Previously: Comics for the Radio.
Esther C. Werdiger has a weekly podcast and a rich internet life, but also a job in Jerusalem.
art, comics, illustration, the league of ordinary ladies, esther c. werdiger, shalom esther, healthy asses
וואָס אַ שיינע מענטש איר ביסט
UGH OMG That is me in the first comic: "Well, I guess I should make an effort to date. Meet people. ...I guess"
@@serenityfound I feel that
@@serenityfound I am totally the same way, but even thinking about how long it has been since I have been in a relationship makes me freeze up.
@aliceandstuff No joke: 3 years since my last relationship. THREE. YEARS. #thingsIambadat
@@serenityfound ME TOO! 3 yearsssss since my last boyfriend an 2 since my last nonrelationship (we made out, we went to the movies... what were we?)
I need to do something, right?
@@serenityfound This conversation is making me so happy because I am terrible at dating too. Two years between my last last relationship and my last relationship, and now it's been a year and counting since that last one ended. Sighhhhhhh
@@Mariajoseh 2 years ago I got drunk at a grad school function and led on a dude I DEFINITELY did not want to get busy with/date, leading to a couple of weeks of reallyreally awkward Facebook messages and on-campus run-ins.
I am trying OKCupid, but I am really bad at it. I get way too picky and have no clue how to move along conversations I do have with people I *might* be interested in. Also, most of the time I don't particularly care, so it's difficult to get motivated!
@@serenityfound Clearly we need a Sisterhood of the Half Assed Daters, because this sounds... eerily familiar.
@@serenityfound oh god, yes. also someone please teach me how to go on OkC and actually stay on for long enough to finish my profile before deciding i am way too late to the party and the pickin's are too slim so i should just eat marshmallows in bed and watch netflix. i have never messaged anyone and i'm never interested in the ones that message me. anyone have any tips? how do you do this?
@@serenityfound I don't know what the heck it is about okcupid but I can't even.
I honestly prefer craigslist! People give me mad side eye when I say that, and um yeah, based on some of the responses I've gotten I totally understand why, but I just find it easier to be like "I want to go on THIS type of date with THIS type of person" and get a whole butt load of responses to sort through.
Maybe it's a short attention span thing? Sometimes I want to cuddle on a couch with a stoner, sometimes I want to dress real purdy like and go out dancing? Anyways. I hope I don't actually end up in a relationship with somebody from craigslist cuz I'll probably lie about the origin story and then feel weird.
@PistolPackinMama Yes! It can be a subset of The League of Ordinary Ladies. We'll sit around drinking too much wine or whiskey, bemoaning our laziness, and singing 'Jolene' over and over again.
@redheadedandcrazy Haha! I've never even thought about using Craigslist for that kind of dating (although I did find my dude flatmates that way). I guess the only romantic connotation CL has had for me was....casual encounters (is that the right name? it's a weird phrase). And that's not really my bag.
@ohyeahmetoo I've found that the more you fill out the profile, the better/more interested in the things I'm interested the folks who message me are. I can't remember if I've ever sent the first message but I try to respond to anyone who messages me and seems remotely interesting. Like, for practice (because I'm easily intimidated by my lack of dating experience)? And maybe because one of them might be cooler than they first appear? I've only had a couple of guys that I was legit interested in maybe meeting IRL, but the online convos just kind of died *sadface*
@@serenityfound yah I've actually managed to meet some reasonably cute and friendly guys through cl. Nothing progressing past the second or so date buuut mostly because I don't really follow up. I'm the same with OKC where the online convos just ... kinda ... die. Mostly ... again ... because of me. Whoops.
@@serenityfound My friends are all adamant that profile minimalism attracts more messages, but they're mostly boys so maybe that has something to do with it.
Definitely with you on lack-of-experience chilling effects, though.
@@serenityfound Are you all me?
I feel like being too picky/judgmental + don't really give a fuck = one date for all of last year. I mean, I'm sure we could all get dates if we tried, but honestly who gives enough of a fuck to actually *try*?
@@serenityfound I live in a very small city in south Mexico. Online dating is just not a thing. And I already know everyone.
BTW, I'm thinking about moving to Mexico City. Advice on dating/living in the Big City, anyone? Like, here I know everyone's family history just by their last name. How do you start trusting someone who is a COMPLETE stranger?
@Ophelia22 yeah, I know I'm not UNDATABLE, I just don't want to date someone that I know right away is not compatible.
@Danzig! I am of the opinion that if I am interested in someone, I just ask 'em out. Or if they are doing the will-they-won't-they dance, I ask them if they are working around to asking me out, because then we should totally go out, and I really like coffee and good brandy and whisky.
That seems to work out well enough.
My hide screen on guys who weasel about having HWP issues is now 15+ screens long, so I don't have to look at them roll by my SO AND SO VISITED YOUR PROFILE HOLLOW LAUGHTER screen. But no one is for everyone, so you know. Saves trouble and all.
Also, I met my last dude on OKC. We went out for 2 years, and had lots of fun. So there is that.
@Danzig! I think it gets more messages, but maybe not as many quality messages? (A girl can only take so many "heyy cuttee i like you're smile" messages.) My profile is totally filled out except for the first "About Me" box, which just says "I'll get to this soon. ....really. ........I promise." More than anything, I get more messages the more I log in and seem "active".
@@serenityfound: OKC's internal mechanics promote active users profiles to the top of many search and random lists (of users that fall into your 'looking for' criteria)
@@serenityfound Oh girls. I'm so glad you're here.
[she HUGS THEM in a SUFFOCATING embrace]
@redheadedandcrazy www.howaboutwe.com !! It's not free like Craigslist but google around for a code.
Either way though, all of your "I'm terrible at relationships" stories are making me feel awful - either we're counting different things or I am the WORST - I think It's been like 10 years since my last 'I want to date you exclusively' conversation? I date people, for a few months at a time, and I'm not hideous, and I have a good job, but...yeccch. I guess I am the worst at relationships. I have a fabulous one with wine though.
@Ophelia22 Or you could be like me, where you put slightly more than half-assed effort in and actually DO go on OKCupid dates (psh). Like the one I went on last night, where the guy, who was from Istanbul, did 20 minutes' worth of Turkish-accented Christopher Walken impressions (that was the high point of the night, actually) and only realized he hadn't asked a single question about me in our two-hour date, when I said it was getting late and I had to go home.
@Mariajoseh My solution is usually to google the crap out of them before our first date. Some people might think it's stalker-y but I think it's just good common sense. Not only in terms of checking their name in the serial killer database or whatever, but to make sure they're not lifetime members in, like, the Ayn Rand Appreciation Society or whatever.
@BoozinSusan Augh. I just went on my first OKCupid date last night. It was not the worst, though I would have maybe preferred to just continue talking to the bartenders (but I always prefer to talk to the bartenders). And maybe I shouldn't have had an entire beer before he showed up, but I needed that drink. I sort of decided that if I exchange more than a couple of messages with a guy and he asked to meet up, I would be game, but I think I might be reverting back to "Let's all be pen pals!" frame of mind. It was a nice enough time, and it was nice that we both intuited there probably wasn't chemistry and split the check without any kind of banter, so it was easy and painless and a nice way to ease back into dating after 3 months of being a shut in, sitting on the couch drinking wine out of the bottle because who cares, I only drink alone. But Turkish-accented Christopher Walken impressions are a pretty good story.
@BoozinSusan LOL GO ON ANOTHER DATE PLEASE can you IMAGINE the hookup stories from that one
@EddieMcCandry hahaha thank you! I hope moving to the second most populated city in the world will mean that I will find SOMEONE to date.
I skyped with the ex boyfriend last night, and he's also been single for 3 years (since we broke up), and lives in a much bigger city. We are very much over each other, but I worry that we are cursed or something.
@redonion Yeah, after far too many OKC dates, I feel that curling up on the couch with a bottle of wine and a good book is MUCH more preferable. Especially when sometimes the other party *doesn't* intuit the lack of chemistry! But who knows who you'll meet? I ended up with some of my best friends in Boston (which was a lonely town before) through the site. But good on you for meeting up - and a drink beforehand always helps.
@sarabara They are running through my head right now and THEY ARE WHOLLY UNPLEASANT!
In sum, I just don't understand a one-man standup routine of another man's standup routine.
@Danzig! Lady here who had a minimalist profile, and it worked pretty well aka currently have a boyfriend who I met via said minimalist profile. It wasn't "lazy" like the "I'll fill it out later- just ask!" ones, just concise. Though it really didn't say much more than a few factoids and it was a good test to weed out the dudes who don't have any insight into what a personality is (no, the fact that we both like our coffee and steak the same ways is NOT really that much in common).
@@serenityfound Is it really pathetic to sign in occasionally just so that in 20 minutes there would be a bunch more messages in your inbox? I'm asking for...a friend who used to do that on lonely nights.
@gravie Haha! I hear ya, woman. I enjoy the message influxes following brief sign-ins as much as the next girl.
@BoozinSusan @gravie Does the "Someone chose you!" message make anyone else feel like they've been selected to leave the Cabbage Patch?
@redonion ::giggling at work::
@redonion I get the Ralph Wiggum "You choo-choo-choose me" pop in my head.
I used Plenty of Fish (lovingly nicknamed Plenty of Shit)and they didn't have that feature. But they did have a "thisasshole wants to meet you" thing, which I assume they stole from OKC.
@@serenityfound Look, I live in a city that literally has no bars (any place serving booze must also have a full kitchen/be a restaurant) and the closest place to socialize is an outdoor mall usually filled with tourists and/or teenagers/annoying uni kids. So...no. No shame in the taking joy in the post sign-in message influxes!
@@serenityfound Utah eh?
Mostly it's full of "hey whats up" messages, but every so often there'd be something intelligent from someone adorable. Or the most heinous message ever which can be immediately emailed to friends.
@@gravie Surprisingly, no. Southern California. I think it has to do with the massive state university in town conflicting with the over-planned community vibe (families! office parks! numerous community/homeowner's associations!) of the rest of the city. ...which is a bummer for anyone in town who is not an obnoxious college kid and wants to go drink someplace other than the Cheesecake Factory "bar".
I did not know about any of this before I moved here.
@redheadedandcrazy ....and if the conversations DO go somewhere you find yourself on a bizarre date with an ardent "Little Mermaid" fetishist. So.
@Ophelia22 YES YES YES TO ALL OF THIS AND ALL OF YOU!!!! :-) I am 32 and have had two serious relationships and a small handful (giggle) of not- so- serious things, but I was single until I was 24 and single again from 25 to 29, and now at 32 have been single for a year again. I cannot possibly be bothered to go out and *groan* date... I tried OKCupid but only received messages from a) guys who had clearly only looked at my pic and thought I was cute, b) larger subset of guys including the first group who just send a message that says, "hey there" or "hey, cutie" *vomit*, or c) men over 50. ...? The men over 50 were some of the only ones that actually showed they'd read my profile by alluding to it... Ugh, I couldn't be bothered to respond to any of them. Here's to dying alone and being eaten by our cats! *lifts wine glass*
@@serenityfound That's so tragic. That urban planner should be forced to read every single internet dating message ever as punishment.
@gravie FOR SERIOUS.
@everyone All of this talk has prompted me to accept an offer to go out for drinks tomorrow night from a dude on OKCupid. At the very least, I will return on Friday with an amusing story about how it is a bad idea to do a first date at The Yardhouse during happy hour. I predict much yelling and mishearing!
@@serenityfound Good luck! Definitely let us know how it goes!
@@serenityfound Looking forward to updates! Hope it's successful, by which I mean I hope it involves copious Christopher Walken impressions.
@BoozinSusan I have made and deleted ok cupid accounts twice and never gone on an IRL date...I just remember the last time I logged in, I got one of those "u sexii u DTF" messages and was horrified. Which, sure, maybe my threshold of being insulted in horrified is very low but I don't know. I don't think I could handle getting another one of those. I mean...why is it even remotely okay to say things like that?
It's been 2-3 years since my last relationship, none of which have been really healthy or successful or pleasant to be in. I'm only 22 though but I've come to the conclusion that it is much better to be alone than with someone who confuses you and makes you miserable. I guess I'm taking a break from dating? And I'm pretty ok with that (most of the time).
@@serenityfound you are all the best. wish we could all just hang out and play board games instead of having that nagging feeling we should be worrying about dating.
@ohyeahmetoo I love it here! The Hairpin is the bestest.
As for IRL, I wish there was a Pin-Up crew around here. There's a pretty active one (that I went to one time and enjoyed) in LA, but it's too difficult for me to get up to their meetings from southern Orange County without a car. So, I will make so with the wonderful and ridiculous things that happen in comment sections such as these!
@ohyeahmetoo Yes, boardgames! I actually got the vintage scrabble set from the Friday Bargain Bin! It's so pretty, and I'm so bad at Scrabble, and a PinUp boardgame night sounds amaaaazing.
There's a boardgame bar called Common Ground in NYC...any takers?
@pastina Hopefully those messages will be few and far between. I've gotten a lot of those amoeba-could've-written-it "ur cute" messages but the DTF ones went away after the first month or so, for some reason.
I definitely think it's better to be alone than with someone who confuses you or makes you miserable! Amen to that!
And you don't necessarily have to do online dating or search for someone to date. But you never know what happens, is my motto. I've gotten some good friends out of the process, and am still 1-5% hopeful that I could meet someone this way...
@pastina I'm not in NYC but I extend the invitation to boardgame with Boston 'Pinners!
@BoozinSusan Hmm...I would definitely be down to find some good friends from OKC. Maybe I'm weird, but I definite feel more uncomfortable going into a situations that's like "YES WE SHALL BE DATING." Like, can't we just chill? And maybe make out if that feels like it's naturally gonna happen anyway?
One of my friends just recently made an account but then she got asked out on an IRL date by meeting a mutual friend at a party! Maybe I'll reconsider my boycott of OK Cupid and just try to have thicker skin next time. Third time's a charm right? Heh.
@pastina Eeeexactly. I think InstaDating is weird. I wanted to put "looking for friends first!" on my profile last year but my friends crowdsourced and said that wouldn't get me any dates. But it should. Everyone needs friends. And then sometimes you make out with your friends and they become not-friends-but-something-else. Ah, Modern Romance.
@pastina Although the problem with the chill/make out thing is that guys (at least the one's I've gotten involved with) have taken that as just like no-strings-attached-hooking-up-not-giving-a-shit-about-your-feelings and that's not cool. So like, hanging out/getting to know each other/maybe making out/but being totally honest and upfront. Yeah.
This is why I don't date :\
@BoozinSusan Friends first definite should get dates! If there's one thing that I'm slowly osmosis-ing from my mother is that Things Take Time and You Should Get To Know People. And that's why friends first is A Good Thing. Then again, she met my dad when she was 18 and he was her chem teacher (scandal! but he was 23 so it's all good) and they did the whole wait-til-marriage-one-and-only thing. So, thanks Mom?
@BoozinSusan @pastina OH EXACTLY. Ok, so after mediocre OKC kinda-date thing on Tuesday I went on an OKC kinda-date thing last night (oh what is this world? I think prior to this I had been on 2 dates in like 2 years) and it was kind of awesome. It wasn't romantic but 4 hours of animated talking and thinking "Ok this person is awesome." I have no idea if it will going in a dating direction or if I will ever hear from him again (here's to hoping) but I am kind of psyched to meet a new person I like. But also, and this is the thing that takes it full circle, for the entire evening he was wearing a KNIT HAT. Like The Bad Hat above. And I didn't even notice it or think twice about it at the time, and then as I was walking home, I thought about the hat and the cartoon and was like, "Uh oh?" But I am sure it's fine. I am looking past it. It was cold out.
So long story short, yay meeting new people! Even in hats!
@redonion Hm. I'm considering what is wrong with knit hats. I don't have any guy friends that wear them, but surely some people can pull them off, no?
@BoozinSusan Yeah, I think I have no problems with knit hats, and generally I support them across the board. The guy in question can rock the knit hat. It just made me laugh in the context of this comic.
@pastina I'd be down for that. I live up in W. Harlem (just assuming this bar is in Brooklyn) but I literally moved here like a week ago and it'd be nice to see new places / people. Plus I've been wanting to play some board games lately but didn't bring any on the trip. When / where?
@Danzig! Welcome to New York! Common Ground is actually around 13th st and avenue....A or B, I forget which. I went for my bday last year.
If we can get a handful of more people, we can have a board game extravaganza. I think there are a bunch of boardgame bars in the city, actually.
@pastina Cool! If the 'pin is a bust I might have some interested friends, but some of them are out of town for the immediate future.
@@serenityfound I would totally do this.
@The Casual Reader ....do what? Too many things happening in this thread now!
@@serenityfound I think s/he was talking to us NY folk. When you "reply" from a logged-off state I think it has you addressing the OP instead of whoever you intended to reply to.
At least I hope that's the case, cuz with three of us that makes enough participants for a game of Catan!
I'm so glad another person has also found their dating litmus test to be hat-based.
@chrysopoeia I have never encountered a non-crazy, non-douche who wears a hat as a regular part of their "look."*
Whatever happened to hats being just a part of the outfit, like shoes or a belt? Let's bring it back so I can date a guy who looks like Don Drapeeeeeer, but isn't a craydouche!
*Disclaimer: I live in warm weather, and I'm talking about "look" hats, not "it's the weekend and I'm wearing a baseball hat at the park" hats.
Oh man, I don't know where to start with the "dating" (or if I'm being honest what I really mean is "getting laid") thing. Cuz like, I don't want to just go up to dudes on the street or the bus or whatever and be like "Hey Sailor", because a)they will probably end being in high school and b)they will probably also have a girlfriend.
@Megan Patterson@facebook The last two times I almost asked someone out:
#1 Turned out to be a college sophomore (I am...not)
#2 Grad school classmate who just happened to mention his girlfriend the very day I had made up my mind to ask him out
@both of you: Ahhhhhh why are they always so YOUNG? And HOT?
@Megan Patterson@facebook I assume everyone has someone because I have made too many foot-in-mouth moments thinking a person was single when they definitely weren't.
@sox The young one was SO. CUTE. So cute. And he had just finished an internship at the NPR station where I was volunteering when we met. But, like, 19 and couldn't even have any of the wine being served.
@@serenityfound Speaking as a former young dude: ain't nothin' wrong with hitting on young dudes. At the very worst, they are flattered. At the very best, they have a 30 second refractory period.
@riotnrrd Ha! Fair enough. There's just something profoundly weird to me when I think about going out with someone who can't have a drink with me at dinner. Also, in this case, there were stupid me-not-having-a-car-in-SoCal issues at play, too. To be honest, I probably would've attempted at least some short-term funtimes if it wouldn't have taken like 3 hrs to meet up anyplace.
@riotnrrd when I get macked on by younger dudes, there is often a HAH HAH COUGAR HUNTING vibe to their macking. And in reverse, I feel so very Mrs. Robinson. I wish it weren't so, but it is.
@@serenityfound The not-old-enough-to-drink ickies are perfectly sensible. Drinking is the foundation upon which socialization/being a girl/life/the 'pin (items listed in increasing order of relevance to my everyday life) are built.
@riotnrrd errrr, not 100% true... a young dude (24 and I'm 32) hit on me this summer, so I made out with him at a party, and brought him back to my place, and my clothes all came off, and then he, um, "lost the urge", and told me he just wanted to be friends, and that he'd never really been attracted to me in the first place. So, speaking from experience, the very worst that can happen is actually pretty bad.
@Megan Patterson@facebook what the fuck.
Okay, let us talk about Vans
I am not actually a fan of skate shoes or chucks, but I do like the casual style. Is having a white bumpered low ankle shoe okay? (I wear a set of these, for specific example: http://www.tactics.com/a/2ygi/2/es-keano-skate-shoes-black-red-e-suede.jpg)
@Too Much Internet I personally love a man in a clean, nice pair white low-top Converse.
@Too Much Internet
Those are OKAY. Depends how you're wearing them, I guess. Vans (I'm talking the lace-up classics, btw) are just that - classic. Easy to wear, and a real chameleon of a shoe. But probably worth mentioning that I do have a slight and dumb skater fixation.
AS YOU WERE
@likethestore I second a man in Chucks.
@Esther C. Werdiger: Whooops. I just re-read the comic and realized the inference was that you had a *positive* thing with them. I had originally thought you didn't like them.
@Too Much Internet Real Talk: I dislike those shoes you show us, and generally, Vans :( They remind me of junior high skater boys?
I agree with the ladies clamoring for Converse.
BUT! Let's also keep in mind that in real life if I love a guy I probably could care less about his footwear choices. My dad wears socks with Tevas on the reg and he is still my hero. I have also dated a dude who wore slippers - SLIPPERS! - to a trendy bar. He turned out to be pretty lame, but for other reasons besides the public slipper sightings. So, who knows.
@emilylouise: I also dislike most skate shoes because of the 'I'm 13' affiliation, these appealed to me because they weren't super puffy like a lot of them tend to be.
but fine, I'll get rid of my skater shoes, seriously they are revolting
@Too Much Internet
OH COME ON
I would marry those legs, save for the asshole attached to them and his girlfriend.
@Esther C. Werdiger Yeah the calf tattoo is a dealbreaker.
@emilylouise: "My dad wears socks with Tevas on the reg" - haha, oh Seattle! (This is not an uncommon sight).
I was going to suggest one of the less-crunchy Simple Shoe styles, but they aren't in business anymore.
@Too Much Internet It's okay, we all have our shoe preferences. I have a pair of turquoise cowboy boots that I LOVE, and some of my friends abhor them. Whatever.
@Esther C. Werdiger Alright, I kind of like those ones. Maybe because they sort of look like Top-Siders? And I love when guys wear Top-Siders. AM I A PREP?
@Esther C. Werdiger Those are good legs!
@Too Much Internet I am of the opinion that skater shoes are fine, as long as your whole look isn't skater shoes.
But then, I own mumbletyeightymumble pairs of shoes, and think they are accessories to be worn with abandon and attitude and not to be taken seriously. And I think you can get away with all kinds of shoes, if the rest of you is pulled together.
What I am saying is, wear the shoes. Just don't wear the shoes and the shorts and the shirts and the wallet on a chain and the skateboard.
@emilylouise (I LOVE Top Siders)
@Esther C. Werdiger & emilylouise: All men I'm attracted to wear Top Siders. it's PREPSEXY whatevs, I think it's a good solid Man Shoe.
@Too Much Internet i just like your helmet :)
@PistolPackinMama Eighty! :D
@Too Much Internet Really? Converse remind me so much of junior high! I feel like Vans take the Converse and make it a little more wearable for more situations. I love the simple all black shoe on my dude. But he always usually wears it with all black/grey outfit which I find especially attractive. http://shop.vans.com/catalog/Vans/en_US/style/oyc.html?categoryId=91108#variation-1
I always wonder how all those women out there meet their boyfriends (don't say online).
@likethestore A roommate of mine in college would pick up guys in the grocery store. I don't even know how that works, especially since that's usually when I'm most aggravated with the human race.
@andrea disaster Like - do you just go up to someone and start a conversation? With a complete stranger?? About milk or cantaloupes or whatever??? I don't understand people.
@andrea disaster I'm not dating, but my exasperated "oh good lord, you have got to be kidding me with your 124 cans of mandarin oranges and cat food" rants and mumbles do tend to result in amusing chit-chat while waiting in line.
@likethestore Yes! Basically every remotely eligible guy I've met in the last 6 months has had a girlfriend. Is there some kind of giant quarantine where guys are assigned girlfriends before they're allowed to meet me?
@likethestore I once had an exchange about the cheese counter with someone, and then he kept trailing me around the store from a distance, trying to engineer another conversation. It did not result in a date.
ETA: Bah, sorry for two comments in a row...
@likethestore I don't even know. And this roommate didn't have a great personality, so I can't imagine these conversations lasting more than 10 words. Maybe that's it? Keep it short and close to the frozen foods?!
@Faintly Macabre: If there is, can you direct me to this place?
@likethestore Um...let's see. Through friends. Drunkenly at bars. Drunkenly at friend's parties. In classes (this need not apply to only to the collegiate), at work, at networking mixers for work.
And yes, you can go up to a person and just say things. "Can I ask, what kind of cheese you are buying? I'm making a quiche tonight and I just am having cheese indecision, and you seemed decisive...so hi, what kind of cheese is that?" And then you just keep it rolling. "Oh gosh, you are making a souffle?! Your roommates are lucky people!" What's that? You live alone? Oh...wow. I'm impressed. I also live alone and I'd never cook something that elaborate." Blah blah blah. Whatever. Find a hook. Everyone has a hook.
@andrea disaster But -- all the guys I see in the grocery store are old, attached, or in high school (because they work there as stockboys)
@likethestore I met the last (fantastic) boy I dated at McDonald's, at 4 am, after a long night of drinking. We argued across the restaurant about whether or not he was a hipster. Afterward he told me that it was lovely to make my acquaintance and asked me for my number. He called me the next day, we went out, and dated very happily for three months before he moved to a different city (planned before we met). Did I mention he was a vegetarian and hadn't been to a McDonald's for 10 years before that night?
Nothing else in my life has ever worked out so perfectly. Sometimes when I'm lonely I consider staying up late and staking out various fast food spots to see if I can find myself a nice vegetarian hipster boy again, but I don't think fast-food-love-lightning strikes twice.
@crookedlegs Mine was a friend-acquaintance of a friend-acquaintance. I used to hang around with a choir (seriously, if you want to get laid, join a choir. Hoo, boy) and I will admit that I continued to go to parties with that group for a while after I was disenchanted with the group at large, because they had a large group of acquaintances. And I literally knew only three single guys at the time - one of whom I was sleeping with casually, one of whom was a no-touch disaster, and one of whom had just moved interstate. Everyone else I knew was coupled up. Which was actually my SO SMOOTH seg into finding out if my now-boyfriend was single. 'I only know three single guys - wait, are you single? FOUR! Now I know FOUR!'
Also, make friends. My friends are going through a break up phase now. Everyone who's been together since uni has hit the 'do we get married, or do we break up' point. Many break up. My older friends are hitting 'maybe this marriage thing wasn't such a great idea' phase, but there are many other mass breakups. The larger your group of people you hang with, the more likely you are to bump into someone who will at some point be single.
Meeting new people is haaaaard, especially, I find, as I get older and people's existing friendships solidify, and their lives get busier and less outward looking. One of my friends regularly has a 'bring a stranger' party, where everyone has to bring someone the group doesn't already know. Some of those are pretty great.
@likethestore I met my man at the bar he works at. I think I just told him I liked his glasses and introduced myself. It really wasn't so hard. The key to talking to new people, I think, is realizing that you don't have to have anything brilliant to say. Just "hi" etc is cool. If they are attracted it won't be hard to continue chatting. If they're not into it, all you have to lose is a little bit of pride, and who cares. My pride was lost somewhere in 2003 I think.
@Craftastrophies I think half my trouble is, the majority of the nice guys I know are either married or related to me. And many more than than half of the women I know are super fascinating and cool. And single. It's awesome disparity or something.
Anyway, where all these nice Boy Pinners that date Girl Pinners are, is a mystery to me.
@likethestore I love a good meet-cute that starts with banter at 4 a.m.
@likethestore I drunkenly met a guy on the subway and he was the nicest, cutest boy EVER and he wanted my number but I didn't give it to him bc I had a d-bag bf who I broke up with a week later. That story doesn't have a point execept DAMMIT
@capital K BOOOOO to d-bag boyfriends! They're such cockblocks!
@andrea disaster I almost wish we had stayed together and had babies, just so I could tell them someday about how we met. The scent of fries in the air, the scuzzy drunk dude passing out on my shoulder. Love at first sight. (We're still in touch and occasionally genital-touch when we're in the same city. I have not been able to replace his awesomeness yet despite being back in the game for months. I'll have to try to pick up some tips here...)
@likethestore I met my man sort-of-through-friends. We had a lot of mutual friends, including his room mate, who I was pursuing...and then his room mate blew it with me, big time, and Mister decided to contact me on Facebook and ask me out. He has never in his life done something so decisive and ballsy, nor will he ever again, I do not know how this happened.
I met my boyfriend the summer after I graduated from college when we were both full-time tour guides. It's all a matter of circumstance though, there are about fifteen different things that could have made things go another way. So I guess just keep an eye out in your daily life?
@likethestore I am good at chit chatting at the stores, but it doesn't get further than that.
Does anyone know the proper protocol for getting a number from the cute checkout guy at Target? When there are seven people on line behind you and you're only buying two items but he's scanning them as slowly as possible because you are chatting and it's nice? Is there a way to get his number without pissing off all the people waiting on line behind you?
@gigglefest Give him YOUR number? Scribbled on your receipt maybe?
@Faintly Macabre In my case, they're usually assigned wives. Blerg.
@crookedlegs movie-magic-romances in fast-food-restaurants are only meant to be had for short whiles, to teach us how to cherish humans. I met my prom date/semi-on-off-long-distance man (through sophomore year) in Reno, NV in Mel's Diner, while I was on a field trip to the Jazz festival. I am from Seattle, Wa. There is so much elision happening in that story, but I too hope I can rustle up another one just by being in the right faddish diner in the right time.
@likethestore This is so DUH but...through friends. Friends of friends, brothers/cousins/co-workers of friends, etc. Also drinking at bars. I met my husband BOTH ways! He was a friend my friend knew from an improv class, and we met drinking at a bar.
In summation...have friends of some type and drink with them.
I met my boyfriend through Dungeons and Dragons! (I know my answer is really a variation on "hobbies!" but I think it's hilarious that I found my super-hot, super-well-adjusted dude through the nerdiest of pastimes.)
@likethestore ok, so not online, but like at an internet cafe. i have to say it like that every time. remember internet cafes? dh worked maintaining the computers for public use and we dorked out on them then talked online for 10 years then got married.
other meetings of guys that didn't work out: co-ed dorm, art school (you're basically naked for 4 years) and subsequent naked classes, this one bartender with a secret girlfriend, and any art gallery opening you can shake a stick at.
now i'm married so i can't use this, but for the single ladies- the grocery store tip is FOR REAL. every time i go, it's all little old ladies and single guys with shifty flirty eyes. one guy tried to chat me up while my husband was in the next asile- they are ruthless. i've become one of those obnoxious ring-flashers so i can get through the store with just my groceries.
@likethestore I met a not-boyfriend, but pre-college fling when I got a flat tire. He saw me from across the parking lot, struggling with fix-a-flat and just changed it for me. It was pretty romcom-y
@likethestore Your local bar. Provided that it attracts the type of clientelle you would consider dating, and is somewhere you feel comfortable going by yourself. It also helps if you make friends with the bartenders, as they can help you screen potential candidates. I met the current boyfriend at mine (he is in a band with one of the regulars) as well as a number of enjoyable flings.
I don't understand the grocery store thing though. Every time I ever tried to eye-flirt with a cute guy at the checkout, his girlfriend would turn up.
@travelmugs My last bf & I had a pretty romcom-y meet-cute, too. How do you imagine an Irish fella and a SoCal girl living in Minnesota but soon moving to NYC would meet? Why, in a crowded room at Comic Con, of course! He had a seat free next to him up near the stage, so we chatted a lot. Then I just happened to sit down behind him the next night at a screening. tl;dr We did the long distance thing for like 4 months before it fizzled out, but it was fun while it lasted!
@likethestore I met my husband online, so I'm the enemy. But previos boyfriends have always been friends of friends! Friends-of-friends are such a good way to meet someone! They're already vetted for you, but not in your immediate friends group, so you're not... um... dating where you eat.
And I know this is one of the things old ladies tell you to do, but let your friends (taken or non-) know you'd be okay with them introducing you to potentially dateable people. I love setting people up (not like "blind date" setting up, but like "Come out to drinks with my other group of friends and PLEASE talk to this guy Matt because I want to know what you think of him"), but I never want to presume that my single friends are looking, so I wait to be told. (Alas, right now the majority of my "looking" friends are straight males, and I don't have many single straight female friends.)
@SarahP Watch out, everyone else on this thread is going to move to your town now.
@capital K ohhh this happened to me too - on a bus on my college campus, as a freshman, I randomly had started talking to this guy, and I found out we had both just transfered, and he was just seriously so cute and seemed SO sweet and nice! I was dating a complete piece of shit at the time so I didn't get his number but... I always wondered if I'd see him on campus again! (I never did, which in 5 years is weird)
@likethestore Now that I think of it, I've met everyone I've ever dated through the principle "find shit to go to and then go to it" -- classes, parties, after-work happy hour, networking events, random hangouts where new people will be around, friends' shows/gigs/concerts. But I live in a huge city where it's relatively easy to find new people. Then again, I live in NY, where most new (male) people are selfish asshats, so that.
Anyway I met my boyfriend at a relatively random birthday party that I nearly skipped due to an enticing Netflix queue and some cheap malbec. So go to stuff! Or don't! Sometimes being single and focusing on work/friends/tv/redoing your living room is the best. But anyway, soooo many juiceboxes out there, so if you're want to meet one that isn't, you're going to have to increase your exposure, right?
I'm so excited about the Pepito reference in the title I could scream!
omg this is my favorite.
HA HA HA-HA.
The dating! Or rather, the over analyzing, and then not getting around to dating. But that, exactly.
@Rrrowena I love over analyzing everything and never letting anything lead to anything else! I'm so good at that!
@Rrrowena This. I'm happy to see I'm not the only one who's mastered the ole stop-it-before-you-even-start-it gambit. But I decided this is the year I am taking risks, which has resulted in two fun dates and an awesomely fun sleepover...incidentally it was with a coworker and we're trying to figure out where to draw the fine line. But anyway, RISKS!
@sox haha yes. Quote from friend: "Usually I'd point out that sleeping with someone you've only known for a day is a bad idea, because you don't know yet if they're crazy. But in your case, good job!"
Last year I went to therapy to work on acknowledging my emotions (yes, I went to therapy to be more emotional.) And this year I'm working on being more impulsive. It's like I'm forcing myself to finish puberty, because apparently I took an exit right around 16, on account of it was scary.
@Rrrowena Ugh, me too. I think I literally had a conversation with myself at like, 12, and decided that that all looked messy and scary and I was just going to skip it. It's made my twenties...interesting.
Is the therapy helping at all? I hope so!
@pterodactgirl Is this my thing too? Because while I accidentally stumbled into one of those undergrad relationships, since then I have successfully avoided what most people do with their twenties (for 8 years!). I usually blame living in the country and not having any friends. But I do use @Sox's gambit, and am rather risk averse...
@pterodactgirl No idea if the therapy was helpful (I went because my dad died, and then ended up mostly talking about other stuff) but it was certainly interesting, and courtesy of my job, free. Sooo ... can't hurt?
@E I feel like I'm too old for drunkely at bars/parties! And work! Work is so fraught! And friends -- they are all in serious relationships with people whose friends are also in serious relationships! I'm going to die alonnnneeeeeee! (just kidding about that last part, i don't believe that)
What, no love for the period app? A classmate told me about it, and it changed my life!
@Sunny Schomaker I love my period app, too! I was so bad at tracking when my cycle was supposed to start, but no longer!
@Sunny Schomaker @serenityfound but WHICH ONE do you guys use? I've been using the online monthlyinfo.com for YEARS and I wish they had an app. All the period apps I've glanced at looked a little to Lululemonish (if you know what I mean) or were eerily focused on getting preggers. Which I.. am not. Recommendations please!
@planforamiracle I use iPeriod. (I know, I know.) The free version is enough for most normal humans.
@planforamiracle I use Period Tracker Lite for iPod Touch/iPhone. It's free and super simple, but it does what I need it to and has a nice/pretty interface. It'll give you a countdown to your next period, show you your projected "fertile" days, track the length of your cycles, and you can add notes on symptoms/severity and whether you were "intimate" with anyone.
Not even related but I have to say this to all of the Hairpinners...I as just perusing the new O Magazine and in Martha Beck's column, she wrote the following: "Women threw their heads back to laugh wildly. While eating salad. Alone."
@vanillawaif Was. I was perusing it.
@vanillawaif Do you think Oprah might be... A Lady? :O
I's the worst at dating. just soo annoying.
League of Ordinary Ladies is such a wonderful and exciting thing to come home to. It's never posted by the time I leave work, so it's just the perfect end of commute treat :)
look at what you're encouraging Esther.
Your mom's sweater, Esther. I like it. Where can I purchase one of my own? Love reading your stuff. Thx!
"And I think I was wearing an Eddie Bauer long sleeved T shirt, for the lady that wants to know."
@Svu not to be a retail nerd, but JCrew also did a shoulder-zip sweater thing THAT I'M WEARING NOW that is awesome and kind of looks like the one in the comic.
Can we get some sort of official membership card printed up for the League of Ordinary Ladies? I just identify so hardcore with all of your comics, Esther!
@fleurdelivre Esther, if you made these, I would buy them. I would keep it in my wallet along with my ID and that NPR membership card I always forget to have/use!
@fleurdelivre I want one too! I'd laminate it!
@Katie Scarlett Yes! Lamination is a must for them to be official, amirite?
@fleurdelivre Yesssssssss. It could even be a little "kit": a nifty membership card with a place for you to stick a photo on & a write your name on and one of those little self-laminating pouches!
Oh boy, I would totally do that. In high school every dumb thing was a club and I would make cards for ALL OF THEM. Maybe I'll have them come with a tote. WILL LET YOU GUYS KNOW.
@Esther C. Werdiger I am excite!
@Esther C. Werdiger omg tote YES
Page 2 is my whole.entire.LIFE.
The "healthy ass" just made me snort! I've been there, only for me it was "good birthing hips." These are...compliments? I guess?
@Bebe My favorite so far: "built for stability."
@Roxanne Rholes "A real Ford model. No, like the car."
@BoozinSusan Ha! "I call those your Ferrari pants, because they show off your independent rear suspension."
@Bebe I've got "You're gonna need a ladder for that one." yeah
@Roxanne Rholes Brill.
That second story is everything I dream my upcoming time in Israel will be.
Yeah! Find me! Same for anyone else popping past this weird little country.
I once talked to a strange boy in a bookshop for TWO AND A HALF HOURS and he never called me or accepted my Facebook friend request after so I am never doing it again.
in his defence I did lose my phone quite swiftly after that and also move cities? so I guess maybe.
butstill I don't ever have to do it again.
@missupright Okay so you moved and lost your phone so that explains the lack of a call, but why not accept the friend request? It's so meaningless and takes no effort! Maybe he had a suspicious gf? AHHH so annoying.
@ohbladi I DON'T KNOW. I literally have no knowing. But I don't think he did, although maybe back in Sweden? Anyway, he had JUST MOVED AND HE HAD NO FRIENDS IN AIX-EN-PROVENCE, AND I HAD NO FRIENDS IN AIX-EN-PROVENCE, WE COULD HAVE BEEN BUDDIES.
Anyway, SO annoying, but liiiike I have been psyching myself up to say something to the Beautiful Bartender. He is so beautiful, and I go in there and stare at him and he smiles and I melt and LAST WEEKEND LAST WEEKEND LAST WEEKEND I ordered a small cocktail and paid for a small and he WINKED AT ME and gave me a LARGE. Which definitely means that he is super in love with me. So maybe I speak to him next weekend? WE SHALL SEE.
@missupright YES you have to speak to him this weekend! No matter what happens, he might at least be a cool person to talk to. Also, he's a bartender so you have the opportunity to strike up a conversation without it being awkward at all because 1. That's what bartenders do, chit chat with customers 2. You'll be drinking and becoming socially lubricated and 3. He'll ask what you're drinking which gives you the perfect opportunity to start a convo. Is it weird that I'm becoming invested in this? Probably. I have no life these days so let me live vicariously and hopefully this won't end in a lack of a facebook friend acceptance!
@missupright AH. Not that I think you will check this again, BUT. I WILL talk to him next weekend. I WILL. I will I will I will. Just for you so you can live vicariously. Also because if I don't I might die of longing like the Lady of Shalott.
(I didn't this weekend because...er...sushi happened instead. And then sake happened. And then going home happened. BUT NEXT WEEKEND! I WILL!)
@missupright Fortunately for you (??) I get an email notification when someone replies so I AM seeing this again! Good luck this weekend! He better be there. Ugh I need a life.
Yay for the "healthy ass" tag.
"And he's probably an asshole, anyway." Yeah. I kind of say this about everyone in non-dating but potential-friend-making circumstances. I take some comfort in the fact that they're probably saying the same thing about me.
"He's probably an asshole anyway" That frame is the best, the ha ha's, his face, just. Awesome.
My new years resolution is to finally get up the courage to talk to my metro crush. Every morning I talk myself up to it, but have chickened out so far.
@c8te do it do it do it!!!!
@c8te A ladyfriend of mine met her husband because he was her bus crush, DOOO IT.
@remargaret OK, thanks for the encouragement guys, now just need to make sure I get up in time.
Off topic (ish). I have met some genuinely decent guys on OKCupid. I only met weird/awkward/perverted ppl on Plenty of Fish. So!
@MalPal I have actually met some nice normal people on PoF, including my shiny new boyfriend. I mean, he is weird, but so am I, you know?
OKCupid is where I found my ex-boyfriend who dumped me via "ignoring me and defriending me on facebook" so I think there are crazies on all sites.
@The Lady of Shalott hehe shiny new boyfriend :-) congrats!! I think it was just by chance that I met only weirdos on PoF.
My worst/funniest date ever, who I met on PoF: This guy invited me out to get ice cream, but his stupid sports car broke down and was at a repair shop down the road. So. I ended up picking him up, driving him to another repair shop, then driving him home. No ice cream. Never talked again. lol
@MalPal Plenty of FreeRides.
HA HA HA HA HA-HA!
That is exactly how assholes laugh. Yes.
@Esther C. Werdiger Ooh, was your volunteering place Yad LaKashish? I have two lovely pomegranates on my bookshelf from there!
YEAH! Funny place.
Had to pause a few seconds mid-read and look at my arm hair in a new light. I guess my arm hairs look 30 years old.
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