Wednesday, December 7, 2011


A Forever Baby

"I considered adoption, but I'm too lazy to go through the process. Real children are hard work – you worry all the time. With Finlay, it's cuddle time all the time."

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@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher AAAAAAAAHHHHHASFKJ:DFSDSF


@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Along with the description of the dolls coming as a head and a set of limbs? Eek.


@piggie "'There was an immediate rush of love. With Becky, I was so tired after the birth I didn't feel as close to her.'"

Immediate...after you assembled it?


@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher My friend on the last picture: "OH GOOD LORD WHAT DID THEY DO TO PATRICK STEWART'S CHILD"

Lily Rowan

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher AAAAAAAAAAAA


@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher


@Dancersize This might merit slightly larger screams.


@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I gouged my eyes out to make it stop. All better.


@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher
I used to work at a doll factory. It was like this every day. After a while, you start to amuse yourself by pretending that there are U.N. investigators with blue jackets and cameras photographing the scene.

sarah girl

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I actually YELLED when I got to that picture!!


@josiah The Best Time I Worked In A Surreal Waking Nightmare?


@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher That was Not Safe for Life. There should be a NSFL tag on this one.


@josiah I was thrift-store browsing with my man the other day, and we came across a suitcase full of empty eyed doll heads and a little box of limbs.


stylistically indistinguishable from articles on the onion.


@blahstudent Indistinguishable content-wise, too.


@ennaenirehtac "Here's me and my baby at the ATM! Normal mom stuff!"


Unfortunately, this woman just single-handedly validated all of the horrible bureaucracy and time spent in the adoption process.

Also, they come packaged in pieces, so you don't have to do any deconstruction before making a horribly lifelike doll-head wine glass.


"Looking at Finlay for the first time, there was a stronger bond than I had with Becky. There was an immediate rush of love. With Becky, I was so tired after the birth I didn't feel as close to her."

How fucked up is it when your mom essentially admits to loving a doll more than you? If I were this lady's daughter, I'd definitely use this quote in my eventual emancipation petition.


@applestoapples Eventual?


@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Oh, technically, I don't even know if she can be emancipated in the UK. I think you can just leave home when you're fifteen or sixteen. But the case FOR her going out on her own is pretty much built.


@applestoapples Absolutely.

raised amongst catalogs

@applestoapples And would the mother even notice if Becky were to leave?


@vanillawaif Yes, but only because she'll realize that she can now use her food/clothing budget towards a RealDoll replica of Pippa Middleton.

raised amongst catalogs

@applestoapples Hoo boy, talk about your BUNS in the oven! Yow! Weewoo! [Assorted Pippa's-butt-ogling sounds, including klaxon horn] *hits self over head with cast iron skillet, and a rolling pin -- for good measure*


Lady, this is a recession--it's no time to be buying expensive fake babies! Use an egg or a sack of flour like the kids do in high school!


I understand that this woman is probably not totally well, but HOLY SHIT WOMAN YOUR POOR ACTUAL REAL LIFE DAUGHTER.

Also gross, but totally typical of the Daily Mail - mentioning that she's unemployed and on welfare. Yeah, she's into creepily life-like baby dolls because she's poor. Those wacky poors! That makes total sense.


@annepersand I didn't read it so much as "those wacky poors" as "look how much money this woman is spending on this expensive-ass baby doll when she's on welfare!"


@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher That's kind of what I meant, I guess, since The Daily Mail's stock in trade is kind of sniffing at how people spend their government benefit money. Which like, I'm not saying there weren't better uses for that 250 pounds but. Not really germane to the article? The point is not, this baby was super expensive, it's, this woman is carrying around a doll that she is treating like a child. That's fucked up if the doll costs 250 pounds or 2 pounds 50.


@annepersand Exactly. Crazy is crazy.


There's some tv show about these dolls and people who walk around with them. I was talking about them/mocking them at a baby shower once, when the sister of the pregnant woman straight faced looked at me and said she had three of them and carries them around. I shut my face right then.


@maevemealone Are there any classics scholars on the 'Pin? Did things get pretty weird--like, the equivalent of global over-population + people carrying around fake infants + making TV shows about people carrying around fake infants + watching TV shows about people carrying around fake infants-caliber weird--toward the end of the Roman empire?


@maevemealone I've seen this show of which you speak!!! It's an hour-long TV doc from the BBC, no?

Also, I probably would have shut my mouth, too, but my big-talking brain is telling me "Keep talking about this", because stable people do not do this and the money spent investing in these dolls would probably be better spent on a shrink.


@meganmaria Hee, yep. Normal People have a therapist. And a cat.


@laurel: No, but it is eerily reminiscent of Children of Men, minus the global birth crisis...


@meganmaria That's the show alright. I really wanted to keep going on about the crazy dolls/crazy people, but then, I had pretty much gone through the looking glass. So I just watched her the rest of the day. Sweet, sweet lady, but yeah...baby obsessed.


@Bittersweet Does that mean we get to join a guerrilla movement with Chiwetel Ejiofor? Because: worth it.


@laurel Well, I mean... I sort of want to say good for her for not having a real baby? I mean, if all you want is a cute thing to dress up and snuggle, then... this is potentially a more sane route, right?


It seems sad and pointless to make a "news" story out of this woman's sickness. But yeah, her crazy would be mostly of the harmless variety, if not for the impact it's going to have on her poor daughter. :(

Four Horsemeals of the Eggporkalypse

I was going to be all, "eh, real children ARE hard work and anyone who feels that way is probably better off with a doll," until I actually looked at the article and realized SHE DOES HAVE A REAL CHILD. That poor kid.

Christina Tina

he's always sleeping

Porn Peddler



@Third Wave Housewife The one with the baby with the open, vapid, lifeless eyes. HELP HELP HELP


@Third Wave Housewife Lurker basically since forever and those pictures finally managed to get get me to register because ohmygod they confirm everything ever about my debilitating doll phobia. Going to go hide under the desk now.


I'm actually kind of okay with this. If only all of the other crazy people in the world would find such mostly harmless ways of getting out their craziness.

Of course, I didn't read the article, just looked at the pictures. So maybe I missed something.


@josiah I agree with your sentiment, except for the depressing fact that this woman has a living, breathing daughter who she admits in the article she loves less than the dolls. #sadface4ever


@wee_ramekin To be fair, she didn't say that. She said she had a bigger immediate bond. Which... is on that same path, for sure. I mean, that she was having a strong bond with a doll. But that doesn't mean she loves it more than her kid.

Also, 12 year olds are pretty different from newborns in terms of what you have to give them, and what you get back. (One of those things you have to give them is not being the crazy mum with a baby doll). Uuuuh I can't believe I am being defensive about this whyyy.

I just wonder if at some point she's going to get sick of it and stick it in a cupboard or something. Or if she's always going to be the lady with the two babies at the shops. Forever. When she's 80. Aaaah which is worse?


Oh god, reborn dolls? Creepiest things ever. I remember watching a documentary on them... getting ones that are warm and have a mechanism that makes them look like they're breathing.
Also people who get them customized to look like their dead children.


@marley [[[shudders]]]

Also, I wonder what they smell like. Isn't the smell of their little heads part of the appeal of babies?


@marley Beats the sex dolls that are warmed and breathe faster when you have sex with them.

Oh, god ohgod.




A Poem

She's getting married in the morning,
Hid beaneath oversized navy sweater,
Attention-seeking much?


Maybe vacuum your carpet before a newspaper takes photos.


@likethestore I most definitely went back and checked out the carpet. Gross.


Definitely thought this said "abortion" instead of adoption. Although, it's still pretty fucked up.

Fancy Mustard

But can I get a "Reborn" ugly Renaissance baby?


@vealgirl Someone, somewhere, needs to make this happen ASAP.


Creepy! Creepy creepy creepy!

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