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Friday, December 9, 2011

566

Hate Actually

With its cast of international superstars, 135-minute running time, nine interconnecting subplots, and ostentatious tagline “The Ultimate Romantic Comedy,” Richard Curtis’ Love Actually seems to have made its way into the pantheon of Christmas classics by sheer force alone. It’s a glossy, big-budget film with borderline-detestable examinations of love and romance containing perhaps three genuine moments that seem to be of our own universe, but Love Actually is one terrible Christmas movie that has strong-armed its way into the hearts of millions (including my own) despite being absolutely terrible. And this is why.

David (Hugh Grant) and Natalie (Martine McCutcheon)

Why I hate actually it:

  • This is the first of three subplots in which a man falls in love with his female subordinate.
  • The female subordinate in question, Natalie, is constantly referred to as “the chubby girl.”
  • Hugh Grant and Billy Bob Thornton both phone it in to play themselves.
  • No one seems to think it’s odd that Hugh Grant is Prime Minister and Billy Bob Thornton is the President of the United States.
  • No, really. How did they get elected?
  • Unbelievable airport security. So someone runs past security and jumps on the Prime Minister and doesn’t get shot? Sure.


Why I love actually it:

  • Hugh Grant and Natalie are SO cute together.
  • Hugh Grant is SO cute when he dances to the Pointer Sisters.
  • Natalie is SO cute when she jumps into Hugh Grant’s arms at Heathrow.
  • When Hugh OWNS the President in that press conference and the music swells and my arms get goosebumps!
  • Oh my god, I say, “EIGHT IS A LOT OF LEGS, DAVID,” all the time!!!
  • The caroling scene! Those little girls!
  • Who knew his driver was such a good singer?!?
  • She jumps into his arms and he catches her!!!

Uncle Jamie (Colin Firth) and Aurelia (Lúcia Moniz)

Why I hate actually it:

  • This is the second of three subplots in which a man falls in love with his female subordinate.
  • Jamie and Aurelia never have a conversation before his proposal.
  • Jamie doesn’t back up his work.
  • Jamie doesn’t think writing on a typewriter near a body of water is a problem when one doesn’t back up one’s work.
  • Jamie and Aurelia never have a conversation before his proposal.


Why I love actually it:

  • Colin Firth smiles!
  • Colin Firth speaks broken Portugese!
  • Colin Firth was so good in Bridget Jones!
  • Colin Firth was so good in Bridget Jones 2!
  • Colin Firth was THE BEST Mr. Darcy!
  • Have you seen the Colin Firth Pride & Prejudice?!?!
  • Colin Firth proposes and she says, “Yes,” and the music swells and I get goosebumps!


Sarah (Laura Linney) and Karl (Rodrigo Santoro)

Why I hate actually it:

  • Yeah. Karl is single.
  • All the pressure for initiating the relationship is placed on Sarah, despite the fact that Karl seems to return the interest.
  • Yeah. Karl is single.
  • Sarah’s brother’s illness is too vaguely presented for me to fully comprehend her compulsive phone answering. Couldn’t you have pressed ignore while Karl was in your bedroom?
  • Yeah. Karl is single.


Why I love actually it:

  • Laura Linney deserves so much happiness! Haven’t you seen You Can Count on Me?
  • Karl’s glasses!
  • When Alan Rickman is like, “YOU NEED TO DATE HIM,” basically because he’s such a great and supportive boss even though he cheated on Emma Thompson!
  • Their first dance!
  • When she laughs and jumps after their first kiss! :)
  • She’s a really good sister.


Daniel (Liam Neeson) and Sam (Thomas Sangster) and Joanna (Olivia Olson)

Why I hate actually it:

  • It reminds me that I’ll never be Liam Neeson.
  • It reminds me that because I’ll never have a kid who’s exactly like Sam, I’ll never have kids at all.
  • Liam Neeson reminds me of Natasha Richardson, whose death I’m still mourning.
  • Airport security is unbelievably lax. The kid didn’t even have to take off his shoes.


Why I love actually it:

  • That kid!
  • That scene when they watch Titanic for RESEARCH!! I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE!!!!
  • Claudia Schiffer’s cameo was SOOO CUTE and funny and UNEXPECTED!
  • “All I Want For Christmas Is You” always makes me :)
  • Mr. Bean helps them out by distracting the guard!!!!


Harry (Alan Rickman) and Karen (Emma Thompson) and Mia (Heike Makatsch)

Why I hate actually it:

  • This is the third of three subplots in which men fall in love with female subordinates.
  • It’s far too difficult to watch Karen’s heart break after receiving the Joni Mitchell CD as Joni Mitchell’s “Both Sides Now” plays because watching Emma Thompson’s heart break is more devastating to me than when friends and family give me bad news.
  • Karen’s tears sadden me.
  • Karen’s nervous pacing saddens me.
  • Karen’s ability to pull herself together for the sake of their children saddens me.


Why I love actually it:

  • It’s SOOO much fun to yell when Mia comes onscreen!!! Thinks like, “BOOOOOO YOU’RE THE WORST!” or, “BOOOOOOOOO YOU’RE THE DEVIL!”
  • Alan Rickman is the BEST actor to hate in a movie! Love him!!!
  • That scene at the jewelry counter with Mr. Bean and the gift wrap!!!! C-L-A-S-S-I-C!
  • When he says, “THIS IS SO MUCH MORE THAN A BAG!”
  • I know I said I hated watching Karen have an emotional breakdown but there’s also something kind of beautiful about watching someone at their lowest point, you know? Is that sick?


Colin (Kris Marshall), Tony (Abdul Salis), Harriet (Shannon Elizabeth), Carla (Denise Richards), Jeannie (January Jones), and Carol-Anne (Elisha Cuthbert)

Why I hate actually it:

  • Colin may be most irritating character in this movie. I do not wish him love, actually.
  • Despite that, Tony (Colin’s only friend, I presume) is far too unsupportive of Colin’s plan to visit the United States. Why be his friend if you’re unable to have any faith in him?
  • There’s only room for one bumbling Brit in this movie.
  • This subplot reminds me of Shannon Elizabeth’s career.
  • This subplot reminds me of Denise Richards’ career.


Why I love actually it:

  • I love that Colin finds love!!!!
  • English accents!
  • Imperfect teeth!
  • How Colin says, “WISCONSIN!”
  • He’s just so excited to be in America and I LIVE IN AMERICA!!!


Billy (Bill Nighy) and Joe (Gregor Fisher)

Why I hate actually it:

  • OK, maybe there’s one subplot with absolutely nothing to hate.


Why I love actually it:

  • He wrote “LITTLE PRICKS” on that sign!
  • He can’t get the lyrics right!!! LOVE that.
  • When Billy gets a call from Elton John — how cool! Would love to get a call from Elton John!
  • The Britney Spears joke! Love her but still, “shag” and “rubbish” are sooo British words!
  • Billy and Joe finally hug! I almost cried!


John (Martin Freeman) and Judy (Joanna Page)

Why I hate actually it:

  • Again, nothing to hate here. How disappointing!


Why I love actually it:

  • The relationship between John and Judy is one of the — if not the — most fully realized and believable romances in the film. And most of it occurs while John and Judy are simulating sex.


Mark (Andrew Lincoln) and Juliet (Kiera Knightley) and Peter (Chiwetel Ejiofor)

Why I hate actually it:

  • Yes, Mark has a crush on his best friend’s wife, but why must he treat her like a piece of garbage?
  • Mark may be the most immature person in this entire movie, and I’m including the kid.
  • If my secret crush found out I was crushin’ through some embarrassing  video footage, the song that would begin playing as I ran out of my apartment would definitely not be Dido’s “Here With Me.”
  • “To me, you are perfect” — well, aside from the married part.
  • Professing your love to your best friend’s wife is never a good idea.
  • Especially around the holidays.
  • And especially on poster board.
  • If my secret crush found out I was crushin’ through some embarrassing  video footage, the song that would begin playing as I ran out of my apartment would definitely not be Dido’s “Here With Me.”


Why I love actually it:

  • He’s in LOVE with her and he can’t TELL her, it’s so tragic and beautiful!!
  • SO CUTE that he videotaped her face the entire time. He just thought she was a gorgeous perfect angel!!!
  • I want someone to profess their love to me on poster board!
  • THEY FINALLY KISS!!!
  • I LOVE DIDO!


Bobby Finger saw New Year’s Eve at midnight last night and doesn’t want to talk about it. OK fine, he wants to talk about it.



566 Comments / Post A Comment

noodge

THIS IS THE BEST! I THINK YOU MUST LIVE IN MY BRAIN!

noodge

...AND I NEVER KNEW THAT LIAM NEESON LOST HIS WIFE IN A TRAGIC ACCIDENT! I GOT GOOSEBUMPS KNOWING THAT!!! OMG!

melis

@teenie Son, she was the best damn Sally Bowles I've ever seen. Lower your all-caps in respect.

noodge

@melis - done.

Faintly Macabre

@teenie Yeah, that's why watching Love Actually is sad now--IRL, his wife died tragically and he was left with young boys, and in the movie his wife dies tragically and he's left with a young boy. TOO SAD!

MissArgentina

@melis pouring one for my homie.

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hot dog princess

Unfortunately I have so many movies like this that I don't think are good, but when they're on I HAVE to watch them. Such as 13 Going on 30. If I'm home watching tv and it's on, I'm watching it. It's happening. I have no choice in the matter.

QuiteAmiable

@hot dog princess 13 Going on 30 is my only must-watch rom com. No idea why.

wee_ramekin

@QuiteAimable Because Jennifer Garner. That's why. (You're welcome.)

thenotestaken

@QuiteAimable My dad is not a rom-com person at all, more like a MST3K/Fellini fan, but he loves 'Definitely, Maybe' so much that it is truly unexplainable. Everybody's got their something!

Any One Ninja Plot

@hot dog princess 13 Going on 30 changed my life.

Ophelia

@wee_ramekin And the sleepover party. I love that part.

lil.orphan.shannie

@hot dog princess: My hate-watch movie is Coyote Ugly. Every time it's on I'm all, 'ugh, this movie' and then two hours later I'm like, 'I wish someone would steal a bunch of cardboard cutouts for me so I could get over my stage fright. Love you, Australian guy.'

emilylou

@hot dog princess We definitely all have our something! 13 Going On 30 is totally one of my hate-watch movies. Other selections include:
- Ever After (remember that?! Drew Barrymore is Cinderella!)
- anything starring Brittany Murphy (RIP girl!) especially Little Black Book or Uptown Girls,
- Beauty and the Briefcase starring Hilary Duff (AND Chris Carmack, aka Luke Ward from The OC! With a horrible British accent!).

Ughhh I am the worst person!

hot dog princess

@emilylouise That's funny, Uptown Girls is on my hate-watch list also along with The Devil Wears Prada...ugh

feartie

@hot dog princess Mine is Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion. Because in part...Alan Cumming!

hot dog princess

@Any One Ninja Plot Did you become "30 flirty and thriving"??

hot dog princess

@feartie Oh my god, Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion is one of mine too. I have problems. Michelle invented post its though so it's ok right?!

joie

@emilylouise Drew Barrymore legitimately has the worst British accent I've ever heard! It's SOOOO BAD. And yet, I really love that movie.

emilylou

@hot dog princess My mom gave me the deluxe edition of the Devil Wears Prada DVD for Christmas a couple years ago. I was like, "MOOOOOOOMMM :/" yet I have still watched it multiple times. Even though I hate Anne Hathaway (don't even get me started on that one).

Regarding Romy & Michele: I don't hate-watch it. I fullon LOVE-watch it! With pride!

feartie

@hot dog princess And she totally knew the chemical formula for glue!

lobsterhug

@emilylouise Maybe it's the Stanley Tucci effect because he is amazing and like Bill Nighy makes even the worst movies watchable.

anitabath

@emilylouise Yes!!! There is absolutely not a single thing about R&M to hate. Remember when Doritos bags had the little window into heaven? "For me, it's like I've just given birth to my own baby girl, except she's like a big giant girl who smokes and says "shit" a lot. You know?" "Would you excuse me? I cut my foot before and my shoe is filling up with blood."

emilylou

@anitabath One time my friend and I taught ourselves that dance they do in the club. We would practice it in her living room aaaalllll the time. I was Michele, she was Romy.

(And YES I remember every single aspect of that film, also "remember" = "I still watch it on a semi-regular basis." I think of R&M every time I enjoy Doritos. "I don't think that one chip makes a difference. It wasn't even a whole chip.")

Inspector Tiger

@emilylouise Ever After is so bad, and the prince is kinda slimey. Can't not watch

lisma

@anitabath sigh, I do miss the windows to heaven.

teaandcakeordeath

@emilylouise
On Sunday I woke up horribly hungover and I had just about got it together to make scrambled eggs when I saw that Ever After was on. I immediately settled myself on the sofa and had the best 2 hours possible.
Ever After is amazing!
(The bit when she picks him up!)

teaandcakeordeath

@teaandcakeordeath
Of course I will always deny that I said this.

whimseywisp

@hot dog princess I HEART EVER AFTER :D

rocknrollunicorn

@thenotestaken That's probably because Definitely, Maybe is the only good rom com that has come out since the first Bridget Jones, and is not for pussies. And captures the '90s so well. And features Rachel Weisz! I mean, that would be my guess.

clipse

@hot dog princess It's because Jennifer Garner is the cutest ever in that movie

bocadelperro

@emilylouise Ever After is one of the best "On the couch with a cold" movies (as I like to call them) but my personal favorite must-watch-but-why is "What a Girl Wants." Mostly because of Colin Firth. And the leather pants.

nobodyputsbabyinthecorner

@bocadelperro I'm with you on What a Girl Wants! There's something weirdly hypnotic about it.

My favorite love/hate movie is Sweet Home Alabama. Something about it just lures me in.

WaityKatie

@hot dog princess I probably shouldn't even admit this, but the last time I got sucked into 13 Going on 30 somehow I ended up weeping hideously all through the part where she discovers she really wants Ruffalo after all (Ruffalo, duh), and then he rejects her, and she's all sad but bravely like, "it's ok, I really just want you to be happy..." Ugh, what is wrong with me??

Although my go-to bad movie that I am forever compelled to re-watch is Never Been Kissed. Never Been Kissed, people!! (I secretly think this movie is actually kind of good).

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BoBisa Rodriguez@facebook

@anitabath Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion is a modern classic! Totally underrated. Outfits are insane and over the top 90's, but everything that my best friend and I made for our Barbies were modeled after what they wore (I was like, 9 or 10 when this came out). And that dance routine at the end with Alan Cumming is hilarious/inspired.

apples and oranges

This captures all the things that irk me about Love Actually (namely the dudes and subordinate ladies bit) but I still love, actually the whole damn movie and relish watching it every year with my sister. We squeal and sigh and giggle and flail the whole time.

Eight IS a lot of legs, David

phlox

@kayarr My sister and I used to watch it together over gchat when we lived far apart and then use lines from the movie as subject lines in our emails for the rest of the month. "There was more than one lobster present at the birth of Jesus?"

miwome

@phlox "Trained killers are just a phone call away"!

applestoapples

"Couldn’t you have pressed ignore while Karl was in your bedroom?"

I KNOW, RIGHT. When you're getting it on with the hot dude that you've been secretly crotch-eyeballing for the past two years, you silence your fucking phone. Your crazy brother ran himself through a plate glass window and fell three stories down? He bit off an orderly's fingers? He blew up the rec room with some stolen ether? You'll find out by voicemail. The post-sex surge of brain chemicals will make it easier to process.

apples and oranges

@applestoapples RIGHT. This makes me so sad/annoyed every time. You can have Karl and still be a good sister, Laura Linney!! He understands that life is hard. LET YOURSELF BE HAPPY.

spex

@applestoapples Also, I know you can only interrogate characters' behaviors so much (especially such small, undeveloped characters as Karl), but: WHYYY was that the end of the affair?

Petrichoria

@applestoapples Right? RIGHT? Karl's abs! KARL'S ABS.

Ophelia

@spex Also, that was SO cruel to the viewers to only have him mostly-naked for that tiny, brief spell. (hahaha tiny briefs)

applestoapples

@spex I think Karl's pride was hurt from being cockblocked by a guy who wears socks on his hands.

I'm Right on Top of that, Rose

@applestoapples What I don't understand is how the brother has constant access to a phone. Don't you think the hospital or wherever he was would, like, limit that shit?

spex

@applestoapples I'm trying to come up with something about how several A Dudes have assured us that worthwhile men can get over shit like that, but all I can really think to say is: booooo.

applestoapples

@spex I think the ability to stay pissed at someone because they let a guy who wears socks on his hands fuck up your opportunity to get laid is pretty much high for everyone.

Jolly Farton

@applestoapples But she's suuuch a good personnnnnnn

like she's Cinderella and the phone's the carriage/pumpkin; I still hate Cinderella though

redheaded&crazy

@applestoapples the laura linney storyline is ACTUALLY the worst. LIVE YOUR OWN LIFE GIRL. Be there for your brother twenty TWO hours a day!

I do think Karl is kind of a jerk about it BUT then I don't think he really knows the situation? (haven't seen the movie in a while) but ARGH. Why can't she just sleep with him FIRST and THEN go see her brother?! He probably wouldn't want to have to stay the night or anything anyways AMIRITE MENZ?

applestoapples

@redheadedandcrazy That's why I'm so pissed that she doesn't sleep with him. She has to be the dutiful woman above all else, when her brother doesn't even really need her in that moment. And she knows it, too--you can hear the disappointment and resignation in her voice because she's choosing to give in to her brother's whims rather than bone Hot Karl (bad nickname, but it stays).

And I guess Karl doesn't know, but she doesn't explain, either; at the end of their storyline, he pauses as if to say something to her on his way home, but she doesn't really acknowledge him. They just let it fall flat, where we assume she lets this duty take over her capacity for relationships.

kayjay

@applestoapples This is one of the reasons I can no longer watch this movie.

SarahP

@applestoapples I dislike the idea that she should ignore her brother. I have special-needs family members who would absolutely come before a hookup.

HOWEVER, come on, lady, saying "Hold on for juuuust a second, hottie, I have a special-needs family member whose calls I can't miss, but it will only take a couple seconds" is NOT VERY HARD TO DO.

She was a retail whore

@spex I wondered that, too. So it didn't work out the first time they tried to get coital. If they both liked each other as much as their scenes suggested, wouldn't they have tried again?

Jolly Farton

@applestoapples Oh man, I totally forgot things don't work out with Karl at the end! wtf! Why did I think there was a scene at the end where they dance and everything works out? Maybe my brain came up with an alternate plot to preserve my like of Love Actually?

applestoapples

@SarahP I would've been happy with the brief explanation to Karl. Then he could do some sort of gratuitous ab workout on the bed while she tended to the brother. But then there wouldn't be a tragic storyline.

(And my comments about the brother are tongue-in-cheek. I apologize if they sounded otherwise.)

ThatWench

@applestoapples I'll join in this plotline-bashing theme, since, agreed, it's totally the worst in the movie. But for me, it's also the one that takes a lot of the other sexism and near-sexism in the movie from "tolerable in the name of adorable" to "actually, there are some really bad messages in this movie," at least for me.

As has been said here, the whole "you can have one or the other" paradox is a bag of manufactured hooey. It doesn't take more than two ounces of common sense to find a way to work this so she can be both caretaker and hot-casual-sex-haver. Instead, the movie seems to go out of its way to say "No! The only virtuous outcome is for her to be a family-oriented, self-sacrificing caregiver, and this hot-casual-sex-having is unreconcilable with that and also the path of not virtue."

Which, compounded with Colin Firth marrying a woman he's never had a conversation with, and the "I must cheat with my secretary" one... just leaves it to be a pile of unwatchable for me.

SarahP

@applestoapples No no, you were fine, it was an (inoffensive, but still something I wanted to comment on) approach lots of people were taking and your name happened to be the one I clicked "reply" to!

And yes gratuitous ab workout! Boo to tragic storylines.

LooseBaggyMonster

@ThatWench I wish I could say it's unwatchable for me, since everything you say and Bobby Finger enumerates above is absolutely true. Silly older women, no romantic happiness for you!

miwome

@LooseBaggyMonster Coooosiiiiigggggn (Can we try to make "cosigh" a thing? I feel like that could be useful in a lot of situations.)

jules

@redheadedandcrazy I actually think that she took the call not just out of duty to her brother, but also because she was scared shitless of becoming intimate with this amazing guy. She panicked and found a way out of it.

Tits McGee is on Vacation

@applestoapples And then he went on to be Xerxes in 300 and ruined the illusion of Karl forever.

It's all happening

@jules Seconded. And I think that makes her a more interesting character than just the dutiful sister. You get to see how being the ultimate caregiver for her brother maybe became a habit and then maybe an excuse in some situations, so that she doesn't have to do the actually terrifying thing, which is try to make herself happy. I don't think we're meant to feel that she's virtuous caregiving angel and has made the "right" choice -- I think we're supposed to be frustrated with her and see her as a little messed-up.

Or maybe I just feel this way because Laura Linney is amazing and portrays great depth in characters who don't necessarily have it.

bashe

@applestoapples Guys, of course she can't have him! She's over 30! No woman over 30 in this piece of shit misogynist garbage is entitled to erotic happiness. Every single male, no matter how repulsive, gets laid at least. No woman over 30 does. I hate this movie more than, I don't know, shingles.

sevanetta

@bashe God, I had not noticed that before, but you are right. Also: Karl is absolutely not single and has not been single for 2 years and 7 months or whatever. IRL, Karl may have been single for approximately 2 minutes at some point, but it's much more likely he's married to an underwear model.

raised amongst catalogs

@sevanetta A male underwear model.

WaityKatie

@applestoapples I hate this part for all of these reasons, and for the extra bonus reason that I personally have a mentally ill brother who no doubt would love to have me at his beck and call every minute of the day, and I HATE, absolutely HATE that this movie glorifies such a choice. I feel like society just really sort of expects that siblings or parents of people with medical problems should just live our lives in service of those problems.

sevanetta

@vanillawaif Ah YES.

sevanetta

@WaityKatie Yes it's terrible isn't it? Honestly if I were her friend or her boss I would not be calling her out about Karl - I would be calling her out about boundaries and looking after herself as well as her brother. (her brother tried to hit her, for God's sake!) So many people have said it but I'll say it again: you are allowed to be a carer AND have a life; and she is making the choice to drop everything for her brother, but you actually don't have to do that.

applestoapples

@WaityKatie Yep. That's what I was sort of flippantly getting at in my original comment.
When I was little, my parents took guardianship of my first cousin who had behavioral problems on top of mental disabilities; to put it lightly, she was the equivalent of TWO full-time jobs. My mom tried caring for her at home full-time for a while, but she ultimately decided to enroll her in a day program for special-needs young adults so she could focus on her own depression. The people in my parents' church were ultra-judgmental about my mom's decision.
So as much as there are moments of Love Actually I do like for their unabashed schmaltziness, this one drives me up the wall for personal reasons as well.

Craftastrophies

@sevanetta But her boss probably doesn't know about that. It reads to me like she has sort of segmented her life. And also like she has a co-dependant relationship with her brother. Which is sort of understandable - if she's his only support in a foreign country, where she probably initially didn't have many friends, it's easy to get caught up in 'but I'm not alone, I have my brother! I must sacrifice all this nothing for him! So it's ok that I still have nothing!' And I definitely read it as her shutting Karl out, deciding herself that she couldn't have it all (helped by society) and that the only way to self worth was to martyr herself on her brother's needs. In the process possibly projecting onto him and making him more helpless/dependant/loving than perhaps he is?

To be honest, I usually fast forward her plotline. I don't hate it as a stand alone - I mean, I 100% agree with all the criticisms in the thread and I don't like the message, but if it were a whole movie and the downsides and psychology given more time, fine. But as such a simple outline, and in conjunction with the other messages of the film, I find it gross. I really love Love Actually, mostly because of its portrayals of grief and how love fucks you up sometimes. But I am not down with this sub plot.

maebytonight

@It's all happening AGREED. I never got the sense that we're supposed to believe that she made the right choice about choosing her brother over Karl. To me we're supposed to see that she is very flawed and unable to see that she could be happy. Which makes it terribly sad and definitely the worst plotline because UGH SHE COULD HAVE HAD KARL.
P.S. I still love this movie like CRAZY even though I can't even watch like half the storylines. (When Emma Thompson cries, I cry.)

BoBisa Rodriguez@facebook

@jules Right? Like she's a little on the co-dependent side, because there were several healthy ways that she could have dealt with that situation but she chose the path that led to her isolating herself socially and using her "duty" to her special needs brother as the crutch to do so. Laura Linney plays that character in a very subtle, nuanced way. Still breaks my heart, and I don't think I'd be as sad if Karl wasn't as freaking hot as he was.

deepomega

In which accents and popular actors are confused with enjoyable movies.

melis

It's really more of a series of emotional cues. Now you will awwwww. Now you will think, "OH HELL NO." Now you will think, "GO GET HER!" Now Bill Nighy.

feartie

@melis Bill Nighy: emotional cue. (Agreed)

deepomega

@melis That's actually a fantastic summary of what I hate about it!

Bettytron

@deepomega Yes yes exactly. All of those cues are totally unearned! They're leaning on the fifteen or so romantic comedy tropes that they mine the hell out of and the fame of the actors to create emotional resonance. UGH I HATE THIS MOVIE SO MUCH.

Myrtle

@feartie Bill Nighy: Perfect. Also, whoever came up with that perfect wardrobe idea of painting his suit, is a rock n roll costume genius. That Had to of come from real life.

ennaenirehtac

@Bettytron I don't have much to add. I just wanted to make the "I hate 'Love, Actually'" thread a little longer. And lo, I have done it. Hate actually, yes.

AmosTrue

@deepomega Now you will think, what a sweet, preternaturally wise little boy, not creepy at all.

(I THINK SAM IS CREEPY THERE I SAID IT.)

PistolPackinMama

All this. Is why I own Love Actually on DVD, but don't tell people I own it on DVD, except now when I tell you on the internet.

Maria

@AnthroK8 *psst* It's OK, I have it too, and it's the first xmas movie I watch every year.

Petrichoria

Do I love this movie utterly, truly, and unapologetically?

Yes is being my answer.

thelibrarianne

@LaFabuliste I was going to say the same thing. I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT

QuiteAmiable

I adore this movie and cry every time I watch the Liam Nesson/funeral scene. And the Alan Rickman/Emma Thompson plotline is my favorite because I feel it's the most realistic and heartbreaking.

LooseBaggyMonster

@QuiteAimable It helps that Emma Thompson acts the hell out of it (as usual). But she needs a happier ending!

Xanthophyllippa

@LooseBaggyMonster I like to think she's off banging Karl, and that's why he doesn't mind that Laura Linney ditched him for her brother.

Craftastrophies

@QuiteAimable Every time I think I wont cry. And every time Liam's face crumples and... waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh.

I sort of love that they have a non-ending ending. In my head they eventually work it out, but trust is a hard thing to re-earn, you know. I like that they are realistic and down to earth. And that she gets to tell him off, but that it's in the context of living a normal life and putting up a facade for school parents and her kids. And that bedroom composure scene is my LIFE. Only with nicer linens. God I love Emma Thompson, forever and ever and ever.

shahzaib11

Hey! Just wanted to drop by and say thank you for providing us with this information. Thanks!

homemade shampoo recipes

slutberry

@QuiteAmiable GUYYYS am I the only one who is convinced Alan Rickman did NOT sleep with his secretary?? I mean, he is definitely cheating, by going all behind Emma Thompson's back, but I think they didn't sleep together!!

Shayna

I only let myself watch this once during Christmastime and once in the middle of the summer, because I'm afraid the magic of a sappy romcom will wear off and I won't enjoy it as much anymore.
That said, I am super-excited for Christmas, because now I can watch it. Favorite Christmas movie (only Christmas movie I've really watched, I think...)

Also, this movie only feeds into my massive crush on Keira Knightley. Pride and Prejudice is a gorgeous movie...

backstagebethy

@Shayna Oh Keira. I luff her. And P&P. Have you seen The Edge of Love? Because I love her in that. And everything.

LooseBaggyMonster

@Shayna It may be a gorgeous movie, but it's not "Pride and Prejudice." It's "Keira Stares into Middle Distance" and "Wuthering Mr. Darcy"

wee_ramekin

"...watching Emma Thompson’s heart break is more devastating to me than when friends and family give me bad news."

Truer words have ne'er been spoken, Mr. Finger.

noodge

@wee_ramekin it's even more poignant because she's so brusque in the rest of the movie! then all of a sudden you see her HURT and SAD and it's just ugh. so ugh.

missvancity

@teenie And she's wearing like, the ugliest outfit in the world and when she lets out that sob! AHHH, I die.

Roxanne Rholes

@missvancity I just want to take her out shopping for a nice dress, go out for drinks, and tell her how completely fucking amazing she is. Also maybe she kind of resembles my mother, so, big wet sobs through the whole scene, of course.

missvancity

@Roxanne Rholes It's definitely the part that I always always cry at. And yes, she wears the saddest clothes the whole time, and I know that's not the important thing, but god, it makes the whole thing so much more heartbreaking somehow.

laurel

@missvancity Karen's styling in this movie is my oft-recalled reminder of how much the way your clothes fit, etc., can matter. Lady is beautiful and hot as hell and you can barely even see her in this movie.

kayjay

@Roxanne Rholes Maybe we can call the woman who's 58 year old second husband is sleeping with her 25 year old daughter from a previous marriage to come, too?

Roxanne Rholes

@laurel @missvancity Yes, yes, yes! I know some might call it shallow, but I always feel more on top of my game when I wear my good blazer to work. There are days when, if I've been sluggish or projects are stalled, I dress up a little and feel more like "attacking" life. Oh, Karen, if you only knew what a wardrobe change and better posture would do for you! Grrrr! I LOVE when she finally confronts him, because she's so heartbreaking...and he completely deserves to see it. She expresses the hurt so, so well.

LooseBaggyMonster

@laurel I think they actually put her in a "fat" suit for the movie to make her look frumpier.

rj77

@wee_ramekin This is the only watchable scene in the movie to me.

Xanthophyllippa

@LooseBaggyMonster They did. It's in the Director's Commentary.

HRH Your Cuntness

@wee_ramekin My dad has a powerful love for Emma Thompson (and a habit of buying DVDs without having watched them first) and I'll never forget the time he bought Love, Actually because Emma was in it. So we watched it together (I love it and am not at all ashamed of that fact) and when it got to the scene with the Joni Mitchell cd and the crying, my dad got SO MAD at Alan Rickman and started yelling at the tv, "How could you hurt Emma's feelings like that? She's such a classy lady!!" Oh, Dad.

Craftastrophies

@teenie The bit that kills me is that in conjunction to the scene where it's just them and she's talking about Joni teaching her 'cold English heart to feel'. I know it seems pretty minor and brusque, but as someone with a historically cold heart, she seems so open and loving in that scene. She's a strong woman with a busy life and she loves her husband. And the gift is proof that he doesn't see that, he knows her but not enough, or maybe he knows her but SHE'S not enough.

BRB crying forever.

justincredible

He misses the best part about Natalie: when she comes down the stairs not knowing Prime Minister Grant is there, "Where the fuck is my fucking coat?"

SheWhoReadsInSkirts

@justincredible I swear like Natalie. It endeared her to me so very, very much.

More battenburg, vicar?

@SheWhoReadsInSkirts I knew I'd fuck up on my first day. Piss it.

sevanetta

@SheWhoReadsInSkirts Meeee tooooo.

Craftastrophies

I say this whenever I lose anything. Keys, wallet, phone, boyfriend. All of them are 'where the fuck is my fucking coat'.

Also, the bit where she's in the background being comforted. 'Did you hear what I said? BLAEH' That is me.

thenotestaken

I've watched this movie countless times with my girl friends and always found it to be the greatest thing. I made my (movie snob) boyfriend watch it with me and was so embarrassed at how obviously BAD it was. But even that time, I still cried when Emma Thompson plays Joni Mitchell in the bedroom.

MeghanElizabeth

I love this so much. Agreed re: absolutely nothing to hate about the Martin Freeman thing. THEY ARE SO CUTE. And yes! Eight is a lot of legs David! Thanks. I think I need to watch this soon. Ah kills me that Laura Linney doesn't get hers.

CheeseLouise

1) I've been searching the TV listings for this movie since early October and I can't wait to watch it.

2) Mr. Bean wrapping the present, with the big yellow glove and the holly. Kills. I know you mentioned it but just to reiterate.

noodge

the scene with Karen crying is THE. MOST. EMOTION. i cry every time i see that, with joni mitchell singing? it was so raw and believable.

wee_ramekin

@teenie I am so emotionally invested in Emma Thompson's happiness that after that movie, I hate actuallyed Alan Rickman for a while. And since he is basically The Ultimate for me, that should tell you how much I love Emma Thompson.

Relatedly, Emma Thompson's Happiness is why I hate Kenneth Brannagh.

noodge

@wee_ramekin meeee toooo! (re: Kenneth Brannagh) - and that's another reason this plotline is so UGH because she went through it in her real life too. ILETFL!

wee_ramekin

@teenie Let's form a band called "Emma Thompson's Happiness" and refuse to cover any sad Joni Mitchell songs, okay?

TheJerseyDevil

@teenie If you've ever had that very moment where you realize you're being cheated on...well, Emma Thompson NAILS it. Everything about that scene...the realization, the pacing, how she takes a deep breath and puts on a brave face for the kids. Emma Thompson's happiness is why I too despise Kenneth Branagh - I won't go see that Marilyn Monroe movie even though I adore Michelle Williams.

Faintly Macabre

@teenie But it's okay! Because now she's married to Greg Wise, who is waaaayy hotter. (Willoughby!)

noodge

@TheJerseyDevil you can join our band! can i be drums?

MissArgentina

@wee_ramekin But Emma Thompson is life partners with a hot, younger man so no worries people. he's very hot and supportive of her writing.

Also, has anyone see the Family Guy where Alan Rickman leaves a message on Alan Rickman's voicemail. I LOLed.

SuperGogo

@wee_ramekin YES to the Kenneth Brannagh hate! I have a hard time now watching how adorable they are together in Henry V and Much Ado About Nothing, knowing what a juicebox he later turned out to be...though I admit I don't remember the exact details of the relationship fallout and weren't there rumors that she was getting it on with Willoughby during Sense and Sensibility? Still! It's Emma! Who breaks her heart IRL, who??

Faintly Macabre

@SuperGogo She married Willoughby 8 years after she and Kenneth Branagh divorced, so I don't think they were together then? (Thanks, Wikipedia!) All I know is that he cheated on her with Helena Bonham Carter, possibly related to the 2 women being in Howards End together.

Jolly Farton

@Crockita "Hello, Alan Rickman, it's, Alan, Rickman, reminding you, to move the porkchops, from the freezer, to the refrigerator, so they defrost, properly. Do not, disappoint me."

that was indeed LOL, thank you

Does Axl have a jack?

@Faintly Macabre HOW DID I NOT KNOW SHE IS MARRIED TO WILLOUGHBY. This makes everything better.

phlox

@armyofskanks So I looked him up on Wikipedia and he is Franklin in a BBC adaption of The Moonstone! Provided we can find it on DVD/download, this needs to be a Hairpin Costume Drama Club thing.

SuperGogo

@Faintly Macabre That's right, I forgot about HBC/Bellatrix being involved! I think that happened when they did (that very bad) Hamlet together? Well then, God bless Emma and Willoughby.

omgAileen

@wee_ramekin YES YES to the Kenneth Branagh dislike. It makes me rage-y watching them be all cute in Henry V or Dead Again (which is this BANANAS movie from the early 90s in which they both play two in-love characters? And there's a murder-y subplot? Anyway, it's crazy). I used to love K-Brans but now not so much.

In an interesting counterpoint to the Rickman/Thompson dynamic in Love, Actually, she and Rickman just did this thing for PBS called "The Song of Lunch" (streaming on PBS.org) and Emma is super hot and Rickman is a drunk mess (but he narrates the whole thing! That voice!). So, that.

propermake

@omgAileen thank you. i will be watching that. now.

Atheist Watermelon

@omgAileen I LOVE Dead Again. Awesome (even for creepy and Kenneth-Branagh-is-so-not-good-enough-for-Emma-Thompson-ness).

BoozinSusan

@SuperGogo This makes me sad because now I can't view HBC and her wonderful deranged/macabre outfits with my usual detached admiration. You cross the 'Thomp, you cross my me. (also Nanny Mcphee rules)

Craftastrophies

@BoozinSusan I did not know he cheated with HBC! Ugh. Now I like her less. I knew he dumped her though, and joining you with the Emma-defending. I luff her. How perfect is she in... I was going to say much ado, but anything, really. Oh god I really luff her an unhealthy amount.

She cries amazingly. Like a real person. That bit in S&S where she just loses it into big gulping sobs. Or where she loses it at Kate Winslet for calling her heartless (and then ends up comforting her. My life. How did you know it?) And in Much Ado where she says she'd eat his heart in the marketplace. Emma always gives me Feelings.

Have you seen the QI with her on? It's AMAZING, here and Stephen are so beautiful together. It's all on youtube, in bits.

shahzaib11

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HereKitty

This is all true, but not nearly critical enough. Pernicious messaging in a lovely package (related but not analogous: "Broadcast News") drives me INSANE. None of the happy endings in this movie involve women over the age of about 27, unless you count Claudia Schiffer, which I don't.

SCREW YOU, RICHARD CURTIS, SOME MEN LIKE KEEPING COMPANY WITH WOMEN THEIR OWN AGE, WHO HAVE COMPARABLY COMPELLING CAREERS AND COMPARABLY RESPONSIBLE JOBS, AND WHO SPEAK THE SAME DAMN LANGUAGE THEY DO.

Four Horsemeals of the Eggporkalypse

Love Actually is one movie I absolutely refuse to view through a critical lens. IT IS CHEESY AND ADORABLE AND BEAUTIFUL AND PERFECT LALALALALALALALA I CAN'T HEAR YOU CRITICIZE ITTTTTT

HillsideHoyden

Hey whatever you guys, I love this movie, I love it forever, I watched it last night. BUT I find it very irritating that Mia is such a one-dimensional character. WHY is she so hell-bent on seducing her squishy older boss? I mean I know, Alan Rickman, but bitch is like a drunken prom date. We'll never know because she only exists to be a sex object.

Faintly Macabre

@HillsideHoyden I nerdily once watched the deleted scenes, and there's one where she's talking to stupid-pining-guy (who's an art gallery owner! Of course!) and is like, "I'm considering seducing my boss." And he's like, "Okay, crazy person, I'm too busy pining to care." So...that's why? I guess they decided *that* was too much explanation.

Maria

@HillsideHoyden Because I geekily watch commentaries...
apparently she was originally supposed to literally be the devil (hence the horns at the party) and also be the wife of Jamie in the beginning. And then Mr. Bean was supposed to be an angel.
But that nonsense all got cut for time and they decided she came off too evil if she was also Jamie's cheating wife.

HillsideHoyden

@Maria Wow I am so glad they didn't go in that direction.

Tits McGee is on Vacation

@Maria Also glad the kid wasn't a gymnast... that was odd.

Craftastrophies

@HillsideHoyden That one scene where she was alone in her apartment putting on the necklace made me sad for her. Even though I think it was meant to do the opposite.

Have you watched the cut scene with the older lesbian couple? There's the cut scene with Karen going to a meeting with the troubled son's teacher, and then a cut to the teacher reading in bed with her terminally ill lesbian lover. Which makes me sob so hard whenever I watch it. I wish it hadn't been cut.

barnhouse

If a movie has got Bill Nighy in it even a little bit, it is not possible to hate actually it, because the memory of Bill Nighy will eventually drown out any terrible thing you might have seen aside from Bill Nighy. (Works even for Pirates of the Caribbean.)

tea tray in the sky.

@barnhouse Whenever "Love Is All Around" plays anywhere, my friends and I shout "CHRISTMAS!!" over "Love" and then laugh and give each other knowing looks.

propermake

@barnhouse fyi, bill nighy narrates the british version of meerkat manor. it totally makes the series.

thanks_maybe

My favorite part of Mark's storyline is when he leaves Juliet in his apartment and Dido starts playing and he's all like "it's fucking cold out here and I'm upset" and he zips up his sweater in a REALLY ANGRY WAY. So awkward.

wee_ramekin

@thanks_maybe Ugh. Everything about that guy creeped me out. Like, the whole focusing on JUST her and JUST her face the whole wedding? Creeeeeeeepy. Also, sure, let's not give Kiera Knightley ANY LINES AT ALL. Of course she's just there to be admired, like a pretty porcelain doll. Shut up, Porcelain Doll! I'M ADMIRING YOU AND YOU RUIN IT WHEN YOU TALK!

Gertrude

@thanks_maybe It is also the ugliest sweater known to man, which makes it 10x more hilarious.

thanks_maybe

@wee_ramekin Well, she had that one line about pinochle pie? Is that what it's called?

Yeah the video thing was weird. Like, under what circumstances are you going to sit around and watch footage of the face of the girl your best friend married? Is it supposed to be some sort of weird pornography?

thanks_maybe

@Gertrude http://www.blogography.com/photos25/LoveActually.jpg

It's a 1997 high school dude bro sweater, I believe.

Ophelia

@thanks_maybe I think it's banoffee pie? (banana-toffee...it's kind of weird, but oddly yummy once you get over the combination)

Gertrude

@thanks_maybe THE PATCHWORK. Although Kiera Knightley's fashion choices aren't much better (wtf was that wedding getup), but she is Kiera Knightley, so these things can be ignored.

MissArgentina

@Gertrude AND SHE WAS 17 WHEN THEY FILMED THAT. 17!!!

rachelrachel

@Gertrude THE WORST SWEATER.

mangosara

@thanks_maybe WHAT.

sevanetta

@Crockita Yeah that is one of the things I hate about that storyline. Keira's husband looks at least 15 years older, sure it happens but in movie land it just looks unrealistic.

Craftastrophies

@sevanetta It's pretty straight-up medieval courtly love stuff, where the point is that the object is unattainable. (She is pure, any consummation would make her un-pure which would mean you didn't love her anymore, etc. Gross.)

I sort of love that bit because I have been that guy. To be fair, I was 16. And not a guy. And it's wasn't my bestie's wife, it was a friend. BUT STILL. I actually think he does an ok job of dealing with it himself and not making it her problem, until the creepy poster board bit at the end.

ihatesomuch

I've never been able to sit through this entire movie because it Drives! Me! Insane! At least now I have real reasons to cite when my friends ask me why I hate it so much. I thank you for that.

JessicaLovejoy

ALAN RICKMAN IS THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS.

(I am not ashamed that this is my answer for nearly everything, much like Homer Simpson wants to solve every problem by moving under the sea.)

slutberry

@JessicaLovejoy THIS IS TRUE

wee_ramekin

@JessicaLovejoy I think you mean...

ALAN RICKMAN IS THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS.

There. Much better.

Ophelia

@wee_ramekin Yeah, even as Snape, I'd still hit that.

Petrichoria

@Ophelia Especially as Snape I'd hit that.

But maybe that says more about me than Alan Rickman.

redheaded&crazy

@LaFabuliste my thoughts exactly.

Craftastrophies

@LaFabuliste Snape was my fave even before he was Alan Rickman.

As was Marvin.

Smallison

You guys, Colin Firth is, like, the best. Except for how he is a horrible on-screen kisser. It's painful to watch!

noodge

@Smallison nono, he isn't LIKE the best, he IS the best. i love that man so much.

rayray

@Smallison My pillow in the shape of a torso (aka my boyfriend) is named Colin after Colin Firth. I mean, what, no of course I don't have a pillow boyfriend.

noodge

@rayray i even like "what a girl wants" because it has COLIN FIRTH JAMMING OUT TO ROCK AND ROLL HOOCHIE COO IN LEATHER PANTS LIKE A TOTAL DORK! <3

Smallison

@rayray I have a sneaking suspicion that your pillow boyfriend may be a better kisser than the actual Colin. But, y'all, it's a testament to Mr. Firth that despite the bad kissing, he's still sexy as hell.

beanie

@teenie I hate Uncle Jamie! (said in little kid adorable British accent)

lobsterhug

@teenie Colin Firth in leather pants was the best. Also, Amanda Bynes crushing attraction to him made their relationship read a little incestuous. Or was that just me?

LizHo

@Smallison - YES! I say "I hate uncle jamie!" allll the time.

Bebe

@beanie I knew if I read through enough comments I would find someone who LOVES that as much as I do.

"Yay, we love Uncle Jamie!"
"We HATE Uncle Jamie!"

Cracks me up every. time.

Verity

@teenie What A Girl Wants is so amazingly bad. I like to watch it and count the things that don't make sense. Massive houses with acres of grounds are not a common feature of central London! Why is English Love Interest Guy working at the Henley Regatta when he lives in London? English Love Interest Guy would never say "the dog-and-bone's on the blink" in any seriousness. No, Daphne, how dare you go to Oxford? And why is your boyfriend there?

Also, I know (sort of) the twin girls who were at the debutante ball, which is exciting.

noodge

@Verity i know! i know! it really is so bad, but i can't help but watch it because of Mr. Firth. le sigh.

Verity

@teenie That man can wear a sweater.

slutberry

So, Love Actually always reminds me of Bucky from Get Fuzzy.

There is a reason for this.

I watched Love Actually for the first/only time last year when I was living with my sister who then ran out on me to get married and I had to find other roommates. But it's okay because she married a pastry chef and now I get delicious food. Anyway. We were cat-sitting and watching Love Actually in her bed. And then I glanced out the door, and the cat was standing up on her hind legs on the kitchen table, with her forepaws down by her sides, staring intently at a spot on the wall. She stayed that way for a minute or so, then jumped down and strutted away, like "NBD, I was just practicing my standing."

it was hilarious.

Also, I really didn't like the Keira Knightley subplot because SHE'S MARRIED. Also, she's Keira Knightley, and she makes me sad because I used to love her and then I stopped.

mumble pie

@Teffodee That is hilarious! Get Fuzzy is the best comic ever. I carry a few choice strips around in my wallet just in case i need to prove it to anyone. That's a great image too. I didn't know cats could stand!

slutberry

@mumble pie That cat is actually insane, so I'm not sure if her behavior can be attributed to the feline species in general...

Nicole Cliffe

This is fantastic. The absolute correctness of this piece in no way interferes with my ownership of said DVD.

rucifie

Does anyone else get mad when the little kid is all mopey, and Liam Neeson is sad because he thinks the kid is missing his dead mom? But the 10-year-old is actually just pining after his pint-sized girlfriend? TRY A LITTLE HARDER TO MISS YOUR DEAD MOM, OK, SAM?

tortietabbie

This is one of those movies where I can't think about anything in it for one single second or it becomes insufferable and horrible and fills me with rage. But for just watching to be entertained? And listening to all those accents? And Hugh Grant dancing? Perfect.

tortietabbie

@tortietabbie Also is great fodder for a good holiday cry. See also: The Family Stone.

oh, disaster

@tortietabbie Seconding you on The Family Stone. I can't think too deeply about it or I start to hate it, but it has everyone I love in it (Keaton! McAdams! L. Wilson!), so I just enjoy it for what it is.

D.@twitter

Okay, so ALL THIS TIME I thought the Sarah character was actually played by Julianne Moore? I guess I was thrown off by the hair color? Anyway. I have seen this movie, a couple of times, b/c of my devotion to all things Keira Knightley, but I don't ACTUALLY like it either, or find it a realistic, poignant portrait of humanity!

D.@twitter

@D.@twitter OT, but even though I harbor a deep love (that dares to speak its name!) for Keira Knightley, even I'm not blind to the fact that she should NOT play Anna Karenina.

Dorothea

@D.@twitter fellow keira-devotee, here. let me just say i think she ROCKED as a elizabennet and i prefer her version to the BBC version, and i don't care if i have to turn in my english major street cred for saying so.

tea tray in the sky.

Aw, this was my first-date movie with my boyfriend! Totally awkward to watch with a 16-year-old boy. Combinations of "omg he hates this movie why are we watching it" and "omg if he puts his arm around my shoulder during a really romantic part it's going to be sooooooo embaaaarassingggg" and "omg please put your arm around my shoulder during a romantic part please please pleeeaaaase" and "what are we going to talk about at dinner afterwards probably how stupid the movie was even though i loooooved it and he'll totally be lying because he loved it too."

A special place in my heart, this one. The movie I mean. And I guess the boy. But mostly the movie.

travelmugs

@Twinkle Little Bat I watched this with 16-year-old boyfriend too! I remember feeling really uncomfortable during the porn star subplots!

City_Dater

OMG GET OUT OF MY HEAD. This is the exact same pro/con thing I go through whenever this piece of solid holiday cheese is on television, and then I end up watching it, openmouthed and devoid of thought, crying along with Emma Thompson as she grips the bedspread for support.

Dancercise

@City_Dater
Because of Emma Thompson, I am unable to listen to "Both Sides Now" without weeping.

rabswom

@Dancersize ME TOO.

Legs Battaglia

NOOOOOOO! Too many positive comments! I thought The Hairpin would be my source for shared unremitting hate of this movie!

Megoon

@Legs Battaglia I'm with you. It's not very funny, and I see the whole message as, "stay young forever ladies!"

Also, I feel that it also implies Hugh Grant likes Martine McCutcheon despite her chubbiness, not the more accurate message that he likes a woman who is NORMAL SIZED and his chief of staff is just kind of a bitch for always calling her fat. No one in the movie ever seems to realize this.

Although ok I like the whole Pointer Sisters bit.

OMGSammiches

@Legs Battaglia I'm with you! This movie is the worst, except for Garden State (the actual worst). I hated it the first time I saw it, right after surgery and hopped up on oxycodone. If you don't like a rom com on painkillers, there's no hope.

werewolfbarmitzvah

@Legs Battaglia THIS MOVIE. This evil, fruits-of-the-devil movie. Every time I hear a word about this godforsaken movie, I transform into DMX.

becomeriver

@Megoon I remember reading an article near the time that Love Actually was released that pointed out all the "British" references/in-jokes/etc in the movie (e.g. Bill Nighy calling the hosts Ant-or-Deck because no one can tell them apart). Apparently everyone calling Natalie "chubby" was a reference to recent gossip rags about the actress's weight. I think it's one of those things where in-the-know Brits (which maybe you are?, but I am not!) can have a laugh about it, but otherwise it comes off being rude about a perfectly gorgeous, adorable, and normal-sized woman?

parallel-lines

@Legs Battaglia What kind of father encourages his son to break TSA laws and defy air marshalls? That is some terrible parenting!

churlishgreen

@Legs Battaglia Happy to hate on this movie. A former colleague of mine, a lovely British man with the most beautiful voice ever, loved it and insisted on loaning his DVD of it to me. It was hard, because my colleague was so genuinely nice, to admit how much I hated the movie's guts.

I had flashbacks of the whole episode this very morning, when I saw reviews for New Year's Eve, until now I was blissfully ignorant of that movie's impending assault on the season. I was complaining to my husband about these kinds of movies--"like that horrible Christmas movie, with Hugh Grant as the Prime Minister, that James loved so much." My husband had completely erased the movie from his memory banks. Jealous!

Queen of Pickles

@OMGSammiches "Liking Garden State" is the only movie dealbreaker I have ever had.

OMGSammiches

@Floorcake High five! You can't put epileptic Natalie Portman on the edge of a precipice and *not* have her fall in! I mean COME ON! Seizure, fall, comic gold.

SarahP

@Legs Battaglia I sort of thought the same thing. I saw it once, and once was enough.

Megoon

@becomeriver Interesting! Ok I hate it slightly less now. I'll switch to fixating on Colin Firth proposing to a woman with whom he has never had a conversation. Oh, movies.

Atheist Watermelon

@OMGSammiches YES TO ALL OF THIS. Love Actually has been my no. 1 "kill it with fire" movie for a very long time, for all the reasons elaborated upon in the above/ comments. The only part I found even vaguely palatable was the bit with Bill Nighy. Can I just say, I totally almost left the theater at the bit where the little girl starts singing. no. JUST NO. uuuuuuggghhh. And yes, yes, yes to anything with Natalie Portman except for the Professional. Barf.

propermake

@Megoon i actually thought the "she is normal and that lady is a bitch" point was pretty clear. from what i remember that bitchy staff lady and her mom are the only ones that call her chubby and you know how moms are.

Petrichoria

The ONE THING in this movie that drives me bonkers is:

Keira Knightly and I are the same age.
This movie came out when I was a senior in high school (it was my first rated R movie!)

ERGO:
KEIRA KNIGHTLY IS 18 AND PLAYING A MARRIED PERSON. I mean, I know it happens, but her character has her shit together better than any 18 year old I know.

oh, disaster

@LaFabuliste YES!!! And she was like 16 and playing a mid-20somethign in Bend It Like Beckham. Why does she play older?!

DoctaJones

@LaFabuliste I thought she played a teenager in Bend It Like Beckham. Wasn't a huge part of the plot that she and her friend were trying to decide on college?

Verity

@DoctaJones Yes, she was definitely playing a teenager in Bend It Like Beckham.

oh, disaster

@Verity @DoctaJones I really thought she played older in that movie. I know in Pride & Prejudice she played the older sister to Carey Mulligan and the-girl-from-Stepmom-whose-name-escapes-me but she's the same age as them.

Anna Jayne@twitter

This is the perfect movie to love/hate/hate/love. I love it because I was so worried that when Colin went to Wisconsin, they would make fun of Wisconsin but then all the girls in Wisconsin are super hot JUST LIKE ME

Also, "I hate Uncle Jamie!" makes me die every time.

JanetSnakehole

Although, as a fellow person from Wisconsin, I have to point out that ordering "A Budweiser, king of beers" in Milwaukee will not get you laid. It will get you mocked.

meetapossum

@Anna Jayne@twitter "I HATE Uncle Jamie!" was a constant exclamation in my dorm room senior year. Along with "We're here!" when they get to the school. And it's always good to remind people that nothing is "WORSE than the total agony of being in love"!

Anna Jayne@twitter

@JanetSnakehole EXTREMELY good point.

CrossWord

@Anna Jayne@twitter Also! The cab driver is clearly from Brooklyn. Also! January Jones is only wearing one long earring, which was not at all in style in Wisconsin at the time (although I think it might have been in England, as the woman who hands the phone to Billy at the party has one long earring). Also! The American he ends up with is clearly Texan, so maybe she was just visiting?

I saw this when it came out at the Mayfair Mall, and everyone CHEERED when Milwaukee came on. It was actually magical.

propermake

@CrossWord in my experience, most british people basically think all americans are from new york or texas. but it's not like we as a country have a great understanding of their regional accents.

Xanthophyllippa

@JanetSnakehole And quite possibly beaten to a pulp.

I would also like to note that none of those "Wisconsin" girls have "Wisscaaaaahnssin" accents.

Anna_anna

@Anna Jayne@twitter The one earring thing was HUGE in the UK round then. Well, HUGE in the way that stylists were always using it as a short cut to signal cool.

Dancercise

This is everything I feel about this movie in one article. Bless you.

"I hate Uncle Jaime!"

Anna Jayne@twitter

@Dancersize twin simultaneous posting re: hating Uncle Jaime!

Dancercise

@Anna Jayne@twitter
I watched this movie over Thanksgiving weekend and texted several friends that line. They all instantly knew what I was talking about and we started quoting the movie at each other. So many great lines.

TheJerseyDevil

All this time I thought Joe was played by the same guy who played Dave in "The Full Monty."

JennyM

I can't stand it when PM Grant's assistant throws all that disdain toward gorgeous Natalie, but it leads to my favorite line in the whole movie when he replies "ooooooo would we call that chubby?"

Actually, that line ties with the little octopus announcing "We're here!"

I need to go get this movie out of the xmas box in the basement.

Any One Ninja Plot

@JennyM My favorite exchange is when Billy Bob Thornton says "Something something offensive misogyny cultural stereotypes I think I'm playing Bill Clinton? something something (leers at Natalie)" and then Hugh Grant mumbles, "Yeah she's terrific...at her job."

JennyM

@Any One Ninja Plot What am I watching, 'Scuzzy, Actually'?!

sarah girl

@JennyM Ahaha yes!! The way he says "oooooo" is so damn funny.

gobblegirl

I loved the movie the first time I saw it (though even then I was wilfully overlooking some obvious flaws). Every time I’ve seen it since I like it less, though. The timeline doesn’t work! The press conference is an ill-conceived liberal wish-fulfillment fantasy that completely collapses my suspension of disbelief! The stupid airport chase! And did I mention the timeline?
That said, there are some beautiful moments and genuinely funny bits. I liked the Laura Linney storyline, and the relationship between the singer and his manager was sweet. Also the octopus costume.

SuperMargie

See, this is why I cannot be a judgy hater. It would end up like this:

"...so you are a huge meth addict and steal kittens and sell them on the black market? Well, I watch 'Love, Actually' on a pretty regular basis and I hate all women named Mia, so lets go buy a drink and some Kitten Chow."

LMac

I get into a loud, yelling fight with my coworkers every year about this movie. I hate it so much I could kill it with fire. But then there are a few moments that are just SO. EFFING. CUTE. Christmas lobster! Post-kiss dance of excitement! "Where the fuck is my fucking coat?"! SWELLS OF MUSIC!

But in general, I still want to fire-kill it. Primarily because of the hot lady subordinates who find love and the devoted older ladies who are love's great losers.

wee_ramekin

@LMac "...devoted older ladies who are love's great losers."

Oh my gosh! You're so right, and I never even thought about this before! The ladies who are older than 25ish (Emma Thompson, Laura Linney) end up with the sad storylines, while all the 20-somethings get their storylines wrapped up with a neat, tidy bow. Why wasn't there a sub-plot about a woman over 30 finding love?! AGGGGGGGGGGH!

hulia

@LMac Where the fuck is my fucking coat! I obviously need to rewatch, since I say that so frequently that until you quoted it, I had forgotten where it came from. Gah, I love this movie so much and am not even remotely embarrassed by the fact that it is arguably terrible but still makes me sob buckets and laugh and weep and all of it all at once.

Now excuse me while I continue liking every damn comment in this thread.

Xanthophyllippa

@wee_ramekin But Mia gets left high and dry at the end too!

wee_ramekin

@Xanthophyllippa True, but Mia is a slut who needs to be shamed (says the Dominant Cultural Discourse), so she got what she deserved.

LMac

@wee_ramekin Word infinity.

wee_ramekin

@wee_ramekin Which I guess I should clarify, is also horrifying. We get no backstory on Mia, no reason why she's doing what she's doing, and then after serving as the "slutty" (i.really.hate.that.word.) sex-candy for Alan Rickman, she's bundled off, never to find happiness of her own.

So basically, in Love, Actually world, you have to be young (under 30), pretty and virtuous, or NO SOUP (LOVE STORY) FOR YOU!

Ugh.

Craftastrophies

@wee_ramekin Well, there's still time. Soon all those young ladies will be old, and then it will be time for their neat relationships to fall apart when their boyfriends cheat with younger women.

YAY!

Graydon Gordian

You thought Mark (Andrew Lincoln) videotaping his best friend's wife's face the whole time was cute? I kind of thought it was creepy and obsessive.

And also, what does he do now? What's the endgame, Mark?!

isavedlatin

@Graydon Gordian He's Rick on the Walking Dead!

wee_ramekin

@Graydon Gordian ALSO...thanks asshole for making it incredibly awkward when my husband, you and I are hanging out in the future. Which we'll be doing a lot of since you're his BEST FRIEND.

Graydon Gordian

@isavedlatin Are you suggesting that, because he was so heartbroken that he could never be with the woman he loves, Mark moved to Georgia and changed his name to Rick? And that the Walking Dead is a very tangentially related sequel to Love Actually? Because I've suspected that for some time and have been searching tirelessly for someone who shares my theory.

Helen Carpenter@facebook

@Graydon Gordian Well, he did say "enough, enough now." Just sayin'. Also, Cait, where are you on this forum?! This, and Black Snake Moan, are our movies!

deepomega

@Graydon Gordian: It would explain the flat acting and ham-handed emotional beats.

sympathyforthebasementcat

@Graydon Gordian The zombie apocalypse will really test his assertion that he'll love Kiera Knightley until she looks like this. Let's see how romantic you are when she's trying to eat your face, and not in a Virgin Diaries first kiss kind of way.

Craftastrophies

@Graydon Gordian Like... that was clearly for masturbating to, right?

So gross.

mbmargarita

On my recent 100th re-watching of this movie, I just realized how weird it is that multiple characters make references to how "Because it's Christmas, and on Christmas you tell the truth." Is that a thing!? You can't just invent a Christmas thing!

parallel-lines

@mbmargarita The last time I told the truth on Christmas my mom cried and a plate was broken. Don't do it!

Four Horsemeals of the Eggporkalypse

@mbmargarita This sounds like the most ill-advised Christmas tradition.

WaityKatie

@Four Horsemeals of the Eggporkalypse I think it's more of a Festivus tradition. The airing of the grievances?

Watts Up?

I unashamedly love this movie. So there, haters.

isavedlatin

I'm sorry but I actually hate this movie.

Any One Ninja Plot

Also, Betty Draper as Slutty American #2.

rayray

*Loud whisper* I have a Colin-esque ambition to move to America and use my British accent to get sexy dudes to like me.

Ophelia

@rayray It'll probably work. C'mon over!

redheaded&crazy

@rayray maybe come to canada while you're at it! we like british accents toooooo

rayray

@redheadedandcrazy & ophelia: done and done!

Bebe

@rayray It is a true science fact that 95% percent of Americans will turn into complete sex fiends for someone with an accent, particularly a British accent. We are a nation of accent whores.

redheaded&crazy

@Bebe this is serious. it's not just a FACT! Not even just a SCIENCE fact! No, this is one straight up, America Approved TRUE. SCIENCE. FACT.

Seriously though, give me all your accents.

ELECTROMAGNETIC CHAOS

@rayray: Lily Allen's voice makes my unmentionables tingle.

wendy pumpernickel

I can't tell if you're being facetious or mean this in earnest, but I (unexpectedly) love this movie and I agree with everything you wrote! Thanks!

Arielle Brousse.@facebook

This is the most important Love, Actually blog post ever, because in other blog posts about Love, Actually, not nearly enough attention is given to the classic line "Eight is a lot of legs, David."

lisma

DOESN'T ANYONE CARE THAT MARK (ANDREW LINCOLN) IS RICK GRIMES FROM THE WALKING DEAD. DOES NO ONE CARE?

maybe you care but I didn't see the comment.

Megasus

@ginalouise I cared. I was like "Grimes? Why you lookin' so fat dude?"

lisma

@Megan Patterson@facebook right? definitely a little padding in the jowls or something. he's much sexier as a zombie killer. I told my boyfriend that Andrew Lincoln is actually British and it blew his mind.

parallel-lines

@ginalouise http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_luefxjNiL11qkvbizo1_500.jpg

rayray

@parallel-lines No-one who hasn't seen the series Teachers or This Life can say anything bad about Andrew Lincoln, ever.

beanie

Yes, but you've also made a fool out of me, and you've made the life I lead foolish, too!

*sobs*

Roxanne Rholes

@beanie I am at work and it is making me upset just to REMEMBER that line!

The Lady of Shalott

Did anyone but me ever watch the extra scenes on the DVD? And there's one with this African couple on (I think) their farm and it's hot and dusty and dry and they both look sad and then they just start teasing each other and my heart swelled three sizes that day.

cherrispryte

@The Lady of Shalott I just said this below. THE DELETED SCENES ARE THE BEST. The African couples and the school principal backstory are so, so good.

SuperGogo

@The Lady of Shalott Yes, but. That alternate ending? Where the boy gets though the airport via gymnastics?! When I saw that, all I could think was "thank jeebus they didn't use that version!"

LMac

@The Lady of Shalott HOW ARE THERE MORE STORYLINES?? They don't have enough time to flesh out any of the 300 characters already crammed into this mess!

Craftastrophies

@The Lady of Shalott My parents used to work for Community Aid Abroad which got amalgamated with Oxfam. Which is basically that workplace. They had that exact same poster series up everywhere. I loved that scene so much.

cherrispryte

Ahhhh see this is why becoming all social justicey and feministy (and cynical as fuck) kind of sucks sometimes, because I used to love this movie so fucking much, but now I can't help but analyze it in terms of the women and how they are portrayed, and I don't like it anywhere near as much as I used to.

Also, there has not been enough mention made of the deleted scenes, which are arguably the best part of the entire movie.

redheaded&crazy

@cherrispryte agreed sometimes you just wanna shut off your brain and watch a really terrible fucking movie, like I dunno something with amanda bynes or mandy moore in it.

the number of romantic comedies I watch annually has significantly decreased since coming out as a feminist (also cynical as fuck). the ones I do watch, I just sit there the whole time muttering to myself like a total movie-ruining jerk.

joie

@cherrispryte the scene with the school principal and her partner. :( :( :(

Verity

@cherrispryte Yes - I like being a feminist and cynical and everything, but I adore Love Actually so much and cannot bring myself to fully engage with all of the things that make it problematic.

Emily Eileen@twitter

@redheadedandcrazy I KNOW!!! I always feel so guilty when I watch terrible movies with my friends. They aren't critical feminists, so when I just talk over every movie, I just sound like a b-word!

propermake

@cherrispryte i feel the same way about amelie. and i feel so ashamed afterwards that i'm so easy to emotionally manipulate.

sevanetta

@redheadedandcrazy I have the same problem. Has also ruined seeing comedy shows (not that I see them often). Have decided that I can either enjoy stuff or analyse it and have to compartmentalise!

Craftastrophies

@heyits The principal! SOBBING.

I realised, reading this, that I basically think of it as fanfic. Which is really about the quality of the writing, etc.

I have been known to shout 'damned feminist awakening! Why do you have to ruin EVERYTHING!'

joie

@Craftastrophies So so so true. And feminism for me has had a ripple effect in my life, where I look at art, music, films, trends through this critical lens that doesn't go away. Which, you know, is good, but also makes me wonder if I'm starting to perpetuate the humorless feminist stereotype. There has to be a way to strike a balance, right?

Craftastrophies

@heyits My friend and I have a game where we give and take feminist points. 'Omg you're wearing heels! -1,00 feminist points!' 'Yes, but I didn't shave my legs.' 'oh, well, +500 points, then.'

I am definitely the humourless feminist round these parts. I mean, I HAVE a sense of humour, and I laugh a lot with my friends. Just not at rape jokes. Or slut shaming jokes. Or... well, most mainstream humour, now that I think of it. So I'm the one sitting in the corner of the tea-room, po-faced, while everyone yuks it up.

The problem is that everything is SO FUCKED. I mean, I wouldn't be so humourless if so much of what passed as comedy wasn't thinly disguised hate. You know?

But yeah, I do still enjoy things that have problems, I just try not to lie to myself that they're perfect. Because that way leads cognitive dissonance.

redheaded&crazy

@Craftastrophies exaaactly this. It's not that I don't have a sense of humour ... it's that the joke you made wasn't very funny. and also it was offensive.

to be honest as well I have a pretty high tolerance for offensive jokes - my standard is that if you're going to make an offensive joke, it better be fucking funny ... and I think that's a lot more leeway than other people give

Craftastrophies

@redheadedandcrazy Right! I actually said that to someone last week who thought I was being uptight about his racist joke. Well, I sort of was. But also, as I told him 'it was a shit joke, mate'. If you're telling a joke that has some offensive elements, but also genuine humour, well... I'll probably laugh, and maybe feel bad after, maybe not. I mean, comedy is one of the places where we CAN talk about this stuff. but if your joke is 'hurr hurr and she was black/a slut/actually a woman all along!!' then... sorry, nope.

Get some better jokes, patriarchy.

joie

@Craftastrophies Don't you think are some things that just aren't funny, as well? I mean, I have never heard a joke about rape that I found even remotely amusing. And then when I express that, people always try to convince me how funny a specific joke is. Which, i don't know, if someone needs to try that hard to make a joke funny, chances are, it isn't funny.

You guys are my people! You get it! thanks goodness.

Craftastrophies

@heyits Totally! I'd class that under 'things that aren't actually a joke'. If the joke is 'and then they were raped' that's... not actually a joke. It's just not. I would put it at the far end of the scale of essentialism jokes - you know, why are women like this and men like that? What's that about!? I occasionally find some of those funny, when they aren't too unequal or mean, but at the far end it's 'why are women so weak/withholding of sex and men so horny all the time?' It's awful for everyone. Personally I know plenty of men who CAN help themselves and don't rape people. And women too.

Yeah, if you need to explain it, especially if it's not a complex layered joke, then... possibly it's just not funny? Seems to me that phrases that reinforce the fact that I could be subject to horrible violence and probably not many people would care just aren't very HUMOUROUS, yaknow?

oh, disaster

Ohhhhhhhh this movie. You can't touch it.

Megasus

I have never seen this movie but I would NEVER leave Chiwetel Ejiolfor EVER, especially not for Andrew Lincoln. 1. Andrew Lincoln can clearly not protect a lady during a zombie apocalypse and 2. Pretty sure Chiewetel could PLUS HE IS CHIEWETEL EJIOLFOR.

MEGA VENUTIAN SPACE SCORPION

@Megan Patterson@facebook I just keep expecting him to pull out a sword during the wedding, say 'do you know what your sin is', and start stabbing people.

She was a retail whore

@secretbees I'm glad that he and I got Internet Married before I ever saw Serenity, or our entire imaginary courtship may not have ever happened.

teaandcakeordeath

@secretbees
He was in Serenity! How have I never realized this?! Did I watch that film over and over and over and over and over again for nothing?

MEGA VENUTIAN SPACE SCORPION

@taigan Oh man, it is the first thing I saw him in and I can never unsee it, even in the one about the shoe factory where he's a drag queen I just expect him to start killing people with a sword.

@teaandcakeordeath Now you just have every reason to watch it again!

teaandcakeordeath

@secretbees
Ill take it! I already had Mal but this will do too.

Lucienne

@Megan Patterson@facebook I mostly* hate this movie because I think it is really poorly written and unfunny and my friends routinely force me to watch it, but I ALSO hate it because it makes no sense that you could ever find someone expressing love for you charming if you are married to Chiwetel Ejiofor. Like, why am I supposed to side with that other guy? That other guy sucks.

* I don't hate the Bill Nighy, Martin Freeman + Judy Punch, or ~60% of the Colin Firth storylines.

piggie

Ugh, this movie. And UGH! All you smart, funny ladies saying you love it are making me want to give it a third chance. But seriously, ugh. This movie.

parallel-lines

@piggie NO, this movie is totally UGH. I saw it for the first time recently and was like, UGH - am I supposed to cheer on some dude who falls in love with a woman he's never had a conversation with? Am I supposed to be psyched two dudes want to bone their secretaries? Am I supposed to get all gooey over some guy hitting on his best friend's wife? Or a sleezy dude who just wants to bang American girls? No! No I will not.

Katie Scarlett

@piggie See, you gotta see it once and hate it (check!), and then next Christmas you go over to a friends house and everyone wants to watch it and you're forced to see it again but you still hate it (check!), and then the Christmas after that you go over to a DIFFERENT friend's house and -ugh- someone brings the DVD and acts as if it's a classic movie now and everyone wants to watch it and you still hate it... only now it's gotten familiar and part of you doesn't mind it as much, and then the NEXT Christmas you see it's on TNT late at night and you turn to it -ON PURPOSE, OF YOUR OWN VOLITION- and watch it while you try to fall asleep. And THAT'S how a Christmas classic is born!

Bettytron

@piggie I feel like a Grinch when I am like "Sorry guys! Not gonna watch that movie" but WOW everyone in it is so despicable and it's such a cynical move on the filmmaker's part to just throw in every emotional manipulation and see what sticks; I find it pretty loathsome!

Katie Scarlett

@Bettytron Seriously! The first time I saw it (and hated it), I was so mad at the movie for making me cry with Emma Thompson! Heinous manipulation and "pretty loathsome" indeed.

But now I'm all TUNE IN, TURN ON, DROP OUT.

Craftastrophies

@Katie Scarlett Or, you could watch it with your family, and then get the DVD for christmas. Then, the night before you leave for China for a year, stay up secretly bonding with your sister and watch it. Watch it again when you are spending a miserable christmas in China and cry through all the airport bits. Repeat watching + crying every year at christmas, especially the years your sister is overseas. Airports! SOB!

But it is awful. It will always have a place in my affections and I pretty much resent that, as much as I love it, so I am glad that some of you can just purely hate it.

TheSkyGirl

Sooooo...I love this movie. I am also one of those folks who will ONLY watch it maybe once or twice at Christmas time. It makes my heart happy and I blissfully ignore all the bad things and focus on my favorite parts (David & Natalie, Martin Freeman's part & Billy Nighy as a washed-up rockstar). When I first started dating my now-boyfriend, I noticed the DVD on his shelf. I pulled it out and asked, teasingly, "Love, Actually? Really?" And he got cutely embarrassed and said something about how it had become somewhat of a family tradition to watch it because his mom & sister love it so much and yes, okay, he likes it to, besides it has Billy Nighy & Martin Freeman in it! And I died of the cuteness. And it makes me happy that my boyfriend can handle a wee bit of rom-com now & again because I enjoy a foofy rom-com on occasion.

Bebe

@TheSkyGirl My husband unreservedly LOVES this movie. We saw it together when it first came out (we weren't married then), and I swear, he was gushing for days! He almost never re-watches movies (I know, he's so weird), but if this ever happens to be on, he will totally get sucked in with me. Adorable.

frigwiggin

I'm just cranky that a character named Mia was a jerk. ALL MIAS MUST BE COOL OR AT LEAST COMPLEX, AS A MIA I DECREE THIS.

Peanut

@figwiggin High five, name twin!

parallel-lines

My boyfriend recently said, "Can I ask you a really mean question? Do your girlfriends really like Love Actually or is it just ironic, because that movie is preposterous." Even dudes have problems with Colon Firth proposing to the housekeeper.

Myrtle

@parallel-lines Really- he doesn't like any part of it? B/c you could always remind him that Robin Williams married his nanny. Happens all the time, not just in bodice-ripper novels.

parallel-lines

@Myrtle No part. And I don't think Robin Williams will win him over (He did that? Ick!). I honestly don't see much there to like other than ogling Hugh Grant, which I can do in other preferable formats.

teaandcakeordeath

Andrew Lincolns entire poster board thing!
Andrew Lincolns entire poster board thing!
Andrew Lincolns entire poster board thing!

And the 'Ant or Dec' line. Every time.

phlox

@teaandcakeordeath In high school I had a friend who had a guy do that to her and it was just so awkward. She was not into him at all and then what do you say?

teaandcakeordeath

@phlox
Ok that does sound horribly awkward. Come to think of it the bit where Hugh Grant knocks on every single door on the street could be terrifying if you dont like that person.
I've now decided that I hate that there's a dichotomy between what I like in film and what I like in real life.
Reality ruins everything!

Verity

@teaandcakeordeath Oh god, if David Cameron turned up on my doorstep one evening I would be completely terrified. Hugh Grant only, please!

teaandcakeordeath

@Verity
That image has filled me with laughter and pure horror.

Verity

@teaandcakeordeath All I can imagine doing is slamming the door in his face and then gibbering with horror.

teaandcakeordeath

@Verity
The first part of that sounds just so satisfying.
Hopefully this will cheer ya:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aUm2K6eDuMU

angelinha

@phlox This happened to me!!! Freshman year of college on Valentine's Day!!! It was really terribly awkward. I went to breakfast with the guy after in the dining hall (can't remember whether he suggested it on a piece of notebook paper or with his voice) and it was still awkward, and then we didn't talk for a couple years, and now we're actually good friends! We never mention the time he Love Actuallyed me.

Katie Scarlett

Jeez, this is so spot on! And I really really love when I read the Hairpin and find an article that agrees with my own long held, very strong views on some stupid topic! I am home!

I vividly remember going to the theater to see this with a friend from high school and her new sorority sisters. They all LOVED it immediately and I didn't want to be the grump who was like, "Umyouguys, it's a little trite," so I just kept my mouth shut while they cooed over its adorableness. And then my friend made the mistake of asking me what I thought and after I told her I wasn't a huge fan, one of the sorority girls literally gasped and shrieked, "WHY?!" I felt like such a jerk I just looked at my shoes and shrugged and then we all walked to the car in awkward silence.
And then the next Christmas I got roped into watching it again on DVD, and then AGAIN the year after that but by that time I HAD CAUGHT THE FEVER and actually enjoyed myself.

piggie

@Katie Scarlett This is like when I saw 500 Days of Summer with a bunch of girlfriends. I tried soooo hard to keep my mouth shut, but then they went and asked me what I thought.

Dancercise

@Katie Scarlett
Same here. I hated the movie the first time I watched it, but I gave it another chance and started to find elements I liked, and now I just say, "Yeah, it's trite and there are problems with the way certain characters (mostly the women) are portrayed, but... CHRISTMAS ROM-COM!"

melis

@Dancersize SO IS WHEN HARRY MET SALLY NOT ENOUGH FOR YOU NOW

Dancercise

@melis IT HAS NEVER BEEN ENOUGH

Meghan-Sara Karre@facebook

Dead on. DEAD ON!!!! Everything about this. SO TRUE. But the "lobster" thing? YES.

Sella Turcica

@Meghan-Sara Karre@facebook "You mean more than one lobster was present at the birth of Christ?"
"Duh"
Totally. We must be best friends in an alternate universe.

LizHo

@Delighted by User @Meghan-Sara Karre@facebook - the way Emma says "papiay-machay lobstah head" is poss the greatest line reading in history.

isitisabel

I agree with all of this BUT it will forever be my entertainment on the plane home for winter break because it makes it a little more socially acceptable to cry in public and I love it, so.

lobsterhug

Can we talk about Mark working in that gallery with the awful Christmas porn? What was that? And why did I kind of like it?

Santa hats on nipples. Seriously.

More battenburg, vicar?

@lobsterhug It's not funny - it's art.

maebyfunke

I love this movie so much and I made my cynical dude friend watch it and he loved it too and now we say "eight is a lot of legs, David" all the time. The end.

Jolly Farton

allo there
the octopus is the best part of the movie for me

beanie

@lilly pilgrim if I knew how, I would put a gif of Hugh Grant shuffle dancing through the hallways. Just picture it in your mind.

http://www.gifsoup.com/view/1471752/hugh-grant-love-actually-dance.html

Jolly Farton

@beanie I stared at that for one too many minutes

Cristina Casciano-King@facebook

wow that was amazingly deep

Sella Turcica

Why has no one mentioned the poor costume choices for Billy Bob? Okay, I know he's supposed to be smarmy, but what red-blooded, ass-patting Amurcan President would wear a freaking PURPLE shirt to a press conference? Really? Really? The kids' Christmas play costumes are amazeballs, but President Billy Bob is dressed like Tinky-Winky.

Roxanne Rholes

My favorite thing about Jamie is: "I HATE Uncle Jamie!"

Jolly Farton

@Roxanne Rholes "I HEITE UNCLE JAHIMIE!"

Roxanne Rholes

@lilly pilgrim Hahaha. My mom once left me a voicemail of just...that.

Jolly Farton

@Roxanne Rholes (I like how your comment was actually for the Alan Rickman thread and ended up at the wrong place, but somehow works here, too.)

Jolly Farton

This is gonna be one of those Klassic Hairpin Posts, no doubt. Hairpin Hall-Of-Famers. Better comment as much as I can right now, so as to be able to say "I was there when..."

Non-anonymous

Anyone here read Neal Stephenson's REAMDE? ...

spoiler alert ...

One of the main characters kills a rapist by cracking a Love Actually DVD, slashing his penis, and then shoving the jagged shards into his eye. Which ruled on more levels than I can adequately express in this comment box.

marianatzeitel@twitter

About Sarah's brother, there was a deleted scene of them havong a conversation and talking about his schizophrenia. It was such a beautiful scene, and the dialogues were so sweet, I'm kind of mad they edited it out

rachelrachel

"Eight is a lot of legs, David" is one of my catchphrases. For real. Actually.

Natalie Shure @twitter

Does anyone else have a problem with the fact that the press conference between Billy Bob and Hugh would actually have constituted a MAJOR EFFING ISSUE in international politics? And no one really acknowledges or addresses that?

Megoon

@Natalie Shure @twitter You are correct! Although I think this particular instance is less bothersome to me because Billy Bob as the president and Hugh Grant as prime minister is already so thoroughly unbelievable.

Myrtle

@Natalie Shure @twitter No, I was too busy gaping at how believable BB was in looking Presidential. There was a gasp in the theatre at seeing him, I remember.

gobblegirl

@Natalie Shure @twitter One of my number one problems with the movie! One of many number one problems, actually!

Craftastrophies

@Natalie Shure @twitter I feel about that scene the way I feel about the bridal shower scene in bridesmaids. It's all total wish fulfilment, unashamedly.

I mean, really. It's not like ANYTHING ELSE about the movie isn't bouyed up on a raft of 'we wish it were this simple'. And man, as an Australian I want so bad to smack someone every time I hear a politician talk about our 'special relationship' and you know, this was 2003 or whenever. As a non-american, that scene made me feel REALLY GOOD.

theharpoon

Now I believe that Bobby Finger exists. Previously, I though you were just an Austin urban legend. I'm sorry Bobby.

kayjay

The best thing about this movie is Bill Nighy. Okay, I'm going to read the article now.

kayjay

@kayjay AAAAH! I forgot about Martin Freeman!! Back to reading.

More battenburg, vicar?

@kayjay All I want for Christmas . . . is you! That little hop he does at the bottom of the steps! I lurve him. And true love lasts a lifetime.

KellyStitzel

I love actually this piece.

mouthalmighty

I love this movie so much and by "this movie" I really only mean Bill Nighy's subplot and also that scene where the kid sings. THAT IS IT. Everything else: fast forwarddddddddddddd.

Gilgongo

I saw this movie after I had separated from my ex-husband. I remember crying wondering if romance would ever really happen to me and feeling really good about my impending divorce because now I actually (pun intended) had a shot at romance. My husband had drilled it into my head that romance only "really" happened in the movies and that I was a bit ridiculous for wanting it in real life.

I re-watched the movie years later with my CURRENT husband, who drilled it into my head that my ex-husband was an idiot, and I had every right to expect romance to continue to happen to me no matter how long we were together (8+ years now). It was/is awesome. I love that movie.

Also: I agree with everything in this article! It's such a horrible/wonderful movie, hee hee.

Myrtle

@Gilgongo Please make lots of mini-husbands for the next generation of dodged-a-first-husband-bullet younguns to enjoy. PS V, happy for you, you've made my day.

Gilgongo

@Myrtle HAH! Well, we made a mini-wife for someone (that sounds gross). But no little mini-husbands. Sorry!

I call my ex my "starter husband," hee hee.

Ophelia

Guys, this is OT, but since it's a Hate Actually* thread, that f*cking song about the Christmas Shoes is on the radio, and I need to either yell or hit something. AAAARGH.

*For this comment, I was debating between Hate and Michele Bachmann. Still torn.

Maria

@Ophelia Our local xmas station is purposefully not playing it because it is the most horrible thing to ever happen to Christmas and should never be heard again.

Ophelia

@Maria Wherever you are is where I want to be.

Maria

@Ophelia St. Louis. Which incidentally, doesn't suck: http://www.forbes.com/sites/marketshare/2011/12/06/st-louis-doesnt-suck/

Cat named Virtute

Um, I am at a loss to understand how no one has mentioned the ACTUAL best line in this movie, which is clearly when Hugh Grant asks the portrait of Margaret Thatcher: "Did you ever have this problem? Of course you did, you saucy minx."

Wondajules

@Marika Pea@twitter YES! Yes. You are correct. Best ever.

beanie

@Marika Pea@twitter In my opinion the movie should be 90% of Hugh Grant being naughty and British, with a dash of Bill Nighy thrown in.

Xanthophyllippa

@Marika Pea@twitter HA! I was just thinking of that earlier today and started laughing so hard I cried. In public.

packedsuitcase

@Marika Pea@twitter YES! A thousand times yes!

More battenburg, vicar?

Bye bye baby, baby, bye bye. *Sobs*.

Verity

@More battenburg, vicar? And his face as he lifts the coffin! *weeps*

Emily Eileen@twitter

I didn't read all these comments because I was too disappointed to see that no one shares my opinion on the Kiera Knightley three-way. I am of the opinion that there is NOTHING redeeming about it. My reasons are as follows:

1) Personally, I dislike KK so the idea that two men are in love with her is...puzzling. I mean, I get it, she's pretty, but pretty lame. And a terrible actress. Who tried to ruin Elizabeth Bennet for me. (Although to be fair, a two-hour format ruined the story the most. P&P involves waaay too much character development to not make Lizzie look crazy in two hours.)
2) The first time I saw this was with my ex-bf (mostly a douche). While I was/am of the opinion that Mark should have gotten over his "love" (which was really just an infatuation, because can love really exist without reciprocation? Not for long, I think), my ex thought that he had to unburden himself and tell her. But I think that by doing that, he put the burden on her because what can she do about it now?
3) She shouldn't have kissed him!! She's a newlywed! Even if it was a pity-kiss.
4) After she kisses him, he says something like "Enough for now" as if he's going to make a play for her at a later date.
5) Why is Mark's love portrayed as preferable to KK's husband? Just because it's forbidden? No. Hate.
6) What the hell kind of videographer makes a video blue? Is that even possible nowadays? Does this wedding take place in the past?
7) Even if he does have a crush on the bride, isn't that video voyeuristic? Bordering on the creepy?

Also hate the Emma Thompson/Alan Rickman/gross bitch story. Although that one is realistic and well developed. Actually I just hate that other lady. Why is she so gross?? Like that scene where she spreads her legs AT THE OFFICE? Doesn't she know her boss is Severus Snape??

noodge

@Emily Eileen@twitter
"Actually I just hate that other lady. Why is she so gross?? Like that scene where she spreads her legs AT THE OFFICE? Doesn't she know her boss is Severus Snape??"

lol.

Verity

@Emily Eileen@twitter Re. point 4, I've always heard it as "Enough now" - ie, "that's it, I'm done with all of this and moving on".

beanie

@Emily Eileen@twitter my boyfriend shares your opinion. He gets very upset that Keira Knightly is down with kissing her husband's best friend (whether it was pity or not). I just think-wow, I can't believe her husband thinks carolers sound like a recording.

propermake

@Emily Eileen@twitter i feel the same way about keira knightly. i've always thought of her character as a huge bitch who is gonna keep that poor dude on her hook. and she's going to cheat on her husband in the next year because she clearly has NO feelings for him at all. and she's 17.

It's all happening

@Emily Eileen@twitter This is for sure not one of the stronger storylines in the movie. But yes, like Verity says, it's definitely "Enough now," as though he's making a resolution to move on from his infatuation (because come on, that's all it was). Also, I never felt like he intentionally filmed only Keira Knightley on the video. More that he couldn't stop watching her, which meant that the camera was on her the whole time? And I guess that makes it less creepy, to me -- that he's so helpless to this infatuation that he can't even make a proper wedding video.

Yeah, she totally shouldn't have kissed him.

Judith Slutler

@Emily Eileen@twitter This storyline makes me sooooo madddd because every time I see it all I can see is the bizarre racial subtext. Like, I don't even know how to unpack how weird it is that this random white schlub feels ok with obsessing over his black friend's white wife to such an excessive degree, and then it is totally ok for her to kiss him in order to "release" him from his obsession or whatever? WHAT IS THIS AUGH

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@Emmanuelle Cunt I know! Like they couldn't possibly make the black guy part of one of the love stories so he's the clueless husband who gets noo screentime while the white douche macks on his wife.

Oh, squiggles

Yes, yes. You get it.

Verity

"Invite him out for a drink and then, after about twenty minutes, casually drop into the conversation the fact that you'd like to marry him and have lots of sex and babies."
"You know that?"
"Yes. And *so does Karl*."

*loves* Yes, there are lots of uncomfortable things about Love Actually, but I still adore it so much.

sam.i.am

I love this movie as long as I don't think about it, but my favorite, FAVORITE part is the end when they show all the real people at Heathrow and play "God Only Knows." I cry big, sloppy tears every time I see it. REAL PEOPLE! LOVE! BEACH BOYS!

I'm getting a little choked up now, just thinking about it.

And, yes, Bill Nighy. <3

sigerson

WORST MOVIE EVER!!!

sigerson

@sigerson - Seriously, I think less of anyone who reveals to me that they "love" this film. So bad on EVERY LEVEL. Yuck.

gobblegirl

@sigerson Uh, hate to break it to you...but don't read the comments.

saul "the bear" berenson

OMG we say "I HATE Uncle Jamie" like alllllll the time!!!

Also this one time I met Karl! He was nice!

BoozinSusan

@Moxie the Maven Wait WHAT! Where did you meet Karl?!

Myrtle

This article is so so perfect. You care! You really care! Grab you coat, and let's go get Emma Thompson's character and take her for a walk.

More battenburg, vicar?

It's official. The worst DJ in the world.

rabswom

I actually started to tear up reading "It’s far too difficult to watch Karen’s heart break after receiving the Joni Mitchell CD as Joni Mitchell’s “Both Sides Now” plays because watching Emma Thompson’s heart break is more devastating to me than when friends and family give me bad news."

That scene KILLS me.

sarabara

no no I know this movie is so problematic BUT -

"Kids, don't buy drugs. Become a pop star and they'll give you them for FREE!"

Also, this movie has kind of a reverse-Colin effect on me...I just want to move to England and find a dashing older gentleman.

Miss Violet

I'm so happy to see that other people find this movie problematic. While I won't pretend that I don't enjoy the Bill Nighy parts, or haven't cried at Emma Thompson's performance, or that I don't love the image of that little octopus wedged between Hugh and Martine, I have always found this to be a fundamentally manipulative film. Sure, lots of romantic comedies are, but there is something about this one that seems particularly insidious. The Keira Knightly love triangle upsets me in particular, with the Colin Firth and Laura Linney stories a close second.

I remember watching this with my mom once - a woman so romantic that she makes up her own alternative happy endings to any opera that ends in death or destruction - and she thought that it was beautiful that Andrew Lincoln revealed his feelings for Keira Knightly "because now she can divorce the other guy and marry him". To me, what Andrew Lincoln does is incredibly selfish and has no possible benefit to anyone in the situation - but I was astonished at her reaction. And I think at its heart this is exactly the attitude this film wants you to have: romantic myth-making. And don't get me started on the fact that apparently Laura Linney cannot be a good sister AND also have her own life where she gets to have sex with Hot Karl. Infuriating.

Is myth-making bad? Does everything have to be dark and sad all the time? No, of course not. But this particular film seems so delighted with its own dishonesty.

On a more humorous/horrible note, during the wedding scene when the musicians reveal themselves in the audience playing "All You Need Is Love" I said to my mom, "I would love to do that". To which she responded: "Marry a black man?" Annnnd,,, scene.

miwome

@Miss Violet Yeah, I think that whole subplot is actually very racially problematic. Like, the white girl marries a black man, so hey, we are Open-Minded, but then he is 100% marginalized so she can be cute with his white best friend. And as far as we know, after that Christmas it's all over and she and her (HOT) hubby go on to a happy life, but apparently nobody wants to watch that part?

bashe

@miwome Although... AND I CANNOT BELIEVE I AM DEFENDING THIS, BECAUSE I HATE THIS MOVIE SO MUCH, in the UK black-white relationships (especially as portrayed in films & tv) way do not have as much baggage as they do here in the US. KK's having hot black husband isn't intended as a sign of any particular open-mindedness on her part, or on the part of the writers/director/casting people.

Judith Slutler

@bashe but it's not like there is zero baggage. http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2003/apr/06/race.uk

miwome

@bashe @Emanuelle Cunt I have generally had that feeling about the UK, but at the same time I think a lot of Western European countries that have major roots in the Enlightenment yada yada tend to downplay the amount of racial baggage--to outsiders but, I think more importantly, to themselves. I am absolutely not the best qualified person to talk about this, and really, I think I mostly mean France (N Africans, Muslims) and maybe Germany (Turks), but...still.

And also, a huge chunk of the audience for this film was American, and I can't really believe the people who made this movie didn't anticipate that. So even if the authorial intent didn't include this phenomenon, the reception I described was probably nonetheless real.

Do I sound like an academic juicebox? Sorry if I do, I was at my friend's office holiday party and the open bar got to me.

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@Miss Violet Hot Karl? D:

Xanthophyllippa

@miwome I can believe full well the writers/producers/directors didn't think of that. Why would they?

miwome

@Xanthophyllippa Well, the goal is to make a profit on the project, right? And to say that a crowd-pleasing, tear-jerking, Christmas movie like this, starring so many actors who are major stars in the American market (Keira Knightley, Colin Firth, Hugh Grant, Liam Neeson, Emma Thompson--as much as I hate to say it, Billy-Bob Thornton), was made with absolutely no thought toward the giant moneypot that is American moviegoers, seems sort of implausible to me. So, short answer: moolah.

Diana

I learned long ago to shut off my critical thinking part of my brain in order to enjoy this movie and now nothing in the world gets me in the Christmas spirit more than watching it. If I'm feeling crabby or it doesn't feel like it's really the holidays, I pop in Love Actually and by the time it finishes my house is magically covered in tinsel and good cheer.

propermake

@Diana i used to watch it in the background while doing frustrating schoolwork. it is just so comforting and visually inobtrusive.

oohdarling

I can't NOT watch this movie. I don't WANT to, but it MAKES me.

Also, in high school when this came out, the fact that they kept calling Natalie (who was about my size at the time) chubby gave me some fairly serious body image problems. See also: Keira Knightley.

miwome

@oohdarling Lord, I know. Well, I already had the problems, but it didn't help.

World of Sass

Loved this article, still hate actually this movie. I'm no fun. I could probably overlook all the hate-able things mentioned, because yes Bill Nighy and Mr. Bean, but what brings me back to hate actually every time I'm forced to be around this movie when I go home for the holidays is the TRITE AS SHIT BANG YOU OVER THE HEAD WITH THE CIRCLE OF FIFTHS SCORE THAT GOES ON AND ON FOR THE LAST 20 MINUTES OF THE MOVIE. Phew. Never vocalized that to anyone before. Felt good!

young preeezy

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Techmo

http://www.theonion.com/articles/alan-rickman-ends-pizza-delivery-order-with-ominou,20495/

HMSBeagle

I'd really like to re-watch this movie, since people seem to like it. But, thinking about the Colin Firth subplot makes me angry. I can't handle it. I have a major love of the Firth, and the fact that he chose to play this character makes me really sad. I'd like to just forget about it.

Whitmans Sampler

Let's all raise our glasses to the evolution of ringtones. LAURA LINNEY'S RINGTONE AUGGH! the worst.

taintnuthin'

Love Keira Knightley admiring how beautiful she is when she looks at the video that Mark filmed. He's just so nuts about her, she's nuts about her. You snooze, you lose dude. Could do without Aurelia's bitch of a sister screaming while Jamie is proposing. Way to ruin a moment - she should have been paired with Laura Linney's bro. I'm a guy and love this movie - right up there with The Shawshank Redemption

D.@twitter

Forget this business. For Christmas I'm going to be watching, "Silent Night, Deadly Night."

bashe

@D.@twitter You know what's also a great holiday movie? "Dead Snow": Nazis, zombies, Norway, stunning winter landscape. Also, "The Thing." Not the new one.

D.@twitter

@bashe AHHH I loved Dead Snow! :)))

fleurdelivre

@D.@twitter Watching Silent Night, Deadly Night with my cool older brother and his cool friends when I was 14 was a very informative part of my adolescence. And by that I mean I remember thinking, "I've got to find people my own age that will love this as much as I do."

whimseywisp

I LOVE THIS DAMN MOVIE, AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT. ;)

uncle jesse

Love, Actually will tear us apart.

miwome

@uncle jesse AGAINNNN

Chelsea Kristina Liddy

To me, this article is perfect! It totally captures the highs and lows of this must-watch-every-year Christmas movie. Well written, old chap!

I actually love Love, Actually!

Minx

I just watched this movie last night! I love it so muuuuch!

It DOES have its fair share of ridiculousness (ex. the crazy speed at which Jamie/Aurelia and John/Judy get engaged).

BUT you cannot hate it completely when it features things like:
--Emma Thompson's amazing acting
--"There was more than one lobster present at the birth of Jesus?!"
--Hugh Grant dancing in 10 Downing Street
--Hugh Grant and his driver caroling for little girls
--When Joanna points at Sam during her song and he positively beams but then she points out at the audience and his face falls into an instant and perfect scowl
--Bill Nighy's whole storyline
--Etc.

I love this movie quite a lot despite its flaws. And I think it helps some if you view each storyline through the lens of "What is this story saying about love?" Jamie/Aurelia, for instance is about love beings stronger than language barriers, John/Judy are about how love and sex are not the same, and so on.

Craftastrophies

@the one and only me I've been thinking the whole thread that actually, you CAN know/love someone without language. I don't hate that part of it. I do hate that she's his subordinate and so apparently passive, although he doesn't seem to have a problem with her turning out to be a real person, as seen in the tiny airport scene at the end.

Then again, given his intro, with a woman he adores but apparently doesn't really know much about/ is projecting love onto pretty strongly... ok, I have officially thought about that too much.

ALSO, how did he get a flight on christmas eve? Ridiculous.

propermake

am i the only one who liked the laura linney story line? i thought it was a very realistic and deftly told story of social awkwardness and sibling obligation. yes, we all want laura linney to hook up with hot karl but i think it would have annoyed me more if alan rickman tells her what to do, she does it, and then lives happily ever after. thanks cheating boss dude! her situation is so much more complicated than that.

maybe i'm confusing the actual movie with movie+deleted scenes but i thought the brother's condition was clearly presented. she says something like "our parents are gone, and it's just the two of us and we live over here now" so of course she would pick up the phone if her brother called. and just because karl is hot doesn't mean he's not really awkward as well. he sounds awkward, right?

maybe it helps that in my mind after the movie ends they start emailing and eventually she (and her brother) moves to brazil to be with him and they spend all their their time sexing on the beach.

insouciantlover

@propermake Karl is super awkward! And rather passive.

HRH Your Cuntness

@propermake Agreed. I thought it was very clear that she moved for work and took her brother with her and was experiencing a lot of guilt about that, over and above the level of feeling like she was all her brother had.

There's a lot of complaining about how no one over 30 is happy in this movie, and I get that, but life is fucking messy, and it's messier the older you get. All the over 30 storylines rang very real to me (other than Hugh Grant and Marlene McCutcheon of course, but who cares, they're adorable).

itsfrantastic

I feel like the only thing this is missing in the Hate, Actually part is Keira Knightley's wedding dress because even for 2004, it's hideous.

digby

@itsfrantastic oh golly yes. And the hair? With the chunky bits out of the updo to frame the face? I was totally doing that in 2004, and it looked awful.

Betsy Murgatroyd

I dislike Kiera Knightly with her jutting underbite and turtle-like neck stretching out as she speaks. That is why I have not seen this movie, despite having other excellent actors.

digby

Oh god, I made an account just to comment on this post. My friends and I always use the "have lots of sex and babies" and "of course you do, you saucy minx" and "I hate Uncle Jamie!" lines. But what I really want to know from you wise 'pinners is: the last scene between Emma Thompson and Alan Rickman at the airport, where she clearly has a new hairdo and more make-up etc, and she's still being a bit frosty, have they reconciled or have they split??? I can never decide. Help a girl out!

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@digby I think it means that they are still together but things aren't completely back to normal. Still, hope that they might be later? The changes in her appearance are prob to show that she's been spending more time on herself to heal.

insouciantlover

@digby oh, I always thought that they had amicably split and she wasn't putting up with his bullshit anymore.

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@digby But he says something like "Let's go home." and hugs her :/

HRH Your Cuntness

@digby I like to think that they're Staying Together For The Children but that she's busy having lots of sex and no babies with Karl and Mia has dumped Alan Rickman to go be awful with Mark some more.

Egalitarian

excuse me, look at this hilar thing bobby finger also did: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=geWzpfBXHe8

heyderpette

ALAN RICKMAN! He plays such excellent evil characters, he gives me the absolutely creeps and yet I am totally addicted to him. ADDICTED.

miwome

@WeirdfulHannah I'M A DICK
I'M ADDICTED TO YOU

GaryPeter Casella@facebook

@WeirdfulHannah Watch him in 'Sense and Sensibility', not evil here, but a good, sensitive, 18th century 'lord of the manor.' Probably 14 years ago it was made and, Hannah, he was the epitome of what the word 'Handsome' is. Not 'cute', good looking, etc...but HANDSOME, a man in every sense. He is dressed so every asset he has stands out; waist, shoulders, britches. Rent it as it is a beautiful story and really a gr8 film for the season even though the season is not in the story. Just such a nice film. Starts out a bit dark, perhaps but between;Emma Thompson, Kate WInslet (her first major role), Alan Rickman, Emma Thompson's husband (whose name I do not remember but he plays the heir that rescues Kate but can't say more), Imelda Staunton, Woman who plays Imelda's mom who is famous British actress, Hugh Laurie, Hugh Grant, Woman who plays Emma/Kate's mom, 'Gemma' something who you will recognize if you watch UK films/TV, Harriet Walter (just on Broadway in 'Mary Stewart', and so many more...make an amazing film. I could just watch Alan and be fine, but film is wonderful. A Jane Austen book rewritten for film by Emma. Alan, again looks so Handsome, never better. Peace! ~ G

rocknrollunicorn

Oh god, the kid. And Emma Thompson. And Liam Neeson's perfectness with the kid. These things are what I watch this movie for. JONI MITCHELL. Ugh.

fleurdelivre

Every single thing on this page (content, comments, pillow boyfriends named Colin Firth, Emma Thompson's Happiness, "Alan Rickman is the only thing that matters," the unquestioned perfection of Bill Nighy) is why I love actually the 'pinnership!

ami
ami

duuuummmbbbb

Miss Maszkerádi

I also just made an account to comment on this article (though I've been reading the site for ages and LOVE it.)

I am a critically-thinking humanist and I adore this movie unreservedly. I watch it several times a year and my enjoyment of it has never diminished. I'm the kind of person who goes to the opera and watches artsy foreign films and makes a living (or tries to) playing classical music, so it's not like I just have bad taste. This is, in my opinion, a terrific movie. It's not especially deep or philosophical, but I think there's a lot of emotional truth in it (plus it's a total feel-good movie--why are those a bad thing again?)

It really, really bothers me when people start making things out to be "problematic" as if every movie, book or TV show is a pamphlet on How Things Should Be. As if every character, every situation, was meant to be didactic. For example, the earlier discussion on how this movie is EVIL MISOGYNY because the older female characters end up less romantically satisfied than the younger ones. First of all, a simplistic reading of the situation, second of all--even if that is true, is that to be taken as the filmmakers intended political message/blueprint for society, or is it--*what happened to these particular individual characters in this fictional STORY?*
Also, Laura Linney doesn't even KNOW Karl....she DOES know her brother....I know it would have been more "empowering" for her to just bone Karl and leave her brother hanging, and the fact that she preferred to take care of her brother than have what would probably end up a one-night stand is apparently because she's over 30 the filmmakers have decided she doesn't deserve happiness....seriously, WTF? Maybe because she's over 30 she's mature enough to make the choice that would probably be better for all concerned in the long run. Or maybe that's just what her character decided to do at that point in time, no BIG MESSAGE intended.

It's a story. Not a political commentary, not orders to anyone for how to live their lives. And there's happy and sad in ALL the storylines, there is love in all the storylines, which a lot of people seem to be missing due to some insistence on watching it according to very strict politicalist interpretation. Try seeing the characters as individuals, as human beings (and of course they're not totally realistic, it's fiction, but try to see the realistic aspects of them) and not as walking allegories, and maybe you'll like the movie better? Or any movie?

Miss Maszkerádi

@CountessMaritza god that was long-winded. Please don't throw things at me! :P

Elsajeni

@CountessMaritza A message doesn't have to be deliberately planted to be a problem. No, I don't think the filmmakers set out thinking "Ha ha, women over 30 don't deserve love or happiness!" -- but I do think they live in a culture that says a woman is as valuable and deserving of happiness as she is young and hot, and that culture may have affected the way they told their story.

And I don't think "It's just a story" is a reason to exempt it from this kind of criticism, either. Yes, it's a story, but it's not as if it just happened that way -- it was written that way, and there were choices involved in that writing, and some of those choices, deliberately or not, reinforce unpleasant cultural narratives. I like it, too, but if we can't recognize that the things we like might be problematic, then where do we get off criticizing the things that other people like?

Miss Maszkerádi

@Elsajeni the other option is just not to criticize things other people like...I seriously don't see anything "problematic" in the movie even after reading this thread, so does that make me somehow culturally regressive? a tool of the patriarchy or something?

My own personal (and probably deeply problematic) opinion is that if we all spent less time agonizing over "cultural narratives" and thought more in terms of individual human beings (ourselves as well as others) we'd all be a lot happier.

Elsajeni

@CountessMaritza I don't think there's anything wrong with liking the movie and disagreeing with people who find it sexist or otherwise insulting. I do think there's something wrong with telling those people they should just relax and stop caring about things that offend them.

armadillo12

@CountessMaritza But they're not individual human beings. They're characters. They are invented. They're not people. And your suggestion is to not criticize things other people like? What?

You're entitled to your opinion but what you seem to be trying to say is that other people shouldn't have critical opinions on things that you like.

Miss Maszkerádi

@armadillo12 That's not remotely what I was trying to say. People can have whatever opinion they want over something that I like. I'm also entitled to my opinion, and all I did was express it. Clumsily, maybe.

I just have a problem with analyzing every work of art starting from the assumption that every character is MEANT TO BE a didactic archetype, instead of just (invented, fictional) ordinary people. That's all I was trying to say......I guess I shouldn't comment here anymore though.

Miss Maszkerádi

@Elsajeni That's not really what I said. I never told anyone to stop caring or not to be offended. I stated my opinion, part of which is that I think it's a bit silly to spend so much time and energy looking around for things to be offended by. I never attacked anyone or told anyone what to think.

Elsajeni

@CountessMaritza When you say things like "The other option is to just not [do that thing you're doing]" or "I think if we all spent less time [doing that thing you're doing] we'd all be a lot happier," I don't think it's unreasonable to read in the implication of "You should stop doing that thing you're doing."

And related to your other comment, I want to emphasize that for me, at least, this kind of criticism of a movie or other work of art doesn't come from an assumption that there's a deliberate hidden message or that the movie is intended to be didactic, but from the belief that our culture and the messages we hear from it shape the work we do and the messages it carries, whether we intend it to or not. Like I said, I really do not think the filmmakers sat down and said, "Women over 30 are hideous old bags. How can we best convey that sentiment in film?" But evidently, the movie they ended up making conveyed that idea to at least some viewers, and I think it's worth examining how and why that happened.

Miss Maszkerádi

@Elsajeni OK. Before I leave this site in embarrassment I just want to apologize if I offended anyone, I didn't mean to. Just a difference of opinion.

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Loved the commentary.. We agree on just about everything. I am sad you did not mention that Rodrigo is like a walking, talking, breathing god on this earth. Mark may be in love with Keira but he is as gay as I am, and that would be 100%. It is never even implied that Mia and boss consummated flirtation. She asked for gift, he felt flattered and got one. Oh yeah, no matter how old or icky the make Alan look, I still see him in 'Sense and Sensibility', and he was so sexy/handsome there. Unforgettably so. Hugh and Martine, sweet and predictable. All is pretty much predictable, but they are doubly do. Pisses me off that the women from Wisconsin are so slutty and stupid and don't have bed, pj's or heat and that he goes from somewhat cute to wonder 'dong' in US. When Joni sings in a version (which I have) of 'Both SIdes Now', which has to be the most depressing ever, Emma need not do anything nevertheless cry, as we are all already crying for her.****** One comment, Important to see the DVD, not just on cable as the missing bits and bloopers are funnier than the film.***** The Colin and Portuguese maid is so romantic and although Colin is not my type, he is so appealing. Hate Keira's husband from beginning and was confirmed when he told her to slam the door on caroler's. Mia=bitch, family buster, tramp, evil. Laura's brother, I am sure was Paranoid Schizophrenia or Bi-Polar with Psychotic features as she asks him if he has been hearing voices which many times = schizophrenia/psychotic. Little girl's excited about, actually, 'Good King Wenceslas' is amazing as it must be the most unforgettable Xmas songs. Liam and step son, imitating 'Leo and Kate' wonderful. Whole r'ship is wonderful and when he gets the girl while Liam, just 3ish weeks after funeral of wife, a but crappy. But the father/son r'ship, wonderful.Love the Mark and Keira confession scene. Would love it more had Mark not been a queen and in such denial. Bill Nighy and his assistant, the 'Chubby One' as he says all the time, finally consumated, as friends, which was not. His character, though, was a bit over the top. Boy 'Cathy Rigbying' his way through Heathrow should be something we all could do! Her rendition of Mariah's song, better than Mariah's version. Laura and Rodrigo, (world's sexiest man) ...man, if I were in her place, my cell phone would have been floating in the Thames. Bro could wait to de-compensate until I got there. Again, Rodrigo=Apollo. Whatever does happen to Colin's bro and wife? Did they die of the cold she was 'suffering' from? Loved the 'All You Need Is Love' opening in chapel. Too bad Keira is marrying a putz. I am sure I have forgotten sone, but we essentially agree. Was a movie made solely for the pounds/dollars it could make and it did well, I understand. Star Power, stories brief and light, mega bucks. Was not about Xmas, though, but about relationships that happened during the Xmas season. Oh....2 stand-in's were cute and sweet, even nude. Martine does do an amazing leap into Hugh's arms, and he does catch her and she is hardly anorexic. 'Chubby' she is not....Zoftig she might be, in NYC. As we used to rate women, when younger, she had 'CBH's' or 'child bearing hips.' That is all. Happy Holidays to you all....and may God/El/Jehovah/Allah/Shiva/Buddha/etc....bless us, everyone!

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I may or may not have once watched this movie 9 times in a row, when I was writing my dissertation and needed something that would both keep me sitting still for a long period of time and not distract me by being so unfamiliar I had to pay attention to it.

Of course, I also once listened to this version of "Both Sides Now" on loop for five hours, when I was depressed and really needed the cry. Not sure what either of these things says about me.

angelene

A friend once asked me if I was "really ok, or ok in an Emma-Thompson kind of way" when I was SECRETLY REALLY UPSET. I love her for it. Also: my first date ever was going to see Love Actually and it was a terrible choice of film, I mean, what was I thinking. But it always takes me back to being ridiculously, adolescently, unrequitedly infatuated to the extent of feeling a bit sick. Requited love definitely wins, and Love Actually is hamfisted & tinny in so many ways (though Emma Thompson somehow manages to be HEARTBREAKING). Still: memoriieees.

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I loved this article. But I still hate actually this movie, which is a colossal scandal whenever I reveal this fact to anyone. Why do all my friends love this movie so much? #singlegirlbitterness

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I watched this with my girlfriend on Friday. After a long, shitty week at work, it was incredibly nice to snuggle up with her and this. (Also wine) And yes, it's saccharine and overlong and all that, but come on: God Only Knows, OK? 'Love, Actually' is the 'Krull' of romcoms. If it's on, I usually have to watch it.

Anna_anna

I hated this film, until I fell in love with a man who travelled a lot. Now I have:
1) A good working knowledge of international dialling tones.
2)Strong feelings about the quality of coffee served in various parts of Heathrow ("Oh, not terminal four! They only have the crap branch of Costa!")
3) A u-turn on Love Actually, which now makes me cry. The Emma Thompson bit always made me cry, but now it all does.

I'm going to watch it at the weekend, cry, and then head off to Heathrow (terminal five, yes!) to go join him in India for Christmas.

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Just watched this movie again this weekend. I make myself tune out all of the ridiculousness of the romantic aspects of the film because otherwise I tear my hair out and rant against love at Christmas.

THAT said, I do allow myself to get upset over technicalities in this film. Like, the girls in Wisconsin can't afford more than one bed, or a couch, or pajamas, but they can afford to light up the outside of their house like a saloon.

OR the details of Laura Linney (who is one of the most effervescent women out there!) and her brother living in England. Okay, here are the facts we know: 1) Their parents are dead. 2) They previously lived in another country (presumably the US) and only moved to England after the parents' death. 3) They have no other family, at least not in England. I have a special needs' sibling, and, while I am lucky enough to have still-living parents, this is still a huge strain on my family. I would NEVER move my sibling abroad, especially when there might be family friends who would be sympathetic and possibly helpful with the situation. Is her job really that great or well-paying that they both needed to move abroad? She seems to have a more junior role in the company, and living in London is. Not. Cheap. Is she paying for his care privately? Does NHS totally cover it? Do they have British citizenship through her parents? I am so confused by this...

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Emma Thompson is a world class cryer. CF this film and also her explosion of crying at the end of Sense and Sensibility when Hugh Grant (again) confesses that he loves her and she is suddenly pitched out of her life of lonely, impoverished spinsterhood and the joy and relief and happiness just spills out of her (quite snottily as well).

insouciantlover

My friends and I all saw this movie at the end of a year of living abroad. We were seriously just a few days away from flying back to the lives we knew so those airport scenes were just KILLING us. For that reason it has a special little place for me despite all the problematic aspects, one of which is that Alan Rickman spent 500 pounds on one of those stupid fucking Jane Seymour Open Hearts necklaces. Jesus, could you get your bitchy receptionist a more expensive and tacky piece of jewelry?

oeditrix

HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE this movie. For every single reason listed above. I actually resent that the Bill Nighy plot exists because it makes me have one tiny bit of the movie that I would like to see again but I never will because I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE this movie.

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@oeditrix Exactly. I like Bill Nighy in nigh (heh) well everything, but I kind of hold it against him that he was in this dreck.

The thing I dislike most about LA is that half the plotlines are basically fantasy (PM couples up with his assistant/US president is a bachelor, Colin Firth marries a woman with whom he's never had a conversation) and the other half are intractably moored to some kind of reality (Emma Thompson sucks up her humiliation for the sake of the family, Laura Linney can't get a 30-minute break from her brother's phone calls).

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Dear Bobby Finger,

I think I love you, or maybe it is just your awesome name. Anyway, I just wanted you to know that tonight I was catching up on the internets while I cooked dinner and this post was so entertaining and so reflective of the exact thoughts I had while watching this movie with my inlaws on the boringest ever day after Christmas several years ago that I BURNED the BACON. This may not mean much to you, but I live in ATLANTA. Where bacon IS NOT BURNED, particularly if it is the DINNER BACON.

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Just have to put in a plug for "Wit" here. Great movie if you want more depressing Emma Thompson. She gets cancer and it's SO sad, but also SO good.

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The best thing about Love Actually is Martine McCutcheon is in it. I just wished @martineofficial a Merry Christmas!

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It was a very good comedy. I used to watch it.

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I'd like to think that I don't buy into all the commercial Christmas bullshark, but I completely eat up the big city Christmas romance movies. Love Actually is a perfect example, along with New York favourites Serendipity and When Harry Met Sally (WHMS is a whole other discussion on its own).
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