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Friday, February 10, 2012

45

Scary Stories to Tell While Wearing Haunted Jewelry

"[H]e who owns this diamond will own the world, but will also know all its misfortunes. Only God or woman can wear it with impunity."
—Go on. LiveScience gathers together the darkest, bloodiest stories about Mysterious and Cursed Gems, including the Black Orlov diamond (pictured above), the Koh-i-Noor Diamond (referenced in that "God or woman" quote), and the diamond that a slave allegedly hid inside a self-inflicted leg wound. (Dear Jolie...)



45 Comments / Post A Comment

SuperMargie

Curse or no, I would totally wear the hell out of ANY of those gems. I don't care if it was just to take my car for an oil-change.( I always wondered if Liz Taylor would just whip something out of her jewelry box for the day and just hang out at home wearing it.)

hot dog princess

@SuperMargie My thoughts exactly, when I saw that necklace above I was like "It would totally be worth it to have that thing around my cursed neck". For some reason I can definitely picture Liz Taylor wearing fancy jewelry around the house.

OhShesArtsy

That's right, penis-bearer! Get your penisy hands off my diamond!

OhShesArtsy

BTW, according to urban legend, you indirectly touch between 12-15 penises every day (unwashed hands and door knobs, countertops, etc). Think about that.

OwlOfDerision

@OhShesArtsy Does that makes us all Slutty McSluttersons by default? I hope so.

OhShesArtsy

@OwlOfDerision Yes. Or at least women of ill repute.

OhShesArtsy

My repute is so ill, it's in the ER! *da-dum-tsh!*

LilyMarlene

@OhShesArtsy From a mathematical perspective; imagine if one directly touched 12-15 penises per day, then went around one's daily business (that which doesn't involve touching penii, which would probably consume a lot of one's day) with unwashed hands, touching countertops, door knobs, etc. Would the average urban legend person then touch 12-15 johnsons to the 12-15th power daily? Or, is the correct expression more like, assuming 15 each directly and indirectly touched penii, (15 + 15) x 2, because one is only touching twice as many as usual?

I'm really bad at math. Someone please help.

P.S. Please don't hate me

hid inside a self-inflicted leg wound.

Ugh, what a horrid image to begin the day with...

applestoapples

It's like the more cursed jewels we come across, the more problems we see.

Ialdagorth

If you want to own your OWN haunted jewelry, head to Ebay! Not only can you get it haunted by regular ghosts, you can get it 1. possessed by the spirit of a gay vampire 2. containing a djinn (gay or straight) or 3. haunted by a sexual angel.

Porn Peddler

um

I think I just turned into a magpie or perhaps a Lady of Shallott. I cannot click that link or I will not do any work for the next hour.

Porn Peddler

@Third Wave Housewife o look the platform for the site I'm working on just stopped loading BETTER WAIT IT OUT

edit: shit, now it's working. fuck you interspire. edit again: oh fuck, now it actually isn't working in a much more troubling way...IT'S THE CURSE OF THOSE DAMN DIAMONDS!

The Lady of Shalott

@Third Wave Housewife Diamonds can have that effect on people, I hear.

EpWs

The white diamonds are kinda meh for me, but the colored ones make me turn into a raving magpie. That black one? Must have.

Porn Peddler

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I'm the same way about pearls (though I would never buy a new piece of pearl jewelry, because...kinda not so vegan.) I would feel like a sham wearing white pearls, but black ones? GIMME GIMME

EpWs

@Third Wave Housewife Speaking of vegan jewelry and pretty things and magpie tendencies, check out Tamara McFarland. All ethical and vegan and conflict-free (and SCIENCE!, which is my forever reaction to moissanite, which I loooove, but anyway) and OMG SO SPARKLY.

Porn Peddler

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher omg I had never heard of that stone and it is SO AWESOME! Also, this jewelry is SO AWESOME! There are so many amazing jewelry stores on etsy. But you know what I would really like to see? Some engagement rings for men with legit bling. I know that not all stone settings look like "women's" rings, and I so rarely see pretty, masculine rings with stones.

Also, I cannot imagine in any universe spending so much money on jewelry, I just can't. My mom is a raging magpie, and her engagement ring has a STUPID HUGE diamond, and her wedding ring? COVERED IN DIAMONDS. She has another ring that looks like A TINY TAJ MAHAL MADE OF DIAMONDS. AND ANOTHER THAT LOOK SLIKE A SNOWFLAKE MADE OF DIAMONDS (and I'm going to get that one, no less, jfc.) And my stepmother is like, twice as bad (and nowhere near as bad as her sisters) When she was married to my dad, he was stupid rich, and one year, for some occasion, he thought it would be funny to just buy a cut diamond and glue it to the card he gave her. Why are my parents and step parents so fucking insane with their bling omg

wharrgarbl

@Third Wave Housewife If it's any consolation, the mollusk didn't want it either?

EpWs

@Third Wave Housewife Eeeeee! McFarland stuff is amazing and not stupidly priced, considering it's all handmade and comes from happy rocks and things. And isn't moissanite maybe the best thing ever? It's meteorites+science=shiny. Just the best. (Also ditto on the engagement rings for dudes. The plus side of not having an established "look" for male engagement tokens is that you can pretty much do whatever you want--my cousin got his fiance cufflinks with their initials, and I got my boy a PS3 as a kind of pre-engagement/anniversary/I know you're going to spend a pile of money on a gift for me and I feel bad not doing the same for you type thing. So, you know, options.)

Also A TINY TAJ MAHAL RING? The people demand further information, because what I'm picturing is...off the chain, for serious. Also, your dad sounds hysterical/insane.

EpWs

@Third Wave Housewife Something like this, maybe?

Porn Peddler

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Oh dear, now I feel stupid. My mom and her husband and me and my sister have always called it "the taj mahal ring" but now I realize that tells you...nothing. I just texted her asking for a picture of it because...I need to own up to my stupidity. It just has a big dome and some other features that are...taj-majal-ish....

EpWs

@Third Wave Housewife No worries! "Tiny Taj Mahal covered in diamonds" is very descriptive/intriguing. And it sounds like a ring that would double as a weapon in a throwdown. Shiny!

tortietabbie

I love the idea of a Firefly Guide to Gems.

Hope Diamond... "Shiny!"
Koh-i-Noor Diamond... "Shiny!"
Black Prince's ruby... "Shiny!"

EpWs

@tortietabbie There are not enough thumbs in the world to up.

anachronistique

@tortietabbie "Appropriate for your very finest shindig."

Pocket Witch

@tortietabbie I love you most sincerely.

wmcb

If you haven't read "The Ruby in the Smoke" do yourself a huge favor! Cursed gemstones, opium dens and a teenage heroine in victorian London...

Aubergines

@wmcb The Moonstone by Wilkie Collins is much better. More mystery, lots of different narrators (pet love), opium and curses make it an even better read.

phlox

@wmcb I read that a few years ago and it was good but it really seemed like a YA version of The Moonstone. Which is also a great book about a cursed diamond!

wmcb

@phlox @Aubergines Thanks for the recommend - I love "The Woman in White" so I bet the "The Moonstone" will be great. And yes Ruby in the Smoke is a YA novel that I read for the first time at 12 years of age. I have a deep and abiding love, and a readiness to graduate to the adult version!

Megasus

@Aubergines The Moonstone is based on the Koh-i-Noor, isn't it?

phlox

@Megan Patterson@facebook The Moonstone the diamond is based on the Koh-i-Noor, kind of, except it curses everyone who wears it including women. But like the Koh-i-Noor, it was stolen from India during a battle with the British and it is so crazy valuable and shiny.

chevyvan

@wmcb I'm sitting here looking at a copy of The Tin Princess, which I haven't cracked open yet. I think I know what I'm doing with my Friday night...

Holden Cauliflower

It's depressing how many of these gems were stolen by Imperial Western nations now refusing to return them. Does the British historical significance of a gem make it any less the rightful property of India?

Megasus

In regards to the Sancy diamond, the cutting it out of a courier's stomach bit has to be bullshit, because they didn't believe in autopsies yet, right? Like it was still morally abhorrent?
I must say though, if there is something I love more than jewels, it's a good curse. Although the lesson that should be learned from half of these is "Stop stealing diamonds from India" but nope, that lesson still has not been learned.

leastimportantperson

Not to brag, but I get the feeling I could come up with some really great curses to lay on some really great gems. That's just a feeling I have.

SheWhoReadsInSkirts

@leastimportantperson I'm listening. :3

Equestrienne

This is fascinating. Just to balance out the darkness, do any of you have jewelry that you feel is "lucky" (for lack of a better word)? I have a pair of green onyx earrings that I am totally convinced are magical for some reason.

I saw an episode of the Rachel Zoe Project where Rachel was talking about a necklace (an amazing Native American blue lapis monstrosity, I think) that she was wearing when she met her husband, and how she became so superstitious about it that she wore it nonstop for like the first two years they dated or something. I thought that was really touching, and it's completely something I would do.

Diana

Guess who is halfway done with The Moonstone right now?! All up in the cursed gemstones.

P.S. I just finished The Woman in White last week. Where do I go from here? Whom should I read next in the same vein?

LooseBaggyMonster

@Diana If you're up for more Collins (and I hope you are), try Armadale.

Diana

@LooseBaggyMonster

Thank you!

Verity

Is it just me, or are most of these scary stories not all that scary? I want to hear about proper curses!

Zeki Yol@facebook

great work, thank you. i always follow web sites. thanks for sharing. Fıkra .

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