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Wednesday, February 22, 2012

177

Calling Your Girlfriend

Your Girlfriend: Hello?

You: Hello?

YG: Hello?

Y: Hey, can you hear me?

YG: Hello? Is that you? I can barely hear you. Hold on one sec.

Y: Hello?

YG: Sorry, I’m on the freeway, reception keeps cutting in and out. What’s up?

Y: Hey. Um, what’s going on?

YG: Not much, I’m just driving home. Where are you? What’s that noise in the background?

Y: What noise?

YG: That kind of, like, thumping noise. It’s really loud. Are you in a club?

Y: Yeah, hold on, let me just step outside.

(beat)

Y: Is that better?

YG: Yeah. So what’s up?

Y: I was just calling because, um, I think it’s time we had the talk.

YG: But we just talked like an hour ago.

Y: No, I mean, like, “The Talk.” It’s time we had the talk.

YG: What talk?

Y: “The Talk.”

YG: Huh?

Y: You know, the talk where I tell you that I’m cheating on you.

(beat)

YG: Wait, what?

Y: Yeah. So, the first thing I want to say is — and please listen to me very carefully here: this is not your fault.

YG: What’s not my fault?

Y: This.

YG: What?

Y: This. You know. The cheating.

YG: I don’t understand. Why would it be my fault?

Y: It’s not. You see, I have my reasons. Well, one reason , mainly. That reason is that I’ve found someone new, and I want to sleep with her. Well, I mean, I've already slept with her. I just want to keep sleeping with her, without the inconvenience of having you around. But it’s not your fault. I don’t blame you, and I want you to know that.

YG: Dude, whatever’s going on now — and frankly, I’m not entire sure what it is — I’m pretty fucking sure it’s your fault.

Y: Please don’t get upset.

YG: Don’t get upset? You called me in the middle of my commute to let me know that you’re cheating on me, and you want me to not get upset? What did you think would happen?

Y: You know, you’re always doing this! It’s like you second-guess everything I  say and do! Listen, it’s not that hard to understand: I’ve met somebody new, and I’m going to break up with you and date her. I never meant to hurt you, I just cheated on you and now I’m breaking up with you. I know this doesn’t make a whole lot of sense right now, but I want you to know that I’m still your friend.

YG: Um, no you’re not. You’re not my friend. You’re an asshole, and I think you might be mentally ill.

Y: I am not an asshole. I’m your friend.

YG: No, you’re not.

Y: Yes I am.

YG: Nope. Not my friend.

Y: I am!

YG: No.

Y: See, you’re doing it again! You’re second-guessing me!

YG: Okay, fine. This has been great. Thanks for calling me, buddy.

Y: I feel like you’re being sarcastic right now. Your hostility is really unnecessary.

YG: Is it?

Y: I’ve been trying to take the high road here. I wanted to let you down easy, but you know what? You deserve the whole truth. I wasn’t going to tell you this –in fact, I promised I wasn’t going to tell you this — but actually, this whole thing is kind of your fault.

YG: You have got to be kidding me.

Y: This new girl, she gives me something that I never even knew I missed, but which I now realize was always lacking in our relationship. I’m not sure what it is, exactly — maybe the warm feeling of unconditional acceptance? The knowledge that no matter what I do, she’ll always be there for me, without judgment? It’s something like that. Something you could never give me in a million years.

YG: Awesome. That’s perfect. Just perfect. I hope you two are happy together. Thank you so much for calling. Go and live happily ever after forever. Goodb –

Y: – Also, it’s really different when we kiss. I mean, when she and I kiss. It’s different from the way that you and I used to kiss each other. I don’t want to say it’s better … it’s just different. Okay, actually, she does kiss better. There. I said it. She is a BETTER KISSER THAN YOU.

YG: I don’t understand. Why isn’t this conversation over by now? Why are we still talking?

Y: Maybe she uses her tongue more? I think that’s it. Also there’s a kind of tingly weirdness at the corner of my lips — it was disturbing at first, but now I sort of like it. It feels like when you’ve got a cold sore coming on, but more diffuse and kind of — I don’t know, spiritual almost. Like I’m wearing a new kind of chapstick with healing lotion in it, but more intense than that. Anyway, it’s different. I — hold on one sec.  Hey, no, cut it out. What are you doing? Give me that. Hey –

Robyn: Hallo?

YG: Hello? Who is this?

R: Hallo? Can you hear me? HALLO?

YG: Who is this? Why is your voice so high-pitched? Is this an elf?

R: Hallo, friend. I just want to say — can you hear me? I know it is hard, but I want to say, the only way your heart will mend is when you learn to love again. Do you understand? You must love again! Find love! It is the only way!

YG: Is this who I think it is? Are you seriously fucking talking to me right now?

R: The only way your heart will mend is when you learn to love again!

YG: You just stole my boyfriend, and now you’re lecturing me about finding love?

R: You must learn to love again!

YG: You know what? This is bullshit. I’m going to come find you two right now, and when I do, I dare you to say that to my face.

R: Find love!

YG: I swear to God, somebody’s about to get stabbed in the eye with one of their own quirky earrings.

R: It’s the only way!

YG: I’m hanging up now. Tell your new boyfriend I’m going to dump all his shit out my window. He can come gather it up off my lawn tomorrow.

R: I hope we can all be friends! I truly do wish you the best. Maybe someday when your heart has mended, we can all grab some dinner.


Kristen Roupenian prefers dancing on her own.

177 Comments / Post A Comment

Megasus

I'm not gonna lie, the lyrics of this song kind of make me mad.

special_boots

@Megan Patterson@facebook Because Robyn and the boyfriend are such dicks, right??

redheaded&crazy

@Megan Patterson@facebook It's not your fault.

AnnaHowardShaw

@Megan Patterson@facebook Yes! This exact same scenario happened with me and an ex, he basically said all of this stuff, and when I first heard this song I wanted to reach through the radio and strangle her. IT'S YOUR FAULT, ROBYN.

Super Nintendo Chalmers

@AnnaHowardShaw I know right?

Between this and Ask A Married Dude is it cheaty week on the 'pin or what.

punkahontas

@AnnaHowardShaw Wait.. but.. YOU GUYS!

I was the Robyn and now we've been married for 6 six years. IT WAS THE RIGHT THING TO DO. (And also, he didn't cheat, he just met me and left her.)

aphrabean

@punkahontas Robyn pt. 2 here, going on 4 years + a cross-country move! Sometimes people just need to break up, dude. (I have been broken up with one million times in a variety of creative ways, so I feel like I know of what I speak.) Edited to note that there was not any actual cheating, and that this piece cracked me up indeed.

punkahontas

@aphrabean Yes and YES. This piece is fantastic.

glitterary

@punkahontas I think there's a massive difference between meeting someone and leaving the person you're with so you can try things with the new person, and cheating on the person you're with because you're a cowardly codependent scumbag who wants to make sure they have a relationship waiting for them before they leave the comfort of the one they have.

Breaking up is never fun, but sometimes it just isn't working as well as it should and ending it is the best thing to do in the long run. But people who are so callous as to hop from one relationship into the next, sidestepping all the heartache for themselves while leaving the other person to suffer it with the added kick in the teeth of having been immediately replaced... bloody hell, they're cold. I can't respect that. Not saying/assuming it's what happened with you and your hubby, of course--it just seems to be what happens in the song.

special_boots

@glitterary "But people who are so callous as to hop from one relationship into the next, sidestepping all the heartache for themselves while leaving the other person to suffer it with the added kick in the teeth of having been immediately replaced... bloody hell, they're cold."

I can't express how very much I identify with this and love how you've phrased it, so let me just say that I think you're really, really great.

Megasus

@glitterary I haaaaaaaaate relationship hoppers. My former stepmother was one. Baggage x a million.

punkahontas

@glitterary I totally agree, people can be real assholes with how they end (or don't end) relationships.

Maybe this song is a greater piece of art than we're giving it credit for? It's certainly polarizing, and can be interpreted a lot of different ways.

However, I think we can all agree that you should never tell her that the only way her heart will mend is when she learns to love again. That would make even the nicest person sound like an ass.

Super Nintendo Chalmers

@glitterary Absolutely. No one ever wants to find out there was overlap in that Venn diagram of relationships. Overlap sucks and is The Worst.

Discrete circles for all!

somethingobscure

@punkahontas if there was no cheating then you weren't the Robyn.

brista128

@EddieMcCandry To be fair, I think it's always cheaty week on the Pin.

chevyvan

@Megan Patterson@facebook You guys. You haven't even discussed the **other layer** to the song, which is: He's not going to call his girlfriend. He's playing them both.

saul "the bear" berenson

@chevyvan Totally. I think there's an element of sadness in the song that MUST be intentional.

special_boots

I'm so glad someone finally wrote this out. The song is catchy and all, but the lyrics are ridic and make me dislike everyone involved, except the poor unsuspecting girlfriend. Thank you, Kristen, for giving her a better role in this whole thing.

melis

"Hallo! Find love!" This is just eighteen different kinds of terrific.

annepersand

@melis I feel like someone is breaking up with me for Iceland's quirky internet presence. Takk, bless bless.

Kristen Roupenian@facebook

@melis I am going to try to refrain from too much own-post commenting because the etiquette is unclear to me, but let me just say: A DOUBLE MELIS-ANNEPERSAND COMPLIMENT I THINK MY HEART JUST EXPLODED.

(I comment sometimes under a different name, but I'm going to keep that account secret because I tell personal stories with it sometimes and I'm sending this page to my mom.)

melis

1. That's adorable, and 2. Post all you want!

Nicole Cliffe

@Kristen THIS IS WONDERFUL.

heb
heb
I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@heb I've been saying this too, when I'm not singing along to the ridiculously catchy tune and feeling like I nailed the "CAAAAALLLL" near the end.

parallel-lines

@heb It's like the scene in Drive where Albert Brooks kills Brian Cranston by slitting open his wrist and he's like, it's okay, it's over now. DUDE, you just cut his wrist open!!

AndSomethingElse

@parallel-lines OMG I love that scene.

bonnbee

While I love both the song and Robyn, this is exactly how I imagine the conversation going! The dumb girl who he cheated with is right next to him, egging him on and feeding him lines. Why would they want to be friends, Robyn?? WHY would he say it's better kissing the new girl?? Whyyyyyy?

punkahontas

@bonnbee No but the song says DON'T tell her that. And also don't tell her how Robyn gives him something he didn't even know he missed.

bibliostitute

@punkahontas Also I was for sure that it was don't tell her not the obsess, second guess everything you've said and done. etc.

BUT STILL THIS WAS SO CRUCIAL.

a5ouncebird

This is literally all I have ever wanted as a human. Besides being able to touch Robyn's hair. And maybe her furry vest.

PistolPackinMama

I want to go out for drinks with the now-ex-girlfriend because I like her so much better than the guy and his new girlfriend.

werewolfbarmitzvah

I would be SO PISSED.

werewolfbarmitzvah

@werewolfbarmitzvah When he came home, his lawn would be on fire.

parallel-lines

@werewolfbarmitzvah I would be most pissed about someone leaving me for a woman who wore pants that look like that.

nyikint

@werewolfbarmitzvah As the searing flames engulfed his lungs and the gentle wind dispersed the (surprisingly appetizing!) smell of his charred skin, I couldn't help feel a tinge of sympathy for the man. After all, I thought as I walked away, I always did love the way he smelled.

Whitney@twitter

Thank you so much! I love this song so much but the lyrics are so damn annoying. Now I can freely sing this at the top of my lungs while imagining this girl running the both of them over post-commute.

Emby

You must learn to love again! It's the only way!

 
whizz_dumb

@paddlepickle Pretty sure these words were born of a nightmare.

Chris Roberts@facebook

Some truly corny "dialogue" It's hackneyed, it sucks...It's pedestrian...it blows and sucks and blows.

Megasus

@Chris Roberts@facebook not as much as your mom. heyoooooooo! (sorry, couldn't resist)

Emby

@Chris Roberts@facebook Oh! It's you! You, who gives his shitty book away for free on Amazon and thinks he's a fantastic writer! I'm glad you're here to weigh in on writing! Very glad indeed!

EpWs

@Megan Patterson@facebook "Son of a Shop Vac: The Chris Roberts Story."

whizz_dumb

@Chris Roberts@facebook But how does this piece make you feeeel Chris Roberts@facebook?

melis

So has anyone else tried to friend every Chris Roberts on Facebook in the hopes that one day they'll find him?

melis

Or like, write two dozen copies of the same letter in your own blood (or someone else's blood, like from a dog's face or whatever) and shakily scrawl "CHRIS ROBERTS@FACEBOOK" across the front in the last few drops and then you sit alone in your garage and you make your hands into tight little fists and you hum his name and his name only until that's all that surrounds you in the quiet, in the dark, in the dripping sounds of the night?

Chris Roberts@Facebook.com....
Chris Roberts@Facebook.com....
CHRIS ROBERTS@FACEBOOK.COM...

Emby

@melis No need. He's right here: http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1551704642

And he writes things like: "I love writing more than any other writer can. If you're connected to imagination's hustle, contact me."

Emby

@melis Also, the deluded self-promotion he engages in across the web is ASTOUNDING.

EpWs

@Emby @melis You people brighten my day.

edit: Best review on his Amazon book thing: "Painful to read. I don't think it is manic. I think it is a seizure. Really. By the third page, I didn't care." <3 u, Chrissie!

melis

CHRIS ROBERTS I WOULD CUT A THOUSAND DOG'S FACES FOR YOU, I DON'T EVEN CARE

i'll start now

Chris Roberts@facebook

@megan - Your mother's the four on the floor type, like a pick-up truck. Everyone else...yawn

whizz_dumb

@melis I think that harrowing scenario is the precise reaction Chris Roberts@Facebook is trying to get. Unless this form of voodoo actually works in cursing him, he's winning (not really).

wilarseny

@Emby http://www.amazon.com/Shade-Winter-Kindle-Single-ebook/product-reviews/B005VFXCSG/ref=dp_top_cm_cr_acr_txt?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=1

Now, I'm not telling you to do anything bad here, kids. I would never encourage such behavior.

AnnaHowardShaw

@Emby And he lists his own quotations as his favorites. Those kind of people are the woooooorst.

meetapossum

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I like just the reviewer quoting lines from the story:

"Roberts' world in a 'Hazy Shade of Winter' is a place where instead of writing a letter, people 'pen' a note. The wind instead of being from the west is 'errant.' Fields don't get watered they get 'hydrated.' People don't wear a false face but instead present a 'mannequin façade.'"

I feel sick just reading that.

melis

just slice em right up
slice em up for love
those dog faces mannequin façades

Emby

EVERYONE. COME QUICK, AT ONCE! BEHOND, GREAT WRITING BESTOWED UPON US:

"How Blaine sits in the chair in the drawing room of her mother’s home. The exhale of her breath fogs the window. She traces her pale fingers through the condensation in erratic patterns. Her life’s breath streaking down the glass in small droplets. She seeks meaning in this, but it is simply that which is immeasurable. It is a temporal haunting."

Thankfully the excerpt ends there, because I'd rather jackals slowly gnaw my dick apart than read two more sentences from this deluded crank. Chris Roberts, fuck off back to applying to some more MFA programs you can be rejected from.

melis

hey chrisroberts@facebook
its me ghost
do you mind if i temporally haunt this window in erratic patterns
dont worry itll be immeasurable ok
thank you!!

whizz_dumb

@wilarseny "He went on quite a rampage on the Amazon forums a while back. At first I thought it had to be a joke, but then I realized it wasn't. And then I just felt bad." Let's not let it get to this point here. I don't like to pity people.

meetapossum

@Emby "Exhale" as a noun. Le sigh.

iceberg

@melis dear ghost, please don't waste your time on someone who thinks "exhale" is a noun! come haunt my phone instead! or gaunt it, whichever, haha!

melis

i think im trapped in this iceberg

melis

oh its ok there are some really nice snowflakes in here
say hi to julia for me

Chris Roberts@facebook

@Emby - I fucked your mother, that's all that matters. While you sat and watched, dickless in Seattle.

@melis - "its me ghost do you mind if i temporally haunt this window in erratic patterns..." That made me laugh and I almost never laugh at the stupid shit online.

kinbarichan

@melis Ghost - you're alive! Oh - sorry, not alive, but ... present? I was worried about you!

Chris Roberts@facebook

To Losers - You are all lemmings, following my every post. Get a life.

@Emby - Fuck you ass tard.

beanie

@Emby OMG imagination's hustle. I want to make that my new name.

Emby

@Chris Roberts@facebook Should the lives we get involve pimping our shitty writing on every website imaginable and begging for respectable writers to write pretty things about our ugly nonsense? If those are the lives we should get, you can keep them.

permanentbitchface

Whoever made this review: http://www.amazon.com/gp/pdp/profile/A1JMON5OV0ZVIW/ref=cm_cr_pr_pdp

You are hilarious :D

Chris Roberts@facebook

@Emby - Get a life loser, get a life, get a life
you fucking worm.

GoToaster

@Chris Roberts@facebook I love when the trolls come back to do the feeding.

Fodforever

@melis Ahaha! Oh man, please write an ebook featuring Ghost. Please, seriously, I will pay money for a Ghost ebook!

Ya hear that Chris Roberts@facebook? Where's your god now?!?

Roxanne Rholes

@Emby "How Blaine sits in the chair in the drawing room of her mother’s home. The exhale of her breath fogs the window. She traces her pale fingers through the condensation in a seemingly erratic patterns, her spidery scrawl just barely legible: "Fuck you ass tard." She seeks meaning in this, but it is simply that which is immeasurable. It is a temporal haunting."

Chris Roberts@facebook

@Roxanne Rholes Fuck you pig. Ass tard is all you and your job at the Tampon factory putting in the strings.

permanentbitchface

@Chris Roberts@facebook C'mon now! As an emerging young writer I'm sure you can do better than that!

trappedinabay

This was hilarious. Thank you, Hairpin.

SarahP

@trappedinabay Agreed! I almost laughed out loud at my desk, which would have been embarrassing.

parallel-lines

Yeah, I knew a guy who pretty much listened to this song and pretty much did exactly the above and he's pretty much an insufferable dickbag.

nicolarz

@parallel-lines I can't believe there is someone out there douchey enough to take this song as genuine relationship advice!

nicolarz

I adore this song, but yeah...this would literally be the worst conversation on earth and I would want throw the boyfriend and Robyn over Niagra Falls.

EpWs

Echoing everyone else's sentiments on this song (UGH, the lyrics! Terrible people!) but I kind of died at "Is this an elf?"

Jolly Farton

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I keep dying at it!

EpWs

"Call your Eli. It's time you had the talk."

HMSBeagle

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I think there should be Ask a Married Dude follow ups. After the Dude. I want to know what happened to Eli and I never will. That is extremely upsetting.

bonnbee

@heliotropegerbil8 The lady who wrote the question and sent it to Ask a Married Dude probably fled from the Hairpin never to return due to the incredulous responses she got from everyone. (Not that she didn't deserve them).

cmcm

Oh Robyn, you silly, silly elf. Maybe this is how things work in Sweden? I mean, I don't know. I kind of doubt it. I know a couple Swedish people and I'm pretty sure they wouldn't think this was cool.

pandersonmcgillicutty

I am kind of surprised that the majority of the reaction to this song is assuming that Robyn is the girl egging on the boyfriend. Obviously, that is the blatant face value of the song, but considering its place following other heartbroken Robyn singles, I always took this song as Robyn approaching the situation from another angle - she makes it sound like she's the "other girl," but when you watch the video, it seems like that's exactly the opposite of what's happening. She's being cheated on, she's asking her boyfriend to break it to her gently and at least say these pathetically meaningless and crappy things to make it a little easier. On top of that, it's her imagining it in the headspace of this other girl that she doesn't know, and she's thinking of him having sex with her and them commiserating on how she should be dumped.

Maybe I'm overthinking it, but considering her general demeanor in the video and the fact that the last big single was "Dancing On My Own" - where she's talking about watching her ex-boyfriend with another girl - and here, where she's quite literally "dancing on her own" the entire time, I thought it was a loud tip-off to this interpretation of the song's meaning.

skyslang

@pandersonmcgillicutty I thought of this, too! You know, the song is really open to lots of interpretations. It's a really good, really weird song.

aubrey!

@pandersonmcgillicutty I actually thought something similar. I dunno, the song always feels like she has a certain amount of contempt for the guy who's talking this bullshit, whether she's the "girlfriend" or the new girl who's realizing her guy is a cheating asshole.

ilikemints

@pandersonmcgillicutty That's actually my interpretation exactly! I'm so excited other people see it that way. She wants him to treat her with some kind of dignity, no matter how false. The girlfriend is destroyed and is starting to believe all the worst things about her role in the relationship, and she's begging him to tell her there was nothing she could have done to salvage it.

Katie Heaney

@ilikemints and all: what if there was a Hairpin School and we got to go to a class called Robyn 101 and all we talked about everyday was stuff like this?

GingerJane

@Katie Heaney I want this so bad.

bibliostitute

@Katie Heaney do it! DO it! do IT! now! I will pay full price out of state tuition (is that even a thing for internet schools)

cmcm

@pandersonmcgillicutty I was listening to the song and thinking this exact same thing this morning! Like more of "I wish this is what you would have done when you were cheating on me".

skyslang

@Katie Heaney I would sit front and center in that class!

skyslang

I've always thought the lyrics were about a delusional person.
In my story, Robyn is obsessed with this boy in her neighborhood. The guy doesn't even really know her, he just says hi to be nice because she seems so awkward and sad all the time. He and his girlfriend talk about her: Robyn is so weird. Yeah, but I feel sorry for her! Aw, you're so sweet. Etc.
The entire thing is all in Robyn's demented little head--and the spiral bound notebook she carries with her everywhere.
The song is a lot more fun when you think of it this way!

SarahP

@skyslang I can see it being unrequited love, but creepy unrequited love. Like a dude wakes up in the middle of the night and Robyn is beside his bed late dangling a phone over his head, mouthing these words. "Call your girlfriend. Call your girlfriend, Bobby."

skyslang

@SarahP YES! Exactly!!!! And he's like...Who...Robyn? What are you doing...?

EpWs

@skyslang This is the best. BEST.

tee
tee

Aaahhhhh this is too good

OhMarie

This literally made me pump my fists in the air. So great.

HMSBeagle

This is definitely the best thing that I've seen on the internet all day.

"You must learn to love again!"

Becca

I can't be the only one hoping the boyfriend from Call Your Girlfriend and the jerk from all of Adele's songs are the same guy. CELEBRITY FIGHT CLUB!

Catherine Andrews@twitter

Augh! Guys! This is really funny and all but doesn't anybody else think that Robyn IS the girlfriend? She's the one telling her boyfriend to call her and own up. Right?

capnguinness

@Catherine Andrews@twitter

Ok, my theory is that Robyn is the new girl, but she actually knows this guy will never tell his girlfriend about her, because he's just fooling around with Robyn, and will go back to the girlfriend in the end.

And THAT'S why the song is so sad. Because the new girl is in this fucked situation and she likes this douchebag too much and thinks that what they have is special when it's not.

Fin.

skyslang

@capnguinness OR...Robyn is JUST A FRIEND of the guy, and trying to give him some advice. She never says "you fell in love with ME", just "you met SOMEBODY new".
She just wants her friend to be happy, guys!

erratica

@capnguinness YES

Miss Zarves

I've been the "boyfriend" in this scenario, and my current guy (Robyn) really is a million times better and I have no regrets. What this song doesn't mention is that probably the ex was someone who refused to look for work for 4 months because she/he was too busy laying around in sweats all day, eating all your food and playing video games.

melis

BUT YOU ARE NOT EVEN REEEEEEEEEAL, GO BACK TO THE NINETEENTH FLOOR

melis

(THERE IS NO NINETEENTH FLOOR)

chickaboom

@Miss Zarves @melis Thank you for this reference, you have made my day. Now thinking about what flavor ice cream I am.

ilikemints

@chickaboom DEAD RATS LIVING IN THE BASEMENT.

The Lady of Shalott

@Miss Zarves OHMYGOD IT'S MISS ZARVES.

I'm not going to lie: Wayside School creeped me the fuck out as a kid. It was deeply unsettling to me in some way I cannot explain. That kid kept taking off coats and he was A RAT!!!! Kids turned into apples and THEY COULD NEVER SPEAK AGAIN! I don't know. Maybe I was just easily creepered.

iceberg

The outfit! It's 1993 on the bottom half and Swiffer dustmop on the top half!

insizlane

I'm kinda surprised at the vitriol here against the lyrics...at no point does she say the "other woman" (whether it's meant to be her or not) is sleeping with the guy, just that they've met, and they've kissed--maybe only once. Guess it depends on your definition of cheating, but I agree with those upthread who commented that sometimes, breaking up is the right thing to do. Like if you realize you want to do more than kiss that awesome new lady you just met, it's better to break up with the gf BEFORE anything else happens. And the least you can do is try to phrase it nicely (not like in this post!)

kinbarichan

@insizlane I think many people are responding like the girl is full-on cheating with the boyfriend not because of the lyrics, but because in the video, and in every performance I've seen (SNL, Ellen) Robyn does this pelvic... thing... when she sings that line, a ... thing that makes it quite clear she's not just talking about... kissing.

bitzyboozer

People, it's a song, not a referendum on past maybe-questionable-or-not relationship choices you may have made! Also, this was great.

leastimportantperson

@bitzyboozer Wait, it was just a song THIS ENTIRE TIME?? Where is the referendum I was promised??

Katherine Raz@facebook

I'm so glad you guys are as obsessed with Robyn as I am. Please continue. Also, this song is really awesome when dudes sing it.

Flies in my eyes

I laughed out loud at this. In the lab, at night. Thanks, I needed that!

kitkat88

Oh man, this song is terrible if the narrator of the song is supposed to be a girl - I always thought it was a boy (because the "something you never even knew you missed" = penises, duh)!

I also sing this song to myself a lot because I am in med school, aka adultery school, and people are always cheating on their significant others and then acting like it was justified because only other doctors/pre-doctors can ~understand~ them. In that case I am Robyn and the song is sarcastically calling people out for cheating and being so dumb to confuse shared-nerdery with true love. "It's so different when we kiss" - is it, or are you just excited to bone someone that can name all the cranial nerves?!? I have a lot of feelings, haha.

Bed Monster

@kitkat88 Oh my GOD, thank you for commenting on this phenomenon. I'm not in med school (yet - I hope), but my sister is. The stories that she's told me make it seem like med school is at high school levels of relationship drama, and it's just nuts. Even though I'm still in college, I totally can see where this kind of attitude comes from. I've met a lot of selfish, self-centered, self-absorbed, self-everything pre-meds who either outwardly or secretly don't give a shit about anything but their own needs, and it sometimes it really gets to me. And you're right. The worst part is that they justify this kind of crap since they feel like only "certain" people can understaaaaaand. Ugh, call the fucking wahmbulance.

Apparently, I have a lot of feelings, too hahahaha.

apple

I like sort of v confusingly probably got broken up with this week, and this is the only thing involving relationships/people I have been able to read all the way through since. Quirky earrings! Thank you!

Roxanne Rholes

@apple Ahh! I'm sorry to hear that. Hugs and stuff.

smartastic

See, I felt this way about this song at first (ie MAD) but then I recast the lyrics as Robyn is the misguided cheater thinking she's going to convince this guy to break up with his GF for her, when really they guy is just a dick all around and is never going to break up with the GF, he's just going to keep cheating on her for as long as Robyn lets him sleep with her. Which makes the lyrics still infuriating but ... more self aware.

FickleMoon

THIS IS EXACTLY HOW I SAW IT.
It's like the power song for the other wo/man.
Seriously, they ring her up and tell her, patronisingly, that her heart will mend when she learns to love again, and don't get upset (I've just been cheating on you, that's all.)

treeskier170

Hmm, sounds just like the way my gf just broke up with me! Made me laugh btw.

lilian

CAN'T STOP LAUGHING

possiblepodbot

I'm just going to say it: I don't like this song, and I don't care for Robyn, in general. where my friends seem to think her music is catchy, I find it to be annoying. Also, in this song, he didn't just "meet someone new," he cheated. and cheaters can just eff right off, thank you very much.

nelbel22

Love the song, LOVE Robyn, love this.

Although, Beef: The boyfriend tells his ex-to-be about Robyn's ability to give him something that he never even knew he missed, and how it's so different when they kiss, but Robyn specifically tells him in the song NOT to say that! Guess he just didn't listen. He is a guy, after all. ;-)

And @Melis and @Miss Zarves, yes on all that Waysidery. Yes, I say. Bebe had totally tiny toes.

AndSomethingElse

a) I failed to understand that this whole piece was a reference to this song. I just thought it was a weird made-up conversation. Maybe one of those things where it was so weird it actually happened to someone?

b) Also, I thought the song was by Erato. I've never even heard the Robyn version. (Will listen sometime when not at work.)

I failed at this whole thing, is what I'm saying.

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