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Monday, February 13, 2012

169

The League of Ordinary Ladies: Ghost Dating the Phone

Previously: Jo-SEPH.

Esther C. Werdiger has a weekly podcast and a rich internet life, but also a job in Jerusalem.



169 Comments / Post A Comment

wharrgarbl

Baby elephant! Yes!

plonk

@wharrgarbl yesssssssssssssss.

werewolfbarmitzvah

@wharrgarbl And of course I had to seize up in a Lorax-of-the-Animal-Kingdom crazy-person panic and Google whether roses are poisonous for elephants. Turns out they're a-okaaaaaaaaaay! Chow down, little elephant!

ELECTROMAGNETIC CHAOS

@wharrgarbl: That sequence begs to be made into a David Lynch short film.

wharrgarbl

@werewolfbarmitzvah I had a small moment, but then I figured if humans can eat roses with no ill effects, elephants are probably okay with a rose.

amity

@wharrgarbl Coincidentally, your username is very similar to the noise I make whenever someone mentions baby elephants.

Mingus_Thurber

@wharrgarbl Any Valentine's Day with a baby elephant is the BEST Valentine's Day.

Katie Scarlett

@wharrgarbl I squealed with joy when I read this bit. Gladness and sadness abound.

MoonBat

The very BEST place to be on Valentine's Day is a place where baby elephants walk up and nom your roses!!!

beatrix

Summer smile ^_^@l

travelmugs

Also, on normal people not-making-a-big-deal-out-of-V-day-but-not-ignoring-it-either and being at a weird relationship stalemate with it: http://xkcd.com/1016/

feartie

@travelmugs Ahahahaha. Ahem. That was good. Thanks.

plonk

@travelmugs "i panicked and stapled my hand to my face."

ms. alex

@travelmugs Perhaps I should just print this out to give to my husband tomorrow.

NeverOddOrEven

@travelmugs I saw this on a friend's Facebook page this morning! Most excellent.

You don't happen to be in Vancouver, do you....?

travelmugs

@NeverOddOrEven Nope, I've never been to Vancouver-- I want to visit there though! I think Mr. XKCD just tapped into a popular unspoken sentiment.

dale

@travelmugs Ohhh, that's definitely for sharing far and wide.

fondue with cheddar

@travelmugs I emailed that to my boyfriend yesterday. It's our first Valentine's Day together and we're both in the let's-acknowledge-it-but-it's-not-a-big-deal camp.

I'm giving my Valentine a box of Peanut Butter Patties Girl Scout cookies tonight. The box is red!

Craftastrophies

@travelmugs True story, I forgot it was valentine's day until I read that comic.

@jen325 that was basically how our first valentine's day went - low key but nice. This year, I think neither of us could be bothered. We had a nice weekend together, that's good enough.

fondue with cheddar

@Craftastrophies Nice, low-key weekends don't get enough credit. It sounds great to me.

Craftastrophies

@jen325 I think that when people say 'live as if you'll die tomorrow'. Well, then, hand me the chocolate and we'll snuggle on the couch and watch a costume drama or something.

No wonder I did so poorly on the NYT quiz.

fondue with cheddar

@Craftastrophies You said it. There's no wrong way to spend your last day on Earth.

Unless, of course, it involves being a jerk. That's never okay.

Megasus

The elephant valentine's day sounds like the best one ever.
Also I secretly hope that guy you had drinks with really was a ghost. No WONDER he knows so much about hip hop, because he's been around FOREVER.

makingtrouble

@Megan Patterson@facebook
CORGIFACE

crookedlegs

But... where did he get your number?!! SUSPENSE

rayray

@crookedlegs Yah I would like to know too and am adding my two cents to this in case Esther replies and I get an email update.

angelinha

@rayray Also.

Esther C. Werdiger

@klibberfish
BASICALLY the guy he got my number from someone who is very vaguely acquainted with my New York sister. ORIGINALLY, she gave him my number, a long time ago, to give to someone ELSE. But then, much later, he gave it to THIS guy. Ta-da. I found the email address of the number-giver because I just wanted to be like, wtf, guy. He send me this email back implying that I should know better than to question the strange way the world works sometimes.

ELECTROMAGNETIC CHAOS

@Esther C. Werdiger: Haha. His excuse was 'Kismet'.

Inkling

@crookedlegs

My theory is that Ghost was supposed to have been calling someone else, and one of the digits (in the last four numbers, to preserve area code and the other three that indicate area) was wrong. And then he found out, and panicked, and then his roommate was like "Dude, she seems nice though. Just roll with it." And now Ghost is like "She never even asked me through the whole dinner. What." He is unsure how to proceed. And the first person he was supposed to call is remaining uncalled, or should he call her because that was what was supposed to happen??

Obviously in the movie form, the Accident has short messy hair and open, childish eyes. She and Ghost will make it in the end, via hijinks and interference of minority characters. The Intended has long, sleek hair, sexy + intense eyes, and is jealous of Accident. Ghost has dark, close-cropped with "messy" bangs hair. Roommate is desexualized, but obviously a white male, don't get crazy.

ETA: ^ Nooooooooo :c

Esther C. Werdiger

@Inkcrafter
I LOVE IT. And FINALLY, I'll get to be a manic pixie drm grl.

crookedlegs

@Esther C. Werdiger This is hard enough to follow that I thoroughly approve. Go for drinks again! More hiphop banter! This is a (tolerable!) rom-com waiting to happen.

She was a retail whore

@Esther C. Werdiger Esther, you made an unbearably adorable song about getting to bed before midnight. I've long suspected your manic pixie drm grl status.

pixieg

@crookedlegs Not related, but does your username have anything to do with your surname?

crookedlegs

@pixieg Nope, but if you think that you know who I am based on my name/things I have said on the Hairpin, I probably know the person who you think I am. Does that make sense?

crookedlegs

@pixieg I've decided it doesn't make sense. I take it all back! Except for the part where crookedlegs has nothing to do with my real name. It's just a great song by The Acorn :)

pixieg

@crookedlegs Ah okay, never mind then! I realised afterwards that it might have sounded really creepy, so sorry if it did.

Lemonnier

Wait! Is 35 the official "uh-oh" age for still being single? Because I'm 33 and single and oddly not worried.

RosemaryF

@Lemonnier It is to 27 year olds. I remember saying I was going to have a one-night stand baby at 35 if nothing better had come along. As a 36 year old, I'm REAL GLAD nothing better has come along, and that I don't have that one night stand baby.

(I won't say sperm donor because I'm not paying for anything I can get for free on a Friday night.)

Lemonnier

@RosemaryF Whew! I'm going back to looking at motorcycles on Craigslist, then.

Tammy Pajamas

@Lemonnier Ugh. Yeah. As a 35-year-old still single lady, that cake was not the awesomest thing to read (esp on Valentine's Day!!!). But everything else was charming and wonderful as usual and included baby elephants, so I'm ok.

GoCeilings

Valentine's Day is just so awful. It's pretty much a zero-sum game. Either:

• You are in a couple, get something special and feel slightly embarrassed and juvenile
• You are in a couple, get something half-arsed and feel cheated and resentful
• You are single, get nothing and feel like a deprived child

The only people it *might* work out ok for are people who've just met someone. Even then, it's touch and go. Ugh!

sox
sox

@GoCeilings NO WAY. I feel like I recite this every year...and I've been single for going on 6 years...but the fun of Valentine's day is the trivialness of it. Lots of colored hearts and love-y sentiments that in my mind, are meant to brighten our days in the dead of winter. I know it's such a cheeseball perspective, but I also like to make things, so I think I also like it because CRAFT TIME! So yeah, all my relatives and coworkers and friends get paper hearts tomorrow.
BUT. I would not ever want someone to like, actually try to attach bigger sentiment to it, like take me out to dinner or something. Restaurants are all overbooked, the people around you are all emotionally charged, and the prices are jacked. Just have fun with it, relax, do not under any circumstances buy stupid jewelry from that annoying guy on the radio!

travelmugs

@GoCeilings I think the "just met someone" phase is the most awkward for any big holiday. You don't want to go too generic or spend too much money, but you don't know the person well enough to get something heartfelt. Also, you don't know their stance/enthusiasm on big holidays yet either.

rayray

@sox Agreed! This is the first time evarrrr that me having a boyfriend and Valentines day have coexisted, and even though I am pretty meh over the whole situ, he wanted to acknowledge the day, so I was like whatever fine, we'll do cards. But I actually had THE MOST FUN making him an amazing card this weekend (thanks to the post from aaaaaages ago on how to make pop-up cards! Can we have more crafty posts? Edith?). Anyway we're long distance so the most actual romancin' we're gonna do is a skype convo, posssssibly eating the same meal while we chat. But I made a cute card, so WHATEVS VALENTINES.

missvancity

@GoCeilings I'm single, and I'm super excited about this year. I actually booked the day off work (unrelated to Vday) so I'm going to spend an indulgent day window shopping, and walking to the fancy market, where i'm going to buy ingredients for the kind of meal I wouldn't normally trouble to make for one. Plus I've got a lovely New Zealand sparkling wine chilling in my fridge! Date with myself, and I can't wait!

H.E. Ladypants

@sox I have a boyfriend and now we do romantic things on Valentines day. But for years I would make a cake with a friend and then we would watch movies and eat cake until we went into a sugar coma. This year I missed single-girl Valentines so much we agreed to have our own Valentines day in March.

AmbiSinister

@GoCeilings I like to think of it as the day that couples can get together and say "I love you" in one last romantic gesture in case the world-shattering celebrations of my birthday the next day bring about the end of times.

tortietabbie

@missvancity Treat yo self!

Hellcat

@travelmugs Oh, oy--yup. I went on my second date with my BF on his birthday (at his regular bar, full of all of his friends--male and female--who didn't yet know I was a potential Thing). In hindsight, it was really not bad at all but, at the time, I was this close to saying forget it, not only because of the gift part but because of being, like, a stranger among all the drinking buddies!

(I ended up giving him various and random monkey items--fuzzy stickers for his guitar cases (yes, he's got a childlike[-ish?] thing about stickers) and those multicolored cocktail monkeys and crap like that. Monkeys: The Key to Awkward Gift-Giving Occasions.)

KeLynn

@sox TOTALLY agreed. Valentine's Day might be my favorite holiday, but as far as actual romance goes - no. I will be showering my friends/family with cheesy cards and desserts and love, then taking my boyfriend to White Castle. I mean, I love him to. And he gets the cheesiness and the love too. But it's not seriously a romantic holiday.

dotcommie

@travelmugs my dude and i started dating on february 2, so 12 days later we were like “uhh...should we do something?” we ended up going on an epic public transportation journey to a delicious vegan soul food restaurant on the south side of Chicago, which was fun except on the way home, when we were stuck at garfield boulevard and martin luther king drive for half an hour waiting for the bus, which happens to be on a gang territory boundary, and it was Chicago in february and i was wearing fishnets and heels because i was 18 and foolishly trying to look hot. BUT! we got to cuddle in the bus shelter and 6 years later we are still in lurve. all’s well that ends well.

travelmugs

@dotcommie That sounds like the best valentimes adventure ever.

Craftastrophies

@missvancity Oh, man. I genuinely miss dates with myself. I feel like whenever I see myself these days, I'm working, or tired from working, or busy with something. I just want to hang out with myself and spend some quality time! It might be time to put some effort into rekindling my relationship with myself.

GoCeilings

@sox Aw, I like your take on V-Day. I think part of the trouble is that in Australia we don't really know how to "do" Valentines. Same with Halloween, although that's more of a thing these days than it used to be.

PistolPackinMama

I hope that wasn't it! (Or do I? What I am I supposed to think here?)

My BFF and I have talked about the co-parenting idea.

plonk

wait did you ask the ghost date guy where he got your number/if he was a ghost? i am very concerned/intrigued (i have not been on a date in so long i wonder if maybe i'm a ghost?)

raised amongst catalogs

@plonk This reminds me of how I almost convinced my very-much-alive 19-year old niece that she might be the dead body they found on the grounds at Queen Elizabeth's residence.

She was a retail whore

@vanillawaif I don't even know this story, but I know that it is outstanding. I love convincing people of utterly improbable things.

Craftastrophies

@vanillawaif The best time you...

raised amongst catalogs

@Craftastrophies @taigan Ha! It was weird how easy it was. At first she refused the possibility ("But I'm not dead!"), but then I kept pressing her. Her next defense was to suggest that it was MY dead body they had found, but I pointed out that I was well out of the age-range. After that, she seemed to accept it. I even had my brother (her dad) and other family members approach her and ask whether they had gotten the results back yet, and if so, had they found out whether or not it was her?

frigwiggin

The ghost date thing reminded me of how awful I am at being social. Like, if I see someone I kind of know, like in the University Center at work where everybody eats lunch, I will like actively avoid an encounter with them, even if it's someone I like. I just get scared and walk in the opposite direction! And I get relieved when I end up arranged in a social situation with someone I don't know well and the social situation doesn't work out, even though usually the alternative is sitting at home playing on Pinterest until 2am. I don't know what it is. I think this is part of why I'm so bad at making friends? People are scary!

rayray

@figwiggin I used to do this with people I'd made out with. Like if I drunkenly made out with someone I knew? Then I had to IGNORE THEM at all costs in social situations. A couple of guys I secretly kind of like and actually could've dated thought I hated them :(

rayray

@rayray *liked. I got over this behaviour and these dudes, happily.

nerds

@figwiggin Are you actually me? Because you really sound like me. I agree, social situations/new people/people you've met but don't really know, etc. are scary. Plus, I'm terrible at small talk. So....that weather, huh?

raised amongst catalogs

@figwiggin I like some people okay sometimes, but here's my weird thing: I hate meeting people at a place! Why? Because I have major social anxiety over the moments when you're looking around for the person you're supposed to meet! Like, what if you are looking really hard for them but can't see them, but they can see you looking stupidly around for them? And if they are waving at you for five minutes and you're just not seeing them? That makes me so sick to my stomach that I will NOT meet anyone anywhere EVER. Except if I agree to meet them at a certain time, I will get there thirty to forty minutes early so that I am not in the position of looking for my friend.
Weird, right? And I am 34 and this is my big fear.

Katie Scarlett

@vanillawaif I also fear this! And I'm often late! Ugh, just reading your description gave me that sick feeling. I should probably go pop some Ativan.

ELECTROMAGNETIC CHAOS

@fig, @waif

I get it, the feelings you are describing. I think that there is a threshold that, for most people, is actually very low (or that they do not possess enough self-awareness to know is there), but for you is very high. So high that you are willing to cut yourself off from it. It's like a hypersensitivity to what you *think* OTHER people will feel, and that colors your own feelings. I've wrestled with this to some extent in different arenas (most notably, romance.) I think it's something to consider speaking with a professional about. There are opportunities out there that you can only get to by putting yourself out there, even just a little bit, you know?

raised amongst catalogs

@Katie Scarlett Let's not meet somewhere to talk about this more!

raised amongst catalogs

@Too Much Internet "It's like a hypersensitivity to what you *think* OTHER people will feel..." You articulated it so well -- thank you!

frigwiggin

@Too Much Internet I think you've hit it spot on. I become wrapped up in the idea that despite past experiences with this person going well, a new one will end weirdly or awkwardly, and that the only way to preserve the vaguely positive relationship we have is to avoid new experiences with them. I tend to play out lots of possible scenarios and conversations in my head and decide that all of them are bad ends to this, the visual novel of my life. I have a lot of things I should probably consider speaking to a professional about...

ELECTROMAGNETIC CHAOS

@figwiggin: It's so tempting to have those kinds of arguments, isn't it? Where you provide both sides in your head... I believe it stems from our judgement system, where we try to anticipate multiple outcomes via re-creating the other party in our minds. Which can be beneficial, but can also be limiting when overdone, as we both know. Probably related to Flight or Fight response as well... I shoulda been a psychologist.

frigwiggin

@Too Much Internet Limiting, and also exhausting. Endless conversations and interactions in one's head leaves one with little energy for actual human speech.

PistolPackinMama

@figwiggin Pistol Packin' Mama's Mama is a really introverted introvert. Her solution was to always try and host the event. Because then she had a *job* and the job was to make sure everyone had a drink and met everyone else. It's like she was staff, in her own head, even though she was being social at the time.

Mater Pistol Packin' Mama, I will tell you, can throw one really good party. And she is an amazing cook. I didn't know till I was pretty grown up just how introverted she really is.

automaticdoor

@vanillawaif THIS IS MY LIFE. Oh god I thought I might outgrow it. But, but no? I'm stuck? I... buh... OKAY. HERE IS THE PLAN. We will meet outside a restaurant in a very precise spot, like on the right-hand-side of the front of the restaurant if you're facing it from the outside. OUTSIDE. NOT INSIDE WHERE IT IS POORLY-LIT. I will be wearing something outlandish and brightly colored. Maybe a pink boa. You will do the same. We will have cell phone numbers and full descriptions of what each other looks like. In fact, we will also be holding signs with each other's Pin handles on them. And since we're outside, we can just start yelling when we see each other and it will be okay. HOW'S THAT? I would be totally cool if all my friends would meet me like that.

...I might have skipped about four Pinups and counting now because I have been scared to death to go meet up with people out at a BAR INSIDE AT NIGHT, ARE YOU KIDDING ME, I DON'T KNOW THEM, WHAT IF I WALK UP TO THE WRONG PEOPLE, OH MY GOD

tortietabbie

@vanillawaif This is my fear too! So I get everywhere early and if I'm going to be late, I convince myself that it's better just not to go. Why do you do this, brain?!

raised amongst catalogs

@automaticdoor I was nodding in total agreement and then when I got to "...we can just start yelling when we see each other and it will be okay" you totally cracked me up.

People are always pointing out to me that I gave waaaaaay more specific directions than needed ("You'll see a grove of trees on the left, and then two roads past that you'll see a white house with green shutters...") and say things like, "Just give me an address and I'll find it!" WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE WHO CAN TAKE A NUMBER AND A STREET AND GO CONFIDENTLY KNOWING THAT THEY WILL ARRIVE THERE AND KNOW WHAT TO DO? I give the directions to other people that I wish other people would give to me. I hate going to a house I've never been to before, and I especially hate apartment complexes -- so many opportunities to knock on the wrong door, or wander around lost. "Complex" indeed!

raised amongst catalogs

@tortietabbie Someone should study us to find out what we all have in common...is it just the way we're wired or is it some traumatic element of our childhoods?

Hellcat

@vanillawaif Good lord, I have this too, exactly as you described it--even when it's a place I go to often that is full of people I know! One time I was meeting a friend at a place that we knew for certain was full of other people we knew because it was a big old planned thing, and we were even a little late, and still we both did that whole, "meet you in the parking lot so we can walk in together" thing, with no questions asked of each other; neither of us thought that was a weird request. Why? Why is this a thing?

raised amongst catalogs

@Hellcat It's such a relief to know that I'm not the only one! I am the Queen of Let's Meet In the Vestibule, or some other contained place within a place that prevents any searching/excessive anxiety.

Hellcat

@vanillawaif ME TOO! And, unfortunately, with a BF who is a musician (by night, anyway) who plays bars, I run into this issue often if I feel like attending whatever gig he's doing (and this issue breeds more issues!). Like, do I go painfully early with him (and thus trap myself until 2am) and wait and hope that the friends who said they are coming to meet me will actually do it? Do I go by myself and walk in and hope someone is there while doing that horrific look-around thing? What if there is nowhere to sit and wait? Can I alone be justified in taking up a whole table for myself in a crowded place? Do I look like I am just there to keep an eye on my BF? Oh, I am full of neuroses... and they all seem to start with entering a social event!

Rrrowena

@figwiggin I was like this when I was younger, and it's still lurking there inside. I think what saved me was moving to the South, where random people talk to you all the time, and genuinely don't want anything. Also, where my default "[startled] what do you want?" look left people thinking I was either seriously depressed or really rude.
I practice my small talk in situations where it's easy to get away, and I will never see them again, like on people in the line at the grocery store.
But sometimes, if startled by the presence of acquaintances I wasn't expecting to see, and am not sure how to approach, I will default to hiding.

angelan

@Hellcat I'm not alone! I had no idea this was a thing other people experienced.

What if I got the address wrong? What if there are two restaurants by that name, and I am somehow at the wrong one and everyone else is eating dinner somewhere across town that I will NEVER FIND.

I don't understand how I can grow up, attend many social functions that work out fine, and still worry about stuff like this all the time.

Craftastrophies

@vanillawaif Oh my lord, this is me exactly. I have social anxiety about lots of stuff but mostly I can squash it. But meeting people? What if I just don't recognise them, and then they hate me?! Usually I can trust the not-thinky parts of my brain to recognise them, but it still makes me anxious. Last week I was supposed to meet someone who does not have a mobile phone, and I got there so early, but then so did she, and we missed each other! It was the worst.

I also pretended not to see my cousin in town, on the weekend. I feel awful about it, but I haaaaate the 'oh hi, are you shopping? Me too!' and what if they ask me to do something with them, I don't want to do something with them, I just want to buy something and go home aaah why am I broken?

I also have to make sure I have a hard-copy of a map/directions/time/etc. Because when I am about to arrive, I WILL freak out and wonder if it's the wrong day/time/place/event/I'm wearing the wrong clothes. I went to a school with school uniform, and I HATED casual days.

Monkey

Wait wait wait before when there was that thread where we were saying wanted more of on The Hairpin I forgot to say ALL LEAGUE OF ORDINARY LADIES ALL THE TIME and ESPECIALLY if there are baby elephants.

emilylou

I wouldn't mind sleeping through V-day this year, really. Whenever I sleep on a plane wake up a day later, I feel like I'm Rip Van Winkle!

Also, I thought that drawing of the elephant was really good! Not the worst!

whereismyrobot

I turn 35 today...and I'm single.

femme cassidy

@whereismyrobot Happy birthday! I hope you had ice cream!

roadtrips

@whereismyrobot Happy birthday! Ice cream seconded and maybe drinks? That's what I do on my birthday, anyway.

Oh, squiggles

@whereismyrobot My new thing about aging is to think of it like playing a video game. Congrats on going up a level, I am sure you are much more powerful and badass now, also I hope you got some epic loot!

raised amongst catalogs

@whereismyrobot Happy birthday!

Mingus_Thurber

@whereismyrobot Happy Birthday! I turned 42 yesterday and I am single as well. Here, have a beer!

CurlsMcGirlypants

@whereismyrobot Happy Birthdayyyyyy! Ice cream thirded and drinks seconded! You can even mix the two together and make yourself something like a Guinness Float. :)

Shyrla Pakula@facebook

@whereismyrobot Happy birthday! How about a celebratory game of WWF? Everyone's beating me ever since Esther published my WWF details, so there's a challenge!

whereismyrobot

@Awesomely Nonfunctional Woot! Thanks for the well-wishes everyone. It was a really good one!

tortietabbie

@whereismyrobot HAPPY BIRTHDAY! :D

Hellcat

@whereismyrobot Happy birthday, fellow Februaryer!

CrescentMelissa

@whereismyrobot Happy birthday fellow 'Pinner! Hope it is a sweet one.

whizz_dumb

How does it go from "Sure! haha" to "HEY I NEVER SIGNED ANYTHING"? psyyychooo

ELECTROMAGNETIC CHAOS

@whizz_dumb: As a dude, the idea that a genetic product of mine could be out there, somewhere, does sit oddly. Probably echoes of anthropology, in which I feel compelled to take responsibility for that which I help make; like, I would feel that the child's actions reflect on me despite having nothing to do with it's upbringing and freed of all responsibility to do so.

But I actually came up with a solution to this; gather 5 potential donors, have them all donate, and randomize the chosen sample. Like a firing squad, all the guys are absolved of personal responsibility through anonymity.

Edit: You're a dude; do you feel similar, or ?

Inkling

@Too Much Internet
Ladies donate eggs as well. You don't have to say "as a dude", just "in my opinion".

ELECTROMAGNETIC CHAOS

@Inkcrafter: Forgive me, I was speaking in male voice because I was trying to relate the situation specifically from the male perspective (in this case, since the comic featured a boy as the donor.)

whizz_dumb

@Too Much Internet these are all reasonable points to make on this subject. I'd probably have all sorts of feelings if I were a donor. I just thought the defensiveness was funny, like he could've said, "Oh were you serious? Haha I get really attached to things that are born of my seed so it's probably not a great idea."

PistolPackinMama

@whizz_dumb Not willing to let the fruit of his loins ripen without his input?

BuffyBot

@whizz_dumb as an egg donor, I have 60 potential kids out there... and I'm cool with it! But I did sign something.

tea tray in the sky.

Hey! That's what Too Much Internet looks like! I have a weird fascination with finding out what all y'all look like. I don't say all y'all in real life.

Mingus_Thurber

@Twinkle Little Bat Too Much Internet is cute, y'all. And I do say y'all, once in a while, in real life.

She Saved The World, Alot

@BuffyBot Just popping in to say that I love your username!

BuffyBot

@She Saved The World, Alot I've noticed yours and love it too! Buffy + Hyperbole and a Half is the best mashup possible

femme cassidy

I would like to start a new Valentine's Day tradition. It is called "do something that is actually fun." No, I don't want to go to a fancy restaurant and get flowers that are just going to die because let's face it I will never water them. I want to make nachos and watch horror movies. THAT'S ROMANCE.

I mean: If you dig flowers and fancy restaurants, that's awesome! You do you (and hopefully someone you like will also do you)! But I'm not into this thing where there is only one way to be "romantic," and it involves candles and chocolates, and if you would rather go to a hockey game then you are doing romance wrong. (This is somewhat related to my seething, rabid hatred for anything having to do with diamonds.)

roadtrips

@femme cassidy I'm drinking beer and eating guacamole and watching Twin Peaks. = the best!

Oh, squiggles

@femme cassidy Sounds amazing. Sigh.

Mingus_Thurber

@femme cassidy Brilliant. I am all about having fun. Especially if the fun involves baby elephants.

The Lady of Shalott

@femme cassidy That is an amazing plan, seriously. I am allergic to candlelit romantic dinners and romance, but as far as I am concerned, nachos are always appropriate.

LeafySeaDragon

@femme cassidy i'm down for that, but it would def need at least a candy bar involved. or booze.

LeafySeaDragon

@roadtrips UGH WANT! i'm on s2ep14 and my guy just went out of town until freaking thurs night. i'm supposed to just sit here and NOT WATCH IT!

femme cassidy

@LeafySeaDragon I always just assume the booze goes without saying.

combledore

@femme cassidy For the past two years, the boyfriend and I have gone to soccer matches on Valentine's weekend. It's not "romantic," but we met through soccer and it's super-fun, so. Especially when you sneak in juicebox wine.

roadtrips

@LeafySeaDragon Oh, you're killing me! Full disclosure: This is my third time watching - wait till you get to the Black Lodge!

frigwiggin

@femme cassidy If I have anything to say about it, my boyfriend and I are going to spend Valentine's Day embracing my inappropriate love for Benedict Cumberbatch. (That is to say, starting BBC Sherlock series 2.) And maybe burritos? I would come up with something more awesomely weird to counteract all the romantic dinners, but seriously, it's going to be a Tuesday night after work, and that'll be about all I can muster.

AnalogMetronome

@femme cassidy My significant other and I are watching Startrek: Voyager and drinking a bunch of wine. Romance!

tortietabbie

@femme cassidy My dude promised to compliment me excessively all day and tonight we're going to eat cupcakes and watch Paranormal Activity 3! What's not to like about today?!

Hellcat

@tortietabbie YAY! I would do the same but we just watched PA3 (pretty good, though I preferred the others, particularly 2) so I'm thinking A Nightmare on Elm Street (maybe New Nightmare, if I'm feeling crazy. Or... he did buy me The Bad Seed for Xmas and we've yet to watch it...). Also, I'd sub the cupcakes for something salty... other than that, I am down with your take on this holiday!

ironhoneybee

@femme cassidy Sneaking burritos into horror movies has been me and my man's Valentine tradition for 11 years! Although this year we're going to an opening, boo.

Hellcat

@ironhoneybee One Valentine's Day, my ex and I snuck Wendy's into the movies--Hannibal, I think. His family mocked him for being lame on such a couple-centric day, but it was fine with me!

femme cassidy

@ironhoneybee "Going to an opening" is my new favorite euphemism for sex, thanks so much!

Lady Humungus

@femme cassidy I feel kind of bad because my husband and I go out to a nice dinner on VD, but the internet is always "oh that is soooo CLICHED" :( I just like food that isn't our usual greasy tex-mex approximately once every 3 months, and VD is a good excuse to get dressed up and go out? But we do joke about how he obviously doesn't love me because he didn't Go To Jared and get me one of those Pandora things.

tortietabbie

@Lady Humungus Ugh, don't you love that? If you don't do what you're "supposed" to do for V's Day, people make a fuss that you're just trying to be different for attention. But if you do do (haha, doodoo) what you're "supposed" to do for V's Day, people make a fuss that you're being too cliched. WhatEVER, internet.

hotdog

@femme cassidy we're going to a friend's house to eat onion rings and watch 'war of the roses'. Romantic and fun!

annepersand

@femme cassidy I'm making beer mac'n'cheese and watching Suspiria. There will also be wine and cupcakes though, because those are important.

Hellcat

@annepersand That is awesome!

Craftastrophies

@Lady Humungus The thing for me is not the not doing the traditional thing. It's doing the thing in a way that is appropriate for the person. Like, any old schmuck can buy me a dozen roses and think it's romantic. But I prefer poppies and tulips and, in fact, choosing flowers for myself. But my partner does things like buy me surprise chocolates when I come visit him because he knows I have a sweet tooth, or get the flavour of thing that I like, or one time he bought me a sleep shirt and was like 'I made sure it was soft' because I am Special and have sensory issues.

For me, it's about doing something that says 'I see you, other person, I see who you are and the things that make you different, and I like you and those things. Let's celebrate them!' If you're buying roses and having dinner because you want to Get It Right, then... that's not right for me. Some people might like those traditional symbols but I'm more INTERESTING and COMPLEX ahem, I mean... they are not my fave.

Also, I am pro opportunities to dress up and go out. My sweetie and I haven't done that in a while, maybe I'll plan something.

She Saved The World, Alot

@figwiggin AHHH!!! I HAD A BC V-DAY TOO! With @miwome, and Sherlock. And my coworker - who refuses to admit Cumberbatch's bonegibility. There was beer, mac and cheese balls, and pigs in a blanket. And hummus! And then my bro showed up with flowers for me, even though I drank all the beer before he got there. BEST VDAY EVER.

Hellcat

@She Saved The World, Alot Oh, I tried to have pigs in a blanket for my BF last night but the grocery delivery fools substituted the already-wrapped ones with just the little tiny hot dogs that look so, so creepy crammed into a vacuum-sealed plastic bubble package!

But... he showed up with pizza, beer, flowers, a chili dark chocolate bar, my favorite pasta sauce that my grocery store doesn't carry, and an assortment of olives (!!!) from the olive bar at the grocery store (a place that he, apparently, does not hate like I do... hence the half-ass delivery service). The we watched The Bad Seed and Trollhunter.

She Saved The World, Alot

@Hellcat That assortment of food sound amaaaaazing (especially the olives! I love olives! Also: aww at your favorite pasta sauce! That is so thoughtful! Happy for you and your awesome bf!)

My pigs in a blanket were weird too. They were the ones from Trader Joe's, where the bread part for some reason has like parmesean cheese all over it? They tasted good but they were kinda weird looking.

Chili dark chocolate! Yesterday I bought Sam Adams The Vixen Chili Chocolate Boch and it was....delish. Also, vanilla porter. And this weird ginger/lemon beer? I was pretty daring yesterday. In conclusion: I am very happy a specialty beer store opened up in my neighborhood.

Hellcat

@She Saved The World, Alot He's a pretty astute shopper (as well as being the cutest!) and he was so proud of being simultaneously traditional with the flowers and chocolate, and original with the other stuff. The chocolate is Lindt and, really, it could use a touch more of the chili taste (though I am not a huge chocolate-lover, so maybe that's just me). There's also a sea salt version!

She Saved The World, Alot

@Hellcat Oooh the seasalt reminds me of this which I think I'll probably have to do this weekend now.

likethestore

I want an elephant for Valentine's Day.

The backup plan isn't that crazy, my female friend and I decided to get married when we're 50 (it's legal here). I think she thinks I'm joking about it but I'M NOT.

Katie Scarlett

spooooooooookkkkkkyyyyyyyy

tee
tee

Esther, Elephant-Valentine's Day sounds the BEST! I think this might disqualify you from being an "Ordinary Lady".

carolita

gotta love a baby elephant!

spoondisaster

Is "Ghost Dating the Phone" anything like ghost riding the whip? Because if so, I want in on that.

PistolPackinMama

@spoondisaster Or ghost writing the memoir?

thisisunclear

"I guess I could have done something also but anyway" is why this column endlessly speaks to me. And now I want to co-parent with my bffs.

Nutmeg

I've only been in a relationship one Valentine's day, and I bought myself flowers. Three days later I went to McLean, but that was unrelated.

OH WAIT in 9th grade I was in a relationship, and I made her a duct tape rose but she was on vacation, so when she came back I saw her and was going to give her the rose but she broke up with me first.

DianaPrince

@Nutmeg That is a sad story.

DinosaurFeathers

The baby elephant made me so so happy! Since I'm unlikely to meet an actual elephant tomorrow though, I think I'd rather sleep through valentines...bahhh grumble grumble kind-of-not-single but not enough to count grumble grumble

BS
BS

You Esther are a jewel in an Ethiop's ear. That is all.

Bebe

BABY ELEPHANT!! Thailand is our dream vacation, mainly for the baby elephants. We won't be going for a couple of years for several reasons, but - I am now planning on walking around Bangkok with roses to feed to random baby elephants!!

Also, I have an annual "Why I Don't Really Celebrate Valentines Day" rant, but I'll spare you.

CrescentMelissa

@Bebe Don't spare us, I would like to hear it. I don't care for this holiday either. It feels forced and made up.

Bebe

@CrescentMelissa Well, you asked for it (and my husband and friends are sick of hearing it) so:

Taken as a silly little holiday and an occasion to eat candy, it's fine. Kids love it, and we always send the nieces and nephews cards - I'm the goofy aunt who loves to do that sort of thing, and they get a kick out of it. (They also get Halloween & Thanksgiving cards).

I just hate that it's built up into this THING that we're supposed have Feelings about, and that if you don't get all ooey-gooey-mushy-shmushy on February 14th it is supposed to Mean Something about the state of your relationship. It creates this obligation, and I just don't think that relationships should be based on obligation. You want to send me flowers and buy me candy because you were thinking of me and thought I would like it - awesome! But if you do it because you think you have to, like it's some sort of rule and if you break it you'll get into trouble? No thank you. I do not want your flowers of obligation. Romantic gestures should be made out of a desire to express your love, and they should come whenever the mood strikes, not whenever greeting card companies/florists/society tell you you are supposed to do it.

My husband once bought me a $3 bunch of sad, wilted daisies from the guy who sells flowers out of a shopping cart down the street. No occasion - I'd just been a little low, and he knows I like daisies so he thought they'd cheer me up a bit. They didn't last through the night, but damn if I didn't cry with happiness when he gave them to me. Those sad, wilted daisies on a random day meant more to me than any amount of perfect roses sent out of obligation on Feb 14 ever will.

CrescentMelissa

@Bebe Well said! I agree wholeheartedly.

Bebe

@CrescentMelissa Thanks for the soapbox! I love a new audience for my favorite rants.

Craftastrophies

@Bebe I was just discussing this with a friend, and I said it buys into all my issues. It's a 'see, I did a nice thing for you, now love me/perform happiness'. It makes me jumpy and prickly.

MrsLlama

Turns out, it was a baby elephant, NO BIG DEAL

This made my (Valentine's) day, y'all. Big time.

tortietabbie

@MrsLlama That was the best line!

rogerdogs

The part where you imply being a 35 year old single or unmarried woman is pathetic and crazy is really nice, Esther. Way to be pro-woman, or even kind to your fans.

redheaded&crazy

@rogerdogs I really don't think that's what she was doing. first of all, women can be feminists and still struggle not to internalize cultural expectations. secondly, these comics are autobiographical mainly, are they not?

seems to me that whole panel about crazy and crazy and crazy is mocking that standard while at the same time acknowledging that it's still something that many women, even proud radical feminists, deal with.

just one alternate interpretation

PistolPackinMama

@rogerdogs Okay... so I read that as a discussion not of the objective reality that 35 yo single women are pathetic and crazy. But that Esther and her friend are finding ways to cope with 1) the desire to be a parent and not do it as a solo person 2) social expectations of what they SHOULD do but aren't for whatever reason doing and are upset about.

Of course, my interpretation of this is colored by the fact that:

1) I had pretty much the same conversation when I was 27 and single with my BFF. Well, actually, I have had that convo with a couple of BFFs. It was less tone-of-crazy-ideas-and-anxiety and more anthropology-opens-one's-eyes-to-various-ways-of-raising-kids. But I totally get where the anxiety fits in. And really, the anthropology was just another form of resolving stress.

2) I am 36 and single and from that POV, I think... when you are 35, Esther, you will probably, hopefully, be less anxious. I am less anxious. Which makes it easier to look at my 27 yo self and say "god... I sure was stressed about stuff and trying to be all problem-solvey about it then, wasn't I?"

3) My circle of awesome BFFs and I have repeatedly fantasized about a feminist commune in the Colorado hills somewhere. Which suggests the idea of lady-centered community doesn't go away, it just changes.

So. You know. Multiple interpretations. I don't read that as a comment on me and my singleness, but on society, its terribleness, and the fact that women live in that reality and have to cope with it.

PistolPackinMama

@redheadedandcrazy COMMENT TWINS.

I want to say not "don't call me crazy, Esther." I want to say "it's not going to be that fraught if it happens to you, Esther."

Oh, squiggles

I agree, I think this was written from the perspective of the author, and not intended as a social commentary. I don't think it was a statement made about everybody by The Hairpin in general, or this author in particular. It was one woman sharing her experience. And yeah, it would be sad if she feels bad about the prospect of being 35 and single, but I don't think we need to attack her for feeling that way.

Personally, I totally interpreted the comic differently. For one, she never used the word pathetic. And I felt like she was calling herself crazy for needing to make back up plans, not that she was calling being 35 and single crazy.

Also, it is a comic...so maybe it is just meant to be poking fun at society for being that way? I don't know, but pretty sure it wasn't meant to be taken this seriously.

eringobragh

I planned my whole VDay date, but I don't know if that's because i'm a control freak, or because I subconsciously know my bf (of 5 years, mind you) would probably forget or just buy me a golden retriver calender.

Jenny123@twitter

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FickleMoon

We all have our own baby elephants.

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