Mine is a classic love story, really: girl meets boy in bar. Girl and boy spend a few nights together. Girl moves to Beirut.
It’s been three years since that fateful, beer-fueled weekend, and almost as long since I packed up and moved from New York City to Lebanon. While these 36 months have been mostly rainbows and butterflies, there was admittedly a steep learning curve. Now I’m finally settled in and the dirty work is done (you’re welcome).
So here’s what you need to know before you shack up with that tall, dark, and handsome stranger halfway around the world:
1. Get used to being a prostitute.
Or at least being treated like one. One of the few places you see groups of non-Lebanese women in Lebanon is in “Super Nightclubs." One guess at what makes them so super. So if you’re blond, fair, light-eyed, brown-eyed, brunette, big busted, small busted, or just not Lebanese, you will probably at some point be mistaken for a call girl. And even if you clarify to your taxi driver that no, you don’t take your clothes off for cash, don’t be surprised by his unavoidable follow-up: “So now we go to my house for sex?” Because you’re foreign, you’re easy.
2. Redefine your notion of “put together.”
Dressing down doesn’t exist here. I’ve worked with women who put on false eyelashes for work each morning and know others who get blowouts before happy hour. The sidewalk is a catwalk, and the general public is made up of hundreds of Tyras and Miss Js — get used to constructive criticism. That chip in your nail polish and the five pounds you gained over the holidays will inevitably come up when you run into so-and-so’s sister’s cousin at the grocery store. I know I said it was constructive, but I was just trying to make you feel better. Which leads me to…
3. Don’t take things personally.
The concept of tact that Americans are familiar with is in its somewhat early stages in Lebanon. People here are well-meaning and want to help you, so dancing around someone’s feelings is a waste of time. For example, male coworkers thoughtfully informed me that I’d never hold onto a man if I don’t start wearing a padded bra. And just yesterday, a taxi driver demanded to know why, at 30 years old, I still don’t have children. After I defended my life choices for a good five minutes, he got in the last word as I stepped out of the car: “I wish twins for you! Twins for you tomorrow!”
4. Say "Hello!" to your social life.
I’m aware that not every American is a slave to her job, but I never thought twice about leaving my office at 8 p.m. or sleeping next to my Blackberry when expecting an urgent email. In Beirut, the only time you’d sleep with a Blackberry is if you developed narcolepsy while BBMing about the party tonight. The Lebanese are passionate about their work, but they aren’t — for the most part — defined by it. Once the office clock strikes 6:01 p.m., be prepared for a lingering colleague to ask “why are you still heeere?” with a genuinely pained expression on her face. Beirut is known for its great food and even better nightlife, and you’re expected to enjoy both. (Also, people will assume you’re clinically depressed if you don’t.)
5. Loosen up your buttons.
And when I say buttons I mean pants, shirts, and anything else that needs to be let out when your gut starts to expand. Sure you’ve tried hummus and tabbouleh, but that’s just the tip of this gastronomic iceberg. The best part? As you stuff your face with the most delicious grape leaves known to man, your own personal pep rally (made up primarily of men and old women) will be chanting, “Eat! Eat! Eat!” I encourage anyone who’s ever had body issues to spend a week in this mythical land where all body shapes — and healthy appetites — are celebrated.
6. Be flexible (i.e. grocery shop with an open mind).
Oranges are laymoun and lemons are hammoud, and neither will be labeled at the grocery store. Cucumbers will be smaller than you’re used to, lemons will be greener, and did you know there's a sickeningly sweet fruit that looks exactly like a tomato? Celery comes with feet of leaves on top. The produce may look like a John Tenniel illustration, but it will be shockingly cheap. What won’t be cheap? Anything else you want. You can forget about sour cream and black beans for Tuesday night burritos, unless you want to pay black market prices. So white beans and yogurt it is. It’s all about being flexible (and having local beer on hand to wash down a yogurt-topped burrito).
7. On second thought, don’t grocery shop at all.
Forget what I said about buying food, because if you play your cards right you’ll never have to cook again. The lady next door with the cats? Dinner at her place on Monday night. The guy from the shop down the street? His family’s got Tuesday covered. There’s a reason the Middle East is known for its hospitality: people will invite you over any chance they get. Locals take great pride in making strangers feel welcome. I’ve lived in my current neighborhood for less than a year, yet I’m still greeted with waves and “good mornings” my entire walk to work — 20 minutes away. It’s a nice feeling that fades only when you go to buy condoms and the gray-haired pharmacist knows you by name.
8. Be patient.
No, Grandma, there are no camels. No, Grandpa, I’m not worried about being kidnapped. Despite what you see on CNN, I live across from Starbucks and next to a church, and everyone in my neighborhood speaks French. Try to be understanding of concerned but misguided Skype calls or emails (“Subject: Protests in Egypt — ARE YOU OK????”) as friends and family come to terms with you living in an unfamiliar place.
And it’s not just loved ones who deserve patience: give it to yourself, too. Whenever you move somewhere new, it’s hard to feel settled when your friends are far away, you don’t know your way around, and you don’t speak the language. Getting your bearings is frustrating, but keep at it. You were brave enough to follow your heart, and soon enough you’ll know how to say “you couldn’t afford a night with me” in Arabic.
MacKenzie Lewis lives and writes in Lebanon, where she’s Managing Editor of Time Out Beirut. She swears she only watches hours of Lebanese pop music videos to improve her Arabic.
“I wish twins for you! Twins for you tomorrow!” So many great lines! You should write a movie!
@Justine Garrett I would pay to see it! Also: That is not where I thought Beirut was.
I think "I wish twins for you! Twins for you tomorrow!" is going to be my new unisex all purpose exit remark.
I want to go. Like, yesterday. I want to go to there. Please tell me more about this concept of all bodytypes being accepted while simultaneously living in the land of the catwalk.
Because seriously, if people will think my big ass and boobs and weird upper arms are great as long as I have good hair and fabulous nails, I WILL SERIOUSLY MOVE HERE TOMORROW. And people who want to feed you? YES. YES YES YES. I will bring pretty dresses, lots of nail polish, and insane amounts of hair product. 'Pinners, are you with me???
@S. Elizabeth I've never understood this paradoxical attitude towards being thin/eating a lot that exists in some other countries. My bff from high school was frequently driven to tears by her grandparents forcing her to "Eat! Eat!" while her father would helpfully point out any extra weight she gained at the drop of a dime. I know American attitudes towards womens' bodies aren't exactly healthy (ha. ha.) but "don't eat anything ever, you must be thinnnn" is at least a consistent message? Anyone have any insights on this?
@pterodactgirl: I don't know, but it's driven me nuts with regards to my mom.
@RK Fire :(
@pterodactgirl My grandma is exactly like this. Except because I am the fat one in the family, there is this sort of... polite yet horrified silence. They will harangue us to finish the last piece of cake, yet if anyone but me does, it will be commented on. When I reach for it, there's this sort of communal inbreath and subject change.
Fine by me. That cake is delicious, and I was always the 'fat one', even when I was a size 12. So...
@pterodactgirl This is sadly common in Turkish cultures too. Every time I'd visit family and friends, I would get tips for weight loss while they piled more and more food on my plate. Their rationale: Just don't eat anything tomorrow.
@S. Elizabeth Oh god, my German mother-in-law: she will stock her fridge with mountains of pastries, cheeses, etc. when we visit (or make a trip to the grocery store and do it at our house when she visits us), and then make comments the whole time about any weight we gained (like after her last visit she sent us money to join a gym, no joke).
This is all so totally true. My Serbian professor (who more or less adopted me while I was in college) will literally force feed you. You have to come to her house prepared to eat at least a 10 oz steak plus vegetables and potatoes and black raspberry chip ice cream and finish everything if not have seconds. She is the best cook in the world, too. And yet she is so thin. I think she just doesn't eat anything but dinner and maybe a pastry in the morning. However I was like 15 lbs overweight during my sophomore and junior years of college and she was really nice about it and never called me fat though I'm sure she wanted to (she even worried aloud about her emaciated daughter's weight!). But still force fed me. Gotta love it.
@pterodactgirl That's sort of what I was worried about. "Eat! But stay skinny!" My body does not work like that.
@Ellie
Maybe eating a lot all the time helps your metabolism stay fast even in the old age? Especially if this is a cultural thing, maybe they're on the "eat a lot, exercise a lot" lifestyle, which would make sense with the gym membership and how important it is to dress oneself up all the time, like taking good care of yourself.
@Inkcrafter Huh. Well, I guess there's a lot of stuff about how dieting puts your body into survival mode, and you end up gaining back extra weight because your system thinks you live in feast or famine times. So if you've consistently eaten a fair amount from a young age (particularly puberty, when kids need to get pudgy for their growth spurts, but is when girls often start dieting) then maybe it's easier to be consistently sized?
Also, my friend has a theory that the food pushers don't actually want you to eat it, as such. They want to be the ones providing for you. It's about them, not you.
@Ellie Maybe that's why this sounds to me like being from the South?
@S. Elizabeth I always thought it was a Slavic thing. One minute, Russians will be sniffing at you, "No one ever got fat from eating air." Then the next minute, they'll be offering you torte.
@S. Elizabeth I think it's a thing for anyone from anywhere where there's a cultural memory of hard times. My grandparents on both sides of my family were like this, thanks to The Depression. What they're really saying is "EAT! THIS MIGHT NOT BE HERE TOMORROW! YOU MUST PLUMP UP TO SURVIVE THE WINTER!"
@Craftastrophies I think it's also complicated by the subjective nature of "thin" and "fat". Statistically I'm usually very close to the average for a white American woman, but I've alternately been assumed to have had children because of my belly and called "slight" and "thin" by others.
Body images. So fucked.
That sounds great! Super interesting but--I kind of wanted to hear HOW you got settled in as an American? From an American who is, herself, trying to get a job in Europe that isn't teaching English? I know that's entirely impossible but story! Story! Story!
@descie Where are you trying to go? In England I was able to get a job pretty quickly using an employment agency (but I already had hte visa so that made things 10000% easier).
@descie Yes, me too. I don't want to teach English or be a prostitute, but otherwise I am open?
@descie Teaching English really isn't so bad, but OMG where can I find a job that means I can stop teaching English? Seriously though, being an ESL teacher can actually be quite fun, I just wish my family would accept that it's a real job :(
@BlodwynPig If you like it and want to keep at it, they'll just have to get over it. I taught ESL and loved it.
@descie Lebanon is an interesting case because most people here speak Arabic, French and English, so there are jobs available for speakers of each (depending on your profession). But again I think it all comes down to being flexible. I taught at a local school, freelanced and volunteered to make connections until I finally found that "dream" position - and it took several years. You'd be surprised at how things fall into place one you take that first step. Good luck!
hey now, i like yogurt on my burritos!
(i enjoyed this article)
@LeafySeaDragon Yeah, once I discovered this I was excited because it meant only having to buy yogurt and not having a constant rotation of moldy sour cream in my fridge.
@LeafySeaDragon I'm lactose intolerant and I do plain greek yogurt instead and it is kind of better than sour cream.
@LeafySeaDragon I do the same thing and I think it's better, too!
I love this! Maybe not really the same thing, but the friendliest, most hospitable, and most "make this strange girl feel WELCOME!" place I've ever traveled was Turkey, so I hear ya on the Middle East hospitality.
Also, you just made me very hungry.
@emilylouise I second the hungry feelings. Turkey's also the place I've felt the most ogled though, and I was 14 when I visited which makes it extra-creepy....
I taught in Qatar for a while and several of my students were expats from Lebanon and they are STILL, YEARS LATER, emailing me about how I need to come visit them in Beirut. Everybody I know who has been there raves about it. This takes some getting used to, because I was born in 1979 and for most of my childhood Lebanon was having a BRUTAL civil war. If my mother said "this room looks like Beirut!" it was NOT a compliment. I know this isn't the case anymore, but my brain hears Beirut and my subconscious shouts "bombed out city." :(
All this is to say, I need to move Lebanon up on my travel list.
@angermonkey: As a fellow '79er, I remember this too (and I didn't even really watch the news as a kid). Beirut was code talk for exploding cars and half the city being on fire at any given time.
@angermonkey Guilty of this as well! My bestie used to live across from a really run down high-rise apartment building, with weirdly peeling paint, and we always referred to it as Beirut. It is decided - I will visit to make up for my continued ignorance.
Re: sickeningly sweet red fruit. Do you mean persimmon? Because, I'm having a winter love-affair with them as they are just so good.
@kystilla THEN WHY DID THEY MAKE MY MOUTH GO NUMB THE ONE TIME I TRIED THEM
@kystilla or a kaki? They are all over here in the south of France
@melis Maybe because it wasn't ripe? Had the flesh turned into icky looking mush underneath the skin? If not then it wasn't ready.
@melis they were probably trying to get you to persimmer down
@saraphonic I think they have a different kind of persimmon there. The ones here (in the U.S.) aren't ready until they're almost rotten, but I was just in Israel and had some that were really firm and fresh, but still delicious.
@Dana Bjorum: kaki and persimmons are the same thing, just different translation (see Eggplant:Aubergine). There's also different types. Soft Kaki and Hard Kaki. The first time an italian explained this to me I don't think I stopped laughing for 10 minutes. Because I am 12 years old. Hard Kaki, tee hee.
@melis Maybe you are allergic! I didn't realize I was allergic to grapefruit until my sister and I were talking about lip plumpers once, and I wondered why people didn't use grapefruit oil, "since grapefruit makes your mouth swell up, you know?"
Apparently, no, that's just me.
@melis I think it's not about ripeness, as it's been said but more to do with the fact that there's two types - hachiya and fuyus. It's like there are two types of mango - one are delicious and sweet, others smell and taste like turpentine (idk why). So, the hachiya will create numbness and taste weird while fuyus is sweet and worthy of having an affair with. I would link to Wikipedia but the ultimate source of knowledge is unavailable, so. Anyway, in Estonia, they don't yet separate the two types, so I'm always guessing whether I'll have the good one or not. What I'm really saying: don't give up!
@melis There are two different kinds of persimmons: round ones that look like orange tomatoes that are fine to eat at any level of ripeness, and ones with a pointy end that you can only eat if they are SUPER soft and ripe.
@thebestjasmine Yes, this. Hachiya don't always cause numbness and taste weird, they just have to be suuuuuper ripe before they get sweet. I just finally made a recipe with the hachiyas I bought 3 or 4 weeks ago.
@melis But, they are a yonic symbol.
Although come to think of it, I've never actually had one. Just pomegranate juice and in things like yoghurt. That is far too accurate on other levels, if I think about it too long...
@kystilla An aside: To get onto Wikipedia during their SOPA protest, press Escape as soon as you get on the page (BEFORE the SOPA message comes up!), and you're golden.
YES. I have a friend who lived in Beirut for a while who didn't even realize how fancy her clothes and makeup were there until she went back to the US to visit.
@Lily Rowan: Of course, my friends in New Orleans and Mobile tell me the exact same thing when they come to Boston...
@Bittersweet Ha ha ha! That sounds about right.
@Lily Rowan When I lived in Colorado, people thought the other Midwestern girl in the office and I were tres chic. I guess because we didn't wear head-to-toe Abercrombie/AE, old Nirvana Ts, flannel/cowboy gear, or Broncos jerseys to work? <3 ya, Colorado.
Okay, honestly. Guys. Am I the ONLY one for whom this sounds AWFUL?
People in the street commenting on my looks? Having to eat dinner with strangers? Cab drivers talking to me? Going out all the time? Groceries being expensive? Being flexible? Getting called a prostitute all the time? No, nope, not interested!
I mean, I like travelling, some times, and it's certainly cool for other people to do this. But I just want to make sure I'm not the only one who is kind of horrified at the idea of uprooting your life and living in somewhere the customs and conventions are completely alien to you? And you just have to be OKAY WITH people badmouthing you?
@Marzipan Nah, I like going out, and meeting strangers, and friendly people. And whatever about groceries, there is give-and-take (as far as expenses or availability of something you're used to or all sorts of things) anywhere you move. Though while I think it would be awesome to move someplace crazy different of course I would be super nervous to do it.
@Marzipan I've lived in Russia for five years, and there are a lot of similarities--streets like a catwalk, etc. And it was really hard to adjust at first, but I definitely think that it made me improve as a person and a human being, and I just wouldn't have grown as much as I would have if had stayed in my comfort zone. It did what ten years of therapy couldn't do for me and somehow turned someone who was maladjusted and unhappy her whole life into someone with lots of friends who wakes up happy every day. I think being pulled out of your comfort zone and having to adjust to a radically different life than you were born into is a really good thing to do for yourself.
@Marzipan no lie, the street comments/cat calls can wear you down. But the general hospitality and genuine graciousness of a lot of people is one of the great things about the place.
Also, no one is telling you that you have to go out all the time; but if you feel like it, there’s an astounding amount of bars, night clubs, and restaurants with every weird or great theme, which is a thing a lot of people don’t associate with the region.
@psychedelicate This description also sounded like Russia to me except for the thing where you cannot get sour cream. What would Russia even be without smetana?! That beautiful place also turned me into a more outgoing and more self-reliant person. How did you live in Russia for five years? How can I live in Russia for five years?
@Marzipan "But I just want to make sure I'm not the only one who is kind of horrified at the idea of uprooting your life and living in somewhere the customs and conventions are completely alien to you?"
I've never lived farther than a day's drive from where I was born, didn't spend a semester abroad, have barely travelled anywhere, etc., so yes. I am totally with you. I really admire people who do that kind of thing, though.
@highjump I am still in Russia and am here for the foreseeable future and now it's like, GOD, I don't even have a life in America anymore and what would I do without my boisterous group of Russian BFFs??? Umm basically I did my masters here and sometimes I have taught English and right now I am doing super advanced Russian classes so I can get a super advanced certificate for professional purposes. I translate and such and will probably end up doing some teaching again for visa reasons.
@psychedelicate Thanks! I've thought about going back for an advanced degree but I speak the language so poorly and programs with classes in English are ridiculously expensive and is a little too educational tourist, which I've already done. I'm not excited by the thought of teaching, but maybe that is the way. I would love to do the Alfa Fellowship in a few years: http://www.cdsintl.org/fellowshipsabroad/alfa.php
@highjump I did European University at St. Petersburg and I liked it a lot. It was way cheaper than an American masters degree.
@psychedelicate How much Russian did you know before you went? Sometimes I toy with the idea of moving there for a bit because I took two semesters of Russian and really wish I'd had the chance to learn how to speak/read it decently. But I basically speak no Russian at all now, so the idea's a bit intimidating.
@psychedelicate ORLY? Too the google machine! I went to IMOP in undergrad through AIFS an loved the hand holding at the time, but I'm now looking for something a little different. My job is boring and life is short.
@Marzipan Ah yes, except for the fact that Russians basically leave you alone (blissfully, blissfully alone!) on the streets. At least, I find the level of cat-calling there is below average.
I did Peace Corps in Azerbaijan, and that was totally a different story. I got used to being asked how much I cost by random passers-by and if I was a virgin by people on the bus.
@Marzipan I really don't want to have to put up with everyone assuming I'm a prostitute OR judging me for not wearing stilettos constantly.
@Tragically Ludicrous Yeah, those are things that would really get under my skin. I lived in Ecuador and had to deal with a lot of new and sometimes troubling things, but thankfully those were not among them. In Ecuador, the catcalls were probably the worst... no, the constant fear of petty crime. Those things sucked. I still enjoyed living there, because the positives outweighed the negatives and nowhere is perfect. But that level of disrespect and cattiness would wear me down, I'm afraid.
so i thought this was great but this intro: "Mine is a classic love story, really: girl meets boy in bar. Girl and boy spend a few nights together. Girl moves to Beirut." made it seem like this piece was going to be about something else.
Amen. I'm an American living in Beirut too, and I can agree with all of these points. I once had my manager interrupt me while I was talking to tell me (with disdain) that I needed to get my nails fixed because "it's the first thing guys notice."
May I add...
#9: Keep track of the power outages. Each neighborhood has a scheduled one for three hours a day, and if you lose track of them you could miss the chance to blow dry your hair before work, charge your various electronics before they die, or get your clothes out of the washer. Also, you will lose all trust of elevators.
#10: Stoplights, lanes on the road, and speed limits are only suggestions. Creative (=terrifying) driving and excessive use of your horn are both recommended.
#11: Lunch hour actually means lunch hour. Or two. Also, getting up early or talking to people before 9 am is unacceptable.
...your last point is especially true. I still get asked if I have to cover my hair or whether we get to drink. Beirut is definitely chaotic, but entirely in its own way. Thanks for the article!
@shalalah Aside from the power outages and terrifying driving, it kind of sounds like a paradise. Especially the lunch part. And the not talking to me before 9am part.
@shalalah Totally. I lived in the West Bank for a while, and after about 2 weeks of me not wearing nearly enough makeup, the girls in the office decided to do it for me...let's just say that the beautiful, kohl-rimmed eye look that works for daytime if you've got dark hair/eyes looks a leeeeetle bit slutty on a redhead at 10am. But they totally meant well :)
I'd love to see a whole series of these posts! 8 Things to know before moving to Mongolia, 8 Things to know before moving to Nicaragua, on and on and on because everywhere is so interesting and weird and funny when you spend enough time there as an outsider.
I'm expatting in Argentina right now and I'd start my list with 1. be prepared to drink cups and cups of mate until your face goes numb.
@Steph YES! Everyone: submissions@thehairpin dot com!
@Steph
8 Things to Know before Moving to Quebec:
1. Your wardrobe will double. You need layers all the time, because when it's -35 degrees Celcius outside, it's +35 degrees inside.
2. If you speak in English, people will speak ... very... slowly to you and raise their eyebrows a lot, as though perhaps you are a little slow. In Montreal, they might be judging you, but they probably are also trying to help you. In Quebec City, they're hoping you'll make a giant faux pas so they can scoff about you to their friends.
3. Even if you speak French fluently, if you make one grammatical error, the person you're speaking with will switch to English immediately, even if you continue speaking French.
4. Don't wear snow pants in Montreal. You can wear them in Quebec city, but if you wear them in Montreal, you will be judged. The same basically goes for snow boots.
5.If you go out in sweatpants, everyone will assume you are American. If you go out in Lululemon yoga pants, everyone will assume you are from Vancouver/Toronto. None of these assumptions will count in your favor.
6. It is only acceptable to joke about separatists if you know there are no separatists in present company. You only know that if everyone in present company is anglophone.
7. Anglophones apologize constantly. Francophones do not.
8. Even if you speak fluent French, you may not speak Quebecois. You will know you are becoming Quebecois when you start dropping "puis" constantly, and pronouncing it "pee"
@teffodee bahaha so true. especially #3. FUCKERS!!!
@redheadedandcrazy I used "puis" for the first time in casual conversation a few weeks ago and I was so excited I had to text my gentleman.
@teffodee I also received the worst pickup line I have ever heard in montreal ... "Which do you prefer, a rich guy who's ugly? Or a poor guy who's ugly?"
I'm gonna chalk that one up to lost in translation ... I hope???
@redheadedandcrazy Oh geez. Probably not. There are some grade-A sleazebags. (but also some of the most attractive people I've ever seen. Win some, lose some.)
@Edith Zimmerman X things to know before backpacking in Eastern Europe alone? I did this six years ago and they're still my most interesting stories. Want to see them?
@teffodee When I first moved there I went out by myself one night and I was super proud and amped to like SPEAK FRENCH and everything and then I was at Nouveau Palais and the lady working said something really fast and quiet. I said "pardon?" and she just looked at me. I said, "I'm so sorry I don't really speak French, I just moved here." She said, "From where, the moon?" And then I cried.
@Jane Marie could summarize my entire university experience :(
"from where, the moon?" I would have thrown a drink in her fa-- I would have walked away like a calm and reasonable person who knows she's too good to stoop to such lows.
@Jane Marie Oh no! Are you still in Montreal? Can I hug you? Can I cyberhug you? You poor thing!!
I once worked at a Second Cup, and one of my coworkers was a hardcore francophile. Wanted to move to Quebec City because none of the idiots in Montreal spoke French. Would deliberately do nasty things to English customers-- like, screw up their orders and then pretend she didn't understand when they complained.
I don't think she ever figured out I was actually anglophone :/
@redheadedandcrazy I stopped going to clubs because they're full of either a) drunk McGill/Concordia/various CEGEP students or b)mean French people who will look down their noses at me for wearing flats.
@teffodee Yes, that was my experience in Montreal. Everyone was absolutely lovely until they realized that I didn't speak French. Then I became an intruder and the disdain was withering. Thankfully we had one person who was fluent or I'm not sure how we'd have gotten anything done.
@teffodee When I told my parents I wanted to move back to France eventually but didn't know how, my dad said, "Or you could try Montreal, since it's closer!" I was like, they don't even speak the same language.
@teffodee This lends more credence to the claim of my mom's friend (Montreal Jewish) that she moved to Vancouver because the Francophones were being increasingly dickish. We always thought she was just saying that and she really just did it because she got divorced.
(Things to know before moving to the Netherlands: 1) how to ride a bike; 2) adults, even adult men, drink milk all the time; 3) people are really goddamn tall.)
@Edith Zimmerman Hold the Ecuador spot for me, please! Now to whittle the list down to 8...
@whateverlolawants Are you in Ecuador? I just left last week!
@Hooplehead God,how nasty. Attitudes like that make me not even want to TRY, you know? You can never win with jerks like that.
@Hooplehead Just in the interest of balance - I've been in MTL for like 3 years and my French is food-service subpar (thanks for nothing, Ontarian immersion system! You spent all that time teaching me how to conjugate when you could have been teaching me to swear!), and I have experienced next to no dickishness re: my shitty, shitty near-lack of French. Even when I've begun conversations in English, admitted my ignorance to a crowd of Francophone acquaintances, etc. I think sometimes the weirdness also has to do with a different kind of cultural tension - I grew up in downtown Toronto, doing shit like apologizing when someone else stepped on my foot on the streetcar. One of the biggest adjustments for me on moving to QC was getting used to the fact that people would be snippy with you and not expect you to take it personally. Sometimes I've looked back on situations when I'd thought, at the time, I was being sniped at b/c of being anglo, and in retrospect it'd seem pretty clear I was just being sniped at because I was a fellow human being in the world. Yknow?
@teffodee As a Montrealer, born and raised, you've hit the nail on the head. Also, my high school French teachers were from France, so when I speak French in the province, people ask me where I'm from in France. And living in Thailand I met a Quebecoise who told me I couldn't really being from her province because my accent was "so messed up." Nice!
@teffodee #8 yes! When you start using "Ben, bon" for every conversation transition and saying "Tu-aimes-tu ça?" and the like, you know you've successfully eradicated your French Immersion syntax.
I love Québec! Montréal does have its tensions, but it's Canada's best city and the rest of the province is so beautiful.
@flannery I would believe that to be the case more if I didn't repeatedly see the same people being sweet and helpful to my French speaking friend and dismissive, if not outright rude to his wife and I, who don't speak it. They were perfectly nice and helpful to me before I outed myself as an English speaker, then it was a complete change in tone. So I'm pretty sure it was a language thing. I would have loved to have liked Montreal better, as it seems like a really cool city.
@Steph Best Time I Survived A Terrorist Attack While Recovering From Surgery The Day I Moved Abroad?
@3000flowers Oh man, yeah. I love Montreal. I just express my love by teasing :)
@Steph hey neighbor. I'm in Chile, I bet some of our 8 things would be the same except not all Chilean mean have mullets. Or is that not a thing in argentina anymore? I haven't been in Argentina in a while except for a border run last year.
@Steph Oh, I wish. I left in 2010. I lived in Quito for 6 months. What did you do there?
@Kulojam Oh yes the mullets are still here-I don't think they'll ever die. Hoping to get over to Chile at some point this summer since it's so close. A mullet-free vacation sounds tempting.
@whateverlolawants I was just backpacking through for about a month. Hit up Quito, Banos and then spent a bunch of time on the coast. Was in Quito for the Quito Festival which was so much fun! Really neat city.
@Steph I want to go to that festival. Banos is wonderful! I went there on a three-day trip alone and had a great time. Are you doing more of the continent?
@whateverlolawants Banos was my favorite! I got to white water raft and bike and jump off a bridge! Was so sad when it was time to leave.
I spent 2 months in Colombia, then a month in Ecuador, then jetted down to Argentina where I am playing house in Buenos Aires for the next 2 or 3 months and catching up on work. Then later this spring I'll head up through Bolivia and Peru. Kind of a big continent adventure but in slow motion.
Ahhh! I loooove Beirut and would jump at a chance to live there! What bar did you say you were at again?
And oh I love the culture of constructive criticism! When I was studying abroad in the Middle East, one of the girls on my dorm floor told me that I could be *really pretty* if I just let my hair grow out and started wearing eye liner. She was really trying to look out for me. I loved it.
@lulu Torino. Always Torino. Forever, Torino.
@lulu our lovely Torino..
@Aline Chahine@facebook Hi Aline! I miss you :)
@lulu What would have happened if you'd told her just as nicely that you found that hurtful and insulting? (If you had found it that way, that is.)
I'll do one of these for France aaaany time. And I just forwarded this to my half-Lebanese bestie.
Welp, Beirut just got added to my extremely long list of places to go before I die.
Am I the only person who kind of winced at a lot of this?
'The concept of tact that Americans are familiar with is in its somewhat early stages in Lebanon.'
ummmmm...... *raises hand nervously* Seriously?
@Vivienne Darkbloom I know right?! Americans can hardly be described as tactful.
@redheadedandcrazy It was more the whole... 'For they are not as developed as us' clanger amongst the litany of generalisations. Precipitated a sharp intake of breath over here.
@Vivienne Darkbloom I'd replace "tact" with "passive aggression." Americans won't tell you when they think you look like shit, but they'll notice it and treat you differently. Except, of course, in New York, where I learned very quickly that when people say something nasty to you, you're supposed to fire back right away to prove you're "one of them."
@Vivienne Darkbloom I read it more as "the way Americans understand tact" and not "the Lebanese are totally lacking in tact". But you're right, the phrasing was iffy.
@Vivienne Darkbloom: After viewing media made all over the world, I've come to the conclusion that places don't have more or less tact, they just have different tact and in different amounts. Anyone anywhere can be very rude, the expressions just change.
@Vivienne Darkbloom This article just made me feel embarrassed for the writer, every single point.
Also, cool username. Love Nabokov.
@Mae Saslaw@twitter I had a long talk with a Norwegian woman in Oslo about how you can never tell what Americans are thinking. They'll always say everything is great, fantastic, but then they'll do something that shows they don't really think that. There's a certain American politeness and enthusiasm that seems to baffle people from other countries. We don't want to offend.
@Tragically Ludicrous I agree, and despite sounding part ludicrous at first, I think the writer is spot-on about American 'tact". Especially in LA, where I'm from, it's not uncommon for people to gloss over something they don't like and try to put a terminally positive spin on things. I don't see passive aggression so much in the States, so much as just not saying what's on one's mind, stuck to your face, etc. Now that I'm in a new (but still anglophone) country, I notice passive aggression more and more, enough where I sort of miss either outward aggression or just disingenuous niceties where people act with 'tact' and then just talk shit when you're not around.
@Vivienne Darkbloom Also I don't know if this is everybody or mostly people from the Midwest, but the whole not-saying-you're-hungry-or-tired thing baffles me as a person. People are such babies sometimes, to the extent that you have to guess what their physical needs are or else they get cranky. No, I am not going to be upset if you want to eat now, even though we are supposed to have dinner later. Everything will be okay.
@vomiting Why? Have you been there and perceived it differently? Or did you not like her tone? I'm sensitive to "ugly Americanisms" and I thought this piece was just fine. I didn't read the tact comment as a put-down towards the Lebanese- just an observation of cultural differences.
@Mae Saslaw@twitter What? Born and raised Midwesterner here, and I have NO reservations complaining to anyone in ear shot about how tired/hungry I am. Which is always.
But I am only one person, so... I don't recall not expressing such things ever being a "thing" though.
loved this article. just sent it to my friend who is about to study abroad in beirut!
Despite the fact that I HAAAAAAATE when strangers tell me to smile or remark on my appearance, this article just reinforces my desire to go to Lebanon. I want to go to there!
@lavender gooms I don't know if Lebanon is drastically different, but we joked that there was no perfect body type in Jordan.
"You must eat more! You are too thin! Men like women who are softer!"
or
"You are a bit fat! You should lose some weight, so you can find a good man to marry!"
@MissMushkila Petite and soft: so, boneless? (Like chicken wings?)
@MissMushkila I finally made a hairpin login just so i could tell you that 1)yes, jordan and lebanon are similar that way! 2) you have an awesome username.
it took me so long bc I was bitter that my awl login wouldn't just work over here, jeez.
I grew up in the 70s, when bad things seemed to be always happening in Beirut. This concerned me a great deal because I thought my grandmother lived there. She actually lived in Bay RIDGE, Brooklyn. (Get it? Bay Ridge = Bay Route?) Every time we heard about a bombing (those were the days of nightly news), I asked if Grandma was ok, and no one ever understood why.
This sounds so much like life growing up in Thailand and Singapore, but all rolled into one. So much. At least I know there is somewhere in the world with the same cheery tactlessness and food obsession where I can bust out the phrase "An hour with me would cost more than you make in a lifetime" (delivery perfected by age 13, thankyouverymuch).
Hahahaha! number 1!
The very first thing I learned to say in Arabic was 'no thank you, I have a husband." I wasn't married, but it seemed to be the only thing that really worked with taxi drivers.
I got my hair washed (including 20-minute scalp massage) and blown dry for $5 in Beirut. Best $5 I ever spent.
@cuminafterall I miss Middle East spas so much that there are no words. Brazilian wax at a high-end salon for 8 dinar (~11 dollars)! Turkish Bath body scrub and massage with jacuzzi and steam room and tea and juices that overall lasts at least 2 hours for 20 dinar (28 dollars)!
And the pizza!!!!! Pizza in Jordan ANYWHERE was better than any pizza I've found in my home state of MN.
@MissMushkila Which countries? I am suddenly more interested in the Middle East...
The sidewalk is a catwalk, and the general public is made up of hundreds of Tyras and Miss Js — get used to constructive criticism.
Do you get people shouting at you to smile with your eyes?
Point 1 reminds me of an anecdote I heard about Ashley Jenson, the Scottish actor in Ugly Betty: when she first went to LA to start filming, she walked to work, as she was used to doing in the UK. She got propositioned multiple times because most people don't walk in LA and she was assumed to be a prostitute.
Holy crap, I was scrolling down the homepage, saw this, and vaguely wondered "Is The Hairpin stalking me?"
(I just moved to Beirut four months ago)
(You guys aren't really stalking me, right?)
I really need to visit some Middle Eastern countries. You could have been writing about Turkey. I need to move to Istanbul eventually.
I spent a summer in Lebanon after my freshman year of college. I was not in Beirut, but in the chouf region. In that time I not only fled a knife fight, but also had a stalker who was friends with my landlord and carried a gun. I left early.
And I know that is a terrible, stereotype-supporting story but it is also 100% true!
And then I went and studied in Jordan TWICE (scholarships) and that experience was pretty similar to these eight and I loved it and want to go back SO MUCH.
I loved this article!! It reminded me/reinforced a lot of the things I saw in this movie (I think it was called Caramel), it was about a salon in Beirut. I highly recommend the movie, it's very cute and holds up a lot of what this article talks about.
So much of this is similar to Haiti, particularly the dressing up and the commentary on your appearance, ALL THE TIME, by complete strangers, friends, and family alike. And heaven forbid you have tattoos, which I do. Seriously, it's a crisis. When I'm down there, I just totally go into my happy place and I've got that perfected now. People mean well but no filter. At all.
"I encourage anyone who’s ever had body issues to spend a week in this mythical land where all body shapes — and healthy appetites — are celebrated."
"the five pounds you gained over the holidays will inevitably come up when you run into so-and-so’s sister’s cousin at the grocery store."
Forgive me if I'm not eager to sign up for a mindfuck.
I spent a week in Beirut a few years ago, working as a nanny for a family of fabulous international jet-setters. (seriously. They had a jet! I will never travel in that kind of style again, or stay in hotels that nice.) The place that sticks in my memory most is a restaurant in the hills above Beirut called El Rancho. It's a Western-themed steakhouse where the waiters wear cowboys hats and denim vests, and all the food comes from the farm on the premises. It was deeply bewildering to eat steak while listening to "Desperado" in the middle of Lebanon, but I have to admit the food was delicious.
Two years ago we had a 16 year old exchange student from Lebanon. She told me that during her orientation they told her that Americans smile a lot and say they will call or do things with you then never follow through; Americans don't eat at the table or sit for long meals like the Lebanese do; Americans don't care about family and celebrations like they do in Lebanon. I have no way of knowing if she was a "typical" Lebanese teenager but she did glam herself up and had a 20 year old boyfriend, which she said was not at all unusual. She was a total princess, but sweet and affectionate.
Oh god, this is so like Dubai. I have a bit of Dubai-sickness now, which is weird. Also, I went to Lebanon to ski when I first lived in the Middle East, and we drove through Beirut on Yasser Arafat day, and there were soldiers and tanks everywhere. My cousin, 11, explaining to his grandma later: "...and it was SUPER COOL because this man had his GUN pointing at MY HEAD for the WHOLE WAY HOME." Still- I miss the Middle East.
These girls at the Super Nightclubs- sex slaves from abroad, Eastern Europe maybe? Or some kind of willing participants?
Haha, I love this. Minus the abundance of Starbucks and gorgeous models showing off their latest plastic surgery, Tunisia very much reminds me of this. Especially the worried e-mails when something happens in Syria...really I'm on an entirely different CONTINENT. This was a great read.
Regarding the sour cream: buy it once, then make your own forever! http://homecooking.about.com/od/dairyrecipe1/r/bldairy12.htm
The first time I fell punch-in-the-gut, I-want-to-crawl-under-your-flesh-and-live-there, turn-my-life-topsy-turvy, animal-magnetism in love was with a Lebanese boy, who loved me back in the same idiom. We were together for a number of very tumultuous years, assuming all the way we'd get married and I'd move back to Lebanon with him - wars and strife and shellings and bombings be damned. We eventually broke up when it all got to be too mutually destructive, too obsessive, too much in every single god-damned way. We loved each other really hard, but not kindly enough to sustain.
My life has turned out completely different than what I imagined in those days (which life tends to do, go figure!). I am deeply happy and content with where I have arrived in life, but this article gave me that little heart-twinge one sometimes gets imagining the road not traveled - even if it wasn't traveled for very good reasons.
(I can swear like a scurvied pirate in Arabic and make a mean kibbeh, though - that remains.)
I want to go tooooo
Love your article! Just LOVE it! I am a 'green- eye's, 'naturally-blond', 'clear -skinned' Lebanese woman who lives in the States and go through some of these things every time I go and visit Lebanon!!!! It never gets old!!!!