Go Halfsies on … The Ridiculous Vacation
Edith: Jane, will you take a vacation with me? I was going to stay in this $8,000/week beach villa on stilts in the Maldives on my own, but then I realized that's a little more than I'm willing to spend during a week in the Maldives, you know? You know. I know you know. But then I thought, "if Jane and I split it, everything would be fine." What do you think? Did you see they have pools on top of the ocean? It's crazy how something so stupid can also be the most wonderful thing ever invented.
Jane: Where are the Maldives, even? But don't bother thinking about that or answering because it doesn't change my answer which is of course, yes. Of course! I try to be a generous and compromising friend, and if this is what you need me to do to prove to you that I really care about you and take our friendship seriously, then I'll do it. I will also try to enjoy myself. Hey, in addition to the pools over the ocean, they also have hot tubs? Did you see that? First off, I love a hot tub. But second off, don't you think it's like 90 degrees there? Will it cool off enough at night to make the hot tubs tolerable? Pressing questions; we'd better hurry!
Edith: Thank you! Jane, you are the best friend I have ever had. Especially when I think closely about my other friends, none of them even comes close. I'm thinking of all of them in my head now, one by one. Anyway, GREAT! And I did see that about the hot tubs — so insane. Bodies of water right and left. And I don't know where the Maldives are, either, but I'm guessing they're under Iceland. Iceland is actually a trap door. You heard it here first, but it is true.
Also, did you see the part about dining in "the world’s first all-glass, undersea restaurant"? I would do that if you really wanted, but I would also be just as happy to skip it or only poke our heads in. I can't imagine there's a lot of sympathy for people who die in underwater-restaurant accidents. And I bet the waiters there hear the same jokes every day.
Jane: Wait, WHAT? An undersea restaurant!? AHHH!!! LOOK AT IT!
Does your chest feel tight when you look at this photo?
Oh and also the resort has a wine bar, so duh. It's a good thing we're splitting the room (hahaha, I called it a "room"), because I just looked it up, and want to know how much it costs to get there? "There" is either in the Indian Ocean or the Arabian Sea depending on how much you're zoomed in on Google Maps. Give up? $2,000! Though, if you think hard about it — no, harder — 10 grand is pretty cheap to make every single one of your dreams come true in one week. All you'd have to tell me is that they have a discotheque in the area that plays rap music and — I'm not kidding, so be careful — I'd immediately apply for a loan. Oh my god, I'm so excited, I cannot waiiit!!!
Edith: I don't know about the discotheque, but it seems like a win/win, because either they already have one, and that's great, or we know the business we'll be starting when we get there: an underwater rap discotheque. Oh, I just realized why everyone only seems to eat lunch and not dinner at the underwater restaurant, and that's because a restaurant at the bottom of the ocean at night would be a living, barely breathing nightmare. We will find a way around that with the discotheque, though.
Jane: Lights, Edith. They're called lights.
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Yes, my chest does get tight when I look at that picture. You think they serve sushi? That seems like it would be a little weird/awesome if they served sushi while underwater.
@redheadedtwit: And what's with that door at the end? That's not exactly inspiring confidence.
@redheadedtwit Jello salad with Chicken of the Sea?
@ejcsanfran the door to shattering the already precarious ecosystem of the Indian Ocean?
@redheadedtwit: Not only do they serve sushi, the chef actually comes to your table and lets you point at which fish you want, which is then caught and prepared.
@ejcsanfran
It's a screen door.
I want.
Everything.
I have never understood the whole "Let's go to a fabulous beach-front resort and then sit around a pool the whole time rather than actually go into the ocean or sit on the beach" thing.
@ejcsanfran Of course you don't, darling, you ride the bus.
@melis: Yes, but only The Vengabus.
@ejcsanfran Yeah, but the Vengabus only goes from New York to San Francisco. I don't think the Maldives are on its route…
Oh my god! (~*~doo doo doo duh duh doo doo doo~*~) It's here! ("We. like. to party. We like. We like to party.") The Vengabus is coming!
When you google "maldives," the map that comes up is just a blue box. Presumably somewhere near Iceland, I didn't really check.
@Jaya: Which is funny, because if memory serves, the Maldives are first in line to be completely submerged due to the ocean rising.
The rash may be thicker under swimsuit areas, where the material has held the contaminated water in contact with the skin for a longer period of time.
@Carrie Hill Wilner Not gonna click it.
@insouciantlover That HAS TO BE hot tub folliculitus. Me and all my friends got it one time in the Poconos. It's like a terrible giant cartoon rash.
Ohh I need to go to there. I would LOVE to go to that restaurant. Also to swim in a pool in the ocean where there's no fucking sand to get all up in the fine china.
@iceberg FINE CHINA!
@Jane Marie haha I can't remember who started that one, but I love it!
"The estimated life span of the restaurant is 20 years."
@keanesian So in 19 years time I am going to this restaurant for hors d'oeuvres with jeopardy on the side! Dining with death! Possibly!
Is that a door? A door that opens to the ocean?
@likethestore Yes. But be careful, because in the 3rd movie, Jaws almosts kills alls those dummies in the underwater tube.
Also, it is a door to wondering, what kind of vacation insurance am I gonna have to put up in case a monsoon or tsunami, y'know, happens.
@bonemeaux tangential, but Jaws.
@tea for all Thank you for this, I was crying at my desk last week when I spammed the world with it.
Pardon me dear, I'm just going to step out on the deck for a smoke before our dessert arrives.
Feel free my dear, as long as by smoke you mean WATERY GRAVE.
That totally makes my chest tight.
I feel about being underwater the way Jane does about flying.
Oh man, I am so afraid of the ocean, I don't know how I feel about that underwater restaurant.
Maldives Pin-Up, anyone? The more of us who commit, the cheaper it is for everybody. I have zero issues with sleeping on the roof. And only a few issues with the restaurant.
Is it just me, or does that first photo look like a screenshot from a video game? Like The Sims where they go on vacation or that Wii Resort game?
@jen325 I also thought it was a Sims screenshot. I thought that was the joke! Okay we can't afford to go to this 8000/week resort so we'll split the cost to buy The Sims and recreate the place … and then … play it for a week …
I don't know, it's not a very good joke I guess.
@redheadedandcrazy Building houses is the #1 best thing about The Sims! #2 is killing your sims in various ways. #3 is making them pee their pants and cry. #4 is making them have sex.
@jen325 to be honest, i never made it past the building houses stage in the sims. I would lovingly craft my homes with carefully selected decor inside and out … and then go play zelda.
I did build some damn nice homes though, if I do say so myself.
@jen325 You guys are making me want to play Sims.
@jen325 Uh oh, I think the point was to make you want to go on vacation and need to open a new credit card in order to do so.
Why can't I get anything right around here?!
@redheadedandcrazy Building homes but not playing the game is probably even better, because when you actually play you have to make sure the building and/or decor doesn't have a detrimental effect on your sims' behavior.
But doing horrible things to them is so much fun! Like when they scream and run around when there's a fire? Priceless.
One time I gave myself a challenge: I made a house of 4 women and 4 men. Then I made everyone fall in love with everyone else in the house and made them have sex, but without being caught. It was challenging, but I pulled it off!
The best part: I'd downloaded custom skins and body shapes (I forget the term for them) that made them look naked with a boner (the ladies too, who were pee-op trannies). I took the lady ones into Photoshop and gave them all strap-ons (a different color for every lady!) Much fun.
@jen325 #5 is when the social workers come and take the baby away because you didn't sort out your childcare rota properly! That shouldn't be funny but it kind of is.
@a horde of great crab things Haha, yes! I forgot about that one.
@jen325 gahhhhh why did I forget to put Sims for Mac on my Christmas list??? Mom, Santa, is it too late??
(Or…if I go to my parents' and find my 2001-era CD, can I use that on my Macbook? Probably no right?)
@klibberfish Would it be unprofessional to bring it to work and play it here on my PC?
@klibberfish I'm pretty sure they had separate versions for Mac and Windows back then, too.
Years ago, I loaded it my work computer and would stay late after work to play.
…I'm honestly considering doing that right now.
Honestly, staying in one of those stilt hotels is one of my (many) dream vacations. I saw one with a floor sky light (?) so you could lay on the floor and watch the fishes swim by
The pool is completely unnecessary though.
You know, there are many weeks where I just plain love the Hairpin, but I might have to declare this My Favorite Week On The Hairpin Ever.
And I'm about to take my 2 month Netflix gifty that I wrapped with organic Newman's Own microwave popcorn to my office holiday lunch and gift exchange. I'm looking forward to winning, thanks to Jane! (and you bet your sweet bippie that I'm stealing it from whoever picks it.)
ETA: I have inertia from looking at that restaurant, much less stepping foot in it. But it could be kinda cool if you could get those rays or whatever fish those are that light up to swim right outside your discotheque.
That photo doesn't make my chest tight. I know that plexiglass is ridiculously thick. What I want to know is what does it SOUND like in there? Really cool, I'll bet. No, wait…they probably play music. Ehh.
@jen325 Yeah, I think it looks totally cool. Probably I would spend all day in that underwater restaurant.
@jen325: They play "Under the Sea" from The Little Mermaid on a continuous loop.
@ejcsanfran I HAVE THAT STUCK IN MY HEAD NOW WHY EJCSANFRAN?
I'm going to go cleanse my brain with Trololo now.
Book now! Quick! Before it's too late! http://www.guardian.co.uk/environment/2011/may/12/100-places-under-threat-global-warming
@kayjay I'm glad someone else mentioned this first; I didn't want to harsh everyone's buzz with a "pretty soon ALL the restaurants will be underwater."
@alannaofdoom Oh man, I really didn't want to be a buzzkill. I've just always wanted to go to the Maldives, and it's not looking terribly likely, but I would LOVE to live vicariously through Jane and Edith if they go.
Well, I'm glad that if we sign up now we'll get ~*~$10~*~ credit toward our first use of the AmEx card. Already chipping away at that extremely reasonable price tag!
Can we also talk about what on earth is going on in that spa pic about halfway down the link page? Why is she propped up on her elbow? Her ponytail is getting all in the back mask clay stuff. You guys, I don't think we should add the spa package to our itinerary.
It is only like $400-500 to fly to Iceland (from Boston, anyway), so you guys should do that and then swim around a bit, 'til you find that trap door to the Maldives and shoot through to the resort. There, saved you $1500.
This is one of those things where you are like "The Hairpin, are you tracking my thoughts!?"
No lie, we were just talking about going to the Maldives yesterday. My friend's mom (who has been everywhere) said it's THE most beautiful place she's ever been. The price tag is not really working for us right now though.
Now all I want out of life is to eat in that restaurant.