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Tuesday, February 21, 2012

83

Things I Could Have Said to Connie Britton When She Came Into My Coffee Shop the Other Day

"Is your coat from Anthropologie or does it just look like it is?"

"Is that — yeah, that's a latte, right? So awesome."

"You have a calming effect on people and are like human chamomile tea that way."

"Looking at your hair is like being underneath a waterfall."

"Congratulations on having the best fake marriage."

"Does Kyle Chandler's wife hate you?"

"Where do you live? I'm not asking because I'm gonna, like — I'm just trying to keep you here longer. Hahaha."

"I have no idea if you cook, but I kind of can't believe you don't have a cooking show yet."

"Lately my deodorant has stopped working, and I think I need to switch brands but I keep forgetting to stop at Duane Reade."

"What is the technical name of your hair color?"

"You could do something morally reprehensible, like have someone deported or murdered, and I would still totally love you even though I might deny it at parties."

"How do you get men to like you? I mean, for extended periods of time?"

"Here, keep my lip gloss, I want you to keep it."

"Tell me things about myself that I don't even know."

"Seriously, man, your hair."

"What is the key to being a woman?"

"Please lend me the key to being a woman and I'll run across the street and make a few copies because I know I'll lose it over the weekend."

"You were the best fake mom, but I bet you're an even better mom on the reals. I mean, I'm not the sort of person who says 'on the reals.' But I just said it again! Ahh! "

"I am so sorry that other girl gushed over you when you were just trying to enjoy your latte. I promise we're not all like that."

Anna Breslaw is Texas forever.



83 Comments / Post A Comment

Anne Helen Petersen

"Wanna go drink a GIANT GLASS OF WHITE WINE like the one you always have on FNL and talk some sense into errant-yet-potential filled youths?"

OhMarie

@Anne Helen Petersen God, I love her giant glasses of white wine!!

:Cinnamon Girl:

@Anne Helen Petersen We need to make sure she sees this. I mean, maybe it gets old having strangers love on you awkwardly all the time, but if it's well done (as this is), then certainly it must be enjoyable, no?

All of this is golden. LIKE HER HAIR. AND HER WINE.

Anne Helen Petersen

PS, YOUR HAIR, I MEAN SERIOUSLY

Amanda Milsom Reid@facebook

@Anne Helen Petersen I need a t-shirt that is a homage to Tami Taylor and her fabulous mane.

likethestore

Ahhhh!! Texas forever!!!

Lucienne

"Will you be my mother?"

olivebee

@Lucienne I think I said that once during probably, I don't know, EVERY episode of FNL?

Tami Taylor is my #1 TV lady-hero.

Anne Helen Petersen

"That scene when you talked to Julie about birth control, that scene, omg that sceeeeeeene [dissolves into blubbering tears]"

Anna Breslaw@facebook

@Anne Helen Petersen OH MY GOD THAT SCENE

SarahP

I don't even know who she is and you make me want to touch her hair.

76374108@twitter

Is there white wine in that coffee cup?

Toby Jug

If Friday night lights that worth it? I am currently in an open marriage to The Sopranos and keep a bunch of critically-acclaimed comedies on the side (overseas I visit Downton). Could this show be part of my rotation?

ipomoea

@Toby Jug I absolutely recommend at least dating the first four eps of the first season. If you like them, well, you're in for the long haul. We've been marathoning FNL the way we haven't marathoned TV since we met The West Wing.

olivebee

@Toby Jug Make it part of your rotation ASAP. It is my absolute favorite.

OhMarie

@Toby Jug Yes. I've just started watching it recently and am about 3/4ths of the way through season 1. I love it.

emilylou

@Toby Jug YES IT IS WORTH IT. I'm obsessed with Friday Night Lights, it's currently my TV marathon addiction. I am not exaggerating when I say that my weeknight ritual of watching FNL in bed is often the highlight of my day, not sure what that says about me.

It helps if you love football, or Texas, or hot young-ish dudes (Tim Riggins!). I happen to love all of these things.

laurel

@emilylouise It's even great if you just love (impossibly attractive) people trying hard and occasionally getting it right.

As it happens, I also love football, Texas and hot young- (and old-)ish dudes (Kyle Chandler!).

bitzyboozer

@Toby Jug RESOUNDING YES. Even if you don't like football, which I didn't prior to watching FNL, but now kind of do? Be prepared to become emotionally invested very quickly!

punkahontas

@emilylouise It took my a few episodes to get into it, but now we're on Season 5 and I'm really sad it's going to be over soon. And also Season 5 doesn't have nearly enough of MY TIM RIGGINS.

Xanthophyllippa

@ipomoea Aaaaand incidentally, Connie Britton was in The West Wing briefly. Season Three. You're welcome.

:Cinnamon Girl:

@Toby Jug SO WORTH IT OH MY GOD. You don't have to like football, and it might take a few episodes to get into it, but please try it. But a part of me died when season 5 ended...

Also, season two is the least best, but season three more than makes up for it, TRUST.

I've never had a crush on so many people in one show.

emilylou

@laurel I agree! You do not have to love football to love FNL! But I have a few friends who have watched it and said "too hard to get into, there's too much football" which makes me sad.

Also, don't get me wrong, I love the young footballers but I'm also heavily into Kyle Chandler. I want him to be my dad! Or my husband! But not both. Because gross. But you guys know what I mean.

:Cinnamon Girl:

@emilylouise That's a shame... especially because I feel like season 1 had the most football in it?

laurel

@emilylouise The football scenes are over so fast! As a fan, I always wanted more, but then QB1 would show back up and everything would be juust fine.

Killerpants

@emilylouise "Also, don't get me wrong, I love the young footballers but I'm also heavily into Kyle Chandler. I want him to be my dad! Or my husband! But not both. Because gross. But you guys know what I mean." Oh my gosh. YES. I do know what you mean.

null

@Toby Jug I watched the first episode last night after reading all these comments and am realllyyyyy looking forward to watching more when I get home tonight. For the record, I don't like football and am pretty ambivalent about hunky dudes on TV. I just like a good drama. (Thanks everyone else!)

:Cinnamon Girl:

@klaus Yay convert! FNL will make you care about the drama more than anything else.

emilylou

AHHH!
Just last night I was rewatching the first episode of s2 of FNL when she has the baby and then Kyle Chandler tells her he has to go back to TMU early, then she starts crying - so *I* started crying. And just thinking about how I want to be Tami Taylor when I grow up. She is the best mom/guidance counselor/wine drinker ever and I really think she is a great role model, I mean I know she is a fictional character, but I think she is also more than that?

(Emily + Tami Taylor (and all characters in FNL) = the definition of a parasocial relationship. Yikes.)

parallel-lines

"Do you get tired of looking at Dylan McDermott's butt? I don't."

Chesty LaRue

@parallel-lines You guys, I've never seen FNL, but have seen her in American Horror Story and I was like, "wtf, she's not that great of a mother/wife/woman??" I forgot about FNL
Also, if you like scary stuff, AMERICAN HORROR STORY.

SlutBucket

OH MY GOD ALL OF THIS. I do not understand how you didn't out more around Tammy.

Clare

Please tell me everything about Matt Saracen and Tim Riggins*.

*Zach Guilford and Taylor Kitsch are not real people, there are only Matt Saracen and Tim Riggins

punkahontas

@Clare I agree 100%. Taylor Kitsch is in that new John Carter movie and I can't even watch the trailer. I'm like that NONONONONO cat.

jennifa

@Clare TIM RIGGINS! Oh Tim. Let me live in your trailer on your land and run my fingers through you slightly too greasy hair and have you call me Tyra or Lyla.

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@Clare John Carter is going to be terribleawful (maybe as bad as I'm expecting Battleship to be, and in Battleship he has SHORT HAIR WTF) but... it looks like it's an entire movie of shirtless Tim Riggins, so yeah, I'm going to see it on a $5 Tuesday.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

"I'm sure you get this a lot, but Tami Taylor makes me feel a lot of capital-F Feelings that try to occupy one small space, like, do I want to be her, be her friend, be her lover or have her as my mentor and protector? Hahaha, do you ever run into total weirdos out there? Yeah, that probably sucks. Great hair, ps!"

olivebee

Side note: between this and the announcement of the return of Community in 3 weeks, this has been The Best (TV) Day!

Toby Jug

I hope they're not burning off what's left of the episodes they produced and subsequently canceling it.

I just want one more season. Jeff Winger et al graduates and perhaps Harmon is given the chance to wrap everything up the way he would like to.

Lucienne

@olivebee Haha, my sister actually called me to tell me about Community! We are not a telephone call family, but this was special news.

olivebee

@Lucienne It IS special news! Since FNL is gone forever, at least I get to watch my other favorite ensemble reappear on my TV screen.

@Toby Jug Totally agree. I would LOVE to see them graduate. It just makes sense to have 4 seasons of a college show. (But TV is a business and yada yada blahhhh).

smack

Hey! She switched seats with me on a plane from LA to Austin last year so I could sit next to my husband. She was so nice! I really wanted to say "thank you so much, ah appreciate that" but I couldn't. We pretended not to know she was famous and just acted like she was a nice lady. It kind of sucked because we were coming back from vacation and I had the last 2 episodes of FNL (EVER) to watch but I couldn't because hi, what a fucking creep and it's a 3 hour flight from LAX to AUS.

Anyway. She is real accommodating, y'all. Oh also she's pretty but like normal pretty. And she owns an iPad.

meatcute

@smack Ahhh Tami Taylor on a plane! I would have died.

Though, it was probably for the best that you didn't get to watch those last two episodes. Because I probably cried or gasped or squealed fifteen times during them. Which is totally normal. Right?

emilylou

@smack SO JEALOUS and wow, impressed by your willpower, I don't think I could pretend to not know she is famous and also amazing.

suiterkin

@smack WAIT! One of you had the chance to sit next to Tami Taylor and you gave it up?!?! I mean, I love my husband and all, but...

:Cinnamon Girl:

@smack Question: was she flying coach?

If so, COACH.

If not, I cannot believe you didn't sit next to her. Although that might be kind of too much adrenaline and feeeeeeeeelings in a confined space.

smack

@suiterkin My husband doesn't watch FNL so he didn't care, and she kind of insisted. It would have been super weird to refuse. "No thanks, we hate each other after this vacation. If I sit next to him I'll murder him."

Also, no, it was first. Cheap upgrades!

Amanda Milsom Reid@facebook

@smack I am here fully admitting that after I watched the very final episode of FNL I had to be consoled by my husband, so great were the floods of my tears. SOBBING uncontrollably. I believe the words, "I just don't know what I'm going to do without Eric and Tami Taylor in my life" actually came out of my mouth.

We moved to Austin like, a few months after they finished filming. Talk about bad timing. I live a few miles from Dillon High and it's bittersweet knowing I just missed seeing them all!

Gilgongo

@smack Meanwhile, I lived in Austin while they were filming it, but I never watched the show. "I'm not into football," was my excuse. But my mom was obsessed with it and made me watch it... which I finally did AFTER I'D MOVED AWAY! I CAN'T BELIEVE I lived right near Riggins, and didn't know it. :(

christonacracker

I probably would have just screamed, "oh my lord, HAUERYEWWWWWW?" And then burst into a puddle of sobs because I just finished the series finale of FNL a couple of days ago and cannot seem to fill the void.

olivebee

@christonacracker Nothing fills the void. I adore many other shows, but none of them feel like "family" the way FNL does. And that sentence made me sound creepy and like I am a hermit who lives alone except for lifesize cardboard cutouts of Matt Saracen et al. I promise I am a functioning human being! Just severely emotionally attached to everything FNL-related.

:Cinnamon Girl:

@christonacracker I probably would've done what I did when I met Cheryl Strayed (of Dear Sugar on The Rumpus) and Hilary Clinton, and been all, "I LOVE YOU!" in a blurty but earnest way, overcome with emooooshunssss and feeeeeeelings.

elizabeast

WHERE IS THIS COFFEE SHOP. Because those bags of coffee look like La Colombe which means MAYBE the coffee shop is in Philadelphia, which means MAYBE Connie Britton is in Philadelphia. And my job is really slow right now so I definitely have time to devote to stalking Connie Britton in the least creepy way possible.

liznieve

@elizabeast Yeah, there are also two La Colombes (?? idk, they're multiplying like rabbits) in New York, too. Looks like the one on Lafayette if I had to hazard a guess.

liznieve

@liznieve I take that back. Totally not the one on Lafayette, upon further examination of the evidence. But it could be many places here that serve La Colombe.

amateur hour

@elizabeast I dunno where that coffee shop is, but I saw her recently near my sister's house in Beachwood Canyon. She was walking down the road with her baby in a cute sling! And she was so beautiful!

bitzyboozer

"You were totally robbed at the Emmys, just say the word and I will personally hunt down and kill every member of the academy who didn't vote for you, as well as Julianna Margulies. Or not, you know, your call."

:Cinnamon Girl:

@bitzyboozer FOR SERIOUS. THAT WAS OUTRAGEOUS! DID PEOPLE JUST, LIKE, NOT WATCH FNL OR SOMETHING????????????????

Anna Breslaw@facebook

guys it was The Chelsea Commons! 17th and 7th. i am here daily come say hi to me and connie.

alannaofdoom

What is the emoticon for incoherently squealing with joy? Because: that.

Dorothy McGivney

Love. Her.

Also, their marriage prompted me to inform my husband that we needed to talk things* out more. His response? I would love to ... but you're always watching Friday Night Lights.

*What, precisely, I'm not sure, but Tami and coach had _at least_ one heart to heart an episode!

jennifa

@Dorothy McGivney Totally. After every FNL episode I was all like "husband, why don't we TAAAALK. Like Taylor family talk?"

AnalogMetronome

Ok this is SO OFF TOPIC and I would like to apologize to the Hairpin comments gods, but is there a way for there to be a Hairpin comments section on articles reposted from The Awl et al.? We need a place to discuss the various ways in which the sperm donation article posted right before this gave me (us?) the heebie jeebies. Was it the misogyny? The sense of entitlement and faux self-awareness? All of the above? Not sure.

Drink All the Coffee

@MademoiselleML that article made me uncomfortable too, and @cherrispryte hit the juicebox on the head when she said, "There's a weird sort of not-ironic-enough misogyny in this piece that's really fucking repulsive." Fancytowels also had some good things to say.

And yes, to answer your question, I think it *was* the misogyny.

AnalogMetronome

@Drink All the Coffee Yes! I wanted to like her comment but I am resisting making an Awl account because I already spend more time liking/commenting on Hairpin threads than is strictly good for productivity.
I guess my question really is, of all the Awl articles one could link to, why that one?!

tortietabbie

@MademoiselleML Yeahhhhhh.

I also loved how someone charged that criticism was ruining the dude's safe space. Like, what? WHAT?

Drink All the Coffee

@MademoiselleML why that one indeed! And why not this one? It made me so happy, esp. the Viking poem. DFW juvenilia <3

redheaded&crazy

things i would have said: nothing, because i do not know who connie britton is

... ???

eta: i still don't really recognize her after googling, but she sure does have pretty hair

redheaded&crazy

what's a foot ball?

Tulletilsynet

@redheaded&crazy
"Why are the coffee ladies gawking? Are you somebody from TV? Have they cathected to you?"

CrescentMelissa

Ladies you are doing an insane job of selling this FNL thing to me. I am in a Mad Men mode but I think I need to put this in the roster.

Amanda Milsom Reid@facebook

@CrescentMelissa After all the crappy shenanigans at Sterling Cooper, FNL will feel like a breath of fresh air. I love both shows but FNL warms the heart like no other. And I say that with a totally straight face.

laura jayne martin@twitter

"What is the technical name of your hair color?" Hilarious.

dracula's ghost

oh god do you guys remember that huge multi-subject FNL interview awhile ago with all the actors, wherein it was revealed that Connie Britton and Kyle Chandler are real-life best friends and everyone was worried they were going to have an affair when they DROVE from Los Angeles to Austin together in a car JUST FOR FUN even though everybody else was obviously flying? But they never did have an affair and in fact they both think that's gross and weird? Just best friends?!?!?!?!?!?!??????

And how this friendship contributes to their incredibly good improv skills, like do you realize how MANY interactions on that show are un-scripted? How many little jokes and reactions? How many times one of them makes the other laugh FOR REAL, and it all just makes that marriage seem so fucking real and nuanced?

UGHHHHHHHHH CONNIE BRITTON

Also in that interview when they ask her to play Tami in the TV version and she goes "Hell no, I'm not spending four years of my life getting splinters in my ass sitting in the bleachers rooting for Kyle" and then they're like "no, the marriage is going to be real this time" and so she grudgingly accepted.

UGH!!!!! MARRY ME

p.s. @CrescentMelissa, combining FNL and Mad Men is a great call. My old man and I combined Lost and Mad Men and the one was always a really good antidote for the particular anguish of the other. Like when we got tired of Mad Men's incredibly cold, restrained, smooth malaise we'd turn to Lost and just have cathartic melodrama-sob-sessions. And vice versa. So I say, do both at once.

Lots of crying in FNL. Remember the joke from awhile ago that when you keep dating a shitty boyfriend you make Kyle Chandler cry?? I think about that all the time

dracula's ghost

@dracula's ghost wow look how long my comment got

"somebody needs to start re-watching FNL.......STAT!"

julie lauren

best. tami and eric have the best marriage on tv ever. i love her so much. and ahhhhh she has so many things to tach me about womanhood, i just know it.

schadenfraulein

I love you Tami Taylor! I actually sat next to her at a restaurant last year. I was with my FNL-obsessed girlfriend (this was before I started watching the show) and she was completely starstruck, which is saying a lot because we're in LA and random celebrity encounters like that are kinda the norm here. When we got up to leave Tami's (can't think of her as Connie) friend was in the bathroom so she was all alone and my friend congratulated her on her Emmy nomination which had been announced that day. She was so sweet and gracious! And pretty. I'm so glad I hadn't started watching the show yet. I probably wouldn't have been able to eat.

Ruth Richman@facebook

This is referring to Antonio who took a stance by telling the spoiled governor he will not style her hair any longer. I just sent a comment on another site but it was not posted.

Matt Mogil@facebook

i thought it was my coffee shop?

workerbee

Ya'll, I was Tami for Halloween this year. Aviators, Glasses, FNL booster t-shirt, cowboy boots, and a BAD ASS wig I bought named "Helga." My hubby was Coach, of course.

*S@twitter

OMG, this has to be the funniest thing ever. i have no idea what I would have done, seriously OMG! and THAT HAIR

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