Rachel Roy Frog and Kiss Threader Earrings, $26
Let these serve as a reminder to anyone who doesn't want to be alone next Valentine's Day: kiss a bunch of weirdos! You never know who their parents might be? (Totally 100% kidding. Do this instead!)
Asos Midi Dress with Belt, $35.81 (was $71.62)
Watch the video preview of this if you can't already picture yourself classily idling up to a fancy giant oak hotel bar at around midnight on Valentine's Day and ordering WHATEVER THE HELL YOU WANT.
Pink Hearts Kitchen Towel, $6.36 (was $7.95)
Holiday-themed kitchen towels are some final frontier of adulthood shit. You can never have too many (if you're doing holidays right, which you can tell by how many towels you almost destroy cleaning up spilled red wine but then somehow they come out of the washer looking like nothing happened?).
Deena & Ozzy Monogrammed Tote, $4.99 (was $24)
Less than five bucks to have a monogrammed version of a thing you already buy once a month with someone else's name on it. Hurry, only A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, J K, L, M, N, P and S are left.
Sam Edelman Qiana Wedge Sandals, $105 (were $150)
Go look in your closet. What red heels do you have? Gross! Replace them with these.
Champagne Pop Rocks Truffles, $25
The insane chocolatier Payard came up with these balls of nonsense just for VDay.
Glassing Sunglasses, $45 (were $100)
The Hairpin: your go-to source for discounted pink sunglasses since 2011.
Daydreamer LA Serpentine Heart Crop Tee, $9.99 (was $29)
From the reviews: "I bought this shirt because it was on sale and cheap, so I thought it could be a good shirt to wear to the gym and around the house, but when it came, I fell in love with it. It is now one of my favorite shirts to wear to school and out on the weekends. It is so soft, comfortable and fits PERFECTLY."
Anna Sui Dolly Girl Lipstick, $9.99 (was $25)
This is a sheer, nice feeling lipstick — it's not insane red or anything. Pro or con? Whichever lipstick you choose, be awesome by keeping it in one of these:
Sephora Makeup Bags, $3-11 (were $10-32)
Don't forget your free samples at online checkout!
Von Follies Red/Black Eyelash Lace Bra, $45
Jason Wu who? Dita Von Teese made lingerie for Target and even if no one else sees it, you'll know how smokin' you are under that dress.
Williams Sonoma Terry Robe, $59 (was $118)
Again, you can monogram this to look extra baller while you lounge around this joint:
Deerhill Inn at West Dover, Vermont, from $379 for three nights (was $789)
Before you laugh at this amazing suggestion for a pretty affordable East Coast solo getaway, check out what you get for that dough: a room with a fireplace and there's also one in the Inn's library, breakfast in bed one morning, champagne and chocolates in your room on a day of your choice, and afternoon refreshments each day which usually means more champagne. Plus there's a place to ski nearby, but don't because why would you want to leave the fireplace?
Happy Valentine's Day, suckers who have to go out to dinner and pretend to be into it!
I would definitely take a romantic three-day vacation with myself. Myself and that fireplace. Yes.
@tortietabbie Yessssssss. I don't live anywhere near Vermont and have no vacation days to spare, but, DAYUM, I want to go to there.
@tortietabbie Definitely. Why do I live in the UK and not conveniently close to that hotel?
Whaaaaat Dita von Teese designed lingerie for Target???? WHY DO I NOT LIVE IN A COUNTRY WITH TARGET?????? ADORABLE. I must own it.
@The Lady of Shalott I KNOW RIGHT?!? When did this happen? I was back in the States over winter, I could have bought some!
@The Lady of Shalott: I don't understand the Aussie bra system?!?! PANIC
@RK Fire Well, this is actually Target Australia which is a whole different entity than US Target. I guess this line is eventually coming to the US, but I'm not sure where. There are also all these amazing looking pieces like a super structured overwire bra that aren't out yet!
@rootmarm: ah, I figured it was like AmazonUK vs. AmazonUS. Either way, I was just confronted by a totally different bra sizing measurement system and mentally flipped out. "What is a 12C??!?!?"
@rootmarm How the heck does Australia have Target before Canada!?
@The Lady of Shalott Yes but....that pic totally belongs on Photoshop Disasters. Total shunken head syndrome!
@The Lady of Shalott For $45 though I'll just buy one of the super nice bras I really want from Topshop or some such.
@SuperGogo Time to shank that shocking sh(r)unken 'Shop shamble.
$636? Most luxurious dishtowel ever?
@Gertrude It comes with three accessories: a member of the species/sex of your choice to do your dishes, one ditto to rub your feet, and one more to bring you whatever you like to drink. It's a bargain at twice the price.
@Gertrude The Best Time A Bargain Bin Dish Towel Almost Gave Me A Heart Attack
@Mingus_Thurber you are probably correct. If Jane says we should buy it, she must know it's worth it.
THOSE SHOES!
ALSO THE DRESS.
@PistolPackinMama I love the dress, too. SO classy! But I am A Short Lady, so that thing would hit my legs in all the wrong places. Sigh.
@olivebee Things that took me 20-some-odd years to learn: I am A Short Lady and therefore dresses cannot hit below my knees. Sigh. If only I'd known.
@olivebee that dress would hit me at about my ankle AND make me look like i have one giant oblong boob with the high neckline, and MAYBE with the belt i would also look pregnant (it's hard to explain why, but something with having huge boobs and a short waist makes me feel like i look pregnant all the time). i wanna accept my body so bad most of the time, but i would gladly exchange it for another to wear that dress right now.
@tvc015 @The Everpresent Wordsnatcher
Riiiight? Ugh. I feel like my main struggle when looking in the mirror everyday before leaving for work is "does this make my short legs look even shorter and stumpier?" There are so many pretty dresses and skirts that I see online and covet and then quickly change my mind because I remember that the model is probably 5'11".
@olivebee I'm a Tall Lady, and I was thinking I couldn't pull it off because elastic waists always hit me too high and look really goofy around my rib cage. But Asos actually includes info about the model (bottom left)! She's 5'9" and wearing a size 4. So helpful! Why can't all sites include model info like this?
@olivebee I have given up on skirts entirely. I'm 5'3, no torso to speak of, and the legs of someone four inches taller than me. Skirts never ever ever look right. Are they supposed to sit at my waist? Because then they look obscenely short. Are they supposed to sit at my hips? They ride up to my waist. I give up, pants forever.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher You guys! Take stuff to a tailor! Raising a hem is usually pretty affordable and SO worth it.
@Jane Marie Can I get a tailor to let my torso out? There's gotta be a couple extra inches of vertical waist space in there somewhere.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Okay, so I am tall-ish (5'8"), but I too have a tiny torso and petite shoulders. AND I have fleshy hips, so either skirts dig into my chubs or they go up OVER the chubs and then I'm flashing my bits and that is never a good look. Oh, and if I try to purchase things to sit on my hips without digging into my chubs, then they are so big they fall down. I had this issue with underpants-under-skirts for a while.
@TheSkyGirl Here is your Short Torso Appreciation Club card, pin, and sash. Meetings are the second Thursday of every month. Please bring a snack of your choosing; drinks are provided. Pajama pants are encouraged.
@PistolPackinMama Dress Question: Thanks to Jane, I've been rockin' some red lipstick on occasion, and through this experience learned that I look best with cooler, bluer reds on my skin. Does this mean the warm orangey red of this beauty will not suit me? :(
Also, I am a Short Person and if teh garment is worth a long term commitment (I try really hard to make purchasing decisions that way), then it is TOTALLY worth the tailor!
@SuperGogo Yeah, I've noticed a few sites start to do that now, and it's REALLY helpful when buying anything that you wear on the bottom half. Anything that makes shopping online the laziest it can possibly be (i.e. not having to return something) is okay by me!
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Girl, pencil skirts. I have a high waist too and little torso to speak of on top of being 5'3". I find that vintage cuts with higher waists are very flattering and therefore I love this trend to bits.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Short torsos unite! I have long limbs but a short short short torso (and, uh, plenty of boobs and no waist!) so sometimes I feel like a starfish? Everything's meeting at one point! Still working on regrowing an arm...
@PistolPackinMama @everyone:
RE: Cool reds v. warm reds- I always thought I was a cool reds person... and ORANGE LIPSTICK. So I guess try it? You never know.
RE: Short torso, height, waist length... I have a very short torso narrow hips and a big bust. There is barely a handlength between my waist and bust. And my weight is totally carried around the spare tire region.
I always think I look like a pregnant-lady-version of one of those old guys at the diner holding their pants up with suspenders, and the waistline comes up to their armpits.
It's always something!
But yeah, skirt length... alterations work wonders.
Also, re: extra torso length- it depends on how much seam allowance there is in the dress. If you have a really long torso and short legs, you can try long size dresses, and hem the heck out of the skirt. Talls usually have some extra length in the waist.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Also... really. Try eShakti.com. They will let you request customized sizing for a nominal fee. You just need to get a friend with a dressmaker's tape to measure the heck out of you. AND, their torso/shoulders run long, so if you always thing your clothes' waistlines are short by 2 inches, they can add that in.
@PistolPackinMama "I always think I look like a pregnant-lady-version of one of those old guys at the diner holding their pants up with suspenders, and the waistline comes up to their armpits."
I am sure you do not look like this, but this made me laugh.
@PistolPackinMama Ah, no, I should have been clearer--I don't need the torsos of my clothes let out, I need my torso itself to be longer and was trying to make a joke about how a tailor should be able to do this for me and I don't even know? Awkward phrasing, apologies. (It's snowing here and I'm tried from late night bowling and my brain just isn't functioning.)
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher AH HAH! Well, eShakti will shorten torsos for you! But if it's the waist/shoulders of the garment that are too long, you can actually sometimes have THOSE taken up.
(I will admit I was confused by short torso, but not enough fabric in the torso. I've only had one cup of coffee.)
@I smell burnt toast: you might be surprised.
@TheSkyGirl I sometimes have that same problem- getting things to fit around my widest part (hips) and also fit my narrowest part (waist). I've found that the best way is to ignore the size # on the garment and get something that will fit the widest part. Then, take it to a tailor and have the waist (or whatever) taken in. Fits like a glove and looks great.
@ghechr I need to get over being too cheap to go to the tailor, for real.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher OH MY GOODNESS, I am so excited -- you are like me, except I am 5'4"! I always think I look like a head right on top of a waist! Yet my legs are only about two inches shorter than my 5'9" sister, who has a more proportionate torso! And my teacher in a forensic anthropology class once told me that, should my dismembered limbs ever be found in a ditch (why is it always a ditch?), my femur would fool the authorities into thinking they were trying to identify a much taller person.
As far as clothes go, I too find stuff is often a bit shorter than it might be on a more torso-y/less leggy person. However, I have opted to just be the (sometimes really) short-skirt girl and go about my business as such.
@sox But I feel like... this makes it more apparent that my torso is so small! Like when I wear an empire waist (because sometimes they are so cute if they're not too billowy), I really feel like my head appears to be growing right out of my waist!
@PistolPackinMama @jane marie @everyone I just bought that red dress as well as FOUR other skirts & dresses on ASOS. I am also not the tallest of ladies, but eff that, my birthday is on Tuesday/V-day! I'm gonna rock that dress hard.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I am a carbon copy of you except slightly shorter (5'2"). I too have given up!
@churlishgreen @Hellcat Short Torso Appreciation Club cards, pins, and sashes for everyone!
@alannaofdoom Things made so much more sense to me clothing-wise when I realized I had a torso just like the one you describe. I can only find elastic-waist skirts I like, which is sad because I love the look of a good pencil! And I can never tuck in my tops, or else I look like a stump.
Jaaaane! Don't get my hopes up, I was hoping I could BUY the Deerhill Inn! And wear the terry robe in it, forever.
I don't get these earrings, Gary. Are you saying I have frog lips?
God, Elaine. I try to buy you something nice for a change and this is what happens. Just put on those hideous sunglasses you seem to love so much and leave me alone.
@Fig. 1 (formerly myfanwy) Well, I'm sorry, Gary! It's not my fault you don't know how love works! Also, have you been practicing your scrimshaw technique on my lipsticks again?
Lipsticks? As if I would touch those things, Elaine. Seriously, get rid of them, they are disgusting. By the way, have you seen my robe? I'll be damned if I'm going to let all this wood I put in the fireplace go to waste.
(I apologize to whoever is the "Gary" usually but I couldn't resist and you seem to be AWOL, please jump in if you're around)
@Fig. 1 (formerly myfanwy) You might want to look under that wood, Gary. Terrycloth makes a perfect firestarter. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to Vermont!
(Don't worry about it! We all trade off anyway.)
Not so fast, Elaine. We still haven't discussed the matter of that snake shirt. You know how I feel about reptiles! And in public, too!
@Fig. 1 (formerly myfanwy) But, Gary, it goes so well with my hot-pink sunglasses, which are CLEARLY the appropriate thing to wear for Valentine's day!
(I'm here! I'm here! But busy with work, please carry on!)
I've had it, Elaine! Reptiles! Valentine's day! VERMONT!! Now I've gone and spilled my drink. Where are those horrid themed towels you bought? Ugh, don't bother looking, you'll never find them with those awful sunglasses on. I'll just use this dress instead.
@Fig. 1 (formerly myfanwy) Gary, no! That's the only dress that goes with these truffles I bought! Now how am I supposed to accessorize with chocolates? You're so insensitive, Gary!
@figwiggin Well, Elaine. Clearly those truffles match your bra. What? OF COURSE I'm looking!
That's it, Gary, I'm putting the snake shirt back on, packing my makeup bags and leaving. That's right! I'm going to Vermont! AND I'm taking your tote bag as well. Enjoy your fireplace because it's the only thing keeping you warm next Tuesday!
As if I need another pair of reasonably priced sunglasses. I realized last night I am officially a sunglasses hoarder. (Not like 400 paris. But between 10 -20)
@nevernude cutoffs your icon always makes me think of the buttmarker LW from A Clean Person a while ago. And thus do I love it.
@PistolPackinMama That was such a great problem to have! I'm flattered.
@nevernude cutoffs that's the first step on the path to acceptance. As a sunglasses hoarder myself, I offer myself to be your sponsor. We can have heated discussions on whether cat-eyes are a good look, and why I feel like Tom Cruise in aviators.
@nevernude cutoffs OR THESE?
@beanie @nevernude cutoffs Can I have a pair of sunglasses you guys? I lost my only pair and just moved to California and need them ALL THE TIME. I'm blinded! More reasonable question, where is your favorite place to buy cool sunglasses? I feel like I can never find a pair I like. I am still mourning the copper and black striped vintage Ray-Bans I found in an antique store at age 12 (they were way too big, but still) and subsequently dropped into a river :(
@Jane Marie Ahhhh!! I boycotted the rest of the shit people say when they do stuff videos, but I will absolutely check that one out when I'm not at work. (And there are 2 cats at my house I can do that to, yessss)
@beanie Cat Eyes RULE, my regular glasses are cat eyes. I think I look like Angelina Jolie in aviators except I probably look more like my dad in the 80's.
@roadtrips My fav place to buy sunglasses is ...Tj Maxx or Marshalls. Right now at my local one, I keep finding ridiculously cheap Betsey Johnson pairs (I paid $10 for a pair yesterday). She also makes pretty decent quality RayBans knockoffs. I had an AMAZING pair of RayBans (exactly like Audrey Hepburn's in Breakfast at Tiffany's) which I got on Ebay, and my dog destroyed. I'll refer you to the gif I made last week.
@roadtrips if you find a Sak's Off 5th, I hiiiighly recommend them for fancy-pants brands. I got a pair of Celine's over the holiday's (for $100 bucks when they are normally $350+!) and I'm still so excited about them.
Also, I love cat-eyes, I'm just not sure I can pull them off in a day-to-day setting. AKA I tried on the Tom Ford Nikita Eyeglasses and my boyfriend said they would fulfill sexy librarian fantasies. Which is nice, but since I wear sweat pants a lot, I don't know. They seem to nice to wear with sweat pants!
@beanie @nevernude cutoffs Thanks for the tips! I think I need to invest in a few cheap pairs and one really nice pair. That's my resolve. And dogs in (double) sunglasses - never old!
@beanie Get them! Which color? I got a pair of Marc Jacobs at a Sak's Off 5th, and lost those, again, by said dog. See above gif for details. But those are some gorge glasses. I'm debating on getting a new pair of eyeglasses from Warby Parker, and they have a try before you buy feature. Also in love with these Elizabeth and James ones.
@Jane Marie Love this one!
@nevernude cutoffs I did the Warby Parker try on five and all five I didn't like. I'm way too picky. I felt bad because I really like their policies, but their glasses didn't seem that nicely made, and since you wear eyeglasses daily, and I usually keep a pair for a long time I didn't think it was worth it. Those Elizabeth and James ones look really cute!
@beanie Ooh. Very good to know about that. I had a similar experience with something called Spexclub except I bought and never returned them. Thank you! I'm going to focus on the Elizabeth and James pair, I'm kind of in love.
@roadtrips If you want vintage raybans, Goodwill has an ebay-style website that usually has them. They still usually sell for around $50, but that's much cheaper than you'll pay for new ones in a store. (My mom got my raybans for $6 at a yard sale and I guard them with my life, but I am often tempted to buy more!)
@nevernude cutoffs This has to do with nothing, really, but I swear I have the cutoffs in your picture there!
The snake teeshirt speaks to my inner romantic metalhead. I would wear it with these pants , and probably my snake ring, because moderation does not apply to my wardrobe, generally.
@remargaret Perfect. Also, I want a snake ring. Suggestions for locations of such things?
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher eBay? Mine was a gift I received in high school that made me feel SO EXOTIC. Still does, really!
OMG THAT TEE MY SLYTHERIN HEARTS BLEEDS FOR IT
@JessicaLovejoy I JUST FUCKING BOUGHT TWO
@JessicaLovejoy Lucky! There's so much snake shit out there, you can't swing a Weasley without hitting something. Try finding anything with a badger on it! (Besides that one Modcloth tee shirt.)
@figwiggin There's eagle shit everywhere but it's always so damn patriotic. I want to look like a badass nerd, not the decal on the back window of a pickup truck.
@figwiggin Shhhhh, little Puff. I shall hug you to sleep.
@JessicaLovejoy Mm, I may be getting crushed to death but at least someone's paying attention to me!
@figwiggin CREYING. Let that be the official credo of the SlytherPuff Alliance.
At the very least, this has inspired me to spend my lunch hour at Victoria's Secret replacing my two bras. Yes, I only have two bras, neither of which are sexy. Oh my god guys I'm so sorry I ever told you that.
@alphabiddycity Girlfriend, don't sweat. I do actually HAVE some sexy underthings, but I never actually wear them and instead wear the same two non-sexy bras I own...the same exact style, one in nude, one in black. But not at the same time. Because that would be weird. Have fun buying sexy things!
@alphabiddycity I only have two bras also! Solidarity. Neither of mine are sexy either. Ugh. Right. Time to do something about it.
@alphabiddycity Right now Ihave 3 in rotation. All bought on clearance at Target and with a tendency to give me Quad-Boobs.
Which is odd, considering they're the first Ds I've ever bought...
@alphabiddycity I applaud you, because I hate spending $dollas dollas$ on underwear, so I end up with Target bras that have underwire poking out within a month. My next phase of becoming a grownup will include buying nice bras.
@beanie Nice bras will change your life. I would eat ramen every day for a year before I would go back to cheap bras.
@beanie Dude, Marshalls and Ross.
Gucci bras at McDonald's prices.
I mean...not literally Gucci....but I'm wearing a $40 Calvin Klein bra that I paid around $7 for.
Wait, wait. So to wear those earrings, I have to thread that one chained metal part through my ear to get to the next smooth metal part? No thanks!
@meetapossum Putting them in isn't what worries me, but getting them out is.
@meetapossum Those snake-y chain earrings always look pretty cool when they're on but they really gross me out. I don't know, I keep imagining the chain part getting snagged on some flesh INSIDE my earlobe? Or somehow during the day the hole starts closing up between the little chain links? And then the earrings are, like, part of my ear now forever? It's really irrational, I know, but I just can't get past it.
@Katie Scarlett That's exactly what I was imagining in my head! Well, that, and the weird sensation that must occur when pulling links through your ear. I'm getting creeped out just thinking about it.
@Katie Scarlett Oh god, you guys...that thought didn't even occur to me until y'all brought it up and now I CAN'T GET IT OUT OF MY HEAD!
@meetapossum I have earrings with chain hooks like that, and it is really not bad putting them on or removing them.
SPEAKING OF JASON WU FOR TARGET.
Can we please talk about what a clusterfuck Target's "find in store" feature is? I went to four different Targets looking for the kitty scarf and didn't find it. Apparently "limited stock" means "we've refilled the Jason Wu area in the Accessories section with fugly plastic neon purses."
@Clare target just has an awful website in general
@Clare I went to Target at 8:00am last Sunday (no, I do not kid) and that scarf was gone, gone, gone by then. In fact, all of the Jason Wu accessories were gone. I suspect it was this lady armed with a seriously full cart and a teenage son running around pulling a couple of everything from the racks.
I ended up with one dress (a white one with a black print), though I tried on a few others; one blue one was rejected because it was too boxy on me, and another blue one because I had just gotten something kind of similar from ModCloth (and it is actually much better quality, if you can believe that). The pink/black/yellow dress that I really wanted was gone by the time I got there except for one lonely XL and another that a woman was trying on (I heard her say to her friend that it was boxy too, so I wasn't too sad about it). Then I went home and put my pajamas back on and watched DVRd Mad Men reruns until it was time to go to a Superbowl party.
The end.
@Hellcat I got two shirts, a dress, shorts, and a scarf (the floral one) online because I happened to be up at 2AM Sunday morning (what, no, I wasn't watching all of Revenge, why would you say that?!). They're all really cute on me, but I feel like kind of a horrible person for grabbing them.
Not enough to return them, though.
@Lucienne No, it's OK! It's perfectly legit, unlike Shopping Cart Lady and her Teenage Minion (I know they were up to no good! I bet that whole cart's worth of stuff is on Ebay right now).
Also, somewhat related to your post, I stayed up until two the other morning watching episodes of The OC all because someone here had to mention it! And I'll do it again (in fact, last night I said the the BF, "If I can't fall alseep, I am going to get up and watch more OC
man, i love that snake tee, but i hate the way cropped tees look with my tig ol' bitties :C
@shhhhk Co-sign. I have to find one that's long enough, otherwise it looks like a bra. :(:(:(
Those earring are adorable, but I just can't with the whole threading chains through my ears. *shudder* And then having to pull them back out, oh god! It's like fingernails on the blackboard just thinking about it.
@SuperGogo AUUGGGHHH I was fine with them until you made me picture pulling them back out and the juddery feeling of the links coming through aaauuugghhh no!
But those red shoes are hot though.
@iceberg I've had these types of earrings, it's not unpleasant. They're quite smooth.
@SuperGogo Me too! The whole idea freaks me out!
@SuperGogo Exactly D:
Does anyone out there have a sunglass recommendation for someone with a really small face? My face is just fucking small, I don't even know. So many pairs of otherwise cute sunglasses look sooo deeply stupid on me.
@leastimportantperson This is going to sound stupid or patronizing but I mean neither: have you looked into (higher-end) kids' sunglasses? Is this a thing? I think I saw some at my optometrist's.
@Fig. 1 (formerly myfanwy) Such a good idea, thank you!
@Fig. 1 (formerly myfanwy) I'm late on this, but I second the idea. I have a tiny friend who buys kids' eyeglasses and they look great on her.
That Asos model is utterly shocked that someone is taking pictures of her.
You guys, I want EVERYTHING in this bin. That dress! Those earrings, except for the chain thing because that's ooky. The J bag, and I have a J name! The makeup bags. The sunglasses! Ugh, Jane, how did you do this to me?
Also, my Jason Wu for Target bag that I bought online this weekend should be delivered today and I hope it's awesome.
Are you sure that's not the Independence Inn?
@andrea disaster In my DREAMS.
@andrea disaster I would definitely pay $379 to get sneered at by Michel.
@andrea disaster I thought it might be the Welshley Arms.
@ilikemints Or to eat Sookie's magic risotto.
I need a valentine's day present that includes a how-to guide for getting over a breakup and heartache. One that does not involve seeing my therapist every day.
Pinners, please help. This is awful. WHY DOES IT HURT SO MUCH, WHY?
@S. Elizabeth So sorry! And it's a crappy time of year with all these inane valentine-y things. This is a dumb holiday that is made up. Go out with girlfriends and drink! Nothing makes me feel better.
@CrescentMelissa But the feelings! And the anxiety! And the calories! And the not wanting to get out of bed because of the painful things. And not knowing why she's so mad at me! And getting emails about how we're fighting because I shared my feelings and EVERYTHING IS BAD.
I would like a cosmo, please.
@S. Elizabeth Oof, that is tough, I'm so sorry. Distractions (humor-filled distractions) are always best for me. Have a friend on call to talk to/go out with when things get rough, and if things get really bad, see if you can get someone to come crash on your couch for a few days.
And also have a cosmo. Fuck calories.
@S. Elizabeth You can totally have a cosmo (or that tequila milkshake thing from earlier this week?), but you should definitely have it with some friends to go along with it, and maybe a really sad movie, so you can cry, and everyone else will too, and then you'll be totally on the same page for a bit. And maybe make sad/angry/hurt journal entries/podcasts/whatever to get it out?
@S. Elizabeth So sorry, internet love and good vibes, heading your way. You're allowed to sulk and feel terrible for as long as you need, but what helped me (along with drinking and friends), was doing something that makes me feel kind of powerful. Like channelling anger into running or kickboxing or whatever you think would work. Go shoot things if that's what you need? It gets your mind off of juicebox, while at the same time you motivate yourself saying "FUCK JUICEBOX!"
@nevernude cutoffs I'm trying to get up the motivation to go to the gym. But ugh, I'm going to go to the gym and then I'll get sweaty and gross, and I'll come back to my tiny, weird apartment (with the memories of the great sex and the cuddling and laying in my bed and giggling and UGHHH WHY) which happens to be horribly messy because I've been spending my free time crying my eyes out AND my anxiety meds are doing awesome things for my OCD but that also means no compulsive cleaning or sex drive, so I can't even have a fling because I have no lady-boner.
I am a mess. I am a Liz-Lemon-style neurotic mess with bigger hips, bigger boobs, darker hair, thicker glasses, and law school and uggghhhh.
I need an "it gets better" video for my life.
@all, and yet the 'pinner love has made me put away the Trader Joe's Reduced Guilt Kale and Yogurt Dip (ladies, it's amazing), find my sportsbra, load my iphone up with Adele, and make big plans to cry through the pain on the elliptical.
@S. Elizabeth Tell those calories to eat a bag of dicks. And, calories don't count when we are eating and drinking our feelings.
@CrescentMelissa You are correct. Nothing you eat for at least the next week will have any calories whatsoever.
@S. Elizabeth There's no shame in crying at the gym! (Try to make it outside, in your car, in the parking lot of the gym, since you may scare the gorilla juiceheads lifting) And comparing yourself to Liz Lemon should always be taken as a compliment! It does and will get better.
@S. Elizabeth Cleaning always makes me feel better, but manic cleaning is no bueno. Have you been acquainted with Unfuck Your Habitat? They are beyond awesome for keeping you motivated in a good and healthy way--no marathons! Also, show that elliptical who's boss.
@Ophelia Crying burns calories, right?
And if I keep going to the gym, I'll lose a lot of weight (which I need to do) and will no longer be recognizable behind big sunglasses, which will save me the trouble of hiding under a rock as camouflage, right? RIGHT?
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher You may have just saved my life. I love you. I may have just cried a little bit.
Also, OCD is a bitch. I don't care how fucking cute Emma Pillsbury makes it look.
@S. Elizabeth You are SO RIGHT. Go on with your bad self!
@Ophelia I went on with my bad self! 60 min of CARDIO. At the motherfucking GYM. And when I realized I hadn't put on deodorant (but had managed to spritz myself with cheap Victoria's Secret body splash that smells halfway decent, don't judge me, I usually wear Chanel, but meh), I didn't stop despite the lady-stink. And I drank ALL the water.
...and then ate ALL the kale yogurt dip? ...maybe.
@S. Elizabeth You go girl. Crying in the gym is kind of awesome because tears are basically the same as sweat.
Sorry to hear about your breakup. I will pour out some melty ice cream for you on V-Day.
@S. Elizabeth Get it girl! And I am so glad UfYH is there for you! They are awesome, for serious. Go forth and clean and spread the gospel of Unfucking. Big hugs!
<3 u @all
@S. Elizabeth You could try rearranging furniture / switching up your decor! Especially in your bedroom. After pretty much every breakup I've ever had I have changed up my bedroom so it doesn't have quite the same feel as it did when it was the space I shared with the ex. I know it can be expensive to change stuff like that, but Ikea has some cheap duvet covers that can do a lot, and rearranging furniture is free, good exercise, and can be done while drinking a cosmo! Take care. =)
@S. Elizabeth I don't really have any wise words or cure-alls, but I'm sorry. Breakups just suck all around.
@CaddyFdot @ S. Elizabeth: new bedsheets? On deep sale somewhere, maybe? To go with the rearranged bedroom? Or new curtains from Target?
Last time I broke up with someone, I was eerily fine for a week. Then lost my shit big time in my endocrinologist's office. It was awful, and yet also kind of funny, to be heaving with tears and having the insulin pump nurse just hand me Kleenex and make comfort noises. I bet she was all "there's a reason I never became a psych nurse..."
Which is really just me saying... losing your shit at the gym. Totally fine. You can pretend you were injured.
Also... yogurt kale dip... I that, like, high fancy fiber version of spinach dip?
PS: Someone who is mad at you for sharing your feelings... is... what? I don't... they are your feelings to share? I don't like the sound of that, I have to say.
@PistolPackinMama Yeah, apparently I instigated a huge fight by saying "hey, when XYZ happens, it makes me feel like I'm not accepted or liked, and it makes me really upset." The whole thing was ironically enough a very emotional email asking if we could make time together so I could apologize for something I did that apparently wasn't good but didn't seem like a problem and ... ugh. I know. And I know that I need to be with someone who is good at being soothing and caring and warm, and this person was not like that. I think I wanted her affection because it seemed so rare that when I got it, it seemed like a really special gift, or made me feel like I was special for getting it. Is that bad?
Trader Joe's reduced guilt Kale, Spinach, Greek Yogurt dip. It's new. The entire vat is about 400 calories.
@S. Elizabeth Well, it's not good. But not good in a "you deserve better way" not in a "what's wrong with you jeez" way.
I mean, we have had this theme come up before, this Rat Pellet Experiment Theme, around here, haven't we? I have been suspect to it. It is so sad and not fun.
But remember!
Love you have to beg for isn't love. It's emotional unavailability coated in a sheer veneer of love. If they seem resentful at having to make actions of love towards you, you're with the wrong person.
And your ex-ladyfriend sounds... I am looking for a neutral word here and struggling... manipulative? I think so. Yes. Not neutral, but who cares? It sounds like you always are at fault for something. And again... you can't be at fault for everything all the time. That's not a right balance.
XOXO
I am going to admit I am glad you are shot of this for now at least, because even if/when things are repaired, you shouldn't stick around for It's Your Fault For Having Feelings You Express.
@PistolPackinMama Actually, I was the one who brought up the rat experiment, and it was about this particular person. This was my rat experiment -- who happens to be funny and brilliant and beautiful and so so so good in bed and gives the best kisses ever, and is leading me into some pretty anxiety-filled waters.
I don't think she's being manipulative on purpose. I think she's protecting herself, but the way it's happening is awful. But the red flag for me was basically when I begged for love/affection and was told that I shouldn't need to get love/affection, and should be fine with whatever she gives me. It made me so sad and I felt so broken and helpless and needy. Jesus fucking Christ, all I wanted was for her to pull me into her and cuddle me and tell me everything was okay, and she wouldn't do it... am I a bad person for wanting that? Is it bad for me to need that?
What if I never fall in love with someone who actually wants me?
@S. Elizabeth The Hairpin Circle of Advice Life...
So on the one hand, I understand selfprotection. But on the other hand, no. It doesn't matter what people's motives are at some point. It matters what they DO. If she can't say "I feel vulnerable around you and it is scary" but instead says "be happy with crumbs off My Almond Poppyseed Loaf of Love..." well. That's not good. Nope nope nope.
And to answer the other question. No. No, it is not crazy bad or wrong or needy to want consistent, reliable, affection and love and respect. You expect those things from your friends, we hope we get them from our families. People we are boinking fall under the same rules.
Waaah. I wish this wasn't your early February. I also wish you could come over and I could feed you 100% thebestjasmine recommended fresh from the oven no knead bread with Nutella. Or whatever allergy-and-gluten-and-vegan-and-so-on substitute would meet your dietary needs.
And also I have a good bottle of brandy.
@PistolPackinMama I would be totally into sitting in your kitchen with nutella and bread. Alas, I am in New England.
@S. Elizabeth Stupid continent being all geographical and stuff. Boo hiss.
@PistolPackinMama Utterly ridiculous.
Impulse purchase alert! I bought the dress; it's sososo pretty! I'm between sizes so I hope it fits... =/
@CaddyFdot I, too, bought the dress! In red! And am between sizes....and hope it fits...and cannot wait for it to come in the mail. It will either be perfect or an utter disaster.
@CaddyFdot I TOO BOUGHT THIS DRESS and I can't wait. I think I'll need some similar shoes to go with it though....
@CleverPseudonym Ha, if we both end up as utter disasters we should share pics to commiserate!
@samafaye Same, and I am always pleased with an excuse to get new shoes.
@CaddyFdot ASOS dress 'Pinup?
@Everyone: Women Laughing Together In Dresses?
@CleverPseudonym @samafaye It arrived. It's huge! It fits my shoulders, then balloons ridiculously above the waist, and then even at my 5'8" it looks too long. I am returning it and getting one and two sizes smaller just in case! Thanks ASOS for free shipping both ways. *nod*
P.S. I already made myself my own early Valentine on Wednesday night, in the form of braised lamb shanks in a red wine and chocolate sauce. Since my boyfriend detests lamb (like the heathen he is), it was alllllll for me. It was kind of a pain in the ass since I made it over two nights, but I love me (and lamb) so it was totally worth it. Romantic dinner for one! Well, two if you count our cat constantly trying to get all up ons while I was eating it.
@figwiggin Want to swap for dinner? You can feed my husband some lamb (which he loves and I hate), and I'll take your boyfriend out for some real food.
@figwiggin Oh my GOD I am making that as soon as possible. I think next Tuesday may see me in the kitchen alone with some lamb shanks, if you know what I mean...
@Ophelia Yes! YES. I really, truly wish I had a friend in my current town who I could just have over for food like, one night a week. Feel free to take my boyfriend out, he is MAD PICKY and will drive you to culinary tears.
@figwiggin YOU SAID ALL UP ONS. <333333333333333333
@samafaye Strong Bad has influenced my life and speech patterns in an alarming number of ways.
Those Pop Rocks truffles! ;__; I'm at least 90% sure they would be life-changingly delicious, though probably still not worth the thirty bucks shipping rate to Hawaii
I said it last week and I am saying it again: Why are all the cute shoes only up to size 10?!?!? ARGHHHHH
@aliceandstuff And why do they only go down to size 6?!?! LAME.
So excited! The Hairpin is my very favorite blog, and I love the Friday Bargain Bin. When I saw the Champagne Pop Rock Truffles, I couldn't believe it... I occasionally work for Francois Payard, writing for his website for a little extra dough (pun 100% intended). And I wrote the description for the truffles!
And for those wondering, YES I DO get to sample the products! How else could I possibly write informed product descriptions?! ....best. job. ever.
Anyway, I felt like I was sorta kinda almost on The Hairpin! Hooray!!
@Katie Morgan@twitter Yay! So fun! Also... are they tasty?
all the champagne and all the chocolate! and all the fire! MINE!
@beanie Dude, Marshalls and Ross.
Gucci bras at McDonald's prices.
I mean...not literally Gucci....but I'm wearing a $40 Calvin Klein bra that I paid around $7 for.
I know this is two days late, but I need help y'all. I want to get the dress but I've never figured out my dress size in numbers. I'd probably get a medium in that and I wear a 36B bra (idk if that's helpful). Could anyone help me? I have a date coming up in late March and I want to look fabulous!
@Sherlock It comes in number sizes, so "medium" won't cut it. I ordered the US10 and it's too big for me (38" bust)! I am returning it tomorrow and trying the US8 and US6 to see if they work better. I just measured it flat, and the US10 is about 44" around the chest at the armpit, and it's got an elastic waist that stretches from 26" loose to 70" taut. From the waist down it's 30". Hope that helps!
@Sherlock I should clarify - the slip is a separate piece and it fit, thought I could have gone up or down a size and been ok. The measurements above are for the gauzy exterior layer.
O_o Happy valentine's day! Hope all people can enjoy life with their true love and soul mate --- {{{ casualloving. c 0' m}}} dedicated to intimate encounters, casual encounters and NSArelationship. You can find and meet cutest men and women in your area. No hesitation to find your passion! <3