twitter This here.
You are not committing a faux pas by asking a guy on a date or telling him you like him. Just ask him out. If he says no, revert to relentlessly polite and cheerful. "'Kay Thanks Byeeeeeeee" and move on. If he says yes, score.
Just do it. It's dating, not peace negotiations in the Middle East. If he's not interested, you will have that information and can move on. If he is, it might go from dating to something even better and more important.
Don't let yourself think because he's an online dude he shouldn't like, interact with you like a person who is awesome and cool. After a while, that just leads to feeling like Reading Between the Texts- you don't need that.
@Too Much Internet ha. yes. I realize that I sound like a crazy person. But, I think the only reason why I'm internally concerned is because leading up to our date on Sunday, we checked in with each other basically every day.
But I'm aware, that cooling it is in order. Fo shizzle.
@TheFattestBunny thanks! i mean, i initiated the initial contact --- through an OK cupid rating, and he messaged me, and then i was the one being all like "let's hang out" both times. but he's into it. so far. which is why i'm like .... hmm ... should i let him initiate this time around?
@ReginalTSquirge@twitter i think i might end up initiating date #3 anyways
@Vabulous: You don't sound like a crazy person at all; I wasn't trying to be sardonic, I honestly wanted to know how much time had passed between events.
I think it's strange he has not said anything. I'd send him a non-committal 'what's up?'. His reaction will tell you what you need to know. If I were excited to keep seeing a lady, I would talk (and act) like I was.
@Too Much Internet v. true. I don't know why I'm such a wuss about sending messages like that to dudes ... not sure what comes over me that makes me all shy! Will mellow on this during my yoga class and will muster my resolve to be a normal person.
@Too Much Internet Also if you're just texting, maybe try an email or something, maybe his phone broke (I have a lot of friends who constantly break their phone apparently). But it's also possible he just had to unexpectedly go out of town for a few days and is incommunicado. Not necessarily that he doesn't like you anymore. I would definitely try to give him the benefit of the doubt, and be like "hey dude, what's happening?"
@Megan Patterson@facebook very true! I guess i'm always expecting people from online to be flakes (which is usually the case) must follow my usual self to expect the best from people .... and I will totally message him with a "hey dude, what's happening message" in the near future...
I love how strangers help me feel positive! Sometimes, I think friends feed into my paranoia, or are forced to be supportive because they love me. Thanks Pinners!
I went to fry an egg this week and the sucker had two yolks! Is this a good luck sign of some sort? This is probably not that uncommon but it was the first time it's happened to me.
@Mere "I went to fry an egg this week and the sucker had two yolks!" Can this be a figure of speech for something?? It is too good of a sentence to pass up, for me anyway.
@Mere I got a double-yolker egg when I was making a recipe that called for one egg and one egg yolk. Took it as a sign that the universe was pleased with my cookie making and continued on.
@Mere This one time, when I tried to make a chocolate cake, I cracked an egg straight into the batter (You guys! Don't do this!). It was the last egg I had and I had a real hunkering for chocolate cake. So anyway, I throw away the eggshells and notice this weird lump in the batter. "Hmm, must be a bubble in the eggwhite, let me just pop it with a spoon."
You guys, that "bubble" was rock hard. I couldn't make out what exactly this...thing was, but I guess it was a chick-to-be?
I had to throw everything out. Batter wasted, mildly traumatized and haven't had chocolate cake or eggs ever since. Ugh.
@disgruntled co-worker AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
@disgruntled co-worker I just remembered, that cake incident happened in the same week I almost ate a worm. It was hiding in a cookie. A cookie I had already eaten half of.
@disgruntled co-worker I'm not kidding, that was a baaaaad week :S
@disgruntled co-worker How was there even a worm in a cookie???
@disgruntled co-worker Oh. Sweet. Jesus.
@lora.bee I still don't know :( It was a small worm, maggot-like, but not a maggot. Just, wughhh.
Guys, can we talk about contact lenses? I've had them for a little while but I am still incredibly aware of them, and they are making my eyes red.. does that go away? And I sometimes get headaches when I wear them. I think it's because I instinctively squint when I'm not wearing glasses, but I haven't been catching myself doing it as much. Am I doing this wrong?
@ayo nicole Try a different brand. I never understood people who complain about contacts because I've had absolutely ZERO problems with them. I actually dislike wearing glasses because my eyes feel funny and sleepy. Hard or soft?
@mackymoo Soft. I've got two-week Acuvue ones. I'll ask my doc about switching, thank you!
@ayo nicole Do you have them in the correct eye? No joke, I once accidentally switched my lenses and spent most of a day wondering why everything was slightly out of focus.
I was also acutely aware of my contacts for... at least a week or two, maybe closer to a month? (It maybe didn't help that my friends were all, "Ooooooooh, let me get really close to your face and stare at your contacts." Heh.) It'll take some time to acclimate - your eyes weren't used to having things put in them, and now there's something there every day.
Redness: rewetting drops! Blink makes really good eye drops that you can use with soft or RGP lenses.
@alannaofdoom Thankfully my RX is the same for both eyes, otherwise I would've definitely gotten them mixed up by now! I gotta get me some of those eye drops, thanks for the rec!
@ayo nicole Oh and make sure they're not inside out, that's when it hurts. The ends should be rounder rather than flatter.
@ayo nicole I've been wearing contacts for over a decade now (yow) and, like @mackymoo, I've never had a complaint about them. (If I ever did, it was a long time ago and obviously went away.) Try more brands!
@ayo nicole According to my optometrist, it's normal to feel them. Eventually apparently the nerves in your eyes just kind of go a bit dull and you don't feel them anymore? I don't know, that sound creepy to me, and I don't wear mine regularly enough to have my eyes go numb. Making your eyes go red isn't normal, though. I found I was sensitive to the preservatives in contact solution, so my optometrist gave me this peroxide-based solution that makes it much much better although it's kind of a pain in the ass.
@ayo nicole I agree with all the other suggestions, and definitely clean, clean, clean them. Usually when my contacts hurt, it's because of an infitesmal speck of dirt, a tiny little hair, or even a tear in the lens that I didn't notice when I put it in.
@ayo nicole All of these other suggestions are totally on point: make sure they're not inside out, clean clean them, but also check with your doctor. Your doctor will have a ton of samples and can give you things to try out. I now wear Oasis lenses, that I think were built for like, ladies in menopause or something, but for my dry non menopausal eyes they're just perfect. ALSO, take flax seed oil pills, they help with dry eye tons and tons (my eye doctor told me this, and I saw a huge difference when I started taking them, and could always tell if I forgot for a few days).
I concur with lots of what everyone is saying. Acuvue oasys are a super popular brand that work for a lot of people, but not everyone and everybody wears different stuff!
i wear focus dailies and once i put them in i expect to not feel or notice them until the end of the day. the only thing that would change that is if i rubbed them vigorously or something.
definitely definitely definitely try samples of different brands. (also the inside out! and the cleaning! omg everybody else has good suggestions what am i even doing here)
@ayo nicole
Im late to this but I experienced a whole saga (ok a dull saga) of dry eyes and general discomfort but in the end I found a really nice optometrist who let me try a bunch of different daily lenses and I found that things really improved. I use these daily acuvue ones that are made of water or something.
One thing thats weird, if you're on a contraceptive pill then that might be drying your eyes out. I dont understand the science but eye drops are always your friend. And maybe glasses. Your eyes like rest.
Update: went to a different optometrist today, who was much more helpful, and she gave me new lenses that are super comfortable and have a tiny reading prescription in them (so I don't have to strain as much in front of my computer all day)! I also got peroxide-based solution and re-wetting drops. Thanks for schooling me, everybody!
I NEED TV SHOW RECS. Halp.
Shows I love: Friday Night Lights, Mad Men, Parks & Recreation, Downton Abbey, Damages, The Good Wife.
Shows I watch: True Blood, Californication, Enlightened, Parenthood, The Big C, Nurse Jackie, Modern Family, Survivor, The Bachelor, Millionaire Matchmaker.
Shows I tried but couldn't get into: Breaking Bad (too depressing), Entourage (sexism ew).
@.Lauren. Do they have to be on now? You sound like an ideal candidate for the West Wing back catalogue.
@.Lauren. SHERLOCK SHERLOCK SHERLOCK. It's crazy good. You won't regret it.
@.Lauren. Happy Endings! I have no idea whether you'd like it based on your other shows except that I watch many of them, as well. It's so ridiculous and wonderful.
@Emma Peel Not on currently and it's only one season, but I think you would like Wonderfalls.
@Emma Peel
WEST WING!
That is all.
@.Lauren. OMG WEST WING. FOREVER!!
also, New Girl. I love Zooey sorry I'm not sorry.
THANKS ALL. (Keep 'em coming).
Also, it doesn't have to be a show that's currently on. I enjoy slogging through seasons of stuff I love.
And if the show you recommend takes awhile to get into/fall in love with, lemmie know? Some shows I love right away, but others require time... Like, everyone is all "oh ma gawd, The Wire is so good!!!" I watched 2 episodes and... meh? And don't know if that's because it's not for me or if it's because I need to give it more time.
@@serenityfound Yes, Happy Endings! It is a lot of fun, although it takes a bit to realize its strengths (Elisha Cuthbert: surprisingly hilarious).
Also @.Lauren, IDK because I feel in love with The Wire in the opening scene ("This is America, man."), but I would say try and commit to the first season at least. Because IIRC you haven't even met Omar yet and That Is a Shame.
@.Lauren.
West Wing hooked me from episode 1. If you're not in love with Josh Lyman and Sam Seaborn (Rob Lowe) by then, I cannot help you. :)
For a little teaser... enjoy this magical scene from one of the Thanksgiving episodes.
@.Lauren. Happy Endings, The New Girl (but zooey doesn't bother me fwiw), Sherlock, also...Revenge? It's totally soap opera-y, but your shows are my shows too so I say check it out. It's pretty great! Oh also - if you prefer sports to government, you might want to check out Sports Night, another Aaron Sorkin show. Personally I <3 the West Wing but just thought I'd put that out there!
@.Lauren. Party Down! It's hilarious and has Adam Scott in it. Too bad Netflix doesn't have it streaming anymore ...
@.Lauren. BOARDWALK EMPIRE. Gorgeous, gorgeous period costumes, Steve Buscemi's dryly humorous delivery, plus Hairpin darling Paz de la Huerta.
@.Lauren. Justified! Although to be honest, I'm recommending it to practically everyone right now.
@.Lauren. SHERLOCK. Yezzzzz. Also Black Books, Dead Like Me, Pushing Daisies, King of the Hill, All Creatures Great and Small, Murder She Wrote...I will think of more.
@MilesofMountains OK I am on season 1, but does it get better? Cuz it's been pretty bad so far. There was an ep with a sex scene and it was so bad!!!
@Megan Patterson@facebook The first half of the first season drags like fuck, then it really picks up by the end of the first season and the second season is amazing. It's a bit of an investment, but when you meet the Season 2 Big Bads, it's so very worth it.
@MilesofMountains OK, it has great guest stars (Tony Hale!) but not particularly great writing, so I am like "augh" at this point
@Gracefully and Grandly I never said Revenge was a good show, only that I love it. I watch the Bachelor and Millionaire Matchmaker, clearly I'm not above enjoying "bad," mind numbing TV (although I can differentiate between what's critically good and what's just addicting/enjoyable to watch).
@.Lauren. oh oops! I completely missed that you watched it. I love it too! I was recommending it but you're already all over that. Also going to 2nd Dead Like Me and Pushing Daisies. And this is essentially fluff (but sometimes that's what you want) and if you're into pretty pretty guys (Matt Bomer) and heists: White Collar. Oh! And Luther! I watch too much TV...
@Gracefully and Grandly ohhhh hahaha I thought you were being all judgey! Like questioning me loving it. Woops. Now I feel bad!
@Megan Patterson@facebook Yeahhhh, to be perfectly honest, the dialogue is never really great. But I like a lot of the plotting and characterization once they give up on making it a procedural drama and the acting knocks it out of the part. I guess I mostly like how it avoids a lot of the tv character cliches, like how it fully acknowledges that Raylan is angry, and sometimes an asshole, and really really hard to live with and deconstructing the whole cowboy/rougue lawman archetype.
@MilesofMountains Ok, that sounds promising then. Cuz the procedural thing is really annoying too.
@:Knope: Boardwalk Empire! Deadwood. Luther. Misfits. Louie. Californication, but just the first few seasons.
@:Knope: GAME OF THROOOOOONES
I took a sick day from work today to "recover from exhaustion". And not in the cool/crazy starlet way. Just the "it's dumb that a 25yo has chronic fatigue syndrome" way.
On the upside, I have slept so much and am finally clearing some of those movies from TCM off my DVR!
@@serenityfound Chronic fatigue SUCKS. My mother has it, and one of my best friends has had it since he was 19, and it just sucks, sucks, sucks, blows. Big hugs for you.
@@serenityfound I have something similar! Arthritis and fibromyalgia, but I have a few doctors who think that the fibro is kind of a bunk diagnosis, but anyway, HUGS, any variation of CFS sucks. I hope you feel better!
@contrary My mom has fibro, too, so double hugs back! And fuck anyone who thinks fibro is bunk diagnosis. I will punch them all in the face.
It's so weird, cuz I've had CFS by way of chronic Epstein-Barr for a while now (thanks, juicebox Irish boyfriend who gave me mono in '08!) but it's been super under control lately. Then, BAM, last week and a half everything has gone to hell.
@@serenityfound Ahh, I should have worded that better. I didn't mean bunk like the one doctor I go to that is like "lol, all people in their 20s are healthy, shut up and take a vitamin" means it, I meant that they have other more definitive suspicions that they know more about/can treat more effectively (since there's no test for fibro, it's a diagnosis of exclusion, blah blah blah). I tired the 3 FDA approved fibro drugs (that are actually just antidepressants, but whatever) and they helped literally zero percent. I actually had a reaction to one so it was negative amount of helpful.
Monk is terrible! I had mono in high school and didn't know and my spleen was huge! Ahhhhhhhhh, get rid of your bodies, seriously.
@contrary That should say mono. I can't edit for some reason. Monk is kind of terrible too, though.
oh man my chronic fatigue is coming back and I neeeeeeeed need need to start taking my iron pills again.
to do list this weekend: get iron pills
@redheaded&crazy Iron pills make me throw up on everything even though I should take them. Harrrumph.
@redheaded&crazy GUH. I have a multivite with iron that was great, except that it made me get light-headed and feel like I was going to barf whenever I took it. Which isn't great to have happen the morning of your grad school orientation.
@contrary Are they suggesting biofeedback therapy at all? My mom also didn't get any benefits from the FDA-approved drugs (and a variety of other cuckoo "solutions" she investigated) for her fibro or her reflex sympathetic dystrophy, but biofeedback therapy is helping a bit with them.
@@serenityfound Try taking the vitamin in the middle of a meal, so it is surrounded with food, and then when you are done eating suck on a peppermint or two afterwards (the clear ones are better than the red and white ones for this, just make sure they are naturally flavored). Ugh, iron, why are you so hateful?
Also, my new roommate (who is nice, really) just texted to say that she broke a couple of "glass ornaments" in the bathroom while she was cleaning.
...They were hand-blown green and blue globes that I bought in Jerusalem, on the last day of the semester abroad that was ended early because of September 11th.
I bought them with my best friend; they have hung in every place I've lived since then.
And I feel horribly shallow and materialistic because I just hid in the bathroom and cried over this. They were just...special to me, you know? :(
@OxfordComma I don't think it's materialistic or shallow at all. It was an accident and it sucks, and you're allowed to feel upset over something that means a lot to you.
@kpo987 : *sniffle* Thank you.
@OxfordComma That's so sad! :( You are definitely warranted in feeling upset about it. In high school one time, I had a friend who was feeling down, so I lent her my special hat that had all these pins all over it, some of which were super old and which my mom had given me...and she "lost" the hat during drama class. Never to be found again. And she didn't even properly apologize for it. I'm still steamed about it, six years later.
@OxfordComma You shouldn't feel bad at all! Hmm, are the shards still around? Maybe you can re-purpose them somehow, like in a mosaic? Even if you aren't artistic at all you can put them in a fancy corked bottle or something!
@Fodforever : I'm planning on doing that, actually! Thanks! :)
@figwiggin : Thanks, lady! And ARGH. That is SO frustrating!
@OxfordComma aw man i would definitely feel so sad and DEFINITELY cry over that. not to mention like a billion lesser incidents. that is so valid! they were meaningful mementos!
but, it sounds like you're already coping with it well. i vote, everybody's allowed to have a good cry sometimes
Ok Hairpinners this is a snobby book question. Is it okay that I still think chick lit is chick lit? I just read A Great and Terrible Beauty and thought it was a little trashy, then got to the interview in the end where she was offended by being labeled that. I struggle with this so much because I'm a librarian who should think all reading experiences are equal, but deep down I do not think all books are created equal. Does this make me a sexist asshole? I know there's been a lot recently about female writers not getting enough attention from critics, but I just don't think Jennifer Weiner = Ian McEwan. (Don't even get me started on The Night Circus)
@mackymoo Yeah except Ian McEwan sucks?
@mackymoo But seriously, of course a lot of chick lit is awful, but so is a lot of dick lit? Terrible books are written by people of each gender. It doesn't make you a sexist asshole to dislike (what's commonly marketed as) chick lit, but it would make you a sexist asshole if you assumed any book written by somebody with ovaries was automatically chick lit.
@Decca Urgh thank god someone else thinks so. He's so ponderous and takes himself so seriously and his characters are crap (different from being unlikable; some of my fav books have unlikable characters, his are just cardboard) and all his books are the same. I do not get it.
And yes trash is trash regardless of gender.
@Apocalypstick I went off on a big thing about him in a thread a few weeks ago, so I won't repeat myself except to say: never has a book filled me with so much rage as Atonement.
@Decca @Apocalypstick Haha got the wrong crowd then, I love Ian McEwan.
@Decca You and I should be besties, because I feel the same way about Atonement.
And to the question, no one has to love every kind of book, but yeah, if you think that popular literature written by women can all be written off by the term chick lit and that it's all trashy then yes that makes you a sexist asshole. I think the premise of your question is problematic, actually -- there are a lot of high and low literature written by women and men both, and the problem with the way that the term chick lit is used is that it brands all books written by women and about women as somehow beneath the ones written by and about men. And that's where we get terrible statistics like those in these charts.
@mackymoo Ok, first of all, librarians are awesome. And you know, I feel you, because it seems to me that chick lit is just gussied up romance, and I think the problem with having the question of romance being the *center* of the plot is that it automatically feeds into this whole societal concept of a woman not being worthwhile/whole/whatever until she has caught herself one of those menfolks, and that the catching of one should be the center of her universe, the most important thing, the heart of the plot, and I think that's just a completely poisonous idea to be peddling, whether you brand it as literature or escapism. (I hope that makes some sense as I am sippin' manhattan numero dos right now.)
There may be also a pigeonholing effect with women writers going on, and I know that if I wrote a book about contemporary women's issues and it got a pink cover with a martini and a stiletto on it, I'd be pissed as hell. Fortunately for me, fantasy is my jam, so I only have to worry about dork-ass dragons and wizards and shit. (And those are theoretical dork-ass wizards at this point anyway.) So with that said, I think it's clear I'm not a genre snob, as I basically dwell in the basement of low literature. And I would love some book recommendations for "chick lit" that falls outside the perimeters of "the love story is the main story."
I have read a Great and Terrible Beauty and I enjoyed it but I also thought it was HILARIOUS that there was a QA in the back. Like, really? REALLY? Is it time for Deep Thoughts? Ain't no Q's in the back of my copy of A Clash of Kings, nawmean?
@mackymoo The thing is, books are not one-size-fits-all for value! I have firm belief that all books are valuable, and retain different value depending on what they are. Even bad books, or books I/you/one person out there disagree/s with, are valuable in that they can open up discussions and thought pathways. It's all a matter of reading critically and thinking about what you read.
@stormageddon @figwiggin Yeah I mean I just threw this out here to get some other opinions, I've pretty much worked out my thoughts on the issue. I definitely don't apply the term chick lit to all books by women writers, it just seems like the ones I really respect (Zadie Smith, Audrey Niffenegger, Nicole Krauss, Suzanne Collins) aren't the ones who are railing against the chick lit label (like Jodi Picoult, Jennifer Weiner, Libba Bray).
Curtis Sittenfeld is one of those authors who I really think gets pigeon-holed and ends up with a pink cover but inside has some of the most realistic and well-written female characters around.
And obviously, professionally, I believe that all books have value, but personally I'm just trying to come off my English major high horse tired of being called a hipster like it's a bad thing just because I don't read what everyone else is reading etc.
@Danzig! Yeah. Don't lay that issue on her, because it doesn't matter.
Just go have fun doing fun things and be your fun charming self.
You don't need a pedigree and industry experience to date. You just need to want to go out with that person. That's it.
Go forth and be cool.
Ok, this will be buried down here in the bottom but I will ask anyways. I decided to get a pixie cut a few months ago and I LOVE it. The problem? I'm not good at upkeep. When my hair was long, I just cut it myself and I always liked it. Is it possible to DIY my pixie cut? I feel guilty spending so much on my hair now that I have to get it cut so often, I didn't really think that part through.
Hair is just hair, right?
@OhShesArtsy : I wear teeny little pigtails when my hair starts to grow out--get the clear ones from Target--or I twist the back couple of inches up with bobby pins.
I can usually go about three or four months between cuts this way. :)
@OhShesArtsy Pixie cuts are often most charming when they're a bit asymmetrical, so I definitely think you can DIY a lot of it (bangs, sides?).
@OhShesArtsy I had a pixie cut for 5 years and DIY'd that shit all the time, because haircuts are expensive and my favourite stylist opened his own salon so I couldn't afford him anymore.
@everyone So, scissors? Clippers? I think scissors, right?
@OhShesArtsy : Yup! Sharps from your local beauty supply place. And lotsa mirrors. :)
@OhShesArtsy Also, ask your stylist about bang/neck trims for women with short haircuts. My salon gives me a free bang/neck trim between visits because the owner understands that short haircuts require more frequent haircuts.
@OhShesArtsy Scissors! And mirrors! And cutting vertically will make your life easier! the best thing is, it will all grow out in two weeks if you make a mistake!
Wait, whoa. Something good came in the mail AND the USPS come through for me when I had discounted them. I ordered a thing I was irrationally excited about and then a whole week went by after the tracking told me it was shipped and I was convinced it was lost forever. But I called the customer service number, and they were very helpful. The next day it was waiting for me when I got home. Ta-da!
Ugh, I hate this whole time zone thing, because I was literally waiting for the Friday Open Thread and then I had to go out for the evening and now I'm all late and shiz.
Anyway! Those of you who have been asking me to blog about Cairo! I am doing that now. It is here. I hope you enjoy!
@miwome Followed followed followedddd. (I'm bluelightseven over on Tumblr, say hiiiii!)
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Aaahhh so I don't know anything about Tumblr, and I can't seem to figure out how to get it to let me respond to people's posts (other than <3ing them) and stuff and I don't really know how to "say hi" to people? Unless it's maybe in a message? But regardless I will follow you.
It's really weird to me that I find Tumblr so mysterious, I mean, I know some basic html! I usually figure out websites easily! Tumblr, whyyyyyyy
@miwome Download the browser add-on called Missing E. Tumblr itself will send you all sorts of apocalyptic warnings about it, but those are nonsense and Missing E will make your life so much better. You can respond to (most) individual posts by hitting the little swoopy arrow icon in the top right of their posts on the dash, and can send messages with the message doodad.
I need some suggestions, Toronto 'pinners! I'm going to be in the city in a few weeks, and although I live in one of those cities where everyone moves to Toronto eventually, I've only been there once in my adult life so far. I have three weekdays during which my lovely host will be working and I will be entertaining myself. Any suggestions on things to do/see by yourself in Toronto (that are preferably not too expensive)?
@crookedlegs The ROM is 15 bucks now! Queen West is full of vintage stores, uh...restaurant food is actually really cheap everywhere and I have had pretty good luck just going random places), especially downtown because there is so much competition. When in doubt, go on The Grid and Now magazines' websites!
@crookedlegs ALSO LET US KNOW WHENNNNN HELLOOOOOOOOO
you could rent a bixi (thing i have never done)
just walk around the neighbourhoods! start at like ossington and college, then walk up college and oh this is getting hopelessly complicated.
definitely eat out as much as you can afford to/whatever because toronto has some damn good restaurants.
@redheaded&crazy Excellent suggestions! I was actually itching to get some museums in, so ROM sounds like a good choice. And I'm looking forward to wandering Queen West again, on my own time :)
AND I'm staying basically at Dundas and Ossington so it's nice to know that I'm in a prime spot to wander! I'LL BE THERE IN TWO WEEKS. I'll be the one eating my way through the city, just wave because my mouth will probably be too full to say hello
@crookedlegs The Lakeview diner, on the northeast corner of Dundas and Ossington, is excellent (drunk) food. Just ask @redheaded&crazy. And there is a small former Portuguese men's club that is now a hipster bar just west of there on the south side of Dundas where they serve you meat on a sword that hangs above your table.
@phlox Amazing. The Lakeview is right across from where I'll be - I have no doubt that my drunk friends will drag my drunk ass there.
So many things this week!
- State sent me $2 in mail because I apparently miscalculated my taxes.
- I found an AMAZING cheap apartment (West Lakeview near Southport, for all you Chicago 'Pinners) and signed the lease! Hardwood, dishwasher, mega closet space, laundry in building! I will need to learn the art of making my bed through because it's a big studio.
- Second date with guy from Match tonight and I'm nervous but excited! Taking the kissing advice upthread.
@ImASadGiraffe Yay cheap Chicago apartment! Definitely find one of those room dividers. I decoupaged an old one in book pages when I was in a studio. Though to be fair, I never used it because it was too small to have guests.
@ImASadGiraffe Good luck! Tell us about it after please!
@ImASadGiraffe Depending on the set-up, I think the Ikea Expedit shelving unit is a brilliant half-room divider (and the 4x4 unit one is the length of a full-size bed FYI) -- congrats, apartment hunting is THE WORST!
@klibberfish Second date success! Also, "if you want him to kiss you let him kiss you" is great advice. Strongly recommended!
This morning while texting with my mom, she said, when I told her I was at the porn palace, "I hope you have been looking for other jobs because you know how things can go." She has not stopped suggesting that I look for another job since the day I started working at the porn palace. Just "Have you found a new job yet? Are you looking for a new job? There are new job postings on craigslist for jobs that are not at all of interest to you and pointless to look at, you should check them out." She brings it up almost every single time we talk, along with the idea of me moving back to her house, 400 miles away. Now, I get it- mothers miss their children and she is worried that my job is a dead-end. But I've begged her, in so many different ways, to cut this shit out. Whenever I try to very seriously put an end to this kind of talk (because it is upsetting and disrespectful), she gets annoyed and accuses me of being dramatic. I spent months looking for a job and the job search was miserable, and now I have TWO JOBS, one of which is PERFECT for me. Plus, fuck it, I'm young- I am allowed to love my silly job. If she thinks I just need daily reminders that my entire life could go down the shitter at a moment's notice, she is sadly mistaken. I almost emailed her this morning outlining that she needs to stop because of A, B, and C but I suspect it would be met with either a long, lecture of an email, or just plain "YOU ARE SO DRAMATIC OMG STOP."
Thinking of going nuclear and calling her husband and telling him to make her knock it the fuck off. Passover is in a month and if my whole trip home is an extended interrogation and campaign to get me to leave Mister and my city and come home, I will lose my fucking mind.
@Third Wave Housewife Ha, tell her you could lose your livelihood at a moment's notice in any field. At least porn is fun.
@Third Wave Housewife See, I would think that, of all the places you wouldn't have to worry about your job not being there in a month, a porn palace is probably one of the more secure ones. It's not like humans are going to suddenly get less horny/perverted any time soon.
@Third Wave Housewife Ugh, I'm sorry. A good friend of mine has been working in a porn shop for the past 10 months; all his mother knows is that he works "in retail".
@Third Wave Housewife The only solution is to be dramatic. Say "I don't care if you think I'm being dramatic, I'm going to be loud and pissed off about this!" If she says you're being dramatic, don't stop, keep going, it will freak her the fuck out and then next time you can say "Mom, do you want me to hang up, because I told you that the next time you did this I would hang up." etc.
I agree with thebestjasmine. Whenever someone upsets you and then they tell YOU that you're being dramatic, immediately assume they are totally wrong. That is the argument of condescending a-holes.
@all Thanks everyone. I now cannot decide if the time has passed to address this and send an email. Probably not, because it is a constant, recurring problem. But I am working right now so that's kind of a question for later today anyway.
Charlotte Bronte juvenilia anyone? http://www.lrb.co.uk/v34/n05/charlotte-bronte/lingratitude
I am in fantastic humour as my landlord turned up with a new key for my bf, didn't ask us to pay for it, and out of the blue dropped the rent by €40 a month. He also ignores our secret cat, so he is definitely the best landlord I've ever had.
@mascarasnake I'm singing "secret cat" to the tune of Feist's "Secret Heart" and re-reading the new juvenilia, so happily. I was very excited when this was unearthed!
@Decca I will add this to my catserenading repetoire! Poor cat.
I'm mired in Charlotte love right now; finally read Villette over Christmas and nnnnghhgh.. too good. Why did I wait so long?
@mascarasnake Pretty much everyone waits too long before reading Villete, but once they do...
Just this week I finished my senior year dissertation, in which Villette played a huge part. <3 you, Lucy.
Depression update, I am looking at therapists this week, I have everything documented and am not going to lose my job + can complete some class work and get most of my credits for this semester.
So do a lot of therapists have some feng shui style bowls of marbles and seashells and vases of flowers style crap in their offices? Both I've met so far, totally do. I guess they might be going for "calming atmosphere" but it honestly brings up all of my snooty minimalist pretentiousness and makes it tough for me to take them seriously as professionals. I always want to run and hide at the first hint of woo-woo emotionalist nonsense, maybe this is why I am in need of therapy in the first place?
Please tell me this is a problem someone else has and I'm not just being pointlessly resistant to people who can totally help me? I mean, I'm already looking exclusively at CBT because there is no fucking way I am going to lay down on a literal couch and free-associate for a psychoanalyst.
@Emmanuelle Cunt Mine doesn't/didn't! She had some very nice art. But her office is also tiny. (and yay, I got better and didn't need regular therapy anymore!So I just go back if my panic attacks start again.)
@Emmanuelle Cunt Mine had a bunch of sort of rando things in his office, but they were clearly there for people to fidget with? Which was actually very comforting. It helped me take my mind off of What I Was Saying enough to just actually say it. But he also did this thing where he had dogs around because I guess they are calming for some people, but me they just set on edge. I felt guilty about it.
So, I guess the upshot is, different therapists do different things?
@Emmanuelle Cunt I fired a therapist because she wore matching turquoise print shirts and pants. I just couldn't pay to look at that.
@Emmanuelle Cunt Mine had an office that looked like a professors' - piles of papers, lots of plants, books everywhere. I found her office super comfortable. The minimalist look sounds kind of ridiculous.
@OhShesArtsy (ridiculous for a therapist's office, I mean)
@Emmanuelle Cunt Can someone please tell me questions to get out of the way first time I go to a therapist? I get all passive and stupid even though yes, I am paying this person lots of money to listen to me whine. I tend to go to a therapist for a few sessions, decide that they're an asshole and disappear into the sunset..
@Emmanuelle Cunt FYI lots of therapists share spaces with each other! So maybe it was not your therapist who decided on the woo-woo bowls of seashells and whatnot.
@mascarasnake maybe what you can do is think about what you want and then be like "are you like this or not?"
e.g.
asks lots of questions or sits there waiting for you to open up
gives advice/directive vs "what do you think is best?"
man/woman/non-gender binary distinction
queer friendly/not
woo-woo bowls of seashells/not
or whatever you think would work best with you
@redheaded&crazy "are you an asshole"/not
@redheaded&crazy Helpful, thank you! (especially the last)
Oooh I got my new router in the mail (although I did not know they had tried to deliver it because no one left a dang slip!) and now I have a router that WORKS and my ps3 can go in it, and I can download demos and updates and use my precious, precious ps3 media server. I named my network Winterfell, also.
@Megan Patterson@facebook Sweet! One of our neighbors has a network called window_licker, and I'm both confused and jealous because ours is boring.
@figwiggin: 'FBI Surveillance Van #6' is a good SSID. So is 'Goat Porn'.
@Too Much Internet If I ever decide to change it, it will be "butt house"
@figwiggin Your neighbour might be French and/or a shopaholic! In French the expression for window shopping translates literally as to lick the windows.
@Marika Pea@twitter I...did not expect to learn that today! Vive la France!
@Megan Patterson@facebook It even kind of makes sense. Or maybe it's just my window shopping method...
@figwiggin This is super super late but Window Licker is also an Aphex Twin song? So maybe it is that.
I'm writing a paper about sex and The Wire right now (and Middlemarch too!), and you guys, it's going to be so hard not to talk about how attractive Idris Elba is, because daaaamn.
Also: Improv or The Room, what would you do? They're both on tonight and both guaranteed to be awesome, but I can't decide.
@Two-Headed Girl I'd recommend Improv because I've never seen it and I've seen The Room, and I know it's a so-bad-its-awesome movie, but it's SO BAD. Watching The Room is like watching a train wreak.
@Two-Headed Girl THE ROOM!!!
@Two-Headed Girl Damn, writing that paper would be nigh on impossible because I'd just start thinking about sex with Idris Elba and it would get real smutty real quick.
@Two-Headed Girl Is anyone here a fan of The Big C? Because sex scenes with Idris Elba and Laura Linney may just be the best thing my eyes have ever seen.
Today, I got to go out to free Indian food lunch (good) with coworkers, but upon returning to the office, one of them noticed that my parked car (I didn't drive to lunch) had a flat tire (bad). On the upside, I somehow managed to get some freebies from ModCloth, whose system seems to believe I had a credit in the exact amount of the order I placed (weird... but good. And I did try to rectify this by contacting customer service and explaining that I have no such credit. But the rep insisted that I did, so... free stuff for me, I guess).
And, for those of you here that love bird-themed clothes and stuff, I saw this in my ModCloth travels and thought of you:
http://www.modcloth.com/shop/cardigans/hello-birdie-cardigan-in-grey
I've had a big crush on one of my guy friends for the past year or so, and this week, in the spirit of Leap Day or insanity or something, I put myself out there and told him how I felt! But then, he was not into it (in a very nice way). And now I'm sad and lonely.
@rkaiulani Sorry. That sucks.
I am dating somebody awesome right now and I really hope it works out. He is so sweet and we are at that awesome stage where we cuddle and hold hands while watching movies, which makes me sound like I am 12 but it is awesome.
@whereismyrobot That is never not awesome.
@whereismyrobot that sounds fucking great. it is awesome.
I just found out from the couple that we're renting our house from that we can have chickens! I am on my way to Rural King to pick up the food/bedding/heatlamp/feeder tonight and then getting the chickens tomorrow! Chickens!!!
@AniaGosia I love it. Chickens are hilarious.
@laurel I am so excited! Living the dream! In the woods, with chickens.
@AniaGosia CHICKENS.
@AniaGosia Yay! I loved having chickens and (I think) they loved me? So happy for you!
@Lemonnier I got them! 4 Barred rocks, 4 Rhode Island Reds, and one mystery chick who I think might be an ISA. They're cuddled up in our bathtub under the heat lamp, snoozing now. With the occasional peep! They will be named: Dolly, Loretta, Patsy, Emmylou, June, Maybelle, Kitty, Reba, and Tammy. I'm so excited!
@AniaGosia BEST CHICKEN NAMES EVER! I am imagining them being the cutest chicklets ever.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher They are so fluffy and adorable. I keep going to sit by them and just watch them. I cannot stop. Already it looks like Maybelle is the dominant one. She's got two little spots on the top of her head. Dolly is a little blonde one (she's the one that I suspect is an ISA brown). I'll assign the rest of the names once their personalities show a little more. Chickens!
@AniaGosia Chicklet webcam! You know the Hairpin wants to get in on some fluffy and adorable chicken watching.
No, but speaking of the mails, I did send my great-grandmother a birthday card. She turns 94 on Sunday! What?!
Ugh, why does seeing other people being happy and having fun make me feel lonely and sad. I have a good life, things are good! But it still makes me feel like crap sometimes and that's so stupid I can't even stand it.
@figwiggin: That's not stupid. Feeling lonely is normal, if you're lonely.
@figwiggin Figlet, I feel something similar this week. I am so so happy for all my Pinnerz who are recently engaged (shoutout: @teenie, @Jane Marie!) and for those who are having fun new sexy-/lovey-/datey-times, and for those who just got new jobs. I really am happy for them, because I mean, these are my Peeps, and I want them happy.
And at the same time, I feel kind of lonely and sad, even though my life is rad. Something weird in my head keeps telling me that of course other Pinners will find love/get a new job/have an awesome date, but probably that will not ever happen to me.
But you know what? I am Being a Badass and Taking Statistics right now, and statistically Figgy, our time will come for happiness. Our time will come. I refuse to believe that we are more than two standard deviations away from happiness.
@dieAuflaufformchen I really needed to read this today. <3 u, Pinnies.
@PistolPackinMama <3
Also, do I need to get a black-and-white picture to be a part of this thread?
@wee_ramekin: I blame Leon St J. for setting the standard.
Also, I'm lonely as heck. So I feel you.
I know it's gotten bad when I spend a lot of time at work daydreaming about an imaginary girlfriend.
@wee_ramekin Are you my fairy godpinner? You're always here for me! I want to give you a hug.
I feel like it's just my head not making sense, because I have a better job than I did, and a boyfriend who loves me even if he doesn't always understand me, and a few dear friends who are so good--and that sounds like I'm bragging, so why do I feel so sad? I think this ties into my piffles and whiffles before about therapy. I'm going to talk to someone at work about whether that's covered by our insurance, because I have no idea where to start.
(It also doesn't help that I made the bad-timing choice of listening to Bad Wine and Lemon Cake by The Jane Austen Argument. So pretty, but not good for a sad brain.)
@wee_ramekin Yes, you need a black and white picture.
@Decca: Timely response, high five
@Too Much Internet I had been thinking of changing mine to something more colorful, but I'm so fond of Franz Sacher and his cake.
@figwiggin I momentarily considered changing it to an actual photo of myself, but then realised what a horrible idea that would be. EVERYONE KEEP ON MOVING NOTHING TO SEE HERE I ACTUALLY LOOK LIKE GRETA GARBO.
@figwiggin Not to be totally mean and callous, but you should take vitamin D! I find it can make the difference between a day with some sad lonely times and a Sad Lonely Day.
and I recently had to explain to someone how having a boyfriend doesn't magically make all your lonelinessess go away, and sometimes it makes them worse because you're all "Why am I lonely? I have my person!" but you're lonely anyway and inexplicably feeling like you have no one, and maybe the best time of your life was actually the year you were seventeen, but you didn't notice, and everything is sad and you will maybe go to bed with a bottle of beer and some dried mango, and then be sad when you finish the mango.
THAT'S IT. IT IS OFFICIAL. THIS IS A BLACK-AND-WHITE AVATAR THREAD.*
I kind of love it; it's apropos what with our subject matter.
@figwiggin That song is beautiful. I've listened to it ~seven times now :).
*moins moi
@wee_ramekin MINE HAS PURPLE IN IT, SUCKER
@wee_ramekin I'm glad you like it! I love JAA. Tom Dickens' version with Amanda Palmer is also beautiful.
@teffodee No, this is great advice! I've been trying to remember to take my pills (folic acid and calcium) every morning, mostly failing, but Vitamin D would not be a bad addition. I need to keep the pill bottles on my desk so I remember them.
Also, it's like you saw into my heart with the dried mango thing.
@figwiggin The dried mango thing may or may not have happened right before I commented.
@figwiggin Figgy! Let's go out and buy Vitamin D this weekend in our respective cities, and then on Monday, let's meet in the comments of the first thread of the day and do virtual high-fives about our vitamins! Anyone else want to meet there?
@wee_ramekin I'm so in. These pills will get TAKEN. (And therapy may also may be VISITED.)
@wee_ramekin Ugggh Statistics
@wee_ramekin
Yay!
YES TO VITAMIN D. It is the best. People are seriously deficient nowadays. It's the (dark) season for that deficiency to rage, etc.
Does anyone in The Bay Area/Northern California want to split some vitamin d oil drops? They're super pricey at whole foods, but cheap in bulk. They're much more easily digestible and cost effective, too. Plus, 1 drop = funner to take than 1 pill, TRUST.
Bonus points: Vitamin D helps w/ calcium absorption.
Also, SET A VITAMIN ALARM. Hard not to remember when your phone tells you to.
P.S. I am Leslie Knope and I am in FULL COLOR and am here to cure you all of your loneliness and blahs with liquid gold (aka: Vitamin D oil drops).
P.S.S. Loneliness when everything is going right and you're surrounded by people is the loneliest feeling of all. Except being far away from all your friends and loved ones with a serious and new medical condition. That is worse.
P.S.S. I would seriously recommend "The Mood Cure" by Julia Ross. I'm hesitant to endorse a book with the word "cure" in the title, but she knows what she is talking about. You aren't going to find the kind of info on neurotransmitters, amino acid/vitamin/mineral deficiencies anywhere else + she uses sound science + she's not in the back pocket of Big Pharma + it's really readable and digestible. Just, all of you, go get it.
@wee_ramekin "I refuse to believe that we are more than two standard deviations away from happiness". That's going on a post-it note on my fridge door - thank you!
@:Knope: I'm in Northern California, but I don't leave town much because I'm boring? Soooo, depends on what your plans are for splitting them there drops.
@:Knope: aw I was totally getting revved up to spoil the black and whiteness but kudos for beating me to it (nemesis...)
@figwiggin P.S. I didn't realize it, but The Jane Austen Argument's new album just dropped today! I'll probably blather about it in whatever music post comes on Monday, but yeahhhh, bought that in a heartbeat.
@:Cinnamon Girl: I came to reply to your comment about where in California, but I can't find it! Um, anyway, I'm in Stockton, AKA the left buttcheek of nowhere. Insofar as the Bay Area goes, I'll be in San Francisco at the end of the month for a Ting Tings concert, in case that makes things easier.
It's my birthday! And so far it's been a pretty great day, full of cupcakes and flowers and well-wishes.
Also a job was posted at the place where I work that is better than my job and I WANT IT and I'm applying! So...if the rest of the "how to write a resume" series could happen, like, asap that would be great. :P
@tortietabbie : Happy birthday!!! Good luck to your new job applying, too!
@tortietabbie HAPPPY BIRTHDAY! cupcakes, flowers and well-wishes are the best.
(good luck with the job-business too!)
@tortietabbie happy birthday, and I love your avvie!!! Beaton is The Best.
@tortietabbie Happy (belated) birthday! :)
Thanks everybody! :)
What happened to all the spring / summer dresses that you just throw on without regards to special undergarments etc.? All the anthropologie stuff is weird and/or strapless.
If anyone can find some cute, just shave your legs and throw on this dress, please post some links!
@whereismyrobot I personally have had good experience with this particular dress (which, coincidentally, used to be sold at Anthro). I don't know if spaghetti straps work well for the larger-chested, but I have nega-boobs and it's perfect for me. I bought mine on eBay for $20 in November, so some hunting might be in order. Other Aryeh dresses look like they might be good, too!
@figwiggin (Sorry if eBay huntin' wasn't the kind of rec you were looking for, but I buy almost nothing at retail price these days...)
@figwiggin Ooh cute. Although I will say that it doesn't have to be summer colors. And it must be able to be thrown in the washer! This is my go to:
http://www.stylehive.com/bookmark/urbanoutfitterscom-kimchi-blue-chevron-sundress-657293
@whereismyrobot I like that! I have a similar summer dress with green and cream chevrons. My aunt gave it to me in high school so I couldn't say where it's from, though. Also, try thrift stores? Least helpful advice ever, but last time I went thrifting I bought four awesome dresses! Two of which can be warmer-weather dresses.
I am in reciprocated love for the first time, and it's going to end. Come the summer we'll be at opposite ends of the country and both very busy. We've been living together for three years.
Just to complicate things a touch, I feel like he may well be the last guy I'll ever be with, as I find myself veering slowly but steadily further towards the women-oriented end of the spectrum over time. Who knows though.
Plus idk what to do for my dissertation. Bah. Whining whining.
On the bright side, my cat is sitting on me purring away and there are crocuses (croci?) outside.
@Apocalypstick I know a lot of people whose relationships ended because of destination. It sucks, but I think it's important to remember the good parts of the relationship...and keep in touch after a bit of a wait.
In terms of going down another spectrum...never say never. If you go one way, you might go back the other.
AHHH DISSERTATIONS so scary. I just have to do a practicum.
YAY FOR CATS :)
@Apocalypstick Make sure you have lots to do the first week or so of not living together, maybe even stay with someone else for a few days. Won't stop it from being horrible, but will at least help ease the transition from couple! to single.
Aww no one else commented on USPS and it is probably too late, but YES! How topical! I ordered something and it said I had to sign for it but I'm never home when they come around. And then I got home at 7pm and the USPS guy just came! And I was like whoa you're here late and he was like yeah we've been working late because we are short-staffed. And it was kind of sucky for him and I just really appreciated it.
I AM GOING TO MAKE MY BED NOW
@teffodee LET'S ALL MAKE OUR BEDS!
@thisisunclear #LAMOB
I just found out that the phrase "for all intents and purposes" is in fact NOT "for all intensive purposes," actually. Really, I thought this my ENTIRE LIFE.
Mind=blown.
@Christina Oh and I also have recently been discovering little by little how actually terrible this guy I was seeing really is. So all week I've been like, bullet=dodged.
I learned a lot this week! The more you know!
@Christina I figured this out recently, too! I went to Stanford! I was a humanities major! I felt ashamed at first. Like, does everyone know this but me??? Now I'm just in awe.
@:Knope: Do I also need to tell you guys that it's "should have" not "should of"?
@Rookie Aw, everybody's got something like this, i.e. "damp squid" and "pedal-stool"
@Christina You are not the only one! I thought that until college I think. Intensive purposes still kind of makes sense!
@Christina I only realized that "nother" ("That's a whole nother story," etc.) wasn't a word last year. And that was only because I typed it and realized it was totally not real.
@figwiggin WHAT IS DAMP SQUID? I have been staring at it for 10 minutes and have no idea what it meannnnnns.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Watch this.
@figwiggin Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
@figwiggin It won't show me because I'm not in the US! I wanna know tooo!
@Marika Pea@twitter It is apparently a play on the phrase "damp squib"? Not one that I'm familiar with, but Wikipedia knows all!
@Marika Pea@twitter Haha, it's just a dumb joke from the last episode of The IT Crowd, where Roy thinks that the phrase "damp squib" is "damp squid."
Edit: What Wordsnatcher said.
@figwiggin Oh, ha! Thanks, friends. :-)
Hi Pinners! I'm a long time lurker who thinks you're all swell. I'm terrible at choosing pictures for online profiles- how did all of you choose yours?
How is this night treating you?
@Wrydaydreamer I picked mine because Auntie Mame is legitimately one of the greatest movies ever and I aspire to be as cool as her. Welcome aboard! The Hairpin is so great!
@Wrydaydreamer Hi! I chose a picture of my cat, because, um, when in doubt, I just think of Juliet. (That's my cat's name.)
@Wrydaydreamer I already had the picture on hand, because I just happened to look up Franz Sacher (inventor of the Sachertorte) on Wikipedia one time and was stunned by his resemblance to a character from a Chris Van Allsburg book. So, y'know.
(P.S. @heyits Auntie Mame is the alpha and omega of my life. "Libido, inferiority complex, stinko, blotto, free love, bathtub gin, monkey glands, Karl Marx...")
@Wrydaydreamer I picked mine becaseu I happened to have "Choli Ke Peeche" playing when I registered.
@Wrydaydreamer I picked mine because...those are some pretty wee ramekins (<--).
You should Google-search a picture of rye bread day dreaming. Just a suggestion.
@Wrydaydreamer Mine is of me in Sweden pointing to a Michelin plaque on the outside of a restaurant which said "rolf's kok" on it. Ha! Willies. I am watching Ghostbusters 2 with my swain in bed, and drinking whiskey - so my night is pretty good, thanks!
@Wrydaydreamer I like crabs, I guess? And I like when they get angry and do the angry pose? I don't know. And I chose a Halloween crab because they;re brightly coloured and I figured I needed something high contrast to stand out because they're so tiny on this site.
@Rookie Yours is a cat? I thought it was a very stylized cartoon face! Also, mine is my dog, because he is more photogenic than I am.
@Megan Patterson@facebook Yeah, that's my little cat all comfied up on a rocking chair. If it helps, though, she does have cartoony/anime giant eyes.
@Rookie Well, when it's all small, it looks like your cat is an eye, and the chair is bangs/lower face. Maybe I am crazy?
@figwiggin when I went to Vienna last year for Spring Break, I met my brother in the train station, and his first words to me were "welcome! Let's go eat cake!" And we went to Hotel Sacher, and had The Torte. Ja Sehr!
DD showed up when I googled the words "Pistol Packin' Mama." It's from the song. But I am trading it for a picture of one of the ladies in the picture of the famous B17 crew, flying a plane of the same name.
(She kind of looks like me...)
Getting mail is always really exciting for me, except when said mail is orders from my doctor to get an ultrasound and bloodwork done before my next appointment. Everyone please say a prayer that once that appointment is done, I can STOP going to constant doctors appointments and having to get ultrasounds and CT scans and other equally un-fun things.
Despite the medical drama and other shitty things that have happened this week, I am actually really happy because I've gone on two dates so far with the boy I like, and it is going really well? We are having a hard time figuring out times to hang out because he has a shitty work schedule, BUT we have been talking basically every day for the last two weeks, and I am super into him and he is super into me and WHATEVER, it's great and I am trying really hard not to fuck it up.
@sophi Sorry about all the medical stuff :( I guess the sooner the tests, the sooner all of it will be over? Good luck with them! And YAY! So glad things are going well! I'm sure he's actually on the same page with trying to not fuck it up, so I wouldn't be too worried :) Beginnings are so fun! Wheeee! Let us know how it develops!
Late addition to the thread, but a Good Thing happened to me today after a very stressful few weeks (months?). It's not the solution to my problems, but a good first step and now I'm feeling faintly optimistic for the first time in awhile.
@MEGA VENUTIAN SPACE SCORPION Yay for Good Things! Especially when they make you feel like you might be turning a corner on all the bs.
My new (old) Ipod touch came in the mail from Amazon. It already doesn't work. White screen of death after about 15 seconds of use. ANy suggestions?
@The Kendragon Oh and this is repeated white screen of death that the home/power button doesn't do a damn thing for. I'M JUST A BROKE ASS COLLEGE KID WHO WANTS MUSIC AND WIRELESS INTERNET CAUSE MY PHONE DOESN'T HAVE A DATA PLAN. IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK TO GET A WORKING USED IPOD TOUCH?
Or do I have to shell out $300 for the new ones?
I feel like I was born in the wrong era. I understand everything there is to know about a cow or a horse, everything with a cord ends up dying on me, I like writing letters, and I'd be just fine without my phone.
@The Kendragon It could be that the battery's fucked. There are tutorials online on how to replace them! Never followed one though so I can't say whether they're easy to follow or not. Mine wouldn't turn on for a while and I decided this was probably why, but I didn't do anything with it and then tried it about a month later and it worked. I think iPods are generally quite temperamental.
@The Kendragon
If you think it might be water damaged, leave it in rice for four or five days to suck out the moisture. I'd probably just return it and buy an older, less complicated model from Craigslist. (That's where I got my Zune, which works very well.) I'm sorry to hear it!
I didn't get any mail this week, but do text messages count? Yesterday (while working overtime AGAIN, blerg) my friend sent me an insanely long text asking if I wanted to volunteer at a charity poker tournament raising money for a hockey player's charity, and he was going to be there, and probably other notable people as well? Obviously I said hell to the yes, and spent all of my time either working or making myself pretty for this poker tournament.
I just got home from it, and yes I was quite pleased with my fabulous outfit and makeup, and there were famous people and I helped to sell $1300 worth of 50/50 raffle tickets. And I sold poker chips? Buy-ins? Whatever it's called? I know nothing about cards.
ok so one hand, I'm kind of sad that I actually have to do work occasionally and miss out on all this goodness?
on the other hand, i'm enjoying having the last word on every thread
mwa ha haaaaaa
@redheaded&crazy I'm coming back through one more time to wreck up the place before I go to bed!
@figwiggin BACK OFF!
@redheaded&crazy WATCH ME
watch me dance
@redheaded&crazy I'm in a different time zone. Bring it, bro!
@disgruntled co-worker Nope. I win.
@wee_ramekin THE TROPHY IS MINE.
@pixieg It WAS but now I took it!
Sadly, Ms. @tortietabbie, in this, you are mistaken.
*places gleaming trophy on desk in front of shark tank, then reaches out hand to stroke fluffy white cat*
ahahaha.
ahahahahahahaaa...
@EvilAuntiePeril Pity I am on Spring Break and have all this time to check comment threads at The Hairpin, isn't it EvilAuntiePeril, if that really is your name.
@PistolPackinMama ladies please ... it is not a competition!
...losers!
mwa ha haaa
@redheaded&crazy I feel a West Side Story-esque comment dance-off coming on here...
@PistolPackinMama *snap*...*snap*...*snap*...
Guys, I am 27 today. It sounds sooo much older than 26. I am not saying I am an Old now. I'm just saying, something about the way that number sounds makes it seem, like, leaps and bounds further away from childhood than 26.
@Veronica Mars is smarter than me Happy birthday!
@Veronica Mars is smarter than me i TOTALLY understand. i had a similar reaction. also, happy birthday!! 27 was the year i sort of got my sh*t together (now i am 28 and a half, it is less together, but hey!) hope you have a great day, filled with earned wisdom :)
@Veronica Mars is smarter than me Happy birthday! I love 27 so far and I agree that it sounds way older than 26. I hope the year is fabulous.
@Veronica Mars is smarter than me Happy birthday!!! I am one day older than you and I feel the same way about 27 vs. 26. I tried to explain it to my dude last night that 26 sounds/feels sort of flighty or lightweight to say, whereas 27 is solid and heavy and means business. His words said, yeah I totally get that!, but his face said, ummm...? So I'm glad I'm not the only one!
@Veronica Mars is smarter than me
It's 'cause 7 is a tall, sleek, adult-looking number, and 6 is like "oh heehee, just rolling on the ground". You have some wisdom for us? Or some Werther's Originals?
@Inkcrafter I like this imagery. Little giggly six. Hmm, I don't have any Werther's on me. Will you settle for a honey-menthol cough drop? (I totally seriously have these cough drops on me at all times)
As for wisdom, I am sorely lacking in that. I think the thing that really bums me out about 27 is that it is a mature-ish number. Yet I have yet to hold a full-time job, like, ever in my life; I'm un(der)insured; I still need money from my mom to pay my bills; and I don't really know what my (first?) career is going to be. Shouldn't I know SOME stuff by now???
@Veronica Mars is smarter than me TOTALLY FINE. all of those things, TOTALLY fine. in fact, with my old-age wisdom, i would like to commend your wisdom for knowing about these things. i have af ull time job (which i don't love and have no idea what i actually want to do, so have to go and work that out) and have suddenly realised how expesnive insurance is (i'm from the UK, so health insurance isn'T an issue, but i just got my driving licence and can now drive my 16 year old car and i cannot afford to insure it so i can drive. after paying THOUSANDS on driving lessons. i could cry) and i thought my fulltime job and saving a bit every month meant i had a bit of a cushion in my bank account, turns out NO. i have spent that cushion and may now have to ask my mum for assistance instead of turning her down like i usually do. also, i know nothing. if anything, i'm going backwards.
i know that won'T help, but at least you have company :)
@madgemmc Thank you for all this, seriously. It's nice to hear these things from a stranger who doesn't have an obligation to lie to make me feel better like friends/family do.
My car insurance is only about $100/month, but since I barely have health coverage and don't have prescription coverage, I spend about $400/mo on pills/doctors/various medical fees. Because I'm being treated for... depression. Which is super common. And my prescriptions are all generics. Yet, $400 out of my measly earnings every month (3/4 of which is paid post-tax-deduction-from-paycheck).
@Veronica Mars is smarter than me no one tells you how expensive being A GrownUp is going to be. i am starting to think this should be taught in schools. a huge chunk of my paycheck goes on my commute. i am PAYING to go to work to earn money to pay for getting to work. what? huh? i used to go through my credit card bill every month (i am not a big spender. i might have a nice-but-relatively-cheap dinner with a friend every once in a while, but i don't buy shoes or clothes very often and when i do, they're never for more than £40. seriously. i cannot spend more than £30 on an item of clothing, i just can't afford it) and think "this is a bit high for this month, BUT would i undo any of the joy i got from spending a few bucks here and there on a tangible thing? no. okay then" and now, i realise this has eaten away at my savings. and it frustrates me IMMENSELY because i'm not buying yachts or chesterfield armchairs, i'm having dinner with friends or buying a magazine. and i'm going to have to get a BETTER (better paying) job just to fund this "lifestyle" where i don't have to live "like a student" and penny pinch, but i don't know what sort of JOB this should be and HOW IS EVERYONE ELSE DOING THIS BETTER THAN ME? how? how are people affording martinis AND rent? (i feel carrie bradshaw has a lot to answer for, with her massive appartment and eating out and yet ONLY WRITING ONE SENTENCE AN EPISODE AS A JOUNALIST, and i'm not even a massive SATC fan)
i totally feel you on the medication front. we're VERY lucky here with our healthcare system. we pay a flat fee for a piece of medication, regardless of what it is (it's like £7 for a box of pills or a bandage or whatnot, which is ridiculous for a bandage, but i get migraines and apparently my box of six pills costs £109 and i pay £7 for it. if i had to pay for that, i couldn't. and so i would probably be dead by now) and i literally CANNOT wrap my head around how you guys manage to juggle your healthcare and paying rent and whatnot. it is astounding. astounding.
sorry, this doesn't actually have any point. but, basically I FEEL you. it is HARD to be a grownup and it is hard to have a conversation about it with RL people sometimes because of the "no, it'll all be fine in the end" comments. although, they are right. it's just hard to see sometimes and also, sometimes you want to be better than just "fine". i have no concrete advice or help to give :(
Um, guys... I was on a TV quiz last night http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b01d0g8x
I'm the scared-looking girl in the red cardigan.
@OwlOfDerision And also I clearly do not know how to hyperlink :(
@OwlOfDerision wow!! how COOL. and you really did look quite scared (but totally unnecessary- you kicked Hogarth arse!!) and also, very good hair!
@OwlOfDerision "Not available in your area" *shakesfist*
@OwlOfDerision Holy shit whaaaaat! I will watch this via iplayer on my TV tomorrow and ooooooo!
@OwlOfDerision !!!! Awesome!
Is master mind the one where you answer questions against a 'master' and it pushes a little ladder light thingy backwards/forward? You can watch these videos in the U.S. but last time I was in the UK I spent way too much time watching quiz shows.
@Tuna Surprise Noooo, you have to answer a quick-fire round of questions on a specialist subject of your choice, then another round of general knowledge. There is a big scary theme tune and lots of intimidating lighting.
@madgemmc Thank you! :D
@EvilAuntiePeril Ummmm, a friend found it on Ye Olde ThouTube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kqbn_oIfBpg&feature=player_embedded
@OwlOfDerision nice one, thank you!
@OwlOfDerision PS. Scary and intense indeed! But impressive!
Guys I am still not entirely over the fact that there is a Leon Scott Kennedy tag on my Hairpin. It's kind of the best you-got-chocolate-in-my-peanut-butter scenario ever.
I SWEAR I'M DONE TALKING ABOUT IT.
I have just discovered that my flatmate has never heard of, or seen before, a hot water bottle. She claims they do not exist in the USA (she is American), and that everyone uses something called "heating pads" or electric blankets.
So I thought I'd better come over here post haste to verify this information. Is this true? Is this because she is from California and it never gets cold where she lives? Or is this like the case of a (former) flatmate from a totally different country who told me that where he was from, people never ate raw cauliflower, because it was supposed to be toxic.
This is a fact which I hotly disputed on the basis that he only ate starchy foods topped with either cheese or ketchup, so did not consider him an expert on the salad-eating habits of an entire nation. But I have never, ever been able to prove this statement to be incorrect. (when I do, I will make the HA! that goes 'round the world, raw-cauliflower-eating nations and all). I just need one person...
TBH, the "you guys really (don't) do xxx?" about the mundane side of life is something I find endlessly surprising and interesting. At least I'm easily entertained.
@EvilAuntiePeril I had a hot water bottle with a cute cat cover on it that I made myself when I was about 10. BUT I learned about hot water bottles from my BFF who was British.
@EvilAuntiePeril They exist but they are FAR less commonly used here, I think. Heating pads are basically very small electric blankets. And it's possible that being in California means they are nonexistent - I'm from Massachusetts.
@EvilAuntiePeril I grew up with them in Washington (the state). Might be that they are not that popular in California, I agree.
The most hilarious expat Thing I Have Learned is that men in Germany (at least the cosmopolitan, sensitive types) apparently sit down to pee. My Spanish soon-to-be-ex-flatmate pees standing up and this utterly scandalized the German members of our household, along with his refusal to put down the toilet seat afterwards. I was so confused and entertained by the whole kerfuffle.
@EvilAuntiePeril ohh!! i had an american friend come to stay in london for a year and i gifted her a HWB for our fiercely substandard heating and her mom thought they were living in the dark ages because she had them as a kid in the country. so i think they exist or USED to at least.
@Emmanuelle Cunt i lived in germany for a year. it is not uncommon to see "please urinate whilst seated" signs in the men's room.
with a little stickman diagram.
@madgemmc We had one when I was a kid (I'm from Ontario) but they're still not commonly used. Nor are electric blankets. I think us Canadians are of the "tough it out with a normal blanket or sweater" type people though.
@EvilAuntiePeril Tell your roommate to shut up because she is wrong. I'm 27 and I grew up using a hot water bottle. They're especially nice to sleep on when you have an ear ache.
I have one right now and it is shaped like a fish.
@EvilAuntiePeril I've lived in California all my life, and we grew up with hot water bottles in my house. I don't own any now, but I miss them sometimes.
@EvilAuntiePeril My parents have one and use it all the time, and I have one that I use occasionally. We're Canadian, though, so maybe anything that gives off heat is a-okay with us?
@madgemmc ooooh the little stick man!!
@Emmanuelle Cunt kerfuffles of that type are indeed a delight.
@MilesofMountains We had a HWB when I lived in Canada too - but it was a rigorously old-school stoneware one. When we moved and I discovered the delights of the rubber ones, my tiny mind was blown. I genuinely thought that we'd traded a downgrade in plumbing (no mixer taps) for an upgrade in bedroom comfort (basins/sinks in bedrooms and amazing hot water bottles with the possibility of cute animal covers).
My Hairy Monster HWB cover and I thank you @all for validating my belief that hot-water-bottle-owningness is a reality in parts of North America. And I know what Californian flatmate is getting for her birthday now.
@EvilAuntiePeril I have a hot water bottle, and I use it diligently all winter. My feet go underneath it, while my cats sleep atop it. I live in Texas, where "winter" means "not quite freezing for six weeks."
@Mingus_Thurber Bonus points for cats on top, feet below. That is greatness.
And at this rate, I'll have enough data to plot the presence of hot water bottles across the continent of North America. I wonder if a googlemaps mashup with teeny hot water bottle icons would be possible?
WHO IS EXCITED ABOUT ASSASSIN'S CREED 3 NOW THAT DETAILS ARE OUT!? I AM! I AM!
http://blog404.org/2012/03/02/more-awesome-details-about-assassins-creed-3/
@Megan Patterson@facebook I should probably pick up AC2 and Brotherhood, right? I played about 10 hours of AC1 and it got really repetitive and I never finished?! I was also kind of terrible at it.
@han They do mix a lot of things up in 2, maybe you'll like it better?
@Megan Patterson@facebook Also who wants to talk about how adorable Ezio/Sofia is? BECAUSE THEY ARE DARLING.
@Christina You are not the only one! I thought that until college I think. Intensive purposes still kind of makes sense!
Tibia plateau fracture update! I finally got to see my surgeon this week, it turns out that not only did I destroy the bone, but I totally dislocated my knee as well. Ouchy. But I've started bending it!! Which is painful yet super exciting. And my four scars are looking totally badass. But my leg has lost pretty much all of it's muscle mass and one butt cheek is getting noticeably smaller than the other. Lesson learned, don't piggyback a person bigger than you.
@The Angels Have the Phonebox YIKES. o.O
@tortietabbie Happy (belated) birthday! :)
@pixieg Raah why did this turn up here?! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE UPTHREAD, STUPID COMMENT.
We are getting dangerously close to the 1,000 comment mark! We are so thread-y this weekend!
@HeyThatsMyBike That is awesome! (Just to make it 992)
@Veronica Mars is smarter than me
I just clicked on this post to push this puppy past 1000
@HeyThatsMyBike Is it cheating to have a thread about the comment mark?
Or just meta-something-or-other, and therefore, permissable in the rules?
@EvilAuntiePeril
I've been at work all weekend (literally - got here 8 am Saturday worked til 10 pm and returned 9 30 am Sunday and am still at work). Will still need to work Monday - Friday of the upcoming week. My life sucks. This thread is officially official.
@EvilAuntiePeril I believe the judges will allow it.
@Tuna Surprise That sucks, and I'm sorry to hear it. Hope a miracle happens and something makes it better (even just a little).
I've been on call the last 2 weeks. Heading into the home stretch now... one week to go...
@HeyThatsMyBike hahah I just came down here to say Wow! + 1,000! but it looks like this has already come to some people's attention.
@HeyThatsMyBike We need a bigger comment icon! The wee voice bubble cannot contain four digits!
(The comment thread was built to last but the icon was built too small?)
Hello, open thread from the weekend. I have news for you, open thread. I secured the rental house I wanted!! I will have a home in a very difficult city to secure a rental house in!! It's too expensive as everything is but it has its own backyard and the landlord doesn't care what or how many animals we have and I'll be living with my best pal again and I'm going to organize my spices just how I like them.
@LaLoba The spices comment? warms my icy cold heart to melting.