Ask a Clean Person: Something Winter This Way Comes, Part One
This is the first in a two-part series about the particular challenges Old Man Winter delivers unto our precious belongings each year. Do you have questions about caring for your cold-weather items? Email me!
I have these GREAT winter boots that I purchased about three years ago. And by great, I mean fabulous. The tread is still like new, and the leather outside and lined inside make my feet so warm they sometimes get almost sweaty. The sweat isn't the issue, though, it's the faux fur that is around the opening at the top and kinda pokes out a little bit by the buckle. After stomping around for three winters, the faux fur is beginning to look less like the driven snow it travels through, and more like the soot at the bottom of my fireplace. How do I restore my boots' purity without destroying the leather?
I have a friend who has been known to go into actual fits of rage when she reads this column and sort of storms around shouting at anyone who will listen, “HOW DOES JOLIE KNOW THESE THINGS?!?!” I mention her today because I’ve been killing myself laughing all week long at the absolute melter she’s going to have at the hands of this answer: cornmeal.
Yup. We’re going to use cornmeal to clean your faux fur, we sure are! Here’s the deal: cornmeal will absorb dirt and oil and general crud that’s collected on faux fur. I don’t know how or why it does this, I just know that it does. The best approach is to dump a cup or two of cornmeal into a brown paper sack or spare plastic bag or really any receptacle big enough for your boots that can be closed up, then put the boots in, fur-side down, and shake shake shake shake shake. Then leave the fur to sit in the cornmeal for a few hours, before wiping it away with a dry cloth.
If the notion of Shake’n’Baking your boots isn’t to your liking, you could clean the fur using baby wipes, or if things are really dingy you can make a low-water OxiClean paste and apply it to the fur with a toothbrush, which will allow you to clean the trim without damaging the leather.
If the fur is matted post-cleaning, use a slicker brush (you know, the thing you used to use to brush your cats before you got rid of them) to gently comb and fluff it.
I have one winter coat that I like to use every day, but a couple in reserve for different outfits or special occasions and so on. I pulled them all out this year and one of them is smelling a bit musty — like old pits, not super smelly, but like it's been sitting in a closet for a year. And now the new coat is starting to take on the eau d'armpit as well. How should I clean them when they're big and bulky and made of wool(ly?) material? I'm perhaps a bit irrationally afraid of putting them into the washer, and I'm also afraid if I leave them to air dry they just … won't.
Oh well no, you’re not to machine wash your heavy woolen coats, mercy no. (You can’t see me, but I’m clutching my pearls.) You may either dry clean them — and if the coats are stained, you should bypass Go and the two hundred dollars and opt for the dry cleaning option — or you can employ one of several at-home stink-removing techniques.
Option 1: Powders
Borax, baking soda, or activated charcoal are all great options for odor-removal, but of course they’re powders so we need to talk about how to use them without getting your coat all dusty. The easiest thing to do, if a bit of a space-suck, is to put the coat in a plastic garbage bag or garment bag, lie it out flat, and insert a bowl filled with whichever product you’re going with so that it sits upright. Then seal the bag and let the coat chill out for a few days. You could also do this in a lidded plastic storage container.
A word about activated charcoal: after spending more time and sending more abusive emails maligning the relative manliness of my dude friends than I care to admit, I discovered several things. (1) Charcoal briquettes aren’t what you’re looking for when it comes to odor removal. (2) Activated charcoal, sometimes called active charcoal or activated carbon, can be purchased in plant and pet stores. (3) You can buy it on Amazon too! You’ll want to look for something like this.
But but but! Let’s just make this super easy on ourselves, yes? Buy one of these nifty things, hang it around a hanger (it’s got a little hook, see?), put your coat on the hanger, put the coat inside a garment or trash bag, seal it up, hang it in your closet for two days and that’s that. Fun, right??
Option 2: Steam
Steam cleaning is another good option, for two reasons: (1) steaming will help remove any lingering odors, as well as get wrinkles out; (2) you can add a scent to the water tank that will help to infuse the coat with something lovely smelling that will serve to mask anything unpleasant. So if you’ve got a steam cleaner, go to town! Steam both the exterior and the interior of the coat (turning it inside out will be the easiest way to get at the lining).
Option 3: Air
Another thing that will work — yes it really will! — is to hang the coats, inside out for maximum odor-getting-outing, near an open window (or outdoors, if you have a secure space in which to do such a thing) for a day or two. The problem with this, of course, is that this is December, so it’s already cold out and having the windows open might prove unpleasant to you unless you’re a reptile or a penguin or are currently living in New York City where it will apparently just be a balmy 62 degrees until the end of time. (NOT A COMPLAINT.) Brrrrrrr. Hello December!
Option 4: Avoid a Scolding
Okay but now I need you to come sit with me in the formal living room for a Talking To About Proper Coat Care: ladies! Ladies. Are you really telling me that you think it’s absolutely fine not to clean your coats in any way at all? Like, what? Sometime in August that winter coat you put away in April will just POOFTA! miraculously render itself clean of all the crap you got on it while wearing it on the subway, through storms, skiing, holiday shopping, holiday returning, at bars, at house parties, etc etc etc etc etc because GOD ONLY KNOWS WHAT YOU CRAZY BITCHES GET UP TO IN YOUR WINTER COATS. OH NO NO, I WASN’T ASKING, I DON’T WANT TO KNOW. (You’ll tell me anyway.) Yes, you’re telling me just that, and I’m telling you that you are wrong.
I know this is upsetting news, but you’ve got to clean your coats at the end of the season. Generally, the best thing to do is brace yourself and bring anything wool to the dry cleaner (next week we’ll talk about cleaning your parkas, so hang tight for that). Yes, it will cost you a pretty penny. But! It’s an annual expense, not a regular one, and when you consider the cost of a coat, spending $20 a year to maintain it really isn’t too terribly much. So from now on, at the end of the colden times, I want you to gather up your coats and march them down to the dry cleaner. Then I want you to pick them up. THEN I want you to bring them home, remove them from the plastic, hang them on proper hangers, and put them away.
I recently purchased a beautiful pair of suede boots, and am realizing that here in upstate NY it's about to be winter. I don't know where exactly you're from, but for me, winter means salty slush. The main problem I have with salty slush is that it soaks into my boots, and when it dries, it leaves crusty salty residue behind. Any tips on how to clean/prevent these weird salty stains? I'd toss them in the washer but, you know, suede.
I’m from Boston. (Don’t you remember the time I told you that I have all the sophistication of a 12-year-old boy and that’s why I giggle uncontrollably every time I see that stuff you wash your floors with, you know… Bona?) Anyway! That is to say: I know from salt stains. And you, my fair slush queen, need a suede eraser. And a scepter made out of a snowglobe, but we can talk about that later.
Also, have you considered using a suede protector? Because you can totally do so even if you’ve already worn the shoes, it’s not too late! You should clean the shoes first, then apply the protective coating. Kiwi makes a product specifically for suede and nubuck, but you can also use their Leather Protect All if you want something you can use on other shoes.
Since I have you here, a brief word on getting salt stains out of regular leather: in news that will surprise exactly none of you, white vinegar will take salt stains up off your boots. Mix it with water (ratios vary — some recommend 2 parts vinegar to 1 part water, some 1 to 1, some 3 to 1 … take your pick!) and apply sparingly, i.e. don’t soak the shoe, with a rag or cotton ball or paper towel. Then wipe clean with a dry rag/ball/towel, repeating as necessary until the stains are completely gone.
Previously: Wite-Out, Confetti, and Even Nastier Boots.
Jolie Kerr is not paid to endorse any of the products mentioned in this column, but she sure would be very happy to accept any free samples the manufacturers care to send her way! Are you curious to know if she's answered a question you have? Do check out the archives, listed by topic. More importantly: is anything you own dirty?
Photo by serre86, via Shutterstock
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Cornmeal whaaaa?!
OMG! Jolie! You have just saved my beautiful suede boots that have a nasty salt line on them. Thank you.
@redheadedtwit Yes that boots tip just saved my LIFE.
@redheadedtwit You guys! In a pinch (like if you JUST noticed the stain and you were really hoping to wear those boots out TONIGHT) you can use a white gum eraser. I generally have school supplies lying around, so I found that to be convenient.
@redheadedtwit Omigosssh
Salt stain remover? JOLIE, I WORSHIP AT YOUR FEET.
Also, theoretically, will the white vinegar remove salt stains from my jeans? Sometimes if it is really sloppy outside the hem of my jeans get a gross salty stain on them, and I always fret that it won't come out entirely in the wash.
@The Lady of Shalott Also, every year when I swap out my summer clothes for winter sweaters, I hang them all outside to air out the musty smell. I also hang out my coat and parka and hat and gloves and scarves and all. And then my clothes smell like lovely fresh air!
@The Lady of Shalott A side question, would the suede stain eraser work on boots stained by denim dye? I have a favorite (expensive) pair of boots that has been more or less destroyed by the jeans I prefer to wear them with. WHYYYYY???
@The Lady of Shalott Yessss, yes, yes, yes, this question. I get the salt stains on mine too, and then even if I wash the salt out, it eats a hole through the hems of my jeans.
@The Lady of Shalott Salt stains on jeans are like a giant blinking sign that says "YES I'VE WORN THESE JEANS BEFORE OKAAAY". They're on my list of enemies between olives and the local parking police.
@andrea disaster I will take all your olives, but you're on your own with the parking police.
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher It's okay. My current record is Pittsburgh Parking Authority- 9083409839048304. Andrea- 2. So long as those olives are out of my way, I can get to lucky number three.
@andrea disaster Anti-olive solidarity!
Oh, my coat. I have NEVER cleaned my coat, and I wear it to the barn. I am filled with self-loathing.
Also, where was this column before I tossed my salt-stained suede boots?
@Nicole Cliffe
Im choosing to believe that this is all a lie. Coats are self cleaning. Really!
Really.
Really?
@Nicole Cliffe Oh thank goodness, I was about to feel really gross! I still have the same barn jacket that I got when I was… 14? Whenever it was that I got my first job at a stable, anyway, and I've never ever washed it. I mostly use it as a "barn only" jacket, but it goes out in public periodically. It's kind of dark burgundy so it doesn't look stained and gross… but it is. There is probably a lot of blood on it.
Also I cannot wait to go home and properly clean my (totally cliche) blue suede shoes. I accidentally wore them hunting one time and they're, um, not what the used to be.
@J Keems@twitter Phew! I would actually really like to properly clean my wool duffel coat, because sometimes it ends up on a flat surface and my cat likes to sleep on it. And then I itch. But drycleaning will make me itch more. Any advice for the delicate and sensitive?
I have a question unrelated to winter clothing- I think my parents are getting me a steam mop for Christmas. I am ridiculously excited about this, because I envision an end to hands-and-knees scrubbing of my ceramic tile floor, but I have a pressing concern. Would it damage my hypothetical steam mop if I use a vinegar/water mix instead of just water?
@mlle.gateau I have a steam mop, which I like, (I do not love it the way I thought I would, but I like it, its one of those steamer/sweeper things.) and the directions are pretty clear on you not putting anything but water in there. That said, you shouldn't really need it since the steam is doing the cleaning.
@beatrixkiddo1 Also, unless you've got a cold and can't breathe through your nose…the smell of hot vinegar can be quite powerful.
@Ophelia Yeah, I usually scrub with a hot water/vinegar solution, but I guess I can live with just steam.
@mlle.gateau I have a similar question! What if I wanted to put, say, two drops of lavender oil in there with the water to make my floors and house smell amazing? Would that ruin my beautiful steam mop? I'm scared to try it but the idea of lavender steam really excites me.
@mlle.gateau I have a steam mop and, when I first got it, I toyed with the idea of adding lemon or something to it but then I got scared and ditched that plan. But I am pretty happy with the steam on its own after all, so you should be OK — and it's very satisfying too! Except for my kitchen floor, which is those generic off-white-with-random-specks tiles so prevalent in garden apartments — and they suck, SUCK because they NEVER look clean no matter what I do.
@Hellcat: a word about your generic white speckled tiles. Here's how to get them clean-looking, and how to keep them that way. The dirty look is probably due to built-up wax from years past. To remove the wax, mop the floor in a gallon of hot water, plus two cups of ammonia (which is Jolie-approved, even if it's awful). Be prepared to SCRUB when you mop, because you are dissolving and scrubbing up years of accumulated wax/filth. You may have to give the floor a round of on-your-hands-and-knees scrubbing (also Jolie-approved) with water and Mr. Clean or something similar afterward if your floor is really nasty. After your floor is dry and very dull and hazy looking, apply at least three coats of Holloway House Quick Shine Floor Finish (available at Walgreens, among other places), which will make your floors shiny and lovely. It will also keep sticky and gross things from embedding themselves on your floor. You'll need to reppaly the Holloway House periodically, say, once every other month or so.
EVERYONE ELSE, listen close – if you have old linoleum, vinyl, wood parquet, or any other hard, but ugly floor, Holloway House will make it look great. Gives it a shiny, brand-new finish! Trust me – my house had some of the most hideous 1970s linoleum known to man in it when I moved in. A few coats of Holloway House made it hideous in a retro sort of way!
Now, here's the sad part, @Hellcat: if you use your awesome steam mop on your newly clean and shiny, there's a chance it's going to haze the Holloway House shine. It may not, but it could. You can reapply the Holloway House if it does. And once a year, at least, remove the built-up Holloway House the same way you removed the old wax. The good news is, because the Holloway House will keep your floors cleaner, you will probably be able to forgo the Jolie-approved on-your-hands-and-knees scrub the next time!
@Jeanna Cornett@facebook I think I love you. I just added ammonia and Holloway House to my shopping list.
And, as far as the hands-and-knees stuff — not something I want to do every week, but I try to view it as a workout! A workout that also helps your house look good! And I can maybe use the steam-mop before the rest; that probably sounds like overkill, but it's about the same amount of steps as my current floor routine (sweep and/or Swiffer dry, vacuum, steam mop, Swiffer mop [this is merely so I can see the lack of dirt on the Swiffer pad thing; it makes me feel accomplished], vacuum again).
Now, a somewhat unrelated musing: WHY don't typical apartment places like mine (A) use only dark and/or patterned floors in their kitchens? And, (B) paint the interior walls in a taupe or a light gray/stone color instead of the ubiquitous and infuriating (and bland!) white that just looks filthy? I am afraid to admit that the answer is probably that very few tenants give a fuck about dirt. Ugh. Also? I hate white kitchen cabinets! I apologize if I sound like some princess that finds nothing to be good enough; I swear I'm really not. But once we got onto the subject of clean on a day I spent time in that heinous laundry room, it all came a'spillin' out; sometimes it feels Sisyphean.
FINALLY BORAX GETS A SHOUT OUT! I've been waiting for A Clean Person to acknowledge the greatness of Borax. It is a poor woman's OxiClean – I use it for so many things when I don't need something quite so intense as the Oxi. Washing machine with delicates! Pots and Pans! Also it gets rid of fleas (don't ask)! I love that stuff.
@HeyThatsMyBike My mother recently scolded me for my failure to mention Borax in this column. I'm not sure how my life has come to this, but there you have it. (But yes it's amazing stuff!! I want to do a Great Products Round Up one of these days.)
@HeyThatsMyBike You can also mix Borax into simple syrup to leave out on little plates/jar lids/whatever on the floor to kill ants and roaches.
@Jolie Kerr I like your mom. It was OxiClean before OxiClean was OxiClean! Except that it also dehydrates bugs to death. @mustelid that's a new tip to me, but it totally makes sense!
Also we made "Gak" (tm Nickelodeon) out of Borax in 3rd grade. It's a wonder powder.
@Jolie Kerr Hey, here's a question. Are all the Oxis interchangeable (for paste purposes)? Does "OxiClean" = "OxiFresh"? And, now, I have found an off-brand "Oxi[Something Else]" at my local hippy grocery emporium. Will that work? (Same packaging colors, same trapezoidal cylindrical container.) Also, when I used the paste on a highly unfortunate dog stain on beige carpet (yes, yes, I'll get rid of her, in about. . . .ten years), the paste seems not to want to come out of the carpet entirely with dry-brushing and vacuuming. What now?
@HeyThatsMyBike AND it is a vital ingredient in home made silly putty/goo
@purefog: I accidentally bought the same off-brand Oxi-Clean once (I should never shop with PMS). It worked fine, for me. Could it be that you got the Oxi-Clean too pasty when you put it on the carpet? To use it on the carpet, it has to be completely dissolved, at least in my experience, or it will make a crunchy, powdery mess afterward.
@HeyThatsMyBike Products roundup is a great idea! It could be something like "where to start if you're secretly filthy and own no cleaning products"
@Jolie Kerr also Borax is wonderful for getting rid of lawn-destroying insects and fungus, and is so CHEAP! I can fill my lawn spreader with the stuff for maybe $10!
Presumed unwashability has been my excuse for wearing nothing but machine-washable (and winter sports-appropriate) fleece jackets and coats for lo these many years. I'd like to buy a Grown-up Coat, but this just confirms that I am not ready, since I have yet to ever dry clean an item and am unlikely to start (I don't know why, but I have these irrational FEELINGS about dry cleaning). I wish the solution had been "hand wash in cold in the tub," because that I could/would actually do.
@piggie I have similar feelings. Dry cleaning is something that people with money do. As a poor, I prefer to ignore the issue and hope it's solved by magic.
@piggie Are your feeelings about dry cleaning enviro-toxin related? If so, look for a dry cleaner that doesn't use perchloroethylene, also known as Perc or TCE. It's seriously hazardous as an inhalant–as in like, spontaneous abortion and cancer type hazardous (not so much for you, unless you spend a lot of time at the dry cleaner, but for people who work there).
Fortunately, alternative dry cleaning methods, namely "wet cleaning" and carbon dioxide cleaning, are becoming more common. The EPA has a list of dry cleaners by state that use alternative methods.
For mid-year freshening up of your wool coats, consider a clothes brush (any stiff bristle brush, even a fingernail brush, will do, but a real one is nice). Name it Bates and think of yourself as Lord Grantham.
@piggie
Same here. I have a pair of dry clean only pants that I really wanted to wear, but they were a little stinky after having, you know, never been cleaned. So I decided to run them through the wash. SURPRIIIIIIISE, nothing bad happened. They are fine. This has made me suspicious of all dry clean only labels everywhere.
@Dancersize There is a lot of stuff that is "dry clean only" that you can hand wash or machine wash delicate on cold and hang/lay flat to dry. It helps to know how the fibers are going to react. For example, wool is often dry clean only because if you get it wet (especially hot and wet) and add friction, it will felt/shrink. So if you are using cold water and washing it gently, the moisture isn't doing the damage that it would if it was hangin' out with its buddies heat and friction.
But even for the stuff you can get away with doing it on, it's going to age the clothes faster. For a sweater that I need to clean fairly often, I'll do that knowing that it's going to shorten the life of it but hey whatever there's no way I'm dry cleaning this shit every other week, not just because of money but I don't want to go to the dry cleaner. But for a coat that I'd like to keep for years, I'd rather just take the time and shell out the $15 once a year to do it right.
@mustelid SERIOUSLY! I just noticed that a shirt I got at Forever 21 of all places has a dry-clean only label! Are you kidding me? No way. So, into the cold water/hang dry load it went — and it's fine.
@mustelid Yes, absolutely true! I have the best dry cleaner that I take all of my stuff to, and she always tells me which things I can hand wash and which I really ought to dry clean, and it's saved me a lot of money. I wash most of my clothes in cold water (gentle cycle only) and hang to dry anyways, so it's not even like I have to do a separate wash just for my "dry cleaning" stuff.
@Hellcat I went to Forever 21 yesterday and every single piece I looked at had a "hand wash only" tag. I am not going to put that time/effort into a polyester knit dress I bought for $12.80! Good to know that treating it like the prole-raiment it is will be a-ok.
@laurel My feelings are partially $$$ related (my mom always just hand washed things carefully, so I was raised thinking that dry cleaning was something Those Rich People did), and partially enviro. Unfortunately, I live in a little mountain town with only one perc-drenched drycleaners. I can't justify two hours of driving to drop off and pick up some clothes. Hence, still wearing machine and hand washables only.
@cuminafterall I do this a lot; I somehow got the idea that it is more the dryer that's the menace to the clothes? And I live in an apartment complex with a shared laundry room — among the many, many downsides to this arrangement (really, don't get me started on that; it is a filthy, nasty place that makes me wonder if my clothes are a whole new worse kind of dirty after I am done in there) is the fact that the dryers have two settings: "completely ineffective" and "almost as hot as the surface of the sun." So only stuff that I am 100% certain won't shrink (which seems to include my BF's t-shirts… yet not mine. WHY?) or stuff I want to shrink back into shape (jeans, some tights) goes in there. I actually have beloved Ramones and Sting t-shirts from the mid-80s that have been washed a million times but I still won't put them in these particular dryers for fear of accidentally ending up with tiny, completely blank black rags.
@piggie I used to work the counter at a rich-people-town dry cleaners when I was in high school and those customers would bring in t-shirts! Not special ones, mind you, but regular white men's t-shirts! It was crazy!
@piggie Yours is the better solution–cost- and enviro-wise–anyway!
@cuminafterall prole-raiment!
I am anti-drycleaning. Partly because it makes me itch. And partly. Look, I went to a Catholic school with a uniform which included wool winter skirt, polyester blend jumper and wool blazer. I would hand-wash the skirt and jumper every fortnight, and at the end of the semester they and the blazer would go to the dry cleaner. The jumper got chucked in my bag so it was usually not so clean, and the water would be a bit brown. One time, the first day I wore the jumper after the drycleaner I spilt something on the front of it, big enough that I decided to just wash the whole thing. I chucked it into a bucket of water… which turned BLACK. This was a jumper that had been mostly clean when it went to the dry cleaners. It took me four washings and multiple rinses before all the gross stuff was out of it.
This was nearly ten years ago, and I'm still traumatised by it. Uuuuugh.
@Craftastrophies Yeah, I'm not always convinced by the drycleaners. (I went to Catholic school, too, and noticed that the little white parts of my plaid skirt were slightly dingier than those of girls who washed their skirts in the machine. So I started washing my skirt at home, sometimes, and it was much more convenient and less expensive.)
The main reason why I try to dryclean most of my dryclean-only clothes is pilling. I bought a pair of shortpants (you know, they're like nice pants, but knee-length?) and washed them and maybe put them in the dryer, I don't remember? a bunch of times, and they're now so horribly pilled that I wouldn't wear them to work even if they still fit. And I have a dress that may have cost $35 at H&M but I love it, and because it's from H&M you just know that fabric is waiting for a chance to give out, and fade, and get all weird when you iron it, so I'm not taking any chances. Plus I don't want to shrink it by accident because I want to wear it and breathe at the same time.
@piggie Re:pilling – take a fresh disposable razor (one of the really cheap ones works beautifully) and lightly shave the pills off. The only thing to be cautious about is not to shave at too steep an angle, since that can cut the fabric. This trick has saved numerous sweaters that have pilled over the years; the same razor can be used over and over again for pilled fabrics (I've had the same "sweater shaver" for almost 2 years).
WINTER IS COMING.
Seriously guys, I had to be the first one to do that?
@melis I'm overseas, but was racing down here to do that before bed. You beat me. CURSES!
No but seriously, HOW DO YOU KNOW THIS STUFF?
@Dancersize I do a mental dance of awe and confusion every time I read this column: How DOES she know this stuff? But, I think I've decided actually knowing is overrated, and I will just keep on believing that Jolie knows because she is MAGIC.
@pterodactgirl Honestly I am only able to imagine her as the only human friend to a group of autonomous, chatty house elves.
Ask a Clean Person? More like Ask a Clean Savant!
cornmeal(!)
Hahahahhahaa Bona! <3 u, Mass
This makes me really excited to use the steam cleaner (I used once) on a beautiful coat (I've worn through 4 winters). And oh, I'll be adding a scent. I'll add a scent all night long.
OK, Hairpin hivemind, I have a cleaning-ish question and I'm afraid it will get stuck in the queue for Ask A Clean Person and I'll have to wait and end up doing something stupid in the meantime.
So I found an old pair of awesome winter boots at my parents' house (score! don't have to buy new boots this year!), but they've been sitting in the basement for years and they're covered in dust and kind of cob-webby and, my biggest fear, what if there are bugs (SPIDERS) living inside them? Is there a way to clean these babies inside and out that does NOT involve me sticking my arm into spider city?
(My dude suggested trying to smoke them out with a small fire, but that seems so…cavemannish.)
@tortietabbie Maybe a vacuum with an attachment?
@tortietabbie Well, you could kill whatever might be living in there by sealing them up in a plastic bag with cornmeal or borax or salt (or some combination thereof) for a couple of days, but I'm still not sure how you get the carcasses or webby parts out without covering your hand in something and reaching down there.
ETR: Or what Emma said.
@tortietabbie Do the boots have removable liners (a la Sorels)? If so, pull them out and run them through the washing machine (no dryer).
Otherwise, maybe dump some uncooked rice into each boot, and shake it all around, to dislodge anything that might be lurking, then dump it out into the trash? It should carry any lint, cobwebs, and/or spiders with it.
@tortietabbie Put your feet in bread bags, put on boots, jump up and down stomping all spiders to death, turn boots upside down and shake. Voila!
@tortietabbie Plastic bag, freezer at least overnight, then wack them upsidedown against something solid outside.
@tortietabbie I second vacuuming. That long flat skinny attachment with the angled opening. But then maybe freezer and whack and vacuum again? Bugs are gross
@Ophelia Not sure if this applies, but when I was a kid i put on my winter boots (Sorels!) for the first time one year and immediately stepped my tiny foot into a boot-full of mouse droppings. Ever since then, I always inspect my boots carefully before their first wintertime wear.
@everyone – You are all geniuses.
@LornaLoo Oooh, that aligns nicely with my (totally unfounded, as I live in the Northeast) fear of scorpions in my boots.
@tortietabbie Get up close (but not too close) and yell SPIDERS OUT! Even spiders who don't like to take orders will come out to see who it is that's yelling at them.
If you're still worried, release a centipede in each boot to eat the spiders. then release a mole or a vole in each boot to eat the centipedes. then you're set.
& don't let anybody suggest this is an irrational fear on your part — one time I put my foot in a shoe and there was a wasp in there. It was so awful I try to pretend it was just a nightmare I had.
(the vacuum attachment is also a good idea.)
@tortietabbie You have boots; I have an entire garage. And so I also ask the Hairpin hivemind (because really, even typing about this gives me the heebie-jeebies): When the hubs and I moved into our new house, we stuck a bunch of crap in the tandem garage. Because that's why we built the tandem garage! Except…neither of us knew that the area we moved to was known for GIGANTIC WOLF SPIDERS. They jump. The fuckers jump. And some of them are the size of my hand. I am now convinced that our tandem-full-of-crap (including boxes! BOXES.) is now nothing but a breeding ground for the largest, scariest spiders to ever live.
Hubs thinks it's about time to start cleaning out the garage. I am slightly scared to even park my car in there, let alone begin to go through that stuff. Even with gloves. And a vacuum. Is there any solution to this other than a) beekeeper suit, or b) make hubs do it in exchange for ridiculous sexual favors?
The thought of reaching into my box of old sheets and comforters from college to find a…oh god, I can't even type it.
@catsuperhero Definitely the sexual favors thing. Even if you are in a beekeeper suit, it was still be on you if it jumped on you.
@catsuperhero I think your only option is to move. Move far, far, FAR away and leave no forward address, lest they find out where you've gone and jump (spiders that fucking jump OMG) after you!
@catsuperhero Is it cold where you are? If the garage freezes at night, your garage spiders are likely dead, so winter would be a good time to clean it out. If it doesn't freeze in the garage, can you haul the boxes to a porch or someplace for two freezing nights before opening them?
Also, your husband could be called upon to do all box opening.
@catsuperhero Flamethrower.
@tortietabbie Eeek! Spiders are our friends, Hairpinners! FRIENDS. You might have some living in your boots, but remember these are shy and gentle (although scary-looking) creatures that are only in your boots to eat the other things that went in there first. There's no need to squash or vacuum or set them on fire. Light and noise will frighten them away, and then you're free to clean at will.
Also, if your place is no longer attracting other bugs, then it won't attract spiders either. They're the cleanup crew, not the vermin. FRIENDS. FRIENDS!!
@tortietabbie VACUUM. I used a Dustbuster with a tiny attachment to vacuum out my shoes.
I think I have told this story before but once I was coming back from a weekend away or something, and I went to go put on my cozy slippers when I got home, and I FELT SOMETHING in the toe of one of them, so I took my foot out and A BIG BLACK SPIDER CAME SKITTERING OUT AFTER ME. I panicked and I had to kill it with the slipper it had just evacuated. I could never put those slippers on again and truly enjoy them.
So, yeah, vacuum.
@tortietabbie Do you live in the Pacific Northwest? I used to live in Seattle, and my husband left his swim trunks on the floor of the bathroom for WAY too long, and when he finally went to move them, a giant wolf spider jumped out of them. So perhaps also vacuum your swimming garments before you put them on, if they have been resting of the floor for a while.
@catsuperhero Hire high school boys to do it.
@cheeseandcrackers What.
You don't live in Australia, do you?
@OlivettiValentine I do not live in the Pacific NW but we are moving there in a few months EXCEPT NOT ANYMORE. Wolf spiders?! Are you kidding me with this?!
@cheeseandcrackers <3 U, Cheesie.
@laurel I live in Northeast Ohio, so it's getting cold–but HOW COLD does it need to be to freeze out spiders? Will the normal 32 degrees F do it? Am I going to begin cleaning only to see evolved spiders with tiny wool coats and mittens jumping at my unprotected head while laughing at me?
(Okay. I'm a little hysterical here. Snowy weather is fine. Spiders can't knit. Deep breath. Husband opens boxes.)
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher You have no idea how devoutly I wish I could do that. But, new house and all. Still. A girl has got to have dreams.
@HeyThatsMyBike *shudders* And what if they latched onto the screened beekeeper veil thing with their little legs? ARGH.
@tortietabbie If we hadn't just built the house…oh, I would. I would. And do you have a tortie tabby?!
@catsuperhero Oh my god, I was thinking it was like a super old farm house in the middle of the countryside. It's new? Just built? Jesus. I can't handle this. (And yes! I do have a tortie tabby! She's an asshole. A lovable asshole.)
@tortietabbie Oh dear god. No. Sadly. The sordid story is this…
When husband and I were looking to buy a house, we were living in a progressive, homey, basically perfect suburb of Cleveland. Small businesses, great food, people you trusted…paradise. Except for our house. And all the other houses. Built in the 1920s, tiny, no heat upstairs, falling to pieces. And we'd just had a kid.
When we quickly figured out that building was the best route, we started looking at suburbs with new developments. And just as quickly figured out that although we had a full $100K as a down payment, we could barely afford any of them. Except the more rural up-and-coming suburbs. Gulp.
So we looked in this one development, and I swallowed the fact that it was a city I'd called "Ridgetucky" all my life, that we were down the street from the Tractor and Feed store, that we were within walking distance of the Fundamentalist Evangelical Burn in Hell Baptist Temple, and that there's a Vintage Chainsaw Museum in the area. Gulp again. The schools are good, the house was beautiful and affordable, and we knew a lot of our neighbors from my husband's work. The town would get built up, right? And the development would be insular…right?
And then I set foot in the garage while moving in.
Shit. Fuck. CockballsdammitvirginmotherMarycrap SPIDER. Telling me that this was HIS territory, bitch. Right. Above. The. Doorframe.
I now question every decision I've ever made.
(Except the one to get my tortie tabby! Mine is my baby. What's your lovable asshole's name? Would it be stalkerish to ask you for cat pictures?)
@catsuperhero Well…a Vintage Chainsaw Museum sounds…nice? Different, at least! Maybe you could just torch the garage? Or suppose the tortie can be trained to kill…? Otherwise I think making the husband deal with it is the best bet. I make my boyfriend do everything that involves The Basement because whenever I go down there I become convinced that I'm going to be brutally murderer by a band of hobos lurking around the corner. Why tempt fate!
(Her name is Josie! Or sometimes Josephine as in, "Josephine! What have you done?!" Which is a great cat-name, but I can't take credit because someone else named her. Here she is, looking a bit more svelte than she does now, because I'm an awful cat-mommy and she probably doesn't get enough play time and she learned from me to eat her feelings and someday she'll tell her shrink all about it, sob: http://josieandseb.files.wordpress.com/2009/09/josie11.jpg. Torties are the best! So feisty!)
@tortietabbie During Christmastime, the Chainsaw Museum wraps chainsaws in lights and puts them on the roof. They look like giant, lit up penises.
That part is awesome.
Basements are scary. Ours is finished now, so I'm not afraid of it, but in the old house…whoa. We had an unfinished shower, across from the unfinished, cobwebby toilet/vanity (can you say Bloody Mary?!), and a whole separate room underneath the porch. Behind a wooden door. The separate room had a crawlspace. I remain convinced that about ten murder victims' bones from decades ago are in that space.
Ahhhh you have a Josie! I had a cat who was a Josie, too. Cotton Eye Josie at the rescue, but just Josie at home. Psycho Josie. Who never slept and could jump six steps up from a sitting position. My current cat hated Josie's guts and consistently kicked the crap out of her, so Josie (worst day ever) had to be re-homed. And now she is much happier and so is my Pepper but I still miss my Josieposy.
Your Josie is beautiful…gorgeous I say! My Pepper is considerably bigger than her (but not a fat kitty, because I am a cat nutrition nut…because my cat can never die). Oh my goodness I want to pick your kitty up and snuggle.
@catsuperhero Say, it's about Christmastime! Are the penises lit up yet??? Also, you're probably right about the crawlspace. And you KNOW what happens to curious women who go poking around…
Yeah, she's a pretty girl! And a big personality (felinality?) – very loud and demanding. She's a runt, though, probably from being a stray and having a little of kittens before her first birthday (poor little thing). She's not a snuggler unless she initiates, but if you're lucky she may consent to sit on your chest and knead your face with her little claws.
@tortietabbie Oh yeah–we have a purple penis now! I'm really looking forward to the multicolored one. That they're right across the street from the aforementioned Burn in Hell Temple is just a bonus.
I wasn't chancing becoming victim #11 in that crawlspace.
I love your kitty. Mine is not a kneader and it's her only fault.
@tortietabbie don't worry. i too live in the pacific northwest and have never seen a huge spider. and we have no cockroaches and or mosquitos (at least in the cities)!
Nononono! No suede in snow! It will not end well. Even if you treat it every week daily use in the snow will still destroy suede. I lost a lovely pair of blue suede boots to learn this lesson. Do not let them have died in vain!
@MilesofMountains Oh, I'm scared now! I just bought a pair of beautiful, blue-suede, ankle-length biker boots and I love them so, so much that I haven't even worn them yet. It's insane that I paid far more than I usually do for boots and now I am too terrified to wear them.
@Hellcat They can take a bit of snow, but I'd really recommend getting a pair of proper winter boots for slush/wet snow days. I only wear my shiny polished leather boots out if there's no new snow and I'm just going to be skittering around on ice, because these boots and now the love of my life and I must keep them safe!
@MilesofMountains Yeah, I wouldn't knowingly wear them out in foul weather (or in any so far, in my neuroses) but I worry about those days that start out OK and end up a mess, particularly with rain in North Jersey lately! I think I'll take them to the nice old shoe-repair man in my BF's town — that guy has been a godsend to me, and probably vice versa. Because, clearly, buying beautiful boots just to look at is monumentally stupid!
Yes, dry clean your coats! I had the most putrid winter coat (got it for Christmas two years ago, wore it in everything, got ketchup on it while eating drive-through food in the car, etc) and I finally gave in and took it to the dry cleaners. The $20 was painful, but it looks like new — I don't want to know how many chemicals it took, but they even shaved the fuzzies balling up on one arm. It's like I got a new coat for $20!
Also, vinegar can sometimes work for salt stains on suede, but sometimes it's just too far gone.
OOH! Coats! I have a question!!
I bought a beautiful white coat last year (from Old Navy, of all places), knowing full well it would get nine kinds of grungy. But, ladies, this coat was so good and so pretty and I love it dearly.
So now, obviously, it's gray-black around the edges and I spilled coffee on it and it's looking really nasty. I took it to the dry cleaners who made it smell nice but it NOTHING to take care of the grungy, stained messes. Not even a dent.
What do I do? The coat is a wool-blend, so I'm not even gonna get near washing it myself. I really miss this coat. Is it hopeless? Was I stupid to ever buy a white coat in the first place?
@elizabeast What's it made of? Since it's pretty done-for anyway, maybe soak in an oxyclean bath for a while, and then wash on delicate?
@elizabeast You could try spot cleaning OxyClean, or my personal favorite Zout—ooooh, make an Oxi/Zout paste! You're just spot cleaning, (and the blend part lessens things going horribly wrong as weel) so let it sit and rinse lightly with a little cold water. And next time you buy a white coat, spray that beauty with some all weather protecter first!
@Ophelia no no no agitation! Agitation and heat both cause felting, and old navy coats may be blends, but they will still felt and shink–and shrinking fabric after sewing = unequal shrinking = terribleness
@elizabeast This may be a dumb question, but did you point out the stains to your cleaner when you dropped it off? Because usually if you do that, they'll mark it with some masking tape and spot-treat the problem areas. Otherwise they always just dry clean as usual, and coffee/grunge probably needs special attention. Alternatively, you could take it to a fancier cleaner who specializes in things like wedding dresses and point the spots out to them. Those magicians can remove any stain (though it'll cost you more than your regular cleaner).
@HeyThatsMyBike I have a friend who used to work at a dry cleaner and sometimes they won't even clean your clothes if you don't point out the stain – they'll just spray some destinker on them iron them. Maybe try a different cleaner and point it out to them so they know you're checking their work?
@elizabeast Thought: Was it the coat you loved, or the white? If it's the shape of the coat and you really wouldn't mind a different color…dye it. Or have it dyed, if dyeing a wool coat is scary. Someone out there has to be a professional dyer, right?
@HeyThatsMyBike The stains are so very obvious that I felt like a jerk pointing them out. And when I got the coat back and it was still stained, they didn't make me pay. I felt bad because I love that dry cleaner, but the stains were exactly as before.
@BethH I tried Zout and OxiClean separately, but they didn't do much. I really think the coat is just done. The tragedy!
@catsuperhero It really was both!! But this year I realized that trying to have a white coat in a city was a dumb idea and I scoured the Old Navys for the same coat in a different color but had no luck. I did eventually get another coat that I love (and on mega sale. From American Eagle? It's the warmest and it's bright red!), but I still stare longingly at the white one every morning.
I've been considering grabbing a box of Rit and dyeing it. I had a TON of acid dyes from dyeing yarn a few years ago, but I got rid of them during my last move…so I'm not scared of dyeing things, I just want to be sure there is no hope for the white before I take the plunge.
@elizabeast I would still try another cleaner for good measure! There may still be hope!
@elizabeast American Eagle coats are some of the greatest, ever. I have never had anything from AE rip, fray, shrink, or otherwise make me wish I'd never bought it. I had to give up my favorite-ever peacoat from there a few years ago because I lost weight and it no longer fit. It was a sad, sad day.
And you know what–wedding dress cleaner? Not a dry cleaner that does wedding dresses, but a professional wedding-dress-only cleaner may be able to restore that white. And they have to be quite used to people pointing stains out.
Does Jolie read the comments? Jolie (or anyone else): is it worth it to get a steam cleaner? Would it be unreasonable to want to use it on upholstery as well? I've just been turning my iron up high and spouting steam at clothes thus far.
Also, for LW2: Dryel is a good way to go for smells, too. I've used that w/ delicate fabrics like cashmere and silk chiffon, and they've come out fine and smelling much better.
@D.@twitter I am not Jolie – or even a clean person for that matter – but YES! YES a thousand times YES. Here is what I use mine for:
- getting wrinkles out of cheap polyester clothes I bought at H&M so they look as nice as they did when I bought them
- cleaning my carpets when jerks come over and won't take off their shoes
- blocking knitting projects and de-wrinkling wool sweaters
- De-stinkifying various things
- getting old stains out of upholstery and floors
Plus other stuff – I got mine for $50 on sale at Macys w/ a coupon (they put them on sale all the time, just watch for coupons), totally sound investment – I used it 4-5 times a week.
@D.@twitter – I have the Jiffy. It's amazing. Use it on almost a daily basis. Have used it on upholstry, drapes, tablecloths, etc. etc. etc.
http://www.amazon.com/Jiffy-Steamer-0601-ESTEAM-Travel/dp/B0018ZHHS4/ref=sr_1_8?ie=UTF8&qid=1322761750&sr=8-8
@D.@twitter YES. I briefly worked retail and used one a few times, and it was MAGICAL. The only downsides are that they can be expensive, the really good ones are big/heavy, and the steam can be a little dangerous. But it takes like 30 seconds to de-wrinkle a shirt! I would totally buy one if I were living somewhere more permanent.
@D.@twitter YES! It's fabulous (but, you know, not as fabulous as the infomercial would have you believe). And, even though the infomercial shows a lady using it to do everyday stuff like wiping down the kitchen counters, there are some messes that are just not serious enough to drag out the thing and all its attachments. But it's good; I just did my living room drapes without taking them down and that's awesome. And it's good on the shower tiles too (which, now that I think about it, wouldn't it be so nice if the steam from regular showers would just clean the tiles simultaneously?).
@parallel-lines – which steamer are you using? I want one so badly, but can't decide which one to get!!!
@parallel-lines Oh, my god. You can block knitting with it? Of COURSE you can block knitting with it! GETTING ONE.
@Craftastrophies I know, that was the tipping point for me, too.
)
@everyone: thanks for the input!
My gorgeous wool winter coat has burgandy lining, which has changed to red in the pit area. Will drycleaning fix this or am I SOL?
@Xaxa Possibly. You should ask them before handing it over. Also, how often do people see the inside of your coat? You can probably keep wearing it.
oh what, now I'm just a dude friend? I SEE HOW IT IS, JOLIE KERR.
@Lucia Martinez Sorry, pretty lady, it's just that "sending more abusive emails maligning the relative manliness of my dude friends, handy femmes and that one straight chick who writes about sports than I care to admit" was a bit unwieldy.
Jolie, I'm going to print out your rant on dry-cleaning coats and give it to my mom. She thinks taking them to the cleaners at the end of winter is extravagant (even though my black wool coat is probably full of dirt and sweat and alcohol by now) and prefers to store them, usually folded in a cedar trunk, until winter rolls around again. If they're really unwearable, then she gets them cleaned. I spent $13 last year getting mine cleaned at a perc-free place and still got a hard time for it!
JOLIE! I thought of you on Saturday when I reached into the pantry for my whole wheat pastry flour and found a solitary but sick-making pantry moth larvae on the very top of the bag. I threw the whole bag out and used regular flour, and checked other items in my pantry, and wished I knew you in my real life so you could come over and talk me down/help me BURN MY PANTRY DOWN TO THE GROUND.
@vanillawaif OH GOD KILL IT ALL WITH FIRE!
*huddles in corner shaking*
I found a WIGGLY THING in a box of cornstarch last night and I'm going to go home and transfer everything uncontaminated to sealed containers and I then I will bleach ALL the things.
I discovered wiggly things in a new packet of instant oatmeal, so I called the manufacturer, and they were all "oh, yeah. This happens a lot. We'll mail you some coupons."
They did not.
@Nicole Cliffe I always love that. "Here are some coupons for our disgustingly defective product so you can go GET SOME MORE OF IT!"
@Nicole Cliffe THIS HAPPENS A LOT? Omg.
@vanillawaif If you don't mind my askin' what were you making with the whole wheat pastry flour? I have an overabundance and I need ideas!
@vanillawaif @J Keens@twitter
GET THE PHEROMONE TRAPS. Get them while you think there's still a chance you might not need them. If you are like me in that you have a stack of pastry cookbooks you leave propped open on the kitchen counter when in use so that there's a little dusting of white flour in between all the pages, well
before you enter the mouth of hell, just get some traps. You still have to do all the bleaching and firebombing and what-all, but empty traps for a couple of months are the only things that will make you feel safe again.
@suzabellajones Mind? I LOVE talking about baking. I use it in place of regular bleached flour in just about everything I make, really! I was making pumpkin cookies (the recipe is one I got from the Libby's website, but I think they include nuts and I only include chocolate chips). And the WWPF makes a great scone, if you're so inclined.
On a side note: My German great-grandmother, whose name was NOT Suzabella Jones, was instructed by a lawyer to give that name in a courtroom in the 30s. She, um, ran a brothel. Rather, her daughters did the "work" and she kept the place clean. They got busted and although she also cleaned the judge's house, she still gave the fake name, fooling no one.
@J Keems@twitter I googled them and I died a little inside when I read that they can GET INTO SEALED TUPPERWARE CONTAINERS.
@queenofbithynia I will do this! Where do I get some?
@vanillawaif I can't find the supplier I got mine from (my moth horrors were a couple years ago) but I think these on Amazon are the same ones: http://www.amazon.com/Pantry-Moth-Traps-Set-Two/dp/B0019R0VKM
I ordered mine from some garden supply store, I think? they had a lot of folksy reassuring moth wisdom? but they're probably all the same. They only kill the male moths so you have to wait a few months to make sure there's no more eggs hatching (BLEAH) but then it's ok again.
@queenofbithynia Oh… God… I'd never considered the possibility of them infesting my flour-coated cookbooks. I feel a little sick.
@queenofbithynia Thank you, thank you. These will be an early Christmas gift for my flour and other dry goods.
@Carrie Ann It was really much, much more terrifying and horripilating than finding them in foodstuffs. I lost a lot of books to that same apartment's great chimney flood but at least they died a clean death. I hate to put awful images in people's heads but it's better than it taking you by surprise, believe me.
but, once I killed them all and moved a few thousand miles away, they never came back! It's a happy story really.
@vanillawaif AHHHHHH NO! How about sealed metal and glass containers? Because that's mostly what I have (with some tupperware still, ahhhh) and I've felt really safe up until now, but maybe I shouldn't?
@vanillawaif Sidenote to your sidenote: My parents are about to get a wee pup (who should be born TODAY so right now it's a puplet, maybe?). Permission to submit "Suzabella" as a potential name and then push the name waaaaaay up to the top of the list?
Also this entire thread is horrifying and makes me want to clean the crap out of my pantry rightthissecond. May the force be with you all.
@J Keems@twitter I would bet that you're safe, especially if they have the extra rubber seal power. But even if you don't, you're way safer than my former system of "fold top of bag over and clamp with a giant clip stolen from my office."
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher What kind of a wee pup?
@vanillawaif Jack Russell! So, you know, sassy as all hell.
@vanillawaif oooh, I guess I'll be using it in everything now, plus scones, woo! That is an AMAZING story about Suzabella Jones! When my grandfather was old and forgot people's names he called all his young grandsons "Mr. Jones" and his granddaughters "Suzabella Jones" so it's a fake name for me too. And hilarious because I think of wholesomeness and grandpas but now I will also think of a brothel lady.
@suzabellajones If I'm not mistaken, I think you can swap it for any recipe that calls for regular flour, as long as the recipe includes baking soda (or was it powder?). The King Arthur Flour website will tell you with more accuracy than I, the gross lady with the pantry moths who also has memory problems (probably from the trauma of finding the wiggleworm).
P.S. I love that your wholesome story balances out my whory story!
@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Oh, word. My dad has one and she is like another daughter to him and she bosses his ass AROUND.
@vanillawaif They had one for a very long time but her puppyhood was probably 20 years ago. I don't quite think they know what they're in for.
@J Keems@twitter Ughhhhh my parents have Wiggly Things and while I was home over Thanksgiving I opened a sealed container of raisins to find WEBS of what looked like RAISIN SILK spun by Wiggly Things and dozens of WTs squirming around inside. It was so terrible!
@klibberfish
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
@klibberfish This. This is the worst thing in the entire world. And I am never opening the container of raisins in my cupboard again.
@suzabellajones This:
http://emilylevenson.com/recipe-strawberry-oat-bars
Whatever fruit is in season. Cut sugar down a bit; they're a little sweet as is. But oh…wonderful.
@vanillawaif Put a single bay leaf into every container in your pantry and you'll (almost) never have weevils or worms again. Seriously, it works!
@cinderellen@twitter Brilliant – thanks!
Reading this edition of A Clean Person mostly made me really glad I am A West Coast Person and rarely have to deal with snow/slush/bitter cold. My heart goes out to all of you and your fur-lined boots & coats.
(Also, of course I read all the advice even though I don't have to deal with most of this stuff; a testament to my love for this column.)
@emilylouise Maybe we don't have to deal with all that, but the RAINNNNN.. AHHHHHH THE RAINNN. I don't even bother with suede shoes anymore.
@klaus Trueeee. No suede shoes for us. I'm debating on investing in a pair of Hunters but I'm not sure if $100 galoshes are really worth it, it feels like giving into the rain. Let's all move to Tahiti.
@emilylouise Um I cannot wait until I am no longer on college budget and can get some Hunters. They are better made, better for your feet, and last longer than other wellies. Plus they're pretty. And they work well in rain and snow and ice because of the traction and being warm.
@emilylouise For how much wear you'll get out of them I think it's worth it! After years of thinking I could get by on cute vintage shoes that pretty much end up crumbling after several months of wear (wet socksss!! the worst!!) I've given myself a pass when it comes to how much I'm willing to spend on well made shoes.
Since it is my personal fashion mission to look like any female character in the 60s Doctor Zhivago, thank you for the info on faux fur cleaning! Although it's likely I look more like this.
@Polina YES! I am visiting Russia in 2014 and last time I did not buy any fur because I didn't know how to clean it. With this knowledge I will not make that mistake again and October through February I will look like this: http://www.millionlooks.com/images/Constance-Jablonski-Vogue-Russia-November-2009-1-.jpg
I'm almost scared to ask, but home dry-cleaning kits? Can I use them on my wool-blend coat?
Seriously, you guys? You need to get your coat cleaned at the end of the season. Sounds like dudes I have heard of (and, I suspect, known) who think you never have to wash the bathmat because you "only step on it when you're clean".
@florabora Oh, god. I am disgusting.
@florabora Haha, emilylouise = "dudes I have heard of" :/
@emilylouise Lady. Gross. I think we all have some self-actualizing to do.
@florabora "Get rid of your emilylouise, seriously, she is revolting."
Today is a day for soul-searching. And bathmat cleaning, I guess. On the upside, I made my bed this morning.
@florabora I never thought to wash my bathmat until I got a white one. I mean, you don't wash rugs, right? When it gets dirty I still stare at it and think "that's gross" for about a week before finally throwing it in with the towels.
@emilylouise Little victories.
@cuminafterall You CLEAN rugs, though! plus rugs don't get wet, don't live in your bathroom, and aren't as sturdy. or whatever I mean. so they get cleaned less often.
Also that's why I'm kind of not into carpets. They never get cleaned much, not as often as hardwood and they are not as easy to clean as hardwood.
@florabora Thanks for helping me rationalize my revoltingness. I don't wash my bathmat, but never assigned a particular reason to the practice.
Okay, here is a question that I was hoping would be addressed by someone, but, since it hasn't been raised yet, I guess it's time for some public shame.
I have these super-cute, zip-up Doc Marten boots that are comfortable and impervious to whatever the upper midwestern winter can throw at them (Bon Iver country, everyone). I have had them for years, I take good care of them, and they are in excellent shape. Except that, after about a month of heavy winter use, the insides start to smell rather badly. I have never in my life had this problem with any other shoes. I don't know what to do. I have tried airing them, putting little tea bags full of baking soda in them, and odor eaters. The latter worked the best, but it's still more of a problem than I'm comfortable with. Anyone have any suggestions?
@MmeLibrarian Doc boot alliance! Maybe wipe them out with a rubbing alcohol solution? Maybe start with a 50% solution and see if it works before using straight alcohol.
Alcohol may destroy the finish, so be careful not to get it on the outside of the boot.
@MmeLibrarian Wear or cotton (or blend) socks, not acrylic ones. That'll help you from the start because your feet breathe better and sweat and smell less in natural materials (there is also foot deodorant in the world but I feel like that seems excessive, you know?). And when possible don't wear them multiple days in a row, every other day if possible, so they can have lots of breathing/airing time in between. As far as what to put in them I would just use baking soda but if that's not enough I don't have better ideas. Bundled up newsprint? Is that for smell?
@laurel Like a damp paper towel with a rubbing alcohol solution? Does that work? Because that sounds stupidly easy.
And, seriously, Docs. Docs are for people who live where there is actual snow and cold for many, many months.
@florabora Yeah, I already wear socks and tights made of natural fibers. And I really can't skip wearing them where there is a foot of snow outside and I walk a mile to work every day (not uphill both ways, though). I could buy a pair of boots to alternate, but that would defeat the purpose of saving my Docs.
@MmeLibrarian Or a rag or cotton ball? You could also try a 20% bleach solution, though it might be too harsh for the liners. Try a small spot inside the shoe first, regardless.
@MmeLibrarian That all makes sense. It will also help if you switch shoes when you get to work, if you can and don't already.
Okay now I'm out of advice.
@MmeLibrarian I think I might have these same boots! I got them like 7 years ago and they are the BEST. Are they the flat soled ones, with kind of a wide toe area, and they zip up the inside? I need to get mine resoled, but I am having trouble figuring out if this is possible.
@MmeLibrarian try stuffing them with newspaper…the ink contains activated carbon which is probably the same stuff in your odor eaters but it might be more economic/convenient?
@MmeLibrarian Put them in a plastic bag and stick them in the freezer for a day or two. That will kill the smell-causing bacteria. I have to do this with my Birkenstocks a few times a summer. It really works.
@MmeLibrarian I hope this doesn't come out the wrong way, but do you only have one pair of winter boots? Think about getting a second pair (if pre-holiday budget allows, or whenever) as a backup. You never know if you'll need another pair of boots, and you're better off having them at the ready than wishing you had them. I've been there, and it sucks.
Also thank you for asking this, because I'm pretty worried about my boots getting all smelly.
@MmeLibrarian – Try fresh cat litter, it will pull the smell out of anything. I tried it with my hubby's jogging shoes and it worked wonders!
Dear Jolie will you please just clean the jizzcade for me. It's not that I don't know how, I just have no hope.
@Third Wave Housewife Yes. Please email me to discuss. (FIELD TRIP!!!)
@Jolie Kerr Is the internet fucking with my brain (and your tone) or does the prospect of visiting the jizzcade actually kind of appeal to you?
@Third Wave Housewife oh my god it TOTALLY appeals to me! God it's like you don't know me at all!
Hurrah for the activated charcoal shout-out! I have a special box for cheese that has a vent and a sheet of activated charcoal in the top so the rest of my fridge doesn't smell like a ripe hunk of reblochon.
Such, SUCH a good AACP. Who knew cornmeal was good for anything other than hush puppies and pancakes (trust me on the latter).
Also, and this is rather pressing, albeit more in terms of preemptive knowledge, but is there a same-day solution for removing makeup or other unsightly marks from garments you are wearing? Say, for example, you lack the opportunity to hit up a dry cleaner – even for same day service, it wouldn't work. But because you are you, you find yourself smudging makeup and/or spilling beverages on yourself or other people.
Have you any recommendation of something you could carry, or at least, keep nearby, in the very likely event you are a Piggly Wiggly on Your Most Special Day Ever, Really, There Will Be No More Special Days For The Rest of Your Life, Hope You Get It All Out Before The Specialness Ends Day.
@karion Cornmeal pancakes are the BEST. I do half cornmeal/half flour. Or sometimes like 40% cornmeal / 60% flour.
@karion SPECIAL DAY!
(I have no practical ideas, because I am also a Piggly Wiggly.)
@karion Club Soda? Tide Pen? Shout Wipes? The latter two will leave a watermark ring on white items after they remove the stain, so if this is like the "I'll be wearing white" special day, they may not be advised.
@spoondisaster I love cornmeal pancakes, but then I apparently developed an allergy to cornmeal. No more corn chips and salsa, or cornbread, or cornmeal mush with too much brown sugar (there's no such thing as too much brown sugar!). It's sad.
Vodka gets stinkiness out of clothes! Just buy cheap vodka and a spray bottle, generously spray stinky areas, and hang to dry, outdoors if poss.
Thank you, though, for the reminder to clean my coat. I was so ready to never see it again when spring finally rolled around at the end of (fucking) May that just shoved it my hall closet.
This whole comment thread is reminding me to clean my coat before I put it away for the next several months.
BAH. I hate Summer, and am now jealous of you all.
@CupcakeTattoos this whole comment thread is making me feel guilty that I've never properly cleaned my coat… Does it matter that I don't wear it much during winter?
@analchinchilla I have also never cleaned my coat….and I still haven't in between the time I made that comment and now, nooooo!