Elephant or Donkey?
How liberal are you? Take this juicy quiz and find out!
1. Since the Occupy Wall Street movement has happened you have…
a. Gone down there a couple times.
b. Been arrested twice and never felt more ALIVE! Wearing the sh*t out of this Che t-shirt!
c. Made an amazing frittata.
2. Your favorite music of all time is:
a. Tribal drumming, Chilean protest songs, anything with call-and-response.
b. Ted Nugent and Kid Rock.
c. A little of everything, like a musical paella.
3. The climate has become more and more extreme, which is obviously because:
a. Gays are allowed to marry in some states.
b. Global warming and the depletion of the ozone layer, duh!
c. Who cares? I’ll be gone by the time anything crazy goes down.
4. Your favorite book is:
a. A gun.
b. The Grapes of Wrath.
b. A zine about composting.
5. For Christmas this year you:
a. Are having a Kwanzaa potluck poetry jam. Who's bringing the hummus?
b. Will ask Jesus for a private jet so you don’t have to be among “the people” when you fly.
c. Will be working from home on an insane deadline. FML.
6.. On the show Parks and Recreation you most relate to:
a. Ron Swanson.
b. Leslie Knope.
c. April Ludgate.
7. You see an interracial couple walking down the street, so you:
a. Go up to them and say, “Dr. King would be so proud” and burst into tears.
b. Smile, because it’s nice to see.
c. Don’t care.
8. You are scared to send your kids to public school because they might learn about:
a. Science and other “city slicker” conspiracies.
b. The white patriarchal heteronormative version of American history.
c. Nothing, but we can’t afford a private school.
9. You just found out that you can’t have children so you:
a. Adopt 15 African babies and raise them Kabbalah.
b. Adopt a kid that looks like you.
c. Live the good life. No kids!
10. You are not getting married until:
a. There is a gay Jewish atheist president.
b. You meet the right person.
c. You meet the right gay Jewish atheist.
There is no answer key to this quiz.
Previously: I'm So Sad I Could Eat a Horse! A Foodie's Guide to Eating Your Emotions.
Rose Surnow is a stand-up comic/writer/actor. Follow her on Twitter at RoseSurnow.
Image by Cory Thoman, via Shutterstock
I'm pretty sure the answer to everything is "weep silently in despair of ever finding a man in this romantic market."
@wharrgarbl Chocolate chocolate chocolate, AACK!
I did just make an amazing frittata!
I do love a good egg-based dish.
@gfrancie You may have thought you heard me say I wanted a lot of bacon and eggs, but what I said was: Give me all the bacon and eggs you have.
7 has an error. It's missing "Announce that their children will be so beautiful."
@melis Oh god yes why do people do that?
@wharrgarbl My friends use coffee- and food-related words to describe the complexion of my future children. Even when I ask them not to.
@gigglefest: The only acceptable response is DON'T EAT MY BABIES.
never forget.
@RK Fire I would think it might also be acceptable to counter cafe au lait, cocoa, etc. descriptors with "I'm personally hoping for mocha chai caramel skinny frappuccino/mint vanilla bean soy latte."
@wharrgarbl: I can get behind that!
#5. FML.
THERE HAS TO BE AN ANSWER KEY. Why is there no answer key? I pulled out a sticky note so I could take this! (I might have been That Girl in middle school, OKAY?)
@automaticdoor You should make one. The answers could be "Liberal," "Superliberal," and "Liberal in the Pants."
@wharrgarbl I am going to make one. Will post later. The answers don't seem to skew perfectly toward "mostly As," etc., so I will have to do the numerical thing.
@automaticdoor Nooo, the fact that there is no answer key is my favorite part
@automaticdoor Ohhh….yea I'm sitting here at my desk, slowly folding up my orange post-it note resigned to the fact that this quiz won't bring me any closer to self-understanding. Unlike this quiz: http://www.gurl.com/are-you-a-prude-sex-life-dating-experience-kiss-quiz/
@bamboozeled That quiz. Made me feel. So old. Well, I guess more simultaneously a little slutty and also, "wearing whatever clean underpants are in my drawer" on a date. So, it balances out the "making out on the first date" / "hell yeah I want to go over to your parents' house when they're out of town" responses.
@bamboozeled Glad to see gURL still going strong.
#8c. Sad but soooooooooooo true.
#10c How did you know? Gay, Jewish, and Atheist, are exactly my three most important criteria for choosing a man.
@Brooklynkid BECAUSE YOU'RE FROM BROOKLYN. #ohsnap
TWIST ENDING.
This is why I read The Hairpin when I need a break from whatever sad work-related thing I am trying to do. *Wipes tears of laughter from cheeks, returns to dreadful labor*
@City_Dater I keep re-reading it and laughing more each time.