Thursday, February 2, 2012


The Asparagus Witch

"When a spear breaks it is the equivalent of the death card in Tarot readings. It is not necessarily a bad thing because it indicates a parting of ways."
Jemima Packington is the once and eternal Asparamancer, and this year she forsees not one but two royal pregnancies, and that an animal will win an acting award. She doesn't do private consultations, but she will be putting in an appearance at this year's British Asparagus Festival, on April 23.


33 Comments / Post A Comment

Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood

BUT can she predict how my pee will smell?

Party Falcon

@Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood Awww...you got to the pee joke first.

You're #1 about your #1.


So, how many cats do you think she has.@v

Party Falcon

What does it mean if your pee doesn't smell? That has got to be a one in a million sign, right?


@dinos Oh my gosh, can you imagine taking part in a study where you had to smell other peoples' pee?


I once had to watch Robin Hood Prince of Thieves for science.


@Party Falcon Yeah, I never quite understood that. I've never noticed a difference, but maybe my olfactory nerves are just blunted from too many years smoking cigarettes. (I quit, though! As a 25th birthday present to myself.)


I just can't get over how much she looks like Bricktop from Snatch. It's those glasses and her general Britishness.

The Lady of Shalott

Is this something I can learn to do at home? I think it would add a certain something to when I serve roasted asparagus to people.


@The Lady of Shalott I was just wondering if she takes apprentices. Maybe she'll teach an online course.


@The Lady of Shalott Just throw it on the floor, at their feet. "My food presentation includes PREDICTING YOUR [WEATHER] FUTUUUUURE."

The Lady of Shalott

@The Lady of Shalott "I predict you will be eating some asparagus in the near future! How do you like me now, guys?"


But, what does it mean when my aparagus smells like pee???

forget it i quit

I don't even wanna think what the porta-loos at that festival will smell like.


I guess when your name is Jemima Packington, it's either this or a career in writing Charles Dickens slashfic erotica.


@applestoapples I'm not a cat person (sorry), but Jemima Packington would be SUCH a good name for a cat.


@HeyThatsMyBike Someone who likes to dress their Persian in wee bonnets and hair bows would definitely pick this name.


@applestoapples Ha! Yes.

Bon Vivant

She is adorable. Especially because she is british and nuts.


Is it Uggie? I'll bet it's Uggie.


Personally just not really a huge fan of asparagus myself.


@redheadedandcrazy Agreed! Asparagus is sooooo overrated. Give me brussels sprouts or give me death!

Judith Slutler

Do you know what's good? Grilled asparagus in a balsamic marinade. I can't wait for Asparagus Time.


@Emmanuelle Cunt - So good! What i love to do is, marinate it for awhile, then right before / during grilling, pour the marinade into a bowl, add a little extra olive oil, and whisk the daylights out of it so it emulsifies up real nice, then keep coating the asparagus with it as it grills, so it carmelizes up really crispy and nice on the grill, and use a microplane and keep zesting lemon over it as you add layers of the emulsified marinade, so the lemon is all good and in there.

raised amongst catalogs

@leon.saintjean You made me cry a little bit.

Judith Slutler

@leon.saintjean Ooh, I've sprinkled some herbed sea salt on before, but lemon zest sounds really good as well!


@vanillawaif God, me too. I'm sitting here at my desk in slack-jawed wonderment.


Sometimes I worry that as an adult Ill never find new and completely surprising things about the world, and then I see a woman make a career from throwing asparagus on the floor and I feel better.


See, it's tarot, then crystals, then this. This is where you're going, Jolie Kerr. Take that as you will.


I'm sorry, what? What? There is a British Asparagus Festival? I have found my people and I am going to them, asap.


Everything sounds much more credible in a British accent.


I can't play the video here, but from the youtube still she seems to be giving off strong Log Lady vibes. My log saw something that night.

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