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Monday, February 6, 2012

408

What Your Payment Method Reveals About You

Slinging your card down: You've definitely shoved a dog's face away from you because "move."

Slinging cash down: You've consumed alcohol that's involved whipped cream in the past week.

Handing your card betwixt your pointer and middle fingers in a frisbee-throwing motion: You have a Netscape email account.

Handing your card Politician Hand style: You've watched YouTube videos on how to Dougie, but you would never Dougie in public.

Handing your card along with your driver's license: Russell Brand both scares and entices you.

Using your Hello Kitty-themed card: You have many other credit cards.

Instinctively giving $22 on a $7 charge, or any other variation: You are up to something, and it's something that causes people around you feel out of control of the world.

Handing crumpled bills from your pocket: You microwave eggs.

Stacking out quarters for something more than $5: A mention of the movie The Crow brings up strong feelings for you. You also do not have a Facebook.

Pushing quarters flat across the counter for something $3 or less: You know all the words to "Today Was a Good Day" by Ice Cube.

Handing a bag of nickels and dimes, uncounted: You are nine.

Using a $100 bill: You have a weirdly sparse condo. A lot of beige in there.

"Getting rid of some ones": You have a Roth IRA.

"Sorry about the ones": You constantly struggle with the decision to buy skinny jeans. You wonder if this is forever.

Erin Sullivan lives in Portland, Oregon.

Photo by Jonathan D. Wilson, via Shutterstock



408 Comments / Post A Comment

travelmugs

Compulsively finding the exact change even with paying with larger bills (i.e., paying $20.72 on a $14.72 charge, so you get all whole bills back): your friends purposefully hang out together without you.

Clare

@travelmugs "Give me a second, I know I have the change" will be engraved on my urn.

The Lady of Shalott

@travelmugs I wonder if there's a rehab I can go to for "wait a second, I have a dime." And frankly, I keep trying to transfer my addiction to other people that I'm with: my boyfriend or random friends will be paying for something and I'll go "I HAVE A QUARTER, DO YOU NEED IT?" and so forth.

wharrgarbl

@travelmugs What about if you compulsively dump all your coinage in a bowl by the front door, only this inevitably results in people always giving you more?

Terrifying Wife-Avatar

@The Lady of Shalott My friend and I spent 2 months in England in college going "Do you have 5p? Here, I have a penny..." every time one of us was paying for something. It is an addiction!

Gnatalby

@travelmugs As a retail employee of a huuuuuuuge corporation, I hate this. I can make change much faster than you can dig through your pockets looking for change, and all of our transactions are timed and tracked. Slowly looking for change fucks over your retail employee at your large stores.

raised amongst catalogs

@The Lady of Shalott You took the words right out of my mouth! Always, always trying to push change on people I'm with.

snuffleupagus

@travelmugs this is absolutely me. Not at stores where there's a line and I might annoy other people, but if I'm confident that I have the change, I'd rather not carry it around for the rest of the day. My husband has a "change jar" he takes to the bank every year or so and is superbly happy when he gets his $10 from it.

highjump

@travelmugs You all need to go to Russia where it is the norm to painstakingly assemble exact change and no one behind you in line grumbles at you ever. In fact, you have to worry about the cashier requesting to look in your wallet to see if you are holding out on them with the coinage. Magical place.

ylime

@Gnatalby is there anyway you can tell me which store or subtly hint at it? I don't want to be screwing over anyone, but seriously, it'll just be a second I have like 60 pennies in here.

Gnatalby

@ylime LOL, I didn't want to sound like I was shaming anyone, I know that a lot of people think they are helping the cashier, I just thought I'd mention it because I suspect this is a really common practice, the keeping of stats on your employees.

It rhymes with Marget and released a fancy designer collection yesterday.

wharrgarbl

@Gnatalby I'm now especially annoyed with Marget's Marmacy department and the interminably long wait in which it tries to bait you into running your card before it gives you the signature block for your prescription. Sorry for throwing off your stats, cashiers!

ylime

@Gnatalby Oh nooooo! Goddamn you Marget, I loved you so much. My cousin works there too. I'll never unload my pennies on you again.

Gnatalby

@wharrgarbl It's cool, ultimately I blame Target, not the customers who have no way of knowing the Orwellian surveillance we are subject to.

ylime

@wharrgarbl I know exactly what you're talking about! I get my mirth montrol from them because it's only 9 mucks.

no way

@highjump Sounds like Italy, where there were times the cashiers didn't want to finish the transaction at all. I understood at the small bread shop - they'd let you take the bread on credit - but at the supermarket?

ylime

@Gnatalby Goddamnit Target, you're making it harder to "lie to myself" that you're "better than Wal-Mart"

SuperGogo

@Gnatalby Sorry, but I'm trying to help myself more than the cashier when I fish for change. I think it's pretty reasonable that people want to get rid of three pennies rather than add 97 cents to their wallet...at least when they're not holding up people behind them. Besides, aren't cash transactions always faster than credit anyway?

MissMushkila

@highjump This is what the Middle East is like, only the cashiers often will simply REFUSE to sell you what you want if you are not close enough to the exact change. They'll tell you to go find change somewhere else and come back.

wharrgarbl

@ylime If it's any consolation (I'm sure it isn't), Wal-Mart is almost assuredly doing the exact same thing.

SuperGogo

@MissMushkila Yes, this. As handy as ATMs in all the foreign places are now, they still all spit out the local currency's equivalent of $20s and then nobody will take them, at least without a lot of bitching and moaning.

gobblegirl

@Gnatalby I never think I'm helping the cashier, I just think that I'm helping the leather of my wallet keep its original shape.

slutberry

@travelmugs My friends are hanging out without me????????

Lily Rowan

@SuperGogo Credit has got to be faster, I would think -- especially if you swipe the card while they are ringing you up, no?

highjump

@SuperGogo The ATM issue is serious. I've never been stopped from completing my purchase, but a friend of mine got a 5,000 ruble bill (~$160) from an ATM and it was refused several times before she went to IKEA to break it.

cc
cc

@travelmugs credit cards are the fastest way. in, sign the thing, out. next are debit (swipe, hand the thing or indicate where to type your pin #), wait 30 seconds, receipt, out. then even dollars are the next best thing, digging for change definitely slows down the cashier (i got wicked fast at dishing out that change. to this day i am awesome at coin calculation. my fav amount? 41c- quarter, dime, nickel, penny BUT I DIGRESS check writers are the slowest ever ugh. you basically put up your feet for ten minutes while they write you a little letter.
coming up last is WIC, but whatevs, people gotta eat. just takes forever though cause the rules are so picky on what you can and can't buy, stuff has to be sent back, there were certificates to fill out, etc? this is based on cashiering at shoprite 10 years ago, so maybe the ebt/food stamp cards are more prevalent nowadays.

Gnatalby

@SuperGogo Credit cards are the fastest and I love them, cash with change is slooooooow. EBT is the worst, but I absolutely never begrudge people that.

And honestly, I'm not mad at the customer for looking for change, they don't know the system. Except if they do the thing where they hand you a 20 and then AFTER THE REGISTER IS OPEN they are like, ohhhhhh I think I have twelve cents. And then hand you a random collection of change often not adding up to an exact dollar amount. Those people can roast in hell. At least announce your intention to search for change in advance.

SuperGogo

@Gnatalby That makes sense. I guess I figured that the time it takes for the register to determine if your bank or credit card is legit would be the same, if not more, than the time it would take me to dig out a coin or two. If it's any consolation, I always use credit to pay at marget, cuz by the time I've grabbed the extra 12 items that I didn't originally come in for but are too good a deal to pass up, the total way exceeds what I typically carry around in cash!

whateverlolawants

@Gnatalby Wow. I work in retail and I still had no idea they TIMED you. Creepy as hell. We were supposed to finish the transaction quickly at my former employer, but I always LIKED it when the customer took forever to find the change. It gave me a minute to chill out.

Gnatalby

@whateverlolawants It's probably mostly at hunormous places like Marget. There is a score at the top of the screen rating your overall transactions and also tells you how you did on your last ten.

ylime

@Gnatalby Oh god. Isn't that somewhat... soul crushing?

Gnatalby

@ylime Oh yes. I've cried at work.

kate sweet@twitter

@travelmugs Life is short,We always need passions!
SeekCasual*COM, a place for people who wanna start a short-term relationship.And also for finding soul mates.Over 160000 honest members with real photos and detailed profiles.Sign up free and have a try!Nothing to lose!

solaria

@travelmugs Exactly! Well, not exactly, but in Bolivia change always got weird fast. Everone has 10s and 20s, but wants ones (bills or coins) and 5 (bills or coins OMG, having 5bs coins is like winning something, it's the best). Any time you buy anything with 20s, or god forbid, larger bills from the bank, they would be like UGH do you REALLY not have change, almost to the point of not selling you the whatever. Actually, even in the bank, they would try to weasel out of giving you smaller bills-- locals eventually taught me that I had to insist. A lot of the time, they would rather you take 20 minutes and sift through your coins for you to piece together the money.

whateverlolawants

@sunshinefiasco It was like that in Ecuador too. If your bill was $8.93 and you paid with a $10, you could very well get a *look*. At a busy bakery, my bill was something like 68 cents, and I had 40 cents in coins and a $5 bill. Rather than make change for a whopping $5, they accepted the 40 cents.

miwome

@MissMushkila Holy crap, yes. When I lived in Damascus I heard endlessly long jokes all about this exact thing. Supposedly they were jokes about things like Viagra, but really they were jokes about change.

@ylime I fucking love the idea of mirth control. (I know that's not what you wrote, but I love the idea anyway.) Ladies! Plan your mirths, lest you end up so swamped by laughter at inopportune times that you have to give up your education! What if you have multiple mirths from different boyfriends, the horror!

Veronica Mars is smarter than me

@SuperGogo Ah yes this! Marget has laid claim to over two hundred of my hard-earned earth dollars this WEEK.

@cc 41c FTW!

Veronica Mars is smarter than me

@cc Also, EBT is the same as using a debit card now. And it just automatically deducts the grocery food cost from the balance and then you are left with a remaining balance for your toilet paper or prepared foods or whatever, which I usually just swipe a different card to charge.

ThatWench

@Gnatalby I knew you were going to be talking about Marget before you said so, because I worked there for one summer in college. Of course, I was a sales floor employee, so I was the REAL bane of the cashiers' existence.

For those who don't know, one of Marget's big corporate policies is to never let lines build up (there's never supposed to be a line bigger than one transaction in process + one behind them, or at least so they said during training/orientation), so when the check-outs got flooded, managers urged us sales floor types onto the registers. Of course, while the full-time cashiers were all such pros that they would bemoan ever falling below 95% on their time quotas, my unconditioned self was lucky to stay above 80%, which dragged the store stats down, and there's a whole system of rewards based on store-wide stats (but only for the full-time cashiers, of course). So while my Macy*s-trained derrier was all, "Oooh, I like helping the customer and chatting with them", I was inadvertently penalizing my coworkers in the process.

After all of this, I suppose I should mention that I still shop at Marget, but my boyfriend doesn't understand my conditioned urgency that makes me nag him to swipe his debit card as soon as that first item crosses the scanner.

beritaterbaru

@ThatWench hehehe, is that really you said that?? kabar berita hari ini Liputan6.com

anmanblack

After all of this, I suppose I should mention that I still shop at Marget, but my boyfriend doesn't understand my conditioned urgency that makes me nag him to swipe his debit card as soon as that first item crosses the scanner..... tradeschoolstraining.com

johnliker

@Clare I'm actually okay with that. I'm not going to cry too hard when I have to get a slightly more grown-up card.
utah seo firm

Alexmen

I still shop at Marget, but my boyfriend doesn't understand my conditioned urgency that makes me nag him to swipe his debit card as soon as that first item crosses the scanner....Greg Aziz

Alexmen

Marget, but my boyfriend doesn't understand my conditioned urgency that makes me nag him to swipe his debit card as soon as that first item crosses the scanner....schizophrenia

Anne

Traveler's checks (especially when not traveling):

dj pomegranate

@Anne romantic soul.

DangerDangerDanger

@Anne You are one hundred years old (and hopefully wearing a Panama hat).

Poubelle

@Anne You just got back from your study abroad program and never did get to use any of those "emergency" traveler's checks your mom insisted you get.

Veronica Mars is smarter than me

@Anne You are the worst. Seriously, just the worst.

Marzipan

Writing a check: You are probably pretty old, and you don't quite trust credit cards.

A handful of sacagawea dollars, confidently: you are a coin nerd.

a handful of sacagawea dollars, nervously noting that they are not quarters: you recently put a ten or a twenty in a vending machine.

Digging out exact change: Your purse is enormous.

Porn Peddler

@Marzipan A Handful of Sacagawea dollars in upstate new york: you were just downstate, and now the cashier is going to go bananas.

P.S. Please don't hate me

@Third Wave Housewife I withdraw rolls on the theory that they would be cute and convenient for tips! But I guess I don't buy enough coffee or beer, because I still have a lot of them.

Porn Peddler

@P.S. Please don't hate me Where I live, people are still amused by them (because the metrocard machines aren't all over to spew PILE AND PILES OF THEM AT PEOPLE!!!!!) and I guess if I assumed my barista/bartender would be amused by them, as most people around here still are, I might use them...but I more readily picture myself flicking them at someone's chest for hitting on me while making my coffee/waiting for me to make change for them. HERE ARE YOUR GROVER CLEVELANDS, YOU FILTHY FUCKING ANIMAL.

girlandtonic

@Third Wave Housewife I find it fascinating how you guys just wholeheartedly rejected the dollar coin. I had an American tourist reject my giving him a loonie in his change, and he told me to just "find" him a dollar bill. Yeah...we haven't had those in like 25 years.

KeLynn

@girlandtonic I don't know many people I actually talked to who thought a dollar coin was a bad idea - but the few times I tried to pay for things with them, the cashier just flat out did not understand what I was doing and I had to just dig into my purse for a regular dollar bill that they recognized. So then I gave up.

Ophelia

@KeLynn Ditto. I think dollar coins are fine (and, frankly, I think we should have quarters, but no pennies, nickels, or dimes - we can just round up/down and it'd be a wash), but since it's hard to actually USE them for anything but subway fare, I also gave up.

lora.bee

@Third Wave Housewife Did you mean to remind me of Home Alone? "Keep the change, ya filthy animal."

girlandtonic

@lora.bee "Merry Christmas ya filthy animal" is my go to holiday greeting ;)

(Also, I hope the Vancouver Pinup went well! I ended up getting sick :( )

Porn Peddler

@girlandtonic Americans wholeheartedly and inexplicably reject a lot of innocuous (or even wonderful-- metric system anyone?) things, and I have no explanation for it. I really and truly don't mind the coins, as currency, but some cashiers are weird about them, people give you looks, etc. (or your Japanese room mate freaks the fuck out when he sees them and asks to trade because he didn't know such things existed in the US and wants to bring them back to his family as souvenirs, DUDE YOUR COUNTRY HAS THE EQUIVALENT OF FIVE DOLLAR COINS RELAX) plus the government hasn't just taken charge and been like "we're doing this! we're phasing out bills! we are going to EQUIP MACHINES WITH COIN ACCEPTORS THAT RECOGNIZE THESE!" (and if they did, seriously-- what is the public going to do? whine about it? we'd all get over it eventually!) Whenever I use dollar coins, cashiers legit go pop-eyed and hold them an inch from their faces as if they have never heard of the concept of a dollar coin. I really liked the large coins in Japan (100 yen, 500 yen, SO CONVENIENT) and can't really explain my own slightly grouchy reaction to gold US dollars.

lora.bee

@girlandtonic Oh no, I'm sorry to hear that! It was a blast. Plan another one on the Google group sometime, I will totally come.

Porn Peddler

@lora.bee Maybe...subconsciously....

Also sorry for posting twice in a row, but it dawned on me that Americans probably see dollar coins as old-timey and quaint and apparently we can't have that. My super solid evidence is this Louis CK bit: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FP7dcizzuZM

fondue with cheddar

@girlandtonic I would much rather have a dollar coin than a dollar bill. They're easier to count out, and they're sturdier than paper money. Ones get passed around way too much to make it worth the cost of pulling them out of circulation and printing new ones. It costs the government BILLIONS to maintain paper ones. FELLOW AMERICANS, QUIT WHINING AND USE THE FUCKING COINS. I PROMISE IT WILL NOT MAKE YOU DIE. #firstworldproblems

P.S. Please don't hate me

Perhaps it's just that it's the only opportunity I have in adult life to pretend that I am Scrooge McDuck. (Or maybe a pirate?)

Craftastrophies

@jen325 Paper ones and twos got phased out in Australia a while back, for this reason. And also, we switched to plastic (?) money instead of paper, and it was too expensive to make $1 and $2. There's wasn't much grumbling, partly because you can use the new money as shrinky dinks. Only, that's tampering with currency, so it's illegal. And also because they phased out 1c and 2c coins when I was a kid, and also they switched from pounds etc to dollars in the... 70s? So people are fairly resigned.

They are way, way more practical, btw. It means if I'm buying a coffee or similar small item, I only have to open my coin purse, and they're easier to find in your wallet. Since we got plastic money, our bills are all really different colours, too - $5 is pinky purple, $10 is blue, $20 is orange, $50 is beigy brown, $100 is... I don't know what a $100 bill looks like, to be honest. Also brownish, I think?

I generally try for exact change, or at least the small change so I get whole notes back, as discussed upthread. But cashiers will often ask if you have 20c or $1 so they don't have to much around with extra change.

EpWs

@Craftastrophies I'm sorry, shrinky-dink dollars? Isn't it just...so tempting?

Also, quasi-related ("Things You Are Not Allowed To Do With Money"), but the only time I'm ever really scared of technology is when the copier recognizes that it's a dollar bill you're trying to copy and refuses to do it. Weirds me out, man.

Craftastrophies

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Yes. It is very tempting. And then you realise that you've just made a $5 keyring. Then it stops being tempting.

Paul Keating got into trouble when he was treasurer for signing a $5 bill. (This was when they were still paper). He said he was increasing the value of it. The opposition were Not Impressed.

miwome

@Craftastrophies I want Kate Beaton to make a comic about this.

@everyone I remember trying to pay with Sacagaweas in Cambridge (where you think people might be down) (the coins came out of the machine at the Harvard Square T stop), and the cashier examined them because he wasn't sure they were American currency. This is the cashier at a bubble tea shop in Harvard fucking Square. There is no hope.

Karen McCowan@facebook

@Craftastrophies I just got really excited about shrinky-dink money since we just got plastic money in Canada, too. But then I remembered we only have $100 bills out so far, so I suppose I'll have to wait a couple more years until they phase out the smaller bills too.

mlle.gateau

@girlandtonic Dollar coins would work IF they stopped making dollar bills. That is my theory.

fondue with cheddar

@mlle.gateau That's what I keep saying. The only way the stubborn people are going to change is if you force them. With all the budget problems the government is having, it's ludicrous that this easy way of saving money hasn't been implemented yet.

girlandtonic

@mlle.gateau This is true. As soon as the loonie (and toonie) came out - bam! No more bills, and everyone was running to the bank to get one more crisp one to put away for their kids. To reminisce over I guess.

The Lady of Shalott

You can pay for an entire sandwich-chips-coffee-dessert lunch using a handful of change from your pocket or your wallet and have some left over: you are Canadian.

MilesofMountains

@The Lady of Shalott When you go to pay random coins escape from the too-full coin pocket in your wallet: you are Canadian

whizz_dumb

@MilesofMountains "Let's call them 'loonies and toonies'". How was the response not "No."?

MilesofMountains

@whizz_dumb Because they distracted us by threatening to call them "doubloonies"

Porn Peddler

@whizz_dumb As a non-Canadian, I am really, REALLY relieved to see this, as it indicates I'm not alone in being kind of uncomfortable using those words to refer to currency.

vapur
vapur

@The Lady of Shalott But whimsically named currency is fun!

gobblegirl

@Third Wave Housewife It has a loon on it. What else were we supposed to call it?

Megasus

@whizz_dumb Remember when toonies first came out, and everyone froze them so the middle bit would pop out?

Slutface

"You say a prayer when you hand over your charge card": DECLINED.

laurel

You buy everything online.

Ophelia

I definitely pay with crumpled bills from my pocket, but I also don't have a microwave? I'd totally use my debit card if my entire neighborhood wasn't run by the mafia (and therefore cash only).

Terrifying Wife-Avatar

@Ophelia A friend and I used to refer to crumpled pocket-bills as "girl money" because it existed in that form only when we were at clubs or concerts and thus without purses/wallets. Guys, of course, had back-pocket wallets, so: girl money.

Clare

@Nicole Sauvage@twitter When I go out, I have a gold binder clip for holding my cash, credit card, and license together. It fits in a pocket or clutch. I call it my party wallet!

Katie Scarlett

@Ophelia I always feel dirty when I pay with a crumpled bills from my pocket because they're always warm from my body heat. This just seems disgusting to me.

swirrlygrrl

@Ophelia My first trip abroad was to Italy in the summer, at age 16. I had a cotton money belt recommended by my teacher. I wore it, got VERY sweaty, and proceeded to pay a nun in the Vatican gift shop with really wet lire. It was a relief when I decided I was an aetheist, because then I didn't have to worry about going to hell for that anymore.

EpWs

@swirrlygrrl Ooh, the school trip to Europe anti-pickpocket money belt! Forever sweaty!

Bebe

"Sorry about the ones" - Oh my god get out of my head!!! But seriously you guys, skinny jeans? Maybe? I don't know....

dj pomegranate

@Bebe I KNOW, and I don't think it will ever change... :-/

whateverlolawants

@dj pomegranate Just do it. I did and I'm glad.

automaticdoor

HEY I GOT MY HELLO KITTY DEBIT CARD FOUR YEARS AGO AND I ONLY HAVE TWO CREDIT CARDS DON'T JUDGE

Also I can't use up these fucking HK checks because when the fuck does anyone write checks other than the rent, etc., so when I have the occasion to write one everyone laughs but I'm too cheap/poor to buy new checks until I absolutely have to. D:

Hellcat

@automaticdoor Aww, I have Hello Kitty checks too... and way too many of them as well, as I pretty much use them for only rent. Between those and the piles and piles of HSUS address labels, I'd have to live in my current apartment another 200 or so years before I'd use them up.

bocadelperro

@automaticdoor I had a box of hello kitty checks for three years, for the same reason you gave. The best was when I wrote my membership fees for my professional societies with them. I was so happy last December when I (FINALLY) got to order grown-up checks again.

ylime

@automaticdoor Not to break your heart into a million pieces or anything (but I'm about to), but if you had that card with Bank of America, they stopped offering it! So when your card expires you're gonna be stuck with another one. I know because after having my Humane Society card for like 4 years I wanted to jump ship and found out online that they stopped offering it. I felt an unreasonable amount of sadness.

automaticdoor

@ylime I'm actually okay with that. I'm not going to cry too hard when I have to get a slightly more grown-up card. I already look young enough as it is! Do they still offer any customized cards (mine expires in a year), or are you stuck with just the plain one? (I'm stuck with BoA I think until I pay off my credit card with them which is like never soooooooooo.)

MerelyGoodExpectations

@bocadelperro I also take irrational delight in using my Hello Kitty checks in professional contexts. (I used to also enjoy writing them out to my therapist... I think she got that I was joking? [Mostly?])

ylime

@automaticdoor They still offer the customized cards, but it feels like the selection has dwindled a little bit. At this point the customized card is the only thing that's keeping me there. Although Wells Fargo let's you design your card yourself!

bocadelperro

@MerelyGoodExpectations Haha. One of the most mortifying things that ever happened to me was at a conference cocktail party, when I was talking to a middle-aged man who is the treasurer of your national organization and he said OH! YOU! With the Hello Kitty Checks! I wanted to DIE.

automaticdoor

@bocadelperro oh my god, I think I would have died in a pile. just, like, melted through the floor.

Megasus

Debit all the time baby!
Also I feel like for the $100 bill one there should also be the addendum to the condo thing: "You also may be Michael Fassbender in Shame". But that might be just because ever since I saw the movie sparse condos make me think of that. Or American Psycho.

monicamcl

@Megan Patterson@facebook I immediately think American Psycho, too. *shudder*

Porn Peddler

You hand me your business credit card, which does not work in my machine, and which eventually prompts me with "TAX FREE?": you are a human disaster and if you don't stop saying gross drunk things at me I'm going to jump over the counter and beat you to death.

Payment methods say sooooo much in a porn store.

EpWs

@Third Wave Housewife Initially read this as "business card," which I'm sure has also happened. (Also, has anyone else ever accidentally swiped their student ID/whatever else card at the gas station or somewhere and then the machine made ALL THE NOISES at you?)

JessicaLovejoy

Paypal: You love buying shit, but hate pants/people/sunlight.

#GPOY

Lily Rowan

@JessicaLovejoy Hey, what does GPOY stand for?

Gertrude

@Lily Rowan gratuitous picture of yourself, I think?

Lily Rowan

@Gertrude OK, so then do people use it as a joke? Because there are a lot of people tagging a lot of things GPOY on tumblr that aren't pictures of themselves. HELP ME UNDERSTAND THE KIDS TODAY!

Vera Knoop

@Lily Rowan Yeah, it's come to mean "this [photo/phrase/gif] sums up my current state of being."

Lily Rowan

@Vera Knoop Ah! Thank you!

Bitterblue

@Lily Rowan Ahaha yeah I had to google it to figure out wtf this #GPOY thing was that kept appearing on my dash. I am always so behind the curve. Sigh.

yeah-elle

Struggling to figure out what change you need to provide to get $0.75 back: You need to do laundry, but are too shy to ask for quarters.

Tuna Surprise

@yeah-elle

I bought a beer at Yankee stadium ($12.25 or some other ungodly number) and I had to tell the guy I would gladly give him a dollar-bill based tip but I needed those three quarters back to do my laundry.

alannaofdoom

@yeah-elle Last year I was going through quarters at an accelerated rate ($2.50 bus fare each way, twice a day, cash only, everyone gets cranky if you don't have exact change). I became an incredibly annoying person who paid for my $1 coffee at the deli with a $5 and asked for four quarters as part of the change, every morning. Sorry guys! Love you! (Now the fare is $3 so I can save my quarters for laundry like a normal person.)

Porn Peddler

@alannaofdoom In high school, I constantly took a bus to work that only accepted NY Metrocards and exact change, in coins. And the fare was $2. Running to catch the bus and finding out your metrocard just ran out was THE WORST.

Hellcat

Has anyone who works/worked in retail ever encountered the "I am using up your time/space/energy to teach my four-year-old how money works, everyone else be damned" payer? The child often dumps a small plastic purse or an old animal-cracker box of nickels, pennies, and the occasional button onto the counter in plain view of the ever-increasing line as her mom smiles and encourages and don't you dare rush her!

mouthalmighty

@Hellcat: I have! And, TBH, I kinda love it? But I also work in a tourist-heavy retail environment and every couple of transactions is a money learning experience anyway.

Hellcat

@mouthalmighty You have a kinder heart than I do! Of course, if people hadn't chosen to do this at Christmas in very a busy Barnes & Noble, then maybe I'd have found it cute?

highjump

@Hellcat Yes! Movie theater with cash-only concession stand. Look child, I realize you have been saving these dimes all summer to buy candy at your favorite movie Shrek 9 or whatever, but there are literally hundreds of people behind you.

applestoapples

Using your Hello Kitty-themed card: 75% of your friends have hidden your status updates from their Facebook news feed.

Ophelia

You had to buy a new wallet so the enormous coins would fit into it: You are an American living in the UK.

Lily Rowan

Wait, what is Politician Hand style?

I only have questions for this thread! But I definitely paid for my lunch today with a $20 and some change, so.

whizz_dumb

@Lily Rowan Thumb pinching on top of sideways loose fist? That's my card method.

Lily Rowan

@whizz_dumb Ohhh, Bill Clinton style? Got it!

Faintly Macabre

@whizz_dumb Me too! So I can try to cover the numbers...until the 16-year-old cashier plops the card face-up on the middle of the counter.

remargaret

Roll of dimes and an old $2 bill: Unemployed.

Marzipan

Paying with a five you folded in the shape of a swan: You are aggressively whimsical, and you love Zooey Deschanel.

Bittersweet

@Marzipan: Aggressively whimsical? Does that mean you actually shove the ukelele in people's faces?

EpWs

@Bittersweet Manic Pixie Dream Girl, emphasis on Manic.

tea tray in the sky.

@Marzipan Oh jeez, I acually thought it was supposed to be a husk of corn until just now.

kayjay

Trying to barter every chance you get ("I'll trade you two chickens and a pumpkin for this pitchfork and 5 yards of your finest gingham", or "I'll recover your wagon if you give me that small pox vaccine"): You live in Olden Times, probably traveling the Oregon Trail.

whizz_dumb

Handing damp folded up bills: you are sweaty. One time a coffee shop dude yelled, "Why is your money wet?" and I felt so small. Then I was like whatever dick, deal with my sweat.

distrighema

@whizz_dumb But howww did your sweat get onto your money? Were you keeping the bills in your bra or something? When I was a cashier, like EVERY OTHER CUSTOMER would hand me nasty sweaty bills in the summer. DON'T YOU PEOPLE HAVE WALLETS?

jules

@whizz_dumb "We will no longer accept money out of undergarments."

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@whizz_dumb I keep my money in a wallet, but I have been known to sweat through it. 100+ degree summers are the worst, especially if you have to walk anywhere.

Hella

@whizz_dumb I call this "beach money", as in just-been-swimming-and-the-water-soaked-through-my-plastic-money-holder money. However I still feel guilty, since I'm sure the cashier speculates the worst!

laurel

@whizz_dumb Please, sweat is the least of the currency-handler's worries.

whizz_dumb

@distrighema I keep my wallet with cards in my back pocket and my cash folded in half in my front pocket. I started doing this when I began living in neighborhoods where getting held up was something to lookout for. This way I could just hand over the cash and still have my cards and I.D., maybe. Never came into play, but my habits stuck and my jeans get damp on hot summer days, yes.

lobstrosity

@whizz_dumb my husband works at a movie theater and insists that anyone who pays in wet singles MUST be a carny.

Pocket Witch

I go to bakeries and pay for delicious bread and pastries with exact change that I dig out of my pocket. That reveals that I am a hungry college student who doesn't want to carry around a pocketful of 1- and 2-cent Euro pieces.

(Yo, 'Pinners! Anyone else in Germany?)

Judith Slutler

@comedy_of_customs Yes.

Although I occasionally also go with "You open your change purse and suddenly realize that you have €20 in change in there, because you are a foreigner who is still vaguely confused by the concept of coins that are worth things"

cc
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@Emmanuelle Cunt I'M RICH LET'S BUY CRISPS!

DangerDangerDanger

@comedy_of_customs You pay extremely quickly and with close to exact change and then pack up your groceries in a gross box before being steamrolled by a mean old woman.
You are checking out at Aldi.

bocadelperro

@comedy_of_customs Ja.
Also, does anyone else besides me constantly get people asking if they have change when they hand over a bill? As in "That'll be 12.50" (hands over EU 20) "Do you have 50 cents?" Makes me crazy
Also, get a grocery basket, like the ones from Reisenthel. It makes grocery-bagging so much easier! Just take the things out and then put them back in! (IIRC, Lidl has them right now for EU 8, which is about a fifth of the fancy reisenthel carrybag I bought).

Judith Slutler

@bocadelperro I have learned to appreciate cashiers insisting that I fork over €0.12 or whatever! Cleans out my change purse.

Also I go with canvas bags folded up in my inner purse pocket instead of the grocery baskets, because going home to grab my grocery basket before shopping seems like too much of a pain.

Also now when I go home to the US, I get so nervous when someone else starts bagging my groceries!

bocadelperro

@Emmanuelle Cunt Augh. There is a coin-operated coffee machine at work and It's really frustrating to me to want a cofee, and realize that I have 3 cents and two fives, and had I not given the baker all my change, I could be enjoying some sweet sweet cappuccino goodness.

I bounce back and forth between the US and Germany, and I just tell people in the US that I like to bag my own, or "you don't have to do that, I'll take care of it." It works better now that plastic bags are banned in my (US) city.

KeLynn

For the record, cooking eggs in the microwave is the best idea because less dirty dishes, and because I can cook them in my little bowls and then they come out the perfect size to fit on an english muffin.

Nic Knack

@KeLynn I have too many questions. Namely, do they taste the same? I had never even considered this at all until this thread!

Wondajules

@Nic Knack WORD TO THE WISE! When they say "cook eggs in the microwave" they do NOT mean "put whole, raw eggs in shell in a mug of water in order to boil them." This will inevitably result in the egg exploding out of your microwave and out into your studio apartment with 10" ceilings that obviously get egg on them that you can't get off all while you're trying to study for a final, causing you to not be able to concentrate because a) exploding eggs are terrifying and b) exploding eggs are hilarious.

So yeah. That's not how you cook eggs in the microwave.

KeLynn

@Nic Knack I just learned that this could be done maybe 6 months ago? So I am relatively new to the microwaving-egg game myself. Basically, I have little glass dessert bowls and I spray with Pam, then crack an egg into it and break the yolk a little (just because I like it better that way) and microwave for 1 minute or until nothing's liquidy anymore. The texture is a little different than normal but I actually like it better than any other preparation's texture. It's light and has a few air pockets. But the actual taste is the same as frying/scrambling.

frigwiggin

@KeLynn Is it possible to cook an egg in the microwave with the yolk intact? All the instructions I've found say you have to pierce the yolk, which is a dealbreaker for me, because like 90% of the reason I love eggs so much is because of that sweet, sweet, gooey liquid gold.

gobblegirl

@figwiggin Microwave cooking heats things from the centre out, so you won't be able to get a cooked white and a runny yolk, sorry. That only happens when you're cooking with conducted heat that cooks from the outside in.

frigwiggin

@gobblegirl That's what I had previously understood to be the case, I was just wondering how other people enjoy eggs that are OBVIOUSLY cooked LESS-THAN-OPTIMALLY. Heathens, all of you.

pterodactgirl

@figwiggin Ughhhhhh, egg yolk! Yes! When I lived in Chile, my host mom used to somehow make a soft-boiled egg-type-thingy in the microwave she called "Huevo en la copa," which had a soft runny yolk, but I have no idea how she did it. I usually just stick with the ol' pot of boiling water technique.

frigwiggin

@pterodactgirl Oh my god! I'm going to Chile, right now, to learn her secret. (Microwave witchcraft?)

pterodactgirl

@figwiggin Brujeria! Whenever I think about it now I get worried that it was actually really not sanitary and I'm now unbeknownstedly carrying some kind of microbe that's boring its way towards my brain. So when you wheedle the secret out of her, could you let me know? Or not...Use your judgment. If it's the microbe thing then maybe soothing lies would be better.

distrighema

Being just about to instinctively hand over the odd amount that will give you even change when you realize that you don't know if they need a nickel or a quarter or what and now you're just staring at a handful of change while the line forms behind you: Just realized why it was important to learn math in school and now it's TOO LATE.

Hella

Awkwardly gripping your card/bills with both hands at the same time and then pushing them straight forward at the cashier: You heard this was more polite than giving people money one-handed, but still haven't managed to make the motion come naturally yet...

See also, getting confused on which hand to use the fork and which hand to use the knife with!

fuck fuck fuck

@Hella i still have not learned to cut food properly because of this very mystery! i just forego the knife altogether and order only pasta.

Hella

@tvc015 Pasta being delicious, you win either way.

Steven

Wow. Large bills communicate one of several entirely different things to me, either 1) "I don't have a chequing account." 2) "I'm on my way to/from the bingo hall." 3) "I stockpile [ammunition and/or gold] in the closet of my basement apartment." Or some combination of the three.

EpWs

@Steven It's the stockpiling one. Every time.

hahahaha, ja.

Guuuuys what does "Instinctively giving $22 on a $7 charge, or any other variation" mean? Is it because pi is approx 22/7 or am I being super nerdy and overthinking it? Is it because 22 - 7 = 15? Do I need to stop trying to find mathematical patterns on the internet?

fuck fuck fuck

@ietapi whatever explanation made sense to me before, eff that. let's go with the pi thing.

hahahaha, ja.

@tvc015: "Instinctively giving $8 on a $5 charge, or $13 on an $8 charge, or $21 on a $13 charge, or any other variation: You just read 'The Da Vinci Code.' "

pterodactgirl

@ietapi I always make sure the exact amount of cash in my wallet adds up to either 4, 8, 15, 16, 23 or 42 dollars. But I don't leave my apartment much because I have to push that button every three hours.

hedgehog

@ietapi It means you think you can make things easier for the cashier, who is probably running out of 1s to give people as change, whilst sparing your own wallet unnecessary strain by getting you 5s and 10s back instead of 1s. Everybody wins!

(I don't do it at Marget though. I do it at my bodega and at the little coffee shop near me, mom n pop places where they actually do tend to run out of 1s. And in taxis, except then there's a tip step in the middle.)

Poubelle

@ietapi It's totally to get the ten and the five back and not singles. Singles are very annoying unless I want something from the vending machine or need to leave a cash tip. (And even with the vending machines, half the time they are too crumpled.)

And hedgehog is right about possibly helping the cashier. There's always the panicky moment when you're running low on ones and telling yourself as long as you have at least four left you can keep doing cash until your supervisor finally comes around with the singles you called him about an hour ago.

hahahaha, ja.

@hedgehog @Poueblle: Ah, that makes sense. I was thrown off because I thought "why not give the cashier $17," but if you have $17 then you have $7, so duh, me. I guess I didn't think of it because I will do this with cents but not with dollars for some reason. I think it's because I like having singles, in case I have to go to the vending machine. There's nothing worse than needing that Snickers bar and realizing that the smallest bill I have is a $5.

Also, the strip club.

Barry Grant

@ietapi "Singles are very annoying"

Send all of your unwanted singles to Barry Grant, c/o The Hairpin. Thank you.

slutberry

I have to check if the Gentleman stacks out quarters for something more than $5, because he definitely falls into that category.

Chris Menning@facebook

Joke's on you. I don't even own a microwave.

Noelle O'Donnell

I work at a restaurant connected to a law firm and it's so annoying to have all these lawyers scrunch their noses up at one dollar bills and hand them to me as if they've been rubbed with a flesh-eating virus.

Poubelle

Last weekend I listened to my 80-year-old grandma rant about check-payers. Good times! She says they're only for mailed bills, and "they let you do a lot of those on the internet these days."

So, you pay with a check: my grandma thinks you're outdated. (She also would like you to know that if it has your name, address, and account number on it, they can steal your identity if they want.)

LindsayMcKenzie

@Poubelle I like your grandma!

GoToaster

What's the method for "I've been meaning to open a Roth IRA account for the past 7 years but I'm totally going to do it with my next tax return"?

miwome

I...am not sure I am any of these? Maybe the first one. But for real, I think mostly I just hand my card over without any Frisbee antics or throwdowns, oh god what am I doing that I'm not noticing

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standing awkwardly in a secluded corner counting out exact change before you even think about approaching the cashier due to mortal fear of inconveniencing the people behind you, then panicking when you get a student discount because the change is wrong, even though it doesn't really matter since they will just give you change back, and seriously they are giving you a discount, why are you panicking? jeez.

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Brilliant, all of it.

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