Quantcast

Thursday, January 26, 2012

165

Guided by Menstrual Voices

"The men seemed to determine menstrual voices by picking the most unattractive voice."
—Men can sort of hear periods. They say it sounds like the clatter of pony hooves on a cobblestone road, just a few miles south of Downton Abbey. And that the ponies are pulling a carriage, and that inside the carriage sits a beautiful young woman with a gorgeous dress and a terrible secret. The secret is that [whispers], and the dress is made of a dark green velvet that she inherited from her grandmother, the evil queen. The queen died because someone pushed her off the castle roof, although why she was up there at all remains a mystery. Some say she was visiting the haunted roof garden, except the haunted roof garden has been bound by a locked iron fence for nine hundred years. There are stories that a key still exists, and that it's made of witch-bone and rubies, but no one's ever seen it and lived to tell the tale. Or have they?



165 Comments / Post A Comment

SuperGogo

I only see the young woman! Just the young woman, you hear?!

wharrgarbl

@SuperGogo It took me forever to see the young woman.

elysian fields

@SuperGogo WHERE???

wharrgarbl

@elysian fields The dark patch on top is her hair, the dark patch on the bottom is a feather boa, and she's looking away from the viewer. The old woman's mouth is a choker on the young woman.

elysian fields

@wharrgarbl I still don't see it :'(

Faintly Macabre

@SuperGogo I always see the young woman first. I guess that means I'm young and beautiful and will remain so FOREVER!!! Though I don't know what the giant bird on her head means.

JessicaLovejoy

@Faintly Macabre It means that she is FUCKING FABULOUS and/or a distantly related Longbottom.

Atheist Watermelon

@elysian fields the ear of the young woman is the eye of the old woman. the necklace of the young woman is the mouth of the old one.

NeenerNeener

@elysian fields The old lady's nose is the young one's jaw line, and the old lady's right (our viewpoint) eye is the young one's ear.

NeverOddOrEven

@SuperGogo What the hell else is it supposed to be?!

raised amongst catalogs

@wharrgarbl It took ME forever to see the OLD woman.

whizz_dumb

@SuperGogo The young woman's entire face via jaw-line is the old woman's gigantic nose. Crazy.

elysian fields

@NeenerNeener ah, finally got it. That's SUCH bullshit though. You can't even see her face!! The old lady with the giant nose and chin is way better anyway.

SuperGogo

@Faintly Macabre Exactly. I'm able to see both versions, but I'm in denial about the old crone because that'll never be me!!!

pointy

@SuperGogo I kind of see both at the same time, so there's a young lady's face growing out of the old lady's right cheek.

JessicaLovejoy

The menstruating woman is the one licking her computer monitor because there's an ad for stuffed cheesy bread above the comment section.

#GPOY

ilikemints

@JessicaLovejoy I have one for eHarmony! I would much prefer the cheesy bread.

wharrgarbl

Also, for the linked study, the hypothesizers are aware that menstruation wasn't a monthly deal through most of history, right? Between pregnancy and extensive nursing, most adult women were not menstruating 13 times a year. Subconsciously-attracted-to-ovulation is a lot more plausible than subconsciously-repulsed-by-menstruation.

bodinea

Edith, you're the best writer on the internet. Get out of here with that.

bouncy castle

@bodinea co-signed

Sydney C

@bodinea Agreed

redheaded&crazy

@bodinea she's a legit menstruation whisperer for sure

NeverOddOrEven

@bodinea I wanted to say she's beautifully insane.

raised amongst catalogs

@redheadedandcrazy It's in her blood.

atipofthehat

@vanillawaif

It's like when Al Jolson would get into a terrible mood before "blacking up" and going onstage.

Bittersweet

@vanillawaif: Hey, stop ragging on her.

atipofthehat

@atipofthehat

Pre-minstral syndrome?

raised amongst catalogs

@Bittersweet Sheesh, guess I'd better pad around on my tiptoes if I'm going to say anything about her.

ETA: That wasn't even a good pun because how does one pad on tiptoes? I'm sorry.

atipofthehat

@vanillawaif

Careful, she's cottoned on.

atipofthehat

@vanillawaif

Every time we make a pun, an angel gets her [light days with] wings.

raised amongst catalogs

@atipofthehat And what if I'm not careful? What then? Is someone going to [sanitary napkin] belt me?

atipofthehat

@vanillawaif

No, but you'll have to head to the bar and pony up. Bloody Marys for everyone!

raised amongst catalogs

@atipofthehat I have to admit, I'm impressed by your endless flow. Of puns.

atipofthehat

@vanillawaif

You are really...ON...today. Are you ovulating?

:::ducks:::

Speaking of ducks, I would tell you the one about the menstruating campers, but it doesn't bear repetition.

raised amongst catalogs

@atipofthehat I've heard that one but I can't take the grizzly ending.

atipofthehat

@vanillawaif

Really? I found it all very "camp" myself. Though I admit it was tents until the bear got into the HUNNY.

redheaded&crazy

@atipofthehat ugh please stop you guys. you are cramping edith's style

atipofthehat

@redheadedandcrazy

OMG, better get your last comment tested, you missed your period.

fondue with cheddar

@atipofthehat I like to go back and cycle through all the puns again.

atipofthehat

@jen325

While listening to luteal music?

fondue with cheddar

@atipofthehat I'm sorry, the only thing that flows through my mind when I read your comment is "gluteal music", which is something different entirely.

atipofthehat

@jen325

I was so close to you, and now I feel used.*

*DO NOT FLUSH

fondue with cheddar

@atipofthehat I'm sorry, I didn't mean to rip out your heart and (s)tampon it.

atipofthehat

@jen325

You've got me by a string.

fondue with cheddar

@atipofthehat Aww, now my eyes are leaking.

ilikemints

First paragraph of the article: “Are you on your period?” It’s a question most women have been asked at one point or another by their boyfriend or spouse during a disagreement. It turns out that some men actually can tell when it’s a woman’s time of the month—and it’s not because of bratty behavior.

And that's when I hit close tab.

JessicaLovejoy

@ilikemints "I'm not on my period, but one of us is about to get bloody."

applestoapples

@ilikemints
"Her voice seems very angry and unattractive to me right now. No, it can't be that I pissed her off for a legitimate reason. I know! She must be on her period! If I suggest that she's mad at me because she's menstruating and can't control herself, it will immediately end this argument and all feelings of annoyance she might be harboring towards me."

Atheist Watermelon

@ilikemints yes. this. ugh.

Marzipan

@ilikemints "Are you on your period?" is when I hit close tab ON PEOPLE'S FACES if they say that to me. I swear, that needs to stop being 'a thing', because MURDER

;)

atipofthehat

@ilikemints

Sorry, but some of us CAN tell, and for some women the difference in moods can be pronounced.

The real tragedy is using "on" instead of "having."

Atheist Watermelon

@atipofthehat my dad used to wind my mother up every time they would get into a fight by saying, "jeez, woman, what is your problem? Are you on the rag, or what?"

yeah, he's a charmer.

Ophelia

@atipofthehat Maybe it was British? But don't ask me, I'm just going to go burst into tears over here.

atipofthehat

@LittleBookofCalm

I would submit that if a man asks the question, he'd better be right -- otherwise it's below the belt.

And, to clarify, my question is usually -- "Hey! Are you about to get your period?" And in the context of anything from moods to migraines to energy levels. The answer has most often been... "Oh. Now that you mention it -- yes!"

Atheist Watermelon

@atipofthehat below the belt hee hee

applestoapples

@atipofthehat At any rate, it's a question that need never be asked in that situation.
(Also, I say "on" instead of "having," as do all the other women in my family. Maybe it's a regional thing.)

atipofthehat

@applestoapples

Probably! I can't deal with the "on line" thing either, so just ignore me.

annepersand

@ilikemints I was coming here to say that but I'm relieved not to have to.

atipofthehat

@annepersand

Why declarative sentences so intense at the end?

Atheist Watermelon

@atipofthehat yeah, while I understand where you're coming from, I think that implying that a woman is making a statement because of where she is in her cycle is rarely ok; it's implying that the woman is simply being hysterical because she's about to get her period. Even if we sometimes act in ways we wouldn't ordinarily when we're PMS-ing, if you point out that we're PMS-ing, chances are, it will only serve to piss us off even more. The only instance in which I think it's OK to point it out is if the woman is terribly upset and keeps saying "I don't know why I'm so upset right now", and you point it out in order to be comforting. (Although that's still kind of walking on thin ice.) I don't think it's EVER ok to use it as ammunition, which is what my father did. And it wasn't just once a month, it was any time my mother had the nerve! the gall! to "talk back" to him.

Atheist Watermelon

@atipofthehat aaand i just reread your statement and that wasn't what you were getting at. Sorry, I'm PMS-ing. HAHA.

Marzipan

@atipofthehat

Nope! Sorry! Nope! You don't "know" shit, unless it is at that moment dripping on you. Key point: SOME women. It is POSSIBLE that you know enough about YOUR WIFE to make educated guesses and if she hasn't MURDERED you when you do this to her, that's her business, but that doesn't mean anything in the larger picture of "guys assuming stuff about women". I mean, one woman, you know. But you need to stop after that. Anything more gives the impression, or the permission to other dudes, that knowing is reason enough for saying, or that it somehow matters if you do know (I can figure this one out on my own, champ, usually the blood is a pretty good tip-off).

Also, the point is never that you know. It's that you are asking. I don't care if you are right or not, because it's never nice. It's damn sure not because you are in any way helping. "Hey, honey, I just wanted to let you know, I can tell you are on your period, and thus I won't hold any of your crazy, irrational lady-opinions against you." "Oh, thanks for noticing! Gosh, it's so great how you pay attention to me. I love how you know more about my body than I do. Can you also tell me what I should do for birth control?"

I mean, it sounds like you have a fine system going with your wife, and this is more about all the juiceboxes who still think this is a hilarious thing to say. But this really does make me want to murder, so, yeah, had to say it.

atipofthehat

@Marzipan

I agree with what you say. You might enjoy this classic (also linked below).

I think we agree that context is everything, and that the the context for such a question is rare. But in the right personal relationship, at the right time, raising the question can be not only okay but useful (to help someone remember to avoid migraine triggers like red wine when a period is coming on. Or at least choose to risk the migraine for the wine).

laurel

What @Marzipan said. That question from a man is dismissive, disrespectful, misogynistic, paternalistic fucking bullshit.

atipofthehat

@laurel

There are NO QUESTIONS that cannot be asked by anyone in the right relationship and in the right context and in the right spirit.

It's not the question, it's why and how and where and by whom the question is being asked, and what the question is meant to do.

atipofthehat

@laurel

...which is probably most often what you said above.

datalass

@atipofthehat The first time my husband raised the question, I was all kinds of feminist-furious. But the truth was that his intent was what you describe. For him, it was no more loaded than asking if I was hungry if I seemed to be running out of energy or if I was tired because I was yawning. No judgment. No dismissing my opinions or feelings. Just a genuine inquiry that he typically followed up with some offer of assistance.

The only downside is that now I'm kind of used to this treatment, so when someone does hit me with a more loaded question, like asking whether I'm menstruating (translated 'irrational') or tired (translated 'not listening'), I miss the nasty subtext and just answer honestly like some Pollyanna.

gravie

@ilikemints Clearly not a man with A Good Attitude Toward Menstruation

laurel

@atipofthehat Oh hey, what is appropriate in your relationship is y'alls biznez and if you're anything like your Hairpin self in real life I'm sure your intentions are good.

But in text on the Internet on my screen "in the context of anything from moods to migraines to energy levels" and "raising the question can be not only okay but useful (to help someone remember to avoid migraine triggers like red wine when a period is coming on. Or at least choose to risk the migraine for the wine)" still sounds like paternalistic bullshit to me.

atipofthehat

@laurel

I'd call what I described taking care of each other. Often she will have more insight about what's going on with me than I do, and I will have more insight about what's going on with her than she does. Since I don't menstruate, my side wasn't relevant here, but I get the same number of helpful and highly sensitive personal questions from her.

A paternalistic version of the those kinds of questions would be onesided and about a man making a powerplay.

I would also say that I wouldn't want to be in a close, serious relationship where these kinds of discussions never happen.

applestoapples

I think context is key. Regardless of relationship dynamics, I can think of no legitimate reason why a man would ask me "Are you on your period?" in the midst of an argument or disagreement unless he meant it to be patronizing (at best) or reductive and somewhat antagonistic (at worst).

And anyway, as good etiquette (and outside of the argument context) I don't think people should even ask a woman if she has her period if it's not an immediate concern that affects their job or privilege to stick something up her vagina. For me, in either case, that person won't have to ask because I'll tell them on a need-to-know basis.

laurel

@atipofthehat

I'm not going to comment about this in terms of your interactions with your wife any further 'cause I'm not trying, and have no reason, to insult you or or find fault with how you conduct yourself in your marriage. Sincerely.

And I agree caretaking is lovely and essential. But given the derision with which our culture regards the female reproductive system, a man commenting on a woman's behavior in re menstruation is a bit more loaded than asking if she's got a head cold coming on.

atipofthehat

@laurel

Agree completely, and you put it very nicely.

I think what we're both saying is captured pretty well in datalass's comment above. The specific (okay because it's in a relationship and there's permission and understand) and the general (it's horrible out there).

(A little like the difference between reading comments here and out there on the windy steppes of the internet.)

Atheist Watermelon

How does any of this explain that I only get hit on when I have my period...? I have been trying to figure out this phenomenon ever since the very first one.

Atheist Watermelon

@LittleBookofCalm ... hit *upon...?

Megasus

@LittleBookofCalm They can smell your fertileness? (ew)

ELECTROMAGNETIC CHAOS

@Megan Patterson@facebook: Actually, isn't that it? Pheromones an' stuff?

gravie

@LittleBookofCalm A couple years ago it seemed like absolutely beautiful men would only seem to show up at my favourite bar when I had my period.
I just figured it was cruel fate.

Veronica Mars is smarter than me

@Megan Patterson@facebook ummmm my boy can always smell it. EW TIMES INFINITY. No but seriously, he can usually "smell" that I'm getting it before I realize I am. Like from eight feet away. But he also sometimes says I "smell sick" when I have a cold coming on or am about to throw up, so... idk??? He has a Super Smeller, and you should not take this as a reason to be paranoid about period smells.

ormaisonogrande

@Veronica Mars is smarter than me Oh god, I had a boss who once told us (an office of 90% women) that he could smell it when women had their periods. Apparently six super creeped out faces wasn't enough, so he decided to go into detail about the precise aspect of the smell that let him understand.
Other than that one time he was actually a really nice man, but seriously one comment instantly swung him from "good boss" to "creepy boss."

wee_ramekin

@ormaisonogrande Oh. my. God.

allofthecrafts

my whole life is guided by menstrual voices, y'all

leastimportantperson

I wish my period would take me on a mysterious carriage ride full of terrible beauty and even more terrible secrets.

Atheist Watermelon

@leastimportantperson I read that as "carnage ride"... but yours definitely makes more sense. well, depending on how badly PMD affects you. I could go on a carnage ride during some of mine.

atipofthehat

@LittleBookofCalm

"If women are supposed to be less rational and more emotional at the beginning of our menstrual cycle when the female hormone is at its lowest level, then why isn't it logical to say that, in those few days, women behave the most like the way men behave all month long?"

--Gloria Steinem

cherrispryte

Um, related to Edith's story - have y'all read Kate Morton's The Distant Hours? It's like the paragraph above, but for 500 pages. And with no evil queen, I suppose.

LaLoba

@cherrispryte She wrote "The Forgotten Garden," right? She seems good. Is good?

melis

i have the key. i keep it in the sea-cave, the dark mouth that bites through rock and salt water to keep my secrets, and no living woman shall lay eyes upon it again.

cherrispryte

@LaLoba Yup. She is fantastic!

melis

but if you want to borrow it or whatever that's cool with me, just let me know, write something on the whiteboard just as a reminder okay

melis

the whiteboard gleams like pearl, like bone, and it rises and drifts like a corpse in the swelling tide, so be sure to write with the dry-erase marker so it doesn't rub off

cherrispryte

@melis Forbidden Brides of the Faceless Slaves in the Secret House of the Night of Dread Desire.

apples and oranges

@cherrispryte I bought it at the beach one summer then got distracted by rereading I Capture the Castle for the seventh time. Is it not worth reading?

NeenerNeener

Related: The Science of Sex Appeal was an interesting documentary that's on Netflix Instant.

LaLoba

"Are you on your period?" Have "most women" truly been asked that? I don't think I ever have, but maybe that is because my hands are made of knives.

Ophelia

@LaLoba Nope, never. If you're close enough to me to ask that question, you probably already know the answer.

Oh, squiggles

@LaLoba Yes, and by my boyfriend. If it was my mom or a girlfriend asking I would have been okay, but at the time I was infuriated!

cherrispryte

@LaLoba I got asked that A LOT in high school, which was good, because I hadn't fully internalized that whole "you don't hit people" thing yet. I don't think anyone's said that to me since, like, college, but there was awhile there when yup, not-uncommon question.

melis

The correct answer is always: "Yes, want to see? I was about to empty this Divacup anyhow. Hold out your hands - no, tighter than that, you're going to spill all of the essence, dummy."

atipofthehat

@cherrispryte

I've always liked the "if men had periods, how would the world be different?" school of speculative feminist commentary!

Atheist Watermelon

@melis you are amazing.

cherrispryte

@melis I usually went with "why, are you?" which tended to unnerve them sufficiently. That or violence.

@atipofthehat Yeah, that's a fantastic school of thought!

ELECTROMAGNETIC CHAOS

@LaLoba: "Are you on your period?" he asked, standing behind 3 inches of tempered safety glass.

redheaded&crazy

@Too Much Internet HOW IS THAT ANY OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS she screamed in response, while throwing a chair at him.

ELECTROMAGNETIC CHAOS

@redheadedandcrazy: 'It's true...' he said in hushed, awed tones. He looked at the other men in the room, his expression haunted - 'What do we do now?'

@Too Much Internet WE STOP FUCKING ASSUMING THAT MY REACTION TO YOUR INABILITY TO LOAD A DISHWASHER HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH MY UTERINE LINING. Just... ugh, just get the fuck out of my way and let me load the damn thing. Seriously, we've been over this like five thousand times and you have an engineering degree.

Porn Peddler

My mom is the WORST offender with "are you on your period?" I could drag myself into her house holding my own severed leg in one hand and if I cried too hard, she'd be like, "God, are you on your period? Calm down."

Verity

@LaLoba I don't think I have. (I was on a very crowded train a few weeks ago, though, and a woman was getting off at one stop and rather flusteredly asked a large group of men to let her through to the door. "What's the matter, got your period?" I was very tempted to snap at them, but sadly too cowardly to do so.)

@melis Please marry me.

Artressa Vandelay

I read somewhere that their periods attract bears. Bears can smell the menstruation.

raised amongst catalogs

@Artressa Vandelay That's nothing -- according to her hit song, "Physical," Olivia Newton-John has been able to hear people's bodies talk since at least 1981.

atipofthehat

@Artressa Vandelay

I hope we hear from the commenter who lives in the wild and skins bears on this one.

Or from Alex Balk, either one.

dj pomegranate

@Artressa Vandelay I heard/absorbed when I was young that the smell of having sex attracts bears, so if you have sex in your tent you should...just not. It is dangerous! Bears will eat you! So I was 27, I went camping with then-new bf for the first time and he thought this was very, very funny and used the internets to quickly disprove this.

atipofthehat

@dj pomegranate

The sad truth is, bears have better things to do.

lora.bee

@Artressa Vandelay "You hear that Ed? Bears. Now you're putting the whole station in jeopardy."

Artressa Vandelay

@dj pomegranate: especially dangerous if there is honey involved.

Ophelia

@dj pomegranate That's a pretty high level of absorption for a young'un.

atipofthehat

@Artressa Vandelay

"In areas of North America where grizzly bears are common, federal regulations require campers to suspend their menstruating vaginas from trees."

Artressa Vandelay

@atipofthehat: Sounds like one could get a very painful splinter that way.

dj pomegranate

@Artressa Vandelay It would be a very sticky way to die, that is for sure.

laurel

@Artressa Vandelay Dogs sure as hell can.

/so embarrassed.

muskegharpy

@atipofthehat You should also sleep in a different place than you menstruate or cook.

In all seriousness (bear safety instructor speaking)bears are no more attracted to menstruating women than any other human. However, bloody tampons are an attractant but so is garbage, rotting salmon, and diesel fuel so take care of your trash. Leave no trace, etc.

(This myth is a peeve of mine because it unnecessarily scares women from exploring forests. Forests are awesome.)

Bittersweet

@muskegharpy: Ages ago when I went snorkeling off the Grand Bahama reef, menstruating ladies weren't allowed in the water. Because, you know, sharks think Tampax is an extra-special treat.

wharrgarbl

@Bittersweet I think it comes from the "sharks can smell a drop of blood from a bazillion miles away" thing. Which made so much more sense when it was explained that it's fish-blood. Which is oily, and doesn't dilute well, and floats, and something something chum-slick. You've got more to worry about wearing your jewelry into the water.

muskegharpy

@Bittersweet and @wharrgarbl Gah, yet another thing where women are kept away from something for a dumb reason.

I meant to say used tampons are an attractant. Properly deployed ones are not a problem. Also! The best way to Leave No Trace with 'pons is a ziplock full of baking soda. It's kind of a YM-level embarassing story when it falls out in front of the pile of dudes I regularily work with but I'm usually carrying a gun so they don't mess with me too much.

Coal Tar Epoxy

@muskegharpy I'll have to remember the ziplock bag full of baking soda for the next time I take my guides camping. And I just realized that in my 18 years of guiding/12 years of menstruating I have never dealt with my period at camp. TMI? *shrugs*

LaLoba

@muskegharpy Here's a leave no trace question! What if you use diva cup? Can you just make a little hole and empty it in the woods if you're a certain distance from water sources like you would to take care of other business? Is the blood in the dirt going to bring bears? /possibly dumb but real questions

muskegharpy

@LaLoba I don't use the diva cup but you can pee in the woods with impunity so I would imagine that burying your menstrual blood would be fine. Follow the same rules as you would for other potential attractants/wastes and do it away from water or your camp and you should be fine. These are not dumb questions, these are very thoughtful ones that respect nature.

@The Angels Have the Phonebox you are a lucky soul. What do you guide? I've been dying to go on a guided Skeena river steelhead trip, myself. (Hoping you are a fly guide in BC.)

Coal Tar Epoxy

"The sound of a person’s voice contains a surprising amount of reproductively relevant information,” Gallup says. The obvious example: By speaking on the phone, we can determine a person’s gender and age. Really? Then why does everyone think I sound like my mother on the phone? There's a 30 year age difference there...

dj pomegranate

@The Angels Have the Phonebox Also I feel like that information (age, gender) is relevant for MORE than reproduction, right? Like, not everything has to do with sex, you guys.

Coal Tar Epoxy

@dj pomegranate Sex is obviously what makes the world go 'round.

dj pomegranate

@The Angels Have the Phonebox Also, I sound like my kid brother on the phone.

Coal Tar Epoxy

@dj pomegranate Sounds like we're both sending out infertile vibes!

dj pomegranate

@The Angels Have the Phonebox SOLIDARITY!

Coal Tar Epoxy

@dj pomegranate <3

dj pomegranate

You guys, though, you know what bothers me about these types of studies? There are SO MANY OF THEM. And I feel like all their subtitles should be "WOMEN ARE MYSTERIOUS: OVULATION SOMETHING MEN DONT DO." I hate the conclusions that the article-writers, if not the scientists themselves, jump to, and they often exclude relevant alternative explanations and variables (try Googling, "The threatening scent of fertile women," and, "Darwin's Rape Whistle.") Many of the studies have iffy sample sizes, methodologies, and conclusions and overemphasize the importance of the study, which I find tends to categorize (and sort of de-humanize?) women as if we were all in a zoo. "Oh, she's doing that because she's ovulating...!" idk if I am adequately explaining my aversion, but these types of studies just grate on me.

wharrgarbl

@dj pomegranate Well, yes, that's pretty much what evo-psych does and why everyone hates them so, even when they're not on their awful "ladies' periods."

atipofthehat

@wharrgarbl

If evo-psych worked then these furshlugginer mail-order pheremones would work. Hey, they do work! On RATS....

HELP!

redheaded&crazy

@dj pomegranate darwin's rape whistle

D: D: D:

wharrgarbl

@redheadedandcrazy Yeah, that's like, the worst article I've read all week. I don't understand what possesses people to write this shit.

dj pomegranate

I think what really gets me is that even if the studies are total bs, the "results" still infiltrate common understanding, which makes it even harder to prove that, "No, I'm not PMSing, you're just being a jerk."

Evo-psych makes me madder than PMS does!

kitkat88

@dj pomegranate Ugg, they really the worst! It kills me that their "studies" get so much press. Although, I have to admit, baiting them by pointing out the fundamental flaws in their methodology is fun as hell. The moment they decide that you are a ball-busting lesbian bitch (because you are a real scientist) is so beautiful and prefect.

Atheist Watermelon

@kitkat88 yeah, this article made my blood boil. But that could just be because I'm PMS ing. Hahaaaa aargh.

pointy

Edith, I can't wait to read your novel.

laurel

@pointy Perhaps a graphic novel? In MS Paint?

kapitalk

Hmm. In order to reach a verdict, I'm going to need these supposedly menstruating women to scrunch their heads down into their chest cavities and screech "ONE! TWO THREE!" at louder and louder volumes.

Porn Peddler

Mister knows when I'm on my period because the week before my period is the best sexytimes because I'm completely infertile and full of sexy hormones. And also because I warn him by saying "I'm positive something you say in the next 24 hours is going to make me cry, I'm sorry in advance, I'm not really upset, I'm about to bleed from my cervix."

Bittersweet

@Third Wave Housewife: My mister thanks me for "taking care of the lady stuff." And then does a little Hooray-No-Babies dance.

cherrispryte

@Third Wave Housewife completely, really? how do you manage that?

Porn Peddler

@cherrispryte There are really very few days per month that you can get pregnant...

wharrgarbl

@Third Wave Housewife I wish twins for you! Twins for you tomorrow!

redheaded&crazy

@wharrgarbl YES. I wish I could like this comment a billion times more.

@wharrgarbl You officially win at life. I wish twins for you! Twins for you tomorrow!

Porn Peddler

@wharrgarbl I dislike children/reproduction so much I'm actually a little mad at you. NEVER WISH UNINTENDED PREGNANCY ON A FELLOW LADY, YOU SCANDALOUS WENCH

wharrgarbl

@Third Wave Housewife Twiiiiiins for you tomoooorrooooooooow! *taxi drives away*

(I do not actually wish twins for you.)

Jizzcliner

Once upon a time, I answered a bunch of these with songs by The Zombies about the same situation with the genders reversed. Because the questions were invariably submitted by teenage girls.

I do love The Zombies.

fondue with cheddar

@Jizzcliner It's the time of the season for bleeding?

Jizzcliner

@Jizzcliner Oh no! I meant to put this in the emotional bag check thread. :(

It's funnier this way though!

fondue with cheddar

@Jizzcliner That's good, because I was very confused at what questions you were referring to, and how you would reverse the genders!

fondue with cheddar

I've had PMS symptoms for 3 weeks straight and my period is late. Maybe instead of taking the pee test, I should just ask him if my voice sounds sexy. BABIES: DO NOT WANT.

Vera Knoop

Is this why my cat freaked out when I was playing Rock Band last night?

wee_ramekin

Could we also talk about how, when I'm feeling moody because I'm PMS-ing, it's not like suddenly ALL THE THINGS have only just now started to bother me? All of these things always bother me - a lot - and when I'm PMS-ing, I'm just achy enough to tell you to STFU about your fantasy football league / sorority party / UH-dorable toddler because I DON'T care, and I DIDN'T care the other 27 days of my cycle either.

Post a Comment

You must be logged-in to post a comment.

Login To Your Account