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Tuesday, November 8, 2011

64

The Culturally Biased SAT: Hip-Hop Edition

Hello and welcome to the Culturally Biased SAT: Hip-Hop Edition. This exam will help you most if you take it under as adverse conditions as possible.

1)  ____ said knock you out

a. Tyrone and them
b. The Wu Tang Clan
c. Mama
d. Big Daddy Kane
e. Obama

2) Can you kick it?

a. oh, hell to the naw
b. sheeeeeiit
c. nah son!
d. yes, you can
e. knahmean?!!?!?

3) If Peter Piper picks peppers, then ____ rocks rhymes?

a. Run
b. Dun
c. Son
d. Pun
e. Hon

4) You need to cut this ____ to get with this hero

a. domino, motherfucker
b. zero
c. deadbeat
d. sexist male hegemony bullshit out of your life
e. chile, please

5) The Wu-Tang is to Clan as …

a. Jerry is to Seinfeld
b. Mos is to Def
c. Dr. is to Octagon
d. Stormtroopers to the Empire
e. New York is to the Yankees

6) If the swords are liquid, then the clock radio speakers are ____?

a. dope
b. bumpin'
c. CREAM
d. weak
e. bootleg

7) Questlove is to The Roots as ...

a. Andy Warhol is to The Factory
b. Biggie is to Bad Boy
c. Dr. Dre is to West Coast rap
d. Dilla is to Soulquarians
e. Q-Tip is to Tribe

Reading-Lyric Comprehension

Lil Wayne, Run This Town (No Ceilings)

"i get superhero money, call a n superrich
keep it super for a while
let me get on my super shit
super ill, supersick
dog, i go supervick
ran into a superwoman
turned her to a superbitch
hit her with that superdick
she be cumming superquick
supermils, mack money,BLAHBLAH, supernick
superdrizzy, gudda, griz, BLAH BLAH that's the superclique
now i'm off that supershit
fuck that shit i superquit..."

8) What we learn from this "run" by Lil' Wayne is ...

a. you don't have sex like Lil' Wayne has sex
b. Lil Wayne is better than Jay-Z
c. sometimes saying the word "bitch" or “dick” just helps the flow
d. you still don't need to know everyone's name in young money crew
e. someone is superlit

9) The word "Super" in this Lil Wayne RUN is:

a. a literary device
b. a rhyme trope
c. dope
d. a lyrical smokescreen (uhhh??)
e. a typo

KRS-ONE, Ah Yeah

This is not the first time I came to the planet
But everytime I come, only a few could understand it
I came as Isis, my words they tried to ban it
I came as Moses, they couldn't follow my commandments
I came as Solomon, to a people that was lost
I came as Jesus, but they nailed me to a cross
I came as Harriet Tubman, I put the truth to Sojourner
Other times, I had to come as Nat Turner
They tried to burn me, lynch me and starve me
So I had to come back as Marcus Garvey, Bob Marley
They tried to harm me, I used to be Malcolm X
Now I'm on the planet as the one called KRS
Kickin the metaphysical, spiritual, tryin to like
get wit you, showin you, you are invincible
The Black Panther is the black answer for real
In my spiritual form, I turn into Bobby Seale
On the wheels of steel, my spirit flies away
and enters into Kwame Ture

10) KRS’s verse has academic scholarship potential in the field of:

a. monotheism
b. continental philosophy
c. african-american studies
d. narcissism
e. poetry, literature

MATH

11) The hip hop sensibility of Odd Future is the result of which formula:

a. Gravediggaz + Wu Tang Clan + Redman = OFWGKTA
b. Eminem x Gravediggaz Six Feet Deep Album + NERD / Wu Tang Clan – Method Man = OF
c. NERD x Eminem + Frank Ocean + Prince Paul and The RZA = OF
d. oy vey
e. Ku Klux Klan for homophobes

12) If Tyler the Creator rapes 116 waspy white ladies and the Geto Boys raped 63 girls of all ethnicities and denominations first, how many black women do YOU need to rape to be a superstar?

a. PLEASE DON'T RAPE ANYONE
b. 1, if you first execute the rape in the form of a literary magazine thinkpiece
c. 3 …?
d. PLEASE DON'T RAPE ANYONE
e. RAPE IS NOT A JOKE

Sensitivity Threshold Test

13) The question about rape engendered which appropriate response:

a. raised eyebrow
b. clenched fist
c. stabbed passerby
d. rough sex/role-play
e. maniacal laughing
f. deep sigh

++

STOP

Patrice Evans (aka "TAN") is a staff writer for Grantland. His first book, Negropedia (The New Yorker and Daily Beast approved!), makes a lovely Occupy Wall Street, Thanksgiving, Christmas, or Kwanzaa gift. Also, Hannukah. He lives everywhere in NYC and will be reading at Greenlight Bookstore's Steamboat series in a couple weeks. See you then!



64 Comments / Post A Comment

L M
L M

Yo, Is This Racist?

L M
L M

@Lucia Martinez which is to say, you love it.

backstagebethy

Ha I couldn't get past the jump. Culturally deficient.

Gnatalby

APPLAUSE! I was totally sitting her all raised eyebrow when I got to question 13.

It's like the time I was at a David Sederis reading and in one of his stories someone uses the n word at a surprising moment and we all gasped and he goes, "Listen to you, NPR listeners!"

wasabi peas

this will be one of several kwanzaa presents from me to myself.

nonvolleyball

I'm just disappointed there's not an answer key. I was writing down my responses & everything!

Heygirlhey

@nonvolleyball ME TOO!

ughwhocares

@nonvolleyball I'm fairly confident I got an A. Don't need no damn answer key here.

DorothyMantooth

@LadyHazard I believe the answer to all of them is "all of the above."

Rookie (not the magazine) (not that there's anything wrong with that)

@nonvolleyball How am I supposed to know how [whatever this test thinks I am] I am?

applestoapples

I'm pretty sure I got all these right, except 11 is kind of a wash because you didn't include f) "What the fuck? I'm too old for that shit."

Lily Rowan

@applestoapples Yes, thank you!

bitzyboozer

@applestoapples Yeah. They played at a festival I went to this past weekend in Austin. I ran the gamut of emotions from "WTF why is this acceptable?!" to "Oh yeah, because I'm old."

applestoapples

I do believe Tyler is talented (tendency towards rapey lyrics notwithstanding). But I think it's more the Cult of Odd Future I don't get. I (could be wrong but) feel like a lot of their fans are teenagers and college kids who, having never known a world where everything is fed to them by the Internet, seem to be missing something that allows them to filter and process things at a high critical level.

The rest may or may not be older people trying to glom onto the fringes of "something great" because they're afraid of not knowing what's cool anymore.

And that's all I have to say about that. I guess I just really miss De La Soul.

ughwhocares

@applestoapples Couldn't agree more--though I do want to add that I think Frank Ocean is talented too. And I also really miss De La Soul.

werewolfbarmitzvah

@applestoapples Yeah, I was doing pretty well up until that point, but then #11 came along as the Old People Eliminator.

antarcticastartshere

@applestoapples I think you're spot on with the assessment of their fanbase. I have all of their mixtapes and there are some really great tracks, but I think they release literally every song they record, so there's a lot of clunkers too. Lyrically, well, they're 18-year-old boys (not that it makes it okay, but unfortunately it does make it expected). A lot of people write a lot of offensive lyrics (not just hip-hop!), and it's perfectly within someone's right to dislike a song for its content, but I personally don't write off songs right away based on lyrics.

antarcticastartshere

@antarcticastartshere I FORGOT THE MOST IMPORTANT PART:

Please do not write off Frank Ocean based on the other OFWGKTA output! That album is amazing.

applestoapples

@antarcticastartshere I don't really get outraged at Odd Future's lyrics; I tend to roll my eyes at them, as I would to any other teenager who literally/figuratively lights shit on fire because they can.
But yeah, I do think Frank Ocean is legit.

bitzyboozer

@applestoapples I think there's some genuine talent there and sometimes I feel conflicted about their music. I can see the argument for comparing it to certain punk or metal lyrics that are written by disaffected kids going for shock value, trying to push buttons. But there's some things that are just never gonna sit right with me and they manage to hit on just about all of them. Frequently.

antarcticastartshere

@applestoapples Yeah, I didn't mean to imply that you particularly had any serious problem with the lyrics, just that I can understand why a lot of people would. I'm definitely in the eye-rolling group myself.

applestoapples

@antarcticastartshere No worries, didn't think you were. I just can't muster up the energy to vehemently decry their lyrics when they're still having pretend karate fights with each other on stage.

Danzig!

@LadyHazard @applestoapples I find it hard to believe that De La Soul died without my noticing.

Also OFWGKTA are the celebrated impressionist painter 4 year-olds of hip hop.

...

DEATH GRIPSSSS
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Orlbo9WkZ2E

melis

I took the SAT prep class with Ms. Lauryn Hill, so I'm not worried.

Cawendaw

@melis Dangit! In my town they only had Mrs. Faith Hill's prep class. I'm gonna fail so hard.

Ophelia

@Cawendaw Yeah, mine was all Anita Hill, so I'm screwed.

tigolbitties

@melis is it wrong that the thought of class + lauryn hill = me singing "if you want to be someone, if you want to go somewhere, you better wake up and pay attention..."

sister act 2 > tebow

tin can phone

@melis I took it with Miss Jackson, cuz I'm nasty

wharrgarbl

I know most of these only from reading Dr. Mcninja. Failure!

Tuna Surprise

Thank god I took the ACT!

leonstj

Not that anyone gives a shit, but number 6 is one of my favorite lines ever. Its right up there with "bust a nut inside your eye just to show you where I come from" and "ain't nothing but sweat inside my hand". Does this make me an old?

ThundaCunt

@leon.saintjean how bout "fuck what ya heard, like a dick in ya ear"....MY FAV!

Lily Rowan

That was awesome.

Petrichoria

Shouldn't 6.c be QREAM?

nokittythisismypotpie

@LaFabuliste Quiz Responses Endorse Alcoholic Milk

(Years later, Akon will turn this into a catchy pop hook, and the circle will close.)

Lucienne

@nokittythisismypotpie I'm not comfortable with the thought Akon might still be around in a few years. Or a few weeks, even.

wharrgarbl

Though upon further reflection, I'd like to call bullshit on some of these questions for not just having multiple right answers, but all right answers.

Ophelia

I really wish the answer to #1 was e

fondue with cheddar

@Ophelia That should definitely be his 2012 campaign song.

dragoness

Ummmm...regatta?

Rawr

@dragoness Racing sloop : Regatta :: _________ : Steeplechase

a) colt
b) mare
c) jockey
d) thoroughbred

I miss the WASP SAT

ughwhocares

Not enough Nas.

applestoapples

@LadyHazard There's never enough Nas.

nokittythisismypotpie

Seriously, this was excellent.

Hamilton

Flammin!

leonstj

@Hamilton blazin, hot like cajun

fondue with cheddar

Wow...I'm old. I only knew the first one.

frigwiggin

@jen325 I only knew the first one, but I don't think it's because I'm old. *goes back to listening to Balkan accordion music*

joie

@figwiggin sit over here with me, dear. we can be hip hop illiterate together.

frigwiggin

@heyits Oh, yay! I was worried they'd make us take a remedial course. Isn't enjoying Salt-N-Pepa once in a while good enough?

CeeJay Cregg

Real answer to 5) is F. Ain't Nothing is to Fuck With

Rubyinthedust

Adverse conditions, i.e. in between nyt style section articles while sitting in my local coffee shop sipping a vegan kale smoothie.

Antigona

Hell yes! Thank you for making my afternoon.

tortietabbie

I feel like I could guess at most of these answers and would come away from the test feeling confident, and then get my scores back and hate myself for being so stupid.

Oh hey! Just like the real SAT!

sevanetta

@tortietabbie Fat Pony!

Ham Snadwich

1. A - they said you was talking shit.

Manatee

YES! I love The Assimilated Negro. I've been wondering where you've been.

Jon Custer

His neighbor is superrich?

Lemon Juice

I'm black and I didn't get half of this right but there is no answer key so now we'll never know. I can't tell if I'm supposed to be all excited and act like this was fun or be offended...it's more just rap offends me sometimes. Maybe I'm overthinking it and on top of that my faliure of the test makes me a statistic. Just like the real SAT.

JoshUng

My "Gravediggaz" Google Alert has been dormant for years, but it just brought me here, no regrets.

Raquel@twitter

I love this!... even though they didn't give the answers :( I think I got them all right, I love hip-hop!

Frank Burns@facebook

I think you meant, "is DIS racist?" But the better question is, why is this considered "culture?"

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