Thursday, January 19, 2012


Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand Drinks That We Drank

Single and looking to find a date: Whiskey, neat.

Single, and looking to hook up with someone, anyone: Long Island Ice Tea.

First date: A Martini, straight up and dirty.

Second date: Red wine, with dinner. (A Merlot, or a Pinot Noir.) ...

Hairpin pal Chiara Atik tells the cyclical story of love and loss in units of alcohol, with a notable omission.

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Every day in between: Qream


is my favorite day :)@t


I can't click through because the site is blocked at my office (?), but if it's not in the story, I really hope the omission to which Edith refers is a FUCKING NEGRONI.

Jolie Kerr

@nokittythisismypotpie It's Qream, but A++++ for the "motherfucking negroni" reference and now I have to go reread that again. (It is, I think, my all-time favorite Awl piece.)


@Jolie Kerr After I saw Jaya's comment, I was like, oh, duh, of course it's Qream. But, yes, that piece was so, so great. You saying "all-time favorite," though, has left me thinking about what else would be on that list. "How to cook a fucking steak" will always be among my own favorites, for example...

Quick Brown Fox

@nokittythisismypotpie I'm on kind of a Negroni kick and every time I drink one, I think of that article. That means that at least three times a week, I say, "It's Negroni Season!" to myself alone in my apartment.


@nokittythisismypotpie. And that is officially my steak-cooking method of choice now (I did not have a method prior to reading the article--cooking steak right seemed complicated so I never did it). All praise Balk!

oh, disaster

@nokittythisismypotpie It's blocked at my office too. Weird.

Jolie Kerr



And then Qream for breakfast, on my cereal (hot AND cold!)


@Megan Patterson@facebook The idea of Hot Qream is extremely unsettling. It curdles (qrdles??) so easily and I can only imagine what would happen if it was heated. VOM.

ms. alex

@Elleohelle "qrdles" almost sent my drink through my nose.


I can't decide if it unsettles me to realize this was one of the most poignant things I've read on the internet in a long long time.


@homotextual I know, right. Drink choices and what they say about your life. Also food. Deep, man.


@homotextual Surprisingly affecting. When I got to "During a somewhat tense, strained dinner, when neither of you knows what's wrong: Pinot Grigio" my heart sank.


perhaps I should be laughing at this, and in a detached, intellectual sense I am. but wow, could this be any closer to my recently kaput relationship? right down to the drunken sex that is supposed to fix it all (and oh how it didn't). UGH. I'll be in the Breakup Bunker if anyone needs me.


@heyits: Try the cigarettes plus infinity bottles of wine plan. Worked for me - well, as far as anything can be considered to have "worked."


@ejcsanfran Infinity bottles of wine is truly the best, and I've had the occasional cigarette. I'm on the infinity bottles of wine, running and re-reads of every significant book of my childhood plan. It's "working".


@heyits The rereading of books is an amazing thing to do when your emotional state is a tattered rag that could fall apart at the slightest sign of stress.
See also: vast quantities of the type of chocolate Gran used to give you on your birthday, remember how she did that? *dissolve into tears*


Is infinity bottles of wine supposed to cause the kind of hysterical crying that is like a projectile spewing of emotion? Or am I doing it wrong? I thought maybe it was a one time purge of the Sad, but no, it happens every time.


@heyits the breakup bunker welcomes you with open arms and a corkscrew

also, i have done a lot of hysterical purge crying in my time and I can vouch that it DOES get better. most days!


@redheadedandcrazy awww, thanks lady! worst breakup ever, but having awesome Hairpinners is such a huge help.


@MoonBat me too as of late! I can drink bourbon until the sun is up and be all smiles but two glasses of wine in and the tears are streaming down my face. weird.


@heyits Chin up, lady! Hairpinners definitely helped me in the immediate miserable hours after my breakup. The breakup bunker is important. As is wine, bad tv and hours upon hours spent re-reading the Little House books... and... cheese. Oh, and music. Who am I kidding? It's been 4 months and I'm still barely surviving. But! It will get better because it can't suck more than it does now, right?


@AmeliaBadelia it will get better!!

it may also get worse, at times. like, that time when you're like oh it's the new year so FRESH START and NEW LEAF and WE CAN BE FRIENDLY and then .... ugh I'm not even going to go down this road. Let's just say I don't think any fresh leaves are floating my way any time soon.


@redheadedandcrazy also I am really into watching sad movies/reading sad books because then I'm like, crying about somebody else's fictional life, instead of, you know, ugh. breakuuuuuuuuuuups.


@redheadedandcrazy Breakups are the worst. I'm in the stage of the game now where when anything in my life goes remotely poorly, I just blame my ex. Example: I wouldn't have had to get hammered and give my number to that weird law student guy wearing slightly too short carpenter jeans at the bar that talked to me about Iceland a little too much if the EX hadn't broken up with me! Would've really saved me a headache or 12 there, asshole EX!


@redheadedandcrazy Yes, sad movies! I did a double feature the other night of Million Dollar Baby and Gran Torino and bawled my eyes out.

@AmeliaBadelia so, this guy does sound terrible, but law student wearing carpenter jeans???? Does. Not. Compute. That is hilarious. Also, Exes *are* to blame for everything. it's a scientific fact. And if for some strange reason they aren't to blame, then there's always the standard fallback: parents.


@hairspin Maybe because it's a "lady drink" that fills you full of "lady feelings"


@AmeliaBadelia oh hey, I think you met a guy I know. awkward. he IS a weirdo.



Atheist Watermelon

Breakup night: a bottle of sake with your friends, some cold medication because you're inevitably obliged to develop plague symptoms the moment things head south, three vodka gimlets, and half a bowl, coming to in the bathroom staring at your horrifying raccoon eye makeup and wondering where/when/who you are.


four long islands, please


Mmm, long islands.

Mmm, bar makeouts you sort of remember, kind of.


This is any given week in my living room.

(Come live with me. You won't regret it.)

(Until tomorrow.)

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