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Tuesday, December 13, 2011

238

The Best Time I Ate So Many Cookies I Went to the Hospital

The summer I turned 21 was a bad one. I had just finished at beauty school — more on that here — and was working as some sort of hybrid cosmetic sales rep/office administrator at The Hudson’s Bay Company, in Toronto. I floated from counter to counter based on promotional events — one week, I would be at Clinique for their skincare event, the next at Elizabeth Arden for their “buy one, get one” event. I would spend some days on the floor helping the sales people and the rest of the time in the office crunching numbers for the head office. I was starting to realize I didn’t want to be a makeup artist after all, and I definitely didn’t want to do that sort of office work. By the time my birthday rolled around, The Hudson’s Bay Company was in the process of being bought by Lord & Taylor and hours were getting cut, so I was working fewer than 20 hours a week, anxious and stressed, and feeling generally unpleasant.

My boyfriend Daniel had just finished his last year of film school, and we were spending a lot of time with his classmates. I had worked as a makeup artist on many of their final films, and we were all really close. Earlier that year, his friend James had taken us to this special “cafe” on Yonge Street. I say “cafe” because it was just a place that sold weed baked into the usual suspects — brownies, cookies, etc.

I know all you Americans are probably like “OH PLEASE, CANADA, DON’T ALL YOUR COOKIES HAVE WEED IN THEM?” And the answer is no! Even though marijuana was decriminalized in 2007, it’s still a deal to be be caught with weed. It’s just not a “go-to-jail-for-the-rest-of-your-life” type deal. I don’t know how this place operated so openly for as long as it did, but it was shut down not long after my birthday.

We went in February and had their famous brownie milkshakes. I got high, sure, and ALLEGEDLY danced with a bag of potato chips at an all-night convenience store (I don’t remember that, and I still sort of suspect my friends are making it up), but it was otherwise uneventful. We just drank the milkshakes, giggled a lot, and then played Cranium until 2 a.m. We would have done the same thing sober. So James suggested we go back for my 21st birthday.

When we got there the staff seemed unusually happy, even for people who must have been perpetually high. “We just baked these new cookies,” they said, beaming from ear to ear. “They will fuck you up,” they promised.

In retrospect: what was I thinking?!?! If the STAFF at this type of place is clearly out of their minds from eating these cookies, how did I think I, a casual smoker and drinker, would react? I had never done any other drugs beside weed. But I don’t remember being nervous. I was just like, whatever.

The cookies were chocolate, with chocolate chips, drizzled in some sort of chocolate syrup, and I remember them being small. Later my friends and I would agree that they must have baked weed butter into all three of those elements.

The first thing I remember happening was the laughter. I was laughing so hard at my friend Claire — to be fair, Claire is hilarious, but this was different. It was like laughter I could hear but not feel. My face was numb. It was still light out, but I was starting to see black in the corner of my eyes. I was sitting in a chair but I felt like I was falling. I loved it.

I don’t know how many Hairpin readers know Toronto's Yonge Street, so let me explain: there is a stretch of Yonge Street that is gross. Between Bloor and Dundas, Yonge Street is filled with stores selling cheap merchandise or pawning jewelry, hot dog stands, tiny sidewalks, and way too many people. It’s unpleasant even without drugs. And it was on Yonge Street that I began to feel like I was moving on an escalator. Claire was laughing a lot, too, but my face was starting to hurt from laughing, and I felt claustrophobic and nervous.

We reached Yonge and Dundas Square. Again, to those who don’t know, Yonge and Dundas Square is a big empty space across from the biggest mall in downtown Toronto. Sometimes there are free shows there, or small flea markets on the weekend. On this Friday night it was just filled with people. We stood there for a bit — I think maybe everyone was debating where we should go next? I looked up and saw the gray sky and decided I was about to die. The sidewalks were reaching up to the sky, and the sky was reaching to the sidewalk, and they were going to form a point, and I would be crushed in the center. My breathing became erratic. Later Claire would tell me my skin looked as gray as I imagined the sky to be.

I had the good sense to realize this was the weed talking. “You’ve been under a lot of stress lately,” I told myself. “You’re anxious. This is just your anxiety being amplified by the weed. Take a deep breath and get some water.”

Of course, when I turned around to find some water, I saw two men in suits who had shark heads. OH, I realized, existence is meaningless, and tried to find the words to explain that to my boyfriend. Instead I just screamed and pulled him into a cab. By this point my tongue felt like it was fusing to my teeth, and I spent the entire cab ride trying to pry it off.

Daniel was still living with his family, so we went to his house. His mother was in the basement watching Brazilian soap operas; his father and sister were away for reasons I can’t remember. Daniel was, of course, also very high. We sat at his kitchen table and that’s when it happened — my heart. I knew it wasn’t a hallucination. It was beating too fast. It couldn’t stop. If I lay down I was certain it would explode. I sat at the kitchen table, trying to bounce my entire body up and down, thinking if I could get my body to catch up with my heart, I could stop it from exploding. “I can’t believe I’m going to die,” I said to Daniel. “I haven’t even paid off my student debt.”

He looked mildly upset. “It’s so sad you’re going to die!” he said, and then burst out laughing.

Daniel’s mother came into the kitchen and saw me. I think Daniel maybe went to get her? This is where the memories become very hazy. She took one look at me and sighed. “What a stupid thing to do.”

“You just can’t resist kicking me when I’m down,” I said, petulant that she would not help me without making some sort of comment, totally ungrateful for her assistance, just a general nightmare.

She took my pulse. “You’re having arrhythmias,” she said. "Heart palpitations." I squinted my eyes. “I hope this doesn’t influence your opinion of my character,” I slurred at her. She laughed. “One day,” she promised, “I will tell you my story. I did something even more embarassing than this when I was dating Daniel’s father.” “Cool!” I said. Then I passed out.

I woke up in the hospital standing in front of a nurse. “What’s your problem?” I remember her asking, me maybe yelling, “THAT’S RUDE.”

We sat in the ER for a while before the vomit started. I puked like whoa. Like, you would not believe the amount of vomit that came out of me. It started a chain reaction of vomit in the entire emergency room — all the other sick people started throwing up too. “Did you have salad for dinner?” Daniel’s mother asked. “A lot of it seemed green.”

A lot of these hours are a blur — I know at one point they tried to get me to take off my shirt so they could attach those little white round things to my chest. “Take off your shirt,” the obviously tired nurse said to me. “What?” I asked, not because I was offended, but because I actually could not understand those four words. She tried to take it off for me. I slapped her, I think? Probably not her face, but definitely her hands. I slapped her and also maybe pushed her, then calmly took my shirt off and lay on the table. “But not because you told me to,” I told her.

They let me go home that night. I don’t remember the rest of it. I don’t know if they gave me any medication or chastised me or even asked where I had gotten the weed from. I slept for 14 hours and was mildly high for the next 2 days. “I’m never doing any drugs again,” I dramatically declared to my friends (a lie). And the other people I went to the cafe with? They had a disappointing experience, they said. While I was puking in the ER they were playing Cranium and watching Beyoncé tour DVDs.

And Daniel? Where was he this whole time? Oh, you know, sleeping in the ER chairs. He missed the entire thing. By the way, we're still dating and live together. I'm still mad that he laughed in my face when I told him I was going to die.

In the early morning hours at the ER I do remember waking up in front of Daniel’s mother. “Tell me your story,” I demanded, and she did. It had something to do with her friend’s apartment and a toilet and Daniel’s father dragging her back to their apartment. I cannot remember a single solid detail of this story. And now I can never ask! For a long time, it seemed like we had an unspoken agreement to never speak of this again. It's unfair; I feel like I could really use some dirt on her to level the playing field. Five years later, she’s starting to see the humor in it — recently she did an impression of me. We were having dinner and she was like “Remember when you were all, boo hoo, I can’t believe I’m going to die?” Yes, Rebecca, I remember. Sort of.

Related: Cannabis 101.

Haley Mlotek is the PR Intern for The Hairpin and the Promotions Director for WORN Fashion Journal.



238 Comments / Post A Comment

backstagebethy

This is a great story and also the reason I don't do drugs.

dj pomegranate

@backstagebethy I am so scared by it!

Bebe

@backstagebethy That propaganda totally worked on me - I am convinced that if I ever, ever use cocaine, I will immediately die of a heart attack.

heb
heb

@backstagebethy I'm pretty sure my heart will burst with love for cocaine. AVOIDING.

fondue with cheddar

@Bebe I accidentally smoked weed laced with angel dust once, and I thought I was going to die. It was the most distressing experience I've ever had. I'd never had a hankering for stimulants of any kind, but that encounter assured that I would never change my mind on the matter.

atipofthehat

@jen325

I understand completely. Also, sometimes one's "friends" in junior high don't bother to mention the angel dust until you are trapped in a frameless repeating frame of a frameless repeating frame of a frameless repeating frame of a frameless repeating frame of a frameless repeating frame of a frameless repeating frame of a frameless repeating frame of a frameless repeating frame of a frameless repeating frame of a frameless repeating frame of a frameless repeating frame of a frameless repeating frame of a frameless repeating frame of a frameless repeating frame of a frameless repeating frame of a frameless repeating frame of a frameless repeating frame of a frameless repeating frame of a frameless repeating frame.

Bebe

@jen325 Oh no! That sounds terrifying.

(I also totally believed that that one kid had angel dust, and thought he could fly, so jumped out of a window and killed himself. I'm gullible).

ach_so

@backstagebethy Actually, that does happen. I don't know what the drug was, but someone at my brother's college was high did basically that.

MargotSpeaks

@Bebe I have this same belief (that I would die from a cocaine-induced heart attack) and I blame Sweet Valley High.

Craftastrophies

@dj pomegranate I have enough of a problem with the real world/the unaltered insides of my own head. I don't think it needs any help manifesting my anxiety, kthx.

Feminist Killjoy

@Bebe PCP! That rapper Big Lurch smoked a bunch of PCP and murdered his girlfriend AND CUT HER OPEN AND BEGAN TO EAT HER!!!! He got caught because he was walking around the streets of LA naked, covered in blood, screaming.

fondue with cheddar

@atipofthehat That sounds horrible. How can people leave out such important information! The guy who sold it to my boyfriend didn't bother telling him (you'd think he would), so he didn't know what he was giving me. And it was only the second time I'd ever smoked weed!

fondue with cheddar

@Rosemary McClure That's terrifying! I read a story about a guy who cut the skin off his face and fed it to his dog.

Bebe

@Rosemary McClure I am never sleeping again. How horrific!

whateverlolawants

@Rosemary McClure That's the most terrifying thing I've heard in a long time. And I hear a lot of terrifying things. Gonna haunt me for a while...

thelibrarianne

@backstagebethy Hm. I had this exact experience. Perhaps the random guy I met who offered me said substance forgot to tell me about the angel dust, too.

miwome

@rosielo I heard of something like this involving Salvia? My friend's high school friend walked right off a cliff. (I know this sounds insanely urban legend-y, but I am telling you, I have met a shockingly large proportion of the people she went to high school with, given that we grew up on opposite sides of the country, and they all agree on the person/story/details.)

katesmash

@jen325 THAT HAPPENED TO ME ONCE TOO!!! I felt like I was in a video game. Fortunately, it was when I was 16/17 and much more resilient, because if that happened to me now at 27 I would definitely have sent myself to the hospital.

fondue with cheddar

@katesmash Wow, yeah...like being in a video game, well put. I wasn't much older than you when I had that experience, and I would send myself to the hospital if that happened to me now, too! I sort of wanted to at the time, and I was thinking it but didn't say it out loud. Since he was more experienced with drugs than I was, I figured he would know when it was a good idea to send me to a hospital (not my sharpest moment, in hindsight, but at least I came out okay).

mynamebackwards

@MargotSpeaks ME TOO. THIS IS THE EXACT REASON I HAVE NEVER TRIED COCAINE. I thought I was the only one!!!

insouciantlover

@backstagebethy I've been smoking and eating pot for about 14 years, but a couple years ago someone gave me a really strong cookie. I was home alone on a Sunday when I ate it and I started having a Bad Trip. Basically, I decided, based on some abdominal cramps, that I had ovarian cancer. And then I came to terms with it! I was like, "really, it's okay, you're catching it early so they can just pull out all the junk and cauterize the whole area. Sure, you'll never be able to have children but you can always adopt, right?" Then I spent the next few hours alternating between this very soothing inner monologue and mourning the loss of the children that I would never have.

The next morning I woke up and had started my period.

MargotSpeaks

@mynamebackwards O NO, you are not alone!!! I did end up rationalizing it though, since "it's not from the earth....things that come from the earth are OK, right?"

whateverlolawants

@backstagebethy It is though... the coca leaf.

but i'm a bird

one time I ate so many oreos in the backseat of a car on the way from nyc to atlantic city that I passed out across the velvet rope,onto the blackjack dealer, and was laid out on the floor with my eyes open for a whole minute. they took me backstage or whatever behind the scenes of a casino is and it was spooky.

The Lady of Shalott

@but i'm a bird I want to hear more about this story please.

julia

@but i'm a bird THIS is the kind of "too many cookies" story I want to hear, especially during this cookie-fueled time of year when it's dinner time and I know I need real food but feel slightly nauseous from all the cookies.

datalass

@julia My thought exactly. I mean, this was a great story and all, but I really need to know why I shouldn't hoover up pack(s) of peppermint Jo-Jos. I need to know this, really, before I go home tonight.

julia

@datalass My bf's mom brought us a box of Peppermint Jo-Jos on her last visit. I don't think my boyfriend even knew I had opened them. Yeah.

datalass

@julia I wonder how many Jo-Jos I'd have to eat to end up in the hospital. I'd try it, you know, for the sake of the 'pin, but I think the answer might be infinity Jo-Jos.

Faintly Macabre

@datalass Peppermint Joe-Joes!!! I start cackling really loudly whenever I see they're in again. Also, I once brought them to a game and the skinniest girl on the team ate 80% of the box while wailing, "Someone take these away from meeeee!"

CupcakeTattoos

@but i'm a bird @julia I may have done that on Friday night when, after not having had lunch, I ate a packet of oreos and had a glass of wine, and then wondered why I felt dizzy and sick after.
I was also PMSing and spend the evening crying and wailing 'what's wrong with me?' to my poor gf

julia

I have greatly enjoyed this support thread for people with no self control when it comes to cookies.

Hot Doom

@julia Right? Based on the number of cookies per day I've been averaging this week (umm, let's say less than 20, above 18), I thought this was going to either make me worry for my life or give me permission to eat 30 more cookies a day before going to the er.

packedsuitcase

@datalass What if they're dark chocolate covered candy cane Jo-Jos? Is it still infinity Jo-Jos? And, if so, were can we find enough to test this theory?

CrescentMelissa

You poor thing! I have so been there, but some shit is just too fun not to try again, and again, and again...now that I have children of my own it certainly keeps the urges to be ridiculous in check. I just drink wine now and play Words with Friends. I am exciting.

wharrgarbl

@CrescentMelissa You don't know until you get too drunk/high just how drunk/high "too drunk" or "too high" is, at which point it is too late and you're stuck riding that shit out. Moderation in all things, kids! Especially when you're just getting your substance-legs!

CrescentMelissa

@wharrgarbl Yes yes and yes. Better to err on the side of "not being fucked up enough", although I was never able to get that concept.

angelinha

@wharrgarbl Riding that shit out is the WORST, especially when it's at Mardi Gras and it's going to be at least an hour and a half until you get home to the mac and cheese and you haven't eaten in what feels like 4 days and you might break your vomit-free-since-2004 streak on the streetcar.

TheDragon

@CrescentMelissa I haven't been high since I got WAY too high at the Alice and Wonderland midnight screening. Someone had the brilliant idea to make weed cookies. Someone else had the brilliant idea to give all three dozen to me, as I was the only girl, and therefore the only one in possession of a purse. I ended up with the munchies. and the cookies. I at a full two dozen by myself. That movie seemed to take all of five minutes.
The next day I found out that it's entirely possible to have a weed hangover

Steph

I had a really similar story happen to me and a friend with some pot brownies. Except we were in Amsterdam and it was my first time abroad.

ghechr

oh god. This story is giving me flashbacks to the worst pot experience ever. Similar- hallucinations, paranoia, sense of dread. I slept it off but that was the last time I dabbled in doobies. (more or less)

rhoswhen

@ghechr Ayup. I once had a panic attack on weed. No wait, I had two panic attacks on two different occasions. Fuck that shit! I thought weed was supposed to be mellow.

BoozinSusan

@rhoswhen I know! It is! But maybe not for anxious types (me included).
One time on weed, I went into a time warp and thought I was in the wrong dimension and had to "get back." Dirty Dancing was on the air, and I felt like I watched that movie for 200 years.
Another time was at a Phish concert, and the man in front of me was floating off the ground with an elephant head. Later, when my friends and I found a Denny's so I could calm down, Maroon 5's "Harder to Breathe" kept crashing together like cymbals. Sigh, anxious people on drugs...

fondue with cheddar

@rhoswhen It depends on the person and I think it also depends on the weed. I've had a considerable amount of experience with it, and there was a batch of stuff that made me pretty depressed. Granted, the first time I smoked it I was already depressed and...well, let's just say it made me a lot worse. I smoked the same stuff again when my mental state was much better, and it was better but still bad (made me introspective in a bad way).

Feminist Killjoy

@rhoswhen I suspect that weed's reputation for that is maybe a little bit outdated? Like, sure, back in the 60s and 70s, it was mellow. But now we have that genetically engineered Monsanto weed that's literally hundreds of times stronger.

whateverlolawants

@BoozinSusan Sounds terrifying. Recently, after smoking, I could NOT stop thinking about death. I was so scared to be driven home, even though the driver was sober. The thoughts I had are still knocking around in my head, weeks later.

BoozinSusan

@whateverlolawants It's so weird, because it's supposed to mellow us out! Oh well, at least alcohol works. <-- healthy statement

BoozinSusan

@whateverlolawants Ha, um, you should NOT smoke and then go read what Jane just posted a 3 PM today. Just sayin'.

slutberry

This is why I do not take anything stronger than liquor. Given my reactions to medical anesthetics and liquor, this would be my reaction every. time.

The one time I got put under for an endoscopy, with a mild sedative which, the doctor assured me, would just make me drowsy and docile for a half hour or so, ("You won't even lose consciousness!") I went into a panicky, half-conscious phase for the procedure itself, during which I elbowed the doctor really hard, tried to bite him, and had to be restrained by two nurses (whom I remember as those blue-gloved scary doctors from Firefly, but they were probably really nice) , and then passed out for over an hour. When I retained semi-consciousness, the nurse told me I had been out for an hour, and I immediately sat up and assured everyone that I could go home now. Apparently I did a good job, because they let me out.

I vaguely remember calling my boyfriend and slurring at him a bit to assure him I was fine. Then I went to Tim Horton's to get something to eat. When the boy at the cash asked me if I wanted anything to drink, I peered at him around the cash register and asked, "Do you have anything in bottles?"

Somehow I got home and passed out, fully dressed down to my boots, across my bed. I slept for 17 hours.

phlox

@Teffodee I don't do drugs because adult Tylenol makes me hallucinate. That is freaky enough.

itiresias

@Teffodee recently i had a cystoscopy and woke up from anesthesia, looking at the my-age male nurse wheeling my stretcher who i have no idea if he was actually there for the procedure, and sleepily said "oh maaaan, sorry dude i hope that wasn't too gross, i had sex like riiiight before i came here"

Bebe

@Teffodee They did that twilight sleep or whatever when I had my wisdom teeth out, and I woke up in a completely different room from where I passed out, my mouth full of cotton and my head in my mother's lap. I immediately started to freak out and cry, not understanding where I was or why my mouth hurt so much, or how I got from one place to another. I kept saying over and over again, "If this is what it's like to do drugs, I don't ever want to do drugs!" Then when I got home I think I took too much of the pain medication and got lost trying to find the kitchen in the house I grew up in. So, yeah, I've never done anything stronger than the occasional joint. My body doesn't handle drugs well.

slutberry

@phlox I have to take Tylenol with codeine for cramps (I have bad enough ones that I'm, um, immune to over the counter stuff). A couple weeks ago I took too much with not enough food. Everyone on the bus was trying to kill me.

slutberry

@itiresias HA! I was next to one of my professors (!) who I'd just auditioned for and who had not given me a part (!!) and who had just had a colonoscopy, and whose hospital gown was hitched up way high and I could see the side of his bum. I kept wanting to tell him and then passing out, but eventually he noticed. Probably because I kept glancing at his bum and then passing out.

AmandaBunny

@itiresias Oh man, that made me laugh out loud.

cocokins

@Bebe Oh man, yuuup to the wisdom teeth thing. The only thing I remember from that day was being in the dentist chair and having a nurse insert an IV into my hand. I asked, "What is that?" and she cheerily replied, "Oh, we call it our Forgetful Drug! You'll forget the pain from moment to moment, but when we want you to do something, you'll do it. So, if we need your mouth open wider, we just ask and you do it. But, you forget the pain!" And the last thing I said before I don't remember anything was: "I guess that would be a good rape drug."

I tried a half a percocet when I got home and never had one again. Regular-strength Advil is good enough for me. Drugs=scary.

raised amongst catalogs

@Bebe AHH, yes, wisdom teeth. Mine weren't "out" yet (I like to think of them as debutantes) and they had to cut my gums and break them into tiny pieces (sad). I had an IV pumping me full of valium & demerol as well as multiple novocaine shots AND nitrous oxide. I still talked through the entire surgery. Afterward I made some lewd gestures with my cleavage -- I was trying to indicate to my mother that I wanted the People magazine with Sharon Stone on the front, and she had her cleavage out (Ms. Stone, not my mother). Then I went home and tried to eat some chicken broth, but I tasted blood in my mouth and kept trying to spit the broth back into the bowl. My mom, concerned that I would give myself a dry socket, said, "Nononononono, don't do that!" and I looked at her for about five seconds, hurt, before I burst into tears. I cried for five hours. Later, when I woke up from my post-cry nap, I casually vomited into the kitchen sink while talking to my brother.

Ellie

Sorry this is so long but it's really dramatic? Don't do Vicodin!

My worst drug experience ever was also with prescription painkillers, Vicodin. It was the summer after my senior year of college before I moved back home and I was drinking with my roommate - we split a 12 pack of beer - and then he wanted to do this Vicodin he had from dislocating his shoulder (he boxed). We snorted a little bit of it and then dissolved some of in vodka and also drank more vodka. Keep in mind I'm reasonably small and he's 6'3" and at least half again my weight. So we each had eight vicodin overall. Anyway, I didn't get super high or anything and actually felt pretty good, and went to sleep on the couch and talk to my boyfriend on the phone. I heard my roommate get up to throw up a few times. Then I woke up two hours later at 8 AM and thought I would probably die. It took me a long time to start throwing up but after I did I couldn't stop. My other roommate, whose mom is a nurse, called her mom to talk to me about it on the phone. I couldn't drink or eat anything because I would violently throw up every time I tried to. So I ended up calling the nurse hotline and she somehow tricked me into giving her my address and called the police on me. A FIRE TRUCK came and it was the most humiliating experience of my life. I was so embarrassed I didn't want to go to the hospital so I got them to go away. Then two police officers came and they were both really young and attractive and had kind of a Kima and McNulty thing going on. I had adrenaline from humiliation so I managed to seem not near death while I was talking to them. Then I threw up more and realized I had to go to the hospital so I called a friend who came and drove me to the emergency room. After they admitted me and got me in a bed and a hospital gown and stuff I flipped out (I was scared of having an IV) and caused a total commotion which was also embarrassing and they finally had to give me a sedative. I fortunately didn't throw up and then I got ice chips and some anti-narcotic stuff and let them put in the IV. After the IV had rehydrated me I was allowed to leave and walked home. The hospital bill they send me was for an insane amount of money but by a miracle my insurance paid for all by $75. The end.

BoozinSusan

@vanillawaif haha "casually vomited into the kitchen sink while talking to my brother." As you do.

Bebe

@cocokins @vanillawaif Now all we have to do is hope we never, ever need another surgery ever again, because anesthesia is the WORST. Also, pain pills. Do not understand how people take them for fun. What about being completely disoriented, nauseous, and paranoid is fun?

raised amongst catalogs

@BoozinSusan It's the weirdest memory I have, because although I know that I did it, it's more like something I watched myself do from another place in the room. Or like something I saw on t.v. once. I had to ask my brother about it a couple of weeks later.
"Hey, did I..."
"Throw up in the kitchen sink?"
"Yeah, that."
"You sure did."

raised amongst catalogs

@Bebe We should probably be one another's "In Case of Emergency" contacts now?

Verity

@cocokins Ha, my dad was actually given Rohypnol when he had to have an endoscopy.

cocokins

@Bebe Right!? I do not understand how people get addicted to feeling like you can't lift your head off the couch. Maybe they feel something we don't. Anyway, I'm all for never again having surgery requiring general anesthesia. The worst was that I had to take an anti-nausea medication two days before my tooth procedure (a tonsilectomy when I was 5 taught my parents that anesthesia and I do not get along), but after the procedure I still FELT sick, I just couldn't barf. I don't know, that's a bad feeling, too.

Anyway, this story has a happy ending. The next day after my wisdom teeth were extracted, I went to Pizza Hut and it was fine.

Bebe

@vanillawaif "For the love of god DON'T GIVE HER PERCOSET! Just toss a baby aspirin and ice pack at her, she'll be FINE."

Craftastrophies

@cocokins Oh my god, I have to call the Dental Surgeon today for an appointment for my wisdom teeth. [curls into a ball and cries]

Manchester Tart

On coming round after the last surgery I had requiring general anesthetic I kept loudly telling people that 'my knickers are under the pillow, my KNICKERS are under the PILLOW!'. They weren't.

i kant even

i had my tonsils out recently (definitely a way awesome surgery at age 30), and spent two weeks in a completely fucked-up haze. i couldn't really eat anything and was in a tremendous amount of pain, and pretty much all i ingested during that time was pedialyte freezer pops and liquid percocet (went through two bottles, plus some pills towards the end when i could actually swallow). to add insult to injury, i had to shove the anti-nausea drugs they gave me up my ass since i couldn't swallow any pills at first. on the bright side, the anti-nausea stuff intensified the effect of the narcotics, so i slept a lot.

when they were wheeling me into the o.r. before my surgery, they gave me something that made me totally loopy. i remember staring out the window while they were getting me set up. the last thing i remember saying is, "look at that tree. it's so...weird." fun times!

whateverlolawants

@shivster That's so horrible. I had most of that experience with my tonsillectomy at age 23, minus the suppository part... you poor thing.

whateverlolawants

@Teffodee Somehow I read that as "my professor had just given me a colonoscopy."

slutberry

@whateverlolawants I had a photo that I REALLY WANTED TO EMBED HERE to show you how I felt about that comment, but then I couldn't figure out how to embed it. But my face looked like Nicki Minaj's here: http://gofugyourself.com/new-york-fugshion-week-day-5-3-09-2011/carolina-herrera-front-row-spring-2012-mercedes-benz-fashion-week

noodge

what an amazing story! eating pot can be super crazy and scary. when i did it, i remember making my boyfriend leave the party we were at, then going home, where he encouraged me to take a bath, and it took me SO LONG to figure out how to work the bubble bath, that the tub almost overflowed while i started at the bottle, naked. then he plopped me in front of the TV while kindergarten cop was on. AND I NEVER REALIZED UNTIL WATCHING THIS MOVIE AT THIS TIME HOW FUCKED UP THIS MOVIE IS! i was literally hiding under a blanket, whimpering.

tortietabbie

@teenie Maybe you had a tumah?

Makeovertime@twitter

@teenie I watched "freddy got fingered" with Tom Green while high, I thought that film was HILARIOUS. Got my brother to buy it for me the following Christmas - turns out that film sucks. I feel so used.

Gertrude

@tortietabbie IT'S NOT A TOOMAH!

Nutmeg

I have tripped one time and only one time because I had a terrible trip, projectile vomited (I did not know a body could do that), and, crying, asked my mother, "Can I still go to college?"

Edith Zimmerman

My favorite (good) too-high moment was when I was hanging out with a high-school boyfriend watching a movie. The protagonist (some middle-aged guy -- Daniel Day Lewis?) was having a flashback to his childhood, and the flashback was all blurry and golden and idyllic, and the camera started at the feet of the little boy who was playing him as a child and panned upward, and I lost my mind imagining if they had Daniel Day Lewis play himself as a child, with really golden, blurry light. I'm laughing about it even now. You guys! You guys. You guys! Imagine if it was himmm! Lololol.

I tried to explain this to my then-bf, but I couldn't because I was laughing too hard. I don't think I ever explained it, I just gestured a lot at the television and panted.

atipofthehat

@Edith Zimmerman

Did you bake the cookies in the photo?!

but i'm a bird

@Edith Zimmerman imagine this, but in reverse: not laughing, but crying. not daniel day lewis in a golden light, but gollum going crazy in lord of the rings. but still probably lots of gesturing and panting

Bus Driver Stu Benedict

@Edith Zimmerman I don't get it...

Edith Zimmerman

@atipofthehat I wish.

BoozinSusan

@Edith Zimmerman They probably DID get him to play his little-boy self. That man is a VERSATILE actor.

ThundaCunt

@Edith Zimmerman My Left Foot?

that man is VERSATILE!

hotdog

THIS EXACT THING HAPPENED TO ME!!!! Only not in Canada, but with cookies, and with the ER dr. asking me over and over and OVER "did you have any cocaine? are you SURE you did not have any cocaine. You can tell us if you've had cocaine, we need to know." Like as if when you're at the point that your heart is beating so fast/erratically that you are attached to machines and sedated, THAT is the point to lie about your drug use.

I also vaguely remember laughing in the hospital bed when a nurse had me sign forms and mumbling "bureaucracy in action, haha, bureaucracy."

However, I do enjoy the sly looks when I tell this story like, "ohhh, you just freaked out on weed. You couldn't handle it." Yeah, no, I could handle it like a champ, unfortunately my physical organs did not have a similar commitment to the lifestyle.

ThundaCunt

@hotdog agreed! i sooo want to be able to smoke weed and chillax on the weekend with a beer or something, but i break out in cold sweats, i have to concentrate on my breathing and keep my eyes closed and i have thrown up more times from weed than i have from alcohol...and i totally hate the taste of beer! So i'm stuck being a responsible mom and shit ALL WEEKEND!!

laura@twitter

teeehehehehe you little cat you!!! I'm so glad you didn't die!!!!! lyfe would be meaningless.

thanks_maybe

The first time I met my ex's family, I smoked a joint with his sister in her bedroom. Then, I came out to the living room to meet his dad, who had just gotten home. Then, I passed out at his feet, just as I was about to shake his hand. Humiliating.

I blame the Pacific Northwest and their very potent buds.

Anyway, this story is why I'm afraid to eat weed.

thanks_maybe

@thanks_maybe Also, based solely on the headline, I thought that this story was going to be more along the lines of that episode of Rugrats where Angelica goes cray cray and eats too many cookies and gets a really bad stomach ache.

Wookiee Hole

@thanks_maybe And they fall in the soapy water and she eats them anyway? Yeah.

omgkitties

Last summer: walked a crazy long/tortuous path (or so it seemed) to see Dolly at the Hollywood Bowl, had to focus on 'keeping it together', watched her perform Stairway to Heaven WITH A PSYCHEDELIC LIGHT SHOW GOING ON BEHIND HER. I never even opened the wine I brought.

Annie Murphy@facebook

@dearheart I love this.

AniaGosia

Eating cannabis can be so intense. Especially if you don't know how much is in what you've got. Plus, I always find myself getting the munchies and wanting to eat more brownies (or whatever) and then getting more fucked up. Vaporizers all the way.

noodge

@AniaGosia vaporizers ftw! most gentle, fun vibe, and way less harsh on the lungs.

Megatron

@AniaGosia the one time i did a vaporizer, i thought i was in a video game and hid under the covers because i thought my RA was going to come storming through my door at any moment.

AniaGosia

@teenie @Megatron They are the best. But I have to be careful there too because the lack of harshness can trick me into thinking that I haven't had as much as I've hard. One of my friends has this tiny little travel vape ... I want it so!

18thfloor

@AniaGosia My friends don't understand why I love my vape so much until they try it. The first time I used the vaporizer, I got a little too high. My roommate and I watched Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory. That Willy Wonka is such a dick. He basically enslaved a whole species and tried to punish kids for winning a lottery he set up. Not to mention that he put their lives in danger at every step!

redheaded&crazy

@18thfloor I don't find vaporizers get me high at all! My friends tell me this isn't the case, but I guess I just really like to feel the proof of sucking poison into my lungs?

18thfloor

@redheadedandcrazy It was hard for me at first because I didn't have that throat burn that smoking from a pipe gives you. If I have some strong stuff, I'll definitely feel it on the vape. It took a little bit to get used to, but now I love it. Plus, I can do it in my house without stinking the place up!

alabee

Later my friends and I would agree that they must have baked weed butter into all three of those elements.
Maybe this is because butter kind of grosses me out, but just reading that made me want to puke.

The only "baked" (haha get it) good moment I've had involves eating brownies and watching the West Wing with a bunch of policy wonks. It was odd.

Xanthophyllippa

@alabee That's my kind of trippin'.

whateverlolawants

@alabee I think I'd feel guilty watching The West Wing high. Sacreligious, even.

Xanthophyllippa

@whateverlolawants Why? I mean, Sorkin wrote most of it high, so...

miwome

@alabee That. Sounds like heaven. To meeeeeeeee.

whateverlolawants

@Xanthophyllippa He really did? The show kind of... inspires me to be a better person... I said it... so I'd feel sort of weird.

Xanthophyllippa

@whateverlolawants So I checked to make sure I wasn't making things up, and Wikipedia (source of all knowledge) notes that he had a relapse of his previous struggle with addiction during the time TWW was on. It got a ton of press, and I'm pretty sure that in at least one interview that he admitted to writing while high.

Either way, I don't really care, cuz the show also made me want to be a better person. TWW FTW!

miwome

@alabee for real. I really don't care if he was high, he did excellent work! TWW 4EVUHZ.

D.@twitter

I LOVED this...but I also sort of wish it had been about eating dozens of plain cookies until the point of sickness. Maybe I can write that story?

tortietabbie

@D.@twitter The Best Time I...Actually I Do This With Regularity And It Always Ends In Delicious, Delicious Regret

angelinha

@D.@twitter The Best Time I Volunteered (Again) to Bake Chocolate Chip Cookies for the Work Potluck and Ate Ten Percent of the Batter Alone in My Kitchen and Also Three Warm Cookies

Jaya

Once I had one-third of a pot brownie in Amsterdam and went on a nature walk, and was convinced for a good 20 minutes that I was on Tatooine, and later thought that I was walking on a treadmill in a hallway with bad Impressionist paintings of forests going by. But I did get to pet a wild pony at one point! I think?

noodge

@Jaya nature walks high in Amsterdam/Tatooine! sounds like an amazing nerd high!

Jaya

@teenie It would have been! Except I was convinced I was going to stay high forever. Oh god, the worst.

melis

@teenie A high nature walk on Tatooine? If you want to get captured by Sand People, maybe.

thebestjasmine

@Jaya I am shaking with laughter at my desk. Please god don't let my boss walk in right now.

TATOOINE.

Barry Grant

@Jaya "Once I had one-third of a pot brownie in Amsterdam"
Do NOT do this and go to the Reichsmuseum. Those Dutch masters were quite skillful painters but all of the paintings are brown, brown, brooooooown.

Jaya

@Barry Grant I had a friend who did that at the Rembrandt House, and was just confused as to why she couldn't sit in any of the chairs.

redheaded&crazy

@Jaya my first big europe trip will be a biking tour of amsterdam and I intend to be high as a gd kite the whole time! CANNOT WAIT! SOMEDAY! etc etc

MeghanElizabeth

Yeah, I generally don't trust establishments on that part Yonge Street. Great story! Glad you're OK!

ohmy

Signed up to say that I had a similar problem when I was really sick and decided it would be a great idea to mix benadryl, robatussin, and tylenol. Woke up with my heart beating like crazy, so freaky!

atipofthehat

Yonge Street will never be the same without CHUM.

Bebe

Pot always makes (made) me puke. As do tequila and gin. But really, I am totally fun at parties, I swear!

Ellie

@Bebe It makes me throw up too. Not every time but multiple of the times I've smoked more than just a tiny bit. Especially when I'm drinking too (which is nearly every time I've smoked pot).

My worst pot experience I didn't throw up though. I had been smoking really terrible stuff that we got at college and wasn't a very experienced smoker. My friend was and had good shit. I only took two hits but I basically thought I was on another planet. It felt like I was living all moments of my life at the same time. I was really worried that I was going to pee on myself because I hadn't gone in a while and could not feel any part of my lower body. I couldn't move for over an hour. When I describe this to people they're invariably like "That sounds great!" but it was terrible!

Bebe

@Ellie The good stuff is the pukiest stuff! I took one hit of reeeealllllyyy good stuff once at a party, felt super floaty and happy for 30 seconds, then puked on my best friend's shoes. (Yes, I replaced them. Which is why we are still best friends).

Barry Grant

@Bebe
Never, ever, get stoned after you are thoroughly drunk. That's the express bus to the toilet.

Apparently, I have a lot of wisdom on the subject.

redheaded&crazy

@Barry Grant Word. That is the express bus to standing outside your friend's house puking on your brand new suede shoes. And then saying "I THINK IT'S DONE." and then running to your friend's neighbour's house to puke there because you really don't want to just keep puking in one spot that would be so inconsiderate, better to spread the mess out.

then you start crying about how much you miss your dog you had to put down a week earlier. eta: in front of everyone.

then more puking.

THEY WERE BRAND NEW SHOES MAN.

so what?

@Barry Grant i am the exact opposite. getting stoned once i'm already drunk guarantees the optimum level of fucked-up-ness for me. doing just one or the other tends to make me sleepy (unless i drink to the point of feeling sick). both makes me into a fun (and funny) lady. although i will say i'm the only person i've ever met that this is true for.

Bebe

@Barry Grant Well, NOW you tell me.

Q
Q

Yeahhh... the first time I ate a weed cookie I did the classic n00b thing of eating a quarter, waiting twenty minutes, deciding it wasn't working, eating the rest, and being quite, quite fucked ten minutes later. After that I stuck to smoking it.
Though none of the weed times compare to the drinking times, which have occasionally involved memory loss, projectile vomiting, and going temporarily blind. *shudder*

tortietabbie

Omg, this is too much. I'm having a super-emotional week, and it feels really nice to cry from laughing instead of just crying.

The only pot brownie story I have is one time at a friend's house her roommate made brownies and we all had one and started feeling giggly, and then this girl who was also there was like, "these brownies are so good! I've had FIVE!" She almost immediately passed out on the bathroom floor. And in the kitchen, I think? Looking back it's pretty awful that no one warned her, but at the time it was HI(GH)-larious.

Megatron

@tortietabbie my favorite and best pot eating story is similar. we found a giant gallon sized bag of pot hidden in the ceiling tiles of my friend's kitchen and decided to make a pot funfetti cake after drinking for several hours. my roommate thought it would be fun to shovel piles of funfetti cake into our friends' younger girlfriend's mouth.

i will never in my life forget sitting on the floor stoned watching this girl try to stand up. she couldn't find her legs, but when she did, she flew across the living room, bounced off of the beer pong table and hit her face off of the front door. after she stopped crying she started army crawling on the floor to look for cops. i thought i was going to piss myself.

Katie Walsh

Here's a good idea: eat a pot brownie for the first time approx 45 minutes before walking into a theater to watch The Bourne Identity. That was the craziest shit ever! I freaked out at the scene where Matt Damon cuts Franka Potente's hair for some reason kept grabbing my friend and whispershouting "HE'S REALLY CUTTING HER REAL HAIR! FRANKA POTENTE'S REAL HAIR!!" Ohhhh, eating weed.

mouthalmighty

@Katie Walsh: I did something like this with Wall-E. Except we started eating our brownies while the previews were playing and then all of a sudden, at about the part Eve and Wall-E start dancing it space, SHIT GOT REAL.

laurel

@mouthalmighty I remember thinking, oh, Starship Troopers, that sounds goofy and fun and not intense in any way, let's be epically high and sit in the front row for that.

sandwiches

@laurel hahahaha, noooooo, how did you survive with your sanity intact?!

liznieve

@Katie Walsh oh god OH GOD memories of going to see Waking Life in college blazed out of my mind: worst idea ever. "Is this real? I think this is a new animator. But they look so real! Is this real? Is life a cartoon? AhhhhhHHHHHHH!!"

likethestore

Thank you for the fond memories of my years living in Toronto.

Don
Don

This is like that time I found myself in some strangers shitty garage smoking out of a copper (yeah, probs toxic) pipe while some metal band (I hate metal) played METAL until I went outside to lay in the driveway and puke for 5 hours. I went back to that shitty garage everyday thereafter.

dham

I was relieved to find out this was about pot when I opened it. At first, I thought: I eat too many cookies every day! Will I die from cookies?!

Craftastrophies

@dham I thought it was 'the best time I ate so many cookies WHEN I went to the hospital' and I was like what, they have cookies at the hospital now?

emilythe5trange

Ugh, did anyone else get nauceous or light headed reading this? I feel clammy now and maybe like I'm about to start sweating? Not a good for the office.

I need a water but I'm afraid to stand up. I think that is the sign of reading a good story.

jamie schuh

Definitely don't eat a brownie and then go on the really big ferris wheel at the Seaside, NJ boardwalk. DEATH TERRORS.

whateverlolawants

@jamie schuh YES. In "Smiley Face", Anna Farris's character does that. WHY? I would probably curl up and die. She doesn't fare that well either.

Alixana

I have never done any illegal drugs because, when I was 10 or 11, I read the Sweet Valley High book in which one of the twins' friends, not knowing she has a heart defect, does a line of cocaine at a party and promptly keels over dead. My 10 or 11 year old self, knowing that I had some sort of heart murmur, took that to mean that doing any drugs would kill me instantly. And that (probable) misunderstanding got me through the peer-pressure years, and now I just have no interest. But I will add "pot cookies" to the list of things that will probably kill me on the spot.

Betsy Murgatroyd

@Alixana It was Regina! She was my favorite (as my avatar will attest) and I was so sad when she died. However, I am still alive after doing cocaine. I'm allergic to pot so I thought it would be a sufficient alternative. Oh early 20s, I don't miss you.

Alixana

@Betsy Murgatroyd Poor Regina, to die for the cause of anti-drug propaganda.

Ellie

@Alixana I'm so terrified that doing coke will kill me on the spot! I always heard the Len Bias story like he just keeled over on the spot, when actually he passed out in his room and maybe if someone had taken him to the hospital he would have lived? Of course that's more of a reason to do coke. I've done it a couple times but last time I had the opportunity I was in New York instead of Chicago where every kind of drug is pretty weak quality, and ended up turning down a line that had already been cut for me which I still kind of regret. I made a Len Bias joke and then had to explain who he was!

Feminist Killjoy

@Betsy Murgatroyd You're allergic to weed? What happens? So curious.

angelinha

@Alixana This is similar to how I feel about having sex without 2 forms of birth control. I will immediately get pregnant, no question. And then keel over dead.

Alixana

@klibberfish I think this is completely rational and logical!

Two-Headed Girl

The last time I had weed cookies, we watched Saved! and played video games in my friend's home theatre and it was excellent. (But now I can't really have weed because I guess it started making me paranoid? Boo.)

katekari

Haha, I actually thought that this article would be about non-pot cookies. And I was like, "How many cookies would you have to eat to get hospitalized?!?"

I like to think I am refreshingly naive.

Amber

OH GOD THIS HAPPENED TO ME, on a slightly less horrifying scale. I ate one whole pot brownie, made by my boyfriend. I think I can count on two hands the total number of times I have ever smoked pot. We ate the brownies and then went outside to grill some burgers. Some girl from his apartment building came out to try to ask us for something or other, but by this point I felt like I was sideways and my face was all tight. By the time we got inside to eat, I was so confused I could barely figure out how to put the meat on the bun. We sat down and decided to watch Alien because it was on TV (WHYYYYY DID WE DO THIS). I just kept getting higher and higher and more freaked out until I got to the point of erratic breathing. The movie was scaring the shit out of me and I cried into my boyfriend's shoulder until I realized that when I tried to talk, I couldn't form sentences. Then the twitching started. I couldn't control my body. I got super nauseated and had to crawl all of about seven feet to the bathroom but it took me what felt like an eternity to get there. I hung my head in the toilet and puked up probably everything I had ever eaten in my entire 27 years. Then comes my favorite part. I wanted to go to bed, but I couldn't get up the stairs to the bedroom so he seriously dragged me up a full flight of stairs by my arms. I finally got to bed but I couldn't go to sleep because I was pretty sure I was sinking into it. Somewhere around 8 pm (hahahaha) I fell asleep and when I woke up the next day I was mostly fine. But I will NEVERRRRR do it again.

Amber

@Amber I'm sorry I wrote a book about it.

Alice Prin

@Amber Mushrooms. Oh man. We thought it would be a SWELL idea to watch "The Adventures of Pete and Pete." WE WERE WRONG.

After several incidents of everyone agreeing there was something seriously wrong with both ceiling fans and also the bath towels, we thought it would help us to come down if we listened to Joanna Newsom records. WE WERE WRONG ABOUT THAT TOO.

So, we went to get some fresh air and ended up in an italian restaurant a couple of blocks away. Two of us were killed by Bono and the ghost of Frank Sinatra (that crappy posthumous duet was playing on the radio) and I spent several frantic moments informing the hostess that "WE ARE DEAD. CAN YOU SEE ME? WE ARE ALL DEAD I THINK. AND THE TOWELS."

Amber

@Alice Prin OH GOD JOANNA NEWSOM WHY! That voice! Oh no no no no. I can't even!

Alice Prin

@Amber We thought it would be soothing. But it was sort of like having your face and ears torn off by Elmo.

Probs

The first time I smoked I pretty vividly hallucinated that my chest grew a mouth (kind of like a venus flytrap, but fleshier and fangier-very Scanners, though I had never seen it) that ate many of the things in my parents' living room, including the Christmas tree. Also gravity seemed to be affecting my knees and elbows more than the rest of my body, and my friend's head was way, way too big. Yet I'm kind of nostalgic now that I may never smoke again for job reasons. Forbidden fruit, I guess?

nyikint

I know this thread is revolving around horror stories but does anyone have some good EASY recipes for weed consumption? I've been running so I don't want to smoke anything and man, making brownies is so labor intensive.

Something that takes 5 minutes and doesn't kill my aerobic capacity?

dham

@nyikin The easiest way is to make the pot butter (the same way you would for brownies) and eat it on toast (you can add peanut butter if you don't want to taste the pot). But it takes more than 5 minutes to make pot butter- online recipes seem to range from 10 to 60 min.

I should warn you, though, that this makes it very easy to eat too much! A bit of a butter goes a long way. I would start with a very small amount. I did this once, split an entire eighth between two other people, and proceeded to go crazy for 10 hours.

Once you make the butter, you can just keep it in a dish in a fridge for awhile.

hotdog

@nyikin I had a boyfriend in HS that just sat in the back of his family's mini-van and ate it, like a snack, on long car trips. Have fun?

Betsy Murgatroyd

@nyikin http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/Content?oid=109900 My roommate claims the stuffing was really good.

nyikint

@hotdog What? That works? I will try. Hopefully the placebo effect will kick in, at the very least!

@dham Alright pot butter seems like a good alternative. A couple of weeks ago in a fit of pique, I mixed weed into some almond butter and microwaved it and spread it on toast, and it didn't fucking work so I think I need to defer to real recipes from now on.

laurel

@dham You can also mix bar chocolate in it and put it on a cookie. Or a spoon. But yeah, standard cautions apply.

null

@nyikin Use a vaporizer!

Megatron

@nyikin when we used to make cake or brownies, we would put the pot into a cheesecloth satchel and heat the butter or oil until it was green-ish and fragrant. it always seemed to do the job.

Valley Girl

Green Butter! Making the butter is a bit labor intensive but you can make it in a crockpot pretty easily. Stinks up the house, of course, so maybe don't do it in a dorm room. But once that's done you can sub it into any recipe where you'd use regular butter, and cut it with regular butter to adjust to your taste/tolerance level. You can even FREEZE your green butter!

Plus, butter plus sugar equal caramel. Caramel plus popcorn equals CARAMEL CORN. Green caramel corn equals best movie snack ever.

AniaGosia

@Valley Girl @nyikin Crockpot - genius! I never thought of that! Best method I've found: boil with butter in some water - the bits fall to the bottom and the butter can be skimmed off the surface once the water cools.

bex.

@nyikin I am pretty sure you have to make it into pot butter or oil, something about it being fat soluble and needing to heat it up in something fatty to release the THC. Or something like that. But once you have the butter or oil ready, you can pretty much do anything with it. It's easy enough to make it up with a boxed brownie mix. Also, some people mix it with peanut butter to mask the taste or even mix it into regular dishes like stir fries (weed stir fry!!). It's very versatile!

redheaded&crazy

@nyikin The key is to smoke it before you go running, then the run is totally amazing and mind blowing!

oh wait, something something bad for your lungs? riiiiiiiight that.

Feminist Killjoy

@bex. Yes, this. This is also why eating straight weed will not get you high. Also, I heard it's bad for you, cause....uhhh, I forget, but something about spores or something.

hot dog princess

@nyikin Eating it straight up won't really get you high. You can make a firecracker! This is basically where you put weed (about 1/2 a gram to a gram) on a cracker with peanut butter and bake it in the oven for awhile. These work very well...HYPOTHETICALLY, A FRIEND TOLD ME, etc. There needs to be some kind of fat to extract the THC when you're eating stuff, so peanut butter works.

insouciantlover

@nyikin Oh I hope you see this - I made cannabis rice crispy treats last night. SO fucking easy.

1/4 cup pot butter
1 package mini marshmallows
1 8 oz box rice crispies

WA-LA!

nyikint

@insouciantlover Thanks - sounds delicious!

fleurdelivre

"I slapped her and also maybe pushed her, then calmly took my shirt off and lay on the table. 'But not because you told me to,' I told her."

BAHAHAHAHAHA!

backstagebethy

@fleurdelivre that was my favorite line!

Makeovertime@twitter

It does sound a lot like my "worst pot experience eva". I smoked some really potent nasty stuff and hallucinated (heard loud laughing) and was really REALLY on edge. I somehow passed out/fell asleep and woke up with a full-on panic attack. I screamed at my friend "call an ambulance, Im gonna die" and she kicked me, yep kicked me and said "There's no way Im gonna ring an ambulance go back to sleep"..well luckily for her (and me obvs) it was just a panic attack and no, im not still friends with her now. the bitch.

rebecca@twitter

This is barely related but once on a date I ate so much I threw up.

I am enough of a liability without drugs.

QuiteAmiable

@rebecca@twitter God, me too. Even Nyquil messes me up!

Michaela Daniel@facebook

My roommate used to bake brownies, and I had one for breakfast one morning like a genius and spent the day watching the shopping network and melting into the couch. Not very exciting.
I had a death-bell moment, though, with the one time I tried mushrooms, and it was all stems and dust, no caps, and I ejected all body fluids and then spent the rest of the night shivering in my truck bed watching green worms crawl everywhere.

backstagebethy

@Michaela Daniel@facebook Oh man, I have always said that mushrooms are the one drug I'd try if I got the chance, but maybe not now.

spoondisaster

@Michaela Daniel@facebook mushrooms are great! just start slow. better to think "oh, i wish i had eaten more" than "holy shit, never doing this again!" and i've learned not to smoke with hallucinogens, but YMMV.

isitisabel

I don't have a bad pot story, but only because I was working the night my friends decided to make brownies my freshman year of college. They didn't really know what they were doing and put WAY too much in, and everybody had a bad night. No hospitalization, but hallucinations and vomiting and all that fun stuff. I hung out with one of them the next afternoon (almost 24 hours later) and she was still high.

I guess the night I found out I should never ever mix weed and alcohol is a pretty good story, but it's more embarrassing than anything. I just got really dizzy and started blacking out (like when you stand up too fast), after like two drinks and a couple hits. BUT it happened when I was staying overnight with my older sister and we were at a birthday party for one of her friends, and it was the first time I had drank or smoked with my sister. I remember I kept repeating "I swear I can hold my liquor, this isn't normal!"

reebs14

When my college roommates and I decided to make brownies, none of us took into account the proper waiting period (from ingestion to balls-high), so we destroyed the entire pan within an hour and a half wondering why we didn't feel anything yet.

Cut to 2 hours after the first brownies were eaten: most of us glued to the couch because some glorious TV programmer had seen fit to air "A Very Brady Christmas" while one roommate was puking her face off in the bathroom. We tried to help, we really did.....but Peter Brady was wearing a nightshirt.

kayjay

I feel your pain SO HARD. I've been smoking weed steadily since I was 19, but I have never been able to ingest it without feeling horrible. Last time I did so was about 6 months ago. My boyfriend and I drove to Michigan for vacation, and we stopped off in my old 'hood in Ann Arbor to see some friends, who very graciously gave us some cookies. I ate one (just one) while we drove back home to New York, and all I wanted to do was chop off my own head to stop it from throbbing, then lie down in bed and die forever. I can do a million bong hits all night, but eating it? No fucking way never again.

WastedPaper

I love the part about her boyfriend's mom confessing her own embarrassing story. Reminded me of my one and only trip to Sicily - I was already feeling kind of loopy due to jet-lag/fatigue, plus is the wine more potent there? Anyway, my then-MIL and I stayed up wayyyy too late, having a booze-fueled chit-chat about stuff we NEVER would have talked about sober. I also don't remember everything we talked about, but I know she referred to giving a bj as "doing him a favor," which I thought was adorable.

But our relationship definitely became a little weird and awkward after that night, so I'm glad the writer didn't suffer the same fate.

breccia

I'm sorry to laugh at your story because being in that situation SUCKS but oh my gosh SHARK HEADS.

my worst was COOKIES AND THEN ALICE IN WONDERLAND IN 3D.
you guyssss. what was even going on in that film?? I feel like even if I was sober I would have had several questions for Tim Burton.

Surviving that film and subsequent evening is one of my crowning achievements, tbh. I am super proud that I never a) barfed, b) asked someone to take me to the hospital because I was having a heart attack, c) cried, d) told people to leave me in the theater after the movie ended because I no longer had control over my body and could not stand up, or e) died by walking into traffic because I couldn't take my eyes off 1 square foot of ground directly beneath my feet as I walked.

AniaGosia

@breccia mushrooms plus alice in 3d. woah.

rabbitheart

@breccia Ugh girl I feel you, except when we did this, we didn't make it to the movie because we all forgot how to get to the theatre. In the town where we lived. Yup.

Oh, squiggles

Somehow I think I would be capable of reenacting this whole story with just regular cookies. But not store bought, homemade. Those things should be a monitored substance. Worse than crack. I think? I don't know, worse than what I think crack is like as far as addictive substances go...that better?

Barry Grant

Oh, and don't dump a wad of Mexican Headache Weed into your spaghetti sauce, no matter how attractive the green opalescence looks. Becuse when you try to play Monopoly after dinner you won't make it much past Ventnor Avenue.

Nicole Cliffe

I went to bed in the middle of the afternoon because TOO MUCH, and then my mom woke me up and asked if I could go get the dog, who had somehow gotten stuck behind this barbed-wire fence, and I feel like it took an hour to accomplish, and was terrifying, and the dog went very quiet and still, like "oh, wow, she is barely holding it together," and then I never ever ever fell for the "I'm not feeling it, I'm gonna have another" trap again.

loudmouthedgirl

@Nicole Cliffe Oh man, the first time I ate pot cookies I too did the "I'm not feeling it, I'm gonna have another" thing. Amazingly the experience did not turn out as badly as you might expect. I definitely felt like I was WAY TOO HIGH, but the evening just ended with myself and two friends having a contest to see who could do the most push-ups, and then I dragged the guy who I was sleeping with at the time home with me. Let me just say, that was FUN (totally not being sarcastic).

AniaGosia

@Nicole Cliffe I did the "I'm not feeling it, I'm gonna have another" thing in Reno and had the craziest trip as a result - the carpets! the wallpaper! the flashing lights! It was super fun but I now have to remind myself to not eat anymore. No more! No, really.

werewolfbarmitzvah

Every pot brownie/cookie experience I have seems to end in ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ before any crazy stories can even happen!

sandwiches

@werewolfbarmitzvah yeah, I have a habit of falling asleep off a contact high; the one time I tried a pot cookie (which was grossly crumbly and grossly sweet) my tongue felt funny for a little while, kind of buzzy. And then I fell asleep. & that's why whiskey is my social lubricant of choice.

no way

These stories are great. I am a little surprised that some folks are so down on pot, though. As mentioned above, alcohol will fuck your shit up so much worse and more dependably than weed.

My black out stories aren't very much fun, but I do have a great pot extract story. It was my family's last night in Berlin, three years ago. My partner had never been abroad and was nervous about everything. He was pretty weed dependent at the time, but couldn't bring it oversees, clearly, so he'd found some extract in grape seed oil or something. The guy at the dispensary didn't think it was very potent or useful, so he'd just given it to my dude for free. My partner used it throughout the trip, but thought it didn't have much more than a placebo effect.

So the last night, we're in our motel room and the bags are packed and I want to close out the night with something different and ask if I can have some. Partner says take it all, it's nothing much. So I do. And nothing really happens. We go to sleep ready to fly out early the next morning. About a half hour after falling asleep I wake up with this odd warmth radiating from my gut. It pulsates upward through my body. It's like a living organism stretching through my veins. I proceed to trip all night long; staring into the bathroom mirror, watching my face age over and over, tiptoeing around the room trying to come to terms with life and death, careful to not wake my man, thinking I just might be a skeleton.

When it's time to go the next morning, I have not slept more than an hour. I fall asleep in the lobby. I fall asleep in the cab to the airport. I sleep through both flights, and through all the meals. It was the best transatlantic flight I've ever experienced.

null

@no way This story is great. I was thinking the same thing re: your first sentiment... I've had way worst experiences on alcohol than weed. Like, I've never been so high I slept with a questionable dude and regretted it the next day.

Briony Fields

I'm totally getting a contact high from reading this post. That's how potent those cookies are.

Paper Table

Every time I smoke reefer I remember how much I like it, but I never go and buy it from drug dealers because I am too much of a dork to know how to buy it. Two weeds, please? I don't know.

paisami

@Paper Table if i was a drug dealer, i would give you three weeds for the price of two just for how adorable that is.

pedgehog

1. I was in Costa Rica with my boyfriend and we were staying with one of our fellow do-gooder farm volunteers at a B&B that had a sign on the front desk announcing that they made the best magic brownies in town. We thought we would be prudent and just split one between the three of us. There was no noticeable effect. We went out to a restaurant. I got bitten by fire ants, but the other two didn't and I thought I might be losing my mind. One hour later, we heard someone drop something on the floor, and then simultaneously realized that none of us had said a word for a whole hour. We must have just been sitting there, totally zoned out.

2. I made special brownies with a friend a couple months ago and every conversation I had that night seemed to take place in a visible cloud. Like, there was a cloud around the words. Also the pizza guy called us back to tell us they were out of some ingredient we wanted, and I told him to "chill out, man."

Alice Prin

ESTHER. COOKIES. HELP US.

charizard

Note to the disdainfully drug-free Pinners: this is not a normal amount of weed. It really is not. In fact, even novice smokers would get tired of inhaling and lighting over and over in order to get this high. OP probably had something with hash oil, which is really freakin' concentrated and not really the norm.

charizard

@charizard Oh, and forgot to mention: hash brownies are a lovely way to pass the time in an airport (and going through TSA) before a flight. Let me just say that I started my Bermuda vacation well before the plane landed. I loudly opted for the enhanced patdown and enjoyed every second, let me tell you.

Craftastrophies

@charizard I just want to say I am not disdainfully drug-free. I am anxiously drug-free. Although I would never date another pot head (not the same as casual smoker, obvs) I'm not really fussed when others do it. But these days the smell gives me a migraine and I've always been worried about my obsessive and anxious self + addictive substances = badness for all. The comments are sort of making me a bit sad that I'm abstemious, but you know. Self-knowledge is a wonderful, if boring, thing.

Porn Peddler

The first time I smoked weed, I got pretty damn high and then was told we had to walk clear across the city of Boston, and I had no fucking idea how I was going to manage that. Halfway through the walk, I start hearing this crazy wailing in the distance, and suddenly all the people on the sidewalk move aside and my friend pushed me back against a wall and says, "OH MY GOD STAND BACK YOU ARE ABOUT TO SEE THE BEST THING EVER IN BOSTON." Just then, Louie comes cresting over a hill in front of me and comes careening down the sidewalk wailing away. Boston Pinners, y'all know what I'm talking about. I laughed so hard I had tears running down my face. For about 20 minutes.

Megoon

Anyone remember the Freaks and Geeks where Lindsay gets high and then has to go babysit? Oh my lord I love that show.

backstagebethy

@Megoon I just watched that last night (I am watching the series for the first time)!!! So funny.

AniaGosia

@Megoon I love Freaks and Geeks! What a great show. I love the ending too (@backstagebethy I won't spoil it for you)

Heaven_Lee

"I saw two men in suits who had shark heads. OH, I realized, existence is meaningless" THE BEST!

paisami

my worst pot experience happened last new years - about two weeks after my boyfriend of four years broke up with me (two days before our fourth anniversary, six days before christmas, details i like to add because oh my god ridiculous), was meant to get my drink on with a friend, who bailed due to being wasted when i got there. awkwardly hung out with the ex and his friends, got awkwardly invited to a house party, at which i smoked an unreasonable amount, was fine for about an hour (during which this song changed my life: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXjRpCRcOcg), then curled into a ball in a chair and realised my skin had fused to itself everywhere any part of me was touching another part of me? so sat there for two hours, went out for the countdown and was terrified of fireworks and realised what a dick my ex was, then called my mom and feebly asked to go home. ugh. not even FUNNY hallucinations.

aside from that, my experience with weed has been overwhelmingly positive, except for watching akira with the aforementioned ex while we were together. holy crap. we were also two feet from the screen though, so.

paisami

@paisami - a happier story:

one time i came home from smoking with a few guys i sort of knew from secondary school but who could roll and were good stoned company, sat in bed listening to music and drawing my wardrobes for a while because they were just so very interesting, when this song came on, and i was like, "oh my god. this is the most beautiful thing i have ever heard, it speaks to me, it is perfection. i am so exquisitely happy. i will listen to this song, and i will go to sleep immediately afterwards, and i will have the most glorious dreams. this song will be my anthem forever." and i duly did, but then i woke up and looked at my ipod, and the perfect, beautiful song was living on a prayer. so.

rabbitheart

UGH eating weed is so bad! besides having a super slow metabolism (I end up high like three hours after everyone else, ie. when everyone is finally going to bed at bonnaroo, etc) there is this:

senior year of college my bff and i thought it would be soooo super fun to make everyone weed brunch for 420, which was a huge deal at our school. we used an OUNCE to a pound of butter, which was, looking back, too much weed for eating, and probably too much for living, but onward:

we put the butter in the scones (gluten free, mind you) and the green scrambled eggs and the home fries and we used it on the toast and i think we just left some out for people to spread on things. all our friends came over and everybody ate our delicious weed brunch and then we went outside to enjoy the school-sanctioned experimental noise band playing on the lawn, except it quickly became clear that everyone was too high to function, much less sit around and listen to SPOOKY NOISE ROCK like a normal liberal arts student.

my friend started yelling that the devil was in her bracelet, and someone told me i had meth face (?) and it went downhill from there. i was pretty good with substances back then, but i gave up after an hour of trying to smoke a cigarette (it just wouldn't stay in my mouth?) and tried to take a nap, except i was so freaked out because if anyone went to the hospital, i'd be the one to get kicked out of school because i had thrown the brunch. instead of the lovely nap i was hoping for, i had six hours of sheer terror while watching the wood grain on my closet door morph into the disappointed faces of multiple hollywood celebrities. also, i could still hear that goddamned noise rock from inside my dorm room.

i was high for like the next three days (best metabolism! hate!) and everybody admitted they barfed.

fini

ellening

Ugh, pot brownie story coming at ya.

So, I was visiting a friend at her mom's house. She and her mom ate a small pot cookie, then her mom took a *huge* pot brownie and gave it to me, and said, 'you might want to eat only half of that first.' I dutifully waited, as it was my first time injesting pot, I wanted to be soooo careful. Of course it hadn't kicked in after half an hour, so YEAH, I ATE THAT SECOND HALF.

My friend very sweetly decides to sleep on the living room floor with me (they didn't have a guest room), and so she makes up a blanket bed and turns out the lights, and promptly goes to sleep. Her mom goes to bed.

I am *SO* stoned at this point. I'm sitting on the couch. The TV is on. My short term memory dies on me. It took me years to find the remote, days to orient the remote, ages to locate the power button, and eons to push the power button and put down the remote. I then sat on the couch, in the dark, for hours, tripping balls. I got really hot, and I reeeeally wanted to take off my t-shirt, but didn't want to get all naked and embarrass myself, so I think I kinda just shifted my sleeves up a bit.

I then finally thought, I'm gonna lay down on the couch. So I did, but it seemed like I did it a thousand times. I started to see the underside of bird's wings, really close up. Bluejays and sparrows. Everything I saw or thought repeated itself a thousand times in my head exactly the same way, and I thought I would never experience an original and new thing ever again. I got up and puked in the bathroom sink, cleaned it up, and then lay back down again. A THOUSAND TIMES.

I finally fell asleep - was still a wee bit high the next day, but nothing like the night before. Holy Crackers.

Chloe H@twitter

My best-worst drug moment: I was at a party with a few friends a bunch of Rocky Horror live show performers that I only barely knew. So keep in mind, I'm wearing my RHPS best for this whole evening. To set the scene: this party was at an apartment nicknamed futurehaus, which was decorated with gargoyles, broken bits of mirror, and most notably, a full table set for tea- on the ceiling. So basically, the place was a drug trip even for the sober folks.
Anyway, we get there and start drinking. Then the host (a rainbow-haired, tattooed, vampire-like creature), starts handing out shrooms. I take those, and go lie down in a balloon pit that had been set up in the basement. Later, because the shrooms weren't quite doing it for me, I wandered out into the main room where a bunch of half naked people were smoking and taking hits of nitrous. At that point, I went and sat down on a Saint Andrew's Cross (google it) in the corner. After a while, the host offered me some acid, which I accepted for reasons that are still unclear to me.
Cut to about an hour later, and I'm tripping balls at 5 AM in a room where a fog machine is running at full blast and some lesbians are making out on the floor. I spent the rest of the morning petting my friend's hair and staring at the melting walls. I also saw my mother at one point, I believe. Somehow, through this, I remained lucid enough to text my friends a completely grammatically-correct account of the experience.
So, in conclusion, doing acid on a whim worked out okay for me, but I was also very very dumb and no one should ever take my advice. The end.

Craftastrophies

@Chloe H@twitter My only experience with acid was second hand. My bff took some, and called me the next day. I spent three hours on the phone with her listening to her talk veryveryfast about all the things that were happening. They sounded AMAZING.

Jamie Peck

Are you sure it was just weed in those cookies? It sounds like there was some other bad mojo in the one you ate to cause such a violent reaction. Or maybe, omg, you're ALLERGIC TO WEED? I've heard that is a thing.

I will say that the second most fucked up I've ever been was from half of a space cake in Amsterdam. I was just walking around for hours like "WTF, WORLD?"

redheaded&crazy

oh my gosh! this story! I have wanted to comment so badly all day and I was at WORK and I felt like I shouldn't even be READING it and the comments are so good and hilarious and my supervisor is like "WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING" and aaahhhhh hahahahahah

in 1st year university my entire floor turned off the lights in our residence and consumed pot brownies - a combination of people totally new to weed (like me), very experienced with weed, and somewhat experienced and we all got FUCKED UP. Especially all being in the dark, there was just so much hallucinating and stoned wandering not to mention you could just go into any room and find people doing weird stoner interpretations of itunes visualizations.

looking back ... god we were such freshmen.

BoozinSusan

@redheadedandcrazy That's actually pretty awesome. Better to try it your first time with a freaking VILLAGE of people doing the same thing, so you can share the crazy.

redheaded&crazy

also I LOVE THAT THIS TAKES PLACE IN TORONTO LETS SMOKE TOGETHER ALL THE TIME.

trefoil

No! No marijuana was not decriminalized in Canada--the former liberal gov't intended to but the bill was never passed. It's still a criminal offense to posess pot in any amount in Canada, and the mandatory minimums are going up if the current gov't has anything to do with it. Please write to your MP and protest the omnibus crime bill!
-not legal advice, just information, other disclaimery stuff-

Sarah in Japan

I feel like there need to be more happy weed stories, to counteract the fear here?

One time I decided to stay in playing Final Fantasy 9, smoke a bit, and order Dominos online for minimal human interaction. When the guy came with the pizza, I acted as neutrally as I could (even though the guy most likely didn't care/was used to weeded customers). He gave me a big box to hold as he got my pizza out the bag. After I'd paid, I went to give him the box back, and he said it was mine, that I'd won it or something? It was full of mini bags of peanut m and ms, around 3kg worth. The best part was after I'd finished the pizza, and I had the sadness I always get when the meal is over, and I realised I had more peanut m and ms than I could understand.

werewolfbarmitzvah

@Sarah in Japan That's a beautiful story.

ohpioneer

So, I definitely thought this article was about eating "too many cookies" - non-pot cookies, that is.

Anyway, I've had some seriously wonderful drug experiences, but, in keeping with the trend of this thread I will relay a terrible drug induced incident of my own:

Setting: mushrooms at a camp in the fall... I was having a wonderful time and needed to go to the bathroom. the camp had been closed since the end of August and it was well into November at that point. I went into the public restroom to take care of my dainty needs. I looked down into the toilet and (cue the psycho violins) there was a motionless 3 month old, moldy, festering shat staring back at me. I couldn't look away. It was terrible. TERRIBLE, I tell you. I was shaking and I couldn't figure out how to unlock the stall door. I was trapped in the stall with the awful poo!!! I started whimpering. My boyfriend at the time had to talk me through unlocking the stall.

I quickly recovered and had an incredible experience, despite my incident with the terrible poo.

Xanthophyllippa

@ohpioneer But there was actually a poo, right? Not a hallucinated poo? (Hallucipoo?)

ohpioneer

@Xanthophyllippa oh, yeah... definitely a real-life poo in there. (hallucipoo is great.)

cee-low

Ahhh, the Kindred Cafe. I do remember when I had the pleasure of the "milkshake". We were walking down that strip of Yonge street and I blurted out: "Yeah, let's get a bucket" only to have my friends respond in laughter and weird looks - apparently they weren't talking about KFC, chicken or food at all.

miwome

"Of course, when I turned around to find some water, I saw two men in suits who had shark heads. OH, I realized, existence is meaningless, and tried to find the words to explain that to my boyfriend."

This is so good. So so good. I feel like you could write a really entertaining YA or maybe just fiction novel? Is that weird, it is just what crossed my mind.

Ka$hleen

this has happened to me. 2 whole days of 'i'm 90% sure i'm having a stroke.'

i'd say never again, but that would be such a lie.

Princess Slaya

@atipofthehat This happened to me too!!!!!!! UGH! I had snuck out of my house and was in a random hotel room. I think I was 14? Anyway, it's comments like the ones on this story that make me happy to read this blog. I think about death all the time. It's the worst when I think about it right when I am going to go to bed. Then I can't sleep.

This one time I did DXM the night before I had a final, I think I ended up squat/crawling across campus reciting lines from Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. I then did that and brushed my teeth in the bathroom that had a black and white checkered floor. I imagined I was Johnny Depp in Wonderland, and the white rabbit was talking to me.

I think I got a B on the final. It was 20th century composers.

staticgirl

When they made this stuff called Kronic illegal, a kinda 'legal weed substitute', I bought 2 packs because everywhere was selling them super cheap, and one morning I smoked some, by myself, outside the front of my flat, because I was having a fucking shitty day. I smoked the tiniest amount, went back inside, and realized something was super wrong. It was like being the highest I've ever been, but terrifying. And my heart started racing so hard that it physically hurt my chest. I was freaking out that it was all in my head, so I called my flatmate who took my pulse and could feel my heart beating super hard and I couldn't stop crying because I didn't want to be the idiot who dies on some substance and enforces the idea that we should make all drugs illegal. That was awful. Eventually after a lot of slow breathing I got it to stop, but I felt awful, and was just minutes away from calling an ambulance and looking like a total idiot.

Bewilderforce

Wow, these comments are crazy! Not crazy as in the people commenting are crazy, crazy as in I have never heard any of these things before and find them kind of terrifying. I have literally never heard of anyone throwing up from weed before and I am often in company with those who use it (and occasionally partake myself)! I usually just feel really sleepy and think everything's funny. I'm thinking I should count myself lucky.

insouciantlover

Just to add a cheery sidebar, I have eaten more pot food than you can shake a stick at (trust me, I've tried! The stick just falls apart. Won't work) and have only had, like, 2.5 negative experiences.

You wanna talk bad trips? I'll tell you about the time I took four hits of acid in the desert and was chased by a giant rubber duck for hours. My friends, tired of babysitting my totally transcendent ass, dumped me on some lawn chairs and gave me a valium. I thought I was sitting on a pile of beached squids until the valium kicked in and then I peed for like, ten minutes straight and it felt so good.

NellieBly

@insouciantlover When I first read that, for some reason I saw "chased by a giant rubber dick for hours." And either way it is hilarious.

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