For one weekend every year in May, Albany, New York, hosts the Tulip Fest, where a B-list musical guest serenades state workers and college kids, and some lucky teenage girl is crowned “The Tulip Queen.” Because I spent the second half of my senior year in Albany, and because that year Third Eye Blind was playing, I lured out-of-town friends with the promise of 11 a.m. margaritas and the chance to scream along to “Semi-Charmed Life." I even invited my younger brother, with the plan of then driving down to Long Island the next day to surprise our mom on Mother’s Day.
The morning of Tulip Fest, my roommate and I drove to the bus station to pick up my brother, Cody. I spotted him easily — he was the only six-foot-two 19-year-old holding a pillow. (The members of my family are pillow snobs, and we travel with them as a rule.) I waved as I arrived, and Cody waved back — as did a middle-aged blonde woman standing next to him. I thought she might be confusing me with her ride until she tapped on the passenger-side window. My roommate gave me the side-eye as I rolled it down.
“Here’s my situation,” the lady said, casually jutting her elbow through the open window to rest on the car and setting her other hand saucily on her hip.
“O … kay,” I said.
“I’m visiting my daughter in Schenectady to take her shopping for Mother’s Day, but you can’t go shopping without money, can ya?” she asked.
“I suppose you can’t,” I said.
“So I was wondering if there was a Bank of America within walking distance,” she said.
“Oh, there’s one on State Street,” I said, relieved she wasn’t going to ask me for money. “It’s about a ten minute walk.”
Looking at her watch, she announced her bus was set to leave at 10:20. It was 10:08. “Oooh, I won’t make that, will I?” she said. Then stared at me.
“Do you … want a ride to the bank?” I said. (She looked like she could maybe get a callback for the part of a boring mom in a Lifetime movie, so I figured she was legit.) She had the door open and was ordering Cody to scoot over before I fully finished the question.
While she was in the bank I asked Cody if he'd sat next to her on the bus. “No, she just came up to me in the parking lot and said ‘Nice pillow,’ and then you pulled up,” he said.
The lady exited the bank and again invaded my roommate’s personal space with her elbow through the open window. “We have a little problem,” she said, biting her lip and sucking air in through gritted teeth in an effort to soften the blow.
“Do we?” I asked, wondering when I became so tethered to this woman that whatever went on inside the bank was now my issue as well as hers.
“The only Bank of America that’s open is the one on Central Ave.,” she said.
That was all the way uptown, through roadwork and Tulip Fest traffic. “You definitely can’t get there and back by 10:20,” I said, happy to just take her back to the bus station and grab some breakfast before the rest of my friends arrived.
“Well, here’s what I’m thinking,” she said. “I can go back to the bus station and grab my bags off the bus, and—” then she stopped herself, suddenly accounting for time. “Wait, what are you doing for the next 45 minutes?”
I was dumbfounded in that moment, and I’m actually still dumbfounded as to why I proceeded to again let this woman into my car, drive her back to the bus station, wait while she picked up her bags, let her put them in my car, swing by my apartment to pick up another friend who had arrived for Tulip Fest, and spend a full hour stuck in traffic on the way to the other Bank of America. (She had decided to forgo the bus completely and “just figure out something after the bank,” which among basically everything else, should’ve been a warning sign.)
On the drive, we discovered the woman’s name was Debbie, and she thought the form of the traffic light was “the single most beautiful thing in the world.” From the middle seat in the back, she let loose a constant stream of chatter that soared over a steady bass line of “Why did I do this?” in my head.
We got to the bank, and I breathed in a deep sigh of relief; I was ready to say goodbye to Debbie, and I didn’t really care how she would get to her “daughter in Schenectady.” (It is still a hotly contested issue among my friends over whether said daughter truly existed.)
“So I’m just gonna run in, and then we’ll head over to the mall,” she said.
“I … what?” I said. “The mall? What?”
“Yes, the mall! I can’t show up to my daughter’s without a gift, can I?” she asked, as if I was the preposterous one.
“So I’ll just be a sec.”
By the grace of God, Debbie took both her bags with her when she got out of the car. For a fleeting moment, I was struck with a vivid mental image of my own mother, laden down with luggage, hailing a car full of kids in a desperate attempt to be with me on Mother’s Day. Then other images flashed into my head: Debbie dragging us around the mall, Debbie singing along to Third Eye Blind beside me, Debbie in my car again the next morning, telling my brother and me how she had once "won a snow shoveling contest" as we drove down to Long Island to see our mother. Debbie, the lunatic who just literally laughed her way to the bank in my car.
I released my white-knuckled grip on the steering wheel, put the car in drive, and drove away without so much as a glance in the rearview.
Previously: The Legend of Pinochle.
KT Kieltyka no longer gives rides to strangers.
You can bet everything you own that had you gone into the mall with her, she'd have been short on cash and asking you to front her a few bucks. And she would have been cold and maybe needed a jacket. She'd pay you back; just write down your address right here.
I got conned in a similar little gambit when I was much younger and didn't know any better. I just didn't people people would lie through their teeth like that.
Rather despicable folks, con people.
@Emby This sounds a lot like "If You Give A Mouse A Cookie"...
@Alli525 Well, I think it operates on the same psychological principle. They slowly break down what you're willing and not willing to do. You've already stopped to chat, then you agree to listen to their story, then you see if you have a few bucks, then you agree to get $20 out of the ATM, then it's $40. Con artists try to snowball your generosity.
@Emby This is why I never stop to chat with people, seriously.
@Alli525 If you take a stranger to the bank...
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Ahaha, wow. What must it be like to be the kind of person who can lean your elbow jauntily through somebody's window and talk them into driving you around town? It's like an invasive and inappropriate superpower.
Debbie at your wedding. Debbie always hogging the bathroom while your kids need to get ready for school.
Debbie looking over your shoulder while you comment on the Hairpin.
@melmuu Debbie in the kitchen, tasting your sauce.
Debbie sitting in the jizzcliner and you not telling her.
@melmuu ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO DEBBIE.
(...no? I'll just show myself out.)
@melmuu Get rid of your Debbies, seriously, they are revolting.
This is a most amusing tale, enjoyed reading it. The balls on some people!
@melmuu Ask A Debbie.
I was at this Tulip Fest! Man so many questions! Did you ever make it? It was...interesting. What did your other friends in the car do? If she had left her bags would you have taken her to the mall?
This whole story just makes me die because I am not surprised at all that this happened in Albany haha.
@nogreeneggs I was at that Tulip Fest, too! And it wasn't terribly long ago, so this Debbie character could have conceivably used an ATM just about anywhere, even if the bank is closed.
But a similar thing happened to me and a friend in Albany! I was waiting for a bus on Washington & Lark when a friend drove by and offered me a ride, and this older woman asked if my friend could drive her around, too. I don't know why my friend agreed, but we took this woman to 3 different places before we finally got rid of her.
@Ms. Take No way! I used to live off Lark and while lots of horrible things were said to me, no one ever asked me for a ride.
Though my friend and I were at a red light on Clinton Ave one time and a woman came up to her window and said that if my friend didn’t give her a dollar for the bus she (the woman, not my friend) was going to have a miscarriage. So we gave her a dollar. That’s what we get for driving on Clinton Ave.
@nogreeneggs Ah! I was at this Tulip Fest too! Not surprised at all that this happened in Albany...
I have been reading the Hairpin for a long, long time, and have often wanted to comment but this finally prompted me to create a username!
@Ms. Take Once I was walking, and some lady leaned out her window and called out to me, asking me for some of my candy (I had just gone to Rite Aid, after school in high school, and yes, I was walking down a busy street, just nommin' on some candy).
I was all, "Nope!" and kept walking. I did feel bad, though, because, you know, it was just, like a couple gummi worms, and it was really not the candy I begrudged. I just knew if I said yes, I'd have to engage, and go over to the car, and, man, not worth it.
Not a con, or anything, just a hungry lady, I guess your story just made me think about what makes us say yes or no. Cause man, if the way to unengage is to give someone some change, I'll do that. I do not like engaging with strangers.
@Marzipan Ha! You may have just helped a stranger win their game. I have been trying out something called Rejection Therapy lately. The point of it is to ask a stranger for something that you actually want and have them say no to you. Or, if they give it to you, well, you got whatever it was that you wanted. You are supposed to take the other person's feelings into consideration, and not be overly pushy or weird about it. It does definitely push you outside comfortable social boundaries though.
@nogreeneggs We did make it! But I looked over my shoulder for the entire day after that, and my girlfriend and I got harassed by creepy bros at the actual concert portion, so it wasn't the experience I was after. While we were in the car we basically all sat in silence while she talked, except for my one friend whose cologne she complimented, which led to him immediately loving her despite her insanity. (He's the one who thinks she was actually on the way to visit her daughter, by the way.) Andddd I shamefully admit that if she hadn't taken her bags I probably would have left them in the vestibule of the bank? I wasn't as good at confrontation back then!
At least you didn't actually give her any money. I got conned once and I knew it was happening and was so mad at myself, but I just kept thinking, like, what if it were me and I actually needed that money and no one would give it to me? Which of course is exactly what con-people prey on. Also I am kind of passive/afraid to say no in general. The guy actually tried to get my number so we could arrange to meet up and pay me back, and that is where I drew the line and kissed my money good bye and fled.
@Inconceivable! yeah I gave money to this lady in the Target parking lot because she didn't have any for gas. While I know it was unlikely, I felt bad because she had a kid and looked desperate. I'm a sucker.
@Inconceivable! Woman did that to me and I gave her my business card. Which, yeah, not as MUCH danger as giving a personal address or anything, but still. And I basically knew what was going on the whole time, too, but there was that nagging voice. That nagging voice! It made a sucker of me that day.
@Inconceivable!: A guy came up to me in Baltimore and gave me a very convincing story about getting hit by a car and going to the emergency room and here was his hospital bracelet and I could even call the hospital to verify, and since I'm a combination of gullible + soft-hearted + stupid, I told him I believed him and gave him $20.
One week later, he came up to me again, saw the look on my face, and promptly hightailed it out of there.
@Emby
Here's how you stop it in the middle: take out your phone, say you have to take this call. Step away a bit for privacy. Look at the grifter while talking, as if you're describing her or him. Look around as if you're giving the exact location. Still holding phone as if the connection is active, say "Hey, my dad says my uncle wants to meet you, so we have to stay right here for a bit."
"Who's your uncle?"
"He's a detective. He works on the Bunco Squad. My dad thinks he may know you. They'll be here in a minute...."
......................bye
@atipofthehat That is rather genius.
@ietapi Yeah, this happened to me in my library parking lot, and every time I'm there, I always take a long look around for that guy. Haven't seen him again though.
@atipofthehat This is also good to do if you think you are being followed or marked, except that you actually call someone.
@Fig. 1 (formerly myfanwy) Ohh I did that. There was this skeezy guy who used to hit on me when I worked at a Second Cup. He literally followed me around the cafe one shift saying "Donne-moi ton numero!" (give me your number!) over and over and OVER and OVER and OVER again. Even when I told him I had a boyfriend and didn't give out my number and was working and leave me alone and go away. Then he sulked and cast me looks over his glasses all the other times he came in, when he wasn't demanding my number.
After I quit working at that cafe, I came by to do some homework. I was deep in my writing when he came over, pulled a table up next to mine and sat down elbow to elbow with me. Annnnd then it began again. "What are you doing this evening?" "How long will you be here?" "Can I get yo NUMBAH?"
Finally I G-chatted my sister and said, "Could you please call me and tell me I urgently need to come over RIGHT NOW?" and she did.
....and a few months later I walked into a Starbucks and he did THE SAME THING. And a few weeks after that I saw him in the same Starbucks and deliberately blew him off, and he gave me those sulky looks for the rest of the afternoon.
Sometimes I still run into him and he glowers at me.
@Inconceivable! I always get people asking me for money for "bus tickets home" but I see them at the same place every day...must be a faraway destination if it's taking that long to accrue the funds to get there! I had a guy one time ask for bus money when we were nowhere near the bus station, and then he said something about all his stuff being at home, including his restraining order, and I wasn't sure why this was pertinent information, and for some reason, it did not help his case!
@beanie yeah, once I was coming out of a diner with my boyfriend-at-the-time, and this dude runs up to us in the parking lot asking for 2 dollars for gas (???) The boyfriend just pulled out his wallet & I wasn't even like "how could you fall for thatttt" afterwards since, I mean, it was only two bucks. But gah, how do people do things like that?
@fabel I had a guy give me this HUGE long involved story about needing money (some odd, small amount like $7.41 or something) to pick up his son's (dead) body from the hospital, offered to show me his death certificate and everything. I was walking home from class by myself and got uber creeped and hightailed it out of there.
My usual response to these thing is that I don't have any cash on me. It's almost always true.
@LG There are a million of those in Philadelphia. Especially in one of the train stations, which is underneath a block/buildings that are full of using addicts. I gave a couple 75 cents once when I was in high school, and a minute later a cop came up and said he was a local heroin addict. Since then, no one gets a red cent from me.
Sometimes I'll wonder or feel bad, but then think, I was taught to ALWAYS have money on me when I leave the house. How could these people have come here with no money, no access to money, and not knowing anyone who could give them money/a ride? They never claim to have been mugged, and if they were, the cops wouldn't make them go beg to get home.
@Inconceivable! A guy came up to me a few years ago in a grocery store parking lot and told me this story about moving into town but his car ran out of gas just outside town and he had walked into town but realized his wallet was still in the truck and somethingsomethingwhatever. Even though I KNEW it was a scam, he did such a convincing job of looking distressed I gave him $5 just in case.
The next day he came up to me at a gas station with a totally different story. I said "Yesterday you had a broken down car." And he started into a rather convoluted story about how he had a broken down car but he ALSO needed to take a bus to go see his sick kid before I walked away.
@LG When I lived in Baltimore in the early 2000s, I was walking home from the grocery store one day when a man stopped me on the sidewalk. He said he and his family had just moved from Cincinnati where people are so friendly and helpful, but that he couldn't get anyone to stop and help him in Big Bad Baltimore. He told me that his car had broken down over on Greenmount Ave (Greenmount is a street that has a reputation for not being very safe), and that his wife and kids were still stuck in the car while he was out looking for help. He said they didn't have cash on them but they needed bus fare to I forget where, but it was one of the suburban areas on the outskirts of Baltimore. He sounded very genuine, and I was 20 and gullible, but I didn't have any cash on me either, and I was carrying 10 tons of groceries and wasn't about to lug them to a distant ATM for a total stranger. So I asked him if he wanted to walk the few blocks with me back to my apartment building, where the guys at the front desk could call him a cab or a ride in a cop car or something to that effect. He wasn't going for that idea and I was confused as to why, as it seemed like an immediate answer to his problem. So I gave him directions to a few different places nearby where he could go and get someone to call for help, and I went along my way, feeling bad that I couldn't help him out.
Two weeks later, I was sitting on the front steps of my apartment building, waiting for somebody, when the same guy appears, walks up to me (not recognizing me from the last time), and gives me the EXACT SAME STORY. I paused and said to him, "Uh...didn't I meet you about two weeks ago, and you told me that exact same story?" He smiled, looked around sheepishly, and vanished without a word.
@Inconceivable! What broke me of the "I hate to say no thing" was living in this neighborhood in Houston (oh Houston!) where we used to get door-to-door con men. Once, this guy came up claiming to need money because he'd been lured from Chicago or somewhere to work selling magazines door-to-door and they were supposedly refusing to pay him and now he was trapped. He even showed me the magazine! I gave him a glass of water (this was before I got really bitchy to these people) and got rid of him, then called the editorial offices of the magazine he'd shown me. Yeah, they were one of those free local coupon magazines that definitely does not sell subscriptions or hire migrant workers from Chicago.
Another time, I had a guy knock on the door and just straight ask for $20, no reason given. Um... no?
@Faintly Macabre i don't know, i always think of it in these terms: that guy is addicted to heroin, and he has to get his next hit any way he can, because he's addicted. you, on the other hand, are just in a train station, headed from point A to point B, with some spare cash on you. who's in the worse situation here? that's why i'll give something to a homeless guy on the street, when it's snowing, i'm wearing my warm boots, and he's sitting on the damp sidewalk. i mean, people make mistakes, sure, and they're responsible for mistakes that might lead to homelessness/heroin, but at the end of the day, these are not lives that anyone would deliberately choose for themselves.
@Faintly Macabre The 8th Street stop? Ugh. The worst time it happened to me was this:
There's a local newspaper that's written by and for homeless people. They employ the homeless to sell issues. It costs $.50. Any extra you give goes to help this individual trying to work to get back on their feet.
At this particular subway station, there's a con guy pretending to be a homeless guy selling the newspaper! It's always "oh, that was the last issue, but I still need some money," or "I don't have a big order of the newspaper today, but you still want to support the cause, right?"
He's the worst. Can't even get it together enough to sell the actual newspaper, and ruining the credibility of an awesome nonprofit while he's at it.
@travelmugs I'm thinking more Market East, but yeah, that whole area. I used to see that paper (or a similar one) all the time in Boston's 'burbs; I really should have bought it from people sometimes.
@Inconceivable! The other night I was walking home from a double (13 hours!) shift as a waitress. This dude walking past me, not looking any more homeless than the next guy, just stopped in front of me and barked "you got any money?". I quelled my murderous rage and stormed past him. He looked like he was about to sass me until he saw the look in my eyes.
@Inconceivable! Is this a good time to mention that I actually have been VERY stuck and had to get money from strangers for gas, or hitchhike to school because my car and bike were both broken. And seriously, even in people are lying about why they need money, they're still poor as shit and I can usually spare a couple bucks.
True story: the other a day a lady at the gas station asked me for a ride to her hotel. She said she only had eight dollars to give me but would get a ten from her hotel room. I drove her there, took the eight dollars, and left. And it was fine!
@teffodee You need to get yourself a tazer, is what I think. ZZZZAP! That'll fix his little red wagon.
@tea for all I'm with you. I'd rather be a sucker than cold-hearted, and if someone is desperate enough to beg, whether with a true story or a false one, they're worse off than I am.
@Vera Knoop On reflection, though, I'm a New Yorker who walks everywhere, and sometimes I forget about cars. While the principle applies in terms of money, I would be far more hesitant about letting people into my personal space (car, apartment, whatever).
@Faintly Macabre Oh yeah, Market East is always more crawly with the homeless drug addicts but they're always in the Regional Rail section instead of the MFL stops nearby. Of course they don't need the money for transit; it's not like they're going home to the Main Line suburbs or what have you.
The weirdest thing I ever saw at Market East was when a dude was walking along and just stripping down to absolutely nothing as he went. My friend and my boyfriend at the time just watched partly in shock and partly in curiosity. When the cops swooped in moments later we all figured he was trying to get picked up so he'd at least have a place to sleep and something to eat for the night. Or, you know, crazy.
@LG I once left Jimmy John's with a bunch of food for my coworkers. I was headed to the bank to drop off the store's deposit, so I was... not NERVOUS, but hyper-aware. This guy asks me for money for a bus ticket. It was a real sob story, just like all the others I've heard. With food in my hands and several hundred dollars in cash in my purse, I felt like I couldn't say no. I handed him a dollar. He quickly pushed it into a pile in his fist and looked back at me.
"Just a dollar?" he said incredulously.
I raised my eyebrows. "Yes."
"Oh c'mon, I know you got more than that in there." (Alarm bells go off in my head. If I get robbed on the way to the bank, in a generally non-robby area, will anyone believe me? Will I get fired under suspicion of theft?)
"Excuse me?"
"How about a twenty?" he said with a patronizing smile that, he clearly hoped, conveyed an underlying threat. I was so disgusted by that smile that my previous nervousness disappeared. Dozens of people were walking by. My purse was securely on my shoulder and his back was up against a brick wall. The deposit was fine.
"Why don't you give me that dollar back?" I replied.
"What?" he said, as if no one had ever suggested such a thing before.
"You heard me. Apparently that dollar isn't good enough, so give it back."
His eye contact faltered. "Oh, no, no, I mean, I could-"
"Yeah, that's what I thought." I walked off to the bank and didn't feel the least bit worried when I passed the area again on the other side of the street.
I wasn't a very assertive person at this point, so I'm still proud I spoke up then. Call the $1 the price of a decent story.
@travelmugs A woman said that to me in Dallas! She said she was selling the magazine written by homeless people, but that it was her last copy and she would just take donations. I was annoyed, but she did look very scruffy, and she was nice to my overheated mom, so I gave her 75 cents.
I kept waiting for this to turn sinister. I've seen too many movies.
Aaahh, I could barely read this. Something about people taking advantage of others kicks in my Big Sister reflex and everything goes red. (Let me state for the record that I did not fantasise about killing this woman.)
@Fig. 1 (formerly myfanwy) I was seriously holding my breath til I got to the end, waiting for it to turn horrible. I let it out in a whoosh of relief when she decided to drive away!
"Conned" seems like a strong word.
@boyofdestiny Nearly conned. It was about to turn full-on "asking for money" in no time flat.
bastion of learning SUNY Albs is my alama mater-- there are so many sketchy people down at that bus station. I agree with @nogreeneggs, not at all surprised that this happened in Albany, but this is the town where two moms in their minivan (carseat, no children included, also highly illegal) picked up my friends and I at 2am when we decided to walk from Pearl street to Pine Hills (a considerable distance)...so all random moms can't be bad, amiright
@eringobragh Oh God, this has reminded me of the random locals (not cab drivers) that would offer to drive my friends and I back to campus from the sketch bars for only $1 each AND WE GOT IN THEIR CARS. How am I still living?
Are you still in Albany? I’m dying to make an Albany ‘Pinup happen!
ETA: Haha I replied to your comment above only to find that it had been deleted!
@nogreeneggs Yes, please, pin up!
@Sam I am
Email me! nogreeneggsnham at gmail dot com
Other Albany lurkers: let's make this happen please!
@eringobragh @nogreeneggs @Sam I am Oh, this story is so so Albany. Albany native, but living in Atlanta now. If y'all (sheesh) hold a 'Pinup, keep me in the loop--I'm in town from time to time visiting the folks. Would love to meet up! lengli at gmail dot com, or thereallengli on Twitter. Yay!
Another tip for suckers: if hoboes have left chalk marks on your clothing, dust them off.
@atipofthehat "20. Cooties in Jail." is intriguing.
@atipofthehat Do you think the hobo code is still active in terms of nowadays hitchhikers and vagabonds? Tramping in the old style isn't the same anymore but the highways are still rife with travelers right?
@LaLoba
I think there are still tramps, and some form of the code still exists.
Unfortunately, there may be many more tramps in the near future.
@atipofthehat My ex was a hobo. He got arrested once for stowing away on a train.
Yes. I dated a hobo. This is a statement I'm making on the internet.
@Slapfight So many questions! Did he carry a bindle? Go tot the National Hobo Convention?
@atipofthehat I really wanted to date a hobo at one point, but alas, it was not to be. I'm not sorry, though--the guy I started dating when I decided to quit waiting around for the hobo is my husband now.
@Slapfight My ex was also a hobo. After we broke up though.
To be fair, public transportation sucks from Wyoming to Montana so hopping a freight train illegally is sometimes the only choice.
A woman once tried to do this to me in Amherst, MA... it was raining and she was trying to guilt me into giving her a ride across town. The only reason I didn't do it (and hightailed it out of there after arguing with her about whether or not I was going in the right direction), was that dude, this was a woman... who probably would tell any daughter she had not to do shit like let strangers into their car.
I am not a gullible person.
You know how to end it? Don't roll the window down in the first place. Okay, too rude? (Enjoy your eventual mugging.) But okay, say you rolled the window down: as soon as it's about banks and money and rides, you say "sorry, not today," and roll your window back up. Not every encounter like this turns into a mugging, but every mugging starts out with an "interview." Anyone who acts like *you* are the rude or crazy one is trying to work you, because any non-criminal/crazy person knows that *of course* you would be sketched out by being approached like this. This is ultra-true if the approacher is male and you are female: people use the ingrained politness/don't-make-a-fussness of good girls to manipulate them. Don't let it happen to you!
@sutton Ever since I realized how much male sketchballs rely on women to be passive and "nice," I've had way fewer qualms about nipping their tales in the bud. Why don't you go ask that 6'3" guy in a suit? I'm sure he has more money than I do!
This story. I swear to god, if you had actually taken her to the mall I would've wept in frustrated rage.
But this is coming from someone who delights in saying "No thank you, and can you please take me off your list?" to telemarketers. Maybe I just like saying no.
@Lyesmith no big deal, but I am stealing that response. I always go by the "sorry the home owner isn't here" which considering I still live at home, is almost always true. But still, I like yours better!
@theepiccek Oh, I still live at home too, and I habitually lie that I am the home owner. Then I get them to take our number off the list. (If I don't, my parents will talk to them next time and apologize for not purchasing their products for several minutes.)
@Lyesmith "But this is coming from someone who delights in saying "No thank you, and can you please take me off your list?" to telemarketers."
Oh I love that too! Their jaunty palsy-walsy tone goes right down the crapper when you say that because they are required by law to do as you request. It's their kryptonite.
P.S. Worst job of my life? Telemarketer. I quit half-way through my second day.
@Barry Grant I wasn't a telemarketer, but I had to do market research and government phone surveys for about 8 months (and the do not call list does not apply to them), I was always fine taking people off the list. Not sure if it actually WORKED, because we had no real control over the call list, but I tried.
It did always bother me though that 90% of people assumed I was like, calling them from my home for fun or something. NO ONE WANTS TO BE THERE THEY JUST HAVE TO PAY THEIR RENT.
@Lyesmith Ahahaha. The other day, I got some scam artist phone call informing me I'd won the "Monthly Prize Drawing." I said "No thank you. Can you please take me off your list?" And he said "FUCK you"
@Megan Patterson
I had one of those jobs too! Well, I worked doing some survey for the CDC for about a month, and later worked at Gallup for a year (ugh!). I actually started taking perverse delight in telling people that the "Do Not Call" list doesn't apply to us, and laughing at the oft-heard impassioned, nonsensical demand of "TAKE ME OFF YOUR DO NOT CALL LIST!"
(I think I've grown back at least part of the soul-pieces I lost...)
@Lyesmith I had someone flip out over where we got their phone number once, well that and that we did not apply to the Do Not Call list. I was like "It's just a random thing, I don't know who you are or anything" and he could not get over it. I tried to be nice to people but it did get to the point where I couldn't even go into work without feeling sick to my stomach.
Here is a question: One time I was at the mall with my friend, and some guy came up to us and was like "Hey, I need a favour from you guys, can you hang on to this MP3 player for me for a minute" which was all I needed to hear to say "NO, GO AWAY." Since then I have always been curious--what was his angle? I am pretty sure that it was probably a stolen one he was trying to fence, possibly by going "Can you lend me $50, here's my ipod as collateral" and then...never coming back, but....couldn't you fence an ipod or something for more than that anyway?
Maybe he was just a shitty con man.
@The Lady of Shalott haha, I like the idea of a con man so inept that he accidentally fleeces himself out of things: "haha, I TOTALLY got that woman to take my $20...wait. shit."
incidentally, the term "confidence man" comes from this dude who, back when city living was kind of a new thing & cities were full of recent transplants accustomed to trusting everyone they knew in their small hometowns, would go up to people, bemoan the lack of "CONfidence" in the world today, & ask to borrow their watches as a show of faith in humanity. the marks would comply (?!?!), & when they showed up the following day to get their watches back, guess who wasn't there waiting for them after all?
the newspapers started writing about "that 'confidence' man," & soon "confidence man" became the catchall term, which was then shortened to con man. the more you know!
@The Lady of Shalott maybe he had just lifted it, and he knew the mall police were onto him, so he needed a "safe" place to leave it for a while? Or maybe he was trying to frame you?
@The Lady of Shalott ooh, this happened to the Gentleman with a pair of sunglasses. For $20. The sunglasses were probably worth about that, though.Anyway. My Gentleman kept the sunglasses, so that if he ever runs into the guy again he can say, "Oh, that took you a while! Here's your sunglasses. Where's my $20?"
@The Lady of Shalott
Maybe an ice breaker/trust building thing? The scam would come later about something else? Based on the fact that you had established a trusting relationship? The annoying question marks denote me lack of certainty!
@The Lady of Shalott It probably wasn't actually an iPod, he probably had lots more of them, and probably would have asked for $20 or even $10 for you to hold it. He probably goes around asking tons of people that and maybe he can turn a bunch of fake iPods he got for next to nothing into a couple hundred bucks if he can do it 20 times in one day.
It's similar to the White Van speaker scam, where guys get a van full of incredibly crappy speaker equipment and a fake catalog and go around selling this obviously cheap sound equipment for like $40 a pop. It seems like a really small amount and if you get ripped off you probably don't personally lose much money, but they're often able to go around and sell $800 worth of junk in a single day that cost them like $100 to get.
@Leon Tchotchke That makes a lot of sense! Man, that is way more work than I would want to put into scamming people, honestly. I would have to go the "straight-up asking folks for money" route, myself.
@Leon Tchotchke Sounds similar to the Blue Vans Sneaker scam which some dude tried to pull on me in a bodega the other day. Maybe I looked like I was headed to a 311 concert. Sorry bud, but those shoes don't look like they're worth $20, nevermind $40.
@nogreeneggs I noticed a fatal spelling error! I did so many stupid things while I was living there, in terms of getting-in-cars-with-strangers, I ask myself the same question. That I was not serial-killed when I accepted a ride home (during my one and only visit to Sneaky Pete's) is a damn miracle. I would be so down for an Albany 'Pinup, but alas, I moved out of the area last year!
Ugh just last weekend I got a scam attempt from a dude at a White Castle (I know, guilty pleasures) Dude walks up to my car while I'm trying to order and I say "Can I order my food?" Order my food and then he gives me a spiel about how he's trying to get milk for his baby. Not formula, milk. I say "I just want to get lunch" Dude follows me to the pickup window and continues to harass me but eventually gives up with a swarm of eff yous and goes to harass the two cars behind me.
Good thing that White Castle was just a random one off the highway, never going there again.
@Biketastrophy Never feel guilty about going to White Castle. If there's food in heaven, it comes in a Crave Case.
@Biketastrophy Oh, man the "milk for his baby" thing. Once when I was living in NYC (in my early 20s) I had a dude corner me as I was unlocking the door to my building, saying his apartment had burned down and he needed money to get milk for his baby. I happened to be returning from the grocery store, and had a small carton of milk in my tote-bag, so I handed it to him without saying anything. He looked at me and rolled his eyes like I was the biggest idiot he ever met. Made my day.
On a note of People-Are-Sometimes-Really-Nice!: my family had just moved to Boise, my 70-year-old grandma came to visit for the first time, and decided to go for a walk. A random rainstorm came on, and as she was trotting at her gradmother-est pace to get back to the house, a woman pulled over and offered her a ride. Of course Gramz didn't take the ride, and then the woman insisted on giving my Grandma an umbrella and waved off her attempts to get info on how to return the umbrella to the kindly stranger. Nice people: Keeping grandmothers in Boise dry since 1989.
(related, if ANYONE in Boise reads the Hairpin, can we be friends? I will loan you all my umbrellas)
@idafro Absolutely people can be nice. My ex-BF did the running on fumes thing in the middle of... North Dakota, maybe? Thank you family who picked up two STUPID 20 year olds and took them to the gas station.
I have also given rides (though not real often) to random folks who are doing the beside-the-highway trudge. One time, most likely a drunk lady, but I didn't care. Other time... Two 20 year olds and the boyfriend had done the running on fumes thing. That made my day.
I almost stood up and cheered at the end of this story!
Some woman once knocked on my car window and asked me to give her a ride over to her broken down car. I asked her why she didn't call the police and she replied with something about how the police didn't have time for her and couldn't be bothered. She did that leaning into the car thing too, so maybe Debbie is making the rounds to other Rust Belt towns.
@andrea disaster I had a guy who either wanted to con me or have sex with me (never been able to decide -- he seemed like he had an IQ of about 80, so he was either a good actor or he was actually trying to ask me, age 17, out in the grocery store parking lot) stand in my open car door, preventing me from closing it, for an extended period of time while he tried to convince me to give him my name, address, and phone number so he could 1. sell me magazines, 2. thereby win a vacation, and 3. take me on the vacation with him because he wanted to go out with me and the correct way to woo a 17 year old is to take her on vacation.
I was, as mentioned, 17, so I was all concerned about not being an asshole so I didn't tell him to get the fuck away from my car before I kicked him in the junk and/or called the police, and he gave up and left just when I decided to slam the door on (literally on) him. 2 years later a strange man approached me in a parking lot at night and I responded by immediately backing up 3 feet and brandishing my heaviest grocery bag (offending him immensely but fuck him he wanted me to buy shit from him) so I guess I learned my lesson there.
@every tomorrow@twitter Ugh, that is so, so scary. I was the exact same way at 17 (and um, a few years beyond 17, sadly). I've since learned to say no as loudly and forcefully as necessary.
@andrea disaster I would never lean inside someone elses window, but I also wouldn't call the police because my car broke down. I very intensely distrust police. When my bike was stolen, I didn't want to go into a police station to report it due to this fear. So. This lady might have been a scam artist, but I might have mumbled something similar in the same situation, and I am not a con artist. JUST SAYING.
(I think window leaning is the takeaway? maybe?)
@MissMushkila No, I understand, I should have explained her more in my original comment. She was very forceful, not at all mumbling or seeming distressed. Also, it was really late at night and in a parking lot off a busy street where she would have found a pay phone. If I sensed real trouble I would have done something, but my gut was telling me it was bad news.
@every tomorrow@twitter ugh, those magazine kids are the worst. i had one of them pull that "maybe i'll take you on the vacation with me!" line, but when i told him i didn't want to buy any magazines, he basically told me to fuck off. i've never had one approach me in a parking lot, but i did have one talk her way into my apartment. i was young, but still, wtf was i thinking? from what i understand, they are "troubled kids" and they get dropped off by a bus in an area and like they can't go home until they sell x number of magazines, and they are taught to be suuuuuper aggressive. because people love being yelled at about magazines by random teens.
@Dr Clownius Ugh I had two "Magazine salesmen" force their way past me into my dorm room my freshman year of college. I wasn't assertive enough to kick them out by myself unfortunately (Best believe I am now), but I did have enough common sense to send a mass text to friends who lived in the same dorm. I think it read something along the lines of "Strangers in my room, can't get them to leave, alone. SOS!" Half my rugby team showed up with baseball bats, bless their hearts. :)
@The Kendragon WOW that is terrifying. Thank goodness for mass texts and rugby teams. I'm so glad you made it out of that situation okay!
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Thank you! My ex was PISSED that I texted my team instead of him, but that's yet another reason why he's my ex :)
@The Kendragon For serious? 1. Was your ex living in the dorm as well? Because if not, wtf. And 2. Your ex is not an entire rugby team. End of story.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher He was living in the next dorm over, and actually...well what can I say? One man's just not enough for me!
He had boxed competitively in high school and thought that meant he could take on the world. Wait. Why did I date this guy for two years? Young and Dumb.
@every tomorrow@twitter I hate those magazine scams. I got talked into an expensive subscription by two cheesy-ass guys at the mall. I knew what was happening but couldn't say no. The good thing is, it was a semi-legit company and I was able to get my money back. It made me late for lunch with my dad and I felt like a real jerk.
Another guy came to my door recently, interrupting my nap. He did the same thing. You think it's a public-speaking exercise at first, then it's a vacation contest, and then it's just a sales pitch. I politely told him to get lost.
Let's all go watch Paper Moon.
@theharpoon
And Skin Game.
Leaning into my car is a good way to find out what I will do to you if you lean into my car. But again, even if you decide you have to talk to a shady stranger while you are in a relatively vulnerable position, no need to roll the window down more than a couple of inches.
@sutton ya, never! I don't even roll my window down more than a couple of inches for the gas station attendant (from NJ by the way) This story made me so uncomfortable!
You sneaky mom!!!!
My friend got conned out of $60 on a bus in San Francisco. I sat there and watched it happen. I even said, loudly, "HEY Jonny, you realize this dude is a scam artist and you're about to lose all your cash" and he was like "No, he's just a cool guy who needs some help"
AND THEN GUESS WHO ENDED UP PAYING FOR JONNY'S BUS FARE... :/
@emilylouise My friends once all gave money to some random guy who stopped us at night and claimed that he a. had AIDS, b. needed $20 to get his meds, and c. couldn't tell his parents because they'd hate him for being gay. I threw a shitfit, but I think that's the last time most of them got conned.
@emilylouise Ask not for whom the Con cons, for he cons for thee...
One afternoon, when I first moved to Brooklyn, the train broke down and wasn't running over the bridge. I'd finally hailed a cab when this woman comes up and asks if she can split the fare with me over the bridge. I agree, because I think everyone is basically good. She jumped out of the cab at the first red light on the other side of the bridge. I like to think of her as the Brooklyn equivalent of a housewarming casserole.
@Lisa Frank At least she didn't actually take money from you, in a sense. But still, super shady. A great way to shake your confidence in humanity.
I have never been conned. And neither has anyone I know. I'm surprised at the prevalence of these stories and am apparently a walking victim wating to happen.
@MissMushkila Same here.
@MissMushkila Where do you live? Small town, big city, suburbs, out in the country, etc.?
I once watched an old lady squint at passing buses for long enough to feel uncomfortable, so got out and offered her a ride. She got in my car without so much as even looking at me closely, and rode the whole 10-15 miles in absolute silence, except for directions. I still wonder what the hell possessed either of us.
@vodkasaurus One time my folks and I were leaving mass when we saw an old man waiting on the steps, who had been there for like fifteen or twenty minutes or something, and my mom forced us to pull over and take this poor elderly man home to the senior home where he lived, and the whole time on the five-minute ride he kept talking about his kids and how they never picked him up on time and he never got to see his great-grandkids, etc. I mean, it was slightly less sketch because we saw him at church all the time, but like....still, seriously, leaving your 85-year-old grandad at church to wait for you for a half-hour, alone, on the steps, in the rain, is pretty lousy behaviour.
@The Lady of Shalott Yeah, sometimes I feel like giving rides to strangers I see on the street, but I remember that no good deed goes unpunished. I might if it was a student with heavy books, or a mom with lots of kids and bags, but even then I'm not sure.
My boyfriend takes the bus, and he told me about a middle-aged woman who tried very hard to talk him into getting in her car. Several of the moms at the school where he works have crushes on him, so I'm not surprised. He could probably do quite well if he wanted to date someone twice his age.
I got conned once at a bar, who was homeless and needed money to go to the shelter. I bought him a drink (he orded Patron as his drink) and gave him cab fare. He whipped out his cell phone (IN FRONT OF ME) and told his friend, "yeah, i got somebody to give me money. I'll be at the party soon." NEVER EVER AGAIN will I care about people.
Sorry.
@Kitty Did you tell him to give you your money back? I would have!
@Kitty That's obnoxious as hell. Ugh!
I was conned just a couple of weeks ago by a woman who first just asked me if I knew where there was a Women's Way shelter nearby, which then turned into a crying story about a long day, having run away from an abusive husband that morning, being pregnant, having nothing, and not being able to get help from authorities getting to a shelter. I believed her in the moment, and she got $22 out of me. In retrospect, while explaining to my husband, it became obvious that it was probably a con, and sure enough, I looked her up and found several others had been had by her in the same area. If you're in Philly, look out. Keep the Project HOME number in your phone so you can offer to just call for her. Since it seems like bad karma to completely ignore the convincing abused woman in crisis...
@BlueberryFranklin My mom works in social services in Philly, and she used to carry around a list of shelters, soup kitchens, and the like to give to/show people who approached her. Most of the people weren't interested, sadly.
@Faintly Macabre Not to say that's not worthwhile, of course! There definitely are people out there who could use that.
My very petite and nice mom gave a ride to a teenager/young guy last year to the library or something on her way home from the grocery store. But before she got to her destination, the cops pulled her over and arrested the guy! Apparently he was an escapee from a halfway house or something and wanted for shoplifting. They asked my mom if she had any idea about it or if she was helping him or anything, but she told them she just wanted to be nice. My hole family couldn't believe it when she told us, we were all just like "what the hell! don't give rides to strangers! you coulda been shanked!"
Long-time reader, first-time commenter. As a perennially easy mark, I get approached with these sorts of grifts all the time. Reading the last line of this story I was compelled to cheer *out loud* because you did what I'd doubtless be too passive to do. Good going! Even if Mom Con was just a rude nutjob, you followed your gut and got the hell out of Dodge.
@Beaux&Arrows Welcome to the 'pin, active commenters division.
Not to crash the "Here's my con-artist/hobo/crazy person story" party, but might I temper someone's enthusiasm by pointing out that the characteristics expressed by 'Debbie' in this story are pretty typical of Borderline Personality Disorder? It's real, it's fairly common, and as with most personality disorders often manifests in the creation of a cycle of dependance on and rejection by other people.
I'm not suggesting that there are not legitimately manipulative con artists out there, but many of the comments above seem to describe classic symptoms of mental illness or personality disorder. A little "there but for" goes a long way, lovely 'Pinners.....for example, those guys you see every day asking for "bus fare home" are probably homeless, or hungry, or, yes, maybe addicted, and are probably way less embarrassed to ask for bus fare than to ask for fifty cents to buy a McDonald's sandwich or a bottle of Listerine.
@isabellebleu Um, I was diagnosed with BPD and I don't go around conning people? I think you are thinking of antisocial personality. I agree though that a lot of homeless people are addicted/schizophrenic (or other disorder)/former veterans, though. And I see people on the streets drinking Listerine all the time!
Like a lot of others, I am a long-time reader who made an account JUST for this post because my husband has a "Debbie" story for the ages.
He was at a gas station, and this older woman comes up to him and asks him for a ride to get to her diabetic daughter. "It's only down the road," she said as she GOT INTO HIS PASSENGER SEAT before he could reply. He finished pumping his gas, and got back into the car and told the woman he was not driving her anywhere. "No, it's only down the road..." she said again. He sighed and started driving.
"Do you have any money?" the woman asked him? My husband rarely carries cash, but he did have a few ones and some change for tolls in the car. He gave that to her. "You really don't have any more money?" she asked.
Then she asked him if she could smoke. He said he'd prefer she did not. THEN she spied his travel mug and asked him for a drink. He said no, and she said he didn't have to be so mean to her. He said, on the contrary, he was being quite nice for agreeing to drive her without agreeing to drive her.
They approached her destination, and she told him it was only a bit farther. He stopped the car and told her she could walk in that case. "You are going to make me walk to my sick daughter?" "Yes," my husband replied. She got out and he drove away.
He looks very young, so I can sort of see why this woman chose him at the gas station. But I couldn't believe she actually got in the car without his permission. I would call the police before getting back into my car with someone who goes that far.
@redconfetti A friend of my father's had a lady run down out of her apartment and across the street in order to offer a sex/money exchange with him. This lady was half-dressed and still had a shower cap on.
This is the same gas station where my mom and I interrupted (what appeared to be) a drug deal.
Gas stations can be pretty seedy.
I'm in DC, and normally I just walk past people who ask for money. I mean, where I live, if I gave money to everyone, I would have no money, and I am cash-strapped. However, the one time in recent memory that I have given money, I feel deep down in my heart that it was not a con, and even if it was, the circumstances were such that I don't feel terrible. It was a few months ago and my boyfriend had just treated me to an expensive dinner. We were walking back to my apartment when this extremely anxious-looking woman sort of walked past us, then turned around, then passed us again. When she came up, it was clear that she was enormously pregnant (or doing a damned good job of faking it, but seriously, she had the classic face bloat, etc). Her hair was disheveled, she had on a very thin jacket, and it was really, really fucking cold outside. Really cold. It was late enough that the shelters would have stopped accepting people for the night and probably cold enough that they were full up anyway. (The women's shelters here fill up fast.) So, we talked to her. She was very legit anxious, teary-eyed, which makes me think that she was pretty new to being out there. I've been here for seven years and I know an act when I see one. She said she was pregnant with twins. She didn't want any money, just good thoughts. She didn't say why she was out on the streets. It was one of the very rare times I had cash on me, and I gave her $5 and pointed her toward the nearest 24-hour McDonalds. I still think about her. She's probably given birth by now or close to it. DC has resources, but not nearly enough, and if she's out there, homeless, by herself, with twin newborns... you guys... Like I said, I just really deeply feel that I wasn't conned. And, even if I was, I gave an under-dressed lady $5 on a bitterly cold night after I'd just had a fancy meal and was all bundled up, you know?
@automaticdoor There is a difference. I don't mind being asked for money by people-- generally I don't give any (especially if I'm alone). But I don't think there's anything wrong with doing something according to you abilities. And, for what it's worth, I think you were in the right. If nothing else you got the lady a warm meal/the excuse to sit indoors.
@automaticdoor I was traveling a few years ago, in an unfamiliar city in the middle of the night looking for the bus station. I was wandering around looking like a total rube and a guy approached me asking if I needed help finding something. Instinctively, I trusted him. He led me to the bus stop and along the way gave me an interesting tour of his city. When we got to our destination, he asked me if I could help him out with some cash (he had also shared his hard luck story with me) and I happily gave him $20. Sometimes you just feel like you can trust people. I've been scammed a few times too, and you know the feeling you get when someone's been disingenuous. I've been trying more and more to trust my gut on things - you can kind of tell when someone's going to press the issue. I think you know when people are being aggressive/scary/inappropriately pushing boundaries and when they just genuinely could use a dollar for a cup of coffee.
@roadtrips
Have you read The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker? It's a look at personal safety, etc and trusting your instinct is the main point of it. He says that since we spend our entire life with people/observing their behavior when something's off we instinctively clue in and should pay attention to that feeling.
@selkie86 I haven't, but it sounds really on. I've definitely put myself into situations when I was younger that were... not good. I started out feeling like that "don't trust this person" gut instinct was unfair or discriminatory. I was so afraid of pre-judging someone that I didn't listen to the voice in my head saying that something was off (in retrospect, the instant someone asks if you'd like to hang out and smoke crack with them, probably... no.) Now, I try really hard to pay attention and listen to people, and if it feels wrong, get out of there as soon as possible.
@roadtrips Yeah. I think there is something in us, if we're quiet and listen to it, that can tell the difference between someone who wants what they say they want-- a cup of coffee, $5, directions-- and someone who has ulterior motives.
@selkie86 I like absolutely everything about that book except the chapter(s?) on intimate partner violence.
Whenever people start talking about getting scammed, I get really stressed out because I once got ripped off by a guy at school, and I am so incredibly embarrassed about it. I won't even tell you the entire story because it makes me look so stupid and gullible. UGH.
I have on a few instances given money to strangers with sob stories, and I don't feel AS bad about that. Once it was some teenage boys at the mall, and I gave them like $10 (I think they told me they had a flat tire or something, idk) because when I was like 14 years old I used to hang out at the mall and try to get strangers to give me money too!
@sophi I was conned outta forty bucks once and I can't tell the story either. Just thinking about it now brings up waves of blushing embarrassment. I was obviously young but still! I just can't believe what a naive idiot I was!
@Deb of last year@twitter I know this feeling so well. We pride ourselves on being so capable and then when we get taken it really stings! I got conned years ago by a gentleman with this complicated story about being a wardrobe person who had a bundle of costumes he needed to return and he needed cab fare. He got $40 off me (being a former wardrobe gal myself) and I never told anyone I was so embarrassed. However, months later he approached me again with the identical story and this time around he looked much worse for wear, seriously tweaking. I told him that HE owed ME $40 from the last time. He ran like a bat out of hell. Now whenever I see the "Speed Freak of the West Village" I like to remind him that he owes me money.
Actually, my mom got conned a few years back - at a gas station where she was having car troubles, some dude (with a woman and a pre-teen in tow) preyed upon the fact that she was in a state of anxiety about her car and the fact that she's born-again. He talked the Jesus talk and she opened her wallet. My father was furious when he found out and she was mortified to tell the story, but she said that they must have needed it and it wasn't up to her to judge why. You shouldn't beat yourself up about getting conned - you may feel naive, but it means you have a good heart.
Let's all agree to let go of the post-conned (or even nearly-conned) shame. My mom got conned a few years back by some boys selling books door-to-door--she wrote them a check, realized what she'd done once my dad got home and they talked about it, put a stop-payment on the check, etc. Beat herself up about it SO MUCH. It happens, and as long as nobody got hurt or had their identities/large amounts of money stolen, it's really just a few bucks and your pride. It happens to SO MANY people, and we all need to take it easy on ourselves!
@Miss Violet In New York City, right? Downtown? I have totally met this guy, as has a friend of mine.
Ah, I should have read on. West Village indeed. I met him near the Cube at Astor.
@Vera Knoop Skinny, dirty-blond guy about 5'8"? And missing some teeth, if I remember from later encounters. Mr. Violet and I were just discussing how we haven't seen him for a while, so maybe he's no longer with us. Or maybe he got clean? Or just moved over a few blocks!
And yes to letting go of the shame. "Just a few bucks and your pride" is the perfect way of putting it. It does happen to so many people - it's almost like a rite of passage. I even have a friend who was taken by a 3-card monte game in the late 80s in good old bad old Times Square - most obvious hustle in the book but he was convinced he Knew. Where. That. Card. Was. It was 10 years before he could tell the story - but once he started telling it he realized that everyone has a story of their own, as evidenced by this thread.
@Miss Violet It was several years ago, but that sounds about right. And speaking of 3-card monte, I actually-- no lie-- saw a game of it break out on the D train a couple of weeks ago. I felt like I'd gone back 25 years in time.
@Vera Knoop A classic that never goes out of style!
There are some panhandlers who live near my apartment and who have approached my car on numerous occasions. Being a single, young woman driving past (sometimes late at night) I simply shake my head and then avoid eye contact. There is one who has become somewhat aggressive and scared me a bit. (He offered me a flower clearly picked from one of the nearby flower gardens. I refused, but he placed it under my windshield wiper anyway and then became angry when I still didn't roll down my window/give him money. He is disheveled and wanders around a lot. I wish him the best, but to be honest he scares me.)
That said, when I waited tables there was a homeless fellow who came in and seated himself (it was at a cheapish, family-style, chain restaurant). None of the other servers wanted anything to do with him, but it was cold and we weren't busy. I served him some water (with no ice as per his request), but when I couldn't tell him exactly how much the specific sandwich he wanted would cost he decided to leave (shortly before my manager wandered over to ask him to leave).
About the only time I can think of that I've been scammed involved money-changing in Prague. And that was no fun.
@selkie86 That's a thing that bothers me. When a panhandler doesn't respect your boundaries as a woman alone, especially at night. If you can't figure out why I might be alarmed at you walking right up to me aggressively, even if it's "just to ask for money", then you don't GET any money. You probably won't anyway, but I'll at least think better of you if you start the interaction off with respect for my boundaries.
We have a lot of homeless kids here, at the end of the earth. A lot like to scam at the bus stop asking for fare. I always tell them if they want to take the bus, I'll pay for it but I'll put the cash in the slot or give it directly to the driver. Usually they aren't so interested. Sorry. No. I don't trust you.
I have been known to give my day passes and share food with people, too. It sucks being homeless and poor and fare has gone up exponentially in our town, so.
people are always trying to sell you these stories at penn station. i fell for it once and thought i had found a loophole- i told the guy (trying to see his girlfriend and son in nj or something) and i told him i'd give him some money since we were right at the ticket machines and i'd be able to watch him. i proceeded to buy my ticket while he stood at his machine hitting buttons and muttering like the thing was broken. i didn't feel like asking for the money back though- it was almost worth it just to watch him pretending to struggle with the machine. and hey, even if hes going to 'buy drugs' or what have you, addiction is hard and me not giving him five dollars isn't gonna stop him, its just gonna make him do something worse for it.
i also gave money to an older hippy man with a van at a mass pike rest stop. he said he was on his way to see rat dog. i don't think anyone can have any doubts that he was telling the truth. i know some kids who 'spare change' and busk to help them get around the country, and if it was me i'd want people to help me out too. its like paying taxes but to the universe.
@emmapeterson@twitter its like paying taxes but to the universe
I love this.
Con story for the ages. Well, sort of.
I'm in Vegas, walking the Strip with a friend. He walks on ahead to use the restroom at New York, New York, and I see a hobo next to the model of the Brooklyn Bridge they have there. I usually try to have some spare change on hand for people if they need it--your average homeless person in Cleveland usually just sits with a cup out and blesses you for acknowledging them--but I hadn't any this time around. I had bills, and that was it. I was ready to just say hello to this man and walk past to catch up to my friend when I saw...
...he had a kitty.
A gorgeous, petite, green-eyed, collared calico girl. That he introduced as Whiskey the moment he saw that I went all melty, as I do whenever kitties are concerned.
Whiskey was a sweetheart of a cat, and this guy was decent. A hobo is maybe not the right term--he was decently dressed, if unshaven and a little generally unkempt. He explained that Whiskey was the family cat, and that he panhandled for money when he was off-shift at his part-time job. Kitty helped him pay the rent. Given his appearance, articulate nature, and how sweet this cat was, I was inclined to believe him. He kept a bowl of water for kitty, she had tags, and (I work at a shelter, so I know a well-cared for cat when I see one) she seemed healthy. I petted her for a good ten minutes, talked with this man, and gave him five dollars.
The next day, I was out with my husband, once again walking the Strip. I hadn't seen Man with Kitty, and I admit I was hoping to see the little calico again, since I was starting to miss my cat at home. It was 95 degrees out, though, and since I hadn't seen them in their spot, I figured that hey, the guy was at his much-cooler home or job. Like good, truth-telling people are.
Until I got halfway down the strip. And saw the kitty.
With ANOTHER HOBO.
An old, dirty, toothless man strumming an old guitar with an open case for donations. Same cat. Same tags on cat. No water bowl. Hell, he introduced the cat as Whiskey! This is Whiskey, and she's my little friend!
I didn't have the balls, even though it was broad daylight, to say, "You know, that's funny, because yesterday I gave Whiskey and her owner five dollars. And that owner wasn't you. PERHAPS KITTY NEEDS WATER." I just petted the kitty and walked on.
To this day, I'm less bothered that neither hobo apparently told the truth about the cat, or that I'd been suckered for five dollars, than the fact that this poor kitty seemed to be passed around as a moneymaking tool. I'm sure if I'd been in town the next day, I'd have seen her with another hobo.
@catsuperhero MAYBE THEY STOLE THE KITTY TOO (what with her having tags and looking well cared for).
@Megan Patterson@facebook That's too horrible to contemplate.
@catsuperhero I'm going to choose to believe that the first guy's story was true, and that he just handed the kitty off to a hobo friend to babysit while he was working the "real" job that he said he had. That way his kitty would be ready for him come pan-handling time, and the other hobo could reap a bit of the cute kitty mojo.
@catsuperhero Oh yeah. These guys are more organized than you'd think, especially in places where tourists are involved. You should listen to the NPR story about the guys in NYC - one guy will usually claim "ownership" of a particularly effective spot, and he'll charge rent to anyone who wants to panhandle there. So that spot you saw probably had a regular rotation of guys, they probably all shared the cat. It's pretty genius. On a good day they'd probably make more money than I do.
I always give money to the window washers at traffic lights unless there is no change available. I can spare a few dollars and if they're in they're window washing for extra cash then they probably haven't had the best run in life. I just hope I'm not funding another hit of drug for some of them.
An ex bf and I had an old guy come up to us as the bus station once asking for money for food. He said he had just been discharged from hospital, didn't have any money and was hungry. Was on his way home back to his family. He had a massive, fresh wound on his chest covered with a new dressing, like he had just had surgery. He was meant to be catching the same bus as us. He sat down and drank his coffee and food. The bus arrived and he didn't hop on. I was super worried about him, didn't understand why he wasn't hopping on then as the bus was driving away saw him approach another couple and be rudely turned away. Part of his story was true, at least. You can't fake a chest wound.
Ooh! I want to share my weird borderline con-artist story!
I was getting a frozen yogurt at a strip mall in LA, and this old lady in a wheelchair wearing a fur coat started to chat with me while I waited for my yogurt. She asked me about school and reminisced about when she had grown up in this city before moving away, and left me with the vague impression she was connected to prominent show business people. She told me she was in town for her son's funeral, she had been getting her nails and hair done (the yogurt shop was next to several salons), and now she needed to get to her hotel across town.
"Do you think yould you give me a ride?"
"Well, I just have a tiny car and I'm afraid your wheelchair wouldn't fit," I hedged, looking for some way to politely escape this conversation.
"Oh, this folds up really small!" She told me.
"I haven't lived here very long," I explained desperately. "I don't really know my way around town."
"I can give you directions to the hotel, it's in Beverly Hills."
I asked if someone else in her family couldn't come and help her, since they were presumably also there for the funeral, but apparently they were estranged.
"I'm sure the shop here would let you use their phone to call a cab," I offered. I was so naive that I still genuinely thought she just wanted a ride.
"But cabs are so expensive!" She complained about how exploitative they were, which in retrospect is rich. Something about her willingness to discomfort and inconvenience me while spending her money on manicures and perms (I still legitimately think she did not need to con people. She was clearly bathed and made up and had what I suppose could have been paste but were still expensive-looking jewelry on.) flipped something in me.
"But... I'M not a cab," I said kind of pitifully. Then she made a sour face and left. And the frozen yogurt guy looked embarrassed and apologized to me for some reason, and later I called my Mom and asked her if I shouldn't have given that sad old lady a ride, and she laughed her ass off.
@bluewindgirl Maybe the dude at the store apologized because that lady is always in there trying to get rides off people.
@Megan Patterson That cannot be, because I virtually lived in that froyo shop. No joke, it was two blocks from my house and it was financial ruin. The yogurt guy and I were tight. I'm sure he apologized because he feels it is responsibility to shelter his (best) customers from bizarre social engagements like that one. I just meant he could hardly be blamed for it.
a couple of weeks ago, walking from car towards hospital with my friend, to visit someone who was recovering from severe injury. Man comes up, gives the bit about cash, family in the car (where?!), need fuel to get back home (are you retarded?), been asking for help for hours and really tired and worried (sure, sure), and "oh! you have no cash? no problem, there's an ATM in the hospital".... despite alarm bells screaming like mad, watch dumbly as my friend, who is pretty low on cash himself, and trying desperately to save money to move cities, hands him not 20, not 40, but 60 bucks (for good measure, it's a long way).... aaaaarghhhhhh if I could only go back in time and catch that motherfucker out, rather than being paralyzed by quick talk and fear of confrontation. I wanted to txt my friend "scam" but my phone was at home :( :( :(
@boheem Oh man, that would've been hard to watch.
Yeah. When strangers approach you, if their question doesn't start with "Can you tell me how to get to..?" -you just walk away.
Even if they do want directions, you stop, say the directions, nod, and walk away. Anything more and you're asking for trouble. This is an across the board blanket rule to be followed unless someone is like, bleeding or something.
When I first moved to Boston, I had a woman approach me and ask, "Do you believe in fate?" She then proceeded to unload this story about how she had to catch her bus and that she needed $10 and blah blah blah blah blah. She said I looked like a good person and that she could pay me back if I just gave her my contact information. I listened to her for five minutes, told her I didn't have any cash (a lie), and when she pointed out the nearby ATM I hightailed it out of there.
We have a rash of "magazine sales" teens running our neighborhood. They show up at 9pm and want me to buy a magazine for "charity." Oh hell no, Mr. Face Tattoo. I'm going to give YOU my credit card number?
I forgot to say how much I liked the original story. Debbie sounds like a real winner.
This makes me want to write about my own con story, "The Best Time I Picked Up a Con Artist in a Bar".