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Friday, December 9, 2011

153

Michele, Will You Go to the Prom With Me?

"Our girls are not allowed to [ask boys to the prom] in our house. They have to wait for the boys to call."
—As the Hairpin has fast become many people's No. 1 source for political information, it seems appropriate that we should bring you the news that Michele Bachmann didn't go to prom because no one asked her, and that she doesn't believe in girls inviting boys. I asked a boy to prom, is that why [everything]?

153 Comments / Post A Comment

MoxyCrimeFighter

Or they didn't want to risk contracting a case of crazybrain, which you get from dancing with someone who thinks that your hips being any closer together than 12 inches counts as pre-marital sex.

leonstj

@MoxyCrimeFighter - Holy shit, I fucked a lot of people on the L Train this morning. Good thing I'm not Anti-Vax and my inoculation against crazybrain is up to date.

MoonBat

@leon.saintjean Hahahaha, I guess I just fucked the Fedex delivery guy while signing for his "package". I'm still not as slutty as you, though.

MoxyCrimeFighter

@MoonBat @leon.saintjean As long as you're also vaccinated against "husband homoextremis," wriggle your hips with abandon!

MoonBat

@MoxyCrimeFighter : I'm naturally immune.

literary_hippie

@MoxyCrimeFighter I went to the Southern Baptist Crazybrain High School, where we had a Junior/Senior Banquet (seriously), because dancing = everything you said.

wharrgarbl

@MoonBat What's the price for a blood titer on that? I had a bad reaction to the "bestie homocrushis" vaccine, so I'd prefer not to get this shot if I've already had it.

SarahP

@literary_hippie I am torn about this, because while dancing is awesome, BANQUETS SOUND AWESOMER.

MoonBat

@wharrgarbl : Awwww, for you? Free for sure. Also, I'm O+, so...

MoonBat

@wharrgarbl But if you happen to be immune to "husband homojuiceboxus", I'd sure as hell love to trade titers.

NeenerNeener

@SarahP My school had a Senior Dinner Dance. Eh?
(There was Junior Prom also.)

wharrgarbl

@MoonBat Blerg. I anyone's immune to "husband homojuiceboxus," they could culture that shit, develop a vaccine, and make a fortune.

travelmugs

@MoxyCrimeFighter My religious school had banquets, too. As awesome as that word sounds, they were not. Since we weren't allowed to dance, a magician came and entertained us one year.

MoxyCrimeFighter

@travelmugs A magician?! I assume the performance was actually part of a secret trial designed to prove he was a minion of the Dark One before he was burned alive - and the banquet was actually a weenie roast with "liquid magician flavor enhancer."

slutberry

@MoxyCrimeFighter wait... it doesn't?

Damn. I am wayy less edgy than I thought.

dj pomegranate

@literary_hippie ALSO had banquets! Our school didn't sponsor dances, so we'd have dinner and...lame music? And skits? And then we'd all go bowling. In all fairness, bowling in prom outfits with black lights was pretty awesome.

SarahP

@travelmugs People, you are glorifying prom. "Banquet" and "magicians" sound so much better!

Ms. Information

Too. Much. Irony.

melis

"Our girls are not allowed to [perform CPR in the event of an emergency] in our house. They have to wait for the boys to call."

melis

"Our girls are not allowed to [decide when to start menstruating] in our house. They have to wait for the boys to call."

melis

"Our girls are not allowed to [lead a square dancing session] in our house. They have to wait for the boys to call [the steps]."

melis

"Our girls are not allowed to [declare certain moves in soccer illegal] in our house. They have to wait for the boys to [make the] call."

melis

"Our girls are not allowed to [perform unsupervised autopsies] in our house. They have to wait for the boys to call [the time of death]."

melis

"Our girls are not allowed to [operate the basement printing press] in our house. They have to wait for the boys to [make the] call[-outs]."

melis

"Did I just hear you make a literary allusion without male authorization? Sweetheart, you know I don't enjoy doing this, but it's like you want me to keep burying all of your books in the neighbors' yards."

teaandcakeordeath

@melis
"Our girls are not allowed to [shotgun the front car seat] in our house. They have to wait for the boys to call."

You've invented a fun game.

pufflehuffityhuff

"Our girls are not allowed to [suffer body dysmorphia] in our house. They have to wait for the boys to call [them fat]. [It never takes long]."

@melis I'd totally ask you to prom it up with me, but I'm a girl, so... :(

Ophelia

@teaandcakeordeath Our girls are not allowed to [lead Bingo! games] in our house. They have to wait for the boys to call [out the numbers].

Cawendaw

@Ophelia "Our fundraisers are not allowed to [ask for money] in our campaign. They have to wait for special interests to call."

Ophelia

@Cawendaw Our girls are not allowed to [be my bodyguard] in our house. They have to wait for the boys to call [me Al].

Knows The Spanish Panic

@melis "Our girls are not allowed to [announce election results] in our house. They have to wait for the boys to call [the race]."

p.s. the square dancing one was the best thing i've read ever

Knows The Spanish Panic

"Our girls are not allowed to [take defective products off the market] in our house. They have to wait for the boys to [re]call."
This needs to stop being more fun than my job.

SuperGogo

@melis "Our girls are not allowed to [sing showtunes] in our house. They have to wait for the boys to call [the wind Mariah].

T-riffic

@melis I love you.

travelmugs

"Our girls are not allowed to [have first dibs on the vegetables] in our house. They have to wait for the boys to [eat the] c[o]ll[ard greens]."

honeybadger

@melis this is the best thing ever. you win the internets, my friend.

heb
heb

And with that, the "Things I Have in Common with Michele Bachmann" list grows to 3. (Female, lives in Minnesota, not asked to prom.)

parallel-lines

@heb I'm from MN originally and I love the place to death and will probably move back eventually but..man, I just can not with this shit. Michele Bachmann bums me the fuck out. My grandfather was a huge DFL guy back in the 50's and 60's and there are some really awesome, super progressive politicians out of MN (RIP Wellstone) and now we have this nut job running all over the country acting a fool. Fuck.

heb
heb

@parallel-lines I think our Senators more than make up for her. Also, in case you haven't been following, the MN GOP basically imploded this week: http://bit.ly/rZoT10

foureyedgirl

@parallel-lines Also a Minnesotan by birth, and terribly in love with my home state, but ditto. Also, also? I asked BOTH my prom dates to junior and senior proms, like a wanton tramp, right in the heart of St. Paul.

parallel-lines

@heb Unfortunately the squeaky wheel is the one that everyone outside the state is hearing and I get people asking me what the heck is going on back home. I don't even know what to say--it's like, I swear, Minnesotans are really awesome and progressive and cool. Between this lunatic and Pawlenty, uff da.

heb
heb

@parallel-lines Their ill information is not your problem. I'd rely on a gesture close to this: http://youtu.be/u5obDMFMFxQ

applestoapples

This just makes me even more interested in how her courtship with Dr. Pray The Gay Away went down. All questions will be answered if we just find out who asked who on the first date.

Ophelia

@applestoapples I believe their parents both spoke to the Pastor and asked him to arrange for them to stand next to each other at a church social. Once they were 12" apart, they were officially declared married, since they'd had sex and all.

applestoapples

@Ophelia In my imagination, Marcus was completing Step Three in his own gay reparative therapy program by asking out his non-threatening female lab partner on a date ("Her eyes sparkle like diamante crystals on Cher's Bob Mackie costume," he thought, not realizing he was seeing the glassy haze of borderline insanity).

But my speculation is just imaginary, because he totally swept her off her feet by asking her out the way a heteronormatively straight manly man would. And he was totally respectful and never even suggested in-the-chonies action until three days into their honeymoon, after doing all those tequila shots while dancing to a Buffett cover band.

nokittythisismypotpie

@applestoapples Another reason the speculation is imaginary: "Our girls are not allowed to [do science] in our house. They have to wait for the boys to call [with the latest pseudo-scientific fear-mongering info]."

contrary

This is totally unrelated to the post, but you guys, did you catch the Qream cameo in Parks and Rec last night?

elysian fields

@contrary ahhhhhh don't spoil it for me! I haven't watched it yet!!

Faintly Macabre

@elysian fields Noo, but I saw that Edith snuck it into last week's NYT Magazine!

Lucienne

@contrary Yes! I laughed so much. It was such a perfect placement, too.

Edith Zimmerman

@Faintly Macabre Thank you for noticing!!! Highlight of my year. STILL waiting for Pharrell to call, why has he not????

pointy

@contrary No way, I missed it! [guess at which scene it was in redacted because of folks who haven't seen it] I did notice the NYT magazine ref, ha.

Faintly Macabre

@Edith Zimmerman Aw! Are you hoping he'll send you free qrates of Qream for inqluding his product?

parallel-lines

@Edith Zimmerman Maybe he's texting? If you read between the texts you'll find him in there somewhere?

ironhoneybee

@Edith Zimmerman Edith, I'm so glad you realize that you have to wait for Pharrell to call. Then maybe he'll ask you to the Qream Ball!

PistolPackinMama

@contrary @Edith Zimmerman... a search of the NYT site reveals that "Qream" returns only two hits! And yours, obvs, is the first. This pleases me for some reason.

Megasus

@contrary NO! I was watching something else and it looked like they had Qream as well, can't remember what it was though...Modern Family I think?

contrary

@Megan Patterson@facebook Watch it! Looq for it! it's In a very appropriate setting.

lizkimballet

@contrary YES it looked like there was some Qream at Cam's house (?) when he and Dad from married with children were wrapping presents!?

Katie Heaney

I would like to see her face contortions when pressed for "what if's" by those of us who were asked by our gay male best friends.

Faintly Macabre

@Katie Heaney Or what about those of us who would have asked our gay male best friends, but didn't want to keep them from taking shorter, prettier girls who knew how to dance? I think her brain would explode...

Heygirlhey

@Katie Heaney What about those of us whose tenth grade boyfriends called us from summer camp to tell us that they were gay and someone in the background was singing "I'm Coming Out" and we didn't know what to say in response so we said, "Will you still go to prom with me?!?" even though prom was literally 10 months away, and then we did, in fact, end up going to prom with them?

...HYPOTHETICALLY

werewolfbarmitzvah

@Katie Heaney OOH YEAH! I acquired myself a Grade A prom date by taking a swig of liquid courage from my parents' hard liquor stash in the pantry, and calling up my gay male best friend and asking him. And if it weren't for that, I woulda been dateless.

leastimportantperson

@Katie Heaney This happened to me--I am not kidding--three separate times. Three separate gay best friends. Three separate dances.

werewolfbarmitzvah

@leastimportantperson Hilarious true fact: while I managed to scrounge up dates for high school dances exactly four times, not once did I ever have a heterosexual date. And why yes, I DID remain an unkissed virgin until college!

leastimportantperson

@werewolfbarmitzvah FOUR! Jealous. I went with a straight boy to one dance, and it was the least fun I've possibly ever had ever in my life I'm including making spreadsheets in that count. It was the worst.

leastimportantperson

@leastimportantperson Though to be clear, it took me probably five or six years to own up to how little fun I had given I was holding onto it as the one sexually validating experience of my high school career. So freeing to let that one flap its little wings off into the wild blue yonder.

melis

THE ALT TEXT

THE ALT TEXT!!!!!

sarabara

@melis I WILL MARRY U AT DA PROM

Gnatalby

I brought three girls to prom like some kind of lesbian pimp (I am neither).

spoondisaster

Good thing I have no interest in being anything like the Bachmanns, because I totally asked boys to the prom, twice.

(Junior and Senior proms at my all girls catholic school, y'all!)

Megoon

@spoondisaster I went to all girls school too! We would obtain dates by sponging off the one girl who knew a guy from her old school and forcing her to set us up with all of his friends.

For senior prom I brought my friend's 15-year-old brother after my unicorn (a real date) bailed on me. I had to pick him up, since he was too young to drive and all. I wonder how Michele would feel about that? I don't think she'd like it. Although she would approve that he wasn't allowed to come to the after party.

saywhatnow?

@Megoon I was just going to comment "what about those girls who went to all-girls schools???" It would have been one long wait if we all waited for the boys to ask us! (As if they would know when our dances were?) Good grief, if you want it, go get it girl!

FloraPosteHaste

@saywhatnow? The girls' school has to wait for the boys' school to have a dance and call. What kind of hussy school has her own dance?

paddlepickle

It is a source of great pride to me that me and the boy I asked to prom are the reason that our alma mater's prom now has a dress code.

They did not appreciate the feather headdress, red bonnet, OR the rollerskates.

dj pomegranate

@paddlepickle I really, really want you to wear all those things to the next pinup.

paddlepickle

@dj pomegranate I don't have them anymore, but I do have some great photos! The formal-photographer ones look like it's Social Night at the Loony Bin.

apples and oranges

This makes me angry at Michele Bachmann in a brand new way... who knew I could keep discovering ways of disliking everything she believes!!

(I took no one to prom but had a blast, so, whatever. I didn't bring a date because a. all girls school, b. I didn't want to. And I am happy with those choices)

fondue with cheddar

@kayarr I had dates to both my proms, but we had a winter semi-formal that was like a prom, and one year I went sans date (actually, I was supposed to have a date with a friend but a few days before he informed me that he was going with someone else. I said "Eff him, I'm going anyway!"). I still had lots of fun! And at the dance, my best friend (a guy) and my brother presented me with a wrist corsage they'd bought for me. Daww.

Better to Eat You With

My mom told me I couldn't go to prom without a date, but didn't care who asked whom. Unfortunately, the sarcasm/humor didn't come through in a joke I made in a school newspaper column about not being able to find a prom date, which made it incredibly difficult to find a prom date.

It all turned out fine because an acquaintance of mine got dumped that week. But, you know, close call in the unforgiving social spheres of a Midwestern High School.

sarabara

At least my gay dude best friend asked ME to prom. So that's kind of analogous to the Bachmann marriage, then.

[PRE-COFFEE JOKE RIMSHOT]

wharrgarbl

Oh, dear. #whenSeanHannityismoreprogressivethanyou

hahahaha, ja.

Awww, and I was THIS CLOSE to supporting her, too.

julia

I asked a boy I barely knew but thought was really cute. He said no. I resigned myself to not going, but then a male friend asked if I would go with him. I didn't want to because I'm shallow and was not remotely attracted to him, but I went anyway. Is that why [my life is great]?

Setec Astrology

I asked a boy to prom, is that why [everything]?

Yes, Edith--that's why you're awesome.

dj pomegranate

You guys, I grew up conservative and remained so until I was about 22, and this is a conversation that actually happened in my college ministry meeting when I was about a sophomore. We were having the biannual "Dating Talk" (don't have sex til you're married, don't tempt anyone, be modest...I could go on. Sigh.)

ANYWAY, after the main presentation, we split up in to GUYS and GIRLS groups and someone in our GIRLS group asked if a girl could ask a boy out. The answer was: "The Bible says in Proverbs, "He that finds a wife finds a good thing," so men have to do the finding. The Bible is clear. Girls don't do the asking."

The terrible logic of this comment still makes me so mad that I have trouble formulating a coherent response to it. It was one of the clear turning points in my intellectual and spiritual life that made me the liberal feminist that I am today.

dj pomegranate

@dj pomegranate ALSO. omg also. Another vivid memory of this meeting: the GIRLS group leader said basically, don't have sex, and that means you should all be really, really careful about kissing because kissing starts you on a SLIPPERY SLOPE that leads to, you know, other things LIKE SEX, so just avoid it and you won't regret anything.

Someone asked the obvious question, "But what if you get married and he's a terrible kisser!?!?!"

The answer was, "Well, you have a lifetime together to learn how to do it right."

I. Just. Can't.

wharrgarbl

@dj pomegranate I think you can just Chewbacca Defense that one. Coherent response unnecessary.

SarahP

@dj pomegranate I had a friend who was dating one of the youth leaders of her campus ministry group, and she proudly told me they didn't even kiss (for the same "slippery slope" reason). I couldn't understand having a boyfriend you didn't want to kiss... UNTIL she came out the next year. She was never worried about a slippery slope with her subsequent girlfriends!

dj pomegranate

@SarahP Some slippery slopes are just so FUN!

piggie

@dj pomegranate Hey! I had a similar turning point! I'm thinking about writing it up: The Best Time I Lost My Religion.

piggie

@SarahP I lived that story, except neither of us was gay. It was enormously frustrating, because it was totally not my idea, but I went along with it because I was a brainwashed 18 year old.

dj pomegranate

@piggie Do it!

I am seriously thinking of writing about my experience, too. I feel like I have enough content to fill a book, but it also seems so daunting...

oh, disaster

@dj pomegranate That reminds me of when my Girl Scout troop brought in someone from a pro-life center to talk to us about sex. She made a list on a dry erase board of 'all the things you can do with a boy', drew a line between kissing and making out and said, "Everything after this line should be reserved for your husband."

wharrgarbl

@andrea disaster But what if your husband is okay with you doing everything after that line with other people so long as he gets to play with that nice domme he met on the internet once a month?

Faintly Macabre

@andrea disaster A Christian group at my college drew a sort of baseball diamond and had members (heh) mark where they thought sexual activity should stop before marriage. A large amount thought "reading books together!" or handholding or *gasp* kissing.

dj pomegranate

@andrea disaster You mean...kissing doesn't get you pregnant but making out does?! I'm so confused!

The Lady of Shalott

@Faintly Macabre One time I was making fun of some Internet website with my friend, that advised Christian dating tips, and I swear to you it advised not to pray together. NO PRAYING TOGETHER. Because it was too intense of a spiritual experience, apparently. Although my friend thought it was possibly because being on your knees was a dangerous position?

If you can't even pray with your boyfriend, and you certainly can't kiss him or touch him, what do you DO?????

dj pomegranate

@The Lady of Shalott we DEFINITELY discussed if/how couples should pray together because it is so intimate.

Basically here is what you can do:
eat pizza in groups
talk at coffee shops with innocuous music
attend Bible Study in said coffee shops
bowling
see movies that don't contain nudity or sexual innuendo
participate in group fundraisers/charitable giving
get engaged

oh, disaster

@dj pomegranate Eat pizza in groups?! But the frozen pizza commercials make it look so sensual, it must be a sin!

Ophelia

@dj pomegranate BOWLING! Once, we had a retreat for work and we were supposed to go to Six Flags the day after for the "fun" part, but it was pouring rain. So we asked the waitress at breakfast what else there was to do nearby. She directed us to a bowling alley.
WELL, this was not just any bowling alley. We realized after we went in and there was Christian Rock on the radio, and the only other patrons were two groups of kids from religious schools, that this was Christian Bowling.
So, clearly, we made two teams up on the scoring screens - the Apostles and the Sodomites.
They put us waaaay at the end.

piggie

@dj pomegranate You forgot "sing worship choruses" and "play softball (as long as your shorts are knee length)"

wharrgarbl

@dj pomegranate :( I accidentally misread "get engaged" as "get enraged" and liked it based on the joke that existed in my head, not the cosmic, bitter joke that is the actual list.

SarahP

@dj pomegranate You can go to Bible Study together, but you can't READ together, since that's dannnngerous.

lue
lue

@wharrgarbl Wait wait. Is 'Chewbacca Defense' a thing? I hope it's a thing.

wharrgarbl

@lue It is totally a thing.

SarahP

I asked a boy to the prom because when I met him (two weeks before) he was carrying a banjo in one hand and a copy of Burroughs's Naked Lunch in the other. I didn't know his last name until we signed up to attend the after-prom party. I think we're friends on facebook now? And I think I remember his last name.

raised amongst catalogs

@SarahP Ugh, you just stoked my banjo lust, which I am typically able to keep under control.

SarahP

@vanillawaif My next boyfriend after that (not that prom-guy was a boyfriend; we barely ever saw each other after prom) played the ukelele. There's something about people who play tiny acoustic instruments...

Nutmeg

@vanillawaif Every year I sleep with way too many people at a Bluegrass festival due to my banjo-lust.

raised amongst catalogs

@SarahP And clearly something about you that draws them!

raised amongst catalogs

@Nutmeg I was sneezing while I read your comment, and then your comment made me laugh mid-sneeze, and now I think I have pulled a muscle I didn't know I had.

SarahP

@vanillawaif I'm still waiting for a mandolin player. Or, I guess, for the husband to take up the mandolin, because otherwise it'd be awkward.

frigwiggin

At our prom, you weren't allowed to go by yourself or with someone of the same sex. :( Boo hiss, conservative Central Valley.

redheaded&crazy

@figwiggin you were literally not allowed to go by yourself?! THAT ... ARGH ... WHY ...

(Even though it's also ludicrous and hateful not to allow people to go with someone of the same sex)

wharrgarbl

@figwiggin "Gays have the same right to go to prom as everyone else, they just have to fakedate someone of the opposite sex."

fondue with cheddar

@wharrgarbl Or find an opposite-sex gay couple to fake-attend with, then pull a switcheroo when you get there!

frigwiggin

@jen325 Yeah, a couple of my friends did that. I just went with male friends both years because fuck if I had any love interests in high school, and I did have a good time, but the heteronormativity of it makes me grumpier every year. You had to buy tickets! In a male/female pair! You couldn't just buy one! WHY.

fondue with cheddar

@figwiggin That's horrible. Way to exclude not only the gay kids, but also the shy and uncool kids! Jerks.

wharrgarbl

@figwiggin I like to imagine Dean Wormer in an office, pounding his fist on the table and howling "No homodating! Heterodating ONLY!" at a nonplussed prom committee.

oh, disaster

I went to the prom by myself. I am the Anti-Bachmann.

dj pomegranate

@andrea disaster Can we vote for you instead?

PistolPackinMama

@andrea disaster The Coming of the Anti-Bachmann signals The End Times... of the Tea Party? (if only)

oh, disaster

@dj pomegranate I think I'd rather be Oprah than president and just give out cool stuff. My first job would be PUUUUUPPIES FOR EVERYONNNNNEEEEE. YOU GET A PUPPY! YOU GET A PUPPY! Sorry, I'd be the worst president. Oh wait, I actually wouldn't be.

@AnthroK8 If all it took to end the Tea Party was a dorky girl in an ill-fitting coral dress who doesn't like to miss out on anything fun, then I will be that dork, because I am.

Chloe Zoidberg Harrison@facebook

I asked a boy to prom. Well,actually I told a male friend he was going with me. He was an incredibly introverted IT nerd whom I had some kind of magical powers over. Our prom photos were, as a result, totally hilarious.

Chloe Zoidberg Harrison@facebook

@Chloe Zoidberg Harrison@facebook I should clarify that my magical powers allowed me to get him to do a Charlie's Angels pose with me and even dance a little. Good stuff.

fondue with cheddar

@Chloe Zoidberg Harrison@facebook SHOW US

ohgodtheglitter

@Chloe Zoidberg Harrison@facebook PICS OR IT DIDN'T HAPPEN.

Chloe Zoidberg Harrison@facebook

@ohgodtheglitter How do I pics??? Ahh I don't know how to internet.

tortietabbie

O! Woe betide any Bachmann lad who is unwittingly brought to a lady's yard via her milkshake!

Nutmeg

I brought my friend's girlfriend to prom two years in a row; although to be fair, one of those years they weren't dating (it wasn't the year I figured out how to grind).

iceberg

Wait, I don't understand. Isn't prom an event to celebrate, like, senior graduation? So why do you have to have a date? Aren't you just going because it's your classes (class'? class's???) prom? I went to an all girls school so they couldn't really (and would never have yay lefty public school) tried to ban girls w/o dates from coming.

wharrgarbl

@iceberg Nope! Prom is an exercise in humiliation, awkwardness, and status displays. You can tell by the fact that they still insist on corsages.

Knows The Spanish Panic

I went stag-ish to prom; I didn't have a date, but I went with my two bffs and their dates. One friend's date was her gay friend, the other lost her virginity to her date a few weeks after (and he didn't even have the decency to propose!). We were like the slutty liberal trifecta!

beanie

I went to an all-girls school. Does Michelle suggest I should have waited for a dude to ask me to MY school dance?

Or would she rather I had gone with a girl?

This is a "would you rather?" that might make her head explode.

area@twitter

I didn't go to prom, a bunch of us ladyfriends went out to dinner and the theatre instead and then we all went to Post-Prom together. All the guys we might have been interested in going with were sniped early (stupid gender imbalance!) and, well, eh. There's a little tiny part of me that kind of regrets not having that prom experience, but I wasn't going to pay $50 to go alone or with some dude I didn't like. Maybe if we'd gone as a group, but whatever. I'm not even sure where that all ranks on the Bachmann Crazy-Meter(tm).

area@twitter

@area@twitter Wait, we sang "Baby Got Back" at Post-Prom. Straight to fundamentalist hell with thee!

slutberry

I wasn't going to ask a boy to the prom because he was going to damn well man up and ask me!

My best friend asked him. They went to prom together. I went with his friend, who was pining after this girl in Ohio.

The Lady of Shalott

Nobody asked me to prom. Consequently, I did not go, because fuck if I was going to show my face somewhere when CLEARLY NOBODY WANTED ME THERE and NO ONE WOULD EVER LOVE ME and the sobbing and the wailing and the crying and oh, I don't miss being 17 at all.

Instead, my dad and I drove five hours to the border where I obtained my visa so I could legally move out of the country. There is symbolism in there somewhere.

MrComment

I would have asked you to the prom, but I decided not to go to ensure that I could not look back on my high school years fondly. It worked.

ELECTROMAGNETIC CHAOS

@MrComment: I also did this.

mouthalmighty

In retrospect, I probably should have asked my best guy friend at the time to go to prom; instead, I sat at home eating pizza while he sat on the phone at the dance and told me how many different girls ran into the bathroom crying. So win/win?

ohgodtheglitter

I went with a big group of my friends, guys and girls. There were about 16-18 of us total. We all said we were each other's dates and everybody chipped in to make sure we all got a matching corsage/boutonniere. It was ADORABLE. When it came time for the formal picture, we annoyed the bejeezus out of the photographer because we insisted that he fit all of us in front of the "Under the Sea" backdrop.

I'm sure the Bachmann Crazy-ometer would consider this some sort of slutty orgy. Especially considering that a few years later, about a third of the guys in the group came out. Yup, that big group of platonic friends is nothing but a breeding ground for The Gay and SATAAAAAAAAN! (tm SNL Church Lady)

Ellie

I asked a guy to prom too. We had a really good time talking in the car on the way there and back even though his girlfriend (he did have a girlfriend but he was the grade below me so he wouldn't have gone to it except as my date) called him four times during it. We got stopped for speeding in a tunnel on the way home and the policeman let us off without even a warning because it was prom night. Then he died in 2007. Really sad. I have a nice picture of the two of us before the prom, I'm wearing a pretty Betsey Johnson dress and a silly fur coat. It's the only picture I have of the two of us! I hadn't wanted to take prom pictures but I'm so glad I have it.

Edith Zimmerman

@Ellie That sounds like such a wonderful picture. There should be a phrase for things you do grudgingly but that you end up more grateful for than you ever anticipated.

sandwiches

@Edith Zimmerman grutful! ...maybe not.

FloraPosteHaste

I didn't go to my prom. I told everyone that prom was lame and weird and fake, and felt pretty self-righteous and Daria-ish about it, but really if someone had asked me I would have gone. I planned to party with my friends afterwards, but I didn't have a car and they forgot about me while I waited up. I don't miss high school one little bit.

scojo

I'm wondering about the relationship between fear and this idea that you have to wait to be asked. And I don't mean that the person waiting is the one fearful, but the one who is supposedly the Designated Asker - their fear.

And what is the relationship between group-think (we have to go to prom as m/f couples) and fear.

There seems to be a lot of fear behind most conservative notions. It's really stressful.

I would suggest that there's something to be said for just letting him/her know you're interested but not asking. Letting him/her man up, I see no harm in starting that way: test the waters as it were. Then ask after that. This could be a very simple formula that perhaps most dating-experienced people understand, however I am not one of those people, so excuse me for stating what might be obvious.

Or how about setting fire to the whole thing and then getting doughnuts. I fucking hate all this shit.

lue
lue

My junior year, this cool (okay, by 'cool' I mean he was a stoner skateboarder, but I thought he was sort of awesome?) senior asked me, and the day before prom a mutual friend told me that Dude had left town to go to an awesome party all weekend. So my friend from another school and I spent the night driving up and down the street where prom was held yelling 'bonch' out the window of my pickup. Yup. Senior year, went with gay best buddy, we danced like crazy while everyone else tried to look cool, my awesome english teacher and his cute wife were chaperoning, and I had a fucking blast.

LMac

What if you ask a gay guy to prom? [Michelle Bachmann's HEAD EXPLODES]

kittens

@LMac Excuse me, Marcus Bachmann is TAKEN.

LMac

@kittens WELL PLAYED!

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

I asked a boy to prom, is that why another girl who had a crush on him told him all kinds of stuff about me behind my back and then over msn he told me he wasn't going to go to prom with me anymore? But then she didn't go with him either, so score?

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