Thursday, December 15, 2011


Quick Cocktails to Sneak Past Your Family

Even though you're well beyond legal age and your parents are beyond aware of your wine-chugging habits, peeling lemon rind into a homemade cocktail at Grandma's over the holidays will make your family think you're a lush. These people think of you as a tall version of the cutie-pie they used to put in Aladdin footie pajamas, not the boozehound who eats bagels in the morning out of necessity, not choice. The less they know, the better!

If you're the kind of girl whose mother will start sending liver-related Prevention articles on the regular if she realizes how much liquor her daughter actually enjoys consuming, it's time to get your sneaky holiday drinking on.

Shirley Whirly Temple:

1. At the dinner table, ask those li'l nuggets you call nieces and nephews if they want a snazzy jazzy Shirley Temple made by their big cool Aunt.

2. Tell your sister you meant yourself, not her.

3. Excuse yourself like the hero that you are, and proceed to wherever the booze is housed at festivities.

4. Throw some ginger ale and grenadine in a cup for the young'ns, and pour a half-glass of your favorite clear booze of choice into yours.

5. Add a handful of maraschino cherries to each cup.

6. Add another handful. It's Jesus's birthday, y'aaaalll! Time to celebraaaate!

7. Head back to the table, and use whatever skills you learned from that time you waitressed in high school to make sure you don't serve a seven-year-old your boozy cherry float.

Long Island Iced Tea:

1. Lounge around the drink/bar area with a can of Coke like you're just hanging, just chilling, just being one of the adults like the adult that you are.

2. Casually pour tequila, rum, and whatever sweet liquid that's closest to triple sec or sour mix into a cup. (Think fruit punch, sweetened tea, or Squirt, if your family has a preference for imposslble-to-find lemon-lime sodas.)

3. Taste it, quietly make an "eeyyyuuguhh!" noise, and put it beside you like you're done with it even though you're not. Mild lying: also an ingredient.

4. Pour vodka and gin into a new glass, and when no one's looking, combine the two cups.

5. Continually add Coke whenever a close-talking aunt comes nearby, or when the room starts swirling into a rainbow of red and green.

Side note: if your parents are old-school and you're concerned about your mouth being like a Dentyne Ice commercial with vodka breath instead of icicles, keep a jar of peanut butter nearby. One of the bad kids at my high school said it covers up any boozy scent, and she once went to a rainbow party, so she probably knows.

Makeshift Martini:

1. Walk around wherever the pre-dinner snacks are, casually putting a cracker, some blue cheese and an assortment of olives on your plate.

2. Eat half the cracker. It's a decoy. (Don't you feel like James Bond right now?)

3. Push some of the cheese into each of the green olives while slyly asking the nearest teenager to sneak you some gin. Your family almost expects them to steal booze, and they'll feel like they're on some secret fun adult liquor mission.

4. Eat the other half of the cracker. Eh, you have a few minutes to kill, you were gonna eat it anyway.

5. Get the cup of gin back before they attempt to drink it all, and pop the olives into your glass like it's nothing. If anyone asks what's floating in there, say your yoga instructor told you olive water is full of antioxidants and you'll be in the clear. No one wants to hear anyone talk about yoga, ever.

Vodka Ice:

1. Get crushed ice from the refrigerator door.

2. Add vodka.

3. Apologize later.

Carlye Wisel spends most family functions eating black olives off each finger and avoiding conversations about why she won't move back to the Midwest. Find more of her debatably terrible ideas on Awkward City, Population 1.

122 Comments / Post A Comment


Vodka Ice! it's the drink I lost my hard liquor cherry on.

Also Rum and Coke and Rums are an awesome way to go. If you can find an old can of coke and lime you can make Cuba Libres (heavy on the Cuba).


@Onymous as a notorious mostly-vodka-some-soda drinker, my heart is warmed by this so-called vodka ice. alcoholic water forever.

one cow.

@Onymous Me, too! It was my go-to drink for like a year. I didn't even realize that it made everyone else really concerned for my well-being.


this is the perfect way to LET your family know that you are a lush. sure, these tips may work for hiding the alcohol but THEY CAN SMELL IT ON YOUR BREATH.


@bonus No, they'll just wonder why you're walking around with a spoon and a jar of peanut butter.

femme cassidy

@gobblegirl My family is used to me doing that.


The pink Qream looks like Strawberry Quik!


I don't drink, but I do like subterfuge. Maybe I can do this for other people at the next family party I go to. (I can be the non-teenager who sneaks the gin!)

I know there aren't too many other non-drinkers around these parts, but let me just say it feels weird to out myself at parties. I was at a work holiday party yesterday where there was wine, and one of my coworkers asked me why I didn't have a glass. Even if people don't ask, there's that look that says, "YOU DON'T DRINK? WHY??" I don't mind explaining if they do ask, but people tend to make assumptions and then suddenly there's a rumor going around that I'm LDS or a recovering alcoholic. It's not super uncomfortable-making (I don't see it as a big deal and just hope most other people don't either), but just kind of...weird.

Jane Marie

@figwiggin those people are jerks. if you can believe it, my dude is a non-drinker. ("But Jane, HOW?!) and he just owns that shit. like, "definitely pour her another, she's got a driver!" hahahah


@figwiggin Ahh, Jim Gaffigan has the best bit on this. "You don't use mayonnaise? Why? Were you addicted to mayonnaise? Is it okay if I use mayonnaise?"


@JessicaLovejoy Jim Gaffigan! My comedian husband. I love anybody whose routine is devoted almost entirely to food, and Jim Gaffigan is the king (baby).


@figwiggin I wonder if he has any idea how many people eat while he talks about food. I think it happens more often than not.


@Jane Marie My dude is also a non-drinker! It's all fun and games until you disagree about something and he's like "Well, you're drunk." And then you kick him, because you ARE drunk.


@punkahontas Are our boyfriends/relationships long lost twins? Mine is also a non-drinker, mostly cause his mom IS a recovering alcoholic and seeing her almost die kind of killed his urge to drunk. He smokes instead, so we can spend most of the night going "well, YOU are drunk" and "Well YOUUU are stoned!" Fun times.


@redheadedtwit "You're high!" "You're drunk!" "NOT THIS TIME! I've had enough of you, so say goodbye to these, because it's the LAST TIME——"

apples and oranges

@yeah-elle when I've been drinking I have this exchange with myself in my head.


@yeah-elle haha. That's EXACTLY what I was thinking! I get so many more jokes now that I'm finally getting around to watching Arrested Development.


@figwiggin Once one of my friends decided she would come out to the bar and just not drink. She was harassed so much (mostly accusations about being pregnant) that she gave up and got a drink.


@punkahontas I envy you. I wish I could go back and see all the episodes for the first time. Again.


@kangerine When I'm drinking I like to make air quotes and spill my drink, Lucille-style.


@figwiggin I am a drinker, but there are some nights you just don't feel like it and getting the 'BUT WHY? WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU, ARE YOU NO FUN?' makes me scurry to get a damn glass of wine. Bah. Feel for you getting it all the time


@Xaxa It is really ridiculous how much people who aren't drinking get harassed, I never noticed until I went out with my boyfriend/took him home to my parents. If they get too persistant he just tells them his mom is a recovering alcoholic and he nearly saw her die and that generally shuts them up.

Wookiee Hole

@yeah-elle I was just waiting for this thread to turn into this. Thank you. I needed it.


@redheadedtwit I know! Everyone wants everyone to drink. They even have those 'winking eye' alcohol suggestions on pill bottles.


@figwiggin Oh crap, I'm totally that "YOU DON'T DRINK?" girl! But mostly because I'm slightly (or not-so-slightly) intoxicated when I find out people don't drink and it blows. my. mind.

But I do think it's cool when people who don't drink go out and hang out with my drunk butt (and the drunk rest of me). I know I walk the fine line between hilarious and obnoxious, so diety-of-your-choice love ya, because I know I'd probably smack myself in the face if I was sober and had to put up with drunk me.


@figwiggin Yeah that's annoying. Maybe say it triggers migraines? Not that you should have to defend yourself, but it's a nice and innocuous excuse.


@figwiggin This thread makes me so happy! It's so good to know there are other (presumably) ladies out there with non-drinking SOs! I often feel like I am an island.


I just drink half my can of diet coke, then fill it back up with Wild Turkey. Why mess with a perfect thing?

Jane Marie

Quiq Qoqtails to Sneaq Past Your Family


S'ok to sneak around for most, but I mostly have to dodge my father's awful concoctions. His favorite: strawberry or grape crush soda and vodka. It really is something a fourteen-year-old should drink while trying to be edgy. My partner and I just stare at him as he mixes it and ask for the gin. Good ol' Disneyland Dad.


@Lizzy00 your dad can mix a drink for me anytime. i'd totally drink that shit.


So glad my family drinks together on the regular.


@Maria Yeah, I found this advice so amusing and quaint.

My family just starts drinking wine and beer around 11:30 a.m., switches to cocktails around 3:00 p.m., then champagne for a toast and wine with dinner, and keeps it up until everyone starts fighting or falls asleep. (I'm not going home this year, so I'm feeling a bit nostalgic and homesick.)


@Maria Yes, I was thinking the same thing. I'm so happy I can drink with my mom who makes amazing margaritas and always has my favorite cider on hand.


@Maria My family opens all the presents on Christmas eve so we can sleep off our cocktails on Christmas morning. Alcoholic milkshakes have also become a December 24th tradition. The only rules for Christmas day are "don't let Grandma know you're drunk" and "don't tell your high school aged cousins, they'd ruin it."


@Maria For real. My dad gave me my first beer when I was three or so.


@Maria I stopped drinking for a while recently and all my family were very unimpressed. Shaking their heads while knocking back whiskey at 4 in the afternoon.


@Limaceous Vacations in my family are notorious drink fests. My personal favourite was the year we went to England and my dad would look at his watch and say, "It's 11! Why don't I have a drink in my hand?"


@Limaceous @maria @packedsuitcase HEARD. My dad and his fishing buddy Peter organized a good one last year: Christmas morning tequila tastings.

It was honestly brutal and disgusting. Me and the fella love our tequila, but 9AM just isn't the time.

Bus Driver Stu Benedict

Where is Squirt impossible to find? Also, I think it's grapefruit?


@Bus Driver Stu Benedict It's hard to find in most of the north east, I think. Which is too bad, because it's perfect.

Bus Driver Stu Benedict

@Lucienne I bet you folks have never even heard of Cactus Cooler!


@Bus Driver Stu Benedict cactus cooler is the best! i totally forgot about that. hmm, cactus cooler + tequila= poor man's margarita?


@candybeans Did you know El Jimador makes margaritas IN A CAN? I had them for the first time in Mexico, but then I found them recently in (of all places) a liquor store in Stanton, Delaware. I think they are like $2 or $2.50 so that definitely qualifies for poor man's margarita.


@punkahontas whaaat? i need those! haha, i'm going to buy some of those, and some of that coppola pink champagne in a can, and then draw little half-assed diet coke labels and tape them on the outside. "Candybeans, what ... what are you drinking?" "oh, diet coke, duh! you can't read the label?" "well, it's in crayon, and it's sort of coming off, so, no." "Yep, diet coke--you know, for energy for that awesome round of Catan we're going to play later!"


@Bus Driver Stu Benedict I don't drink much POP (shut up), but Squirt is great, especially with gin, oh and with whiskey.



@candybeans you love Catan too?! You're quickly moving up the rankings of my favorite commenters...


@emilylouise aww, you're on my <3 list, too!
catan brings out the animal in me. last time i played, it was with my mom, and i totally traded some ore with her for wood, only to use that wood to build a road section to try and cut off HER road. it was tense in that room. (AND, it didn't work, she still beat me to the goddamned ore port.)

@whizz_dumb i want one of those gin cactus situations. in my hand, right now. that sounds so refreshing!

Bus Driver Stu Benedict

@emilylouise I just couldn't pass up a chance to smug out on those East Coasters with their hyper-local fizzy drinks. I think Jarritos has national distribution now, so I gotta take what I can get.


@candybeans Cutthroat! I like it, I'm like that too. I'm intensely competitive about board games, it runs in my family. My dad is banned from Scrabble because one Christmas he threw an entire board (full of letter pieces!) across the room when he couldn't make the word he wanted. Ah, the holidays.


@emilylouise god, that image is magical: the little scrabble squares flying through the air, followed by the awkward silence, then, "hey, how about some more egg nog? Emilylouise, eggnog? Anyone? Eggnog?"

Knows The Spanish Panic

@emilylouise Last time I played Catan with my sister and her bf, I was positive I was watching their relationship crumble before my eyes. Turns out they always play like that. I'm still mildly traumatized, though.


@Knows The Spanish Panic Las time I played Catan, I delighted in declaring, "All your sheep are belong to me." Why, yes, I *am* a huge dork! :D


@Bus Driver Stu Benedict I didn't know Squirt was a thing until I moved to the Midwest. I miss it now that I'm back on the East Coast. And yes, totes magotes grapefruit.

SPEAKING OF DELIGHTFUL SODAS, anybody here a fan of Manzanita Sol? I bet a person could make some real nice fall-themed mixed drinks with that, actually. Why did I not think of this until after Thanksgiving.


@Bus Driver Stu Benedict Hey! I'm in Stanton right this very moment! WHERE?!?


@miwome My first Hairpin comment after months of lurking! Eep! But! Manzanita Sol + Apple Jack (apple brandy)= very fast drunkeness. My friend introduced me to it and delicious appley goodness. It'd be even better with cinnamon sticks or some such.

Bus Driver Stu Benedict

@filetofswedishfish I drink my apple brandy with ginger ale, I think it's a French thing. The regular stuff like Canada Dry works better because it doesn't hide too much of the apple part of the brandy. I do really want to try manzana soda with rum sometime though, but my bodega doesn't have anything I like and I'm stuck with them until I get around to getting my license renewed.


@Bus Driver Stu Benedict I do love ginger ale cocktails. Thus far, it's mostly Jameson and Ginger ale, but I'll give apple jack and ginger a chance.


@filetofswedishfish I would imagine. I'm from the Northeast, so I only know of Manzanita Sol from a couple months' stay in Mexico. I can't believe I didn't think of using it as a mixer until just now! MUST ORDER ONLINE IMMEDJUTLAH.


Final step: Accidentally negate all subterfuge by drinking out of a Solo cup.


"avoiding conversations about why she won't move back to the Midwest."

Oh keep fighting the good fight.
Your sister in arms,


I think if I follow this advice, I might have trouble following the boundary-setting advice.


I might add that secretly adding a bit of...whatever...to a mug of after-dessert coffee is also a winning method.


@cocokins great minds. and, sometimes adding it to pre-breakfast coffee works, too. sometimes you gotta dive head-first into your day of drinking.


@candybeans If it's not multiple mugs of Baileys & coffee (9 parts Baileys to 1 part coffee), it's not Christmas morning in the Emily household! Start chugging and never look back.


@emilylouise Last Easter I played a whole Scrabble game against my uncle secretly sipping my post-church iced coffee and Baileys. He had no idea. He also won.


last xmas, i just brought a flask of amaretto, stuck it in my pocket and surreptitiously poured it into child-appropriate drinks. "Hey, can i make us some hot apple cider? Ooh, how about more cocoa with whipped cream??" mmm.


@candybeans Are we long lost friends? Amaretto is my favorite! Hm. I might just bring a bottle of Amaretto to Christmas this year, because, as I said in some previous comment a couple weeks ago, I love me some Amaretto Sours. And I know I wasn't alone.


@cocokins whaaat?? I thought I was the only person who loved amaretto sours, that wasn't between 14-17 years old! i totally just bought a bottle of the cheap stuff they sell at CVS for $8, because it's winter! that's amaretto season! along with all the other seasons! it does take well to being warmed.


@candybeans 'tis the season to be jolly and joyful! With amaretto! :) I'll drink a toast to you and all those other non-teenaged amaretto lovers out there on Christmas Eve. Do you live close to NH? If so, we could have an amaretto-themed pinup. HA.


@cocokins i'll be doing my holiday drinking in Salem, MA this xmas, so maybe if we both get stir-crazy enough, we can escape to, i don't know, northern mass? all those little east coast states are about five miles wide, right? it's first xmas away from my (crazy) family to spend it with my SO's (crazy) family, so it will require booze.


I'm really the only drinker in my family. My parents don't even keep any booze in the house! But I don't have to go home for the holidays, so it evens out.
I did live a year at home after college and I used to come home blitzed all the time. Nobody ever noticed until just once I came home and puked (in the toilet, no mess, no nothing!) and my dad brought it up for YEARS.

apples and oranges

@maebyfunke That's almost unfair. You could've just puked because you were sick!!


@kangerine Nah it was pretty obvious I was drunk, but still! ONE time!


@maebyfunke Aah that reminds me of the second time I ever got sick from drinking. I threw up once in the toilet, no muss no fuss, but one of my roommates happened to come home at just the right (wrong?) time, and then proceeded to tell two of my other friends about it the next morning, making it seem like I was puking my guts out for hours. They teased me mercilessly for the next three days.


My preferred sneaky family/holiday cocktail:

1) Wait until parents go to bed around 10:30
2) Help myself to some ancient (not in a fancy aged way; in an "it's probably been opened since my bat mitzvah because my parents never drink" kind of way) whiskey
3) Drink said whiskey while watching food network or HGTV

Lindsay Joy

@mgll Yep. For me it's an ancient bottle of Gibson's someone gave my dad in exchange for clearing their driveway with the grater. Mixed with whatever. Except he got rid of his cable and he only has CNN and YTV, which is a terrible combination.


My mom bought fancy chocolate liqueur and vanilla vodka for New Year's cocktails my sophomore year of college but I was too much of a baby to take that much alcohol in a glass, so I poured it into a thing of chocolate milk. Then I just kept topping it off (with vodka). Annnd feeling worse and worse about perverting such a perfect childhood thing.


We call these Grandma Gin and Tonics because my brothers and I make then at Grandma's house. Fill a glass mostly with gin and ice. Add enough tonic to make it sparkle a little. Drink enough that your cousins seem charming.


I dunno, last time I drank straight gin and figured it was just like drinking a martini it didn't work out so well. Maybe if I had an olive or two?


@Xaxa Honestly, if you water that shit down some, it works out pretty well! It'll still smell really strong when you put your face in the cup, but it tastes fine. I can imagine some sort of flavoring agent might help, too. (I learned this lesson at a party where there were no mixers left and only gin, and so I tried to chase straight gin with a marshmallow. NO. DO THE WATER THING.)


@miwome It's true! The best way to make a "martini" when you're too lazy to actually put ice cubes in the cocktail shaker and open TWO bottles and then fucking shake it just ugh too much work, is to add a little bit of water to freezer-gin to mimic the icemelt.

(I am not even being sarcastic here! Love, A Slothful Lush)


If you're my family, you have one glass of wine or beer and then proceed to spend the rest of the night issuing edicts with your tissue-paper crown(s, cause you can never have too many) from Christmas crackers


just make sure not to mix up the shirley whirleys or you will be in a whole NOTHA world of trouble!


This is perfect because I come from a midwestern family where everyone drinks, but by drinks I mean "has one smallish glass of wine". And I just enjoy our family functions so much more a little buzzed. Surreptitious tipsy-ness all the way.

(On Thanksgiving, everyone had one glass of wine and then PUT THE BOTTLES AWAY and my boyfriend and I got funny looks for asking for some more)


@MissMushkila This makes me cry a little bit. Or a lot. Yeah...a lot.

Lady Humungus

@MissMushkila Oy vey. I consider a bottle of wine to be your standard consumption for one person at a polite event. But I'm a lush. Who are these people who have "leftover" wine in the fridge the next day?

On another drinking-shaming family note, a few years ago we took a family (extended family) vacation and all shared a house. Ok so
A. I'm on vacation, and
B. I'm sharing a house with my extended family for a WEEK, after having been living solo for 10 years quite happily.
So obviously I started drinking at noon every day.
After we got home, my aunt sent my parents a LETTER telling them that she she thought I had an alcohol problem. AND YET she always offers me wine the second I walk into her house, even it's 11:30am. Sorry for getting shouty, I'm really defensive about my drinking now because of this. I'm definitely going to try some of these tricks.

Lady Humungus

Ohhhh I just looked at my comment and realized that my little avatar picture realllly makes me look like a lush now.


Mannn, I am so glad my family drinks. It's generally just wine, and sweet wine at that, but it is there, and it is in large quantities, and you can keep refilling your glass and no one notices, or if they do, they say nothing.


It's like you wrote this for me.

Happy Holidays.


Reading this I'm now almost disappointed that, in my family, the only drink choice that would arouse any suspicion would be to NOT add booze, because I do very much enjoy a reason to be sneaky (...which is something I should perhaps be less free about telling people.)


If I wasn't drinking my family would ask what's wrong with me.

I come from a long, proud line of hardy Scottish-Irish alcoholics.


@likethestore That has happened to me! Because I have the same line.


or, as a time saver....wine in a can, anyone??

step 1. take an empty pop can and fill it with wine. (this is especially easy if there was wine used in cooking, or your alcoholic grandma keeps one handy, uncorked on the kitchen counter.)
step 2. drink.


@somethingobscure Why don't we ever play Night Crawlers anymore, Frank?

Pepe Sylvia

@likethestore I'm getting in the crevice.


Eggnog hides a shit ton of rum in it guys. And it still tastes good. You will actually find yourself asking, "Where did all the rum go?" and "Why is my family all of a sudden tolerable?" Awesome.


Printing out, bringing to family Christmas.


I am sincerely sorry that there are Hairpin readers out there with families who give drinking the side-eye. Even though I am not a big drinker, my parents could probably drink any college-aged fratbro under the table.


@spoondisaster I was thinking I could show this article to my mother, and she could join me in the alcohol subterfuge.
My ex-teetotaler grandfather always insists on bringing ONE bottle of red wine, ONE bottle of white, and ONE of sparkling for our family of 20+ adults. He gets offended if we open any extra bottles because it makes him feel like "his wine isn't good enough". Mum usually has one or two bottles secretly open in the other room, so she can sneak off, fill up her glass, and come back.


@LJ Oh no! Every gathering needs more wine! This Thanksgiving we bought probably 10 bottles of wine, 2 bottles of champagne, and three six packs of microbrews for, hm, 5 adults? To be spread out over 2-3 days, but still.


@spoondisaster My dude's family brought at least 4 boxes of wine the last time we went camping with them. And it wasn't even car camping, it was a canoe trip.

Related: the plastic bladder from a box of wine makes a great camping pillow once emptied!


Reason #629508390 why I feel right at home at the Hairpin: several articles around the Holidays not about which outfit to wear or what's on sale at Target, but sneaky ways to use alcohol to get through inevitable soul-crushing interactions with family.

Ruv. <3

Wookiee Hole

My parents aren't big drinkers, but my mom is getting a big ol' bottle of Tanqueray for Christmas, courtesy: me. We'll see if we can get one or two heavy-handed gin and tonics into her, wait for her to pass out, and start the festivities while she sleeps it off on the couch. Ah, Christmas.


This article is something that my British boyfriend will never, ever understand because Brits are all SO DRUNK at Christmas (and by "at christmas" I mean "all the time").


@cmcm yep. I've been known to disguise a tumbler of sprite with a wedge of lime ( everyone assumes its vodka/gin and tonic/soda) when I just couldn't face any more drinking. This was on day 5 of solid daytime into the night drinking. I could write the opposite of this article.


@cmcm I vouch for the truth of this, as a Brit surrounded by drunk family members. I found out recently that my dad organises a whiskey drinking game every New Years that the younger generations tend to miss out on (we have usually swapped drinking for dancing in nearby bars at this point). Every year there are different rules, but there are always many different types of whiskey that you WILL drink. Bear in mind everyone has already been drinking all day and this game tends to start around 2am.


Also make sure that there will actually be alcohol on hand, even if there always has been before, so you don't bust into the house and say, "Happy Thanksgiving! Where's the booze?" only to find out that it's a dry Thanksgiving because one of the guests is a recovering alcoholic and everyone (except you, who was left out of the deliberations) decided to skip the drinking to be supportive. THERE WILL BE NO BOOZE TO NUMB YOUR SHAME.


Pro Tip: Thermos! Fill it with hot apple cider, coffee, cocoa, plus copious booze--no one can smell it and you can carry it around anywhere, anytime! Makes drinking in front of Grandma far less awkward.


Oh, The Hairpin, you know me too well. I do the Shirley Temple thing, but I add a shot of vanilla vodka and half a shot of cherry vodka. it's absolutely lethal. I call it the Temple of Doom.

Lady Humungus

@SiobhanGK Marry me.


@Jengraf_80 Yes! We can happily drink Temples of Doom as we grow old and have liver transplants together!

Lady Humungus

@SiobhanGK Too much to drink, Dr. Jones? Mwa ha ha.


@SiobhanGK That sounds amazing.


Wait... you know someone who went to an ACTUAL RAINBOW PARTY? I thought that was a suburban myth made up to scare moms and dads about Today's Youth.

jenny troy@twitter

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I'm still in the "run out to the car where I hid my flask and sneak a swig" part of the Alcoholic Subterfuge Party.

My family = Teetotallers

Pity me, fellow Hairpinners.
Pity me.



Aw, you poor people. I don't have to hide my drinking from my grandparents - they keep dragging me out to bars. When they aren't telling me it's martini time. I swear, it's hard to keep up with them sometimes, since they drink three martinis a day. The last time I drank three martinis in a day, I made an Extremely Regrettable Life Choice. Oy.


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