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Tuesday, February 28, 2012

60

Depends What You Mean By "Flirt"

8. Don't fall for the slick, dandified cake eater—the unpolished gold of a real man is worth more than the gloss of a lounge lizard.

9. Don't let elderly men with an eye to a flirtation pat you on the shoulder and take a fatherly interest in you. Those are usually the kind who want to forget they are fathers.

10. Don't ignore the man you are sure of while you flirt with another. When you return to the first one you may find him gone.

The last three rules of Washington DC's Antiflirt Club of the 1920's are the best, but really they're all pretty good. [Thanks, Jon!]



60 Comments / Post A Comment

wharrgarbl

It's like the Junior Anti-Sex League crashed into Hollaback! and nobody could get their original constituency sorted out again.

jhonsons

Wow, it got me emotional. I loved it :)@j

pterodactgirl

Damn those glossy lounge lizards.

graffin

@pterodactgirl Relax pretty lady. Sit down and help me out with this birthday cake. *wink*

pterodactgirl

@graffin Well that cake DOES look delicious. And having to polish all that unpolished gold seems like hard work.

graffin

It seems my love of eating cake would have made me the Justin Timberlake of the 20's.

atipofthehat

@graffin

You're bringing frosting back

raised amongst catalogs

@graffin I wish I could think of a witty re-torte.

atipofthehat

@vanillawaif

For you, it ought to be a cake-walk!

Jon Custer

@atipofthehat These puns are half-baked.

raised amongst catalogs

@Jon Custer That was a crumby thing to say.

atipofthehat

@vanillawaif

Thanks for stickying up for me, but I can cake care of myself.

raised amongst catalogs

@atipofthehat It didn't really get a rise out of me; I'm used to my puns being panned.

Jon Custer

@atipofthehat Sorry guys, I guess I should really just bundt out of this conversation.

atipofthehat

@Jon Custer

That was a petit four excuse for a comment!

Jon Custer

@atipofthehat I'll do batter next time.

atipofthehat

@Jon Custer

Your comments are usually so multi-layered.

atipofthehat

"Sorry, m'dear; I thought that was your shoulder."

remargaret

Hee, Alice Reighly is so cute.

oh well never mind

Aww, but I want to ogle and eat cake!

thisisunclear

@moosette and I know some men who make delicious cakes!

Porn Peddler

"Don't go out with men you don't know—they may be married, and you may be in for a hair-pulling match." WOAH WOAH WOAH...

Jon Custer

@Third Wave Housewife That was my reaction too, but I think they meant with the wife when she finds out?

Porn Peddler

@Jon Custer I assumed as much. Why are people no fun today? :(

Lenora Jane

@Jon Custer As long as it's preceded by the other kind?

wharrgarbl

@Third Wave Housewife People have been terrible at marriage for forever, news at always.

werewolfbarmitzvah

Oh maaaaaan, #9 reminds me of my friend who accidentally went on a date with a 75 year old man (she was maybe 20 at the time). He took what she assumed was a "fatherly interest" in her and invited her to the movies one day, where he proceeded to give her thigh the caressing of a lifetime.

Porn Peddler

@werewolfbarmitzvah "where he proceeded to give her thigh the caressing of a lifetime"

that's it I'm going back to bed until 2013

Gracefully and Grandly

@werewolfbarmitzvah ugh. That just makes my skin crawl. Ok so I guess it could have been much worse, but I can't stop cringing when I imagine that. Cringe cringe cringe. Just no. Caressing of a lifetime.

Barfing now.

atipofthehat

@Gracefully and Grandly
@werewolfbarmitzvah
@Third Wave Housewife

There's nothing a young lady likes better than having an older man's hideously experienced, clawlike hand clamp suddenly onto her thigh.

Does Axl have a jack?

@werewolfbarmitzvah Your friend has my sympathies. I accidentally annexed (lol)/gave my number to/allowed ice cream to be bought for me by an old-ish dude; I thought I was networking my way into a sweet consulting gig, a notion that I was quickly relieved of the next day when the inappropriate texts started.

OhShesArtsy

@atipofthehat OMG. I'm going to get fired if I don't stop giggling.

TheDragon

@atipofthehat
I had the opposite experience with an older man at the movies. I went on a date with a guy I'd met at the emergency room. (DO NOT EVER ACCEPT A DATE WHILE CONCUSSED!)
He was being super handsy in the theater and I asked him to please not touch me twice. He reached for my thigh, and a gruff old man behind us leaned over and yelled in his ear, "She said she doesn't want you to fucking touch her, sonny!"
I think every young man in that theater sat up ramrod straight and took his hands off his date.
I heart that old man. :) His daughters looked mortified though.

atipofthehat

@The Kendragon

Wonderful story!

In the movie palaces of old, young women of the 1920s did not have the Hairpin to help them—but they did have the Hatpin. I think the rule was, first time, she says no; second time, she pricks the offending fellow; third time...almost never happens.

KeLynn

@The Kendragon I love, love, love when strangers yell at inappropriate dudes. Doesn't happen enough.

Apocalypstick

@werewolfbarmitzvah I once spent a lovely few hours casually chatting to an elderly gentleman about my experience with university and his experience with greatgrandkids, when he invited me home with him of an evening. And thought it was an entirely reasonable suggestion. Even when I gave him the benefit of the doubt and pointed out how very unusual such an age gap would be. He thought he had a right to 20-year-old girls his whole life through. Ew.

werewolfbarmitzvah

Bah, there goes my dastardly plan to ANNEX ALL THE MEN I CAN GET. My aim was to start in the northeasternmost corner of the nation and get all the men of Maine, then send my forces south to conquer the rest of New England, and by the time I'd gotten the mid-Atlantic I was going to be well on my way to annexing the full eastern seaboard. From there, onward to Texas!

lil_bobbytables

An addendum to #5 - winking might also make you look like an idiot, if you are anything like me. Curse my inability to wink smoothly. I tell you, that is all that is standing between me and a madcap life of international jewel thievery.

OhShesArtsy

@lil_bobbytables Am I the only one who feel ridiculously self-concious when winking? I can't imagine it being something I would do to impress someone.

fabel

@OhShesArtsy I agree, but there IS a small percentage of people who can pull it off..sadly, I am not one of them

lil_bobbytables

@fabel The ones who can wink saucily all have the cushy international art thievery jobs too, no doubt. It ain't fair, I tells ya.

AndSomethingElse

@lil_bobbytables I practice in front of a mirror. It seems fine, but then I try it in real life and I end up looking like Inspector Dreyfus.

Lenora Jane

@lil_bobbytables I don't understand! My father is the world's most charming winker. It is somewhere in my genes. Why can I not figure it out

TheDragon

@lil_bobbytables My entire nose wrinkles up when I try

atipofthehat

@lil_bobbytables

How about using the finger laid alongside the nose, or perhaps the tugged earlobe?

Men have risen from restaurant tables and abandoned their companions for less—and soon found that their diamond studs and cufflinks had been replaced by binder clips and worse.

Megasus

@lil_bobbytables I thought your screen name was totally boobytales for a minute.
YAY LUCILLE!!! Best winker in the business. (this sentence sounds...really dirty now that it's out there)

whizz_dumb

Anyone else think that Lady Mary could've benefited greatly from knowing #10?

atipofthehat

There's a lot of flirt-shaming going on here.

SarahP

Aren't #8 and #10 the same?

rachelrachel

It's those flirting motorists who really get me.

OhShesArtsy

@rachelrachel I was once called a "stuck up racist bitch" by a motorist who offered me a ride as I got out of my own car (?!).

As a side note, we were of the same race. Hm.

Bebe

Based on the use of "cake eating friend of Dorothy" in Clueless, I believe the modern day translation of #8 is: "Oh, honey. Your boyfriend's gay."

Bitterblue

@Bebe Oh. Ohhhhhh. Does liking both cake and pie make you bisexual, then?

Prostitute Robot From The Future

This post is just the cat's pajamas (we should totally bring back flapper-slang). Also, I'm curious as to what these "worthier purposes" are in rule #3.

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@disgruntled co-worker Oh, it was the most! The bee's knees, I say.

meetapossum

"Don't bring the cake-eater over here anymore, he smells like flour. Did you notice how his eyes widened when he found out your birthday was fast approaching?"

NATHAN

WELL HI ALL FRIENDS AROUND NICE TO MEET YOU

Zeki Yol@facebook

great work, thank you. i always follow web sites. thanks for sharing. Fıkra .

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