“Oh my God, I can't watch,” says Tim, covering his face with his hands.
“Are you ready?” Derek asks from behind me.
I squeeze my hands into fists, nails digging into my palms. My heart is pounding, but when I speak, my voice is low and controlled. “Do it.”
I am fifteen years old, standing in the hall outside my math classroom, and my hair is straight and soft and — for this last glorious moment — comes down to my hips. Having long hair is central to my identity, the way that a hairstyle can only really be in adolescence. It's the one thing that, despite my mortifying acne, occasionally makes me feel pretty. And it's about to be gone. For a moment, I hear the insufferable voice of Amy March in my head: “Your one beauty!” Fuck you, Amy, I tell her silently. This is going to be great.
Five days earlier, two girls — let's call them Candace and Rachel, because those are their names — came up to me in this same hallway and asked, “If someone paid you, would you shave your head?”
Now, I love my hair. I love brushing it until it shimmers and wearing it loose, in a long curtain around my shoulders. But I am also a little punk-rock kid. I love purple lipstick and black nail polish. I cut holes in my tights and wear mismatched shoelaces in my secondhand Doc Martens. I like looking weird and singing in public, and, may the God of Good Taste forgive me, going to the Rocky Horror Picture Show. I adore being the center of attention, and the thought of going from Janis to Sinead in one fell swoop makes my drama-sense tingle with anticipation. And so I only thought about it for a second before I said, “Sure.”
“For how much money?”
I am a sophomore in high school. I have just gotten my first job. Any money at all is an astonishing luxury. “A hundred dollars.”
“So,” said Candace, “if we can come up with a hundred dollars by Monday, will you let us shave your head?”
Again, and without thinking about it, I said “Sure.”
Very close to my right ear, I hear the metal-on-metal rasp of Derek's scissors beginning to close. This is it. There's no turning back now.
For the last few days, Rachel and Candace have been going all over the school with a glass jar labeled “Shave Lindsay's Head Fund.” Everyone I know has thrown in their spare change. The vice principal contributed five dollars, and so did the Writing Club. It's a small school, and there is not much going on this week; the Last Days of My Hair is a big deal. My friend Tim, in a desperate attempt to dissuade me from severing my one claim to prettiness, has even attempted to collect donations for a rival organization consisting of himself, the Don't Shave Lindsay's Head Fund. But he hasn't gotten very far. Apparently, “give me your money and nothing interesting will happen!” doesn't make for an appealing pitch.
I spent the weekend agonizing over whether I could actually go through with this, even though I know that no power short of spontaneous human combustion would cause me to back out. It is a point of pride for me, at this age, that I never say no to a dare, and this — this is like a dare on steroids. Plus, there's money involved. As far as I'm concerned, my future was set in stone the moment I said “Sure.”
But now I'm nervous. What if I look horrible? What if the guy I've just started dating doesn't like it? Of much greater importance, what if the girl I have a fiery, all-consuming crush on doesn't like it? (At fifteen, there are certain things I haven't entirely realized about myself.) What if, as soon as the deed is done, I wish I could take it back? My stomach is a pit of icy dread. For days, I have responded to the expected “Are you sure?”s with a flippant “It's only hair!” Only my best friend knows just how sure I'm not.
This morning I came to school with my hair in a braid and a big, not-quite-sincere smile on my face. Now I'm holding a jar full of crumpled one- and five-dollar bills, and Derek is holding a pair of scissors purloined from the math teacher, and the time to hesitate is through.
I expected this to happen in one clean, quick slice, over in an instant, my hair lying on the floor before I even have time to flinch. But, as it turns out, it takes some time for well-worn classroom scissors to gnaw their way through the heavy rope of my braid. “Hang on a second,” says Derek. I realize that I am holding my breath, and that if I continue to do so until the cut is complete, I might pass out. I exhale loudly. My head feels strange — lighter on the side that has already been cut, heavier on the side that hasn't.
“And ... done!” Finally, with one last snip, the weight falls away from my head. I run my hands through my remaining hair, which hangs around my face in an uneven pageboy.
“Okay,” I say. “Almost finished. Now, who has the clippers?”
There is a moment of silence, during which the half-dozen friends who have formed a circle around Derek and me look at each other expectantly, waiting for someone to speak. It occurs to me that I should have asked this question before allowing my braid to be cut off.
“No one has clippers?” I ask desperately, already knowing the answer. “A razor?” Rachel looks sheepish. “You guys didn't bring anything with which to shave my head?” (Actually, I probably say “to shave my head with,” but I'm the one telling the story and if that doesn't give me the right to retroactively correct my own grammar then I don't know what does.) “So what am I supposed to do?”
“I have clippers,” says Candace. “I just left them at home. I can bring them tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow?” I am almost crying, remembering the pep talk I had to give myself this morning to work up the nerve to go through with this. I can't believe I'm going to have to do it all over again tomorrow. Not to mention — “You want me to walk around with this raggedy-ass hair all day?”
“I'm really sorry,” she says, “but I don't know what else we can do.”
I actually do sit through my next two classes with my scruffy DIY hair hanging in clumps, shooting death glares at anyone foolish enough to look directly at my shame. Then, during my free period, I run into my friend Dan in the hall, and take a moment to fill him in on the day I'm having.
“Well, this is my free period too,” he says, “and I have some clippers at home. I could go get them.”
“Seriously?” At this point, I am completely over my fear of shaving my head. I don't care if it looks ridiculous. Anything is better than the hot mess currently straggling down around my chin.
“They're dog clippers,” he says. “But they've never been used.”
Anything is better. “That sounds great.”
It seems like it takes him only seconds to go to his house and return with the unopened box containing the clippers. We find an empty classroom, and spread a blanket under a chair (I have no idea where we came up with that blanket) for easier clean-up. Then I sit down and squeeze my eyes shut while Dan searches for an electrical outlet. At some point, we've accumulated an audience again — a gaggle of girls watching, solemn and silent, as the buzzing blades descend.
The gentle vibration against my scalp is oddly soothing. I've wound a small section of bangs around my index finger, keeping it out of the razor's reach, because I think that a little shock of hair in front will be totally punk rock or something. It feels like this part takes less time than cutting off my braid did. A few quick strokes back and forth, a little extra attention around the tops of my ears, and we're done.
As I'm shaking stray hairs from my T-shirt, my writing teacher, whose classroom we've commandeered, walks in. She looks at Dan, then at me, then back at Dan. “Did you just shave her head?” she asks. He nods. She rolls her eyes skyward in an oh-you-kids gesture, then turns around and leaves. (Possible alternate title: The Best Time I Attended A Ridiculously Permissive High School?)
I cannot stop running my hands over the velvety stubble covering my skull. I can feel every tiny shift in the air currents around me, and I'm indoors. My entire head is suddenly a sensor. It would be fair to say that this is super weird.
“Can I see how it looks?” I manage to ask. This is the big question. Am I hideous? Do I look like an alien? Do I look like a dude? (The smart money is on “no, because of the DD boobs,” but I'm still concerned.) Someone produces a little compact mirror, but since I can only see two inches of myself at once, it's hard to form an overall opinion of my beauty or lack thereof; I can merely confirm that, yes, my hair does appear to be gone. Also, that I still have eyes.
The mirror above the sink in the girls' bathroom is more forthcoming, but I have to stare at it for several moments, turning and looking at myself from various angles, before I can trust my own interpretation of what I'm seeing. Finally, it dawns on me, and with some hesitance I admit: I look awesome.
In the future, I will shave my head many more times, and also the heads of several friends (by request, never as a surprise), and almost every time I've seen anyone confront their newly-hairless visage, they go through this same process. First it's so strange and unfamiliar that you have trouble recognizing the face as your own. Then, as the disorientation wears off, you start to notice things you've never noticed about yourself before. Your features are more prominent, more striking. Your eyes are suddenly enormous. They are the brightest shade of whatever color they are you've ever seen. Your cheekbones are higher, your jaw more defined. You're still you, but several shades more intensely.
In this moment, it's a revelation. I love the way I look. It's sort of hardcore, sort of androgynous, surprising but also oddly correct. I also now know something about myself that I never did before: I have a perfect skull. It is seriously flawless. It's the roundest, smoothest, least bumpy head-bone known to mankind. I imagine people turning to stare as I walk down the sidewalk, whispering to each other: “Man, I wish I had a skull like hers.”
Later, countless people will tell me how amazing I look with no hair. Many more will say that it's a shame, because I used to be so pretty, and I will remember these comments much more clearly and for years longer than the positive ones. One gay male friend will tell me that I look like an “uberdyke,” then try to steal my boyfriend. Certain older relatives will shake their heads sadly and make pointed comments about my lack of discipline, within earshot of my parents. A truly astonishing number of people will come up to me and, without asking, rub my fuzzy head (for God's sake, never do this). A cashier will call me “sir,” apparently meaning it as an insult. And the first time the guy I'm dating sees me like this, he will smile and say, “That's going to be fun to get used to.”
But right now, I don't even care what people are going to think. I am standing here staring into the bathroom mirror, and this might be the longest time I've ever looked at myself without wincing and turning away. I'm fascinated by this version of me who looks cooler, braver, tougher than I've ever been. It occurs to me that I have never before really seen my own face.
Lindsay Miller also writes an advice column.
Illustrations by Anna Topuriya, a freelance illustrator and a co-founder of the art and design site Hunters Hunt.
That is terrifically hardcore. Sometimes on windy days I fantasize about chopping off my (shoulder-length, curly and admittedly-shiny dark hair) to get a pixie cut, but I don't think I'd have the cojones to do even that.
But I did have hair down to my ass when I was a little girl, and chopped it all off to a bob when I was about twelve. It was not a good look for me, but because I have always had a tendency for the melodramatic I reread the part of Little Women where Jo cuts off her hair, right before I went.
@The Lady of Shalott
My pixie cut is the best thing I've ever done to my hair. It's so fantastically freeing!
@OhShesArtsy And so easy to take care of! You don't realize how much you rely on your hair to shield your face until it's not there any more.
Every single day I consider shaving my head. Every. Single. Day. I'm too scared of the flat spot on the back of my skull.
@The Lady of Shalott What do you use on your curly shoulder length dark hair to make it shiny? I used to have long hair that I flat-ironed and that was smooth and shiny, but now that I cut it and am going with my natural texture, I have to figure out new products.
@The Lady of Shalott Pixie cuts are the greatest thing, ever. You can dye your hair whatever the hell you want, because you will realize your hair grows at a ridiculously fantastic rate and if you don't want blue hair, well, cut it off in a month or two anyhow. You still have plenty of room to play around with it--you can go all-out crop or leave it a little shaggy or if you've always wanted bangs and were never sure, now's the time to try. Because pixie cuts don't look bad if you hate the bangs and put them over to the side! And it accentuates the hell out of your features without having to do the full head-shaving monty. My only advice is to find a stylist that specifically has the balls to deal with cutting women's hair terrifically short, because when you get up the nerve to say "pixie cut/crop/just this side of dyke/just the other side of dyke" the last thing you want is a stylist who keeps asking, "Is this too short? Are you sure you like it? What do you want me to do with this piece?". You just want someone who knows short hair and can get it done.
@beccajanae I've always thought about getting a pixie cut, but I have red, curly hair, and the potential for it to veer in the direction of Annie has always stopped me.
@OhShesArtsy I miss my pixie! I had to grow it out for practical reasons regarding access to good haircutting, and also I got bored, but I really loved having it and will certainly do it again someday.
@catsuperhero
YES! Go to a stylist who has short hair if you can find one. If you can't, ask for a consultation first. If they balk at all about you cutting it off, say, "I will have to think about this. I'll let you know," and get the heck out of there. The WORST short cut I ever got was from a stylist who balked, asked if my husband knew what I was doing, and then gave me some sort of awful love child of a pixie shag and a bizarre short version of the Rachel. It was hideous and she was SUPER expensive (for me). I went home and chopped off the rest with my sewing shears.
The best I ever got was from my current stylist, she works at a trashy family hair care place and reeks of cigarettes but she gives me this fantastic "grown up pixie" as she calls it. Also, she only charges me $15.
@The Lady of Shalott @OhShesArtsy Yep. I guess I have one other piece of advice to add to yours: Emma Watson's (former) crop pixie is one of the most adaptable cuts out there. You want it longer, shorter, different in front...it's a fantastic basis for whatever short cut you want, however punk or girly you want it to be. And if your stylist balks at the picture, get the hell out. When I got my cut, I asked for a stylist who had nerve and experience chopping off women's hair. And now I can never move, because I won't know what to do if she's not there to cut my hair.
@catsuperhero The lady who did my pixie told me as she was doing it that I have too many cowlicks all over my head for me to pull off a pixie. My hair is REALLY thick, and I guess I do have a lot of cowlicks, because when my hair was still in the shocked stage right after the cut, it was spiky and sticking out in 45 different directions. But it grew in kinda nice, and I loved having it, especially because it was summer! Next time though, I'm gonna hold out for a stylist who doesn't tell me I have the Worst Hair Ever for a pixie, who says I will never ever look like Natalie Portman, all the while chopping my hair off and tsking.
@Ophelia : Find someone who works well with curly hair--my friend Heather Espana has short curly (like, lion's mane kind of OOMPH curly) hair, and she has a ridiculously cute pixie/bob...
That I would post pictures of, but I can't seem to find any. Argh. But trust! Short, curly hair can be AMAZING.
@Ophelia Curly hair is SO CUTE in a pixie cut! I highly recommend talking to the ladies at Hair Metal in Williamsburg, as they are very nice and fearless and are good at short cuts.
@OxfordComma I used to have an awesome pixie cut that I dyed every different color, but then when I tried it again many years later I decided that short hair made my body look bigger because I have a small head.
And that's one to grow on.
@punkahontas : Awwwww. Have you tried a modified pixie? Mine is short short in the back, but full on top with eyebrow-length bangs, and it seems to work for round-face-plus-small-head. :)
@OxfordComma Yeah, my second pixie was more "modified." Short in the back with long side-swoop in the front that I could tuck behind my ear. But I realized then that I really couldn't go shorter again.
Super-short hair was great when I was 24 and going to yoga 3-4 times a week, not so much now. Though I do think about it. Except, also: my hair is WAY CURLIER now that I'm older. WTF, Hair?
@catsuperhero I agree. I went from curly, red-blond, mid-back length hair to a very short pixie in one swoop (NBD; I'd had short hair all my life) by walking into a salon, holding up my hair, and asking one of the stylists, "How bad a day are you having? Bad enough to wanna cut all this off?"
He grinned and said, "I *love* my job" as he put the cape on me.
@punkahontas : Hair is such a freak, isn't it?
@OhShesArtsy my best short haircuts were from a tiny asian woman in a dark salon in a strip mall for $10, i went to see her ever 2-3 weeks. i put up with her, "you look like a man! teehee" because she cut like a genius. it took a couple of tragic pixie cuts to find a good salon, but once i found it, BAM!
@punkahontas Getting it shiny? This is going to sound terrible, but the single biggest factor in eliminating frizz on my hair has been using a microfiber towel on it. I swear. I have one from Devacurl, but I imagine any microfiber towel would work, it cost like $10, and it has seriously eliminated a ton of frizz. I swear. I don't do anything special to my hair--I wash it in hot water, use cheapie styling products, diffuse it--the microfiber towel. It is the secret.
@punkahontas Ouidad products, ALL THE WAY! Seriously, the Climate Control Gel has changed my life!
@Ophelia This is my fear too! My hair is brown, but...super curly. And photos of curly pixies are SO hard to find. I'm scared that I'll look like a poodle. :(
@vanillawaif My flat spot is HUGE. It's palm-sized. There is no shaved head in my future.
@punkahontas I never realized how amazingly shiny my (dark, loosely curly) hair has become until I saw myself in this pic (right below the bride): http://damienmaloney.photoshelter.com/gallery-image/Claire-Michael/G0000ng7yz_ohd2U/I00005ciD.XhZLVs OMG SO SHINY
All Devacurl products. No Poo + the conditioner + Angell + the control spray.
@The Lady of Shalott Cutting my hair off has been one of the greatest things I've ever done. I've always loved short hair on ladies but didn't hink I had the face for it. I also thought I'd never get a date from a dude again. I was so wrong. It makes me feel uber-sexy. It's become addictive. Every time I go to my styist I want it SHORTER! TIGHTER!
That said, I heart androgyny.
@yup. That looks like one classy affair, my fellow flat-head.
@OhShesArtsy Mine, too. I shaved my head for the first time when I was 18, and I went through *all* of the same things as Lindsay. In fact, other than the fact that I did not get paid, I could have written this. But I loved it. And now, in my late-30s, I am still rocking my own version of the pixie, and my hair has never been longer than chin-length since the initial shaving.
@tortietabbie me too me too! i have brown curly hair and want to cut it all off but i have no idea what kind of cut to get/what it will look like. i'm worried i will end up with mom-hair. :(
@vanillawaif I, too have a flat spot at the back of my head. Well, it's more like my head is a rounded rectangle? I had my boyfriend shave off all my hair... probably about exactly the time this was published, from the looks of that time stamp and my dodgy time difference calculations. And my flat head spot looks fine. I did remember about it halfway through the shaving and have a mini freakout, though.
Lindsay is right. My eyes are HUGE and dark. And it feels amazing. My favourite thing is that I can see where the hairs that make up my cow lick are - they change direction and are all swirly. I can feel them, too, if I run my hand over it. It's like the nap on velvet, that someone's brushed the wrong way.
@slapfight totally addictive. In three months I've gone from getting my growing out hair trimmed shoulder length, the short spikey hair like my youth, and then I basically shaved more of it every weekend. It's thrilling! And I realised I feel much more relaxed when my hair actively tells people that I am not mainstream. (blue, spikey, super short, whatever) That way, I don't have to explain later.
@The Lady of Shalott Also, the part I always identified with the most in Little Women is the bit where Jo is crying and they ask her if she's thinking of Father and she just wails 'MY HAAAIRR!!!'
Also, when she burns Meg's bangs off.
Huh. Is it weird that they are both hair related? Maybe it's just appearance related.
This is exactly why I love Hairpin.
BRB getting my brother's razor
I had almost the exact same experience at 13 -- minus the dare, plus my sister thinking she could give me a little trim and ending up fucking it up (and covering her ass by saying, "Don't you think a shaved head would look cool?"). I actually Bic'ed my head a few times -- not just clippers-shorn, but Bic razor bald. Fortunately, it turns out that I have a perfect skull, too.
Once I did grow my hair out again, though, I never went back. I'd love to have a shaved head sometimes (though I'm not so sure how my bosses would feel about it), but I am NOT willing to go through another growing-out period. I have thick curly hair that looks HORRIBLE when it's more than a few centimeters long and less than chin-length.
It's a shame, though. I do have a lovely skull. (I think it's a Caesarean-baby thing.)
P.S. LOVE that I just got a pop-up ad for Schick Quattro...
@special_boots There are so many things I want to do to my hair that I'm not sure how my bosses would feel about. Actually, I know how they would feel, and that's why I don't do it. Work is the worst.
@NeenerNeener Apparently med school, also. I have a friend who's doing an MD/PhD, and the second he got out of the MD classwork and into PhD labwork he shaved his head into a mohawk and bleached the shit out of the hawk. And started rocking aviators? He was one of those people you would NEVER expect to do anything like that.
But seriously, med school, what the fuck? Who cares, before they get in front of patients?
@NeenerNeener : I'm currently working at a company that lets me have black and pink hair. I might be dawdling on looking for better work simply because of this.
@OxfordComma That sort of policy kept me with a place that clearly was not going to have a legit career path for me for two years.
@OhShesArtsy: I know it's foolishness...I do have a short brown wig to wear on job interviews at Places Which Would Not Approve.
The college I went to got REALLY into St. Baldrick's Day (Shave your head to raise money for pediatric cancer research) the last couple years I was there, and and a few of my female friends raised a MOUNTAIN of money (several thousand dollars at least) to shave their heads. Each and every one of them looked unspeakably badass and amazing, and I was (and am) so proud of them for doing it. I never had the balls (also I do not have the features to carry off short/no hair, as a pixie cut a few years back revealed) but I am in awe of them (and you, Lindsay!) for doing it. Woo woo!
this is awesome.
I LOVED READING THIS!!! Oh, to be a kid again! I got progressively shorter until by 16 I had a full on Chelsea cut (just bangs dyed a deep red). I couldn't stop running my hands over my head, and I loved getting $9 haircuts at the barber shop... my h.s. boyf loved it, but he had a Mohawk so we matched up nicely. I went almost as short a few years ago at my relaxed office job w/ a deliciously dykey sort-of faux hawky thing... and it felt like too much of a "statement" (plus my husband said it was a little too much). maybe someday again, but I get so many compliments on my bob w bangs that I feel like I will go to the grave w it.
BUT HOW WAS TIM? Did he make it through your head shaving session without having a breakdown? I'm worried about him.
@Princess Langwidere Tim is fine! He's applying to grad schools! He'll probably read this, so let's all wish him luck!
@femme cassidy Whew! Good luck, Tim! I'm glad you're OK.
This is a fantastic story.
@femme cassidy Good luck, Tim. You are awesome.
@femme cassidy Good luck, Tim!
@femme cassidy Also awesome is Dan, who sounds like a handy guy to have around. Candace, however, is on my blacklist. You collect $100 and then FORGET THE CLIPPERS?
@Princess Langwidere I feel like that's such a Candace thing to do. Well, maybe a little more of a Candice thing, but these nuances are tricky.
@all Tim! Tim sounds great. Good luck, Tim!
@Tim
Good luck Tim! I shaved my armpit-length hair after getting in to grad school, so (I say) your early experience with such things bodes well for your applications.
@Princess Langwidere I totally read that as 'bucketlist'. I was very confused for a few moments.
I love the way this is written. Also, this post just made me realize that I use my hair to hide/assauge my insecurities about my facial features. The part about how cutting all of your hair makes you more cognizant of the angles and colors and everything else that makes up your face makes me cringe when I think about doing the same thing to myself. Like Lady of Shalott (almost wrote shallot, which is entirely different), I sometimes fantasize about getting a pixie cut but I think I dislike my face and like you at 15, I tend to think of my hair as my one certain claim to prettiness. Except I'm 27.
I mean, you know how many people talk about "Asian" hair, how straight and thick and silky and dark and beautiful it is? That's my hair. (I'm also Asian, but I just have that in scare quotes because not every East/SE Asian woman has straight, thick, or silky hair.) I've gotten those comments all of my life. Hmm.. food for thought.
@RK Fire 25. same problem. (well, I'm not asian, but the rest)
@RK Fire You could just do a bob - less of a shock than a pixie cut. And I've had long long hair and a Louise Brooks bob both, and the bob got infinitely more compliments, often out of the blue (always in a nice way, not in a street harassment way).
@RK Fire I was too nervous to cut it all off, but I got a bob (bobbed it?) and it's definitely a great option- it's light, it's low maintenance (especially if your hair is already straight), and you can use a helluva lot less hair dye if you decide to dye your hair (which is the biggest plus for me because hennaing short hair is just easier and involves less combing- also I only need half the box at a time).
@Shayna I'm just gonna slide in here on the heels of your post and mention how much I'm looking forward to Lady Mary's bobbed hair in Season Whatever of Downton Abbey. Because you *know* she'll do it. Edith doesn't follow trends and Sybil has a mind above hair, so it *has* to be Mary.
Or O'Brien. But I don't think I could stand that.
@Lucienne, Shayna: I did do a bob my junior year of college and while it was okay it was.. just okay? Like I swear it made my head look bigger (it is currently only slightly smaller than my husband's head, and he's 12+ inches taller) and my round features.. rounder. If it's any indication, I kind of think my facial features make me look like Pikachu. Round, small eyes, round round everything.
I am willing to admit that maybe I should try a different salon though!
@Mingus_Thurber :O Ooh. That'd be awesome. I don't think O'Brien would though, she's kind of matronly. Also Lady Violet might pitch a fit if she saw her.
@RK Fire Maybe it's a face structure thing? Also depends on where you cut it- I was told that if you have a rounder face (which I did at the time- hell yeah maturing features!) not to cut it above chin length, because it'll make your face look rounder than it is. *shrug*
@RK Fire 22, and my hair is totally my security blanket (Though I have an actual security blanket too...growing up is optional, etc.). I literally did not speak to my mom for 2 weeks in middle school because I thought she made me get a too-short haircut. I think I have a Pocahontas complex (although experience has taught me that my hair in the wind looks less sexy-yet-caring-Disney-princess and more Medusa-has-scared-her-own-hair).
@RK Fire I am also Asian and my hair is certainly a security blanket for me as well. Also, I think I'd look terrible with a shaved head because I also have the unfortunate Asian flat skull thing going on, too.
@Lucienne A bob was my gateway drug. It got shorter and shorter and then finally last time I whacked like four inches of hair off and turned it into a shaggy, shaggy pixie. I think it's love.
Oh, I loved this so much. I've never shaved my head, but I've hacked it into a pixie several times. It's so liberating, watching mounds of hair fall to the floor, seeing yourself completely anew. I think every lady especially should do this at least once.
A few months ago I fell down a rabbit hole on Youtube of women shaving their heads, and seeing face after face go through that kind of emotional whirlwind- anxiety, determination, disbelief, and then a kind of fierce, terrified joy. It's breathtaking, really.
this is so fantastically timely. I am shaving my head tomorrow. tomorrow is the day! and I am soso excited and am definitely going through with it but this wonderfully written piece has somewhat silenced the little bit of doubting terror in me.
@insizlane You are a badass!
@insizlane Come back here after and tell us how it went?!
@klibberfish yes ma'am!
@insizlane : Yay you!!!!
@insizlane HOORAY! Enjoy your bareness. Be aware that the first time you wash it, you'll use WAY too much shampoo. And all of your earrings will be alluvasudden too tiny.
you guys! it looks awesome. and it feels even awesomer!!! yay! who cares if winter boyfriend is less than enthused.
I have ankle-length hair. I could never bring myself to cut it off. (Hey, when you're eighteen, another eighteen years to grow it back seems like an eternity.)
@comedy_of_customs Ankle-length!!! Holy crap. How hard is it to take care of that much hair? Can we have a Ask the Lady with Ankle-Length Hair?
@comedy_of_customs How do you wrangle it? I chopped mine off (16" worth) when I could sit on it. Couldn't handle it.
@comedy_of_customs This gives me a headache just thinking about it. I had hair to my waist in college and it was HEAVY. I can't imagine another two feet on top of that. Your neck must be hella-strong.
What about the future neck problems? I want to know about those.
@comedy_of_customs do metal bands come up to you asking for your headbanging at their concerts?
@comedy_of_customs I'm in awe! Do you ever wear it down, or is it up most of the time (mine is longish, and pretty perpetually in a bun)?
Here we go: Ask the Lady with Ankle-Length Hair, because I'm always happy to answer questions :)
I pin my hair up with three or four octopus clips every day, even if I’m too lazy to brush it. This makes an incredibly stable bun that won’t fall down even if I’m exercising, but looks classy enough that I don’t have to do anything to dress it up, except maybe add a sparkly hairpin. I should write a tutorial: “How to quickly and easily deal with Rapunzel hair.”
The weight isn’t noticeable most of the time. It feels good to take my hair down after it’s been up all day. I don’t like to wear just a simple braid, partly because it takes too long to braid the whole length, and also because the braid swings around and I get a headache from the weight pulling.
I wash it two or three times a week, whenever it starts getting icky. It takes overnight+ to dry, which is annoying, but I don't blowdry.
Brushing is actually the most tedious thing. My arm plus a hairbrush isn’t long enough to reach the ends, so I have to wrap the middle section around my other hand and grip it tightly when I want to detangle the last foot or two.
And yes, I heard _plenty_ of Avatar jokes when that movie came out.
@comedy_of_customs Yow! That is so much dedication, I am in awe. I'd imagine you never really get to take it out in public loose (I am imagining nightmares of things getting caught in it, snags, etc) but do you ever just have the urge to? (ps: thanks for bearing with us. We are a curious group here.)
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Before I started wearing it up all the time, it definitely got caught on things. One time, I was leaning back in a chair at school, and the guy sitting behind me accidentally stepped on the tail of my braid.
Sometimes I take the extra time to braid my hair and wear it long just so people will squee over it. I feel vain and silly admitting that, but there you go.
Oh hey! I almost forgot! I drag out these two stories every time I start talking about my hair, so are you ready? Great!
The Two Best Times I Was Forced to Chop Off Part of My Hair:
I used to live in a house with hardwood flooring. One time, my parents decided that we’d varnish the floor ourselves right before going on vacation. I was about seven; old enough to help, young enough to be less cautious than I should.
So I accidentally dipped the end of my braid in the pail of varnish. My mom tried mineral spirits, dish soap, combing it as the varnish dried, but nothing worked. That time, I lost about four inches.
The other time, I was helping my dad put stuff away on shelves in the garage. I was also standing next to a running air compressor. The intake fan caught the end of my braid (this is one of the reasons I prefer buns!) and sucked it in. So much of my hair got wound up in the blades that the fan actually stopped. I didn’t notice until I tried to walk away. "Uh, Dad? I think I’m stuck."
Dad picked up a pair of tin snips, which are more commonly used for cutting sheet metal, and cut off 6-8 inches of my hair. My family STILL calls it the “hair compressor.”
@comedy_of_customs AAAAAHHHHHHH
@comedy_of_customs My hair is much shorter than yours (about armpit-length), but I have had similar things happen. There was the time I got a toy mechanical hamster stuck in my hair (it had wheels on the bottom, and was battery-powered so the wheels spun around; I foolishly put it on my head while it was moving), the time my brother took one of those toy cars you can pull back and release and they'll shoot forward, pulled it back and put it on my head so the wheels spun around in my hair, and the very memorable time when I was absent-mindedly wrapping my hair around a comb in the shower and it had to be cut out. (The Best Time I Was Forced To Get A Fringe?)
@Verity When I was a kid, I real Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and I tried the bubblegum behind my ear at night thing. It got stuck in my hair and I got a fringe.
I know three other people who have done this.
@Craftastrophies I had waist length hair in high school. One time on the school bus, someone chewed up one of those gum/sucker things and threw it and it landed in my hair. Knowing the alternative was cutting it out with scissors, I spent -hours- picking all the candy and gum shrapnel out by hand.
In unrelated news, ten years later I have a pixie.
I was 16 when I first shaved my head (well, my friend Bonnie did it) to the skin. I had the Chelsea for a day and hated it so I just shaved it all. I, however, did not look amazing with a shaved head; I looked like a fucking hooligan. And I have dark hair? So when it's shaved it sits under the skin, looking blue.
Second time I shaved my head it was with a 2 guard and then we took off the guard and shaved little rivulets to the skin all over and then bleached the hair I did have. It was pretty boss as my hair grew back - I looked kind of like a bleached map.
I'm so glad that this story had a fantastically happy ending. My inner fifteen year old was holding her breath, reading it.
Who did the drawings? They're wonderful.
@atipofthehat That was going to be my comment too, I love them!
Sudden Realization: I thought I was a self-confident grownup badass.
I am not. I am not actually confident in my face and in myself. I require hair to soften and camouflage my face from myself.
Crap.
@Party Falcon: Yes, this is pretty much the tl;dr version of my comment! Maybe one day we should steel ourselves with alcohol and do pixie cuts.
@RK Fire Nope. I can't even pretend that alcohol and sisterhood could give me the confidence. (But I will totally come over, get drunk and hold your hand while you get on with your awesome and badass self!)
This has seriously fucked with my view of myself. Like actually, seriously. Being honest and confident is something that I value about me. This realization is a gaping hole in that.
@Party Falcon Oh, buttercup, it's okay! You don't have to shave your head to be admitted into the Sisterhood of Total Badassery. "Being confident" doesn't mean "happily getting a haircut I know I'll hate"! I LIKE the way I look with my head shaved--that's why it's so fun/subversive/sexy/empowering for me. That doesn't mean it's mandatory for everyone in the world! Figure out what is fun/sexy/etc. for YOU and do the hell out of that. (Adorable falcon fauxhawks, perhaps?) I'm sorry to be cheesy, I just hate the idea of something I wrote leaving you with a "gaping hole" in your psyche. Let's spackle that motherfucker!
@femme cassidy Oh darling, no worries. Your story is fantastic and I love that this is something you found out about yourself.
Your tale of discovery just made me realize that I'm not as confident in my looks as I thought. Party Falcon is one cool ass chick, but this makes her realize she's got some more confidence building to do.
Apparently I am not secure enough in my face to bare it, truly. This is A Thing That I Know About Myself, now. And that's good. Better to know your true Party Falcon, then to pretend you're something different.
(Also, I feel that I've really killed my Party Falcon cred by being all non-rockstar and feelings-share-y.
So, in that vein, the shots are on me, bitches!!)
@Party Falcon Those moments are rough. I hope one day I will stop having them, but somehow I doubt it.
But I figure, knowing where your weaknesses lie is a strength, so bring it on! (only, not really, k thx).
Also, this stuff is not always about how you feel about you. Messing with your appearance can feel really disempowering, as well as empowering - you're handing over control of how people 'read' you. People will make assumptions, and many will be wrong, and some will be hurtful. I've reached a point where most of those assumptions are more true than otherwise, but still. Letting go of control of how people see you can be freeing, but it's also pretty terrifying. Tl;dr, I wouldn't necessarily assume that it's because you don't like your own face enough. There's a whole bunch of stuff that goes with lady appearances + visible conformity.
I've always wanted to shave my head, but my hair grows super slowly and I'm almost sure I'd regret it. Then I got a very short bob once and kind of disliked how unfeminine it made me feel. Is that bad.
@rayray I don't think that's bad...a part of me wants to shave my head sometimes, or try a short pixie, but I've had it chin-length before and really didn't feel like ME. Also, I have somewhat broad, angular shoulders and a thin face/maybe smallish head? and I am afraid of looking like a pinhead. The End.
@FloraPosteHaste Yeah this is also it - I have a small head and am not skinny. Short hair could actually make my head look bigger, but shaved hair... no.
@rayray : Fuck no, that's not bad! Having short, pink hair is authentic to *me*, but it might not be to *you*, and that's okay!
I have found that trying on wigs in various types of styles can help with the "OMG, is this going to be awful on me?" terror.
I've been growing out my pixie since July. It's chin-length now. This story makes me want to chop it all off again.
@cuminafterall Those times are the worst. You want to be all, "fuck it, back to Pixieville!" and then you're all, "but I already went through six months of grow-out HELL to get here, I CANNOT TURN BACK."
I spent two years doing that? Soooo yeah. I feel you. But I've kind of enjoyed having long hair again, FWIW.
@miwome The promise of a ponytail is what's keeping me from going back. I haven't had a ponytail in 5 years and I want one, dammit!
@cuminafterall I'm in the same place-had a pixie cut for yearssss, decided I wanted to grow it out for realsy-reals last spring. We gotta be strong! Stay away from the scissors! Stop looking at cute pictures of your short-hair self!
@cuminafterall The moment when you can first really do it--without so much falling out of it that it's a mockery of the form--is pretty exhilarating, let me tell you. I eventually discovered the wonderful world of getting creative with French braiding, and now I can literally play with it.
i had an empire records moment where i felt just awful, and i shaved my head. diy at home #4 clippers BZZZZZTTTTTT
i think every woman should shave her head at least once, it's hard to describe, but the article hits almost all of the points. i look back on pictures and i miss my fuzzy head, but i'm heading now twords the other extreme. i had hair to my ass until i was 15, and i want it back, just to see.
You did have hair when you went in there, right?
Yeah. It's still in the sink, if you want to glue it.
@melis You get smarter the shorter your skirts get.
@femme cassidy And you get smarter the shorter your hair gets, so it's probably good we went with this!
@realtalk Let's not fight, let's just rip.
I don't feel that I need to explain my art to you, Warren.
Stop calling me Warren - my name isn't fucking Warren!
His name isn't Warren.
His name isn't Warren?
His name isn't Warren!
I thought his name was Warren?
@melis Who knows where thoughts come from? They just appear. Mm-hmm.
@femme cassidy Damn the man. Save the Empire.
@melis Rap. Metal. Rap. Metal. Rap. Metal. Whitney Houston. Someone like you needs to diminish your criminal impulses, not magnify them. Maybe some jazz. Or some classical.
@realtalk What's it doing in Atlantic City, Lucas?
@melis ...Recirculating.
Why don't you all just... fade away.
@femme cassidy We mustn't dwell, not today. Not on Rex Manning day!
@melis Maybe I want to be sterile.
(I CAN'T STOP)
@femme cassidy What's with you today? Yesterday you were normal and now you're like the old Chinese guy in the Karate Kid.
(NEITHER CAN I)
@realtalk Oh now, Debra, don't be bitter, surely with your ever growing collection of flesh mutilating silver appendages and your brand new Neo-Nazi boot camp makeover, the boys will come arunnin'!
@ilikemints I think MusicTown is torn on the revealing clothing issue.
@LeafySeaDragon Well Sinead O'Rebellion! Shock me, shock me, shock me with that DEVIANT behavior!
@Her? Marc sucks.
@Her? ahhhh that's my fave line, quoted once a week.
I buzzed my head after having hip-length hair my whole life when I was 20 and I STILL miss it, years later. I literally get pangs for my non-haircut as if it were a long-lost lover. I guess that makes sense.
@bouncy castle i feel you! i need to grow mine out and remember what it's like to have that heavy hair cape.
@LeafySeaDragon @bouncycastle The only thing I miss about long hair is how it would feel when it brushed against my back. Sometimes, if I tilt my head back reeeeeeaally far I can kind of do it now, but it's not the same.
Just reading this gave me a minor anxiety attack and now I'm stroking my hair and murmuring to it reassuringly. You are far more badass than I could ever hope to be.
@likethestore Me too.
What about random head bumps? Doesn't anyone else have the random head bumps that I do that would make a shaved head totally misshapen and weird looking?
@thebestjasmine I have the really unfortunate bump that would make my head look pointy if I ever shaved it.
@thebestjasmine yup : (
@thebestjasmine This happened in an episode of Pepper Ann. The whole swim team shaved their heads and the most conventionally attractive popular guy wound up having a really lumpy head. Which was hard for him.
@klibberfish Pepper Ann! That episode was right in my mind when I shaved my head the first time...
@thebestjasmine: Well, how do you know what they actually look like? Feeling your head with your hand versus seeing it bare probably produces different results. (fingers are also incredibly sensitive, and would emphasize any differences they came across.)
@Too Much Internet Unfortunately, one of them is right where my natural part is, so I can tell that it's large Amd strange looking. It's a newish bump and I want to get it removed, but I think they have to shave that part of your head first, and the last thing I want is a strange bald patch.
@thebestjasmine The first time I met my friend Lucy in person*, she grabbed my wrist and pressed my hand into the dent in her skull. It's sort of a thing she's known for, to the point that the association made my brain think her name was "Lucy Dent" in its dumber moments. She is an odd and delightful unit.
*A bunch of my tightest friends and I met each other on a message board a long time ago. Most of them already lived in NYC or moved there around the same time I moved to Philly so we've been hanging out in the meatspace for years.
A year and a half ago, my daughter got lice just before the beginning of school. It took a couple of weeks to get rid of, and at one point I told her we might have to shave her head. In response to her stricken look, I promised that if we had to shave her head, we'd shave my head too.
We didn't end up having to shave our heads, but there's a little part of me that wishes we did.
@Bittersweet Lice are THE WORST when you have long hair. I got them when I was 10 with hair to my mid-back and I cried when my mom told me we'd have to cut my hair to treat it. Luckily, it turns out I look pretty good with chin-length hair, but that was pretty tragic for a fourth grader.
@bookfreak I had hair I could sit on, with a blonde bit at the end which had been my baby hair and had grown out (I'm brunette), and I got lice and had to have it cut off when I was about 8 and I CRIED. It's never been able to get past my bra strap since without being horribly raggedy and gross :(
@rayray: Sorry your hair never got that long again. I had to chop my girl's long hair to above shoulder length to deal with the lice, but it grew back quickly and is now back below her shoulder blades.
@rayray Noooo baby hair!
Did you keep it?
I have decided that sometime this year I'm going from long hair to chin length hair! I know it is not nearly as dramatic as shaving (at ALL!) but it's nevertheless a big step when I haven't had short hair since high school and oooohhh it looked so bad in high school. I think it will go better this time around. different face shape? I don't know.
I wish that I could find out what I would look like with my head shaved without, y'know, actually shaving it. *WIMP*
@redheadedandcrazy It is kind of the same! It's still a pretty drastic change, and it can change the way you see yourself.
@redheadedandcrazy Slick your hair back really tightly! It gives you the idea of what you'll look like with a shaved head. No, really. It works.
@teffodee so like when my hair is wet kind of thing? in which case i would have to say i would probably NOT look awesome.
@beccajane it would feel very drastic for me! But I really want to! I think I'll wait until after the summer though, I like me some good beachy hair.
@redheadedandcrazy Yeah. Except it will look a bit better. Up it by, like, 10% of good-looking.
Also, remember that your shaved head will grow into a cute little pixie in a couple weeks :)
@teffodee Really? Mine looks horrible slicked back, but totally amazing entirely gone.
@redheadedandcrazy @MEGA VENUTIAN SPACE SCORPIAN I stand corrected.
@MEGA VENUTIAN SPACE SCORPION Me, too. But then, slicked back mine just looks greasy and awful, so maybe I was focussing on that and not, like... skull shape, or whatever. Because I have fine hair, it looks not-great long (lanky and ick) but short hair gives it more volume and... makes my head look taller? Or something?
@redheadedandcrazy It's a pretty huge step. Until you change something, you don't realise how different different hair can make you look and feel. Go for it, though! And report back!
Hell to the YEAH for this story!!!!
I've shaved my head twice but the BEST time was also when I was a sophomore in high school. In my parent's bathroom, listening to Ani Difranco, smoking a cigarette and shaving my head with broken clippers that shaved half and jerkily pulled half out at the roots. It may have been the ballsiest I've ever felt.
The next day at school, I overheard a bandmom look at me and tsk-tsk, then another ballerina girl (who I assumed hated me) say, "I think she looks awesome." There were a lot of shitty things said too, but those are the things that stand out.
I WILL shave it again some day. Oh yes, it will be shaved.
(by request, never as a surprise) is my favorite.
You shaved-head women are the balls. I wish I had the guts to cut/shave all my hair off. I would most likely panic and invest in a wide assortment of wigs.
I love this!
I shaved my head last year and it was was such an empowering experience. I'd recommend it to anyone who's thinking about it. Having no hair to hide behind forced me to accept the parts of me that I'm not so comfortable with. And now whenever I'm feeling low or feeling insecure, I think, "Fuck it, I walked around with a shaved head. I can face this!"
@KatieMatie Dying my hair blue did that for me, too. Like, whatever, I'm the freak with the blue hair. No one gives a crap if I'm walking to the shops in my sweatpants, because blue hair trumps that. Helped me be more comfortable with being visible and taking control of that - which was a big deal as a fat woman. There's no way for me NOT to be seen and judged - positively or negatively - so why not work it?
I had waist-length hair for most of HS and into college; my best friend convinced me by 3rd year to cut it off. Cue COLD NOVEMBER, the first exposed neck I have ever gotten myself into! But that bob was kind of boring, so by Feb. I was having my hair cuttrix remove even more (sort of a shaggy pixie with long bangs). I've had short hair ever since, though these days I can only afford to get a nice haircut a couple times a year -- so I cycle between a bangin' razor cut and bedraggled shagginess.
A couple summers ago, though, said bff and I accidentally watched a couple eps of Dance Your Ass Off? And I was so taken with this girl's hair that we shaved the sides of my head that same day. THAT is a haircut I miss, and I don't have access to clippers anymore. :(
This is wonderful. And I don't think I'd ever before read/heard an "I cut all my hair off" story that didn't end with "and then I cried, and cried, and cried, and cried".
@cmcm I had a hair change that wasn't nearly so drastic last week. I was trying to get my highlights toned down, and the stylist accidentally turned my hair black. I went to someone else to get it fixed and now it's a medium brunette (I used to be blonde), and I feel so sorry for the stylist who helped to fix it a bit.
Because I sat in her chair after she MADE IT LOOK BETTER and just cried, and cried, and cried for my long blonde hair.
It is weird how closely our hair is tied to our own view of our identity....
@MissMushkila One time, my long standing hair dresser was supposed to give me red highlights in my brown hair. You have to bleach the shit out of it to get any kind of dye. He 'forgot' and bleached my WHOLE HEAD.
I cried the whole way home, and for about four hours afterwards. Wracking sobs. It was among the worst things ever to happen to me - and I don't mean that in a pampered, nothing bad has ever happened to me way. It was traumatising.
But then it made me die my hair bright red, and it's been whacky colours and styles ever since, so... good? I still walk past that hairdresser every couple of weeks, and I give the building daggers every time, though.
I cut my waist-long hair to a pixie in grade 11. Then I went to get a touch up, and the guy cut my hair off, like, as close as you can get to shaving with scissors? I was mad at first,but it actually looked amazing.
Now I'm trying to grow it, because I think my face has changed since I had it long and I want to grow it again.
I cut my hair- mostly giving myself bangs- last night with crappy scissors. I almost feel like shaving it all off now.
@Saaoirse I sort of want to go in the bathroom right now and cut some big, clumpy, imperfect bangs. But when I have ideas of this ilk, they're usually much better in my head than in real life. Not that I'm afraid I won't achieve the "imperfect" part... just probably not like what I'm picturing.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for this. I'm shaving my head to raise money for St. Baldrick's Foundation and now that donations are rolling in and I can't back out, I'm kind of terrified. Though I've had short-ish hair before, it's currently bra-strap length so it will be quite the transition. March 16 is the day. This article is just what I needed.
@misskaz omg, nyan cat! I was just watch that video yesterday.
Also, yay for you, that is awesome!
Ahh! Part of me wants to take my boyfriend's clippers in the bathroom and do this right now. The other part of me realizes that it is winter, and I will freeze to death if I do this.
I should reread this story in the summer.
I forgot to say how awesome this article is, and also how much I love Lindsay. Totally my favorite Ask A Person!
Ahh this is so relevant to my interests. I have very dark hair down to my ass and I fantasize about shaving it all off on the regular, however my head is so lumpy & bumpy and also YOU GUYS I have two random bald spots that I am terrified would show up amongst the stubble, PLUS I am not pretty enough to still look like a girl without my hair... I guess I'll probably end up getting the standard young-mom-bob at some point, but i'll hate it.
@iceberg Could you get a short but not shaved cut? Like, a couple of inches? That would give you some idea of how things will look. Also, most people's hair grows really fast when it's short, so if you hate it you won't have to wait as long as you think.
But maybe transition through the mom-bob first. Shrinking hair!
Man, this totally describes how I felt when I got a pixie cut and dyed it pink at 16. There is seriously a rush of "Oh this is how I look! It's awesome!" I also really like the feeling of, "yes, I have this much power of my looks."
I'm almost 30 and I still cut off/dye my hair when I need to feel that sensation of control.
@H.E. Ladypants : "Oh this is how I look!" Exactly!!!
Question. Amongst all of us, there's an undercurrent that enforces a kind of normality, which manifests itself in many crappy ways. One of these ways, I have noticed, seems to be about hair... specifically, while shaving your head (or a similarly short haircut) is seen as freeing, the take away is that growing one's hair long holds a mark of shame, in a way. Is it because of the roots (haha) of hair styles in culture, still reverberating to this day? A punk cut is counter-culture; long hair is also the domain of Mennonites. Short is a fast cut; long is a long growth.
Mostly I just notice it with the longer hair... there's this sub-level pressure that seems to exist, that once hair is X long, that the owner is under either some directive to cut and donate it, or is otherwise 'weird' - traits that don't mirror themselves in super short hair styles, at least in responses I have heard or seen in those peer groups.
@Too Much Internet i was not allowed to cut my hair when i was younger, so as soon as i was able (16 or so) i took that power that came with my own money and chopped my hair off. the shame of growing? you usually grow it out when you currently dislike the way it looks. and when you're growing it out, you can't maintain it. it's always in flux.
@Too Much Internet I think it's about control? To cut it off, either a few inches or all the way, is an act of taking control of your body, your appearance, subverting traditional ideals of femininity and how a woman should be. Growing it out is more of submission, you have no control over how fast it grows, so you're at the mercy of your own scalp and can be seen as submitting to aforementioned feminine ideals. Not saying this is absolutely true, though. the process of growing it out takes patience and resolve, and maintaining it takes a lot of energy and money.
As for it being X long, I think there's a certain amount of "unnaturalness" that bothers certain people (I personally have a weird phobia of long really straight hair, anything below the waist fills me dread, for whatever reason). Really long hair can seem extraneous and indulgent, and I think some people want to keep that in check.
@ilikemints IT IS VERY FRIGHTENING
SHE SAID IN A COMPLETELY POSITIVE AND ACCEPTING SORT OF WAY, WHICH EVERYONE TOTALLY GOT
@melis PROBABLY RELATED to an unnatural fear of seaweed, because WHAT IF IT TOUCHES ME
Upon rereading this, I will concede that perhaps the problem is mine.
@ilikemints : Oh, I think you really hit something with the "extraneous and indulgent" bit.
And there *is* unfair pressure on girls and women with long (past your bra strap is where I define "long") hair to cut it--mine was down to my ass until I was 23, and I *definitely* got "How can you stand that hair?" and "You should cut your hair!" comments ALL THE DAMN TIME.
The thing is, it's okay to have long hair, short hair, no hair if that is what makes you smile at yourself in the mirror.
...
That said,
I still want The Boyfriend's kid sister (who has delusions of princess-and-white-knight-and-shining-tower grandeur) to chop her knee length hair off.
Yeah, I'm a hypocrite. :(
@Too Much Internet I think you're right-- and as you get older, "too long" gets shorter and shorter. Very few women (in my experience) keep their hair below their shoulders once they hit their 40's. People tend to look askance at those who do. Even Hillary Clinton's gotten a fair bit of criticism for growing her hair out over the past year or two.
I think it also has something to do with masculinity being more valued than femininity. Think about the difference in people's reactions when they see a woman with a pixie cut vs. a man with superlong hair. I think it's interesting that you associated short hair (the more manly 'do) with being active and long hair (Rapunzel/Lady Godiva) with being submissive. It's a pretty neat example of gendered values being assigned to their genders' respective performances.
@OxfordComma: "The thing is, it's okay to have long hair, short hair, no hair if that is what makes you smile at yourself in the mirror."
Yeah, well said. Rock ALL the hairstyles!
@cuminafterall: I did associate them, didn't I? So yeah, there's probably a lot of engendered stuff intertwined with it all, as well.
@OxfordComma: "and I *definitely* got "How can you stand that hair?" and "You should cut your hair!" comments ALL THE DAMN TIME."
Yeah, this is what I was working towards, in a more general way. The enforcement of 'norms' manifests itself in such odd ways sometimes, doesn't it? Like, the people saying that certainly aren't being mean, but... why would you (or anyone) 'have' to do anything? Pink skullet? Yes. Thigh length? Yes. Viva la difference!
@Too Much Internet 1 Corinthians 11:14-15 reads: "Does not even nature itself teach you that if a man has long hair, it is dishonor to him, but if a woman has long hair, it is glory to her?" aka "a woman's hair is her crowning glory"
is the first thing that came into my head when you wrote that!
However, I cheered and cheered reading this whole article! YAY for the brave ones who shave their heads! (sometimes I'm the person on the street looking at you- I covet your awesome skull shape. Don't worry, I actually WAS taught that staring is rude...)
@Too Much Internet I live in a city and am slightly germaphobic, so my first thought when I see someone with loose, super-long hair is "ewww, are you SITTING ON YOUR HAIR on the train or the bus? Does it drag on the floors of restaurants when you sit down? Or bar bathrooms? Or the super-gross changing rooms at filene's basement (RIP)" So I guess I am not thinking of societal pressures and norms so much as germ-related concerns.
@Too Much Internet This conversation is super interesting.
I feel like a lot of it is about conformity to norms, whatever they are - and they're always fairly arbitrary. Female hair should be between x and y length, for maximum mainstream beauty. It should also be straight and shiny and, if possible, blonde or highlighted.
And maybe it's about modernity, too? Hipness or whatever? I'm thinking about my time in China - a lot of the peopl working in shops, etc, who the people I worked with looked down on, had long hair. Some of the minorities had long hair that they braided and wrapped around their head, and if it wasn't long enough they used yarn to make it longer. But I can't think of any 'young professional' that I worked with who had longer than armpit-length hair, despite fashion there being more... demure? What the West would consider demure anyway.
@Craftastrophies : Is it kind of like wearing a full-length dress to work? (unless it's a maxi dress in a business-casual office)
I can't ever bring myself to wear a full-length dress to work--it just feels...wrong.
It's interesting to me that our business wear dress and hair code is *still* so deeply, deeply entrenched in the military uniforms of the 40s.
@OxfordComma Huh. That is very very interesting. I've worn full length skirts to work, but I do feel like I'm flouting some rule. And I don't own any full length dresses, so...
I had a big conversation about strapless tops at work with someone a while back, though. I feel that they are at once too formal and too informal for work - although I tend not to care about what others wear to work unless it means I accidentally see their genitals, or there's an important meeting with a client. But bare arms are something I've only just reconciled to for work, even in Australia in a heatwave. And if I worked in a more formal office, I still wouldn't. I wear jeans and jean shorts to work sometimes, but I think singlets are too casual??
The whole thing is just weird.
@Craftastrophies : Right??? It's all so...weird.
I'm just hoping that by the time *we* are all in our 50's and 60's, hair color, tattoos, and piercings will no longer prevent people from getting jobs--'coz honestly? If you're good at what you do, and you bathe on a regular basis, why should I care about the way you look?
@OxfordComma I think it is actually getting there in some places. Mostly because those things are not really useful signifiers anymore. They're more mainstream, they're not just on punk arse kids who don't care, stick it to the MAN, etc. They're also on responsible middle aged people who get shit done. Not that punk arse kids can't be great employees, but suits are less likely to hire them.
@Craftastrophies: Exactly! I kinda want the term "suits" to no longer be a useful signifier, too.
For me the shaven head was unexpectedly awesome. Quite seriously, it was the chic-est style I've ever had. (Which probably wouldn't impress those familiar with my usual wavy frizz bomb style.) The growing it out, though, was just agonizing. There was a longish period when it was still too short to tame with accessories but long enough to look unruly. Plus, the curls emerged in just the strangest places. That is, what looks like a wave on a long patch of hair looks more like, uh, a dent? on shorter hair.
@datalass Yeah, I'd shave my head again but that awkward phrase was SO awkward! And you have to keep changing its shape as it grows or it looks really weird... sigh.
@datalass sidenote: i read your username as dat ass (which i thought was awesome), i just noticed that it's data-lass. WOMPWOMP
@LeafySeaDragon I ALWAYS read it as 'dat atlas', and think it's some kind of comment on how amazing maps are.
Or that might just be me.
Years ago, I went to my hair guy and just decided why not let him cut it all off into the Mia Farrow in Rosemary's Baby haircut (I went in with a basic shoulder-length bob). And I loved it--and, yes, it emphasized facial features in a good way (though I have big eyes, so I felt sort of self-conscious about that). But I have fast-growing hair that goes from "sleek and cute" to "puffy, cowlicky, and reminiscent of a 1980s male newscaster" in the course of two weeks, so I ended up abandoning that style after a while. But those two-week clumps of time were so easy; one well-placed barrette -- only if I felt like it and not out of pure necessity! -- was all the wrangling it needed. Aww...
@Hellcat I love in that movie when she *arrives* home from getting her hair cut. "What the hell is that?" "...I've been to Vidal Sassoon." I say that dramatically every time I go to the salon now.
Thank you a million times over for writing this beautiful piece. I may have never shaved my head, but it reminds me of the time I chopped my waist-length hair into a pixie cut, and how exhilarating it was. In fact, I still have short hair and just went in for a trim today, and thought, why the hell not, I'll go even a little shorter than usual. That feeling hasn't gotten old for me, at least not yet.
This whole article and comment string just made my afternoon.
's funny,
I didn't realize until just now that my big chop coincided with moving out of my parents' repressive, conservative, controlling household, and beginning to date a man whom they strenuously disapproved.
I just remember how...free I felt coming out of that salon, my short hair swishing around my ears.
It's a wonderful thing to feel like you've just taken your fate into your own hands.
I had really long (like to my waist) hippie hair for about 10 years. It was a big part of who I was -- or who I thought I was. Then one day, I was showing my boyfriend some clothes I thought were cute and he said in an off-hand, non-insulting way "Yeah, but you'd need a different haircut."
And within a month of that, I got my hair cut off. Well, to just at my shoulders. And I loved it. I thought it would be emotional but it wasn't. I just felt like me. I've never looked back.
Now, when I got to stylists, I basically just say "do what you want." My last cut was shorter than I had initially envisioned, but it rocked.
I don't know if I could ever get a pixie cut or shave my head, but I like the liberation of haircuts. Every one I've gotten since my fateful cutting-of-10-year-of hair has felt wonderful.
(... is now when I point out I've half-jokingly been looking at wigs too? Because it sounds like fun?)
@Eden I really love the idea of wigs. I know someone who has a small collection, and will just occasionally wear one, as casually as I would wear a different hat.
It's ballsy. I wish I were as ballsy.
I'm currently growing out the pixie cut I've had for over 5 years but last October I shaved my head completely for the first time. Before then, I had done the half-shaved thing, mohawks, and I did have a cute but rather unfortunately Hitler Youth-esque cut for some time. It was so liberating and fascinating to watch my hair grow out. I have a lot more white hair than I previously thought.
Oh, and my hair is so thick that it killed the clippers I used. Seriously. I had to throw them out because every time I started it up, it made a horrible death rattle that I did not want near my head.
The best part is when people would ask me, "What does your boyfriend think?!" and I could cheerfully reply, "He helped!" In fact, I kind of suspect he has a shaved head fetish because our sex life was crazy intense during the growing out period. :3
@milkbreath That death rattle is the result of misaligned blades. Just FYI, you know. You can turn the itty screw in the handle of the clippers to realign them (do it while they're running, so you can hear the rattle disappear), and they're good as new. Not that I'm advocating having a working pair of clippers, or anything. . .
@milkbreath I FOUND MY FIRST GREYS TODAY. I was totally that girl and really depressed about it too.
@Megan Patterson@facebook : Oh, I feel your pain.
I had a reverse bob when I was 15. I loved the freedom of having so little hair, but I also tended to hate the way it looked. I think I was so annoyed by it because the stylists I went to probably weren't capable of taking a girl with really long, really curly hair and giving her a good reverse bob.
I gave up on keeping it short after a year of trying to get it cut in a way that didn't look terrible curly. Now it's maybe 3 inches below my shoulder blades, if it's stretched out.
@All Mimsy What is a reverse bob?
Whyyyyyyyyyy did you post this in January when it is far too cold for head shaving!?
@MEGA VENUTIAN SPACE SCORPION I went for a pixie last October and the weather wasn't an issue. NO EXCUSES; GET THEE A CUTE HAT AND LOSE THE HAIR.
@GoToaster I’d already made an appointment to re-pixie my weird, shaggy, ohmygoditistouchingmyback hair before this was even posted! My wail of despair was for the buzz cut – while I look great in hats and with a buzz, I do not look great with the two combined (too much awesome in one place?). And the difference between a pixie and a buzz in terms of wind protection is fairly surprising.
@MEGA VENUTIAN SPACE SCORPION Ah, I see. I've never actually shaved my head so I guess you'd know better. I'd be really tempted to go for it if I weren't jobhunting right now. But if, come March, I don't find anything and decide to give up on the search to hike the Appalachian Trail, it's getting buzzed off for sure because OMG TICKS.
I feel like the whole universe has been conspiring to make me DESPERATE to shave my head for the past few months. A blog friend accidentally shaved herself to-the-skin while doing a buzz cut and looked gorgeous, Erika Moen has her cool side-of-the-head shave, and now this, Lindsay's amazing, well-told, thoughtful story. I want a buzz cut! I want it shaved! I don't have a whole lot left to shave since it keeps getting shorter, but I want it all gone. I have to wait until after May, though, and I'm not sure if my work will have a fit. I think I'll dye it red tonight, though. (Wish I could do it pink. Work had a shitfit after I did that, though, and that was AFTER I asked permission. Two weeks of pink, and I had to cover it with brown. Sigh.)
MAH HURRZ
@figwiggin I know, reading this and all of the comments really makes me want to shave my head too. Except I just want to do it for the fuzzy-head feeling you get afterwards, and not for how it looks, because I've had really short hair before and didn't like it much - my face is pretty round and I like using my hair to frame it a certain way. But I waaaaaaaaaaant toooooooo!
@MaladyDee And now my boyfriend is trying really hard to convince me not to shave my head, which kind of makes me want to do it more.
@MaladyDee Do it!
Nooooooooooo I am trying to steel myself to grow out my pixie/barbershop cut!! Don't tempt me back into the world of loving my face and my cheekbones and my badassery and - why am I doing this again?
Amazing.
I hair modeled last year, and after the fucking insane things they did to my hair, they chopped it all off to let it recover. The back and sides of it, they buzzed, and OMG the fuzzy feeling! For weeks I was earnestly asking my guy friends, "why did none of you ever tell me how amazing it is to be able to feel the back of your head like this?!"
I've let it grow out a little to make a cute fauxhawk/bangs thing on top, but it's still really short on the back and sides, and I LOVE IT.
I would totally shave my head if I didn't have a big flat spot on the back.
"My entire head is suddenly a sensor." This was my FAVORITE part of having a shaved head. Windy days were ecstatic; I could feel hats move around with my expressions; pillowcases were softer. This was such a delight to read -- thank you for sharing so many of the exciting aspects of this experience (that I had almost forgotten to remember).
"Scalp the selfish thing!"
When I was in grade 8, I got all my hair cut off into a pixie cut. I got teased mercilessly for it and it didn't last that long, but looking back at pictures I think it was pretty cute, and I'm proud of my 12 year old self for having the courage.
I would never shave my head though, I have a particularily lumpy scalp haha.
It's not quite the same, but I chopped my longish bob into a pixie right before New Year's while suffering delusions that I could look like a bespectacled Carey Mulligan. I don't, but it still looks really good, and you're right -- you see things in your face that weren't there previously (luckily my discoveries were good ones.)
Also, it is ridiculously easy to deal with. Blow dry and go? YES PLEASE. (Most of my hair decisions are motivated by laziness.)
Oh no no no no no. Every single time I have cut my hair, I have regretted it. It was down to my thighs by the time I was fifteen (From NEVER HAVING CUT IT) and then Bad Things happened to me and I chopped off a bunch of it before the first day of school and I have really and truly been regretting it and every subsequent haircut since. It got as short as chin-length at some point, but ugh, NEVER AGAIN (really, Mister and I are THOSE kind of people and between the two of us have over five feet of hair). Also, the next time someone asks me if Mister is going to donate his 30 inches of blonde hair "LIEK RIGHT NOW. IN THIS SALON!" I'm going to shank somebody.
This also reminds me of a segment I saw on the news years ago in which a whole class of young kids (plus their teachers) shaved their heads for a student among them who had cancer. It was all sorts of adorable and touching until you got to the point where they...forced all the kids to do it. Including a girl who would not stop crying at the hair-cutting event while her mother tried to comfort her. I feel like revoking someone's bodily autonomy in the name of a nice gesture is.....unacceptable.
@Third Wave Housewife I saw a guy walking to class the other day with the prettiest, shiniest, long blonde hair ever! I wanted to follow him to find out his haircare secrets, but that would have been weird and I was late to class.
That news item is horrifying.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher You basically just summarized my life from freshman year to the end of junior year, when Mister finally got on Facebook, said, "I think we both know who we're talking to so why haven't we hung out?" Met him the next day, now we live together, GO TALK TO HIM.
@Third Wave Housewife Long hair on me: get it off get it off get it off
Attractive men with long hair: get it ON with me
@Third Wave Housewife Hahaha, that is fantastic. I have a quite lovely Mister of my own, though, as well as a rather odd/awkward history (way in the past) with another long-haired blonde boy, so. HOWEVER, my dude apparently had shoulder-length hair in middle school and I have no idea how this is possible, I need to procure pictures at some point.
@GoToaster I think you mean
Long hair on me: get it off get it off get it off
Attractive men with long hair: get IN me
hurr hurr
@Third Wave Housewife Yes, that was the wording I was looking for, thank you.
Hurrrr
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher My boyfriend had waist length hair up until about two months before we met. He had to shave it off because of his receding hairline. I can't look at photos of him with his long, blond ringlets for too long, because it makes my heart hurt.
He still has the mannerisms, though. If he looks up from something, he does the 'head swoosh' movement, and he tucks phantom hair behind his ears when he's thinking. I find it unbearably endearing.
I've been growing out my pixie for about a month because the most wonderful guy I've ever dated broke things off with me right before Christmas. I really didn't take it well even though it'd only been 3 months (it was just the icing on the failure cake at the time). I guess I decided to grow it out since chopping one's hair off is a common breakup response and there just wasn't much there to get rid of so I went for the opposite direction? There are so many more reasons to go back to Pixieville (I can't be in grow-out hell for job interviews, I got sick of pulling it back for sports a long time ago and I'm as much of a jock as ever, my pixie was hot shit, fuck that guy no seriously, etc.) and this article is seriously egging me on.
@GoToaster I'm sorry about the breakup :( I endorse drastic hair moments :P
Also, your username always makes me think of the article about the Poe Toaster.
Bald is beautiful! This was SO ALMOST me at age 15 and I never quitttteeee had guts to do it. Reading this is like some kind of weird alternate past.
Seriously, what is with people touching our peachfuzz without asking! The creepiest time I was cranially fondled was at a club. I was standing on a balcony looking for my friends so we could leave when a guy came up behind me and ran his hand along my head. He actually traced the scar
exposed from a previous scalp-meets-door-hinge injury. Yaugh, it was was so creepy! I may have yelled something slightly profane and got the hell out of there.
This is wonderfully written and so similar to my experience. Although I shaved mine for the first time because of the previously mentioned scar-making incident. Since I already had a big piece shaved off at the crown, why not finish the job? That was my mom's argument and I thought it a good one. I love the showers after there's some fuzz, when you run your hand over your wet bristles and it feels like velvet.
@HaughtyTotty I saw a guy do this to a woman in front of him at a concert. She turned around and started yelling at him, and whacked his drink in the air. He turned to try and flee, but he had been concert etiquette failing all night (pushing in, rude space encroaching dancing, being a general juicebox) and I and the two women on either side of me all crossed our arms and planted our feet and stared into the middle distance. None of us knew each other. He was too chicken to confront us, and the other woman was still swearing at him from the other direction. He eventually had to make his whole group of friends leave the front of the concert, in order to get away.
I think about that moment whenever I need a bit of woman power. It was pretty amazing.
Ahhh you have the best timing ever. I was seriously considering doing this once I take my freshly printed writing degree to get a job at the frozen yogurt place this May. Or, y'know, when I landed a stable job. Either way would be cool. (Actually no, give me a stable job because I'm in debt up to my eyeballs, ahahaha..haha...ha..) After reading this, I've decided to definitely go with it. My hair is currently to my waist and the shortest it's ever been was shoulder-length (and to my earlobes for the first day of seventh grade in the barber accident we don't talk about).
I did this a few months ago, well not quite, I got a ridiculously short haircut on a whim, I called it 'doing an Emma Watson but less hot'. It was basically a cm of hair with some odd slightly longer bits. I almost wish I'd just shaved it all off because that people that did it were tested out haircuts, and mine looked awful. That was about September. It's almost at a very short bob length now and I absolutely can not wait, growing your hair out from very short results in some very awkward hair stages. Before I cut it my hair was past my shoulders. I miss it.
O God, now I miss my shaved head like crazy. I shaved it as a freshman in college and kept it buzzed for awhile. Now it's super-long. The last few paragraphs of this are exactly what it's like. A beautiful, awesome, crazy head-trip that's fun to touch!
'Never shall a young man,
Thrown into despair
By those great honey-coloured
Ramparts at your ear,
Love you for yourself alone
And not your yellow hair.'
This is fantastic. You are fantastic.
I shaved my head last year. I'm in my late twenties and at a somewhat corporate job. It was really weird and fun.
I've had a fantasy about shaving all my hair off for the longest time, but not because I want to actually have no hair, just because I have a sad, itchy, flaky scalp and I just want to get at it to exfoliate and moisturize it properly. Is that weird?
@Four Horsemeals of the Eggporkalypse : Dude. Not at all. I have that fantasy too. Itchy head solidarity?
@all : If this story inspires a rash of shorn hair - ask if your salon participates in Locks of Love. You can't have dyed your hair (at least not in years), and there are a few other stipulations, but it goes to such a good cause. I did it on my last short hair adventure, and it made me feel awesomesauce good.
@17th Floor Not to diminish the awesomeness of your or anyone else's donations, but I once read that it's way more helpful to give money to Locks of Love than it is to give hair. They get tons and tons of hair from people but it's crazy expensive to turn it into wigs. They have to actually sell some of the wigs at retail to help finance the ones they give away. I think everyone who donates hair should send at least $20 along with it. The more you know, etc. etc.
@GoToaster - Really? Ooooh I didn't know that. Thank you very much for sharing:) I only get my hair cut like once a year, and was thinking about doing it again. This is totes good to know.
Most importantly, fuck you Amy March.
@Slapfight RIGHT?!?
BUT WHAT DID YOUR PARENTS SAY!???!!
@winniecooper My mom was kind of like "eh, I thought it was prettier long, but whatever, it's your head." My dad, however, LOVED IT and was seriously so proud of me for going through with it. (More on my dad: http://thehairpin.com/2011/09/the-five-stages-of-finding-out-your-dad-is-into-planking)
The "Your one beauty!" line has always seemed to me like the bitchiest thing ever.
Shaving my head was the best thing I ever, ever did, I think. I wanted to do it since I was 15, too, but it took me 3 years to work up the courage. Way to go. Can we have a sisterhood of the women-of-shorn-heads?
My hair has been down to my ass, and cut extremely short (but not shaved), dyed black, blonde, red and purple, but I've never shaved my head. And now I want to. If I had a razor next to me, I'd be coming home to extremely surprised boyfriend and daughter.
I LOVED this, especially the last paragraph. It makes me want to shave my head, except I have been laboriously growing it out for a year since a crazy hairdresser cut it all off in what I can only assume was a gross loss of scissor control.