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Tuesday, December 27, 2011

390

Holiday Gift Take-Backs

Many Christmases ago, I spent hours crafting a box with my bare hands to put my boyfriend’s gifts in. We broke up not so many months later, and on my way out, after I’d gathered up every trace of myself from the apartment we shared, I dumped that handcrafted box down the trash chute. Normally, I don’t believe in take-backs, but the guy was terrible, it turned out. I don't miss him, but I still miss that trash chute. It was strangely therapeutic; a long, tinny whoosh on the descent, and a loud, heavy thwump when the bag hit the barrel.

With the holidays kicking in, perhaps we should take a moment to contemplate the fate of those gifts carefully plucked from shelves or painstakingly pieced together (like the miniature ships in bottles I made for everyone I know this year. Just kidding!). In the months and years to come, what will happen to the cashmere scarves and the Urban Outfitters salt and pepper shakers? Shattered against a wall in a passionate lovers' quarrel? Tossed out the window of a moving cab, after a questionable status update is discovered via Facebook mobile?

And more importantly, did you ever have to do take-backs? A good story? Please share!

Melissa Chandler lives in San Francisco, where her trash chute is so-so.

390 Comments / Post A Comment

craftygalboston

hmm a few years ago I was dating a guy that loved Dr. Who (and maybe even looked like him a little?) and I put head and heart together and researched the various Dr. Who scarves that had been used throughout the series. Found one with a color scheme that worked best with his wardrobe, and found the pattern used to make the scarf for the show. Created an exact replica - aka knitted a 9 foot scarf - because, you know, love.
I didn't get it on the way out but I fantasize about breaking into his parents basement and stealing it back. People sell those on ebay for more than a hundred dollars. Then I could buy several bottles of wine (and advil)

EpWs

@craftygalboston I love that both the examples on here so far are pure and fantastic craftgeekery. Also..."his parents' basement"? As in, that is where he lives? Because that's just the best.

BadWolf

@craftygalboston Oh, heavens, I am jealous. That is an amazing present. Bless your knitting fortitude. Fuck that guy and his basement.

...Is it awful that I want to know which Doctor he looked like?

All Mimsy

@craftygalboston
I am dying to make one of those scarves. I don't give a rat's ass about the 4th Doctor, but I'm totally in love with his scarves. The problem is that I've never finished a project in my life, so how the heck would I finish a scarf that can be any where between nine and 26 feet long?

craftygalboston

@BadWolf this is the general idea: http://dailypop.wordpress.com/2011/01/20/doctor-who-%E2%80%93-tom-baker-1974-81/

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher he was living there when we broke up - then I moved to a new city, then he moved to the same one. I have a feeling the scarf is stored at the parents house though. Just waiting for me...

@EmilyAnne - it was actually incredibly relaxing! and it went by quickly because you keep changing out the colors so you're working in much smaller sections :) Go for it!

Vicky

I mentioned this not so long ago in another thread, but: a month or two before our final breakup, I painted a giant squid attacking the USS Enterprise (NCC-1701-A) for an ex. As I stomped out of his house I snatched it off the wall and put it up in my own house (it's still there). Taking it back was a classless move at the time, but I'm glad I did it. We hated each other then, he would have almost certainly trashed it. Taking it back gave it new life.

Clare

@Vicky Johnson I would like to see this painting. It sounds awesome.

EpWs

@Clare Ditto.

iceberg

@Vicky Johnson Ahh is there a picture of this painting online? Wonderful.

Anna Jayne@twitter

@Vicky Johnson yes, this sounds glorious. Good takeback!

Ophelia

@Vicky Johnson That painting REALLY needs to be your avatar.

BadWolf

@Vicky Johnson This painting sounds fantastic! Good on you, a hundredfold!

misanthropologie

@Vicky Johnson

You did the right thing! The painting is truly glorious.

whateverlolawants

@Vicky Johnson I really need to see this painting. You did the right thing.

Mingus_Thurber

@Vicky Johnson I would like to buy a copy of this painting. It would look great across the wall from the Edward Gorey gel I got for Christmas.

iceberg

I "return-to-sender"ed an expensive watch from an ex that I'd asked not to contact me ever again. (where "expensive = quite possibly more than he'd spent on me -total- during the 2 1/2-year relationship)

...How did I know it was a watch, you ask? As if I'm not going to open the package, don't lie, you would have done the same.

Dirty Hands

@iceberg Russian superstition of the day: if you give/receive a watch as a gift, that means you won't see the receiver/giver for a long time.

elizabeast

A while back I had an ex that did an, um, extensive amount of cheating. I figured it all out one night when I was in his apartment and he was hanging out at his neighbor's place and I didn't know what to do so I just left and walked the 5 blocks home. A few days later, I used my key to sneak into his apartment and take everything that was mine or that had anything to do with me. And since I had actually been living with him for a few months during the summer, this was a ton of stuff. It was just so satisfying to think about him coming home and seeing that all of my stuff had disappeared.

miwome

@elizabeast Oh, when you go then everything goes/from the crib to the ride to the clothes...

I'm on a bit of a Classic Videos of the Early 2000s bender, don't mind me.

EpWs

@miwome Clearly, @elizabeast needs to go on a shopping spree-a.

kitten_witawip

@elizabeast I have done that too but I also went through all the photos and took all the ones I was in.

miwome

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Only if she has a friend named Mia.

EpWs

@sandwiches Yes! That one is SO GOOD. Everything's better with banjos.

miwome

@sandwiches Yeah dude, I love that version too! My head is very much more in the time/place/style of the original right now, though, because GFY did a retrospectfug of Britney Spears and then I had to go watch all her classic music videos.

EpWs

@miwome I love me some GFY. And some classic Britney videos. More than I'd like to admit.

okay

Not so much a holiday gift take-back, but I had a nasty breakup right before the holidays with a co-worker, and as a gesture of "thoughtfulness," he brought a bag of my clothes I had left at his house over the past year to work. They were indeed all clothes for a lady, but not all of them were mine. Merry Exmas.

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@okay WOW. Good job, ex. I slow-clap you for having to see this jerkstore at work post-breakup.

okay

@Rookie Thanks dude. Many a valuable lesson was learned that holiday season!

Reginal T. Squirge

A girlfriend (a really amazing artist) once painted (in oil, no less) a portrait of us and gave it to me for Valentine's. We broke up in a 2BR apartment where we were using the second BR for storage. I moved into there but left the painting in the other BR's closet. She asked me if I wanted it because if not, she was going to sell it. I wanted to seem cool and over it and also threw in some rationalizing about how she's the artist and should be allowed to do what she wants with her work. She sold it.

I think some lawyer dude in Colorado bought it, which is weird because it's clearly a young couple and not really something that would make sense in the home of anyone other than the two subjects. If I still had it, it'd be hanging in my apartment right now. I have a feeling I'll hire a PI one day to get that painting back.

Pic available, if you want to see it.

discocammata

@ReginalTSquirge@twitter dear lord, yes!

CheeseLouise

@ReginalTSquirge@twitter Aw, it's awesome! We have to get it back for you. Colorado Pinners, engage!

iceberg

@ReginalTSquirge@twitter That's actually pretty awesome, I can understand why someone else would want it! Not what I pictured in my mind at all.

Reginal T. Squirge

@iceberg Easily the best gift I've ever been given. And I'm glad I'm now at the point where hanging it on my wall wouldn't be all, "I still love her and need a tangible reminder of her to see every day." Now it's, "I'm happy for the time we had and this is a nice reminder of how much someone once cared for me." Also, it's just a good painting and nice interpretation of me at 21.

whateverlolawants

@ReginalTSquirge@twitter I love it. I wish you had it too. If it's any consolation, I bet the Colorado lawyer loves it too. Why else would you buy it?

Natalie Rosen

Ah yes. The take-back. For my ex-fiancé's birthday, I bought him a fancy ukulele. Like, seriously fancy (he's a "musician" so I couldn't get him a crappy "fake" one or else he wouldn't use it). To make it even more special, I took it to my neighbor, The Artist, who turned it into the most beautiful ukulele ever seen: green to yellow to red fade, mini thumbprint skulls (from MY thumbs) around the edge, a sick-ass beach scene on the face.

After I gave it to him, he took it out of the case, asked me if it was real, and then left it on the floor of our bedroom for 3 weeks. During those three weeks, our engagement fell apart (HORRIBLY). When I left the apartment, I took it with me (he didn't appreciate anything good).

My next mistake was letting my next boyfriend borrow it for a "poetry reading."
... I never saw it again.

Hellcat

@Natalie Rosen Your post is making me so, so mad on your behalf! So mad, I caaaaaaaan't...

EpWs

@Hellcat ME TOO.
@Natalie Rosen You have way more self-control than I would in that situation. I probably would have smashed the thing into his head.

Hellcat

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher UGH. I mean, sometimes I am not the nicest person on earth but I can certainly, at the very least, manage some consideration for a person that got me a gift -- especially a person who made a special effort to make me happy because that person loves me! Ugh, UGH! I can't even stand the thought of my own BF feeling like I don't appreciate a gift that he was proud of giving me! Jeezlou, man -- I getting so upset by this!

And as for people who borrow shit and don't give it back (especially books; I most certainly don't care if you think it's stupid or inconceivable that I might someday maybe want to reread it! It's mine to do with what I please!)... &^%^%$$$U^%%RY%$$%$%&%^$^I%RYRERE#$R!

celacia

@Hellcat If you weren't going to want to reread it why would you still have it? Of course you want it back. What is wrong with people?

Hellcat

@celacia EXACTLY! And why do they think this book was there in the first place for them to borrow; had I thrown it out after reading it, it would not have been! Not to mention, what do these people think is the purpose of bookshelves? Don't they know how many conversations have been started by the mere presence of a fully stocked and really interesting (IMO, anyway) set of shelves? Or how satisfying it is to say, "What? You can't remember the name of the D.A. in the JonBenet Ramsey case? Why, let me be of some assistance!" (This has never happened -- and I guess it is probably pretty irrelevant nowadays anyway. Still... my bookshelves were instrumental in my current BF deciding that I was for him. Let's see a Kindle do that!)

I am getting just a bit too fired up at the strangest things today.

BadWolf

@Natalie Rosen ZOMG WHAT A DICK! Both of them. Dicks. I am sorry, lady.

Roaring Girl

@Natalie Rosen My take-back was also a ukulele! Although not as awesome as yours. My stepmom told me that was what my dad really really wanted for Christmas one year, so I ignored the $ limit we'd set and bought him a decent one. He proceeded to leave it behind his couch for the next five years, untouched. I finally asked if I could "borrow" it this summer, because dammit, SOMEONE is going to learn to play that thing.

j-furr

@Natalie Rosen

On the topic of ill fated custom instruments, by dad once had these beautiful custom penny whistles made for me, they were very expensive, and definately nicer than the crappy ones you buy at the big box music store - like pretty enamel and all coppery

My spoiled trust fund roomate borrowed one without asking - to play ( badly i am sure) at a hippy jam on the beach - and of course thoughtlessly lost it ( most likely while flirting with/bringing home some clueless boy)

what was worse is that i had two whistles with one interchangeable mouthpiece, so i had the other now useless whistle with no mouth piece hanging around to remind me of what a jerk she was. She never once offered to replace it ----

emilylou

I have never experienced an epic take-back like the ones described in this post or its comments, but I wanted to chime in to say, Melissa, that I also appreciate a high-quality trash chute. I had a great one in my old condos and it was so convenient, and also provided a shockingly abundant amount of entertainment for my roommate and me. Now I live in apartments where I have to WALK THE TRASH BAGS OUTSIDE TO SOME DUMPSTERS and... life is hard.

EpWs

@emilylouise I know, right? I'm forever envious of trash chutes. I live in a four-plex and have to walk the trash THROUGH MY APARTMENT AND OUTSIDE and I am not down with it. But the trash cans live pretty much right under my kitchen window...I can rig up a makeshift trash chute there, right?

Vicky

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Or window-mounted trebuchet, maybe?

emilylou

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Yes, do it! Craft project 2012! "Let's All Make... TRASH CHUTES"
Although my dumpsters are allllll the way across the courtyards of my building, I don't quite know how I'd rig that setup. I'm a slave to the dumpster zone as long as I live here ;(

Ophelia

@Vicky Johnson Or some sort of winch mechanism? Trebuchet would be more fun, of course.
@emilylouise YOU, on the other hand, totally need a trebuchet!

EpWs

@emilylouise YES. This needs to happen. About the distance in your case--I have every faith in you. Some sort of fantastic Rube Goldberg-esque trash chute, maybe?

emilylou

@Ophelia I'm embarrassed to say that I just think of trebuchet as a font, so I had to google image this contraption.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Basically a giant Mousetrap game board type of set-up... totally doable. My landlord will love this.

Ophelia

@emilylouise No worries. It's just quicker to say than "Giant Medieval Slingshot on Wheels"

EpWs

@emilylouise I didn't realize trebuchet was a font? So I just looked up and was WHOA DISAPPOINTED that the letters are not made up of little medieval slingshots on wheels.

whateverlolawants

@emilylouise Dumpster Zone Slave would be a great 90s-thrash-metal-high-school band.

Atheist Watermelon

@Ophelia: FECHEZ LA VACHE!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JQ8jGqdE2iw

:-)

Megasus

My ex still has a shitton of stuff here, even though I've been trying to get in touch with him all month to come get it (and return the keys and figure out what to do with the internet that's in his name) and he hasn't gotten back to me about it (I know he knows though as I have asked his family members who I still talk to sometimes to tell him), so I have some plans to keep a couple of things. I don't think any of them were gifts from me ever though.

redheadedtwit

I haven't done the take back thing, but I have been given back stuff. My high school EX walked into the museum where we worked and dropped off a giant bag of every thing I gave him in our year long relationship EXCEPT the nice watch I gave him. I promptly fell crying into another coworker's arms and spent the rest of the summer making out with him. HAH.

EpWs

@redheadedtwit This sounds like a good strategy.

redheadedtwit

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher It caused a bit of drama and tension at work at the time, but looking back it was one of the best summers of my life so far.

chevyvan

@redheadedtwit I did what your ex did. I gave back everything he ever gave me (from an old tennis racquet to bike to keys), EXCEPT the really nice chef's knife he gave me for my birthday. I forgot that he had given me a copy of Franny & Zooey, which I still have, but I would have given it back if I had remembered.

Pretty sure he didn't fall crying into anyone's arms, though...

redheadedtwit

@chevyvan Well, to clarify this was about one week after we agreed to not give each others stuff back and then he got pissed that I wouldn't kiss him again. AND he gave it all back to me at work and then ran out the front door when he saw me coming to the front desk. I didn't really fall into his arms, he offered to hang out until I felt better and one thing turned into another. Basically, we were young (16 and 18) and stupid.

elysian fields

How about gift give-backs? In college my boyfriend bought me a bracelet (nothing too fancy -- it was from the Talbots in our suburban college town. Me: "You went to TALBOTS? I am 20! Not 55!" The bracelet was nice, though). When I broke up with him, he asked me to return it to him, I guess to have on hand for the next girl in his life?

Later we got back together and he gave it back to me. The end. Never mind, that story was pretty boring.

BadWolf

@elysian fields Heh. My most-recent ex gave me his fantastic Trogdor the Burninator t-shirt, and while I was contemplating breaking up with him, I was tempted to just put it in a bag and leave it on his doorknob. Maybe with a note saying, "I never want to speak to you again." But then after we actualy broke up (and he was Seriously All Kinds Of Evil), I found I really did never want to speak to him again, and regifted it to a friend.

That was also pretty boring. But satisfying! Anyway, I feel you.

sox
sox

@elysian fields Whoa waaait. So now do you still have it? Are you still together?

elysian fields

@sox yes and yes. He's constantly asking "Why don't you wear my bracelet more often?" and I'm like "I have the world's skinniest wrists and your bracelet is too big and always falls halfway down my hand which is mad annoying. Sorry."

pixieg

@BadWolf Ha! "Trogdor was a man! I mean. He was a dragon-man. Or maybe he was just a dragon..."
I used to love that crap. A (now ex) boyfriend once gave me a Teen Girl Squad t-shirt.

EpWs

@pixieg I had a The Cheat hoodie. It was at least two sizes too big for me, for no apparent reason except that I was fourteen?

Ophelia

So, this is kind of the opposite of a take-back, but it always makes me a little happy, and a little schadenfreudey.

When my husband and I first got together, he had been hooking up with this other girl (I knew about it, we weren't exclusive, yadda yadda), who was NOT happy to find out that he was hooking up with me (she apparently, was specifically unhappy that it was me? I find this totally weird, but he we did get married, so I guess she was right?), and sent this LONG angry email where she BCC'd me, clearly thinking that I'd be HORRIFIED that he had been hooking up with someone else, break up with him, etc.

In the email, after railing about his character for a page or so, she asked him to fedex (fedex! I mean, they lived in the same city, had a couple of mutual friends, etc.) her back two things she'd left at his apt: her "neglige" and her copy of High Fidelity.

He wrote her back a very brief email to let her know that he'd thrown out her tank top (actually, I threw it down a very satisfying trash chute), and we still have the High Fidelity DVD.

Hellcat

@Ophelia Do you suspect that her use of the word "negligee" was designed as part of the piss-you-off effort... or did she simply always use it? I don't know any of the parties involved, obviously, but I think it's the former, and it's entertaining me far too much over here! (Not because someone attempted to get under your skin, of course, but that she's the type to think the word "negligee" would somehow do it. I know these types.)

emilylou

@Ophelia Seriously, who uses the word "negligé" ... anyway, I love this story! I always keep DVDs exes leave behind, I mean, free movies, right? Also, nice to see that another satisfying trash chute usage makes an appearance.

Ophelia

@Hellcat Oh, it was totally an "I'm having sexytimes with your boyfriend" and I WANT YOU TO FEEL MY ANGSTY DRAMA kind of thing...and it really was just a tank top. A slightly fancy tank top, but still.

Hellcat

@Ophelia I mean, really, either scenario is funny, be it the Vindictive Word Chooser or the Woman Outside of an '80s Nighttime Soap Who Actually Uses the Word "Negligee"! Ahahahahahhahaaa!

Once, after a breakup during the "Negotiate and Stage the Return of the Respective Stuff" phase, I somehow managed to make an ex believe that his copy of Seven was mine and also Stir of Echoes. To this day, I feel proud (prouder, at least, than I feel about my behavior after we got back together and then broke up again).

Ophelia

@Hellcat OH, also while we're on the topic of getting stuff back: when he was in grad school, my husband once went back and hooked up with a (crazy, like call you 27 times a day crazy) ex simply to get a book back. When I heard that story, I made him a little name tag that says "bibliostitute."

EpWs

@Ophelia New favorite word, needs to be someone's Hairpin name, etc.

Ophelia

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I hope some lurkers are reading, in search of just the right name...

bibliostitute

@Ophelia bingobango! mostly because i also have done this.

EpWs

@bibliostitute Hooray!

bibliostitute

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher honor to serve!

sevanetta

@Hellcat One of my exes moved to a developing country with me and then decided, actually, come to think of it, he didn't love me anymore and fucked off back home to mummy and daddy. So I kept the box set of all 11 MASH seasons (I can't remember if I bought it for him or if we went halves). I remember he asked for it once half heartedly, but since I was locked into a job contract in a place where I couldn't have hot showers for a year, I goddamn well kept the DVDs.

Hellcat

@sevanetta Good for you then! My ex either couldn't remember... or wanted out so badly that he didn't care enough to. Either way, who cares? I love Stir of Echoes!

Inkling

@Ophelia
What book was it?? Was it signed? Special edition? Did he personify the book and was he guilty at the idea of leaving it behind in the crazypants apartment?

ejcsanfran

I tried a give-back and it didn't work. When my ex announced that he was dumping me (OK, didn't announce - sort of vaguely hinted at it and relied on me to actually ask, "What are you saying? That you're leaving me?" "Um, yeah, I guess..."), my first question (after the requisite screaming and crying and a run downstairs for a smoke) was, "Where are you going?" I must say, I still take a certain amount of pleasure in the look on his face when he realized he'd have to be moving out of the apartment RIGHT NOW! Clearly, he hadn't really considered the fact that his actions had consequences... How surprising.

Anyhoo, I spent the next several days gathering his crap together in preparation for the final move-out (we'd been living together for 7 years). Among these items, I included my ring (yes, we exchanged rings though never got gay-married) - but he pointedly left it behind for me. And when we had to meet up several weeks later at the Sprint store to sever our family plan, he was still wearing his. WTF?

Anyway, I still have my stupid ring. Any suggestions on what I should do with it? It's not made of precious metal or anything, but is obviously imbued with a lot of weird karma. Throw it off the Golden Gate Bridge? In the gutter? Give it to the next guy who blows me?

EpWs

@ejcsanfran Give it to the next guy who blows you in the gutter of the Golden Gate Bridge?

ejcsanfran

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher: That's gonna be a mighty long wait...

noodge

@ejcsanfran about a year after I separated from my ex, I was moving into (another) new apartment, and I realized i STILL had my wedding dress. I still don't know why I hadn't thrown it away STAT after we broke up, but there it was. It wasn't a big white mess, just a simple, long, blue velvet number. I talked about it with my friend, and we decided to use the fire pit in my back yard to burn it, instead of moving it to yet another residence. It was IMMENSELY satisfying. I think something of equal symbolism for your dollar inexpensive, karma rich, ring would be fantastic. The bridge sounds good.

(btw, I saw a picture of my ex, with his new lady, about 8 months after we'd split, and he was wearing a ring I'd bought him as an after-the-fact engagement ring when we were already married for a few years. SO WEIRD, right?)

EpWs

@teenie SO WEIRD. Also yes with the burning. Super satisfying.

Barry Grant

@ejcsanfran "Trash chute" seems to be the consensus.

remargaret

@ejcsanfran Tie it to the string of a helium balloon, let it fly off the golden gate bridge, then shoot the balloon down with a BB gun! Can you bring a BB gun onto the golden gate bridge??

Gracious!

@ejcsanfran Lay it on the tracks and let a cable car squash that karma flat. (& wear the resulting metal donut on a necklace as a trophy?)

ejcsanfran

@Gracious!: I was just thinking about laying it in the streetcar track, but a cable car is much more poetic!

ejcsanfran

Oh, and one more thing: when we met up at the Sprint store, in addition to still wearing his ring, he was wearing an expensive-looking jacket he'd apparently just purchased. It cinched around the middle and gave him an extremely unflattering silhouette. So, that part was a kind of a win.

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@ejcsanfran Ugh, I wish I would have had that kind of thing when I had my unfortunate first run-in with the boy since the breakup, but I barely even looked at him so I couldn't judge. He was wearing Converse or something, however, on a VERY cold day, which is just dumb, but he has a lot of sneakers so.

BadWolf

@ejcsanfran That is always The Best. My ex, whom I go to school with and take great pains to avoid, grew his hair out in some horrific helmety way for most of last semester, and also gained a bunch of weight only in his stomach and chin, and it was SO good to just point and laugh rudely in my mind.

EpWs

@BadWolf Watching someone you dislike get all jowly is maybe the most satisfying thing.

Gracious!

@ejcsanfran No, your ring-smashing idea's better. The F line turnaround at Castro & Market would be devastatingly symbolic.

wharrgarbl

@ejcsanfran Slingshot off the Golden Gate.

plumb-bob

@ejcsanfran Trebuchet off the Golden Gate.

EpWs

@Pixa There it is.

Judith Slutler

@ejcsanfran Sell it at a fleamarket. I just did this last summer with an old castoff ring from a bullshit "exchange of rings" with an ex, and got 40 euros for it. Very satisfying and immediately invested in cocktails for me.

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@Emmanuelle Cunt Gives a new meaning to the phrase... "cocktail ring."

j-furr

@ejcsanfran
Maybe its not that fancy - and i have allways been horrified of all the beautiful estate jewlery that gets sent to those "send us gold we will send you cash" mail away things - but it might be kinda funny to try - also satisfyingly humiliating end?

Him: what did you do with your promise ring?

You: Oh, I mail order traded it for some cash and bought myself this beautiful bowtie...

noodge

I regret not doing anything like this when i split with my ex. It was a very unfriendly split, and he stayed with a friend for the 3 weeks it took me to move out. It somehow fell on me to sell as much of our stuff as possible to get it liquidated so we could start over a bit more easily, but there were still a number of things that I hadn't sold yet, but he promised me he would sell and then send me my half. WELL YOU CAN GUESS that he didn't follow through with this promise. By this time I was on the other coast, so there was no way to terrorize him into giving me the money. And what was even worse was that we divided up the really awesome items (like the dyson and this amazing antique table) and instead of being "nice" and giving him some of these, I should have just taken them and told him to go eat a bag of dicks if he got upset.

EpWs

@teenie You didn't take the Dyson? That suuuuucks.* Boo to your ex for being a royal juicebox.

*Realized the pun after the fact. Leaving it in.

noodge

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher excellent pun. and i've been kicking myself for not just taking the dyson for the last 3 years. it really really sucks.

Megasus

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I would take all of those things. Fuck that guy (or any guy really, I will take all of the things!). Luckily I got to keep the PS3 in my recent breakup, cuz he knew I would fight his ass on it. We never really split on domestic things though so they're just mine anyway.

EpWs

@Megan Patterson@facebook Good call.

iceberg

@teenie ah but at least you have the satisfaction of being a vastly better person.VASTLY.

noodge

@iceberg ...maaaybe. but i did (in a fit of revenge) help a woman who bought out couch tie it to her car. with the ex's monster cable, you know, that super expensive high quality audio cable? yeah.

angermonkey

@teenie Serves him right, those monster cables are a monster waste of cash. Which, frankly, is a further tick in the win column for you, as he was clearly a douche canoe with more money than actual audio sense.

noodge

@angermonkey <3 DOUCHE CANOE <3 LOVE IT.

(he didn't have money either, he just spent what he didn't have on things he didn't need. I guess another tick against him?)

AmandaBunny

I have not had the opportunity to carry out an epic take back but dear lord, I would love to just go through my ex's loft and take back every single fucking thing I bought him. All of it nice, none of it being used by him.

This isn't exactly the same but after my college boyfriend and I broke up (together 5 years), I had asked him to take all the sex toys we'd accumulated over the years to his place (my parents were in and out of my apartment a lot, I was young). They were all in a shopping bag. I finally retrieved them from him one day and in a fit of rage over something I can't recall, I stopped at the dumpster and threw the entire shopping bag in the trash. I still regret that, nearly a decade later.

Porn Peddler

@AmandaBunny If Mister and I ever break up, uh, I'm fucking keeping the toys...well, he can keep the ones only he uses, but most of them came from my place of employment. MY SEXY TOYS.

grapevine

Not really a gift, but I lent a boyfriend my copy of Ways of Seeing by John Berger once. After breaking up, I asked for it back since it was a nice copy, and when I got it I found that he had SQUASHED A HUGE MOSQUITO BETWEEN THE PAGES. (!!!)

EpWs

@grapevine EWWW WHAT NO

sox
sox

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher ERRRRG. I lent a boy my copy of Mary HK Choi's Lady Deadpool comic and when it came back he had SET A CANDLE ON IT and left a wax ring that permeated every single page with wax but also the smell. THE SMELL (reminded me constantly of him and made me cry sometimes).

EpWs

@sox Once again, EWWW WHAT NO, that is just terrible and inconsiderate. Comics are not candleholders! They don't even have tough covers to protect them! That is awful!

eleven

Wow... reading this post & thread is therapeutic. I put a lot of thought into my bf's christmas gift this year, and bought him several books he had mentioned he wanted to read, and wrote inscriptions in each. Then about a week and a half before christmas he broke up with me (commitment phobia, supposedly). We got back together a week later - just a couple days before christmas but didn't exchange gifts and I suspect he didn't buy me one. Now I'm not sure what to do with his. Can't return or regift, since, you know, I wrote a personal inscription in every book. What do with them now? I guess I can keep them for myself...

ejcsanfran

@eleven: Also, use a ruler and a razor blade to cut the inscribed page out of each book. Almost good as new!

Ophelia

@ejcsanfran Or, depending on how big the inscriptions are, get some of those sticky book plates and just cover 'em up.

eleven

@ejcsanfran @ophelia good call. I'll probably get the sticky book plates to cover them since I wrote them inside the cover.

Never inscribing books again, that's for sure!

karion

@eleven: Give them to him - tell him that you had purchased them for him as a Christmas present, back before you knew of his "commitment phobia" issues. Tell him that you hope he enjoys them.

Then break the fuck up with him, politely, but firmly. You are far too cherished and worthy a person to cause someone to fear commitment to you. He is a juicebox, and a cheap, pretextual one at that.

Those inscripted books are your parting gift to him, and he will always have a clear reminder of the one that got away. His present to you is providing you with the clearest of reminders that you will never settle for a man who claims "commitment issues."

Hellcat

@eleven Or if things happen to work out more smoothly this time around, you have some of your shopping already done for future gift-giving occasions! Stash that stuff!

eleven

@karion wow - that's a really sweet comment. unfortunately i have resigned myself to believing that *all* dudes have some degree of commitment issues - seems like it's becoming universal these days. and anyhow, there are too many other things i adore about him to be able to tell him off.

karion

@eleven: No. Not all dudes have some degree of commitment issues. Not even most dudes have commitment issues.

The only thing your dude should fear about commitment is that he isn't worthy of yours. And it sounds as though, right now, he isn't worthy of yours.

wharrgarbl

@eleven A lot of dudes might want to take it slow, but it sounds like this dude decided to flail around without keeping an eye on your feelings. Which is so not cool, and you deserve better treatment from a partner. Once you're out of high school, you should be able to put on your adult-pants and explain that you want to take it a little slower or keep things more casual or "I'm not looking to really settle down and get married any time soon" or whatever his deal is without unceremoniously dumping someone for a week to make your point. Like, what is that, the interpretive dance of relationships?

I mean, it's one thing if you have the heart-to-heart about where the relationship is going and you decide you've got mutually incompatible goals, then decide that you miss each other a lot and fuck it, Christmas make-up sex is the best sex, but if he's having a panic attack at the thought of moving in together and his response is to cut and run for the hills screaming "Nooooooooo commitmeeeeeeeeeeeent!"...that's worrying. People shouldn't pull that shit with partners they care about.

smartastic

@karion Well or maybe he fucked up and learned from his fuck up? I don't know, I'm not so hard line about things. I guess at some point I just realized I've done some pretty bad things to people I am dating too (never on purpose, always because I get too much in my own head etc etc) and sometimes it's not a terrible thing to give someone a second chance. It is pretty shitty to break up with someone right before Christmas, though -- you should def be sure he knows he messed up and that he has to make up for it.

I would just give him the books. That's all.

miwome

I have no actual takeback (although the one time I actually did a Stuff Exchange, which was in college, it was right smack in the middle of campus and I had to ride back to my dorm on the bus with the stuff and OF COURSE my cute guy friend was there to see me mindlessly eating Cheese Puffs of Sadness and it was sort of terrible).

BUT. I really damn well SHOULD have taken back the giant, well-functioning, nicely painted hookah I gave that ex for his birthday. I don't think he uses it at all, nor did he for the last four years or so when I was HOOKAH-ING UP A STORM. It didn't occur to me that you could even DO that until months later, and then I was busy not speaking to that juicebox.

linds @twitter

@miwome oh, Cheese Puffs of Sadness... such a comforting friend. i've been known to eat an entire family size bag of puffy cheetos in one sitting under the proper circumstances.

pterodactgirl

@miwome Sometimes you just have to eat the Cheese Puffs of Sadness and to hell with who sees. Or the Salt and Vinegar Potato Chips of Sadness, as the case may be.

EpWs

@pterodactgirl I tend to go with the Cup O Noodles of Sadness, or, in one not-so-good case, the Kettle Corn of Sadness. Regretted that one later.

Ophelia

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Or either the Macaroni and Cheese of Sadness or the Sour Gummy Worms of Sadness.

iceberg

@miwome the grilled cheese sandwich of sadness. goes well with salty tears.

EpWs

@Ophelia Oooh, the Sour Patch Kids of Sadness. First they're sour, then they're SAD FOREVER.

miwome

@pterodactgirl It's usually Smartfood for me, actually. But at the time it was these weird all-natural thingies (DELICIOUS, OILYFATTY all-natural thingies) they sold at one of the campus convenience places.

Regardless, all of these things are excellent Sad Snacks. Grilled cheese is one of the Five Pillars of Food for me, a lazy vegetarian.

EpWs

@miwome My previous cooking philosophy ("Fry It Up In Butter") had to be reevaluated when my doctor told me I had bordeline high cholesterol, so my grilled cheese intake has dropped significantly. But it sounds pretty good right now and maybe I'll make some.

miwome

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Dude! If you have a griddle, or maybe (haven't really tried it) a nonstick pan, you can totally make a grilled cheese happen without any frying. Basically you're just toasting the outside and melting the cheese. My old roommate and I used to do this all the time because we were lazy.

(I admit this works better if you're using Non-Cheese Cheesefood, i.e. Kraft singles and similar, because it melts so fast, but I bet it could be made to work with real cheese.)

EpWs

@miwome SHAMEFUL SECRET TIME I am a cheese snob but I love me some Kraft singles. I am learning that they HAVE to be Kraft, because I got some Krogers ones and they're not the same.

Also, I feel like I could maybe rig something up with two pans? Recipe: Hot pan, sammich, other hot pan on top, press, eat, deliciousness?

H.R. Vixen

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher WWJDD? (What Would Johnny Depp do?)
THIS

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=or2QmHdAEiI&feature=related

miwome

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Ooh! Go all chicken under a brick on that shit. (I remember my mom made that one time and instead of actually putting a brick on top she just loaded up a pan with everything heavy and nonflammable she could find and stuck it on there.) Also, I come from a long line of cheese snobs and I LOVE KRAFT SINGLES, sorry Grandpa-who-is-rolling-in-his-grave.

@rosebug YES YES BENNY AND JOON! I own that movie, I think, but I also maybe lost it, sad face.

EpWs

@rosebug YES. I will do this for all the things. (I am rather short, so improv'd ways of getting The Tall have been a way of life for me.)
@miwome YES. Also, I figure the block of good-grade Parmesan in my fridge cancels out my cheese product singles. Also also, love your mom's style.

miwome

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher My mom ricochets unpredictably between super-sweet, kinda quiet, most caring person ever and, like, brassy sarcasmotron. It means you're never expecting whatever hilarity comes out of her mouth when it comes.

EpWs

@miwome She sounds fantastic. I feel like you should make a badge for her that says "Super-sweet, kinda quiet, most caring brassy sarcasmotron ever." Or maybe a sash?

j-furr

@miwome
http://www.saveur.com/article/Recipes/Saveur-100-2011-Broccoli-with-Cheetos

EpWs

@j-furr SHUT THE FRONT DOOR

miwome

@j-furr NO F'ING WAY

Seriously, If I'ma die of a delicious-food-induced heart attack, this is how I wanna go out.

miwome

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher If I made her a sash she would laugh, fold it up neatly, store it somewhere, and forget it existed until someone asked her where to find it, at which point she would know exactly on which shelf in which closet it could be found. And then maybe five years later when it came up, she'd be all, "YEAH, CAUSE I'M MISS FREAKIN HILARITY" and we'd all die laughing for thirty-five minutes.

JustAPaperBag

My last ex brought back the things I had given him (en embroidered squirrel, which was my nickname for him, amongst other things I can't remember) when he figured out the reason why I had asked him to come over was so that I could break up with him in the safety of my parent's house. He demanded I give him back the iPod nano he had given me. I staunchly refused, on the grounds that I had been the one to pay for dinner any time we went out somewhere not Jack in the Box, and had driven him around if we went anywhere, paid for all of our dates, and had suffered the avalanche of embarrassment anytime he was around any of my friends, so I had earned it. Note that he did not bring back my actual possessions until several months after the break up - most notably my Arrested Development DVDs, missing a couple of the DVDs. That's really the worst part of the whole thing.

eleven

@JustAPaperBag i'd be pissed if i lost arrested development dvds too. that is the worst part. at least you got to keep the ipod tho!

Megasus

@JustAPaperBag Haha, that is the tack that I was gonna pull on the PS3, but with the emphasis that I cleaned up after his messy ass every day for 6 years. He also lost one of my AD discs too!! Although this was a few years ago.

JustAPaperBag

@Megan Patterson@facebook Mine was a few years ago too! Is there a rash of juiceboxes losing important things or something?

JustAPaperBag

@eleven Yeah, he demanded it back during the break up and I was all, "fine, here," and he took it and left and then came back to give it back. Then he texted the next day to demand it again, and I told him to sodomize himself. I would still care about the Arrested Development thing, except they're all on Netflix instant now, so I'm good.

Megasus

Oh also, in non-boyfriend related gift giving, one of my sister's co-workers randomly bought her the Ico/Shadow of the Collosus set, and she is not taking it!! She is not taking a little thing her boss gave her either, even though they are totally friends. I was like, "AT LEAST GIVE THE GAME TO ME, JESUS."

EpWs

@Megan Patterson@facebook What? Why? You should probably just steal it.

Megasus

@Megan Patterson@facebook She left it in the backroom at work! Also we don't live in the same city and she didn't get it until after I was up. But I will convince her yet, lol.

EpWs

@Megan Patterson@facebook Dooooooo it. Have you played Colossus? Because you need to. I get all palm-sweaty and nervous just WATCHING it.

ELECTROMAGNETIC CHAOS

@Megan Patterson@facebook: You have to have a pretty good reason to refuse gifts... otherwise it's kind of rude. Then again, who knows what her work dynamic is like.

ELECTROMAGNETIC CHAOS

Semi related, if you're quick enough, you can grab and be pulled around by (!) the doves that appear at the beginning of each colossi mission when you're in the starting cathedral.

EpWs

@Too Much Internet You've actually grabbed the doves? Damn, dude, you quick.

Megasus

@Megan Patterson@facebook Well, the game was kind of weird, because she's only known the dude for a couple months, and she only got him a giant Kinder Surprise. But he got their boss Skyrim too, so apparently he has money to burn? But she's just weird about Christmas anyway. And if it's just sitting there I figure I might as well have it? lol.

EpWs

@Megan Patterson@facebook Yes. Just take it and play it all.

linds @twitter

i don't think i've ever done a take-back, but i once had a VERY therapeutic give-back. my boyfriend's family was moving to another state, so he needed a place to store his EIGHT very nice guitars, his drum set, etc. i, being the extremely giving girlfriend that i am, allowed him to completely fill my room with all of his stuff. we broke up while all of this was still in my room (long story short he was an emotionally abusive asshole), so i drug all of it out into the driveway and sent him a text message saying "all of your shit is in the driveway. i'd come get it quick... looks like rain."

fabel

Hmm, stuff has definitely been exchanged during a break-up but it's more along the lines of "those shorts you left at my place" and not gifts. However, after I broke up with my one ex, he slowly (over a period of like, months) mailed me back EVERYTHING I ever gave him, along with random items that reminded him of me. And the stuff just kept getting more ridiculous with each package; one included a glass I liked to use when I was at his house. Ahhhh! (I hope he's not reading this?)

Megoon

A friend of mine dumped her fiance about a month before the wedding, after discovering he'd obtained a new girlfriend oh, two weeks before they got engaged. She recently posted on FB: "just returned my engagement ring so it could be resized to size 'whore.'" Yeeeeeeeeeech. I seriously wonder if new fiance knows she's getting old fiance's ring?

EpWs

@Megoon HOLD UP. Ex-fiance actually ASKED FOR THE RING BACK so he could GIVE IT TO HIS NEW THING? Hooooooooooly shit.

Ophelia

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Depending on the state, she could've sold that shit, no legal obligation to return it (some states consider it a gift, others consider it a sort of contractual exchange, I think). That's what I would've done.

EpWs

@Ophelia When my mom's first marriage ended, she gave the ring back... wrapped in something like three skeins of yarn and two rolls of duck tape.

BadWolf

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Your mom needs to offer some sort of correspondence course in Bad-Ass.

EpWs

@BadWolf She really does. She's this tiny little woman who is just awesome. One time she bit a dude who was accosting her.

Megoon

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher @Ophelia I KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!! I couldn't believe it either. The guy played some head games along the lines of "well YOU dumped ME" and for some reason her response was not, "because you cheated, you asshat." In the end she won, as she is not married to that complete piece of shit, but still... yeah.

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Your mom = hero.

BadWolf

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher !!!! So cool.

EpWs

@BadWolf @Megoon She is my Favorite, and I try and tell her so as often as possible. She and my dad are also about to get a wee puplet, which is unrelated but WHOA ADORABLE, so I felt I had to share it here?

miwome

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher SHE BIT A GUY?! Too good.

EpWs

@miwome YES. Bit him. With her teeth. Because she is a teeny tiny Scots-Irish badass.

miwome

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher She is my new role model.

EpWs

@miwome She also got attacked by a feral herd of wild turkeys at a zoo once and had to beat them back with a bucket.

miwome

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I would like to order Your Mom's Life, qty: 1, shipping: standard.

EpWs

@miwome I'll have that shipped to you promptly, we're a little backed up because of the holidays.

EpWs

@miwome Would you like it gift-wrapped?

miwome

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher No no, I'm sure the item's content is a surprise in itself.

Mingus_Thurber

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Beating back feral turkeys with a bucket beats everything, ever, for all time.

wharrgarbl

@Mingus_Thurber It sure beats my response to a friend being attacked by feral turkeys (to whit, fall over laughing and be of no help to him).

EpWs

@wharrgarbl Yes, but did you have a bucket?

wharrgarbl

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher No, it was actually pretty awful. We were at a Jungle Gardens on the east coast of Florida (it had otters! *swoon*). Jungle Gardenses tend to be less zoos and more like sanctuaries where the can be. So the turkeys weren't entirely feral, they just weren't tame. And! And. Um. The turkeys were used to being fed kibble by tourists. Turkeys are pretty pushy even in a native, untourist-fed state. And the kibble looked a lot like guy-friend's moles. Kibble that they were in no way shy about jumping like mofos and pecking with their curiously sharp beaks in order to procure. So I may have busied myself with feeding spoonbill ibises (salad-tong bills, swear to god) and regular ibises (just weird, but worth it) while he was being surrounded by these pointy-beaked monstrosities. And I may have then laughed and laughed while they tried to devour his leg-moles. Not my finest hour, I'll admit. But I was kind of drunk? And maybe a lot hung-over? And I feel bad about it now? And a bucket was definitely not involved? I dunno. I do feel like maybe he should have gotten a friend-take-back of some gift out of it, though. I mean, turkeys ate him while I did nothing.

BadWolf

@wharrgarbl THIS IS ALL MY NIGHTMARES HOLY HELL

Don't feel bad! I would've done nothing, too...because I would've been running for the hills while shitting myself. And/or crying for The Everpresent Wordsnatcher's mama to rescue me.

BadWolf

@wharrgarbl ...I am terrrrified birds. I realize that might not have been so clear because of all the freaking out at the mere mention of salad-tong bills and pointy beaks. You are brave just for being able to say words like those.

wharrgarbl

@BadWolf If it's any consolation, so long as you have friends who aren't drunkover and easily amused, it's a done deal? Turkeys are imminently punchable. (Birds are way lighter than they should be on account of some of them needing to fly! Pass it on!)

wharrgarbl

@BadWolf The salad-tong bills were actually adorable, because they were so incapable of doing any sort of damage whatsoever to a mammal. Same with the curve-billed ibises. They had to hold their heads at a certain angle to even have a chance at the vending-machine kibble, never mind my hand.

Pointy bills, though...there are people around here who try to feed the peacocks like they would the ducks or the flamingos, and you just want to do the Colbert "Noooooo" at them, because can't they see the beaks are pointy? And capable of stab-pecking? Ugh, why can't people be more careful of birds? They are dinosaurs' descendants and would claim the mantle if they could.

EpWs

@BadWolf I don't have the bird phobia, but I totally get where it comes from. Birds are basically dinosaurs. Thankfully, the Everpresent Mama is everpresent, so should you be attacked by salad-tong birds, she will undoubtedly come to your rescue. With a bucket.

EpWs

@wharrgarbl BIRDS=DINOSAURS JINX.
(I like the way you think.)

totallyunoriginal

I did a fairly epic take back. After my ex and I broke up (and believe me, it was not a pleasant break up) I proceeded to take back EVERYTHING. I left him with an empty house and a mortgage.

EpWs

@totallyunoriginal GET IT GIRL.

miwome

@totallyunoriginal I have already posted this upthread, but I feel it is EVEN MORE appropriate here.

Oh, when you go then everything goes...

EpWs

@miwome ps: this song has been in my head since the last time you posted it. Not a bad thing.

Skanky Baggington

A will-they-won't-they situation between a friend/mutual crush and I turned into a big won't. My best girlfriend broke up with me, and the juicebox saw this as a good opportunity to also give me the boot because, "If you can't even make it work with your best friend, than why should I even try anymore?" I was utterly destroyed and cried at least once a day for a month. He left a care package for me (when I was on sick leave a year before) of dvd's and Wii games that he never played. After he dumped me he decided they weren't a gift after all, and it was of the utmost importance that he have them back. I didn't know that this is what he wanted though, because he would just call my apartment several times a day, and not leave a message, for nearly two months. After he couldn't get in touch with me, he proceeded to call my mother (who he never met) ELEVEN times over the course of a weekend to complain about how mean I was to him, and that he wanted HER to drop off his stuff, because he didn't want me anywhere near his house (I know!). She actually wanted to, to spare me, but I wouldn't have it. I know shouldn't have indulged the crazy, but I wouldn't do it until he gave ME a drop off time (not face to face, just a time when he'd be home to notice through the window, because he lived in a sketchy neighbourhood and I didn't want the stuff to get stolen and cause even more drama). It's been years and I still occasionally hear of how he badmouths me and says I was the cruelest woman he ever met.

Megasus

@Skanky Baggington I feel like this kind of bad behaviour should result in chemical castration or something. If only to stop him from procreating and creating little juiceboxes. And to spare other ladies.

Skanky Baggington

@Megan Patterson@facebook: (snort) I know, right? His ex-girlfriend warned me about what an unstable, passive aggressive, weasel he was too, but all our mutual friends said she had to have been the villain of their break-up because "he's such a good guy". Gag! It doesn't matter, but I'm guessing the same thing gets said about me now. How many bad situations does that dick need to have with women before anyone believes anything's wrong with him, I wonder? Eighteen months wasted, and it never got out of "giggly, anticipated waiting" stage, because he was uncomfortable with how much more experienced I was (UGH!).

wharrgarbl

@Skanky Baggington I'm unsure if I could have resisted the urge to put the box on his front porch and then set it on fire. What a juicebox.

Megasus

@Skanky Baggington There needs to be like, a dude wikipedia or something, and you can only have the password if you're a lady, and it's for former girlfriends to write up all the bad shit that dude did when they were going out/broke up, and it's all colour coded with green meaning it's OK, yellow meaning he's a bit of a dick but nothing too serious, red for huge asshole stay away and then black for GIRLS DO NOT DO IT WITH THIS GUY EVER HE IS CUT OFF FROM VAGINAS.

ELECTROMAGNETIC CHAOS

@Megan Patterson@facebook: Only if it could be cross-referenced with the Awful Girls SQL database.

Of course, he said-she said would render all results null.

Megasus

@Skanky Baggington I guess there would have to be a factchecker/private douchevestigator on the payroll.

EpWs

@Megan Patterson@facebook I WANT THAT JOB. Do I get to wear a cunning hat?

NellieBly

@Skanky Baggington I am a researcher, and I am here to submit my qualifications for the opening of "private douchevestigator."

EDIT: Oops @The Everpresent Wordsnatcher - jinx.

wharrgarbl

@Too Much Internet Meh. It'd kind of be like wikipedia articles only written by one person. If one lady is writing "zomg so horrible, stay away from!", most ladies are going to take their chances if they really like a guy. If there are twenty ladies in succession writing "super jealous," "caught him installing a keylogger on my laptop," "caught him snooping my smartphone," "punched a dude-friend in the nose for giving me a ride home from the airport," "jealous dick," "zomg jealousy alert!," etc. that's more like he said-everybody else said. I mean, if you're Herman Cain, ladies are probably going to give that a little more credence than if you have one bad review.

Better to Eat You With

@wharrgarbl If my colleagues and I have to suffer through Rate My Professor (which, after eight years, I have still managed to never read), I see no reason why this can't happen, too.

Megasus

@wharrgarbl I know, it probably wouldn't even work. Because there are actually are tons of ladies who think a serial killer is a catch and will marry him while he's in prison for his serial murders. WOMEN ARE WEIRD.

miwome

@wharrgarbl It sounds like this is turning a little more into Yelp for dudes? Which I am still totally fine with.

wharrgarbl

@Megan Patterson@facebook Ugh, dudes do it, too. Hell, I think dudes might be more prone to it because of all the cultural bullshit that lists a girl's attractiveness as her foremost attribute, like it somehow magically won't matter if she's a user, a cheater, or just way psycho so long as she's also a 10. "It's okay that she set your dog on fire because you made eye contact with your waitress, man, she's smokin' hot!"

wharrgarbl

@miwome "Showed up on time, freshly-showered, and chewed with his mouth closed. Would date again!"

"Kidnapped my dog after I broke up with him for cheating on me with half the town and impregnating a quarter of the town. Would kick in the balls on sight."

"Claimed to have gotten a vasectomy. Didn't. If he tries to date you, be aware that I've got a lien on his house for back child-support."

EpWs

@MutantEnemy I'm pretty sure there can never be too many of us. Hat?

miwome

@wharrgarbl I think because of having spent too much time on Zagat, I keep thinking I'd have to rate a dude in terms of, like, ambiance? And food, but that at least makes some sense.

EpWs

@miwome "Food was pretty good, could use some work, but service was excellent. A-, would eat again."

EpWs

@wharrgarbl Time to bust out the Hot-Crazy scale!

Megasus

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Oh also, yes the hat would be mandatory. In the contract even!

Skanky Baggington

@Megan Patterson@facebook: This has been amazing, I'm sorry I missed it! I finally step out of lurker status and I inspire a Wiki/Yelp/Rate My Professor-esque site that would warn ladies about nightmare dudes.

EpWs

@Skanky Baggington Welcome to The Hairpin, have a Douchevestigator hat!

Skanky Baggington

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher: Aw, (tips hat) thank you!

Megasus

@Skanky Baggington If I ever make it to a Pinup, I think the plan will be to wear a hat that says "Private Douchevestigator" on it.

EpWs

@Megan Patterson@facebook Same here! I will probably bring more hats to hand out to people, because I have a feeling that 'Pinners will want them. ALAS, I am pretty sure I live in place with no other Hairpin representatives, so it'll have to wait until the national conference.

Dirty Hands

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher "cunning" <3

EpWs

@Dirty Hands <3 u!

Euglena

I just got broken up with kinda recently. I went to his place when I knew he wouldn't be there and left him his stuff from my place (all personal care items I bought for him to keep at my place so he would be comfortable there and his STUPID Lord of the Rings DVDs) and took back all my stuff that was on loan (weirdly pretty much all clothing that he had borrowed: my 8th grade basketball jersey, fire department t shirt that lots of girls hit on him when he's wearing, a pair of boxers I stole from another ex [where did he think I got them]) I left all the gifts though, all the stupid art stuff I made him, etc. and I hope his heart wrenches every time he sees it. We are still probably getting back together, right guys?

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@Euglena ugh. I just remembered that I BOUGHT Lord of the Rings DVD's (or blurays maybe) for the boy who broke up with me this fall but they're technically his because I bought them FOR him (love and all) and I wouldn't even want them back because I have better things to do with ten hours of my life thank you.
But how hilarious would it be if he awkwardly asked for me to return both of the things he ever gave me, that he got for free?

chevyvan

@Euglena I basically did the same thing. FYI: We never got back together. :-/

Xanthophyllippa

@Euglena This has nothing to do with your story, but I love your name.

BadWolf

I've never done a take-back, and I bitterly regret it, because my gross college ex-boyfriend (like, five years ago) still has my copy of "Mrs. Dalloway" with all my marginalia and notes, and also my Best Yoga Pants Ever, and he is totally the sort of crackpot creep who would hang onto those. I will be very happy to never see that dude again, but damn, I miss those yoga pants. They were, like, perfect.

I do still have the super-duper pompous and entitled letter he wrote me explaining why we should be in a relationship; I tried to GIVE it back, when he dumped me after cheating on me, humiliating me on various social media (oh, college), and generally being slimy, but he got all, "No, no, you keep that, it is Meaningful." So I did, and now every few years, I dig it out for the amusement of various drunk girlfriends in various states of angst. It is fucking hilarious.

EpWs

@BadWolf And you need to post it here, asap. Can we make a drinking game out of it?

BadWolf

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Bwahaha. And then I can follow up with all his incredibly shitty poetry sometime! Most of which he wrote to other girls, but which he liked me to critique. The drinking game would go: Are you reading it? Drink.

EpWs

@BadWolf Hahahahah, love it.

laurel

@BadWolf "the super-duper pompous and entitled letter he wrote me explaining why we should be in a relationship" is why men should read Austen at some point in their lives.

miwome

@BadWolf This sounds like the best kind of drinking game. Also, yes, please to post letter.

Diana

@BadWolf

I have a mental image of Mister Collins looking forlornly at a folded up pair of yoga pants in his hands, as he stares out into the lane, waiting for the sounds of Lady Catherine de Bourge.

BadWolf

@Diana He WAS SO LIKE Mr. Collins! We used to laugh about it. Like, he had the curate's shovel hat and everything! (Yeah, he found it in a dumpster, and thought it was a "fedora.") Luckily, he refused to read "Pride and Prejudice" on the grounds that it was not avant garde enough.

schadenfraulein

My recent-ish ex was selective about the stuff he trashed during our breakup and it made me CRAZY. I mean, I guess it makes sense that someone would keep the stuff they like and get rid of the rest, but I still flew into a rage when I found out that he threw away the awesome antique lighter I'd given him, but kept the Le Creuset skillet, threw away the expensive art print, but kept the camera, etc.
Oh and! The bottle of Mrs Meyer's hand soap that I'd bought for his bathroom a few days before we broke up was immediately trashed and replaced with a bottle of Rite Aid brand. I can't explain why this made me so angry but it did!

schadenfraulein

@schadenfraulein And I realize that this is not about a gift take-back. But I wish I would've (taken them back)!

Megasus

@schadenfraulein I kind of wish I was there to riffle through that garbage bag, not gonna lie.

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

Not a take-back, per se: Memories of high school when we had a gift exchange in class, with the caveat that we had to make (not buy) our gifts. Why I didn't think of making a delicious tin of cookies is beyond me. I was going through a major Mod Podge/decoupage phase? so I made a magazine holder for the girl whose name I was unfortunate enough to pick out of a hat. (We were not friends.)
I cut a corner off a cereal box and covered it in leopard-print paper (it seemed like a good gift idea at the time) and put some other stuff on it, lace and whatnot, in an attempt to make it faux over-the-top girlie but actually kind of punk-y(?) and cut out magazine letters and spelled out her name on the front, because it looked cool, and if it has her name on it, she can't re-gift it, right?
I saw it again on top of some lockers. In May.
I was sad because I had put so much work into it... but in hindsight that thing was probably fug.

Hellcat

@Rookie I kinda want it.

auberginedream

i had a really nasty break-up when i figured out my college boyfriend of 3 years had been sleeping with dudes and ladies, and probably anything in between. one sunday morning, about three months post-break-up, i hear some really loud banging noises against my front door. dude had thrown this weird old bird table i'd told him he could have and a couple other text books from semesters past at my door?? i looked over the balcony and saw him getting into his car and he smiled this creepy maniacal smile. i retaliated by stealing my BBQ pit back and having a party. juvenile? yes. satisfying? yes.

auberginedream

@auberginedream also, the taking back of the BBQ pit happened when we were all drunk on superbowl sunday and driving (yeah, i know) in my friend's huge lincoln town car.

jurassic snark

Ah, this isn't a take back exactly either, but when I was breaking up with my boyfriend, I happened to have this pair of fake eyeglasses with me that I had bought at a knickknack store at a beach with two of my friends. We all had the same pair and it was hilarious and fun and during our relationship, my ex liked to wear them from time to time. During the breakup weekend, I implied that he could have the glasses by accident and it was just too awkward to say "No I didn't mean you could actually HAVE them" so I just let him keep them. They probably cost 10 dollars but that sort of thing is such a huge thorn in the side.

bibliostitute

My one big take-back happened this past spring, and I don't know if it counts as a takeback if it is over the internet? But! My ex had my netflix account password, because we'd watch movies on his computer/at his dorm room (DORMS?!?!?! after sophomore year?!); and after we broke up (well, I broke up with him, see I don't think any of this really counts that much but there were good reasons at the time) I discovered that HE WAS STILL WATCHING MOVIES ON MY NETFLIX!

So I changed out my password, showed him who was boss.

Other than that? Always the books I lend saying: they're sooooo goooooood, go on, try. They always reappear wherever I am, when I'm packing up to leave. Magic.

Megoon

@bibliostitute Heh, my friend broke UP with a girl and continued to watch movies on her Netflix - and then, when she changed her password, got mad and emailed her asking why she'd do something "so childish." When she (rightly) told him to F off, he resorted to begging for her to do a print screen on his queue, since he'd spent so much time on it. Awwwwwwwww. Keep in mind this guy is a private equity analyst and makes like a zillion dollars a year - he can afford the eight bucks. I love my friends but sometimes they are stoopid.

wharrgarbl

@Megoon Wow. Dear juiceboxes: If you're planning to break up with someone, you should probably devise an exit strategy rather than after the fact whine-sessions.

Hellcat

@bibliostitute Oh, I will have to remember this if my current BF becomes some kind of horror and dumps me! I will delete his queue of superhero movies alright and lock him right out of the Netflix account we always forget to use anyway...

(Last night, I was having a meltdown that my Roku/Netflix streaming wasn't working and I wanted to watch Misery, dammit! After much cursing and ranting about technology, I looked to my left to see... a DVD of Misery (legitimately mine; not taked-backed from an unsuspecting ex) sitting right there on the shelf all along. Oh, quick temper, you're always right there, aren't you?)

spoondisaster

What about a "keep"? An ex bought me a REALLY nice coat for Christmas and it's my winter coat! I figure I earned it, and it doesn't really have any memories of him attached to it anymore. The way we broke up was via me calling the cops because he was belligerently drunk on my porch, threatening me, and wouldn't leave, so I figure I've earned the right to keep whatever I want.

EpWs

@spoondisaster As long as you don't blow your nose on it. Or maybe as long as you wash it regularly. Where is Jolie when we need her?

spoondisaster

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher It IS wool! Maybe I should ask her how to remove lingering traces of Abusive Boyfriend. Oxypaste? Bleachie (the only acceptable time to use bleachie)?

EpWs

@spoondisaster ASK HER ASK HER. Jolie KNOWS things.

spoondisaster

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Is her hair full of secrets, too, perhaps?

EpWs

@spoondisaster Undoubtedly.

E Monayyyyy@twitter

Christmas gifts I WISH I had returned: Bath & Body Works gift set in Japanese Cherry Blossom scent from my college boyfriend of 2 years. He always complained that girls were superficial and never liked presents they got. Maybe because after 6th grade you are buying your 21 year old girlfriend body spray? If I had any sort of foresight I wouldve dumped him right then and returned the set for some nice candles. Or even throwing it down the trash chute would have been better than subjecting my guests to use that shit in the shower.

saul "the bear" berenson

When I was unceremoniously dumped 4 years ago, I took such great joy in throwing away the one-of-a-kind, specially designed, HIDEOUS army-print converse extra-high-tops my ex had given me. They were truly horrible, with tiny velcro pockets up the sides and olive rubber toes and the works. Throwing them away was soooo delightful, like a giant army-print weight off my shoulders.

Also, this wonderful thread makes me think of this wonderful song! Everybody sing along... "fuck the presents, they don't mean shit now..."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zO7e8pl-Q7A

Inkling

@Moxie das Maven
The youtube comments are touching.

Well, that dusty ol' sentence is going back in eternity storage.

Rachel Austin@facebook

@Moxie das Maven Thankfully, they were one-of-a-kind. I might vomit if I ever saw such a pair.

redheaded&crazy

is anybody else curious about what kinds of things have been tossed out by exes? Once after a breakup that lasted a week and a half, we exchanged plants - well his was a bouquet, mine was this really cute collection of cactuses (cactii?) that I picked out individually! I assume it's in the garbage now.

oldfay

This is so relevant to my life right now! I am in the process of breaking up with my long-ass-term boyfriend and have been considering whether I could keep the ipad my dad got him for graduation if I let him keep my old computer that I gave him to replace his broken one - does that seem like a fair trade or am I just ipad greedy? Does the fact that it was a present from my dad nullify take-back rights? So many questions.

iceberg

@oldfay If it's already been given to him, sorry no, you don't get to keep it. Especially since it was not given to him by you. (this is just my opinion, of course, which means zero!)

Megasus

@oldfay I would keep it, especially if he just left it with you.

oldfay

@Megan Patterson@facebook He did just leave it with me! And since he is in Massachusetts right now and I am at our home in Texas- and I will presumably be charged with sending his things to him rather than him being proactive enough to come back and do it himself - if the ipad just happened to not make it into a box ...

wharrgarbl

@oldfay Oh, fuck him. That's a shitload of work and no small expense. Keep the ipad if he can't bother to arrange for his shit to get sent back properly.

Hellcat

@oldfay My BF just bought an iPad today and (jokingly) said that now I can dump him if I want because he no longer needs my old laptop that he's been using. To this I said, "Fine... I'll just take my wireless router and be heading out then." Oh, his face...

Megasus

@oldfay That is totally the situation I am in right now, and I have been trying to get in touch with him for a month, and don't have any way to send it back to him because it's a lot, so he knows if he doesn't get in two days it is forfeit, and that is his fault for purposely ignoring my emails.

wharrgarbl

@iceberg Basically my thinking there is that, all things being ideal, the ipad is his. It was given to him by someone else, what, six, seven months ago now? But then you have real situations, where it's not so much his that it can't be used for leverage to get to him play fair in the division of assets, relinquish bullshit claims on stuff that's not his, and/or not pull juicebox moves like leaving her to do all the work of liquidating their joint assets and then showing up to collect 50% of the money with nary a drop of sweat spilled.

If it's practically a done deal that he's going to stick her with the labor and cost of rounding up all the stuff that's his and shipping it cross-country to him, I'd call it basically fair recompense. You're essentially left helping someone move when they're not your friend and aren't doing anything themselves. Pizza and beer don't cut it.

iceberg

@oldfay @wharrgarbl - ahhh with the new information that he couldn't be arsed taking it when he left, and that he expects her to foot the bill of sending it to him? NOPE. Girl, you are a new iPad owner.

wharrgarbl

@iceberg Yeah, initially I was thinking "Let's all try to take the high road here, legitimately it's his," then I saw the "He is a million miles away and probably ain't coming back" post. Sorting out all the "his" stuff and sussing out an equitable distribution of the "our" stuff--never mind arranging transport out of state--is no joke after a long time living together unless one of you is like a technomad or something. If I had to sort and pack my guy's belongings plus half of the joint shit all by myself, I'd still be working come spring. Fuck that guy for acting like her new hobby should be sifting through the wreckage of their relationship.

cinderellen@twitter

@oldfay The magic words are: Gratuitous Bailment. If he leaves stuff with you and does not arrange to move it or pay you for the storage it's yours.

laurel

I kept the ultra-cool mid-century modern stellated icosahedron (20-pointed star) kit that I gave my ex. It's hanging in the corner of my living room and it is awesome. Too awesome for him.

ELECTROMAGNETIC CHAOS

This thread is... kind of bumming me out.

Like, these totems that once signified a shared love now have all this directed negative feeling associated with them. I'm a little strange; I'm really sensitive with how I sit with people, and someone out there just hating my guts bothers me; using 'voodoo doll' style substitution is no better, to me.

I hope my stuffed penguin I got at the SeaWorld store in the Orlando airport is still hanging out with one of my ex's other stuffed animals. I hope the Alice in Wonderland themed journal/notepad was enjoyed and used by another ex.

laurel

I still like and use the stuff the exes I'm friends with gave me. Conduct yourself well in the relationship and during/after the breakup and the stuff you left behind will still have a fond place in her life.

elysian fields

@Too Much Internet don't be too bummed. It seems like the voodoo doll effect is most applicable in cases of really acrimonious breakups, when one party hurts the other so deeply that all the good parts of the relationship are basically poisoned.

I gave my ex a couple of things that I'd never dream of taking back from him. He also gave me some things that I still value, although I look at them with a twinge of sadness now. :( Not every breakup ends bitterly. Some just end ... sadly. (eesh, now I'm bumming myself out.)

Hellcat

@Too Much Internet When you put it that way, it does sound kind of sad...

I always kept the utilitarian stuff (a TV, some clothes, etc...) but, depending how serious the relationship/awful the breakup, got rid of what I viewed as purely sentimental. I don't even have one photo of my last "big" ex. Typing that out, though, seems like that's weird of me.

ELECTROMAGNETIC CHAOS

@all Maybe I've not been through a break up bad enough, then. I was just saying what I felt, subjectively.

wharrgarbl

@Too Much Internet I think if everyone behaves themselves during the break-up, and the break-up wasn't over something really awful, most people aren't going to have to deal with the sort of feelings detailed in the comments. Like, maybe the penguin has to live in a box for a little while, but eventually she'll be resuming her rightful place in the stuffed animal parade.

machinesss

@Too Much Internet. I've never been in a relationship that ended with us hating eachother's guts, so most gifts I've been given by a significant other has been kept. I have a print my ex carefully picked out as a bday present, a hat that was an exes, some love letters and other stuff? They have good memories attached to them, I'm going to keep them.

angelinha

This post and thread just reminded me that my ex still has my copy of Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim. Is eight months later too late for a literary take-back?

wharrgarbl

@klibberfish Of course not. Just play it cool, like "Hey, I was just looking for this and remembered that the last person I loaned it to was you. Do you still have it?"

bibliostitute

@klibberfish get that book! no lengths are too great!

iceberg

@wharrgarbl perfection.

sueduhnym

My first marriage lasted five months before I had him arrested for assault and battery and fled our home and most of our shared belongings. Fast forward six months and I get set up on a blind date on New Year's Eve by a kind friend whose boyfriend had a friend visiting from out of town. We hit it off and had a couple of dates (but no sex) before he had to get back to California. One month later, I pawned my engagement ring, bought a ticket to California and spent five days having excellent sex while my ex had to sit in court with only his and my attorney for company for the finalization of our divorce. Better yet, he called me a couple weeks later, "Why weren't you there?" "I had to go to California." "For what?" "Sex." click.

EpWs

@sueduhnym BEST.

sueduhnym

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Thank you! It was taking back my life. "Here's all your mental anguish Juicebox, I'm done with it."

EpWs

@sueduhnym Hooray! I'm so glad you did! Did anything ever happen with California Boy?

sueduhnym

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Oh, not really. We saw each other a couple more times whenever he was home but it was pre-internet (or the very early days of) so it was never destined to be anything more than a fun diversion. But fun it was!

Hellcat

Now I'm thinking about the brand-new, unworn (the pockets were still sewn shut) Hugo Boss suit that left was in the closet after my ex and I broke up. I did not give it back... but I told him he could find it at the local Salvation Army.

I didn't have the foresight of Ebaying that shit... or stashing it away (for years!) to give it to my current BF (who needs a new suit badly and is about the same size) as a really fancy-pants gift... that I totally bought just by sight alone without even having him try it on!

Inkling

@Hellcat
I bet some nice apartment-dweller is still flipping over every time he kills at job interviews and blows away his partner in sheer sexiness for like $9.

Hellcat

@Inkcrafter ...or perhaps my former town suddenly had a very snappy-dressed homeless man roaming about.

Mingus_Thurber

I have an embarrassing story to tell on myself. Full disclosure: I am An Old and for the first forty years of my life had *never* had an acrimonious breakup, leaving aside when my marriage ended (but that's another story, and not as interesting, because I channeled Audrey Hepburn through the whole thing).

So this guy and I had been dating for about five years when I discovered he'd come into my house and gone through all my stuff, looking for evidence of cheating that wasn't happening. I piled all the things he'd ever given me into a big ol' box, drove it to his house, and dumped it in his front yard. I was sobbing and buzzed at the time.

The next day, as I was busy weeding my flowerbeds, a cop car pulled up. Cop gets out, asks me if I'm Mingus Thurber, and I say Yes, of course. She asks if I have kids or grandkids. I say no. She hauls the box (with all the stuff still in it) out of the back seat of her car and asks if I'm missing any toys (there's an electric train set in there).

Turns out I had thrown the box *into the wrong yard*. What makes it even more shameful is that The Guy had a very distinctive porch; there was no way I should've been able to miss it. The owner of the house called the cops, and they read the address on the outside of the box (shameface) in order to return the stuff to me.

I apologized all over myself to the cop, who was laughing her head off as I wailed "I can't do ANYTHING right! I can't even do Throwing Your Crap Back At You right!" She put her arm around my shoulders and comforted me by saying, "Well, honey, it's not really a breakup until the cops show up, is it?"

Later I snuck back and put the stuff on the right porch.

karion

@Mingus_Thurber: I love the cuss out of this story.

chevyvan

@Mingus_Thurber "Well, honey, it's not really a breakup until the cops show up, is it?"

Truer words have never been spoken. I love that cop, and I love you, Mingus!

fabel

@Mingus_Thurber Oh my god, ha! That is an awesome story

HooZiggy

@Mingus_Thurber Best story I've read so far! And you gave the cop a great story too ..

Moshii@twitter

I kind of hope that the paintings and toys that I got for my ex are still there; the last time I had to visit I saw one of the figurines there (super rare figure that I found in Tokyo that I kind of want back actually) but the painting I'd made was not on display. When I got home I took down the art he'd drawn for me and dumped it.
I have a continuous take-back though. When we were together we opened loyalty cards for the two main supermarkets. Although I lost one of my cards, I still have my Nectar card. I barely use it anymore but whenever I'm really hurting for money I use the points to buy myself food. He's never contacted me and told me he's noticed the points going down but he keeps buying on it regardless.
The best part is the account is entirely in my name with his as a secondary card holder, so I'm the only one with say over the points. Considering the financial hardship moving out of our apartment put me into, I'd say I earned those points to buy me bread and milk.

NellieBly

This thread did get kind of real. Quick, everybody listen to "Song for Dumped."

noodge

@MutantEnemy ...that chorus was MINE for a few months post break up. I JUST WANT MY MONEY BACK.

yourfriendlyneighbortothenorth

I gave one of my high school boyfriends basketball shorts and a framed pic of me for his birthday. It was a super great photo taken in Autumn with all the leaves and me in a turtleneck etc. This was before the age of digital, and as the photo had been taken by a family friend and I didn't have the negatives, when we broke up I wanted it back! One day in the hallway while he was talking to a friend, without even turning my head to look at him I all high-and-mightily said, "I want my picture back." as I walked by. A couple days later he was waiting for me outside of one of my classes, holding the picture like a dog with its tail between its legs. I walked up to him, snatched it, curtly said, "Thank you." and I think whipped my hair in his face as I turned around? Seriously, in high school I think I could have been on "Mean Girls", but...it was sooo satisfying.

digby

When I was dumped pretty unceremoniously (by a guy who I maybe still love? how tragic) he presented me with a bag containing a)my cleanser, toner and deodorant (but not my moisturiser) b)underwear and various clothes (but not my silk dressing gown) and c) a copy of Harry Potter and the Philosophers stone WHICH HE HAD NOT EVEN BOTHERED TRYING TO READ despite my encouragement of over a year... because who hasn't read Harry Potter? Christ. He told me to keep the (pretty) watch he'd just bought me for my birthday if he could keep the (awesome, expensive) watch I'd bought him for his... I said ok, but I'VE NEVER WORN IT. Just can't do it. Because what if I ran into him at the supermarket or something and he saw I was wearing it and knew I still loved him?? We also, during the split-up meeting, divided what parts of town- restaurants, beaches etc- we had dibs on. A contract he has not abided by, seeing as he frequents MY supermarket!!

miwome

@digby Ohhhh man, so one of my exes gave me a FABULOUS necklace that I love and always get compliments on. I got over the "it's weird wearing this omg" thing pretty fast (it helped that after we split we hardly ran into each other and then lived in different cities) and I wear it all the time.

UNTHINKINGLY, I wore it to a college reunion (one year reunion, so, breakup at beginning of junior year still pretty fresh), and he UNEXPECTEDLY TURNED UP at the pub and the last thing he said to me was "nice necklace *meaningfully lovelorn look* and I almost imploded into a little heap of "noooooo" dust.

Atheist Watermelon

@miwome AAAAAHHHH this is a nightmare of mine, i have a similarly awesome necklace that the ex gave me and that i wear all the time because fuck it, it's an awesome necklace and I refuse to let who gave it to me keep me from wearing it. But i never thought about the possibility of actually running into him while wearing it.... ooohhhh that would suck... :-/

datalass

@miwome Were you at all tempted to just brazen it out, like, "Thanks! I bought it on my last trip to [insert plausible city of origin here]."?

miwome

@datalass Sadly impossible. The thing is too distinctive. At one point while we were dating he was studying abroad in Paris, and then I guess he and some friends hopped over to Morocco (JEALOUS) and he got it there. It's like, bright turquoise (dunno if it's actually turquoise or some other kind of stone) with all this elaborate silver stuff happening.

Honestly, now that I've typed all that out, I think I'd feel bad if I tried to brazen it out like you said. It was a really sweet gesture, back when he wasn't so depressed and pretentious it's impossible to be in a room with the boy.

Fidget

I guess I sort of did a take-back? I bought back my engagement ring from my ex-fiance after we broke up. We had picked it out together in pre-Katrina New Orleans, and it had sentimental value that went beyond him and me (he was also threatening to sell it on Ebay). But because he was the king of all juiceboxes, he actually tried to cheat me by claiming he paid twice as much for it than he really had. Because he either thought I didn't remember (I was right there when he purchased it), or because he thought I was too polite to have noticed (I did try not to, but it was hard when the jeweler gave us a special price and announced it loudly). He also tried to keep the bottle of single malt that was the last thing my deceased father had given me before he died. I do wish I'd nicked the custom chessboard I had made for him, which he never used.

wharrgarbl

@Fidget What an awful person. Is it too late for you to set him on fire?

Fidget

@wharrgarbl Don't tempt me. He was crossing the street in front of my car once after the breakup and it took every ounce of willpower I had not to floor the accelerator.

wharrgarbl

@Fidget It sounds like he kind of had it coming, though? I mean, honestly, it might be hard to be a good person, especially when we're hurting from a failed relationship, but it is not that difficult to avoid being a horrible one.

Dora Wong@facebook

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Coatlicue

One of my friends has a story like this, with a special twist of unique evil. His girlfriend broke up with him, and took the dog with her. Already bad, right? Okay. Well, in place of the beloved dog, she left a LIFE-SIZED STUFFED ANIMAL VERSION OF THE DOG.

It's so awful, it's almost brilliant. I come back to it every time I'm making a mental list of the most colossal knife-twisting mindfucks I've ever heard of.

As for myself: In college, I had one of those monumentally abusive boyfriends that seem to be common as dirt. He lived 2 hours away from me and didn't have a car, so it felt nice and safe to dump him over AIM. And I did! It was great!

A few days later, I took all the his leftover stuff, and put it out in the dorm lobby with a sign that said "Free". It wasn't much (a t-shirt, a pair of sweatpants, two books, a few other things) but it all got taken in an hour or so. If it had been now, I would have put those books on BookMooch, because one of them has been out of print for a while.

I took the presents he gave to me, and loaned them to friends until the bad vibes wore off. There was no way I was giving up this Aquarius Hello Kitty, just because the giver was a sociopath: http://www.amazon.com/gp/customer-media/product-gallery/B0017DLRQK

My deepest, most head-smacking regret, is that I didn't capitalize on the naked pictures he had sent me through Ye Olde Postal Service. It was such a golden opportunity, and I let it pass.

Side note: MAN, I'm glad that all of my bad relationships went down in flames before social networks became the thing.

EpWs

@Coatlicue HOLY SHIT. That dog thing is...psychopathic? Wow.

laurel

@Coatlicue Sputniiiiik!

archetype

when my last ex and I broke up, I punched him in the face (breaking my finger...), then promptly kicked him out of the house and deadbolted the door, and put all his possessions (clothes and laptop, mainly) in the trunk of my car. i said he would get his things back once he paid me the $1000 he owed me for various expenses, and this took nearly two months. i didn't end up keeping any of his stuff, but he didn't have much worth taking, anyway.

Debris

I have an epic attempted take back: after a nightmare break up, I returned the next morning to retrieve my clothes from our home only to discover he had cut up - with scissors- every single piece of clothing in the closet. Every. Single. Thing. That must have taken all night.

PistolPackinMama

@Violentviolet Oh my god. I am sorry that happened to you. That's past upsetting and bordering on creepy/violent. Not to mention an expensive thing from which to recover.

Debris

@AnthroK8 He WAS creepy and scary. His eyes even turned from blue to black when he was turning evil! My family refers to him as Mr. Scissorhands. It was a long long time ago, thankfully.

Anonymous!

Ha! I never take stuff back, but my last boyfriend (who was pretty awful) after dumping me sent back ONE of the many gifts I had gotten him over our time together. Apparently he did not like that particular gift and wanted to return it. To add insult to injury, the reason he was sending me anything at all was because he had forgotten to give me back the jeweler's appraisal for MY family heirloom engagement ring along with the ring, and sent it later in a box. With the one rejected gift.

carolita

My mom sent me a cashmere twin set last year, red with some kind of ruffle on the sweater, in a size medium (I half wondered if she'd found it in a "plus" section, it's so big). I meant to bring it back, but I found it this year, under a pile of other stuff I'd meant to take back. I have a very bad habit of not bringing stuff back in time. Who wants a ruffled cashmere Lord & Taylor (very old ladyish) twin set? Oh, I guess I'll give it to my super or bring it to Housing Works. But it makes me wonder, we haven't spoken or seen each other in five years. I guess she's assuming I've put on thirty pounds?

Hellcat

@carolita It makes me sad because it's hard to imagine pretty red cashmere... not being pretty!

And I am with you on the bad habit of not returning things. Ugh, why?

Inkling

@carolita I'd like to point out that ohmygods cashmere and oversized sweaters are the reason for the season. I hope you find a good home for it!

MatildaBear

This is timely, I've been brooding over my dumb ex and his dumb behavior ever since he included me in a mass Christmas text the other night.
He got me a necklace for our anniversary. I was happy because it was something I would have picked out for myself and it seemed like he had put a lot of thought into it. Then he blurted out "those are real diamonds!" and tried to make me guess how much it had cost. Every time I wore it, he would find a way to bring the conversation back around to how much money he had spent on it. He kept hinting at the price range, and gave me the impression that he had paid several hundred dollars for it. This made me feel guilty and also grossed out, and I was shocked and even more grossed out when I found the receipt, and saw that he had actually paid $70 because it was damaged somehow. Why was he such a weird liar? He also told me that he was a liberal, and kept up that lie for over a year before my roommate's picture of Obama made him snap and tell me that he had lied to make me like him. We don't talk anymore, and I gave all of his presents to my little sister.

miwome

@MatildaBear Ew. Even if he bought into that diamond commercial shiz, at no point after the chick's delighted gasp does the guy go, "AND I SPENT SOOOO MUCH MONEY SO NOW MY COCK IS HUGE."

wharrgarbl

@MatildaBear That sounds weird and awful. Who does stuff like that? "I lied about most of my personal traits and beliefs so that you'd go out with me, surely a) I will be able to keep this up forever and be happy like this or b) you will love me for the incompatible troll I am once I reveal my true self!" What a juicebox.

EpWs

@wharrgarbl I believe the phrase "douche canoe" was brought into this game upthread, and it fits here as well.

wharrgarbl

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Ha, yes. Glass-bottom douche-catamaran is my favorite variant on that one. I mean, really, though, what the hell is the end-game of a plan like that? It's one thing if you're doing something that you can maintain as a lifestyle change, like putting some thought into your personal grooming when your set-point is "schlub," but lying about your politics, religion, hobbies, interests, background, life-goals, etc.? Not gonna get you a happy ending.

MatildaBear

@wharrgarbl Bonus: he made ME feel like the juicebox/douche canoe for freaking out about it and trying to make him explain himself. Now I feel that way for sticking around and trying to make sense of his various issues.
Also, it's not like he just let me assume that he agreed with me. He had a whole story about how his dad loved his brother more because they were both ultra-conservative, and how Thanksgiving was painful for him.

wharrgarbl

@MatildaBear What the hell. Who does that? Seriously, who does that? This guy is getting such an entry on Dude-Yelp once it goes live.

EpWs

@wharrgarbl Delp? Duelp? The International Douche Canoe Registry?

wharrgarbl

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I'm thinking at last one, at least with the inaugural batch. I mean, just, fuck, are these dudes awful.

EpWs

@wharrgarbl No fucking kidding. Ladies of the 'Pin: I am so glad these dudes are out of your lives! Please to register them with the Douche Canoe Registry once it gets working so other women can avoid them in as efficient a manner as possible!

Maud

I wish I did something like that during my last break-up. We were together for four years, sharing an apartment, when I found out he had another girl. Not only did he fuck her when he was away for work, he sometimes managed to do both of us in one day, which I feel is diguisting. When I finally left our place I left some pictures of him and me. He was so sad about it afterwards that I took them back. What was I thinking.

abunnyfish

These stories are breaking my heart--don't smash the gifts, smash the headlights out of these douchey exs' cars!
My ex gave me really expensive jewelry and I still wear it, though. I look at it as the spoils of dating an asshole; why not enjoy it? Chin up, y'all--the next guy/girl that gives you presents will hopefully not have them thrown at their face out of a third-story window. Xo!

HooZiggy

Is it OK that this is an ex-roommate take-back and not a family or S.O. take-back story? During college, I was overwhelmed with working full-time and going to school full-time while also packing up to move out. I owned a particular pan that my roommate used nearly every night to make popcorn. I intended to leave it behind for her as I had no use for it, had purchased it for a few bucks at Big Lots and she obviously liked it. One day, in the midst of packing, I had to leave for class and then from there, go straight to work. The following day, she bitched at me for leaving a mess (packing boxes in the kitchen). So as I headed out to class and work that day, I grabbed MY pan, and pitched it out of my car window straight into the dumpster and proceeded on my merry way. Passive Aggressive? Yes. Incredibly satisfying? Indeed!

HooZiggy

... forgot to mention .. I cannot deny the satisfaction was derived from the loud, heavy thwump when the pan hit the dumpster.

DickensianCat

Not a take-back, but a rather glorious re-gift story:

for Valentine's Day one year an ex gave me a little teddy bear holding a heart-shaped pillow that said "Shit Bitch You is Fine." we had seen it on a website a few months prior and it made us laugh our asses off. Though the guy is a permanent resident of Juicebox Cove, the bear remains my favorite Valentine's gift to date, but before my current boyfriend moved in last year I decided I needed to purge the apartment of everything ex related.

Couldn't (oh yes) bear the thought of throwing it out, so instead I gave it to one of my best guy friends for his birthday. This friend IS rather fine and he loved it, and as an added bonus, there was a picture of him gleefully holding up the bear with the caption "Thanks, DickensianCat!" prominently tagged on my Facebook page about a week before the ex sent me a friend request. I remembered the picture existed only after accepting the request. THAT was some exquisite timing.

EpWs

@DickensianCat That is fantastic. I need one of those bears for the next convenient holiday in my life.

Casanova Frankenstein

My last break-up went relatively smoothly and despite not being at all mutual, there wasn't really any bad blood between us. I made him a really cool card last Valentine's day that I put a lot of work into, and lately I've been wondering whether it's okay to ask for it back. My mom says I can't. UGH she's probably right.

wharrgarbl

@Casanova Frankenstein If you still have any mutual friends, you could put out feelers to see how he's doing. Personally, if I was feeling kind of meh about a soured relationship, and they really wanted something like that back, I'd prefer they have it to me keeping it in a bin labeled "Only Open While Mopey and Drinking."

Casanova Frankenstein

@wharrgarbl He probably doesn't even still have it. We broke up like ten months ago. I just think about it every once in a while and hope that he didn't throw it away.

wharrgarbl

@Casanova Frankenstein If it's any comfort, you've inspired me to do a goofy handmade Mother's Day card for my bestie. She really gets a kick out of that stuff, and her kids aren't old enough to do anything more complex than crayon-scribbles on construction paper yet.

Rachel Austin@facebook

@Casanova Frankenstein Yeah, your mom's right. Though I understand your frustration. When I left my ex-husband (who didn't share a language with me when we met), happenstance was such that all the letters I'd written to him before we lived together, each one a painstakingly decorated collage of love, fell into my hands. I never want to see him again, but I kept the letters.

FullTimeFancy

On our one-year anniversary, my college boyfriend called me and told me he decided to hang out with his friends and see a baseball game instead of dinner out with me. He and his friends lived across the street from me and my 5 roommates and we had pretty much furnished his entire house. When his plans were met with silence, he asked me if I was mad. I told him I wasn't mad, that he was single and could do what he wanted. And in my rage blackout, went across the street, took everything out of the house that was mine (brita pitcher, silverware, couch, rugs), everything that I had bought him (very expensive running shoes, Simpsons soap-on-a-rope, good alcohol to replace his gutrot MadDog) and took it to my place. There had been a rash of break-ins, so I called his landlady and told her I saw people trying to pick the lock. She came and changed the locks, gave me the key "to give to him" and left. I left a note on his bed that he had a week to come get his shit out of my house or I would burn it. They called the police because they couldn't get in the house and thought they had been robbed, hilarity ensued and I had a great bonfire a week later in the front yard. Strangely, we don't talk. Oh, and he had been cheating on me the entire time.

fondue with cheddar

@FullTimeFancy WOW, that's a great story. It reminds me of the time my ex husband did something similarly horrible (only more so), but I didn't know what was going on at the time so I didn't get glorious revenge like you did (so I will live vicariously through you).

It was the afternoon of my birthday, and he asked me if I minded if he went out to hang with a good friend (a female friend who I knew well and trusted). I said sure, because we'd already celebrated my birthday the day before and I was depressed and thought he should go out and enjoy himself. As it turns out, he DID go out and enjoy himself. How do I know? Two months later (after we'd separated), I found the pictures he took of them having sex, date stamped my birthday, that he'd posted to an internet sex forum that very same day.

PistolPackinMama

@FullTimeFancy @jen325 Both of you... fire. Setting it on fire seems like a good option. Awful awful. SEX FORUM PICTURES TIMESTAMPED YOUR BIRTHDAY...

fondue with cheddar

@AnthroK8 Oh, and I didn't even mention the worst part. He posted it in his "my wife" thread, one that had until that point consisted entirely of pictures of ME (sans face, but still). I had no knowledge of this.

Actually, I'm not even sure if that was the worst part. He did so many terrible things that only came to light after he moved out.

wharrgarbl

@jen325 If you'd like, we can all help you set him on fire with the power of our minds.

fondue with cheddar

@wharrgarbl That sounds wonderful, but I'm kind of torn now. You see, he and his "lady"* have a child, and that poor little girl has been dealt a pretty bad hand already.

*I put "lady" in quotation marks because, while she has ladyparts (unfortunately, I've seen proof), she clearly does not behave as a lady behaves.

wharrgarbl

@jen325 Let's all take out life-insurance policies on him, make his daughter the beneficiary of said policies, get her a fairy grandmother, and then set him on fire with the power of our minds!

wharrgarbl

@wharrgarbl Fairy godmother. I meant fairy godmother. Though I guess fairy grandmother could work, too.

PistolPackinMama

@wharrgarbl Wow... that's... that's abusive, is what that is, that posting naked pictures of you without your knowledge or consent thing.

What a terrible, terrible thing to do.

I am getting on board with the wharrgarbl plan (tm).

EpWs

@wharrgarbl Both will work. Perhaps a fairy grandmother to raise her, and a badass fairy godmother to spoil her/provide her with Real Advice, be the person she can come to with awkward questions, etc?

Also, joining in on the "set him on fire" chorus. Wow.

fondue with cheddar

@wharrgarbl I LOVE YOU.

fondue with cheddar

@AnthroK8 Right? I think he honestly thought that it was okay since he cropped my face out. IT WAS NOT, GENIUS. And you know, it wasn't really abusive per se, because what I didn't know wasn't hurting me. He was abusive in other ways, though. Actually, it might have been better if I had known. I was deeply depressed, and reading the nice comments people made about my body and sexy skills (oh, did I forget to mention he posted video, too?) would have made me feel so much better about myself.

EpWs

@jen325 VIDEO? Not that anything else was even remotely okay, but...holy hell this guy sounds appalling. I am so very glad you are rid of him. We can set him on fire at your earliest convenience.

fondue with cheddar

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Actually, the baby's real grandmother (his mother, not hers) is a truly badass and fantastic lady. I miss her. I hate him for taking her and the rest of his awesome family away from me. WHY SHOULD HE GET TO KEEP THEM? :'(

EpWs

@jen325 You should get to fight for custody of extended family in divorces, I think.

fondue with cheddar

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Oh, he did so many more appalling things YOU HAVE NO IDEA.

My earliest convenience would be as soon as you can set up those life insurance policies, thanks.

And yes, custody battles for extended family is a brilliant idea! His whole family is so wonderful. I have no idea what happened with him. Maybe somebody dropped him on his head as a baby?

PistolPackinMama

@jen325 The words "sociopath" come to mind.

fondue with cheddar

@AnthroK8 Haha. I wouldn't call him a sociopath, he's just selfish, weak-willed, and cowardly.

wharrgarbl

@jen325 Don't forget awful! Because he sounds really, really, completely, irredeemably awful.

Megasus

@wharrgarbl Maybe this is how spontaneous combustion actually happens?

wharrgarbl

@Megan Patterson@facebook Here's hoping!

fondue with cheddar

@wharrgarbl Well yeah, that goes without saying. How can someone who's selfish, weak-willed, and cowardly be anything BUT awful?

fondue with cheddar

It's slightly off-topic, but all I can think of is "and don't forget / to give me back my black t-shirt."

miwome

@jen325 Whoooooaaaaaaaaa flashback.

NellieBly

@jen325 LOL, see above link for the awesome live version.

fondue with cheddar

@MutantEnemy Oh, yay! I wish I could watch that with sound at work. I do love me some Ben.

GIVE ME MY MONEY BACK, YOU BITCH.

elizabee

Not so much a take-back as an accidental take-away, but... many, many years ago I broke up with a guy for awful, shitty reasons that had nothing to do with either of us not being in love with the other. This involved leaving the state hurriedly, as these things often do, and once settled in at my parents' place (whee!) I found cassette tapes of the last 10 years or so of his demos. (Kids: There was a time when the permanent record of your professionally recorded music was a cassette. Just go with it.) I hadn't meant to take them and was horrified that I had - I had excellent reason to believe they were not just tapes, but THE tapes - as I had no intention of being spiteful and this looked REALLY spiteful.

So I didn't do anything to send them back right at first because I was busy weeping 24 hours a day and stuff, and once I'd pulled it together a little bit? They'd vanished. Totally gone.

There are musicians for whom the disappearance of their body of work might be a blessing for the universe, but this guy was incredibly brilliant. I didn't know what to do at this point, so I didn't say anything, instead choosing to live with the guilt for the next 12 years. After many years of being out of touch with him, we fell into a conversation on MySpace, and after a week or so of this I could hold it in no longer. "I accidentally took all your demos and then I lost them somehow because I was too sad for my brain to work and I'm so, so sorry, I feel AWFUL."

He was all, "What? No, no you didn't - I still have them!"

Naturally, I demanded he send MP3s as proof.

He did.

So I'm not sure why we had TWO copies of all his demos sitting around the apartment, but I could've saved myself more than a decade's worth of self-flagellation.

Now I just self-flagellate about other stuff.

sueduhnym

@elizabee Maybe a sympathetic parent took pity on you and sent them back so you wouldn't have to? Or to prevent you from destroying them once you moved from grief to anger? My mom would totally do something like that. :)

elizabee

@sueduhnym That's a nice thought! With the choice being between the asshole-narcissistic-personality-disorder one and the one who loses her shit 20 times worse than you do when something bad happens to you... probably not. I'd totally buy either of them coming across the tapes and throwing them away, though.

Mingus_Thurber

I forgot this one in the heat of the moment. It's not really a take-back story; it's more a Kharmic Revenge story, but deserves to be told.

Ex-Hub and I had been married for nearly a decade when I arrived home unexpectedly one day (sick with a sinus infection) to find him and my best friend of nearly 15 years freshly out of the sack. Fast forward thirty-six hours: She's moved out, I've moved out, and he has the house. The house we bought together, with my money as down payment. The house that I had spent my childhood in, no less, and had put tons of effort and money into while he ran around doing bullshit stuff that never made a dime or allowed him to be at home.

Ex-friend stayed out long enough for her apartment to burn down, then moved back in with ex-Hub. Shortly thereafter, the refrigerator quit. Then the shower sprung a horrible leak that necessitated much running around and shower-pan-replacing and wall-tear-downing. Then the back door, I shit you not, fell off its hinges. Then a hole opened up in the ceiling of Ex-Hub's office, large enough for a very, very unhappy squirrel to get in and do massive damage. Oh, and the water heater imploded, spilling gallons of water all over the kitchen and porch.

The kicker came when the oven, which had behaved gorgeously for me for my entire child/adolescent/young adult-hood, BLEW UP when Ex-Friend tried to use it. The door blew off and hit the opposite wall; I grieve only that she wasn't in the line of fire.

I'm convinced to this day that the ghost who lived in my childhood bedroom had something to do with all of it. Later, Ex-Friend took all of Ex-Hub's money, ran around on him, and left him with nothing but a small dingy apartment in a bullet-riddled part of town. I'm good with that.

EpWs

@Mingus_Thurber KARMA. She be a harsh mistress. (Pardon the term.)

wharrgarbl

@Mingus_Thurber Oh, that is just perfect.

miwome

@Mingus_Thurber *applause*

PistolPackinMama

@Mingus_Thurber Maniacal Laugh! Maniacal Laugh!

Lucille2

So late to the party, however I do have some pretty solid/heart wrenching tales of break-up take backs. For instance, after my betrothed lost his mind re: reasonable expectations for a couple merging lives cross-state, I initiated the break-up. A few months after(he had insisted that I keep the ring despite the fact that it was an aesthetic abomination), I pawned the ring(pink sapphire) to buy chicken wings. They were so tepid, deep-fried, and well matched for the blue cheese that I could not help myself.
Just survived the worstest relationship ever. For months he attempted to maintain my separation from ALL of my material goods, car and cat included. After 4 years I'm just fortunate that I didn't have to gnaw my paw off to get out:)

fondue with cheddar

@Lucille2 I'm so glad you got out! But there's one important question: DID YOU GET YOUR CAT?

Elaine Tary@facebook

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Johanna Tuominen@twitter

This is not a take-back I guess per se, but just had to share: I dated this guy for a while, and during that period I also moved from one apartment to another. He had also recently moved to his, so he had some leftover boxes (cardboard, leftovers from a store he worked in) he said I could use. I took them, moved, and things went on for a couple of months. Aaaannnddd, after I broke up with him because he was being a total jerk / mooch / bossy idiot, he suddenly wanted the five boxes back. The cardboard boxes. AND, he wanted me to deliver them to him to his apartment. Apparently, the boxes were very important, but not so much so that he would have been willing to pick them up by bus (he didn't have a car).

PangurBan

I just did the classy, tearful run around his room grabbing the books I'd let him borrow. Then telling his roommate to have a nice life on the way out. In retrospect, I could've told her the terrible things that he really thought of her, just to make his life miserable, but that would've hurt HER unnecessarily and would've just been evil. Also, I just didn't think of it.

elizabee

@sueduhnym That's a nice thought! With the choice being between the asshole-narcissistic-personality-disorder one and the one who loses her shit 20 times worse than you do when something bad happens to you... probably not. I'd totally buy either of them coming across the tapes and throwing them away, though.

Jaime P@facebook

I loved the picture painted with the scarf...I recently did the EXACT same thing...I think crazy is the new pretty!

truelove

so, i'm sort of worried about what it means to be reading this thread while drinking milk and peppermint schnapps alone in my house on new years eve (where the alternative would be working)--and its unlike anyone will revisit this, but i thought, for venting's sake, I'd post. Traveling in some high far-east mountains this summer--a mere few weeks before dumping me--my boyfriend surprised me so sweetly with this kashmiri hippo painting i'd been eyeing from a store where we'd bought prints for our families. i have that, and a print of a page from a book i'd been studying--depicting 'the heart's vanity' no less--that he gave me for graduation; he broke my heart a few days later. jesus, that sounds sappy. but it is true. i haven't even been able to look at these things, though its been months. what do i even do with them? why is this like this. (fyi, last i heard he was "maybe getting back together" with the ex that "wanted a break" before he met me and we went off together. bahhhh. new year, new thoughts. new year, new thoughts.)

Rachel Austin@facebook

@truelove You keep them in the back of your closet, where you can't see them, until your life has moved on and you're either with someone better or just feel good about being with yourself. Then you hang them on the wall and admire how lovely they are, and think about how much fun you had in the far-east mountains.

truelove

@Rachel Austin@facebook Thank you, Rachel Austin. Thank you truly. And happy new year!

real

Holiday Gift Take-Backs.
kindzadza.cocolog

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