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Wednesday, December 7, 2011

87

The Jane Austen Code

Is this a lost portrait of Jane Austen, and if so, what does it mean? Other than: what celebrity should play her in a movie: Heather Matarazzo, Anne Hathaway, or Ryan Gosling?

Oh no I accidentally just Google Image Searched Ryan Gosling. It's true what they say.

87 Comments / Post A Comment

redheadedtwit

EEeeek! Now I have to see that documentary. I <3 the BBC

sarabara

“Hey girl, I’ll just be over here subverting gender paradigms in a sincere and respectful manner by skillfully portraying this lady-hero of yours.”

Setec Astrology

@sarabara - RGIGTPJAOIGTCYFT.

EpWs

@sarabara Ryan Gosling Is Going To Portray Jane Austen Or I'm Going To Cut Your Fucking Throat?

PistolPackinMama

I love how commenters at the Guardian are art history experts all of a sudden, with a specialization of in early 19th c. portrait verification.

The portrait owner comments that the image opens up conversation about who Jane Austen is and who we want her to be. If the Christies portrait specialists over there are the measure of "we," we want her to be brilliant and look like Cheryl Cole. As opposed to be brilliant and be herself.

julia

@AnthroK8 I love that you commented about the Jane Austen thing and not the Ryan Gosling thing. Also I read the first commenter's name as "ayearofdegradingwomen," which made sense given her comment: "Personally I'm not surprised Jane kept this one hidden away."

PistolPackinMama

@julia Or, alternately, we want Jane Austen to look like Ryan Gosling. Then all of a sudden no one wants to put his portrait away.

(I don't get the Ryan Gosling thing. Not as an actual He's Teh Hott or as a meme. I think it's a combo of being pitifully out of touch, and late to the party so I miss the in jokes. Also, I like the Mansplaining meme so much better than the Ryan Gosling Hey Girl one, so I am probably not even really a modern person in the modern world. Thus the Austen focus.)

dham

@AnthroK8 I didn't get it until I saw Drive. Then I got it. I guess I like my men silent in blood-soaked 80s jackets?

thebestjasmine

@AnthroK8 I don't get the Ryan Gosling thing either, I don't find him attractive in the least, and the whole thing confuses me. I mean, he has a nice body and all, but there are lots of men in Hollywood who have nice bodies, so...what's different about his chest than anyone else's? I enjoy the Hey Girl meme a lot, though.

DorothyMantooth

@thebestjasmine Dude's face honestly looks like a Picasso painting. And I don't mean that in a good way.

Craftastrophies

@AnthroK8 I don't understand why it's bad that she looks grumpy in that other portrait? I think she looks adorable AND grumpy. Like most of my friends, basically.

noodge

by "it's true what they say" do you mean that looking at pictures of Ryan Gosling take you to a special place?

Katie Heaney

@teenie @Edith Zimmerman I just love how he brings us all together, you know? Except for my bff, because she is BLIND.

noodge

@Edith Zimmerman @Katie Heaney - GUH, i've seen that picture of him nomming on his shirt a manillion times, but it still makes me all weak-kneed.

boyofdestiny

@teenie I gotta tell ya, I just don't see it.

raised amongst catalogs

@Katie Heaney I love his crooked eyes! I don't even want children but I would enjoy making crooked-eyed babies with him!

atipofthehat

@Edith Zimmerman

Had a gander, did you?

raised amongst catalogs

@atipofthehat Goose-related puns are such a foie gras...I mean, faux pas.

rayray

@vanillawaif What the duck are you talking about.

raised amongst catalogs

@rayray That kind of rough language always makes me gag-gle.

boyofdestiny

@vanillawaif Reading these comments is like reading fine poultry.

raised amongst catalogs

@boyofdestiny Omg, <3 <3 <3

rayray

@vanillawaif Henything goes in a thread like this.

boyofdestiny

@rayray Let's keep it up. We're swan on a roll.

raised amongst catalogs

@rayray I'll be brooding about this exchange all day.

rayray

@vanillawaif Eider way I'll be here all afternoon.

raised amongst catalogs

@rayray At each new bird pun, I owl with laughter.

wee_ramekin

@vanillawaif Guys, stop. These puns are robin me of my intellect.

wee_ramekin

@vanillawaif What?! Oh no! Was it bad?!?! I was joking! The pun is in the "robin me of my intellect" part because a robin is a bird. I was not trying to be mean!

raised amongst catalogs

@wee_ramekin No, wee one! No! It was so funny that I was speechless. I'm sorry I made you worry! I didn't mean to ruffle your feathers. What can I do to make it up to you? I'm at your beak and call.

teebs

@wee_ramekin Honestly all these bird puns are hard to swallow.

Tulletilsynet

@wee_ramekin
My mama saw Ryan in a bar and she eyed him up but Gosling eyed her down.

wee_ramekin

@vanillawaif Oh gosh, sorry I'm so flighty. I'm usually too bird-brained to get in on the pun-threads, but for this one I thought "Early bird gets the worm!", took the bird in hand (you know, instead of the one in the bush) and wrote in. Good thing we're typing though; you probably wouldn't be able to read my chickenscratch.

[ETA: Too much?]

raised amongst catalogs

@teebs You've got a lot of gull swooping in here and making a joke like that.

raised amongst catalogs

@wee_ramekin Were you just winging all of those, or did all of those puns take some effort?

wee_ramekin

@vanillawaif I'm a "fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants" kind of girl.

rayray

Wake me when it's plover.

teebs

This thread is nothing to crow about.

rayray

@teebs You guys, we should just give this up and all go stork Ryan Gosling.

teebs

@rayray Not only is he handsome, but he has so much talont.

area@twitter

Can we get every morning to start with an accidental Google image search of Ryan Gosling? It's, it's just so soothing.

Knows The Spanish Panic

@area@twitter I would accidentally click that every day.

area@twitter

@Knows The Spanish Panic It's like running through a grassy field in the sunlight, but with Goslings in place of the grass.

raised amongst catalogs

@area@twitter And the sun is the sun from Teletubbies, with the baby's face in the center of it.

area@twitter

@vanillawaif And the birds in the trees are all twittering, "Hey girl. Hey."

raised amongst catalogs

@area@twitter YES! And two bunnies scamper before you, strewing rose petals at your feet. Why does this place not actually exist?

rayray

@Knows The Spanish Panic I clicked and then the back button wouldn't take me back to the Hairpin. It's like the internet itself couldn't stop looking at pictures of Ryan Gosling.

emilylou

@area@twitter It doesn't need to be accidental, you guys. I do it on purpose ALL THE TIME and it feels realllly good. Sometimes I think the whole purpose of the internet was to bring me nonstop images of Ryan Gosling. Ryyyaannn

Slutface

Is it sad that the mere mention of Gosling and not Austen prompted me to click this post out of Google Reader. Yes, yes it is.

julia

@Slutface Me too. He's wearing the same ray bans I have in one of the top Google image search results. It was meant to be.

Scott Sessions@facebook

@Slutface Ohmygod Me tooooooo. He and I were both raised Mormon, so definitely sensing a "special connection", like he can just tell when I look at his Google Images. Like he's all-- my gay Mormon sense is tingling... Must find this man...

Rosebudddd

Don't tell Jolie that Jane has a cat on her writing table.

area@twitter

@Rosebudddd Get Rid Of Your Darcys, Seriously, They Are Disgusting

PistolPackinMama

@area@twitter get rid of your shameful sister by having her scandalously patched up married so you can go on to marry Mr. Darcy because you are one of Mrs. Bennett's most deserving daughters, seriously, Lydia is disgusting.

Diana

@Rosebudddd

Jane Austen's writing desk is now on permanent display at the British Library Museum, with her spectacles folded neatly on top and her original manuscript for Mansfield Park open for perusal. I can attest that it is pristine and cat-hair free. Or at least I think it was, I may or may not have burst into tears and clouded my vision.

Rosebudddd

@Diana Well then, that just proves this is not the real Jane Austen! She wouldn't have a cat curled up next her WRITING MATERIALS.

cheeseandcrackers

I like how just from looking at this picture they can tell she's not a grumpy spinster, she's a woman comfortable in her own skin. Do me next! Do me next! Do you also guess weights?!? CAN I WIN A STUFFED PONY?!?!

tortietabbie

@cheeseandcrackers You will probably not be killed in a smelting accident today. Also, consider taking a poop. BAM!

Craftastrophies

@tortietabbie Are... you the stuffed pony that is the prize?

tortietabbie

@Craftastrophies I'm not sure what you're referring to? Surely not the brawny, fire-breathing beast in my userpic!

Craftastrophies

@tortietabbie Oh wait, no. Sorry, it's clearly a pig. My mistake.

Tammy Pajamas

I consider myself somewhat of an early Ryan Gosling adopter (whoa, that statement makes me sound REAAALLLLY lame!!!) and have been staring at pictures of him for years and years. and yet, when I clicked that link, I still yelled out, "Jesus!"

I don't even like blondes :/

emilylou

@Tammy Pajamas NOT LAME. I would also like to stake my claim as an early adopter! I think he first caught my fancy in Half Nelson? I want him to put me in a... half nelson... if there is a sex position called "half nelson"... this comment is derailing quickly the more I think about it-

Tammy Pajamas

@emilylouise @emilylouise I have been obsessed since the Notebook. I know that's one of the movies where he's the hottest (especially as Shaggy Noah), but people didn't really seem to notice at the time or something?

I'd be cool with him putting me in the regular wrestling half nelson. Really, touching me in any way.

I was just thinking that I could write "The Best Time I Almost Told Ryan Gosling to Cheer Up". So sad he moved to New York and I will not have other potential opportunities to do so :(

yeah-elle

@Tammy Pajamas I one-up you all by having an embarrassing crush on his gangly butt in "Remember the Titans," circa...6th grade.

I did, admittedly, forget all about him until I saw "Fracture," though, like seven years later.

lora.bee

@Tammy Pajamas Breaker High! Breaker High! Though I must admit, I was not crushing on his slicked mushroom cut back then. Maybe only Canadians will get this?

dracula's ghost

I ALSO YELLED OUT "JESUS"

GOSLING!!!!!!!! WHY ARE YOU? HE IS A FUCKING INHUMAN DEVIL WHO TORMENTS ME. HOW CAN THAT EVEN BE REAL

ARRRRRRGHHHHH

tee
tee

Also, Eva Mendes: whyyyyyyyyyyy??

frigwiggin

CAN WE TALK about Heather Matarazzo for a minute and how amazing she is? Best part of The Princess Diaries movie adaptation, or only good part of The Princess Diaries movie adaptation? I just reread the entire series and she still perfectly fits my mental image of Lily, which I cannot say for Anne Hathaway as Princess Mia (much as I adore/crush on Anne Hathaway). She makes me wish there were a secret alternate storyline where Lily becomes a kickass lesbian.

Bittersweet

@figwiggin: Not the only good thing, because, you know, Julie Andrews. But yes, it would be awesome if she became a kickass lesbian and started a torrid affair with one of those giggly maids.

frigwiggin

@Bittersweet Julie Andrews was pretty great, I'll give you that, but she's no Grandmere. I wanted Grandmere with her purple mules and tattooed eyeliner!

raised amongst catalogs

@Bittersweet I'm going to pretend that nobody left out Hector Elizondo.

thebestjasmine

@figwiggin She is an excellent Lily, but I really hate Lily, and I'm endlessly bitter that Tina Hakim Baba wasn't in the movies, because she is totally the best person in those books.

frigwiggin

@thebestjasmine Well, sure, Lily's a pretty awful person and all, Heather Matarazzo does her so well! And yeah, Tina got 100% cheated, which is probably why I haven't seen the first movie since it came out. Also, what was up with them killing her dad off, would have been the perfect opportunity to get Patrick Stewart in on that shit.

teebs

@thebestjasmine Yes, I agree so much. Tina Hakim Baba where are you?

Decca

At first glance at the Jane Austen portrait, I thought the line of the curtain was her left arm going swoooosh up, like she was waving at us or hailing a cab.

teebs

When I read "The Austen Code," my mind went "bro code" rather than "da Vinci code."
According to the Austen code, ladies must prioritize pen-pals over paramours. (hos before bros)

Diana

@teebs

Ovaries before brovaries.

Any One Ninja Plot

@teebs Mail before males?

teebs

@Any One Ninja Plot
Uteruses before duderuses.

Any One Ninja Plot

@teebs Queens before peens.

katiethegreat

@teebs

Bitches before britches.

octagonfudge

Okay, can I just say, I LOVE the idea of imaginary portraits. They said it's not a thing? Well, IT IS NOW, dudes. How does one go about imaginary portraiture? Drawing what you assume people to look like? This is definitely a series waiting to happen.

boomforreal

I'm stuck on Olivia Williams as Jane in "Miss Austen Regrets." I just reeealllly like the idea of Jane as a kindly snarky aunt who sort of sweetly dismisses your skank-ass colored petticoats/flounces and your dumb first boyfriend but still gets you drunk.

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