"Is your coat from Anthropologie or does it just look like it is?"
"Is that — yeah, that's a latte, right? So awesome."
"You have a calming effect on people and are like human chamomile tea that way."
"Looking at your hair is like being underneath a waterfall."
"Congratulations on having the best fake marriage."
"Does Kyle Chandler's wife hate you?"
"Where do you live? I'm not asking because I'm gonna, like — I'm just trying to keep you here longer. Hahaha."
"I have no idea if you cook, but I kind of can't believe you don't have a cooking show yet."
"Lately my deodorant has stopped working, and I think I need to switch brands but I keep forgetting to stop at Duane Reade."
"What is the technical name of your hair color?"
"You could do something morally reprehensible, like have someone deported or murdered, and I would still totally love you even though I might deny it at parties."
"How do you get men to like you? I mean, for extended periods of time?"
"Here, keep my lip gloss, I want you to keep it."
"Tell me things about myself that I don't even know."
"Seriously, man, your hair."
"What is the key to being a woman?"
"Please lend me the key to being a woman and I'll run across the street and make a few copies because I know I'll lose it over the weekend."
"You were the best fake mom, but I bet you're an even better mom on the reals. I mean, I'm not the sort of person who says 'on the reals.' But I just said it again! Ahh! "
"I am so sorry that other girl gushed over you when you were just trying to enjoy your latte. I promise we're not all like that."
Anna Breslaw is Texas forever.