The Beauty Gift/Curse
Looking at the women on those [fashion magazine] pages, you can see that beauty is not just a racist and classist ideal. It is something to admire, to be seized and elevated by, to long for, envy. However much I sympathize with the aims of beauty studies, I am troubled by LaFrance's approving citation of a study arguing that asking women to smile is "street harassment" and infringes on their rights. … Nor can I agree with Hamermesh's assertion: "In many cases our preferences against the ugly are no different from our socially unproductive discrimination against minorities." I don't recall reading about a lynching of an overweight person; nor do I recall reading about a short person being told to get to the back of the bus. …
But there are plenty of ugly, rich old people, unsightly boomer megazillionaires, and downright unpleasing-to-the-eye successful TV pundits and Wall Streeters. So lacking beauty does not doom you to foreclosure and the trailer park.
Author Rachel Shteir takes a stroll through the beauty-book aviary for The Chronicle.
Saying "Smile!" to a stranger on the street can quickly shift to saying "Hey! Stop punching me!"
I think the whole telling-a-stranger-to-smile thing was brought up before, and people had suggestions for how to respond to those people. But I forgot what they were and would like to have a real zinger ready for the next time someone tells me to smile. Something clever. Suggestions?
@Mere
"When I finish mourning the death of… [hands over face, racked with sobs for a moment; then walk away shakily without making eye contact]
@Mere I favor an icy "I'm not here to decorate your world."
@hedgehog "Our Baby's going to change the world."
"And what's Lisa going to do?"
"She's going to decorate it!"
"She already does."
@hedgehog We also really need a work-appropriate rejoinder to "You look tired," because frankly I AM tired of hearing people comment on my rest status or lack thereof.
@Mere If it's a relatively harmless old person, I go with a curt "I'd rather not." The other end of the spectrum, people who are giving off a vibe of "Hey there, object, stop having feelings when you're supposed to be looking nice for my benefit!" usually get the reciprocal order of "Go fuck yourself."
@Mere Have your canines sharpened, and when they say that, break into a demonic grin.
@Mere I always went with "Fuck you, old man" and then flipping the (inevitably seriously old) dude a double-bird while walking away. I think I was a lot of pushy, sexist senior-dudes' "delinquent teenage horrorshow" story when I was in high school.
@TDF@twitter The weirdest part about the tired comment is that I seem to get it when I'm feeling the most rested I've felt in weeks and when I am ACTUALLY dead tired no one notices. But I guess it just shows how idiotic a remark it is.
@Mere
My zinger: "fuck off"
@Mere "I'LL EAT YOUR CHILDREN!!!"
@Mere "Funny, that's what my last boyfriend said just before I disembowelled him."
@TDF@twitter "I guess this means I don't have to come into work until then! Right? Right."
So many bazingas! Thanks for the ideas. I'm going to practice them.
@Mere – When someone says "Smile!" I say "Dance!" If they comply, it's funny, and I'll probably smile.
If they don't, we're still even.
@Mere Last time it happened to me, I said "Don't tell me to smile–you don't know what's going on in my life!" and got the rather pathetic comeback "Well, you don't know what's going on in mine!". "Nothing that requires me to smile", I responded. Ugh. What a jerk.
@Mere "I am."
@oeditrix
I always just look horrified and ask "AT YOU?" in a revulsion-dripping voice.
I must say it seems to work.
@Mere Ugh some guy in the grocery store yesterday said, "Excuse me, ma'am, I think you dropped your face." I think what I actually did was just stare at him in rage (f- flames, on the side of my face, breathing, heaving breaths), but in my mind I was screaming EXCUSE ME I THINK YOU CAN GO FUCK YOURSELF.
@Casanova Frankenstein that's when you say "oh no, I didn't drop it, I just put it in my purse… let me get it out here…. BOOM!" (big old middle finger in their face)
@Mere I've been physically unable to smile ever since the accident.
@Mere I like: "I'll smile when you're dead." Is that too unladylike?
But there are plenty of ugly, rich old people, unsightly boomer megazillionaires, and downright unpleasing-to-the-eye successful TV pundits and Wall Streeters. So lacking beauty does not doom you to foreclosure and the trailer park.
but aren't all those ugly rich old people men? i don't have a problem with the article overall, but it seems like a weird assertion to make as if it is non-gendered.
@blahstudent
For a minute there I thought I was rich.
@blahstudent IFKR? Ugly rich old WHITE men, at that. Intersectionality, how does it fucking work?
@Valley Girl plus, i bet a lot of those ugly rich old white dudes were once strapping young abercrombie and fitch models. even howard dean was hot when he was in in his 20s!
@blahstudent Not to mention, it seems more socially acceptable for men to be overweight than women. Look at the whole paradigm of "overweight average-looking man married to thin, blonde woman" in sitcoms.
@klemay "Ugly girlfriend, means he's got no self-confidence."
If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife. Now – from my personal point of view – get an ugly girl to marry you.
@klemay Yeah, considering fat women earn $13,000 grand than their thinner counterparts, while fat men don't get penalized in the same way, there's still a hell of a lot of gendered oppression built into the whole "beauty" thing.
@melis If her face is ugly, her eyes don't match – take it from me she's a better catch.
@Ophelia SAY MAN
I SAW YOUR WIFE THE OTHER DAY
AND MA-A-A-A-A-AN IS SHE UGLY
@melis Yeah, she's ugly, but she sure can cook!
@Valley Girl while the discrepancy between caucasian and african american median incomes is more like $8000. so comparing this type of discrimination to racism doesn't seem unreasonable.
plus, weren't some ugly women basically lynched during the Salem witch trials based largely on their appearance/age? So even the straw man argument they try to set up just to knock down… actually stands up to a certain degree.
@Ophelia She may be ugly, but her vagina is exquisite!
@blahstudent Um, what about that lady with the hotels, who left all her dough to her dog. She wasn't a pretty sight. No, it's true. You have to be ruthless to be rich, usually, though beauty is not an unwelcome additional advantage. I've met plenty of rich people and believe me, they're all ruthless. Even the nice ones. They're obliviously ruthless, not aware of how ruthless they are.
Yeah, being told by strangers to smile IS street harassment and is completely gendered and related to historical and ongoing attempts to infringe women's bodily autonomy. But, hey, scare quotes are more fun, I guess?
@Valley Girl
Sourpuss.
@Valley Girl Thinking gives you wrinkles!
@Valley Girl And wrinkles make you look old, which, in our youth-idealizing culture, makes you ugly, which…doesn't matter according to this article?
I haven't ever considered the "Smile, you'll look prettier" thing to be about social prioritization of beauty over ugliness. I have always seen it is as a sexist thing: they're basically saying "I don't care how you feel. Your body exists for me to look at and take pleasure from."
No joke, a PROFESSOR told me "Why don't you smile, you'd look so much nicer."
@gobblegirl Not only, "I don't care how you feel," but "I control you." Like, I'm the boss, so I walk around saying bossing you about your own face, and you're the underling, so you do what I say.
@leastimportantperson
@gobblegirl
So, you not only look grouchy, you are grouchy?
@atipofthehat Haha, no, I have no inner life.
@leastimportantperson
I used to but you're so beautiful I forgot what it was. Did you say something?
@atipofthehat
Alvy: Here, you look like a very happy couple, um, are you?
Lady: Yeah.
Alvy: Yeah? So, so, how do you account for it?
Lady: Uh, I'm very shallow and empty and I have no ideas and nothing interesting to say.
Man: And I'm exactly the same way.
My best story about men feeling entitled to women's bodies (I feel like I may have told this here before though … it STILL infuriates me though!!!)
Overheard sitting in the showroom of a car dealership having just picked up the keys to my new car:
Car salesman talking on phone: Yeah man I was walking down the street and I saw this hot girl in front of me, sexy sun dress all that … Yeah man, smoking hot … Yeah I tried to get a picture up her skirt but couldn't make it.
OKAY 1. YOU ARE NOT ENTITLED TO TAKE PICTURES UP WOMEN'S SKIRTS WITHOUT THEIR PERMISSION.
2. LET ALONE TO BRAG ABOUT IN THE SHOWROOM OF YOUR WORKPLACE. THE SHOWROOM. THE SHOWROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM.
*fumes* It made me so angry that I could not leave that dealership at that second and never give them my business ever ever ever again.
@redheadedandcrazy
The Best Time Beauty Wanted To Poke the Eye of the Beholder?
@redheadedandcrazy I've never really understood the whole upskirt thing. Do these people think that attractive women have, like, secret magical gussets?
@Faintly Macabre
I can only imagine what they think they'll see.
"It's here! It's the fountain of youth this whole time!"
"I was right! Gumdrops everywhere!"
"I FOOOOUUUUND HIM! JIMMY HOFFA IT'S YOUUUUUU!"
@Faintly Macabre
I try not to wonder because I am afraid that the answer is really really disturbing!
@redheadedandcrazy The Best Time I Smashed All The Car Windows In Sight? Ugggggggghhhhh what a horrible, terrible person. Did you write a letter to his boss? I hope you wrote a letter.
@redheadedandcrazy Almost the same thing happened to me, except it was a horribly racist comment. And tecnically, I had only signed the contract and given him a €3000 down payment. I did give him a deathglare though.
@Diana Eee I don't like thinking about the fountain of youth in that context
@redheadedandcrazy – Post it on yelp.com under the dealership's reviews. I would avoid a dealership based on that alone, and so would others.
The Best Time I Set A Car Dealership On Fire, seriously.
I did not complain to the manager – I did complain to the guy who actually sold me the car which is super useless due to, he is not a manger, and I WILL post it on yelp!
@redheadedandcrazy
It's never ever too late to write a letter! And you never know, maybe someone else wrote a similar letter, and the manager was like "Oh that's ridiculous" but if the manager also receives your letter, s/he will be pushed into firing the juicebox. Who will then die, alone.
@Inkcrafter Good points! Okay my Christmas holiday goal is to write a letter to that manager. And hey everybody in Toronto, don't go to courtesy chevrolet. those sons of bitches!
i tried to read the entire article, but there were too many words.
it seemed like maybe she had some valid points?
but then she brought the "smile!" thing up and I decided I didn't like it.
(this is your brain on finals)
@teenie From the quote, it sounds like the article's author is trying to find reasons to disagree. I mean, it seems super-weird to rebut what appears very strongly to be an argument about discrimination of the "I am moving your application to the bottom of the pile automatically in spite of your excellent qualifications and sterling references because you are black" with "Nobody ever got lynched for being ugly." Unless she doesn't understand what lynching is?
@wharrgarbl yes, i agree. and it seemed that she was jumping all over the place to get support for her argument that wasn't really support (the smiling thing doesn't seem an especially good way to make her point about discrimination against the "ugly").
your point about the reality of discrimination (resume to the the bottom of the pile) vs her perception of discrimination (jim crow, essentially) is good. it is a stretch, almost like a straw man argument, no?
@teenie Yeah. I have some free-floating antipathy to the whole "anti-ugly discrimination" thing, but I have a lot of really concrete, firmly-tethered antipathy to weak arguments and shitty logic.
@wharrgarbl Yes, this. I consistently want to know about people who allege discrimination on the basis of ugliness, if there are any.
I AM smiling! God! This is just how my face looks!
: D
I had trouble getting past this comment by "ColoCoug" following the article:
"As a father of two daughters, I'm delighted that both are tall, attractive and intelligent. I hope they get every possible advantage from their beauty and other characteristics, because I want them to succeed. They would be foolish not to take every ethical advantage of what they have.
I try to appreciate everyone for what they contribute to work and personal life, but I know that some physical and personality traits (in addition to intelligence) will take people much farther than others. Beauty is not unfair, beauty simply is a fact. Nature gives more to some than other…so it is, and so it shall remain."
aaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. what?
My friend often said life is lack of passion till he met a cutest girl Angel on –CasualLoving dot c'0m–. It's where for men and women looking for intimate encounters.
It's a first and safe place for people who wanna to start a short-term relationship….no bounds or limits in front of true love.