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Friday, March 2, 2012

57

Anna Breslaw, What's in Your Bag?

When Anna Breslaw isn't taking surreptitious photographs of Connie Britton, she's dumping out her purse and photographing it for this very website. Some say she doesn't do anything else. Is that true, Anna? Anna, can I have a cigarette?

1. Classy wallet with keys attached that my sister bought me so I'm forced not to shirk the most basic of adult responsibilities.

2. Passport I use as ID.

3. Pen.

4. Little Moleskine notebook.

5. Garbage.

6. Marlboro 27's.

7. Tampon.

8. A dollar.

9. The set list of this comedian named Roger Hailes that I took when he left it at a bar, partly because I was drunk and even though we've met like a million times through friends, he never remembers me. My favorite title is #4: "High/Low." Sorry, Roger.

10. The business card of a guy who walked me to the train when I was drunk over the summer, who gave it to me and told me to let him know when I got home OK, which I did not do. But now he knows!

11. A cool old stamp that says "24 Hour Marriage License" my friend Samy gave me a long time ago.

12. Sephora sample.

13. Pile of fancy condoms I got for free and genuinely forgot to take out of my bag. Someone called me out on this the other night, and my verbatim response was, "Uh… 'If you build it,' right? Hahaha?" (Flees the scene.)

14. Generic Ativan, because see above.

15. iPod. If you turned it on it would be right at that part of "Back That Azz Up" by Juvenile that goes "Can't stand it! Dick bandit!"

16. Anti-bacterial hand stuff.

17. Sugar Plum lip gloss. So good, buy this!

18. YSL lipstick in Le Orange.

19. Decrepit Burt's Bees.

20. iPhone (not pictured, because I used it to take the picture).

21. Bobby pins.

Anna Breslaw is also on Tumblr.



57 Comments / Post A Comment

The Lady of Shalott

What are "fancy condoms?"

alebee

@The Lady of Shalott That was exactly my question!

The Widow Muspratt

@The Lady of Shalott They look like these: www.sirrichards.com

Porn Peddler

@The Lady of Shalott Fun story about "fancy condoms." I thought most ribbed/studded condoms were just novelties and did not feel at all different.

WRONG: ROUGH RIDER STUDDED CONDOMS FEEL LIKE SANDPAPER. NOW YOU ALL KNOW. DON'T BUY ROUGH RIDERS.

Jill_Tata

21. Bobby pins. really?@k

I AM DIAPHENA

Shout out to using a passport as ID! I don't drive and I'm too lazy to go to the DMV, so passport ID it is for this untrue American.

Decca

@I AM DIAPHENA Question for US passport holders. Is it true you're allowed smile in your passport photo?

Emma Peel

@Decca We're not. You're not allowed to in some states for driver's licenses, either (Virginia). Apparently smiling breaks the facial recognition software they use, or something else vaguely futuristically creepy.

TN
TN

@Decca I think the rules are that you shouldn't. I look like I'm sleepy/hungover/recovering from a head wound in every picture I try to take where I'm not smiling though, so I took smiley passport photos when I had to get mine renewed this summer and had no problems getting a renewal passport.

Decca

@Emma Peel Aha! I was showing my passport photo to an American friend and he was all "Why so grumpy?!" and I told him we weren't allowed smile in the photos for the exact reasons you said. He insisted that it wasn't prohibited in the US, but I knew he must be wrong.

vunder

@I AM DIAPHENA I used to carry my passport as ID and then one day I accidentally threw it away like a moron and then I didn't have a backup ID and getting a new passport was so much more expensive and awful than going to the DMV.

Sunny Schomaker

@Decca I had never heard of that regulation. Of course, it's a moot point because in my passport picture, I look miserable. This is mostly because I was - I had just found out that my passport was not en route (as promised) and I had to go to Chicago to try and get a same day passport (since I had a non-refundable flight for the very next day). My own mother says that in the photo, I look like a serial killer.

OhMarie

@Decca I just got mine recently and I think that you can do a small/slight smile, but no big grins or teeth.

PS, if anyone has not seen a US passport (or has not seen a newish US passport), they have HILARIOUS, super-America-y background images on every single page. It's like they used the same guys who made the Colbert Report opening to design it.

hillarobot

@Emma Peel Wait, we're not? I must have missed that memo because passport me has the cheesiest i'm-going-to-travel-everywhere grin on her face.

Maria

@hillarobot me too. I can't not smile in front of a camera.

AmandathePanda

@I AM DIAPHENA I have the most absurd grin in my passport photo, and I have successfully traveled with it three times. (And gotten back into the country). People laugh at me sometimes though when they see it. I was just SO happy to get a passport!

AmandathePanda

@Decca What? I'm grinning like an idiot in mine! No one has yet to tell me it wasn't allowed. They do sometimes laugh.

thebestjasmine

@OhMarie The new ones are TERRIBLE, right? So so cheesy. When my new one came in the mail, I burst out laughing.

Ophelia

@Sunny Schomaker I always think it makes sense for me to look like a miserable zombie in my passport photo, because that's usually what I look like when I go through immigration in foreign countries.

@thebestjasmine the picture with the flag and the train and the mountains!!

candybeans

@OhMarie they SO look colbert-y! I'm sad, because mine expires in April, and I'll have to get one of those dumb things... At least i'll have an opportunity to subversively smile when I get the new one. I have noticed that my foreign friends' passports look MUCH more grim-faced than my american friends. we're smiling in ours because we can get in anywhere we want (basically).

Hellcat

@Emma Peel I look mean and vaguely like a scared deer in my passport photo, but strangely happy in my driver's license one because the photo guy yelled, "Smile for the state troopers!" just as he took the picture.

:Cinnamon Girl:

@Maria Not being able to not smile in front of a camera just reminded me of a scene from a great french film I watched last night called "The Names of Love." CHECK IT, FOLKS. Netflix instant!

Genavieve Maguire-Jennings@facebook

@I AM DIAPHENA I am totally smiling in my US passport. Like a jackass. I didn't want to but the guy taking my picture kept yelling "Smile smile, pretty girl, smile." He wouldn't take it till I did.

Lenora Jane

@candybeans Haha, I got my last passport during, like, the last round of pre-Creepy Patriotism ones or something. I have like four more years before I have to switch over! I am, however, smiling huuuge because I didn't realise I couldn't--and I have bright red lipstick on just to draw further attention to it.

Apocalypstick

@I AM DIAPHENA To be honest, when you are actually using your passport for travel you will not be smiling either, as you will be tired and bored and have flat hair from the cheapass seat fabric. So it might actually look more identifiable not smiling.

LilyMarlene

@I AM DIAPHENA I have to renew my old, tasteful U.S. passport this autumn, and am dreading the arrival of its America, Fuck Yeah! replacement. Coupling that with the fact that I am non-photogenic to the point that border patrol officials have winced at my photo (and i am now ten years older, fatter, grayer and wrinklier), I may never travel again. My non-American partner thinks it's hilarious and is counting the days until it arrives, though I think he's picturing an even more rococo theme - like, every page has a bald eagle with a single tear coming down its cheek in front of the burning Twin Towers.

emkay

Yay for garbage! If I did this I would have to include 'flotsam' and 'jetsam' for all the strange detritus that ends up in my bag.

dinos

@emkay Yes! I got so excited to see this because I have 10 faded ATM receipts and Ricola wrappers in my bag at all times.

AmandathePanda

@dinos Finally, someone who had/included purse trash! My purse is currently SO full of trash. I have receipts and lists and weird pieces of paper and God knows what in there, like an animal nested in it. How do these ladies not have any of that?

candybeans

@emkay tissues! *thats* what really grants the versimilitude.

cinnamonskin

@candybeans I call that "the purse curse", where there's bits of tissue stuck to everything, especially stuff I need to take out, for extra embarrassment potential.

Heygirlhey

I wonder what you have to do to become a "dick bandit"! Also, there is a part of that song that goes, "put the dick in the middle like...Monet"? I think?

leonstj

@Heygirlhey - OMG if there was a Hot Boy$ jam which referred to impressionist painting it would basically be the greatest thing ever.

Heygirlhey

@klaus Oh MAN that makes a lot more sense than the "Monet" thing. THANK YOU!

Heygirlhey

@leon.saintjean YESSSS! Oh god, yes. Maybe this weekend I will write a song(/short story?) about Monet as the original dick bandit.

needsmoresalt

@leon.saintjean There's a Rick Ross/Lil' Wayne song ("John") that references Basquiat. And yet, somehow not it's not classy.

null

#15!!! <3 <3 <3

OhMyGoshYouGuys

Oooooh, I see you have Lavanila vanilla grapefruit body butter. I'm wearing that fragrance right now. (I just pulled my sleeve up to smell my wrist.)

Hello Kidney

Finally, a believable What's In Your Bag. If a woman dumps her bag & there's not at least one loose bill/business card and a minimum of two mangled receipts in there I call shenanigans! Also tampons.

alebee

@Hello Kidney Yeah, I think this lady and I should be friends. We are clearly bag-twins. I've got a pretty lovely assortment of random pieces of written-on-paper; I like to think it makes me intriguing, when little pieces of paper with molecules drawn on them flutter out...or something!

Porn Peddler

@Hello Kidney False, my purse never looks like that! (My wallet always has a bunch of receipts and shit folded up in there of course...)

leonstj

"Back that Azz Up" has been popping up an amazingly large amount of times in my life lately. I'm considering this to be an omen portending some back it up'ing coming up soon.

The best of the recent times was in New Orleans on Lundi Gras, I was at a club (my first nola club experience) and the DJ started playing the beginning of the song looped, and the whole damn place (me included) went buck fuckin' wild...and then the drums dropped, and it made the early buck-wild look like a nunnery, cuz...let's just say people definitely were dropping it like it was hot.

Three days later, last Thursday, I was at one of my regular dives in the East Village and the song came on. Everybody stopped, but it was not a middle step between backing it up and dropping it like it was hot. They just weren't into it. And LSJ was :(

cinnamonskin

@leon.saintjean New Orleans: where we insist on dropping it like it's hot. Strawberry Abita got to town yesterday and people threw parties.

Hellcat

Number 15 is the best thing ever!

whereismyrobot

That sugar plum stuff IS the best ever. The rose, not so much.

tootsky

@whereismyrobot - I have those too! We all must have just had birthdays.

Megasus

That looks more like my bag, minus the cigarettes.

tea tray in the sky.

Set list: "3) Gayface"?

olivebee

Sorry if this is a double post, but the Hairpin is acting really weird for me. I commented earlier today, and the comment is only showing up when I log in (yet I can see my comments on other posts when logged in or out). Has this happened to anyone before? Is it a browser glitch?

Megasus

@olivebee I dunno, a couple of weeks ago anytime I tried to post on a certain comment, it would show up for 5 seconds and disappear. Haven't noticed it this weekend though.

clipse

Oh gosh, FINALLY someone who has as much trash in her purse as I have in mine.

Blaurghs

Marlboro 27s for the win! Been my brand for years.

Edmon

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Edmon

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