Thursday, December 15, 2011


Go Halfsies On ... The Personalized Beverage

Jane: Edith, as you may or may not have noticed, I live in California now, and what is California known for? Besides that. No, besides that. Yes! Wine. Correct. Do you know that everyone here has their own wine? Okay, maybe not everyone, but every Coppola, and then there's the vineyard my friend Erin's parents own and the one my dude's sister housesits for sometimes, and there's even Hello Kitty wine. I'm not saying we should buy a vineyard, because that's the same as buying a farm and there's no way in hell, and besides, I doubt Hello Kitty actually owns a vineyard. She probably just pays some other vineyard to put her name on a bottle. Like Ramona on The Real Housewives. We should do that!

Edith: Jane, nothing is more amazing to me than imagining the two of us sitting next to each other on lawn chairs drinking from our own individual bottles of wine that have our names on them. What do we call it? Jane Mariedith Zimmerman? No, because that is the name of both of our first children. Hmm. How much would this cost, anyway? I know you know these things. I just Googled "personalized wine" and all I found were these gross glasses. Wait, no, I love those glasses! Can we also buy those glasses? Anyway, how do we get our slice of the vineyard?

Jane: Jane is my name, and Googling is my game (especially wine-related Googling!). I think we would each AT LEAST need a case, right? Two cases? Now I'm worrying there will never be enough! *Pull it together, Jane!* So this place will do two cases with your amazing JEMZ (JEMZ! Get it? It's an acronym jumble. Get it now?) label for around $400. Is that too much? $200 each for us to make our one and only dream in life come true? It's actually starting to sound like the deal of the century.

Edith: JEMZ!!! JEMZ! JANE, I need at least a case of JEMZ. I guess the only risk is if the wine is not great, because then we're stuck with wine we don't like and won't drink. Lolol imagine if there was a wine I wouldn't drink. This site looks like not only can we name our wine, we can give it a picture. Jane, do you know that I designed a wine label once before? It's sort of like those pigs that slice ham off themselves. Or we can come up with a new one! I'd say we should get cabernet, but one of the options is a "mixed case," which seems like a good bet to me.

Jane: Ooh, a mixed case, yes! But can you specify like "mixed case please but no Chard, I'd rather die?" That is literally the only wine I would not finish a case of — probably? And I love the label; you are an incredible and unique artist and our wine is lucky to have you. You know, not only is sharing fun and makes this super-expensive splurge possible (maybe, I need to check my account balances!), but this is something I would never do on my own. Because that would be embarrassing. "I'll take two cases of this wine for myself. Here, I make believed all alone that I was a vintner and drew up this beautiful label. Shipping and billing address is the same! I'll be back next month." So thank you for that, Edith. Thank you for being a friend.

Edith: Jane, I could not love you more than I do.

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money, wine, booze, ez

25 Comments / Post A Comment


$400 for two cases is not bad at all if the wine is decent! But it's a risk because who knows about the wine. The merlot description says that it's estate grown, so that might be the best bet. My husband and father-in-law have a vineyard and winery and it's really fun - lots of good wine! Lots of hard work too though.

barbara millicent roberts

YOU GUYS. This is delightful


I love these posts! I could "listen" to you two talk to each other all day! It's so fun!


Or you guys could go buy a couple of cases of cheap wine (that you have tasted and know you like )(Portuguese wine is often dirt cheap and very tasty) and soak the labels off and then print your own to attach. It would be an easy craft. Or skip the scrapping off part and just put your labels on top of the other stupid labels!


@JennyFresh OR Argentinan malbec. also delicious and tasty (yes, both). and cheap, if you buy yours at SAV MOR LIQUORS like I do.


@JennyFresh This is what you should do! Custom wine labels are cheap. Check out these:


@AniaGosia I don't like the Table Number one, then you can't steal wine from ther tables without being caught!


@Xaxa Totally. Wine assigned by table? What?


So, um, I just had to pause from reading to come down here and ask: why no link to the Hello Kitty wine?! Because OMG HELLO KITTY WINE.
(I'm guessing there must not be a link to give us because I know you two would never do that to us.)


@sox http://bit.ly/taWFxY


@sox Okay now that I've finished the whole thing I can maybe see why you didn't want to distract us from JEMZ pouring itself into your glass. So...the next question of course is where Hairpin Groupies can purchase a bottle of JEMZ for our next soiree?


WHAT.... an unbelievably wonderful wine label.


I realize why you selected the name JEMZ, but can we please respect Jessica Wakefield's original cookie creation? http://1bruce1.livejournal.com/71744.html


I remember this book!

For some reason JEMZ made me think of Jem & The Holograms Wine. Just think of how fluorescent that label would be!


@teaandcakeordeath That's immediately where my mind went, too! Of course, with enough JEMZ in me, I'll be knocking bitchez out of the way to do my best Jem karaoke.


@highjump Yes, yes!! I remember that one so vividly. I always imagined the cookies to look like the lilac Mentos and be unbearably delicious.


I usually find these "sponsored posts" distasteful. Having said that, I understand that JEMZ need to eat and have health insurance. But god, this is spot on targeting. Well done everyone.


@OfficialStephanie this is, by far, the most adorable advertisement i've ever experienced.


I would definitely need to do a mixed case in the future (if such a thing exists) I got 30 bottles of chardonnay (which I don't have any problem finishing???) (also you know it worked out to like $3 a bottle so for that amount I will drink anything? but it's actually pretty good!) but I've totally been craving cheap red wine lately, so, sad face.

Valley Girl

I just went to a winery a couple of weekends ago that does this kind of stuff! I got Elvira to sign a bottle of her new "Macabernet" wine and I walked on a little catwalk overlooking the wine production equipment and it REEKED of wine and fermentation but in kind of a good way and I got to taste all different wines from this cool automated robot bartender...basically what I'm saying is you guys should definitely have them produce JEMZ so I can be served it by robots, and if anybody wants to go wine tasting in Buellton, CA to hit me up.


It took me an embarrassingly long time to figure out what JEMZ stood for. Ay!


Jane, you need to come up to Northern California and we can have a Pinup/Wine tasting!

Jane Marie

@thebestjasmine i know! you are a genius. i'm there.


Daily Candy has a deal on personalized wine labels...including mixed cases, but unfortunately, all of the 2011 JEMZ seem to be gone.

jenny troy@twitter

My friend often said life is lack of passion till he met a cutest girl Angel on --CasualLoving dot c'0m--. It's where for men and women looking for intimate encounters.

It's a first and safe place for people who wanna to start a short-term relationship....no bounds or limits in front of true love.

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